The Scathing Atheist - ScathingAtheist 101: Pope's Mama Jokes Edition

Episode Date: January 22, 2015

In this week's episode, we'll meet an Ohio inmate who finally found a way to make the bible bearable, Boba Fett will plan a raid on a middle school girl's room in Kentucky, and Andy Wilson from the InKredulous podcast joins us to make the show sound all British and sophisticated.

Warning, this program uses language that may not be suitable for sensitive motherfuckers. Today's episode of The Scathing Atheist is brought to you by Utah's new privatized fire protection racket for loyal Mormons, Hook and Latter-day Saints. Is your polygamist compound at risk of wildfires? Are several of your wives clumsy pyromaniacs? Are spiteful neighbors constantly ringing your doorbell and leaving flaming bags of shit on your front porch. Well, for indefinite easy payments of 10% of your income, we'll ignore non-Mormon fires and focus on you. Hook and Latter-day Saints.

Because they made us get rid of the magical asbestos onesies. And now, the scathing atheist. Hello, Charles Darwin here. I've spent more than a lifetime gathering evidence and researching and... And we did, in fact, evolve from filthy monkey men. It's Thursday. It's January 22nd. And I can do way more than half a pull-up.

The down part is easy. I'm no illusions. I'm Heath Enright, and from the mecca of prawns and ground corn paste, Valdosta, Georgia, this is the Skating Atheist. In this week's episode, an Ohio inmate finds a way to make the Bible bearable. Boba Fett plans to raid a middle school girls' room in Kentucky. And Andy Wilson from the Incredulous podcast will join us to provide some sophisticated British dick jokes. But first, the diatribe. The French have a great saying,

l'esprit d'escalier, which sounds way better if you don't butcher the fuck out of the pronunciation, but what it means is the wit of the staircase. Or as we say in English, damn it, you know what I should have said? Now, I had exactly such a moment last Friday and is often the case what I should have said turned into a diatribe. So I got an email the other day from a producer with the Stocks and Jocks morning radio show in Chicago. This is primarily a financial talk show, but they delve into sports and apparently whatever the hell they want from time to time. And while I'm decidedly unqualified to talk about stocks or sports,

they were inviting me to come on and talk about the podcast. For what I imagine are obvious reasons, it struck me as odd that I was being invited onto a show about stocks and bonds, let alone a show where somebody could get in serious trouble if I said fuck. So I did my homework. I listened to the last couple episodes of the show, and by the end of that, I had a pretty good idea why I was coming on. The host of the show is a Catholic. His producer and his co-host are both atheists, and inviting me on was not the host's idea. Apparently, they'd had plenty of theological discussions with this dude in the past, and they were calling in reinforcements, and that is a role that I'm happy to play. So things start off just fine. We talk a bit about the Charlie Hebdo massacre, we talk a bit about the podcast, but eventually the talk shifts to the merits of religion.

Now, Tom is the host. He's a proud Catholic graduate of Notre Dame. He tries to defend religion at one point by citing his religious family members that ain't hurting nobody. The basic defense here is that they don't bother anybody, they keep the faith to themselves, they're good people, they're harmless. Now, this is where that staircase thing comes in. Because what I actually said in the moment was that if everybody in the world was like them, I probably wouldn't have a show, but somehow every week I'm able to scrounge up plenty of stories about Christianity being used to justify homophobia and subvert the teaching of evolution. And that is a valid point, but it was the wrong point to make in the moment.

It's one that he could easily brush aside. He basically says, yeah, well, you know what? I'm with you. I don't like those guys either. But as soon as I listen back to the interview, I'm slapping myself for the missed opportunity because he clearly said that those harmless religious family members of his were Catholic. He actually made the claim that his Catholic family members weren't contributing to anything bad. So apparently their tithes weren't going into the pile that was being used to silence

rape victims, or the one that was being used to exacerbate the AIDS epidemic in Africa, or the one that was being used to pay for a pope that insists that exorcism is a real thing despite the known danger of reinforcing the delusions of the mentally ill, or the pile that was used to fund the international money laundering service they had going there, or the one that was used to fund orphanages that would rather stop helping everybody than place a fucking kid with a gay couple once in a while. They were putting their money in the other pile, that non-fungible one that only goes to loving Jesus and buying blankets for homeless people. Well, of course, conversations go the way conversations go, so I never managed to circle

back to the two fatal flaws in the my-grandma-ain't-bothering-nobody defense. One, of course, is the fact that anybody who gives money or social legitimacy to a religion is contributing to all the problems that that religion creates. But the other is this notion that what atheists are really worried about is how pushy religious people are you know yes that is definitely annoying i'm not going to deny that but all kinds of people annoy me i don't do a podcast about people who tap the top of the soda can before they open it that annoys the shit i don't do a podcast about people who pronounce etc like it's got an x in it when atheists complain about nativity scenes on courthouse lawns and prayers before public meetings,

it's not because we're annoyed. It's because we have a basic constitutional right to a government that doesn't endorse a particular religion. That's actually important. You know, any effort to reinforce the idea that an invisible, mute space dictator is in charge of the universe is way more dangerous than it is annoying.

Faith is the opposite of reason. When it comes to solving the world's problems, reason already has enough enemies. Without reason to guide us, any charlatan that hijacks the name of your God can inspire people to divorce themselves entirely from their innate sense of morality, regardless of which flavor of God you prefer. I totally let him off the hook with this notion of harmless faith, and I shouldn't have. In fact, I have to give credit to the show's producer, Matty, who came a hell of a lot closer to making this point than I ever did. He pointed out that grown-ups shouldn't let fairy tales tell them how to act in the world.

And it's scary as hell that anyone ever has to make that point, let alone argue that point with evidence and rebuttals and shit. Now, to be honest, I have a bit of an excuse. You know, through this entire thing, I'm kind of mortified. My mind was so preoccupied with not saying shit. Now, to be honest, I have a bit of an excuse. You know, through this entire thing, I'm kind of mortified. My mind was so preoccupied with not saying shit, fuck, asshole, pussy, fart, or dick ribbon that it wasn't functioning at its highest level. You know, I mean, that's hard for me one way or the other, but it gets decidedly harder when the host brushes off your objections with stuff like, I bet you guys will find a religion when you're in your 50s.

Now, I ask you truly, is there any appropriate response to that assertion that doesn't use the words shit, fuck, asshole, pussy, fart, or dick ribbon? They're talking about you, Jesus. We interrupt this broadcast and bring you a special news bulletin. Joining me for headlines tonight is perpetually snubbed Oscar hopeful Heath Enright. Heath, are you ready to lodge a formal complaint with the Academy at this point? You guys know I'm white, right? So he's qualified.

Look, I have been saying this for years. Once you give one to Sandra Bullock, you have to give one to everybody. We're all at least as good as Sandra Bullock. Everyone can be in the Jonah Hill Club. It's exclusive. In our lead story tonight from the Heaven is for Fake

file, we have a new revelation in the story of Alex Malarkey, the kid who claimed he went to heaven during a coma so his dad, Kevin Malarkey, could write a best-selling novel and TV movie called The Boy Who Came Back from Heaven. I thought there was something fishy about that. Yeah, a little bit.

Well, it turns out that Alex, who happens to be quadriplegic, and more importantly, the linchpin of the lie, wasn't making any money on the back end of the book deal and the movie deal, probably because his dad's a stupid, greedy asshole. But now the kid's old enough to be pissed about that, so he finally decided to blow the whistle and admit he was lying the whole time about the whole thing.

Right, he'd have done it earlier, but whistleblowing is really hard to do when you breathe through a ventilator. So it took him a lot longer to learn. Hawking had an app since way back then. Here's my favorite part of this, though. It's not like this kid Alex became an atheist because of the quadriplegic thing or whatever. And decided to pull the plug on the lie for atheist spite or something like that. It's because he thinks he's a real

Christian now and now believes the story he made up back then wasn't biblically accurate enough. Here's what Alex had to say in his open letter to the publishing world last week. Quote, I did not die. I did not go to heaven. When I made the claims that I did, I had never read the Bible. People have profited from lies and continue to do so. They should read the Bible, which is enough. The Bible is the only source of truth, end quote. See, if that quote ended a little bit earlier, it would be like this honest quote. Because it sounded like he was basically conceding that when it comes to profiting from a lie, his book has nothing on the fucking Bible.

It's like he was going to say, hey, Profiting from a Lie has been done to death here. Nobody's ever going to do it better than this one. But then he shifts gears right at the end, and it's like it's a pro-Bible at the end. So now he wants his accidental blasphemy pulled from the shelves in order to avoid further angering real God, I guess, to whom he apologizes for incorrectly attempting to reference whilst emerging from a two month coma as an ignorant six year old. Somebody just ask the kid what a truthful coma victim would say about it. It's like a riddle. They could have solved the whole thing.

Or ask why anybody in the fucking world is taking the fucking testimony of a six year old post traumatic kid coming out of a fucking coma at face value. A kid could lie. And in... The Birmingham thing was for desegregation news tonight. Randy Thomason is the founder of SaveCalifornia.com. That sounds good.

It does, doesn't it? It's a non-profit lobbying group of mostly Christian conservatives whose actions have them classified as an anti-gay hate group by the Southern Poverty Law Center. Sounds less good now. Yeah, that makes him quite a popular person with a decent-sized chunk of politicians in this country, sadly.

Well, he sent out a memo to those people earlier this month with his new plan for, I guess, stopping all the highly trained homosexual operatives that are carrying out guerrilla gay weddings these days. Is that a problem? Here's the basic gist of his message. Dear fellow homophobes, especially state governors, are you listening? You don't think the B-Squad can handle the gays? Just use the National Guard.

Use the National Guard for what? I mean, what are they going to do, open fire? Are they all going to show up and refuse to forever hold their peace? They'll never get done with this wedding. Does he have some kind of Bukkake-based military artillery fire situation in mind? What exactly is this dude calling for? I wish he had been more specific about this. Exactly.

Perhaps, yes, using militarized units on our own citizens sounds a little extreme. A little bit. But Thomason reminds us, you know, think of the children and their parents' reputation at church. But then the kids, quote, the casualties will be the children. The casualties? The casualties will be the children. These Republican governors, by their own actions, are telling impressionable boys and girls, you can aspire to have a same-sex marriage for yourselves, end quote.

And that's really like lots of kids. They're now answering that age old question. I want to be a homosexual life partner when I grow up. Just be astronaut or now it's a gay husband. I'm not buying it. You will. That's the thing. Kids don't aspire to jobs that don't have their own hat.

If it doesn't have its own kind of hat, it's not really a job. Gay fireman. And in heroin lies salvation news tonight. An inmate in Hamilton County, Ohio, is outraged that his Bible was seized by prison officials. Timothy King complains that not only have his religious rights been violated, but also there was some heroin hidden in that thing and he'd really like it back. Heroin and Bibles. Excellent. I will take shit we pull out of our asses and sell to a captive audience for a thousand.

Alex, please. Well done. The Bible was mailed to King from one Tahani Teep, that's a human, I think, who also faces charges after she allegedly defrained the Bible with approximately enough heroin to kill a linebacker. Not as much as you think. The two face a third-degree felony, which includes a fine of up to $10,000, which would be a hell of a lot easier to raise if they'd at least give back the heroin. I mean, come on, you already took all my...

Right, given the recent pace, there's got to be plenty of former NFL linebackers in most jails at this point. Right, right. No, that's a realistic comparison. Now, the package was flagged by canine units because fucking duh. Dogs are secular. Right, they didn't look at the Bible and go, well, that's a holy book. It wouldn't be in there. Do you think they couldn't smell through the bullshit? Oh, and I love this one too, by the way.

They put the drugs on page 420. That's clever! You didn't think they could crack that fucking code? Alan Turing's in there? I don't know. Look, you guys don't even deserve heroin, okay? Whatever. I don't even feel sorry for you.

That would mean to deserve heroin. And from the SCOTUS wedding file, I deserve heroin. The Supreme Court has been hinting around approaching being adjacent to the concept of considering gays being people that can get married recently, and now they've finally decided to decide if equal protection under the law has indeed been the rules since, like, July of 1868. Which, I can tell you for sure it has. But it could take the highest court in the land about 146 years plus until June to confirm that officially. I see.

Currently, 14 states still have laws on the books that ban zero penis marriages and two penis marriages. It's kind of ridiculous. And they may finally be required to follow the 14th Amendment and, like, basic morality. Not surprisingly, these are many of the same states whose gross bigotry in the past made that amendment and that entire genre of amendment necessary in the first place. Right, right. Like, that should be the opening and closing argument. The lawyer just comes out, and here she says,

Okay, so here's the deal. Either you guys are going to make gay marriage legal across the board or you're going to tell me, you're going to sit there behind that fucking bench and tell me that Alabama, Arkansas, Georgia, Kentucky, Louisiana, Mississippi, Tennessee, and Texas were collectively correct on a matter of human rights

and everybody else had it wrong. Case closed. Is it over? The gavel thingy. You want to do that now? Remember the whole thing with Abe Lincoln? Are we still doing that? Was there a radical deconstruction? I didn't hear about it.

And in Bafa maybe news tonight, a Tennessee mother is hard at work demonstrating that there is no functional difference between a Christian being serious and an under-medicated, mentally ill person just fucking with you by stirring up controversy over the satanic nature of school bus brake lights.

That's ridiculous. After noticing that the bulbs that make up the lights are arranged in the shape of an upside-down star, she snapped a picture, told the bus that the power of Christ compelled it, and rushed to the local media. Perhaps she was taken aback by the Integer 5 existing in nature.

How dare it? Pentagrams that could be hence interpolated therefrom. As far as she knows, God made the integers and spatial geometries. Clearly. Clearly the work of the devil there. And because stupid is something of a statewide pastime in Tennessee, the demented

rantings of this idiot wind up on the local news so that the whole community could weigh in on whether this was a coincidence or and this is the fucking wording they used in the article, this was a secret subliminal pagan message. Seriously? Just useless speculation anyway.

There's no way you can know. That's the whole thing with secret subliminal pagan messages. Right, exactly it's you're asking the question the answer has to be no now the concerned area mother and probable feces sculptor explained that quote anyone who fears a god if not god and jesus christ should be outraged end quote adding if you can't put a cross there you can't put a pentagram on it four beats five and probably also adding and don't you dare tilt that fucking flag 36 degrees or you have 50 of those satanic bastards. Devil just pop right out and get you.

Fucking satanic scaling triangle bullshit. Believe in that. And in latter day taints news tonight, media pariahs, self-appointed savior of humanity, Media pariah, self-appointed savior of humanity, and nefarious shill for big grape juice Glenn Beck recently weighed in on Eli Bosnick's nominee for the best religious news item of 2014. That would be the satanic coloring book that brought Bring Your Imaginary Friend to School Day to a close in Orange County, Florida. That's right. By the way, Glenn, you know you have a standing invite to call in and have us make sure all your opinions are way more reasonable than most of the things. We set up a hotline. I think the number was 785-273-0325.

The password is turkey. Try that if you do it. Hang up on you. Yeah, exactly. You have to try it at least four times. Speaking on the channel that he made for his own damn self once he got too crazy for Fox News, Beck explained that the very principles on which this country were founded were preferential treatment of well-to-do Christian white people, and to abandon those principles now would be, in

his words, national suicide. Why would we do that? Right, exactly. That's stupid. Doesn't work out well for us at all. He castigated Florida schools for not having enough spine to stand up to Satanists and the entire history of American jurisprudence by giving special exclusions to Christianity. And he warned of the coming demise of our country that he's been promising longer than George R.R. Martin's been promising that winter.

You still think the world's going to end when Obama's elected? Because it's been a while, I'm just saying. Are there any death panels yet? I've been looking for them. So he went with the we called shotgun. That's basically his argument. On better treatment for white Christian landowning males. Exactly.

Dibs. He went with dibs argument. Still kind of pissed, though, about being forced to drop the white landowner part since. As a libertarian. Not as a bigot. As a libertarian. I'm pissed about that. But I'm going to have to draw the line about the Christian thing.

You know, we thought up those privileges and called them fair and square. That was our thing. Your honor. Now, during his breathless bloviation, Beck probably said more than he intended when he added, quote, We lie to ourselves and say we believe in free speech, end quote. So, no, Glenn. You do. The rest of us aren't lying when we say we believe in free speech.

That's just you. Well, it's not just you, I guess. But most of us aren't lying when we say we believe in free speech. That's just you. Well, it's not just you, I guess, but most of us are actually serious about that, even after recognizing that free speech inevitably leads to more you. And, of course, there's no greater transition to a bit about misogyny than a story about Glenn Beck. So with that, we'll hand things over to my lovely wife, Lucinda. A man wrote the Bible? A whore is what she was. If it's a legitimate rape...

It's a slut, right? Cooking can be fun. Hey! I'm proud of a man! This week in Massageta. It's amazing to me how quickly Republicans forget that 51% of humans don't have dicks. They did a commendable job through the midterms of more or less not endorsing rape,

they managed not to publicly slut-shame women on birth control, and they did their level best to refrain from yelling, succubus, every time they saw a woman wearing pants. But apparently the misogyny was steadily boiling deep within, and it sure hasn't taken them long to bubble over. Case in point, a sweeping anti-abortion bill that leads off the legislative agenda. This 20-week abortion ban has been criticized by a lot of people for a lot of reasons, most notably for its very restrictive rape exceptions. Recently lending their voices to the critiques were representatives Renee Elmers and Jackie Walorski, who until Tuesday were

co-sponsors of the bill. That's right, even the women in the GOP are coming out against the GOP on this one, after a frustrated and futile attempt to remind their male colleagues that in another couple of years women get to vote again. And if your day one legislative agenda includes a do-you-have-the-rapist-permission abortion ban, odds are they'll be voting for those other guys. But of course, not all Christian men are quite so dismissive when it comes to reproductive rights. In fact, California pastor Shane Eidelman has a new video where he apologizes for the draconian abortion policies, to God, for them not being draconian enough. The video, titled The Apology, is part of a whiter anti-abortion push

and features three men apologizing to either God or the souls of their murdered pre-children. It's not exactly clear which. It is apparently intended to guilt Christian men into giving women less physical autonomy. And if you need evidence that these guys have their heads up their asses when it comes to this subject, I'll just point out that all three of the guys in the video claim at the beginning that they've had at least one abortion. Yes, three men claiming they've had abortions. I swear I was waiting for one of them to complain about his yeast infection, little cunts.

But it seems that the real problem when it comes to pre-born baby burner isn't the vile women who would have the abortion. It's the indiscriminate men who would fuck them. So New York pastor Stephen Kim has elected to tackle the problem from the supply side with a handy list of women that good Christian men should just keep their penises out of altogether. Included in his list are divorcees, women with careers, feminists, immodest dressers, atheists, and of course, and these are his words, childbirth avoiders. Sprinkle through the article are lovely little pieces of imperial dick worship like, quote,

your wife is to be your helper, not your leader, and certainly not your equal in terms of authority, end quote. Now, as bad as all this sounds, it actually works out well. If you strictly followed Pastor Kim's advice, the only acceptable women would be comatose or brain dead, which are also the only women that would want to fuck you. Well, there's plenty more we could talk about, but I've got some very important corrupting of my husband's soul and God-sanctioned dominion to get to. So until next time, I'll hand it back over to Noah and he.

Thank you, Lucinda. And from the would-it-count-if-we-just-persecuted-ourselves file tonight, yet another Fox affiliate aired yet another Christian persecution story about yet another kid who was told by yet another teacher that he wasn't allowed to read his Bible in school. Was it for real? And for a story with that many yet another's in it, you'd think this was something that actually happened once somewhere. But no, like every other instance of this exact same story being regurgitated on the news, it turns out that this one was also bullshit. Come see the violence in here. This is false alarm.

It was just nothing again. Yeah, it was nothing. Help, help, a bee rat. No. No. I thought I was... Again, nothing. I thought just now that they were going to...

Now, I don't want to question the mental faculties of the parents involved here, so I'm just going to say that the kid's first name is Loyal, and then you can question their mental faculties for yourself. So anyway, according to a completely unsubstantiated report with no details that credulously accepts that 12-year-olds are never dishonest or mistaken, little Loyal was told by a teacher that he was not allowed to read his Bible during his free time.

This happens for the exact same reason just about every time. Kids are liars. They lie, and they're stupid, and they lie in stupid ways, and they have ADD, and they think everything is free time. Just switch out Bible for cell phone in the story, and you can easily picture exactly what happened. It's obvious. Right. Now, the story was debunked as soon as school officials heard about it, which, curiously and in gross violation of basic journalistic integrity, was after the report aired on local television.

school principal Lance Tobin explained that the misunderstanding was resolved to the family's satisfaction as soon as he heard about it and that nothing like the incident reported ever happened according to anyone when asked how the teacher involved was faring under the increased scrutiny Tobin added, apparently I'm not making it clear exactly how bullshit this is there was no teacher because this never happened and when things never happen, nobody did them and in Uncle Ben's cabinet news Because this never happened, and when things never happen, nobody did them. End para-quote. And in Uncle Ben's cabinet news,

retired neurosurgeon, conservative Christian writer, and potential GOP presidential candidate Ben Brown Rice Carson appeared on C-SPAN's Washington Journal on Monday to discuss the civil rights movement in honor of Martin Luther King Day. Wasn't that nice of him? That was nice. During the show, one of the callers voiced support for Carson's political aspirations and even suggested Carson was more deserving than Obama of becoming the first black president.

It's too bad. At which point Carson corrected the caller, pointing out that Obama's not black enough, so it doesn't count. Here's the actual response from Uncle Ben. Quote, People say there probably won't be another black president in our lifetime because of all the things that have happened under the first one. But my answer to that is, isn't he half white? I mean, shouldn't your answer be, well, aren't you a raging bigot? I mean, seriously, your response to i disagree with obama's policies

therefore black people shouldn't be president is no no no it was his white mama fucking it up the black part was a good president and this is coming from a guy who had his dna tested on television for some reason and it revealed that he's 80 african 20% European, so he's not even really black. Apparently, if the race traitors in your genealogy are outnumbered at least four to one, then you get to have a race. Otherwise, you're a mutt, and the shit you do, like, you know, whatever, becoming a potus,

that doesn't count. I guess the rule is deep molasses or better. Until we get Shaka Zulu the 18th into the White House, the color barrier remains. No comment from Carson when we asked whether he'd compromise on 60% black. Quick pause to let the math jokes sink in, and we move on to M-I-double-S-I-double-S-I-double-something-or-another-I news tonight, in which Mississippi State Representative Tom Miles has proposed a bill

co-sponsored by representatives his brother Darrell and his other brother Darrell that would make the Bible the official state book. Fantastic. But don't worry, Miles assures us that this isn't in violation of church-state separation because nobody will be forced to read it. Okay, well, how do we make this simpler for Mississippi to understand? So when somebody, say, pulls their dick out on the train with you, nobody's complaining about the font size

of the tattoo on the shaft right and also by the way how the fuck do you make someone read something i'm just looking at the words i refuse to comprehend well no well the stories i found on this didn't go into too much detail as near as i can tell this this actually came when miles was talking with a few actual experts about solving Mississippi's biggest problems. When one of the experts said, perhaps if the citizens of our state started reading, which was the end of the sentence. But Miles added, the Bible? Yeah, the Bible. Read the Bible.

That would be a great idea. I'm going to make that into one of their laws, I reckon. And in Pope-a-dope news. You knew this was coming. If you make fun of Pope Super Macho Man Fran's mother, he'll punch you in the face. Naturally, you know. And by the same reasoning, if you draw a picture

of his mom with a funny caption, he might have to murder you. And now that you know he's a highly volatile psychopath that gets violent because of words,

the face punch or the homicide, those are partially your fault now if that happens. Apparently, yeah. That is the official Catholic message on free speech and how it relates to the Charlie Hebdo massacre.

The Pope believes violent religious fanatics have the right to live in a world without people mocking them. Now, do satire cartoonists have a right to live in a world? Yes, technically, but only to the extent that it doesn't interfere with the first thing. Well, you know what? If nothing else, it's kind of nice watching everybody else come to the realization that this pope is also an asshole. You get all these secularists buying into the, well, you know, he did hug a deformed guy narrative, and they're starting to pump the brakes a little. And that's nice. Silver lining.

I guess not wanting to make a blanket statement like this was the murderer's fault, Pope Mr. Franman instead pointed out that Charlie Hebdo was using free speech wrong, which, you know, it doesn't cover jokes like the ones about religion. The pontiff claims, quote, one cannot make fun of faith. Also adding, quote, in freedom of expression, there are limits. Or in other words, there isn't freedom of expression. So yes, the murdering was wrong, but it would be irresponsible to just, you know, proclaim thou shalt not kill out of context without mentioning the really mean cartoons the French guys drew. There's blame to go all around, obviously.

I mean, nobody's even mentioned it, that those cartoonists fucked the terrorists' bullets all up. Those things were ruined afterwards. Some of my property. So there's blame all around. Those things were ruined afterwards. So there's blame all around. So I can't think of any better PR for this show than getting punched in the face by the Pope. We'll need 30 seconds on the clock.

Violence instigating, hopefully, jokes about the Pope's mom. All right. Excellent. Pope's mama jokes. The Pope's mom is such a stupid whore. How much of a stupid whore is she? That she brought a number two pencil to a pregnancy test and then fucked herself with it

while she was waiting. The Pope's mom is so ugly she married an Italian immigrant whose last name is Latin for beer goggles. How about the Pope's mom's vagina is so cavernous that it has a sign that says no running or diving. You can get benched in there.

They'll listen. You can fit a bench. There's room. How about the Pope's mom is such a whorish South American drug mule, if you sprinkle baking soda on her tongue, she'll shit a crack rock. Right there. Nice party trick. How about the Pope's mom's vagina is so cavernous that you can still hear the echo of it's a boy even though she's dead.

Still rolling around. Pope's mom is such a whore, South American drug mule, the blowing condoms in her colon aren't part of the stash. It's normal Thursday evening. I guess if the Pope's mom wanted to simultaneously

serve us any more dicks, she'd need stigmata, wouldn't she? Come on, punch me, man. Punch me. Come on. Pope's mom is so fat. Pope's mom is so fat, when Francis was conceived, the headline photo caption said, Bowser knocks Fupa with Koopa Troopa. Because there was a headline photo caption about that.

Google Fupa. How about... Oh, I got one. The Pope's moms had so many abortions... Did you say Google FUPA. How about... Oh, I got one. The Pope's mom's had so many abortions... Did you say Google FUPA? Yes. The Pope's mom's... I just assume everybody knows what that means. Sorry.

That's Google FUPA. Image search, obvious. How about, the Pope's mom has had so many abortions that if you wanted to get through all the fetuses, you couldn't wade, you'd have to row. See, you'd have to weigh the options. What I'm saying is you'd have to weigh row versus wade to figure out how to get through all the aborted fetuses.

Abortion, wordplay, erudite, check, check, check. Thank you. All right. How about the Pope's mom is so ugly that Elmer Fudd and Droopy Dog almost didn't show up for that gangbang that clearly led to his existence. How about the Pope's mom spread so many STDs that Argentina was going to be crying regardless of what Evita said? How about the Pope's mom is like the national soccer team of Argentina? They both tear it up in the midfield, and these days it's all messy.

And despite every effort to the contrary, a lot of Latinos have slipped one past the goalie. So in summary, Pope Frankl Grabber, your mother is a diseased, grotesque, cavernously vaginated crack whore. And I'd be happy to meet you in the octagon whenever and wherever. And on that lovely note, we'll close that line. Keith, thanks as always. I didn't hear no bell. One more rap. One more round. One more round.

And when we come back, we'll take a look at some responses to the Charlie Hebdo massacre and ask what the fuck is wrong with these people. Walk around with a rubber ball. Left-handed, I'm really short. I'm Italian. My nose is enormous. I'm a boxer. In 19 movies. Very excited to welcome our next guest to the show.

Andy Wilson is the host of the Incredulous podcast. He was kind enough to take a break from his hectic semi-annual release schedule for that program to join us today. Andy, welcome to The Scathing Atheist. Thank you, Noah, with reservations. Thank you. A little bit backhanded on the intro. Now, I know that this isn't remotely what I asked you here to talk about today, but somebody sent me a story yesterday about a judge in England that is forcing an atheist dad to take his kids to Catholic Mass

as a condition of custody. Have you heard about this? Yeah, it's staggering, isn't it? And the worst part is there is no compulsion on the part of the mother to take the same child to mass. Yeah, and the mother didn't request this or anything. This was just, as I understand it, this was just something the judge said.

Yeah, it turns out this judge is a heavily religious dude. No kidding. Sorry, I'll rephrase that. It turns out this judge is an heavily religious dude. No kidding. Sorry, I'll rephrase that. It turns out this judge is an absolute fucking prick. No kidding, man. That's much better said. You British have a way with words. So do me a favor.

When we get off the line, please tell the rest of England to leave the fundamentalist judicial malfeasance to the experts, okay? America has that and childhood obesity. Don't try to take this away from us. Well, it's good and bad. If you're going to have a business of importing things from abroad, you've got to take the rough with the smooth, haven't you? Well put. Way to put a silver lining on it, I guess.

Yeah. So the real reason I asked you on today, other than the fact that British accents make podcasts sound smarter, was for a bit of role play. Oh, role play. Yeah, this is going to get sexy today. I'm wearing the wrong outfit it's just imagine that i'm somebody reasonably close to manchester england with no concrete plans for

april 24th through the 26th and 99 pounds to spare what would you advise i do in such a situation you're really springing some tricky stuff on me here now this is uh manchester april oh i know i know that's right in the middle of the football season you could go to the match now football for you guys that's a game played with the feet is that correct yeah yes and it's 90 minutes of play rather than 12 minutes spread across no seriously uh i'd love it if people came to QED. QED is a conference that I co-organize with some colleagues. It's a joint endeavor between Merseyside Skeptics Society

and Greater Manchester Skeptics Society. And we're in our fifth year, Noah. This is the fifth time we've done it. Oh, right on. And it's the most amazing things. We'll be having about 500 skeptics descend on a singularity, become a singularity in Manchester. Awesome.

Yeah, and it's three days. We have a free day on the Friday, so anybody's welcome to come to that. We haven't quite scoped out quite what that's going to look like yet, but we'll have a free day on the Friday. But then there's a weekend ticket for the Saturday and Sunday, as you correctly said, of £99 or £69 if you're a student. Oh, right. And that's like a unit of money or something, right? Pounds.

Yes, it is. Yeah, it's worth significantly less than the dollar. Now, I have to ask for the sake of any of our listeners maybe that are coming over from the States. Now, I have to ask for the sake of any of our listeners maybe that are coming over from the States, Manchester, is that one of those Sharia-controlled, lawless, Muslim regions of England that Fox News keeps warning us about? Yes, it is exactly as equivalent to the likes of Birmingham. Oh, wow. Yes, it's exactly the same. So if you think that's bad, then so is Manchester. Now, Manchester is a really, really cool town, very happening town,

and lots of people extend their trip to QED to take advantage of the scene. It's really good. Right on, right on. Now, you have had some damn impressive speaker lineups in the past at QED. Who have you got lined up for us this year? Well, talking of American imports, this year we've got Matt Dillahunty. He's coming for the first time.

And we're really, really excited about that. We're really looking forward to seeing Matt. But we've got quite a few people. We've got a guy called Marcel Dick. Have you heard of that guy? No, no, and I'm going to do him the favor of not making any Dick jokes until I find out who he is. Well, he's spelt with an E at the end.

But he wrote a book, The Insect Cookbook. Now, we've not met Noah, but when we do, you'll realize I'm quite interested in food. And his talk is going to be about using insects as food, which sounds fantastic to me. And it may even be that some of our delegates get to eat some insects. We'll see. We'll see. Right on. I don't know that you're giving us the hard sell here, Andy. Come to England, spend 99 pounds and eat bugs.

No, that's very interesting, though, because I've read a lot about that, about how in the very near future that's going to have to become a major source of protein for a lot of people. Well, it seems to make a lot of sense, frankly. And there have been lots of scientific experiments on the TV program I'm a Celebrity, Get Me Out of Here, which proved that they're a sustainable source of protein. So, yeah, you may not have heard of that program.

No, no, I haven't. We have bug-eating programs here as well, like Fear Factor. I don't know if that's still running. But I would like to say America leads the world in bug-eating television programs. But I don't know. I don't know that for sure. Yeah. So one of the things that I really like about QED is that we managed to end up with quite a variety of speakers.

So we've also got a philosopher called A.C. Grayling, a physicist called Lucy Green. She's very well known in the U.K. Harriet Hall from Science-Based Medicine. She's very well known in the UK. Harriet Hall from Science Based Medicine. She's coming over from the States. Excellent. Natalie Haynes. She's a comedian, author and humanist. And her appearance in 2013 was a real highlight

for a lot of people. Bruce Hood, Dame Sue Ion. She's going to be talking about nuclear policy. So it's a right old mix. I'll just run through the rest of the list. We've got Marsh coming, but he was there anyway, so that's no good news. Rosie Waterhouse is a lecturer in journalism but has done a lot of research in the links

between satanic abuse, false memories, and moral panics. That's going to be a really interesting talk. And everybody's delighted that Mitch Benn, who you may not be familiar with because he's quite British, but Mitch Benn was a massive hit at QED in 2013. He was just a massive hit, and he's going to emcee the whole thing for us. So, yeah, it's really shaping up. On the Saturday night, we have a big party as well with comedians and loads of booze.

Now, and I have to say, for anybody who's never been to a skeptical conference before, even if you set aside all these great speakers, and you have a hell of a line up there, I'd be really excited to see AC Grayling as well. But even if you set all of that aside, the conversations that you find yourself in and skeptic conferences, those make the tickets worth the price. Yeah. Those make the tickets worth the price. Yeah, as an organizer, some of my favorite moments are when I just wander through the bar and I see people have formed a little huddle. And you go over and they're discussing either something that's on the bill or some other topic in skepticism or what have you. Just sat around having a drink. Lots of people make new connections there. And if I'm not mistaken, there's unlimited free cocaine and hookers to anybody who mentions Scathing Atheist at the door as well. Is that correct? Yeah, that's sponsored who mentions Scathing Atheist at the door as well. Is that correct?

Yeah, that's sponsored by the Scathing Atheist. And straight after this call, if you could send me the deposit by PayPal, I'd really appreciate it. No problem. Hey, man, I know how to put some asses in seats. And, of course, if our listeners want to learn any more about the conference, they can find all the information at QEDCon.org, which you'll find linked on the show notes for this episode on ScathingAtheist.com. Andy, thanks so much for joining us. Noah, it's been my pleasure. Thanks very much indeed. Look forward to seeing you soon.

In the wake of the Charlie Hebdo massacre, the worldwide press has spoken out in a single voice to say that the attacks on the satirical magazine were unequivocally wrong. Somewhat understandable. The wrath of God. Did the media have a stroke? We can't get a quick thumbs down verdict on this? This should be easy. One of those few times there really doesn't need to be much nuance to your position on it.

We're looking for a very simple bad vote on the religious fundamentalist murder gang. Right. Without stuttering or disclaiming, murder gang bad. No asterisks necessary. Yet, somehow, despite the heinous and deplorable nature of the act, an overwhelmingly large number of commentators managed to get their responses to this one wrong.

It's really hard to do. So many, in fact, that we felt the need to dedicate an entire segment of this week's show just to answering back some of the outrageous and off-base responses that this terrorist attack prompted. And it's worth noting, by the way, that some of these misguided reactions come from people who are often rational and reasonable. That's true, but many of them also did not.

For example, Brian Fisher threw out a theory that the whole Islam thing in this is just a cover. I see. Sure, Charlie Hebdo made fun of Muslims, but they also routinely lampooned real God. So he's behind it. This is probably real God. I'm assuming he means Christian one. This is probably real God hiring Muslim assassins under the table to kill the idolaters, but, you know, keep his nose clean.

Clever. Of course, this wasn't Fisher's actual opinion. It's just a theory he's throwing out there. Again, he's not saying, he's just saying. And also spending a chunk of his show talking about it. And providing biblical precedent for it. But of course, nobody reached deeper into the asshole of tasteless self-promotion than Bill Donahue, president of both the Catholic League and the American Jowls Society.

His had to be the most offensive comments made by a person that newspapers acknowledge the existence of while stubbornly admitting that no shooting sprees in office buildings aren't as fun as they sound he laid the blame for the massacre squarely on the victims yeah so basically those cartoonists were asking for it the way they were dressed all slutty that's walking around their own office what he was saying he said that charlie abdodo editor Stefan Charbonnier didn't understand the role he played in his own death and that if he, quote, had not been so narcissistic, he may still be alive. I think he got a little ambitious with a big word there. Narcissistic is closer to the opposite of what he's implying. I don't think that word means what he thinks it means.

So first of all, fuck you and the four generations of your family that had to come together to create you, but also... And you killed my father prepared to die. Charbonnier knew exactly what role he played in his death. That's what makes it courageous, you fuck. If this was just some crazy lone gunman scenario, you know, he's just unlucky. Yeah, his office

was firebombed in 2011, so I think he had some idea. At least a fucking clue. Now, the fact that he invited this makes him brave as hell, and I'm sorry, but risking one's neck for a political ideal is precisely the opposite of narcissistic. The narcissist would more likely be the guy standing on the corpse of the slain hero so that he can be better heard by the people he's condemning. And since lots of the news coverage on this might as well be the comment section at moviepoopshoot.com, it's Godwin time. According to Glenn Greenwald, we're all hypocrites if we're mad about Charlie Hebdo and don't also defend Holocaust cartoons. Now, first of all, did someone suggest we should be murdering Holocaust cartoonists?

No? I don't think so. Okay, good. Good. I'm glad nobody suggested that. I think we can manage to detest Holocaust cartoonists and their circulation of, like, three without resorting to executions. I would hope so. You know, I got the distinct impression while I was reading this that what he was really saying is if we're allowed to antagonize fundamentalist Muslims, then I should at least be allowed to hate Jews.

That's pretty much what he's saying. But let's also remember that Charlie Hebdo didn't draw any cartoons of Muhammad and like six million other Muslims getting exterminated by the most evil person in history. I didn't see any of those, no. They drew cartoons that would lead to exactly zero violence if you switch out Muhammad for just about any other person in history, real or mythical. Right. But again, that's not even the point.

Big picture, cartoonists can draw whatever the fuck they want, and also people can get offended by whatever the fuck they want. Fine. But everyone is still 100%, yes, 100% accountable for any murderings they carry out. How are we even talking about this? Who brought this up? If that's not self-evident, why do we even have the term self-evident? Don't worry, we're almost done here. Finally, Fox mogul and Geelong grammar school is most likely to be killed by his own doomsday device

while needlessly expounding on the details of his plan. Rupert Murdoch also chimed in on the issue when he tweeted, quote, Maybe most Muslims are peaceful, but until they recognize and destroy their growing jihadist cancer, they must be held responsible. Sounds racist. It's Rupert Murdoch.

And this led to a series of celebrity denouncements. J.K. Rowling tweeted, I was born Christian. If that makes Rupert Murdoch my responsibility, I'll auto-excommunicate. Alright, I like it. Comedian Aziz Ansari sent a series of tweets pointing out the same logic that makes Muslims

responsible for that would make Murdoch responsible for the Catholic pedophilia scandal. And then Jon Stewart chimed in, paraphrasing Murdoch's quote as, moderate Muslims, until you have completely wiped Islamic extremism from the earth, this shit's on you. Right.

Okay, like you said, he changed the words a little bit. Let's clarify. When Murdoch says moderate Muslims must be held responsible, I don't think he's suggesting reciprocal violence against innocent Muslim people. Well, that's not what I heard. No, at least he's not saying that out loud. Yeah, maybe at dinner. No, he's not saying that.

But the point that can be taken from what he said is that most Muslims probably aren't really doing anything to make their club any less fucked up. And also, Murdoch didn't make the extended point to this, but neither are most people of any religion. Well, right. And whether they're doing anything, they're clearly not doing enough. As much as these words never belong anywhere near my mouth, I want to defend Rupert Murdoch against Jon Stewart for a second. Because, like it or not, Murdoch was correct this time.

Boing! Wee! Progressive jackpots are going off left and right. Pit bosses are pissed. Right, right. I had January 14th on the pool. I'm over! The dude keeps saying words. Eventually he's going to get some of them right.

The fact that he's a raging hypocrite does not change the fact that he's right. There's multiple levels of wrong here. I want to talk specifically about a couple of Ansari's tweets. He says, you know, Rupert Murdoch, why are you not hunting pedophiles? Rupert Murdoch is responsible for all pedophilia committed by anyone Catholic. Rupert, why are you pro-pedophile? Okay, but though, as far as I know, nobody's raping kids in the name of Catholic God, right? This is more of a despite situation, I'd like to think.

Right, so yes, actually all the Catholics who have provided any kind of financial or intellectual cover for this religion have some real responsibility. But even then, this is a bullshit comparison because the root of the pedophilia isn't the text of the religion. No Catholic priest walks away from his prepubescent conquest yelling, I've avenged Jesus' blue balls.

That's what Jesus told me to do, was to fuck the kid. Right, but Bible-inspired or not, Catholics should still feel guilty about that,'t they i would hope don't you guys a little about the rapings and the cover-ups that probably could have been ended much sooner if a whole bunch of moderate catholics had stood up and criticized the whole thing nothing no again not like i should get raped back remorse i mean just like a little bit of you know maybe i could have done slightly more sentiment but yeah right but so this got worse in sorry's uh tweet war or whatever he starts saying like oh well you know mark david chapman was christian he shot lennon that was rupert's

fault wasn't it or if a christian rearranged your car that's rupert's fault no it's funny but it's all bullshit though exactly exactly rupert murdoch clearly wasn't implying that all muslims are responsible whenever a muslims are responsible whenever a muslim commits a street crime right but if he shifted his focus a bit if ansari had said you know murdoch as a christian is responsible when a christian terrorist bombs an abortion clinic or assassinates an abortion doctor then yes that's correct he definitely has that blood on his hands the same way that a moderate muslim has the blood on their hands from the charlie hebdo thing yeah if they're not trying at least a little bit to, you know, again, change their fucked up

club slightly. Yeah. Right. And also, I'm a big Aziz Ansari fan. Oh, the dude's hilarious. Also a big arguing against Rupert Murdoch fan in general. Almost always right. But make sure you do it correctly or, you know, we all look a little bit worse.

Exactly. That's it. And by the way, see what happened? That was us being responsible for the content of the big liberal atheist comedy voices like Aziz. There you go. Represent better. Lock it up. Yeah, way to lead by example, sir.

Love you, Aziz. It's time for the part of the show that comes next, listener feedback. This is the part of the show your mama was warning you about. Our first email comes from Will, who suggested that when we start reading the New Testament, we start with Mark. He explains, quote, start with Mark. He explains, quote, Matt and Luke used its skeleton to build their specific take on the whole Jesus thing. It is the most stripped down and raw version of Jesus. If you've already read Matt first, it'll be hard to erase the extra accreted Matt stuff when you hit Mark next. That's a very interesting thought, Will, and I'm in the fortunate position to actually know a couple of secular biblical scholars, so I took this question to them, and a lot of them recommended

the exact same thing. But that being said, the bulk of the advice I got suggested that we read them in the order that they're presented, so that we get the transition from Jesus the Jew to Super Jesus, just as the good Lord intended. But definitely, thanks for... Exactly, right, right. So thanks for the advice. I should

say, though, we are planning on doing a fifth Babel segment after we're done with the Gospels, dedicated to a bit of a parallel reading. So hopefully we can still manage to hit on a lot of the things that you were thinking of, Will. Absolutely. We also wanted to thank Don, who took our top ten challenge from last week and photoshopped all ten of our blasphemous Muhammad depiction ideas. You can check out his fine work at skatingatheist.com.

And he was Johnny on the spot with that shit. Within six or seven hours of the episode coming out, he had them all to us. That was awesome. And finally, we have an email from Samson alerting us about the Pinellas County Sheriff's office in Florida, where they attempted to spend $500 on a rug with the unconstitutional in God we trust motto. But thanks to either a manufacturer's dyslexic error atheist pranksters in the supply chain or maybe the real god being canine the rug they got said

in dog we trust instead that actually happened and apparently this particular office wasn't exactly full of detectives because it took several months before someone noticed the error and said something and they took it away by the way that wasn't a slight against all police officers. No, just the ones that didn't notice this rug. Really imperceptive ones there. The rug is currently up for auction and the proceeds are going to benefit a local animal shelter, so I guess the error worked out in the end. That's good. Unless, of course, they replace it in unconstitutional fashion, as we know they are wont to do.

I'm thinking maybe we can help avoid that with a few suggestions here's our top 10 christian slogan typos for the next rug that would narrowly avoid a strongly worded letter from david silverman all right christian slogan typos typos uh how about number 10 when god closes a whore, he opens a widow. Because that dude is constantly fucking something. That's his thing. Number nine, the Lord is my German shepherd. I shall not be in want. That's really close to the actual one. I like it.

It's close. Number eight, for the Lord so loved the world that he shaved his only begotten son. Number seven. It would make a much more interesting story if that was the sacrifice. But, Dan, I just grew those pubes. Number seven. I am the gay, the truth, and the life. Nobody cometh unto the Father but me.

God damn it. Do I wish one guy had just mistranslated that one, copying it over, and that would have totally changed the religion. Number six. Along the same lines but Old Testament. And Moses said to the Pharaoh, let my penis go. Part of the pink sea. And number five, Satan clauses coming to town. It's actually part of a new bill that would ban David Silverman from showing up in Florida towns.

Right. Yes. HB 666. Number four, the Lord felt those that felt themselves. If they would concentrate on a slogan like that, I would be more likely to convert. At least slightly. Number six. Number four. The Lord felt those that felt themselves. If they would concentrate on a slogan like that, I would be more likely to convert. At least slightly. Move the numbers.

Number three. Gods and scat living together. Mass hysteria. Very similar to the shit porn paradox. Interesting visual. How about number two? This is more of like a Freudian slip I guess than a typo How about For the wages of sin

Is between $250 and $3,000 an hour Depending on how clean You want her In my experience And if you know any New York governors According to a friend

Get a deal Number one Thy rod And thy staff infection They discomfort me That's related Itchy Or in the new translation

I got a rash I got a fucking rash man. Well done sir. And finally tonight we got an email from Sarah. I guess she heard a spoof of Let It Go from Disney's Frozen

on cognitive dissonance and she rightly felt that the podcast that actually had the defending champion of the fantasy football league of sinister secularists was at least as deserving

of a spoof song as they were. So she put this together and it may be my new favorite thing ever. That was her reasoning on that. That's what she said in the email. So for your listening enjoyment, we're going to close the feedback segment this week

with the lovely vocal stylings of Sarah singing Make Em Go. This is good stuff. Enjoy. Enjoy. The cross glows white on the mountain tonight Even though it's public land One unified Christian nation Under God, that was the plan The founding fathers fathers are they rolling in their graves

No prayer in school, how can we be saved So what else does religion do Our leaders worship a dead shoe Can't draw cartoons without a shooting spree. I'm free. Make them go,

make them go to our churches, mosques, and synagogues. Make them go, make them go, give their praises to our God. He made trees, also disease, want the cure for AIDS. Pray hard enough also don't be gay. It's funny how perspective makes everyone seem small Now they fear they can't control me, can't get to me at all It's time pure reason takes offense A virgin birth does that make sense There's right and wrong without your God He's blind

Make them go, make them go To the schools and to a science class Make them go, make them go To hear theories that work and from an ass. If you don't care what the evidence says, well just plug your ears and sing. La la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la. This podcast flurries through the air into our minds. Can't wait to hear your hedonistic ranting and sick rhymes. Where each thought usually ends with raping dogs

Well, I'll admit that's bad Still not as bad as God Make them go, make them go Really find out what their Bible says Make them go, Make them go. Occasionally joke about cheers. Sometimes my drink sprays from my nose. Thanks for all you do know.

Oh, keep them loose, I love you too. Huge thanks to Sarah for absolutely knocking that out of the park for us. My tombstone will now read, Here Lies Noah, who helped inspire a Disney song spoof with a puppy rape reference in it. Anyway, that's all the blasphemy we've got for you this week, but if you want more, there's more. The appearance on Stocks and Jocks that I talked about in the Diatribe is still available online. I'll have a link to

that in this week's show notes. Of course, I want to thank Kathy for the invite, Tom for a really fun time despite everything I said, and Maddie for chiming in and reminding everybody that religion is exactly as ridiculous as believing in Tinkerbell. Obviously, I can't close it out without thanking Heath for yet another masterful example of his peerless dick joke acumen.

I need to thank the lovely Lucinda Lusions for corrupting my immortal soul or whatever. Of course, I want to thank Andy Wilson from the Incredulous podcast for playing the part of Darwin for the purposes of this week's Farnsworth quote, as well as stopping by to show for QED. I know that we have a lot of listeners in the UK, so if you're going to QED and you see Andy there, be sure to tell him that you had a friend that was also going to buy a ticket, but then he found out that Heath and me hadn't been invited to the live Incredulous taping, because I want to go to England and see if your ketchup is as crappy as everybody says it is. I'm sorry, did this start with a thanks to Andy?

Thanks, Andy! And if you want more information about QED, Incredulous, or the Merseyside Skeptics, you can find links to all of them on the show notes for episode 101 at ScathingAtheist.com. But most of all, of course, I need to thank this week's sexiest secularists, Matt, Eric, John, Benjamin, Frederick, Jack, Mary, Wally, Jeff, Jerry, Roger, Courtney, Liam, Other, John, Drew, Robert, Rowan, Emily, Steph, Thomas, Kaylee, Jim, Paul, BT, Mr. Puttyfoot, Trevor, Sean, Nathan, Rex, and Other Thomas. Matt, Eric, John, Benjamin, Frederick, and Jack,

whose erections can only be measured by their shadows, Mark, Wally, Jeff, Jerry, Roger, and Jack, whose erections can only be measured by their shadows, Mark, Wally, Jeff, Jerry, Roger, and Courtney, who are so attractive and insane, Clown Palsy can't figure out how the fuck they work, Liam, Other, John, Drew, Robert, Rowan, and BT, who can catch photons with chopsticks, and Mr. Puttyfoot, Trevor, Sean, Nathan, Rex, and Other Thomas,

whose dick-sized prompted astronomers in New Mexico to rename their radio telescope the Pretty Large Array. Together, these 30 dirty, awful, purty birdies got me all wordy and squirty this week by giving us money. Because remember, every dollar spent supporting this show is yet another dollar that doesn't go to the terrorists. So unless you love terrorism or something, be sure to give us a per-episode

donation at patreon.com slash scathingatheist or a one-time donation by clicking the donate button on the right side of the homepage at scathingatheist.com And if you'd love to help but your money is currently tied up in Swiss people being dicks, you can also help us a ton by leaving us a glowing review on iTunes or telling a friend about the show and then constantly bugging them until

they actually listen to it. That part's important. If you have questions, comments, or death threats, you'll find all the contact info on the contact page at skatingatheist.com, except where otherwise noted, all the music used in this episode was written and performed by yours truly and yes i did have my permission now is there anything that i missed that you want me to that you wanted to say that i can like edit back in and the body no no if you can just edit out the bit where I made it sound like an orgy,

that would be great. Again, man, that puts asses in seats. Yeah, it might put my ass in the redundancy queue.