The Scathing Atheist - ScathingAtheist 154: Yo Momma's so Fatima Edition

Episode Date: January 28, 2016

In this week's episode, we'll learn all about Ken Ham's effort to gather together two of every kind of tax incentive for his ark, the E! Network forces us to spend well over half a minute making a really offensive list, and we'll look into the miracle of the sun (but not directly into it, because that's bad for your retina).

Warning, the following podcast contains profanity and shit. This week's episode of The Scathing Atheist is brought to you by the new drive-thru indulgence service for the sinner on the go, Easy Pastor, confess and ride tithing takers. Are you a bad Christian who needs to re-up on God's forgiveness more like hourly instead of weekly? Looking for chastity and virtue, but not just yet. Wondering if we know about the giant loophole? Well, we do know about it, and we found a great way to exploit it.

Using our patented wireless tithing system, or TIE-FI, you can get all the roadhead you want from that hooker, as long as you finish before you drive past our sensor. Easy, Pastor. Take the fast lane on the highway to heaven. And now, the Skating Atheist. What's up, secular minorities? This is Uber 47 of the Secular Barbershop Podcast.

And I know this isn't PC, but I'm here to tell you we did in fact evolve from filthy monkey men. Because let's be honest, only primitive men could screw up this much. It's Thursday. It's January 28th. And maybe Bill Cosby was just a method actor trying to learn about gynecology. It's a reasonable doubt. It's a doubt anyway. No illusions. I'm Heath Enright, and from In Bread and Butter, Valdosta, Georgia, this is The Scathing Atheist.

On this week's episode, we'll learn about Ken Ham's effort to gather two of every kind of tax incentive for his arc. The E-Network forces us to spend well over half a minute making a really offensive list. Damn them. And we'll look into the miracle of the sun, but not directly into it, because that can fuck up your retina. But first, the diatribe if you've been listening along with the god awful movie podcast you'll know that we're currently working our way through a cinematic trilogy so abysmal that number three is embarrassed to be associated with it. It's the What Would Jesus Do trilogy, and these movies are unpleasant on a scale normally reserved for flesh-eating bacteria.

Now, trying to keep my brain from atrophying as I watch these things has inevitably led me to reflect on this little piece of bumper sticker wisdom that Christians love to throw around. It's also got me thinking about the wonders of carbon monoxide rich atmospheres, but that's a different open-in-case-of-emergency diatribe, so I'll stick to the first point for now. What would Jesus do? Now, my first thought is, if your moral philosophy can fit on a bracelet, it's a shitty moral philosophy. But of course, to even formulate that thought, I have to give this concept way more credit than it deserves. What would Jesus do as a moral philosophy in the way that a Ouija board is a communication device? And obviously, there are a number of ways to dismiss this that are really fun, but kind of missed the point,

right? Because I mean, if you take it literally, the correct answer is shit himself stupid over things like doorknobs and zippers. But obviously, when Christians say this, they're not asking, what would an illiterate apocalyptic rabbi from a hick town in ancient Rome do in these present day circumstances? And we all know that. But they're also not asking, what would a person with the ethical standards of that dude from the Gospels do? And generally only we know that. Because look, there's very little to go on in the Jesus mythology to inform us on basically everything. All we've got to go on is the Gospels, and as we demonstrated last week, it's not like he spent those things saying unambiguously moral shit. You know, he was hit and miss with a tendency

towards miss. A heavy one at that. So what would the biblical Jesus do? I don't know, maybe slather himself in nard cream or wash a foot or something. There's nowhere near enough data to draw an informed conclusion in any circumstance that a modern human might find themselves in. But of course, that's not the stumbling block in reality, because whether they recognize it or not, when Christians ask this, they're not asking what Jesus would do. All they're really asking is, what would a perfectly moral person do in this instance, right? They've created an image of Jesus that's only remotely informed by the biblical sources, and that image they've created

is this selfless, omnibenevolent being that loves strangers and his enemies and shit. So when you look at what they're really asking, it almost stands up to scrutiny, right? I mean, if a person's chief moral heuristic is to ask themselves, what would a perfectly moral being do and then do that thing,

you can see how that's going to lead to a lot of good outcomes, regardless of how stupid the bracelets are. But of course, like most of the things that Christianity promotes, the problem shows itself as soon as you give it an ounce of critical thought. Because when you strip it away from the self-congratulatory piety, all they're really doing is attaching a divine signature to their own moral intuition, right? I mean, when one encounters a moral dilemma, one can't help but ask oneself what a perfectly moral being would do, because that's just a different way of saying, what is the moral thing to do here, right? I mean, you no more have

to formulate that question in your head than you have to think to yourself, this seems like a good time for a blink. Yeah, that innate question is implied by the very setup of encountering a moral dilemma, because having to ask oneself that question is what a moral dilemma is. So we all ask ourselves the same question in those circumstances. It's just that some of us pretend that our answers come from an infallible supernatural autocrat. Now, when you look at it from that angle, it's easy to see how it's going to lead to problems, right? Because you and I can have a productive conversation about what is and isn't the moral thing to do in a situation, but it's going to be a lot harder if I have to start by

impugning the rectitude of Christ the Savior, especially if I've got nothing in my corner but a bunch of well-reasoned, data-driven arguments from fallible mortals. But it's actually a lot worse than that, precisely because Jesus is such an ill-defined character. Like, in our modern culture, the image of Jesus as this hyper-benevolent, selfless, charitable hippie is so ubiquitous that we often assume it's universal, but it isn't. It's not geographically universal, and it's not historically universal. It's not even particularly biblical. And even within this culture, it obviously doesn't take much to twist that dude into a benevolent, selfless, charitable hippie that also hates fags. I mean, let's say I take that story about Jesus driving the money changers out of the temple, and I say to myself, well, clearly, if you think that the people handling

the money are crooked, the moral thing to do is to remove them from office with violent force. Now, here I've got this biblical justification right here, and according to all those bumper stickers and bracelets, I've satisfied the chief moral qualification of what Jesus would do, and now I have an obligation to act accordingly. Or take the fig tree that Jesus killed for refusing to bear fruit for him. Now when you look at the other stuff that Jesus said about bearing good fruits and knowing them by their fruits, it'd be damn easy to interpret this story as a pretext for genocide. You know, with some trees, you just try and try, and even Jesus himself can't make them bear good fruits. So when a city or a nation or a race refuses to bear good fruits long enough, despite your concerted interventions, you just have to kill the whole tree. After all, that's what Jesus would do. And speaking of bearing

good fruits, that's really the only meaningful measure of a moral imperative anyway, isn't it? What fruit has it borne? Well, throughout the history of Christianity, every devout believer was asking themselves that same question and, to varying degrees of commitment, behaving accordingly. So throughout the burning of pagan temples in Rome, the brutal pacification of heathens, the homophobia, the sexism, throughout all of that, the Christians behind it were asking themselves that same question. And every one of them found a way to convince themselves that this is exactly the kind of choir boy that Jesus would have raped. So how about a new question? WDJD, what does Jesus do? He divorces you from moral culpability. He gives you an out. He gives you a chance to say, no, sir, officer, when the car hit that fence, Jesus had taken the wheel. And if you want to see this in action, you need to look no further than the homophobia rallies

where Bible thumpers are perfectly happy to explain exactly who the fag hater-in-chief is. Jesus isn't a guide, he's an excuse. And if you were moral in the first place, you wouldn't need an excuse. They're talking about your Jesus. Interrupt this broadcast and bring you a special news bulletin. Joining me for headlines tonight is a man who's feeling the burn.

Yes, I am. Heath Enright. Heath, why do Bernie Sanders supporters use a tagline that's synonymous with a genital rash acting up? Seems like a weird choice. I thought you were talking about the rash. But no, no, no. I like Bernie, too. Absolutely.

Feeling the burn. He's cute. In our lead story tonight and what's being described as an atheist royal wedding by those prone to grandiloquent embellishments the richard dawkin foundation for reason and science announced last week that they will be merging with the center for inquiry itself the product of a 1991 merger between psycop and the council for secular humanism to create the largest free thought organization in the u.s on the religious news sites i checked by the way they described it as the largest reason-based organization so yeah as much as i would mean it as an insult if i said

that apparently they've come to terms with it they know they're not even pretending anymore i wouldn't expect them to call us like assumption impaired or evidentially endowed something slightly less obvious that they completely gave up and admitted they're stupid so you know but at a certain point that was bound to happen. Anyway, so the new organization, which will maintain the CFI name, will be headed by the current Dawkins Foundation executive director, Robin Blumner, who the media is describing as a woman. Really? Because I guess they're just so used to seeing Dawkins' name accompanied by the word misogyny that they overlooked the fact that she's been running the RDF for a couple of years now. Now, before that, by the way, Blumner was a nationally syndicated columnist and served as the executive director of two state ACLU affiliates, all while not having a penis.

Wow. Very, very impressive. I'm not sure what she rubs on every night to recharge her brain, but whatever she's doing, it's working. Sounds successful woman there. Clearly. And in Saudi Arabian Nights news, the game of chess was recently declared anti-Islamic in the kingdom of Saudi Arabia by the country's highest ranking religious leader. According to a new fatwa from Grand Mufti Sheikh Abdul Aziz bin Abdullah al-Sheikh.

We're going to call him Muslim Jeffrey Tambor from now on. Check him out. Google that. According to Muslim Jeffrey Tambor, playing chess is now considered haram or forbidden. And although this doesn't make the game completely illegal yet, it's a really weird step in that direction. Right. Please tell me it's because they're afraid that pawns turning into queens promotes homosexuality. I want that to be the linchpin so bad.

That actually would have made just about as much sense as this. So here's the reasoning from the mufti. During his weekly television address, he released the following statement. Quote, the game of chess is a waste of time and an opportunity to squander money. It causes enmity and hatred between people, end quote. So basically, Surgeon General's warning, chess is known to cause evil by the state of Saudi Arabia. Right. You have a guy spending time on that.

And yet he's going to use waste of time in his justifications i mean are you fucking your job is to decide which board games god hates i'm sorry did the country that brings in eight and a half billion dollars a year from people who thinks god wants them to walk around a meteorite seven times just say chess was an opportunity to waste money that's what happened to the country that invented getting pissed off at snowman just say they were afraid that they could cause enmity they did they did you know what else was time money and causes hatred i'll what's that give you a hint i do a diatribe about it on a weekly basis guys yeah so i can save you all kind of fucking money but uh here's my favorite part

about this story it's that all this clearly happened because Muslim Tambor definitely lost a game of chess and got mad. That's definitely what happened. Probably got forked by one of his staffers, didn't even realize, got all pissed about it. I mean, that would actually explain a lot of this guy's past behavior, too. For example, he issued a fatwa against Pokemon cards in 2001. Probably because he had a shitty deck and couldn't beat anyone. Right, right. It's been the same thing again with chess.

He loses, he flips over the table, and bans the entire game nationwide. Except not really, because he can't just ban stuff without a new law. So until that happens, chess is officially frowned upon. Whatever the fuck that means. And from the we're not going to take it any Mormon file tonight, the American Bar Association

is investigating discrimination complaints against Brigham Young University after multiple former students have alleged that the university gives preferential treatment to Mormons. Is it Mormons?

Yeah, right, right. And while it may not seem like much of a revelation that the Mormon college is all Mormony, maintaining the outward appearance of fair standards is paramount to BYU maintaining its undeserved accreditation. So there's that. Hold on, though.

I'm not sure if they're being fair to BYU here. As I understand it, they have binders full of heathens that they admit to that law school. Is that what this is about? Sort of. So apparently the fucking duh complaint centers around what BYU calls an honor code because apparently they named it on opposite day. So first of all, BYU's law school charges non-Mormons more in tuition than Mormons. And that's okay. That's perfectly fucking legal for some reason.

But if you start off in the school as a Mormon and then stop being a Mormon, they don't just charge you the inflated muggle rate. They kick you the fuck out. Apparently because you have to sign an honor code promising never to change your mind about thinking that Joseph Smith was magical. And that's the despicable detail amid the despicable policy that might violate the Bar Association standards. Okay. Yeah. The honor code thing is a terrible policy. But how is charging a muggle rate legal?

I have no idea. That's crazy. Imagine if I was bartending. All right, that's $20 for the drinks and $5 for the Jew tax. $25. That's not how selling stuff works. You can't just do that. If you sincerely believe that that's how it works, who's to say, right?

The law? I don't know. Apparently not. Apparently not. Wow. believe that that's how it works who's to say right so the law i don't know not apparently not so in response to these reports byu's assistant dean for external relations at the law school took time off from trying to fit that unwieldy title onto a people-sized door to issue the following statement quote the law school received a request for information from the aba a couple of months ago and provided the aba with the information requested end quote so quote. So. Fascinating. To paraphrase and. You're going to go?

You're going to go? Because you look like you're going to go. Come on. You got beef? You want to step? Wow. And in weep the leg news tonight, according to a complaint by several parents in Grand Junction, Colorado, administrators at Mesa Valley School District 51 are using public

resources to subjugate women and promote religion again. I'm assuming again. Yeah, right. I don't think there's one example, but probably again. I'm sure they've done that before. Either way,

the district sent out a mass email to the entire local community earlier this month advertising a workshop in proper Christian ladyhood. What? Yeah, that happened. And based on the event's website

and what I remember from the book of Timothy, it's exactly as creepy as it sounds. Well, and if it doesn't sound creepy enough yet, by the way, I should point out

that they were targeting girls as young as 11 with this shit. Awful. And it also gets way creepier if you watch their defend your daughter's vagina like it was an Oregon

birding station videos on Facebook. By the way, we recorded this before that guy got killed, so this is not as offensive as you might think it was. Got an oath keeper guarding my daughter's vagina. Right. Yeah. So the female compliance workshop is called Wake Up Sleeping Beauty, Worship at His Feet.

What? And the email invitation included the following New Testament verse from Luke 3.78. And keep in mind that the word foot is often code for penis in the Bible. Yes, it is.

Quote, as she stood behind him at his feet weeping, she began to wet his feet with her tears. Then she wiped them with her hair, kissed them,

and poured perfume on them. End quote. Which brings us back to Weep the Leg. Nailed it. Anyway, point being, young ladies should be kneeling and crying more often, apparently. Just like Jesus would tell them to do. A public school district is promoting that message with their email system. Allegedly. Oh, right. Yeah, yeah. The district is claiming they went back and checked and the Christian misogyny gala isn't going to be religious or sexist, so it's fine. Well, I mean, they used that secular Bible quote on the flyer.

And then plus, slut-shaming is a national pastime more than a religious imperative. And as near as I can tell, their Facebook page urges both men and women to ridicule sexually active girls. So there goes the sexism thing. Yeah, exactly. School may have a point. That's all I'm saying.

And here's one of the very reasonable parent complaints that just got completely waved away. Quote, the idea of a woman or girl crying at a man's feet, then using her hair to wash his feet, then kissing his feet seems pretty demeaning to me. You think? Apparently, the irony of this imagery used to promote an event which purports to strengthen or support young women is lost on all involved. End quote. Yes, apparently it was.

And it doesn't get much better if you switch out feet for dicks, honestly. Marking the first time in recorded history, by the way, that something failed to get better when you switched out feet for dicks honestly marking the first time in recorded history by the way that something failed to get better when you switched out feet for dicks it's pretty rare yeah so hard to do despite all the great reasons for a public school district to send out christian spam with bible quotes about how men love weepy blowjobs these guys managed to find one of the worst ones one of the worst reasons to do that impressive we do love weepy blowjobs though i mean facts are facts and from the white christians be getting persecuted like this file tonight professional homophobe and self-immolation tease rick scarborough warned his listeners last week that time is narrowing between now and the inevitable supernatural war that will pit the faithful followers of Christ against Satan and his evil band of comedians.

Now, I know what you're thinking. I know it's supposed to be vomit frogs. Yeah, it's definitely vomit frogs in the book. Says it in Revelations, yeah. But apparently Scarborough has it on good authority that the devil's going to use comedians and the media instead of the divinely vomited war frogs, which, I mean, tactically is probably a good idea, honestly. Well, I mean, tactically is probably a good idea, honestly. Well, I mean, I'd go see an end-of-the-world comedy show for sure.

That sounds great. White people would be like, no, centaur scorpion locusts, get it off me. Black people would be like, bitch, give me that can of rape. All right, the moon just went red, that's the end of my times. Won't be here all week because of the apocalypse. Good night. That would be a fun show. I'd go.

So this dire prediction came during a joint appearance with man who wears an American flag pin more often than Tony Stark wears the arc reactor Tony Perkins on a broadcast that included appearances by no fewer than seven GOP presidential candidates. I challenge you. Find a fucking picture of him without the American flag pin. I challenge you. During a rant about all the well, he probably wears that thing naked. He just sticks it right into his goddamn skin. Anyway, so he was talking about all the well-documented Christian

persecution going on in Whoville and the Hundred Acre Wood or whatever. And during which Scarborough explained that, quote, Satan is the comedians, the media, and others who take no thought about defaming preachers and defaming the church, end quote. So as much as it might sound like he's talking about us, he isn't. I put a lot of thought into the phrasing of that Iron Man joke. That doesn't just pop right out. I have to think about that shit. So this guy believes in a magical demon that wants to take over the world. in a magical demon that wants to take over the world.

Yeah. And he thinks the magical demon's current plan is harnessing the raw power of secular teasing. Seriously. Weaker than sticks and stones. Like Satan would do better

tickle fighting the faith out of humanity. What are you talking about? That would make such an awesome porn. Yeah. Miracle on rule number 34th street. I would watch that. That would make such an awesome porn yeah miracle on rule number 34th street i would watch that would make a good porn too now obviously this is shit advice first of all there's no point in looking out for comedians since you're going to be drugged unconscious when they come anyway secondly you can't simultaneously tell me that hell is going to

a be bad and b have doug stanhope in it sorry mixed messages but thirdly and most importantly you've just identified the chief threat against humanity's peace and prosperity as the people who are picking on you right i mean i mean come on obviously they're just jealous man come on your break and from the stem seller file tonight We have a rare bit of good news related to the now debunked undercover videos released by anti-choice activists last year in their attempt to discredit Planned Parenthood. After considering the evidence from a series of investigations into the activities of the clinics, a Texas grand jury decided last week that the only criminals involved were the creators of the doctored videos. Hell yeah. Specifically, David Daleiden and Sandra Merritt, who were indicted for tampering with a governmental record, which is a felony. And this is my favorite part.

Mr. Daleiden was also charged with attempting to purchase human organs because that's illegal. Even if you're an idiot who never actually receives the merchandise. Well, yeah, because, I mean, for all we know, this was the fifth sting operation to buy fetus kibble, but it was just the first one that said no. And he released the doctor messages revenge or something like that. He's just like, no, officer, I was making a sting video to see if that masseuse would rub me limp before the end.

I was testing her is what was happening. It makes sense. Yes. So this was so nice to hear. But before we start sucking each other's dicks in celebration, let's not forget that this is Texas we're talking about. Well, too late. But fine. The jury's still out on juries that are in.

So the crusade to stand in the way of science and prevent life-saving stem cell research is still happening in full force. Right. And this includes the blind support of Governor Greg Abbott, who channeled his petulant inner child, released the following statement in response to the indictment. Quote, nothing about today's announcement impacts the state's ongoing investigation. Quote, nothing about today's announcement impacts the state's ongoing investigation. The state of Texas will continue to protect life, and I will continue to support legislation prohibiting the sale or transfer of fetal tissue. End quote. So basically, no, no, no.

Still doesn't count. Interference. Do over. Time out. No backsies. I was on base. Well, I mean, what he's actually saying is just because this is fully adjudicated and the accused party has been completely exonerated by federal, state, and local investigations, that doesn't mean we should presume they're innocent. By his logic, the Jaguars are still in the playoff hunt. So, yeah, apparently Greg Abbott's going to continue being awful.

But have no fear, women of Texas. It's not going to matter once he gets deposed by a secret military coup. It's going to continue being awful. But have no fear, women of Texas. It's not going to matter once he gets deposed by a secret military coup. It's going to happen real soon. Okay, now we can start sucking each other's dicks. Awesome. And lady parts. Whatever you like to do. And speaking of lady parts, this show has one of those.

So we're going to take a quick break and hand things over to my lovely wife, Lucinda. A man wrote the Bible? A whore is what she was. If it's a legitimate rage. If it's a slut, right? Cooking can be fun. Hey! I'm proud of a man! This week in Massage.

Damn it all to hell, ladies. It looks like we're fucking everything up again. I've just been bombarded with stories this week about all the various things we're ruining with our lascivious vaginal ways. But luckily for us, as is so often the case, testicular Americans are quick to come to our rescue by reminding us to shut up, cover up, and give up. We'll start with shut up because it comes from a story about Steven Anderson saying words and it pisses me off when he does that. In a sermon that found its way to YouTube this week,

Anderson pointed out that normal women shouldn't want to vote or have a say in how their country is run because women should want to follow a leader, specifically a leader with a penis. Unless, of course, there are what he calls reprobate lesbians. Not sure how they differ from normal lesbians, but they sound more fun to go clubbing with. He then goes on to explain how feminism is giving Christianity a bad name, as though Christianity needed our help with that when they've got Steven Anderson. And that'll bring us right along to the cover-up portion of this week's show. And this one comes to us from Kansas Senate leader Mitch Holmes, who issued a new code of conduct for people who testify before the Senate Ethics and Election Committee that he chairs.

Included in his 11 points were a few specific rules for the womenfolk, including a prohibition against ill-defined low-cut necklines and miniskirts. Now, I could offer an opinion or two on the idea of gender-specific dress codes for the Senate testimony, but I think Topeka Democrat Laura Kelly summed it up nicely when she responded with, quote, oh, for crying out loud, what century is this? End quote. Couldn't have said it better myself, except maybe I've added a fuck in there somewhere. Now, one of the questions that this brings up is whether these rules only apply to people testifying before the committee or whether

Mitch Holmes is going to measure the skirts of the female senators before letting them sit down. But if our final asshole of the week gets his way, it won't matter. Because Gary Cass of the preposterously titled Christian Anti-Defamation Commission released a new video explaining why women shouldn't be allowed to make laws anyway. According to Cass' extensive rereading of the same book, there are two important qualifications for being a political leader in America. The first, of course, is that you have to be a Christian. After all, according to the Christian Holy Scripture, everyone but Christians is wrong, and it's hard to believe that's a coincidence. But he also points out that

leaders have to be men, because it's either that or the Bible is an anachronistic indictment of the gross immorality that undergirded the foundation of the Christian church. But don't worry. It's not all bad news this week, because America might be fucking it up left and right, and we learned last week that Europe isn't doing much better, but at least there's one geographic station that gets us, and that's Taiwan. And nowhere is that more evident than the Chai Yee province,

where the government recently unveiled a brand new church especially for the ladies. And how do you make a church into a lady church? Why, you shape it like a high-heeled shoe, of course, because we do love us some high-heeled shoes. According to government officials, the church will tailor to the needs and interests of women and will contain female-oriented features.

Unfortunately, the translated stories I could find offered nothing in the way of detail, so we're left to our imaginations as to what the fuck kind of church features could be female-oriented. And on that bizarre conundrum, I'll wrap it up tonight and hand things back over to Noah and Heath. Thank you, Lucinda. And in big, throbbing caucus news tonight, we have a series of exciting developments in the 2016 presidential race as a number of our nation's top bloviators offered up endorsements ahead of next week's Iowa caucus caucus despite his well-publicized flubbing of bible verses during his speech at Liberty University and the internally controversial multiple uses of he double hockey sticks during

the very same speech they actually got pissed about that Liberty University president and not the main bad guy but maybe as a accountant or something Jerry Falwell jr threw his weight behind Donald Trump with a Tuesday endorsement that read in part quote the dude's fucking loaded and eventually i'm going to need to settle out of court for some shit so anyway also um yeah this is unrelated liberty university will now be known as trump freedom trump adversity unless designs on rome fails to place in which case they make it Trump freedom, Trump trumpety. Now, in a less direct and more constitutionally dubious endorsement, homophobic pastor and man who draws his chin on with a sharpie,

Robert Jeffress, hinted around that he also liked the Donald. But since he's a pastor, he can't say that out loud without losing his church's tax-exempt status. But if it weren't for that, he would definitely endorse Trump. So speaking on behalf of most americans in his words but definitely not just himself maybe he's in the most maybe he's not jeffrey said quote they look at donald trump and believe he is the one leader who can reverse the downward death spiral of this nation we love so dearly end quote okay well first of all upward death spiral is a weird goal to have but regardless of how stupid the reasoning i am very happy to see the donald wreaking havoc on the gop right now he's far less terrifying than several of the alternatives but you know he'd still lose to

sanders cosby in the channel so i'm not too worried this is theCosby in the town. So I'm not too worried. This is the most fun primary in the history of primaries. And as meaningless as these endorsements might seem in the context of an atheist podcast, you can bet fresh donuts that Ted Cruz is more than a little pissy about them, since his campaign strategy hinges on— Yeah, exactly. He's got to tie up the evangelical vote with their high correlation on low education and mental acuity. Now, as a bit of a consolation prize, though, it is worth noting that Cruz did earn the endorsement

of evangelical minister and self-proclaimed prophet Mike Bickle this week. So we can now add Ted Cruz would make a good president to the list of Bickle's publicly stated beliefs right after God was using Hitler to remind the Jews whose boss boss. Demons enter the world through gay sex orgasms. And Oprah Winfrey is the beast of the apocalypse. Also, Ted Cruz would be an awesome president. Those four things are all true. And in Darth Vader news tonight, a federal judge ruled on Monday that Ken Ham's Ark Encounter creationist Theme Park must be granted the religious right of tax evasion and also the religious right of employment discrimination.

Whatever the fuck they want, apparently. And therefore, the state of Kentucky is now required to give the Christian business up to $18 million in tax incentives, even though that's normally money reserved for uh not ignorant hate groups in the child propaganda business who have illegal hiring practices normally a judge just ruled that it's religious discrimination for the state to discourage religious discrimination well and the whole decision is so fucking bizarre it's 70 pages of like well if you close your left eye squint just right, you can't see the part of the law where it says don't. And there's nothing that says you have to read the law with both eyes. So there's that.

That's probably more convincing than the arguments you actually get. For fuck's sake, his entire decision rests on the stated precept that the creationist Christian theme park would draw tourists from all different religious viewpoints. Right. So, quick background for anyone who isn't familiar. Ken Ham is the president of Answers in Genesis, the creationist apologetics ministry that's trying to build this Bible-inspired theme park. And if you were curious about his physical appearance, beyond the phrase Amish Wolverine, I'd say you want to imagine the before picture at a dermatology office.

There you go. Like a crocodile from the Louvre commercials. The chin strap beard. Well, but to be fair, shaving that chin's got to be like mowing the moon. That's tricky. Anyway, that guy and his organization decided to sue the state of Kentucky because they weren't being given all the perks of a religious organization and the perks of a secular business at the same time right and yes really the

lawsuit was that stupid and fucking pock marky mark just won it well well he won in the sense that the courts revoked one piece of truth that stands between him and his tax rebates but you know i mean the state could probably effectively appeal this bullshit based on nothing more than no uh but something tells me kentucky's new governor matt let's change the law so that we can pay kim davis to be a bigot bevin isn't going to be too eager to take up this fight regardless of how much of the judge's dna they scrape out of the constitution's vagina so i think we're pretty much fucked here and in mo ze's this Moe problems news tonight, former Republican representative and woman who looks like she's perpetually trying to see the sailboat Michelle Bachman joined many

world theory historian David Barton on a recent episode of Crazy Stupid Shit Squared to explain that the sovereignty of the federal government ends where her interpretation of Jesus's favorite spell book begins. Yeah. And just in case you're wondering for Michelle Bachman, that spot is past her vagina, but before her vestigial brain bump. Exactly. Yeah, right.

Somewhere in the torso area, I'm guessing. So this conversation began when Barton was trying to use the presence of Moses on a great lawgiver's display at the House of Representatives to bolster his claim of legislative biblical supremacy. Now, he admits that the display also includes a bunch of French dudes, a Jewish philosopher, a Spanish king, a sultan, and a mix of historical and mythical Greeks and Romans. But those guys don't count because they're all represented by side profiles, but Moses is face on, you see.

So if there was an image of like Muhammad planking, we'd have different laws here? We'd be an Islamic nation, exactly. Like a Buddha sitting down in Tom Brady losing pose? Same thing as a constitutional amendment, yeah. More so, yeah, obviously. But for naysaying cynics like Keith, from whom I detected a little bit of sarcasm,

who might need even more evidence of the Old testament's jurisdictional primacy than the selfie pose moses bachman took the opportunity to add 11 minutes of rambling bullshit with discordant conjunctions and unspecified pronouns as she has wanted to do but if i can boil that shit down to a point i think she's saying that since moses is directly across from the speaker of the house christianity gets a final veto on all of the laws. Right, yeah. For the same reason the Pentagon answers to Lucian graves.

Right. Makes perfect sense. Well, but also like... Psychopath. I mean, Moses wasn't Christian, right? And Jesus isn't on the lawgiver's thing. So I don't know. I mean, like, this may not be entirely trustworthy.

It could also just be that the Jews control the world. She didn't explain how she ruled that out. So I'm going to hold out a little bit of skepticism. I'm going to wait for yet another credible historian like Barton to chime in. And finally tonight, from the Necromancers in Genesis file. Oh, this is so fucking horrible, this story. Yeah, it's absolutely horrible. The E! Network has a new show premiering on Sunday in which 20-year-old self-proclaimed spiritual medium Tyler Henry will provide so-called psychic services to delusional famous people that want to speak to dead relatives.

And as if that wasn't already offensive enough. And it is. And it is. Hollywood's latest dark warlock to the stars claims to specialize in suicide. Right. He's profiting from made up bullshit and parlor tricks at the expense of bereaved people hoping to communicate with ghosts of loved ones who committed suicides. Fucking awful.

So, of course, he made a show about it. Yeah. Because that's entertainment. Yeah, well, and also because, I guess, the contract fell through about that show where they were going to sell Amway products to AIDS patients. I mean, for fuck's sake, this is deplorable. Fucking deplorable. And that's true regardless of how little plore you started out with.

Yeah, right. So here's a little background on the wizard. Oh, please. This is the very first thing from the About page on his website. Quote, Tyler Henry, born January 13th, 1996, is a teen sick, clairvoyant sick, medium sick, a wringly sick from Central California. So four in a row wrong born with a unique gift

tyler has helped countless people you can't count them they're countless tyler has helped countless people acquire closure comfort and proof sick that consciousness transcends physical death proof you say yeah working as an evidential sick-based medium, his ability to provide, this is my favorite part, his ability to provide specific, detail-oriented specifics has allowed him to share what he sees

with medical professionals and missing persons cases. End quote. I guess the best detail-oriented specifics are the specific ones in my experience. Very important. What a sad attempt at verbosity. Wait, specific detail oriented.

What would specifics be oriented towards if not detail? Vague specific. This sentence is so bad that all of humanity should have to go sit in the corner and take a timeout for allowing it to happen. so bad that all of humanity should have to go sit in the corner and take a timeout for allowing it to happen the precision of his precisely specific specificity is of definite definitiveness particularly in the particulars god that's so fucking bad that exploiting vulnerable bereaved people for a profit is the thing i'm second most pissed off about right now ridiculous yeah all right um so before we continue though got a quick disclaimer. There's nothing funny about suicide. Nothing that's like funny. Ha ha. Anyway, I mean, it's something that's caused lots of pain for many people, including myself. I'm doing what many would call making light of it because otherwise I'd be forced to have a genuine conversation with someone during which I open up about my feelings.

And that's clearly not happening. So instead, now that E! Network brought up the subject, let's go ahead and put 30 seconds on the clock. Their fault. And I'll keep my emotions bottled up safely. Ideas for the E! Network Suicide Entertainment Channel. So keeping in mind that this is all their fault we have nothing to do with us okay how about extreme makeover dose home attrition it's not funny no what about splash bridges eyewitness noose yeah yeah kind of like fox noose coming november 2016 um how about mad about euthanasia i used mad about eugenics before that's kind of the same joke

going back to the well there love paul riser and helen hunt come on suicide yeah what about um what about feeding two broke girls feeding two broke yeah no veggie Feeding Two Broke Girls. Feeding Two Broke Girls. Veggie Tales with Terry Shava. Post-Colonic there. Maybe Pinky and Cobain. Pinky and Cobain. Allegedly. Allegedly. Right.

What about... Where were you, Courtney? Sorry. What about Highway to Heaven's Gate? Don't... Fun one. Like offensive for a suicide joke. I'm going to back off.

Maybe a slapstick comedy about the 9-11 terrorists called What's the Matter with Ada? That was backing off. I wanted to make sure this one wasn't offensive. The last one was pretty offensive. All right. What about Tree's Company? Hanging with Mr. Roper. Oh, nice.

You know what? Hanging with Mr. Cooper? Tree's Company? I prefer Mr. Farley, but you know what hanging with Mr. Cooper three's company well I prefer Mr. Farley but you know okay we need something for the kids obviously

for the teen suicides thanks for saving me the email how about Spookuman the logo could just be a kid taking a bath with Pikachu

you know that was over the line come on Eli help me with that I don't know shit about Pokemon I didn't know shit about Pokemon. I didn't know he was electrical. It's not a cutter joke.

It's not a cutter joke. It's electricity. It's way less better. Good job. I got one more. I got one more. What about like a euthanasia reality show? It's just good quality television right there.

How about Ice Flow Truckers? No, no, no. Deadliest Truckers? No, no, no. Deadliest Patch Adams. No, no, no. Then you'd have to replace Robin Williams. I knew that was coming. Keeping up with the Kevorkians. That's it.

Now that we're done. You know what? My spidey senses are telling me that this bit is on the verge of getting offensive, so we're going to close it down quick while we still can. We're going to close it now. Heath, thanks as always. Squirmle. And when we come back, we'll gaze into the sun and see how long it takes us to spot a miracle.

Run, grab the youngins, folks. It's time for Lucinda Lusion's Bible Stories for Kids. Gather round, boys and girls. You didn't think we were going to stop doing this bit just because we finished the Bible, did you? Hell no. We've barely scratched the surface of the diabolical violence and gratuitous stupidity of this thing. So today, we'll be opening our Bibles to the book of Judges to learn the story of Jephthah's daughter. Now, like most of the women in the Bible, Jephthah's daughter never gets a name. In fact, of the 3,237 characters in the Bible, only 188 of them are women with names.

But since saying Jephthah's daughter over and over again is going to be a pain in the ass, we're just going to call her Judy. Of course, we don't know much about Judy, but we know a lot about her dad, because he has a dick and the Bible loves people with dicks. Jephthah came from the biblical land of Gilead, but the people around there didn't like him very much because his mother was a prostitute. Do you know what a prostitute is, boys and girls?

It's a person that you pay to have sex with. Or if you don't have enough for that, just to go down on you or maybe give you a quick handy. Or if you have a lot of money, maybe even a puzzle in a thunderstorm. So anyway, our story starts in the 11th chapter of Judges when those damned Israelites again did what was evil in the sight of the Lord. This made God very angry, so he decided to sell all of the Jews to the Philistines and Ammonites. That's right, boys and girls. If the adults around you anger the most

violently temperamental character in the history of fiction, you and your family might be sold into slavery because God doesn't fuck around. And this is where Jephthah shows up. At the time, he was a homeless gang leader that roamed around with sinful, immoral men. But that made him pretty badass. So the elders of Gilead asked him to lead their army against the Ammonites that God had sold them to. What's more, they promised that if he won the battle, they would make him their leader. After some hemming and hawing, Jephthah agreed to be their general, but he didn't want to do it unless he was sure he would win. And if he was going to do that, he would need Jew God on his side. Luckily, Jephthah knew how to get God on

his side. After all, what's Jew God's most favoritest thing in the whole wide world? Jew God's most favoritest thing in the whole wide world? Human suffering. So Jephthah promised God that if he and his army won, he would murder the first person who came out of his house to greet him after the battle. Well, apparently God loved this idea. So he let Jephthah win. And when he came home, Judy ran out to greet him. And Jephthah thought to himself, Shucks, I guess I'll have to murder her now.

But when he explained that to Judy, she wasn't very happy at all. After all, she'd never even had sex. So she asked her dad if he could wait two months to murder her for his bloodthirsty god so that she could get a lifetime's worth of fucking in. And he said no. So then she asked if he could wait for two months for some totally unrelated reason that had nothing to do with her hymen, so she didn't even know why he brought it up. And he said yes. So Judy and a couple of her friends went to the

mountains for two months with a donkey load of Bronze Age dildos and a pedal-powered Subian. And when she came back, her father tied her to a big stick and set her on fire. Because this book is fucking hideous. The end. According to the Code of Canon Law, in order to be eligible for sainthood by the Roman Catholic Church, a candidate for canonization needs to have performed at least two confirmed miracles. And through most of the church's history, that minimum was three. So when you add the fact that they have well over 10,000 saints, you'd assume that their list of confirmed miracles, by extension, would be rather impressive. And since a single confirmed miracle would go a long way towards changing the name and general theme of this show, we thought we'd take a closer

look at some of the best miracles the Catholics have to offer in a brand new segment called... The Devil's Advocate. Nice, nice. I like it. Good title. Very not the echoey thing on the title also. Thank you. I did it all for you. So where are we going to start our exploration of miraculous deeds? All right. We're going to start at the very top with the one that most Catholic scholars list as the best documented miracle in the church's history, and that would be the famous miracle of the sun. All right, all right. So let's start with the fully credulous version. How would a believing Catholic tell me this story? All right, in 1917, three young shepherd girls near Fatima,

In 1917, three young shepherd girls near Fatima, Portugal, saw a vision of the Virgin Mary. The apparition told them that at noon on October 13th, she would perform a great miracle in that rainy field both believers and non-believers and included in their ranks were a number of reporters from secular newspapers as well okay so a large group of people shows up in a field expecting a miracle well some of them were expecting a miracle some of them were secular though why would a secular person be in a rainy field on the authority of a kid who said she saw a ghost well because it makes the story sound a lot more credible that way. Oh, okay. Gotcha. Gotcha. Sorry. I'll let you get back to the narrative. All right. So the day arrives and a massive crowd has gathered together. Suddenly, one of the shepherd girls shouted, look, the sun, except

in Portuguese. She said, look, the sun in Portuguese. And everybody looked up. And that's when the clouds parted and the sun appeared as a dull silver disk radiating light in every color of the rainbow. And then the puddles of water at their feet dried in an instant. And according to hundreds of eyewitness reports, the sun started to dance and whirl through the sky, even careening toward the earth before zigzagging back to its normal place. In all, the event lasted over ten minutes and was seen by thousands of people. Okay, all right. So now give me the same story, but from the skeptical perspective. All right. Tens of thousands of people showed up in a wet field expecting to see a miracle,

stared into the sun for 10 minutes, and then acted surprised when they saw weird shit. Thousands of the tens of thousands reported having seen something vaguely to do with the sun and movement, but pretty much nothing else about their stories match. Okay, sounds significantly less impressive. Yeah, that's because nothing happened. Yeah, okay, I figured. So for the purposes of feigned objectivity here, what are the strengths of the miracle claim? Well, it has thousands of eyewitnesses, including contemporary newspaper reports from non-religious sources.

And the documentation around the prediction of the miracle is pretty much airtight. It's safe to say that this little girl definitely predicted a miracle on that day and time. Okay. And the weaknesses? That would be every single other detail. Okay. Such as? All right.

Let's start with the fact that the miracle the little girl promised, specifically an appearance of a miraculous female apparition in a white cloak did not appear. Instead, the sun danced around, which the little girl did not predict. Then we can look to the fact that this was the sixth month in a row where this same little girl predicted a miracle would take place at noon on the 13th in the same field. And then we can add to that the fact that her own mother described her as, quote,

nothing but a fake who's leading half the world astray, end quote. Okay, yeah, I mean, that's all pretty damning, but ultimately it's ad hominem, right? I mean, the fact that this girl made some failed predictions and pissed off her mom is pretty inconsequential if the other side of the scale is the sun swooping down to the earth, right? All right, well, let's add some historical details for context. Okay. By 1917, Europe was three years into World War I, and four years before that, the Portuguese monarchy was overthrown in a violent coup.

The church, which had been heavily allied with the monarchy, was still viewed with suspicion by a wide swath of the population at that point. And God, who seemed to be in, in apparently no fucking hurry to end the war, wasn't held in particularly high esteem at that time either. Taken together, this left the Portuguese believers in desperate need of a miracle. Slow down there, Dan Carlin. So enter into this stage a 10-year-old fantasy-prone girl named Lucia Santos, whose mother says would claim to see angels or ghosts on a pretty regular basis. So somewhere along

the line, one of her many claims of divine apparitions goes viral, and suddenly she's on the hook for a miracle from a bunch of people who really want her to be right. Well, okay, yeah, but to be fair, a bunch of people who want her to be wrong, too. I mean, you said yourself that there was an anti-clerical movement, so wouldn't it stand to reason that these people would also have a vested interest in the opposite direction? Sure, but not an equal one. If a little girl claims that there's going to be a miracle and there is a miracle, the church wins, clearly.

But if there isn't a miracle, that was just some full of shit little girl. Ultimately, the church has very little to lose in this situation. Gotcha, okay. So a few clergymen run with the claim and before long, it winds up in the local papers along with a promised repeat miracle on the next 13th.

The date that the sun swooped down. Well, no, no, no. A different 13th, actually. This one was set for May 13th. Oh, okay. Lucia claimed that the sun swooped down. Well, no, no, no. A different 13th, actually. This one was set for May 13th. Oh, okay. Lucia claimed that the divine merry ghost had promised to reappear in the field at noon on May 13th. And then when that date arrived, hundreds of believers gathered to witness this divine appearance. Okay, so what happened?

Nobody saw anything except for Lucia, who claimed to be looking right at the apparition that nobody else could see. She even had a conversation with it while everybody just stood there looking around, really disappointed. OK, well, I mean, if I know anything about religious people, I'm guessing that they were in no way dissuaded by this. No, exactly the opposite. Exactly the opposite. When Lucia claimed that the apparition would reappear on the 13th of June, even more people gathered to watch nothing happen again. This continued for three more months, and each time a larger crowd listened to Lucia promise that the next time the Virgin Mary would appear so that everybody could see her. But it just didn't happen this time. Gotcha.

Okay. So which ultimately, in a roundabout way, brings us to the fateful date of October 13th, 1917. Right. So by now, the secular newspapers were having an absolute blast with this increasingly ridiculous monthly pilgrimage. As we would be. Exactly. Which means that despite the low stakes the church had going into this, the end result was providing a damn convincing demonstration of just how gullible religion makes people. Right.

At this point, the pressure wasn't so much on Lucia as it was on the whole assembled crowd because they would look like idiots. There's no way to go back in time and measure just exactly how desperate they were for a miracle. But it was at least desperate enough to stand around in a cold, rainy field full of sheep shit for an hour. So however many units of desperate that would be. Well, however many units of desperate you'd need to do that six times. Right. So.

All right. So high noon comes. And then goes. And the Virgin Mary is once again a no call, no show. At which point Lucia looks out at this massive potential lynch mob and yells uh look at the sun and people do and while this might just have been her using the old bugs bunny look over there technique before making a break for it turns out that looking at the sun for an extended period will make you see all kinds of crazy shit so a significant portion of the people who were there called it a miracle okay a significant portion well all the people who catholic investigators later chose to quote

did in fact call it oh okay gotcha a few of the contemporary newspapers quote people who say nothing happened but they're extremely drowned out by the stories of the sun doing a fred and ginger number with rainbow streamers and all sorts of crazy okay i mean i mean but can we put a number on it like what percentage of the people who were there witnessed the miracle well that's impossible to say several hundred firsthand accounts were collected over the next 20 years or so but if the high end of the estimated crowd is true that's one third of one percent yeah right also the stories conflict wildly with each other right okay so now like what kind of shit did people claim to see uh let's see the sun was

described as blue silver red or changing in color some people said it spun in a circle around a point in the sky um others said it swooped down on the crowd. And others, that it danced in random patterns. Okay, but isn't that exactly what a normal person would see if they looked into the sun for 10 minutes? Yes, exactly. And did anybody on the day side of Earth that wasn't in Fatima report strange goings-on with the sun?

No. of earth that wasn't in fatima report strange goings on with the sun no and was life on earth wiped out by a violent shift in gravitational forces from the sun zipping around in the sky sky and careening towards the earth no it was not okay so uh case closed well not so fast because there's also the matter of the puddles of water that were around them that suddenly disappeared as soon as the clouds parted. Okay, but I mean, isn't that what puddles of water do when the sun comes back out and it stops raining? Yes, it is. Okay, so now case closed? Almost, but there's still the matter of the divinely

revealed secrets imparted to Lucia during the miracle. Oh, for fuck's sake. All right, all right. So while everybody's burning their retinas, the little girl claims to have received divine revelation. Of course she did. Why would she not? Okay, so what did the invisible friend that only she could see tell her? That the war was going to end.

The war as in World War I? The same. Okay, but did that war not continue for another 13 bloody months? Indeed, the bloodiest in the entire war, yeah. Okay, so the Virgin Mary was wrong? Well, she never said when the war was going to end. Oh, okay.

That it was going to end, and it okay. That it was going to end. And it did. Yeah, no, right. So she successfully predicted that World War I wouldn't continue for eternity. I don't think that bumps this all the way up to miracle or at all on the miracle scale. Well, hold on. That wasn't the only revelation. Oh, okay.

She also received three other prophecies from the ghost, and at least two of those did come true. Okay, but I mean, were they as vague as World War I will eventually conclude? Not at all, actually. One was that the two friends she was with at the time of the first vision would die within a few years. And the other was that a second, even greater war would follow a few decades after the first one ended. Oh, okay.

And I mean, the other kids did die a couple years later? They did. Okay. And World War II did happen? Yeah, absolutely. Okay. So maybe we should have led with that because that's way more convincing than the Sun stuff. It is until you look at the dates.

What do you mean? It is until you look at the dates. What do you mean? Well, Lucia never made any mention of these additional prophecies until she was in her mid-40s. Which would have been in the early 1940s? Well, after her childhood friends died and well after Hitler invaded Poland. Yes, correct. All right, all right.

Well, I suppose that's plenty enough evidence to put this one to rest. It is, but that's not all the evidence. You mean there's more? There's more. Perhaps most damning of all is that these types of in the mid-90s, and in Thiruvananthapuram, India in 2008. In all instances, A, nobody who wasn't expecting a miracle saw anything. B, nobody anywhere else in the world reported unusual solar activity of any kind. C, skeptical investigations turned up absolutely nothing miraculous. And D, large groups of religious people were stupid enough to all stare at the sun together for prolonged periods. Okay, well, not to be disagreeable here, but I think the most damning is the fact that

this is the one that they hold up as their best example, actually. Exactly. Which means from this point on, the stuff we talk about in this segment is going to be even less convincing than that. Nice way to tease the bit. Fucking pro. Oh, fucking pro indeed,

because now I'm all tingly with excitement about the next installment of... The Devil's Advocate. Before we rinse and repeat tonight, I wanted to thank Jake Farwhorton of the Imaginary Friends Show, or the Ingenious Friends Show, or the Ignominious Ferret Syndrome, or whatever he's calling it these days for inviting me onto his last episode and the one before that. We talked about Donald Trump being a crazy son son of a bitch as well as other stuff if you'd like to check that conversation out you'll find it linked on the show notes or you can check out imaginary friend show.com and if you just can't get enough eli in your life you can hear

him on a recent episode of thomas smith's comedy shoeshine podcast as well as a recent episode of thomas smith's atheistically speaking podcast and as soon as the cops dredge the river an upcoming season of cereal the first two of which will be linked on the show notes as well anyway that's all the blasphemy we've got for you tonight we'll be back in 10,022 minutes with more if you can't wait that long be on the lookout for a brand new episode of the skeptic rat on monday morning at 8 a.m eastern and an even brander and newer episode of god awful movies on tuesday morning at the same time and if even that still leaves you wanting more you can find occasional nuggets of bonus scatheism by

following us on twitter and or liking us on Facebook. Obviously, it just isn't an episode until I thank the bold and brilliant Heath Enright for all the boldness and the brilliance. That's bold, by the way, with an O. I also want to thank the lovely and talented Lucinda Lusions for chiming in on this show. And, of course, big thanks to Uber 47 from the Secular Barbershop podcast for providing this week's Farnsworth quote, though I do think it was a little shady for him to heap all the blame on Primitive Man. Seems like we're fucking up just fine without them. That being said, if you'd like to give Uber 47 a chance to defend his claim, you'll find a link to the secular barbershop podcast on the show notes for this

episode as well. But most of all, of course, I need to thank this week's most complimentable comrades, Liam, David, Alex, Nicholas, Dan, and Elias. Liam and David, whose massive genitals turn every calculation of the Earth's gravity into a three body problem. Alex and Nicholas, whose IQs have more zeros than binary. And Dan and Elias, whose erections have already started a tactile hunt for that potential ninth planet. Together, these tantalizingly titillating typifications of temerity helped us tackle the treacherously tendentious tales of the tabernacle this week by giving us money.

Not everybody has the generosity, thoughtfulness, and ability to artfully maneuver a Corellian light freighter through narrow passages that it takes to give us money, but if you think you're up to the challenge, you can make a per-episode donation at patreon.com slash scat're up to the challenge, you can make a per episode donation at patreon.com slash scathingatheist, or you can make a one-time donation by clicking on the donate button on the right side of the homepage at scathingatheist.com. And if you'd like to help, but not in a giving us money kind of way, you can also help boost

our visibility by giving us a five-star review on iTunes or by printing our URL on a sandwich board for like when you walk the dog and shit. If you have questions, comments, or death threats, you'll find all the contact info on the contact page at scathingatheist.com. All the music used in this episode was written and performed by yours truly, and yes, If you have questions, comments, or death threats, you'll find all the contact info on the contact page at skatingatheist.com. All the music used in this episode was written and performed by yours truly, and yes,

I did have my permission. Teddy goes yad!