The Scathing Atheist - ScathingAtheist 135: A Better Life Edition

Episode Date: September 17, 2015

In this week's episode, Heath and Noah try their best to keep the fantasy football crap to a minimum, Jade Helm 15 ends after finally securing the Louisiana Purchase, and Chris Johnson joins us to discuss his film, A Better Life, which seeks to answer the question of how a life can be meaningful if it isn't subjected to the whims of an omnipotent, vengeful bully with a torture chamber.

Warning, it's football season now, so these guys have even more stuff to cuss about. This week's episode of The Scathing Atheist is brought to you by the new line of athletic footwear for awful bigots and their venerated observances, KKK Swiss Flaming Cross Trainers. Do you belong to a certain secret society whose name doesn't need to be mentioned? Are you getting fed up with the Jew balance in this country getting way too big? Do you find yourself being chased by angry mobs of New Yorkers when the reluctant police escort goes away after your barely legal parades? Well, we've got the kicks for you. KKK Swiss flaming cross trainers. One of these days, these boots are going to walk all over Jews.

And now, the skating atheist. and I can attest to the fact that we evolved from filthy monkey men, not so much focusing on the monkey men aspect. I mean, I'm not a giant buffoon, so I accept science. The piece where I am an expert, I'm a dirty stand-up comedian, so where I can add something to the conversation, yes, they were filthy, filthy monkey men. Yes, they were filthy, filthy monkey men. They were snot-licking, poop-smearing, period-blood-gargling monkey men. And I couldn't be prouder to have them as my ancestors.

It's Thursday. It's September 17th. And I think we should all send out some intercessory prayers for Andre Ellington's knee. I'm the unsympathetic motherfucker that took Dez in the first round, no illusions. I'm Heath Enright. And from Cowbell Prescribed, Valdosta, Georgia, this is The Scathing Atheist. On this week's episode, we'll try to keep the fantasy football shit to a minimum, promise. The Jade Helm 15 operation comes to a close after finally securing the Louisiana Purchase. And Chris Johnson will be here to discuss his atheist documentary, A Better Life.

But first, the diatribe. So I'm on a long drive the other day, and I'm trying to distract myself from George's many fine anti-abortion billboards with a panel show on NPR. NPR. And the subject on the show is ISIS, and more specifically, why Muslims from wealthy families in the industrialized world are choosing to leave representative democracies to go die in a desert theocracy. So you've got two liberal academics, a liberal imam and a liberal host, wrestling over this question and completely unable to formulate an answer because they've already taken the answer off the table. You've got Professor Everett K. Firthworth babbling about, well, we know that it's not the religion because all these prominent Muslim leaders say this isn't what the religion says, and they agree that ISIS doesn't represent real Islam, and then, of course, the token apologist can't agree more, and the host chimes in about how, well, shucks, we all know that Islam

is a beautiful and peace-loving religion, so it must be some other factor that drives them to do all this crazy shit. But what, other than the religion they all share and claim as their solitary motive for this action, could possibly be motivating this action? And meanwhile, I'm looking around at these billboards of, you know, babies that never got to play with a train set because their mothers killed them when they were only eight cells old, and I'm thinking, here I am, trapped between the stupidity of the right and the stupidity of the left. How many liberal Christian leaders could I line up that would tell you aborting a four-day-old fetus isn't really murder?

You know, how many liberal Christians could I line up to tell you that Jesus was okay with gay marriage? Does that suddenly make abortion clinic bombings and Mike Huckabee inexplicable? So whether or not they know it, what they're really saying is we all agreed on the Muslims kill people because they're a press narrative, so how are we going to shoehorn these contrary facts into it? And I don't think they're conscious of that. You know, everybody crams facts into their worldview,

but this isn't exactly a situation with no consequence. And if we can't even admit to ourselves that the root of the problem is the religion, how can we have a realistic national dialogue about it? You know, as imperfect as our democracy is, it's still a democracy. Our national conversation informs our national policy. Meanwhile, you got a bunch of right-wing bigots on one side saying it's the religion, sure, because they have the wrong religion. And on the other side, you got a bunch of left-wing hippies castrated by political correctness saying, well, it must be our fault somehow. It's definitely not the religion. Couldn't be that. And hey, you think ISIS is

going to be a big campaign issue, perhaps? You think the average moderate makes up their mind a week before the election American is going to tend towards the person who admits what the problem is and proposes a crappy solution or the person who pretends the problem isn't there? Because if I had to guess, I'd say most of us would rather see the emperor in a chicken suit than stare at his balls. Now look, this is by and large an honest mistake. It's born out of the same cognitive malfunction that has us setting aside all the information in consumer reports because some dude at work's uncle had a Camry and he hated it.

See, the problem for a lot of liberals is that they've only really encountered liberal theists. I mean, fuck, the majority only really encountered liberal theists. I mean, fuck, the majority of them are liberal theists. You know, they're aware of the extremists, but by definition, those guys are the extreme. They're way over on that other end. So they assume that most religious people are like the ones they know. And the extremists are just fucking up the otherwise stellar reputation of their parents or the reformed Jewish friends they've got or that sweet Muslim lady at work. But the fact is, the liberal theists are also extremists, just extremists the other way. They are in no way the average.

I mean, think about what it means to be a liberal theist. Essentially, these are people who profess something they don't actually believe. And if you want to find out how true that is, just start by trying to pin down exactly what they mean by, I believe in God. You know, they're not talking about the God of the Bible, the Quran, or the Torah. They're not talking about a God who directly responds to prayers for good parking spaces, or a God that sends vengeance hurricanes,

or even a God that holds the logically contradictory qualities of being omnipotent, omniscient, and omnipotent. In fact, if you dig deep enough, as often as not, they'll toss out a complete non-statement like, I just believe there's something out there. And again, they're not talking about fucking Popeye's fried chicken. We can all agree that's a thing that's out there. They're talking about nothing at all. And to people like this, the extremists are even more baffling than they are to me. Because look, if you start with the precept that they actually believe this shit, questions like, why would Muslims from wealthy European families join ISIS, that's pretty easy to answer.

So are questions like, why would that guy kill that abortion doctor? Or why can't they just get over the gay marriage thing? Or why would you be willing to blow yourself up over that? If they actually believe the stuff they say they believe, the answer to all of those questions simply becomes they actually believe the stuff they say they believe.

But a liberal theist can't say, well, you know, Christians bomb abortion clinics because they actually believe in the Bible without admitting to themselves how little they actually believe in the Bible. Likewise, an atheist whose opinion of religion has been inordinately colored by liberal theists can't just say, well, that's the logical extension of believing in that shit because they've got all these examples that they don't know are statistical outliers. But they are. Look, doing the movie review show now, it's rather striking that they don't really make movies outliers. But they are. Look, doing the movie review show now,

it's rather striking that they don't really make movies for the kind of religious. You know, this bazillion dollar industry seems to cater entirely to people that think evolution is bullshit, divorce is a sin, and that God's actually sitting somewhere with a fucking checklist of shit he's going to put you through between now and heaven. And of course, that's who they cater to because that's the average. Look, more than half of American Christians completely reject evolution. That's true even if you factor out the ones who believe in God-guided evolution, which you probably shouldn't because that doesn't make any fucking sense. You know, more than half of American Christians think homosexuality is a sin against God. Same thing with abortion. Same thing with

divorce. The same is true with the devil being a real person that exists. Hell, well over half of American Christians believe that your body can be possessed by fucking demons. In a world that knows all about epilepsy and mental illness, that is the average. Now look, only the people standing outside of the building can really see how crooked its walls are. It is our moral obligation to tell the people inside that building that it's dangerous in there. And sorry, the left, but that trumps our social obligation to be nice. Joining me for headlines tonight is my cohort, Heath Enright. Heath, are you ready to hort?

Well, according to Urban Dictionary, I believe hort is the seam of one's scrotum. Huh. Vestigial vag. So no, I don't think I'm ready to do that. Okay. All right. So how about we do headlines instead? Good idea.

Okay. In our lead story tonight, according to people that sell freeze-dried food kits, the end times are coming to Utah. Uh-oh. Coincidentally, several best-selling apocalypse authors agree on that. Uh-huh. And that's why thousands of Mormon idiots are currently spending record amounts of money on prepper supplies, like non-perishable food and camping equipment. unperishable food and camping equipment. Because when God envelops the world in fire and brimstone,

you're going to want a high quality nylon enclosure to protect your pile of canned spam. Yeah, what are they even thinking? You're buying the wrong shit, dumbasses. When the apocalypse comes, you're going to need some helmeted locusts spraying a dragon lance. Read your fucking book. It's right there. Yeah. This particular wave of stupidity comes in part thanks to so-called blood moon prophecies made by insane people like mega pastor John Hagee, who think there's a secret code in the Bible that tells us the end of the world is supposed to happen after a lunar eclipse.

And the one that's coming up on September 28th is the fourth in a tetrad of lunar eclipses, all of which occurred on Jewish holidays with six full moons during the series and no partial eclipses. What? Does it say any of that stuff in the Bible anywhere? No.

Okay. Is there a Jewish holiday pretty much every day? Yes, but still, apocalypse. End of the world. Yeah. Disaster. Okay. So if there had been like one penumbral eclipse during that period, the world keeps going? Cancel it.

Cancel it. Yeah. I mean, because look, like, first of all, every lunar eclipse is the fourth in a tetrad, you know, all except for the first three after like Theia hit Earth, proto-Earth or whatever. Those first three. But after that, and they were probably all pretty much on Jewish holidays from then on, too. And also, just for the record, all it says in the Bible about this is a vague prophecy that could be describing a lunar eclipse, maybe. But there are between two and five lunar eclipses every year.

So pretty much everything happens both before and after lunar eclipses every year. So pretty much everything happens both before and after lunar eclipses, obviously. There have been literally thousands of them since the Bible was written, including one that Peter said in the book of Acts fulfilled the dumbass prophecy from the book of Joel that we're talking about. But this next one is special, I guess,

because it's the next one. And if you're still not convinced, don't forget, we legalized baby killing in 1973. And then 42 years later, bam, the stock market goes down. Coincidence? Mormons think not. Not idiots. 42. And in Cuba Libre news tonight, the nation simultaneously known as the jewel of the Caribbean

and the splooge puddle of Florida is gearing up for an official Vatican visit. And to make sure the crowds are robust and excited, they'll be filling them in with a bunch of people from local prisons. Cuba announced the pardon of more than 3,500 prisoners in advance of Pope Framnesty's visit, marking the second largest mass release of prisoners in the nation's history. That's right. Second largest.

Yeah, this is criminal jubilee 2.0 for them. Right. But they couldn't make it slightly bigger than round one for some reason. Kind of a letdown, I thought, you know, just seems like they could have found a handful more 90 year old capitalist jaywalkers so they could break that record. Or just arrest 100 more people and then let them out, too. Yeah. Well, now, the government calls this a humanitarian effort and hopes you won't look at the details when they do, because unlike the release of thirty six hundred prisoners back in seventy eight, that's the first biggest. This time they're keeping all the political prisoners and basically just letting old and or mostly dead people go. The pardon group consists primarily of people who are slated to be released sometime this year anyway, and foreigners whose countries are willing to take them back, and they're terminally ill. And just in case you were in danger of thinking that Cuba is a modern-ish nation, by the way,

included in the list of crimes that nobody would be released for was cattle rustling. What? Actually on the list. Well, if nothing else, this guarantees that several geriatric Cuban ex-con refugees will be raping Donald Trump at some point. That's something to look forward to. It's all worthwhile now. Now, it's interesting to note that this comes in response to the Vatican petitioning for the release of a large number of Cuban detainees, but as near as anybody can tell, these are all completely different people. Like, none of

the people on the Vatican's list are actually getting released. They just said, well, you know, we can release some people. Now, and it's also apparently something of a tradition, as Cuba released 300 prisoners when Pope John Paul visited back in 98, and 2,900 in 2012 when Benedict came around. So apparently Cuba thinks they're sending a message other than we always have plenty of people locked up for no good reason. Not sure what they think they're saying.

And from the anal P-robes file tonight. Oh, good. Host of the 700 Club and Burgess Meredith post-mortem stunt double Pat Robertson discussed the Kim Davis issue on a recent Open Casket episode of the show, during which time he lamented all the gay people currently getting married over his dead body. And he seems to think this means that Christianity is illegal now. According to the P-Robes from Not Jail, quote, you go to jail if you believe in God and stand

fast for your beliefs against the onslaught of secular humanism, end quote. Onslaught of secular humanism. The most pleasant onslaught of secular humanism, end quote. Onslaught of secular humanism. The most pleasant onslaught ever conceived. Right? You're going to take this equality if I have to rape it into your face. But look, you know what? Yes, he's right. If you stand fast for your beliefs against secular humanism, you go to jail,

depending on the extent to which it matters where you stand. Because secular humanism means solving moral problems through rational means that aren't supernatural. You kind of have to be. Yeah, I mean, if you're against that, you're the bad guy. All of the times, every one of the times, you will be the bad guy. Also coming to the events of hate criminal Kim Davis last week was Louisiana governor and GOP practice squad presidential candidate Bobby Jindal. Unable to parse out the distinction between disobeying a court order to stop actively discriminating against an entire sexual orientation and believing in Christianity, Mr. Bo Jingles expressed similar sentiments to P-Robes on the subject. Jingles expressed similar sentiments to P-robes on the subject. Also

speaking from not jail, Jindal had this to say, quote, Here's where we are in our country today. Now, that part is actually true, but then he continues. Continues. If you disagree with gay marriage, they put you in jail, end quote. And

I guess the fact that Jindal walks free amongst us must just be another example of brown people getting the benefit of the doubt in our legal system. Like they do. And in Damn It, Josh, I Said Focus news tonight. Focus on the family, which, as the brainchild of James Dobson, serves as proof of concept for immaculate conception, is urging public school students around the country to reinforce their delusions of persecution with a brand new holiday called Bring Your bible to school day it's the dumbest thing i've ever heard yeah ignoring the fact that no one on earth gives a shit whether christian kids bring their bibles to school except you know maybe the three jews and the muslim kid who are already feeling pretty ostracized the group's literature suggests

that this is a retaliation for the nationwide secular conspiracy to ban bibles from schools okay well we definitely can't let them. This fucks up our plan. If there's still Bibles floating around, how are we going to install the dark energon cubes to summon demons in every school using the series of secret tunnels connecting Walmarts? This is a fucking disaster.

I'm sure we'll figure something out. Scrap that. Let's be clear about what's actually happening here, okay? So the extremely reasonable law says that teachers can't lead their classes in prayer. Teachers can't require children to be or act religious. That's the law. And it's so overwhelmingly reasonable that the only way that focus on the family can fight against it is by conflating that law with a non-existent law. That would be ridiculous.

But look, make no mistake about it. Focus on the family wants the teachers leading the students in prayer. It says that on their fucking website. They want to bring back mandatory prayer in schools. And just to avoid the conversation about what a bunch of anti-American assholes that makes them, they have to pretend that we won't let them hold the Bible in public. Well, at least there's a few ways for atheist kids to have fun with this holiday. Personally, I'd be asking all my female teachers to crack open Timothy and asking them to please

shut the fuck up in public because God said so. That is what he said. Now, in the event that we have any public school students in the listening audience, it's probably worth noting that bring your Bible to school day falls on Thursday, October 8th, which just so happens to coincide with the date of my new protest holiday. Bring your Bible to school and draw dicks in it day because there's also no law against that if it's your fucking Bible. I've done that. And of course, if you don't own a Bible or forget to bring one that day, Heath and I will be commissioning a team of windowless vans with free Bible spray painted across the side to visit many of America's fine public elementary schools that day and tell people that Focus on the Family sent us. So be on the lookout for that.

The vans will be marked. It's not dangerous at all. And from the elected officials that will shoot you in the face file tonight, Arkansas State Senator Jason Raper is a fucking lunatic that definitely isn't qualified to hold public office, even if he didn't have Raper right there in his name, still not very qualified. But that's a warning sign, though. It is a warning sign. Yet somehow he managed to dupe the highly intelligent voting base in central Arkansas into electing him,

despite having the temperament of George Zimmerman on a meth binge. Granted, he is an ignorant, anti-choice homophobic christian bigot who orchestrated the illegal 10 commandments monument on the capitol grounds there so you know he did have all that going for him but we learned recently that he also carries around a loaded gun just in case he needs to shoot any citizens that might ask him a displeasing question in public that's who you people elected but i mean but that's exactly who they want representing them. Yeah, I mean, you got a bunch of Arkansans sitting there saying like, that seems like the kind of fella I could have a beer with.

Well, we shot people for asking us displeasing questions in public. Yeah, I mean, as much as I hate to say it, this is a clear sign that our representative democracy is still working on some level. It's frightening as hell, but it's, you know, silver lining. The generalized death threat came in response to an incident earlier this month in which a local resident named Lance White saw Raper in a store parking lot and asked the senator about his stance on gay marriage and the Kim Davis case. senator about his stance on gay marriage and the kim davis case given the inflammatory nature of interrogative phrases like that raper refused to answer through an insult at mr white and drove away in a huff and then naturally he resorted to an online threat of gun violence like you do according to a tweet from j rapes soon after the, which he deleted because he thinks that's how the internet works.

Quote, not smart to come up and harass somebody in a parking lot who's carrying a loaded handgun. Better be glad you decided to walk away. What? Hashtag armed and percent ready. End quote. So maybe you guys could find a less murdery bigoted redneck to replace him in November. Just a thought. I'm sure you have at least one.

There's got to be one. And in can't-I-just-be-choke-holded-to-death news tonight, Louisiana Deputy Jackie Loveless is earning praise in the local media after violating the shit out of the Constitution but for the right religion. The story begins when the part-time pastor and full-time deputy pulled over a couple for speeding only to discover that they were on their way to a memorial service for a daughter that had died only a few days ago now upon learning this the extremely gigantic man with a gun reached into the car grabbed the driver's arm and asked the couple if they would pray with him loveless justified his actions by explaining that quote when the

spirit of the lord comes to me to pray i'm obedient to him and pray with that person end quote so yes the man who is armed by the state and empowered to take away the freedom of his fellow citizens proudly does whatever the voices in his head tell him to. That's comforting. Good to know. Yeah, and I'm sure the driver's willingness to play make-believe with Officer Jackie over there has absolutely no effect on the legal consequences of traffic stops. Yeah, right, exactly. Works just fine for atheists and Muslims. I mean, what's truly fucked up about this is that he thinks the situation makes this more appropriate.

So, okay, not to bum you out too much, but just put yourself, your atheist self, in these parents' position, right? You're on your way to a funeral. You're already in the depths of depression. And now an armed man is reaching into your car asking you to help convince his invisible friend not to burn your dead child in hell. That is the exact position this asshole could easily have put an atheist couple into. Yeah, listen, officer, we'd love to pray with you, but as you can see, we're in a line of 50 cars with our hazard lights on, going about 15 miles an hour to a grave site.

Not sure how fast you clocked us, but we're kind of busy. Dead person, eulogy, it's a whole site. Not sure how fast you clocked us, but we're kind of busy. Dead person, eulogy. You know how it goes. It's a whole thing. Look, even if you're still inclined to forgive him because of the circumstances, like maybe saw a crucifix on the lady's neck or whatever, it's probably worth noting that according to the report, this was not the first couple he pulled over and prayed with that day. What's more, his superiors not only know about these blatant violations, they wholeheartedly endorse them.

According to parish sheriff Julian Whittington, quote, Jackie exemplifies first off a man, a Christian man, end quote. Perhaps not realizing that anything he does or says might be used against him later in court somehow. And on that note, we're going to exercise our right to remain silent for a couple of minutes while we hand things over to my lovely wife, Lucinda. A man wrote the Bible. A whore is what she wants. If it's a legitimate race. If it's a slut, right? Cooking can be fun. Hey, I'm proud of a man. This week in Masajid.

Let me start off tonight with a quick apology for missing this segment last week. I guess a person can only cover stories that make them sick for so long before they actually get sick. But my white blood cells have been working overtime long enough, so it's time to crack open the news once again and get my red blood cells working overtime for a change. And that didn't take long, of course. I needed only to open my inbox to find a story sent to me by astute listener Phil, I needed only to open my inbox to find a story sent to me by astute listener Phil, who wanted to draw my attention to a small town in Alabama that has decided to encode slut-shaming into municipal law by proposing a local ordinance that would ban miniskirts and short shorts.

In a proposal that probably started attention Walmart shoppers, Dadeville City Councilperson Stephanie Kelly justified treating a town full of grown adults like an Amish barn dance by suggesting that women, quote, with these shorts up so high looking like undergarments, end quote, don't respect themselves and thus must have self-respect imposed on them by their city council. Now, the most fucked up thing about this story might be the fact that it actually represents a step toward gender equality in the town, as it comes on the heels of a similar proposal to make it illegal for men to wear baggy pants. This proposal was offered by wink-wink racist Frank Goodman, and apparently Kelly wanted to make sure that it wasn't only the men who had to abide by antiquated dress codes arbitrarily concocted by a bunch of

elderly white Alabamans. If this is allowed to continue, it's only a matter of time before there's a legally mandated minimum hat size. But of course, even the worst of conservative American dress codes is pretty much naked, according to the Muslims, which is why I was so happy to see a story about feminine protesters dropping in unannounced on a Muslim women's conference with their tits out. Of course, with their tits out is kind of feminine's thing. We've covered a number of their topless protests on the show before, and they have a commendable habit of bringing naked boobs to the places that need them the most, like the Pope's weekly address in St. Peter's Square. This most recent protest took place in Paris during a controversial

conference about the role of women in the Muslim faith. This is very literally an entire conference about how cooking and cleaning are the only appropriate feminine activities, except apparently going to conferences about cooking and cleaning. And included in the day's itinerary was a panel discussion about when it's appropriate for Muslim men to beat their wives. Not sure why you'd need a whole panel of people to say no and under no circumstances, but apparently they did. Well, I guess in the minds of these two women, the panel didn't get the answer right, so they ripped off their burkas and rushed on stage. And for the convenience of the audience, they'd gone to the trouble of painting the correct answer on their chest,

with one set of boobs reading, no one subjugates me, and the other, I am my own prophet. The two women were greeted with calls of dirty whores, stoned them, and killed them before being violently dragged off stage and, as near as I can tell from the video, violently kicked in the ribs. The two were arrested immediately, though there's no word yet on what kind of punishment they face. All right, but it's not too stringent, though, because once they're free, we have a city council in Alabama that could use their help. And with that, I'll hand things back over to Noah and Heath. Thank you, Lucinda.

And in yes-but-worthy filthy news tonight, archaeologists created two new missing links when they announced the discovery of a new human ancestor last Thursday. The newly discovered species, dubbed Homo naledi, represents the earliest known hominid species and combines a number of traits of both modern humans and our more ape-like ancestors. For example, it has long curved fingers that are distinctly arboreal but nearly modern feet. The condition of the wrist bone suggests tool use, and the condition of the find itself suggests ritualized disposal of bodies despite having a brain about the size of a baseball.

In other words, it is exactly the species creationists have been whining about for the last couple of centuries. However, this still doesn't explain why there are still Kirk Camerons. Yeah, but you know what? Neither does religion. Nothing explains that, so they don't get points for that either. Now, it's no surprise that the creationist denial machine moves straight into ludicrous speed in the wake of this announcement. Despite the unprecedented scope of the discovery, straight into ludicrous speed in the wake of this announcement. Despite the unprecedented scope of the discovery, bones from several dozen individuals were uncovered,

the first line of defense was to question the ability of the world's leading experts to make such grandiose conclusions based on only a thousand and a half bone fragments. Upon learning that this is basically now the most well-documented ancestor of humans extant in the fossil records, they shifted tactics to suggest that perhaps Eve squirted out the occasional monkey child when her son's impregnated her. It doesn't say in the Bible that that didn't happen. Yeah, plus lots of people were getting, you know, monkey hands surgically grafted onto their wrists back in the day.

Sure, of course. That's going to easily be the burial site for the ancient tribe of the monkey hands. Still not clear. You don't know that's not true. Were you there? But of course, speaking of which, if you want the real scoop on creationist controversy, you have to turn to Amish Wolverine himself over at Answers in Genesis.

And wouldn't you know it, he found the answer in Genesis. Quote, God told us he created two humans as well as all the other kinds of land animals, and that included apes on the same day. Whatever species these bones represent, we know that they cannot be any sort of interlude between apes and humans, end quote. So, according to Ham, when God created man and apes, he must have also created man apes, and also, the world's leading paleontologists, archaeologists, and anthropologists know less about fossils than Ken Ham and the pre-agricultural goat herders that inform him.

Sounds about right. That's his defense and in we're not liars llc news tonight the anti-government christian idiots with guns group known as the oath keepers offered last week to provide armed guard security detail for kim davis as protection from from whatever the fuck it is they think is physically threatening Kim Davis. Right. Homosexual militants, I guess.

Gay nanobot Voltrons or something like that. And because that's absolutely insane, she refused, which is actually fantastic. Kim Davis told them, yeah, thanks for the offer, but you people are crazy religious nutjobs and I think I need to distance myself from you. Do not send over fucking Cletus and Bobby Lee to follow me around with assault rifles. No, thank you. Yeah, right. I mean, applaud her for de-escalating this thing if you want, but turning down a bodyguard made up of people genetically obligated to answer all statements that start with,

I bet you wouldn't, with, oh, yeah, is at the very least also in her best interest. is at the very least also in her best interest, you know? But I think it's worth pointing out that what they were offering, according to their offer, was to murder representatives of the elected government if they try to force her to abide by the nation's laws. That's what happened, yeah. That's what this Christian terrorist organization publicly offered. Yeah, so it's highly unlikely,

but I'm really hoping the keepers of the oaths realize the lesson here if kim davis says you're getting a little too carried away with the jesus stuff i think it's time to rethink your life choices right or at the very least learn to stick with the important stuff you already know you know like armed standoffs to help one racist cattle rancher in nevada evade taxes important stuff yeah you know going to armed standoffs to help one racist cattle rancher in Nevada evade taxes. You're good at that. You know, going to Ferguson, Missouri and confirming every negative stereotype about

racist white people on national television. These are proven methods. They know this stuff. Now, if Kim Davis was, say, walking in the parking lot to a military recruiting center, then sure, yeah, protect her from the Muslim hordes for a minute, you know. But once she leaves your jurisdiction, it's time to let it go. In other words, this group has never done anything that isn't insane. That's the point here. And in putting the boy back in lazy boy news tonight, Pope Falkatras' ass has become the

center of growing controversy at the Philadelphia Industrial Correctional Center. For reasons neither explained by the prison nor permitted by the Constitution, inmates have been tasked with building a special chair for Pope Frack-That-Ass-Up when he visits the city later in the month. A chair? Does he have a rider now? I shall require a sitting device hewn by six unrighteous souls and a slave to hold my skin up and skittles fill out my jowls. Not the green ones, though. And while I'll freely admit that nothing says post-dark ages like using slave labor to build a cathedral for an infallible conduit of God, the use of inmates to facilitate a religious gathering can't really be constitutional unless we build convict thrones for all the religious leaders. And while I'm sure Creflo Dollar would love that idea, Annie Laurie Gaylor was not impressed. Speaking on behalf of the FFRF, she pointed out that,

quote, this is literally a captive audience. Being asked to labor to produce something for a sectarian purpose, a purely devotional event, that is totally inappropriate, end quote. Well, if this was a George Clooney burn after reading chair, I'd get on board. At that point, I'd imagine a secular purpose for that. But otherwise, this is just ridiculous. Perhaps the greatest reason to watch that movie is to get that joke, I think, at this point. Last thing that happens. The prison defends itself by pointing out that this is a volunteer project. And because the Pope is technically ahead of state, they're almost certainly going to get away with saying that. So I guess our only real hope of poetic justice is the extraordinarily

high likelihood that the Pope is going to spend some portion of his American visit sitting on a cushion full of convict jizz. At least we have that. They can't take that away from us, guys. And finally tonight, from the lower learning file, Liberty University made headlines recently for a few different reasons, none of which involved favorable ranking by the U.S. News & World Report. First, they ended a tuition investment program that allowed students of their affiliated private prep schools to attend the university free of charge or at a large discount. Although the move will likely encourage many students to attend legitimate universities,

parents that paid into the system expecting a certain financial reward at the end Just to have it reduced or cancelled are still justifiably pissed Well sure, yeah Especially considering the university also announced the construction of a large expensive new tower the very same week And then, just to make it even worse, they had godless communist Bernie Sanders give a speech on campus. You gotta feel like the seals are a-breaking. Telling them how Jesus works. You gotta figure, these kids, like, what's this, you know, what if they can't draw the turtle well enough to get into their safety school? Like, what's below Liberty University?

Fill in the bubble under the rabbit. Damn it! I can't get into DeVry. By the way, in case anyone was wondering which type of genitalia the university chose to be the architectural inspiration for the new 275-foot tower. And I was. And you were. It was not a vagina with a really tall clit. Despite my recommendation, they went with a penis. They really did.

They really did they really did and based on the preliminary sketch i saw they don't want people walking around campus thinking about anything other than huge penis very distinct rounded balls area at the base painted blue a pink shaft and a red dome on top yes and for those keeping score at home the structure appears to be circumcised. And very happy to see you. Right. So, according to the announcement, the new erection will house the School of Divinity. And because they're super original, they're planning to call it the Freedom Tower.

Now, I'm going to have to stop them right there. On behalf of New York City, I'd like to say absolutely fucking not. of New York City, I'd like to say absolutely fucking not. We will absolutely not be sharing names of buildings, even informal names, with bullshit creationism schools in Lynchburg, Virginia. Not happening. Look, as soon as you name your city

in your confederate state after extra judicial hangings, you forfeit your right to name stuff. Someone else has to do that for you. Also, they didn't put anything about penises in the title, which is just a giant waste. So we're going to need 30 seconds on the clock. Of course.

Replacement names for the Liberty University Penis Tower. Yeah, come on, LU. Go with the professionals. When it comes to pricks and mortar, we know our shit. So how about, it would be great if they were Jehovah's Witnesses. It could be all along the crotch tower, but they're not. What about Dome of the Cock? 30 Cockafeller Plaza.

The holy site at the top of the cock. I like it. I like it. Back to the Future would have been a whole different flick if the lady at the beginning was trying to save the cock tower. Right. All right. What about the Leaning Tower of Peepsa? That was going to have to make it in there.

The Gland Ballroom. The Grace Needle Soul Pole. I just want to see Alice's most famous landmarks. How about Buckingham Palace? Okay, that was a good penis building. Well done. All right, well, pretty much every single physical structure in France is a penis. So they got to have that.

What about the Cochre Cour or the Eiffel Plower or the Scrotodame Cathedral? They got a lot of good ones. Yeah, there you go. There has to be like a catheter cathedral joke in there somewhere. But damned if I can find it. How about the Flaccid Iron Building? Nice. Can't all be erect.

What about an ancient wonder of the world? The Colossus of Chodes. The Young Girth Creationism Building. I like it. Or maybe the Bulge Khalifa. Nicely done. All right, I got one more, one more. How about the Deflower of Babel?

Nice, nice. And now that we've got a solid title for our erotic biblical fanfic, I guess we can close out the headlines. Heath, thanks as always. Jumanji. And when we come back, Chris Johnson will be here to discuss a better life. His effort to prove that a person can lead a meaningful and fulfilling life, even if they don't believe that they're a sinful and broken peon

enslaved by an omnipotent, vengeful autocrat that might burn their flesh for eternity. Since starting up the God Awful Movies podcast, I've watched a sci-fi reimagining of Jesus with a $9 budget. I've watched two films about the fact that God hates divorce more than he hates emotional abuse, and I'm currently working my way through a full-blown Kirk Cameron trilogy. As you can imagine, I've been in serious need of a good movie lately. So in a sense, my next guest has been something of a there-is-no-God-send. Chris Johnson's movie, A Better Life, seeks to fight back against the common theistic charge that failing to attribute life to an imaginary sorcerer somehow sucks the joy and meaning out of it. And he does so with the help of some of the most articulate and respected voices in the atheist movement. Chris, welcome to the show.

Thanks for having me. So you touch on this a bit in the movie, but can you tell us a little bit about what inspired you to get this whole project started? Well, basically, I was a big fan of the New Atheist Movement, and I thought it was fantastic. When I was going to college, all those books came out around that time. You know, God's Illusion, God is Not Great, End of Faith, Letter to a Christian Nation, all those.

And I thought they were really wonderful. But as I grew older, I came to the realization that we were missing one large piece of the puzzle in the atheist community. And that was all these books were talking about what we don't believe. And I felt somebody needed to talk about what we do believe. Right on, right on. So now you have this idea. So how were you going to set about doing that? How were you going to set about adding that to the conversation?

Well, it was tricky because at the time I wasn't really even part of the movement. I was an atheist. I'd always been an atheist, but I wasn't involved in any way. But I had this idea. I wanted to do this book. And then that turned into the film. But I was just a struggling artist living in New York, right? So I didn't have the means to do it. And so that's when I found Kickstarter. I did a Kickstarter. It was a two-month-long fundraising process. It turned out to-month-long fundraising process. It turned out to be the second highest-grossing publishing project that Kickstarter had ever done at the time.

Wow. We're all for an atheist book, which I think is pretty cool. And I think it does speak to the necessity for a project like this, that people really felt, oh, this is something new and different and exciting and something we, you know, a perspective we haven't heard before. And that's important. That's awesome. That's awesome. So now you said you were outside of the movement. So how confident were you that these atheists were going to talk to you for the purposes of the book? I wasn't.

There was a lot of me just sending cold emails saying, hey, I have this idea. I want to do this project. And I think it speaks to, again, that this was something that was needed, that some of the really big names in the movement agreed with me and thought, wow, this is something new. This is something different and a needed voice in the community. So they climbed on board, and it was great to have them involved. Right on, right on. Now, I'm sure that there were a lot of challenges that arose when you're trying to change this concept from a book to a documentary. So can you speak to some of those challenges? I think one of the biggest challenges for turning the book into the film was there are 100 people in the book, right?

And so you can't have 100 people in a documentary film. It would just be 15 hours long and nobody would watch it. I'm just saying I think I would watch 15 hours of the interviews you had. But yeah, yeah. For practical purposes, it would be a little much. Right, right. But yeah, it was hard deciding what clips to put in, what clips not to put in. And there's a lot of really great footage that just unfortunately, due to time constraints,

just didn't make it into the film. But I am really proud of the finished product in that I really think it is the best material that I had to work with. But there is so much that I wanted to include that just didn't make it in for time constraints. Another one of the big challenges that struck me, you know, and I'm sure it struck you early and often, is how do you keep a film visually interesting that's primarily going to be made up of talking heads? But after watching the movie, I have to tell you, I thought it was visually stunning, and not just the parts with Cara Santamaria on them. So can you tell me, you know, like how you approached that challenge?

That was actually a big challenge of the film. And I really wanted it to be beautiful. And that was actually one of the major goals of it was both the book and the film as well is to create something in the atheist community that is really beautiful and gorgeous. Because most of the materials that we have, most of the really good materials are intellectual. They're written. Right. You know, the arguments, they're written down. And so this is, again, something I think that was really needed. But you're right, it is a challenge in a talking head interview

to make it visually interesting. And so I appreciate that you found it visually beautiful to watch, because I really tried to insert those moments, insert those shots and weave that story together, including those moments that were, were really visual. So it wasn't just talking head, even though the film is primarily talking head. I think having those moments where you see different places around the world and you connect these intellectual arguments to the real world

and to our history and to our geography, I think makes the film a lot more dynamic than it would be if it were just all talking head. Well, and it's also so pivotal considering the subject of the film because you can't say, you know, atheists see all the beauty in the world and then present a film that's not beautiful. So I was really impressed with that. And I could tell I was going to like this movie a lot right away because it opens with this beautiful rendition of Amazing Grace with the lyrics written down on screen. And as the song's

being sung, the camera is zooming in on the word wretch. Now, I think the point here is obvious, but if you don't mind, spell it out for us a little and tell us why you felt that that was the right message to open the film with. Well, I wanted to start with something that would really captivate the audience. And I felt Amazing Grace is, first of all, a song that everybody knows, right? If you're religious or if you're not religious, you know the song Amazing Grace. At least the first 12 words, yes. Right, right. There's a lot that people don't know, I'm sure, but at least the first 12 words yes right right there's a lot that people don't know i'm sure but at least the beginning people know and uh so religious people i think knowing the film or sorry knowing the hymn you know i'm starting from a place that they are familiar with

right and for atheists i think they're a little surprised kind of catches them off guard what this movie's starting with a hymn right so kind of like the best of both worlds there i think but i wanted to to emphasize the fact that here's this thing that many people think is one of the most beautiful songs in the english language and yet what it's actually saying um isn't necessarily the greatest thing right so by focusing in on that word wretch, I think it shows that, wow, a wretch like me saved a wretch like me? What is this saying? So I think it's a good kind of place to jump off from for a film like this, for religious and non-religious people. Yeah, yeah, no, it really grabbed a hold of me right away. Now, you've already mentioned this

a little bit, but I want to kind of circle back to it, because towards the beginning of the film, during the voiceover, you talk about how, you know, you talk about some of the vitriol against atheism and a lot of the focus on the movement on disproving religion, explaining the flaws in theistic thinking, etc. And then you say you want to help change the conversation. Like I said, you've already touched on this a bit, but two-part question. Number one, what's wrong with the conversation as it now stands? And number two, what changes are you trying to make? Well, I think the conversations that we're having now are really good, and I think they're needed.

So it's not that I want to replace the current conversation with simply talking about what we do believe. I think the arguments of the New Atheist Movement, I think the arguments against the existence of God, showing why religion can be a force that is doing harm, great harm, serious harm in the world. I think those are really important points to make, and I'm really glad that people are making them. What I want to do is I just want to add to that. And I want to say, in addition to that, I think we also need to talk about this. We need to talk about what happens when you lose your faith. What happens when there is no God?

How does that change your life? How does that change how you see the world and everybody around you? Because I think that's a piece of the puzzle that is missing and that is important. Yeah, absolutely, and it's a constant challenge for the atheist movement because we are united by what we don't believe, so presenting a positive message is rather difficult, but it is necessary because so many people seem to at least think they take so much positive stuff out of religion, they want to replace it when it's gone. at least think they take so much positive stuff out of religion, they want to replace it when it's gone.

And I guess that leads me right into my next question. Who exactly is this movie for? Who did you have in mind? Well, not to be full of myself, but I actually, I want the film to be for everyone. I want the film to be, I don't want to just, for lack of a better phrase, preach to the choir. But I do, you know, I do want religious people to see it. I want everybody to see it if possible. You know, I think that if atheists watch the film and they have all

around the world and get something out of it, that's really amazing. And the reaction I've gotten so far has been wonderful. But also, you know, religious people can watch it and maybe change their perception of what atheists are like. That's doing some good work as well. So hopefully it can work for everyone and they can get something out of it. Right on. Right on. Awesome. Now, and I think

it bothered me a lot as I was watching this, thinking to myself, there are so many religious people who would refuse to watch this or would turn it off as soon as they realized what it was, when this is a message that would be so impactful to not only like just the liberal people or the religious people who are maybe wavering in their faith, but I think even to the fundamentalists to just see that, you know, the atheists are humans as well. Yeah, I actually don't know how

offended many religious people would be by the film, because it's not necessarily a combative film. It's not a film that's saying, oh, look how stupid you are. You're an idiot for believing this. You know, oh, this is silly. It's really not. And so I think religious people often are

a little confused about how to respond to a film like this because it's not attacking them in the same way that they're used to being attacked you know what i mean right right no yeah it definitely would would uh catch them off guard quite a bit i just know that so many people as soon as they got the sense that anything in this movie was going to challenge their faith that would be enough for them now i apologize if this question is kind of like asking you to pick a favorite kid but if you could add any one person to your list of interviews, somebody that you weren't able to get in touch with or somebody that wasn't able to do it,

who would have been in the movie that wasn't or in the book? That's a really tough question. It is like having to pick your favorite kid. Feel free to give more than one answer. There are many people that I think would have been great. Unfortunately, I wasn't able to get Christopher Hitchens before he passed away for the book, though I did get, uh, his, his wife. So his wife is in the film.

Uh, sorry, his wife is in the book. And I think actually having her there, uh, is very poignant. Just the way that that's done in the book is really interesting but uh it would have been great to have got to him before before he died so i i feel a little bad that that i wasn't able to do that yeah yeah and i'm sure uh especially later in his life he would have had such poignant things to say that would have been so appropriate uh for the film and i think it also would would be different than people, I think, would think of him as. Because one of the things I'm trying to do with the film is change – is combat those stereotypes that people have about atheists.

And so I think having someone like him in there talking about more beautiful things, think would surprise some people because they're so used to hearing him talk about religion in a stronger way. So I think that would have been a really interesting contrast between the work that he's known for and something like this. Yeah, I definitely – there were a few people in the film like Matt Dillahunty, the kind of people whose edges could definitely be softened in the public eye, and I think that's a really valuable thing to do. Because if you talk to the guy at all, he's a great guy with a great sense of humor, but his public persona often comes off because you always see him in debates, etc., as this very confrontational guy, perhaps a reputation undeserved. a confrontational guy, perhaps a reputation undeserved. So now ultimately both the book and the movie were about your personal journey, a journey of discovery for you. So I have to ask, what did you learn along the way?

Is there anything that you didn't expect to find out or any answers that really blew your hair back? I was surprised at how it did affect me. I think for a while you think of, you know, intellectual conversations and intellectual arguments as just kind of being on their own. And I was surprised how it did affect me. One of the things in the film, for example, towards the end, Julia Sweeney talks about, you know, reflecting on the happiest moments in your life and really dwelling on those. And I find myself actually doing that more and more, especially when I'm in moments where I'm really, really happy.

I will think to myself, ooh, let me just savor this moment for a minute and stick this in my brain somewhere so I can remember it and recall it later. Because like she says in the film, this is all you have. At the end of the day, these memories are all you have. So that's really affected me in a very profound way, and I'm thrilled that she had that impact on me. I've got to say, there were a lot of very impressive interviews, but there were a couple of moments you had with Julia Sweeney that just gave me goosebumps.

I found myself often getting jealous through the movie, thinking, man, I wish I could sit with all of these awesome people and talk about atheism, and then it occurs to me, well, I can, and that's what this movie is. So thanks for sharing. Thank you. I really appreciate it a lot. And, of course, if you'd like to see the movie or pick up a copy of the book, you can do so at theatheistbook.com, phenomenal URL, by the way.

You can also find links on the show notes to this episode at skatingatheist.com. And there are also several screenings coming up around the country, correct? Yeah, around the country and around the world. All right. Well, you know, my opinion on movies isn't worth much anymore, since all it takes for me to enjoy a movie at this point is a lack of Kirk Cameron or Ray Comfort. But for what it's worth, really enjoyed it. Thank that comes next listener feedback this is the part of the show that nobody thought was big enough to earn a starting job but damn it if it ever stopped believing our first message comes from Eric in Kentucky regarding pronunciation. Quote, the row in rowan is not pronounced row as in to row a boat. Instead, it is pronounced more like cow, like when used to describe an argument.

So imagine the word cowan and replace the C with an R. I think I get it. Is that a word? I think I get it. I mean, I'm sorry, but I don't think that we can be held responsible for an entire county mispronouncing the name of the place that they live. I mean, thanks for letting us know, but I don't think it's our fault. Yeah, and by the way, we're talking about a state that pronounces the word Louisville with a series of unintelligible grunts and...

Right, you're right. Exactly. If that has syllables, you're pronouncing it wrong. But I mean, look, if there's any question about who's correct, keep in mind that on the one

hand, you've got Heath and me, who you know and love. And on the other hand, you have a state so shitty that the post office named it after butt loop.

Who are you going to trust? You guys live in Astroglide. We also got a message from John, whose email about Josh Duggar we responded to last week.

And we kind of misrepresented his point last week, and by we, I mean me. So, to clarify, he has no issue whatsoever that we call him out for the hypocritical Ashley Madison rough sex with prostitutes type stuff. He just doesn't think he should be called out for the shit that he did when he was 14 and living in a bizarre cult with three litters of siblings.

Well, fair enough. I'm sure it gets crazy at feeding time over there. Grabbing for teats, milk spraying everywhere. Nobody wants to be the runt. I'll give him a pass for that. So, yeah, I mean, there's definitely some fair point in that. So for the record, we'll continue to drag Duggar through the muck as often as his present indiscretions merit.

But when I do, I won't make sister molesting jokes unless they're really funny. And as so often they are. But when I do, I won't make sister molesting jokes unless they're really funny. And as so often they are. But when I do, I want everyone to know it's more because I think molesting sisters is funny, not because I'm a bad guy. All right. Well, we got that all cleared up. Yeah. We also had an email from Rose who was hoping we could help her deal with a religious relative.

And this story comes in the form of a series of messages with her religious sister. Should be fun. Starts out with the religious relative. And this story comes in the form of a series of messages with her religious sister. Should be fun. Starts out with the religious sister. My son told me, you told him that we evolved from monkeys. I want him to believe what's in the Bible regarding how we came about. He is a sensitive boy.

When he knows God created him, he feels loved and special. He needs that heart. So yeah, you would much rather him, he feels loved and special. He needs that heart emoji. So, yeah, you would much rather him think he was made of dirt than evolved from billions of... Anyway, yeah. Okay, so the rational sister comes back. So, no science for him? Got it.

Okay. Oh, shit. And then the religious sister says, I'm not saying evolution doesn't exist. You know I'm smarter than that. I'm not mad at all about you saying that to him. I cleared it up with him. More elaborate heart emoji. And apparently the message included a link to a YouTube video

about how the Big Bang Theory is probably less right than Genesis. Oh, well, we know you're smarter than that now, don't we? And then Rose concludes the email, quote, Please just tell me what you would do there is no reasoning with crazy but i also want to try and help my nephew and niece not turn out as batshit nuts as my sister help me noah b1 you're my only hope yeah it doesn't really work when you say it out does it okay so i want to point out that there are two distinct questions that need to be answered here the first is what a rational person should do in this circumstance but that's not the question she asked rose asked what we would do very good point so to answer the

first question a rational person should not ask us for advice about that step one yes exactly said i'd start the kid a college fund that requires a signed pact with the devil to withdraw the money hell yeah hell yeah trade him his soul for tuition that'd be awesome um no but look i'm constantly in that position i have 10 nieces and nephews four-fifths of whom are being raised in varying degrees of anti-reason and in reality all i do is try to fill them with the love for science that i have every chance i get because no matter where you are when you see them, there's always something that they're curious about and interested in.

You know, obviously you're treading a fine line because you don't want to wind up cut off from them altogether. But kids are curious. They naturally love science. And eventually, if nothing else, they're going to learn that mom is teaching them bullshit. And if they really want the truth, they can just go to Aunt Rose. She's not going to fuck around with them.

But I don't know. But based on the messages you sent across and depending on your relationship with your sister, I'd probably try to have the do you really think lying to your kid and telling him things that you know aren't true is good for him conversation, too. You know, eventually he's going to have to live in the real world, right? Indeed. And that is all the feedback you get. Wait, are you sure? Because, I mean, I just I ended on kind of a serious answer. It feels like there should be a dick joke or something before we close.

Shit. Yeah, you're right. I finished early. I swear that's never happened to me before. All right. Now we're good. Now we're good. And that is all the feedback you get.

If you want more, keep sending us those emails, tweets, and Facebook messages. You'll find all the contact info on the contact page at scathingatheist.com. Remind everybody that the last episode of Godawful Movies that dropped on the Skating Atheist feed is also the last episode of Godawful Movies that will drop on the Skating Atheist feed. As of next Tuesday at 8 a.m., it'll be on its very own feed, so you'll have to go subscribe to that separately. And I humbly ask that you hop on iTunes if possible and give us a five-star review when you can because a lot of Christians are going to stumble on this show and then realize it's an atheist show five, six minutes in. I just, I fear a lot of one-star reviews in our future.

Anyway, that's all the blasphemy we have for you tonight, but we'll be back in 10,022 minutes with more. If you can't wait that long, be on the lookout for a new episode of our sister show, The Skeptocrat, debuting at 8 a.m. Eastern on Monday morning. We'll be breaking down the second GOP primary debate with Eli, and it was fucking insane. Obviously, I need to thank Heath Enright for always fitting the dick joke into the right orifice before we go. I want to welcome back the lovely Lucinda Lusion, still battling through a cold, but she toughed it out for us tonight, as so often she does. Obviously, I want to thank the hilarious Nick Morganmore for providing this week's Farnsworth quote. If you'd like to check out his show, Good Advice, you'll find it linked on the show notes for this episode, along with a link to find out how you can see him live if you're anywhere near Montgomery, Alabama.

And, of course, another big thanks to Chris Johnson for chatting with me. Really enjoyed his film, and I especially recommend it if you're relatively new to atheism or if you want a good movie to hand to a believer who's on the fence and might be leaning towards disbelief. And like he said, the movie's super noncombative, and it includes some really great information from some damn smart people. But most of all, of course, I need to thank this week's most dependable diploids, Graham, Ben, Matthew, Taylor, Craig, John, James, Squall, Chris, Todd, and Dave.

Graham, Ben, Matthew, and Taylor, who are so sharp Atari Hanzo had to change his slogan. Craig, John, James, and Squall are so sexy that there's no shame in having an orgasm at the sound of their names. I hope. And Chris, Todd, and Dave, whose ejaculations are the backup plan if only one side of the LHC goes down. ejaculations are the backup plan if only one side of the LHC goes down. Together, these 11 prime examples of primate primacy have primed the pump of our primal rage against primordial primitivisms this week by giving us money. Not everybody has the generosity, lovely singing voice, and innate friendship with all the woodland creatures that it takes to give us money, but if you think you're up for the

challenge, you can make a per-episode donation at patreon.com slash skatingatheist, or you can make a one-time donation by clicking on the donate button on the right side of our homepage at skatingatheist.com. And if you'd like to help, but you're not allowed to donate money to podcasts until And yes, I did have my permission. Find all the contact info on the contact page at skatingatheist.com. All the music used in this episode was written and performed by yours truly. And yes, I did have my permission. I would sound like a stoned Seth Andrews.