The Scathing Atheist - 597: Veep What You Sew Edition

Episode Date: July 25, 2024

In this week’s episode, Trump finally agrees to share billing with the god of the universe, Tucker Carlson's hair looks like an omelet, and Marsh will be here to pour some cold water on ice baths. --- To make a per episode donation at Patreon.com, click here: http://www.patreon.com/ScathingAtheist To buy our book, click here: https://www.amazon.com/Outbreak-Crisis-Religion-Ruined-Pandemic/dp/B08L2HSVS8/ If you see a news story you think we might be interested in, you can send it here: [e-mail] To check out our sister show, The Skepticrat, click here: https://audioboom.com/channel/the-skepticrat To check out our sister show’s hot friend, God Awful Movies, click here: https://audioboom.com/channel/god-awful-movies To check out our half-sister show, Citation Needed, click here: http://citationpod.com/ To check out our sister show’s sister show, D and D minus, click here: https://danddminus.libsyn.com/ --- Guest Links: Check out more from Marsh on Be Reasonable and Skeptics with a K --- Headlines: Trump proclaims "I had God on my side" during RNC speech: https://www.christianpost.com/news/trump-reflects-on-shooting-in-rnc-speech-i-had-god-on-my-side.html Russia bans ruble toilet paper: https://www.themoscowtimes.com/2024/07/18/russia-bans-ruble-toilet-paper-a85756 Ryan Burge’s church shuts down: https://apnews.com/article/illinois-christian-baptist-church-closure-religious-trends-c6b9e938eb228c8018fb911b02a791f0 Far-right MEP vows to have priest rid European Parliament of ‘devils’: https://www.politico.eu/article/far-right-mep-diana-sosoaca-vows-to-bring-priest-to-cleanse-the-european-parliament-of-devils-romania-sos-party/ Subway worker turns away customers for offensive shirts, they cry “Christian persecution” https://www.lgbtqnation.com/2024/07/subway-worker-denies-conservative-christians-service-because-of-their-outrageous-t-shirts/ Tucker Carlson tells RNC attendees they are in a "spiritual battle" against people who want to "kill Christians": https://www.rightwingwatch.org/post/tucker-carlson-tells-rnc-attendees-they-are-in-a-spiritual-battle-against-people-who-want-to-kill-christians/

Warning, it's not that this podcast isn't safe for work, it's that work isn't safe for this podcast. This week's episode of The Skating Atheist is brought to you by HelloFresh, Mint Mobile, and by the new breath freshener for debating Christians, Arguments. Arguments. Because I can't say it in a way that won't piss you off, but my fuck-offs can at least smell great. And now, The Skating Atheist.

Look, I'm not saying that there aren't parallel universes where you evolved from a grilled cheese sandwich. I'm just saying that in this reality, but one that matters to you, you did in fact evolve from filthy monkey man. It's Thursday. It's July 25th. And it's National Hot Fudge Sunday Day! Okay, and until they let you eat the fudge right out of the jar without being judgy about it, I guess that'll have to do. It's weird to have that on a Thursday. I'm no illusions.

I'm Eli Bosnik. I'm Heathen Wright. And from Joe Rogan's, New Jersey, and over in Michigan at Waycross, Georgia, this is the Skating Atheist. On this week's episode, Trump finally agrees to share billing with the God of the universe. Tucker Carlson's hair looks like an omelet still. And Mars will be here to pour some cold water on ice baths. But first, the diatron. Oh, I'm sorry.

Were you expecting someone else? Not prepared for a woman? Well, I'm sorry to give you something in common with Donald Trump, but here we are, aren't we? And all I'm saying is you motherfuckers better let me eat my cupcakes this time. So I've probably talked about this on the show before, or maybe Noah has, but on election day of 2016, I spent the afternoon baking cupcakes. It was the most patriotic thing I ever did. I voted in the morning,

then went home and baked red, white and blue cupcakes in the afternoon so that I could use them to celebrate our first female president in the evening. And then hope died and joy withered and all the light drained from the future. And the last thing any of us wanted to do was eat a star spangled cupcake. So they just sat there on the dining room table for three days until I threw them away. And those two dozen desiccated cupcakes have been a symbol to me of this nation's misogyny

ever since. That moment I came face to face with the fact that this country would choose the least prepared, least intelligent, least moral person to ever head a major party ticket over a well-qualified woman. And because of that, we've literally rolled back women's rights in this country by more than half a century. Now, to be fair to America, most of us did pick the woman, most of us who voted anyway. We only got Trump because our system is literally designed to favor the worst of us. But that's the same system we're using this time. It's a system that was intentionally crafted to favor racists and bigots.

And now our nominee is a woman of color. Of course, we absolutely shouldn't let that get in the way of our nomination. If we decide our nominee based on their hate, then their bigotry becomes our bigotry. And we don't need to cater to their bigotry. We need to counter it. We need to hope harder than they hate. And I'm not going to lie to you. I'm not sure we can do that.

In fact, I'm scared as hell that we can't. I was in the riding with Biden camp because old centrist white guy seems safe and I think he's been a pretty damn good president. Harris seems more like the swing for the fences kind of candidate and that only works if you hit the ball. But to be fair, from what I've seen over the last couple of days, I'm starting to think that she can knock this thing out of the fucking park. See, I first fell in love with Kamala Harris as many of you did during the Brett Kavanaugh I'm starting to think that she can knock this thing out of the fucking park.

See, I first fell in love with Kamala Harris, as many of you did during the Brett Kavanaugh hearings. He was in there dodging questions about Roe versus Wade, like an agent in the Matrix when Kamala comes up behind him like Trinity with her dodge this line. She goes, can you think of any laws that give the government power to make decisions about the male body. And he stands there like a dog that just got caught shitting on the rug for a solid 10 seconds and goes, um, I'm happy to answer a more specific question. Then she gives him that the fuck you just say look and asked the question again.

And the man withered before her gaze. And finally he says, I'm not thinking of any right now. Of course, we all know the tragic ending to that story, which is that the rapist gets to be a Supreme Court justice and he goes on to overturn Roe versus Wade and strip the right to bodily autonomy from millions of Americans. But we saw what it looked like

when Kamala Harris throws a punch and y'all it looked pretty damn awesome. Now look I don't mean to sugarcoat this. This is going to be a hard fight. Sacrificing incumbency was a big gamble and changing candidates at the last minute doesn't have a great historical track record. But these are unprecedented times so maybe they do call for unprecedented measures. All I know is that I'm going to do my part. We're going to volunteer time and donate money and bang the drum and get out the vote. And you're going to do the same because despite the devastating memories of 2016, I'm going to make celebratory cupcakes again in November. And if I don't get to eat them this time,

I'm breaking out the goddamn hammer Joining me for headlines tonight are the iron and cobalt to my nickel Heath and writing Eli Bosnick fellas. Are you feeling attractive? Flux yeah, they do this Ferris no other option Please keep listening to the podcast. I promise I am only a third of it. While Eli workshops some better magnet puns, we're going to pause for a word from this week's first sponsor, HelloFresh. Flux, yeah.

Test Eli's metal. And dude, when the paramedics came? Oh man, the looks on their faces. Hey guys, what are you talking about? Oh hey Noah, we were just talking about our weekly tradition. Free apps at Fridays. They fall for it every time. Every time.

They fall for what? Oh yeah, so we go to TGI Fridays. Or sometimes Ruby Tuesdays. Sometimes Ruby Tuesdays, exactly. We order some apps and then we grievously injure ourselves with those apps and they compass the apps almost every time. They sure do. Oh, indeed.

Right, guys. But if you want free appetizers without the, oh my God, are those mozzarella burns? Absolutely. These are mozzarella burns. Right. Yeah. So without those, why don't you just sign up for HelloFresh? Oh, what's HelloFresh?

Oh, what's HelloFresh? With HelloFresh, you get farm fresh, pre-portioned ingredients and seasonal recipes delivered right to your doorstep. Skip trips to the grocery store and count on HelloFresh to make home cooking easy, fun and affordable. That's why it's America's number one meal kit. I don't know, Noah. Don't those meal kits get kind of samey?

Not HelloFresh. Ditch the meal planning woes and dive into HelloFresh's biggest menu yet with over 50 recipes and even more market items to choose from every single week. 50 recipes, that's a lot of variety. It sure is. HelloFresh sent us a box to try when they became a sponsor

and I love how the menu included healthy quick options as well as date night special treats. And all of it unpacked from the box in their own bags in seconds. That's why I know Illusions personally endorse HelloFresh. All right, Noah, I'm sold. Where do I sign up? Go to hellofresh.com slash scathing apps

for free appetizers for life. One appetizer item per box while subscription is active. That's free appetizers for life at hellofresh.com slash scathing apps. Awesome. Thanks, Noah. So did you guys go to the hospital at least? More like the Ma's but all. So, yes.

Yeah, we were there for a while. Right. And now back to the headlines. In our lead story tonight, in here is the mind-killer news After almost getting murdered in the face Donald Trump gave a speech at the Republican National Convention last week Reclaiming that he's being protected by God Which God apparently does very badly. Yeah lukewarm on Trump at best apparently does very badly. Got lukewarm on Trump at best. Nonetheless, Trump got on stage and told the audience about his divine status. He said, I'm not even supposed to be here today. At which point, Kevin Smith threw a bowling ball through his TV screen. And then

after the crowd chanted, yes, you are a bunch of times, Trump said, quote, I stand before you in this arena only by the grace of Almighty God. Well, yeah, but like, okay, but of all the presidential candidates of my lifetime, God let you get the most shot in the face, right? You're like, you're still clearly his least favorite. Most shot in the face so far, Noah.

Don't jinx it. Well, all I'm saying is AOC should be calling for God to step down as well, right? Thank you. Yes, please. So given the assassination attempt, Trump's writing team put together a deep, self-reflective address, all about having a spiritual awakening following a near-death experience and the importance of coming together in national unity.

But they forgot who was going to be reading that speech. Trump lasted several entire minutes before getting completely bored and ignoring the teleprompter and spending the rest of the time lying about the election he lost and complaining about immigrants and expressing his keen interest in the rules of women's sports. And I know it sounds like I'm editorializing, but that's all 100 percent accurate. And also, I said almost exactly the same thing as the Christian Post in their article.

Really? Here's the very first sentence of their article about the Trump speech. Quote, Donald Trump proclaimed that he had God on his side as he reflected on the assassination attempt that nearly took his life last Saturday evening in a speech that also included a promise to keep men from competing in women's sports and exact what? When you're as close to death as I was, you think about the important things like college swim time.

Honestly, even if that was a thing that was happening, right? Like if Lady Ballers was a goddamn documentary, that would be such a stupid and petty thing to waste the powers of the presidency on, right? This would be like campaigning for president on the promise you were gonna fix the pothole on the corner of Wilgerson North 38th and Sheboygan. But in this instance, if I'd made up Sheboygan, right?

And it was through the p's no such thing as Shabuigan. The pothole and the Shire. OK, so here's the account of the shooting that we got from Trump during the speech. He started by saying, you'll never hear it for me a second time because it's actually too painful to tell. And then he told the story. It was a warm, beautiful day. Music was loudly playing and the campaign was doing really well.

I went to the stage and the crowd was cheering wildly. I began speaking very strongly, powerfully, and happily. Because I was discussing the great job my administration did on immigration at the southern border. Nobody's ever spoken more powerfully. I had the most powerful words. What? Yeah, even if it were true, a sane person wouldn't narrate that part.

What the fuck is happening? And from there, Trump described being hit in the ear by the bullet and then getting tackled by Secret Service agents. He said, quote, There was blood pouring everywhere. And yet in a certain way, I felt very safe because I had God on my side. End quote. And then moments later, as if he was doing a set for the Comedy Central roast of the divine creator himself, Trump explained how God was not so much on the side of Corey Comperatore, the firefighter who got killed, but his family got some thoughts and prayers from Trump. So that was good. Oh, that's good I was better vessel forgot to strike down Cory who I think we can all agree is God's greatest nemesis

So here's what I learned the Christian right is worshipping a God with very severe ADHD according to their story God was totally planning to protect Donald Trump But forgot to like set an alert on his God phone about that in Pennsylvania And then God ran in at the last minute all out of breath just as the bullet was starting to fly. He's like fuck And he blew the bullet just wide straight into a Christian volunteer firefighter and father of two.

And that very same infinite, a temporal God of the universe didn't quite have the attention span to give Donald Trump the attention span to give a speech about the infinite atemporal god of the universe. No, not quite. So weird. Not quite. And in shitting on other people's religion news, you might wonder, when they're not waging an illegal war in Ukraine, hacking foreign nations, murdering diplomats, or holding

another fake election, what does the Russian government actually do? Well, this week we got an answer to that pressing question as a Moscow court has banned the sale of toilet paper with printed patterns of the 1000 ruble bill on it for, that's right, offending religious feelings. Really? Nothing else happening in or around Russia that's offending any religious feelings? You're focused on the TP. Oh, yeah. Really? Nothing else happening in or around Russia that's offending any religious feelings? You're focused on the TP. Oh, yeah.

Really? Well, given the state of the economy, they might just switch to real rubles. Right. Yeah, exactly. Yeah. So you see, since the 1000 ruble banknote depicts Yoroslav the Wise, an 11th century Kievan Rus prince who was made a saint and canonized by the Russian Orthodox Church in 2016, wiping your ass with him is sacrilegious.

Right. Okay. It's a really specific law. Like, you're allowed to wipe your ass with paintings, post-its, pine cones. They're going to be a po poopaloo-poo. So the Russian court in question, Moscow's Prazhdyazhgrashdashdashdashdashdashdashdashdashdashdashdashdashdashdashdashdashdashdashdashdashdashdashdashdashdashdashdashdashdashdashdashdashdashdashdashdashdashdashdashdashdashdashdashdashdashdashdashdashdashdashdashdashdashdashdashdashdashdashdashdashdashdashdashdashdashdashdashdashdashdashdashdashdashdashdashdashdashdashdashdashdashdashdashdashdashdashdashdashdashdashdashdashdashdashdashdashdashdashdashdashdashdashdashdashdashdashdashdashdashdashdashdashdashdashdashdashdashdashdashdashdashdashdashdashdashdashdashdashdashdashdashdashdashdashdashdashdashdashdashdashdashdashdashdashdashdashdashdashdashdashdashdashdashdashdashdashdashdashdashdashdashdashdashdashdashdashdashdashdashdashdashdashdashdashdashdashdashdashdashdashdashdashdashdashdashdashdashdashdashdashdashdashdashdashdashdashdashdashdashdashdashdashdashdashdashd cannot be protected by freedom of thought, speech, opinion, and information. Really? And talking about Justin Bieber fans for a second. Yeah, exactly. Which is true, as long as you don't know what the words freedom, democratic, or society mean.

Yeah, hey, Russia, there's literally no thing that is not capable of offending religious feelings. We have a fucking jingle about it, okay? We do, it's true. We do. Yeah. Either way, the four websites targeted in the lawsuit have removed the sacrilegious bath tissue from their websites so the Russian government can get back to doing what it does best. Wiping their ass with the freedom of the Russian people. Well, there you go. And in no surge for Burge news. Normally we don't report on individual churches shutting down in the US.

Yes, I do put a stamp on the side of my biplane when it happens, but American churches close at the rate of more than 10 a day, so we just don't have room for all of them. We would make exceptions if churches were that were like helmed by particularly egregious pieces of shit shut down, but it turns out that those ones that are held by particularly egregious pieces of shit that down, but it turns out that those ones that are held by particularly egregious pieces of shit, those ones aren't the ones shutting down. Mm-mm. And it tells you all you need to know

about modern American Christianity that egregious piece of shittery is a prophylactic against failure, but we are gonna talk about an individual church shutting down that was not helmed by an egregious piece of shit. It was actually held by a guy I like. Because last week, the First Baptist Church

in Mount Vernon, Illinois shut down, and that church was helmed by none other than unofficial puzzle in a thunderstorm statistician, Ryan P. Birch. Oh! Okay, I can see why they panicked about Ryan Birch's church. They're like, yeah, we got a numbers guy. He's talking about all his like uppity data and things that are verifiable.

This will not end well for us. We gotta shut that shit down. Yeah. Guys, he's just one step closer to officially being on our payroll. Change is good, Ryan. There you go. There you go. So yeah, so regular listeners will know the name Ryan Burge from his work as a researcher,

professor and writer detailing the precipitous decline in church attendance and religious affiliation over the last few decades. A quick search through our records shows that his name has turned up on our show and at least a dozen different episodes so far. Yeah. And that doesn't even count the times we refer to him as the R dog. Exactly. Right. And it's always for good news stories. There's a lot of ministers that show up on our show more than a dozen times, But this guy shows up for demonstrating that atheists are the most politically active religious demographic in the country, or for showing that among Zoomers, non-religious women outnumber non-religious men, or any of the many times

his research showed the decline in American Christianity was more rapid than we thought. Well now, that thing that's the opposite of irony, but a lot of people think is irony, but there's no word for it has happened And the decline of Christianity he's been researching for all those years has come for his church Like rain on their wedding day. The data is coming from inside the house Right exactly Ryan's just sitting at his desk. Ah shit a secret windowed myself. Yeah, right. I did a secret window, hon I did a secret window now to be honest I knew the dude was a Christian, but I don't think I knew he was a pastor really maybe I learned that and I forgot it

But yeah, apparently he's been the pastor at this little church in Mount Vernon, Illinois since 2006 So as he's been researching this shit he's also been going every Sunday to this church that was built back in the fifties for a congregation of hundreds that has like three dozen people milling about it every Sunday, which is something of an insight into his motivations. Hey everybody. Always nice to see the proof behind the data. Let's get started. Yeah, right. So yeah, so whenever our fight feels hopeless, this is a good thing to keep in mind. Just think about the world's leading expert on the causes of American church attendance

declining, ministering to a flock that looks like an airport at 4 a.m. Yeah. And right, right. We know you're job hunting, buddy. Give us a call, big man. We got pennies. Okay. All right. Well, while I remind Eli what it says on the whiteboard about offering perspective employees Benny's, we're going to take a quick break for a word from our other sponsor this week. Mint Mobile. And then the dragon? He blows this big fireball, right? No.

Totally. Hey guys. What are you doing? Oh, yeah. So Eli rescued the scrying stone of Merlin the Wise from a dragon. It's true. I did. Okay, well that seems cool, but why?

Why? Are you kidding? I'm going to save a ton on my wireless bill. Assuming the people I want to talk to are standing near a still pool of water. Yeah, I guess. Eli, if you want to save money on your wireless bill, why not just sign up for Mint Mobile? What's Mint Mobile? I love a great deal as much as the next guy, but I'm not going to go battling a dragon

just to save a few bucks. It has to be easy. No hoops, no BS. So when Mint Mobile said it was easy to get wireless for $15 a month with a purchase of a three-month plan, I called them on it. And it turns out it really is that easy to get wireless for 15 bucks a month. The longest part of the process was the time I spent on hold waiting to break up with my old provider.

Wow. That sounds way easier than the cave of sorrow. Sorrows, Heath. There were multiple sorrows. It is. It is way easier to get started. Go to mintmobile.com slash scathing. There you'll see that right now all three month plans are just $15 a month,

including the unlimited plan. All plans come with high-speed data and unlimited talk and text delivered on the nation's largest 5G network. You can use your own phone number with any Mint Mobile plan and bring your own phone number along with all your existing contacts. All right Noah, I'm sold. Where do I sign up?

To get this new customer offer and your new three-month premium wireless plan for just $15 a month, go to mintmobile.com slash scathing. That's mintmobile.com slash scathing. Cut your wireless bill to 15 bucks a month at mintmobile.com slash scathing. $45 upfront payment required equivalent to $15 a month. New customers on three month plan only. Speed slower above 40 gigabytes on unlimited plans, additional taxes, fees and restriction supplies. See MintMobile for details. Thanks Noah. Really wish I'd known about this earlier. So what were the sorrows? Multitudinous is what they were.

And in the mepsorcist news, far-right member of European Parliament and clumsy child's first attempt at a Russian nesting doll, Diana Susaka. In defense of Eli's pronunciation, I cannot even name some of those letters. Thank you. Took her seat in the lawmaking body this week and then immediately got herself kicked out for a wide variety of batshit behaviors. Perhaps the least insane of which was attempting to rid the building of devils the moment she was let inside. So we're going to talk about it. Come on, you had to know the head

of European Parliament is the literal Antichrist. Right? Fucking rookie mistake. Yeah, but Jesus, now that the fucking Brits are gone, you all have communist accents. Exactly, yeah, everybody. So for those of you unfamiliar with Dee Sizzle, she's Romania's Marjorie Taylor Greene. Marjorie Taylor Red, if you will. She's a Putin puppet whose anti-vaccine antics helped her rise to prominence in the Romanian Parliament. And she's done a ton of stupid and crazy shit. She tried to negotiate Romania's neutrality in Russia's invasion of Ukraine at a lunch meeting without the permission or knowledge of parliament. She accused the US of causing the 2023 earthquakes in Turkey and Syria with a seismic weapon. But my favorite is that after a contentious interview in 2021, she locked an Italian journalist in her offices

and refused to let her leave until she deleted the footage that had been taken. Oh my God. The journalist was released eight hours later when the Italian embassy intervened. Already on the internet lady, the interview is already up. You keep yelling, give me the wax cylinder. We don't have those. But it appears that her political career was but a precursor to the bat-shittery she'd put on display in the European Parliament.

She told reporters this week before the first session, quote, just like in Romanian Parliament, here the devils meet. I will bring a priest to consecrate the offices and wherever else I can. It is my right to religion, to the expression of my religious faith." And indeed she did. D'Unit came to the first day of Parliament dressed in a traditional Romanian folk costume holding myrrh and the icon of Saint Perishevska, saying that when she did, immediately everyone's attitude changed, end quote.

Oh, yeah, no, I was going to tell her where she could stick that icon of Saint Perisheva, but the Russian courts intervened, apparently. She would later go on to put a dog muzzle on herself. Oh, it was a dog muzzle? Yeah, when she wasn't allowed to interrupt during the opening speech, but then she had to be escorted from the room when the dog muzzle she put on herself didn't work and she kept talking during the opening speech. Either way, she bit somebody. Yeah, it's refreshing that sometimes they really do make them crazier

than we make them here in the US of A. Well, I don't know if crazier is justified unless she was doing electroshock pull-ups, wouldn't this all happen? But as crazy, we'll give her as crazy. Yeah, as crazy, we'll take it. And in yeet fresh news tonight, a person experienced a consequence

despite being a Christian. So you know what that means, Anna. What are the guys talking about? It's the newest, the greatest Christian freakout. That's right, we have yet another float in the outraged parade of pseudo-scrimination, this time in the form of a subway employee who refused to serve four hate preachers in town for the Republican National Convention just because they were wearing t-shirts that said, please be offended enough not to serve us, we're trying to do a gotcha video.

And like a fucking child with a skinny running through the house to find somebody worth crying at before screaming in pain, some poor subway employee took debate and now the Christian outrage machine is up in arms because subway hates Christians. Yeah, we like pedophiles who don't get caught. Ha ha ha ha ha ha.

Okay, anything that reminds me of Sarah Huckabee Sanders being refused a cheese plate makes me happy. Yes, not since the refusal, yeah, right, right. So first of all, thanks to Josh, who was the first to send this to us at scathingnews at gmail.com. Josh, because we used your story on air, you have now been entered into a drawing

that might earn you a chance to be entered into a different drawing that might have a prize. Congratulations. And while I'm thanking sources, I also want to thank Greg Owen, whose piece on this story in LGBTQ Nation pointed out that when the Daily Mail ran a story about how egregious it was for this lady to be offended by the hate messages on this t-shirt, they blurred out the message on the dude's t-shirt in this story. Now they didn't blow out the one that said abortion is murder or the one that said homo

sex is sin or the one that said repent with a little burn in hell image below it. But even the Daily Mail had to silently admit that the one that read Planned Parenthood murders children and rapes their mothers was over the line. Yikes. Yeah. Man in Please Fight Me shirt brutally assaulted for no reason. Yep. Sir, you have a catapult pointed at your crotch that says, not check catapult press here,

I deserve it. I'm pressing it. Right, right. This is a subway. Did you roll that in here? So this is this troop of pricks for Christ was led by one David Grisham, a street preacher. Yes. Slash gotcha videographer that you might remember from interrupting a library story hour to

scream about, quote, transgenders, end quote, or yelling at children in a mall that Santa isn't real. That guy. Yeah, it's that guy. And clearly, they were going from store to store, ordering a fucking small Coke and waiting for people to get offended because they go in with their cameras already running, and when this indignant worker refuses them service, they launch into histrionics so staged you would have thought they'd have brought a fucking fainting couch behind them. And then, they posted the video labeling the sandwich artist Subway Karen, despite the fact that they're the ones asking to speak to the fucking manager in the fucking video.

These moments are always so hard to make jokes about because like my genuine heartfelt and honest response to this is, oh, you got refused a Coke? My man, the proper response is to flay you and wear your flesh as a warning to others. Right. Nail it to the door outside and paint a pride flag on it. Yeah. Or at the very least, a creative use of a $5 foot long. Yes. Exactly. But of course, the right-wing media is dutifully up in arms about this. It's been broadly reported

as though this amounts to Christian discrimination because somehow they're even more eager than we are to remind people that Christian is a synonym for bigotry in modern America with some outlets reporting that the poor Unmeatballed preachers will now be taking legal action against the restaurant But before you ask yes, these are the exact same people who took I don't want to bake a cake for a gay person to the supreme goddamn court. But somehow I guess they think that the rules for anti are different than the rules for pro. Yeah.

When I was bartending and people were shitty, I'd bring out their food from the back, big smile and be like, here you go. Nothing weird in this. Enjoy. Yeah. There you go. Have fun. You're allowed to do that. I didn't. Yep. No, you didn't. Yeah, you didn't do anything. You're allowed to just look real nervous. Reader of

speech. And finally tonight in Tuck Your Face News, Tucker Carlson gave a keynote snivel at the Republican National Convention last week. And I'm not talking about the sex act. I'm not talking about the filthy, groveling, degrading, but fun sex act. No, I mean a literal keynote snivel to close out opening night. And he went completely off the rails. It was off the rails for a speech

at the Republican National Convention. Hulk Hogan was like, tone it down, brother. You're making a spectacle, relax. So according to Tucker, the biggest focus of the Republican Party and American Christianity right now needs to be the spiritual battle that's already underway against the magical forces of evil

emanating from a dimension outside of our understanding. Well, except for Tucker Carlson who figured out the plan about the dimension thing. These forces are anti-human and they're planning to eliminate Christians. That was the topic he went with for his speech. Yeah, well, you know what? Yes. Yes, Tucker. Fight the fucking interdimensional shadow people for a while. Give the LGBTQ people a break. Okay, but now I'm picturing us giving Tucker one of those laser towers for cats, but it's

just lizard juice. You almost got him, Tucker. You almost got him. That's how he ducked back under. So in case anyone's new, Tucker Carlson is the former host of Tucker Carlson tonight on Fox News The top rated news program in the country at the time He's the guy who was always wearing a bowtie behind the anchor desk most people don't know this but the reason for the bowtie His larynx heard what Tucker was making it do and kept trying to commit suicide what Tucker was making it do and kept trying to commit suicide out the front of his neck. Oh, that's right. Oh, okay.

Interesting. Yeah. Eventually he figured out some reinforced collar stays with Kevlar and he wears a regular tie now. Anyway, Tucker got fired for lying about the 2020 election too hard for Fox News. Literally. And costing them $787 million in his settlement with Dominion Voting. Delicious.

So now he has a show on Twitter and he gives keynote snivels on the conservative lecture circuit. He's kind of a colleague, that's fun. Here's what he had to say at the convention. He started by mentioning that he's thrilled about JD Vance as Trump's running mate. And then he tried to explain

why and it went very badly. Tucker said quote, every bad person I've ever met in a lifetime in Washington was aligned against JD Vance. They thought he would be harder to manipulate and slightly less enthusiastic about killing people. He would be an impediment to their exercising power." End quote. That was his compliment for JD Vance. Well, right, because if he implies that the guy isn't enthusiastic at all

about killing people, that would sink the ticket, Heath. These are Republicans. Sure, yeah. He's talking to Republicans. Yeah, you gotta walk a fine line there. So from there, we got a natural segue into the genocide of Christians by the environmentalists. Or what Tucker calls the climate cult.

He told the crowd to focus on what makes the climate cult angry, saying, quote, what group do they dislike most? What group are they absolutely terrified of and hoping to eliminate? Well, it's Christians. That's who it is. Yep. The group that makes them angriest, triggers them most is Christians. Christian nationalism. People pray outside abortion clinics. People celebrate Easter, not trans visibility day. These are their real enemies.

Oh, Jesus Christ. Well, damn it. These are their real enemies. Oh, Jesus Christ. Well, damn it. That diversion into imaginary enemies didn't last long, did it? I hope you enjoyed it while you could, gay and trans listeners. I like to think they got an iced cream. And that brings us to the spiritual war against the dimension-bending demonic forces emanating from the atemporal

maelstrom of iniquity. Why has it so often touched? Yeah, another natural segue by Tucker. According to Tucker Carlson, quote, the assassination attempt against President Trump reminded a lot of people of this. He's talking about that spiritual war. It awakened a lot of people to this. There is a spiritual battle underway.

There is no logical way to understand what we're seeing now in temporal terms. You just can't. No, Tucker, you just can't. Right, like I can't. I totally believe that you can't understand it temporally or otherwise. I don't know, Noah.

I think it might not be either there or here. He continued, I do think by the way that the more literal among us, and I would count myself in that category, failed to see this because we're so desperate to ascribe some kind of recognizable human motive to what we're seeing. So we call it leftism or neoliberalism or communism or anarchism, but those phrases are inadequate. They do not describe what's actually happening. So what you're seeing now is really not at all different in substance from what you saw in 1789 in France, from what you saw in 1936 in Spain, from what you saw in 1917 in Russia, from what you saw in 1975 in Phnom Penh.

It's all the same. These are forces of chaos and destruction, which are fundamentally anti-human, which are against people. Which is what anti-human means, end quote. Yes! Yeah, no, I look, he got through fundamentally anti-human and he was like, fuck that had a five syllable word in it. Let me break that down a bit. That means against people. Okay. But guys, you're missing the take in that sentence that interests me the most.

Are the Republicans as a party against the French Revolution? Oh, is this, Is this a standing policy? Did I miss this? Something like that. We're in an atemporal maelstrom. So you know. That's right, it's hard to tell. It's hard to tell when or what.

It doesn't even make sense. Why do they say when? I don't know. We're not in time anymore. So two big takeaways for me. One, Tucker Carlson needs a helmet and a soft room. And two, we need to send out a newsletter about the genocide plans for the climate cult.

You missed one meeting and now you're left out of the death squad. It's not cool. I'm gonna bring this up and make a motion at the next meeting. Please, thank you. All right, well, Heath clearly has a letter to Strongly Words, so we're gonna wrap the headlines there.

Heath, Eli, thanks as always. Jumanji. And when we come back, Michael Marshall will be here to give the episode a bit of international Olympic flair. Here at The Scathing Atheist, we've got a lot of assholes to keep up with, and sometimes it can be hard to keep them all straight. We've considered a lot of ideas to help, like trading cards and action figures, but ultimately we settled on letting Marsh do all the work with a segment we call... Who's Who? So first of all, Marsh, welcome back to the show.

Thank you very much. Always a pleasure to be here. And secondly, Eli, welcome back to the episode, to this episode. Thank you. There was music and people might have forgotten their favorite special boy was still here. And secondly, Eli, welcome back to the episode, to this episode. Thank you. There was music and people might have forgotten their favorite special boy was still here. Yep. And thirdly, Heath, you're still here too. Hi. Cool. How are you? Mwah. So. Kissed you. What do you have for us this time, Marsh? Okay. So, while our Pooh's Woo Hall of Fame includes some pseudoscientists who are self-evidently con artists,

and others who are obvious grifters, and then a smattering of folk who clearly know they're full of shit and don't much seem to care, today's candidate, I think, comes as a cautionary tale about what happens when you believe you're on bullshit, and then what happens when others believe in it just as much as you do. If not, morsel. Because today, I want to tell you all about Wim Hof. Oh, okay. Alright, so who is Wim Hof? Wim Hof was born on the 20th of April 1959 in Sittard of the Netherlands. He was one of nine children and at the age of 17 he had an epiphany while walking alongside

a frozen canal in Amsterdam. Because he had a sudden and powerful urge walking alongside a frozen canal in Amsterdam, because he had a sudden and powerful urge to jump into the freezing cold water. And so he stripped down to his underwear and hurled himself into the canal, and then Julie set about making that his whole personality for the next 50 years. And honestly, it goes about as well as you might expect for baiting your entire life around an instinctive decision you made at 17. Yeah, I'm just going to go ahead and say it. If I dedicated my life to the impulsive stuff I did

in my underwear at the age of 17, our show would be... Okay, well our show would be the same. Other people grow. Marsh, you were saying something Marsh? So plunging into freezing cold water and being generally weird around ice became Hoff's thing for his entire life. He gave himself the nickname the Iceman, which combined with his escalating feats of endurance, he then built into a lucrative brand as a motivational speaker and quasi spiritual guru. The Iceman does not cometh yet.

Because of the endurance. So he was the he was a wellness expert in Netflix's Gwyneth Paltrow core lab, The Goop Lab. He was the star of the Vice documentary, Inside the Superhuman World of the Iceman. It would have been weird if that role had gone to someone else. That's fair. He fronted the BBC series, Freeze the Fear with Wim Hof. Same, same. Yeah, good point. He's appeared on shows with Ellen, Joe Rogan, Russell Brand, and Jordan Peterson, and literally like every other wellness channel and hustle culture program out there.

And he's always fated as an expert in what the human body is capable of because of the record breaking things his body has been capable of. Okay, I fell through the ice when I was playing pond hockey as a kid. I'll lie for money. Where do I sign up? Yeah! Sounds great! We got one. I get to hang out with Russell Brand and Jordan Peterson and hit them and stuff.

What a lie. Exactly. In 1999, Wim Hof broke the Guinness World Record for the furthest distance swam under ice, because he managed 50 meters without a diving suit or breathing apparatus or flippers. That was his second attempt actually, because his first attempt was the previous day, but it ended abruptly after he tried to also do it without goggles, only for his corneas to freeze and temporarily blind him. That's the thing that can happen. Oh, why didn't I pick regular lying? This hurts so bad!

Could have just been Christian or something. Yeah, most scotch and cheese consumed during a nice hot bath. Yeah, that's also a thing. So a year later he went for the record again and this time he extended it to 57 and a half meters, which is amazing, except that record was blown out of the frozen water in 2021 by the Czech freediver David Venkel, who managed 80.99 meters. But he's neither a household name nor a candidate for Who's Who. Yeah, yeah. Let me just say, as a former professional juggler, a lot of holding a world record is thinking of shit nobody's ever taken a serious go at before. Right?

Yeah. Scotch hot bath and I juggle the babybel cheese. There you go. This is a fun journey today. That's true. Stuff we're thinking about. It's sexual. Well, Hop's record breaking, it wasn't done there, nor was his habit of seeing which bits of his body will freeze in interesting ways.

In 2007, he ran a half marathon on ice barefoot. And he completed this run in 2 hours 16 minutes, and his Wikipedia page actually lists it as the only current Guinness World Record that's being held by Hoff currently. Although that isn't true, because his record was actually beaten by Joseph Salek and Jonas Felder Svaldrad, and most recently Karim El-Hayani, who actually managed it in 1 hour 36 minutes 45 seconds in 2021. And again, none of those men are household names, nor are they candidates for Who's Who. So also in 2007, Hoff tried to climb Mount Everest wearing just shorts and sandals. Which sounds impossible, because it is, and he didn't do that at all. Yeah, right! Which sounds impossible. Because it is, and he didn't do that at all.

What actually happened was he had a team who had all of the regular mountaineering gear and clothing that he'd need, but he just wouldn't wear it at first. He wouldn't be wearing that to begin with. And the thing is, look, I'm no mountaineer. But from what I read about his attempt, the issue is that the lower and the middle slopes, it's not actually all that cold. In fact, in good weather, you can climb to about six and a half thousand meters, six thousand four hundred meters, and the temperature will still be around 20 degrees Celsius or 68 Fahrenheit. But the record temperature, the record high temperature at that altitude is 37 degrees Celsius or 99 Fahrenheit. In fact, a lot of people actually dehydrate when they're doing that bit of the journey

because they're already carrying all the equipment they're going to need to go higher up the mountain when it's going to start getting seriously cold afterwards. Oh my gosh, I'm surprised he didn't brag about doing this bit without supplemental oxygen too, yeah. So in that attempt, Hoff and his team got to 6,700 meters or 22,000 feet, at which point he decided he needed to switch to the mountaineering boots, but only because he's going to need crampons for the trickier sections coming up. That's the only reason he switched to the proper boots at that point. At which point he managed to climb another 700 meters before abandoning the attempt entirely

at 7,400 meters or 24,300 feet due to what he called a recurring foot injury, but what we call frostbite, which is not a good look for the Iceman. I mean, look, that's still impressive. I've never climbed the high Mount Everest. That's still impressive. Don't get me wrong. Is it impressive though? I think it's impressive. But the thing is when he talks about it now. I also didn't climb Everest impressively. Yeah. Yeah, exactly. But when he talks about all this now

He describes it as climbing Mount Everest in just a pair of shorts and the people who buy into his guru-like mystique Repeat it like he raw dog his way right to the summit Marsh I want you to know this entire segment nay our business relationship itself was all worth it to hear you use raw dog relationship itself was all worth it to hear you use raw document. Very welcome Eli. So then in 2015, Hoff took a team of 18 completely inexperienced climbers to the top of Kilimanjaro in just over 31 hours without even further climatizing them to that height and altitude. And he said they could avoid altitude sickness completely by training in the Wim Hoff method, which is a combination of breathing techniques and ice cold water plungers and

then meditation, which he believes is key to his entire feat of endurance. Okay, this dude has no standing records and accidentally froze his own eyeballs. The only way I'm interested in his prep is like as a cautionary. Oh yeah, right. I'll come back to that. Also, if anyone tells you to follow something called their name plus method, don't do it. And they're probably in a neo-Nazi militia in their spare time. Like, if you tell me to follow the Wim Hof method,

and you're not talking about a prog rock band, you're a neo-Nazi, I'm not doing it. So again, you know, that Kalamandjararo thing, it sounds impressive, but there's devil in the details. Because first of all, the team didn't reach the top of Kilimanjaro. They went as high as Gilman's Point, which is significantly short of the summit. And also, half a dozen participants had to turn around during the attempt because they couldn't make it to the top or make it to Gilman's point because they got altitude sickness.

Which isn't. That's about a third of the group, which is actually relatively consistent with general altitude sickness rates. And that's only the ones who admitted it because others in the group, when they did get to Gilman's point, were so exhausted by the climb they had to be brought back down by car. And that included Vim Hof himself. Oh wait, yeah, but I rode down with the AC was on full blast all the whole time. Thanks to meditation, I didn't even need to use heated seats.

Yeah. Is the car. Backseat middle the whole way down. Using radical acceptance of the backseat middle. It was the world record for longest failure car going down. Yeah, absolutely. Honestly, what I have learned from Vim Hoff is that you're allowed to say, attempted to climb Mount Blah.

If you take one step onto it, shit your pants and fall back down again. Oh, 100%. Yeah, absolutely. Look out for my new credentials. Yeah, right. Look out for my new credentials. Yeah. Coming up. But the other thing is, part of the climbing duration that they say, you know, climb Kilimanjaro in this amount of time, part of that duration is that you also have to plan

for a safe descent. So if you're not concerned about being well enough to come back down the mountain by yourself safely. Right. Yeah, obviously you can move a lot faster. You can also undertake parts of the climb at riskier times, you know, that you wouldn't normally do when it's like too dark to do it safely, because you've got a team there to make sure you're fine. And so bearing that in mind, if anything, Wim Hof was actually pretty slow, because in 2014 the record for climbing Kilimanjaro was set by Ecuadorian climber Carl Egloff at just six hours 42 minutes.

Oh wow! And he made it all the way to the top. He didn't stop at Gilman's point. He went the entire way. But you've not heard of him and people aren't telling wide eyed tales of his otherworldly ability to climb mountains anywhere. Okay, all these other record holders, they made a stupid thing their personality too. Like I don't know, I mean this guy sucks even more, but they suck.

Like I guarantee you, they tell the story of whatever dumb thing they did every single time they're at the pub and the story is way too long and everybody has to pay attention. You go to the bathroom, you're hoping it's going to be done. You just paused until you got back and he's like, where was I? Got it. No, no, no. You're actually just in time for my next story. This one is called The Plunge. I have to shit again.

Oh, I got to leave forever. So I think that's true. But also, I mean, Atheist Podcast, I wouldn't be throwing stones on making a whole thing of personality. Oh, why didn't you guys have a C-segment this week? Because Mark fucked himself, that's why. Because he fucked himself so fucking hard. A no apology and I'm no longer part of the company. You know what? We're back at neutral. You know what? Raw Dog brought you up, he brought you down.

You're back at the love you started at the beginning of the day. Now you have to do a USA USA chant in British. That's right. Never gonna happen. So finally, Wim Hof broke the record for the longest time in direct full body contact with ice. He spent 44 minutes in a box of ice cubes in January 2010. I feel like I could beat that. I feel like I could beat that. Right? And he broke it again. He broke it 13 more times. So he's broken that record 15 times, which you know, is quite impressive, except the current record sits with Lukasz Spoonar, who managed four hours and two minutes.

Not the 44 minutes that Hoff managed. Four hours and two minutes. But again, you've never heard of him and nobody's making documentaries about Spoonar and calling him really cool nicknames. I mean, I bet his friends do, right? Shibutnik, the L-dog, right? Something like that? So like, what I'm getting at here is that while Hoff's feet of endurance are impressive,

they've also been spun into a legendary reputation that's afforded him a guru-like mystical quality, and one that he's gone all out to cultivate and preserve, even as his actual records have been comprehensively destroyed by people who don't present themselves as magic, and who don't then get invited onto pseudo-intellectual shores to explain the mysteries of the human body. Marsh, do you have some oft-overlooked, longest to carry an icicle on his bum record or something that you would like to tell us about? This is a professional jealousy thing. And is that why you kept dropping things at the pajama party? It's all coming together.

Not the icicle. So all of this brings me to the biggest issue that we should have with Wim Hof. Because while it's annoying that he's built a legend out of being slightly less good at being cold than other endurance athletes are, it's not who's woo worthy. But his status as a health and wellness guru, and then the claims that he and others make for the Wim Hof method, they put him firmly in our sights. Exactly, yeah. Being a stupid liar just makes you our friend from our old job on this show.

So his eponymous method, the Wim Hof method, it consists of those ice baths, jumping and plunging into ice cold water, plus a breathing phase where you take 30 to 40 deep breaths in very quick and forceful succession, inducing hyperventilation, at which point you then hold your breath for a while and then you take in a really deep breath and you hold that for a while. And then you repeat that whole cycle three to four times. And then you go off to climb a mountain without training or equipment and then hide in a Jeep while you pretend not to be suffering from altitude sickness. I will have you know that Heath Enright was doing this so-called Vim Hoff method

at every school dance as a child without even trying. He called it the Panique Attack. Here's the thing, if you do it right, you get a good seizure going. I'm told anyway that it leads to some interesting dancing. Some artistic shit. Yeah. I still have blackouts whenever I hear Cotton Eye Joe. Yeah, obviously.

So don't we all. The thing is, the Vim Hoff technique, it isn't limited in its application to endurance feats. Because Hoff has claimed that it can cure headaches, which he says are caused by a lack of oxygen in the brain. Oh, it's an insight that he gained over the medical establishment by being really cold a lot, is it? Mm-hmm. He's also explained that he believes cold plunging and controlled breathing could be the answer for billions, billions of people who suffer from high stress, anxiety, low motivation, inflammation, cardiovascular issues, and other treatable conditions.

Yeah, strangely enough, it's also good if you've had an accident when you were a child involving water. He's doing literal cold reading. That's sick. Yeah. Yeah. He told a journalist at The Guardian that his method would help treat osteoarthritis and also depression.

And in a 2014 interview, he intimated that he believed it could help cure cancer, saying, quote, I have already helped so many people who've been rejected by hospitals. I believe that every disease is an immune system that's gotten out of balance. I absolutely think that 95% of all diseases, including many forms of cancer, can be cured. Oh. Look at these two sentences I'm legally allowed to say next to each other, as long as there isn't a because there. Right.

Also, he's from the Netherlands. If people got rejected by the hospital, they did something insane and got removed by like a hospital bouncer, right? And I'm not listening to their testimonial about panic breathing oncology at that point. Absolutely not. So the Wim Hof method, it has been studied scientifically several times. In one study, Wim Hof was injected with a fairly harmless form of E. coli, which should give someone flu-like symptoms, but he didn't develop those symptoms, he was asymptomatic. So researchers took 30 participants and trained 18 of them in Hoff's breathing methods, and

then injected them with that same E. coli and noted that those 18 escaped the worst of the symptoms when compared to the other 12 who weren't trained in that way. But it's a tiny study, with a completely inadequate control arm of just not training someone to breathe right, so we can't draw any conclusions at all from it. Yeah, but I bet he can. Also, I feel like there are better ways to test that system without injecting E. coli into 18 poor college students, right? Like a treadmill, a stairmaster, perhaps?

There's this other group that's really good at not getting injected on purpose with E. Coli. I'm in that group and I'm doing great. And even if we could draw conclusions from it, it actually wouldn't be that much of a surprise because we already know that hyperventilation can reduce the body's inflammatory response via the release of adrenaline or epinephrine. But that isn't always a good thing. You don't always want that. The body has an inflammatory response for a reason. And you're not always going to be in lab conditions getting injected

with an E. coli that's been designed to be harmless. So it's not great. And even if it were great, even if it was useful, the effects only lasts about as long as you're currently hyperventilating. Once your breathing is going to return to normal, your body is going to go back to normal as well, because that's what bodies do. So Marsh, what you're saying is, always be hyperventilating and you can never die. Okay, Wim Hof has definitely tried what Eli just said, like, right before getting into a bar fight he completely passed out and shot himself.

And he was like, technically didn't lose that fight. Yep, yep. Another victory for the Vim Hoff method. You guys want to try some E. coli real quick? Well on that, do you know what else bodies do when you hyperventilate? They go really dizzy and they, as you point out, they can pass out. And if you're telling someone to hyperventilate around ice water plungers, they can pass out into ice water.

And by March 2024, there have now been 32 reports of people dying in relation to the Wim Hof method. Mostly people passing out and drowning in various bodies of water of varying temperatures. And last month there was an expose in the Sunday Times which outlined the coroner's reports from several of those deaths accusing Wim Hof and his company of being reckless and negligent. Okay, look, I'm not saying if you're stupid enough to try my thing, you deserve to die as a legal defense, but it should be. And also that was the name of my proposed talk at QED and Marsh has not that back to me about it.

It is very upsetting. We're still discussing it. We're still discussing it. It's a busy calendar. We got a busy... What can I say? So all of this is pretty damning. I'm sure you'll agree.

But I have to admit at this point, I've been holding out on you my favorite part of this. Perhaps the most damning part of this entire story. So can you remember I said at the very start that Vim was one of nine children, okay? One of those children is his brother Andre. His twin brother Andre. His identical twin brother Andre. And Andre apparently has a very different lifestyle. He doesn't do endurance training.

He doesn't do extreme exercises or even cold water plunges, but despite not doing all of that, his tolerance for cold temperatures is comparable to Wim's. Oh my god. No way! Yeah! It turns out they're both just genetically better suited to enduring extreme colds. Yeah. This is literally like an NBA star giving you a class on how easy it is to dunk without ever acknowledging the fact that they're a clear foot tall of it. Jesus Christ. He has a natural born control group.

Yeah. That's every pseudo-sized peddler's nightmare. That's amazing. No, I get it. I have a straight friend with an identical twin who's gay and to me that's proof that he's a quitter. So, you know. It's like those magic videos where the guy does the trick and then the person right next to him is like, No, it's just a look. It's a fake bottle. You can crush it. You kind of wonder as well, has he like tried to pressure his brother into getting into the cold water stuff a bit?

Just so it doesn't ruin his whole thing. That must be a real soul point. Come on, the Hoff Brothers! You'll be Hoff, I'll be Poff. Come on! We can really... Don't you want to meet any of these absolute douche canoes? You should be called Icy Hoff. Amazing.

Not even claim. Off the fucking dome, folks. Off the dome. So for taking a genetic predisposition, mixing it with an unhealthy dose of self-mythologizing, and then selling the result as a program for curing depression and cancer, Wim Hof deserves to go right at the very top of the pile in Who's Who. Or at least several thousand feet short of the top of the pile, but according to Wim, that's exactly the same thing.

That's it, no, that counts, that counts. Alright, well, thanks for those cold hard facts facts, Marsh, and we already eagerly await the next installment of... Osborne. Before we descend back into the pun mines, I wanted to go ahead and say it. Now that the episode of Skeperty is out there for everybody to see for themselves. Dr. Steven Novella of the Skeptic Sky to the Universe cheats at faux jeopardy. I need not elaborate.

Anyone who sees the video will clearly agree with me. Anyway, that's all the blasphemy we've got for you tonight. We'll be back in 10,022 minutes with more. If you can't wait that long, be able to look out for a brand new episode of our sister show The Skeptocrat. They'll be at 7 Eastern on Monday, an even newer episode of our sister show's Hot Friend God awful movies debuting at 7 p.m. Eastern on Tuesday, and an even newer episode of our half sister show Citation D debuting at noon Eastern on Wednesday.

Obviously, this episode wouldn't fit through the MP3 converter if I neglected to thank Heath Enright for all his work and Eli Bosnik for all his twerk. I also want to thank Lucinda Lujans for sharpening her hammer this week, and if you're thinking to yourself, I'd like to see what the hell it even means to sharpen a hammer, I can assure you that no, the hell you wouldn't. I also want to thank Rick for providing this week's Farnsworth quote, but most of all, of course, I want to thank this week's and last week's most marvelous mammals, Bryce, Punter, James, JustMe, Dr. B, David, Dan, Other David, Other Other David, Dre, Jeff,

Lexi, Cura, Drunkarius, Tom, Curio, Hall, Ipswich, and Sunshine. Bryce Punter, James, Dr. B, and the Davids who are so sexy the MPAA painted black bars over the front of their webcams. Dan, Dre, Jeff, Lexi, and Curious who are so hot that I should have warned you to put some sunscreen on before I mentioned them. And Drunkarius, Tom, Curio, Hall, and Sunshine who are so tough Battletoads pretends it's beaten them. Together these 19 naughty nonbelievers nudged our net worths

Northward this week by giving us money. Not everybody has the money it takes to give some to us, but if you do, you can make a per episode donation to patreon dot com slash scathing atheists, whereby you're on early access to an extended ad version of every episode. Or you make a one time donation by clicking on the donate button on the right side of the home page at scathing atheists dot com. And if you'd like to help, but you gave all your expendable cash to the Harris campaign, I get it. I get it. You can also help a ton by leaving a five-star review,

telling a friend about the show, and following us on social media. And speaking of social media, Tim Robertson handles that for us and our audio engineer, Mark Kirk, who also wrote all the music that was used in this episode, which was used with permission. If you have questions, comments, or death threats, you can find all the contact info on the contact page at scathingadius.com. You're going to summon a dragon. Be careful.