The Scathing Atheist - 591: Putting the Ouch in Voucher Edition

Episode Date: June 13, 2024

In this week’s episode, the American College of Pediatricians wanna play doctor, Alex Jones is crying right now...regardless of when you listen, and you’ll get to hear what our pajamas sound like. --- To make a per episode donation at Patreon.com, click here: http://www.patreon.com/ScathingAtheist To buy our book, click here: https://www.amazon.com/Outbreak-Crisis-Religion-Ruined-Pandemic/dp/B08L2HSVS8/ If you see a news story you think we might be interested in, you can send it here: [e-mail] To check out our sister show, The Skepticrat, click here: https://audioboom.com/channel/the-skepticrat To check out our sister show’s hot friend, God Awful Movies, click here: https://audioboom.com/channel/god-awful-movies To check out our half-sister show, Citation Needed, click here: http://citationpod.com/ To check out our sister show’s sister show, D and D minus, click here: https://danddminus.libsyn.com/ --- Headlines: Billions in taxpayer dollars are now going to religious schools: https://www.washingtonpost.com/nation/2024/06/03/tax-dollars-religious-schools/ ADF sues Vermont for refusing to place foster kids with bigots: https://www.friendlyatheist.com/p/christian-foster-parents-sue-vermont CFO of Falun Gong-linked Epoch Times arrested and accused of role in $67m multinational money laundering scheme: https://fortune.com/2024/06/04/cfo-weidong-bill-guan-falun-gong-epoch-times-arrested-67m-multinational-money-laundering-scheme/ Kent Hovind got bit by a rattlesnake and tried to tase himself as a cure: https://www.youtube.com/live/4ZcybVniR2g Blind woman’s guide dog denied entry to church: https://www.wndu.com/2024/06/06/blind-womans-guide-dog-denied-entry-church/ A sham medical group put out an anti-trans statement; conservatives took the bait: https://www.friendlyatheist.com/p/a-sham-medical-group-put-out-an-anti Alex Jones agrees to liquidate his assets to pay Sandy Hook families, in move that would end his ownership of Infowars: https://www.cnn.com/2024/06/06/media/alex-jones-assets-sandy-hook/index.html

Warning, the following podcast fucks. This week's episode of The Scathing Atheist is brought to you by Aura Frames, My Sheets Rock, Factor, and by whatever invisible force field of good fortune keeps Eli alive despite his driving. Holy shit, somehow it's always worse than I remember. And now, The Scathing Atheist. Scathing Atheist? What is that? Is that a podcast?

I have never heard of scathing atheist before. What do you mean we evolved from filthy monkey men? That sounds made up, sounds more made up, the fake news that we evolved from filthy monkey men, unless we did evolve from filthy monkey men in fact. But who would know? I would not know.

I do not. I'm not in the business of knowing things. It's Thursday. It's June 13th. And it's World Softball Day, but I could never get into the sport. Why's that? Because the pitches be crazy. No illusions.

Boo. I feel like bossing. You've been right. And from Samuel Alito's godly New Jersey, Ann Arbor, Michigan and Waycross, Georgia, this is the Skating Idiots. Oh, and this week's episode, the American College of Pediatricians want to play doctor. Alex Jones is crying right now, regardless of when you listen. And you get to hear what our pajamas sound like.

But first, the diatribe. It's interesting, watching the media come around to our view, isn't it? I mean, seven or eight years ago, every time you turned around, there was another mainstream article about how we atheists needed to chill the fuck out, right? We were drowning in these unholier than thou think pieces about how we should all just get along wherein far-center faithists would ignore all the red flags of theocracy and chastise us for describing religion as fairy tales and hurting someone's feelings. Of course those stories are still out there, but far more often we're getting stories along the lines of, okay, maybe the atheists were a little rude, but it turns out they were right about, you know, the Christians coming for contraception, public education, psychiatric

services and the very concept of democracy the instant the popular vote turned against them as it happens. And such was the case last week when the Washington Post ran an expose about taxpayer money going to religious schools that might as well have been called, Holy Shit Turns Out Noah Was Right. But they forwent that title in favor of the slightly more universal quote, billions in taxpayer dollars now go to religious schools via vouchers, end quote. And of course, that was the whole plan with vouchers from day one, wasn't it?

They were originally sold as a means of holding underperforming schools accountable and helping low-income students get a better education, but you could tell that was horse shit from the outset because the only people who ever advocated for them were on the side of the political spectrum that gives zero fucks about helping low-income students get a better education. What's more, pretty much every group that actually helps low-income students warned that voucher programs would be a fucking disaster for students in underperforming schools. But despite all the warnings, they slowly started to roll them out,

and lo and behold, all us naysayers who said this is a Trojan horse to fund religious schools with tax dollars turned out to be right. And now, according to the Post's analysis, more than 90% of the funds going to private schools through voucher programs are going to religious schools. They looked at the states with the most expansive voucher programs, by which I mean the few states that have like a anybody who wants a voucher gets a voucher level accessibility to their program. And what they found was that in Ohio, about 91% of voucher recipients are religious schools.

In Wisconsin it was 96%. In Indiana, 98%. Now so far there are only a handful of states that have voucher programs that are universally accessible or nearly universally accessible. But the thing that's been holding them back until now was the questionable legality of forcing non-religious taxpayers to fund religious education But now the Supreme Court has ruled that not only is that legal but is fucking mandatory So there's nothing standing in their way, but red tape and that's falling away

There are now 11 states where all or almost all students are eligible for vouchers and another 18 states in one district That have a more narrowly accessible voucher program, but ones that still fund religious institutions regardless, right? Because the fucking Supreme Court says you have to. And of course, to truly understand how egregious this is, you have to consider all the legal exemptions that religious institutions already have, right? I mean, this isn't just a case where I'm now paying for a school that teaches young earth creationism. I mean, this isn't just a case where I'm now paying for a school that teaches young-earth

creationism. I'm also being forced to fund institutions that fire people for being gay and kick out students for having gay parents. I'm being forced to pay for a school that denies the very existence of trans people and has a special exemption to laws about gender equality. That's what we're paying for now. And while vouchers might be the most egregious way they're letting churches rob the public coffers, they're hardly alone. Even the money going to public schools is being tossed over the wall of separation more and more. We're

spending taxpayer dollars hiring Christian chaplains in place of school counselors in Texas. We're spending them on Ten Commandments signs in Louisiana. We're paying teachers to present alternatives to the theory of evolution in West Virginia. Right? In Oklahoma, the state Supreme Court is weighing whether the state can directly fund a religious charter school. And let's be clear about what we're actually doing here, right?

We're abandoning the very concept of public education. We're giving up on the idea that the state should pay for every kid to learn the basics that they're going to need to thrive in society. Instead, it's now only required that we teach them something. Doesn't matter if it's useful, doesn't matter if it's true, and for all their bullshit about vouchers being a vehicle for school choice, they sure don't give a fuck about my choice to not pay for their lies. In the article, they quote one Brian Hickey, the executive director of the Catholic Conference

of Ohio, who says, quote, it's the parents' money to use as they see is best. We don't necessarily see it as taxpayer money, end quote. And while I'm sure he has to tell himself exactly that, five times in a row to sleep at night is still a fucking lie. The point of public education is to educate the public. If parents abdicate that responsibility by sending their kids to a school of make-believe, they have forfeited every right they have to those funds. Hell, the fact that we even allow schools of make-believe

is already pretty fucked up and worthy of some serious reconsideration. But the idea of bleeding the real schools dry on their behalf is worth no consideration at all. And look, it's frustrating as hell for those of us who have been playing the part of Cassandra through the process, right? It's frustrating as hell for those of us who have been playing the part of Cassandra through the process. Right?

It's frustrating as hell to watch the Washington Post wander up to this forgotten speed bump of rubble and say, Hey, didn't there used to be a wall of separation here? But later, no, they are starting to show up to the party. And if we find a way to welcome them in, It could still be a banger. Joining me for headlines tonight are the Bill and Ted Demirufis, Heath Enright and Eli Bosnik fellas. Are you ready to be excellent to each other? You hear that Heath? I'm Keanu and you're afraid of Napster. I think he liked Napster. I also went to NYU if I'm that guy.

How dare you! Well, clearly you guys didn't understand the be excellent assignment at all. So we're going to pause for a review. And while we do that, we'll offer up a word from our first sponsor this week. Aura Frames. Okay. How was that one? Still bad. Ah, dang it.

Yeah. Hey guys. What you doing? Yeah. Eli's freezing me in carbonite. Sure, yeah, why? Father's Day. Okay, so now you've actually lost me. Okay, so what do I always say I want for Father's Day?

To freeze your son in time so that he'll never grow older, feel pain. Feel pain, exactly. Well, Heath here rustled me up some carbonite for Father's Day and volunteered to be my test subject. Technically just the first thing. And as soon as we work out the kinks, bam! Toddler forever, baby. It's going to be the best. Right.

Look, Eli, if you want to preserve your most precious memories for Father's Day, why don't you try an aura frame? My junk is still metal. I mean, what's the aura frame? Aura frames are beautiful Wi-Fi connected digital frames that allow you to share and display unlimited photos. It's super easy to upload and share photos via the Aura app. And if you're giving the Aura as a gift, you can even personalize the frame with pre-loaded photos and memories. It's true. We bought one for both my mom and

Anna's parents and you can set it up in the box. So all they have to do is plug it in and watch their favorite photos. It is such an amazing gift. And right now Aura has a great deal for Father's Day. Listeners can save on the perfect gift by visiting AuraFrames.com to get $30 off their best-selling frame. That's AuraFrames.com. The deal ends June 18th so don't wait. Use code scathing at checkout to save. Terms and conditions apply. Alright Heath, guess it looks like I won't need your carbonite after all. You want to get back and record the show?

Yeah. All right. Just give me a second. Is it because your junk is still metal? Yup. Sure. Yeah. And now back to the headlines.

In our lead story tonight, when I first started pointing out that the word Christianity had descended into a synonym for bigotry, I expected that Christians would get upset about it. Or at the very least, I didn't expect them to adopt it as the cornerstone of their judicial strategy, but they did. Mrs. Alito just really likes flags. She really likes rectangles of fabric. It's her interest. Her interest. So the one I was actually referring to comes to us from Vermont where the Alliance Defending Freedom is suing the state for their refusal to place foster kids with avowed bigots. Yeah, that would be like if a football team who got caught cheating made cheating their entire strategy.

Ah, shit, I'm talking about the Patriots again, aren't I? I talked about the Patriots. Well, assuming the Patriots like teamed up with Russia to hack the NFL Rules Committee election and install Pat's operatives as referees over the country or something like that. I'm not saying that's impossible, but it would be a little... Don't make me defend the Patriots! You're making me defend the Patriots! So, okay, so this case centers around two couples, Katie and Brian Wodey and Rebecca and Brian Grant. I love that it's two Brian.

Right. It's a Brian and a Brian with a Y. Yeah. So they both had taken in foster children in the past and wanted to do so again in the future. But the state revoked their foster care licenses after they said they would not accommodate transgender children. Or as their hate group attorneys put it, quote, the couples

expressed their religiously inspired and widely held belief that girls cannot become boys or vice versa, end quote. Which to be clear is a belief that they are allowed to have, right? They're even allowed to believe that that's an acceptable definition of transness, but the state isn't and shouldn't be obligated to give children to people who think that shit Yeah, so we plan to abuse some of the kids you give us. Why are you closing your notebook? Don't you want to know the list? I'm gonna give you the list. We do not. And then don't give us them. Are you Australian?

Now of course the suit is using that new and ever-maliable definition of religious discrimination that essentially means not getting what I want whilst being Christian, but as I'm sure you've already guessed, Vermont is placing foster kids with Christians. Oh, get the fuck out of here! As it turns out, most of the foster kids Vermont places are with Christians. Oh, that doesn't sound right. Let me check that. I'm going to Google. Yeah, right. No, they're not being discriminated against based on their religion.

They're being discriminated against based on their discrimination. Yes. Hey, Christianity, when the Venn diagram of bigots and you is really close to a circle, that's your fault, not the fault of like set theory or the state or whatever. Exactly. Or circles. Yeah. So what flipped the switch was that both couples said to the state that they would not affirm

the gender identity of a trans kid in their home. And since Vermont can't ultimately know whether the kid they're placing is trans, they can't be trusted to safely care for any kid the state might give them. Right, and even if they could, right? If you put no black ones on your adoption survey, you probably shouldn't be like shaping a life and mind. Right, yeah, exactly, right. Right, and look, not that placing kids with bigots

isn't already bad enough, but you have to consider the full scope of the precedent should the ADF win this case, right? Because we're not talking about religious identity. Again, we're talking about religious belief. So what about parents who agree with that widespread biblical belief that sparing the rod spoils the child, right? Would states be required to allow abusive, physically abusive parents to take in foster

kids? And given the robust link between familial acceptance and self-harm amongst trans kids, is there really a difference between those two scenarios? No. And in news from the Falun Gong Show. When we released our segment on the Falun Gong Cult on last week's show as we gathered for our yearly pajama party, they were obviously very grateful for the press. And so in order to keep our content current and on the cutting edge, even when recorded more than a month before release, the folks over at Falun Gong's fake news outlet, the Epoch Times, went ahead and got themselves arrested for a $67 million dollar multinational money laundering scheme last week.

And I, for one, am very grateful to them. And very interesting timing because also last week, I saw the Falun Gong symbol on my pancake. Now that symbol often has a swastika, by the way. So I figured it was just like a normal Jersey diner thing that we're doing. Maybe atheist God is doing signs. Right. Right. No, it turns out atheist God has been sending the signs this whole time. He's just shaped like toast. So you don't generally know. Up there in heaven. What more can I do? So first off, big thanks to Jamie, who was the first to send us this news to scathingnews.gmail.com.

You can send us atheist news to scathingnews.gmail.com, safe in the knowledge that we'll never have $67 million, let alone launder that money. A promise certain cult media outlets can't make you. Okay, but to be clear, if you've got $67 million you need laundered, you can talk to us. Eli does not speak for the company in this I exactly that's where I want to be clear Yeah So here's the story as we mentioned last week the Epoch Times is a fake news outlet controlled by the Falun Gong cult Widely aimed at pushing their right-wing agenda by looking like a newspaper website to boomers for whom Google

Still means look at a pretty lady too long and they've been sketchy since their inception, right? They publish fake news, misinformation about the COVID vaccine, and a series of anti-trans documentaries that make Mac Walsh look like a fair and balanced reporter. Well, apparently, that wasn't quite enough money. Because as I said at the beginning of the story this week, Weidong Bill Guan of Secaucus, New Jersey Oh, are we doing? Thank you. We were there. ... appeared before a federal judge in New York on charges of conspiring to commit money laundering and bank fraud. Okay, might be Bob Menendez in a costume at that trial, but we're not sure yet.

We gotta check, gotta check. We'll find out. Yeah, so according to Fortune, quote, federal prosecutors said members of the company's Make Money Online team, which was managed by Gwan, used cryptocurrency to, quote, knowingly purchase tens of millions of dollars in crime proceeds, including funds from fraudulently obtained unemployment benefits that were loaded onto prepaid debit cards. Prepaid debit cards? Maybe we get rid of those, right? Like it's either a retail

bonus or international terrorist. Like those are the two things that's for. I feel like we can lose both and it's fine. I got one of those prepaid cards as a bonus from Comcast, my ISP, and every time I used it in person I had to be like, hey, not a human trafficker. I'm not, this is a Comcast. But here's the email that shows that I got it from Comcast. I have it out on my phone. It's my background. Allow me to look it up on my phone.

Yeah, normal. Well, and I know you're talking about prepaid debit cards, but same thing even harder with cryptocurrency, right? This story is unnecessary crime enabling currency squared. Okay, Noah. I'm sorry, I didn't realize that we were stuck in ancient Mesopotamia. HODL everybody, it's going to go great.

It actually is, if you hold, it sucks, it sucks, but it's true. It's going well for short term, but then eventually some guy who has most of the cryptocurrency in the world is going to be like, I want $8 million and then it's all gonna crash. It's getting in less trouble because bitcoin went back up and he lost people less money As it turns out by the end. That's true. He got a ridiculous. Okay, so Epoch Times was not named in the incident But was instead referred to as a

multinational media company. Epoch Times released a statement saying, quote, The Epoch Times has a guiding principle that elevates integrity in its dealings above everything else. The company intends to and will fully cooperate with any investigation dealing with the allegations against Mr. Guan. In the interim, though Mr. Guan is innocent until proven guilty beyond a reasonable doubt, the company has suspended him until this matter is resolved." And then, in the shadiest follow-up sentence ever written in the press, Fortune pointed out in their article that the media company's revenue jumped approximately 410% when the

alleged money laundering begins. Okay, were they doing a crazy Eddie and like running their money back into their stupid fucking newspaper? I love the idea that they didn't know, right? They were just all sitting there going, yo, Gwana's killing it with the fucking classifieds this quarter. It was called the make money online team. What the fuck did you think he was doing? You think he's doing poker?

I've heard you get five free spins if you sign up for those apps. I bet I did that. We're selling thousands of classified ads. He's taking a lot of surveys, you know, because when you take a lot of surveys. Yeah. So yeah, the chances that they're, again, I will remind you, CFO was independently laundering money seems, ah, slim. But you know, maybe the court will accept improperly spinning tummy-cheek as a legal excuse.

It is, in fact, 2024, and stranger things have happened. Next up in headlines in Pentecost of Doing Business News, we have a story about a snake bite and lunatic evangelist Kent Hovind. To be clear, he's not a Pentecostal preacher. He wasn't handling a snake during a sermon. It just worked for the headline thing at the beginning, but he is a biblical literalist.

So he probably believes he could do that. And more importantly, the actual story is possibly even dumber He got bit by a rattlesnake and then proceeded to attempt a secret alternative to anti-venom known as Electrocuting yourself with a taser what in order to zap out the venom it went badly do not do that Unless you are Kent Hovind, in which case, please keep doing that. Also, I heard the snake secretly got your balls when you weren't looking.

Yeah, right. No, it's very important. Yeah, follow up. Gotta get it. Also, I don't know who told him that he could taste snake venom out of himself, but I owe that person a thousand dollars. We sure do. It's just... We sure do. It's just shoot Just shoot me an email, claim your prize. And a big thanks to Zach as well for sending the link

to scathingnews at gmail.com. So just in case anyone's new, here's a little background on Kent Hovind. He's a young earth creationist, a tax protester, a convicted felon who got 10 years in jail. The tax protest went very badly. Yeah, it's a bad protest. A failed theme park owner.

And he's a guy who's Wikipedia has a section called domestic abuse, a dedicated section to that. That section includes the words estranged wife and body slam. He's a garbage, garbage human being. He's also the brand new recipient of a citation needed episode coming up that I started writing today as I was reminding myself about Hovind's backstory. One other crucial, see, Ruchel detail, Christopher Ruchel detail. During a seminar that he gave, he told the story of an atheist who asked him, why would a loving God make venomous snakes? And Hovind responded in his own story that he's telling

by saying almost exact quote Yeah, it's a tough one. Solid question. I don't really know the answer. Anyway, I heard there's a guy who figured out you can zap away snake venom by electric yourself with a taser. Maybe a loving God made that too. I don't know. That was the end of his explanation. But Heath, if I was God and I had made Kent Hovind,

I would also have to make venomous snakes to trick him into zapping his balls. Right, yeah, exactly. This is a serious way. It's all coming together. But the desperate one to ask if Kent Hovind thinks tasers are naturally occurring. That brings us to last week when Zach's link took me to a truly delightful video made by Kent Hovind on purpose, explaining the snake and taser equivalent of sitting on his own

balls in his own livestream show. So Kent was walking out the front door of his church and he saw a snake. This is the story he's telling on his livestream. And he assumed the snake was his daughter's pet snake that they keep in a reptile room with her turtles. What he actually saw was a rattlesnake, not a pet one. Apparently his daughter has a pet rattlesnake

or something that looks very similar, and that pet often wanders around the church grounds freely, so he bent over to pick it up, and he got bit multiple times by the rattlesnake. Amazing. So he's telling that story during the livestream, and he's getting questions in the chat, and he's answering with seriously Bible verses

about Christian snake miracles during those questions. And then somebody asked, doesn't an electric shock neutralize the venom? I thought I seen that on one of your seminars. Exact words. And Hovind says, yeah, I did a shock on my hand where I got bit, but I didn't have a strong enough voltage. So I just went to the hospital. Yeah fucking C batteries? No we don't have C batteries. Let's go to the hospital. I feel like you just got to shock more sensitive parts when you don't have enough. Ken, come back. We talked about this. Do the bat over my cut. Pick up snakes with your balls from now on.

So just to be extra clear about the electrocution antidote concept and what Eli is singing about. Don't do any of that unless you're Ken Hoeven. Here's a little extra context. Some guy in Arizona heard about the Zappi technique and tried to use it after getting bit by his pet rattlesnake, which apparently is a thing. I was joking, for the 15th time. Jesus.

He got bit by his pet rattlesnake 14 times, and then again, and then he tried to do this thing. Off to a really bad start, and it gets worse. Apparently the guy had a venom pact with his neighbor. Never. And they both agreed to use the electrocution method if the other guy ever got bitten by a venomous snake. So the bite happened, the guy and his neighbor,

I guess they couldn't find the taser or the stun gun that they wanted. So the neighbor connected the guy's face to a spark plug on his car. Oh, Jesus. With a metal wire and some clips. Then the neighbor started the engine and revved it to 3000 RPM for about five minutes.

Eventually they also called an ambulance and the EMTs arrived to see a guy unconscious in a pile of his own shit, obviously, connected to a car engine by his face by the other guy who's also there. This was an accident. Yeah. So Snakebite guy got airlifted to a hospital

and he barely survived. Can I say something brave? If you hook your face up to a car battery to cure your 15th snake bite, we should not use aeroplane technology to save you. Your ass gets flin-stoned to the hospital. Yeah, honestly, I think everyone sort of stands around for a little bit and we're just like, shhh. Yeah, and they just sort of like, we're going to be heading out now.

This is good. This is good. Thank you for your service to genetics. So following the incident emergency doctors later wrote a report entitled approximately What the fuck is wrong with you? Don't shock yourself to deal with snake venom the report explained how the two idiots landed on their electrocution pact based on reading an article from an outdoorsman's magazine and also mentioned that 7,000 snake bite stun guns were sold in the US probably in those magazines Before they got banned by the FDA eventually and in the end of the story the bite victim actually got the ignoble prize for medicine in

1994 and then fast forward three decades and Kent Hovind tried to do the same thing, but just didn't have enough voltage, very sadly. One of the few things Kent Hovind and us agree on is that he did not shock himself with a high enough voltage. Exactly, yeah. It's the official position of puzzle and a thunderstorm LLC. And in blindness leading the blind news, one of the weirdest contradictions of religious

institutions is their self image, right? Despite being the driving force behind every bigotry you care to name, they represent themselves as organizations of equality and fairness. In spite of holding back trillions in tax dollars, they claim to feed the poor and help the needy. They sing that song, Jesus loves the little children, and also they keep molesting kids, stuff like that. And we got another great example of the canyon between what churches say and what churches do this week.

As a blind woman in Bryan, Texas, was denied access to her church because they didn't want her to bring in her service animal. Jesus. Okay, we said our Messiah can heal that. It kind of makes us look bad if you bring in the dog in. We have this whole walk by faith not sight anything to your fight.

You're fucking that up too. Stop stumbling. So, first of all, a big thanks to Chris for sending us this story to scaling news at gmail.com Chris We see you and we could say that because we're chill. Yep So according to Mari Ramos her church which went unnamed in the story because news organizations are fucking cowards They wouldn't allow her service dog, Betty, and therefore her to enter the building due to a band and flashing lights not being appropriate for a service animal. Which first of all, that's not your fucking decision to make.

And second of all, patrons and also my co-hosts, look at Betty. I put a picture of her in the show notes. Are you telling me that Betty doesn't love to fucking party? She tongue, she's delightful. Betty's the life of the party when she's off the clock, but she's a professional, unflappable guide when she's working. That's their whole thing. But regardless, the church band fucking Kyle and the apostles aren't going to quote rock

so fucking hard for Jesus, you can't handle it like it says on the website. Right. Also, I want to meet the guy who said we didn't let the blind lady in because of all the flashing lights with a straight face. I want to meet that man. And look, I'm not just bringing up this story to point out the churches are hypocrites and pagans, right? All the stories we report on on this show do this. No, I point this story out because what you might not know is that what this church did is 100% legal. It's absurd. That's right. The Americans with Disabilities Act has exemptions for religious institutions. Has exemptions, period.

And I want to be clear. This is not like Argyle Bargles Supreme Court shit decided later. It was put into the law when it was written. Yeah. Right. No, when this, we decided as a country to finally treat disabled people fairly when I was a fucking teenager, our national caveat was, well, obviously not churches, but everybody else. Yes. Yes. And look, I know there are people out there who sympathize with other religious exemptions to law. Oh, stop.

You should stop doing that. I was going to say, none of them are on this podcast. But those people are out there, right? For the life of me, I cannot think of a good reason for these exemptions. In fact, when I looked it up to see like what the fuck the lawmakers who wrote the ADA said the reason for these exemptions were, the only answer I could find was, well, lots of churches are old and ramps might mess them up. So yeah, not only is this church not named in the news story, but even if they were, there would be no real consequences for their actions.

It sounds like America to me. Yep. Okay, so I did some research. You mentioned that the story didn't tell us what church did this. So, assuming the church that denied Ms. Ramos and delightful life of the party Betty was in downtown Bryan, Texas.

It's about a square mile. Then the churches either New Chapel Baptist, Galilee Missionary Baptist, Pleasant Grove Baptist, Shiloh Baptist, Allen Chapel AME, Agape Christian Center, so many more. I went to the map to try to figure this out and I was like, oh my God, one square mile. It's like 85 churches

yeah well it's one of those so yeah exactly so with those 74 choices you know get canceling everybody all right well now that you've got your homework I guess we can pause for a word from our second sponsor this week My Sheets Rock coming this summer a new creature feature by Superdirector the Planet comes... Attack of the Killer Summer! Oh no! We've chosen to live south of the Mason-Dixon line and don't live inside an air conditioner. Whatever will I do? If only we'd gotten the regulator sheets from My Sheets Rock, Diane! But Biff, what are those? My Sheets Rock created the regulator sheets, which are designed specifically to keep hot

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Their 2,200 five-star customer reviews speak for themselves. Plus, they offer a 90-day risk-free trial and free shipping and returns. Check out My Sheets Rock at mysheetsrock.com slash scathing and enter our code, scathing, for 10% off and free shipping. That's mysheetsrock.com slash scathing and enter our code scathing for 10% off and free shipping. That's mysheetsrock.com slash scathing code scathing. Gee golly, thanks. Oh No, it's broken through the door run to a cold shower Dan run I'm the killer summer and I'm gonna get you y'all can't see but he's in a costume. I am in a costume. Yeah And in Shamalem some Ding Dongs news.

The American College of Pediatricians pretended to matter again this week and held a press conference urging healthcare professionals to stop offering gender-affirming care to minors. And a bunch of right-wing idiots fell for it again. Because if they had the ability to Google, they wouldn bunch of right-wing idiots fell for it again because if they had the ability to Google, they wouldn't be right-wing idiots. Yeah. Yeah. No, in retrospect, it seems weird that we decided to join the side that fact checks,

right? It just makes our job so much harder. You guys decided. I know that's true. That's fair. Read my citation needed. So yeah, for those of you unfamiliar with the American College of Pediatricians, that's what they're hoping for.

It sure is. The SPLC-listed hate group, which has about 700 members, are hoping you're confusing them for the American Academy of Pediatricians, the 67,000-member organization that thinks, quite literally, the opposite of all the opinions of the American College of Pediatricians, which include support for conversion therapy, abstinence-only education, and in the case of this most recent press conference, rejecting gender-affirming care for minors. Okay, I feel like we need to start the, I don't know, like the American College of alpha male doctors getting yoked, crushing it's soul or whatever,

and see how much stuff we can get the bigots to do. Right? A lot. Well, now I'm sure the good news though is that all these right-wing idiots who thought this statement was gonna be so convincing when they assumed it came from the American Academy of Pediatrics

shifted their views upon learning what the source they thought they were relying on actually said though, right? That's a match, Jay! That's so weird. That's weird. Okay. So the content of this press conference is a little bit of like bullshit-ception, so it's hard to debunk.

Not because they're not lying, but because they're lying about what they're lying about. So gender-affirming care for minors includes things like puberty blockers and body wraps, which the aforementioned all the fucking doctors group calls life saving and necessary medicine. The ACP on the other hand spent most of their press conference fighting the straw they brought with them, calling for doctors to, quote, immediately stop the promotion of social affirmation, puberty blockers, cross-sex hormones, and surgeries for children and adolescents who experience distress over their biological sex,

end quote. We'd also like to know when they stop beating their wife. Yeah, exactly. And look, just because they're liars and an SPLC-listed hate group didn't stop several of the usual suspects from singing their praises. Elon Musk retweeted their statement from the conference, as did the Catholic news agency. Even Michael Shermer retweeted it, though to be fair, he is very new to skepticism and probably didn't know. So yeah, once more for the cheap seats, gender-affirming surgery for pre-pubescent children is a non-existent

boogeyman. Every major medical body you care to name agrees that gender-affirming care for kids is life-saving and helpful, and the people who disagree with that are 700 bigots hoping you'll click on the medical version of Goggle.com. Right. And finally tonight, Anna Bosnik's legions of gay frogs on D&D Minus are celebrating hard this week after Alex Jones began the process of liquidating all his personal assets in order to pay the families of Sandy Hook victims.

He currently owes them approximately $1.5 billion for defamation, emotional distress, and of course, causing a giant mob of his insane followers to carry out a terrifying campaign of harassment based on his lying. And while it's very unlikely he'll ever be able to pay that full amount, he's now entering chapter seven bankruptcy and pending a final ruling by a judge on June 14th,

it looks like he'll no longer be owning Infowars. Oh. Yeah, he'll either have to sell his stake in the media empire or hand over control to his victims. That could include control of his social media accounts along with assets like physical ones from the studios of Infowars for the greatest yard sale of all time that we're definitely going to. Okay, look, I don't want to tell these grieving families what to do with their newly acquired

media empire, but if ever there was a writing team here to help you create mockery content, it is the cast of this podcast. Please, please call us. The idea though that Infowars might continue to exist in someone else's hands is kind of a fucked up bit of this resolution. I mean, I'm stoked that Alex Jones is going to lose everything, but this feels a lot like the killer selling the murder weapon to pay their lawyers, right? Yeah, some of that's going on.

So ever since the trials in Connecticut and Texas that led to the judgments against him in 2022, Jones has been trying every trick in the book to weasel his way out of paying. He started by transferring his assets to family and friends wherever he could. Then the parent company of Infowars declared bankruptcy. Then Jones declared personal bankruptcy. And that was all just hoping to minimize the damage. Then we got the big judgments against him along with a delightful follow-up ruling that said the Sandy Hook families can keep going after any future income of Alex Jones for the rest of his life. So last week, based on that, Jones started telling all his idiot fans to stop buying their homeopathic dick shots and dominance-establishing snake oil and tactical butt plugs at Infowars.com

and check out a different site instead. That site is run by his dad. And hot take, that guy, the dad of Alex Jones, he needs to get prosecuted too. If you caused Alex Jones to exist, you're a genetic terrorist. You have to go. Right. Look, the Kodahama Robbie has its flaws, but hear me out. Thank you.

I just, I'm sad to see Texas's smartest boy fall so far from grace, you know what I'm saying? Alex Jones's dad was Texas's smartest boy. Big thanks to George for being the first of so many people to send us the link to skatingnewsatgmail.com. And a big thanks to The Algorithm for actually getting something right. For the last four or five days, the nearly sentient ultron of the social internet decided to skip all the ads that I normally get for like artisanal cheese holsters and dad bod t-shirts

that do nothing to help and even horny women in my area. None of that. All I'm getting is one beautiful video clip of Alex Jones weeping. I've watched it. I'm going to say 800 times and you should too. During likely one of his last ever broadcasts on Infowars, Alex Jones said, quote, weep, weep, weep, something, something, unintelligible, ugly crying, something, something,

that thing when you can't catch your breath and you kind of get the hiccups and you get the weeping at the same time. Weepy pause with some of those spasms from the hiccups, followed by, This is probably our last broadcast, and then more weeping. End quote. It was the best. Okay, so that clip, 24-7, first programming idea right out of the gate, right? You just show that. And hey, Alex, in case you're listening And I know you are big fan a hundred bucks to the winner if you can talk Mike Lindell into a live streamed pillow fight

To the death. I'm just saying we'll hand it directly to the family so you don't even have to Alex so based on the insane Weeping noise specifically that he made it kind of seemed like he was doing it on purpose as part of an act. You think? Like maybe he was hoping to get extra sympathy from his fans. But it's also very possible he actually makes that noise when he cries. Either way, this is great. He's either a person with the literal worst natural crying noise of all time,

or he was faking it for the show, but he's definitely doing so much real crying by himself every day. Either way, I cannot wait for the yard sale. Gonna get Tom and Cecil so much good stuff. Oh yeah, gifts for friends. And on that rare nugget of delightful news, we're going to close the headlines for the night. Heath, Eli, thanks as always.

Jumanji. And when we come back, we'll relive our glory days of last weekend. ["The Daily Show Theme"] Hey podcast listener. You know, after a week in the same house, I can tell you we sure do have a hard time figuring out what to eat.

Heath here prefers foie gras for breakfast. Well, any canapé is fine. And Noah is more of a vegetables that don't taste like vegetables fan. I dislike how they exist. But if you've got a house of picky eaters, you need to feed on the fly, you might try Factor. But Eli, what's Factor? Factor's fresh, never frozen meals are dietitian approved and ready to eat in just two minutes.

So no matter how busy you are, you always have time to enjoy nutritious, great tasting meals. I don't know Eli, does Factor have enough variety to last all week? They sure do. With 35 different meals and more than 60 add-ons to choose from every week, you'll always have new flavors to explore. And again, Factor meals are ready in have new flavors to explore, and again, Factor Meals are ready in 2 minutes.

No shopping, prepping, cooking, or cleaning up. Alrighty, I'm sold. Where do I sign up? Head to factormeals.com slash scathing50 and use code SCATHING50 to get 50% off your first box plus 20% off your next month. That's code SCATHING50 at factormeals.com slash scathing50 to get 50% off your next month. That's code Scaling50 at factor meals dot com slash Scaling50 to get 50 percent off your first box plus 20 percent off your next month while your subscription is active. All right Eli, thanks. So really no vegetables? Well they have too much carbon. Carbon,

sure, there's a lot of carbon in there. This past Saturday we gathered together for a company tradition, our annual patron-only pajama party livestream. But because we love all our listeners, whether they support us financially or not, and because all the travel had us running too far behind to record a separate C-segment this week, we figured we could share a few highlights with you. Enjoy. Just in a very simple way. Well, it's probably a boring answer, but I think we don't really argue. I think we get on really well with everyone speaking. I think that's pretty true. I heard you all play in Codenames last night.

Don't bullshit me! I thought you were going to be like, yes we do argue. What are you talking about? Now what do you say to people who first might say we do argue? You could say that we don't argue because I'm doing a Be Reasonable thing. I'm not going to suggest that's what's happening. I'm just saying there is one possible version of reality in which case that's what we're talking about. We're talking about a marriage beginning and we're talking about a marriage ending.

Yeah. We're talking about a marriage beginning, and we're talking about a marriage ending. Very cyclical. Yeah, yeah. Well, the answer is great. Oh, no, he's in prison. Yeah, there you go. All right, well, hey, you know, you could just get the two for it.

It's just not fair, though. Yeah. All they've got to do is leave his shoelaces. If he dies, they should imprison his corpse. Like, just... There you go. Yeah. You know, they don't do that.

They don't do, like, once someone dies, they don't, like, continue to find them guilty or not. Like, someone will die in the middle of a very, you know, they don't do that. They don't do like, when someone dies, they don't like continue to find them guilty or not. Like someone will die in the middle of a very, you know, were they the murder? Were they the whatever? And then they're like, well, guess that's over. I'm like, why? Why? I still want to know.

Yeah. They should put like a dummy in the seat. Or the corpse like they did with the pope. Remember the one? Yeah. Was that on citation? Yeah. Yeah, that's right.

Yeah. No, I still want to know. Like we want to know what if you would be fined guilty. We would not know any fucking difference. He was falling asleep in the damn trial anyway. That's true. He practically bled to death. It'll smell better. Right, yeah, exactly. He'll be farting. Yeah.

That was the one time after the incident. I think it's more pleasant for everybody involved actually. Right. Awesome. Awesome. So while they're writing that down, Eli, I have a question for you. This is from listener David Bax. Alex Jones is being forced to sell everything.

What trophy item would you most like to claim? I would like to buy, so for those of you who are fellow knowledge by listeners like me, you will know that for a very, very short amount of time, Alex Jones sold a remote control butt plug called the Power Force. What? What? Really? I'm a terrible instructor.

It's very big rumor that he advertised it and then very quickly had to withdraw it because his listeners were like, Why are you selling butt plugs? So there is a rumor that Alex Jones still has a stock of hundreds of Alex Jones remote controlled vibrating butt plugs with the name Power Force. And if that were the case, I would absolutely buy at least one of them. Alright, so David, tell me you didn't get your money's worth out of that fucking answer. Huh? Wow. Did you legit just throw a bunch of fucking frogs in there?

I did just that, I summoned frogs! This is what I do! This is what I do. Pussy's eyes. Pocket frogs! She just literally pocketed them! I am the scourge of this Airbnb! They will find them for years to come.

Pocket rocks. All right, well, that's Ethan and our newly-ent-ed game of new love. It's time for ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba, the newlywed game. Oh. Oh, yeah. Relatively speaking. We're in this.

So we're going to be joined by our various couples, Marsh and Nicola. Woo. Woo Smith. Now you might be saying to yourself, wait a second, some of these people aren't newlyweds but we're doing this based on the illusions scale so all of these people are newlyweds compared to the illusions. Have a notebook, have a notebook. I don't know if we're old enough to get married on the illusions. I know it! Hahaha! So first question is...

Who is your partner's celebrity crush? Wait, don't we normally do one person is doing the answer? That's right. Yeah. So men, you're ready for women now. Oh! So we're ready for us. So we're guessing. Yes. Okay. Men, you're guessing women. Women, you're writing for women now Yes, yes, then you're guessing women women you're answering So I'm just writing and Celebrity crush March who is Nicholas celebrity crush. It is Johnny Ma of the Smiths, correct

Johnny Marv is miss Johnny Marv So like prove it sorry Johnny Marlin Smith's Johnny Marlin Smith's. Oh, I was supposed to write my answer. So like, prove it. Sorry. I trust you. You wouldn't have to write it down, otherwise all you would have to do is say yes. So here's the thing, what you do is, I'll say mine and then Nicola turns it around. Nicola turns it around, Nicola turns it around.

Okay. Yes. Nicola, who is... ...Marsh's celebrity crap? Wait, no! He says it! I'll do the thing that I said. What's happening? It's fine! It's fine!

So I should have two pages worth of information written. Yes. No. No. Holy sh**. Eli has explained this exceptionally badly. I thought we were both doing both. Sorry, are we doing verbal confirmation of each other's... No, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, It's the British way. It's actually how the game works. Everyone write down your celebrity crush. I never said that. Mark! That's the opposite of what I just said.

Mark! Everyone write down your celebrity crush. Everyone write down on two separate pages. No! No! One page! Just write down your celebrity crush. I got this.

I actually remember how smooth everything was going. Yeah. And then I put this guy in first for one product thing and suddenly it's this. And then I put this guy in first for one product thing and suddenly it's this. So you're gonna switch to the other product. I don't think you're buying candy. Because you're like anti-all-masperous candy. You think, I just want to clarify. you think Ann's about to turn her paper over and be like, no, I'm not playing.

It's gonna be like, I prefer real dark chocolate and I brought some of my own, or some bullshit like that. All right, let's see it Ann. Reject! Bring my own dark chocolate. Yay! That's amazing! That's the truth!

Incredible! If you were not planning to get married, that can't be the proposal. If we're doing a selfie. Yeah. Alright. Can I do this right? It's unknowable. No.

Game this out. Much like the bites of fish, the rules of the newlywed game are unknowable. All right, give me a second. Nicola. Hello. Chance to redeem yourself. What is the most physically attractive thing about Marsh? See, I'm so confused because I don't know what to put down

what I put, you would say about me. You're gonna say it loud. So you're gonna say it loud. So you're gonna say it loud. So you're gonna say it loud. So you're gonna say it loud. So you're would say about me. You're going to say out loud what you find attractive about me in front of hundreds of people. It's as simple as that. Totally comfortable. On a video that'll be worth it. There was that reject option. Reject brought my dark chocolate from home. You just gained a couple of points. That was too good. You're making me follow that.

Yes. Oh my god. Okay. Your assignment is to give us a legal defense of sovereign citizenship. Okay. So sovereign citizens believe we are all secretly under maritime law, fringe on the flag, and that the sheriff's, I believe your municipal sheriff's, should be the highest authority of the land. And I think if you've ever interacted with your local police department, you can agree that's absolutely correct. Best of the brightest, running that situation. So, and besides their very correct and real ideas, they have a fantastic flag, I'm not sure if you're aware, vertical stripes, much more slimming. So when we are all in our patriotic wear,

we're gonna look fabulous. And honestly, I'm here for the freedom to look fabulous. And can confirm a lot of sovereign citizens do end up in stripes. I mean, mine doesn't have anything to do with being a podcast, but some people who get to know Eli come up to me and are like, so is it hard that he's an atheist?

And I'm like I wasn't atheist before We can also get that answer correct To close it out I I'm gonna ask you all a question again John John shall I'm gonna ask you all a question again. Jean... Jean Chalot. I'm gonna say Jean Chalot. Uh, ask... I know, but it's more of a British accent now.

Jean Chalot, yeah. Jean Chalot! Jean Chalot! Kiss your bum! Jean Chalot asks the wives wives and the soon to be wives. And the winner of the newlywed game. Yes, the winner of the newlywed game. If someone asked what your husband does for a living, what do you say, and you're going

to take notes, what do you say, do you say podcaster? Or do you say something less embarrassing? Um. Um. Um. Um. Um. And I guess I'll answer. What do you do, Gene?

Um. Um. Um. Um. Um. Um. All right. Thomas, what do we got?

All right. Well, I was worried. I had one that was night owl. And so I was like, it's gonna be tough. But I drew, um. I, like it's gonna be tough, but I drew But I So yeah I don't know, I thought that kind of made the point, and someone did. I wrote Moonbird. A very real thing that's definitely a term that would be on a card.

You wouldn't try to fit it into your preconceived knowledge of what might be on a card. You would just write Moonbird. Mars was quite owl-like. That is definitely an owl as well. I am presented with this. Marsh has my back. That's how you know you're wrong. I was given this. Moonbird. Alright, so I will do you all the benefit of knowing that the words I'm about to say are based on Leviticus and not just something I think.

Alright. Let me tell you how to sacrifice a goat bitch Cut its little throat, which seems a little mean And maybe more than a little gross It's nothing but clear when compared to what the Levi's bear through The fails of the end trail should be plenty enough to scare you Fat goes on the pyre, set that shit on fire Smells red, it is hell, but it's the odor God desires How to kill a bird now now, case you hadn't heard now Twist its little head until it's dead and then it's burned bowed This is for atonement, ochre nope was foaming

Couple jugs of blood as a critical component Now the proclamation regarding ordination Write the candles right or you might risk assassination from the Lord Thou shalt not steal, thou shalt not lie Thou shalt not do thou shalt not lie thou shalt not do it guy undyed the son to Moses spoke the Lord happy pride month let me tell you how to eat bitch tell you who to sleep with tell you how to burn the hair it takes about that bee witch

Tell you about your penis and all its uncleanness For a god all knowing, I'm not much of a hygienist Oh, and if it pleases, quickly on diseases Sacrifice a turtle dove if anybody sneezes Nestral blood and semen need a lot of cleaning Best to never catch your horn, because goat demons Tell you how to shave men, who you can enslave men Tell you how to burn the, who you can enslave men Tell you how to burn the motherfuckers who misbehave And if you disobey me, I will not just slay thee Many generations I'll be all up in your game

See, I'm the Lord, thou shalt be pure, thou shalt be true Thou shalt not get that damn tattoo Thus unto Moses spoke the Lord Thou shalt speak up, thou shalt not cheat, thou shalt not dine on rancid meat, Or stick your dick in things that bleed, thou shalt not mix thy rye and wheat, Thou shalt be just, thou shalt be kind, thou shalt not drink the death or blind, Touch cadavers left behind, let new fabrics peek upon, Thou shalt fear God, thou shalt be straight, thou shalt not look to kid with hate,

Thou shalt never masturbate, don't you put diesel on your plate, Thou shalt be just, thou shalt be bold, Thou shalt rise up before the old, Don't get your daughters pussy sold, Thou shalt give all my priests thy gold, Thou shalt be easily controlled, Thus unto Moses spoke the Lord. Yeah! That's a very wordy song. And remember, the pajama party is archived, so if you're a patron and you didn't get to see it live, check out the patron feed for a link to the whole damn thing. Trust me, Moonbird is way better with the visual.

And thanks again for the folks at Mallet Media who made the whole thing possible. Before we lower the landing gear for this one, I want to thank everybody who joined us for the live stream on Saturday. And I want to remind the patrons, you can still check it out in its entirety by following the link that you'll find on our Patreon feed. Anyway, that's all the blasphemy we've got for you tonight, but we'll be back in 10,022 minutes with more. If you can't wait that long, be a look out for a brand new episode of our sister show, The Skeptical, debuting at 7 Eastern on Monday, and an even new episode of our sister show's hot friend, God awful movies, debuting at 7 Eastern

on Tuesday, and an even newer episode of our half sisters on Citation Needed, debuting at noon Eastern on Wednesday. Obviously, I can't wind things down until I thank Heath Enright for putting the pun in Pundit. I need to thank Eli Bosnick for putting the spurt in Expert. I need to thank the lovely and talented Lucinda Lucians for putting the holler in Scholar. I also want to thank Lydia and Thomas and Marsh and Nicola and Tim and everybody who helped out with the live stream. It was a ton of fun. I also want to thank Nathaniel for writing this week's Farnsworth quote, but most of all of course I want to thank this week's best people whose names I don't have again this week. I'm so sorry

but all the traveling and putting together the livestream has us running way behind, so I'll have to ask for your patience one more time this week and by then I will thank you by name. But the key is for those unnamed people, they are very awesome and you too could prove your awesomeness by making a per episode donation at patreon.com slash scathingadis where your early access to an extended ad free version of every episode or you can make a one-time donation by clicking on the donate button on the right side of the homepage at scathing atheist.com and if you'd like to help but not in a money way you can also help a ton by leaving a five-star review telling a friend about the show and following us on social

media and speaking of social media Tim Robertson handles that for us and our audio engineer is Morgan Clark who also re-rolled the music that was used in this episode which was used with permission if you have questions comments or death threats you'll find all the content info on the content page at skatingadv.com. Like six fucking cars are all like swerving around him. I'm like, well, that asshole doesn't know how to drive. And Anna just starts laughing. And I'm like, that is Elias. The preceding podcast was a production of Puzzle and a Thunderstorm LLC copyright 2024

all rights reserved.