The Scathing Atheist - 557: Sinking Our Heath Into It Edition
Episode Date: October 19, 2023In this week’s episode, some British bigots will tell us who’s actually to blame for the conflict in the Middle East, we learn some more science from the dolphin fucking shaman of the NFL, and we�...��ll quantify American ignorance some more. --- Come see us in Vegas: https://www.eventbrite.com/e/god-awful-movies-live-in-las-vegas-tickets-693624438367 To make a per episode donation at Patreon.com, click here: http://www.patreon.com/ScathingAtheist To buy our book, click here: https://www.amazon.com/Outbreak-Crisis-Religion-Ruined-Pandemic/dp/B08L2HSVS8/ If you see a news story you think we might be interested in, you can send it here: scathingnews@gmail.com To check out our sister show, The Skepticrat, click here: https://audioboom.com/channel/the-skepticrat To check out our sister show’s hot friend, God Awful Movies, click here: https://audioboom.com/channel/god-awful-movies To check out our half-sister show, Citation Needed, click here: http://citationpod.com/ To check out our sister show’s sister show, D and D minus, click here: https://danddminus.libsyn.com/ To hear more from our intrepid audio engineer Morgan Clarke, click here: https://www.morganclarkemusic.com/ --- Guest Links: Check out more from Marsh on Be Reasonable and Skeptics with a K --- Headlines: Non-believers lead the way in American concert about Climate Change: https://www.friendlyatheist.com/p/when-it-comes-to-accepting-climate Oklahoma education leader claims church/state separation is "state-sponsored atheism": https://www.friendlyatheist.com/p/oklahoma-education-leader-claims Red paint thrown on Jewish schools in London a hate crime - police: https://www.bbc.co.uk/news/uk-england-london-67127778 Four Jewish schools in London close over fears for children: https://metro.co.uk/2023/10/12/london-two-jewish-schools-close-over-safety-fears-19654697 Landlord charged with hate crimes after Muslim boy killed in Illinois: https://www.bbc.co.uk/news/world-us-canada-67119183 Anti-LGBTQ+ troll Matt Walsh says the lack of gay babies is proof you can’t be born gay: https://www.lgbtqnation.com/2023/10/anti-lgbtq-troll-matt-walsh-says-the-lack-of-gay-babies-is-proof-you-cant-be-born-gay/ Moment preacher baptised Parkinson's sufferer in paddling pool before he 'died during the ceremony' - as she claims to have spoken to him 'in heaven' afterwards: https://www.dailymail.co.uk/news/article-12626395/Moment-preacher-prepares-man-baptism-revealed-died-ceremony-claims-spoken-heaven-afterwards.html PA cop warns tarot reader of old fortune telling law: https://www.friendlyatheist.com/p/a-pennsylvania-police-chief-told Aaron Rodgers challenges Travis Kelce to vaccine debate: https://www.nbcsports.com/nfl/profootballtalk/rumor-mill/news/aaron-rodgers-challenges-travis-kelce-to-vaccine-debate
Transcript
Discussion (0)
Warning, this week's episode contains verbs.
Sorry, I just warn you about the profanity every week and I feel like all the other word types get left out.
This week's episode of The Scathing Atheist is brought to you by Factor, Stamps.com,
and by the fact that we were able to bring peace to the Pancake Kingdom and secure Heath's release after all.
And now, The Scathing Atheist.
This is Fred.
Aiding Atheist. This is Fred. My dad was a scientist, and he taught me at a young age that we did in fact evolve from a common ancestor that we share with every filthy monkey species on
the planet. It's Thursday.
And it actually feels like it for the first time in three weeks.
Thank you.
Thank you for that.
And it's October 19th also.
And it's conflict resolution day also. And it's Conflict Resolution Day.
No, it's not.
Yeah, pretty sure Heath's not the only one who missed that particular memo.
I have no illusions.
I'm Michael Marshall.
Fuck you, it's Conflict Resolution Day.
I'm Heath Enright.
And from sporty Spice's Liverpool, Ann Arbor, Michigan, and Waycross, Georgia,
this is The Scathing Atheist.
On this week's episode, some British bigots will tell us who's actually to blame for the conflict in the Middle East.
We learn some more science from the dolphin-fucking shaman of the NFL.
And we'll quantify American ignorance some more.
But first, the diatribe. So I'm looking through this survey from the Public Religion Research Institute the other
day, and we're going to talk about the results and shit in the lead story this week. That's not
what this is about, but something occurred to me while I was writing that that started as an aside
in the story, and then it turned into a Facebook post and it just grew into a
diatribe the more I thought about it. See, if you look at a lot of religious
demographic data, and who doesn't, you'll notice that demographers
generally speaking break religions down by race.
Like at the most basic level, you might just see Christian, Muslim, Jewish, Hindu,
etc. But if you start breaking it down by denomination, invariably you'll start getting categories like black Protestant, Hispanic, Catholic and white evangelical.
Hell, you could make a solid argument that the very term evangelical is just a stand in for white Protestant from the days before demographers started to realize that white guy isn't the default human.
And it's easy to look at this and think,
yeah, man, those demographers sure are racist,
but that's not the point.
And that's not the case.
They're just doing the job the best they can.
Their job is to craft meaningful categories
that give us insight into groups of people.
And to do that, you know, with regards to religion,
you kind of have to parse out the racial differences
because Hispanic Catholic is, for all intents and purposes,
a different religion than white Catholic. And nobody who's been to both predominantly white
and predominantly black Baptist churches, for example, would even guess that those were the
same denomination. I'm not faulting statisticians here. I'm faulting religion. You know, the
institution that justifies its existence
by saying it unifies people and yet remains the most segregated institution in the fucking country.
Think about what that means when the country you're talking about is America, right? I grew
up in the 90s in rural South Georgia. In the town where I went to high school, there was a de facto
white and black grocery store.
And church congregations are racist compared to that. I mean, you know, when industry groups did statistics about grocery store purchases back then, they didn't feel the need to all but universally denote the predominant race of each store's customers.
But with religion, you can't really get useful numbers until you make that distinction.
get useful numbers until you make that distinction. And that bears emphasis, especially when you consider the way they use the church's unifying mission to justify their historical colonialism
and their modern day missionary work, right? They're not going out there because our culture
is better and we need to browbeat those different people into being superior like us. It's because
they're sharing the gospel of Christ's redemption and we want to welcome them into the loving arms
of Jesus. I guess they must
mention that it's a separate but equal Jesus somewhere in the fine print. I haven't read that
far, but of course, this is inevitable. And that's not just an unfortunate byproduct of the way it's
being employed by modern Christians. That's what religion itself was built to do. It was built to
otherize, and that's why it almost can't help but break down along the dominant lines of culture, which at least in our present case are generally racial. And sure, you can point to
a scattering of ethnically diverse congregations here and there, especially when you start factoring
in megachurches that kind of have to cast the widest possible net. But by and large, churches
remain segregated because, let's face it, they can't afford to change anything about themselves.
because, let's face it, they can't afford to change anything about themselves.
You could not be more precariously poised on the knife's edge of reason.
Every aspect of reality challenges their increasingly desperate worldview,
such that shifting even a little bit threatens to send the whole edifice tumbling over the side.
I mean, the logical mesh of trusses and buttresses holding up religion are so complex and intricate at this point, it's hard to remember what's holding up what.
And if the scaffolding of your worldview
trembles every time you bump a guy line,
how do you even think about
trying to move the whole goddamn
thing?
They're talking about you, Jesus.
We interrupt this broadcast and bring you a special news bulletin.
Joining me for headlines tonight are the
Aikman and Smith to my Irving, Heath
Enright and Michael Marshall fellas.
Are you ready to relive the glory days?
Okay, that's a really roundabout way of asking for a Coke party, Noah.
That's a lot.
And yes, by the way.
Oh, yeah.
That's the answer.
I mean, I just really appreciate the entire essay of context you had to write
for me so I could get that joke.
We're really building cross-cultural bridges here. Hands across
the ocean on that one. There you go.
This is gridiron football, Marsh.
This guy is
a cocaine addict, famously.
There you go. Alright, well quick before Marsh
goes into any more detail about our special
relationship, we're going to pause for a word from our first
sponsor this week, Factor.
A bag of
unpeeled shrimp, one large
bamboo stalk,
and peanut
butter. Hey, Noah. What you doing there?
I was just making a smoothie.
A shrimp
smoothie? With bamboo and peanut butter, yeah.
My doctor said I need to get more protein
and more fiber. So, you know, these are pretty
much all the foodstuffs I'm going to
need for human sustenance.
I'll just make a few batches. I'll be set for eating for months. So, you know, these are pretty much all the foodstuffs I'm going to need for human sustenance. You know,
I just make a few batches
and I'll be set for eating
for months.
Yeah, but what about flavor, though?
What's flavor?
No, not the format.
I'll just get right to the pitch.
Why don't you try Factor?
What's Factor?
It's America's number one
ready-to-eat meal kit.
They have chef-prepared,
dietician-approved meals delivered right to your door.
You can choose from 35-plus different meal options every week.
Don't meal kits take a while to prepare, though?
Not with Factor.
It's quick and easy, just like the smoothie of basic sustenance,
but also pleasing to consume as an activity.
Skip the extra trip to the grocery store and the chopping, prepping, and cleaning up too
while still getting the flavor
and nutritional quality
you need.
Factor's fresh,
never frozen meals
are ready in just two minutes.
So all you got to do
is heat and enjoy
then get back
to crushing your goals.
Like destroying my enemies.
Sure.
Yeah.
Sounds good.
But what about seasonal motifs?
That matters to me
in a meal.
Clearly, yeah.
Seasonal motifs matter, of course.
With Factor, you can relish the best of autumn with fall flavors.
They're limited time only, hearty, comforting meals featuring seasonal veggies like cranberry
pecan chicken and apple Dijon pork chops.
They'll satisfy your fall cravings during the busy season without the hassle.
Okay, but what about snacks?
You're going to snack on the shrimp
smoothies? Yes, obviously. Okay, well, you can round out your meal and replenish your snack
supply with an assortment of 45 plus add-ons to suit your tastes. Choose from breakfast items
like delicious apple cinnamon pancakes, bacon and cheddar egg bites, and potato bacon and egg
breakfast skillets. Or for an easy wellness boost, try refreshing beverage options
like cold-pressed juices, shakes, and even smoothies.
I know you like smoothies.
I am a smoothie guy.
Okay, I'm sold.
How do I sign up?
Head over to factormeals.com slash scathing50
and use the code scathing50 to get 50% off.
So that's code scathing50 at factormeals.com
slash scathing50 to get 50% off. So that's code scathing50 at factormeals.com slash scathing50
to get 50% off?
Correct.
So,
you going to finish
the shrimp smoothie?
No.
Great, great.
I'm kind of snacky.
Just try it out.
So how is it?
Sharp.
Yeah.
I'll toss out the rest.
Don't.
That's scampi.
And now back to the headlines.
In our lead story tonight, if like our friend Marsh, your job has ever required you to wrangle a large number of atheists and skeptics long enough to say, get them in the same room at an appointed time, you'll know what a dire statement,
atheists are our only hope, really is. Yeah, Marsh started a fire at QED a year ago just to
get everyone lined up outside the hotel for one minute. Yeah, and if that hadn't worked this year,
I was going to get a cattle prod. So you're lucky to have escaped that. Right. But unfortunately, it's looking more and more that way,
as we were reminded by recent numbers from the Public Religion Research Institute
that showed that, in America at least, the religiously unaffiliated
are way more likely than their religious counterparts
to recognize the existential threat that climate change poses.
Get the fuck out of here.
Yeah, if you can believe that.
If we compare them to evangelicals,
the non-religious are more than five times as likely to recognize that fact.
Okay. Yeah. Or in other words, name a fact and we won again. We won again about any fact.
So yeah. So this is a follow-up to a 2014 survey that looked at Americans' concern with knowledge
about an acceptance of climate change and broke that information down across religious demographics.
Talked about this a little bit in the diatribe.
So not only can we see how bad it is, but we can also see how much worse it's getting.
Because sure, we score the best, but we still fail miserably.
According to PRRI's numbers, only 43% of religiously unaffiliated Americans agree that climate change is a crisis.
Yikes. Yeah, that's up from 33% in 2014. percent of religiously unaffiliated americans agree that climate change is a crisis yikes yeah
that's up from 33 percent in 2014 but you have to damn near add those two numbers together
to get a passing race okay but if you take all the years in that span it's like 342 percent
now but the thing is it's only got up 10% in a decade.
Yes.
But that means that if we do carry on at that rate,
by 2080, climate change will be widely accepted
among the people who haven't already drowned in the rising tides
or died in the thunderstorm.
Yeah.
So it's going to be fine.
Exactly.
I feel like they're going to be lower than us, right?
Like the ones that don't live, maybe.
100%.
Now, to be fair, religiously unaffiliated is a broad group and prri's data at least in this
instance doesn't parse out atheists specifically the best data i can find on that is a 2022 pew
survey that said 88 of atheists in america said climate change was either an extremely or very
serious problem and look as much as i agree with science should be a gimme a b plus on this one
puts us light years ahead of the field.
Yeah, but we're still going to need someone to like walk onto the house floor
and throw a Kamehameha fireball to make the point on this.
Yeah.
And then Goku's going to need like 15 floor votes to become speaker.
Now hold my breath.
The weirdest thing about that 2022 Pew study
was that 95% of atheists accepted that climate change was happening.
Yes.
But only 88% thought it was a serious problem.
So like, were those other 7% people who live on a hill but really want that sea view?
Yeah, right, right.
No, of course, if you want to feel better about our numbers, all you have to do is compare them to virtually anybody else's.
After religiously unaffiliated, Jews and Hispanic Catholics scored the best at 33% and 32%
respectively. Again, that is to the extraordinarily low bar of simply responding to, is climate
change a crisis, with the word yes. Despite the Pope's pretty clear messaging on this shit,
only 20% of white Catholics in America got it right,
though that is a slight improvement from 2014, 16%.
The worst offenders, though, were, predictably,
white evangelical Protestants.
Yeah, yeah.
Only 8% of them believe this observable fact.
And that number, by the way, is down
from 2014. They were like the only
group that actually got worse over
that period from an already
meager 13%.
Cool. Jesus. And in
light of that new information, I'm sure
Charles Murray's going to write the
anti-white sequel to the
bell curve any day. He's intellectually
honest, right?
Yeah, of course.
Is it just that those 5% who went missing over the last decade,
those evangelical Protestants,
is it just that they spent most of that last decade attending book burnings? So it's been hard for them to feel that the earth is getting warm.
They're so close to the fire all the time.
Right, no, that makes sense.
That makes sense.
Now, interestingly, the survey also dug into the relationship between
climate change concern and end times belief and found a pretty strong correlation between
believing the earth won't be here 100 years from now and not given a fuck if it is. But there is
some good news hiding in the survey because the overall number of people who believe we're in the
end times went way down in almost every demographic and the number of people
saying that religion wasn't important to them went way up so just you know just keep in mind every
time you see data that shows how much worse religious people's opinions are getting remember
at least some of that is because the best people religion had to offer are leaving. And in civics versus crucifix news.
Oh, nice.
For the privileged, equality is persecution.
As soon as the rights of others are recognized,
those who've never seen hardship will cry oppression.
And that's why an education leader in Oklahoma
is up in arms over that pesky separation of church and state that keeps getting in the way of his agenda.
That would be Ryan Walters, Oklahoma's superintendent of public instruction.
And he's leveraging that seat to inject Christianity into public schools.
Everything from prayer to PragerU to the good old Ten Commandments.
I guess sex ed is it's going to be
limited to learning what adultery means. That'll be the curriculum for that.
Sure. Yeah. If you think religion needs to tell you what something is in order to tell you not
to do it, you did not go to my Catholic school. Shit, man. Socrates asked for a definition of
blasphemy 24 centuries ago, and we're still waiting on an answer. So yeah, for sure.
definition of blasphemy 24 centuries ago and we're still waiting on an answer so yeah sure yeah so a recent kerfuffle involving religious signage and the freedom from religion foundation
resulted in a constitutional win and that is not in walter's best interest the group discovered
that a classroom in tulsa had displayed the arena cam staple passage, John 316. Sadly, no rainbow wig guy.
While a second classroom had another biblical passage,
he is still good.
And unless you're talking about late era Dylan,
that is a no-no, obviously.
Judas.
Okay.
So the Freedom From Religion Foundation
took the matter to Tulsa superintendent, Missy Bush.
I wonder how the kids handle that name.
That's going to be Ms. B, I'm guessing, in school.
And Ms. B actually had the religious materials removed from the classroom
because obviously that's what you should do.
So there you have it.
Case closed.
Nope.
Hold on.
Ryan Walters wrote a memo.
After the materials were taken down,
Walters sent out a memo to Oklahoma teachers
ranting about activist groups pushing, quote,
state-sponsored atheism down the throats of educators.
And by state-sponsored atheism, by the way,
he means the Bill of Rights.
Sure does.
Yep.
Yeah.
And to provide some actual evidence
of this state-sponsored atheism
we'd invite ryan to find a single piece of american currency that doesn't have the word
god on it right now we'll go ahead and wait for you on that anyway citing irrelevant and
contradictory court rulings as precedent walters told school officials to send any complaints they
received to him first so he can review them with
his phantom constitutional law degree. According to Walters, quote, I do not want to see Oklahoma
school districts become complicit in promoting atheism, end quote. Apparently, the absence of
religious materials is active atheist PR and he won't have it. Sure. This is like accusing a church of being Marvel fanboys
because of their conspicuous lack of Batman bobbleheads
on the altar at their church.
And that is persecution.
Right, right.
But, you know, in the same vein,
I haven't seen a single article about how Ryan Walters
doesn't have an unhealthy sexual interest in raccoons.
So that's all the evidence that I need.
I knew that they won the title of Oklahoma State Fur Bearer for a reason.
All right.
So, Mr. Walters, I know you're listening.
Sadly for you, the courts have our backs on this one
and your religious influence can't change that.
Just like Roe v.
Nope.
Nope.
Sorry.
Next headline.
Next headline.
We had a fun one for a second there.
Moving on. And in too cruel for school news, the attack by Hamas in Israel left the world
horrified and saddened. But it's also left a lot of people trying to work out who exactly they
should blame. And with a situation as complex as that of Gaza, it's not an easy question.
You know, should we blame the Islamic terrorist organization who slaughtered 1,400 civilians and children?
Or should we lay the blame at the hands of the Israeli government who illegally occupied the West Bank and who responded to this atrocity with a campaign of indiscriminate bombs and over threats of ethnic cleansing?
Yes.
Who can say?
It's both.
It is really obvious.
It's definitely both.
Yeah.
It's definitely the people killing thousands of civilians and children.
Everyone who ever does that, they are the bad guys without exception.
Okay.
Unless the war criminals are able to create a perfect red heifer using the blood of dead children.
Yeah, well, no.
Thereby ushering in the second time.
Right.
Just think about the ends and the means, Marsh.
Okay.
No, that is true.
That is true.
Yeah.
But however, before you give in to the easy answer of saying that
anyone who commits a war crime is wrong, you should perhaps consider who might be really
responsible for this whole mess. And that is children attending Jewish schools in London.
That is the conclusion at least one person has come to with the BBC reporting that two Jewish
schools in London have been the victim of a hate crime in the wake of the attack, with several of
those having to close in fear of being targeted.
Yeah, I don't get this. It's hard to imagine what you're even going for when you do shit like this,
right? Like somebody's going to go, hey, you know, I read a really interesting pro-Palestinian
argument spray painted under a swastika on a Jewish middle school the other day.
Right, exactly. And the thing is, I am no fan of faith schools. By their very nature,
they're divisive, they're exclusionary, and they're designed to separate
and segregate communities.
And that's before you even look
at how education is sacrificed
in deference to one ancient book
or another.
You know, in an ideal world,
there'd be no Jewish schools to target,
and there'd also be no Catholic schools
or Muslim schools
or any faith schools at all.
Sure.
But that's not the point here,
because I don't imagine the people
throwing red paint
at the school buildings.
I don't think they're militant secularists trying to highlight the intrinsic issues with
faith schools.
Probably not.
Eli's off this week, but still, I think you're right.
Yeah.
This was an act of bigotry, you know, motivated not by the belief that religion is wrong,
but by the belief that those kids were the wrong religion.
Yes.
Yeah.
Also, if those kids were part of like Mossad,
they'd obviously be in disguise and at a different school.
All I've said is I cannot wait for Heath's gritty Agent MS reboot.
He's been talking it up for a while.
Yes.
And all of this comes amidst a massive rise in anti-Semitic incidents in London,
including people loudly playing German military music
outside synagogues
to intimidate Jewish attendees.
And it's driven by this ludicrous notion
that Jewish people in the UK
are responsible for the actions
of the Israeli government,
even if those Jewish people are children
who weren't even born
when Netanyahu came to power
and whose influence on his domestic policies
are likely negligible at best.
Well, I don't know, Marsh.
Have we even tried placating Netanyahu
with an abundance of construction paper,
please stop genociding cards?
Because until you try, you don't know.
You gotta try it out.
That's true, it's true.
In the same vein, the atrocity by Hamas
is not the responsibility of the average Muslim.
And yet we've seen a rise in Islamophobic attacks
in the last week,
including the religiously motivated stabbing of a six-year-old Muslim boy and his mother in Illinois.
Yeah. So I'm trying to pinpoint the unifying thread here of all the religiously motivated
hate crimes. What's the thread? The motivation? Come back to me. I don't know. The? No?
So separating and othering people according to what bit of what old book they're taught to think is true
is a massive part of the reason why the Middle East is in this intractable and devastating mess.
And that kind of tribalistic, my team versus your team attrition, sure as hell won't provide us the path back out of this.
And on that note, we're going to take a quick break and spice things up
with a word from our other sponsor
this week, Stamps.com.
Hey, Heath.
What's with the net?
Oh, I'm drone hunting.
I feel like the ad format
demands that I now ask why.
Yeah, because the post offices
are about to get crazy, Noah.
Holiday shipping is just around the corner
and it's going to be a nightmare
to get our Patreon rewards
out. So I figured I'd capture a few drones
now, give myself a month or
so to tame them, and, you know, get them
used to my scent. But Heath,
if you're looking to avoid shipping stress over the holidays,
why not just try Stamps.com?
Oh, what's
Stamps.com? Stamps.com
is the easy shipping solution that's been helping
businesses like ours save money for 25 years. All you need is Stamps.com stamps.com is the easy shipping solution that's been helping businesses like ours save money for 25 years all you need is stamps.com's premium rates for all your postage
needs i don't know noah that sounds complicated compared to taming feral drones yes well with
stamps.com all you need is a computer and a printer they even send you a free scale so you'll
have everything you need you can schedule package pickup through Stamps.com's easy
to use dashboard and if you sell products online
Stamps.com seamlessly connects with every
major marketplace and shopping cart.
Okay, but I could send my drone army out
to pick up shipping supplies and labels. Can
Stamps.com do that? With
a discount. You can order shipping and
mailing supplies, labels and even printers
from the supply store. You get huge
carrier discounts up to 84% off USPS and UPS rates. Plus, Stamps.com automatically tells you your cheapest shipping
option. All right, I'm sold. Where do I sign up? Get your business ready for the holiday rush and
get started with Stamps.com today. Sign up with the promo code SCATHING for a special offer that
includes a four-week trial plus free postage and a free digital scale. No long- commitments or contracts you just go to stamps.com click on the microphone at the top of the page
and enter the code scathing all right noah looks like i won't need this net after all
why there are other uses for an army of drones oh yeah good call i'll keep at it yeah i mean
we'll at least see how it goes destroy our enemies up in headlines, in baby with a beard news.
In our most quiet moments, when our work is done and we're left with our thoughts,
one can't help but ponder life's most profound mysteries.
What's the sound of one hand clapping?
If a tree falls in the forest when no one's around, does it make a sound?
And why aren't there any gay babies?
These questions and many more. Okay, just the one of them. does it make a sound? And why aren't there any gay babies?
These questions and many more.
Okay, just the one of them.
That last one was raised by the incel all spark himself,
Matt Walsh.
Not the good one from Veep, just to be clear,
the bad one from the alt-right cesspit.
Walsh tried another one of his absurd gambits on his Daily Wire audience
when he tried to disprove the science of being born gay with the gotcha.
Well, there are no gay babies.
Therefore, ergo, vis-a-vis, per se, you can't be born gay.
But this is such a stupid argument.
Like, there are no babies who speak French.
Does that mean that nobody is born French?
Maybe. Where does Matt Wals is born French? So maybe.
Where does Matt Walsh think French people come from?
Does he think they're all corrupted into Frenchness
by all the pro-French propaganda in culture?
You know, is it all a big plot from big France?
All right.
But if you don't use the language English in the country of America,
I don't think Matt Walsh is going to get it, Marsh.
Right.
Like, like, legitimately, if he's listening to this episode,
he's wondering if maybe it is Big Friends.
Right, yeah.
And he probably thinks Big Friends is just another name for Canada.
Right.
Why, they're still monkeys.
Exactly.
So, it's all part of a much worse tapestry
that Walsh wove in a recent argument in favor of conversion therapy,
a practice typically forced upon gay and
trans youth against their wills. And while conversion therapy is outright banned in 22 states
with 84% of former patients feeling emotionally harmed from the experience, Walsh nevertheless
leaned into the destructive and disprovable process of manually changing your sexual preference
in another instance of me thinks the dipshit doth protest too much.
Yeah, yeah.
Matt, look at it this way.
If conversion therapy could possibly work,
Eli would have kidnapped you
and turned you gay by now.
QED.
It's pretty solid.
Duh.
All right, so see if you could follow his logic here.
According to Walsh, quote,
there is no gay gene
no matter how hard
they look for one. And the idea that
people are born gay has always been
incoherent because, you know,
if people are born gay, like
born gay, got it, yeah, said the same thing
again. You're gay from birth, right?
That's what that would mean. Yes. And that
means there are what? Homosexual
infants out there?
Again, no sane person thinks that,
um,
well,
correct.
So continuing,
there's no reason why a person can't seek and receive successful counseling to
overcome same sex attraction and horrible quote.
Right.
But Matt,
there also isn't a straight gene,
right?
There's no heterosexual.
There are no heterosexual babies either.
Right.
Like, I mean, think about it.
Toddlers are capable of expressing their emotions.
They're comfortable crying in public.
They're confident in showing physical affection for their friends without worrying about seeming unmasked.
These are clearly not heterosexual babies.
So knowing Matt's past fixation on the sexual preferences and proclivities of children,
there's no surprise he's extended his theories into infancy now.
And his cheerleading for conversion therapy as an adult doesn't at all reflect its usual application,
which is abusive parents trying to control their children.
And of course, as you've probably guessed, he proudly homeschools his children.
Also, maybe babies aren't ready for
a relationship yet and they just want to play the field, Matt. Just think it through.
But if they're rocking in their car seat a little harder when ABBA comes on,
you might already know. Just keep that in mind. And in, well, we did say life-changing news.
There are a few things that the false idea of an afterlife might
be good for. It's a nice way of avoiding the reality of losing a loved one, for example,
and it's fairly handy for dangling over impressionable people as a way of keeping
them in line. But one thing it isn't able to do is to deflect from a potential manslaughter charge,
as the preacher Cheryl Reid Bartley found out this week after trying to argue, it was totally not a
big deal that one of her followers drowned
during a baptism because
she had visions of him being happy
in heaven, so it's fine.
Jesus Christ! Consider
how negligent you
have to be to drown someone
during a baptism.
You're supposed to be underwater for
significantly less than a second
at the extreme, right? You could just dip
water on your face. That would be like learning
that somebody burned to death in an easy
bake oven.
Right. While a pastor is
shoveling coal and smiling
at the family.
This is going to make sense in a minute. I had a vision.
You're going to laugh at this. You're welcome
in advance, by the way.
So Reid Bartley is the founder of Life Changing Ministries,
a Birmingham-based evangelical church
which broadcasts its baptisms on Facebook Live.
And in a recent live stream,
viewers watched while one of the congregants, Robert Yap,
climbed into a large paddling pool of cold water
before being dunked as part of the church's sacrament.
And then those viewers got to watch the live stream cut out because Yap drowned during the
ceremony. And although paramedics were called, they were unable to save him. And so life-changing
ministries had indeed changed his life from alive to not. Well, right. They never said that what
they were going to change it into, right? But I guess not life is kind of implied.
Yeah. Read the fine print.
The exact details of what happened, they're still unclear. There's a police investigation taking place.
But what we do know is that Yap was in his 60s and was suffering from Parkinson's disease.
So, you know, probably not in the best physical condition to be made to do submerged stuff. And according to reports, he'd also traveled 300 miles for the ceremony
and had recently become estranged from his family
as a direct result of his association
with life-changing ministries.
Wow.
So, you know, again,
nobody can say they don't actually change people's lives here.
Sure.
Pastors looking at the family again,
don't worry, the shaking underwater is totally normal.
Don't be ableist about it.
This is all part of God's plan.
And the thing is, for most people, being implicated in an accidental death might be
enough to give you pause for thought and quiet reflection and, you know, maybe a review of who
ought to be on your no dunking list. But Reid Bartley is not most people. She's an evangelical
minister with a sizable social media following. So the very day after Yap's death, she was back on Facebook Live claiming that the reason he died was that the baptism had shown him a glimpse of heaven.
And then he made the choice to stay there.
You see, it's not manslaughter if the victim voluntarily chooses to stop breathing.
Sure.
I'll give her this much.
You don't normally get the but they were into it though
excuse when it comes to murder.
No.
That's it.
She's pioneering new ground.
Yeah.
Reed Bartley explained
that after the ceremony,
she was sitting in her room
when God gave her
a vision of heaven,
at which point she saw
Robert Yap
dancing with Jesus
in a garden.
Okay.
So we spend lots of time
pointing out the problems
with religion.
I did not foresee
wacky drowning mix-up on that list, but here we are.
Get it on the list, yeah. She also mentioned that she's never caused anyone's death during
a baptism before, which I guess means she thinks she's due a freebie. It's okay to alienate a very
ill man from his family and then accidentally drown him once.
But as long as you don't make a habit.
Right.
Yes.
Your Honor, according to the FDIC, there are 72,166 banks in the country.
So if you think about how many I robbed in terms of a percentage, really.
Hall of Fame numbers.
Come on.
Right?
Although dancing with Jesus sounds like a nightmare to me.
That's not my heaven at all.
I can't imagine wanting to do that.
He's watching you do it.
I don't have very good...
It's not going to be good music as well, either.
Jesus does not have good music.
Absolutely not.
Are you leading?
Yeah, I'm sorry.
Son of God.
Son of God.
My bad.
So we'll have to see what comes of this
because the police are still conducting a post-mortem
to establish a definitive cause of death. But if it does turn out that the baptism was the cause, I think, yeah, I too am
getting a vision. And it's of Cheryl Reed Bartley, and she's dancing in a garden of HMP Birmingham
prison. Yeah, there you go. I like it. And in cookie crook news tonight, the state of Pennsylvania
has a law that says you're not allowed to take people's money
in exchange for psychically predicting their future.
And that, despite a lot of contrary opinions
and left-leaning publications and social media outrage,
is a good law.
You shouldn't be able to accept money on false pretenses
and any pretenses that you can psychically predict
the future are false.
Well, not unless you're're really careful about what you predict
for the future. Because, you know, I foresee
you feeling disappointed, cheated,
and $30 lighter. That would be totally
accurate future predicting.
Alright, alright. No, asterisk.
Asterisk. Clear. But that law,
which was enacted in 1861, is under
new scrutiny after Hanover police
chief Chad E. Martin stopped by
a local hippie bullshit shop
that offered tarot readings to tell the proprietor about it. He's just like, hey, I wanted to pop in
and remind you that your unethical thing was outlawed two years before the Emancipation
Proclamation. Yep. Just so you know, for timescale. America really had its priorities sorted back then.
Now, to be clear, Martin wasn't there with the intent to arrest anybody.
The tarot readings the shop offered
are clearly marked for entertainment purposes only
all over the store,
and that is a viable get out of jail free phrase.
But he did clarify the law,
which seems like a downright neighborly thing to do to me,
but the store's proprietor felt otherwise,
complaining about the incident on TikTok
and calling the visit intimidation. And this led to a media rebuke that was at least significant enough that the
police department felt the need to release an official statement on the matter okay maybe that
police chief can arrest them for entertainment purposes only is that are you listening that
would entertain the shit out of me sure yeah and i didn't click this story but she considered the pop by from a police
officer to be intimidation there is no way this lady isn't whiter than all three of us combined
and look when i was looking into this story i found a bunch of articles about it that decried
the cops actions as like fascist overreach but i'm all for that law and i'm all for telling anybody
who sells for entertainment purposes
only psychic predictions
that there is a bright fucking line
you can't cross over.
Because look,
I used to do
for entertainment purposes
only tarot readings
and I'll let you in on a little secret.
When it becomes clear
that the person getting the reading
isn't there just for a goof
and they're actually taking this shit seriously,
you don't just stop and give them their money back.
Right. Partially because that's
impossible. What are you going to, like,
okay, you seem entertained, but
I'm also sensing a few
units of bemusement,
I think.
A couple units of stupefaction.
We're going to shut this down for ethical
reasons. Here's your
money back never happened
and at the very least by law when people are taking you seriously the tarot reader should
be made to incorporate that into tarot reading like okay interesting so this next card is the
magician but it's upside down which uh symbolizes the fact that magic isn't fucking real and you
shouldn't place any stock in what i'm saying right so look in in my humble opinion what makes this problematic
isn't the fact that it's police overreach it's that it's police under reach the problem is that
it is a discriminatory application of the law because they wouldn't do this to like a christian
minister who calls himself a prophet and charges people for spiritual guidance right hard to
imagine the hanover pd demanding a priest tell his parishioners that his sermons are for entertainment
purposes only but in our rush to condemn this very real double standard let's not make the mistake
of pretending that people who sell tarot readings aren't despicable yeah also pastors and priests. Yeah, all of them. And finally tonight in So It's Come to This News.
As we're only a couple months away from the four-year anniversary of COVID-19 entering our lives
and highlighting every negative facet of humanity,
we can't help but look back at all the things we've failed at.
For example, not even a global pandemic could produce universal health care or basic income in the United States.
Yeah, it sucks to be American, I'm sure.
I actually caught COVID last month on purpose just to get some more of that sweet, sweet NHS.
But you had that.
So after four years of chaos, anguish, desperation and disinformation,
and disinformation, the window has been left wide open for two NFL football players to debate the merits of vaccines once and for all.
And you know what?
That is the perfect reflection of where we are today.
Yep.
That's the only way this could more perfectly encapsulate America is if the loser had to
eat a giant cockroach.
And a big thanks to Michael for the link.
Scathing news atgmail.com.
So let's talk about the
science. And our expert panel
is going to be two guys who get
hit in the head professionally. They wear
helmets, but I don't know if that makes it better.
Aaron Rodgers of the New York Jets
challenged Travis Kelsey of the
Kansas City Chiefs to a vaccine
debate. And Rodgers referred
to Kelsey as Mr. Pfizer in retaliation for Kelsey,
referencing Rodgers playing for a team owned by Johnson & Johnson.
Harkening back to mid-2020, when alliances and rivalries were formed
based on the randomly generated brand of vaccine that you were dealt.
Were? What the fuck do you mean?
Look, when you're a jadge, you're a jadge you're a jadge for
life right so the thing is a jadge off things i don't know much about american football is this
a new rule that they've introduced like if there's interference on the pass is the punishment now
that they've got to run a debate on public health policy because like if it is, I'm not not interested. You know, it could be like chess boxing.
It could be.
Sure, yeah.
So speaking with sports commentator Pat McAfee,
Aaron Rodgers made a perfectly reasonable science argument
during a football show saying, quote,
Mr. Pfizer said he didn't think he'd be in a vax war with me.
This ain't a war, homie.
Sick. This is a conversation war, homie. Sick.
This is a conversation.
But if you want to have some sort of dual debate,
have me on the podcast.
Come on the show.
Let's have a conversation.
Yeah.
No, if you're just asking questions,
how bad could you really be?
Yep.
No problems there.
And just in case you weren't already sold
on this amazing showdown of legitimate science and amazing minds, Rogers added some stakes saying, quote, let's do it like John Wick 4, okay?
Oh, by all goddamn means, yes.
Let's do that.
Yeah, agree with that.
Continuing the quote.
So we both have a second, right? So somebody to help us out. I'm going to take my man, RFK Jr.
And he can have, you know, Tony Fauci or some other pharmacrat sick.
And we can have a conversation about this.
End quote.
Okay.
I know this isn't the point, but I do think we deserve a John Wick film starring Anthony Fauci.
Yes.
Maybe RFK Jr. as the bad guy. Yes! That would be amazing.
I just want
to see Aaron Rodgers trying to make it up those steps
on that ankle. There's just no fucking way. He's just not
going to do it. Not going to fucking do it.
Yeah. The guy who
spies on dolphins while
they're fucking in order to heal his leg
with the magic of their fuck squeaks.
He's planning
a public event
about epidemiology
that he's going to be doing.
We have hit peak post-truthitude.
Or not.
Probably something even dumber really soon.
But maybe on the bright side,
we'll finally get some evidence
about the devastating effects of CTE
for the very first time.
Fingers crossed.
Oh, shame.
With that terrifying reminder of just how secure our jobs all are,
we're going to wrap up the headlines for the night.
Heath Marsh, thanks as always.
Jumaji.
It's great to hear that again.
And not prerecorded, I mean.
And when we come back, you'll get a little taste of Eli after all.
Jumbo.
I'm just saying when the show switches from presentational to narrative, it's kind of abrupt.
How is this abrupt?
It's like if you came back from the commercial on The Daily Show and Jon Stewart was just talking to Mo Rocca.
You know what I'm saying?
You guys know that they haven't been on the Daily Show for like
a decade, right? I do not know
that, Don, and I refuse to learn.
Yeah, I also refuse to learn. Hey, guys,
are you doing a meta self-reflection on
format so we can open up Bible Peace Theater?
Yep. You mean the part of the show where
we act out the Bible so our listeners don't have to read
it? We sure are.
Hey, Noah, when you think of The Daily Show, who do you think of as the host?
Jon Stewart.
So, where were we?
Thank you.
Yes.
The Minor Prophets.
Hi-ho.
Hi-ho.
No, they're kind of minor.
Anyway, first up is the book of Micah.
Hey.
Hey, Micah.
Micah.
God, is that you?
Yep, it's me. I've got some messages for you that I want to sort of have you pass on.
Yeah, what is it?
Usual stuff. I'm going to melt the mountains, I'm going to destroy Syria.
Oh, oh, I got a new one. Worst of all, if you hired a prostitute, you're going to have to pay her twice.
I'm sorry?
Yeah, like a second payment for this same prostitute.
I know.
No, I get it.
It's just weird you'd put that in the same list
with the Fallen Nations and Melton Mountains and shit.
I mean, there's a pretty straight line
from Stormy Daniels to January 6th, my friend.
You got to think about it, but it's there.
I would like to not think about it. Right? Anyway, that's all a real bummer. I'm going to
rip off all my clothes and mourn like an owl now. Sorry, you're going to mourn like an owl?
Yeah, you know. Owl? Yeah, bunnies hop, dogs bark, owls mourn. Nope. I don't think that's
going to stick, man. But, you know,
A for effort, I guess. Anyway,
don't do any of that. Don't do the stuff you just said.
I want you to just take off your clothes.
I want you to roll in some dirt and
shave your head.
That sounds remarkably similar to
what I was going to do.
Yeah, but now I told you to do it, so
it's different.
So now we're going to get some commandments about prophecy.
In the book about prophecy?
It doesn't get any less confusing, man.
Okay, let's see here.
First up, ooh, don't be a prophet.
Oh, okay.
So should we stop the book or?
Also, also, if a drunken liar comes to you telling you to drink, that guy's a prophet.
Heath, are you a prophet?
You have to tell us.
It's like being a cop.
Yeah, you have to tell us.
No.
Wait, no, you're not a prophet or no, you're not going to tell us.
Second one.
Sorry, guys, you just said don't prophecy.
I'm just telling it how it is, man.
Right, but you are how it is.
Let me finish.
Look, right before I destroy Israel, it's going to be great.
It is?
Oh, yeah, big time.
Wait, hold on.
Are we in the doodly-doo within the swoosh here
for you to tell me about the end of days?
Shh, don't overthink it.
Just listen.
Hey, welcome to the house of God.
Oh, thank you.
Thank you so much.
I got to tell you,
people have traveled from all over the world to get here.
I know, I know.
By the way, worship whatever God you want freely
while you're here.
Just do whatever you want. That's a bad thing. I don't like that. Yeah, I know, I know. By the way, worship whatever god you want freely while you're here. Just do whatever you want.
That's a bad thing. I don't like that.
Yeah, I know, I know.
Hey, I brought this sword with me, but I feel like I don't need it now that everything is so awesome.
So, uh, you want to use it as a plow or something?
Uh, no. I don't really think that's like a convertible property.
Uh, no. I don't really think that's, like, a convertible property.
Ah, you sure? I mean, I feel like people are going to make a really big deal out of this.
I mean, you could try, I guess. We don't have, like, a forge for tourists to do metaphors at, so... Uh, we'll deal with that later. That's fine.
Sure, sure.
All right, you ready? Watch this.
Oh no, God's destroying us for our wicked ways! I should have just returned my sword to Prime! Sure, sure. All right, you ready? Watch this. Oh, no!
God's destroying us for our wicked ways!
I should have just returned my sword to Prime!
Huh?
See?
Well, I feel like you want to portray the end of days a little worse, right?
Or else, well, one, people will be pretty sure you're the bad guy, and two,
people might spend every minute of relative
peace in human history prophesying
the end of days as a result.
Eh, I'm willing
to risk it. Alright, if you say so.
Let's see.
What was me? What was me? God's gonna kill
you, and that's Micah. Got it.
Alright, so what happens next?
Next is Nahum.
It's more God threats,
but mostly like dick focused.
Sorry,
did you say dick focused?
Yeah,
very dick focused.
God's going to smash you so hard
your dick hurts.
God's going to show the world
your dick.
The lady in charge
is all that stuff.
Weird.
Okay.
What's after Nahum?
Habakkuk.
Sorry, Habakkuk? Sorry, Habakkuk?
Yeah, Habakkuk.
And weirdly, this book is actually pretty important.
It is? How come I've never heard of it?
Because you're not a Jesus nerd.
That's true. I am not a Jesus nerd.
All right. Well, we'll do the story and I'll explain.
Excuse me, Mr. Gold. Mr. Gold.
Hey, Habakkuk. What's going on, buddy? How you doing?
Oh, I'm, I'm, well, um, so I'm looking around, and it seems like the, um, the evil defeating the righteous, um, what gives?
Oh, oh, sorry, yeah, I'm mad at you, so that's why. Oh, right, right, okay, I get that.
But why are you sending bad people to do it?
Aren't you rewarding them with a little life of conquest
rather than just punishing the people you want to punish?
Look, look, H-Money, first of all, you sound like Marsh.
Second of all, you gotta stop worrying about this stuff, okay? You just gotta believe.
Believe?
Yeah, believe. When I give you sweet wisdom, like, the only reason you get drunk is to see your buddy's foreskin, you just gotta take that stuff on faith. Take it on sight.
Take it on sight, right. Um, right, God. Thank you, I suppose.
No problem, buddy. And hey, Habakkuk? Yes, God? I'm going to kill everyone in the families.
I know, sir. It's been what the book's been about for quite some time.
Okay, sorry. Why did Jesus nerds care about that story?
Okay, so a couple of reasons.
One, it's one of the oldest books of the Bible that we have evidence of.
There's actually a fragment of commentary about it in the Dead Sea Scrolls.
Wait, wait, wait, wait, wait.
I thought the Dead Sea Scrolls were fake.
Sort of, but some are really old fakes.
So they're kind of useful in their own way.
Right, but more importantly importantly habakkuk represents
a philosophical shift in the bible a what now okay so you know jews obviously believe in god
but he's kind of like a hurricane right he gets pissed off he kills some people he breaks some
stuff and then he pieces out habakkuk represents a switch philosophically from you know i guess
we'll do our best not to piss off god to whatever god says and does must by
definition be good oh so it's like the origins of uh divine command theory exactly yeah and that's
what allows for biblical literalism right which in turn gives us young earth creationism flat
earthers biblical justifications for slavery exactly yeah so when people tell you that they believe the Bible is the literal word of God,
they're doing it based on the philosophy on a three-chapter book of the Bible
that says you only want to get drunk to see your buddy's foreskin?
Yep.
You know that actually tracks?
Okay, so what's next?
Zephaniah.
Is there a story in that one?
No, just more death threats.
Right, but God does say you might be able to hide from him in that one.
So, weird out in that case, I guess.
Okay, okay, I don't want to do that then.
What about the next book?
Haggai.
Nice.
Okay, does that one have a story?
Yeah, actually it does.
Whew, okay.
Lou, Lou, Lou, doing Haggai stuff.
Haggai stuff's my favorite stuff.
Lou, Lou, Lou. Dude, Haggai stuff Haggai stuff's my favorite stuff loo loo loo
dude
Haggai
what the fuck
sorry
is that you God
oh yeah
it's me
look at my temple
what did you guys do
oh
um
you sent our enemies
to destroy it
and kill us
I don't remember that
it looks awful
fix it up
oh uh
okay
are you just gonna destroy it again I said I don't remember that. It looks awful. Fix it up. Oh, okay.
Are you just going to destroy it again?
I said fix the temple.
Okay, okay, got it.
Fixing the temple.
So everybody starts rebuilding the temple,
but God has some notes.
Seriously?
Yes, God.
Did you want something again? I mean, did you, uh, want something again?
I mean, did you even see my old temple?
It was super sweet.
This one looks like dog shit. Right, sorry, it's just that you killed a bunch of us,
so resources aren't, like, flush right now.
Oh, my me, I have to do everything around here.
Oh, my God, what was that? Oh, it was a big earthquake, I just killed a everything around here. Oh my God, what was that?
Oh, it was a big earthquake.
I just killed a bunch of people.
Now, go take their gold and silver
and use it to properly decorate my temple,
please and thank you.
Uh, okay.
Were they like bad people?
I don't know, man.
It doesn't say in the Bible.
It just says that they had gold and silver and stuff.
Just feel like you should know. So just says that they had gold and silver and stuff. You should know.
So the Jews take all the gold and the silver and they decorate the temple and God's pretty happy.
All right.
Now this is what I'm talking about.
This looks great.
Great.
Glad you're pleased.
Hey, hey, Haggai.
Yeah.
Thanks for all your work and everything, man.
Oh, yeah.
Yeah, no problem.
No, no, no.
I want to reward you.
Really?
You do?
I sure do.
How would you like to tell the new king that I anoint him?
Oh, sure.
Yeah, I can do that.
Yeah.
And tell him, tell him he's my favorite because he did such a good job on my temple.
All right.
Got it.
I will pass that along.
Okay, what's next?
That would be the Book of Zechariah.
Okay, does this one have a story?
I wouldn't say a story,
but it has stuff.
Let's read.
Zechariah, what's the matter, my love? Let's read. disappointing. It is. Well, why don't you just get some sleep, huh? A new day of yelling at people about God tomorrow.
I suppose so.
Good night, darling.
Good night.
What's up?
What's going on?
Who the blazes are you?
Angel. Angel. Here to show
you some stuff.
Check it out.
Yeah, I figured.
What with the wheels within wheels? Yeah, wheels within wheels kind of my thing.
So, you ready to get metaphorical?
Are they good metaphors?
Can the average person read when this was written?
No.
Bingo.
All right, first up, you see those four guys on horses right there
yeah those are god like watching and and later going out of order for clarity they will uh
find something what sorry what do they, yeah, they find the north.
Oh, wait, sorry.
They find the direction of north.
Listen, it's a metaphor.
Within a metaphor.
Dude, this is like the least confusing one.
Try to stay with it.
Oh, fine, go ahead.
Okay, so next up, we got four horns.
Oh, like the instrument.
No, no, no, the cup.
Oh, like a drinking horn.
Right, yes.
Those are the four nations that have oppressed Israel,
but along came four blacksmiths to scatter them.
And the blacksmiths are God.
No, no, the blacksmiths are Persia.
None of that makes any sense.
So then there's this chick in a basket.
Okay, I guess we're still going then.
Yeah, so she's been carried by other women who have wings to Babylon.
Okay, why?
And then a giant hand measures Jerusalem.
Okay, is that at least God measuring Jerusalem, you know, with his hand?
Yeah. What else would it be? What are you talking about? Okay, well, at least that made some sense.
And then there's a scroll that flies around Jerusalem kidnapping thieves and liars.
No, of course. There it is. Okay, you ready for your last metaphor thing that I'm doing?
Oh, please. This is getting really repetitive. Dude,
the next four books are the same story four times, literally. I know. I know. I'm trying
not to think about it. It's starting. Oh, boy. Are my clothes dirty? I'll help.
Thanks, your highness.
So the king is gonna do Israel's laundry?
Ha! You wish.
Nah, there's gonna be a new king of kings, and he's gonna wash everyone's sins away.
Uh, and reclaim Jerusalem for the Jews.
Um, not technically. No, try not to think about it.
Okay. All right, let's get you out of here so you can yell about God some more.
Oh, okay. I can do that.
And that's Zechariah.
Alright, well, we made it through
the minor prophets in the Old Testament.
I mean, I guess Jonah was really the
only one with a plot.
Actually, we have one left.
We do?
Yeah, it's Malachi.
Oh, cool.
What does Malachi have to say?
You know what?
I'll just let him take it from here.
All right, motherfuckers, listen up.
God is going to take all you to pain town postage.
You fucking idiots really fucked up now.
Because God's going to kill you harder than a fresh field of fuckos, you fuckos.
Wow.
So Malachi is just like really mad, a mad version of it.
Yeah.
It's a short book, but he spends like a lot of it just screaming at people.
Sure.
Sure.
And God is going to spread shit on your shitty fucking faces, you fucking fucks.
Sorry, did he say he's going to shit on their faces?
Oh, yeah.
Multiple times.
Yeah.
Multiple times.
Okay.
So this is the end of the Old Testament.
Yep.
This is how that book ends.
Feels like my mom.
Yeah.
Feels a little anticlimactic.
Oh, that's what I meant.
Yeah.
Does Anna have
a song? No, she had COVID, so
she still can't sing. Oh, sure. Right.
All right. Oof.
We'll put one on the CD. Wait, there's a CD?
No, not yet,
but we were thinking we'll put these segments
together in a little Old Testament
compilation thing at some point.
Yeah, quick thing though. Do people
listen to CDs at this point?
I think we can include a download code
too. Is that? Okay, yeah.
Is that a thing? That works. That works.
And God will leave you in the
dirt to die like the fucking worms
that you fucking are. It's a weird
book. Yeah, definitely. Yeah.
Well, it only gets less interesting.
Jesus. Yeah, him him too fucking fucks
so with the old testament finally in the rearview mirror again we're gonna wrap things up for
tonight but there's still a whole nother testament to crack open on the next installment of bible
peace Peace, fear.
Before we lower the curtain, I want to remind you that there are still general admission tickets available for our live show in Las Vegas on Saturday the 28th. That's Saturday after next.
We're going to be breaking down the QAnon propaganda piece, Sound of Freedom, for Godawful Movies.
And you will have an excuse to go to Vegas.
Check the show notes for links to buy your tickets.
Anyway, that's all the Blast Movie we've got for you tonight.
We'll be back in 10,022 minutes with more.
If you can't wait that long, be on the lookout for a brand new episode
of our sister show, The Skeptic Rat, debuting at 7 a.m. Eastern on Monday,
and an even newer episode of our sister show's hot friend, Godawful Movies,
debuting at 7 a.m. Eastern on Tuesday,
and an even newer episode of our half-sister show, Citation Needed,
debuting at noon Eastern on Wednesday.
Obviously, this episode would need an asterisk by its number if i neglected to thank heath enright for making his triumphant
return this week i want to thank michael marshall for making a return that was also quite triumphant
now that i think about it i want to thank eli bosnick whose unexpected appearance midway through
the show was pretty triumphant too really i want to thank the lovely and talented lucinda illusions
for whom every return is triumphant i want want to thank Don Ford voice of fantasy and adventure for a return.
That was like,
I mean,
it was,
it was like regular umphant,
but it was still a return.
Nonetheless.
I also want to thank Fred for providing this week's Farsworth quote.
And yes,
Lewis and I had a lovely time at red rocks.
Thanks for asking.
Didn't make it a dinosaur Ridge though.
It's going to have to stay on the list for next time.
But most of all,
of course I want to thank this week's best bipeds.
Couturso,
Troy,
voodoo,
magic,
swamp lawyer,
Lucas,
Brad, G, Lauren, Zane, Brandon, Caleb, Eric, Nathan, and X-Cark. Catorso, Troy,
Voodoo, Lucas, and Brad, whose IQs are higher than I am on the Jaguars' chances to make a playoff run this year, G, Lauren, Zane, and Brandon, who are so bright the sun got to see a ring of fire
eclipse too, and Caleb, Eric, Nathan, and X-Cark, who are hot enough to make Pepper X jealous.
Together, these 13 lucky listeners lauded our Lord Lamentations of Liturgical Lunacy this week by giving us money.
Not everybody has the money it takes to give some to us, but if you do, you can make a per-episode donation to patreon.com slash scathingadeus,
whereby you'll earn early access to an extended ad-free version of every episode,
or you can make a one-time donation by clicking on the donate button on the right side of the homepage at scathingadeus.com.
And if you'd like to help, but not less money at the end of it kind of way,
you can also help a ton by leaving a five-star review, telling a friend about the show,
and following us on social media.
And speaking of social media, Tim Robertson handles that for us.
Additional writing for this episode was provided by Mike Schuster
and our audio engineer is Morgan Clark, who also wrote all the music that was used in this episode,
which was used with permission.
If you have questions, comments, or death threats,
you'll find all the contact info on the contact page at skatingadius.com.
We want to just keep going and hope it works or... The preceding podcast was a production of Puzzle & Thunderstorm, LLC.
Copyright 2023. All rights reserved.