The Scathing Atheist - ScathingAtheist 155: Man on Manning Edition

Episode Date: February 4, 2016

On this week's episode we'll enjoy that pastor from Harlem being the most disappointed Manning in the country quick while we still can, Herman Cain catches President Obama making out with Islam under the bleachers, and Dan Arel will be here to discuss a dark mark on the ark park.

Changing a light bulb should be simple. Whoa, whoa, whoa! Uh-oh, that's not supposed to happen. Quickly submitting and tracking a claim on the Bel Air Direct app actually is simple. Bel Air Direct. Insurance simplified. Warning, we didn't add the explicit tag just to give our title a splash of color. This week's episode of The Scathing Atheist is brought to you by the new fourth trimester women's health center for Procrastinators.

Unplanned Parenthood. Do you have a shitty kid that you're incapable of raising? Well, don't worry. We'll take care of it. If you know what I mean. Wink. Unplanned Parenthood. Last resort in spa. Think of us as Plan Z. And now, The Scathing Atheist.

I'm Miss B. Haven. And I'm Demanda Wright. And we're Promoting Secular Feminism. We're introducing you misogynistic, misanthropic, atheist bastards to the mysterious and malcontented world of man-haters. After further archaeological investigation, we've discovered we did, in fact, evolve from filthy monkey women. Who the fuck do you think pushed you out of there, Vajango? It's Thursday. It's February 4th.

And Punxsutawney Phil predicted an early spring this year. This forecast was independently verified by an international panel of three other famous rodents. And yet Glenn Beck still thinks it's a conspiracy. I'm no illusions. I'm Heath Enright. And from across this line, you do not. Valdosta, Georgia, this is The Skating Atheist. On this week's episode, we'll enjoy the Manhattan pastor being the most disappointed manning quick while we still can. Herman Cain catches President Obama making out with Islam under the bleachers. And Dan Arrow will be here to discuss a dark mark on the Ark Park.

But first, the diatribe. You know, I have to give credit where credit is due, and religious people have some really smart stupid. Have you ever heard the Answers in Genesis response to the biblical incest problem? Because if you haven't, you're in for a real treat. It goes like this. When God made Adam and Eve, he made them perfect so that they could fuck their kids, their kids could fuck each other, their kids' kids could fuck each other, nothing would ever go wrong. But then they ate the fruit, as we know, God lost his shit, and he decided that

each successive generation would be a little bit less perfect than the last one. Now, at first, this didn't matter much because the imperfections they passed on were relatively small. So sisters could still fuck brothers and cousins could still fuck cousins, and you wouldn't get any gills or flippers. But as time went on, each family carried an increasingly number of similar imperfections such that after enough generations, those imperfections in you and those imperfections in your brother are so similar, you'd make fish people. Of course, when God flooded the world, he simply reached into Noah's family's DNA and reset the mutant switch so they could go through the whole process again.

Pretty fucking clever, right? I mean, it's still stupid. You'd have to have families having 800 kids apiece to get back to 7 billion by now. And if this was true, we should be able to trace ancestral DNA back to some approximation of this perfection that he speaks of. And then on top of that, it relies on a bunch of biological principles that they just conjure out a whole cloth along the way. It's naive post hoc bullshit, but it's clever naive post hoc bullshit. You know, if I was writing a novel where I had to explain away the post-Diluvian cousin fucking problem, I'd be patting myself on the back if I came up with that. It falls apart as soon as you give it some critical thought, but it makes sense if

you're grasping for a rationalization. And of course, I bring that up to reinforce the point that we already know, but need to remind ourselves from time to time, religious people aren't stupid. Well, sorry, most people are stupid, so most religious people are stupid by default, but they're not stupid compared to us. Well, sorry, I mean, they actually kind of are because on the average we have higher IQs and more education, but they're not all stupid. I mean, the actual difference in IQ is statistically significant, sure, but it's not overwhelming. There are plenty of religious people that are way smarter than the average atheist, and they've been thinking about this shit. And obviously, look, you know that, but sometimes it's really hard to keep that in mind.

You know, when you're presented with a person who actually thinks we cousin-fucked our way into a population of 7 billion people in the 4,000 years since all the animals gathered together in a magical superboat, it's really easy to write that person off as a frothing fucking idiot. Really easy. I mean, really, really easy. What's hard is to stop and think to yourself, maybe this person is really smart and has logical but incorrect ways of rationalizing away this incredibly stupid thing. You know, this is probably a lot easier for people who used to be religious, right? I mean, you know that losing your faith wasn't like taking the unlimited pill. You didn't start suddenly beating Robert Duvall at chess and learning

Portuguese. You just realized you were wrong about something, and it probably happened right after you were introduced to new sources of information or new ways of evaluating the sources you already had. But for people like myself, people who called bullshit on this stuff when they were kids, it can be really easy to underestimate your opponent in a religious argument. But look, this shit has occurred to them before too, even the smart ones. So whether they wriggled out of it by randomly applying the parable excuse, or they cowered away from it by blaming the devil for testing them, or rationalized it away with some fictional reimagining of how DNA works, they got through it somehow. They didn't just forget about the question the next time they ran headlong into a wall. And I'm not just pointing this out to

be amicable. Imagine that you're in a conversation with a creationist and you pull out the incest question, right? They give the AIG approved answer and this is the first time you've ever encountered it. Now, sure, give you a few minutes to mull it over. You can probably poke some fatal holes in it, but odds are you're not going to have them at the ready. And even if you do, the creationist is going to think you might be moving the goalposts if you say like, you know, well, that still doesn't account for the 7 billion people on the earth since then. You basically just conceded a point.

That's how they're going to take it. And if anybody's listening in, that's how they're going to take it too. On top of that, it's probably going to be obvious that you're hearing this for the first time. So even if you can't explain why that's wrong, you're probably just going to be telegraphing the fact that you don't really even know the counter arguments here. You know, you're reinforcing a stereotype that the creationists love to assert. The one that says the atheists are afraid to listen to their arguments because they're so damn convincing.

Of course, that's not to say that you have to listen to Ken Ham's presentations. I wouldn't wish that on an ethnic cleanser, but if you want to involve yourself in the argument, you should take the time to know the standard answers they're going to give you. You know, a Twitter drive-by that points out all the sister-fucking in the Old Testament isn't going to be very convincing to a person who can immediately turn to Ken Ham for a ready, hand-waving explanation that makes sense to them. You know, that's not to say there's no value in that particular Twitter drive-by. I'm not telling anybody how to tweet, but if you think stuff like that is going to sway anybody,

you're probably underestimating them. Anybody who ever got roped into a debate with a well-versed apologist will tell you the same thing. It's not enough to know the truth. You also have to know the lie. Hell, I heard Joe Rogan mop the floor with Phil Plait in a debate about whether the moon landing was a hoax. Phil Plait's a goddamn professional astronomer and a damn talented science communicator, and Joe Rogan knew so damn little about this stuff that he thought the moon landing was a hoax.

But Phil Plait didn't familiarize himself enough with the pseudo history that surrounded this shit to successfully counter any of it in a debate. Now, to his credit, he learned his lesson, corrected it, went back and so successfully whipped Rogan's ass in the follow up that Joe now admits that we definitely landed on the moon. But he only got there by learning the bullshit. And that's really hard to do. It's really hard to

listen to a moon hoaxer drone on for an hour or even worse, read one of their fucking books. But if you want to argue with a dedicated 9-11 truther, it's not going to be enough to know that Jetfield does in fact burn that hot. So I don't blame you if you want out. Nobody is under any particular obligation to argue with creationists or religious apologists or moon hoaxers or 9-11 truthers. But if you are going to do it, you're under an obligation to do it well. They're talking about you, Jesus. We interrupt this broadcast and bring you a special news bulletin. Joining me for headlines tonight is Master Vulgarian Heath Enright.

Heath, are you ready to craft a witty but obscene snippet of reballed humor and response such that the audience is reminded of how one can simultaneously embody profanity and profundity? Uh, fuck? Close enough. What's the sound of one hand fucking?

Oh, all right, moving on to headlines. In our lead story tonight, from the Repo Manning file, after amassing over a million dollars in unpaid taxes and

delinquent loan payments under the leadership of pastor james david sperm latte homo demons manning the atla worldwide missionary church of harlem new york is currently up for sale in a foreclosure auction he will be missed considering the church's advocacy for killing the gays with rocks it's uh all too appropriate that one of the possible buyers is an lgbt spiritual group that plans to create in the pastor's words a fag church but you know what though even if they don't manage to get it we'll still probably get some like

solid dramatic irony out of this i mean think about this we're talking about available commercial property in manhattan automatically one in three chance it winds up at starbucks gotta be careful with those den of sodomy yeah so uh pastor manning heard about the the gay people trying to buy his building and at the moment he sounds skeptical about whether that's really possible, considering how pregnancy works, which was an interesting angle. To say the least, yeah. So here's a statement from the pastor explaining the nuances of his opinion. Quote,

Before you can ever own this property, hook or crook, men who are fags with testicles will be carrying babies in their testicles and giving birth to them through their anus. He really said that. That's how impossible it is for you to get this house. End quote. It's gay ass baby impossible. But wait, but wait, because I mean, wouldn't testicle fetuses come out of the urethra?

I mean, how would they get to the ass? This is unrealistic. And this guy's get to the ass? This is unrealistic. And this guy's understanding of gay ass baby biology is shit. I don't mind saying. Public schools are doing a terrible job. And by the way, I cannot wait for the public gay demonstration with ass babies popping out of everything. He promised it.

Anyway, I'm sure this sounds pretty crazy so far, but don't worry, there's more from Pastor Manning. Always. He elabor it. Anyway, I'm sure this sounds pretty crazy so far, but don't worry. There's more from Pastor Manning. Always. He elaborated. Whoops. In case we weren't clear on what he meant with the homosexuals birthing shit babies thing, he added, quote,

When you start carrying a baby in your bags and birthing that baby through your ass, then you can own this house. But until I see you pull a baby out of your ass you ain't going to pull this church out from underneath us and boom shaka laka laka goes right there what end quote no idea well i just want to point out he moved the goal posts in there somewhere because any competent stage magician can pull a baby out of their own ass i've seen eli do it and not as a magic trick or anything but like you know just eventually the hamster just doesn't touch the sides anymore you know you need to ramp it up

once in a while and uh by the way side note if you're anything like me manning's choices the phrase boom shakalaka made you wonder if there's a cheat code in NBA Jam that lets you play as a gay ass baby. Well, I checked and unfortunately there is not. Also, one last thing before we close out the story, if you'd like to support the LGBT group in their plans to rebrand the hate

church, check out their fundraiser page at GoFundMe.com slash Rivers New Home. Which will, of course, be linked on the show notes for this episode. And in how-the-fuck-are-you-a-grown-up news tonight, Rome's Capitoline Museum rated itself for a visit by Iranian President Hassan Rouhani by covering up the naughty bits on the statues. Ridiculous.

Because apparently even a slab of marble carved in the shape of a tit is enough to give him the vapors. This puritanical effort to protect President Grundy's sensibilities met with muted befuddlement by locals who remarked, quote, It's Rome! I'm literally waving my dick at you right now!

End quote. This is the president of a country. Yes. Full of adults. Grownups. Honestly, if he goes to a museum, he's going to be like, boobies. Really? Really?

And Italy's encouraging this? What the fuck are you guys doing? Well, this came, of course, as part of a broader visit to Europe that's meant to symbolize Iran's emergence from the isolation imposed by years of international sanctions. But the urgent effort to slap a pair of Levi's on Harpocrates serves as an important reminder that they're not emerging from the isolation they've imposed on themselves. No, clearly not. When asked why he would go

to Roman museums if he didn't want to see dicks, Rohani responded, quote, it wouldn't be very Muslim of me not to make them change their country for me before I visited, now would it? End quote. Rohan demands to be taken seriously. Yes. Now, put a Speedo on that David statue so I can walk in the building like a dignified art lover.

Please. Of course, as silly as this kind of prudery is, I think it's important that we keep calling out this Muslim tendency to assume that everybody else has to respect their religious nonsense. I mean, if your religion says that you can't draw a picture of Muhammad, fine. But if your religion says I can't draw a picture of him, your religion can go fuck itself. You know, but it's not enough that they simply not drink wine at the state dinner. They don't want anybody else to drink it either. And even cartoonishly silly accommodations like this one of that impositional bullshit need to be taken seriously. As seriously as you can take covering the dick up on a statue.

Right. As seriously as you can take covering the dick up on a statue. Right. And in Floridian sanity news tonight, the state legislature of Florida is coming off a terrifying week. Probably record setting somehow of crazy religious people saying the things they believe during government hearings, which doesn't usually work out very well for, well, anyone. Not in my experience. And the trend continues. The DiMaggio-like streak of wildly offensive ideas included, among others, a discussion of locally overturning Roe v. Wade, a quick seminar on why the country needs to overturn

Roe v. Wade, which is white power, by the way. Yes, it is and then finally a proposal to legalize anti-gay discrimination now that we know for certain that a lesbian shot someone in 2009 and by the way this whole thing caused like a saving private ryan level of convergence here at scathing atheist hq right because heath is like i got this great story about a crazy fucker at a government hearing in Florida. I'm like, oh, you know what? I might have picked the same story

because I too found a great story about a crazy fucker at a government. And then Lucinda's like, was that the abortion one? Because I might have picked out that one too. And we were all talking about different fucking stories. Yeah.

So it all started with a discussion of House Bill 865. The sponsor of the bill is a guy named Charles Van Zandt. And just for reference, here's a couple of things that he believes. He thinks abortion reduced the American black population by about 25% since 1973. Yeah, that's a number you can check. By the way, for the record, it's up 67%. He was only off by 92%.

He was close. It's within 100. And he also thinks that Common Core testing will, quote, attract every one of your children to become as homosexual as they possibly can. What? So that guy is trying to make zygotes into official citizens of Florida and make arithmetic less gay, I guess.

Because Common Core isn't just going to make them like, I like show tunes gay, but full-on wearing assless chaps to Chuck E. Cheese gay. What the zebra molesting fuck could you possibly be talking about, dude? Every kid has a range of gay potential. What happens when you reach your limit? Right?

I mean, you try to suck a dick and your body just rejects it this time. Sorry, Bill. Apparently that was as homosexual as I can possibly be. I have to start fucking chicks from here on out. I should have rounded up more numbers to then simplify basic mathematical functions as a child. Sorry, you're going to have to work yourself out. Oh, fuck. Come on, man.

You're only as good as the last dick you saw. Okay, so in fairness to the Florida House, they don't just, you know, decide on laws right away without considering some expert testimony from its fine constituency of educated citizens. Oh, that should be good. That's why they heard from a gentleman named Paul, Paul the Floridian, who explained the often overlooked eugenics reason for reversing Roe v. Wade.

Oh. According to Paul, it's important to consider that Muslims and Mexicans breed faster because they don't kill their babies, like all the white women want to do. Yeah, I'd give you a quote, but his actual sentences are almost meaningless. Don't kill their babies like all the white women are want to do. Yeah. I give you a quote, but his actual sentences are almost meaningless. But from what I gathered, the brown people are outbreeding us. That's the general message. But not the dark brown people, because they're down 25 percent with a margin of error of 100 percent. The brownish.

Yeah, exactly. Exactly. Brownish. Yeah, exactly. And finally, we had the gays having all those equal rights revoked after one of their gang members killed someone. We had an argument for that. Yeah. So while arguing in favor of a bill that would guarantee the Christian right of dehumanizing

groups of people that they love to have, Pastor Anthony Swain explained that you have to be able to discriminate against gay people because otherwise they usually murder you. Quote, it goes far beyond the protection of the pastors, but those of us who are working the streets, the schools, and the various industries. Because at Dillard High School, a young lady approached another young lady and she wanted to have sex with her. She told her, no, I don't do that. And the girl took out a gun and took her life end quote so that's why we can't sell the gay's

wedding cake right yes or there will be the murders our protection holy shit it's a good thing no men have ever acted out violently after women rejected them or none of us could have cake the fuck is he even trying to imply there? Alright, so quick recap of things we heard from the Florida legislature. Gays should go back to not full people

because 100% of gay murders at Dillard High School since 2009 were committed by lesbians. Also all these blood traitor white women need to stop eating their babies obviously and finally we should consider making abortion providers into felons and granting citizenship to sperm depending on its vector exactly that's how you spend some tax dollars yeah it turns out that uh no state income tax policy comes at a cost that was and

and please don't boil us into that news tonight. Texas middle school principal Brandon Basinger looked to Facebook to thank God for almost murdering all the children in his care last Friday. The post came in response to a carbon monoxide leak on campus that affected almost 200 people, where he attributed the fact that nobody was seriously hurt to an invisible superhero that started the leak, didn't warn anybody about it, and made us unable to breathe carbon monoxide without dying in the first place. Yeah, thanks for saving us from the colorless, odorless,

fucking invisible poison you invented. Right, yes. Next time you create a universe, don't have weaponized Iocane gas. Just a thought. Yeah, exactly. The intelligent part is even worse than the design part, for fuck's sake. Now, for the record, in this behemoth post,

the principal made it very clear that all the God talk was just his personal, non-school-endorsed bullshit. But I still can't just overlook the repeated praises to the God who saved them by making the humans whose job it is to save them, save them. From the post, quote, Everyone believes in something, aborted ellipsis or double period, be it luck, coincidence, God,

or some other higher power. So call it what you will. Me, I believe God was at work yesterday and sheltered us, making sure all the right pieces were in place at just the right time, end quote. So see, that's atheist-friendly because he admitted that it could have been

just coincidence that was sheltering them and making sure all of the right pieces. End quote. So see, that's atheist friendly because he admitted that it could have been just coincidence that was sheltering them and making sure all of the right pieces were in place. Yeah. Okay. But in fairness to this principle, that is how God works in the Bible a lot. He's always setting up those like, ah, type moments. Okay, Abraham, now kill your son. Wait, what?

No. No, seriously. Stab him right now. I'm God. Really? Wow. All right. All right. Okay. it three two ah you were really gonna do it you would have sucked his dick if i told you you're so gay you're so gay let's find out let's find out let's find out i'm gonna tell the next one so yeah well I'll concede that it's hard to believe that someone would just coincidentally notice how the kids were dropping unconscious mid-step or that EMTs would just happen to show up when you call 911 and then happen to know how to treat medical emergencies. I do think it's worth reflecting on how low a hurdle God is jumping over these days.

Scores of children were hospitalized with carbon monoxide poisoning they were losing consciousness from it and shit and the fact that he failed to murder them is apparently praiseworthy i don't murder children with poisonous gas all the fucking time i've never felt like somebody should thank me for it but he made it fun it was like ah no well right yeah i got you totally kidding that you thought you would well you know just to be on the safe side i guess we could take a quick break to thank God for not kicking us in the nuts during the A segment and hand things over to my lovely wife, Lucinda.

A man wrote the Bible? A whore is what she wants. If it's a legitimate race. If it's a slut, right? Maybe cooking can be fun. Hey! I'm proud of a man! This Week in Misogyny.

I want to warn you in advance that this week, the stories just keep getting worse as we go. And that's a particularly troublesome warning when I tell you that our first story is about disgraced misogynist and all around abusive asshole, Mark Driscoll, getting back into the churching business. That's right. It's all downhill from Mark fucking Driscoll. Now, if the name doesn't ring a bell, I'll forgive you. I've been trying to forget about him myself. So if you need a refresher, he's a disgraced former head of the Mars Hill Church who resigned after he was caught trolling his own church's online forums so that he could get away with saying more misogynistic shit. It also came after he was caught buying copies of

his own book to move it up the bestsellers list, plagiarizing and being accused by virtually every employee he ever had of being an asshole to a criminal degree. Well, he's back. He announced on Monday that he'll be forming a brand new church in Phoenix, Arizona, in hopes that 1,400 miles from his former church is far enough. My guess is that it isn't. But ultimately, Mark Driscoll is just one asshole. Sure, he's an exceptionally assaholic asshole that comes complete with a bunch of ready-crafted zealots, but he's still one guy. Which is why the next story represents a step down, even if it amounts to nothing. This one comes to us from self-styled pickup artist and everybody else-styled asshole who couldn't get laid in a whorehouse,

Darius Valisata, who is perhaps best known for his endorsement of legalizing rape. He's encouraging his international band of men who masturbate video games to come out of the shadows, shave their palms, and let their voices be heard, sort of. He's actually trying to hold paradoxical secret rallies where you have to show up to a meeting place with a password to find out where the real meeting is, because damn near nobody would publicly identify themselves with the kind of misogynistic shit this guy spouses. Ultimately, Valizeta promises 165 events in 43 countries. But they'll all be secret, so nobody will be able to show up to see if anybody showed up. But don't worry. I'm sure his 11,000 Twitter followers can more than pull that off. In related news, assuming the numbers scale up, the scathing atheist will be holding 577 and a half events in 150 countries at the

same time to tell that guy he's an asshole. And yes, I actually have a worse than the legalized rape story to cap it off with. Because as appalling as all that is, it's not like any lawmakers are turning to these crusty dick jackasses to draft new legislation. But if they were, their laws might look a lot like the actual ones we find in Egypt. Take, for example, the concept of a temporary bride. That's a term they actually use in their legal system because indentured sex slave looks bad on the books. But make no mistake, that's exactly what it is. In Egypt, this practice of codified prostitution largely results in older, wealthy Muslim men from conservative countries popping over to Egypt to rent some poor family's daughter

for a few days. To their credit, apparently Egypt at least admits that this is a problem, and they're taking steps to curb it. Not sane steps like making it illegal, but baby steps, like increasing the price of it so that fewer people will do it. Of course, increasing the potential price of a vagina doesn't exactly discourage families from pimping their daughters out. So the immediate result seems to be even more young girls being pressured in prostitution. So listen, Egypt. I know you've only had 5,000 years practice at this statewide civilization thing, but still, get your shit together.

But I don't want to leave you with the impression that it was all bad news this week. As of this week, it's okay for Australian lawmakers to feed their children in parliament without being forced to walk to the edge of the village. And Israel has made a compromise that allows women to yell wishes at the same wall men can. So on that brief shimmer of good news, I'll hand things back over to Noah and Heath. Thank you, Lucinda. And in extremely straight all-male three-way news tonight, Christian activist and every creepy white guy who has ever back over to Noah and Heath. Thank you, Lucinda. And in extremely straight all-male three-way news tonight, Christian activist and every creepy white guy

who has ever sat across from you on public transit, Dave Daubenmayer, wants you to know that you can now confidently add being addicted to drugs to the list of things that your children can do

that would be better than being gay. Is that like, is that how Christian parents are trying to stop gayness from happening they have a list of better alternatives ready like you tried drugs instead of being gay you know what about if you curl up with a good book or here here what about number six we do a puzzle in a in a thunderstorm what what no no no i'll do the i'll do the puzzle and'll get and then i'm being good this comes to us of course from coach dave darbenmeyer who isn't the dumb blonde guy that coordinated craig t nelson's

offense that was darber dopinski but i see how you got him confused they're both really stupid he looked like a mud dauber anyway that's why he got together on the youtubes the other day with mike beware the intergalactic sodomites heath and Fox News' Too Queer Love and Love Barbera and explained it like this, quote, it's kind of a long quote, I apologize. If your son came to you and said, hey, dad, I need to talk with you and mom about something really, really important, how many parents would be saying, oh, Lord, please let it be drugs. Lord, please let it be alcoholism.

Oh, Lord, please let it be that he got some girl pregnant. How many parents would say, oh, Lord, please don't let it be that he got some girl pregnant how many parents would say oh lord please don't let it be homosexuality no parent wants this is still the quote by the way no parent wants to hear that yet we teach it as normal in our public schools end quote so this guy's saying that if his son came to him and said you know dad, Dad, I've got good news and bad news. The good news is I fathered a crack baby that also has fetal alcohol syndrome. And at that point,

he thinks it's safe to assume the bad news is that the kid's gay. Yeah, right, right. Exactly. At least you know. Holy shit. I mean, the drug one seemed weird to me because I guess,

what is he saying? That it's okay to lick syrup out of another man's asshole for a gram of crack as long as you do it in a non gay way. I don't know. I don't have kids. I don't know. I guess I technically I would guess I would be happier if one of them had a good hookup for coke than a good hookup for ass play. So I guess maybe he meant that. I'll give him some more thought.

I'll get back to you. I'll ask him. I'll ask him if that's what he meant. Good idea. I'll give him some more thought. I'll get back to you. I'll ask him. I'll ask him if that's what he meant.

Good idea. Good idea. And in magic, the blathering news tonight. Facing the distinct possibility that Phoenix, Arizona is going to get hit by a dark wizardry attack, members of the city council are trying to decide if it's safe to allow an invocation prayer performed by the local satanic temple, which is a tough call. That's a risk. So it'll be interesting to see how that works out.

But more importantly, regardless of what they decide, many of the good Christian residents will be creating a force field to block the evil spells, you know, just in case. So don't worry. It's going to be fine in Phoenix. All right. So first of all, guys, youhen anderson and mark driscoll now so it's clearly too late god has already punished you but secondly and more importantly what if the satanists invoke the divine covenant of no baxes god can't triple stamp a double stamp he can create a double stamp so big that he can't even triple stamp. That's just a known fact. So, in case anyone's curious,

the paid government employee behind this defense strategy is State Representative Kelly Townsend. With the meeting in question scheduled for February 17th and, you know, a critical issue like this still up in the air, Ms. Townsend, she realized how important it is to take all the proper precautions, and that's why she organized a prayer rally so everyone can help build the force field. Oh.

Yeah, so here's what it says about her event on Facebook. Quote, although the Satanists have a First Amendment right to practice their religion, we do not want to bow down as a government to such darkness. We do not want to bow down as a government to such darkness. For all those who are concerned, come and join us as we pray for a prayer hedge of protection around the city of Phoenix while this is going on. And that quote is a paycheck involved in that. So, yes, they have the right to pray, but we have the right to unpray. Gun prey. And if that doesn't work, Townsend has also introduced a measure calling upon residents to click their heels together and reflect on how dissimilar the wider world is from their native region. Yes.

So obviously these people are a little confused about how the world works. A little bit, yeah. Shouldn't have an entire city wasting their time with hedges of protection when there's shitloads of horcruxes out there allowing you to see immortal snake demons. That's great. Obviously, Phoenix can learn to prioritize its time a little better in the future. And in the other white P-robes news tonight, Ted Cruz got a genocidally enthusiastic nod from Duck Dynasty patriarch and human Chia hybrid Phil Robertson at a Sunday rally where he explained that Ted Cruz was the best man for the job of ridding

the earth of gay marriage supporters. Sounds accurate. Just to make sure that he wasn't mistaken for using a euphemism here, he followed it up with a call to, in his words, literally obliterate them. Yeah, the guy whose entire personal fortune comes from dudes blowing on wooden whistles wants to obliterate the gay people and their supporters so during the let's call it speech treebeard offered a number of compelling arguments against same-sex marriage such as quote come on iowans end quote he then

used all the bad wise adjectives he knew other than limp when he described it as depravity perversion nonsense evil and wicked before adding that quote it's sinful and they want us to swallow it end quote just in case we were running low on jizz gargling comedic potential in this story hold on to be fair they don't always want us to swallow it not always sometimes it's just a money shot type of day which means more sticky seed to grow your beard. Well, there you go. Chia Pet called that, crushed it. I mean, his face was clearly being fed protein somehow, folks.

Think about it. Of course, as I'm sure you're aware, Cruz came from behind, but not in a gay way, to win this week's Iowa caucus, joining Mike Huckabee and Rick Santorum in the hallowed ranks of people Iowans are stupid enough to caucus for that will never, ever, ever, ever be the fucking president. Of course, there's no way of determining exactly how much of that swing came from this suggestion about murdering or, let's be fair, interplanetarily relocating 42% of the country that supports gay marriage,

but I'm sure it played some kind of role. The Cruz campaign has yet to release any details of their fag lover relocation strategy though I would imagine it's going to involve making the sand at South Beach glow if I had to guess. And finally tonight from the Fable and Kane file

former CEO of Godfather's Pizza thrice failed GOP political candidate and guy who looks like Pastor Manning got deflated. Herman Cain appeared on Fox News last week to expose President Obama's latest Islamic conspiracy. Yeah, definitely deflated Pastor Manning. It was slightly lighter. Specifically, he was addressing the president's plan to visit a Maryland mosque, during which he's going to totally make out with Muslim dudes. Is he?

In fact, according to Mr. Cain, the entire slutty ass West Wing wants to get involved. Quote, Obama makes it seem as if his administration wants to go kissy kissy with the Muslim Brotherhood. Is that how people talk? Yeah. The grown ass adult on the news may have also added, quote, Democrats and Muslims sitting in a tree. K-I-S-S-I-N-G. End quote.

Yeah. In response, White House Press Secretary John Earnest released a strongly worded statement making it very clear that the president knows Herman Cain is, but what is he? All right. So a few of the sources here aren't confirmed yet, but it looks like this is how it all went down. In response to what her friend had heard, that Herman's friend had heard, that Herman had said at lunch, Jennifer said that Michelle told her that Barack released the following statement. Quote, the road ahead may be long and the climb may be steep And I might even touch a man boobie But I'm going to this mosque And I'm causing this apocalypse

Legacy bitches End quote That was the statement from Obama But for the record Obama's autobiography cannot be titled Man boobies of the apocalypse I have dibs I already called it

Mostly related to the chapter where we know each other. Anyway, so despite this breaking scandal, Obama went to the mosque anyway this week. And so far, no official reports on whether he got to first base with any imams. But either way, it's very likely he spoke with Allah, and that does not bode well for the Christians. Right. But more importantly, more importantly, Herman Cain suggested that the president of the United States was planning to have soft core sexual relations with Muslim clerics. And that's like playing just the tip. Leads to hardcore pretty much every time. So we're going to need 30 seconds on the clock. Ideas for the Muslim themedthemed sodomy porn

that Barack Obama clearly filmed at this mosque in Maryland. But in honor of Tom and Cecil, the production company has to be along black cock films for all of them. Alright, so let's see. How about Who's Your Bag Daddy? Once you go black, you never need an exit strategy.

Of course not. What about Secret Servicing the Eyeelf imams i'd love to fuck or or sticking with the acronyms how about d-o-d-a-c-a the gay whore double pair act get it gay whore double it's kind of hard to find something that rhymes with affordable all the rhymes all the syllables in there about regional friction with the commander in chafe or naughty arabia holding more than hands with the sheik because because seriously how straight can a patriarchal country be if it has oh man and yeah men on its southern border southern border guys think about it what about squalid as a rock? It's messy between Barack and a hard place.

If you stay jihad for more than four hours, contact the White House. Yeah, right, right. Yeah. How about carinal penetration? The expander in chief. What about abomination of Islam? Crusado masochism from the Obaminatrix. It all works out.

That's great. How about, Watch the POTUS Deep Throat Us in Swala Akbar. I should have a goddamn fatwa by now. Come on, people. You slacking bastards. I got one more. What about,

Taking a Holy Shiite. The Allah Obama Hot Pocket. I think we've actually suggested this before, but everybody Google Alabama Hot Pocket. No, don't do that. Don't do that. Hot Pocket. And quick before my mind wanders to the logistics of a gay version of the Alabama Hot Pocket, we'll close up the headlines.

Heath, thanks as always. I spy with my little eye. And when we come back, Dan Arrow will be here to discuss the latest news on Ken Ham's Ark Park. Well, setting the table or something in the background, I think. He's a busy guy. He's got kids. You know, you have to do shit. It's time for the Atheist Calendar portion of the show. This is the monthly couple of minutes that we set aside to talk about all the great atheist, secular, and skeptical events going on around the country and around the world.

After a quiet couple of months, the convention circuit will start to slowly awaken from its hibernation next month, starting in Nashville, Tennessee on March the 5th. The Nashville Nuns Convention, aka NanoCon, is welcoming and friend of the show, and person I need to remove from our future guest may include list David Silverman. It's a free con, includes an after party. If you're in driving distance, you have no excuse not to go. We'll also throw our British listeners a bone with a quick shout out to the AHS convention in London on Saturday, March 12th. This one is brought to you by the National Federation of Atheist, Humanist, and Secular Students. No Oxford comma,

but they seem like good people nonetheless. Then we've also got Sasha Con on the following weekend. That's March 19th and 20th in Columbia, Missouri. Apparently that's skeptics, atheists, secular humanists, and agnostics, and apparently the con is free. It's all about helping students get involved in secular activism, and while I didn't see a speaker list or anything posted yet, it's an atheist event in the Midwest. We need all of those we can get. And technically, this one belongs on next month's calendar segment,

so I'll probably bring it up again, but I always feel like we don't give Canada enough love, so I just want to toss out an early plug for the Shift to Reason conference in Saskatchewan on April 30th. Their speaker list includes Matt Dillahunty, Aaron Ross, Seth Andrews, Nathan Phelps, and more. And also, there are no end of Regina jokes waiting for you when you get there. Also, quick reminder that February 12th is Darwin Day, so if you don't already have plans, maybe use it as an excuse to get together with a few of your fellow monkey ancestors and get filthy. And of course, if you

want more information about any of the events I just mentioned, you'll find links on the show notes for this episode. And if you're aware of an event you think our audience would like to know about, let me know. You'll find all the contact info on the contact page at skatingatheist.com. Since this show's inception, we've been following the trials and travails of Ken Ham's testament to stupidity, the Ark Encounter theme park. And over the years, his effort to build a full-size replica of a fictional boat has offered up some great humor, but it's also turned into something of a maze of church-state separation issues that's become increasingly difficult to parse. So to help clear up some of the confusion, I've enlisted the help of a man who's been really instrumental

in the effort to hold Amish Wolverines' feet to the fire. Dan Errol is an investigative blogger and a full-time thorn in Ken Ham's side. He's also the author of Parenting Without God, How to Raise Moral, Ethical, and Intelligent Children Free from Religious Dogma. Dan, welcome back to the show. Hi, thanks for having me on. Now, obviously, what prompted me to invite you on tonight is this latest ruling from last week. But before we dive into that, I want to back up to a simpler time when it looked like Ken Ham wasn't going to get these tax incentives. So if you don't mind, tell us in broad strokes how we got to the point where Ken Ham was suing Kentucky in the first place. Sure. So basically, a really, really short version of a very long story is 2010.

Ken Ham makes a big announcement. He's going to build a giant boat for no reason. He wants to put a bunch of fake animals in it. Announces this massive $120-something million project. in it, announces this massive $120-something million project. He enrolled in a state program that gives a tax rebate back to tourism attractions. When they built

a racetrack there in Kentucky for NASCAR, they said up to a certain amount of money you make per year in sales tax will give back to you to try to continue to expand your project and bring more people in. Makes sense because they're bringing in tourists.

I mean, think about how many people come for NASCAR. And Ken Ham said, I want in on this. So he made the Ark Encounter LLC, a for-profit company to build a theme park, went and applied. And they said, sure, you can have $64 million. And it was sort of a hand-check agreement. It wasn't official. It wasn't set in stone. And Ken Ham was never able to actually break ground because he had kind of

overshot his project. He kind of overestimated people's enthusiasm. So he was like, oh, all the people are going to throw money at us, and no one did. So he had to cut the whole project down. And in 2013-ish, he announced that, yeah, 2013, that they were going to scale it down and they reapplied and they got approved preliminarily for an $18 million tax incentive. So 64 to 18, big difference still, $18 million in a state that's education system is just falling apart. I can think of so many better uses for $18 million.

But Ken Ham messed up. I happened to catch it and broke the story on my blog that the ARC encounter was hiring employees through Answers in Genesis so that they could discriminate against non-religious and non-creationists. I brought this up to the public. I brought it up to Americans United. Well, you even brought it up to Ken Ham publicly, correct? Yes, I actually went on a radio show and brought it up to Ken Ham face-to-face. I did a call-in on an interview he was doing. Somehow, even being honest and telling him who I was, they let me on.

I confronted him. He shut me down and said that was a lie, and they hung up on me. I then immediately started tweeting him screenshots of the job posting. And then Answers in Genesis' official answer was, these are jobs for Answers in Genesis that we'll be utilizing for Arc Encounter, things like that. Trying to find little slippery wordage to get around this. But I went to Rob Boston, who is the communications director at Americans United, and I kind of gave him everything I had and said, we need to do something about this. a really long 40-something page letter with different pieces of evidence showing that state and federal laws were being broken through the hiring practices. And that encouraged the tourism tax board to cancel the application and say, you don't

qualify for a federal tax credit because you're breaking state and federal laws. Okay. for a federal tax credit because you're breaking state and federal laws. Okay. Now, just to be clear here, if this was somebody who was hiring just for AIG, this would be legal, though, this type of discrimination? Yes. AIG is technically, they're a religious ministry. So under Title VII, they're actually completely legal to say, to work for us, you must believe our doctrines. You must be a young earth creationist. You must be all of the above. Okay, but you can't do that for a for-profit business. Exactly. A for-profit business has to fall under equal opportunity. So they have to, they can't, race, sexual orientation,

gender, all of it, they can't discriminate against that. So, you know, if I went and applied for a job at Walmart, they can't say, are you a Christian? That's against the law. Same goes for the Ark Encounter. But they argued that because they're a ministry, that doesn't apply to them. Okay, now they were doing a thing at one point, if I recall correctly, where he was saying that the Ark itself is a ministry,

but the park around it is a... Exactly. Yeah, okay. You can tell somebody's being honest when they say shit like that, right? Self is a ministry, but the park around it is a... Exactly. Yeah, okay. You can tell somebody's being honest when they say shit like that, right? Yeah. They really were dancing around with different kinds of wording to make it work for them. And so, yeah, it was a bit of a... They were tap dancing around facts.

And basically after the state said, you know what? We're not comfortable giving you taxpayer money to discriminate. Basically, after the state said, you know what, we're not comfortable giving you taxpayer money to discriminate, they filed a lawsuit against the state of Kentucky and sued the now former governor, Steve Beshear. Okay, and this was claiming that this was religious discrimination somehow, that their religious right to discriminate was being discriminated against. Exactly, yes. The lawsuit stated that they were being denied the money because they were preaching the word of God, which I always found humorous that anyone was ever confused that a Noah's Ark theme park was religious to begin with. Right, right. So what can you tell us about the ruling that came down last Monday. Well, it was last year that they argued the case in front of the judge. And it's a federal judge who was appointed by George W. Bush. So you can kind of get a gauge of where they are. It's always a good sign, yeah.

Yeah. And it was kind of funny in the sense that the federal judge waited for an incredibly long time. It was months and probably six six or so if not more and the election happened and a republican governor a tea party republican governor nonetheless not just any republican was elected and everyone knew at that point that if this judge issued a ruling in favor of the arc encounter the ruling would stand well right this is a guy whose first act in office was to make kim davis the state mammal or whatever so yeah no real question there yeah i mean he he campaigned on i'm going to take away the obamacare expansion that was helping people in that state wow and people

voted for him yeah you get what you vote for i guess in a sense well i mean it's not their fault they went to kentucky schools and whatnot and had museums that tell them the earth is 6,000 years old. So, okay. So Kentucky could appeal this, but there's no reason to believe that they will. They actually came out two days after the ruling and said they will not. Gotcha. Okay. All right.

So now what does this ruling mean? This doesn't mean he gets the money, correct? It doesn't mean – and it's technically not even a ruling. It's an injunction. Okay. So they've ordered the state to accept the application. Okay. So they haven't even ruled that they can have any money at all at this point.

They have said you have to accept their application for the ARC encounter. So the ARC encounter now has to resubmit their application and go through the whole application process, which will include having to prove how much attendance they're going to have. Okay. And there's been a lot of contention about that because from what I was reading, this $18 million number was based on an incredibly inflated projection of attendance, correct? Yeah. So the $18 million came from a report issued by America's Research Group, which is owned by a name that's going to just jump out of my head right now, but he actually co-authored two books with Ken Ham. Oh, there's some objectivity for you. He projected that the park would get 1.2 to 2 million visitors wow a year okay if you don't mind i want to pause for a second there just because that number might not mean much to people who don't have anything to compare it to so the most attended theme park in in kentucky

is the six flags in louisville gets 1.3 million so he immediately thinks like year one this is going to be one of the top 50 theme parks in north america right by those numbers yeah he's actually said that the ark encounter will compete with disney world and disneyland oh for tourist destinations for people but uh the good news was is that when they had first given a sort of green light to the ARC encounter and said, we're going to give you $18 million in rebates, they ran their own report. So they hired a Hundon research group out of Chicago to study themselves. And Hundon is very skilled in these exact kinds of projects. This is what they do. Gotcha.

So they did the same report. They went through. Gotcha. So they did the same report. They went through and they estimated that the attendance would be three hundred and twenty five thousand in the first year and that's what happens but 325 000 versus 1.2 million is a giant gap right okay so like now if we assume that that they do get the tax incentives and that they get them sort of proportionally to what they were saying their numbers would be. That's still millions of dollars of taxpayer money from Kentucky going, just being flushed into this part, correct? Potentially. So here's the good news. And it was one of the things I wanted to write about right away when this whole thing kind of

went down was that it's not all terrible news. It's bad news for separation of church and state because they're getting anything and they shouldn't. Right. But for the Kentucky taxpayer, what they need to remember is no matter what number they're told, so even if it is $18 million, they don't get $18 million. They only get back what's put in. So when you go to the park and buy something, you pay sales tax on it.

That sales tax will go back to the park. I got you. Up to whatever amount. Exactly. That sales tax will go back to the park. I got you. Up to whatever amount. Exactly.

So let's just go hypothetical and say they get the whole $18 million, and then they blow everyone away and 5 million people show up, and they make $45 million in sales tax. They can only get $18 million. So, okay, but now the real question, I guess, is why this should matter, you know, this kind of thing should matter to us. I mean, we don't live in Kentucky. So why does this matter to you personally? It matters to me personally because, number one, I just care about separation of church and state. So I have that built-in sort of I just – I see a problem, and I'm – you know, it might not affect me, but I know it affects people and it affects education and roads and all this. So there's a part of me that just wants to do it because it's the right thing to do. But also it sets a precedent.

Right. That now you're going to have religious organizations and we're actually dealing with one right here where I am in San Diego coming up. That's going to want to use a ruling like this in their favor. And so there is this is like I said, this is only an injunction, so it doesn't become a law of any kind. So it's not like somebody can say, well, they can do it, I can do it. They'd have to go through the same battles. But it sets that whole, okay, so now I can open up a for-profit business and then open up a nonprofit and hire through the nonprofit to discriminate all day long and then

i can actually take money in through my non-profit and you can't tax it and i'll just give it to my for-profit well yeah i mean because when it comes right down to it the the the issue about the tax incentives is a very small part of the discriminatory hiring problem i mean that's still going to be a problem regardless of the tax incentives. Exactly. And the judge in his ruling said he had no problem with the hiring practices. He said they were fine because they're a ministry. Because the entire ruling is based on answers in Genesis. And as much as we all like to joke and call Ken Ham an idiot and all these things, he set up quite the scheme. Yeah, yeah, no kidding.

He knows what he's doing, and he's hired the right lawyers to help him jump through these hoops. Well, he's also got a lot of political backing on this, especially in Kentucky right now, right after Bevin's election too. So that worked out very well for him. Oh, yeah, they wasted a couple hours on the floor praising the ruling the other day. Some senator went out on the floor and the ruling the other day. Yeah. Some senator went out on the floor. I was like, I love this. I'm like, what are you people doing?

All right, so now I have one idea, and I don't know because I'm not super in the loop on this one, and this might be something somebody's already doing. But have we considered maybe building a satanic theme park right next door and then applying for a bunch of tax incentives on that one? Because that tactic has worked on some other related stuff. That was the very first thing someone said to me when i posted my article they said someone get someone get lucian lucian or was that his name yeah lucian graves yeah yeah someone get him on the phone because we need to build something across the street right i'll tell you what i would go to a satanic theme park i would definitely do right now i know we're running late on time or we're running low on time and i know we got started a little late to begin with, but I didn't want to leave everyone with the impression that this is the only shady source of funding that Ken Ham's park has.

I mean, there's a lot of other church-state separation issues surrounding this as well, correct? Yeah, so there's – I mean, a lot of the issues come from like even how he's taking donations uh freedom from religion foundation has asked that the irs investigate them for the way that they're they're actually taking money in because if you think about it so let's say you're ups and you need to build a new building and buy two new planes to expand your business and then you said i I have an idea. I'm going to start ups.org and it's going to be a nonprofit organization. And people go, great, what are you going to do? Well, I'm going to build a building for UPS. And then you give them thousands of dollars and then you get a tax write off. They don't pay taxes on it. And then they,

you know, they build a building that people would go, wait a minute, on it and then they you know they build ability that's that people would go wait a minute red flag that's against the law that's exactly what they're doing right well of course this is a super complex issue we just really brushed the surface of it tonight so if you'd like to learn more and keep up with the ongoing saga you can do that at dan's blog danthropology which you'll find on patheos and or linked on the show notes for this episode i should also remind you that dan's book parenting without god comes highly recommended from atheists I know who both read and breed. So if you'd like to check that out, you'll find that linked on the show notes as well.

Is there anywhere else that people can keep up with you, Dan? You know, you kind of nailed it there. Danthropology.net will get you right to my Patheos site. I've got danarrow.com, which is a collection of links to my blog, plus any articles I've written elsewhere. Follow me on Twitter at Dan Arrow and look out in around November. I have a new book coming out that is all about my battle with the Ark Encounter and other secular battles around the country and how we're going to win secularism in the U.S. Awesome, man.

Awesome, man. I have to say, you have been a real inspirational story that I can point people to when they say, I can't do anything, because you have been damn instrumental in really keeping this churning. And if it wasn't for you, who knows if we'd ever have gotten to the point that we did on these particular incentives. Well, thank you. Really appreciate the work you're doing, and thanks again for giving us some of your time tonight. Thank you very much. It's time for the part of the show that comes next, the listener feedback. This is the part of the show that starts out kind of plain and dumpy looking at the beginning of the movie, but just gets hotter and hotter as we go. Our first message comes from Bryce, who really liked the new Devil's Advocate segment, but wondered why we didn't dig a little deeper into some of the alternate explanations when we discussed the miracle of the sun. He writes in part, quote, a number of

phenomena have been proposed as possible explanations, such as sun dogs or stratospheric dust storms, not to mention mass hallucination or mass hysteria. I'm not sure if you're aware of these alternate explanations, but I figured you might want to add them in a follow-up. Keep up the good work, Bryce." End quote. All right, so yeah, I mean, I guess we could just toss out the there's only so much time in a bit excuse. But to be honest, we considered including all of that and ultimately decided against it, not because we didn't have time, but because you don't really need alternate explanations for a thing that we've established never actually happened. It's not really important to consider the other ways

for someone to kill six million Jewish people. We have the answer. Pretty sure we know what happened there. Right. And also, just to be clear, I'm aware that I switched away from Miracle for that announcement. And away from Portugal. Yeah, exactly, exactly.

The point is, even postulating atmospheric phenomena and stuff inflates the status of these so-called miracles. When people stare at the sun, they see shit case closed so you know i just feel like sometimes these alternate explanations give the reports way more credit than they're due yeah you hear that bill nye yeah come on we also got a really touching email from adam who wrote in about our 30 seconds bit last week on suicidal tv shows adam deals with suicidal ideation and has for a really long time and rather than ripping us new assholes for making light of it,

he wrote in to thank us for making him laugh at it. He writes in part, quote, That truly is an amazing thing. You took the chains that weigh me down daily and lightened them for a bit. Heath, you hinted at being hurt by the suicide of someone close to you. I think that they'd be un-fucking-believably happy

that you were able to lift those thoughts from someone's mind even for just a moment. I don't know if that helps, but there it is. Wow, that's great, it does. He continues, Please don't back down from these kinds of subjects. You both have this insane gift to make people laugh at the most uncomfortable topics. Keep being offensive.

Keep being gold-hearted jackasses. We need it. We need you guys. Because as soon as we can't laugh at these things, that's when we're lost. Yeah, wow, that is truly we're lost. Yeah. Wow. That is truly heartwarming. And don't worry, Ralph Macchio. We'll stay gold.

I'm a little choked up, honestly. Well, if you need a minute, I can do the outro bit. That's all the feedback you get. If you want more, keep sending us those emails, tweets, and Facebook messages. You'll find all the contact info on the contact page at skatingathletes.com. Before we let cool for 10 to 20 minutes tonight, I wanted to thank the incomparable, incorruptible, and incredulous host of the Incredulous Podcast, Andy Wilson,

for inviting Heath and me on to hang out with him last weekend. Not sure when that episode will be out, but as soon as it is, we'll have links on our website, our Facebook page, and our Twitter feed, all of which, of course, you check in with regularly. Anyway, that's all the blasphemy we've got for you tonight, but we'll be back in 10,022 minutes with more.

If you can't wait that long, be on the lookout for a new episode of the Godawful Movies podcast on Tuesday at 8 a.m. Eastern. And, of course, look for those occasional nuggets of bonus scatheism on all the aforementioned social media platforms. Obviously, the music isn't allowed to play until I thank Heath for wishing that I'd turn into a real boy all those years ago. I need to thank the lovely and talented Lucinda Lusions, both for her innumerable contributions to the show and for putting up with me through yet another football season. I also want to thank Dan one more time for powering through two interviews in a row to help us sort all this shit out. Again, be sure to check the show notes for links to his work. And also, I need to thank Miss Behavin and Demanda Wright from the Promoting Secular Feminism podcast for providing this week's Farnsworth quote.

Even if I wasn't such a big fan of secular feminism going in, they'd have had me just on the names. But most of all, of course, I need to thank this week's primary primates, Kyle, Mark, John, Nicholas, Amon, Opal, Julie, Evane, Pam, Christopher, Jeff, Chuck, Thirteen, and other John. Kyle, Mark, John, and Nicholas, whose cock rings give Magellan circumnavigation envy. Amon, Opal, Julie, Evane, and Pam,

who are so hot plasma has to turn on the AC when they're around. And Christopher, Jeff, Chuck13, and Other John, whose tongues are so dexterous they can bring whole languages to orgasm. Together, these primates that make you want to gyrate have helped us hunker down and head off the holy whore at hopes of the holy hypocrites this week by giving us money. Not everybody has the charitable good nature it takes to give us money, and other people just don't have the money,

and other people are good people, but they just have better shit to do with their money than invest in dick joke futures, and I totally understand that. But if you have money that you don't want, we'd be happy to take it via patreon.com slash scathingatheist, where you can earn early access to an extended edition of every episode by making a small per-episode donation, or a big one. Or you can make a one-time donation by clicking on the donate button on the right side of the homepage. You don't get any free stuff, but we still get money.

And if you'd like to help, but you swore not to use money until they took all that unconstitutional god shit off of it, you can also help us a ton by giving us a five-star review on iTunes, or by sharing the show on all your various social media platforms. If you have questions, comments, or death threats, you'll find all the contact info on the contact page at skatingatheist.com. All the music used in this episode was written and performed by yours truly. And yes, I did have my permission. Had a little trouble there.