The Scathing Atheist - 557: Sinking Our Heath Into It Edition

Episode Date: October 19, 2023

In this week’s episode, some British bigots will tell us who’s actually to blame for the conflict in the Middle East, we learn some more science from the dolphin fucking shaman of the NFL, and we�...��ll quantify American ignorance some more. --- Come see us in Vegas: https://www.eventbrite.com/e/god-awful-movies-live-in-las-vegas-tickets-693624438367 To make a per episode donation at Patreon.com, click here: http://www.patreon.com/ScathingAtheist To buy our book, click here: https://www.amazon.com/Outbreak-Crisis-Religion-Ruined-Pandemic/dp/B08L2HSVS8/ If you see a news story you think we might be interested in, you can send it here: scathingnews@gmail.com To check out our sister show, The Skepticrat, click here: https://audioboom.com/channel/the-skepticrat To check out our sister show’s hot friend, God Awful Movies, click here: https://audioboom.com/channel/god-awful-movies To check out our half-sister show, Citation Needed, click here: http://citationpod.com/ To check out our sister show’s sister show, D and D minus, click here: https://danddminus.libsyn.com/ To hear more from our intrepid audio engineer Morgan Clarke, click here: https://www.morganclarkemusic.com/ --- Guest Links: Check out more from Marsh on Be Reasonable and Skeptics with a K --- Headlines: Non-believers lead the way in American concert about Climate Change: https://www.friendlyatheist.com/p/when-it-comes-to-accepting-climate Oklahoma education leader claims church/state separation is "state-sponsored atheism": https://www.friendlyatheist.com/p/oklahoma-education-leader-claims Red paint thrown on Jewish schools in London a hate crime - police: https://www.bbc.co.uk/news/uk-england-london-67127778  Four Jewish schools in London close over fears for children: https://metro.co.uk/2023/10/12/london-two-jewish-schools-close-over-safety-fears-19654697  Landlord charged with hate crimes after Muslim boy killed in Illinois: https://www.bbc.co.uk/news/world-us-canada-67119183  Anti-LGBTQ+ troll Matt Walsh says the lack of gay babies is proof you can’t be born gay: https://www.lgbtqnation.com/2023/10/anti-lgbtq-troll-matt-walsh-says-the-lack-of-gay-babies-is-proof-you-cant-be-born-gay/ Moment preacher baptised Parkinson's sufferer in paddling pool before he 'died during the ceremony' - as she claims to have spoken to him 'in heaven' afterwards: https://www.dailymail.co.uk/news/article-12626395/Moment-preacher-prepares-man-baptism-revealed-died-ceremony-claims-spoken-heaven-afterwards.html  PA cop warns tarot reader of old fortune telling law: https://www.friendlyatheist.com/p/a-pennsylvania-police-chief-told Aaron Rodgers challenges Travis Kelce to vaccine debate: https://www.nbcsports.com/nfl/profootballtalk/rumor-mill/news/aaron-rodgers-challenges-travis-kelce-to-vaccine-debate

Transcript
Discussion (0)
Starting point is 00:00:00 Warning, this week's episode contains verbs. Sorry, I just warn you about the profanity every week and I feel like all the other word types get left out. This week's episode of The Scathing Atheist is brought to you by Factor, Stamps.com, and by the fact that we were able to bring peace to the Pancake Kingdom and secure Heath's release after all. And now, The Scathing Atheist. This is Fred. Aiding Atheist. This is Fred. My dad was a scientist, and he taught me at a young age that we did in fact evolve from a common ancestor that we share with every filthy monkey species on the planet. It's Thursday.
Starting point is 00:00:59 And it actually feels like it for the first time in three weeks. Thank you. Thank you for that. And it's October 19th also. And it's conflict resolution day also. And it's Conflict Resolution Day. No, it's not. Yeah, pretty sure Heath's not the only one who missed that particular memo. I have no illusions.
Starting point is 00:01:13 I'm Michael Marshall. Fuck you, it's Conflict Resolution Day. I'm Heath Enright. And from sporty Spice's Liverpool, Ann Arbor, Michigan, and Waycross, Georgia, this is The Scathing Atheist. On this week's episode, some British bigots will tell us who's actually to blame for the conflict in the Middle East. We learn some more science from the dolphin-fucking shaman of the NFL. And we'll quantify American ignorance some more.
Starting point is 00:01:38 But first, the diatribe. So I'm looking through this survey from the Public Religion Research Institute the other day, and we're going to talk about the results and shit in the lead story this week. That's not what this is about, but something occurred to me while I was writing that that started as an aside in the story, and then it turned into a Facebook post and it just grew into a diatribe the more I thought about it. See, if you look at a lot of religious demographic data, and who doesn't, you'll notice that demographers generally speaking break religions down by race. Like at the most basic level, you might just see Christian, Muslim, Jewish, Hindu,
Starting point is 00:02:24 etc. But if you start breaking it down by denomination, invariably you'll start getting categories like black Protestant, Hispanic, Catholic and white evangelical. Hell, you could make a solid argument that the very term evangelical is just a stand in for white Protestant from the days before demographers started to realize that white guy isn't the default human. And it's easy to look at this and think, yeah, man, those demographers sure are racist, but that's not the point. And that's not the case. They're just doing the job the best they can. Their job is to craft meaningful categories
Starting point is 00:02:54 that give us insight into groups of people. And to do that, you know, with regards to religion, you kind of have to parse out the racial differences because Hispanic Catholic is, for all intents and purposes, a different religion than white Catholic. And nobody who's been to both predominantly white and predominantly black Baptist churches, for example, would even guess that those were the same denomination. I'm not faulting statisticians here. I'm faulting religion. You know, the institution that justifies its existence
Starting point is 00:03:25 by saying it unifies people and yet remains the most segregated institution in the fucking country. Think about what that means when the country you're talking about is America, right? I grew up in the 90s in rural South Georgia. In the town where I went to high school, there was a de facto white and black grocery store. And church congregations are racist compared to that. I mean, you know, when industry groups did statistics about grocery store purchases back then, they didn't feel the need to all but universally denote the predominant race of each store's customers. But with religion, you can't really get useful numbers until you make that distinction. get useful numbers until you make that distinction. And that bears emphasis, especially when you consider the way they use the church's unifying mission to justify their historical colonialism and their modern day missionary work, right? They're not going out there because our culture
Starting point is 00:04:14 is better and we need to browbeat those different people into being superior like us. It's because they're sharing the gospel of Christ's redemption and we want to welcome them into the loving arms of Jesus. I guess they must mention that it's a separate but equal Jesus somewhere in the fine print. I haven't read that far, but of course, this is inevitable. And that's not just an unfortunate byproduct of the way it's being employed by modern Christians. That's what religion itself was built to do. It was built to otherize, and that's why it almost can't help but break down along the dominant lines of culture, which at least in our present case are generally racial. And sure, you can point to a scattering of ethnically diverse congregations here and there, especially when you start factoring
Starting point is 00:04:54 in megachurches that kind of have to cast the widest possible net. But by and large, churches remain segregated because, let's face it, they can't afford to change anything about themselves. because, let's face it, they can't afford to change anything about themselves. You could not be more precariously poised on the knife's edge of reason. Every aspect of reality challenges their increasingly desperate worldview, such that shifting even a little bit threatens to send the whole edifice tumbling over the side. I mean, the logical mesh of trusses and buttresses holding up religion are so complex and intricate at this point, it's hard to remember what's holding up what. And if the scaffolding of your worldview
Starting point is 00:05:29 trembles every time you bump a guy line, how do you even think about trying to move the whole goddamn thing? They're talking about you, Jesus. We interrupt this broadcast and bring you a special news bulletin. Joining me for headlines tonight are the Aikman and Smith to my Irving, Heath
Starting point is 00:05:45 Enright and Michael Marshall fellas. Are you ready to relive the glory days? Okay, that's a really roundabout way of asking for a Coke party, Noah. That's a lot. And yes, by the way. Oh, yeah. That's the answer. I mean, I just really appreciate the entire essay of context you had to write
Starting point is 00:06:00 for me so I could get that joke. We're really building cross-cultural bridges here. Hands across the ocean on that one. There you go. This is gridiron football, Marsh. This guy is a cocaine addict, famously. There you go. Alright, well quick before Marsh goes into any more detail about our special
Starting point is 00:06:17 relationship, we're going to pause for a word from our first sponsor this week, Factor. A bag of unpeeled shrimp, one large bamboo stalk, and peanut butter. Hey, Noah. What you doing there? I was just making a smoothie.
Starting point is 00:06:34 A shrimp smoothie? With bamboo and peanut butter, yeah. My doctor said I need to get more protein and more fiber. So, you know, these are pretty much all the foodstuffs I'm going to need for human sustenance. I'll just make a few batches. I'll be set for eating for months. So, you know, these are pretty much all the foodstuffs I'm going to need for human sustenance. You know, I just make a few batches
Starting point is 00:06:47 and I'll be set for eating for months. Yeah, but what about flavor, though? What's flavor? No, not the format. I'll just get right to the pitch. Why don't you try Factor? What's Factor?
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Starting point is 00:07:17 but also pleasing to consume as an activity. Skip the extra trip to the grocery store and the chopping, prepping, and cleaning up too while still getting the flavor and nutritional quality you need. Factor's fresh, never frozen meals are ready in just two minutes.
Starting point is 00:07:31 So all you got to do is heat and enjoy then get back to crushing your goals. Like destroying my enemies. Sure. Yeah. Sounds good.
Starting point is 00:07:40 But what about seasonal motifs? That matters to me in a meal. Clearly, yeah. Seasonal motifs matter, of course. With Factor, you can relish the best of autumn with fall flavors. They're limited time only, hearty, comforting meals featuring seasonal veggies like cranberry pecan chicken and apple Dijon pork chops.
Starting point is 00:07:58 They'll satisfy your fall cravings during the busy season without the hassle. Okay, but what about snacks? You're going to snack on the shrimp smoothies? Yes, obviously. Okay, well, you can round out your meal and replenish your snack supply with an assortment of 45 plus add-ons to suit your tastes. Choose from breakfast items like delicious apple cinnamon pancakes, bacon and cheddar egg bites, and potato bacon and egg breakfast skillets. Or for an easy wellness boost, try refreshing beverage options like cold-pressed juices, shakes, and even smoothies.
Starting point is 00:08:29 I know you like smoothies. I am a smoothie guy. Okay, I'm sold. How do I sign up? Head over to factormeals.com slash scathing50 and use the code scathing50 to get 50% off. So that's code scathing50 at factormeals.com slash scathing50 to get 50% off. So that's code scathing50 at factormeals.com slash scathing50
Starting point is 00:08:45 to get 50% off? Correct. So, you going to finish the shrimp smoothie? No. Great, great. I'm kind of snacky.
Starting point is 00:08:55 Just try it out. So how is it? Sharp. Yeah. I'll toss out the rest. Don't. That's scampi. And now back to the headlines.
Starting point is 00:09:16 In our lead story tonight, if like our friend Marsh, your job has ever required you to wrangle a large number of atheists and skeptics long enough to say, get them in the same room at an appointed time, you'll know what a dire statement, atheists are our only hope, really is. Yeah, Marsh started a fire at QED a year ago just to get everyone lined up outside the hotel for one minute. Yeah, and if that hadn't worked this year, I was going to get a cattle prod. So you're lucky to have escaped that. Right. But unfortunately, it's looking more and more that way, as we were reminded by recent numbers from the Public Religion Research Institute that showed that, in America at least, the religiously unaffiliated are way more likely than their religious counterparts to recognize the existential threat that climate change poses.
Starting point is 00:10:01 Get the fuck out of here. Yeah, if you can believe that. If we compare them to evangelicals, the non-religious are more than five times as likely to recognize that fact. Okay. Yeah. Or in other words, name a fact and we won again. We won again about any fact. So yeah. So this is a follow-up to a 2014 survey that looked at Americans' concern with knowledge about an acceptance of climate change and broke that information down across religious demographics. Talked about this a little bit in the diatribe.
Starting point is 00:10:28 So not only can we see how bad it is, but we can also see how much worse it's getting. Because sure, we score the best, but we still fail miserably. According to PRRI's numbers, only 43% of religiously unaffiliated Americans agree that climate change is a crisis. Yikes. Yeah, that's up from 33% in 2014. percent of religiously unaffiliated americans agree that climate change is a crisis yikes yeah that's up from 33 percent in 2014 but you have to damn near add those two numbers together to get a passing race okay but if you take all the years in that span it's like 342 percent now but the thing is it's only got up 10% in a decade. Yes.
Starting point is 00:11:05 But that means that if we do carry on at that rate, by 2080, climate change will be widely accepted among the people who haven't already drowned in the rising tides or died in the thunderstorm. Yeah. So it's going to be fine. Exactly. I feel like they're going to be lower than us, right?
Starting point is 00:11:19 Like the ones that don't live, maybe. 100%. Now, to be fair, religiously unaffiliated is a broad group and prri's data at least in this instance doesn't parse out atheists specifically the best data i can find on that is a 2022 pew survey that said 88 of atheists in america said climate change was either an extremely or very serious problem and look as much as i agree with science should be a gimme a b plus on this one puts us light years ahead of the field. Yeah, but we're still going to need someone to like walk onto the house floor
Starting point is 00:11:50 and throw a Kamehameha fireball to make the point on this. Yeah. And then Goku's going to need like 15 floor votes to become speaker. Now hold my breath. The weirdest thing about that 2022 Pew study was that 95% of atheists accepted that climate change was happening. Yes. But only 88% thought it was a serious problem.
Starting point is 00:12:12 So like, were those other 7% people who live on a hill but really want that sea view? Yeah, right, right. No, of course, if you want to feel better about our numbers, all you have to do is compare them to virtually anybody else's. After religiously unaffiliated, Jews and Hispanic Catholics scored the best at 33% and 32% respectively. Again, that is to the extraordinarily low bar of simply responding to, is climate change a crisis, with the word yes. Despite the Pope's pretty clear messaging on this shit, only 20% of white Catholics in America got it right, though that is a slight improvement from 2014, 16%.
Starting point is 00:12:49 The worst offenders, though, were, predictably, white evangelical Protestants. Yeah, yeah. Only 8% of them believe this observable fact. And that number, by the way, is down from 2014. They were like the only group that actually got worse over that period from an already
Starting point is 00:13:12 meager 13%. Cool. Jesus. And in light of that new information, I'm sure Charles Murray's going to write the anti-white sequel to the bell curve any day. He's intellectually honest, right? Yeah, of course.
Starting point is 00:13:30 Is it just that those 5% who went missing over the last decade, those evangelical Protestants, is it just that they spent most of that last decade attending book burnings? So it's been hard for them to feel that the earth is getting warm. They're so close to the fire all the time. Right, no, that makes sense. That makes sense. Now, interestingly, the survey also dug into the relationship between climate change concern and end times belief and found a pretty strong correlation between
Starting point is 00:13:51 believing the earth won't be here 100 years from now and not given a fuck if it is. But there is some good news hiding in the survey because the overall number of people who believe we're in the end times went way down in almost every demographic and the number of people saying that religion wasn't important to them went way up so just you know just keep in mind every time you see data that shows how much worse religious people's opinions are getting remember at least some of that is because the best people religion had to offer are leaving. And in civics versus crucifix news. Oh, nice. For the privileged, equality is persecution.
Starting point is 00:14:35 As soon as the rights of others are recognized, those who've never seen hardship will cry oppression. And that's why an education leader in Oklahoma is up in arms over that pesky separation of church and state that keeps getting in the way of his agenda. That would be Ryan Walters, Oklahoma's superintendent of public instruction. And he's leveraging that seat to inject Christianity into public schools. Everything from prayer to PragerU to the good old Ten Commandments. I guess sex ed is it's going to be
Starting point is 00:15:06 limited to learning what adultery means. That'll be the curriculum for that. Sure. Yeah. If you think religion needs to tell you what something is in order to tell you not to do it, you did not go to my Catholic school. Shit, man. Socrates asked for a definition of blasphemy 24 centuries ago, and we're still waiting on an answer. So yeah, for sure. definition of blasphemy 24 centuries ago and we're still waiting on an answer so yeah sure yeah so a recent kerfuffle involving religious signage and the freedom from religion foundation resulted in a constitutional win and that is not in walter's best interest the group discovered that a classroom in tulsa had displayed the arena cam staple passage, John 316. Sadly, no rainbow wig guy. While a second classroom had another biblical passage,
Starting point is 00:15:50 he is still good. And unless you're talking about late era Dylan, that is a no-no, obviously. Judas. Okay. So the Freedom From Religion Foundation took the matter to Tulsa superintendent, Missy Bush. I wonder how the kids handle that name.
Starting point is 00:16:06 That's going to be Ms. B, I'm guessing, in school. And Ms. B actually had the religious materials removed from the classroom because obviously that's what you should do. So there you have it. Case closed. Nope. Hold on. Ryan Walters wrote a memo.
Starting point is 00:16:23 After the materials were taken down, Walters sent out a memo to Oklahoma teachers ranting about activist groups pushing, quote, state-sponsored atheism down the throats of educators. And by state-sponsored atheism, by the way, he means the Bill of Rights. Sure does. Yep.
Starting point is 00:16:41 Yeah. And to provide some actual evidence of this state-sponsored atheism we'd invite ryan to find a single piece of american currency that doesn't have the word god on it right now we'll go ahead and wait for you on that anyway citing irrelevant and contradictory court rulings as precedent walters told school officials to send any complaints they received to him first so he can review them with his phantom constitutional law degree. According to Walters, quote, I do not want to see Oklahoma
Starting point is 00:17:11 school districts become complicit in promoting atheism, end quote. Apparently, the absence of religious materials is active atheist PR and he won't have it. Sure. This is like accusing a church of being Marvel fanboys because of their conspicuous lack of Batman bobbleheads on the altar at their church. And that is persecution. Right, right. But, you know, in the same vein, I haven't seen a single article about how Ryan Walters
Starting point is 00:17:40 doesn't have an unhealthy sexual interest in raccoons. So that's all the evidence that I need. I knew that they won the title of Oklahoma State Fur Bearer for a reason. All right. So, Mr. Walters, I know you're listening. Sadly for you, the courts have our backs on this one and your religious influence can't change that. Just like Roe v.
Starting point is 00:18:00 Nope. Nope. Sorry. Next headline. Next headline. We had a fun one for a second there. Moving on. And in too cruel for school news, the attack by Hamas in Israel left the world horrified and saddened. But it's also left a lot of people trying to work out who exactly they
Starting point is 00:18:17 should blame. And with a situation as complex as that of Gaza, it's not an easy question. You know, should we blame the Islamic terrorist organization who slaughtered 1,400 civilians and children? Or should we lay the blame at the hands of the Israeli government who illegally occupied the West Bank and who responded to this atrocity with a campaign of indiscriminate bombs and over threats of ethnic cleansing? Yes. Who can say? It's both. It is really obvious. It's definitely both.
Starting point is 00:18:41 Yeah. It's definitely the people killing thousands of civilians and children. Everyone who ever does that, they are the bad guys without exception. Okay. Unless the war criminals are able to create a perfect red heifer using the blood of dead children. Yeah, well, no. Thereby ushering in the second time. Right.
Starting point is 00:18:57 Just think about the ends and the means, Marsh. Okay. No, that is true. That is true. Yeah. But however, before you give in to the easy answer of saying that anyone who commits a war crime is wrong, you should perhaps consider who might be really responsible for this whole mess. And that is children attending Jewish schools in London.
Starting point is 00:19:14 That is the conclusion at least one person has come to with the BBC reporting that two Jewish schools in London have been the victim of a hate crime in the wake of the attack, with several of those having to close in fear of being targeted. Yeah, I don't get this. It's hard to imagine what you're even going for when you do shit like this, right? Like somebody's going to go, hey, you know, I read a really interesting pro-Palestinian argument spray painted under a swastika on a Jewish middle school the other day. Right, exactly. And the thing is, I am no fan of faith schools. By their very nature, they're divisive, they're exclusionary, and they're designed to separate
Starting point is 00:19:45 and segregate communities. And that's before you even look at how education is sacrificed in deference to one ancient book or another. You know, in an ideal world, there'd be no Jewish schools to target, and there'd also be no Catholic schools
Starting point is 00:19:57 or Muslim schools or any faith schools at all. Sure. But that's not the point here, because I don't imagine the people throwing red paint at the school buildings. I don't think they're militant secularists trying to highlight the intrinsic issues with
Starting point is 00:20:08 faith schools. Probably not. Eli's off this week, but still, I think you're right. Yeah. This was an act of bigotry, you know, motivated not by the belief that religion is wrong, but by the belief that those kids were the wrong religion. Yes. Yeah.
Starting point is 00:20:23 Also, if those kids were part of like Mossad, they'd obviously be in disguise and at a different school. All I've said is I cannot wait for Heath's gritty Agent MS reboot. He's been talking it up for a while. Yes. And all of this comes amidst a massive rise in anti-Semitic incidents in London, including people loudly playing German military music outside synagogues
Starting point is 00:20:46 to intimidate Jewish attendees. And it's driven by this ludicrous notion that Jewish people in the UK are responsible for the actions of the Israeli government, even if those Jewish people are children who weren't even born when Netanyahu came to power
Starting point is 00:20:59 and whose influence on his domestic policies are likely negligible at best. Well, I don't know, Marsh. Have we even tried placating Netanyahu with an abundance of construction paper, please stop genociding cards? Because until you try, you don't know. You gotta try it out.
Starting point is 00:21:14 That's true, it's true. In the same vein, the atrocity by Hamas is not the responsibility of the average Muslim. And yet we've seen a rise in Islamophobic attacks in the last week, including the religiously motivated stabbing of a six-year-old Muslim boy and his mother in Illinois. Yeah. So I'm trying to pinpoint the unifying thread here of all the religiously motivated hate crimes. What's the thread? The motivation? Come back to me. I don't know. The? No?
Starting point is 00:21:44 So separating and othering people according to what bit of what old book they're taught to think is true is a massive part of the reason why the Middle East is in this intractable and devastating mess. And that kind of tribalistic, my team versus your team attrition, sure as hell won't provide us the path back out of this. And on that note, we're going to take a quick break and spice things up with a word from our other sponsor this week, Stamps.com. Hey, Heath. What's with the net?
Starting point is 00:22:11 Oh, I'm drone hunting. I feel like the ad format demands that I now ask why. Yeah, because the post offices are about to get crazy, Noah. Holiday shipping is just around the corner and it's going to be a nightmare to get our Patreon rewards
Starting point is 00:22:25 out. So I figured I'd capture a few drones now, give myself a month or so to tame them, and, you know, get them used to my scent. But Heath, if you're looking to avoid shipping stress over the holidays, why not just try Stamps.com? Oh, what's Stamps.com? Stamps.com
Starting point is 00:22:42 is the easy shipping solution that's been helping businesses like ours save money for 25 years. All you need is Stamps.com stamps.com is the easy shipping solution that's been helping businesses like ours save money for 25 years all you need is stamps.com's premium rates for all your postage needs i don't know noah that sounds complicated compared to taming feral drones yes well with stamps.com all you need is a computer and a printer they even send you a free scale so you'll have everything you need you can schedule package pickup through Stamps.com's easy to use dashboard and if you sell products online Stamps.com seamlessly connects with every major marketplace and shopping cart.
Starting point is 00:23:12 Okay, but I could send my drone army out to pick up shipping supplies and labels. Can Stamps.com do that? With a discount. You can order shipping and mailing supplies, labels and even printers from the supply store. You get huge carrier discounts up to 84% off USPS and UPS rates. Plus, Stamps.com automatically tells you your cheapest shipping option. All right, I'm sold. Where do I sign up? Get your business ready for the holiday rush and
Starting point is 00:23:36 get started with Stamps.com today. Sign up with the promo code SCATHING for a special offer that includes a four-week trial plus free postage and a free digital scale. No long- commitments or contracts you just go to stamps.com click on the microphone at the top of the page and enter the code scathing all right noah looks like i won't need this net after all why there are other uses for an army of drones oh yeah good call i'll keep at it yeah i mean we'll at least see how it goes destroy our enemies up in headlines, in baby with a beard news. In our most quiet moments, when our work is done and we're left with our thoughts, one can't help but ponder life's most profound mysteries. What's the sound of one hand clapping?
Starting point is 00:24:17 If a tree falls in the forest when no one's around, does it make a sound? And why aren't there any gay babies? These questions and many more. Okay, just the one of them. does it make a sound? And why aren't there any gay babies? These questions and many more. Okay, just the one of them. That last one was raised by the incel all spark himself, Matt Walsh. Not the good one from Veep, just to be clear,
Starting point is 00:24:39 the bad one from the alt-right cesspit. Walsh tried another one of his absurd gambits on his Daily Wire audience when he tried to disprove the science of being born gay with the gotcha. Well, there are no gay babies. Therefore, ergo, vis-a-vis, per se, you can't be born gay. But this is such a stupid argument. Like, there are no babies who speak French. Does that mean that nobody is born French?
Starting point is 00:25:05 Maybe. Where does Matt Wals is born French? So maybe. Where does Matt Walsh think French people come from? Does he think they're all corrupted into Frenchness by all the pro-French propaganda in culture? You know, is it all a big plot from big France? All right. But if you don't use the language English in the country of America, I don't think Matt Walsh is going to get it, Marsh.
Starting point is 00:25:22 Right. Like, like, legitimately, if he's listening to this episode, he's wondering if maybe it is Big Friends. Right, yeah. And he probably thinks Big Friends is just another name for Canada. Right. Why, they're still monkeys. Exactly.
Starting point is 00:25:35 So, it's all part of a much worse tapestry that Walsh wove in a recent argument in favor of conversion therapy, a practice typically forced upon gay and trans youth against their wills. And while conversion therapy is outright banned in 22 states with 84% of former patients feeling emotionally harmed from the experience, Walsh nevertheless leaned into the destructive and disprovable process of manually changing your sexual preference in another instance of me thinks the dipshit doth protest too much. Yeah, yeah.
Starting point is 00:26:08 Matt, look at it this way. If conversion therapy could possibly work, Eli would have kidnapped you and turned you gay by now. QED. It's pretty solid. Duh. All right, so see if you could follow his logic here.
Starting point is 00:26:21 According to Walsh, quote, there is no gay gene no matter how hard they look for one. And the idea that people are born gay has always been incoherent because, you know, if people are born gay, like born gay, got it, yeah, said the same thing
Starting point is 00:26:36 again. You're gay from birth, right? That's what that would mean. Yes. And that means there are what? Homosexual infants out there? Again, no sane person thinks that, um, well, correct.
Starting point is 00:26:48 So continuing, there's no reason why a person can't seek and receive successful counseling to overcome same sex attraction and horrible quote. Right. But Matt, there also isn't a straight gene, right? There's no heterosexual.
Starting point is 00:27:03 There are no heterosexual babies either. Right. Like, I mean, think about it. Toddlers are capable of expressing their emotions. They're comfortable crying in public. They're confident in showing physical affection for their friends without worrying about seeming unmasked. These are clearly not heterosexual babies. So knowing Matt's past fixation on the sexual preferences and proclivities of children,
Starting point is 00:27:25 there's no surprise he's extended his theories into infancy now. And his cheerleading for conversion therapy as an adult doesn't at all reflect its usual application, which is abusive parents trying to control their children. And of course, as you've probably guessed, he proudly homeschools his children. Also, maybe babies aren't ready for a relationship yet and they just want to play the field, Matt. Just think it through. But if they're rocking in their car seat a little harder when ABBA comes on, you might already know. Just keep that in mind. And in, well, we did say life-changing news.
Starting point is 00:28:02 There are a few things that the false idea of an afterlife might be good for. It's a nice way of avoiding the reality of losing a loved one, for example, and it's fairly handy for dangling over impressionable people as a way of keeping them in line. But one thing it isn't able to do is to deflect from a potential manslaughter charge, as the preacher Cheryl Reid Bartley found out this week after trying to argue, it was totally not a big deal that one of her followers drowned during a baptism because she had visions of him being happy
Starting point is 00:28:31 in heaven, so it's fine. Jesus Christ! Consider how negligent you have to be to drown someone during a baptism. You're supposed to be underwater for significantly less than a second at the extreme, right? You could just dip
Starting point is 00:28:48 water on your face. That would be like learning that somebody burned to death in an easy bake oven. Right. While a pastor is shoveling coal and smiling at the family. This is going to make sense in a minute. I had a vision. You're going to laugh at this. You're welcome
Starting point is 00:29:04 in advance, by the way. So Reid Bartley is the founder of Life Changing Ministries, a Birmingham-based evangelical church which broadcasts its baptisms on Facebook Live. And in a recent live stream, viewers watched while one of the congregants, Robert Yap, climbed into a large paddling pool of cold water before being dunked as part of the church's sacrament.
Starting point is 00:29:25 And then those viewers got to watch the live stream cut out because Yap drowned during the ceremony. And although paramedics were called, they were unable to save him. And so life-changing ministries had indeed changed his life from alive to not. Well, right. They never said that what they were going to change it into, right? But I guess not life is kind of implied. Yeah. Read the fine print. The exact details of what happened, they're still unclear. There's a police investigation taking place. But what we do know is that Yap was in his 60s and was suffering from Parkinson's disease. So, you know, probably not in the best physical condition to be made to do submerged stuff. And according to reports, he'd also traveled 300 miles for the ceremony
Starting point is 00:30:05 and had recently become estranged from his family as a direct result of his association with life-changing ministries. Wow. So, you know, again, nobody can say they don't actually change people's lives here. Sure. Pastors looking at the family again,
Starting point is 00:30:18 don't worry, the shaking underwater is totally normal. Don't be ableist about it. This is all part of God's plan. And the thing is, for most people, being implicated in an accidental death might be enough to give you pause for thought and quiet reflection and, you know, maybe a review of who ought to be on your no dunking list. But Reid Bartley is not most people. She's an evangelical minister with a sizable social media following. So the very day after Yap's death, she was back on Facebook Live claiming that the reason he died was that the baptism had shown him a glimpse of heaven. And then he made the choice to stay there.
Starting point is 00:30:56 You see, it's not manslaughter if the victim voluntarily chooses to stop breathing. Sure. I'll give her this much. You don't normally get the but they were into it though excuse when it comes to murder. No. That's it. She's pioneering new ground.
Starting point is 00:31:09 Yeah. Reed Bartley explained that after the ceremony, she was sitting in her room when God gave her a vision of heaven, at which point she saw Robert Yap
Starting point is 00:31:18 dancing with Jesus in a garden. Okay. So we spend lots of time pointing out the problems with religion. I did not foresee wacky drowning mix-up on that list, but here we are.
Starting point is 00:31:32 Get it on the list, yeah. She also mentioned that she's never caused anyone's death during a baptism before, which I guess means she thinks she's due a freebie. It's okay to alienate a very ill man from his family and then accidentally drown him once. But as long as you don't make a habit. Right. Yes. Your Honor, according to the FDIC, there are 72,166 banks in the country. So if you think about how many I robbed in terms of a percentage, really.
Starting point is 00:31:57 Hall of Fame numbers. Come on. Right? Although dancing with Jesus sounds like a nightmare to me. That's not my heaven at all. I can't imagine wanting to do that. He's watching you do it. I don't have very good...
Starting point is 00:32:09 It's not going to be good music as well, either. Jesus does not have good music. Absolutely not. Are you leading? Yeah, I'm sorry. Son of God. Son of God. My bad.
Starting point is 00:32:18 So we'll have to see what comes of this because the police are still conducting a post-mortem to establish a definitive cause of death. But if it does turn out that the baptism was the cause, I think, yeah, I too am getting a vision. And it's of Cheryl Reed Bartley, and she's dancing in a garden of HMP Birmingham prison. Yeah, there you go. I like it. And in cookie crook news tonight, the state of Pennsylvania has a law that says you're not allowed to take people's money in exchange for psychically predicting their future. And that, despite a lot of contrary opinions
Starting point is 00:32:50 and left-leaning publications and social media outrage, is a good law. You shouldn't be able to accept money on false pretenses and any pretenses that you can psychically predict the future are false. Well, not unless you're're really careful about what you predict for the future. Because, you know, I foresee you feeling disappointed, cheated,
Starting point is 00:33:10 and $30 lighter. That would be totally accurate future predicting. Alright, alright. No, asterisk. Asterisk. Clear. But that law, which was enacted in 1861, is under new scrutiny after Hanover police chief Chad E. Martin stopped by a local hippie bullshit shop
Starting point is 00:33:25 that offered tarot readings to tell the proprietor about it. He's just like, hey, I wanted to pop in and remind you that your unethical thing was outlawed two years before the Emancipation Proclamation. Yep. Just so you know, for timescale. America really had its priorities sorted back then. Now, to be clear, Martin wasn't there with the intent to arrest anybody. The tarot readings the shop offered are clearly marked for entertainment purposes only all over the store, and that is a viable get out of jail free phrase.
Starting point is 00:33:54 But he did clarify the law, which seems like a downright neighborly thing to do to me, but the store's proprietor felt otherwise, complaining about the incident on TikTok and calling the visit intimidation. And this led to a media rebuke that was at least significant enough that the police department felt the need to release an official statement on the matter okay maybe that police chief can arrest them for entertainment purposes only is that are you listening that would entertain the shit out of me sure yeah and i didn't click this story but she considered the pop by from a police
Starting point is 00:34:25 officer to be intimidation there is no way this lady isn't whiter than all three of us combined and look when i was looking into this story i found a bunch of articles about it that decried the cops actions as like fascist overreach but i'm all for that law and i'm all for telling anybody who sells for entertainment purposes only psychic predictions that there is a bright fucking line you can't cross over. Because look,
Starting point is 00:34:51 I used to do for entertainment purposes only tarot readings and I'll let you in on a little secret. When it becomes clear that the person getting the reading isn't there just for a goof and they're actually taking this shit seriously,
Starting point is 00:35:03 you don't just stop and give them their money back. Right. Partially because that's impossible. What are you going to, like, okay, you seem entertained, but I'm also sensing a few units of bemusement, I think. A couple units of stupefaction.
Starting point is 00:35:20 We're going to shut this down for ethical reasons. Here's your money back never happened and at the very least by law when people are taking you seriously the tarot reader should be made to incorporate that into tarot reading like okay interesting so this next card is the magician but it's upside down which uh symbolizes the fact that magic isn't fucking real and you shouldn't place any stock in what i'm saying right so look in in my humble opinion what makes this problematic isn't the fact that it's police overreach it's that it's police under reach the problem is that
Starting point is 00:35:53 it is a discriminatory application of the law because they wouldn't do this to like a christian minister who calls himself a prophet and charges people for spiritual guidance right hard to imagine the hanover pd demanding a priest tell his parishioners that his sermons are for entertainment purposes only but in our rush to condemn this very real double standard let's not make the mistake of pretending that people who sell tarot readings aren't despicable yeah also pastors and priests. Yeah, all of them. And finally tonight in So It's Come to This News. As we're only a couple months away from the four-year anniversary of COVID-19 entering our lives and highlighting every negative facet of humanity, we can't help but look back at all the things we've failed at.
Starting point is 00:36:40 For example, not even a global pandemic could produce universal health care or basic income in the United States. Yeah, it sucks to be American, I'm sure. I actually caught COVID last month on purpose just to get some more of that sweet, sweet NHS. But you had that. So after four years of chaos, anguish, desperation and disinformation, and disinformation, the window has been left wide open for two NFL football players to debate the merits of vaccines once and for all. And you know what? That is the perfect reflection of where we are today.
Starting point is 00:37:14 Yep. That's the only way this could more perfectly encapsulate America is if the loser had to eat a giant cockroach. And a big thanks to Michael for the link. Scathing news atgmail.com. So let's talk about the science. And our expert panel is going to be two guys who get
Starting point is 00:37:32 hit in the head professionally. They wear helmets, but I don't know if that makes it better. Aaron Rodgers of the New York Jets challenged Travis Kelsey of the Kansas City Chiefs to a vaccine debate. And Rodgers referred to Kelsey as Mr. Pfizer in retaliation for Kelsey, referencing Rodgers playing for a team owned by Johnson & Johnson.
Starting point is 00:37:53 Harkening back to mid-2020, when alliances and rivalries were formed based on the randomly generated brand of vaccine that you were dealt. Were? What the fuck do you mean? Look, when you're a jadge, you're a jadge you're a jadge for life right so the thing is a jadge off things i don't know much about american football is this a new rule that they've introduced like if there's interference on the pass is the punishment now that they've got to run a debate on public health policy because like if it is, I'm not not interested. You know, it could be like chess boxing. It could be.
Starting point is 00:38:26 Sure, yeah. So speaking with sports commentator Pat McAfee, Aaron Rodgers made a perfectly reasonable science argument during a football show saying, quote, Mr. Pfizer said he didn't think he'd be in a vax war with me. This ain't a war, homie. Sick. This is a conversation war, homie. Sick. This is a conversation.
Starting point is 00:38:47 But if you want to have some sort of dual debate, have me on the podcast. Come on the show. Let's have a conversation. Yeah. No, if you're just asking questions, how bad could you really be? Yep.
Starting point is 00:38:59 No problems there. And just in case you weren't already sold on this amazing showdown of legitimate science and amazing minds, Rogers added some stakes saying, quote, let's do it like John Wick 4, okay? Oh, by all goddamn means, yes. Let's do that. Yeah, agree with that. Continuing the quote. So we both have a second, right? So somebody to help us out. I'm going to take my man, RFK Jr.
Starting point is 00:39:27 And he can have, you know, Tony Fauci or some other pharmacrat sick. And we can have a conversation about this. End quote. Okay. I know this isn't the point, but I do think we deserve a John Wick film starring Anthony Fauci. Yes. Maybe RFK Jr. as the bad guy. Yes! That would be amazing. I just want
Starting point is 00:39:48 to see Aaron Rodgers trying to make it up those steps on that ankle. There's just no fucking way. He's just not going to do it. Not going to fucking do it. Yeah. The guy who spies on dolphins while they're fucking in order to heal his leg with the magic of their fuck squeaks. He's planning
Starting point is 00:40:04 a public event about epidemiology that he's going to be doing. We have hit peak post-truthitude. Or not. Probably something even dumber really soon. But maybe on the bright side, we'll finally get some evidence
Starting point is 00:40:18 about the devastating effects of CTE for the very first time. Fingers crossed. Oh, shame. With that terrifying reminder of just how secure our jobs all are, we're going to wrap up the headlines for the night. Heath Marsh, thanks as always. Jumaji.
Starting point is 00:40:34 It's great to hear that again. And not prerecorded, I mean. And when we come back, you'll get a little taste of Eli after all. Jumbo. I'm just saying when the show switches from presentational to narrative, it's kind of abrupt. How is this abrupt? It's like if you came back from the commercial on The Daily Show and Jon Stewart was just talking to Mo Rocca. You know what I'm saying?
Starting point is 00:41:08 You guys know that they haven't been on the Daily Show for like a decade, right? I do not know that, Don, and I refuse to learn. Yeah, I also refuse to learn. Hey, guys, are you doing a meta self-reflection on format so we can open up Bible Peace Theater? Yep. You mean the part of the show where we act out the Bible so our listeners don't have to read
Starting point is 00:41:24 it? We sure are. Hey, Noah, when you think of The Daily Show, who do you think of as the host? Jon Stewart. So, where were we? Thank you. Yes. The Minor Prophets. Hi-ho.
Starting point is 00:41:34 Hi-ho. No, they're kind of minor. Anyway, first up is the book of Micah. Hey. Hey, Micah. Micah. God, is that you? Yep, it's me. I've got some messages for you that I want to sort of have you pass on.
Starting point is 00:41:51 Yeah, what is it? Usual stuff. I'm going to melt the mountains, I'm going to destroy Syria. Oh, oh, I got a new one. Worst of all, if you hired a prostitute, you're going to have to pay her twice. I'm sorry? Yeah, like a second payment for this same prostitute. I know. No, I get it. It's just weird you'd put that in the same list
Starting point is 00:42:15 with the Fallen Nations and Melton Mountains and shit. I mean, there's a pretty straight line from Stormy Daniels to January 6th, my friend. You got to think about it, but it's there. I would like to not think about it. Right? Anyway, that's all a real bummer. I'm going to rip off all my clothes and mourn like an owl now. Sorry, you're going to mourn like an owl? Yeah, you know. Owl? Yeah, bunnies hop, dogs bark, owls mourn. Nope. I don't think that's going to stick, man. But, you know,
Starting point is 00:42:45 A for effort, I guess. Anyway, don't do any of that. Don't do the stuff you just said. I want you to just take off your clothes. I want you to roll in some dirt and shave your head. That sounds remarkably similar to what I was going to do. Yeah, but now I told you to do it, so
Starting point is 00:43:01 it's different. So now we're going to get some commandments about prophecy. In the book about prophecy? It doesn't get any less confusing, man. Okay, let's see here. First up, ooh, don't be a prophet. Oh, okay. So should we stop the book or?
Starting point is 00:43:21 Also, also, if a drunken liar comes to you telling you to drink, that guy's a prophet. Heath, are you a prophet? You have to tell us. It's like being a cop. Yeah, you have to tell us. No. Wait, no, you're not a prophet or no, you're not going to tell us. Second one.
Starting point is 00:43:42 Sorry, guys, you just said don't prophecy. I'm just telling it how it is, man. Right, but you are how it is. Let me finish. Look, right before I destroy Israel, it's going to be great. It is? Oh, yeah, big time. Wait, hold on.
Starting point is 00:44:04 Are we in the doodly-doo within the swoosh here for you to tell me about the end of days? Shh, don't overthink it. Just listen. Hey, welcome to the house of God. Oh, thank you. Thank you so much. I got to tell you,
Starting point is 00:44:17 people have traveled from all over the world to get here. I know, I know. By the way, worship whatever God you want freely while you're here. Just do whatever you want. That's a bad thing. I don't like that. Yeah, I know, I know. By the way, worship whatever god you want freely while you're here. Just do whatever you want. That's a bad thing. I don't like that. Yeah, I know, I know. Hey, I brought this sword with me, but I feel like I don't need it now that everything is so awesome.
Starting point is 00:44:35 So, uh, you want to use it as a plow or something? Uh, no. I don't really think that's like a convertible property. Uh, no. I don't really think that's, like, a convertible property. Ah, you sure? I mean, I feel like people are going to make a really big deal out of this. I mean, you could try, I guess. We don't have, like, a forge for tourists to do metaphors at, so... Uh, we'll deal with that later. That's fine. Sure, sure. All right, you ready? Watch this. Oh no, God's destroying us for our wicked ways! I should have just returned my sword to Prime! Sure, sure. All right, you ready? Watch this. Oh, no!
Starting point is 00:45:06 God's destroying us for our wicked ways! I should have just returned my sword to Prime! Huh? See? Well, I feel like you want to portray the end of days a little worse, right? Or else, well, one, people will be pretty sure you're the bad guy, and two, people might spend every minute of relative peace in human history prophesying
Starting point is 00:45:29 the end of days as a result. Eh, I'm willing to risk it. Alright, if you say so. Let's see. What was me? What was me? God's gonna kill you, and that's Micah. Got it. Alright, so what happens next? Next is Nahum.
Starting point is 00:45:46 It's more God threats, but mostly like dick focused. Sorry, did you say dick focused? Yeah, very dick focused. God's going to smash you so hard your dick hurts.
Starting point is 00:45:55 God's going to show the world your dick. The lady in charge is all that stuff. Weird. Okay. What's after Nahum? Habakkuk.
Starting point is 00:46:04 Sorry, Habakkuk? Sorry, Habakkuk? Yeah, Habakkuk. And weirdly, this book is actually pretty important. It is? How come I've never heard of it? Because you're not a Jesus nerd. That's true. I am not a Jesus nerd. All right. Well, we'll do the story and I'll explain. Excuse me, Mr. Gold. Mr. Gold.
Starting point is 00:46:25 Hey, Habakkuk. What's going on, buddy? How you doing? Oh, I'm, I'm, well, um, so I'm looking around, and it seems like the, um, the evil defeating the righteous, um, what gives? Oh, oh, sorry, yeah, I'm mad at you, so that's why. Oh, right, right, okay, I get that. But why are you sending bad people to do it? Aren't you rewarding them with a little life of conquest rather than just punishing the people you want to punish? Look, look, H-Money, first of all, you sound like Marsh. Second of all, you gotta stop worrying about this stuff, okay? You just gotta believe.
Starting point is 00:47:10 Believe? Yeah, believe. When I give you sweet wisdom, like, the only reason you get drunk is to see your buddy's foreskin, you just gotta take that stuff on faith. Take it on sight. Take it on sight, right. Um, right, God. Thank you, I suppose. No problem, buddy. And hey, Habakkuk? Yes, God? I'm going to kill everyone in the families. I know, sir. It's been what the book's been about for quite some time. Okay, sorry. Why did Jesus nerds care about that story? Okay, so a couple of reasons. One, it's one of the oldest books of the Bible that we have evidence of.
Starting point is 00:47:50 There's actually a fragment of commentary about it in the Dead Sea Scrolls. Wait, wait, wait, wait, wait. I thought the Dead Sea Scrolls were fake. Sort of, but some are really old fakes. So they're kind of useful in their own way. Right, but more importantly importantly habakkuk represents a philosophical shift in the bible a what now okay so you know jews obviously believe in god but he's kind of like a hurricane right he gets pissed off he kills some people he breaks some
Starting point is 00:48:16 stuff and then he pieces out habakkuk represents a switch philosophically from you know i guess we'll do our best not to piss off god to whatever god says and does must by definition be good oh so it's like the origins of uh divine command theory exactly yeah and that's what allows for biblical literalism right which in turn gives us young earth creationism flat earthers biblical justifications for slavery exactly yeah so when people tell you that they believe the Bible is the literal word of God, they're doing it based on the philosophy on a three-chapter book of the Bible that says you only want to get drunk to see your buddy's foreskin? Yep.
Starting point is 00:48:54 You know that actually tracks? Okay, so what's next? Zephaniah. Is there a story in that one? No, just more death threats. Right, but God does say you might be able to hide from him in that one. So, weird out in that case, I guess. Okay, okay, I don't want to do that then.
Starting point is 00:49:12 What about the next book? Haggai. Nice. Okay, does that one have a story? Yeah, actually it does. Whew, okay. Lou, Lou, Lou, doing Haggai stuff. Haggai stuff's my favorite stuff.
Starting point is 00:49:24 Lou, Lou, Lou. Dude, Haggai stuff Haggai stuff's my favorite stuff loo loo loo dude Haggai what the fuck sorry is that you God oh yeah it's me
Starting point is 00:49:31 look at my temple what did you guys do oh um you sent our enemies to destroy it and kill us I don't remember that
Starting point is 00:49:41 it looks awful fix it up oh uh okay are you just gonna destroy it again I said I don't remember that. It looks awful. Fix it up. Oh, okay. Are you just going to destroy it again? I said fix the temple. Okay, okay, got it.
Starting point is 00:49:53 Fixing the temple. So everybody starts rebuilding the temple, but God has some notes. Seriously? Yes, God. Did you want something again? I mean, did you, uh, want something again? I mean, did you even see my old temple? It was super sweet.
Starting point is 00:50:12 This one looks like dog shit. Right, sorry, it's just that you killed a bunch of us, so resources aren't, like, flush right now. Oh, my me, I have to do everything around here. Oh, my God, what was that? Oh, it was a big earthquake, I just killed a everything around here. Oh my God, what was that? Oh, it was a big earthquake. I just killed a bunch of people. Now, go take their gold and silver and use it to properly decorate my temple,
Starting point is 00:50:34 please and thank you. Uh, okay. Were they like bad people? I don't know, man. It doesn't say in the Bible. It just says that they had gold and silver and stuff. Just feel like you should know. So just says that they had gold and silver and stuff. You should know. So the Jews take all the gold and the silver and they decorate the temple and God's pretty happy.
Starting point is 00:50:53 All right. Now this is what I'm talking about. This looks great. Great. Glad you're pleased. Hey, hey, Haggai. Yeah. Thanks for all your work and everything, man.
Starting point is 00:51:02 Oh, yeah. Yeah, no problem. No, no, no. I want to reward you. Really? You do? I sure do. How would you like to tell the new king that I anoint him?
Starting point is 00:51:14 Oh, sure. Yeah, I can do that. Yeah. And tell him, tell him he's my favorite because he did such a good job on my temple. All right. Got it. I will pass that along. Okay, what's next?
Starting point is 00:51:28 That would be the Book of Zechariah. Okay, does this one have a story? I wouldn't say a story, but it has stuff. Let's read. Zechariah, what's the matter, my love? Let's read. disappointing. It is. Well, why don't you just get some sleep, huh? A new day of yelling at people about God tomorrow. I suppose so. Good night, darling.
Starting point is 00:52:12 Good night. What's up? What's going on? Who the blazes are you? Angel. Angel. Here to show you some stuff. Check it out. Yeah, I figured.
Starting point is 00:52:29 What with the wheels within wheels? Yeah, wheels within wheels kind of my thing. So, you ready to get metaphorical? Are they good metaphors? Can the average person read when this was written? No. Bingo. All right, first up, you see those four guys on horses right there yeah those are god like watching and and later going out of order for clarity they will uh
Starting point is 00:52:56 find something what sorry what do they, yeah, they find the north. Oh, wait, sorry. They find the direction of north. Listen, it's a metaphor. Within a metaphor. Dude, this is like the least confusing one. Try to stay with it. Oh, fine, go ahead.
Starting point is 00:53:18 Okay, so next up, we got four horns. Oh, like the instrument. No, no, no, the cup. Oh, like a drinking horn. Right, yes. Those are the four nations that have oppressed Israel, but along came four blacksmiths to scatter them. And the blacksmiths are God.
Starting point is 00:53:41 No, no, the blacksmiths are Persia. None of that makes any sense. So then there's this chick in a basket. Okay, I guess we're still going then. Yeah, so she's been carried by other women who have wings to Babylon. Okay, why? And then a giant hand measures Jerusalem. Okay, is that at least God measuring Jerusalem, you know, with his hand?
Starting point is 00:54:06 Yeah. What else would it be? What are you talking about? Okay, well, at least that made some sense. And then there's a scroll that flies around Jerusalem kidnapping thieves and liars. No, of course. There it is. Okay, you ready for your last metaphor thing that I'm doing? Oh, please. This is getting really repetitive. Dude, the next four books are the same story four times, literally. I know. I know. I'm trying not to think about it. It's starting. Oh, boy. Are my clothes dirty? I'll help. Thanks, your highness. So the king is gonna do Israel's laundry?
Starting point is 00:54:49 Ha! You wish. Nah, there's gonna be a new king of kings, and he's gonna wash everyone's sins away. Uh, and reclaim Jerusalem for the Jews. Um, not technically. No, try not to think about it. Okay. All right, let's get you out of here so you can yell about God some more. Oh, okay. I can do that. And that's Zechariah. Alright, well, we made it through
Starting point is 00:55:14 the minor prophets in the Old Testament. I mean, I guess Jonah was really the only one with a plot. Actually, we have one left. We do? Yeah, it's Malachi. Oh, cool. What does Malachi have to say?
Starting point is 00:55:29 You know what? I'll just let him take it from here. All right, motherfuckers, listen up. God is going to take all you to pain town postage. You fucking idiots really fucked up now. Because God's going to kill you harder than a fresh field of fuckos, you fuckos. Wow. So Malachi is just like really mad, a mad version of it.
Starting point is 00:55:52 Yeah. It's a short book, but he spends like a lot of it just screaming at people. Sure. Sure. And God is going to spread shit on your shitty fucking faces, you fucking fucks. Sorry, did he say he's going to shit on their faces? Oh, yeah. Multiple times.
Starting point is 00:56:11 Yeah. Multiple times. Okay. So this is the end of the Old Testament. Yep. This is how that book ends. Feels like my mom. Yeah.
Starting point is 00:56:21 Feels a little anticlimactic. Oh, that's what I meant. Yeah. Does Anna have a song? No, she had COVID, so she still can't sing. Oh, sure. Right. All right. Oof. We'll put one on the CD. Wait, there's a CD?
Starting point is 00:56:37 No, not yet, but we were thinking we'll put these segments together in a little Old Testament compilation thing at some point. Yeah, quick thing though. Do people listen to CDs at this point? I think we can include a download code too. Is that? Okay, yeah.
Starting point is 00:56:52 Is that a thing? That works. That works. And God will leave you in the dirt to die like the fucking worms that you fucking are. It's a weird book. Yeah, definitely. Yeah. Well, it only gets less interesting. Jesus. Yeah, him him too fucking fucks so with the old testament finally in the rearview mirror again we're gonna wrap things up for
Starting point is 00:57:14 tonight but there's still a whole nother testament to crack open on the next installment of bible peace Peace, fear. Before we lower the curtain, I want to remind you that there are still general admission tickets available for our live show in Las Vegas on Saturday the 28th. That's Saturday after next. We're going to be breaking down the QAnon propaganda piece, Sound of Freedom, for Godawful Movies. And you will have an excuse to go to Vegas. Check the show notes for links to buy your tickets. Anyway, that's all the Blast Movie we've got for you tonight. We'll be back in 10,022 minutes with more.
Starting point is 00:57:50 If you can't wait that long, be on the lookout for a brand new episode of our sister show, The Skeptic Rat, debuting at 7 a.m. Eastern on Monday, and an even newer episode of our sister show's hot friend, Godawful Movies, debuting at 7 a.m. Eastern on Tuesday, and an even newer episode of our half-sister show, Citation Needed, debuting at noon Eastern on Wednesday. Obviously, this episode would need an asterisk by its number if i neglected to thank heath enright for making his triumphant return this week i want to thank michael marshall for making a return that was also quite triumphant
Starting point is 00:58:12 now that i think about it i want to thank eli bosnick whose unexpected appearance midway through the show was pretty triumphant too really i want to thank the lovely and talented lucinda illusions for whom every return is triumphant i want want to thank Don Ford voice of fantasy and adventure for a return. That was like, I mean, it was, it was like regular umphant, but it was still a return.
Starting point is 00:58:30 Nonetheless. I also want to thank Fred for providing this week's Farsworth quote. And yes, Lewis and I had a lovely time at red rocks. Thanks for asking. Didn't make it a dinosaur Ridge though. It's going to have to stay on the list for next time. But most of all,
Starting point is 00:58:40 of course I want to thank this week's best bipeds. Couturso, Troy, voodoo, magic, swamp lawyer, Lucas, Brad, G, Lauren, Zane, Brandon, Caleb, Eric, Nathan, and X-Cark. Catorso, Troy,
Starting point is 00:58:55 Voodoo, Lucas, and Brad, whose IQs are higher than I am on the Jaguars' chances to make a playoff run this year, G, Lauren, Zane, and Brandon, who are so bright the sun got to see a ring of fire eclipse too, and Caleb, Eric, Nathan, and X-Cark, who are hot enough to make Pepper X jealous. Together, these 13 lucky listeners lauded our Lord Lamentations of Liturgical Lunacy this week by giving us money. Not everybody has the money it takes to give some to us, but if you do, you can make a per-episode donation to patreon.com slash scathingadeus, whereby you'll earn early access to an extended ad-free version of every episode, or you can make a one-time donation by clicking on the donate button on the right side of the homepage at scathingadeus.com. And if you'd like to help, but not less money at the end of it kind of way, you can also help a ton by leaving a five-star review, telling a friend about the show,
Starting point is 00:59:27 and following us on social media. And speaking of social media, Tim Robertson handles that for us. Additional writing for this episode was provided by Mike Schuster and our audio engineer is Morgan Clark, who also wrote all the music that was used in this episode, which was used with permission. If you have questions, comments, or death threats, you'll find all the contact info on the contact page at skatingadius.com. We want to just keep going and hope it works or... The preceding podcast was a production of Puzzle & Thunderstorm, LLC.
Starting point is 00:59:58 Copyright 2023. All rights reserved.

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