The Scathing Atheist - ScathingAtheist 131: Thermodynamic Edition

Episode Date: August 20, 2015

In this week's episode, we'll show you on the doll where his noodly appendage touched us; Jade Helm 15 operatives will secretly purchase the Louisiana territory from France again, and we'll learn that there's a right and wrong way to f*** a bagel.

Warning, this episode contains all the stuff they have trigger warnings for. This week's episode of The Scathing Atheist is brought to you by the new Judgment Day Massage Parlor for people that won't need their money tomorrow. Doom's Day Spa. Did you check Harold Camping's math and realize the apocalypse is actually today? Too late to visit the bank and empty your account? Feel like a camel trying to squeeze through the eye of a needle, wondering why they put that needle right in the way of Heaven's Gate?

Don't worry, we will take your money and get raptured to hell for you. Doom's Day Spa. We've been wrong every time so far, but either way, it's a happy ending. And now, The Scathing Atheist. Raygate. The Adventures of Ray and Raylene. Thank you for calling the Living Waters Media Hotline. I'm Ray Comfort. Now you've phoned outside of our operating hours, therefore Ray and Raylene are unable to take your call. Please listen carefully as our options have changed.

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Eli Bosnick, f*** you and your mother and your mother's mother, your stupid f***ing third-rate show, your f***ing f***ing f***ing with three carrots, f***ing hashtag free rave, f***ing Chinese donkey swing, f***ing reverse sledgehammer, f***ing hang up, and stop calling me. And finally, if you're calling to report an instance of someone impersonating me. Dial 911. It's Thursday. It's August 20th. And the Mayan apocalypse is only 972 days late. Assuming it happens later today. Right, yeah, exactly.

I have no illusions. I'm Heath Enright, and from Olive Gardner, Valdosta, Georgia, this is The Scathing Atheist. On this week's episode, I'll use this doll to show you where his noodley appendage touched me. Jade Helm 15 operatives secretly purchased the Louisiana

territory from France again. And we'll learn that there's a right and a wrong way to fuck a bagel. Not like a Reese's. Coming up next, the diatribe. When I see a blog post written by a Christian that's titled, Five Ways to Be a Better Atheist, odds are pretty good that I found something diatribe-worthy. And honestly, even before I read the fucking thing, I could have summarized the five points the author was going to make in a single sentence. Take our ideas seriously and stop calling us

stupid. And that was pretty much what I got. Now, this one comes to us from Theologist in Person with Douchey First Initial Thing going on, C. Michael Patton, and it's a master class in making empty points. So he starts off by pulling the theist's bullshit dismissal flavor of the month about how atheists refuse to believe in God for emotional rather than rational reasons, because I guess if they just said, I know you are, but what am I? It would seem too bullshitty even to them. And then he breaks it down into his five points.

The first is about how atheists should stop saying that there's no evidence for God. And you know what? In like a technical debate-y sort of way, he's probably right on that one. If you're in a formal debate, you should probably avoid saying that because in a technical Bayesian sort of way, it's incorrect. You should instead say there's no valid evidence for God, or there's no compelling evidence for God, or there's no evidence that should convince a retarded goat, or some qualification like that. That being said, outside of a formal debate, I will make the hell out of this point. You know, let the learned theist point out that in an ever so slight sense there is evidence for God, because technically as soon as I point to something and call it evidence, that makes it evidence. Because what they're actually saying here is that if I claim

that unicorns shit cabbages, then cabbages suddenly become evidence of unicorns. Let somebody open an informal water cooler type debate up by conceding that that's what they mean when they say evidence, and see how many people they sway. Now, he then goes on to bitch about the flying spaghetti monster, and this is a really popular whipping boy for theists and a lot of atheists as well, and I think most of the criticisms largely missed the point of the whole FSM analogy. So his argument is kind of bizarre. It relies on breaking the God argument into two parts, and according to C, the FSM thing skips over the whole first half of the argument. first half of the argument. So he says part one of the debate is, is there a prime mover? And part two is, what properties would the prime mover have? And the whole flying spaghetti monster thing skips over the prime mover thing. But this is such incredible horseshit that he should get kicked out of the Theologist's Club for saying it. Whether or not there is a prime mover is not a theistic

question. That's a deistic question. It's a question that one can't argue against in the same way that one can't argue against hard solipsism because it's untestable and has no consequences. So it might be an occasionally useful thought experiment, but it's completely academic. But the very term theist, though, suggests more than a prime mover. It definitionally includes an active God that interferes with the world. So he's wrong about his own thing. Now, what's so amazing here, by the way,

is that his FSM hate comes right on the heels of his evidence argument, and he still fails to engage with the point that the noodley appendages have the exact same amount of evidence supporting them as your stupid fucking God concept. Now, the third point is even stupider, as it basically says, just admit you're wrong and that we're right. Okay, he phrases it as,

admit the weaknesses of your position, but the weaknesses that he offers up are just like general holes in human knowledge. For example, he urges us to concede that atheism doesn't have a strong explanation for morals or where the universe comes from, but at the same time he fails to concede that his own worldview settled on the stupidest possible answer to those questions and then just moved on as though they were answered. That's not a strength, that's ignorance. The weaknesses of the atheistic position are the same as the weaknesses of just all the stuff that we know. Yes, there are unanswered questions, but those questions are no less unanswered when you ignore them by invoking magic.

Now, in point four, he ramps up the stupid even more, if you can believe that, by encouraging atheists to be more open-minded. Yes, he has literally descended into food babe levels of argumentation here. Be more open-minded. Isn't that just a calling card of everybody who's ever tried to convince anyone of something that they had no evidence for? And you know what? I'll dismiss that argument with a paraphrase of Walter Kochenig and point out that the most open minds are the empty ones. Now, finally, he goes on to his last point, which is this desperate attempt to pretend that we have the burden of proof, that somehow God existing is the null hypothesis, and we have to now defend the antithesis despite the fact that that's logically impossible.

You know, in a sense, I almost agreed with part of how he phrased the first sentence of this one, but it went off the rails before I could muster a single nod. He actually takes atheists to task for pointing out that they're exactly as much of atheists as they are a-leprechaunists by pointing out that not very many people believe in leprechauns. Now, look, the fact that the dude didn't short out his keyboard drooling on it means he's not dumb enough to think that that's a logical argument. He's actually saying that the number of people who believe something and short out his keyboard drooling on it means he's not dumb enough to think that that's a logical argument.

He's actually saying that the number of people who believe something somehow shifts the burden of proof to the minority. He then resurrects the same bullshit he trotted out in the point number three about how atheists can't deny God until they definitively explain all the mysteries of science. So, in his mind, atheists can't reasonably deny the fact that a dead Jew grants wishes to the little people that drive our brains until we've explained the existence of matter, morality, the questions of free will, and solved the hard problem of consciousness. And, of course, he makes no concession that saying the flying spaghetti monster did it is exactly as explanatory as his answer. So yeah, take our ideas seriously and stop calling us stupid in 2,000 words.

And to be honest, by itself, it's not even worth bringing this up, right? A Christian theologian makes really stupid arguments against atheism. Hold the presses. But I thought it was worth diatribing about because when I saw it on Facebook, it had been shared by a couple of prominent atheists who urged their Facebook followers to give it a read with claims that these were actually pretty good points. Now look, I don't want to call anybody out by name here,

but I think this represents a very real problem in the atheist movement, because it's the justification that one group of atheists always use when they're trying to tell another group of atheists that they're not believing in God wrong. You know, when you come down to it, all the arguments for God are really, really stupid. They fool a lot of smart people, obviously, because, you know, being intelligent isn't going to insulate you from getting a stupid answer when you're working with insufficient information. And a lot of prominent voices in the atheist movement came out of religion at a late age, which means they have to, A, admit that they were snowed by some really stupid arguments for a really long time, or B, pretend that those arguments that fooled them are better than they really are. them are better than they really are. So you wind up with a lot of people, a lot of movement atheists out there saying, no, it really is an interesting question. And there are convincing arguments on both sides that we should be nicer and not call those arguments stupid.

And if that's the tactic you personally want to take, fine. But I'm going to take the more intellectually honest one, even if it means I piss more people off along the way. And if you want to call me out on it, you can call me out for being an asshole. You can call me out for being callous. Hell, you can even call me out for being counterproductive. But you can't call me out for being wrong. They're talking about you, Jesus. We interrupt this broadcast and bring you a special news bulletin.

Joining me for headlines tonight is soon-to-be podcasting triple threat Heath Enright. Heath, are you ready to add one more show to the schedule sir it's definitely going to cut into my sex life but as long as i speed up my stroke rate i should have time for everything be all set so before we get started tonight word of warning if you subscribe to this show which you should the debut episode of god awful movies with eli bosnick is going to show up in your skating atheist feed on tuesday at 8 a.m eastern so i apologize in advance for the more than an hour worth of additional entertainment this week. I'll give you some more details about that in the outro.

I just didn't want to catch anybody off guard that quits listening before I start asking for money. All right. Time for headlines. In our lead story tonight from the Allah Kazam file, the state of Adamawa in western Nigeria is planning to spend about 200 million naira, or about a million US dollars, so they can hire magical prayer warriors in the fight against the Islamic terrorist group Boko Haram. Or in headline format, area intelligent

person extremely angry after Nigeria state sponsors terrorism by wasting a million dollars on maniacally stupid local initiative yeah right guys i'll i'll do nothing for half that clearly the fuck i'm gonna do a no bid contract yeah no bids there so according to the chief of staff for the state government quote we have earmarked the money for prayers to seek for allah's intervention in tackling the Boko Haram menace and other insecurity challenges threatening the stability of the state, end quote. However, not everyone agrees with the move.

The large potential expenditure is especially controversial amidst public support for other costly government programs, including a snipe hunting subsidy and also the development of a gaydar security system at airports. That's probably real. They actually probably are spending money on that. Quite certain they are. Guys, Nigeria, take a fucking cue from countries like America and only subsidize government

programs that work, like abstinence-only education in the Iraq war. Study up. Yeah. Taking notes over there. All right. So not only do these people think that prayer warfare is the thing, they also believe that Allah is real. And the only problem, though, is that he's currently siding with terrorists a lot of

the time. So, you know, if they hire enough mercenary worship labor, they can talk God into not being a jihadist so much. Yeah. In other news, everyone should invadeigeria if they had anything worth taking yeah might as well and in target and feathered news tonight second generation prominent american intellectual franklin graham has added his voice to the growing call for a boycott against target after the retailer provoked the wrath of jesus through their refusal to keep telling boys

that like to play with dolls that they don't deserve the dicks God gave them. The controversial move by the retailer reportedly came after executives noticed that all the girl toys suck and you don't need testicles to like remote control helicopters. Exactly. These toys is not right. These toys is miscegenated. Are they even old timey? Damn near a direct quote. So Graham justified his anger with biblical precedent, of course, citing Matthew 19.4, which clearly states that dolls are gay if they don't come with guns and have points of articulation. Quote, I have news for Target, it's not a doll, damn it,

and for everyone else. God created two different genders. Jesus said, have you not read that he who created them from the beginning made them male and female? You can't get any clearer than that. End quote. That's it. That's as clear as it can possibly get. God could not have more clearly stated the fact

that he wants Minecraft toys labeled as penis recommended. That actually explains the whole fucking Bible, by the way, if that's as clear as he gets. I'm still a little confused, though, because I had a good handful of toys that were, you know, stereotypically meant for boys when I was growing up, but I never found the place where you're supposed to put your dick in. Believe me, I searched. I never found it.

Well, I always found a place to put my dick in. Yeah, exactly, exactly. Now, I want to keep this short because this story actually represents a huge pet peeve of mine. Speaking as a person who worked in the toy business for more than a decade and speaking as a former little boy that liked to play with stuffed animals and wanted to twirl a baton, I can tell you that as recently as 2012, that industry makes Sterling Cooper and Partners look progressive by fucking comparison. The fact that the world's largest toy retailer still to this day refers to the 17% of their store that's dedicated to pink plastic vacuum cleaners, ironing boards and shopping carts as the girl's side should tell you all you need to know.

So I, for one, applaud this shit out of target for this move and not just because it pisses off Christians, though, to be honest, that that would have been enough if they just did it to piss off the Christians. I would have been happy to. I would have been happy to. And from the swine and cheese file tonight, a French court ruled in favor of defendant Gilles Platre, the mayor of a town in eastern France, who was taken to court by the Muslim Defense League after he removed the requirement on local public schools to serve a non-pork meat option with every day's cafeteria lunch.

The Jewish Defense League is still deciding if they want to publicly agree with the muslim one i never would have commented gil paltry out of that it's amazing anyway you should have seen the name of the town who's chalon sourçon it's really hard to say that's why i should have left yeah yeah exactly so muslims guys you're in france and you're eating food you're lucky they're not trying to feed you snails mold and, and sautéed squirrel dick. Just take what they give you and be happy with it. So I did like the way France kept their church and state separated there,

but the case was reportedly decided on procedural grounds and is likely to be appealed. But as of now, anyway, the school is no longer required to spend extra tax money accommodating metaphysical dietary requirements anymore. Fucking ridiculous. Which means Muslim and Jewish students that don't eat pork will be forced to either eat a vegetarian lunch that day, bring food from home, eat later, or stop being Muslim and Jewish. And honestly, any of those I'm okay with. Yeah, right. those i'm okay with yeah right however french education minister najat valo belkasem who happens to be muslim disagrees with me on that and describes this set of choices as quote taking

children hostage hostage yeah really okay so first of all muslims in france should never voluntarily talk about taking children hostage even metaphorically it's just a bad policy regardless of the context but also if you're going all the way to hostage why not just fucking ramp it all the way up right like forcing kids who won't eat bacon to have non-bacon versions is like making them watch you rape their puppy while murdering their family with a cricket bat every bit as accurate as analogies go and it's got way more punch plus it's got puppy rape that's always a bonus always looking for that right so that's not what hostage means no and also according to the mayor most of the muslim and jewish kids weren't eating any of the meat options they served regardless of pork because it wasn't halal or kosher anyway and that's why the school started serving extra

vegetable dishes which means everyone can eat just fine and this whole thing is fucking stupid. Bottom line, if the government forces public schools to accommodate religious demands, then they have to accept all the religious demands. Plus, then you got to let atheists make some shit up too. I, for example, have to be in a room with bacon at all times or I will sue you. Well, there you go. have to be in a room with bacon at all times or I will sue you. Well, there you go. You know, I bet we could get that added to the atheist.

Is there like a ledger? Is there something that we have to sign or something? What's our rider? I think we could figure that out. Green M&M's, bacon in every room. Hells yeah. And reaching deep into the well-worn anal P-robes file once again tonight,

it turns out we can add telepathy to the list of superpowers that hosted the 700 Club and escapee from Monsanto's underground prune human hybridization facility, Pat Robertson, doesn't have. Telepathy. Okay. Yeah, exactly. His necroventriloquist admitted as much on Monday's edition of his depressingly still extant show when a viewer named Emma wrote in to ask if his ability to heal people at a distance through Jesus magic qualifies as a psychic power. Great question there, Emma.

This question is for the corpse puppet. What phylum are centaurs and unicorns from? Is it the same one? No, of course not. Of course not. No, the unicorns would be in the horse one. The centaurs would be in the minotaur one. Fucking duh.

Now, this inquiry comes in response to the calling out healings portion of the show, in which P. Robes convinces random viewers with possibly life-threatening ailments that Jesus has cured them. This potentially homicidal segment includes said corpse puppet randomly rattling off afflictions that Jesus just cured someone in his audience of, up to and including malignant brain tumors. Emmer writes, quote, At the end of the program, you call out people who are sick and need healing. How do you know these people? I would call it a psychic ability of sorts.

Are these real healings? End quote. And if it's not a psychic thing, should I start reading large lists of names and healing cancer too? It just seems stupid for only a few people to be name healing. Yeah, right.

If name healing is a thing. That's a thing. Yeah, exactly. So P. Rose responded that his powers aren't so much psychic as delusional, though he certainly didn't express that on purpose. After babbling about the 12th chapter of 1 Corinthians for a bit, he reminds Emma that either Christians have magic healing powers or the Bible is bullshit, and that's all the proof he needs before he tells people to throw away their insulin, apparently.

He protests too much, quote, This isn't psychic. these are real healings, and we've had thousands and thousands of people healed, end quote. And I guess, you know, if you can't trust the guy who made the dubious claims in the first place without asking for the slightest verification, who can you trust, am I right? And in doomsday supergroup news tonight,

End Times preacher Jim Baker somehow managed to broadcast a recent episode of his show last week, despite the black hole of ignorance that formed when he and fellow lunatic Rick Wiles occupied the same room together. Oddly enough, Baker and Wiles touched on a variety of topics, even though one of them was the impending nuclear holocaust that God's going to unleash on the United States. So you could be the only one on your roster at that point yeah nuts it was like dizzy glasby and charlie parker trading solos except they're insane so they just start throwing trumpets and saxophones at each other that would have been more sane it was like it was like two guys go all in in some kind of high stakes game of crazy. I mean, like the bidding basically started at God's going to punish America with solar flares for all the unborn baby killing.

And then they just raised it from there. Raised it. Yeah. It sounds like these guys are pretty sure that shit's going to go down when America as a country murders that all important line crossing 70 millionth baby, which we're on pace to hit really soon, apparently. Yeah. murders that all-important, line-crossing, 70-millionth baby, which we're on pace to hit really soon, apparently.

With that in mind, they had a few pointers on supplies to have ready for when God snuffs out the universe. According to Baker, quote, if the grid goes down, you're going to be thankful to have a horse, end quote. He also pointed out that his Model T old-timey truck, unlike modern vehicles, will continue working even after a massive EMP attack on the United States, which again, he's quite certain is just about to happen

because of all the abortions and also gay weddings and First Amendments. Everything just kind of got lumped in there. I can't even decide which threat of insanity to tug on here so let's start with this bizarre apocalyptic vision he's got okay so power goes out nationwide we have no commerce no mass transit no heating no cooling no refrigeration what are you gonna do with the horse other than fucking eat it i mean is that what he's suggesting you raise some milk in the horses i mean is there going to be power

in the other countries that kill fewer babies is the sun going to leave those one is that where the cavalry is supposed to go be fucking hilarious by the way if that was it you know the Mexicans were just fine but they built a wall awesome so another thing quick science review in

order to create an EMP capable of disabling all the cars in America, you'd need to detonate a large series of nuclear bombs blanketing the lower atmosphere of the entire country, at which point the horses are kind of irrelevant because they're dead. Right. And so are all the people because of the nuclear holocaust. Trump's all the other stuff.

It's true that any surviving cockroaches would have lots of trouble firing up electronic devices afterwards. But again, the world just ended because of God's wrath. So, you know, that's going to be another obstacle. Right. Well, there kind of are obstacles. But now you do realize, of course, that God has magic EMPs. The M stands for mysterious. I hadn't studied that technology.

Electro-mysterious pulses. And in how much for this bag of zygotes news tonight, a priest in Tuscany is offering to purchase the souls of local children for the bargain price of $736.67, provided they come in threes. The payment comes in the form of a lump sum offered to parents who have three or more children payable upon baptism of the third kid, I guess. Called the Baby Project, the effort

is the brainchild of Reverend Stefano Bimbi, who told local reporters that among the numerous benefits of swelling next generation Catholics is the fact that, quote, I get older, they stay the same age. Yes, they do. All right, all right, all right. Love them Sunday school girls. Showing that patented Catholic ability to ignore the social irresponsibility of encouraging people to have more kids than they can afford, while simultaneously seeming bizarrely oblivious to the unavoidably nefarious perception that a group of well-documented kid fuckers paying people to have more children is bound to inspire, Bimby explains, real quote this time, our parish wants to give concrete help for families that, with courage, accept the gift of a child, end quote. Though, of course, this desire to help extends only to people who believe in the right sky daddy, aren't gay,

got married in the church, and promised to teach their children that they only have to take a shit because God hates them. And speaking of things that God hates, we're going to take a quick break and hand things over to a woman. A man wrote the Bible? A whore is what she was. If it's a legitimate race. You're a slut, right? Cooking can be fun. Hey, I'm proud of a man. This week in Misogyny. I'm sorry. Did I wake up in some other dimension or something? When the hell did Megan San as a honky Kelly become a fucking feminist hero? I mean, don't get me wrong. I did a little fist pump at home when she called Donald Trump out on his misogyny during the primary debate. But when she rolled straight from that to the how many women would you personally strangle to save as I go portion of the evening, that cancels it out, doesn't it?

And look, it's not like Donald Trump was the lone sexist on the stage. For fuck's sake, Scott Walker was there. Meghan Kelly was just being the same Republican shill she's been her entire career. The Republican Party is having a problem because the wrong idiot is leading the polls. So she stepped in and did what she was told. She smacked Trump with one hand while giving Marco Rubio a handjob with the other. And that's impressive in a rub your belly and pat your head kind of way, but it doesn't exactly earn her the feminist medal of valor, now does it? I mean, I'm not about to come to Donald,

there's something dead on my head, Trump's defense here, but if you honestly give me the choice between two candidates where one of them has expressed rational views on women's reproductive rights but calls women sluts and whores and shit, and the other says all the politically correct words while he's introducing legislation to make it a felony for a woman to sneeze really hard after coitus. I'm going to lean really hard towards option A.

And it's no coincidence that every question Donald Trump was asked cut straight to one of his many disqualifying weaknesses as a candidate. But when it came time to moderate Rubio or Jeb Bush, all the questions were stuff like, do you find it hard to be that awesome all at once? And fuck, Mike Huckabee? This guy went on national television the other day and lauded Paraguay for their heinous decision to force a 10-year-old girl to carry her rapist baby to term. He then went on to toss out every disproven, debunked, nonsensical anti-abortion argument in the quiver. He talks about a person he once met that wasn't aborted, and shucks, he was a great guy even though he was a rape baby. He adds to thoroughly discredited shit about women being wracked with guilt for the rest of their lives about what those eight undifferentiated cells would have wanted for dinner on their birthdays.

Responding to a look of abject horror from host Dana Bash, who simply looked at him as if to say you shouldn't be allowed to use a fork without adult supervision, Huckabee explained that there just weren't any easy answers in a situation like this. Well, newsflash, Hucks, if you're stupid enough, none of the answers are easy. Now, of course, Kelly could have gone after their misogyny as well and didn't. She went after the same person all the other moderators went after. And yes, something is better than nothing. But how far have we fallen when we dare to attach the word feminist

To a person that voluntarily works for the news network That has advised its female listeners twice in the past three weeks To just make the fucking sandwich and quit bitching And yes, two separate Fox anchors have actually used the words Make him a sandwich in response to feminism in the last three weeks So, with apologies for failing to end on a high note once again this week, I'll hand things back over to Noah and Heath. Thank you, Lucinda. And in Parent Height 451 news tonight, Florida Public School Principal Alan Burch has set off an

inadvertent shitstorm after what he seemed to think was an innocent run-of-the-mill book banning. After ones of Christian parents complained about a reading assignment that failed to show, quote, proper reverence for God and the Christian faith faith end quote the principal quietly removed the book from the curriculum to which the national coalition against censorship responded and not quietly enough asshole seriously banning books we're still doing that apparently remove it from florida's internet too if you tell a classroom full of kids don't be interested in this book they're gonna google the fucking book. Yeah, right.

Obviously. Wrong century for this situation, guys. Now, the target of the witch hunt is called the curious incident of the dog in the nighttime, and it presents the story of an autistic teenage math genius who apparently doesn't go in for all the Jesus shit. And look, the fact that smart people tend to recognize that your worldview is silly is extremely inconvenient for you. I get it.

But if all the books that suggested your religion was incorrect were removed, we wouldn't have textbooks, now would we? Well, except for Texas. Except for Texas. But only in the very technical, texty, and booky sense. Right. There would be books with text in them. Exactly. Now, concerned parent and person who was named at a hospital where they charged by the letter, apparently,

Sue Gee insisted that she's not interested in having books banned, and then went on to explain why she's interested in having books banned. Quote, to have that language and to take the name of Christ in vain, I don't go for that. As a Christian, and as a female, I was

offended. End quote. As a female? Yeah, right. So when you say goddammit, apparently she feels it in her vag. Hey, Sue. Hey, Sue. Goddammit, goddammit, goddammit, goddammit, goddammit, goddammit. I was fucking misogynist. Almost rape right there. Almost.

If she was listening, it would have been. And from the plaid cow disease file tonight, an organization in Israel called the Temple Institute is looking to crowdsource $125,000 so they can genetically engineer an all-red heifer so they can murder it so they can build a magical church. Of course. Specifically, the group is dedicated to creating the third temple in Jerusalem to replace the second temple, which was destroyed in 70 CE. the second temple, which was destroyed in 70 CE. And according to their interpretation of a prophecy from the book of Numbers in the Old Testament, this is going to require, among other things, the sacrifice of a three-year-old unblemished virginal female cow that's never had a job and is uniformly red in color down to one hair.

In unrelated news, Heath and I are crowdsourcing a bull that's gonna fuck their cow when it's two and a half just so you know so every time they get one to like almost three we're gonna send a bull in there to fuck it they're gonna have to start over it's gonna be hilarious right so here's the problem for the temple institute besides us fucking their cow the biblically decreed site for the third temple is currently occupied by the dome of the rock which is an islamic holy site gonna be a problem to make things worse orthodox jewish people don't believe they're allowed to physically go there unless several crazy conditions are met including the whole thing with the absurdly

specific red cow which they haven't been able to find for thousands of years and they've been looking hence the gmo prophecy loophole plan well and guys this is jew god like you can fool jew god into thinking you're indoors by tying a string around your neighborhood yeah exactly spray paint a fucking effer and be done with it or just pet a cow after you ate cheetos he's an an idiot. Your God is stupid. He'll fucking think. He doesn't know. So according to the Temple Institute's Indiegogo page, which exists, which exists,

the money's going to go towards several important facets of this project, including, quote, the identification of descendants of the priestly tribe of Aaron. Oh, of course. State of purity enables them to attend to the preparation of the red heifer and also 24 hour video surveillance and monitoring. Oh, well,

of course. Yeah. Security is my favorite part because that means these guys are pretty sure that anti-Jewish operatives are going to try to sneak into their secret ranch and, like, bleach white spots onto their magical cows, the spoiling God. Like you weren't already thinking about it. No, I'm going to fuck their heifer. Well, we're supposed to get a bull to do that. Somebody or something is going to fuck that heifer.

There has to be a dick in their cow in order for our plan to work. And in Jews and Muslims can't play with pigskin anyway anyway news tonight in advance of this year's college football season the ffrf has released a scathing report on the rampant violations of evangelical coaches who use football fields of public universities for missionary target practice among the violations cited in the reports are coaches who lead their teams in prayer encourage church attendance and perform motherfucking baptisms on the field wow yeah but them islam kids always go out for soccer and jews don't play sports and that's everyone so that's all the religions right there now it's worth noting that for a lot of these players their professional prospects are going to be determined by their playing time you know for a lot of them their scholarships are dependent on the good graces of their coaches so while the

official school policy no doubt lists all this shit as voluntary the report rightly points out that when the guy who decides if you get an education and a chance of going pro suggests that you get on your knees that's always coercive and finally tonight from the schmear campaign file catholic leaders gathered in plymouth, Michigan last week for a national conference regarding the gay problem. In particular, they were focused on ways to be nice while you're trying to eradicate an entire sexual

orientation full of people. Yeah, you don't want to be rude. You want to be nice about it, yeah. The event was called Welcoming and Accompanying Our Brothers and Sisters with Same-Sex Attraction. Already a problem. Despite what I was immediately picturing, there was nothing related to Catholic people playing the piano while gay couples have sex and sing songs together.

Would have been way better. Which was disappointing, yeah. There was a debunking of gay sex using a bagel lecture, but sadly also disappointing. Never once a ring-throwing game, nothing like I was picturing it. Right, because in a normal bagel anal sex analogy, obviously the bagel is going to represent the asshole. That makes sense.

It's puckered and everything. And that's proper use of a butt food. But this guy goes a completely different way with it, which means that his explanation is weird for a butt sex analogy that uses a bagel. Absolutely. So under normal circumstances, this would just be another, you know, run of the mill Christian genocide etiquette gala. Hardly worth reporting.

The bagel thing was impossible to ignore. Here's how they got there. One of the speakers was Reverend John Ricardo, and he has what I would call an unorthodox technique for teaching the gay out of kids. Apparently, if you jam a bagel in your ear, it doesn't really work very well. It's just like gay sex. It doesn't work. Like shoving a bagel in your ear.

According to the Reverend, he's often asked by kids, why does God hate gay people? That's sad. Here's the response he likes to use. Quote, what if I just rip open a bagel, I take it, and I cram it in my ear? What would you say? The kids always say, doesn't go there. I say, exactly. That will ruin your ear canal. End quote. And that's why God hates gay people. Yeah, exactly. It just ends there. That was it. I mean, don't get me wrong. I am glad to know that when my wife won't go in for all the butt stuff, I can satisfy my urges

by stuffing a bagel into my head that is useful information but I was really disappointed that this wasn't a setup for the whole I can't hear you there's a bagel in my ear joke

you were right there dude just knock it down alright so you're supposed to shove bagels in vaginas I guess not ears

or rectums fair enough lesson learned lesson learned now that we're thoroughly immersed in a discussion of bagel related ass play, we will need 30 seconds on the clock. Ideas for the ass themed bagel store. Go.

Someone's going to need them eventually. How about dildo cylindrical bagel shop? Because it's about time the microwave bagel fucked you back. About salt, poop, or ketchup. We also have jelly or syrup available on request. Of course we do, yeah. Which leads right into my next one. How about bread and butthurt?

Less painful if you add a side of Pucker's Gape jelly. What about everything but the? Ass bagels. Nice, nice. Everything but the. How about bacon, egg, and cheeks? No, wait, wait but the. How about bacon, egg, and cheeks? No, wait, wait, wait. How about bagels and creamed cheeks?

That's way better. I'll go with that one. That's right. Cheeks. All right. How about hot spuds on Rumpernickel, the hash brown-eyed grill? I'd go there. I'd go there.

Fun sandwich from a restaurant. Maybe logs and bagels? Because let's face it, if there's no shit on it, it wasn't an everything bagel, now was it? Bogs and bagels? Because let's face it, if there's no shit on it, it wasn't an everything bagel, now was it? What about Rick Santorum's Dickie Sant's Twitch on a sloppy seed bun? Yeah, trust me, you're going to want the extra napkins.

Oh, also, in honor of that joke, Santorum's poll numbers are now bagel shaped. He knew it was coming. All right, one more. How about Rear Lenders? Because Lenders bagels already taste like ass not happy that they use the title bagels that's no circle bread it's circle bread one more one more how about gaping open sesame with cream cheese aka the gap schmear fun sandwich title and as you peel back all the layers upon in that one we'll bring the headlines to a slow rolling close he thanks as

always stratego and when we come back evolution will continue to exist despite what creationists Go back all the layers of pun in that one. We'll bring the headlines to a slow rolling close. Heath, thanks as always. Stratego. And when we come back, evolution will continue to exist despite what creationists think that the second law of thermodynamics means. Uriel. God. Have a seat. Don't mind if I i do thanks again for granting me the audience and all appreciate it yeah well my secretary tells me you were pretty insistent i was yeah so i want to talk to you about something but uh i don't want you to get you know how you get and how do i get you get brimstone sometimes you get a little brimstone-y sometimes. You get a little

brimstone. You know, I already don't like the direction this conversation is taking. I know, I know. But look, this is really important, and I think everybody's been tiptoeing around this issue for way too long because everybody's afraid to piss you off. What issue? Alright, well, first promise not to get mad. For my sake, Uriel, I'm a

grown deity. It's been ages since I lost my temper. Dude, you earthquakeed Nepal when I beat you at Smash Bros. a couple months ago. That had nothing to do with Smash Bros. I've been going easy on them for the high places way too long anyway. They were overdue. Okay, so do you promise not to earthquake anybody? Fine. Or brimstone anybody? Just spill it, Uriel.

Okay, okay, okay. It's, uh... It's about your kid. What about my kid? Alright, well, look, um... None of us thought it was a particularly good idea to promote him to king of the universe without even looking at any of the other applications. Kind of reeked of nepotism. But, you know, you're the boss, so we all got behind you. Damn straight you did.

Yeah, okay, but it's been almost 2,000 years. And I think maybe it's time you revisited that decision. What are you trying to say? I'm trying to say that Jesus is a fuck-up. He's the Bif Loman of messiahs. He is not. Look, I'm sorry.

I'm sorry. He let everything go to shit during the Dark Ages. And, you know, we wrote that off as learning the ropes. Then we went through the whole crusade phase. And we overlooked that, too, as, you know, we wrote that off as learning the ropes. Then we went through the whole crusade phase and we overlooked that too as, you know, growing pains. They were. Then he went as an inquisition kick, did the whole witch hunting thing. Again, we all stood behind him even when he fucked up the enlightenment after all that. The enlightenment wasn't entirely his fault.

He's omnipotent. Well. And omniscient. Well. But okay, setting all that aside, look at the last couple of centuries alone. You got atheists launching rockets to Pluto, plagiarizing your genomes and stuff. Meanwhile, what's he doing? I know, I know.

What's he doing, guys? Seriously, what is he doing here? He's appearing on bread and dog's asses. He's appearing on bread and dog's asses. Hey, look, when I was a kid, I did some weird stuff. I haven't figured out anywhere near as many bread products back then, but if they had... You never appeared on a dog's ass? Well, in his defense, I'm pretty sure that was an accident. It was not an accident.

He said it was an accident. He says lots of things. All right, what about this second coming he's been working on for the last couple of millennia, I guess? He keeps telling us he's, you know, tinkering with it, but meanwhile we haven't even seen a finalized budget for the thing. Well, look, it takes a lot of time to make helmets for each little locust, omnipotent or not. Face it, dude, he's just fucking off most of the day. I know how bad you wanted your kid to take over the family business and everything,

but at a certain point you have to admit he's not the right guy for the job. Well, okay, then who is if you know everything? We could try out Jeb. Or maybe we could look outside of the family. Allah's been showing a lot of initiative lately. Or maybe Tom Cruise. He can't keep doing those Mission Impossible movies forever. Oh, hell yes, he can.

Why do you think I miracled him into still having a career after that crazy Oprah shit? All right, well, what about Satan? He's basically already doing the job anyway, right? The guys in Oklahoma would never go for it. All right, well, what about Satan? He's basically already doing the job anyway, right? The guys in Oklahoma would never go for it. All right, well, what about... Do you need to get that? Yeah, hold on. It's Jesus.

Hold on. Hey, hey, would you look at that? Check it out. That's Jesus on the side of a taco shell. Yes, yes. He always seems to be pissed when he tries out a new food product. This one's pretty good, though, right? Might have to go on the fridge.

Yeah, well, this is exactly what I'm talking about. You can't keep encouraging him like this. He's an idiot. What are you talking about? This isn't even a bread product. That's a corn tortilla. The kid's branching out. He's showing initiative.

I quit. And you were worried. It's time for the Atheist Calendar portion of the show. This is the usually monthly couple of minutes that we set aside to talk about all the great atheist, secular, and skeptical events going on around the country and around the world. We're going to start off the September calendar in Sioux Falls, South Dakota, of all places, with a quick reminder that Skepticoda is taking place at the end of this month, actually. The conference kicks off on Saturday, August 29th, with Hemet Mehta. Other speakers include Sarah Moorhead, Debbie Goddard, J.T. Eberhardt, and more.

Pretty tough to compete with the Sioux City Nightlife, but with that kind of lineup, they might just be able to do the trick. We've also got a couple of rhyming conferences coming up in September. First of all, we've got PastaCon in Harrisburg, Pennsylvania. That one starts on the 11th and runs through the 13th. They've got an all-star lineup anchored by Seth Andrews. They're also bringing in Richard Carrier, Matt Dillahunty, David Fitzgerald, Gio Robb, Teresa McBain,

Sarah Moorhead, a friend of the show, Mark Nebo, Aaron Ra, Beth Presswood, and the lovely and talented Shelley Siegel. And if that's not enough, friends of the show, Bill and Susie, are going to be doing a live record of the Barroom Atheist there. That's going to be the first ever live record that they've done, so should be a blast. And as impressive as that speaker list is, there might be one even better the following weekend in Dallas.

Apostacon is one of the biggest, baddest secular conferences in the country. It's taking place the weekend of September 18th and includes such names as Matt Dillahunty, Ryan Bell, JT Eberhardt, Shelley Siegel. Oh, and did I mention Penn and Teller were going to be there? Yeah, should be fun. And in an effort to get the calendar a few places it's never been before, we're going to make what I believe is our first ever stop in Alaska. The Alaska Atheists are bringing Hemant Mehta in for a meet and greet on the same weekend. So if you're all the hell way in Alaska and you want to be at Apostacon,

you can still get your Atheism on. Here's your chance. Also, quick reminder that this weekend, the NonCon in Ontario is coming up. That's August 22nd, and tickets are still available. Lawrence Krauss is their keynote, and there's a bunch of other awesome people, but honestly, Lawrence Krauss should be all you need. If you want more information, of course, you can find links for all of these events on the show notes for this episode, and if you're aware of an event

that you think our audience would like to know about, please let me know. You can find all the contact info on the contact page at skatingatheist.com. From time to time on this show, we like to set aside a few minutes to discuss some of the common brain shit that religious people use in their increasingly desperate effort to reconcile a pre-scientific worldview with the fact that iPads work. So Heath, what delusional insult to neuronal integrity will we be talking about today? Today, we'll be talking about one of the many failed efforts by theists to refute the theory of evolution by natural selection. Right on, right on. Well, that's basically a whole family of apologetics right there. So, which specific one will we be focusing on? That would be the argument from the second law of thermodynamics.

Awesome. That might just be my favorite one to refute. So, tell us, how is the argument from the second law of thermodynamics formally stated? That would be scrawled on a whiteboard with a smug, stupid grin. I see. Obviously a reference to that creationist nincompoop that accidentally volunteered for internet notoriety when he invoked to this apologetic in an effort to teach Bill Nye how to science. That's right. And as his now infamous whiteboard so famously read, that's before atheists photoshopped in stuff like, is the Hunger Games based on a true story? And how will the children learn to read if they can't even fit into the building? Center for ants? So before they added all that, it said, quote, does not the second law of thermodynamics disprove evolution? End quote.

Okay. So the only thing that makes that one hard to answer is the archaic does not phrasing. I mean, so yes, it does not, or no, it does, whichever means no to that absurd question. Yes, but unfortunately, your inquiry is ill-informed and stupid isn't as convincing a counter-argument as it should be among theists. If it was, none of these segments would run over 90 seconds. Granted, okay, so let me take a serious crack at this one. All right, I'll do you the favor of not stating it like an old English proclamation this time.

I appreciate it. Formally stated, premise A, according to the second law of thermodynamics, the state of entropy of a system will always increase over time. Premise B, evolution represents an increase in order and thus a decrease in entropy. Conclusion, evolution violates the second law of thermodynamics. And that's why I love this one. Both of the premises are flawed. I mean, the first one's incomplete, the second one is just wrong,

and the conclusion wouldn't be right even if the premises were. All right, yeah, but I think you might be underestimating the real strength of this apologetic, but, you know, by all means, refute away. See what you got. All right, all right. Let's start with a major missing piece of premise A. The second law of thermodynamics does say that the state of entropy in a system will increase, but it specifies that we're talking about a closed system. Evolution does not represent a closed system, QED. Okay, that might work when you're explaining it to me, but we're talking about the whiteboard guy. Do you really think he knows what a closed system is? Well, no, but I also don't think he knows

what the second law of thermodynamics is. Which is exactly why the argument doesn't usually work out. You'd have to then explain what a closed versus open system is, why evolution belongs to the latter category, what entropy actually means, what the thermo part of thermodynamics is all about it's a whole thing well sure but i understand that stuff well enough to explain it even to the whiteboard guy if i have enough time so you actually think you can

explain the laws of thermodynamics to a creationist who thinks ken ham is an authority on science yeah yeah okay yeah probably not yeah so pretty much any sort of you know sciencey argument is no good crazy as it sounds you can't really bring up anything that would require understanding the law this argument is based on well shit yeah that makes it a lot trickier i'll admit yes it does so you're ready to give up then no i am not because i see a way to rebut this one without actually digging into thermodynamics at all. So let me try that again. This time I'm going to go after premise B.

All right. So once more, does not the second law of thermodynamics disprove evolution? Yes or no, it doesn't. And here's why. Okay, here's one of the many reasons why. Evolution does not represent a decrease in entropy because the rise of biological life leads to an overall increase in entropy through the breakdown of energy. You got a little science-y again. You think the guy who didn't get heat is a type of energy who's going to follow that?

No. No, I don't. Didn't think so. Okay, so now do you want to give up? No. No, I don't because i can also go after the conclusion and this one is an argument from consequence so i don't have to explain any scientific principles at all ah it's not a bad idea let's see what you got okay one more time

does not the second law of thermodynamics not disprove that evolution isn't not real negative response and here's why if you're if what you're saying is true, if the second law of thermodynamics actually says the state of entropy in any system whatsoever can never decrease, it would be impossible for me to set up a chessboard. So clearly you've misinterpreted what that law means. To which I, the apologist, might answer, are you saying there's a universal chess master who put all the biological diversity pieces in their proper place? Because it sounds like that's what you were saying.

Right, right. Okay, good point. I picked the wrong example. How about eggs? Lower state of entropy than chickens, and yet chickens lay eggs. Ergo, you have no idea what the fuck you're talking about. Are you saying there's some sort of universal chicken that laid biological diversity as an's sake okay okay all right how about raindrops formulating from water vapor uh yeah god did that too though well but it doesn't matter

if god made rain the fact that raindrops exists proves that the second law of thermodynamics a doesn't mean what they think it means or b is wrong so one way or the other i win the argument how do you figure well they have to admit that scientists don't explain away rain by saying God did it, so a bunch of atheist scientists aren't going to invent a law that relies on God to make raindrops. But how do you know that won't simply convince them that the theory of condensation is also an evil secular plot to destroy the credibility of God? I mean, are you suggesting that they're going to start denying that rain exists

is that really any more ridiculous than denying evolution at this point come to think of it not really okay okay i i give up how would you tackle the argument from the ideologically motivated misunderstandings of the second law of thermodynamics remember your jujitsu training clear your mind are you suggesting like ground and? Try and snatch it out of my head. No, I'm not taking ground and pound off the table, but no, no, not yet. What I mean is that until now, you've been playing right into their ignorance. But if you truly want to defeat this apologetic, you have to use this strength against them. The strength of their ignorance?

Exactly. How so? Well, the most common way to do this is to ask them what the first or third law of thermodynamics states. Sometimes you can even get away with just asking them how many laws of thermodynamics there are. Is that effective? In a sense, yes. It falls apart during an online debate, of course, and because it's becoming such a common tactic, it can backfire. If they're prepared for that question, it could leave you listening to an idiot try to explain the laws of thermodynamics, and that never ends quickly. Yeah, that sounds in no way pleasant.

But there are other ways you could take advantage of their ignorance. Such as? Look, not only do they not actually understand the laws of thermodynamics, they don't want to understand them. If they do, they have to stop using this dumbass apologetic. So the best tactic you can employ is one that forces them to learn what they least want to know. Okay, but how do you manage that? By just making shit up. Okay, I like it. That's fun. For example, when they bring up the

argument, you can gasp and do a frightened double take and remind them that the first law of thermodynamics is you do not talk about the second law of thermodynamics. We shouldn't even be talking about this. This will probably sound vaguely familiar to them so they'll believe you and shut up or they'll check and see if you're right at which time they'll have to come face to face with the actual laws of thermodynamics oh okay okay but what if they've seen fight club recently all right well then tell them that the first law is that a robot may not injure a human being or through inaction allow a human being to come to harm. Look, all you need to do is make up a rule that rings a bell to them.

You might tell them that the third law of thermodynamics tells us not to stick our dicks in crazy. Or that the 34th law of thermodynamics says there's a type of porn for every Christian apologetic. Usually keeps them busy for a while. Okay, but it seems like even if you did inspire them to learn what the laws of thermodynamics actually say, they'd still offer up some kind of bullshit rationalization. Well, then you should remind them about the 76th law of thermodynamics, which is no excuses play like a champion, obviously.

Well, I guess I can't argue with that. Of course not. It would be in violation of the 76th law of thermodynamics. Well, Heath, thanks as always. You ever notice how often you thank me in an episode of this show? It's a lot. Perhaps I'm still just waiting for a you're welcome. Oh, alright. Jumanji!

It's time for the part of the show that comes next, the listener feedback. This is the part of the show that comes next, listener feedback. This is the part of the show that gets all up in your shit, but secretly only does it because it's insecure and wants to be close to you. Our first message comes from Bill, who would like to once more apologize for Ray Comfort on behalf of New Zealand. Bill writes, quote, New Zealand is unique in that they celebrate just about anybody who excels on the international stage. If someone placed third in international tiddlywinks tournament, that would be a top news story down here. Having said that, I've never heard the name Ray Comfort mentioned in any fashion down here. Stop paying attention to him and he will probably go away. quote okay well thanks for the advice and all but he has a habit of sticking microphones in our faces and asking us if jesus cries when we butt fuck so it's that's hard to ignore i mean

yeah it's true the scathing atheist plays a large role in sculpting the national dialogue fair enough but when someone makes a movie about how supporting same-sex marriage is like murdering lesbians in an elevator uh maybe the country should be talking about maybe yeah or at least talking about why we would ever subsidize the institutions that led him and millions of others to believe that yeah good point we also got a message from susan who runs the guerrilla skepticism on wikipedia project she was writing on behalf of our how bullshit is it segment on facilitated communication and wanted to make sure we didn't leave anybody with the impression that just because FC has

been thoroughly discredited, that doesn't mean it's in danger of disappearing anytime soon. So, yes, unfortunately, that is the case. I'm sorry if we left anyone with that impression. Well, that's terrifying. Rubber ducky. Yeah. But, you know, at least it's not the norm.

Usually the world is really good at abandoning dangerous ideas when they become discredited by scientific facts. Yeah, first time that happens, we'll let you know. And incidentally, if you want to learn more about the guerrilla skepticism on Wikipedia Project or the GSOW, we'll have a link for it on the show notes. We're also hoping to have Susan on the show next week so she can tell you how you can get involved in person. We also got an email from Tony who wanted to express his wholehearted agreement with our stance from a past episode regarding Chicago's so-called pizza. Tony writes, quote, I grew up in Chicago, but I've also lived in New York City, and I'll happily concede that anything outside of a two-hour driving radius from New York shouldn't really be allowed to use the title pizza, especially if you need a fucking spork to eat it. Amen, brother. However, I did find a good way to repurpose a Chicago style pie.

My breakfast cereal doesn't get soggy quite as fast when I use deep dish with marinara instead of a bowl with milk. Just to be fair. End quote. One way to go with the Cheerios. We also got a correction from Daniel, among others, taking me to task for the fuck up in last week's show where I accidentally I was talking about Louie Gohmert and I accidentally identified him as the asset

that brought the snowball into the halls of Congress to disprove science. It easily could have been him. Well, yeah, but no, that was James Inhofe, not Gohmert. I don't know how I managed to fuck that up. I didn't even get the right House of Congress, so sorry about that. And finally, we got several emails

regarding the Duggar family's latest business venture. Everyone wanted to make sure we knew all about this. Apparently, they thought the TLC Network, who canceled 19 Kids and Counting a few months ago, might be interested in a new show in which the family provides counseling for victims of sexual abuse. Yeah, why not? Sure, great idea. Of all people, they're experts at keeping three quarters of their kids from getting molested. You know, everybody ignores the 14 un-brother fucked ones.

They want to, you know, shine a light on them. And that, of course, brings us to this week's top 10. Ideas for the Duggars stay famous by exploiting tragedy show. This won't be offensive at all. All right, number 10. I'm thinking if they went with incestual healing, they'd pretty much already have a theme song. So that's a good way to go. Number nine, 19 kids and mounting evidence.

19 kids and shitload of mounting evidence. How about number eight, mad shekels with Jim Duggar, endangering your children for fun and profit. I mean, it doesn't work if it's your kids molesting your kids, but then you just have to keep giving yourself the shekels. But you see where we're going. You got the idea. Yeah.

Number seven, Joshosh duggar stars in don't even act like you wouldn't fuck my sisters come on tell me you wouldn't have popped her number six molest in show number five congenital herpes pts, STD is for Duggar. How about like a molestation instruction manual? It could be like hugger, drugger, and bugger like a Duggar. At number three, American Horror Story, the Duggar Family Freak Show in red, white, and blue. How about number two? Maybe go a little something more urban.

How about molester mo problems? I can see that working. And number one, choke and gagger. Skullduggery immersion therapists. Yeah, that's one of those jokes that you want to make at the end of the show after we've offended off all of the offendable people. Good timing on that. Yeah, that was the offensive one in that segment. And that's all the feedbackable people. Good timing on that. Yeah, that was the offensive one in that segment. And that's all the feedback you get.

If you want more, keep sending us those emails, tweets, and Facebook messages. You'll find all the contact info on the contact page at skatingatheist.com. I'm going to go looking for it because we're going to drop the first episode directly into the Skating Atheist feed. So if you're subscribed to this show, you will automatically get the first couple of episodes of the Gamcast. Once we've moved it to its very own feed, we'll update you with information on where you can find it.

And by the way, the movie we're reviewing for the debut is a direct-to-YouTube release called Miracle Man, and it is the absolute worst piece of shit that we've ever reviewed

by orders of magnitude. So you've got that to look forward to on Tuesday at 8 a.m. Eastern Time. Anyway, that's all the blasphemy we've got for you this week. We'll be back in 10,022 minutes with more. If you've got that to look forward to on Tuesday at 8 a.m. Eastern time. Anyway, that's all the blasphemy we've got for you this week. We'll be back in 10,022 minutes with more. If you can't wait that long, be on the lookout for a new episode of our sister show, The Skeptic Credit, 8 a.m. Eastern on Monday. And of course, the first episode of God Awful Movies that I was

just talking about 24 hours after that. Obviously, I need to thank Heath one more time, even though he kind of made me feel self-conscious about it in the counter-apologetic segment, but he still deserves it. Also, I need to thank the lovely and talented Lucinda Lutions for all the loveliness and the talent. But most of all, of course, I need to thank this week's best people, Brian, Michael, Samuel, Earl, Oren, Richard, Jackie's Fridge, Julie and Brad at Deity Free, Mike, Kayleen, Rachel, who loves Eli, Gold, Delradian, Anthony, Teodi, Kai, Mark, Dan, Moe, Cowbell,

other Michael, Ken, and Vincent. Brian, Michael, Samuel, Earl, Oren, and Richard, whose dicks Atari Hanzo is legally obligated to exclude when he uses his finest sword ever made by a man line. Jackie's Fridge, Julian, Vratat, Deity Free, Mike, and Kayleen, who are damn cool and pack plenty of meat whether or not they're refrigerators. Rachel, Gold, Delradian, Anthony, Teode, and Kai, whose sexual magnetism is strong enough to float a frog.

And Mark, Dan, Moe, other Michael, Ken, and Vincent, whose ejaculations are what Oppenheimer was talking about when he said the whole destroyer of worlds thing. Together, these 25 people, crushes, Twitter handles, and appliances have helped us make Jesus cry like a little bitch again this week by giving us money. Not everybody has the superior neuronal wiring required to give us money, but if you think you've got what it takes, you can make a per-episode donation at patreon.com slash scathingatheist and thereby get access to an extended version of every episode before that episode is released to the general public and if you're not moved by all the extended episode shit you can also make a one-time donation

by clicking on the donate button on the right side of the home page at skatingatheist.com and thereby earn nothing except the knowledge that you gave us money and an outlandish compliment about your mental acumen and or genitals and if you'd like to help but you're sick and damn tired of people talking about how awesome your intellect and genitals are, you can also help us a ton by leaving a five-star review on iTunes, sharing the show on all your various social media platforms, and telling all your godless hellbound friends about it. If you have questions, comments, or death threats, you'll find all the contact info on the contact page at skatingatheist.com.

All the music used in this episode was written and performed by yours truly, and yes, I did have my permission. This could be like a double fisting but that's not masturbation. Now you're just punching your penis. Yeah, yeah, exactly. Fine line, but...