The Scathing Atheist - ScathingAtheist 107: Podcast Award Nominated Edition

Episode Date: March 5, 2015

In this week's episode, we'll tell you how to vote for us in the People's Choice Podcast Awards, we'll tell you why to vote for us in the People's Choice Podcast Awards, we'll tell you when to vote for us in the People's Choice Podcast Awards, and we'll also makes jokes about god's scrotum.

Warning, the following podcast contains references to both penises and messiahs, often in the same sentence. This week's episode of The Scathing Atheist is brought to you by the new big-budget Hollywood flipbook for Pennsylvania Dutch cinephiles, A Mission Impossible, A Few Good Mennonites. In a time, in a place, in a land with no electricity and no communication with the modern world, imagine if everyone stopped talking to you. Did you order the shunning? Did you order the shunning?

Did you order the... Did you say something? Right there. It looked like you were about to say something. I went in for a second. Say nothing if you ordered the shunning. You're goddamn right I did. I'm Mission Impostor.

You good Mennonites. You're building a log cabin? You want me on that wall. You need me on that wall. And now, the Scathing Atheist. This is Matthew the Apostle, from In the Name of God, the podcast.

You may not know it, because it's not written in every scripture, but it's true. We did, in fact, evolve from filthy monkey men. It's Thursday. It's March 5th. And congratulations to Cognitive Dissonance on their Podcast Award nomination. I'm Podcast Award nominated Noah Lusions. Oh, right. I guess we got one, too, which would make me Podcast Award nominated Heath Enright.

And from We'd Like to Thank Pod, Valdosta, Georgia, this is the Podcast Award nominated Skating Atheist. In this week's episode, we'll tell you how you can vote for us in the People's Choice Podcast Awards. We'll tell you why you should vote for us in the People's Choice Podcast Awards. And we'll tell you when you can vote for us in the People's Choice Podcast Awards. And we'll also still make fun of God's dick. But first, the diatribe. So far, 2015 has been a phenomenal year for me.

Lucinda and I just celebrated our 18th year of blissful matrimony. We moved into an awesome new house. We learned that we were one of Patreon's top 100 earners for 2014. We launched our second podcast, The Skeptocrat, now available on iTunes, Stitcher, and other fine podcast aggregators, and it shot up all the way into the 50s on the iTunes charts. And as we may have already mentioned, The Scathing Atheist was nominated for a People's Choice Podcast Award,

the undisputed top honor in our industry. I'm reminded of an interview I heard with Kurt Vonnegut that was rebroadcast shortly after his death. He talked about what he called an artistic survivor syndrome, this feeling of guilt that surrounded his success when he thought of the many unknown writers every bit as talented as himself, but destined to obscurity by the blind judgment of chance. Now, I don't know if I buy the concept of many unknown writers that were as talented as Kurt Vonnegut, but I am starting to understand the feeling that he's talking about. You know, here we are awash in good fortune, lucky enough to be able to pay our bills to our passion, you know, lucky enough to be recognized for what we love to do, and lucky enough to live in a time and a place where saying what we say won't get you killed.

Because sure, 2015 has been a great year for me, but for the voices of atheism in general, this has been a terrifying year. I'm sure I won't be the first to tell you about Avijit Roy, and I'm probably mispronouncing his name. For that, I apologize. But he was the American blogger and atheist that was murdered in Bangladesh last week. He was an engineer and the founder of a popular Bengali-language secular blog. He was a Bangladeshi-born American citizen on his way from a book fair at daca university when he and his wife were attacked with a machete he was killed and his wife was seriously injured she was attacked as well and as i'm still trying to process this i hear the latest on rife badawi i'm sure you're following this story as well but if you aren't he's the

saudi atheist blogger that was originally sentenced to a thousand lashes for casting doubt on the islamic theocracy and for a while it looked like the news might be good, as the government was making noise about sparing him the hundreds of lashes still remaining on his sentence. And then over this past week, news got decidedly worse, as reports suggest he might be facing the death penalty now. There are unconfirmed reports that they might subject him to a second trial, this time for apostasy, before the same judge that sentenced him to the lashes in the first place. And yes, the penalty for apostasy is death.

And of course, this all comes on the heels of a deadly shooting in Copenhagen where an artist who drew Mohammed cartoons was the target. And in a year that was barely a week old when a couple of French gunmen mowed down 12 people for the same crime of satirical blasphemy in France. This year is too young for this many martyrs. And of course, I sit here with my survivor syndrome. I sit here in the relative safety of possibly the least dangerous country in the history of Earth to be an atheist in. And I wonder if I'd have the balls to do this if there was a legitimate threat against my life, right?

Would I be willing to risk my life for a reason? And I hate to admit it, but I don't think I would be. I don't think I'm anywhere near as brave as these people. You know, there's this pervasive feeling in the atheist community that we're winning this war. The numbers domestically and worldwide look good for us, and maybe the increasingly brazen acts of our opponents are just a sign of their desperation. But we can't afford to assume that our victory is inevitable. Religion has dealt with some pretty big threats before and crushed them. And even as our ranks swell, we find ourselves in a world with more blasphemy laws, not fewer.

You know, we watch the heart-wrenching videos of religious zealots robbing Iraq of its incredible history and many of its citizens of their heads. The victories of the secular movement in comparison seem too small to celebrate. And even more depressing is the stark realization that we'll never match their passion, and we never want to, right? I mean, there are a few heroes in the atheist movement that might be willing to die for it, but none of us ever will or should be willing to kill for it, because secularism doesn't allow you to divorce yourself from your

humanity the way religion does. We look at them and we see the victims of institutionalized ignorance and unscrupulous prophets. They looked at us and they see the minions of evil incarnate. And of course, this moral meliorism is our weakness, but it's also our weapon. Because if we're going to win, it'll be because even the most indoctrinated mind can still sort out that the side doing all the killing is the bad one. There are more of us every day. And the only

reason that people like Badawi, Roy, and the Charlie Hebdo cartoonists are targets is because most of us are still hiding in the trenches and believe me i am fully aware of the hypocrisy of saying that from behind a pseudonym i've been aware of that a lot lately now when we started the show i didn't use a pseudonym out of fear for my life for my safety or the safety of my family it was actually because i was a very public face for the company i worked for it was a toy company there are a fan of the I'm not't stay in the trench. My real name is Aaron Matthew Davies.

I was born March 5th of 1976 in Trenton, Michigan, and I am an atheist. I am damn proud to speak against the tyranny of conscripted ignorance, and I am damn proud of the company I stand in. You can still call me Noah, by the way. They're talking about you, Jesus. We interrupt this broadcast and bring you a special news bulletin. Joining me for headlines tonight is critically acclaimed podcaster Heath Enright. Heath, if we win the podcast awards, who will you be wearing? It's Vegas, baby, so like two or three hookers with my fancy-ass suit balled up in the corner.

Awesome. I'm just glad the answer to that question isn't contingent on someone rubbing the lotion on its skin whenever it's told. In our lead story tonight, in Sunshine State's gay Holocaust referendum news, Huntington Beach, California, attorney Matthew McLaughlin has officially filed a proposed ballot initiative with the state attorney general, which means if he's able to get about 365,000 signatures on his petition, voters in California will have a chance to approve the Sodomite Suppression Act. That's what he's calling it, which is actually worse than it sounds if that's possible. The bill would make all forms of LGBT sexual activity illegal and punishable by death. Really?

This is not made up. Real Christians are doing this in real reality. Green light on Snopes. Checked it. And even if this was all a hoax, it still says all that stuff in the Bible. You should believe this if you read the Bible. I wonder if that's the same Huntington Beach attorney named Matthew McLaughlin whose office phone number the California Bar List says 949-285-7902. And I wonder if he takes turkey-related personal injury cases.

I don't know. It just said general law. I was hoping he was a divorce attorney. That would have made this really fucking funny. Everybody, you know, maybe give him a call. Check it out. So the Christian reasoning goes like this. Either we kill all the gay people or God kills everyone.

Seriously, that's it. That's the reasoning. Here's a few choice excerpts from the aptly named SS Act. Very first sentence, quote, The abominable crime against nature known as buggery, called also sodomy, is a monstrous evil that Almighty God, giver of freedom and liberty, commands us to suppress on pain of our utter destruction. End quote. Holy shit, he doesn't waste time, does he?

It's a shame we can't find a historical example of a place with gay people that wasn't destroyed by brimstone to invalidate his premise here. And his very next sentence, quote, Seeing that it is better that offenders should die rather than that all of us should be killed by God's just wrath against us, the people of California wisely command that any person who willingly touches another person of the same gender for sexual gratification be put to death by bullets to the head or by any other convenient method oh well at least he's being inclusive yeah no bullets first but

if you don't have you know so what if the most convenient method is is is by making them fuck california attorney matthew mclaughlin in the ass until they die of dehydration how far is he willing to go for this 365 000 signatures he's pretty,000 signatures. He's pretty dedicated. We might as well test it. All right, a few more quick highlights. Distribution of gay acceptance propaganda would get you up to 10 years in prison and or a fine of, you guessed it, $1,000,000. Honestly, you would not be surprised if you'd said a bazillion. Also, gay people and heterosexual queer lovers can't hold public office that's in the rules

georgia don't need no law for that i mean we've already had that for years and also this rule beats all the other rules state and federal and cannot be overturned except by non-gay judges on the california supreme court that's also where are you going to find a non-gay judge on the california supreme court they need a quorum i don't know if they'll be able to get it. And one last thing, everything you just heard must be prominently posted in every single public school classroom. That's in there too. Except the parts about gay men fucking themselves to death in his asshole. That part we just made up. That's not going to be in there. Now, just to put everyone at ease a little, even if this

got to the ballot and voters agreed to it, the legislation will still never become law in California, nor anywhere else within the jurisdiction of the Constitution and the Supreme Court of the United States. But I'd still say it represents an enormous problem, and that problem is religion. This guy just proposed a new law that would have the state of California murder about 1.5 million citizens. Right. Nobody will ever, ever, ever, ever, ever, ever do that because they don't have a religion. Right.

Never happened. And in CPAC that ass up news tonight, American atheists did not get kicked out of CPAC for being minions of the devil this year. So that's progress. The Conservative Political Action Conference is an annual gathering of hyper-conservatives where we find out each year who the president of the Confederacy would have been if they'd won. Speaking of which, congrats to Rand Paul, proud theoretical successor to Jefferson Davis. Serving his third term, I believe. By tabling at this event, American Atheist hopes to counteract the narrative

that one must be a liberal to be an atheist, while simultaneously counteracting the one that says you have to be a Christian to be a conservative. A point that was more than somewhat undercut by the fact that they actually kicked them out of the event last year because they weren't Christian. Fuck, Silverman's here? I thought that group was called Americanatheists.com. Hey, wait a minute. Wait a minute. You guys are just fucking with us. Now, conservative atheist Jamila Bay actually took the stage for a few minutes to remind the audience that there actually are atheists that believe in small government and gun rights and low taxes that might vote for them if they stop saying all that crazy theocratic shit. Bay and American atheist President David Silverman put on a brave face and talked up how wonderful the reception had been, but it was clear they were measuring it against the expectation of being hit with squirt guns full of holy water all day while avoiding stakes through their hearts.

Compared to that, it was great, though. I'm sure. I'm sure. And in Christians hate gays so much, I had to combine two headlines news tonight. And also do several other related stories on news tonight. Pope Frank Shunderwood gave his stamp of approval this week to a referendum in Slovakia that would explicitly ban LGBT couples from getting married or adopting children. And unless he's got something specific against Slovakian gay people only, that's the official

Catholic leader guy stance on equal rights for maybe 250 million people that would identify as not heterosexual in the world. And this is by far the most liberal leader guy they've ever had. Yeah. Well, but the good news is the referendum failed. So it's nice to see that even in a nation where two-thirds of the people are Roman Catholic, nobody's listening to this asshole. And in domestic gay hate legislation,

new shit has come to light in the ongoing legal battle to enforce all the words of the 13th Amendment in Alabama. Earlier this year, supreme court chief justice roy moore instructed regional probate judges to refuse marriage licenses to gay couples despite recent rulings by federal judges and also the supreme court of the united states that's the highest one they said you definitely can't do that and you have to give out the stupid papers fucking deal with it well somehow the alabama supreme court is allowed to triple stamp, a double stamp, I guess. And now they're re re re overruling, which means the probate judges now have they have five days to write an essay explaining why they should be allowed to give

gay people marriage licenses. Seriously, I have no idea. How does that even work? If these guys don't use MLA format and at least three internal citations, the gays in Alabama get de-peopled again for like the third time since January? Seriously? I'm waiting for Roy Moore to sentence all the gays in Alabama to write sentences on the chalkboard. That or a little car with a lot of clowns in it is the only way

this thing is getting more ridiculous than it already is. And from the Halal's of Justice file tonight, a former Costco employee and current Muslim is crying discrimination after his supervisor moved him off his cashier position just because he refused to do it. After explaining that his religion didn't allow him to touch the pork

products, Gene Camara was reassigned to a job that wouldn't require him to touch pork. Apparently, under the delusion that they were going to work around his superstition by hiring a full-time infidel to just follow him around and touch the devil meat whenever it came down the conveyor belt, he filed a human rights complaint against the store. Well, if this guy wins any damages from this,

here's what that means. Everyone should convert to orthodox fundamentalist whatever tomorrow and start refusing to do whatever you decide. Right. And then sue your boss when they tell you that's ridiculous. I mean, what if the entire staff of your barbecue restaurant shows up Muslim one day? You can't make them touch anything, and you can't fire them. But in this particular case, Costco did accommodate him.

So where is his human rights being violated? How is that? Well, Camera complained that the store reassigned him to a different department without explaining why, because apparently you told us you couldn't do that other job wasn't self-evident. Speaking to a local TV station, camera complained that, quote, just because you have a different belief, that doesn't give anyone the right to treat you different. End quote. Unless, of course, by treat you different, you mean not make you touch pork, in which case you have to treat them different or they'll sue you. And possibly they'll sue you anyway, apparently. Right. Regardless.

And in rotten potatoes would also be within reason, sadly. News tonight. Philip Fillion, a married heterosexual student at Wheaton College in Illinois, was reportedly pelted in the shoulder with an apple after asking a question to the school's president during a campus-wide forum held last week. That's classy. The question raised doubts about the bigotry towards homosexuals taught at the Evangelical Christian Institution. And not surprisingly, the asshole who threw the apple, Roland Hess, is a bigoted Christian student with a Nazi last name who has since proudly confessed to borderline assault. And, of course, in his defense, though, when you do that that like if somebody does that in the movies there's always a food fight

afterwards so he probably he might have just thought he was starting a food fight right so so following the incident which philian describes as occurring without any negative reaction from the crowd whatsoever has refused to apologize and instead posted a note defending his actions on a public campus bulletin board. The following is an excerpt from the letter, which begins with, Dear Enemy, Really? You would be mistaken to think that I threw the apple out of hatred.

I have strong aim and could hit a head at 15 meters if I wanted to. No, I threw it purposefully as a warning against insulting the spirit of grace because truth itself was maligned. End quote. First of all, meters? You've got the big brain on rolling. But seriously, more importantly, this isn't about one asshole student

that capitalizes nouns, measures in meters, and is named Hess. It's about large institutions teaching people a permanent mindset that's destructive to society. Clearly. If your school's brochure requires clever phrasing just to avoid being

hate group listed by the SPLC, probably shouldn't be any federal grants and loans funding that school. Oh, God, you would hope not. And honestly, the dude, Fillion, who got chucked with the fruit, he's an organ performance major. How straight can a school possibly be. He's an organ performance major. How straight can a school possibly be if that's an option for a major?

I mean, come on, think about it. And in R2D2 news tonight, the field of artificial intelligence is poised to take a giant leap forward now that theology is finally chiming in with their contribution. While many respected minds in the field have expressed unease at the possible ramifications of true AI, those minds clearly weren't considering Christian AI, to which Florida Reverend Christopher Benick says, why not? To which reality says, because that's stupid. To which Reverend Christopher Benick says, yes, but why else not? Because that's not what Da Vinci Code means. That's nothing. Also, because you can't program a computer to make decisions

based on source material that has thousands of internal contradictions. If humans were logical like computers, religious people would just be standing still with a big hourglass icon over their face, like, forever. Maybe it's not the worst idea. The Bible, the electric monk couldn't handle

that. I'd love anyone who got that joke, by the way. Responding to an open letter from Professor Stephen Hawking last month, Benek explained that the key to forestalling our robotic overlords will be ensuring that our technological capabilities don't outpace our evangelical ones. After all, what better way to keep AI

from enslaving humanity than by programming a book into them that explicitly endorses enslaving humans? And catastrophic apocalypse. Yes, everyone dies. Right. Now, Benick's concerns about Christianizing robots have met with some resistance from cutting-edge computer scientists who point out that they're not trying to create artificial

stupidity, but neither that or the fact that there is no God will dissuade him. In an open letter to pretty much nobody, Benick responded to Hawking's concern by pointing out that, quote, Hawking is ignoring the vast number of the world's human beings that consider themselves to be spiritual beings and how that has positively affected the world, end quote. And to Benick's credit, he's right.

Hawking was and is definitely ignoring that. And while Heath and I whip up a quick treatment for the evangelator for Michael Bay and Kirk Cameron, we'll toss things over to the lovely Lucinda Lusions. A man wrote the Bible? A whore is what she was. If it's a legitimate rape. It is what she was. Cooking can be fun. Hey!

I'm proud of a man! This week in Misogyny. Well, it's taken me 37 episodes, but I can finally do a full three minutes of good news on the misogyny front this week. That's right. There'll be no government mandated forced birthing this week. No lashes for getting raped without a license. No judicially sanctioned bodily autonomy surrendered to anyone's employer. No vaginal esophagus cameras.

No bunny punching. I finally managed to scrape together three on-topic stories with happy endings for you in the same week. We'll start in the place you least expect me to start with the good news version of this week in misogyny. Saudi Arabia. You recall the story of Maysa, I already messed up her name one time during this segment, and her friend who were being held for driving and accessory to driving, respectively.

Well, after a brief two-month stint in one of Saudi Arabia's many lovely prisons, the two were finally released last Friday. And we've talked about Saudi Arabia's driving ban plenty of times on this segment, but I think it's worth pointing out that according to the official story, the two weren't actually being held for the driving so much as the tweeting about it. So in an effort to make the miscarriage of justice more palatable, they're trying to emphasize that it's less about women driving and more about women speaking. And from speaking to fucking, we'll move to South Korea,

where a longstanding ban on adultery was recently lifted. Not sure how long it was standing, but if it was more than four hours, they're supposed to contact the physician. Anyway, the law was in place since 1953, possibly to discourage fucking American GIs, but probably not. But as of a week ago today, a South Korean constitutional court abolished the two-year prison term that adultery could net you. Obviously, this had far-reaching implications for the more than 5,000 people who have been charged with adultery just since 2008, but it also had some economic implications. Within days of the announcement, the nation's largest condo manufacturer saw its stock price surge by 15% and get bigger around, too. And yes, we're doing good news this week, but that doesn't mean that it won't also be horrifying news.

good news this week, but that doesn't mean that it won't also be horrifying news. Because sometimes the fact that something was ever proposed in the first place overshadows the elation of eventually deciding not to do it. And for a prime example of that, we'll hop over to Indonesia, where the government has finally changed its mind on the despicable, pseudo-scientific, dehumanizing, invasive, disgusting practice of virginity testing schoolgirls to make sure they're not prostitutes. The proposal would have required female students to pass a virginity test before being allowed to graduate high school. And I guess the fact that there's no such thing as a virginity test wasn't quite enough to dissuade them. Nor was the international outcry against their backward-ass country when it came to light that they were subjecting female police recruits to the same appalling practice.

Apparently, in the intervening couple of months, they forgot that the rest of the world realizes what misogynistic assholes they are when they do stuff like this, and had to be reminded by a fresh outcry against this sodomization of human rights. So yeah, I'm guessing it'll be a while before I can find three good news stories out of places like Indonesia, Korea, and Saudi Arabia. But it was fun while it lasted. Just try not to think about how depressing it is that these are the least depressing women's rights stories I've found in almost a year of doing this, or it'll defeat the

purpose. And until next time, I'll hand things back over to Noah and Heath. Thank you, Lucinda. And in Union jack-off news tonight, in England's ongoing effort to overcome America's overwhelming crazy religious zealots in the judiciary superiority, a judge in that country recently halted a trial and called for a mulligan after realizing that they'd allowed a Muslim to testify in court after swearing in on the wrong magical

God book. Wait, was that a Bible? Did you make him cross his fingers to double cancel? God, do we still have that lasso in the back? Shit, this is a do-over we have to call a do-over apparently do-overs this whole trial reads like buster keaton guessed it on benny hill as it involves a mallet wielding assailant who is beaten back with an umbrella and a lottery machine michael davies denies having attempted to rob the victoria kebab house in

birkenhead while armed with a hammer a characteristic he shares with all other humans. Yeah, me too. Though his testimony at this trial was rendered irrelevant when the judge halted the proceedings altogether after realizing he was hearing testimony that could be false without obligating a fictional deity to smite the witness. So what happens? Does every atheist witness lead to a mistrial over there?

What do they do? Apparently. We just wave our hands around above our heads, touch nothing the whole time. Now, the decreasingly honorable judge dismissed the jury entirely to start afresh with a jury that, in his own words, quote, doesn't think we're all totally incompetent to hear this case, end quote. Now, I'd like to think the solution is you keep the jury and just insert a judge who is competent to hear the case. It would be so much the case i don't know maybe maybe competent people just won't wear the wig but i can't imagine that's entirely

possible and in analog internet building news tonight the trumbull library in connecticut has taken down a painting that depicts several famous women throughout history including mother theresa with a crowd of women behind them holding relevant picket signs. According to the town's first selectman, Tim Herbst, this was a precautionary legal measure after so-called independent organizations made complaints about the nun's likeness being a possible copyright infringement. I'm not sure if anyone involved understands how that works with copyrights, but that's what he said. You could no more copyright like pie.

It's exactly as ridiculous as saying that the shade of purple in her dress was a violation of the Joker's copyright because he wears that too. So according to a lawyer for the owner of the painting that donated it to the library in the first place, who does know how copyright infringement works, there's no legal reason they should have to take it down, noting that there's a fair use doctrine that certainly allows an artist to depict a famous historical figure or reference their name if they want. And the lawyer didn't say this, but just more generally, nobody's allowed to copyright all visual representations

in all media that vaguely resemble a face. And then will that theoretical slice of the facial spectrum do an air? Again, not how that works. No. No, no. That only counts if you're Muslim. And even for that, you have to be a pederast and a warlord. So it's tough to get into that.

So in completely unrelated news, and this next thing has nothing to do with the painting coming down, we promise, Catholic leaders in trumbull have recently been bitching about that very same piece because they don't like how their poster girl is being drawn next to margaret sanger holding a planned parenthood sign perhaps they felt this way because margaret sanger was the driving force behind one of the greatest achievements in public health of the 20th century and mother teresa's humanitarian life story turns out was mostly bullshit, or possibly the exact opposite of humanitarian. Can't say I disagree with these guys. Mama T

definitely doesn't belong. Well, right, like if it was Margaret Sanger's family asking them to take it down because they didn't want her depicted next to this demonic masochist, that would make sense, yeah. Way more sense. And in phony soprano news tonight, Indian pop star and spiritual leader Gurmeet Singh has come under

investigation recently after allegations arose that his teachings tricked about 400 men into elective castrations performed at a hospital in Rajasthan run by his religious organization Dera Saka Sauda or DSS. According to the lawyer for one of the alleged victims, they were told by the guru, quote, only those who get castrated will be able to meet God, end quote. And if I'm reading this right, not only did he talk that many men into cutting their nuts off, he also charged them for it. So he already had some serious balls before he collected those 800. I'm just saying, I don't know what he needed those extra ones for, but he had some balls. So for everyone to understand how this guy might have been able to dupe 400 men into getting neutered,

I think you need to picture him. So based on the two photos I've seen, you'll want to imagine, I guess, picture what it might look like if Samoan Cheech Marin lived in a cave for a year with nothing but jars of peanut butter, his WWE-themed Aladdin outfit, and a bedazzler to add rhinestone. And then about a year later, he walked out of the cave one day with a new and improved costume, starred in a Bollywood dance number music video, started a cult, and made millions of dollars from shitloads of poor people.

Are you picturing this person? Okay, good. So now add more arm hair, and tell me you honestly wouldn't get the job if he asked you nicely. Seriously, go look up a picture of this guy and tell me that's not a hypnotically beautiful man. And because I feel like we're in danger of not making this guy seem like enough of a narcissistic psychopath, I want to offer you his self-styled social media description. He calls himself a, quote, offer you his self-styled social media description.

He calls himself a, quote, spiritual saint slash philanthropist slash versatile singer slash all-rounder sports person slash film director slash art director slash music director slash script writer slash lyricist slash autobiographer slash DOP. And yes, you heard that right. He listed autobiographer as one of his job titles. So if there's any truth to all this, it's pretty depressing.

But regardless of who ends up being determined legally at fault here, I have very little sympathy for anyone involved on either side of this case. If you trick people into cutting their balls off, yeah, you're a sociopath and you should probably go to jail. But if you get tricked into cutting your balls off by a sociopath, maybe you're not supposed to reproduce. I'm just saying. Possibly. And unlike the victims in this story, our headline segment still has more to come. But first, an important word about a little boy who dreamed of winning a podcast award. Before we begin today, I'd like to take a minute to thank everybody who made this moment possible. All them software engineers, all them internet providers, all the computer scientists, Al

Gore, and all the hard-working podcasters that paved the way for a scrappy little podcast like ours to make it all the way to the People's Choice Podcast Award nominations. What's more, we'd like to thank the great state of Georgia, the great nation of America, the great planet of Earth, and the great supercluster of Virgo for hosting this rally. We'd also like to thank our ancestors for not dying before reaching viable reproductive age, as well as the hippopotami and saber-toothed cats

that chose slower, weaker members of the tribe. But most of all, of course, we want to thank you, our loyal and wonderful listeners, without whom we never could have made it this far. But there's further yet to come. Now, we've been nominated for a podcast award in our very first year of eligibility, and yes, that's something that we're very proud of. But that's not the end. That's only the beginning. That's right.

It's time to roll up our sleeves, put our noses to the grindstones, put in some elbow grease, add an additional euphemism for hard work, and earn your vote. That's right. We may have won the battle, but we haven't yet won the war.

That's also right. But we've never been one to back down from a challenge because there's three of us. So at worst, we would be three to back down from a challenge, but we're not that either. That continues to be right. Of course, if it was up to me, we'd win all 22 podcast awards this year, but it ain't up to me. It's up to you. And we understand that you've got a lot of great choices in the religious and inspirational category for your podcast award vote. We're nominated alongside two other great atheist podcasts and a bunch of shitty Christian ones, too.

And sure, you could vote for friend of the show David from My Book of Mormon podcast, but if he wins, most people will think Mormons won and atheists lost. That's right. And sure, by all accounts, Seth from The Thinking Atheist is a spectacularly nice fella that probably deserves this award more than us. But when you meet somebody that selfless and humble, you have to wonder what he's hiding. And sure, the rumors that our esteemed opponents both take voice-enhancing substances is unsubstantiated. But that doesn't mean it isn't true.

Maybe I met a guy who saw Seth Andrews kick a puppy once. Or maybe I didn't. I don't know. No way to know for sure. But of course, when you vote for the scathing atheist, you're not just voting for us. You're voting for yourself as a podcast listener. You're telling the podcasting world that you want excellence. You want a consistent show that comes out on time every week, regardless of holidays, having to move two times, my wife being in the hospital, or that rash flaring

up again. You're telling the podcasting world that you want properly compressed sound files. You want engaging and entertaining guests. You want erudite dick jokes and amazing southern accents that are perfect like mine. But most of all, you're telling them

fuck Joe Osteen and all those Mormon podcasts. A vote for the scathing atheist is a vote for progress. A vote for excellence. A vote for jokes about stigmata improving a handjob. And if elected, your Religious Inspirational People's Choice Podcast Award winners will go to work for you right away. We'll lower carbon emissions. We'll eliminate unemployment.

We'll lower taxes. We'll raise spending. We'll balance carbon emissions. We'll eliminate unemployment. We'll lower taxes. We'll raise spending. We'll balance the budget. We'll make Jon Stewart keep doing the Daily Show. We'll change the spelling of Wednesday so it all makes sense. We'll force McDonald's to serve you an Egg McMuffin whenever the fuck you want. We'll find a cure for that thing where you feel like you're going to sneeze and you almost do, but then you don't. We'll buy you a pony.

We'll euthanize that pony when it's the right time. We'll force Gordon Klingenschmidt to get gay married. We'll do that thing with our tongues that you like so much. And we'll solve the Mideast crisis, creating a shared state called Palestineburg. That's right, that's exactly what we'll do. Voting is already underway at podcastawards.com. A shared state called Palestineburg. That's right. That's exactly what we'll do. Voting is already underway at podcastawards.com. Well, you'll find us in the religious inspirational category.

And that's only because there ain't no excellence in puppy rape analogies category. For some damn reason. Work on that. You can vote once per day all the way through March 24th. We know that many, if not most of them, shows nominated in our category have a bigger audience than ours, but we also know that none of them shows have a better audience than ours. Remember, that's podcastawards.com, which you'll find linked on our homepage as I run out of accent. For more than two years, you've known that you can count on us every Thursday at 8 a.m. Eastern Time, and we're every bit as confident that we can count on us every Thursday at 8 a.m. Eastern Time. And we're every bit as confident that we can count on you.

Don't read this part a la Howard Dean. Bya! Thank you, us. And in You Can Have My Faith Healing When You Pry It from My Cold Dead Kid News tonight, Idaho State Representative Christy Perry thinks that we can all agree that killing a kid in utero is a bad thing, but wonders why people are getting so huffy about killing the post-born ones. In support of parents who choose faith healing, read criminal neglect over traditional medicine,

she said, quote, If I want to let my child be with God, why is that wrong? End quote. Because the God she's talking about is buried in a wooden box six feet underground and letting your kid go there is just bad parenting whether or not the kid's dead that's alive or dead could be even worse if he's alive yeah and by the way this isn't just some misspoken anomaly we cherry picked out of context this came as part of a much wider speech about how killing your kids with superstition is a god-given right speaking in opposition to removing legal protection for faith healing parents perry explained that kids dying of easily preventable diseases was a way of life and then went on to say that there's nothing wrong with trusting god

even when he disagrees with all of known medical science yeah it doesn't have to continue to be all right so ms perry i'm sure you're listening, it doesn't have to continue to be. All right, so, Ms. Perry, I'm sure you're listening. Quick question. Doesn't this also mean that sexual assault victims can choose to let their half-rapist fetus be with God? Shouldn't that mean...

No, that fucks up her whole thing. She might as well be saying, you can't even hear the voices in my head, so how could you know they're wrong? But perhaps the most telling of all her quotes was the part where she wondered what was motivating so many people to care about babies dying for no reason.

While searching for the ulterior motive one must need, right, to engage this issue, she asked, quote, is it really because these children are dying more than other children? Yes! Or is it really about an attack on a religion you don't agree with? It's about the children dying! But, like, it matters what motivated you. If you did that because you were a fucking bigot, it doesn't matter. Children dying is bad.

Wow. And in shoot-em-now or wait-till-you-get-homo news tonight, during a speech at Charis Bible College in Colorado, pseudo-historian and hobbyist immunology expert David Barton explained that scientists will never find a vaccine for HIV until God finishes using AIDS to kill all the gay people. Yeah. Apparently, God didn't just ban sodomy, but he went so far as to issue a divine penalty

for being homosexual right there in the Bible. And until that genocide gets all wrapped up, we're just wasting millions on medical research like queer lover idiots. But if devout Christians like him were in charge, we could just let that godly AIDS-fueled extinction process run its course without interfere run. I have to say, there are a lot of killing gay people Christian stories this week. Like, more than usual. How depressing is it that there's a more than usual?

Yeah, I've got to repeat my same jokes now. If only we could find a straight person with AIDS to invalidate his premise here. That would do it. Now, in support of his theory, Barton recited the following passage from Romans 1, clearly confusing deadly disease and sore rectum. Quote, men did shameful things with other men, and as a result of this, they suffered within themselves the penalty they deserved. End quote.

So, again, I'm not hearing AIDS there. Sounds to me like God was throwing some Jew guilt, or at worst, we're talking about some embarrassing Santorum leaks as warnings. But certainly not AIDS. Well, obviously you're just reading it wrong. You're reading it out of context. Like if you take the passage at face value, it just means a sore asshole is the price you pay for butt sex. Sure.

But if you look closer. I chose not to. You'll realize that if you rearrange the letters in men did shameful things with other men, it spells out you men with the dong in themselves. He Mr. AIDS. So letter you, by the way. I think that's. AIDS. So, letter U, by the way. I think that's pretty clear. And by the way, please somebody check up on me, otherwise I figure that out for nothing at all. And in Khmer Splooge news tonight,

Cambodian officials are sick and fucking tired of naked hippies at their World Heritage Site. The beautiful and sprawling Angkor Archaeological Park is the nation's largest tourist draw, was once one of the world's largest cities, and is almost certainly the only thing about Cambodia that isn't horrible. But it's recently become a favorite site for exhibitionist Westerners to take pictures of their dicks, something that the conservative government is combating aggressively. I guess this makes sense.

When a girl responds badly to a dick pic, I find the best thing to do is put some work into the background scenery. Yes, of course. And then try sending it again from Cambodia. Yeah, now you tell Anthony Weiner. Ferrying that the country might lose respect just when people are finally getting over the nearly 2 million of their own people they killed back in the 70s,

government officials have fined and deported five people already this year for photographing their naughty bits at the temple, including two American sisters who were just doing ass pics. Listen, if Cambodia wants to throw away those tens of dollars in tourism revenue, we'll take our international dick pics in Laos. It's no big deal. It's market solution. We're not afraid.

Offended apparently by naked people standing in front of carvings of naked people, the Cambodian people ask that Western visitors respect their culture and ignore the fact that you can't even type in the entire word Cambodia before Google auto-completes it to Cambodia genocide. Clare Rouge? Pol Pot? Is that what you meant? Why the hell?

I know what you want. I know what you want. You're doing genocide. That's what killed a lot of folks. And from the ever-widening anal P-robes file tonight, Pat Robertson was reanimated with jumper cables last week to host another episode of his show, The 700 Club, during which he discussed the Christian theological stance on marijuana. What I think he meant to say

was probably something along the lines of addiction to drugs is a bad thing. And that would have been a really good, refreshing, unbigoted sounding point from the P-Robes. But what he actually said went more like this. Users of marijuana, cocaine, and alcohol are actually condoning

slavery and the dominion of the plant kingdom over humans. And it's making us Friedman humans look bad. That is his point. I get it. I get the analogy. He's saying, you know, God made men to rule vegetables, but by smoking weed, you're allowing vegetables

to rule man. Because what says, I am your slave, more than killing you, drying you out, plugging you into a three-foot double bubbler and setting you on fire? Absolutely. I get it. So according to Robertson, quote, God gave you and me as human beings authority. He gave us dominion over everything on this earth, over all the animals, all the snakes, all the trying to say something reasonable, I guess, but because Robertson, like many religious people, can't look at something without a Bible-shaped lens, he ends up with a really stupid reason to avoid addiction that contradicts itself. Pretty much all the food is also made of plants and animals.

Starvation is freedom. Great job, Pat Robertson. Bottom line, it doesn't matter what the context was, Pat Robertson brought up vegetable slavery. And that means we'll need 30 seconds on the clock. Civil rights slogans for the abolition of plant kingdom slavery go. Oh, shit. We're doing anti-slavery? I didn't realize they had slogans.

I was going to go with spare the ridiculous, spoil the chives, but now I'm going to have to rethink my strategy. Hold on. You go. You go. I'll think of something. Okay, but just to be open-minded, we will accept emancipation from plants and also of plants, lest this get offensive by being unbalanced.

Okay, so what about we shall clover come. We shall overplum. Kiwi shall overcome. Yes, we shall it. How about oregano justice jalapeno peas? Peas, peas. What about I am a man. Go. Unchain me.

Honey, do the right thing. Black flower. Let the midnight spats all shine its blood on me. Midnight spats. I was going to go musical too. I was going to say amazing grains. How sweet they're so. Love those grain spirituals.

Oh, yeah. All right. What about a documentary? By the Roots. Your name is Toebeat. Toebeat. Nice. Nice.

They could remake it every seven years. They could start Okra Winfrey. Or maybe how about a book from the plantation to sweet pedatum via the underground kale road. This is getting really bad. Engineered by Harriet Trubman. Yes, exactly.

These puns are awesome. Okay, what about from peach according to his abilities to peach according to his needs? Malcolm Exile.

Date of Israel. If you mill it, dude, it is no dream. I mean the carrier. Brand Africanism. Germination of

Islam. I'll stop. Hey, say what you will about the black-eyed peethers, but you can't deny their effectiveness against horticultural discrimination. God, this is horrible. We're almost done. About hands up, don't root. Black olives matter.

Okay, that's pretty fucking good. That's pretty clever. That's good. I like that one. How about the arc of the floral universe is long, but it blends towards juices. Wow. All right. MLK.

I'm impressed. All right. Speaking of which, how about the starch on Washington? Potato, I have a dream. When field greens and field browns can live together in harmony. All right. I'm really finished. I promise.

What better way to close the headlines than a couple of inspirational Garden Tuber King quotes? I'll show myself, Sprout. See, now this is what you would get if you didn't have dick jokes. Be thankful for the dick jokes, folks, or it would just all be like this. And speaking of which, when we come back,

we'll discuss the fine art of fucking Mormons. It's time for the Atheist Calendar portion of the show. This is the monthly couple of minutes we set aside to get you caught up with all the great atheist, skeptical, and secular events going on around the country and around the world. And when it comes to atheist events, ain't no month like April. We'll start on Easter weekend. The American Atheist National Convention is the biggest annual atheist gathering in the U.S. And it's taking place in Memphis, Tennessee this year. Ayaan Hirsi Ali is their keynote speaker.

She'll be joined by Jamila Bay, Greta Christina, Matt Dillahunty, J.T. Eberhard, Vicki Garrison, Daryl Ray, David Smalley, and dozens of others. Nothing quite like this one anywhere in the world. We've also got the Northeast Conference on Science and Skepticism in America's clitoris, New York, New York. That's the 9th through the 12th. This one's going to have Bill Nye as their keynote. So if that's all they had, that'd make the ticket worth the price.

Of course, it isn't. George Robb, Massimo Pigliucci, Harriet Hall, Paul Offit, and many more will join them. More middle-of-the-country, we've got ReasonFest 5 in Lawrence, Kansas on the weekend of the 18th. They'll be bringing in Daryl Ray, Dan Barker, Sarah Moorhead, and more. Should be significantly more fun than all other non-orgasmic options in Kansas that weekend. But a little further east or a lot further west, we've got QED in Manchester, England, the 24th through the 26th.

We've talked about that one a lot on the show already, but somehow tickets are still available, and possibly that's because anybody who's anybody will be in Hickory, North Carolina that weekend at the second annual ReasonCon, where Tracy Harris, David Smalley, Phil Ferguson, and more will regale you with wisdom, and podcast award-nominated Heath and I will regale you with dick jokes.

And lastly, I wanted to throw a shout-out to the myth information conference in milwaukee wisconsin that's the 25th of april this is their first year but among their speaker list is dr richard carrier and friend of the show hemant meta so they're definitely starting with a bang that's all we've got for you this time around remember if you're involved with or aware of a secular event that could use a little free publicity let me know we're happy to toss them a plug you'll find all the contact info on the contact page at skatingatheist.com. From time to time on this show, we like to set aside a few minutes to discuss some of the common apologetics used in defense of theism. Heath, what insult to neurochemicals do you have for us today? Today we'll be discussing the argument from I Don't Give a Shit.

Is that the formal name of the argument? Sure, why wouldn't that be the formal name of the argument? Because the names of apologetics don't usually have shit in them. Oh, they should. Well, I agree. So how is the argument from I don't give a shit formally stated? All right. It usually takes a form something like this. Premise A, in order for a God claim to be justifiable, it needs to achieve a minimum threshold of evidence. Premise B, no God claim achieves that minimum threshold of evidence. Conclusion, I don't give a shit. I still believe in God.

That doesn't sound like a real argument. Have you never argued with a Christian before? I mean, I'm not saying that they don't say that, but not giving a shit isn't an argument so much as the abdication of an argument. Au contraire. If this was used to end the argument, it might be an abdication, but the argument from I don't give a shit gets used on both offense and defense. How so?

Have you ever had a person tell you that prayer helps them personally or that religion makes people happy? Yeah, of course. Yeah, or like how religion benefits society or it gives meaning to people's lives. Yeah, I've heard all of those, of course. Right. Well, there you go. Those are all examples of actively not giving a shit. Having a team of French asthnomes would help me personally.

They'd make me happy, give meaning to my life, benefit society, especially in public transit, elevator-type situations. Yeah, having a team of little French ass gnomes working my prostate around the clock would be awesome, but it doesn't have any bearing on whether it's true that I have the ass gnomes. Not that one ever needs a reason to bring up a team of prostate-stimulating asthnomes, but I'm not sure I really understand the connection. Well, all the arguments we're talking about, these appeals to emotion, they're generally a desperate attempt to throw a net under the whole argument. They're an effort to say, even if I'm wrong, I'm really right

because I'm wrong in a good way, a way that gives life meaning and benefits society. Well, okay, but religion doesn't benefit society. It does a lot more harm than good. Obviously, you don't need to convince me of that. No, I mean, but in terms of the apologetics. So if they say that religion benefits society, I can just point out that it doesn't. Ah, but you underestimate the power of the argument from not giving a shit there. You see, once it's been invoked, your opponent can continue to not give a shit about all your counter-arguments, too.

Well, but then it's the abdication that we were talking about. Not if they keep not giving a shit. Here, let's play the defense out. Let's say you just pointed out the logical impossibility of an all-knowing, all-powerful being. Okay, I like where we're at. And I say, I don't give a shit. Religion is good for society. Okay.

No, it isn't. For every homeless shelter religion started, it also started a war. I don't give a shit. The people who are using it to start wars are doing it wrong. Religion helps me personally. But if it isn't true, how can you be better off thinking it is? Wouldn't it be better to know the truth than believe a lie? I don't give a shit if it's true. It comforts me.

So if it stopped comforting you, you would stop believing in it? The land between the Tigris and the Euphrates. That has nothing to do with my question. I don't give a shit. Oh, okay, but in reality, how does this differ from the argument from neener, neener, neener, I'm not listening? It's way fewer syllables, less than half. Okay. So how should we handle this argument when we encounter it? Well, you said earlier that it was an abdication of the argument, but in reality,

it's an abdication of logic. So in order to reach the point where they're trying to justify something based on how awesome it would be if it was true, they've moved so far into the theoretical that you can't win the argument without regrounding them a little bit. Okay, so how do you do that? Ideally, you shit in a Tupperware sandwich container and hand it to them. You what?

Yeah, you'd already done that. You had it ready. They'll only be left with two choices. They can either continue to not give a shit, in which case they have to keep that Tupperware container forever, or they have to pass it to you and unsuspecting janitor or persistent ex, whatever.

They have to get rid of it. If they choose option B, they'll once more be giving a shit. I don't be, well, technically, but I don't think that would be persuasive. In my experience, not only do you win the argument, but they'll usually proactively concede any future disagreement that might arise between the two of you.

Well, yeah. Plus, it's physically impossible to believe that God loves you when you have a plastic box of shit in your hands. It's very difficult anyway. Okay, but you'd have to, like, carry a turd around with you everywhere you go. I don't think it's worth it. It's an automatic win for the argument. Well, sure, but I don't give a

shit if you could win the argument. You don't? Well, here, why don't you hold this for a second? Okay, no, no, no, okay, right. I get the idea. I don't disagree with you anymore. See? It's time for the part of the show that comes next, listener feedback. This is the part of the show that comes in like a lion and goes out like a lamb. Our first

message comes from a lot of people via email, Facebook, Twitter, the blog, and the Patreon message board. And everyone who didn't probably meant to. And a lot of you are wondering if there's any way that you can get a little more Eli Bosnick in your life, which is very reasonable. Can't blame you there. Unfortunately, other than following him on his various social media or going to New York City to check out his magic show, not that we're aware of. We'd love to have the dude on every week, but there's only so many shitty Christian movies a human being can take before hanging themselves. But for what it's worth, if you are in the New York City area, we'll be posting a link to more information about his

show on the contact page at scathingatheist.com. We also got a couple messages both during the nomination phase and now during the voting phase of the People's Choice Podcast Awards, for which you can vote for us now at podcastawards.com, regarding the category we're in. Nick sums it up for several emailers by saying, quote, We go to an awful lot of effort to push back against the claim by theists that atheism is just another religion. Don't you feel like you're bolstering their argument by encouraging people to nominate you in the religious category? End quote. Nope.

So, no, Nick, yeah, I don't feel that in any way, even a very, very tiny little bit. It's a show about religion. I mean, if this was a show about how Bigfoot doesn't exist, it would still be a Bigfoot show. Yeah, Law & Order is a show that talks about crimes. This isn't complicated. Right, right, yeah, exactly. But more than that, it's not like there's a reasonable alternative to religion category

or anything like that. I mean, I guess we could have told people to nominate us in the comedy section but something tells us that our odds of you know getting the nod decreased considerably if we push for the biggest category in the game although pretty much all you got to do to become a top level comedy podcaster as far as i could tell is be the less talented co-host of the man show at least once and you're all set somehow he's made it so yeah part of it is just, you know, gaming the system by pushing for the second least contentious category. Part of it is because that's the most accurate category. But part of it is also to send a clear message to the religious folks that would otherwise be unaware of our show.

When they see two shows with the word atheist in the title nominated in a category that they thought, you know, they had all to themselves, it tells them that people would rather listen to someone talk about how wrong they are than listen to them. Right. We also got a message on the blog from Janet, who made it this far into her comment before the drool shorted out her keyboard. She said, quote, The devil, capitalized once, capitalized God, capitalized out of people's hearts, out of schools, out of governments. You can't deny that, nor can any science can pick apart. Sick. Which side are you on? Comment instead of question mark. out of governments. You can't deny that, nor can any science can pick apart. That's sick.

Which side are you on? Comment instead of question mark. Well, I choose God, capitalized, end quote. So, Janet, yes, I can definitely deny that there's an evil goat man manipulating the ghosts that drive all the human beings and tempting them with promises of power and sick guitar riffs. Not only can I deny that, I do so for a living. And finally, we have a message from Cody,

who went to Park City, Utah for the Sundance Film Festival, but was unable to fuck any Mormon chicks like he planned. He writes, quote, went to Sundance and did worse than Mitt Romney's documentary from last year. Not sure what I did wrong. Any advice? End quote. All right, well, I will start by saying that I'm probably the wrong person to ask for lady hunting advice, considering my sexual schedule is similar to locust hatching. That being said, I'm going to try to help you anyway. And Noah actually does have a lady, so he might have something useful for you.

So, behold, our top ten Mormon pickup lines, just for Cody. All right. Go. By the way, you've picked up a woman more recently than I have. Eighteen years of marriage. I don't have pickup lines. I have, you know, you want to use my sock?

Okay, anyway, number ten. I'd be the Maroney to your Joseph Smith, but Maroney only came three times that night. Number nine. Can I buy you and you and you and you another drink? Garçon! Garçon! Shots all around! Decaf espresso! Right, yeah, exactly. All around.

I didn't think the polygamy jokes would take long. Number eight. I could always make room in my binder for you. Number seven. Did you use Windex on those Kevlar shirt pants? Because I can see myself in them. Number six. I'll make you moist enough to baptize dead people.

You can tell that I haven't picked anyone up in a long time. Even if I was trying, I still... That one didn't work with the moistening. Number five. You look just like my first wife. Here she is. Her name's Mary. Meet Mary.

They're back. The public gave me jokes. Number four. Caffeine or no, I can stay up all night. Number three, I go down faster than Paul Walker. That's gotta work with the Mormon chicks. Number two, once you go black, you never go back because they'll excommunicate you, so fuck me instead. And number one, Mormon pickup line. Does this rag smell like coffee to you?

Oh, God. I didn't know Cosby was LDS. And that's absolutely all the feedback you get. If you want more, keep sending us those emails, tweets, and Facebook messages. You'll find all the contact info on the contact page at skatingatheist.com. Before we wheel out the fat lady tonight, I wanted to remind you one more time, because we've only mentioned it like 11 times so far today, that you can cast your vote for us at podcastawards.com once per day. You have to wait 24 hours between each vote, so it's a little weird that way. Try to vote about the same time every day if you can.

And while you're there, our good friends Tom and Cecil are nominated in the news and politics category and would certainly appreciate your vote as well. We'll have links to the ballot site on our social media, our website, and basically any other place that we can think to stick it. And I apologize in advance because the voting goes on for three weeks, so I'm likely to pester you about this in next week's episode and probably the one after that. Also worth noting that if we should win the award, Heath and I vow to do something really special for our audience, but we haven't decided what it is yet, so if you have any suggestions, let us know. Anyway, that's all the blasphemy we have for you tonight, but we'll be back in 10,022 minutes with more. If you can't wait that long, be sure to check out our sister podcast,

The Skeptocrat, with new episodes every Monday at 8 a.m. Eastern Time. Also check Heath and me out on Atheistically Speaking with Thomas Smith, where we talk about The Skeptocrat and taxes

and abortion and whether Adnan did it. It was a lot of fun. You'll find that episode linked on the show notes for this episode at skatingatheist.com. Obviously, I need to thank Heath

because, because, because, because, because, because of all the wonderful things he does. I need to thank the lovely and talented lucinda illusions for lending her powers of persuasion to our unquenchable desire to win that podcast award i also want to thank matthew the apostle from the in the name of god podcast for providing this week's farnsworth quote if you'd like to check out his show whilst having god moon you you can find a link to his website on our show notes as well but most of all of course i need to thank this

week's most marvelous marvels, Neil, Fred, James, Curtis, Eric, Rebecca, Anna, Janet, Madeline, Todd, Daniel, Ezra, Jordan, Skeptic, Tim, Torben, Brian, Kenny, Martin, Peter, Mark, and other Brian. Neil, Fred, James, Curtis, and Eric, who are so renowned, no parking signs have exceptions for them in the fine print. Rebecca, Anna, Janet, Madeline, and Todd, whose IQs are so high they won this year's Cannabis Cup. Daniel, Ezra, Jordan, Skeptic, Tim Torben, and Brian, who are so knowledgeable Jesus calls them when he misplaces his keys. And Kenny Martin, Peter Mark, and other Brian who are mighty enough to fold, spindle, and mutilate whatever the hell they care to.

Together, these 21 plenty fun cognoscenti won our eternal gratitude this week by giving us money. Not everybody has the audacity, bravery, courage, determination, endurance, fortitude, gallantry, heroism, intelligence, and so on through Z that it takes to give us money, but if you think you deserve to have your ass kissed alphabetically on a podcast, you can make a per-episode donation at patreon.com slash skatingatheist, or you can make a one-time donation by clicking the Donate button on the right side of our homepage at skatingatheist.com. And if you'd like to help, but you're saving every penny to buy back the family farm,

you can also help a ton by leaving us a five-star review on iTunes, Stitcher, or your podcast rating vehicle of choice. Also, follow us on Twitter and shit. If you have questions, comments, or death threats, you'll find all the contact info on the contact page at skatingatheist.com. All the music used in this episode was written and performed by yours truly. And yes, I did have my permission. Now go to podcastawards.com and vote for us daily.

Thank you. Now go to podcastawards.com and vote for us daily. Thank you.