The Scathing Atheist - ScathingAtheist 115: Taking it in the Acts Edition

Episode Date: April 30, 2015

In this week's episode, a pro-Israel group will hate Jews vicariously through the Muslims; a dildo store probably won't open in Mecca, but we'll talk about it anyway; and Lucinda will join us in wondering why this book didn't end when Jesus died.

Warning, the following podcast contains references to irreligious and blasphemous concepts like logic and Jesus taking it in the ass. This week's episode of The Scathing Atheist is brought to you by Ken Ham's new faith-healing medical textbook, Cancers in Genesis. Are you fascinated by mysterious ways like malignant baby tumors? Does your pediatric oncologist seem a little too interventionist? Or maybe you're just glad to hear this isn't a Richard Dawkins book. Doesn't matter why, just buy it so we could build a fake boat. Cancer's in Genesis. God let there be light, so you had to expect a little melanoma. And a whole bunch of other cancer. And now, the Scathing Atheist. Hi, this is the Prophet Jeremiah from the No Religion

Required podcast, and I wanted to let you know that we didn't get genetic variation in humans because a couple of apes fucked in front of a couple of sticks to create spotted, speckled, and striped humans as detailed by goats in Chapter 30 of Genesis, but nevertheless, we did indeed

evolve from filthy fucking monkey men. It's Thursday! It's April 30th. And my liver definitely still hurts from partying with the amazing crew at ReasonCon 2015. Good times, good times. I'm no illusions. I'm Heath Enright, and from flag carpet Val d'Asta, Georgia, this is The Scathing Atheist. On this week's episode, a pro-Israel group will hate Jews vicariously through the Muslims.

A dildo store probably won't open in Mecca, but we're going to talk about it anyway. And Lucinda will join us in wondering why this book didn't end when Jesus died. But first, the diatribe. As near as I can tell, there was only one person at ReasonCon that didn't have any fun. I'm sorry, let me back that up a bit. Because there were two old Christian ladies working the hotel bar that didn't seem to be enjoying themselves very much. And I think a few of the caterers at the VIP dinner that got to hear Heath call God a cross-dressing transgender hermaphrodite that eventually landed on gay man, they didn't seem to be enjoying themselves much either. And also the dude that was trying to sleep in the room

next to the one that we were partying in until 5 a.m., he definitely didn't have fun, unless he really enjoys calling the cops on us over and over again, in which case he had a blast. But as near as I can tell, there was only one person who intentionally came to this conference that didn't enjoy himself. The weather was shit on Saturday.

It's a little colder than it normally would be this time of year, and there's a pissy mist of rain that never let up for a minute, but that didn't stop him from coming. Might have stopped all the people he thought were coming with him, but he was there all by his lonesome, parked as close to the event as the hotel security would let him park, and he had a little Christian flag. See, he was there to tell us that we were going to hell, and other than, I guess, a

couple of people braving the rain long enough to fuck with him, I don't know that he got to condemn anybody. By one o'clock, he'd retreated to the safety of his van, hiding from a dozen podcasters that would happily best him in a debate on the record, and all that remained of his feeble protest against reason was a rain-soaked blue and white flag flaccidly drooping against the passenger's door of his van. By four o'clock, he'd given up entirely. See, I guess it turned out we weren't as fun to yell at as he thought we would be.

Turns out it isn't as fun to condemn a minority when you're outnumbered. See, I have a retraction that I need to toss out, and I've never been so happy to retract something I said on this show, because in last week's diatribe, I said there was nowhere on earth where you could walk a mile and see a dozen don't-bother-praying signs, but clearly I had forgotten about the parking lot for atheist conventions. Oh, the glorious bumper stickers. I had a lot of fun all weekend picturing some wholesome Christian family, didn't know what the fuck they were getting into, you know, they're on their way down to the Holy Land Experience or whatever, decide to stop in Hickory along the way, they're toting their luggage into the hotel, they see the first bumper sticker, they're like, what the fuck they were getting into. You know, they're on their way down to the Holy Land Experience or whatever. Decide to stop in Hickory along the way. They're toting their luggage into the hotel. They see the first bumper sticker.

They're like, what the fuck? They see the second one. They're like, oh, holy shit. Now they're, like, ushering their children's eyes away from slogans like, religion is make-believe, beware of God, and nothing fails like prayer. And then they finally get inside

just to be greeted by a bunch of scarlet letters and Jesus jokes on one in three t-shirts. They grab their room key. They're quick heading to the fucking room, but they got to get past the bar. And sure enough, a couple of Tom and Cecil's fans showed up in the glory hole shirt. It was so awesome. The conversational snippets that waft in as they hurry past include a number of interesting new uses for Jesus's crucifixion wounds. There's a sign in the hallway that says Roast of God, 9 p.m.

Some proximate conversation in the elevator dismantles Pascal's wager in three ways per floor. They finally make it to the room. They lock the door. They turn the TV to TBN, crank it all the way up, pull out the Gideon, and then leave under the cover of darkness the following morning. Bwah! And finally, finally, at some point while they're praying for the souls of their children in the aftermath of that atheist onslaught, for a brief fucking second, they know what it's like for me to walk a mile in any direction.

They know what it's like to be bombarded with messages about a worldview that they find objectionable every time they turn around. They know for the briefest moment what it's like to be anything other than a Christian in this country. They know for the briefest moment what it's like to be anything other than a Christian in this country. And maybe, just maybe, during a conversation mom and dad didn't really want to have, their kids learn for the first time that there are people out there that don't believe in God. And maybe something the kids read or overheard sticks. And maybe one of the caterers that begrudgingly poured drinks for godless heathens overheard something in one of the talks before our roast that they're going to have to bring back to their pastor, right?

You know, maybe one of the bartenders or hotel clerks had their doubts for a long time and just never realized there was an atheist community that they could connect to. Now, these are just a couple of the ancillary benefits of having these conferences, of course. It's by no means the point, but all of this stuff matters. So even if we're doing something as hedonistic as just all showing up at the same hotel to get shit-faced together, that matters. It matters that we come together. And obviously, you know, the talks and the charities that are represented there and the community groups that are strengthened,

all of that shit matters probably a little bit more. But what really matters the most is the friendships that we're creating. Because we're creating support networks for people who can't find those things locally. We're giving people a chance to escape the suffocating grasp of passive evangelism and not-so-passive evangelism for a weekend and put down a mask that they're forced to wear every other day of their lives. Some people dismiss the utility of atheist conventions because they say all we're doing is preaching to the choir.

Well, maybe that's true and maybe that isn't, but just assembling the choir has plenty of benefits. the hell else are we going to sing you know the connections and the collaborations board at these events these have real consequences they tackle real problems and there is work to do that we need to do together and most of the time it seems impossible but when you're in a room with hundreds of other people that will stand up and cheer for somebody's personal triumph of our faith these insurmountable obstacles between this nation and secularism seem a hell of a lot more surmountable. Of course, you have to wake up, you know. The weekend's over, we drag our asses out of bed an hour after checkout, and we have to go back to the real world. We have to drive down I-75

and read billboards with messages like, Jesus is the way, God is the only truth, and I shit you not, evolution is a lie! Genesis 1. My personal favorite, by the way, it was a wacky mess of a sign. It said, Jesus is still in charge, and then it's got Jesus superimposed over a bunch of army pictures and there's soldiers and tanks and helicopters. I don't know what the fuck that was all about,

but I'm sure that's a message that needs to be countered. They're talking about your Jesus. We interrupt this broadcast and bring you a special news bulletin. Joining me for headlines tonight is professional blasphemer Heath Enright. Heath, are you ready to blaspheme? Gandalf could easily beat up Yoda in a fight. Well, I meant about God, but the inbox was a little light this week, so sure. Sure, we'll hear about that one.

In our lead story tonight, Fox News Channel's resident Jesus Pimp, Father Jonathan Morris, recently appeared on a segment to discuss the Iowa Faith and Freedom Coalition Summit, which was held last weekend. The event is one of several campaign stops in the artificially meaningful state of Iowa and was attended by most, if not all, of the GOP's not-yet-failed presidential candidates. And it was Father Morris' job to analyze what it means to be Christy enough to hold public office. Right, yes. Space carpenter allegiance, that's important. They took their eye off the ball last time around.

We elect this Muslim, come atheist, come Satan incarnate, and bam, gay people start existing. So you've got to look out. It's like the modern incarnation of the Republican Party has a litmus test that demands that you embrace fiction and deny reality. Right? Like evolution? Unelectable. Climate change? Unelectable.

A nipotent sorcerer who's going to solve all our ills as soon as he's done killing all the brown people? You're in. Unbelievable. So, Shaq, here's what Morris had to say about what makes a candidate qualified to make good decisions about reality. I can't wait. Ready? Quote, it's a belief in God. Oh, I didn't.

Read Bible, God, but not the Jewish. Right. It's a belief that there are eternal consequences for your actions. And I think that a leader that doesn't have that, well, it's somebody that it's hard to trust. End quote. Then they asked him about atheists in particular, and he responded, quote, it certainly makes a difference who that person is. Well. He was a really nice black person.

Maybe. Right. Yes. Bottom line, if you think there's about to be a world apocalypse and you like that idea, you're not allowed anywhere fucking near the red buttons. Maybe. Right. Yes. Bottom line, if there's about to be a world apocalypse and you like that idea, you're not allowed anywhere fucking near the red buttons. Yeah. Or anything. Exactly. Isn't it funny how the people who are sticking their heads in the ground

over global warming are giving us shit for not believing in eternal consequences? Come on. Fuck off. No. Against all odds, I did actually agree with one point that Morris made. He pointed out that Christians should ignore everything these candidates say about religion since they started the race. Instead, they should be judged on how Christian they were before they started bearing false witness about their piety, which means Morris and I are probably both on the same page about Mike Huckabee hopefully becoming the winner of the gop primary that would be hilarious and in school of jihad knox news tonight new york city subway advertising might be about to get a little more contentious u.s district judge john coddle ruled last tuesday

in favor of an ad campaign that reads killing jews is worship that draws us closer to allah that's real and it's actually sponsored by an anti-Muslim hatred. It's tricky. The American Freedom Defense Initiative is their name. Wow, not clear. Now, the ad was originally rejected by the MTA on the grounds that it could be interpreted as a call to violence, somehow. Could it?

But since the court ruled that the ad was obviously more about fearing Muslims than hating Jews, it was okay. Okay, but in what sense is that not potentially a call to violence? Right. Even if we forget about the gross bigotry towards Muslims for a second. If it said, like, beating up gay people brings us closer to Jesus, I can easily see a forgetful KKK member being reminded about the whole point of the New York City trip in the first place.

Right. That's one little example example. Call to violence. Look, I mean, I'm a big fan of this First Amendment shit, obviously. It's just that I like my freedom of speech applied evenly. Maybe I'm wrong, but I'm guessing if a Muslim group started putting up signs with the most genocidal passages of the Old Testament over a tagline like, Jews say what? The court would react a little differently. It would also probably act a little bit different if a Muslim group tried to place an identical ad

with the same words and images. Equally not clear to anybody what was happening. Right. And I've got a funny feeling an atheist group would not be able to get away with like, religions murder religions to be more religious. American atheistsists don't see that happening it would be worth a try though of course this was only one of a series of ads placed

by the afdi and the other six went up without issue now these included messages reminding people that even moderate muslims still might blow them up a plea for america to stop sending humanitarian aid to all islamic countries and an ad that contained these actual words in conjunction. Quote, In any war between the civilized man and the savage, support the civilized man. Support Israel. Defeat Jihad.

End quote. Can you believe that shit? The civilized man and the savage? Civilized person, please. Let's not be sexist here. And from the striped ass file tonight, Christian YouTube evangelist Josh Feuerstein was having trouble fitting his entire face

into the frame of his online videos, especially considering he's been using what seems to be Abraham Zapruder's iPod Shuffle. So, in response to this issue, Vorstein decided against eating a vegetable once and instead started a donation page on GoFundMe.com last August asking for $20,000, $20,000, to purchase better video equipment.

The campaign was actually successful. It was more than successful. And now he has enough money to buy about 20 000 cameras capable of capturing youtube quality videos right but there's no indication he's actually made any such purchase yeah yeah so if you want to give this guy the benefit of the doubt you have to assume that he's so stupid that he'd spend 20 grand before considering maybe he should just turn his phone on its side. And he certainly seems that stupid, but since he also never bought the fucking camera, you have to further assume that he got tricked into, like, trading the money for three magic beans or something.

So, the intrepid Hemet Mehta was among those who have since asked Forstein to prove the fundraiser wasn't a giant scam. In response to the friendly atheist email he got, the preacher refused to provide any documentation whatsoever and also threatened a lawsuit. Skeptical podcaster Matt Kovacs asked similar questions in person and Forstein claimed that he ended up buying two cheaper cameras that cost about $2,500 apiece,

but he also purchased, quote, an entire studio. Oh. And during this exchange, it should be noted that Forrest Dine was sweating and stumbling on words like a Goldman Sachs exec at an SEC meeting. Yeah, but in his defense, I mean, look at the dude. This guy breaks out in a sweat when he's brushing his teeth. Nothing wrong with that.

It might be hot. Sometimes it's hot in the morning. Well, despite allegedly owning two new cameras and also an entire studio, Forrestein's videos continue to be about 50 pixels tall and 2 pixels wide. Right. So it looks like he decided to stick with the Zapruder model

and spend the 20 grand on Cartier watches and daily dry cleaning for his disgusting red hat. It's his signature thing, though. I mean, it's like Indiana Jones. You can't be seen without it. And in while they do live in balls news tonight, prosperity gospel preacher, repugnant fraud, and man still flying around in a busted-up hoopty jet,

Creflo Dollar is sick and tired of the whole Internet making fun of him for trying to crowdsource a $65 million private jet, so he tempted us with something new to make fun of him about. Specifically, the inevitable buttfuckery of Pokemon players. Yes, according to Creflo, Pokemon makes you gay. That was it the whole time. I don't think he gets how that game works. That's probably what it is.

Somebody said, no, no, no, bend over. This is how it's played. It's like we're touching decks. I mean, I'm touching my deck and the other dude's touching his deck. But I mean, if the Dutch router's gay, I don't want to be straight. And who does? According to what Creflo is calling a study, teens of the 80s and 90s, quote, this is an actual quote, had their sexuality warped by Ash and his fruity friends, end real quote. I guess that's from the abstract.

He also offered further evidence that Creflo Dollar sees dicks everywhere by pointing out how many of the Pokemon characters were phallic, which clearly led children to desire phallic shapes, but only the boys, because otherwise it wouldn't be gay, and that would be okay. I guess. It's even creeping into the Republican Party. I never expected Herman Cain would be making direct quotes from the climax of a gay movie. I believe it's from the Pokemon movie. Of course, this isn't the first time Pikachu and friends have fallen afoul of reality-challenged religious leaders.

The game was banned in Saudi Arabia after 2001 for being a tool of the Jews to destroy Islam by turning their kids into degenerate gamblers, of course. But not to be outdone, Christian extremists have widely criticized the game because of the concept of Pokemon evolution. have widely criticized the game because of the concept of Pokemon Evolution, which, of course, has nothing whatsoever to do with real evolution, but it pisses them off anyway because they're stupid. Speaking of which, in OK Stupid News tonight, Oklahoma GOP State Representative Kevin Calvey got extremely agitated during a debate over Senate Bill 548, which would give judges in the state a small raise in salary.

Apparently, he was already pissed about court decisions that went in favor of the pro-choice side on the abortion issue. So what did he do? Then when he heard about the salary bump, he went ballistic and yelled out something to the effect of, If I wasn't a Christian, I'd walk over to the Supreme Court building right now, douse myself in gasoline, and light myself on fire. Now, Senate floor. Now, given the legal history in Oklahoma, I'm glad to agree they probably don't deserve more money, but my reasoning isn't quite the same as Calvi's.

Also, pretty sure my reaction would be different, whether or not I was a Christian. Right. Hyperbole much? Now, judging by his legislative record and reputation in the state house, I'm willing to bet every one of his colleagues bought him a copy of The God Delusion and some lighter fluid that afternoon. So keep in mind, this is a guy who tried to pass a law making it illegal to arrest state officials. He actually tried to legislate RoboCop's secret directive into real law. He really did.

So, a couple of things I'm confused about. First of all, it bothered him that the court wasn't going his way on the abortion issue, but it was the very small pay raise that pushed him over the edge. Right, that was the straw. pay raise that pushed him over the edge. That was the straw. Now I'm dousing myself, lighting myself. I guess dead babies is one thing, but dead babies plus inflation and cost of living, that's outrageous. Lighting myself on fire. But more importantly, what the fuck was with the if I wasn't a Christian part?

Yeah, right. Was he waiting for a pro-life atheist from the Oklahoma legislature to self-immolate right there. And how would that person even know they were supposed to do that? Heathens have no sense of right and wrong. We wouldn't know whether – Oh, right, right. Especially if we're hungry from all the fetus talk. Obviously, they were talking about fetuses.

So in the end, the fire suicide plan never really panned out, and the proactive baby killers got a raise. So too bad. Maybe his plan was just to light a muslin on fire when he got there. That could have been it. And from the anal P-robes file tonight, Mike Huckabee's backup skeleton and future organ mine Pat Robertson continued doling out advice on the 700 Club last week, specifically about what to do in the event of a spouse cheating on you.

And as if this should make some sort of difference in his answer, it was made clear that this wasn't just normal marital infidelity. This was gay cheating. Oh, so if I had to guess, and I've already read the story, so I don't, but if I did have to guess, he blames the wife for not taking it in the ass. I already know that, isn't it, exactly? But that's what I was expecting once i saw the question it's sort of like that so pierre hopes listens to the story from a woman whose husband

of 11 years got drunk and cheated on her with a man from their church and it ends with the question of whether she should forgive her husband which point roberton goes into some sort of mathematical calculation i guess he's He's like, okay, so you're married for 11 years? 11 years. This guy's drunk on whiskey? Okay, drunk on whiskey. Whiskey, gotta factor out

the gay coefficient. Carry the six. Yeah, he's still like 90% hetero, so it's fine. It's fine. Definitely forgive him. It's fine.

But you get AIDS now. That's a small price to pay. Now you have AIDS. Yeah, apparently it's okay as long as he isn't a quote habitual homosexual right end quote those are p robes words so i guess if he only sucks a dick at parties he can stop at any time he wants it's okay and in p robes a little deeper news tonight the very next day after the habitual homosexual thing robertson invited televangelist kenneth copeland of if god didn't Want Our Kids to Have Measles, He Wouldn't Have Given Us Measles fame to see if perhaps he could say something even more asinine.

And I'd say Copeland's senile rant about how he's like the good Osama bin Laden, that counts as a success, damn it. Yeah, I think he might have done it. So far be it for me to slow down the momentum on that lecture christian good guy bin laden please continue okay that's where we're going just try to keep that in mind where we well we start nowhere fucking near that so while discussing god's magical healing powers copeland explained to geriatric homophobic alfredian newman that he'd seen god unkill people with his own eyes. Quote, someone died in the foyer of our church and God raised him from the dead. He had a heart attack and just died and the Lord raised him up.

End quote. So if I'm following this correctly, a dude fell down once on the way to his church and wasn't dead. Because I mean, because how the fuck did he rule out just falling down? I mean, was there a cardiologist on scene? Did they declare him dead? Did the guy just sit there for a couple of days or whatever, decomposing on the side of the fucking road and then came back from the grave? How the fuck

does Kenneth Copeland determine the difference between a guy fainting and a guy dying of a heart attack and being resurrected seconds later? Wouldn't they look the same? I get resurrected mid-blink almost every day. That experience never led me to describe myself as a bizarro jihadist overlord. Yes, right, that's where we're going.

Everybody remember where this is going. So if you're wondering how making up a story about a miraculous return from the dead relates to being Osama bin Laden's good twin, it doesn't. Not at all. But that didn't stop Copeland from joining the two concepts in consecutive sentences. After explaining that the healing powers of Christian God is, quote,

what has Islam so stirred up, end quote, he said that he and Robertson were like bin Laden, and not just because they're all decomposing. In addition to that, they're also willing to put all of their effort, their faith, their finances, and their whatever his words into their religion he went on to almost get something right when he pointed out that there really isn't any difference between a christian extremist and a muslim extremist except of course that the latter picked the false satan god i believe it was the great philosopher walter sobchak who once said say what you will about the tenets of national socialism, at least it's an ethos.

And while the people who don't get that reference recoil in horror, we'll hand things over to my lovely wife, Lucinda. A man wrote the Bible? A whore is what she was. If it's a legitimate race. A vigorous slut, right? Cooking can be fun. Hey, I'm proud of a man.

This Week in Misogyny. This Week in Misogyny. With most forms of bigotry, I think it's really important that we weigh the action against the intention. After all, a person who hangs a swastika outside of a black college is doing something substantially different than a guy who greets all the black people he meets by telling them he really likes some rap songs. But when it comes to sexism, even the most egregious examples are often hidden behind what the perpetrators believe to be benign motives. Take, for example, a story out of Houston where a five-year-old girl was forced to change after school officials deemed the spaghetti straps on her dress too revealing for kindergarten. While I'm sure the school justifies the policy by some

fucked-up notion of adolescent modesty, the idea that dress code slut shaming starts at five is depressingly ludicrous. I mean, how the hell do you have a dress code for five-year-olds? They should be able to come to school in princess dresses and fucking chicken costumes if they want to. I guess maybe we can draw the line when kindergartners start showing up to school in leather thongs and get masks, but who the hell cares that a little girl is wearing spaghetti straps? Was her cleavage distracting all of the prepubescent boys from focusing on their macaroni pictures? Give me a fucking break.

But maybe I'm being too short-sighted here. After all, there's nothing in the school's policy that expressly states that the dress code is about chastity. Maybe they're just trying to avert natural disasters. Because spaghetti straps have been known to cause earthquakes. Just ask Iranian Ayatollah Kazem Sadeghi. Of course, immodest outfits don't directly cause earthquakes. That assertion would be silly. But slutty clothes are the impetus for extramarital affairs, which have long been known to power subduction. And no, by the way, I'm not skipping any steps here. Here's the actual quote.

Many women who dress inappropriately cause youths to go astray, taint their chastity, and incite extramarital sex in society, which increases earthquakes. End quote. So either Ayatollah Khazem Sadigi is painfully full of shit, or Iranians are having way raunchier sex than I am. But if you want to make extramarital seismology seem only moderately ignorant, we can accommodate with a quick trip to Australia where the Victorian Registration and Qualifications Authority is investigating claims that an Islamic school in Melbourne banned female students from cross-country running for fear that it would cause them to lose their virginity. Of course, I'm trying to know how this works.

I mean, is the track covered in dicks? Do the hurdles have dildos sticking out of them? Are we doing a 100-member dash? Unfortunately, all the articles I can find on it simply state that Principal Omar Halak believes that running can somehow cause spontaneous, penisless intercourse. Of course, this is the same principle that was reprimanded earlier this month when he told students that ISIS was a U.S.-led Western conspiracy and that Israel didn't exist. So at least he's an equal opportunity idiot. So just a quick reminder, the road to misogyny is often paved with the best intentions.

Unless it's an Islamic running track, in which case it's paid for dicks. And with that, I'll hand things back over to Noah and Heath. Thank you, Lucinda. And from the If This Is My Thermometer, Then Where Is My Pen Award file tonight, several authors have withdrawn from an upcoming gala hosted by the Pen American Center, citing objections to the group's decision to honor the surviving staff of Charlie Hebdo with their annual Freedom of Expression Courage Award. This is awful. It really is.

So in an email to Penn's leadership, novelist Rachel Kushner summed up the collective objection of the six assholes by decrying the publication's, quote, And in a tweet summarizing the collective objection to their objection of everybody who isn't a pretentious dick, Salman Rushdie described them as, quote, just six pussies. Six authors in search of a bit of character, end quote. Okay, so just back it up for a second. Forced secular view, as in forced not to murder people with a secular view? Apparently, yes. How's it going?

And do you really need to be a fan of Charlie Hebdo cartoons to honor the victims of a terrorist massacre? What the fuck is wrong with you people? No shit. Now, another of the half-dozen abstainers said in an interview with the New York Times, quote, a hideous crime was committed, but was it a freedom of speech issue for PEN America to be self-righteous about? End quote.

And apparently he thought that question was rhetorical in the opposite direction because of fucking course it is. What else would that be about? End quote. And apparently he thought that question was rhetorical in the opposite direction because of fucking course it is. What else would that be about? Their argument here, by the way, is that the award is traditionally given to people whose speech is under threat by a government authority. But I mean, in the past, those were the only people threatening anybody's free speech. The idea that a non-governmental entity would murder you over cartoons, that's relatively new.

non-governmental entity would murder you over cartoons. That's relatively new. And I'm sure they'd love to give the award to thousands of Muslim apostate activists that were properly executed by a recognized fascist theocracy in the UN, but those people probably weren't able to make it to the ceremony. Sorry. I wonder why. Of course, now the real root of the objection shows up a bit later in the interview when the same author starts pitching about the fact that France has done a shitty job of assimilating and

empowering their Muslim minority, as though there's some level of governmental bigotry that justifies murdering people for what they say and or draw. Now, I'm going to let Andrew Solomon, the president of PEN America, answer that charge since he's the president of a conglomeration of great writers and probably better at putting words together than I am. Quote, there is courage in refusing the very idea of forbidden statements. An urgent brilliance in saying what you have been told not to say in order to make it sayable. End quote. Now I'm going to need a bigger headstone. That's going to be my motto now.

And from the Roastmaster in Chief file tonight, Barack Obama continues to be a second-term president who can stop pretending he's not an atheist and say pretty much whatever the fuck he wants. Why can't he? It's awesome. The State of Affairs was especially entertaining last Saturday night

at the White House Correspondents Dinner. Everybody should check out the video if you get a chance. Fucking hilarious. One of the things the president talked about was his legacy, specifically the part Michelle Bachman exposed about his apocalypse plan. Here's what he had to say.

Quote, Michelle Bachman actually predicted I would bring about the biblical end of days. Now that's a legacy. That's big. I mean, Lincoln, Washingtonhington they didn't do that end quote so i guess he's just holding off until the last minute you know oh january 2017 watching him laugh at christianity now say what you will about the dude's quasi-legal remote control death

bots and his forced sterilization of christians and-religious death camps. But that dude can tell a fucking joke. Yeah, he's got timing. Yeah, he really does. So, in response to Obama's speech, religious talking heads all over the media turned bright red, started cartoon steaming, and exploded. Yes, they did. Others, however, had a pretty good grasp of the situation, actually. Surprisingly.

For example, End Times author Joel Richardson had this to say, quote, President Obama and his left-wing supporters in the media think it is absolutely hilarious that his policies could have fostered in an apocalyptic atmosphere in the Earth, end quote. So, yes, Joel Richardson, we do find that absolutely hilarious. You're correct in assuming we're not laughing with you. It's 100% 100p at you. It's very good that you understand what's happening. That's nice. That's why we're talking about it on a comedy show.

Now, don't get us wrong. We're still terrified that you're not also laughing at you. But, yeah, it's just hilarious. also laughing at you, but yeah, it's just hilarious. And in 7.8 on the Prickter Scale news tonight, Christian preacher and festering anal bacterium Tony Miano found the bright side of the Nepalese earthquake that killed 5,200 people and counting this week and offered it in the form of a tweet prayer.

Quote, praying for the lost souls in Nepal, praying not a single destroyed pagan temple will be rebuilt and the people will repent and receive Christ. End tweet. Okay, well, that's great for the Nepalese people, I guess, but, you know, the fuck are all the heathens in India and Bangladesh supposed to do? Just hope there's another deadly earthquake so they can find Jesus? I mean, that's a big risk.

They could die between then and now. Dick. So, yes, let's set aside all the human suffering, the ruined families, the lost homes, the businesses that'll never be rebuilt, the famines and disease that'll come on the heels of this thing, the scarcity of humanitarian aid, the horrific injuries

and the permanently devastated communities so that we can focus on what really matters, that the nation submits to the correct fabricated trans-dimensional superhuman spirit emancipator. Sure, thousands of people are dead, but at least God finally got a chance to knock down all those architecturally significant treasures of Nepalese culture that he hated so much.

I guess it all worked out in the end, though. Happy ending on this. And from the Too Sunni file tonight, according to a story from the Moroccan news channel Al-Yum24, the founder of an Arabic online sex shop called El Asira has considered opening a retail store in the holy city of Mecca. Which is weird because, as I understood it, the old saying in the sex toy business is, you know, location, location, location. I thought it was holy, holy, holy. I guess that's the same thing. Similar idea.

So nonetheless, Mr. Abdelaziz Aura is the entrepreneur in question, and he hopes his line of Islam-friendly intimate items may finally bring the elusive female orgasm to Saudi Arabia. Not bloody likely. Or maybe this is just an elaborate sting operation to see which one of them still have clits.

Any chick that walks in the door is like, yeah, that's pretty suspect. So the story broke a couple weeks ago, and since then, several other news sources have labeled it as sensationalist, suggesting that a business would never be allowed by the authorities of that type, which sounds pretty accurate to me. However, Mr. Alra claims he already has the thumbs up from a Saudi cleric, and he promises the store and its products would be Sharia compliant. Oh, whatever the fuck that would be in that context.

Not sure what the guy's planning exactly, but based on my knowledge of Saudi Arabia's extra misogynistic version of Sharia law, we're talking about a cucumber stand at best. So he's going to have to get pretty creative, I would imagine. Or start listening to the show. We're going to need 30 seconds on the clock. Ideas for the Middle eastern muslim sex shop go all right all right we're gonna start with a nod to our friends tom and cecil over at cognitive dissonance and go with a long black cock what about um what about the the whispering eyes lit

crotchless burka that's my whispering ayollah. Only at the a la cock bar. Of course. And I guess I should throw out another nod to our friend Adam Rieks over the herd mentality and go with an eight camel power solid gold butt plug. That's extra racist if you don't listen to Adam's show.

It's racist one way or the other, but it's extra racist. Extra could have possibly been. As well as the rest of this list. Everybody, we apologize in advance. Alright, what about Cutter of Nine Tails, home of the pigskin pleather miracle whip? Right, yes.

You'll find that in the sub-honor killing S&M section along with the kabah gags. I don't apologize for that one, by the way. I'm sorry for all the other ones, but not that one, you assholes. All right. What about the FG Emporium sex shop? Your wife will feel like she still has a clit.

Guaranteed. Damn. Like a strap-on clit. I love it. How about some Al-Qaeda-wide jelly? If we can fit an airplane into a building, his dick in your ass is no problem. I definitely apologize for that. What about finding the jihad spot?

Holy caranal beads for those jihad-to-reach places. Or maybe madrasa-to-assa two-headed dildos? Boko haram-em-home? How about jamil-kaki? Discreet second humps for dromedary riders. to ass a two-headed dildos? Boko haram him home? About Jamil Kaki. Discreet second humps for dromedary writers. Just gets more racist as we go. How about Halal You Can Eat

brand edible panties? Something to sink your hadith into. What about get off with their heads? Add some spices to your marriage? Why do I always have to be the cage journalist? Oh, wow. Ouch.

How about Tripoli's Stipoli Nipoli, home of the Libyan Sibian? Save all my rhymes for the end. All right. What about Arabian nightstand vibrators? I'll shake, straddle, and roll. There we go. And now I'm always going to wonder what's under the burqa. Heath, thanks as always.

Jumanji! And when we come back, Lucinda will be here to emphatically agree that the New Testament is at least five books too long so far. The Holy Bible. The book of Acts exists to fill the theological gap between the epistles and the gospels, while simultaneously filling the literary gap between the gospels and the epistles. The title of the book, officially The Acts of the Apostles, is a bit misleading, as we only really focus on one apostle, Petereter and then we just kind of lose track of him and pretty quickly go follow paul around on a bunch of aimless wanderings yeah they spent four entire books telling the same jesus story

you know now i'm all excited that anything else is about to happen all they did was the same bullshit stories again with like new names i think they really peaked a little early on Jesus dying. Should have saved that for the end, yeah. Good move. And, of course, it just wouldn't be the Babel without Lucinda's adorable giggle. Lucinda, Jesus is dead. Why the fuck are we still reading this thing? Hey, I asked myself the same question at least once a verse.

All right, well, then let's get this one the fuck over with, huh? Well, the first post-Jesus thing they need is a new apostle to replace Judas after the contradictory hanging, headlong gut-spilling he did. So they settle for some dude named Matthias. Because, come on, what are you going to do? You're going to run around being the 11 apostles without... you're going to look like a bunch of assholes.

It must have been this awkward moment for the other guy named Judas the whole time. He's lobbying for nicknames. Maybe you call me Adolf from now on. I don't know. I just feel like it's going to be complicated for everyone to keep it straight. You're Judas, son of James.

We'll say the whole thing every time. We promise. Just relax over there, Christ killer. So all the apostles are hanging out in Jerusalem like Jesus told them. And a few days later, God reaches out like a flaming octopus and touches all of them with tongues of fire. So they all start speaking different languages. Kind of odd. Right.

All the languages in the world except the ones God hadn't heard of yet. Yeah, right. Here's the passage. Quote, Now there were staying in Jerusalem Jews from every nation under heaven. What are the odds? We've got 12 idiots having a circle jerk with a kraken and screaming nonsense at the top of their lungs. Wouldn't you know it, the very next hotel room has the entire UN General Assembly. So they'll notice each world language specifically, and therefore Jesus.

Right. Yes. It's a real thing happened there. Of course, all the townspeople assume at first that they just got drunk on, like, spontaneous osmotic linguistic booze, so they dismiss it until Peter sends them straight. It's like, guys, it's 9.30 in the morning. They're not drunk. Come on.

And he invokes Joel here to tell everyone that this marks the beginning of the last days. Yeah. So the last three quarters of a million days plus start right there. Exactly that moment. And then Peter makes this big, Jesus definitely came back from the dead, and if you don't believe us, just ask a speech. And everybody

in earshot immediately becomes a Christian. Then Peter and John heal a crippled dude, and when all the Jews say, Hey, that was nifty, Peter responds by telling them to go fuck themselves for killing Jesus. He did a lot of that. He did. And his whole speech sounds like he's wearing a wire, doesn't it? Right. Remember that really good wine we had the day after all the Jews killed Christ?

What grape was that? All you Jews killed Christ in what grape? Which grape? I heard someone say we killed Jesus Pinot Noir. Got it. I'm writing that down. Jews killed Jesus Pinot Noir. Got it.

All right, so now they get arrested for healing without a proper license or whatever, and then the judges ask them to stop talking about Jesus, but they're unable to shut the fuck up, which sets a precedent that Christians would continue to follow for at least 2,000 years and running. And they were also definitely communist. No question. They go out of their way to remind everyone that the apostles acting under Jesus' command were absolutely positively communist.

Jesus and his crew would have chosen the National Socialist Party before they chose the Tea Party. Right. GOP Christians, uh, I'm sure you're all listening, better or worse, you're supposed to be bleeding heart liberals. Rich people tricked you. Read the fucking book. Right there. In fact, like, God is such a commie that in chapter 5, when Ananias

has the audacity to give the apostles only most of everything he owned instead of all of everything he owned, God strikes him dead on the spot. And his wife, just for good measure. Right, yes, exactly. Then each of the apostles empowers seven sub-apostles, I guess,

and each of them gets miracle powers too. Hooray! Miracles for everyone. And one of them is a dude named Stephen who also gets arrested for being all Jesus-y. Yeah, but during the trial the judge notices how smoking hot Stephen is so they give him an opportunity to summarize

the entire Pentateuch in his defense. Yes, he does. But then he closes it by calling all of them a bunch of assholes so they've stolen him to death anyway. The conclusion of his speech wasn't the smartest move. Basically, if you guys read your book, every time

you meet a holy prophet, you stone him to death. Wait, but don't do that to me. That wasn't a reminder. It's a bad idea is what I mean. And apparently Saul, who we meet with no fanfare whatsoever, watches everybody's coat while they throw rocks at Stephen. I guess that's his job.

He's the coat watcher. Very important that we know that. And then we get Saul Paul's road to Damascus moment, which basically goes like this. Saul's running around killing Christians when Jesus shows up and says, Why you got to be killing my people, motherfucker? And he strikes him blind for three days. Then Ananias shows up, but not the one God killed for being stingy. There's like three Ananiases in this book. They just couldn't be bothered to think of another name.

They have some more names. Yeah, and touches Saul so he can regain his sight. And now the Bible says that something like scales fell from his eyes, so the Jesus splooged in his face theory does have some kind of biblical justification there. And if you're not convinced, just ask Cash from Atheists on Air. He can definitely vouch for the adhesive properties being suggested in this passage.

Yes, he can. So he stops persecuting Christians and becomes a Jesus freak. Flip-flopper! So then the authorities try to kill him. But as we've learned a couple of times in the New Testament, the authorities are awful at trying to kill people. Right.

And here's another part where they blatantly steal from the prequel. The writers are saying the Jews seem to love it when baby Moses escaped in that basket. So we've got to use another basket escape. That's how. What if we lower him in a basket through a hole in the city wall? And someone says, OK, but that's a ceiling. The basket thing is great, that's great, but you can't lower anything through

a horizontal hole. So that writer got fired, and they stuck with the lowering through a wall thing. And then Peter cures a bunch of people. And now, I think that's kind of underreported, because according to the Bible, in numerous places, people who believe in Jesus can heal the blind, move mountains, make the lame walk, bring dead chicks back to life.

The Bible is very clear about this. Christians have superpowers. So unless Christians have superpowers, unless Benny Hinn is legit, Christianity is definitely bullshit. Jury's out. Then they start letting Gentiles into the religion And it all goes to shit from there Now this one had me do a double take So according to Peter

There was no cross Acts 39 and 40 I'm sorry chapter 10 verses 39 and 40 Peter's talking to Cornelius And his assembled non-Jews about Jesus Quote We are witnesses to all he did in Judea and Jerusalem. They put him to death by hanging him on a tree,

but God raised him on the third day and allowed him to appear. I guess all the churches started installing lynching dioramas in front of the room, and it wasn't working out. Right. Religious motif, so they switched to the nailed to a cross thing instead, and I guess that's a slight improvement, but still not great. No, not really. It's easier to have in a building that just collapsed, I guess, than a tree.

So now all the Jesus Jews are pissed that Peter taught Gentiles the secret handshake, but he recounts the vision he got from God, all 11 paragraphs of it that we just read in the preceding fucking chapter, so all of a sudden they're cool with it. Then Herod starts fucking with Christians and arrests Paul again, but God sends an angel again that breaks him out again, and everyone is amazed again. So clearly they've already run out of ideas.

Obviously. Okay, but let's be fair. It did work pretty well for the plot of International Gorillas. That movie was great and made perfect sense. Sure. Compared to the Bible, sure. So Saul, who suddenly became Paul without any explanation at all,

goes to teach Sergius Paulus about the Messiah, and a magician tries to stop him. So Paul uses his magic Jesus powers to strike him temporarily blind. By the way, the magician's name is Bar-Jesus. Yeah, right. It might as well have been Bizarro-Jesus, the evil Jew, wizard, Jews are bad. Jews, bad, wizard.

And again with the temporarily blindly, come up with some no shit, just make his dick start working or something. Then just as you're thinking, I sure hope somebody summarizes Deuteronomy through 2 Chronicles, Paul does exactly that. That's a lot of that. Then they all sit down and have a long overdue, why are we chopping up our dicks conversation.

It's about time. Which they decide that even the foreskinned are allowed to not burn in hell. I'm sure they do. Probably makes the faith a little more marketable, I would think. It's a good call. So the focus groups are going pretty well. We just enjoy the plot and the characters. It's just one thing. It's just one little

note. The part with the penis chopping, is everybody tied to that? Not at all even slightly? Okay, that was easy. We're all on the same page. We're going with entire Christian penises for now. Wasn't a lot of fighting in the room, was there? As a matter of fact, they also dumbed down the 613 commandments for the Gentiles

and decided that they narrow it way down, actually. They decided that you're allowed to go to heaven as long as you don't sacrifice to idols, drink blood, strangle your food, or fornicate. Acts 14, 20, and 29. Nothing about baking cakes for the gays there, folks. That's all. Left that one out. Weird. The four commandletsays there, folks. That's all. Left that one out. Weird. The four commandlets.

Yeah, exactly. And then in chapter 16, verse 10, suddenly we're in first person. Right. No fucking reason at all, with no fucking warning. At the beginning of the paragraph, it's they, and by the end, it's we. So fucking confusing. Oh, lying. That's called lying.

And the I, they, someone, someone killed my wife Nicole and that Jewish waiter. So Paul and I go to Macedonia where some demonic fortune-telling slave girl starts following him around yelling, these guys are totally legit

for like three days, which apparently annoys the shit out of Paul. It wouldn't annoy me. So he yanks the fortune-telling demon out of her, and this, of course, pisses off her owners because they were making mad bank off of her fortune-telling demon, so they grabbed us, stripped us naked, beat us with rods, and then threw us in prison. And apparently God didn't have any angels handy

because this time he broke them out of prison with an earthquake, and we switched back to third person again. Yeah, right. So in response everybody praises jesus and burns their books naturally yes very very pro book burning message in chapter 19 then paul goes to jerusalem even though everybody tells him not to and as soon as he gets there they seize him and start whipping the shit out of him right right but luckily they're they're one of those murderous mobs that shuts up when you ask for a minute to defend yourself.

Of course they do. He does. So Paul does. Right. And his defense is basically, I'm a Jew, so how bad could I possibly be? Right. And as boring as that chapter was, I did find an interesting nugget there. Apparently, the first century Jerusalem equivalent of booing was stripping naked and throwing dirt in the air.

Right. Where did that come from? I'm thinking that would be a really easy response to misinterpret. Yeah, right. I think they like me. It really shows how things

evolve over time. Right? You get lost in translation because nowadays, if you strip naked and throw dirt in the air, that means I'm a crazy person and I want you to fuck me

on this loose pile of dirt. Right. That's how that works now, for sure. So yeah, the crowd is not impressed, and the centurions decide to flog him. But apparently being a Roman citizen is a get-out-of-flogging free card, so they let him go this time. Well, kind of, but a bunch of Jewish priests are so pissed about this that they concoct the stupidest assassination idea in history. So they vow not to eat or drink anything until they've killed Paul.

Seems like if you don't get him in the first 10 hours or so, this concept falls prey to diminishing returns damn quick, doesn't it? I don't think it worked for him. Luckily, though, or unluckily, if you were hoping this book would just fucking end, Paul hears about the plot, and they mobilize the cavalry to get him safely to the governor

so he can stand trial. Right, but since the governor can't figure out what the fuck the Jews are even accusing him of, they keep him in prison for a couple of years while they try to sort it out. Yeah, so Felix is the guy in charge. He's the governor of Judea. Not the cat. plan was to throw this destitute, communist desert nomad in jail till he can solicit a bribe of sandal dirt? What do you think? The plan didn't work.

No, surprise, surprise. He didn't get any sandal dirt or bribes of any sort. And then he gets to Rome and he lives under house arrest for a couple of years. And then the book just abruptly ends. That was it. Basically, we're left with Paul explaining to the emperor of Rome under house arrest for a couple of years. And then the book just abruptly ends. That's it. That's it. Slap. Basically, we're left with Paul explaining to the emperor of Rome,

you know, listen, you clearly got the Jews under control. They love that book. Working great. So just let me pull the same shit with the non-Jews, and that's everybody. You control all the people at that point. Have I showed you the novel? We've been working on it. We've got some epistles going here.

And that's it. We just, we forego any real discussion of Christian theology again, five books in. We haven't gotten any of that so that we could emphasize that both Peter and Paul got their balls knocked around quite a bit for this Jesus guy. But I also can't help but come back over and over again to the fact that in the book, people accept Jesus because they see Peter and Paul perform miraculous healings, you know, wrestle demons, survive poisonous snake bites, that kind of shit. So when did it become a sin to ask for evidence? As soon as somebody asked for evidence, if I had to guess.

Right, yes. Evidence book. It's all set. Right. Well, for whatever it's worth, all the books between here and the last one are like tweets compared to the shit we've been through so far. So, Lucinda Heath, thanks again, as always. Good to be here. Gentile Manji!

Babble. Good timing. It's time for the part of the show that comes next, listener feedback. This is the part of the show that comes before the next part. Our first message comes from Melissa, who wrote to us to take issue with my use of the word tranny in last week's episode, which I definitely did not mean to offend. Regardless, Melissa writes, quote, I was just listening to today's podcast and I was enjoying it until you started saying tranny. I don't know if you're aware of this, but that's a pretty nasty slur along the lines of faggot or nigger.

Please be aware that this is not an okay word to use and try not to use it again. End quote. So I'll start by saying that all the words are okay to use. I'm sorry, but they are. Melissa's email contained the F word and the N word, for example. Point being, context is the issue here, obviously. So, let's not forget the context

of the segment in question. We were listing things the bigots would call their bigoted bathroom brigade, just to be clear. And let's also remember the context of the entire headline, the entire episode, and our entire show with respect to transgender equality. Also, a quick technical point, the flushing trannies thing, it's an existing phrase that relates to car transmission repair.

So flushing the transgendered wouldn't have tied together my hilarious play on words quite so well, so I kind of had to use it. hilarious play on words quite so well, so kind of had to use it. One last thing, where was Melissa's outraged email when we used the F word, the N word, and every other offensive word that exists in similar sarcastic segments in the past? Right. I mean, if you haven't noticed, we use a lot of the not okay to use words on this show. And not that I don't appreciate the fact that you're out there educating people on the use of this term. I do think that's important but i also think it's a bit hyperbolic to say it's a slur along the lines of faggot or nigger since there's just no fucking way somebody's using those terms without realizing that they're slurs yeah i'm not trying to say that like

dehumanizing one group is better or worse than dehumanizing another group but we heard our own case when we overstate it so i think's important. So certainly there was no intention on our part to offend anyone, but the bigots on that one, in case that wasn't clear. Right. Now, all that being said, we are glad you sent the email because it's entirely possible that some of our listeners don't know it as an offensive term and we don't want to reinforce their ignorance. So thanks for reaching out one way or the other. That's why we felt like we needed to include it in the feedback.

Good information either way, absolutely. And finally, we got an email from Janine, who was livid when she and her kids inadvertently stumbled on some answers in Genesis bullshit. She writes, quote, In order to counterbalance the mindfuck my daughter receives at school regarding God, etc., I promote science whenever

possible. She follows Awesome Science on Instagram like a lot of kids. They recently posted a cool pic of a pink lake in Western Australia. I was super curious about what made the lake pink and asked her to Google it. When she Googled it, I shit you not, the website directs you to Answers in Genesis where two little boys explain how all the

Earth's places like the Grand Canyon are proof the Bible is correct about history. I am so fucking pissed off. Those little shits need to be exposed. Science my ass. Actually, my ass produces better scientific theories than these kids do. They sell videos. Alright, so yes,

it appears that this is a fucking creationist propaganda site masquerading as science sites for kids. So apparently, parents have to keep up with which science accounts their kids are following and googling, so thanks for the heads up, Janine. Yeah, alright, so we figure it's only a matter of time before they branch out into the video game business

as well. And that brings us to this week's top 10. It's going to be answers in Sega Genesis creationist video game ideas. All right. So these are some that you could avoid. Maybe the epic art quest called Tidal Fantasy. That would be number 10. Number nine, Young Earthworm Jim.

That would be number 10. At number 9, Young Earthworm Jim. That would be fun. Number 8, Moronic the Hedgehog and his sidekick, Fairy Tales. At number 7, The Legend of Zelohim, A Missing Link to the Past. Number 6, Inbred Dead Redemption, perhaps. Number 5, F-Zero. It starts at 1 AD. It makes more sense that way. Just go straight from negative one to one, obviously.

Mine as well. Number four, Washboard Hero. Number three. Three, Kentucky. Number three, Koch Brothers' Super Pac-Man. Obviously. And number two, how about.0000435% of Sid Meier's Civilization? about.0000435% of Sid Meier's civilization.

And the number one bullshit creationist video game idea, rebuke Nukem. Kind of like American foreign policy. Hey, now wait, we haven't nuked anybody in decades, man. Come on. And that's all the feedback you get. If you want more, keep sending us those emails, tweets, and Facebook messages. You'll find all the contact info on the contact page at skatingatheist.com. Before we take our bows tonight, I wanted to take one more opportunity to thank the Hickory Humanists

for inviting us up for ReasonCon again this year. I also need to thank everybody who made it out to see us. And while there are way too many awesome people that I met this weekend, to name them all, I do want to say, if you're a fan of cognitive dissonance, I can confirm Tom and Cecil are two of the most genuine, generous, hilarious, and fun-loving human beings I've ever had the pleasure of hanging out with. And David from my Book of Mormon, he's just okay. Now, they were taking video of our roast, and I have assurances that eventually that will be available as soon as it is. We're going to post it on our Facebook page, our Twitter account, the blog, all that shit.

And if you're not already excited about that, I can now tell you that Eli provided the audio for God's re-roast, and damn it, if he didn't stun the room silent a couple of times, it was fucking priceless. Anyway, that's all the blasphemy we've got for you tonight. We'll be back in 10,022 minutes with more. If you can't wait that long, be on the lookout for a new episode of our sister show, The Skeptic Crab, returning after a one-week hiatus on Monday at 8 a.m. Eastern Time. Obviously, I need to thank Heath for a hell of a lot more than I have time to thank him for here.

I need to thank the lovely Lucinda Lusions for her increasingly amazing contributions to the show. I wanted to thank the prophet Jeremiah from No Religion Required Podcast for providing this week's Farnsworth quote. They're putting together a hell of a podcast over there. Every time I listen to it, it's better than the last time. If you haven't checked them out or you checked them out very early, I would strongly recommend you give them another try. You'll find a link on the show notes for this episode at ScathingAtheist.com. But most of all, of course, I need to thank this week's best people, Jack, Elliot, Luke, Rob, Jerry, Nicholas, Bobby, Nico, Kelly, Sean, Tyler, Peter, Mark, Will, and David. Jack, Elliot, Luke, Rob, Jerry, Nicholas, Bobby, Nico, Kelly, Sean, Tyler, Peter, Mark, Will, and David.

Jack, Elliot, Luke, Rob, and Jerry, whose ejaculations have aftershocks. Nicholas, Bobby, Nico, Kelly, and Sean, who are so laid back they can turn a diamond back into coal. And Tyler, Peter, Mark, Will, and David, who can't take dick pics without a fisheye lens. Together, these 15 ferociously formidable, frighteningly fuckable, and fashionably factual folks have helped hold the army of theocrats at bay for one more week by giving us money. Not everybody has the wit, style, or impressive physique required to give us money, but if you think you're up to the challenge, you can make a per-episode donation at patreon.com slash scathingatheist, which you'll find linked on our homepage. Or you can make a one-time donation by clicking on the donate button on the right side of the homepage at scathingatheist.com. Thank you. contact page at skatingatheist.com. All the music used in this episode was written and performed by yours truly, and yes, I did have my permission. This is my thermometer.

Where's my pen? Love it. Love it. Because he's got the award in his ass. The guy's walking around with an award in his ass. Or an ass pen. Or an ass pen. Yeah.