The Scathing Atheist - 596: Ear and Present Danger Edition

Episode Date: July 18, 2024

On this week’s episode: Christians pray the bullet spray away ... We learn that "Gay Furry Hackers" isn't just an amazing porn parody ... And we learn that if you suck enough, even hagiography can make you seem boring. --- To make a per episode donation at Patreon.com, click here: http://www.patreon.com/ScathingAtheist To buy our book, click here: https://www.amazon.com/Outbreak-Crisis-Religion-Ruined-Pandemic/dp/B08L2HSVS8/ If you see a news story you think we might be interested in, you can send it here: [e-mail] To check out our sister show, The Skepticrat, click here: https://audioboom.com/channel/the-skepticrat To check out our sister show’s hot friend, God Awful Movies, click here: https://audioboom.com/channel/god-awful-movies To check out our half-sister show, Citation Needed, click here: http://citationpod.com/ To check out our sister show’s sister show, D and D minus, click here: https://danddminus.libsyn.com/ --- Headlines: Christian Right responds to assassination attempt: https://religionnews.com/2024/07/13/faith-leaders-and-fellow-politicians-invoke-gods-protection-for-trump-in-wake-of-shooting/ https://ffrf.org/news/releases/ffrf-deplores-political-violence-questions-divine-providence-rhetoric/ https://www.friendlyatheist.com/p/watch-televangelist-kenneth-copelands Swiss right seeks to block Eurovision’s ‘celebration of satanism and occultism’: https://www.theguardian.com/tv-and-radio/article/2024/jul/12/swiss-right-seeks-to-block-eurovisions-celebration-of-satanism-and-occultism Judge rejects effort to subpoena Catholic Church records in WA: https://www.msn.com/en-us/news/other/judge-rejects-effort-by-washington-attorney-general-bob-ferguson-to-get-records-from-catholic-church/ar-BB1pTDV0 Heritage Foundation Exec Threatens ‘Gay Furry Hackers’ in Unhinged Texts: https://www.rollingstone.com/culture/culture-news/heritage-foundation-gay-furry-hackers-texts-1235057421/amp/ --- This Week in Misogyny: Ontario church shuts down after nobody will insure them against sex abuse: https://www.friendlyatheist.com/p/canadian-megachurch-halts-services Idaho woman unable to obtain emergency abortion: https://www.nytimes.com/2024/06/28/us/emergency-abortion-idaho-mother.html Synod promises to discuss female leadership next time: https://religionnews.com/2024/07/09/toned-down-synod-document-backs-female-leadership-but-not-as-deacons/ Gambia considers lifting ban on FGM: https://www.washingtonpost.com/world/2024/07/14/gambia-female-genital-cutting-fgm/

Warning, the following podcast uses the Lord's name in vain and makes graven images. This week's episode of The Scathing Atheist is brought to you by My Sheets Rock and by the only company that can defeat them in a fair fight, My Sheets Paper. And now, The Scathing Atheist. We that are many did what we do. In conflict with lies, fact piercing through. Evolve in your thought, from falseness to true. Filthy throwing reason like a monkey hurling poo.

Men, women, and all others in between. We did in fact evolve from filthy monkey men and women and all others. It's Thursday. It's July 18th. And that is not what we meant by Shoot Your Shot. I'm No Illusions. I'm Eli Bosnik. I'm Ethan Wright. And from Wyclefs, New Jersey, Ann Arbor, Michigan, and Waycross, Georgia, this is the Skating

Atheist. On this week's episode, Christians pray the spray away. We learn that gay furry hackers isn't just an amazing porn parody. And we learn that if you suck enough, even hagiography can make you seem boring. But first, the diatribe. I suppose we should talk about political violence, huh? Because we make a lot of jokes about it, right? Or at least I bleep out a lot of jokes about it. So we're under some obligation to have this discussion at this moment.

Now granted, the other side is led by a guy who promises to pay the legal fees of violent supporters who calls murderous Nazis very fine people and publicly joked about the attempted murder of Nancy Pelosi's husband. So let's do so while fully acknowledging that the other side doesn't have this conversation in moments like this, right? Let's be super clear as they desperately try to seize the higher ground on this shit, but let's have the discussion anyway. Right?

Because a lot of people have made these blanket statements like political violence is never the answer or political violence has no place in America. And that that's too simplistic to be either true or useful. Right? Like I get it. When bullets are flying, nuance is often sacrificed as collateral damage. People just want to say the most unequivocal thing possible to dial shit back. But obviously that's not true.

And virtually nobody thinks it is right. Like maybe there's some Gandhi and pacifists out there that might stand by that statement. Absolutely. But most of us agree that there's some time for political violence. Right? I mean, the obvious answer is Nazi Germany, but history offers us plenty of moments where a well-placed sniper could have saved countless lives and prevented untold suffering. So the question isn't whether political violence is acceptable.

The question is, when is it acceptable? Now the answer here is when the act prevents more problems than it creates, clearly prevents more problems than it creates. And political violence is not a genie you can put back in the bottle. If Donald Trump had died last weekend, that would not have been the end of his movement and it would not have been the end of the violence. There are still plenty of nonviolent options available that will have the same effect.

And then this is really the kind of thing, like violence is the kind of thing that has to be an act of last resort. As long as things like canvassing and volunteering for phone banks are more likely to get the job done than a bullet, resorting to violence is simple barbarism. more likely to get the job done than a bullet, resorting to violence is simple barbarism. Now, of course, that's not to say that there are no absolutes here. So let me shift gears a bit to talk about something that's never okay. And it's another thing that cropped up quite a bit in the

wake of the assassination attempt. It is never okay to start spreading conspiracy theory bullshit in the wake of a major news story. And I bring that up because I cannot tell you how many self-described skeptics and normally rational people were filling up my social media feeds with tinfoil hat speculation about a false flag operation. So for fuck's sake, I cannot believe I'm even having to say this. But no, Donald Trump did not fake a fucking assassination attempt on himself. Now, I'm obviously not saying this because Trump is too ethical to do something like that. He's not too ethical to do any fucking thing. And there are certainly historical instances where unscrupulous authoritarian leaders faked

attempts on their own lives. But come on, we're talking about Donald fucking Trump. What are the odds this would be the one thing he ever successfully pulls off? This is a man who tried to fake a weather forecast with a fucking sharpie if Donald Trump tried to fake an assassination attempt It would look like something out of WWE But of course you don't need to know any of that shit to know not to spread conspiracy theories about it online all you have to know there is that you don't have any positive evidence that it was fake and No being real convenient to his campaign or making him look kind of badass isn't evidence.

The fact that somebody benefited from something doesn't mean they did it. We've been down that road. We've seen where it leads. Guys, that leads to paranoid rants about juice box liners turning the frogs gay. Look, being a skeptic is hard work. It involves a lot more than just memorizing the right answers on a series of subjects, but most aspiring skeptics do pretty good when the subject is vaccine hesitancy or homeopathy or bigfoot-citing shit we talk about all the time.

But we really find out where we are in these chaotic moments where the skeptical community hasn't already provided a critical thinking cheat sheet. And if you took to the interwebs in the hours or days after this story broke to wonder out loud about whether we should trust the official story, you still have some growing to do as a skeptic and as a rational thinker. And keep in mind, that would remain true even if it turned out it was faked, because being right by accident does not validate your thinking process. Joining me for headlines tonight are the sustenuto and soft to my sustain, Heath Enright and Eli Bosnik. Fellas, are you ready to get worked by the penis for a change?

OK, I like that you named them in a different order to make Eli soft. Hey, well, he didn't know until you told him. But OK, yeah. OK, jokes on you guys., he didn't know until you told him. But OK, yeah. OK, jokes on you guys. I still don't know what we're saying. All right. Well, quick before he explains, we're going to pause for a word from this week's sponsor, My Sheets Rock. A podcast listener, you know, with Anna and Max gone for this week, I've gotten our

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My Sheets Rock. Comfortable, but oh so lonely. Dude, you need a hobby. I have a hobby! Touch some grass. Missing my family. And now back to the headlines. In our lead story tonight, you can now tick survived an assassination attempt off of Trump's

impressively long list of prophesied Antichrist attributes. Like, honestly, I know their side is the one with the ominous prophecy and shit, but at this point, he couldn't be a better match for Satan's hype man unless JD Vance had emerged from the sea with seven heads and ten horns. Yes, he even has the spots. Come on, people. But as ever, the selective awareness of the group that once accused Obama of being the Antichrist because the beast of revelation has the feet of a bear and Chicago also has the bears was on display as they all but universally proclaimed last weekend that God personally

intervened and just nudged the bullet out of the way into an innocent bystander. Onto a volunteer fire chief diving in front of his family. Okay. If you're taking credit for this, I feel like your prayers are up for manslaughter now. Really? Okay. Trump got shot in the ear and he's fine. Really? Okay. So there is no God QED. I think we can wrap up the show. Yeah, we did it. We did it. Yeah, honestly. So leading the way was Florida Senator and man who honestly thought Trump was

going to get over the little hands debate jive long enough to pick him for Veep Marco Rubio. So sad. So sad. Who claimed that quote, God protected Donald Trump end quote, not enough to keep him from getting wounded mind you, but protected him still. It's weird how God needed an assist from a gaggle of secret service agents, but mysterious ways and all. House Speaker Mike Johnson took time off of chastising his own penis to echo that sentiment, adding that God miraculously protected Trump just like he did with George Washington that one time. Okay, you know what? Let me be fair. Either there is no God or God hates Abraham Lincoln. And most Americans worship that God. So your call, Christianity, whichever you want.

Heath, I hate to know and on the air, but I think you're underestimating the amount of modern day Americans who hate Abraham Lincoln. Yeah, there's all the Trump voters I think. Yeah. Now, not to be outdone, Texas Lieutenant Governor Dan Patrick said to Trump on social media that quote, God has had his hand on you since you first ran for president. No man could survive all that you have been through without the grace of God, end quote. What he's been through, meaning presumably working for 18 minutes a day and periodically throwing ketchup at Fox News.

And as if in correction of that joke, Ben Carson chimed in to enumerate those travails. Quote, actually, Eli, do you mind taking the Ben Carson quote here? Obviously, of course. Yeah, I'll hear him. They tried to bankrupt him. They tried to slander him. They tried to imprison him. Now they have tried to kill him. They tried to slander him. They tried to imprison him. Now they have tried to kill him. But if God is protecting him, they will never succeed." End quote.

They tried to slander him? Yeah. Okay. Let's test that out real quick. I'm going to try to slander him. Trump is a bad person. Trump is a bad person. Fuck! I can't say Trump is a bad person. Okay, there I got it. I got it. Oh, you did it. Oh, wait, no, no, no. That's not slander. That's true.

He is touché. Ben Carson. No, it is. It's impossible to slander him because there's no terrible thing that you could say about him that isn't true. Yeah. So, Charlie Kirk got a little more explicit with his theories of divine intervention, suggesting God used a gust of wind to push that bullet ever

So slightly so that would only nick Trump's ear which implied that God still wanted Trump to suffer just not to die But of course nobody speaks more Hagiographically about Donald Trump than Donald Trump who agreed with the divine intervention theory saying quote God alone prevented the with a divine intervention theory saying quote, God alone prevented the unthinkable from happening, end quote. And while it is nowhere near the biggest lie that man has told, I want to assure everybody listening at home that it is in fact very thinkable.

I thought about it so hard. I think about it. Me too. Meditate is honestly the word. It's a mantra. Okay, what bothers me the most, other than the survival part, obviously, is Rigby, how getting shot in the ear and then doing a defiant fist in the air thing is great for the Trump campaign. Yeah, that is a great move by a God who wants Donald Trump to win.

Like, I'm seriously rooting now for for like Joe Biden to be able to dodge a hail of gunfire like Neo during an event up on stage. It's grazed a few times and he's like, yeah, fist bump. And he does a set of one arm pushups with blood trickling down his face. Oh, Joe can do it. The deep state needs to get on their game and make that happen. Yeah. It's the only way we're taking this home in November.

George Soros, get hiring. We need special effects people. Get the NASA guys. Those ones are good. Yeah, no, those NASA guys are great at that. Yeah. But not to be outdone. Televangelist skin masks stretched too tightly over a dodecahedron and man who once cured the covid pandemic by sweating at it through a TV screen, Kenneth Copeland managed to give the credit to God and hijack it at the same time.

Yeah. During a live stream on Sunday night, Copeland invited his daughter and his son-in-law on stage with him to pray for Donald Trump's ear. And in case that wasn't dumb enough, they all held their hands over their right ears while they did so. And in case that wasn't dumb enough, they all held their hands over their right ears while they did so. And in case that wasn't dumb enough, wait, it gets even dumber. Kenneth Copeland got his left and right mixed up and somehow managed to look even dumber than all the other people asking God to put a bandaid on a dude's ear did. Wait, Lefty Lucy, right? Lefty? No, no, stage lefty Lucy. Oh no, that's screwed. I'm a prophet of God. Fuck.

Folks, it is a scene that would have been cut from the mighty gemstones for lack of subtlety. It's insane. Watch the clip if you can, yeah. Righteous. So yeah, so there you have it. God deflected the bullet into Trump's ear with Kenneth Copeland's help, which admittedly isn't bad as far as divine intervention goes. That being said, God deflected Joe Biden's whole assassin from even showing up. And he didn't even have Kenneth Copeland assisting him on that. So if anybody's inclined to vote for God's chosen candidate, I still feel like you got to go with Joe.

Got to go with Joe Biden. You still got to go with Joe. It's true. And in singing a Swiss news. You know, we get the occasional complaint here at this scathing atheist that our show is too US centric. Oh, swing and a miss. Thank you. Nailed it. But the truth is that the good old US of A

is just better at hitting that sweet spot of dangerous religious insanity that's still fun to make fun of. Looking at you, Saudi Arabia. But every once in a while, a beautiful European theocrat makes a stand crazy enough to catch our attention. And that's exactly what happened this week as the Christian Conservative Federal Democratic

Union of Switzerland, or EDU party, declared that they will attempt to block any city's attempt to host the Eurovision singing contest next year because it enables Satanism. Well, only if you watch it backwards, but yes. contest next year because it enables Satanism. Well, only if you only if you watch it backwards. But yes. OK, that just feels like good news, though. The evil team is coming out with a hard stance against Abba, Celine Dion and epic sax guy with no sleeves.

Fucking good luck with that. Right. Yeah. Really? Exactly. Yeah. So so first off that guy fucks so hard he fucks so hard So hard I want to see him have a sax fight with like Billy Joel's epic. Oh, yes Or just have him fuck and then Kenny G comes down like cage match undertaker style They beat the shit out of him. And they kill him. The Lost Boys guy tags him at the last second. Excellent, fantastic, yes. Right, so first off, big thanks to Matt for sending us this story to scathingnewsatgmail.com.

Listeners who send us news of the latest bullshitery are the Nemo to our baby Thug. And if you just pictured two Disney characters and some offensive cosplay, you need to broaden your horizons. No. Yeah, that's fair. Anyways, you might be saying to yourself, I didn't realize Switzerland had a major right-wing

Christian party in their government. And that's because they don't. The EDU currently holds just one seat in the Swiss National Council, but that still makes them a pain in the ass because the country is one of those damn democracies you've heard so much about. And so the EDU gets to put the loan application for any city hoping to host the event in Switzerland to a vote. Okay.

But then the vote happens and the city gets it. That's nothing. Yeah. No, it's like if you ignore my asinine warbling, I'll have no choice but to warble some more kind of a thing. Exactly. They're like kidnappers who forgot the hostage part. What do they do?

I will slow down your husband's return from work. Yeah, exactly. So what do the evil giraffes on Mars of Swiss politics object to about Eurovision? Well, as I mentioned at the top, it's the Satan worship. The party posted on social media, quote, the Eurovision song contest

is a ghastly propaganda occasion. A country that provides a stage to such disgusting trash won't elevate its image but merely showcase its own intellectual decline, end quote. But that's not all. Samuel Kuhlmann, a senior EDU politician, told the Swiss broadcaster SRF his party was

disturbed by Eurovision's increasing, quote, celebration, or at least tolerance of, Satanism and occultism. End quote. Evil to tolerance. Yes. He concludes more and more artists present openly occultist messages and underline them with respective symbols. End quote. I wonder why they do that person feverishly giving them free publicity.

We should look into that and see why. And look, I should point out usually when Christians say Satanist, they mean gay people existing and that is also true here. The Swiss winner Nemo, who's the reason Switzerland is up for hosting in the first place, is the first non-binary person to win the contest in its 68 year history. And I'm sure the EDU aren't happy about that, but to the panicky Christians credit, a sentence I thought I wouldn't have to say, the Irish contestant last year did wear devil horns and perform in a pentagram of candles. And don't get me wrong, I don't care. And I still think these guys are assholes.

They just, you know, they're not imagining everything. Can you imagine if Christian people just like openly flaunted their belief with visible symbols? We live in a society. Exactly. Obviously. Yeah. Either way, we'll see what ends up happening when the contest kicks off proper. No matter what they do, I'm sure it'll upset some bigots. And when it does, we'll be here to tell you about it. And on that note, we're going to take a quick break and hand things over to my lovely wife,

Lucinda. A man wrote the Bible. A horse was smart. If it's a legitimate race. It is a slot, right? Cooking can be fun. Hey, I'm proud of a man. This week in Misogyny.

So let me start off by apologizing for my prolonged absence. I was sick, then I was in Vegas for a week, then I was sick again, which was fucking crazy. But now I'm back and holy hell has a lot of misogyny piled up in my inbox in the meantime. So let's start our international tour of sexism in Ontario, where an influential megachurch had to close its doors a couple weeks ago because their ongoing sex abuse scandal was so bad and so widespread, and the response to the problems so inadequate, that their insurance company refused to cover them against future abuse claims. And no other insurance company was willing to step up and fill in at any price. Now in the bulletin to church members where they announced their worship

services, Sunday school and home church gatherings were canceled. They said it was because quote, our history still causes insurers to view us as a significant go forward risk, end quote. And I want to be clear that that's bullshit. Insurance companies don't insure

the past, they insure the present. And what these companies are saying is that at present, this church isn't doing enough to prevent abuse. And from there, we're gonna move back a couple of time zones and a couple of centuries to Idaho where their draconian abortion restrictions are regularly threatening the lives of pregnant people.

So quick thanks to JC for sending me this expose in the New York Times about an Idaho woman named Nicole Miller. Miss Miller woke up 20 weeks into her pregnancy, bleeding heavily in desperate need of an emergency abortion. So she went to Utah. Now she didn't wanna go there. She went to a local hospital hemorrhaging

and leaking amniotic fluid and said, please help. But they said, sorry, evacuating wombs makes the baby Jesus cry. So they put her on a plane and flew her on a 14 hour emergency trip so that she wouldn't have to sacrifice her life on the altar of right wing misogyny. Because the laws are so ambiguous in Idaho that none of the doctors there knew if they could lose their license for giving her the life saving care she needed.

And the SCOTUS by the way, which had an opportunity to clarify whether abortion banning states still had to comply with the federal law demanding ER physicians provide abortions in life-threatening emergencies, and they declined to do so. But don't worry, not all the news I brought this week is bad, and for the good news, we'll travel to Rome, where the Vatican announced that the upcoming, and ridiculously named, synod on synodality in October will be focused on the role of female leadership in the church going forward. So you know, they're not really doing anything yet, but they've got thinking about doing something on the schedule.

We are welcome. And that's where the good news ends, because I have to wrap up this week on some particularly dark shit. Because we're going to close in Gambia, where lawmakers are considering rolling back the already feeble protections the laws there have against female genital mutilation. See, in that tiny West African

nation, that heinous practice has been officially banned since 2015. But in the intervening nine years, only two people have been prosecuted for it. And this is in a country where an estimated three out of every four vaginas has been religiously mutilated.

But even that inadequate protection is currently under fire. Lawmakers advanced a bill earlier this year that would repeal the ban entirely. There was a panel of doctors and medical experts and shit that was convened and recommended keeping the ban in place. But if you're considering carving out clitorises to make women more compliant, I feel like it's safe to say you've long since stopped listening to scientific expertise. We'll find out for sure on the 24th of this month, apparently, if not earlier. So yeah, that's what's been going on while I was away. So you can see why I sometimes need these extended hiatuses. But I promise to be back again soon. And with that, I'll hand you back over to Noah, Heath, and Eli.

Thank you, Lucinda. And in molest is more news tonight. A Washington state judge decided last Friday that state attorney general Bob Ferguson already knew about plenty of Catholic child sex abuse coverups and knowing about every single one of them would be excessive. Therefore, he will not be allowed to enforce a subpoena

that sought decades of records from the Seattle archdiocese to determine whether they use charitable trust funds to cover up sexual abuse by priests. Okay, but that's the rule, right? Each team in court gets one evidence. That's what you get. Otherwise, it gets completely out of hand. Like you remember Miracle on 34th Street?

Right, yes. One letter to Santo was fine. I don't know where you guys got this idea of the truth, the whole truth and nothing but the truth, but that's not a legal thing. Okay? Right, yeah, obviously. It's a whole truth. That's a lot of truth.

So yeah, so Washington is one of the 23 states that is investigating or has investigated the Catholic Church's worldwide policy of covering up child rape. You got to wonder what the fuck the priorities are for those other 27, but I digress. Okay, those 27 are not states anymore. Make a law. That's a law. You can be a state again when you clean up your room. Right.

How about that? Yes, we'll give you your electoral votes back then. And it's also one of the 23 states that the Vatican claims is only doing this out of anti-Catholic animus, which is even harder to sell in this instance since the AG leading the charge is Catholic. Okay, but if anyone should have anti-Catholic animus, it's a Catholic, right? Right. They're stuck in the fucking system. A lot of them that went to their schools, yeah. But nevertheless, they're crying prejudice, calling the subpoena excessive and irrelevant and bemoaning the fact that it demands every single receipt from the archdiocese going

all the way back to 1940. Also known as your financial records. They wanted your financial records, right? Because when you're looking for misappropriated funds, most of your financial records is kind of useless, especially when you get to decide which most. It's like a Brett Kavanaugh calendar, but with missing days on that insane already calendar. Sorry, does your not raping kids calendar say redacted right here over this day? Can you imagine getting caught raping kids as an organization and then having the audacity

to think that anything the other side does, including fucking tying you to the hood of their truck as a warning to others, is excessive? Right! Yes, it would be impossible to be excessive in this circumstance. Now for their part, the Seattle Archdiocese has vowed to cooperate with the investigation to provide records regardless of this ruling, but of course, the only reason the subpoena was issued in the first place is because the Archdiocese was stonewalling Ferguson. So, no, the fuck they won't cooperate. Obviously.

And it's worth emphasizing here, look, the number of victims and abusers uncovered by previous statewide investigations is directly proportional to the amount of court intervention involved in those investigations. Oh, the opposite of cooperation? Yes, exactly. In other words, the less they rely on the church's voluntary cooperation, the more abusers they uncover. Because fucking duh. And finally tonight, in Fursona Non Grata news. Yeah. And finally tonight in Fursona non grata news. Nice. Fantastic.

The Christian right think tank behind Project 2025, known as the Heritage Foundation, got hacked by a team of self-described gay furry hacktivists. And the bigots are furriest. Fantastic. And now I know why you chose this story, Heath. There it was. And I'm done. That's the end of the story.

The whole show's over, buddy. I'll explain the other stuff anyway. The Hacktivist Collective goes by the name SiegedSec, and they've been running a campaign called OPTRANS Rights, targeting conservative groups that are supporting anti-trans legislation and or attempting to remove bodily autonomy from the uterus endowed. rights, targeting conservative groups that are supporting anti-trans legislation and or attempting to remove bodily autonomy from the uterus endowed. They're a great, great group. In their latest attack, hackers acquired a bunch of information about people involved

with the Heritage Foundation, including full names and email addresses. And last week, they released that information to expose the bigots because fuck those people. Yeah. No. Oh look, an itemized list of people Trump's never heard of. That's weird. Yeah, and look, not to diminish the good work that the people at SiegeSec are doing, but when your opponent's passwords are overwhelmingly password1234, it is a little easier. Okay, so can we at least admit? And a big thanks to Jamie and Esteban for sending us the links to skatingnews at gmail.com.

So just in case anyone's not familiar, furry is a term for an enthusiast in the field of anthropomorphic animal characters. Anna. What are the guys talking about? It's the newest, the greatest, Christian freak out. And the furry fandom subculture often involves cosplay of those characters also known as for Sonas Anna

And sometimes the people are gay Anna triple time She's on vacation, okay, she's here. She's here somehow so basically Sieged sec embodies every irrational fear of the Christian right plus a real one the hacking That being said the hackers didn't like steal any credit cards or social security numbers All they did was name names of people involved with the Heritage Foundation But apparently being exposed as a supporter of the thing you support is a big problem. Well, you know, they used to wear hoods back in the day.

I love that when the right docs somebody, they give like the home address of a college kid to right-wing lunatics who send death rents. And when the left docs somebody, they say where you work every day. Not even that. Just your name, your email. Yeah.

So the leaked information was from the Heritage Foundation's propaganda site called The Daily Signal. Don't go there. I went to check it out. And on the front page, I immediately saw photos of Tucker Carlson and JD Vance. So right away, I closed it like it was a fucking box of bees in a panic. So it's no surprise that one of the Daily Signal's high-level staff members

is a former Homeland Security official from the Trump administration named Mike Howell. Howell is also the executive director of the Heritage Foundation's oversight project focused on border security and election fraud in quotes as they see it. And Howell was in charge of communicating with a representative for the hackers named Vio following the data breach. Howell did so very badly. He started by asking for a phone call and Vio said, no you old piece of shit. We're obviously staying with tech.

Let's work. Meet me at the police station and we'll talk about this. I said, no, you old piece of shit. We're obviously staying with tech. We're not doing a phone call. Let's work, meet me at the police station and we'll talk about this. I love, by the way, that he's in charge of border security and election fraud. Those two famously related subjects. Right, because in truth, he's the head of Bullshit Problem We Made Up to Motivate

Low Information Voters, but they can't call it that Yeah, yeah actually that group the oversight project their third thing I didn't mention it is just like China in general. It's country election fraud and China the country side note on the front page of the Daily Signals website right now You will find an article titled God didn't just save Trump He may have saved the United States to written by Ben Shapiro. See also diatron. OK, so how will ask Vio about the reason for the attack? And Vio explained that the entire purpose was to shame the people involved with the

Heritage Foundation because of the evil and Added we don't want money or fame and then how will responded? That's why you hacked us just for that. I read their whole text And from there how launched into an absurd series of threats it escalated so fast He said quote listen to me closely. We are in the process of, right, yeah, if you start anything with listen to me closely.

Well, especially a text. In text, yeah. We are in the process of identifying and outing members of your group. Reputations and lives will be destroyed. Closeted furries will be presented to the world for the degenerate perverts they are." End quote. And then, and then bio explained that no, no, you're lying.

None of that's happening. Did he really just train a duck season, rabbit season, duck season, duck season, the hackers? Yeah. She's like, no, I'm extorting you actually as it turns out I have a certain set of skills. Nope. I'm gonna stop you right there You don't you asked for a phone call at the beginning of this so Howell just continued screaming into a text thread. He said you cannot hide Your means are mincule compared to mine. You can either turn yourself

in or you can cooperate. Would you like to meet virtually or send an emissary to meet in person? Oh my God. Vile responded. No. Okay. I look, I don't like to give notes on perfect comedy, but the fact that they didn't send just a random guy in a fursuit You can see me Just a fursuit in a ski mask Viya, I'm dad Viya. I'm just say just again. Just let us know when do you guys want to start a hacker collective just? Don't have any of those computer skills, but I will show apparently it's a password one two, three four. We got it That's true. That's fair. Okay, so

What happens when a crazy bigot from the Heritage Foundation is doing very badly in an argument? natural law of the Christian Lord Howell continued quote God created nature and nature's laws are vicious That's why you have to put on a perverted animal costume to satisfy your sexual Deviances, are you aware that you won't be able to wear a furry tiger costume when you're getting pounded in the ass in the federal prison? I put you in next year in the federal prison I put you in next year?" And quote. Bio responded,

yeah, I'm gonna share this entire thread to the entire world right away. To which Howell said, please share widely. I hope the word spreads as fast as the STDs do in your degenerate furry community. And then Bio said, meow, cat face, image of cat fucking incredible and bio added

What's your opinion on vor? Yeah? by the way is short for Vararophilia the genre of erotic art about people and animals eating each other how all had No response to that which I think speaks volumes. A hundred percent. Yes. This guy is amazing. He said to himself, you know what will really dissuade them is me flailing like a frustrated idiot in a cage on a permanent medium. That'll show them.

Why would he think bantering with the hackers was going to have a good result for him? Yeah, right. You joined a foundation about losing arguments to the internet my man Right has that ever worked you just like win an argument on text with a hacker. They're like alright We're not active now So in response to the story about this whole thing by Rolling Stone the Heritage Foundation Sent out an official statement explaining how they were not actually hacked because technically the personal information from the Daily Signal was found on a different site, so that doesn't

count and all their information is totally secure. Which is weird considering they put a high level executive on the job of negotiating with a hacker about the data that was totally secure. And that executive sounded like a crazy person yelling louder and louder while being dragged out of a town meeting by security. But over text somehow. Gotta love the crescendo of insane ranting hoping to counteract the day crescendo of being dragged away

Text right and on that unusually satisfying note, we're gonna wrap up the headlines for the night Heath. Eli. Thanks as always And when we come back Feel luckier for the stellar animation of super friends than I ever did before to super friends than I ever did before. Natural law is vicious! Over on God Awful Movies, we're celebrating Mormon Movie Month with a selection of terrible movies from America's nuttiest contribution to theology, but not all Mormon bat shittery we found is feature length, which is why it's time for another installment of... God Awful Minis.

So tell us Heath, what will we be breaking down today? We watched the animated stories from the Book of Mormon, the Joseph Smith story by Living Scriptures Incorporated. Oh really? I missed that. Yeah, it's the story of Joseph Smith and missing that typo minus all the interesting parts about Joseph Smith. Right.

Like they have so many insane lies that are perfect for a movie. They skip all of it. And Eli, how bad was this mini? Well, if you love the sometimes literal whitewashing of Joseph Smith's life we see over on God awful movies during Mormon movie month, but you want to see just how little they're willing to tell their kids the truth about their profit. You will love this mini. They might as well have spent 24 minutes pronouncing Joseph Smith.

Right. Honestly. Yeah. I think it's Jospa. Well, Jospa Smith. Yeah. Or is there anything you guys want to nominate this one for being the best at being the worst at?

Yeah, I'm going to go with best worst late musical. I was so delighted. Like they forgot. Yeah. It was insane. Two thirds through this thing and then they break into song out of nowhere. I was so happy. You can't become a musical that late in the game.

What is this, Bollywood? Yeah. So I was going to go with Best Worst getting to the point, right? And I've heard my citation needed essays. I know what I'm saying here, but this movie gets to its fucking point about eight seconds before it ends. Sure does. Sure does. And I'm going to go with Best Worst brag. Keep in mind, Joseph Smith is the prophet of Mormonism and this movie will spend significantly more time on he wants no pussy during his tonsillitis.

Yeah. Honestly. All right. So we're going to start off with a title screen that promises the Joseph Smith story. Sorry, where was the typo? Was it here or? It was at the website. It had it listed as the Joseph Smith story. Sorry, where was the typo? Was it here or? It was at the website. It had it listed as the Joseph Smith story. Oh, okay. All right. I just want to make sure I didn't miss it in the title screen. So yeah, we get the Joseph Smith story and I'm like, well, I'd hope there'd be a content warning then for the kids, but no. So we opened up in Lebanon, New Hampshire in 1813 and Joseph's a little kid and his leg hurts from the typhus. I like that Mormonism started all the way on the top right and then they just everybody

fucking hated them and they slowly had to just move on that diagonal down into Utah. They sure did. They sure did. Somehow I have a feeling they're going to end up in southwest California. I don't know how, but they'll figure it out. So yeah, but little Joey is worried that his leg is going to have to be amputated because it's all add up with the typhus, right? And it's just as dramatic as it could possibly be. And look, I would imagine that, you know, having your leg nearly amputated because of typhus is pretty rough. But to start the movie there, he's just like, we start off on this kid going, daddy, why won't Jesus just let me die?

Yes. Calm the fuck down. Frog and toad survive AIDS. And dad is like, well, the question is, why is God keeping you alive? Because it's really fucking jamming me up here. It's expensive to have a sick kid, 18, 13, and a hut. Well, and so what they're trying to present here is that so all their kids got typhus, but none of them died because Jesus. Now the mortality rate for typhus at the time was about 11% and it was concentrated in people

above like over the age of 50. So the odds that these like that's not, we need not resort to miracles to explain this statistical anomaly, right? Right. Yeah, but the doctor who shows up when he says that is like, wait, none of you died of typhus? Well, there's definitely a miracle going on here. Well, and what's amazing is that the guy is saying that there must be a miracle going on is the doctor who brought with him a gaggle of other doctors.

I brought a bunch of doctors to watch. Do you mind? It's our kink. We want to watch. Yeah. So 70 doctors show up to do Jesus's will. They'll need snacks. They did not come having eaten.

Yeah. Right. And so they go in to see Joseph and he's like, good news. We're not going to amputate. And he's like, great. He's like, we're just going to open up your leg and we're going to carve away most of the bone and we don't have away most of the bone and We don't have anesthetic yet. Yeah, I like that. He does a little call and response with his medical homies, right?

He's like, so what do we do when there's typhus and they're like Amputate I got the sort ringing ready to go Hey kid, can I tear this kid's leg in half for Christ? With the power of the Holy Spirit I can. Yeah. And so Joseph, the kid is like, please don't amputate my leg. And the doctor's like, yeah, no, no, no, don't worry. No amputation.

It's just going to be, I'm going to a flay your skin entirely and then a drill into the bone. Here's the bone saw that I have right here. Children's cartoon. It's going to be like, that's the noise it Here's the bone saw that I have. Ding! Right here. Children's cartoon. It's gonna be like, Eek! That's the noise it's gonna make. Fucking the mice from Watership Down are over there being like,

that's a little match, man. That's a little match. Wanna turn it down? So they're like, yeah, so we're gonna have to tie you down cause you're gonna thrash a lot. And he's like, actually I'm too tough for that. And his parents are like, yeah, he actually is too tough for that.

He, you don't have to worry about him. And then he's like, okay, well at least drink this, this whiskey as an anesthetic. And he's like, I don't drink whiskey. I'm, I'm too Christian for that. And he's like, oh, you must be pretty tough. Why? Why would the doctor listen to this? Right? Right. Cause like if they're lying and they are, you're just going to have a screaming, bleeding child to tie down in about zero seconds. Right. Like what you'd say is, okay, well, we'll just tie it down just in case.

I know you won't need it, but just in case we'll have it there. Right? Yeah. Don't touch the strap. Ah, you touched the strap. You said you were just going to stay still. I didn't even start yet. He's pump faking with the saw ah

Two for flinching So but then Joey sends his mom off this ain't stuff for ladies to see right and Then we cut outside where all the kids are talking about well You know they couldn't possibly have started the surgery yet because we don't hear him screaming in miserable pain yet Right, right. Right. Right. OK, so this is a weird brag. He's like magically stoic even as a child.

But like, no, he's a serial killer, if that's actually true. Yes. Fun fact. Right. It ends up being the serial killer thing. It sure does. Yeah. Right.

Right. But even in the movie, like even in their cartoon, he's like, well, yeah, he yelled a little bit. He did. He did yell. So I don't know what the fuck they were setting up because we cut right to him yelling, you know. So then, so the gaggle of doctors leave having done the Lord's work. So then okay, so we jump seven years later we're in Palmyra, New York. We cut to a Bible thumper thump in his Bible. We see a cartoon horse for a second who is visibly angry to be in this movie as a cartoon

It's pretty fun. He got cut from Pocahontas had to take this one Keep his sag after card Nag after Off the fucking dome ladies and and gentlemen. Well done. There we go. Well done. It's the end of the podcast. So yeah, so but then we're at church with the family, right?

And the preacher is up there talking to preach into hard determinism, I guess. Right. And as we're doing that, as he's doing that, because the movie recognizes that, you know, this is a kid's cartoon, you can't just have hard determinism. They're doing frog stick, frog shenanigans, like they're playing DND with Anna the whole time. But they leave and they have this whole like Joseph Smith going like, I don't think determinism is right. Kind of a moment, right? Like he's, he's into his theological doctrine early. Yes. And this is going to introduce the main conflict of the movie, right? Which is that Joseph hasn't gotten baptized and he won't get baptized until he figures out which Christianity is right.

And I just have to point out how fucking hilarious that is, because the answer that he is going to come up with is the Christianity that is all about me. Yep. I'm going to get baptized in my self-ism. Yeah. That would be like if Heath was a consummate bachelor on this show and then he ended up marrying himself. Wait a minute. Also, I like that this comes up as an argument for the family while they're riding home after church and dad pulls over to deal with this argument about baptism and determinism. Yeah, mom screams in horror.

They screech the car and it carries to a halt, which is hard to do when you don't have rubber tires. Yeah, I'm sorry, hard to turn. I'll turn this thing around right now. I'll turn this card around right now. Go right back to the church. How dare you? So, yeah, so and we reinforce this, right?

We get a scene after that of like the reverend coming by the house to talk to dad and tell him that, you know, Joey needs to get baptized or he'll burn in hell for eternity. Yeah. And can I say this guy is scared off very easily, right? He's like, Oh, your son's going to go to hell. And he's like, I'll talk to him about it. He's like, all right, go fuck myself. Goodbye. Oh, okay. Well, if you're going to talk to him, then that's it. Cartoons only 24 minutes. I guess I'll be showing myself. Yeah, exactly. So that evening we get mom leading the family in Bible study, right? She just happens to be talking about the importance

of baptism and getting baptized and how you'll burn in hell if you don't get baptized, right? That's today's lesson. And this room full of people, everyone visibly hates what's happening in their cartoon. The vibes in their cartoon are super bad. It's like a timeshare presentation about genocide is happening. They're all like, mom, give me the golf clubs.

Well, I love to cause like they have this big argument. They argue more about Joseph and whether he'll get baptized. And finally dad chimes in and he says, and this is the extent of his, his conversation. He says, I think it's time for you to decide which church to join, Joseph. That's it. That's the talking to him that he promised the reverend that he would do. He has pulled that off.

And Joe is like, yes, sir. So then he gets, he gets like invited to like a stage coach church by the local store owner, right? He goes to this like crowd of 11 people. One of them is drinking on a bench. Okay. I like that guy. Going to the revival and getting drunk looks fun. Like this guy's having a good time. Yeah. 1813 or 1820, whatever it is. Just roasting the whole time. When the pastor says it's okay to drink and the drunk character agrees with him, I wrote my notes, Heath's grandpa is fucking loving this sermon.

Yeah, right, right. See, even the part of the right part of with him. I wrote my notes. Heath's grandpa is fucking loving this sermon. Yeah, right, right. See, even the part of the right part of the state, yeah. Sermons need more hecklers. Is that a thing? Do people ever heckle? No, no, I found that the hard way, yeah. It might be our entire profession, Heath. Yeah, right, right.

So on the way, so they're walking home from that one. That one wasn't the right church either. So Hiram asks if he's made up his mind yet. And he says, well, you know, the Lord saved me from the typhus that he gave me. So I owe it to him to really think hard on this subject. So it's that night in a clever bit of foreshadowing, we see Joseph Smith sleeping in bed with a whole bunch of different people. In this instance, it's his family, but you get, you know, he gets used to it.

Yeah. What do we always say? Big love starts with family, right? That's exactly right. Yeah, which is weird. Dumb Toretto gets it. Exactly, yeah. And I always think it's weird

when they show this in cartoons, right? Cause it's supposed to be like down, homey and quaint, but when you consider that like there are 18 year olds in the bed, that definitely means jerking off next to your family or not jerking off and people don't do that second thing. So it's definitely weird. It's pretty fucking weird.

Joseph, why are you making a saw noise and over there in the corner? What are you doing? It's my leg. It's my leg does that. Typhus. Just doing a typhus. So yeah, but so but everybody else is asleep. He stays up all night reading the Bible by candlelight

Hiram what wakes up at one place like what are you doing? Just because like being being pious as being pious I wasn't touching anything reading the Bible reading the Bible. He says are you still worried about the plot? He's like, yes the single thing that this movie's got going for it So I think what I'm gonna do is I'm gonna ask God which church to join and Hiram's like, oh cool You could do that right now and he's like, well, I feel like I would do a montage and a song. No, you can need a montage. I have a secret hiding spot for gold. Cut. Cut. Yeah. So, all right. So then we cut to fucking Greg Locke's church. Yeah. Ichabod Crane has given a sermon. Yep. Palmyra was apparently the spot for lying to idiots with your traveling God carnival thing.

It really was though, right? That was the burned over district at that point. So yeah, there was quite a bit of that going on. And can I say as a former resident of upstate New York, tracks, fucking still tracks. You could have gone to any of Heathurized Little Games as a kid and been like, I invented a religion and four People would be like let's hear him out. Yeah, my little league games. I believe is what he I was talking about there What did I say you just said little games?

So yeah, but what Joseph Smith is dealing with here is the problem that no two Christianities agree what that word means. Right? Right. So he leaves, he walks away from Greg Locke's church and he's out walking in the woods because you can't talk to God just anywhere. And then a fucking song busts out of nowhere. It's amazing.

It's so good this musical montage because they were show they were one completely sure this was going to be their whole new world and to introduce it way too late in their animated movie. You know, instead of a magic carpet, he's like banging the dust out of a dirty rug. Upstate New York. Instead of a magic carpet. He's like banging the dust out of a dirty rug Upstate New York also, I have a question at one point in this montage. He's plowing There's no way the plow rope is supposed to be around your neck, right? Actually, no, it's not around his neck. It's around his back. That actually is how that's done Yeah, I feel like that cost a lot of workplace industry

It's right his back that actually is how that's done. Yeah, I feel like that cost a lot of workplace industry injuries During this montage they show a bunch more of those like revival meetings and they all have like very sad Turnout like they use a tight crowd shot to try to make it seem less bad in a Dude, which is weird. Well, so okay so you didn't watch the other because we watched two other cartoons from this series in the Last got off movies you were off marsh was on that one And so you hadn't seen yet these animators lazy ass habit of drawing crowds as like four people, but trust us There's more back there somewhere. Yeah, we assure you

There's a crowd crowd work and like two cells for 10 seconds or whatever right right yeah and only one person in the crowd moves at a time yeah it's a bit of a thing with this whole series everybody's the background from Street Fighter 2 yeah they're just doing like one that looks like masturbation so yeah so but basically what we're seeing is through this montage everywhere you go people are arguing about theology and nobody knows which Christianity is right. I also, we should point out that they reuse animation in this montage, in this musical. They like cycle back around at a certain point. Oh my God.

He in the montage, we watch him think that Bible passage he read during the Bible reading montage not once, but twice. Sure does. Yeah. and he's always reading exactly the middle page of the Bible whenever so weird the vibe right there that's where they keep it so they also show him chopping wood and he's not chopping what he's chopping the stump that you would put wood lazy ass animators they're like we're put wood in there. We'll put some wood in there to split. So, okay, so the song resolves,

we cut to the following morning. There's a ton of like padding the runtime morning establishing shots now. Mm-hmm. For like a minute and a half. But this is when Joey goes out to the woods to ask God which Christianity is the correct one after all. Right?

Because apparently he came up with this idea and then gave it three or four days before he pulled the trigger. I guess it's like, it's probably like working up your courage to ask somebody to prom or something. Yeah, before I asked somebody to prom, I walked around and did a little singing for four days.

And then I was like, okay, I got it. Yes, no, you sung a song, you hung out with the forest creatures. There's this one, he goes to walk out in the woods and there's this rabbit that like is really invested. Like the rabbit also would like to know which Christianity is correct. It's going to hang out for the rest of the scene. It will. Scientologist rabbit being like, okay, it's my guy.

And then, It's my guy here. He gets attacked by a dark cloud, much like Keith trying to ask someone out to help. Yeah, he starts to pray and there's a weird sound effect. He's like, who's that? I mean, you're in the woods. Is that a T-Rex? No. So he goes to pray again and there's another weird sound. He goes, oh, okay. All right. So the water's moving out in concentric circles. What's going on here? And then he tries to pray one last time and suddenly a dark cloud appears around him and chokes him out.

Chokes him unconscious. Yeah. That's usually how the night ends for people in upstate New York in my experience. And Heath asking someone out to prom. I guess it's all coming together. I came to. But luckily just before he passes out he does manage to utter the you know get behind me Satan spell or whatever so the cloud dissipates and it comes to some sometime later and God and Jesus appear before him. Yeah, he wakes up in like the shaft of light but it looked like a spotlight for a second. I want't be like, fuck, is there a reprise of that song? No. So, yeah. So, so, but God and Jesus appear, they look identical, right? So I guess that makes sense because they're the same guy. Like Holy ghost probably looks the

same as them too. So yeah. So, so he's like, he's like, all right, so Jesus, well, I've got your ear, which is the right church? And Jesus says, actually, they all suck. They're all bad. What we need is you to start a new one. Right? Because he even says, he's like, well, then how can people be good Christians? He's like, you, Joseph, you're how people can be good Christians.

You got to make up your own church with cocaine and sister wives. With literal cocaine and literal hookers. Yeah, I don't know if they had cocaine, but he certainly has some shrooms. So then we cut back to the family, right? They're all at the house getting ready for dinner. Joseph comes back in. Now in real life, of course, what he just came in from was like ducking out of work all day, right? Cause he's supposed to be doing farm work. He just wandered out in the woods and didn't come back. They're going to leave that part out of the story. He comes back from a hard day and not accomplishing anything. And mom's like, Hey, are you okay?

And he's like, yeah, I had a revelation from Jesus. I'm going to start my own church. And she's like, great. I'm on board. I like how he walks in and he says nothing and he's just in a visible snip and his mom's like, Hey, Joseph, do you walk in and immediately start actively pouting in your melancholy. Yeah, right. Did you dramatically pose against the fireplace for a monologue? Are you holding a cue card that says what's wrong? Bad space work in this cartoon. So, yeah, he says, he says, Mom, I'm sorry, it turns out your church is bullshit.

And I actually am going to be I'm going to create a new church that's even better. And she's like, yep, I also think that's correct. Right. To be clear, that's not what happened in their story. Nope. Right. In their story that this family of con men made up, they didn't believe him. And that's why I had to show him the place. Like, get your own life straight, people. It's your movie. Exactly. Exactly. But instead, she says, yep.

And then we just have a happy pan out from the log cabin. And everything just went great for Joey from that point on. All I learned, moms are maniacally supportive. That's just a fact of the universe. Good lesson. Not Joey's. And of course, if you want more where that one came from, be sure to tune into God Awful Movies or be on the lookout for the next installment of God Awful Minis.

Before we drop the mics this week, I want to put down some pillows or something. Those things are fucking expensive. I don't want to get dented. Anyway, that's all the blasphemy we've got for you tonight, but we'll be back in 10,022 minutes with more. If you can't wait that long, be on the lookout for a brand new episode of our Sister-Souls Hot Friend God Awful Movies, being at 7 Eastern on Tuesday and even newer episode of our half sister So citation needed debuting at noon Eastern on Wednesday

Obviously, I can't call this an episode if I neglected thank Heath and right who always answers the call of duty Eli Bozniak Who always answers the call of nature and Lucinda Lujans who always answers the call of me answering the call of nature? But then being out of toilet paper and needing her to run some upstairs Um, she also does a bunch of other stuff But hey when somebody does that shit for you and you need it, it's the only thing that matters in the whole goddamn world. Anyway, sorry. I also got to thank Chad for providing this week's Malifluous Farnsworth quote. Can't wait to see you at QED, Chad. But most of all, of course, I want to thank this week's best bipeds, who I will thank by name

next week. If you're a patron, you're about to hear why I'm in such a hurry in the extra stuff after the show. If not, you're just going to trust me that I had a good reason. Together, these delightfully patient people propagated our profane proclamations against the punishing putrescence of the pulpit this week by giving us money. Not everybody has the money it takes to give some to us. But if you do, you can make a per episode donation to patreon.com slash scathing atheist, whereby you'll have access to an extended ad free version of every episode. Or you can make a one time donation by clicking on the donate button on the right side of the homepage at scathingadius.com. And if you'd like to help but not in a giving away perfectly good money kind of way, you can make a one time donation by clicking on the donate button on the right side of the homepage at scaling ad.com. And if you'd like to help but not in a giving away perfectly good money kind of way,

you can also help a ton by leaving a five star review, telling a friend about the show and following us on social media. And speaking of social media, Tim Robson handles that for us and our audio engineer is Morgan Clark, who also wrote all the music that was used in the episode, which was used with permission. If you have questions, comments or death threats, you'll find all the contact info on the contact page at scalingavius.com. Lot of sexes in culture, huh? Bill Clinton. Yeah. Guess remember that anybody guys, I think the sky super funny joke. Thank you.

Topical. Let me give, let me give Noah a tweet at it here. Heath at this point, yeah, so I'm nervous that this is all getting in. That's right, it's all making it in. So first... It's all in.