The Scathing Atheist - ScathingAtheist 102: Dogma Debate Edition

Episode Date: January 29, 2015

In this episode, we'll pit two homophobic Oklahoma lawmakers in a cage and see which one reigns supreme, we'll nearly make it through those minor prophet poems, and David Smalley from Dogma Debate Radio will join us for a safe for work island amid a NSFW ocean.

Warning, some parts of this podcast are safe for work, but mostly just the music we interlude. Today's episode of The Scathing Atheist is brought to you by the latest home missionary repellent device from the Jehovah's Witness Protection Program. J-Dubsteps motion-activated stairway traps. The moment an unwanted visitor sets foot on the stairs of your front porch, our system kicks in, and the path to the doorbell becomes fraught with peril. And if they manage to make it that far, we've installed a fake buzzer that triggers a terrifying cacophony of bad techno music. J-dubsteps, motion-activated stairway traps,

and sound system, just in case your pit bull with rabies calls in sick. And now, the Scathing Atheist. Je m'appelle Joseph, j'habite en France, et nos ancêtres sont, en effet, des hommes sains dégueulasses. It's Thursday! It's January 29th. And Aaron Hernandez says his balls have plenty of pounds per square foot. I'm no illusion.

I'm Heath Enright, and from straight out of cotton, Pal Dasta, Georgia, this is The Skating Atheist. In this week's episode, we'll pit two Oklahoma lawmakers in a homophobic cage match and see who reigns supreme. One in four Americans may turn atheist if the cheaters win the Super Bowl on Sunday. And David Smalley will be here to tell you how he got his groove. But first, the diatribe. Still cracks me up the way I can quiet a room full of atheists by saying bless you when somebody sneezes. I must have seen this half a dozen times at least. I say bless you and the jukebox scratches to a halt and all the conversations and glass clinking stops.

Everybody looks at me like I just talked shit about Two-Gun Willie. Look, my mom taught me to say bless you when people sneeze the same way that she taught me to say excuse me when I burp. And but for wondering why burping obligates me to say something while sneezing obligates you, I never gave it any more thought. People sneeze, I say bless you, they say thank you. It's all this meaningless, instinctive, weird little social custom. Now, I'm certainly not denying it has religious connotations. I don't say, God bless you, but come on, who the hell blesses people, right? I should probably say Gesundheit or some other secular alternative, but it's hardwired at this point.

I don't think about saying it. I just say it. Of course, there's plenty of debate about this general issue in atheism, and a lot of atheist luminaries have made the argument that we need to scrub out religious language everywhere we can. We shouldn't say Merry Christmas. We shouldn't say Bless You. We shouldn't say God forbid or Godspeed or God damn or God willing or they don't have a prayer or any of that shit. You know, others will argue that the more we secularize these phrases, the more we diminish religion's hold on them. They turn into archaic etymological novelties like dashboard or don't touch that dial. In other words, nothing deflates the sanctity of a term like Bless You more than a bunch of atheists saying it to each other at an atheist convention. Now, I've read convincing arguments from both sides here,

and while I lean towards the side that doesn't require that I tamp down on my now instinctual use of the term bless you, I fully recognize that it's easier doesn't amount to a valid refutation. So I could be wrong. But there is one phrase that I would be happy to never hear again, one that should make atheists vomit in their mouth when they try to say it, but somehow one I hear from atheists all the time. The last time I heard it, in fact, it was coming from Arch-Jesus-Raper Bill Maher himself.

He was talking about people who came out of the movie American Sniper all fired up to kill themselves, some Muslims, and he says, that doesn't seem like the Christian thing to do. I'm sorry, what? Killing Muslims doesn't seem like a Christian thing to do? Have you heard of history? Are you aware of its existence? Christians have been setting up Muslim killing franchises since at least the middle of the

9th century. Killing Muslims just might be the quintessentially Christian thing to do. Now, of course, what he means is that it didn't live up to the bullshit ideals that Christians espouse, but that's a shit way of saying it. Why would we define what a Christian thing to do is by anything other than what Christians actually do?

If we were trying to determine what the Nazi thing to do is, we wouldn't look to SS propaganda for our starting point. I'm sure in their own minds, being evil wasn't the Nazi thing to do. But what does that fucking matter? When we say that doesn't seem like the Christian thing to do, it's almost like we're giving them a pass.

You know, it's like we're admitting on some level that Christianity is really about loving your neighbor and being charitable and saving blind puppies or whatever, despite our contrary experiences with Christianity, both in our history books and in our everyday lives. experiences with Christianity both in our history books and in our everyday lives. In my mind, the Christian thing to do is be exclusionary, selfish, homophobic, presumptuous, and childlessly unreasonable. Now, of course, not all Christians are like that. Hell, not even most of the Christians I know are like that.

Well, the presumptuous and childlessly unreasonable bits, sure, but not the other stuff. But when I see the religion itself invoked, it's more often going to be for some exclusionary or bigoted purpose than for any other thing. It's going to be to remind everybody that God prefers Christians or Americans or heterosexuals, not to remind everybody to love their neighbors and be charitable. Look, there's nothing inherently moral about Christianity, and our language shouldn't suggest that there is. Christians don't commit less crime. They don't do better on tests of morality. They're not more likely to help a person in need. They're not less likely to kick a puppy for spite. They're good in precisely the same proportion that all the other segments of society are good, except for the bad people segment. Now, some would alter the phrase a bit and think that they'd solve the problem, right?

Instead of saying that's not the Christian thing to do, they'll talk about how this or that Christian isn't following the example of Christ. But even that buys into their bullshit narrative of Jesus being this perfect guy. I mean, which Jesus are they not following the example of? Because there's plenty of different Jesuses in their book. If I walked into a currency exchange and started whipping people and throwing chairs through windows and shit, wouldn't I be following the example of Christ? If I chopped down a fig tree for pissing me off, or if I chose to buy expensive perfume instead of feeding the poor, or advocated domestic abuse, or killed demon pigs,

wouldn't I be following the example of Christ? You know, I don't accept that there's some dude named Jesus that was a paragon of morality and non-violence, and neither does their book. When he told people he came to bring a sword, what did they think he was going to do with it? Open really big letters? Look, the Christian propaganda machine has been churning out this bullshit for almost two millennia now, and they've gotten so good at it that they can rape children in front of us without us referring to them exclusively as the child rapers. They'd love to say they have a patent on morality, but they don't even have a bead on it. When we talk about the Christian thing to do, let's make sure the Christians have the same burden to make that a positive statement as every other group.

Until then, if I say somebody wasn't acting like a Christian, I just mean that they weren't conning money from gullible old women. They're talking about you, Jesus. We interrupt this broadcast and bring you a special news bulletin. Joining me for headlines tonight is sure why not presidential hopeful Heath Enright. Heath, are you ready to announce your candidacy?

I've got at least as much of a shot as Ted Cruz, and I make way better orgasm noises than Howard Dean. There you go. Bring on those Iowa caucuses, bitches. Go Iowa! In our lead story tonight, Christian Asshole and man whose name is absolutely screaming for a kangaroo sidekick, Bill Jack has filed a discrimination suit against a bakery in Colorado after the owner refused to bake him a Bible-shaped cake with the words,

God hates gays across it and a little Ghostbusters symbol except with fags holding hands instead of ghosts. Like fagbusters. Seriously? Okay, but that would mean this guy likes to go around the city trapping gay people and bring them back to his laboratory. He's super gay. Pretty gay. Jack, who supports credible worst non-murderer ever credentials like litigious homophobe

and more than a decade as a creationist youth minister, claims that he was discriminated against because of his religious beliefs, despite the fact that the baker offered to bake the cake and give it to him along with all the shit he'd need to draw however many dicks on it he cared to. He displays an almost biblical inability to comprehend analogy by thinking that this is somehow comparable to bakers being sued for refusing to sell cakes of any kind to people because they're going to eat them after and or before being gay. Exactly. He's clearly trying to make that stupid point from the Colorado beer.

But what I want to know is what was the cake for anyway? A really straight wedding or a barely straight wedding? They were trying to prevent from turning into a gay orgy. It was on the board. Or was it just like several perfectly normal heterosexual guys getting together for a cake party with gay people drawn on them? Marjorie Silva, the pre-acquittal defendant, points out that she also wouldn't write God is gay on the cake either

because it's her policy not to use her cake-baking skills for the powers of evil. And of course, to force her to do otherwise would be a clear violation of her right to free speech, which clearly trumps your right to have an accomplice in your assholery. And in don't eat the yellow journalism news tonight, on a recent episode of America's Survival TV, host Cliff Kincaid and guest Peter LaBarbera gave us a disturbing look at their location on the crazy spectrum as they discussed the flagrant homosexual anti-Christian bias over at the notorious liberal media outlet called Fox News. Right.

Heard that correctly. These guys don't think Fox News is conservative and Christian enough for conservative Christians anymore. That's right. Fox, do you think the metric system is safe news isn't conservative enough? That's like turning down a Hot Pocket because you're not into health food. And in case you're not familiar, Peter LaBarbera is president of the anti-gay loathe group Americans for Truth About Homosexuality, and Cliff Kincaid is director of the Investigative Journalism Center at self-proclaimed Media Watchdog

and everyone else proclaimed conservative propaganda group Accuracy in Media. And here's a statement from Kincaid, whose job is, I guess, supposed to involve accurately evaluating truthiness in the news. Quote, Many of you probably look to Fox News as a legitimate source of news and information.

Do we? However, but I don't think you can trust them anymore. End quote. And many of you look at your own scrotum as a good archery target,

but that's probably not right either. Well, we're on the subject. And, of course, the reason Fox News can't be trusted anymore, anymore right according to kinkade and la barbara is because of several missed opportunities for homophobia for example

they accused the network of sending emails to employees not renouncing homosexuality they were talking about it they were sending emails but no formal repudiation of the gays given that opportunity so that was outrageous doesn't doesn't take long to add god hates fags to your signature guys one quick stop right and then most recently they're complaining about how fox asked news anchor brett bear to cancel his speech at the upcoming legatus catholic bigotry gala right yeah like not speaking before a gay hate group he wasn't pro but he also wasn't virulently anti enough. He was about to give a speech at the thing. Now, apparently that was the last straw for these guys, the fact that they asked this guy not to give a speech.

So I guess them radical, liberal, immoderate conservatives at Fox News need to be stopped. That was the message of the segment. So one more time, here's the crazy spectrum. Here's Fox News over here. And then all the way over here, you can imagine where I'm pointing, is Christianity. Yeah, and if you can't imagine, it's right before you get to Randy Quaid and Tom Cruise's fluffer. And in Oklahoma phobia news tonight, Volume 1, the mad dash to find some way to recriminalize not hating gay people in Oklahoma has one GOP bigot asking why they aren't also fighting against marriage equality for the godless.

State Representative Todd Russ has proposed a bill that would give religious leaders sole dominion over the granting of state marriage certificates and thus put the reins of this government program entirely in the hands of a religious institution. Yeah, great idea. Why not? Why not driver's licenses? Sure. Maybe voting. Why not? The gateway to eternal salvation is right there. You're going to need it.

Just put it all together. It makes sense. You're going to be there anyway. Yeah, worked out great for late antiquity, that centralization. Of course, the assumption behind all of this is that the religious leaders could then decide who they would and wouldn't sign off on by theocratic dictate. decide who they would and wouldn't sign off on by theocratic dictate. Russ, the second homophobic asshole with two single-syllable first names I've talked about tonight,

defended his proposal by saying, quote, Oklahoma voted overwhelmingly against same-sex marriage, and yet the Supreme Court, and I swear these are the actual words he used, stuck it down our throats, end quote. Yeah, the Constitution and equal protection under it, that's a tough pill to swallow when you're a raging bigot, I guess. But I'm sure they'd be happy to shove it somewhere besides your throat next time if you make a special request. Now, despite the repeated attempts by conservative GOP lawmakers to play the martyr card, disabusing

the majority of the power to subvert the rights of the minority is precisely the reason we have judicial review, and a constitution, and a more or less functional society, and an end date for the fucking Civil War while we're at it. And in curse of the Shambino news tonight, according to a survey by the Public Religion Research Institute and Religion News Service, 26% of Americans believe that God influences the outcome of sporting events.

Now, quick review of the miraculous history of sports. This would mean it was God who fixed the 1919 World Series, and it was God who murdered the Marshall University football team in that fiery plane wreck, and just when the coverage of that marathon in Boston was getting way too boring, also God. So great job with the history of sports, dude. Well done, sir. By the way, the too soon clock on the Boston bombing like six minutes ago. That was like yesterday.

Just in time for your fifth Boston bombing joke. Also very clear, by the way, that God hates the fuck out of Detroit, which should be obvious for a lot of reasons, I guess. Now, even more baffling than a quarter of the country thinking God is fixing games, the survey found that 53% of Americans believe God gives less injuries and more wins to religious athletes. More than half. Yeah.

I know what you're about to say. That's not even a God existence-related question, is it? No. Either way, that's either true or false. And we can check on that. And it's false. Right. The star NFL players with the fewest injuries this season were Adrian Peterson and Ray Rice, guys.

What does that say about your God? Nothing as bad as what the Bible says about him, I guess. So if you're still wondering whether there's a benevolent God paying attention to sports, I'm talking to you, Janae. Just ask Buffalo, New York. No kidding. Case example. Would a loving God set you up with a glacier city all the way up there, then tease you

with an NFL franchise, and then basically just shit on your face four years around the same time? And all the other years before and since. Hey, nobody circles the wagons like the Buffalo Bills. No, they're looking good for next year. E.J. Manuel, Bon Jovi, it should be exciting. And where was God on all those Tour de France wins for Lance Armstrong? Obviously, the balls cancer thing didn't work.

He knows that. God couldn't make his way out to the Pyrenees for a piss test just the one time. Let us figure that out ten years later. Come on. And why is Arian Foster rigging in eight million bucks a year while Tim Tebow is like sucking off truckers behind the sizzler on I-85 for their uneaten

fries and coleslaw? Come on, guys. Wildcat system didn't work out in the NFL. No, no. Surprise, surprise. And by the way, what system do you people think god uses right how would he even figure that what if two equally pious teams play each other or two equally evil teams what if what if a bunch of good christians bet on the pats on sunday what if a jew plays himself in chess how does god figure that one out it's a lose lose what if steinbrenner? It's a logistical nightmare.

And most importantly, what if an atheist needs to pass to win by two and a half? How do we make that happen? No. Okay. Aside from February 3rd, 2008 at the Super Bowl, when God was obviously there magically attaching a football to David Tyree's face, aside from that, and I guess the 27 World Championships for the Yankees, aside from those two things, there's absolutely no evidence of God existing and or messing with sports. That's ridiculous.

He's clearly from New York City, but no, he doesn't exist. That's silly. Wait a minute. If God was a New Yorker, then why are the Jets? The who? The Mets. The what? The Brooklyn Nets?

And in wascally Catholics news tonight, Pope Skanky Frankie doubled down on the Catholic Church's genocidal stance on contraception last week while conceding that it would be good if people in poorer nations didn't breed, in his words, like rabbits. While it's not clear from the context whether he meant a lot or by first walking around your potential mate, showing off the fluffiness of your tail, pissing on her, and then speed-fucking her for 30 seconds. But either way, it's probably good advice. Just ask R. Kelly. Tell him all about that good advice. In rabbit years, they were legal. This came at the end of a tirade against African aid organizations that refuse to financially support nations that restrict access to contraception

or pass laws against being gay. He complained that forcing people to meet bare minimum standards of morality before giving them money was really no different than the Boer War, adding that African nations have the right to be, in his words, not ideologically colonized. Oh, was that? Apparently unaware that Catholicism didn't start in Africa, motherfucker. African kettle? Yeah, you're black.

Right. Seriously? Maybe he meant that they don't need to be ideologically colonized again. Guys, guys, guys, we covered that in the 19th century and the 18th and the 12th and the 17th. Look, it's been done to death. It's been done to death. We got it covered. Apparently unsolicited bribing of Africans is Christian intellectual property.

Right, they've got a TM and everything. Even if the bribe is humanitarian aid in exchange for not murdering so many gay people, you still need the express written consent of the Pope for that sort of thing. It's a big deal. Of course, the Pope pointed out that there are still plenty of licit ways to regulate childbirth under Catholic doctrine, all the ineffective ones that don't protect from sexually transmitted disease, those ones. Can't get AIDS on your back or your face.

And the inact statement that's so hypocritical coming from a Catholic leader that it's easy to miss just how stupid it is. The Pope said, quote, when imposed conditions come from imperial colonizers, they search to make people lose their own identity and make a sameness, end quote. And while, yes, that could be steps one through three of the Catholic Expansion Plan 2015, the truly fucked up thing about that statement

though is that the sameness he's trying to avoid is nobody lynching gays or having AIDS. Nobody's pining for the good old days when people died of like a diversity of horrible fatal diseases. What the fuck and liked

it with the hopes that we've given you sufficient time to shake that image of r kelly statutory raping rabbits we'll hand things over to my lovely wife lucy over age rabbits breeding age a man wrote the bible a horse which one if it's a legitimate rape... Then it's a slut, right? Cooking can be fun. Hey! I'm proud of a man! This Week in Misogyny. We'll start tonight off with a bit of vaginal triumph. We talked last week about a couple of GOP congresswomen abandoning HB0, the draconian anti-abortion law that was widely criticized for refusing abortions to women who couldn't prove they were raped.

Well, as it turns out, their let's not alienate an entire gender strategy might have worked, as shortly thereafter, the bill was withdrawn entirely. While plenty of people were cheering this failure, giant penis in a suit, Louie Gohmert, took to the airwaves to let everyone know that if he'd had his druthers, the bill would have had no rape exception at all. During a conference call with Pastor E.W. Jackson, Gohmert explained that the Republican females, his term, sent the wrong message by using female autonomy to fight for female autonomy. He assures his constituents that the bill will be back and it'll be tougher than ever on them baby killers. But until they've ironed out all of the bits about forced birthing rape spawn, it'll have to be on the back burner.

Judging by Gohmert's reaction, it seems like he believes that women should have a voice in government, provided they freely choose not to use it. And as bad as it sounds, Mike Huckabee was able to up the ante on that sentiment by leaving the in-government part out and simply lamenting the fact that women have voices. Speaking with Iowa radio host Jan Michelson, Huckabee complained that when he worked at Fox News, people used swear words. And what's worse, some of them didn't even have the proper swear word used in genitals. Quote, this would be considered totally inappropriate to say these things in front of a woman. And for a woman to say them in a professional setting, as we would say in the South, that's just trashy.

End quote. So sorry if the tone of this message ruffles your petticoat, you corn-porn, cousin-fucking-shit-kicking-cock-flogger, but when somebody's talking about you, not cussing would be a dereliction of duty. And last but least tonight, Christian blogger Veronica Partridge has decided to be less hoary in the new year. And if you love God, you'll do the same. She posted a recent blog that's gotten quite a bit of attention this week about how she'll no longer be wearing yoga pants

because God doesn't want her putting lustful thoughts into the minds of men looking at her ass. Now, she goes out of her way at the beginning to point out that she's not telling other women what to wear. She's just writing a blog about how wearing tight pants was dishonoring God. And then she went on Good Morning America to say the same thing. So that as many people as possible can hear her not tell anyone else what they should do. Of course, this leads to an obvious

theological conundrum. If God didn't want your ass to look like an ass, why would he have made it ass-shaped? And while they prepare another spot in the Mysterious Ways file, I'll thank all of the wonderful listeners out there Who keep sending me articles for this segment And then I'll hand things back over to Noah and Heath

Thank you Lucinda Lusions You're a lady and a scholar in Segway Free News tonight Just in case your last trip to church left you wondering about the Salvation status of aborted fetuses And the deregulation of sexual consent after marriage. Pastor Stephen Kim of Mustard Seed Church set up a blog at nycpastor.com to address these important issues. Quick roundup of what he has for you. Dead babies go to hell, and yes, your husband can rape you.

Turns out the I do was a pretty big blanket statement in the legal sense. You might not have realized. I swear, dude, this blog reads like he's trying to start a theologically nefarious, poop-collectingly crazy New York pastor turf war with David Manning. Right. So I guess it makes most sense to start with the dead babies in hell proclamation. That's actually an old newspaper saying. It's what we say in the business.

Exactly. Very hell baby story. So according to Pastor Kim, quote, in aborting a child, you not only commit murder, but you automatically send a soul to eternal hell. Conversely, one could argue that if all babies go to heaven, then abortion is the best gift for a baby because in killing the child you send him to immediate heaven without giving him an opportunity to grow up and possibly reject the gospel in the future an abortion loophole so in other words

heaven has to have a no murdered babies policydered-babies policy just in case a bunch of clever babies start gaming the system and getting people to execute them before they're old enough to start sinning. It's kind of suck to be the demon that has to torture the zygotes. He specifically mentions that even the zygotes go to hell. So you get this big-ass pitchfork. You're trying to poke eight cells with it and shit. Even when you finally actually hit one, it doesn't have a differentiated nervous system or anything resembling conscious awareness.

So you're at the cafeteria, the other guy's like, oh, this bitch was screaming. You're like, yeah, the zygote kind of seized a little, I think, but it might have just been the heat. Very good point you make. I guess life begins when you can use a pitchfork. Now, getting back to your husband and the righteous raping ladies one more time. Yes, if you're Christian, your husband

is technically allowed to rape you. But don't worry, ladies. Do not worry. It's not, read exactly as bad as it sounds. According to 1 Corinthians 7-4, you can rape him right back. Whoa. Well, there you go. The wife does not have authority over her

own body, but the husband does. Sounds bad. Well, there you go. The wife does not have authority over her own body, but the husband does. Sounds bad. Continuing, however. And likewise, also, the husband does not have authority over his own body, but the wife does, end quote. So good study. Rape him right back. So start practicing up on those passive-aggressive, spiteful re-rape techniques, and you should

be all set. So again, the TLDR version of his blog would basically be that there's such a thing as too many spousal spite rapes, but it isn't one. Yeah, he tries to suggest a reasonable range for that number between two and larger. And then, but gay people love fireman news tonight. Former Atlanta fire chief and current gay hate persecution fantasy poster boy Kelvin Cochran has filed a religious discrimination suit against the Atlanta mayor's office after he was terminated for distributing a self-published book full of hate speech to his subordinates.

Well, hold on, though. In Cochran's defense, I can see why he might be frustrated with all the homosexuals in the fire department. Most of the gay dudes I know are firefighters and also strippers. And from what I understand, they're constantly showing up at work wearing the clothes from the other job. So it works for the strip club just fine, but it's kind of awkward at the firehouse. A little bit. Kind of seems like that. Now, Cochran argues that this isn't just his bigoted opinion. This is his bigoted religious opinion and that he has every right to be a frothing homophobe without repercussion.

and that he has every right to be a frothing homophobe without repercussion. And he also has every right, apparently, to distribute his comf to other people while acting as a representative of the city of Atlanta, even the gay subordinates, I'm sorry, especially the gay subordinates. Just in case we need, you know, a way to be legally certain that you're supposed to get rid of the fire chief that distributed hate pamphlets through official government channels, this is one of those times when we can easily apply the black Jew test. So switch out gay for black or Jew, or just switch it out for Lenny Kravitz,

and Cochran's bigot zine is clearly not allowed. Exactly. Also, why don't we hear any Christians talking about their religious right to KO black slaves with a bo staff for 47 hours? That's from the same book that tells them to hate the gays, and they talk about the gay thing constantly. Well, unfortunately, it took a war to stop them from talking about that one. Hopefully we can eradicate this one without an antietam.

And in Pacific Rim job news tonight, Donald Trump gave a speech at the Iowa Freedom Summit this week about his, if I were president president plan to solve the immigration problem the islamic terrorist problem and the kaiju problem all at once with an enormous fence there you go since our borders and coastlines only add up to about 20 000 miles and i guess the largest amphibious demons they're only about 400 feet tall so if we want about you know a thousand feet on the height just to be sure to godzillas don't piggyback, we should only need about 105, call it 106 billion square feet of fence.

Now, I'm sure we could make this happen with some Mexican labor, but if the thing's going to be built to keep them out in the first place, it can get pretty awkward when you try to ask. Maybe the Donald can build a not-yet-bankrupt casino pretty well, but I'm not sure he's going to be able to make this fence happen.

I mean, even if you just figure it for Mexicans and Muslims who are, what, four feet tall, we're still talking about more than a billion square feet for a 10-foot fence. Nearly impossible, but still far more likely than Trump becoming president. But what if he could start off with just a rampart of used toupees? That could pretty much cover up Mexico. I could see him doing that. And finally, tonight from the House of Reprehensibles file, That could pretty much cover up Mexico. I could see him doing that. And finally tonight from the House of Reprehensibles file, Oklahoma State Representative and overachieving homophobe Sally Kearns recently filed a holy trinity of gay-hating legislation designed to make the aforementioned state rep Todd Russ look moderate.

Arguing that gay people gaying all over the place poses a greater threat to our nation than terrorism, which isn't true, by the way. It's not. No. It's not. Not even close. Kearns offered up three bills, each one a little more horribly xenophobic than the last. We'll start with HB 1599, which would withhold the salaries of any state employee that granted a same-sex marriage license in the state, which is legal in that state. Right. legal in that state.

Right, so these government employees can either grant the licenses and have no income, or refuse the licenses and lose all their savings in lawsuits to gay couples because the law says marriages are legal there and it's their job to give the licenses. Great plan. Sounds like a great plan, yeah. Perfectly reasonable. And if you don't have enough queer on your boots after that one, she adds HB 1597, which would allow local businesses to refuse to service gays and while we've seen plenty of similar efforts to this in the past i think this might be the first one that entirely does with away with the whole religious freedom

pretense and simply says you can refuse to serve gay people because they're gross boldly honest but the law is not even gonna require them to actually be gross i would i'm quite certain they're planning to refuse service to elegant gay couples, too. I mean, Portia de Rossi and Owen walk in there, they're still going to say something. But most damaging of all, of course, is HB 1598, or the Freedom to Obtain Conversion Therapy Act, which guarantees the rights of gay Oklahomans to get their brains fixed. Awful. The bill not only defends the abhorrent practice of gay conversion therapy, its language specifically

protects the rights of parents to get conversion therapy for their gay children. Yeah, and this entire useless idea, and all these centers, they only exist so that stupid, embarrassed parents like this can tell their friends at church how they tried everything. We sent them to conversion therapy. We got him expensive hookers, got him really cheap hookers doing weird stuff. Nothing worked. We really did try, though. Now, I've got to be honest.

As much as this whole concept of gay conversion therapy disgusts me, I do kind of wish it worked. Now, not because I think that gay people are damaged and need to be fixed or anything, but if it worked for them, it might work for me. And if I had my druthers, I'd be bisexual. That'd be a no-brainer. Seems reasonable. Gay people are damaged and need to be fixed or anything. But if it worked for them, it might work for me. And if I had my druthers, I'd be bisexual. That'd be a no-brainer. Seems reasonable, yeah.

I mean, between us, Heath and I, we're always hanging out, not sucking each other's dicks. And the only thing standing between us and all that great head is the fact that we're not gay. So in hopes of helping to find a solution to that problem, we're looking into starting a straight conversion therapy center right here in Valdosta, Georgia. Okay, but hold on. If we were gay, I mean, bitch or butch, I think you're still a little out of my league. You're a beautiful man, Noah Lewis. Why, thank you, sir. The deconversion thing could get dangerous. I wouldn't know what to say.

I'd be all awkward around you, kicking the ground for no reason. Couldn't record a segment. So if we're going to do this right, we're going to need 30 seconds on the clock. Slogans for the Straight Conversion Therapy Center. Right here in Valdosta, Georgia. Fantastic. Okay. How about, welcome to the walk-in closet.

Let's get gay. How about, sucking dick because good Christians should be kneeling anyway. It's in Valdosta. We've got to get the Christians in, obviously. How about there's a homosexual inside all of us just waiting to pull out? We're in. How about homosexuality? Less expensive than pregnancy since forever.

You know, they're fiscal conservatives. They speak to the wallet. How about welcome to the straight flush full house for XX gays. And, of course, the straight flush halfway house for bisexuals that want to just remain bisexual. Yeah, right. We don't need a lot of staff at that. There's plenty of staff at that. Well done, sir.

How about the probe pros? Expand your horizons and your rectum at the same time. What about the Bi-MCA? Come for the semen, stay for the Native Americans. It's fun to stay at the Bi-MCA. All right, all right, I got kind of a long one. If Christians are right and it's a choice, people are choosing it over social acceptance,

full legal rights, and imaginary paradise. So imagine how good the fucking must be. Come on, just do the math. They seem to enjoy themselves. It means happy. Alright, what about Welcome to the Georgia Sodomite Hospital or GASH. Exclusive purveyors of the surgical reverse

homo-sectomy. Get your gay back, Valdosta. Alright, alright, last one. How about lesbianism? Because everyone agrees that balls are gross. Come on, lady. Well, I'm a ball man. All right, well, on that candid admission, we'll close the headlines tonight.

Heath, thanks as always. Glad to be here too, Monty. And when we come back, David Smalley from Dogma Debate Radio will join us for a small, safe-for-work island in the midst of an ocean of dick jokes. I will freely admit at this point that if I'd known what I was getting into with these fucking minor prophets, I would never have attempted this whole poem-for-each-book poem for each book of the Bible shtick, but I'm too far along to back out now. So with three remaining and the New Testament starting next week, I'm going to get us within one poem of Done with the Old Testament tonight with two of the three final

minor prophets, beginning with Haggai in rhyme. Haggai's a guy. I swear, he's there. Just look. The book confirms it. Although there's no great feats completed by Haggai, he'd earned it. It's small, and all the guy supplied was tasks he asked of others, the jerk-watched work and bitch for which he squeezed between these covers. Now, it's not like lots of

deeds are needed to outdo his forebears, but despite such light prereqs, expected we would see some more there. And yes, I guess 11 effing prophets weren't sufficient. They felt that 12's the least a priest would buy, thus Guy's edition. So here's the clear excuse they used to add some padded pages, just so that no word count amount could score as more outrageous. But then again, perhaps the crap they print is incidental, as they strive to drive those who would use their time to rhyme it mental. And now, Zechariah in rhyme. Here's a book I bet they don't discuss in Bible study. By the standards of the book so far, it's not that it's too bloody,

and it's not like all the prophets weren't on shrooms and dose and such, but obviously Zechariah took a bit too much. First he smoked some weed, and soon he started seeing horses, each a different color, signifying morbid forces. To a cheech and chong like haze of bong-smoked Zechariah appeared, but naught remained but horse shit when the fog had fully cleared. Then he ate some mushrooms and some Tylenol PM. Lucifer and Josh were there, and so was Auntie Em. There was some weird courtroom drama with lawyers, judge, and all, and yes, I'm referring to the Bible, not Pink Floyd's The Wall. lawyers, judge and all, and yes, I'm referring to the Bible, not Pink Floyd's The Wall.

Then he mixed some opium and hashish in his bowl and found some blotter acid, or in his words, a flying scroll. And the angel of the Lord's expounding on God's disturbing plan while he watches winged parchment fly around like Peter Pan. He watches God break staffs that represents those he rebukes. The lampstand Zechariah found sounds a lot like it's a hookah. Then he takes peyote to come down from the cocaine. I'm being gracious with the drugs, of course. He might just be insane, but in slightly coded language, this vision comes to pass.

A king riding a donkey, reed tripping off his ass, and if you think it's not a binge, I'll just point out that by the end, the dude is naked in a fountain trying to wash away his sin, and probably the spiders. Very stoked to welcome our next guest to the show. David Smully is the host of Dogma Debate Radio. He's also a secular activist, writer, and speaker, a commendable raiser of funds,

and from all accounts, a genuinely swell fella. David, welcome to The Scathing Atheist. Thanks so much for having me. I appreciate it. So before we get to the main reason that I asked you here, I did want to talk a bit about the 24-hour fundraising broadcast you did for Foundation Beyond Belief. Before we get to the happy ending, tell us, how did that come about? You know, we did the Humanism at Work conference in Chicago last year. And meeting up with Dale McGowan, we did a live broadcast from Chicago. And Dale just came up and had a lot of great compliments

about how we did the live performance and how we did the live show. A lot of times when folks go to do podcasting, as it is, they will go back to a dark room somewhere and do something quietly. And what we did is kind of took that to the to the main stage and brought up guests and sort of made it like this Jimmy Fallon Tonight Show style show that's that was entertaining for a live audience as well. And Dale really appreciated that. And he came up to me afterwards and said, look, you know, we've got to do more stuff together.

I definitely want you at the next conference. And, you know, we've got to continue to work together. And so he reached out to me a few months before the event and said, look, you know, we've got to continue to work together. And so he reached out to me a few months before the event and said, Look, you know, we're doing our end of year fundraisers, and we'd love your help. And so I think the year before they had actually done it with another group and raised about 1600 bucks or so. And so they reached out to see if we could do something better. And, and I think I think we met that goal. You did slightly better than 1600. Certainly, I think we met that goal.

You did slightly better than 1,600. Certainly. How much did you end up raising? Well, our show alone brought in just over $31,000. Wow. And then we found out near the end that there was a group willing to match up to $20,000 of that. So the entire 24 hours ended up netting $51,656. Wow.

Now, I know you're usually – you play it clean on your show, but I don't on mine. So I can say, holy shit, well done, sir. I haven't had a chance to personally congratulate you yet. So congratulations. Thanks for all the work you're doing there. Well, thanks so much, and I appreciate you being a part of that. It was a lot of fun getting to talk to all these different atheist podcasters and show hosts and speakers out there all at one time. It was really, really cool. And the energy from you guys really kept me going.

I think you and I talked about 7 o'clock in the morning after I was on just – I was just running on fumes at that point. But you know what? What really made that possible were all of the volunteers, all the blood, sweat, and tears that went into that. I mean there is no way in hell I could have done that by myself. Yes, I can sit in a chair and talk for 24 hours. That's what I proved. But there would not have been the money raised, the matches, everybody sharing it on Twitter.

I think we had just over 13,000 people listening live to the show, and about 300 people actually gave. And so that can give you kind of a percentage there of what, what a percentage of people gave that were listening. But the huge percentage of people that were sharing it and encouraging other people, even if they weren't giving, they were sharing it to their 400 Twitter followers or their 1800 Facebook followers. And so it really helped and it reached a lot of people.

And as it turns out, I think their entire goal was to raise 75 000 for the year and we were able to hit that 51 so it really launched foundation beyond belief to a new level for 2015 and we are just so thrilled to be a part of that i mean it was it's really just mind-blowing that's awesome i've been long impressed with the work those guys are doing so i'm really glad that i could do my to my 24th there as well now are you already gearing up for the next one? We've got a couple of things planned, actually. Yeah, Dale has already invited us to join them

at Harvard. I'll be giving a talk at Harvard in July and doing a live Dogma Debate broadcast from Harvard for the Humanism at Work Conference 2015. And who knows what the end of the year is going to do as far as fundraising is concerned. Well, I know that you've set the bar high. So let's talk a little bit more about you personally. You had an interesting path to atheism. You started off as a Christian, correct?

I did. I did. I was a Christian musician. I was a drummer in Christian bands and mostly the all-black gospel churches. That's kind of where I found my funk and groove, man. They've got the best music in the Christian world. And it kind of turned into a job for me. I started actually playing drums for money at churches and kind of moving my kit around to different churches. And we there, there is a gospel album with my face on it. It's called – I've never talked about this before. It's called Emmett Moffat and Triumph, Must Jesus Bear the Cross Alone? And I'm the little bitty white guy way in the background, but I'm there.

I'm going to try to find the cover art for that for this episode. That will be great. So, okay, so you're a Christian drummer making some money off of basically off of your faith here. What, what turns you into an atheist? I mean, I know there's no aha moment for most, uh, most theist turned atheist, but was there like a particular argument that was the straw that broke the camel's back for you? It was, it was the fact that I wanted, I truly wanted to help people come to Jesus. I truly did. And, and being in the youth ministry, our pastor was saying things like, um, you know, we, we have a responsibility to go share the gospel with people.

And so we went knocking on doors. And as I'm walking up to these people's houses, I'm thinking, what, what if they have the right idea of Jesus? This was the first thing ever that I could remember. I said, what, what if they have the best idea of Jesus? What if they have the correct way? I'm wrong. And I end up leading them away from Jesus to a false prophet because my pastor is wrong. What if? How do I know I'm telling them the truth? And so out of a pure desire to just be genuine, I just started really looking into it. And throughout all of that time of me playing the drums and visiting those churches, I was really looking into it and reading the Bible cover to cover. But I think it started much, much earlier than that, just in general, as long as eight,

nine years old. I mean, I was in as an insult. I was called encyclopedia boy by my family because I always wanted to look stuff up. They would be arguing about something that I knew was a fact. When we did the movie My Week in Atheism with John Christie, he asked me about these things. He asked me about my childhood. Of course, I think he was looking for some sort of traumatic abuse that made me turn against God. But really what it was is, look, my mom and my sister would be arguing about how far away the sun is from earth. And I would say, why are you guys fighting? I'm like nine. And I'm going, guys, we have encyclopedias in the house. There's an answer.

Why are you fighting? You don't get to have opinions on facts. And I was a little kid and I would look it up and I would say, you're both wrong. It's 93 million miles. And I would go stick the encyclopedia back on the shelf. So I think it just came from a naturally skeptic mindset. I wanted to know the truth and I didn't want to run around, you know, saying a bunch of crap that I didn't know for sure was true. So I guess like it or not, even when you were nine years old, you were probably already preparing yourself to host Dogma Debate Radio. You know, it's funny you say that. When I was about 10, I got a little recorder.

It was a little handheld Tascam recorder and it had one of those little bitty tapes. I don't know if you remember these. Oh, yes. And I would walk around recording people saying that I wanted to host a radio show when I grew up and I had this catchphrase. Are you ready for this? Oh, absolutely. It's as cheesy and as awesome as it gets. Here was my catchphrase at 10 years old.

You know, you know, you know, I will never do that again. No, and not ever on this planet will I ever do that again. So the fourth listener is not getting that guess right. They're not getting it, no. All right, so now if I had to describe you, I'd call you something of an atheist Swiss army knife. You do a little bit of everything. You speak at conferences. You participate in debates.

You mediate debates. You wrote a book. You host a radio show. So if I had to ask you, of all the hats you wear, is there one that's your favorite or is that like asking you to pick a favorite kid? No, I can do that. And I have a favorite kid too. I think – I'm kidding. God, I'm kidding.

I think hosting radio is probably number one for me. But it's one of those things, you know, just a quick story. When I was a young drummer, I looked up to this guy named John Green. He was a superstar to me. He was just a local drummer quick story i when i was a young drummer i looked up to this guy named john green he was a superstar to me he was just a local drummer in a local band but to me he was everything i wanted to be as a kid and i finally got to meet him he was setting up his drum set and i got there way before the show and i go up and i start helping him set up and i'm like i'm a huge fan and he shakes my hand he's a really cool guy and he's like he leans back at one point he goes man i'm just so sick of this stuff and i looked at him with like this horror in my face. And I said, don't tell me you

get sick of playing the drums. And he's like, sorry, kid, I do. I get sick of it. I mean, I don't get me wrong. I like it as a job. But yes, there are times when I just have enough. And so if someone made me sit in a radio studio four or five hours a day every day and I had to work for somebody else doing that, I would absolutely be scratching and biting and clawing to get out and go give talks and meet people in person. So having the diversity is definitely necessary. I love giving presentations. I love giving talks. I love moderating debates. I love having one-on-one conversations, whether I record them or not, with theists.

I love street epistemology. I love asking questions and applying the Socratic method. But if I had to pick one favorite, it would be sitting in front of this microphone, talking to people, sharing my views, and touching more and more people every chance I get. So definitely radio would have to be at the top. All right. So now I want to come – let's kind of circle back to the street epistemology that you're talking about. Now, this probably doesn't come as any surprise at all to our listeners, but I don't know if I have the patience to do what you do. If I engage with a theist about religion, there's sort of this

ticking clock before I snap. So, I mean, does that happen to you? Do you have to suppress that? Were you like born without that or? I've known, I've noticed that the more I know the person the shorter my clock is if it's my mom or my sister I know that they know better from some of the some of the stuff that they say and that's why listeners of my show will if they go back and listen to the first time I ever talked to John Christie I was super super nice I had all the patience in the world but as the year went by and we did a film together and we toured together and we read each other's homes for weeks at a time and we spent all this time together and got really close, he would call in and we would have screaming matches. down to, Noah, is me being productive. You know, I just ask myself, is it going to be productive if I explode, right? And so, whenever I give talks, I like to give talks on approaching theists and sort of having this street epistemology, but more so talking to family members and keeping yourself

under control. Because at the end of the day, yes, it's okay to be angry. We have every right in the world to be angry at the atrocities caused by religion, the oppression caused by religion, the racism and bigotry and misogyny caused by religion. Absolutely. But how productive is it going to be to bring that anger to the forefront and then start insulting that person. Because from a psychological perspective, likely what that's going to do in most cases, it is effective occasionally. But in most cases, and I'm talking 95% of the time, I would presume, the walls just go up and they lock on to whatever nonsense they were saying. They repeat it over and over and they find reasons to dislike you from a group psychology perspective. They find reasons to dislike you from a group psychology perspective. And so I think that while your anger is honest, it's not really conducive to our ultimate goal, which is atheists being understood, a secular society being accepted.

And just in general, atheists being accepted as decent members of society. I think that all those things are part of our goal. So for me, it's far more productive to stay patient. And so I just keep my eye on the prize when they do frustrate me. Yeah, I was on a radio show recently where I think that the host was starting to get a little angry at me for not being the angry atheist,

for just kind of laughing along with him. And well, I was still very insulting and condescending, but I wasn't angry. Now, we've only got a couple of minutes left and I did want to touch on this subject with you. I figured you'd be the right person to ask because I have this weird love-hate relationship with public debates. Because on the one hand, I had an intellectual orgasm watching Matt Dillahunty smack down Saiten Bruggenkate. But on the other hand, I recognize that debate is not generally how we determine matters of fact. When it comes to determining fact, we'll either go back and forth in peer-reviewed journals, or we'll go to a court of

law where there's all these kind of different rules to keep people from pulling the same kind of logically dubious crap they pull in debates. So with a few minutes remaining here, David, convince me, what is the value of public religious debates? Well, keep this in mind. For one, in science, we share the same journals with other scientists. In legal terms, we share the same courtrooms with people we disagree with legally. When it comes to Christians and non-Christians, we don't share the same courtrooms. We don't share the same scientific journals. We are not peer reviewing each other's data.

We are not peer reviewing each other's data. Okay. They have their own and they say we have our own and they discount everything we have and we discount the things that they have. And so the only way for the two to cross paths typically is public discussions and and debates that that would be the first thing. That's why we don't say necessarily that. Hey, let's go to the lab and test your Christianity. They will find it offensive that you're even attempting to test their deity. So we can't really meet on the same grounds as most other professions. Number one.

Number two, the purpose of the public debate is not necessarily to determine matters of fact, nor is it to convince the other person that they're wrong. And I think if you go into it expecting to get a deconversion right there on stage or to determine who's right or wrong, you're going to feel like a failure every time. It's going to feel like a complete waste. But the purpose is to keep the conversation going in public, to inspire others to continue having those conversations, to let people in the audience walk away with more tools, more ammunition to go back with their family members, because every time they're going to learn something from one side or the other that they want to go look up, that they want to come back to.

It's a long process. And so saying that public debates are a waste of time is kind of like saying college is a waste of time. You're not going to completely figure everything out by going to a certain class. No, but it's a long process. And being involved and being engaged in those debates, watching those debates, listening to those debates, it's not for the person you're debating. It's for the people listening. Well, I've got to say, well said. I thought I was giving you a much taller order to fill than it turned out to be. Now, I know you're a super busy guy. I really appreciate you taking out some time for us tonight. If you'd like to hear more from David, you can check him out at dogmadebate.com, or you

can find him on iHeartRadio, iTunes, and Stitcher. You'll find links to all of those on the show notes for this episode, of course, at scathingatheist.com. David, was there anything that I forgot to plug there? Actually, we just released a brand new network called Secular Media Network, and the parent company of all of new network called Secular Media Network. And the parent company of all of these programs is Secular Media Group LLC. And you can find all of it at secularmediagroup.com. We're onboarding new shows every day. We just released Secular News Network, and we've got so much more planned for 2015. Awesome. Excellent. Well, of course, that'll all be linked in the show notes as well. David, thanks again. Thanks so much, Noah. I appreciate it.

It's time for the part of the show that comes next, listener feedback. This is the part of the show where we try to sell you Amway products subliminally. Our first message comes from Kitty Mayhem, who wanted to correct Noah's pronunciation of Rupert Murdoch's grammar school alma mater, Geelong Elementary, which actually isn't pronounced with a hard G like Geelong, but a soft G like Geelong, or actually, as Kitty puts it, quote, think Jesus or giraffe, but without the stresses, end quote. So, Geelong Elementary. Geelong Elementary. but without the stresses, end quote. So, zlong elementary. Zlong elementary. No, Kitty, you're probably right.

We will almost certainly never need this information, but information I'll never need is my favorite kind. So thanks for the correction, or as they say in your neck of the woods, je t'aime, mate. That means thank you, right? Or ass fountain in French. Either way, Kitty gets points. Good job. We also got a request

for some dating advice from a listener who might not want us to mention her name her boyfriend recently broke up with her because he couldn't be with a girl that didn't love jesus and also his ex who's definitely not an awful bitch anymore just moved back to town coincidentally okay so two-part response here number one never solicit dating advice from a 40-year-old dude that hasn't dated since 1997. And number two, Heath is single and surprisingly tender. So if you wanted to revenge fuck him or something, odds are, you know,

Heath's up for that. That's still how dating works, right? Like you revenge fuck people and stuff? That's correct. And by the way, I'm good with tender, but rough isn't off the table. We also got an email from Felicia, who accused us of hipster racism. Apparently, this is where you ironically say racist stuff to make fun of racist people because you're secretly racist and really want to say nigger or something like that.

Yeah, I gotta say, honestly, I was really insulted by the insinuation that I was a hipster. I mean, yes, we do pickle our own pearl onions so we can have Gibson martinis for no reason, but no, we're not hipsters. That's ridiculous. Plus, I have way too much cleavage for suspenders. But as for actually being racist, just because I've now used nigger twice in this segment, come on, nigger please. That's absurd.

I don't think that's going to stop the emails. Also want to make a quick correction to our start of the year calendar segment. Several listeners have pointed out that I misidentified the location of Imagine No Religion 5. I said it was going to be in Kamloops. That is incorrect. This year's event will be held in Vancouver. I'm sorry for the error, but I honestly didn't realize that British Columbia had multiple places. You see, by the way, how I disguised my secret actual seething hatred for Canadians as ironic pretend Canadianism there? Oh, that's in Canada. I thought you were talking about the United Kingdom.

And finally, Carl from Post Rapture Looting left a link on our Facebook page to a story in the Washington Post. Apparently, lots of Muslims are pissed that Michelle Obama didn't wear a headscarf when meeting with the royal family of Saudi Arabia in Riyadh following the death of King Abdullah. Well, the first lady gracefully has declined to comment thus far and continues to wear and not wear whatever the fuck she damn well pleases. Nice. And then she goes home and she fucks the leader of the free world in Abe Lincoln's bedroom and she goes to sleep. So that's Michelle Obama 1, offended misogynists on Twitter 0. I just have to say, if you're not living your life in a way that pisses off the Saudis,

you're not living your life. Absolutely not. Which brings us to our top 10 scathing atheist suggestions for how Michelle Obama should respond. All right, how about number 10? Well, I need that peripheral vision when I parallel park. Ooh, motherfucker. She never parallel parks. Number nine.

I'll wear a scarf if that guy wears a Ditka jersey. If that prince right there puts on a Mike Ditka jersey, I will wear that stupid fucking scarf. How about number eight? I was wearing a headscarf. Ask me where.

Number seven. What if I just juggle these three bowling pins to distract from my head? Would that... How about number six? And not that I didn't actually already want this for other reasons, but what if she just tweeted out any better along with a picture of her wearing nothing but the headscarf? That would be fantastic.

I'd put that on my wall. Maybe a screenshot of some porn with Mia Khalifa. I'd put that on my wall. Maybe a screenshot of some porn with Mia Khalifa. I'd put something on the wall over that. All right. What about number five? No thanks, I'm all set. If someone tries to rape my face, these black men in suits will shoot them with a gun. I think that's how she actually did respond.

How about number four? How about if I just tie it around your fucking eyes, asshole? Number three. Sorry, but all I've got are these infinite scarves up my sleeve, and they just won't end. Eli would love that one. How about number two? You know, I had it on earlier, and then I needed it to wipe some blood off a coat hanger. So, uh...

And then I needed it to wipe some blood off a coat hanger. So, uh... I know it's great when I make you pause. You didn't think there'd be an abortion joke in the Michelle Obama segment, did you? I snuck one in when you least expected it. You didn't. All right. And number one. I don't see that coat hanger in when you're not expecting it.

Michelle Obama responds to being asked to wear the stupid scarf. The building where I live has a button for destroying the building where you live. You really want to make a big thing about the scarf? And that's all the feedback you get. If you want more, keep sending us those email, tweets, and Facebook messages. You'll find all the contact info on the contact page

at skatingatheist.com. at skatingatheist.com. Before we get the hook tonight, I wanted to let everybody know that our sister podcast, The Skeptocrat, will be debuting in a little less than a month. The first five episodes

will all drop together on February 23rd, though it might still take a couple of days before you can find it on iTunes and Stitcher. We'll post links on Skating Atheist's Facebook page and Twitter feed,

or if you really want to stay ahead of the game, you can like the Skeptic Crap Facebook page or follow at TheSkepticCrap on Twitter and get all the juicy details as they become available. Obviously I can't close it out without thanking Heath for doing everything he does better than anyone could ever reasonably expect him to do it. I need to thank

Lucinda Lusions for managing to be hilarious, vulgar, endearing, and poignant all at once. Obviously I want to thank David Smalley for hanging out. If you haven't checked out Dogma Debate before, I strongly urge you do so. It's one of the highest quality Atheist Don't Call It A Podcast podcasts on the interwebs, and since they churn out about three and a half hours of show every week, you'll never be at a loss for shit to listen to. Oh, and I also want to thank Joseph for providing this week's international Farnsworth quote,

or at least that's what he told me it was. But of course, most of all, I need to thank this week's most dependable diploids, Jordana, Stephen, Brian, Mario, Tim, Dave, Karen, Rosie, Angelo, David, Aaron, Rich, Dini of Harper's Ferry, Jay, Bram, and Brooke. Jordana, Stephen, Brian, and Mario, whose intellects have forced pedants to start referring to their moderately intelligent phones. Tim, Dave, Karen, and Rosie, who are so sexy the MPAA gave them their own classification. Angelo, David, Aaron, and Rich, whose erections contain more blood than a Tarantino flick. I'm going to go ahead and get started. for one more week by giving us money or having awesome girlfriends who did so in their names. Not everybody has the audacity, vigor, and awesome girlfriend it takes to give us money,

but if you think you're up to the challenge, you can make a per-episode donation at patreon.com slash scathingatheist, or you can make a one-time donation by clicking on the Donate button on the right side of the homepage at scathingatheist.com. Oh, and about that per-episode donation, per-episode donors already have access to episode one of the new show, so if you're a Patreon donor and you usually forego the extended episodes, be sure to check your feed for a sneak peek or sneak listen or whatever to The Skeptic Crat.

If you have questions, comments, or death threats, you'll find all the contact info on the contact page at skatingatheist.com. All the music used in this episode was written and performed by yours truly, and yes, I did have my permission. You know, I didn't give you a whole hell of a lot of time to make your case. You did a hell of a job. You should be out debating Christians or something.