The Scathing Atheist - 595: Hindsight is 2025 Edition

Episode Date: July 11, 2024

In this week’s episode, Project 2025 will be off by a century or two, Missouri Republicans try to figure out the net sexuality of a Prius with an AR-15, and we’ll get more BS from CS. --- To make a per episode donation at Patreon.com, click here: http://www.patreon.com/ScathingAtheist To buy our book, click here: https://www.amazon.com/Outbreak-Crisis-Religion-Ruined-Pandemic/dp/B08L2HSVS8/ If you see a news story you think we might be interested in, you can send it here: [e-mail] To check out our sister show, The Skepticrat, click here: https://audioboom.com/channel/the-skepticrat To check out our sister show’s hot friend, God Awful Movies, click here: https://audioboom.com/channel/god-awful-movies To check out our half-sister show, Citation Needed, click here: http://citationpod.com/ To check out our sister show’s sister show, D and D minus, click here: https://danddminus.libsyn.com/ --- Guest Links: Check out Moodie Boy here: https://open.spotify.com/artist/3B9orqUJOAa42fvR0TqtP5?si=bgSpRARySRykARt_XPhxXQ Or here: https://music.apple.com/au/artist/moodieboy/1636231195 --- Headlines: A desperate Trump wants to distance himself from Project 2025...but not really: https://www.friendlyatheist.com/p/a-desperate-trump-wants-to-distance Missouri Church is trying to form a militia: https://www.friendlyatheist.com/p/a-missouri-catholic-church-tried One Million Moms freaks out over lesbian space witches: https://onemillionmoms.com/current-campaigns/lesbian-witches-procreating-in-disney-series-star-wars-the-acolyte/ MAGA candidate releases unhinged video to "prove" that her car doesn't make her gay: https://www.lgbtqnation.com/2024/07/maga-candidate-releases-unhinged-video-to-prove-that-her-car-doesnt-make-her-gay/

Warning! Most of the words in this podcast aren't fuck, but some of them are. This week's episode of The Skating Atheist is brought to you by Stamps.com, Factor, and by 7 a.m. Eastern on Thursdays. 7 a.m. Eastern on Thursdays. Just thinking about how much more it would suck if you didn't get a new skating episode. And now, The Skating Atheist. Hello, this is Meatyboy, and we're here to release our new single, Don Quixote Bought the skating atheist. from filthy monkey men We did in fact evolve from dirty stinking filthy monkey men It's Thursday. It's July 11th. And it's International Essential Oils Day!

More of a superfluous oil guide. No illusions. I'm Eli Bosnik. I'm Heath Henright. And from somewhere in New Jersey, and over Michigan and Waycross, Georgia, this is the Skating East. Oh, this week's episode,

Project 2025 will be off by a century or two. Missouri Republicans try to figure out the net sexuality of a Prius with an AR-15. And we'll get more BS from CS. But first, the diatribe. Sometimes you've got to wonder what Christians even think the word context means. They seem to think it's some sort of get out of jail free card for the Bible. They wave that word around like a magic fucking wand and expect all the nasty shit in their book to just disappear.

You'll be like, you know that book says that rape doesn't count if the victim doesn't scream loud enough, right? And they'll be like, you're taking that out of context. Motherfucker, what possible context could there be where that isn't all the way fucked up? I mean, set aside that you're wrong, right? That particular part of the book comes in a long list of rules. The context is God telling you what's what.

But even if it wasn't, what scenario can you even imagine where that would be an okay thing to say, other than the fucking diatribe condemning it? Now to be honest, I think about half the time they say that, they genuinely believe it. They've been told all their lives that the Bible is a good book full of morals and shit, and they've never read it, but way too many people who have read it have said that for them to all be wrong. So if there's a part of the Bible where it says rape isn't rape if she doesn't scream loud enough, I must be taking it out of context. How could something so barbaric show up in a book that you've been assured is not just

moral but the most moral book that could possibly exist? Therefore there must be some context around that passage that I'm ignoring. Sure, they can't even imagine a context where it wouldn't be reprehensible, but they're dead fucking certain that the Bible isn't reprehensible, so there must be one. But of course, some of them actually do have a context in mind, and it completely gives away the game, because they're not talking about textual context, that is where the passage falls in the book and what was said leading up to it, but rather historical context. Now to be clear, there was no point in history where

rape wasn't rape if the victim didn't scream loud enough, but there was a point in history where that was the dominant moral paradigm. And this book is simply conforming to that standard. And look, if I was trying to use this book to argue that the Hebrew people of the fifth century BCE were immoral, that would be a valid argument. It wouldn't be fair to expect them to exhibit a modern understanding of morality any more than it would be fair to expect them to exhibit a modern understanding of mathematics or food sanitation. Whenever you're looking at a historical text, it's important that you place it in its proper historical context, unless you're claiming that text as a timeless divine mandate that

we should use as a moral guidepost in the modern day. The singular author that you can exempt from the benefit of historical context would be an eternal all-knowing being, right? Now there is one other way to rescue the context defense, of course, and it might even be the worst of all of them. So you've got your textual context, you've got your historical context, but what about your theological context? Right? Like what about the changes that the religion itself has undergone in the intervening years? And that's how you land in that wildly anti-Semitic, that's the Old Testament territory. There's one is my mom's favorite. Hi, mom. This is where you say, yeah, that stuff was in the Old Testament. It's bad, sure, here and there, but Jesus changed all that stuff. Now, I'll admit, in many ways, this is better than the others. For example, it's wrong in more ways. Like, you know, at least those other bullshit arguments don't throw an entire other religion

under the bus to make their point, because what Christians are really saying when they use this one is, look, we're not like those filthy Jews, okay, because another word for the Old Testament is the Hebrew fucking Bible. But beyond that, it's also refuted by no lesser authority than Jesus the fuck Christ, who says in the book that, till heaven and earth pass, one jot or tittle shall in no wise pass from the law. All his little gotchas with the Pharisees, they're all about how he's technically still conforming to the rules. And honestly, if Jesus' purpose was to change the laws of the Old Testament, why would it

still come bundled with his book? What would be the point of including it if you're just going to add a fucking nevermind three quarters of the way through? What's more, the argument is universally disingenuous. All those people who deploy the, but that's the Old Testament defense, wouldn't hesitate to reach the Old Testament the first time they want to condemn gay people or paganism or atheists, or when they're trying to justify the existence and the divinity of Jesus Christ in the first place. The whole dismissal has to get awfully selective for the religion to work at all. But wait, there's more. Not only is it a bigoted and disingenuous argument, but it's also a fucking distraction because there is plenty of reprehensible shit in the New Testament too.

Sure, there's at least three times as much in the Old Testament, but that's because the Old Testament is three times longer. Plus, the New Testament doesn't really bother with long lists of moral proclamations because it's counting on the Old Testament to take care of all that shit on its behalf. So it's a fucking ouroboros of failure. This version of the you're taking the Bible out of context argument. So it's a fucking ouroboros of failure. This version of the you're taking the Bible out of context argument fails because it's taking the Bible out of context. No matter how you interpret it, the argument is bullshit. There's no context that could justify this

shit and there's no context that even tries. It is a terrible book and the only context it needs to be put into is a big red circle with a fucking line through it. They're talking about you Jesus. We interrupt this broadcast and bring you a special news Wilmington. Joining me for headlines tonight are the peanut butter and jelly of this sandwich Heath Enright and Eli Bosnik. Fellas, are you ready to earn some bread?

Oh, no, you didn't. Please keep listening to the podcast. I promise it gets better. I am on a very small percentage of it. That gets better. All right, before these guys try to run again, we're going to pause for a word from this week's sponsor, Stamps.com. Keith, Eli, are you in here?

Oh, hey Noah. Hey Noah, what's up? What are you guys doing in the post office at this time of night? Oh, hey Noah. Hey Noah, what's up? What are you guys doing in the post office at this time of night? This place is closed. Not for us, because we live here now. How do you live at the post office? Yeah, we bought a bunch of PO boxes and now there's no more worrying about shipping. Or buying postage.

We can do that all from our home. Guys if you want to handle all your postage and shipping needs from home why don't you just try stamps.com. What's stamps.com? Take care of mailing and shipping wherever you are even on the go with the stamps.com mobile app. All you need is a computer and a printer. They even send you a free scale. Easily schedule package pickups through your stamps.com dashboard. Automatically see your cheapest and fastest shipping options from different carriers. Wow, that sounds great.

Plus, with Stamps.com, get rates you can't find anywhere else, like up to 89% off USPS and UPS. Order shipping and mailing supplies, labels, and even printers from the supply store when you run low. Amazing. Where do I sign up? Put more life into your work life balance with stamps.com.

Sign up with the promo code scathing for a special offer that includes a four week trial plus free postage and a free digital scale. No long term commitments or contracts. Just go to stamps.com, click the microphone at the top of the page and enter the code scathing. Awesome. No, thanks.

No problem. So, hey, how are you guys fitting into multiple PO boxes anyway? Aren't those like tiny? Yeah, it's kind of a Play-Doh factory situation. Play-Doh factory, yeah. Horrifying. A little bit, yeah. I kind of liked it. And now back to the headlines. In our lead story tonight, in hindsight is 2025 news. In our lead story tonight, in hindsight is 2025 news.

You should have voted for Hillary Clinton and you need to vote for Biden and Harris in November. Yes. Or perhaps a different ticket that we decide at a brokered convention 10 weeks before the election. That's fine too. Yeah, apparently those are both distinct possibilities at this point. But regardless of which of those you prefer, they're both amazing choices compared to Donald Trump and Project 2025. In case anyone's not familiar, in case you're like emerging from the earth with the 17 year cicadas right now. Well, first of all, just go back down. If you have the option, don't do that. Go back down, best bet. But if you're going to stay up for the podcast, here's what Project 2025 is.

It's the Christo-Fascist battle plan created by aspiring Christian right theocrats and funded by actual evil millionaires and billionaires. This is the real Illuminati. It's no magic. Yeah. Just evil. You have to vote Yeah, I know how inherently bullshit this sounds but the secret cabal is a false flag for the very public cabal

Right the conspiracy theories are the conspiracy Yeah, right like how no pizza gator has ever busted into the Catholic Church, you know what I'm saying? Yeah, right. So the evil project is set to launch the moment we get the next Republican president and install Christian bigot theocracy within 180 days. But strangely enough, despite the entire plan of Project 2025 being based on Donald Trump getting elected this year, and despite all their goals aligning We got an official statement this week saying that Donald has no idea about this pro-jake To five thing or whatever it's called. This is the vision test that I've never heard of He is lying as usual and he did that on truth social

He is lying, as usual, and he did that on Truth Social. Trump made the announcement from his official account on the failing Truth Social, which, by the way, made a profit of negative $58 million last year. Just for context, the failing New York Times made about $290 million more than that. Anyway, here's what Trump had to say. See if you could pick out any clues that he's lying and also very stupid if you can find him. Quote, I know nothing about Project 2025.

I have no idea who is behind it. I disagree with some of the things that they're saying. Wait, what? And some of the things they're saying are absolutely ridiculous and abysmal. But you knew... Anything they do, I wish them luck. Wait, what? But I have nothing to do with them.

End exact quote. There's so much bullshit. They're like, okay, so like, first of all, how did you know you didn't like it if you didn't inhale, Bill? But also, where do wish them luck on their ridiculous abysmal stuff that you don't want them to do, right?

Sure is. Maybe he just hopes both teams have fun. I guess. It's all about, you know, just how you play the game. It's not when. Yeah. So who are the people behind Project 2025 of whom Trump has no idea? That would be the Trump administration. Yeah. So many people from his cabinet are involved. That includes Ben Carson and Peter Navarro and, most notably, Trump's chief of staff

and indicted felon, Mark Meadows, the fourth of four chiefs of staff he had. And I guess it all makes sense that Trump people did this. If you're part of Trump's cabinet and then you need a job after the 2020 election, you basically have two options. One attempt to treasonous coup. And when that doesn't work, two bigotry think tank. That's all you got. And that right there, what I just said, is the top of Mark Meadows resume for sure. So Meadows and a bunch of Trump lackeys, along with the Heritage Foundation, that's another bigotry think tank,

they created Project 2025 and wrote a 922 page playbook describing their detailed version of evil and stupid on every single political topic. For example, the playbook includes a top to bottom overhaul of the Department of Justice. So whatever could that be about? No idea. In particular, the DOJ would lose independence from the executive branch. I don't know what this is about, but they're doing something. And at that point, once that independence is lost, the FBI as part of the DOJ would be instructed to stop investigating harmful misinformation campaigns. Instead, the FBI would be refocused on prosecuting the distribution

of abortion pills. Yeah. Right. So like, look, if rule number one is the rules don't apply to us, you don't need to read the other 921 pages to know what you're dealing with. No. Yeah. The best part about this section is that they're very clearly describing Stalin's great purge, but they've never read a history book that wasn't written by David Barton. So they're like, it shall be called the great going away of people we don't like that. Exiting of the not us is shit.

Come back to us. We'll have a good title. They're just going to go with purge eventually. So another big part of the playbook is abolishing anything that seems woke to idiots who get scared by that word and put it in scare quotes. Of course, that includes getting rid of vaccine requirements for government employees, like the entire military, for example that includes getting rid of vaccine requirements for government employees, like the entire military, for example. Also, getting rid of any government programs that promote

diversity, equity, and inclusion. And just in case the religious angle wasn't obvious enough, their battle plan explicitly mentions religious freedom as the reason why we can't have diversity, equity, and inclusion. It's a fun, accidental moment of honesty there. Here's an example from the first few pages of their bigotry tome. Quote, today, the left is threatening the tax exempt status of churches that reject woke progressivism. Yeah, despite our best efforts, that's not remotely fucking true. Manifesting, manifesting.

I loved that. Yeah, also the other churches. So continuing, they will soon turn to Christian schools and clubs with the same totalitarian intent. The next conservative president must make religious institutions hard targets for woke culture warriors. This starts with deleting the terms sexual orientation and gender identity, diversity, equity, and inclusion from all government regulations. Wow. Boy, does that say a lot.

It does. But also, but like, also just like reinserting those words would be super easy We could just put them back. I like how does that make them a hard target? It's a Van Damme movie guys. You used a hand in your thing. All right fellas. Let's get started All right, we're gonna get all this woke ism out of here. We hold these truths to be self-evident that all folks are Created equal shit. All right, we got a couple of this. All right now I can see this is a problem Are created equal shit all right we got a couple of this all right now. I can see this is a problem Yeah, and just to make sure we cement all the stupidity for generations to come the plan also involves destroying the education system It calls for mandatory exemption to any accreditation requirements for any school that

Sincerely holds their beliefs about things that are false or true or whatever. They can do whatever they want. And the exact language they use would apply to both a curriculum of nonsense and stupid magic and also apply to any bigotry behaviors the school might want to be doing in terms of hiring or admitting students as they are wont to do. It says says quote, prohibit accreditation agencies from requiring standards and criteria that undermine the religious beliefs of,

or require policies or conduct that conflict with, the religious mission or religious beliefs of the institution. Yeah, and anytime you hear that, it's worth reminding yourself how quickly anti-vaccine became a deeply held religious belief out of fucking nowhere. Right. Right. What that means is no making us follow rules. Period. Yep. Yes. Well, not just that. It's I get to get an equally valid medical degree in not following

the rules. Yeah. Specifically. Yeah. We're on base and we can make up bases if we want later too. Anything we want. So this is just horrible news. We've known about Project 2025 for a while and we've known about Project Blitz even longer. Project Blitz is the one we've been yelling about since 2018. Check out Noah's diatribe from episode 276. If you want to hear the words of the prophet about this shit, Project Blitz is basically the same plan as Project 2025, organized by crazy evangelicals to infect public policy with Christianity. And it's named after the term used by literal Nazis that were taking over Europe really fast in a lightning war.

So that's fun. And Project 2025 is a ramped up version of that. And it got a whole bunch of extra media attention recently, including from John Oliver. So that getting public, it's great for Trump's base of Christian right lunatics. They love this project, but it might be a negative for undecided voters in swing states. Although like predicting, predicting the brain activity of someone who's undecided right now feels absurd and I don't know what even that means.

Either way, Trump wanted to distance himself from Project 2025 just in case it helps him in purple states to do that. So there was the big lie. Bottom line, just one more reminder, vote and vote correctly. You have to. So easy. So easy. It's such a super simple choice everybody. Yes You were all alive the last time this mistake was made. Yep. Yep. Sure were

And in survival knife of the spirit news tonight Fantastic, this feels like a really good time to mention that they're also trying to build their own fucking armies. Which granted is a thing we've known for a long time, but it's also something super duper worth keeping tabs on. Which is why I am disturbed to report to you that the Ascension Catholic Church in Missouri sent out a bulletin urging male members between the age of 18 and 29 to join their militia. Huh. age of 18 and 29 to join their militia. Huh? Which would be quote, dedicated to protecting the holy Eucharist, our

congregation, our clergy and the church grounds and quote, yeah, apparently we're coming for their Jesus crackers. They made a cracker defending army. Yeah. Amazing. But now we have to steal their crackers. Yeah. Oh, yeah.

Two votes. I can't even think of anything I'd rather do in my life than sneak past their idiot sentries and like rappel down into their dry storage in their stupid shirt and then definitely make a movie about our amazing cracker heist that we're going to do. Yes, Oceans ate your crackers. Eucharist control subtitle. going to do. Yes. Yeah. Oceans ate your crackers. Yes. Eucharist control subtitle. Cracker Jack.

Oh, fantastic. So yeah. So this went out with the church's weekly bulletin on June 16th. The bulletin contained a full page ad for the formation of a militia. Militia was their word, by the way, called the Legion of the Sanctilana. I looked that up. That means the Legion of the Holy Wool. Cool. No fucking idea. The advertisement promised training that would include

quote, strict physical fitness standards, classrooms, so no fatties, classroom study, and instruction in military operation, end quote. Classroom study? Well, yeah, well apparently we're coming for their Jesus crackers in a fucking phalanx Military operation part two. Okay. Well now there's got to be a phalanx. I mean it's gonna be a diversion for sure Well, yeah, but yeah definite phalanx. This is gonna be so much fun

I cannot wait just loudly explaining on our way. Well, our weakness is people who can do 15 burpees in a row If somebody serpentine I would not know what to do. I would have no idea. Dive roll? Where do you even aim? So the ad also included a QR code that would take you to an application where you could sign up to presumably roam the church grounds with machine guns like a Metal Gear side mission or something. And in case this doesn't sound terrifying to you, I should add that on the application it says that, quote, Ascension Parish in Chesterfield, Missouri has been chosen as the testing ground for the militia and if successful, I don't know if none of the crackers go missing, I

guess. Nobody eats our crackers. We hope to establish platoons at parishes around the world, end quote. Yikes. So yes. Establish platoons at parishes around the world end quote yikes So yes, so no an international intercontinental army beholden to the Catholic Church. That sounds like fun, huh guys? Huh, you go wrong together. We shall call it our shared crew mission We don't have a name

It'll come to us now I should admit up front that you can't actually check my claims as to what the application says because pretty much the instant the wider world got hold of this shit, they said like, Hey, are you guys plotting an insurrection with a Google form? And so the church had to take everything down and the application and the advertisement that led to it. The church also issued a statement insisting that there's no militia. There was never any plans to start.

What are you talking about? There's no need for armed guards to protect the Jesus cracker. But like it was their fucking bulletin. They're the ones that took it down. So forgive me if this whole, well, how the heck did that get there act isn't convincing me. I guess we won't know for sure until we see if a platoon shows up at a church near you. Okay.

I texted Ann during this story, this is our wedding now. That's what we're doing for our wedding. The wedding is a heist. It's my favorite thing. Yeah. I can't wait. Awesome. Awesome. Fantastic. We throw the crackers instead of the bouquet. It's going to go great. Oh yeah.

Sure hope nobody's doing those three-person triangle push-ups because that would foil us. That would foil us. We are coming in a phalanx. And in which is be crazy news. A new Star Wars television show has force-wielding lesbian witches who can have magic babies, so you know what that means. What are the guys talking about? It's the newest, the greatest, Christian freak out. That's right. Fictional warlocks had a fictional baby impossibly, and so Christians are losing their minds.

After all, that plot is stolen right from their book, damn it, minus the lesbian part. So we're going to talk about it. OK, so first of all, not the first virgin birth in the Star Wars canon. Darth Vader was born of a virgin, of course. And secondly, Christians can be pissed off at the acolyte when the Star Wars fans are finished with it, okay?

They have dibs. Are you not liking it? You're not enjoying it? So original. I didn't see me. I haven't watched the damn thing. So, not a Star Wars fan. I was going to say, yeah.

So this is from Disney's new show, The Acolyte, as Noah mentioned. Spoilers to the three of you that were planning on watching this, but this season follows the story of two force-wielding twins, one from the light side and one from the dark side, and their inevitable battle. Well, in episode three we get a bit of their origin story, and it turns out they were born in a bad fan fiction written by Tumblr. Also known as a coven of lesbian force witches who don't adhere to the light or the dark side of the force but somewhere in between and they have lesbian babies with their force

magic. I don't know why you're saying it in like a mocking, that sounds awesome. Okay, well there you go. You found your target audience everybody. And rather than being offended by how lazily written that is, Christians are mad about the gayness and the force magic part. Yeah. And by the way, if you're hearing clicks and mumbles in the background, that is millions

asterisk of moms as they type out angrily. Oh, don't get ahead of me. I did feel a great disturbance in the force as if millions asterisk of voices had just cried out in terror Motherfuckers were not suddenly silenced though. They never shut up these Yeah, yeah, so of course speaking of which can I borrow a death star? Does earth and it gets Monica Cole is it a net good I feel like it might be a net good So yes as my co-host

intimated, when it comes to Christian freakouts, there is no source more reliable than Monica Cole and the folks over at the fractionally named 1 million moms. Here's what they had to say, quote, alerting all parents currently available to stream on Disney+, Disney's latest series, Star Wars the Acolyte, pushes the LGBTQ agenda and witchcraft. Recently released in June of 2024, the Acolyte will use the imaginary force to create children from lesbians. Wait, okay, does she think, like, that the uterus just falls out after a certain amount of lesbianing? Yeah, that's the scissoring doesn't get pregnant this exclusively gay moment

Makes it apparent where Disney Plus stands in the culture war if parents were not already aware of the media Company's cultural stand. Okay. So first of all, what the fuck is the word exclusively doing there? I don't understand what work is doing. Secondly, you just called the Virgin Mary gay. But third, does she think there are people like on her mailing list that aren't already anti-Disney? I'll tell you what, when they start making force babies in the Star Wars,

that's when we're doing the boycott, hon, all right? Right, yeah. She continues, quote, Disney Plus has been under pressure from the gay community to portray openly gay relationships in its TV shows and movies, including those created for families. What are the other ones created for? This lesbian storyline makes it extremely obvious. Parents presume that a streaming platform such as Disney Plus is designed for children, and it's the last place parents would expect their children to be confronted with content regarding sexual orientation and sorcery.

What? Yep, real quick. I did not make that up. That is her words, not mine. Issues of this nature are being introduced too early and too soon. And this type of content and becoming this type of content is becoming extremely common and unnecessary. Jesus get an editor lady.

I love that she added and sorcery in case anyone was in danger and taking her seriously. Wow. Yeah, no, but equally valid dangerous threats. So yeah, I mean, I don't know about you guys. It sounds to me like she's saying you can have lesbian procreating force, which is you just your kids should learn about them when they're older. Yeah, actually.

I got to admit though, Monica is getting up there in years And she still hasn't learned that nobody gives a fuck so maybe there's no age. You know maybe oh interesting. Maybe there's none and finally tonight in head of Road rage news we have a story about a Republican candidate for Missouri Secretary of State and a bitter dispute regarding the sexuality of automobile technology. And of course that means we also have an idiot fight. The candidate in question is Valentina Gomez,

who's hoping to win the GOP primary in August. The main pillars of her platform are homophobia and comically oversized weapons. And she happens to drive a Toyota Prius hybrid. So naturally, a bunch of Missouri Republicans got mad because hybrid fuel technology is gay. And then eventually the driver becomes gay. And then you have a gay secretary of state, if you're not careful. Whether or not what I just said is actually true is a real argument, a protracted argument that is actually happening right now with people who are allowed to vote.

Jesus fucking right. And look, even if you get past the homophobia part, the argument is literally, you don't hate the air enough for me to vote for you right so in response to being accused of Partially electric gayness, I guess Ms. Gomez posted a video in hopes of dispelling any damaging rumors before the upcoming primary in the video She steps out of her car and says,

they say driving a Prius is a little gay. And then there's a dramatic pause and she adds, until I pull out this little guy. And that's when she pulls out a giant assault rifle. What? Yep. Waves it around. And to caption her post, she wrote, The Prius is no longer gay. You're welcome. American flag emoji.

Well, are assault rifles not gay? I feel like there are at least gay assault rifles. I mean, to be honest, I have no sense of which genders any inanimate objects. Fuck. So I don't know, but I always assumed. OK, but guys, guys, Joe Biden didn't do as well at the roast battle as I wanted him to. So I think maybe I should actively empower this political party. It's really tricky for me, is what I'm saying. What do you do these days? It's tough. Yeah. So if you're extremely confused by all of that, I get it.

Let me try to explain. So Republicans are crazy people. That explains it. And apparently they're bigotries. They all start smushing together inside their stupid fucking faces. They've been homophobic for forever. And more recently, they decided this brand new technology called using electricity to power things.

That's bad. Very bad. Yeah. As an example, Marjorie Taylor Green attacked Transportation Secretary Pete Buttigieg for supporting electric vehicles. And she said he was trying to, quote, emasculate the way we drive. What? So, yeah, that's the angle from a bunch of Missouri Republicans Regarding Prius, I guess damn it back in my day. We hated Toyota's based on nationality. Okay We did it was really weird and Following the video response from Gomez it got even dumber somehow now. There's an aggressive Twitter fight about the like philosophical ramifications of all this. On one side, people who argue that a giant assault rifle proves

that Gomez and the Prius are not gay. And on the other side, people who insist that doesn't count for making stuff hetero, especially considering that you can't see the gun from outside the car what the car and the driver are still experientially gay to an outside she was really hetero she would mount it on the outside like in mad max right yeah or just always be shooting out the window. Okay, one other detail and, you know, speaking of Mad Max, this is very important, this detail. In a campaign video, Valentina Gomez shot a pile of gay books with a flamethrower.

That is a real campaign video she made. A candidate for elected office holding a flamethrower looks at the camera and says, this is what I will do to the grooming books when I become secretary of state. These books are from a Missouri public library. They will burn. And then she fires a flamethrower into a pile of books in a campaign video about gay people. Yeah. Jesus Christ. But Joe Biden is old. So like maybe I actively use the only power I have inside the current political system to elect this lady. I'm just saying this is a hard choice that a normal and chill person would have a hard time making. All right. Well, now I need a moment to scream into a pillow, so we're gonna wrap the headlines for the night. Heath, Eli, thanks as always.

And when we come back, we'll regret literacy yet again. Chinese! No, Ty, come on. Chinese food! Guys, what's with the hubbub? Oh, hey, Noah. Me and Heath are trying to decide what to have for dinner, but we just can't agree. If only there were more options.

Well, guys, if you're looking for great options for quick meals that taste great, why don't you just try Factor? What's Factor? Factor? No, absolutely not. That was me. That was me. That was me.

I call on the Council of Judges. It was very obviously me. Absolutely. Council of Judges. I call it. Fine. Nominate. Will Dasher-Mizzle. Veto. Seriously? My first nomination. Obviously Veto. Crunch Biggins. Yeah, accepted. With factor meals, you get a delicious- Miska the Wolf's Lider. I literally killed him. Veto. What? Morgan killed him challenge judgment your choice um Inside out little girl fine. He has a second quorum required though, okay Well, then we're down to two vetoes, and you just use yours I've read the bylaws factor has fresh never frozen meals that are ready in just two minutes You call all the puga pega corn. He's on the board what you used your vetoes doesn't matter He's on the board have you read the bylaws ofes. Doesn't matter. He's on the board.

Have you read the bylaws? Of course I've read the bylaws. You know what? Never mind. Rock, paper, scissors for a bylaws bypass. I'll do it for a third veto. No deal. When I first heard the term Christian apologetics, I got really excited and asked where I went

to take a number. But it turns out that that term actually kind of means the opposite of apologizing for the abuses of their religion, which we're going to learn more about in this week's installment of God Awful Books. So we've already gone through books one and two of C.S. Lewis's mere Christianity and found it way more mirror than we expected. In those books, C.S. proved to his own satisfaction and no one else's that God exists and that Jesus makes sense.

And now it's time to turn to book three, Christian behavior. That stuff's locked in now? I figured that it's already done. Yeah. Accepted as truth. Yep. So, yeah, no. So the first thing I wrote was like, I bet he's talking about a wildly different

behavior than the stuff we thought of when we read Christian behavior. And I'll back that up by pointing out that instead of the first chapter being called, you know, covering up child rape, it's about morality, right? Chapter one, the three parts of morality. He opens by trying to convince us that God's not a narc. He's actually pretty cool. It's like raising up being moral can be fun guys. If you think about it, rules are the most cash money way to chill.

We start with a dare class run by God except there's like a substitute teacher today and CS Lewis is the kid being like, you guys settle down. I'm trying to learn drug abuse resistance education here. This is serious. I thought the first paragraph was going to beat itself up and give itself a wedge. Can you knock the books out of the hands of a book is what I asked myself in this moment. So yeah, so we learned that morals are the lube for social penetration. He says that we need our morals corrected as we learn, you know, the social machine because, quote, when you are being taught how to use any machine, the instructor keeps saying, no, don't do it like that." End quote.

Right, I'm dying for a video of C.S. Lewis trying to learn to use a fucking lawnmower or whatever it was that he was talking about there. You know when you're learning to drive and the guy's like, God, you're a fucking idiot, C.S. Lewis. And then you go to your typewriter and start writing a book again. Fuck. Okay. Okay. Okay. Okay. Okay. And then you go to your typewriter and start writing a book again fuck, okay Yeah, and then he says quote there are all sorts of things that look alright and seem to you the natural way of treating the machine But do not really work and quote

Well, yeah, we're all pictured and fucking the lawnmower now, right? Yeah, 100% Okay, but it does explain why his instructor responded so violent me, right? Okay, but it does explain why his instructor responded so violently, right? Okay, yeah. Lawn mower theory, that's strong. The vibe I got is that CS tried to have sex with a person for the very first time at age 52 or something, right before starting this chapter, and that went so very bad. Okay. And then he started typing angrily, there's all sorts of things that look all right and

seem to you the natural way of treating the machine, but not really work apparently. He yells at you. It's so, and just when I'm wondering why he's so bad at machines, he switches analogies and he brings up how hard it is to add numbers again. Okay, if this book has a theme,

it's that addition is way harder for C.S. Lewis than it should be. Spends a lot of time on it. Yeah. Yeah, he's talking about how perfect ethical behavior is impossible, and he's like, yeah, so you know when somebody shows you three numbers, and you're like, adding? You son of a bitch, my old nemesis, we meet again. I will do the best Iis, we meet again. I will do the best I can, but no promises.

No promises, yeah. Okay, but the point of this whole section, right, is that you can't just aim for ideals, morally, right? You have to have hard definitions of right and wrong, which, aside from being a bad thing to say, is really saying something in a book that ignores 80% of the morality in your own religious text. Yes.

Right. So then he explains the two ways we go wrong morally, externally and internally, though he doesn't have all the brevity that I just used in just picking two fucking words. He has this whole flotilla analogy. It's so stupid. Well, every, every analogy he ever uses breaks apart immediately, right? Because he's like, so externally the boats need to not hit each other. And internally they need to all work and be in proper working

order. But then he's like, well, but I guess if they, if they didn't work, they'd hit each other. And then if they hit each other, they wouldn't work. So that's just two of the same thing. Let me switch to an orchestra analogy. Right. Yeah. The orchestra can't bang into each other. Fuck. Yeah. Right. And then he's like, but where's the flotilla going? What song is the orchestra playing? And I'm like, man, you are so bad at analogies. Okay. So I'm fucking a tuba. And then the captain is like, Hey man, that's not how the tiller works. What are you doing? Seems like the natural way to use this machine. I get kicked out of a Wendy's.

So yeah, I was talking about morality, right? Yeah, right. But so this ultimately resolves on the three parts of morality. First, harmony among individuals. Second, quote, what might be called tidying up or harmonizing the things inside the individual." And third, quote, the general purpose of human life as a whole.

Now, to be clear, morality is the first part. The other two are moralizing. Right. Yeah. So the ships have to not smash into each other. They have to not have giant holes and they have to agree on the teleological underpinnings of boatiness, quay boatiness. Yeah.

Just like adding three numbers. You do the best you can. You do the best you can. Right. Right. He also loses his goddamn mind with the colons in that third one. Yeah. To be fair, I wouldn't know where to end any of these sentences either. Okay. Yeah. There was an Oxford colon. There was. For real.

Also known as a Boris Johnson. I also love how he has to admit that two out of three of his definitions of morality, he spent the first two sections of the book saying rise naturally out of our belly buttons are prescriptive. Yes. Like, you know how you have to be taught to urinate and fart? Right. Reality's like that.

Right, yeah. And just as I finished writing my notes about how the other two are bullshit, he says in the book, he's like, well, you might have noticed how a lot of people would say those last two are bullshit. Like some of these assholes think you need to have some sort of victim for there to be a crime. Right. And then he drifts off and immediately contradicts himself. He says, almost all people at all the times, like ever in all of humanity, have agreed that morality is about being kind

and helpful and not victimizing others. So, fuck, did I lose another shower argument against myself? Yeah. Yeah, in my book. shower argument against myself? Yeah. In my book, while I'm typing, why do I bring this in the shower? He sounds like he's about to tell God that he's a free citizen traveling on the land and that you don't need a license for that. Right. And he's like, okay, so yeah, so, but the first one, yes, it does have, you know, things like war, poverty, lies, craft, theft, murder, rape, assault, and slavery. But the second one, the internal one, that has Doodle and your wang in it.

Exactly. Yeah, because look, he knows two thirds of the morality he claims to be internally motivated require reading select parts of his favorite book. Like what a coincidence that that's where you find those answers. Very select cherry picked ones to be clear, but yes. Exactly. So then he shifts gears to the second thing, the ill-defined tidying up thing.

And it's just a series of attributes that describe bad behavior, right? He's like, there's greed, there's intemperance, there's cowardice, et cetera. It's like he's saying that the key to being rich is having a lot of dollars. Yeah, he even tries to go back to the boat steering metaphor and he stumps himself again. He says, if all you do is steer the boat toward kind, helpful and not smashing other boats, but your boat is all shitty and it can't even steer, fuck!

I also love that. And I want to point out he makes a huge distinction here that we shouldn't talk about systematic fixes, right? Just personal ones. The opposite of what the actual answer is. He might as well be like, stop suggesting socialism and hit your kids more, damn it! Really? Yeah, that's the fucking base argument. He's like, you know, you can't make people good just by having laws that punish them when they're bad. And I'm like, I feel like you can though. Yeah.

I feel like you're about to explain some laws on a lake of fire, man. Right? Yep. Well, he actually says, now it might be tempting to just talk about quote, those parts of morality that all sensible people can agree on and quote, but we're not going to do that, right? And we don't want to leave out the unsensible people, after all. So he justifies his third thing, the right moral destination thing, by pointing out

that your boat doesn't even belong to you. You are in God's Navy. It's God's, yeah. He needed a victim for a victimless crime in his stupid boat metaphor, and he landed on the omnipotent God of the universe as a victim of the universe. Yes! Of the universe, yeah. And what a terrifying reminder to the extent that Christians want to rob you of your autonomy, right? In their worldview, you do not own your body.

Mm-hmm. Well, because if you did, you might sail it in a direction that God doesn't want. And that, I don't know if you know this, is an equal third as bad as raping people. If you think about it. And murder and war and graft. Yeah. And then he's like, this is, I love this goddamn argument so much. He's like, think about it. If you got a little bit grumpier every year and then you went to heaven and you lived forever, you would be damn grumpy in a million years.

Listen, man, you had trouble adding three numbers moments ago. Now you're talking about compound interest of exponential heaven grump. Yeah, right. Stay in your lane. Also, and this is so fucking weird. He says, if atheists are true and humans live only 70 years, then a society that lives thousands of years is more important than any individual. And I'm like, okay, well, how are like are things valued based on how long they exist?

Because they like we're abusing the shit out of some rocks if that's the case. Right. But also, yes, a society is more important. Does he think it's not? Not clear. Right. Not clear. But it was also he could present his stupid argument from, you know, force-field infinity Googleplex or whatever. If Christian people live to infinity, this is his theory, if they live to infinity, then one Christian person is infinity times more important than all of mortal society. Yep. Yep. But on that, he's convinced himself, damn it, there are three parts of morality,

and that's what we're going to work with. Okay. Every philosophy book that says there are exactly this many, whatever, it's wrong. Every time. We've got lists of Kant's categories, or like four keys to a successful marriage. It's a lot. Nope. There's going to be more every time. Don't you come for the K-Dog. So he also tells us the Gottman's.

It's not that great. Whatever. But he also tells us at the end of this chapter that quote, for the rest of this book, I'm going to assume the Christian point of view and look at the whole picture as it will be if Christianity is true. End quote. And I'm like, what were you doing until now, dude? Right. at the whole picture as it will be if Christianity is true." And I'm like, what were you doing until now, dude? Right.

Yeah, my man, you spent the first two sections of your book telling us that we all feel that Jesus is the triune God of the universe, deep down in our hearts throughout all cultures through history. We know which direction you're coming from in your worldview. Yeah. And then this is amazing. We move on to chapter two, the cardinal virtues. And once again, he starts this chapter by apologizing for the shortcomings of the previous chapter. He opens it up by going like, Hey, hey, that last chapter, I had to squeeze that into 10 minutes on the radio. It would have been way smarter if they'd given me 15.

Yeah. And spoiler alert podcast listener, having read this chapter, I can assure you he would not have. Nope. Okay. So yeah, he says the last section was originally for a 10 minute radio segment, but now it's a book. Yep. By you. Like, were you not able to get the page time authorization from yourself? Clearly not. For this? What is happening? Yeah, but he's going to give us the same information, but less dumb this time, or at least that's the theory. And I realized, like, guys, the reason that this is here is because he's been doing five

chapters per book and he doesn't have any other way of getting five chapters out of his threefold division. Okay, Mr. One One Hundredth of a second on our podcast. Let's be careful where we're throwing our stones. Alright, so it's so much less than one one hundredth. So, so he's going to tell us about the seven virtues, except no, he isn't. Apparently he couldn't get the page time from himself from all seven of Amir either. So we're just going to get the four cardinal virtues. Apparently there are also three theological virtues that only in his words, in his real

exact words that only Christians know about. Okay, there it is. Yeah. Wrote a whole chapter about exactly three virtues. Very next page. Okay. Okay. It's more like seven. It is more Yeah, and they're not divided evenly before you say a math question that I will have trouble with

And also three of them are secret secret. Yeah, he teases us with the secret virtues. He's not gonna tell us about those He's just gonna do the the four cardinal virtues Those virtues are of course prudence temperance justice and fortitude and I'm looking at those and I'm looking at me and I'm like, three out of four ain't bad. I got that right. Okay, look, I know what all those words mean. Two aren't virtues. One is, and one is a preference that is wildly subjective. Noah, does he have any insane definitions

that might make them all important? Yeah, no, it's great. So prudence means in his estimation, practical common sense, which is close to a non-definition as possible. What is that? Right? It means prudence means being cautious, showing care about the future, etc. But that's it on prudence. Just try not to be a fucking idiot, Steve. That's it. Then we move on to temperance. And he's like, look, temperance isn't about not drinking. It's about not doing anything that's fun. Right?

He assures us it's okay to drink just so long as you don't do it to the point of enjoyment. He even says, he's like, it's actually, if you think about it, it's those filthy Muslims that don't drink at all. Yeah. But he won't actually say Muslim there because it's like a naughty word to him. I think he says Mohammedanism. That's the tea total is weird. Super fact is by comparison.

That's how I'm referring to it from now on, by the way, Mohammedanism. But it's like he's taking Christianity aside and tell him to stop being such an asshole about beer. There's this amazing quote where he goes, quote, one of the marks of a certain type of bad man is that he cannot give up a thing himself without wanting everyone else to give it up. That is not the Christian way." Isn't it?

Yeah, said the man in his book about prescriptive morality. Yeah, right. He says that being drunk isn't any worse than being obsessed with, you know, your motorcycle, or, well, he says motor bicycle, or golf. And I'm like, okay, okay fair there's not worse than that Heath did you slip a fake chapter into mere Christianity? You have No, I don't have to tell you but those are not tied Being a drunk is so much better than the other two. Are you fairers? Right? Yeah You want to talk to a motorcycle or golf obsessed person? No, just somebody who's a little drunk all the time. No, way better, way better.

Yeah. Way better. Hawk too. Now, I also, I love how he has to divide the interests up misogynistically, right? Like he's like, if you're a man and obsessed with golf or motorcycles or a woman obsessed with clothes, bridge or your dog, he then goes on to justice, which he explains is not just the shit they do in court.

It's also about fair play. Heath. Okay. See now Noah slipped a section into the book. Okay. If Fortitude turns out to me not judging someone for how long they spend in bathrooms, I'm going to know it was all three of us in a boredom fugue state. So it's so fucking funny how little he has to say on justice, right? He's just like, he's like honesty, give and take, truthfulness. That's the same thing as honesty, man. Keeping promises and all that side of life. That's it. That's all he says on justice. And then he just moves on. Yeah. A lot of this book feels like a kid who like turned in the outline to the middle school English teacher. And now he like has to write a paragraph about letter C justice.

Yes. There's a point if I don't know exactly. That's exactly what it reads like. Like when he does fortitude here, right? He's like fortitude means guts. Really? C.S. Comption.

Heave ho. That's 25% of the virtues. My man. Well, like, look, this would be a great time to talk about how fortitude also means moral conviction in the face of no moving on oh four letters you nailed it in four letters great fucking job and then he explains that it's not enough to just do just or temperate things you also have to be a just or temperate person and I'm like what could that fucking possibly mean other than just doing just and

temperate things yeah that's the only thing he could mean, but he still tries to find the answer to that to fit his dumb categories thing. Does he have an analogy? He does, no, great question. He goes for a tennis analogy this time and he fucks it up right away. And then he tries to recover and stumps himself

yet again during his own book. He starts with talking about how like doing good stuff is different than being a good stuff doer. So he's already in trouble. And then he says, somebody who's not a good tennis player can make some good shots, but a truly good tennis player is defined by making lots of good shots.

And then he tries again outside the analogy. He swooshes back out and he's like, okay, doing just actions is different than the virtue of having done just actions. Therefore, fuck, what is happening right now? Yeah, but he offers three separate answers to our what the fuck are you even saying question. Number one is that it's not enough to do the right thing.

You have to do it for the right reason and not be all sulky about it. Yeah, right. But you had to write this book, man. Like doesn't it mean that anyone whose mind you changed is automatically disqualified? And I feel like he's trying to land on a defense of deontology versus consequentialism. But again, finish up the prereqs like, you know, adding and very simple tennis analogies. Then maybe you're ready for moral philosophy, man. Right.

So that was number one. Number two is that God doesn't just want obedience. He wants the obedient. I'm like, okay, you're just restating the premise again, dude. And then number three. He's stupid white cheaty. He's stupid white cheaty. He is, yep.

So number three is that we still need to be temperate and just and stuff even when we're in heaven. And I'm like, what the fuck? How is it heaven if you still have to worry about being just and temperate? Okay, thank you. Okay, this is the second time he has brought this up in the book, so I need to discuss it. C.S. Lewis seems to think that we'll go to heaven in the state of consciousness we died

in. Uh-huh. And I don't know if you've ever met an old person, but that is a terrifying prospect. Right. Just wandering around heaven for eternity, asking where your room is, telling people about how escalators were made when you were a kid. A lot of old timey slur words here in heaven. Wow, did not see that coming.

Also he ruins his own stupid infinity Googleplex argument from before here. He's saying that you need to develop every virtue while you're on earth because otherwise you can't appreciate heaven and be happy for infinity if you don't have all the virtues already built up. So he's saying you get about 75 years to pack for your trip to infinity. Yeah. So stupid. Seems pretty dumb. Yeah.

But apparently the most important reason to be moral is so that you don't embarrass CS in front of Jesus after you die. Okay, that is what I read too, right? It seems that he is saying if you're a jerk, you wouldn't enjoy heaven anyways because you just spend the whole time asking like, why angels have wings if they fly by magic? Can I say? He's got us there. I mean, he does have us there. No, he does.

Yeah, right, right. All right. So we set up a three-fold division, then we walked away from it and we explored a much better four-fold division with a secret three hidden within it or something. I don't know. And now it's time to go back to the tripartite system with a little more detail. But unfortunately for you and fortunately for us, that's going to have to wait for the next installment of God Awful Books. Before we move on to working on the next episode, I wanted to let you know that if you wanted to see God Awful Movies live in Boston, you probably missed your chance. Drug your feet too long.

There might be like one or two general admission tickets left and sometimes there are returns and stuff, but that window is basically closed to you now. So just, you know, keep that shit in mind the next time we announce a show. Anyway, that's all the blessing we've got for you tonight. But we'll be back in 10,022 minutes with more. If you can't wait that long, be able to look out for a brand new episode of our sister show, The Skeptical Guide. They've been out seven Eastern on Monday and even newer episode of our sister shows. Hot friend got off on movies day being at seven Eastern on Tuesday and even newer episode of our half social citation needed. They're doing it noon Eastern on Wednesday. I got most of the words out. Obviously this show couldn't reach your queue

until I thank Heath Enright for being my good friend, Eli Bosney for being my bad friend and Lucinda Lujans for being my best friend. I also need to thank the band Moody Boy, that's M-O-O-D-I-E featuring our very own Morgan Clark for providing this week's Farnsworth quote. Incidentally, they've got a new single releasing the same day as this episode called Don Quixote bought the wind farm. If you're into DMD minus, it's the kind of thing that Damien would love, right? It's that kind of song. So maybe I'll look out for that or check the show notes and find their Apple Music and

Spotify links there. But most of all, of course, I want to thank this week's most marvelous memelia, Robert Nicholas, Aaron, David, I.S., Daniel, Casey, Edgar Scott, and the history of money banking and trade. Robert Nicholas and Aaron whose condoms are Goodyear's backup plan. David, I, S, and Daniel, who have so much gravitas they affect the tides. Casey, Edgar, and Scott, who are so bright I needed sunglasses to read their names. And the history of money banking and trade, which is the largest historical topic to ever

donate money to us. Glad to know you're on our side. Together these ten people, initials, and grand swaths of human knowledge help keep us going this week by giving us money. Not everyone has the money it takes to give us money, but if you do, you can make a per episode donation at patreon.com slash scathingatheist, where I own early access to an extended ad-free version of every episode. Or you can make a one-time donation by clicking on the donate button on the right side of the homepage at scathingatheist.com.

And if you'd like to help, you spend all your money on inflation, you can also help a ton by leaving a five-star review, telling a friend about the show, and following us on social media. And speaking of social media, Tim Ro Robertson takes care of that for us. And our audio engineer is Morton Clark, who also wrote all the music that was used in this episode, which was used with permission, except for the Farnsworth quote, which I feel like he probably co-wrote that part. If you have questions, comments or death threats,

you'll find all the contact info on the contact page at scathingadius.com. Why do they have wings? Great question. Never thought about that. Yeah, right. Because if the wings were going to lift them up, they'd need like an enormous breastbone. Right. I remember seeing a picture one time of how big the breastbone would need to be to lift an angel, assuming they weigh about as much as we do. But even if you give them like hollow bones

and shit, it doesn't still be really gross to look at. The preceding podcast was a production of Puzzle and a Thunderstorm LLC copyright 2024, all rights reserved.