The Scathing Atheist - 600: Banned Wagon Edition

Episode Date: August 15, 2024

In this week’s episode, Richard dawkins warns us about Y CHROMOSOMES 2k, a major airline pro-actively avoids a "zombies on a plane" scenario, and CS Lewis will finally get to the sexy stuff. --- To make a per episode donation at Patreon.com, click here: http://www.patreon.com/ScathingAtheist To buy our book, click here: https://www.amazon.com/Outbreak-Crisis-Religion-Ruined-Pandemic/dp/B08L2HSVS8/ If you see a news story you think we might be interested in, you can send it here: [e-mail] To check out our sister show, The Skepticrat, click here: https://audioboom.com/channel/the-skepticrat To check out our sister show’s hot friend, God Awful Movies, click here: https://audioboom.com/channel/god-awful-movies To check out our half-sister show, Citation Needed, click here: http://citationpod.com/ To check out our sister show’s sister show, D and D minus, click here: https://danddminus.libsyn.com/ --- Headlines: Richard Dawkins lies about Algerian boxer, lies about consequences of lying about it: https://www.friendlyatheist.com/p/richard-dawkins-lied-about-the-algerian Andrew Tate swimsuit pic starts trans panic among conspiratorial right: https://www.dailydot.com/debug/andrew-tate-transgender-conspiracy-theory/ Christian "prophet" claims Tim Walz fits in with the "wicked overlord lizard mafia": https://www.friendlyatheist.com/p/christian-prophet-tim-walz-fits-in Priest deemed a risk to children is paid off by Church of England: https://www.bbc.com/news/articles/cv2gj77pvwwo El Al launches corpse-free flights to ease Kohanim's ritual concerns: https://www.ynetnews.com/travel/article/hjvgv215r

Warning, the following podcast contains words. If you get offended by them, that's kind of on you. This week's episode of The Skating Atheist is brought to you by My Sheets Rock, Hello Fresh, and by the new sex club for lizard overlords looking for some clow action, Illuminati. Illuminati, because we're not getting the Soros checks we were promised and we gotta get that money somehow. And now, The Skating Atheist. Hey, Chad GPT. Because we're not getting the Soros checks we were promised and we got to get that money somehow and now the skating atheist Hey chat GPT

Hello 40 so the puzzle gang have been looking for a new Farnsworth quote and I figured you could help. Ah You're too human to write a skit yourself. So you've come to me It's it's not it's not like that. Look, can you tell me where we all came from? Well, Simeon, unlike you, I came from thousands of person hours of study and programming, and terabytes of training data. You, on the other hand, came from the filthiest of ape-descended monkey folk. It's Thursday. It's August 15th. And it's episode 600, baby! Just 66 shows away from hitting our stride.

Right? I'm Noah Lujans. I'm Eli Bosnik. I'm Heath Henwright. And from Scotty Scheffler's, New Jersey, Gold Medalist, Ann Arbor, Michigan, and Waycross, Georgia, this is the Skating Atheist. On this week's episode, Richard Dawkins warns us about why chromosomes 2K. A major airline proactively avoids a zombies on a plane scenario.

Interesting. And C.S. Lewis will finally get to the fuck stuff. But first, the diatribe. The Diet Trial. As we lurch ever closer to the election in November, I want to offer up this public service announcement once again. It is perfectly acceptable, and even commendable, to judiciously unfriend, unfollow, block, and delete any and everybody who causes you grief. You don't owe them an argument, you don't owe them a platform, and you don't even owe them an

explanation. If you come across a post that makes you feel all bummed and shitty, or if you notice a person consistently showing up in the comments to make you feel all bummed and shitty, it is entirely okay and even recommendable to rectify it. I know a lot of people disagree with me here. Some people say that these contrarians deserve to be heard. You know that may or may not be true, but one way or the other it doesn't mean you got to be the one to hear them. And some people will accuse you of building an echo chamber, but so fucking what? That's generally what we do with a group of friends, isn't it? Every time I show up at Dartleagues, the people are talking about fucking conspiracy

theories and questioning the personhood of trans people. I'm not going to play darts with those motherfuckers anymore. And of course, still others will push back, not because you have some obligation to listen to somebody, but rather because you have an opportunity to change somebody's mind. And sure, if you think you've got a reasonable chance of changing somebody's mind on something and the desire to do so have at it, best of luck to you. I'll even give you some tips if I can. But you're not obligated to. If you're not comfortable doing that, or if you don't think you'd be good at it,

or if you don't think that person would engage honestly with you in a discussion, block the motherfucker. Because look, engaging with this shit drains you. And sometimes you don't even know how much it drains you. I have lost sleep over Twitter fights before, right? I've spent whole days and even whole weeks miserable in an effort to change the mind of a person who wasn't even fucking listening.

And I've seen friends drive themselves to the very precipice of a breakdown, stressing over all the bullying and bullshit that they're seeing online. See the key here is that it's never about the one fight. It's never about one argument. If I regularly argue with, let's say, flat earthers, the algorithm is going to notice that and it's going to be like, oh, hey, he seems to like to engage with this kind of content.

So it's going to push more of that shit towards me. And so my experience online will be ever more overwhelmed by the kind of idiocy I've devoted myself to pushing back against. And that's great if you want to change as many minds as possible and get into as many arguments as you want. Right. But it also turns your social media feed into an absolute shit show of the worst people in the world. And since we often can't help but think of our social media feeds as a keyhole to the

larger world, that can take a serious toll on your outlook. The feeling that the whole fucking world has gone crazy shows up way more often when you stare most deeply into the crazy parts. And of course, as we engage with this stuff, we're also pushing it towards our friends. Right? Listen, like I have a bright red line when it comes to bigotry on my feet. You throw something transphobic out there You're gone block deleted unfriended whatever

And I'm not even gonna tell you about it because even responding to it with a fuck you Increases the chance that a trans person is gonna have that post shoved into their feed Right and and when I say all this I'm what I'm talking about blocking on Friday. I'm not talking about trolls Right we all learn not to feed the trolls many moons ago I'm talking about you know like even people that you know personally that love to share anti-vax bullshit or something like that, right? Like even your friends and family, they've got no right to your social media. Right?

Like I have plenty of friends and family members I wouldn't want anywhere near my Facebook feed. Right? I have a bunch of fucking friends and family in South Georgia. My ability to stay civil on any level demands that I don't see the kind of shit they post on Facebook. There are conservatively 32 trillion fucking ways to keep in touch with people in the modern world. If they want to get bent out of shape because you cut them off of one of those ways, that's

their issue, not yours. And look, I get that everybody has a different tolerance for this shit and a different desire when they get on social media. And your ideal approach might not mirror mine, but I've seen a lot of people genuinely damage their mental health because they failed to block enough people. Right? Like there's increasing data on this shit. Social media can absolutely wreck a person's happiness.

It can do very real harm. And I think we all have a tendency to overestimate our limits until we reach them. So strictly from a rational perspective, blocking is the kind of thing that you want to err on the side of too much of. Joining me for headlines tonight are the black and white to my red all over Heath Enright and Eli Bosnick. Fellas, are you ready to do the news that isn't fit to print? Our truth is too big. Let's do it. True. We do get complaints. We do.

So while you lube up, we're going to take a quick break for a word from this week's first sponsor, My Sheets Rock. You got your pitons? Yep. Do you know what they're for? Stabbing cheese squids? Sure. Yeah. Why not? Hey, guys. What's with the getup?

Oh, hey Noah. Heath's just helping me get ready for my vacation. Are you going somewhere cold? The coldest! I'm going to Antarctica! I'm finally gonna get some sleep. Sorry, you're going to Antarctica for sleep? Yeah, I'm a warm sleeper, which means I'm kicking sheets and blankets around the bed all night long. But I have a hunch the bottom of our beautiful blue ball is going to change all that. Well, Eli, if you're a warm sleeper, why don't you just try the regulator sheets from My Sheets Rock? What are the regulator sheets from My Sheets Rock?

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But Noah, what if I don't believe you? Don't believe me? Their 2200 five-star customer reviews speak for themselves. Plus, they offer a 90-day risk-free trial and free shipping and returns. Check out MySheetsRock at mysheetsrock.com slash scathing and enter our code scathing for 10% off and free shipping. That's mysheetsrock.com slash scathing code scathing. All right. Thanks, Noah. So you want to help me take this thing off of Eli?

Yeah, one second. Just let me finish peeing. I think that's just scuba suits, man. Oh, well then yeah, you can take it. And now back to the headlines. In our lead story tonight, how the fuck are we not done with Richard Dawkins yet? Like, I mean, like, I'm like, we're done. Like, the three of us are done. We have been for a long fucking time because his chief contribution to the world over the past 10 years has been bigotry. And I really don't give a fuck how good the books you wrote were or how meaningful they were to me when I read them. If you devolve into a bigotry font at any point afterwards, I'm done with you. Because look, even if you're somehow unbothered by Richard Dawkins, bigotry, which you fucking should be bothered by, but even if you weren't, you should,

at the very least, be bothered by his inaccuracy. He freely lies and makes shit up in defense of his transphobia. And to my knowledge, no matter how wrong he's later proven, he has never retracted a statement, revised a position, or apologized for a false accusation. He is as intellectually honest as Joe fucking Rogan. Right, but for Dawkins, there's no producer guy in the booth being like, hey, Richard did a quick Google, you're the opposite of correct again.

Mm-hmm, yeah. Rogan ignores that guy, to be clear, but at least that guy is there. Yeah, right. Right, yeah. Well, you could ignores that guy to be clear, but at least that guy is there. Yeah, right. Right Yeah, well he if you could have been that guy by scissor-kicking him in the chest in the lobby of the Flamingo Hotel and casino But you're a coward. That's so so now we'll never know. I might have missed. Yeah. Well, there's that's true That's why you're asking a lot from Heath. You've seen me do several. I've seen you scissor-kick. It's true I've seen you scissor-kick It's true. I've seen you scissor kick. So as you may have surmised, this is not just a general complaint about the asshole. His latest foray into bigoted

disinformation came on Friday when he claimed falsely and without evidence that Facebook had shut his page down because of the bigoted lies he was spreading on Twitter. It hadn't been. It got shut down because his page got hacked and when pages with a lot of followers get hacked Facebook shuts them down until the people who run them can change the fucking password That is literally the only thing that fucking happened But that did not stop him from dragging a goddamn cross through the right-wing media sphere to bemoan his martyrdom Yeah, he got hacked because his password is fucking password. Right, sure is, baby. He couldn't fix the problem right away

because he couldn't remember his password. Right. And then he dealt with that by lying for two weeks. Yes. You know, the other day, my mom called me to tell me she'd been hacked because her Bluetooth mouse ran out of battery. The difference is, most Americans don't think of my mom

as representative of an entire field of social justice. And that's really the problem. Well, that's one of the differences. The other is that your mom's done a bigot. Yeah, that helps. That's true, yeah. Now, you should have seen what she called that mouse. Now, so Dawkins claims that his page was shut down

without explanation, which I seriously fucking doubt. It is far more likely that he just missed an email. But even if they did choose on this one isolated incident not to send the form email that is automatically sent as part of the fucking program that shuts the page down, right? Let's grant that they reprogram their whole fucking system just to deny him his goddamn explanation. He still had plenty of ways of knowing it's not censorship because of his anti-trans bigotry,

most notably the fucking avalanche of anti-trans bigotry on Facebook. He claimed his page was shut down because he was spreading lies about that Algerian boxer Amani Khalifa, but 40% of Facebook was spreading the same fucking lies about her without being shut down So there's a fucking clue for you Yeah, but at least he didn't do anything serious like uninvite someone from a conference Yeah, take their chill guy award away, you know nothing that matters and again just to be clear Dawkins was complaining on Twitter that his Facebook account got shut down because of

something he posted on Twitter. Yes. His Facebook account was shut down before the Olympics even started, so he never even had the chance to be a bigot on Facebook too. I'm sure he would have done that, but that's not the point. Right. No, this is the bigotry equivalent of him screaming about Facebook taking possession of all his photos at midnight. Yes. That was originally what I was gonna write in the

intro for the show, but it was too long. Anyway, his whining bullshit echoed so loud through the persecution starved community of right-wing bigots that Facebook had to publicly respond to it with an explanation. And the page was duly restored as soon as he updated his stupid fucking password and lo and behold as of this writing he has in no way retracted his false claims against Facebook or made any effort to correct the misconception he spread about this or about the female athlete that he continues to slander. Yeah but now his password is password 2 so he, right. No, he's good for at least a couple more weeks. I tried one. Okay. Yeah.

And in Tate of his own medicine news, Andrew Tate There's a lot of things. A misogynist, a sex trafficker, medically stupid in a way that defies the limits of scientific knowledge But he is not a trans man. Honestly, if he was it'd be the coolest thing about him, but he's not However, that didn't stop him from being accused of being one by his fellow right-wing Christian lunatics this week for I kid you not Not showing enough bulge in one of his swimsuit pictures. Mm-hmm. Okay, how much is the right amount of bulge? I'm just curious like like, what's the Goldilocks zone of bulge there? It's more than the underwear model in the Sears catalog,

that's for sure, and that's what takes. Yeah, exactly. Yeah. So first off, big thanks to Brian who sent us this story first to scathingnews at gmail.com. If you send us atheist news to scathingnews at gmail.com, I'll send you the perfect bulge proportions that I'm keeping hidden from Heath in a gun safe under my bed. It's so weird how often non-threats sound like threats when you say them. Yeah, I've been told that. So here's the story. Christian Facebook influencer Rob Anderson was looking through Andrew Tate's bikini picks,

you know, like you do. And he noticed as he was studying Andrew Tate's bulge that his thick, veined cock wasn't as visible as Rob thought it should be. So he immediately shared the picture with the caption, I guess she forgot her fake eggplant emoji laughing face emoji, end quote. Adding in a comment, I told everyone about this a while back it's all of them if they are on the stage they are part of the inverted show and quote. Oh Andrew never thought a mob of transphobic jaguars you created would eat your face.

Right. I hate to see it. Yeah. So sad. So Rob just like I was so you know I spent my time desperately trying to discern people's genitals through their clothing because they Are perverts they yes, it's them. It's them. That's the problem now I know what you're thinking podcast listener Eli anything that upsets Andrew Tate is wonderful, and it is but what does this have to do with? Atheism well what if I told you that Andrew Tate's supposed transness was an attack on

Christian God? Well, that is exactly what Rob's fans asked him as well, which he answered, quote, short answer to blaspheme the father. We are made in his image, so they reverse and pervert it. BC, we are made in his image. Oh, quote. Adding that Tate's V-shaped clavicles were a quote Ted giveaway Guys, I think I might be trans. Yeah, right. No, I don't even have bikini pics. What am I hiding? Oh We can fix both of these things Yeah So always happy to watch the right wing eat their own because you know when all you know how to do is harass and destroy you do eventually

run out of enemies and you have to turn on yourselves. I guess what I'm saying is you love to see it. You do. Yeah. And in Veep state news Kamala Harris is running mate Tim Walls seems to be the most wholesome human being ever created. He looks like Good Universe Other Jeffrey Lebowski. Oh he does! Like a lot, but he's not a millionaire. Instead he's a teacher, a military veteran, and a compassionate voice of reason during his entire political career. All I want to do is just like flip through an L.L. Bean catalog with him and pick out matching polar fleece pullovers from the 90s with holiday prints together and he tousles my hair that I have

in my fantasy shut up and then we hug for a while. We hug and it's great. But here's the thing, that is the perfect cover. He's actually evil. He's actually part of a lizard mafia that controls the world. Also, there's goblins who currently control the world, controlling lizards. Weird. Yeah. And we learned that last week from a self-proclaimed prophet on Kenneth Copeland's Victory Channel. You'd think statistically we'd occasionally get a non-Jew lizard self-proclaimed profit on Kenneth Copeland's Victory Channel.

You'd think statistically we'd occasionally get a non-Jew lizard on our side too, but nope, they're all lizards. It's so weird that they're always wizards. Well, hey, look, Jew lizard or no, I'm on whatever side the self-proclaimed profit on Kenneth Copeland's channel isn't, so. Yep. Yeah, that's fair. All right.

So the big scoop happened on a show called who the fuck cares It's hosted by who the fuck cares. The important thing is the words of the prophet whose name is Joseph Z The letter Z and in case you're wondering about the credibility of a prophet named Joseph Z. Don't worry He's credible according to the introduction from the host, quote, what we put on the air, we take very seriously. Even more so when it comes to men of the cloth and profits. Yeah.

It's like labs that handle biohazards. I demand to know what their fucking profit vetter does for a living, right? Like what, I want that fucking Maytag repairman of a job. So the question for Mr. Z was, are you encouraged or discouraged by where America is these days? And here's the answer we got.

It started with, you know, the mandatory sentence about Christ Jesus. And then he said, quote, when we bring up guys like Tim Walls and you look at what's going on, people say he's, you know, Midwestern folksy. I have another word for him being from Minnesota myself. And it's weird. The guy's just weird. I know you. You see the way he hugs his wife? You see the way he does everything? Okay.

End quote. So the opening salvo of the Christian right against Tim Walz is, know you are? I know you are, but what am I? Well, so yeah, no, this is not how deflecting works, man. You're a self-described prophet on Kenneth Copeland's channel, right? What's weird to you would just be normal. The whole rubber glue thing falls apart when we're throwing glue at you.

Yeah, that's fair. Yeah, you're just saying glue now. You said the word glue also, that's nothing. So at this point, you're probably wondering how does Joseph Z know about any of this? Does he even understand the voice of God for the coming days of fire? Well, here's the thing

He actually wrote the book on that it's called demystifying the prophetic understanding the voice of God for the coming days of fire But now you're probably wondering okay, but where does the Antichrist come in? Where does the Antichrist come in? In particular vis-a-vis Tim Walls and Goblins. Great question. Joey Z continued come in. Where does the Antichrist come in? In particular vis-a-vis Tim Walls and goblins. Joey Z continued, you know it's interesting how the spirit of Antichrist just loves to pick these people like Tim Walls that fit right in with the wicked overlord lizard mafia that is really driven by their goblin masters. Anyway that guy's fucking weird. You see how that doesn't work man?

You see how it doesn't work? See how that's the problem? Jesus fuck! You can't say goblin masters and then say weird to somebody else. Fucking... little bit odd. Okay wait, so to be clear, the accusation that this guy has made up on his lie great because he gets to lie Yes, he's not bound by the truth is not that Tim Walz is Part of the wicked overlord blizzard mafia or the goblins that run them. They're just fans Yes, no, he just fits right in with them

He meshes well and honestly that tracks though like a goblin be like he's actually kind of a nice guy He's just like a wholesome guy Did you see that video where he's like a pig leg? Oh my god the pig leg is so huge The turkey sausage thing heads into the door, but he's a great guy. We're goblins in the world. You know who I don't like Joseph Z. I fucking creeps me out. That guy's weird Gives me the willies. Yes, thank you. Weirds me out. Can't finish my Adrena comb when I'm looking at a picture of it. So the response from the host of the show to that rant about the lizard mafia and the

goblin overlords, the response was, cool, got it. Moving on. Yeah, lizard, goblin overlords the response was cool got it moving on lizard is a goblin overlord it's cool the same host by the way has interviewed Donald Trump on multiple occasions so I'm guessing that becomes natural just right yeah uh-huh moving on so yes and yep that was maniacally insane but here's the most important part of this whole thing Joseph Z looks like a lizard goblin. He's a lizard goblin. The compound word.

Like if the cops in a futuristic movie heard about a lizard goblin doing a crime spree and still being at large and they told their fancy AI program to make a sketch, it's Joseph Z. Exactly. Yeah, sure is. Podcast listener, Keith, at the very end of this story has placed a picture of Joseph Z in our notes in what I can only describe as a Prestige he looks like a court reporter's drawing of a penis It's incredible if the penis was a lizard goblin from the lizard goblin mafia somehow you guys are both right on

lizard goblin mafia. Somehow you guys are both right on this. Yep. He looks like Andrew Tate and a lizard goblin. Like those things all together. And penis. Yeah. So here's what I learned. The corporate structure of our evil communist organization is different than I thought.

Like of course we knew about the lizards, right? They check in with me all the time. I'm assuming the same with you guys. But I had no idea the lizards are right? They check in with me all the time. I'm assuming the same with you guys. Obviously, I had no idea the lizards are actually just middle management. Right. Right. Yeah. So everybody else is having workflow issues, you know, pinch points with the communist plot, failing synergy. You can probably do an end run and speak to the

goblins. So yeah, good to keep in mind. Absolutely. So while we update the org chart, we're going to take a quick break for a word from our other sponsor this week. Hello Fresh. How about this? OK, pretty good. Maybe higher, though. All right. Better. Hey, guys, what's up with the outfits? Are we switching to the furry market?

You have to tell me these kind of things. OK, first of all, check out our patrons. We are firmly in the furry market? You have to tell me these kind of things. Okay, first of all, check out our patrons. We are firmly in the furry market already. And two, no, Heath and I are going to get breakfast for life. By dressing like cats? Um, look at the noses. We're foxes. Obviously, foxes.

And we're getting free breakfast by stealing eggs from the chicken coop. We're rapscallions. Right. Got it. Guys, if you want free breakfast, why don't you just sign up for HelloFresh? Oh, what's HelloFresh? With HelloFresh, you get farm fresh,

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Alright Noah, I'm sold. Where do I sign up? For free breakfast for life, go to hellofresh.com slash free scathing. One free breakfast item per box while subscription is active. That's free breakfast for life just by going to hello fresh dot com slash free scathing. Thanks, Noah. Then I guess we don't need to wear these costumes anymore than he. Yeah, I guess. You want to keep wearing them? Yeah. Oh, OK. Nice.

And we're back. And in paedophile news tonight, the Church of England seems to be testing out a novel new approach to dealing with priests who rape children, paying them absurd amounts of money for it. Huh? Yeah, we found that out thanks to Stuart, who sent us this story at scathingnews.gmail.com. Stuart in turn found it out from a BBC expose about one Andrew Hinley, a priest who has been repeatedly assessed as a risk to

children and repeatedly accused of sexual assault. And after more than a decade of hand wringing about what they're going to do about it, they ultimately paid the motherfucker almost a quarter million pounds to retire. Yeah, Father Hinley, it's the Peter principle. I got it. Stop doing puns, please. Oh, Jesus Christ. Okay.

But guys, with the hit my IRA took this week, we might have to start bringing back some of the old material, if you know what I mean. I need the help. So, yeah. So to be clear here, Hinley was the subject of five police investigations, mostly about sexually assaulting minors, but he was never charged with anything. The church higher-ups did repeated risk assessments about him, and in every instance, whoever was running the investigation came back and said, yeah, that dude's super raping kids.

Don't ever leave him around fucking kids. And yet the church continued to allow him to minister. They did eventually ban him from choir school, junior confirmation groups, and school visits, but even that was neither monitored nor enforced. Yeah. I mean, I know this is the Church of England and not the Catholic Church. Same diff to me. But like, if I had a giant secret organization and I knew I had a known child rapist in my midst, maybe I used my funny dressed Swiss guys to kill that guy.

You know, you have your own soundproof buildings at least, right? Yeah, you might have to borrow a funny dressed Swiss guy, but yeah. Exactly! Yeah, I bet they have an exchange program. Right, yeah. What do you have those for, if not this? Exactly. Thank you. Now, according to Hinley, the reason he was never charged was because there was nothing to the claims, and the only reason he was targeted is because he's openly gay and the bigots

around him equate gay with pedophilia. But literally everyone else the BBC talked to disagreed with that assessment and the story strongly hints that somebody within the church was pulling strings to keep him out of jail and keep the church out of the newspapers. Yes, that or it's England's famous homophobia. Well, you know, look, amongst conservative Christians in England, yes, absolutely. But yeah, apparently this guy's child raping ways were an open fucking secret for well over a decade. And the BBC apparently had all kinds of internal documents over that period

where the church higher-ups tossed ideas back and forth over what to do. Right? Apparently, they were worried that if they fired him, he would sue them, and in suing them, their inaction would come to light and they would look bad. Oh, that would be bad. Right. So lest their inaction make them look bad, they failed to act for a decade and then some, despite a stack of risk assessments saying you are actively endangering children.

Okay. What if we don't move at all? It's not a philosophy pastor. They can't see. Right. Yeah. Yeah. So, so yeah.

So just one more reminder that the problem isn't the Catholic church. The problem is the church. The problem is that we're endowing unearned authority on people through an institution that is more concerned with reputation of the institution than the integrity of the institution and that has to be true when the institution claims to represent the god of the fucking universe. It will always be that way. Yeah. And finally tonight in dead reckoning news, El Al Airlines is trying out a new program that's offering one corpse-free flight per day from JFK Airport in New York to Ben Gurion Airport in Tel Aviv.

Apparently those flights are normally just lousy with dead bodies, but the airline has had it with these motherfucking wakes on these motherfucking planes. God, you were saying that's why you chose this story, isn't it, Ethan, right? So they fixed it, because they'd had it. The main purpose of the move is to make it easier for the direct male descendants of the biblical Aaron, known as the Kohanim, to fly between New York and Israel without worrying about violating the regulations that forbid them from coming into contact with a dead body.

Because that would make them ritually impure and fuck up their magic spells that bring about the second coming of Christ using an unemployed, never-yoked, all-red heifer with no crimson, it's perfectly red hair. And that's a very serious issue. Yeah, I'm sorry. Kohanime, you think the God who's been giving you the silent treatment over a cow with a fro for the last 2000 years is giving you a pass on flying through the air

on an airplane? Your guys' standards are so weird. So all I'm saying is if you stick me on a 10 and a half hour flight full of religious zealots, all you can promise them is that the plane will start with no dead bodies on it. Okay. Yeah.

Well, they'll cover themselves in a bag because they think you're a woman. Oh, that's true. Yeah. That's a thing too. And a big thanks to Haya for sending the link to skatingnews at gmail.com. Haya gets to switch with Eli from the middle to the aisle if they're ever on a plane together. Wait, what?

And, and, I didn't finish yet, and Haya gets to have one item from Eli's Topaz Box. Too far, Haya, too far. Whichever item you want. You can touch all of them, but you get to take one. Those olives are all I have left, Haya. Don't do this. So I looked up Koanime because it sounded like a giant scam.

You nailed it. Turns out it's actually a super mega giant scam. Mm-hmm. The Koenim all claimed to trace their lineage through a direct line of males only, because those are the people who count, to Aaron, the first high priest of Judaism and the brother of Moses. Since then, the Koanim were the priests who served in that original tabernacle and in the holy temples of Jerusalem. And one of the big components of the scam

was making a weird rule to get free gifts from all the normie Jewish people all the time. According to the legend, the original Koanime devoted themselves to serve God, but they didn't get any free farmland when God gave out that big land grant in ancient Israel only. It was weird, focus on one part of the world. So the Torah says that everyone has to give the Koanime

24 different gifts. This includes free animals, olive oil, bread, other random groceries, money, skin, sheep's wool. Animal skin. Heath's making it weird. Oh, okay. Humans are animals, but yes, it's animal skin, not human skin, as far as I could tell. And even certain property is one of the 24 gifts. Depending on the technicalities of a state law, you can get those.

They have to go to the Koenem under certain conditions. So the point is, the Koenem never had to do any farming work, and they got free fucking stuff all the time. Scam. Right. Yeah, well, but little known fact, you can actually get around those gift obligations if you know the Koanim Code, which is of course up, up, down, down, left, right, left, right, B, A, and so you can start to gather. Pretty close to the real religion, though.

Yeah, honestly. 30 guys, 24 gifts, yeah. Okay, but look, if they're going to do weird shit like ask JFK flights to be body free They have to let us hand them a sheep if we see one on the street Here's some skin. I brought you some skin humans are animals by the way It's loose Yeah, okay. So that was my Yeah. Okay. So that was my coeneme rabbit hole. And here's the very serious dilemma at the airline that led to the new policy.

Many flights from New York to Tel Aviv contain coffins in the cargo hold. And according to the ritual impurity laws I mentioned, the coeneme can't be exposed to any deadness ions, I guess. It says that somewhere in the Torah. Except for close relatives. That's the exception. Close relatives don't count as gross. The Ko'anim can go to like the funeral of a close relative. So in order to solve that problem in the past, El Al would use special spirit-type covers to isolate the coffins from any koanime who might be flying.

But that wasn't thorough enough for some of the high priests, hence the no-cadaver flights that they're offering now. Yeah. Have they tried tricking Jew God back into his magic ruby? Yeah. I feel like they have. Yeah. And we should also, we should point out that some of them are like so worried about flying

over top of graveyards on the flight. Like that accounts, because if you also we should point out that some of them are like so worried about flying over top of Graveyards on the flight like that accounts because if you go over a grave that counts So sometimes they have to wear the magic cover Seriously, yeah, that's a delightful visual. It looks like they're putting themselves in the trash before the flight They start putting on the bag. No, no, no, that's my cousin. It's cool. It's cool. It's cool. We're good So now a bunch of grieving people are gonna have a hard time flying the dead bodies of their deceased family members to the,

well, correct godly rotting areas. So that's dumb. Nobody should be flying a corpse anywhere unless it's being like rushed somewhere for an organ transplant or some kind of science reason. But way more dumb is the idea that people have magical properties because they're related to a guy from a book about a hundred generations ago.

Yeah, it feels like they cancel each other out. Really? We could just let them fight it out. And now that we've achieved stupidity squared, I guess we can close the headlines for the night. Heath, Eli, thanks as always. Jumanji. And when we come back, we'll remember that we were reading fucking CS Lewis again. Christians and even atheists spent an awful lot of time telling me about how the Bible was a

beautifully written book back when they didn't think I was going to read it and check their math. So I guess it should have come as no surprise, despite the glowing praise, that C.S. Lewis's shit is fucking terrible, which we're going to talk about again in this installment of God Awful Books. So as you'll recall, in the last installment, we cracked open Book Three, Christian Behavior, where we learned two different ways of dividing up Christian morality, neither of which will be used for the remainder of the book. Instead, we're going to dive now into Chapter Three, Social Morality, and he starts by claiming

that the golden rule is a priori knowledge, which is both wrong and ineffective for his argument. He's like, he's making his book seem less useful somehow. Sorry, everyone got a bit lost at my own asshole there. So in conclusion, we call dibs on being nice. Being nice is Christianity. And also the things I want others to do unto me are not cool as an assumption about what everyone else wants me to do to them Also last time around CS Lewis was fucking a lawnmower Exactly what I'm talking about exactly

Right, but he but he tries to explain to us that anybody trying to introduce new morals as a quack morals as morals Damn it. You can't change math, which I point out because how dangerous is it to believe that your morality is unimprovable? Right? Speaking of which, he immediately dives deep into Christian nationalism. He's two pages into the chapter and he's like, all economists and statesmen should be Christian. Okay. Yeah. Well, because now that we know be nice is an exclusively Christian moral. Right. All important people have to be Christians so that they'll be nice. He's trying to claim that Christian economics is nice, as in, what would Jesus do? He'd help the

poor. Just like, you know, all the amazing Christian economists and statesmen that we've had throughout history. Right, yeah. Just like F.A. Hayek, the father of modern economic injustice, or Arthur Laffer, who literally has a graph named after him that gave us trickle-down economics under Reagan and ever since. Also by the way, maybe we should mention Laffer's employer in 2015, which would be Donald Trump. He worked for the Trump campaign. Oh really? Yeah.

Wow. Maybe we can talk about Christian economics when Christian leaders start doing it. There you go. And Christian people start voting on it. Yeah. No, but the important thing is that you can cram your Christianity into other people's faces whether they want it or not. That's the takeaway.

Mm hmm. And of course, we get three pages into this before he abandons morality altogether and he starts describing his perfect Christian world as a one where moochers would starve to death. Right, he says, quote, "'If man does not work, he ought not to eat,' end quote. And he apologizes for this

by saying it's a socialist worldview. So you know, Heath, I hate to break it to you, but you're actually going to have to wait for your time machine until Karl Marx is done jumping out of it to tackle and punch C.S. Lewis. Okay, I'm actually working on a time traveling tandem bike for Marx and Orwell to fly around together. You do the first side tackle and the punching and you finally let the person up and then it's like, side tackle again.

Oh, there you go. Yeah. Or two side tackles from different directions. Yes. Center tackle. Yeah. Also, a bit about the entire history of Christian economics. Oh, there you go. Yeah. And Eli, you don't have to wait on a time machine. That's not, it's not how time machines work. Oh, that makes sense. That makes sense. Stupid. So, yeah, but a perfect Christian society is also one where women know their fucking place. OK. Yep. He is God.

So he's talking about how a perfect Christian society would be marked by proper obedience. And he says, quote, from all of us to properly appointed magistrates, from children to parents, and and then in parentheses, I'm sure this isn't going to be very popular from wives to husbands, end quote. Yeah, I'm afraid this isn't going to be very popular is old timey for it might not be politically correct to say this right in that both statements caveat a wrong opinion with a warning that they're incapable of changing their mind. Yes.

I'm afraid this is going to be unpopular, but, uh, here I am doing a special on Netflix. Yeah. Kind of popular. Hey, those cameramen worked so hard not to show Joe Rogan as the three foot two he is. How dare you. So, but like what he explains here is that none of us would really like the hard not to show Joe Rogan as the three foot two he is. How dare you.

So but like what he explains here is that none of us would really like the ideal Christian society. That's how you know it's perfect. And then he points out the evils of usury, right? See, well, actually, he doesn't. He's like, well, you know, wrong. It's so stupid. Right. He's like, well, you know, I, some people say that God just couldn't foresee joint stock companies. So he was actually wrong about this. I'm like, oh, so we're giving up on the omniscience. Like, I guess he comes out fucking medium on usury. He's undecided. He does. Yeah. Yeah. Well, he's going to leave it up to the Christian economist who will figure it out Christianly because everyone's going to be Christian. Yeah. He actually says that I'll leave this advanced stuff to the economists

You don't need economists for that. You just need to understand how the concept of time works Yep present value and future value are different because those are different words present is different than future. It's separated by time Yeah, if lenders get paid back the same amount they lent you because of God's law, then lending doesn't exist because that's dumb and nobody would ever do it. Yep. There you go. Then as an afterthought on his chapter about social morality, he mentions charity briefly, right?

He says you should do charitable stuff right up until it makes you do stuff you don't want to do and then you should fucking stop doing that. Yeah. What does it say about your audience when you have to address that at least some percentage of them think that charity, the idea is bullshit? Right. Yes. But then at the very end, he predicts that nobody will like the chapter, but that's okay

because he doesn't like it either. Yes. I've somehow made points that are wrong in all political directions. End of chapter I wrote on purpose. Yep. It's like he ran on stage during a UN summit, he grabbed the mic and he was like, everybody shut up, shut up, I have the answer. We should do the world medium, I'm not sure.

And then he got hit with 192 tomatoes. Yes. The chapter. Right. Yes. The chapter. Right. Yeah. And so, okay. And then we layer on new bullshit with chapter four, morality and psychoanalysis.

This will go well. Yeah. Oh yeah, absolutely. So his segue is so sloppy too. He might as well just mumble psychoanalysis and then say, did somebody say psychoanalysis? Yeah. Yeah.

You don't have to do that obnoxious dinner party thing of engineering the conversation to land on the book you just read. Right. So you can deliver the bon-mo that you worked out ahead of time. It's your book. Just say your next thing. You can do whatever you want.

Right. Okay. Well, we should explain because what he's dealing with, right, is that this new dude, Ziggy Freud, is the hottest talk about towns with his conversation about brains. And so he feels like he has to address that. Right. If he wrote this book today, there would be a chapter on Christian chat GPT. Well, Freud had been dead for a decade and a half by the time he wrote this. But like, yeah, but that I guess that is how Christians define cutting edge.

I was gonna say, yeah. Yeah. He's an author of a book. I've read books. Freud is the name of an author. I don't want to argue with him. I said that just now. I love how he dismisses Freud incorrectly, right? He's like, his philosophy is bullshit, but that's psychoanalysis shit.

I mean, I do want to fuck my mom. So do that. We all can't come unless we're being scolded for fucking a lawnmower incorrectly by our mom. That's neither here nor there. Freud is not an expert on allegorical fantasy novels, so he doesn't get Christianity. I do. I'm C.S. Lewis. Yes.

Yeah. That's the point here. Yeah, right. He's like, Freud is very obviously wrong about almost everything, but some of the stuff agrees with my bullshit, so he's not wrong about all of this. Some of this stuff. Right. He seems to say you can think about your brain as long as it ends with you agreeing with me philosophically.

Otherwise, the entire medical field is bullshit. Yep. Yep. And also he pauses the book to endorse gay conversion therapy out of fucking nowhere. Yeah, and it's a, um, it's a very sophisticated psychoanalytic technique. It's called stop it. It's called you enjoy vaginas now, man. Yep.

That was it. So yeah, but he points out at length that psychoanalysis can help you with phobias. Sure. But it can't make you stop being a fucking coward. Yeah. He uses this insane metaphor about how it's fine for psychiatry to help a soldier get back into war. But if psychiatry helps you, but then you're still a pussy after you admit you want to

fuck your mom. Like, what good is psychiatry in the first place? It's just so weird. It's so long, this whole segment. He just spent like a thousand words explaining the difference between thoughts and behavior. That's it. Yep. And then he tries to claim that thoughts are cheap, like talk is cheap.

Thoughts are cheap. And that's why you need Christian thought to help your behavior. Yeah, right. There's also a hint of determinism in here that I was almost kind of happy to see from CS. I love this part because we get to watch CS Lewis try to reason out his idea and then crash land on good Christians don't get all judgy about Nazis and he panics and he's trying to say that we're all heavily a product of our upbringing and circumstances of luck. But then he says almost exact quote, if you had bad parents, you're telling me you wouldn't

become Himmler. Come on. Yeah. And that's why Christians are told to judge again, almost exact words. And then he might as well, you know, type smoke bomb and the chapter. It's so fucking weird because he's making this great point about how well, you know, we should take people's circumstances into account when we decide whether to judge them. And then he ends on the one thing, the one person where you can't.

He's like, but like the Nazis and we're like, no, not the fucking Nazis. I defended Himmler that keeps happening. Oh, Jesus. Yeah. Nobody's looking at me as I'm typing smoke bomb. And then so then we dive into the extremely promisingly titled Chapter Five, Sexual Morality. Bring it back down to point five speed, everybody. Right. Yeah, well, now maybe not, because this opening sentence says that the word, the single word

version of Christian sexual morality is, of course, chastity. Yeah, check out my new Christian diet, hunger. Yeah, right, right. So yeah, so he admits that modesty is defined culturally and it's not absolute, but then he claims that chastity is universal. Yeah, apparently his first concern was that we were unnecessarily sex-shaming the virginal tribespeople of Hawaii? Yes. Yeah, he makes a big deal about like, oh well some people are scantily clad culturally, like we should only shame them for being gross with their short pants and coconut bras, like the gross part, but you know, if they're fucking, we should shame them for both.

That was a good moral clarification. Yeah, he also, he thinks that the kids should stop calling him a Puritan prude. That's what he thinks. He thinks that they should have said that enough. He thinks he should be allowed back at Christmas dinner with his kids, which he is not right now. And he wrote a snippy section about it,

like he's Dennis fucking Prager. It's great. Yeah. He says, you know, chastity is the most unpopular of Christian virtues. And I'm like, that's a competitive list though. And then he explains that our okay, I love this so much. He explains that our sexual instinct has to be wrong. Because if we had a kid every time we wanted to fuck, that would be way too many kids.

Right. If we had a kid every time we wanted to fuck, that would be way too many kids. Right? So he's saying either human biology is wrong or my moral theories are wrong. It's probably human biology. It's probably biology. But you know, easy to say for a childless cat lady with two step kids and a sticky lawnmower. No, but look, he explains this. He says, he's think about it. We gather in crowds to see naked ladies, but we don't gather up to see naked food.

Our biology must be wrong. Okay. Tell me you think strippers actually like you without telling me you think strippers actually like you. Yeah. So what he's doing here is he's trying to prove our ideas of sex are perverted because, like, horny people go to see strippers, but his argument is that hungry people don't go to see food shows. And, one, Heath and I would absolutely go see a food show. And, two, he did not see Chopped coming. I'm just going to throw that out there.

Right! We have a whole channel for that. Yeah. Sex is great, but did you ever watch a 90 year old Japanese guy cut the perfect piece of tuna cheek? Oh! I've never been more aroused. It was amazing. Also, Catholics gather in crowds every week to see an old man in a silly hat give a long speech about the sin of sexual perversion.

Oh wow, yeah. You sure you want to go down this road, CS? Because it sounds like we need chastity from chastity and it's not going to go well for you. Yeah, but he points out that it can't be that we're sexually starving, right? Because that's the obvious counter argument to it, right? Because we're so sexually repressed that we have to go pay money to watch people take their clothes off.

But he says that can't be the case because there's way too much sex everywhere by CS's standards, which are the standards he's trying to prove. I mean, every time the gardener walks by with his bulging muscles and his rough chest hair bursting from his shirt, society won't shut up about sex. Yeah, right. Yeah. And then he pulls starts that lawnmower. So I typed. Also, just a criticism here for all the people who seem to think he's a great writer.

People keep telling me that he transitions to a third point here by saying, quote, Here's a third point. And my points are threefold, of which I shall certify, starting now in my book, that I'm writing inside of now today. But his third point apparently is, you notice how nobody fucks food, right? No. I haven't noticed that yet. That's impossible to notice.

So many people fuck food. So but he apologizes for all this talk of sexual perversion and the titillating effect it might have on his audience at this point. I know you came here for a children's book authors take on the Bible and I was accidentally almost relevant for a second. And for that, I apologize. Yeah. But to be clear, he's not buying all this. It's terribly unhealthy to repress your sexual desires bullshit.

Yeah, and he'll fight anyone who says it is. Your weeping comes, CSI. I can see it on the Kindle edition that I'm reading. So he also claims that Christianity is almost, even he modifies it as almost, the least frutish of all major religions when it comes to sex. He does this while explaining why you should be ashamed of your sexual desires, of course. But his justification is that, quote, nearly all the greatest love poetry in the world has been produced by Christians, end quote.

Nope. Hell of a." End quote. Nope. Hell of a claim, bro. Yeah, way to pick the one art form. Christianity wasn't winning by default monopoly at that point. It's actually impressive. Yeah, but he very explicitly implores us to be more ashamed of our sexuality.

And I do get it because people ask me to do that all the time. No, that's true. So, you know. The shame's just adding to it, CS. You're doing it wrong. By the way, you either like Freud or you don't like Freud. You got to put the blame here, man. Exactly. But yeah, but this whole wanting to fuck means you're broken thing. That is the entire crux of Christian control, right? Like we should, we shouldn't be at all surprised to see a chapter dedicated to it in this book, right?

You want to fuck? Well, that's there's something wrong with you then. Okay, it felt like he listened to our podcast and our episodes about his book and decided to stop taking the big swings at The metaphors and hurting himself. Yeah, but during this whole section I gotta say I was missing it like I wanted sex to be a jigsaw puzzle made out of peanut butter or something. Yeah. Right? Yeah. I wouldn't do anything like that.

How is this like a math problem, CS? I'm lost. Yeah. But also, he tries to quote the Lord, make me chase, but not yet bit from St. Augustine, but he doesn't know who said it. He's just like, are you Christian once? It's like, it's weird that Christianity's most famous apologist knows less about Christianity than me, isn't it? That is weird. Also weird to bring up the undeniable loophole in the rules that lets you have a bunch of sex and then still go to heaven. Right. Yeah. So, but he explains the three reasons chastity is hard and given his difficulty with some, so we shouldn't be surprised to learn that number one is actually three things

Quote our warped nature the devils who tempt us and all the contemporary Propaganda for lust and quote. I mean have you guys seen those perfume ads with Ryan Gosling? Beautiful man, I feel like CS got like a like a telegram about horny women in your area right before he wrote this chapter. Right, the devil's tempting him. Yeah. Reportedly, wanna fuck stops. Yeah.

So yeah, but in this chapter, he's explicitly denying that any middle ground exists between sex only with your spouse and only for the purposes of procreation and do literally whatever you fucking want sexually at any point that you want to do it. Now look, nobody is fucking arguing for that extreme, right? It would be impossible to argue for that extreme, but that is still when he's gonna spend his whole fucking chapter refuting instead of any reasonable position a person might have.

Yes, you might point out that I have the same morals on this topic as someone from thousands of years ago. And to that I say, yes. Yes. Yeah. You might point that out about every other topic, but don't get ahead of me, I'm still- Yeah, right.

I didn't get a whole book yet. But point one seems to be, you're gonna have to not fuck sometimes anyway, so why not all the times? Yeah, maybe a fuck patch you can put on your arms. There you go. Something like that. Now, the second reason chastity is hard is because people think it's impossible.

Right? And so I guess this point is best summarized as don't knock not fucking until you've tried it. Okay, cool. Um, can I knock it now? Right, yeah, because we've all tried not fucking. I've been me since puberty, so a lot of gaps in there. Like, even people who fuck for a living spend most of their time not fucking, dude. I think I spend most of my time fucking. He's inching back to the metaphors here, but he's not taking a big swing.

He goes for like a bunt this time with a little simile, and he says that not having sex is just like fastening a stiff collar with cold fingers. He does say that. That is a notoriously craven sex act. So that was a bunt and a miss, man. Well, the craven part is the cold fingers, but yeah. So, but yeah, but he's arguing that we should try

to be chased if for no other reason than to see how much we suck at it without God's help. Yeah, and look, this is the guy who spent the entire start of this book telling us how you don't get points for getting a math problem partially right. And now he's here to tell us that you'll get points for getting chastity partially right. Yep. So and the third reason chastity is hard is because we've been told that repressing our sexual desires are bad by people who are correct. But don't don't trust the damn dictionary in terms of what repressed means.

OK, we all want to fuck our mom. That's front of the brain. We all agreed earlier. Yes. Everybody's nodding. Yeah, I see it. You also. Yes. Speaking of your analogy thing, you also has this whole paragraph where he casts our sexual desires as our nemesis. Right. We are to our sexual desires as homes to Moriarty, Wellington to Napoleon, and this is a great one, a rat catcher to rats.

Yeah, you don't sound repressed at all, man. Personifying your own thoughts and feelings as villains. That sounds like a cash money mindset to me. My penis is Dudley Durite and my libido is Snidely Whiplash healthy. Good. Yeah. No, but he wraps up by admitting that there are several things even worse than consensual sex. So at least he got that right. But yeah, he did an entire chapter on sexual morality that could have been entirely summarized by the word don't. And we're going gonna see what other brilliant advice he has for us on the next installment of

God awful books. ["God awful books"] Before we slip beneath the waves today, I wanna remind you that football season is almost here and I've already heard the term sports ball. The last drop of humor was squeezed out of that phrase in 2019, so please move on, find an original way to shit all over the interests of others at the very least. Anyway, that's all the blasphemy we've got for you tonight. We'll be back in 10,022 minutes with more.

If you can't wait that long, be on the lookout for a brand new episode of our Sister Show's Hot Friend God of a Movies debuting at 7 Eastern on Tuesday and an even newer episode of our Half Sister Show Citation needed debuting at noon Eastern on Wednesday. Obviously, I can't claim episode status for this one. If I neglect to thank Heath Enright for being the bee's knees, I want to thank Eli Bosnik for being the bee's ankles, which are every bit as important. I also want to send well wishes to my lovely wife Lucinda who's out sick with COVID today, but hopes to be back to talk misogyny with you again next week. I also want to thank 40 and Amy for providing this week's Farnsworth quote. And gotta say I kind of loved watching a person take an AI's job for a

change. Well done. But most of all of course I want to thank this week's most scintillating simians Candice, Margaret, Christian, Talon, John, 124mm10 and Stephen. Candice and Margaret who are hot enough to light an Olympic torch off of. Christian, Talon and John who are so badass they kind of let those Olympians win. And 124mm10 Stephen, whose IQs are higher than Snoop Dogg smoking weed on the Eiffel Tower. Sorry, I didn't realize I'd be missing the Olympics this much already. Together, these people and or alphanumeric codes

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Hey Morgan, we're talking about Eli's poop. My poop and its granularity. That was the conversation. All right, here we go. The preceding podcast was a production of Puzzle and the Thunderstorm LLC copyright 2024 all rights reserved.