The Scathing Atheist - ScathingAtheist 170: Indecent Proposal Edition

Episode Date: May 19, 2016

On this week’s episode, Canada will sweeten the pot for American pre-Trump refugees, transgender students in North Carolina will need gas masks and chainmail to take a shit, and we watch homophobic Up so that you don’t have to. Watch Homophobic Up Here. Click Here to make a per episode donation at Patreon.com Click Here to buy our book. Click Here to check out The Skepticrat. Click Here to check out God Awful Movies. Guest Links: Click Here to check out the Grilled Onions Podcast Click Here to learn more about the Reason Rally Headline Links: Obama’s XO on transgender rights leads to full fucking meltdown: Tony Perkins calls for impeachment: http://www.rightwingwatch.org/content/perkins-impeach-obama-over-trans-kids-using-bathroom B-Fish calls for partial secession http://www.rightwingwatch.org/content/bryan-fischer-maybe-texas-will-secede-over-obamas-demonic-transgender-directive A Dictatorship of sexual proletariot commiting cultural terrorism http://www.rightwingwatch.org/content/ew-jackson-dictatorship-sexual-proletariat-committing-cultural-terrorism-leading-us-moral-da Canadian parents who turn down vacination have to take immunization science class http://www.rawstory.com/2016/05/some-canadian-parents-who-object-to-vaccines-could-be-forced-to-take-class-on-immunization-science/ NC school lets students carry pepper spray in case they run into a trans student http://www.rawstory.com/2016/05/nc-school-allows-students-to-carry-pepper-spray-in-case-they-encounter-trans-classmates-in-bathroom/ Mentally ill man attempts suicide when they replace his meds with bible study http://www.rawstory.com/2016/05/mentally-ill-man-attempts-suicide-after-clinic-replaces-his-meds-with-bible-study/ Truther head of curves http://www.rightwingwatch.org/content/conservative-founder-curves-gym-911-truther-who-wants-save-us-shadow-government Kevin swanson really doeesn’t want elsa from frozen to be gay http://www.rawstory.com/2016/05/christians-freak-over-push-to-make-frozen-princess-gay-thats-the-way-you-destroy-an-entire-civilization/ Gamers are possesed by a retarded spirit http://www.patheos.com/blogs/friendlyatheist/2016/05/11/christian-pastor-says-men-who-play-video-games-are-losers-possessed-by-a-retarded-spirit/ Clinic dresses people like babies and yells at them http://www.rawstory.com/2016/05/sadistic-israel-clinic-cures-us-drug-addicts-by-dressing-them-like-babies-and-screaming-in-hebrew/ Sodomy foccused army trying to ram homosexuality down the throats of america http://www.rightwingwatch.org/content/daubenmire-sodomy-focused-army-trying-ramrod-sexual-anarchy-down-throats-mainstream-america This Week in Misogyny: 72 hour wait period for abortions http://www.rawstory.com/2016/05/louisiana-lawmakers-pass-bill-requiring-72-hour-waiting-period-for-abortions/ Polygamist pleads guilty to punching and kicking his wives http://www.rawstory.com/2016/05/alleged-polygamist-leader-of-cult-like-church-pleads-guilty-to-corrections-and-chastisements/ Pastor molests people who came to him for counseling http://www.rawstory.com/2016/05/nc-pastor-busted-for-assaulting-woman-seeking-counseling-he-started-sticking-his-tongue-into-my-ear/

Wanting the big red explicit tag on this podcast means we say fuck a lot. This week's episode of The Scathing Atheist is brought to you by the new non-surgical option for Jewish parents who'd prefer not to mutilate their baby's genitals, but want to believe that they did so they can lie to the grandparents. Ignorance is bris, moil service. Looking for a rabbi who's willing to skip the cutting part, but tell you he did it? Then we've got the moils for you. You'd never know it by watching, but we go straight to filleting your newborn without all the superfluous knife stuff.

Ignorance is bris. Herpetic blowjobs from old men are much safer without the knife wound on your baby's penis. And now, The Scathing Atheist. I'm Conrad. I'm Mike. And I'm Wayne. And we're from the Grilled Onions Podcast. And based off of Wayne's chest hair, we did in fact

evolve from filthy monkey men. It's Thursday. It's May 19th. And John Horgan smells like a book filled with Thai food. I'm no illusions. I'm Eli Bosnick. I'm Ethan Wright. And from cubic zirconium-plated Valdosta, Georgia, this is The Scathing Atheist.

On this week's episode, Canada will sweeten the pot for American pre-Trump refugees. Transgender students in North Carolina will need gas masks and chain mail to take a shit. And we watched homophobic up so that you don't have to. But first, the diatribe. John Horgan is a ridiculous asshole that looks like a karate dad whose kids replaced his protein pills with Metamucil as a prank. Now, unless his mom listens to the show or you were at Nexus, I'm sure you have no idea who that is, but trust me, he's a primo jackass, and somehow he wound up on the speaker list at the Northeast Conference on Science and Skepticism. Very last speaker, tucked into the spot on the schedule where something like half of the attendees will already have left,

and I'm sure he was all at 20 words into his talk before the organizing committee was regretting giving him even the honorable mention slot. So the title of his talk was Skepticism, Hard Versus Soft Targets. And that sounded interesting on its face, but as soon as he started talking, it was obvious where he was going. This was going to be one of those, I know you guys are all here because of X, Y, and Z, but fuck you, I care more about A, B, C, therefore you're doing it wrong type of tirades. He starts off chastising the skeptical movement for being obsessed with soft targets like homeopathy and Bigfoot instead of zeroing in on the really important problems, i.e. his political

positions. Now, for what it's worth, this was a three-day skeptical conference and he was the first speaker to bring up homeopathy or Bigfoot, but whatever. I'll grant him the point that those are two things that skeptics invest their efforts debunking. So he hadn't completely lost me at this point, but then he starts reeling off his hard targets you know the things that we should be focused on instead and this comes in the form of a fucking phalanx of straw men for 30 minutes while the audience just stares at him like his dick is hanging out he rants a bit about how doctors do too many cancer screenings and that leads to negative health outcomes and to his credit that's almost certainly true what made it so spectacularly stupid was the idea that skeptics don't talk about that right everyone

in the audience knew it since dr stephen Novella of Skeptic's Guide to the Universe fame talks about that shit all the time. You know, one of the most respected leaders of the skeptical movement and one that every single attendee of Nexus knows and loves has decried the overuse of cancer screenings for years. And this dumbass is standing there telling us about it like it's some new shit, like he just found the last piece of the Triforce or something. And while we're all still trying to process that, he starts going off on how modern medicine and the pharmaceutical companies are just trying to keep everybody sick so they can make more money. And then quick before he descends into full-blown jet fuel,

doesn't burn that hot territory, he cuts himself off of what he thought was a rhetorical question. He says, considering all that, can you blame people for turning to alternative medicine? And I say he thought it was rhetorical because I didn't hesitate to answer. I shouted out yes and threw him off his game a bit. The audience laughed a little bit. It's all the encouragement a heckling asshole like me needs. So then he starts going off on science. Just, you know, in general. Science. All of it. And what's wrong with science? The fact

that Lawrence Krauss' book A Universe from Nothing doesn't actually turn the world of physics on his head, of course. And how dare it not be the most influential book about physics in the history of the earth? And if you're trying to wrap your head around why the fuck a person on his head, of course. And how dare it not be the most influential book about physics in the history of the Earth. And if you're trying to wrap your head around why the fuck a person would say that, I'm sorry that I can't help you. I've been wondering the same thing for days now. And then he starts going off on Ray Kurzweil, you know, the guy who thinks he can live a thousand years if he takes 800 vitamins

a day and says we're a decade away from synthetic immortality. So for a second I thought maybe he was going to save his talk after all, right? I mean, we can all get behind thrashing Ray Kurzweil, except for the whole way he framed it was, and all you guys think Ray Kurzweil is a genius, and you listen to everything he says, and you all sacrifice your firstborn children at his altar, but you shouldn't, and here's why. I mean, he might as well have said, and you guys all think there's a Smurf living in your pocket, but there isn't, and I can prove it. So after he finished

crushing all of science underfoot by talking shit about a really smart, crazy guy, he turns to the key issue of his talk, the thing that really bothers him about the skeptical movement, and that final point, I shit you not, was the fact that the skeptical movement had not yet put an end to all geopolitical conflict. And I'm barely exaggerating. His primary issue with skepticism is that it isn't focused on ending wars. So he wraps up his talk, two people clap three times apiece, and Jamie Ian Swiss, the MC, basically comes on with a shepherd's crook to yank this guy offstage. On the way off, he's yelling, if you have problems with it, comment on my blog, and revealed the true purpose of his contrived contrarianism.

It's all a desperate ploy to drive traffic to his blog, even if it's just going to be a bunch of people demonstrating beyond a doubt that he doesn't know what the fuck he's talking about. Now, I've got to say, in the wake of his bloviations, Jamie Ian Swiss launched into a phenomenal rebuttal that won the audience back and really underscored what an idiot he was. Starting with a long pause in the word, oops. You know, it was one of those, it was worth hearing the idiocy just so there could be a rebuttal type of moments. That might have been the single best moment at Nexus. So I'm not going to bother pointing out why virtually everything he said was stupid wrong or not even intelligible enough to be wrong. That's already been done. But I did bring this up for a reason other than just wanting to call this guy an asshole publicly several times. See, there actually

is a problem in the skeptical movement that he accidentally touched on. And we have the same problem in the atheist movement. Ideologues see our movement. They see our numbers. They see our passion and they want it for themselves. Right. At this point, we're facing a steady barrage of people like this, people who want to pick up our movement or movements and carry them over to whatever their pet issue is. You know, this guy's pet issue was anti-war and great. Look, I'm not a big fan of people getting blown up either, but there's already an anti-war movement. It's a different fucking movement. And many of the people who are in the skeptical movement or the atheist movement are also in the anti-war movement. That doesn't mean either of

those other movements should abandon what they're doing and focus on something else. You know, and I'm sure you can all think of multiple examples of this same shit from any number of issues. You know, a lot of people want to hijack the atheist movement for some other purpose. And most of the time, it's like a really important good purpose, right? You know, often there are issues that the majority of us can get behind and will get behind, but that doesn't make them atheist issues. What unites this group is our shared belief that religions are both wrong and harmful.

And many of us might argue that pushing back against religion is anti-war, but that doesn't mean that we should give up fighting church-state separation and train all our guns on religious wars. Before he completely lost his fucking mind, C.J. Werleman was promoting a book about how you can't be an atheist and a conservative. That's fucking insane. Of course you can. And yes, in my experience, the vast majority of movement atheists are liberals, but that's not a prerequisite.

I'm happy to welcome in conservatives. Shit, I can think of no better way to dilute the religious influence on American politics. And even though I might disagree with you on a lot of really important shit, that doesn't matter when we're teaming up on the shit that we do agree on. And at the same time, I'm happy to welcome in the most bellicose pro-war jingo you can dig up, too. Because if we're fighting together against Axe, I don't give a shit what you think about why. And to be fair, look, I recognize this generally comes from a good place even with john horgan i get it because we're generally pretty intelligent people most of us reasoned our way out of religion

along the way and when we find ourselves in a room full of other people who did the same thing you know other intelligent people who share our views on this it's really easy to look around and think well these seem like some pretty smart people they must also agree with me on all the other shit right so it's really easy to think that the atheist platform or the skeptical platform should naturally include all the other shit you're passionate about, but it doesn't. And more importantly, it shouldn't. The last thing we want is a bottleneck on the way into the tent. You can disagree with me about LGBT issues or safe spaces or geopolitical issues or economic issues or feminism or presidential candidates or whether agnostic atheist is a meaningful term. None of that prevents us from marching together against RFRA or coaches

leading public school students in prayer. Look, the strength of this movement will always be measured by its diversity. And if you find yourself allied with people that you disagree with, that's a good thing. You know, and if that bothers you, at least you can always comfort yourself with three things we can all agree on. There is no God. Believing otherwise is detrimental to individuals and societies. And John Horgan is a misinformed childish jackass that looks like a high school wrestling coach that's been warned multiple times about long hugs. They're talking about you, Jesus. We interrupt this broadcast to bring you a special news bulletin. Joining me for headlines tonight are the Lothario brothers, Heath Enright and Eli Bosnick.

Fellas, are you feeling the springtime love in the air? What's going on? Something's wrong with Noah. He only talks like this at the end of the recording. Yeah, you said I couldn't feel my love until after the headlines. I'm wearing the oven. Yeah, yeah. No, you're going to find out in a second.

In our lead story tonight, Matt is an awesome guy and d has this crazy notion of spending the only forever she'll ever be afforded with him and if she were here right now i'm sure she would lovingly meet matt's gaze and she would say i want to grow with you to become the best me and the best we that we can be together so knowing that and the fact that becoming her husband would make Dee the happiest person alive, I ask you, Matt, will you marry her? What do you think he said? I bet he said yes. I bet he said yes. Better fucking say yes, motherfucker.

I would bring the pain on that asshole. Dude, you're ruining the whole thing. He probably said yes. Sorry. Okay, sorry. Sorry. Do we get to ask for prima nocta? Really?

Seriously? What? They're going to play this for their kids later And now you ask to fuck one of them? I'll fuck both of them Okay, and just to be clear, he doesn't mean their kids Yeah, but I mean that this doesn't make it better You don't mean their kids

What did we say? What do we always say about this? Don't try to fuck listeners while it's being recorded. Exactly. Because then you end up like Michael Shermer. Michael Shermer. Exactly. I don't want to have them.

But in all seriousness, a huge congrats to Dee and Matt. We hope you have many years together. And if and when you have kids, maybe skip the part where Eli asked if he got to fuck you at the end of that. Or not. See how they turn out. part where Eli asked if he got to fuck you at the end of that. Or not. See how they turn out. And in XXXYXO news tonight, President Obama announced on Friday that he would sign an executive order requiring all public schools to allow transgender students to use the bathroom that corresponds to their gender identity. And while there are plenty of humanitarian reasons

for this to happen, if I learned he did it just so that we'd have plenty of conservative Christian meltdowns to cover this week, I'd be with that too now i should mention this is an executive order it's not an imperial fiat so it wouldn't make it illegal for schools to continue to discriminate against their trans students but it would threaten the school's federal funding yeah don't want to overreach i mean you can still victimize fragile children where they spend most of their life at this age we're just yeah we're just not gonna pay you i love when we persecute christians feel so good on my face right it's like a cucumber blend of course the unquestionably legal nature of this announced action didn't stop the far right from going full chernobyl over it president of the family research council and freeze-dried

willem defoe tony perkins appeared with Fox News' Todd Starnes to accuse the president of, quote, sacrificing children to advance an evil agenda, end quote. And I guess after reminding the Fox audience that child sacrifice is the Hitler of the biblical Godwin's law, he went on to call for impeachment for the doing of his job and also called for schools across the country to choose bigotry over federal funding of schools. After all, it's only, as Perkins puts it, quote, nine federal pennies that make up every educational dollar, end quote. So way to make $50 billion sound like something you can find in the couch cushions, bro. We don't need their money.

Am I right? Let's do a fundraiser. Fuck, that's a lot of cookie dough, right? He's like the guy who would choose $54 instead of the exponential ones on the chessboard. I kind of like this from an economics perspective, though. So we're about to find out how much money Christian bigots are willing to steal from children in order to continue being bigots and pay for it. We are, yes.

And apparently it's all part of Obama's fun new game called, What else can we get them to pay for? This is going to be excellent. We also got some champion-level hyperbole out of Virginia Pastor, an African-American version of the Birds from Labyrinth that tried to pull Jennifer Connelly's head off E.W. Jackson, who penned an op-ed warning that American society was descending into, in his words, moral darkness.

He looks like he could chop his head off and summon a vulture with laser beams. This is now vultures of horror is spoiled. We know he ends up E.W. Jackson. Should have done all 17 movies in a row, guys. No shit. So, of course, he went on to call the Obama administration cultural terrorists, accused them of arresting people for being Christians, and then explained that their goal is, quote,

a dictatorship of the sexual proletariat, end quote, leading many to wonder what the fuck he thinks proletariat means. Is the sexual proletariat like low-end hookers? I honestly can't even think of a word that kind of sounds like that he might have meant. I think he's pretty sure it's a seafood stew. Well, I believe it was Karl Marx who said that we'll never have equality until the sex workers rise up and take over. So it's probably a reference to that.

Must have missed that one. Of course, Perkins and Jackson's tirades were utterly eclipsed by that of american family association spokesman when they're not trying to bring republican congressman on trips brian fisher who not only called for the president's impeachment but also called for the state of texas to secede from the union over the threat of whatever they think trans people do in bathrooms no please don't you won't you won't no way we'd be so lost without your barbecue sauce no shit and in eli only gets two more wishes news tonight canadian health minister and man with balls so big they need their own ugg boots as he walks eric hoskins tabled a bill last thursday that would require parents seeking moral and religious exemption from vaccination to know what the fuck they're talking about.

I'm having trouble seeing how those two traits can simultaneously exist in one human. What would that even mean? It's like giving a math test to people before they buy a lottery ticket and then selling them the ticket anyway when they fail the math test. Right, yes, exactly. Nothing. Oh, really? None of that? Okay, well, here you go. Good luck.

You're hopeless. The bill, which comes in response to 600 students being suspended for incomplete-slash-out-of-date vaccinations, outbreaks of whooping cough and measles, and, of course, a recent survey that suggested that nearly a third of Canadian parents believe that vaccinations can cause the diseases they're designed to prevent, it proves that all those people who keep tweeting at me are right and that exposure kills bad ideas. Well, of course. Crushed it, guys. Yeah, otherwise we'd still have Christianity and Islam.

This is so Canada. Isn't it? Denying your child vaccinations and then letting them die of measles is possibly one of the most polite methods of filicide i can think of and possibly the most polite government response to filicide i can think of is showing those people a movie first yeah right sorry sorry my kid's dying sorry oh no it's okay sorry here watch this movie sorry however all is not lost for parents who really only want their kids for a little while after going through the course parents will still be allowed to expose their child and others to

long dead pathogens so good no worries while it seems if the bill passes that parents will be forced to get their information from someone other than celebrities who haven't had someone say no to them in too long and a Facebook group that will also sell you coconut oil. They don't have to listen. And that's what's important. Yeah, right. And in target practice news tonight, in order to protect against all the transgender female rapists expanding their operation into the girls room, if North Carolina's HB2 gets repealed, if North Carolina's HB2 gets repealed, the Board of Education at the Rowan-Salisbury School District has decided to allow students to carry weapons into the building

like pepper spray and razors. Razors? Yeah. They haven't yet approved guns or explosives, but they're still considering what else should be permissible. They haven't closed the door. Now you've got to be Beatrix Kiddo to take a shit congratulations north carolina you have managed to do stuff now that was too fucked up for mississippi during school integration you are literally breaking new boundaries of bigotry

who are those two teenage heroes at columbine can we base our school policy on them basically it yeah so uh here's some of the reasoning behind their new school weapons policy which is a thing that they have that doesn't say no weapons in school right because these are crazy people for example board member chuck hughes finished watching transgender porn on his phone and then explained quote it may be a pretty valuable tool to have on the female students if they go into the bathroom not knowing who may come in, end quote. Yeah.

Chuck, the answer is other female students, but not your version of female. So taser. I get it. Yeah. Yeah. And when he says pretty valuable tool on female students, he is not talking about a beautiful penis. He means weapons to stab and blind those people. Yes, exactly.

And look, you know, if there was a school in North Carolina that wanted to let a trans girl carry pepper spray because of all the violent bigotry their laws were ginning up, I might be sympathetic. But holy shit, you're going to take one of the groups at highest risk of random violence in this country and tell people to arm themselves in case they see one pissing quick well i can't get away y'all yeah i'm so mad about this i have to say it as ben carson you see this is the problem with allowing hateful rhetoric it's that you don't have control over the behavior you inspire that's why when someone says we shouldn't quote unquote accommodate trans people and some fuck tired school board hears that

let's gear up like the Warriors, it was probably better for that person not to have a platform. Don't you think? I'm Ben Carson and I look like someone took a shit in a cotton candy machine. I'm sorry, I just needed a comedy show. Yeah, it would have been too much for each other. I get it. I'm sorry. I just needed... It's a comedy show.

Yeah, it would have been too much for each other. I get it. I get it. And one other apparently convincing argument came from board member Travis Allen.

Oh, this was so good. Who pointed out that allowing weapons into buildings full of children shouldn't be a problem for anyone because we're already doing that. That's not fair. I'm not actually a weapon.

Just dangerous for children. The pills are helping. And then Mr. Allen did what I can only assume was a really annoying, physically invasive martial arts demonstration of all the sweet moves he knows that would allow a cis girl to incapacitate a trans girl rapist with simple classroom objects. Karate hate crime. Karate hate crime. Exactly. It's all winded. Examples included a Windex spray bottle and a laptop computer.

Point being, we were already allowed to attack trans girls with weapons. So adding a couple new ones should be no big deal. allowed to attack trans girls with weapons. So adding a couple new ones should be no big deal. Well, in his defense, that kind of reasoning has worked as a national foreign policy for decades. So I can see why he hasn't realized there's a problem with it. And in DHAB news tonight, a mentally ill Iowa man is recovering from a suicide attempt after learning that despite his pastor's assurances to the contrary, loving Jesus was not a sufficient

substitute for taking his anxiety medication. At the urging of his pastor, 26-year-old Alex Jacobson checked into a faith-based program that promised to cure his mental illness with Bible study and dietary supplements. And as a bonus, they elected to also cure him of his addiction to the drugs that real doctors had prescribed to him. Ooh, and if you act now, we'll take you off the life-saving medication you so desperately need. Is that bonus, or do they throw that in for free? Call in the next 10 minutes, and we'll throw in a free in-home consultation with Courtney Love. Send her right over.

Okay, your turn first. Now, as soon as I said faith-based treatment, I think we all knew that I was talking about negligent and dangerous fraud. Yeah, faith-based is to negligence, as dog on the bed is to not getting laid. Exactly. Disagree, but you have to say it about the amount of peanut butter that you brought with you. But I would venture to say that this program in particular is bad even for a faith-based treatment.

The layers of negligence at work here are mind-boggling. So according to a report in the Des Moines Register, Jacobson's father repeatedly contacted the pastor with concerns over the program's intent to take Alex off his prescribed medicine and urged them to at least forestall the treatment until his son could go to his scheduled outpatient treatments at the University of Iowa Hospital. Before checking in, even Alex himself expressed serious reservations, which led to a text from his pastor reading, quote, don't back out on this again, man, end quote. Ah, yes.

All the encouragement of Luke trying to get you to jump off your roof into a pool that's too far to reach. Exactly. Come on, man. Well, if this pastor thing doesn't work out for this guy, he could always be Ted Cruz's running mate in 2020. There you go. Anyway, after taking him off all of his anxiety medicines cold turkey,

they pushed ancient scripture on him for a week and a half until he stabbed himself in the neck with a box cutter. Now, he lived, and I'm pretty sure he's done with faith-based psychiatry. That's the good news. But I haven't told you the scariest part of the story yet. Jacobson is 26 years old, but the name of the program was The Teen Challenge. So while they made an exception in his case, they specialize in children. Fucking terrifying. No shit.

Any chance they're going to get a Baxi's on this one? Like, oh, well, that didn't work. Back to pills, I guess. No, no. I think there was a no Baxi's clause. Oh, okay. Yeah. And in calories don't burn that hot news tonight.

Curves founder and a man who looks like an old bulldog ate a lemon, Gary Heavan, was on Jim Backer's show this week to promote his new movie Amerageddon. He looks like the liquid metal guy started doing amateur porn. The movie, which we'll do on God Awful

Movies the literal second it's available anywhere except Bunker TV, proposes that the United Nations is planning a nuclear EMP attack on the United States in order to impose martial law and begin confiscating firearms. Well, of course. What was Jade Helm for? I thought... That was step one.

Because when it comes to secret military plans against the nation's own populace, it's the Jim franchise owners that are usually the first to know. Where's he getting this shit? Did fucking Brad Pitt and Francis McDormand find a floppy disk in the locker room? Guess he thought we might be worried about the national security of our shit. Of our shit. Of our shit. While on the show, he even warned citizens that this was among

the many insidious plots of the shadow government that was, quote, designed for women like you. Citing among other debunked claims, the Pentagon was hit by a missile and there's no way that building could fall down all on its own theories, solving the mystery of why

the locker rooms and curves all over the country come with a scale, showers, and thermite charts. I don't know why I need to know how hot it burns. This is confusing. Those locker rooms also have a few of those rocking chairs from Burn After Reading, I believe.

I'm not allowed right next to the entrance, but I'm pretty sure I saw one through a door from across the street. If the binoculars were zoomed in correctly, that's definitely what it was. He concluded his section of the show by recommending people be on the lookout for the shadow government that is, quote, setting us up for disaster, end quote. People with pacemakers should start wearing emp proof suits and friday get it zoom in zumba class that's important to also not fact checking yeah strong recommendation next up we have a new development in eli's ongoing campaign to force christian hate pastor kevin

swanson to attend a gay wedding and smear shit all over his face. Kevin's face, not Eli's. Yeah. Which I'm open to both promised he would do if one of his kids was going to get same sex married. Of course, part of the project includes Eli using his irresistible gay seduction skills to court and marry one of Swanson's sons.

I've been working on my caddy comments and I'm shaved as smooth as an ocean stone. You hear that? That's a penny bouncing off me. Plack. Plack. But yeah, I mean, that sounds like it's going to be very successful. But in order to increase the odds of success even further, Eli and the liberal media conspiracy have been working on turning his daughter

into a lesbian, you know, just in case plan A doesn't work out. And what better way to create more six-year-old lesbians than getting Disney to give Princess Elsa a girlfriend in Frozen 2? And I'm really asking. This sounds great, but are there better ways to? Oh, yeah. Hold on. There are multiple court orders And I'm really asking. This sounds great, but are there better ways to?

Oh, yeah. Hold on. There are multiple court orders specifically forbidding Eli from answering that question. The FBI informed me as soon as we let him know. Please never let me do anything. Go on. So apparently support for a lesbian cartoon ice princess is already swelling on twitter with the hashtag give elsa a girlfriend trending heavily and of course that means there's also a bunch of christian lunatics having a meltdown about this and mounting a counter campaign and the

genius idea these homophobic activists came up with was kill elsa that's plan b but yeah they actually came up the idea of um what about a male love interest for elsa oh i mean no just in case disney hadn't considered a heterosexual couple for their movie they've been tweeting about a prince who was born with a penis for elsa i see oh hey when you have a good, I mean, they're pitching a no-hitter on straight characters in Disney movies right now. I just, I love it because, you know, rational people argue

about who cartoon characters should fuck off screen. That's... Safe search off. We should all get together with a bunch of other podcasters and try to get, like, hashtag abort the straight embryos

trending just to see what we can make Kevin Swanson smear on his face. Hashtag abort the straight embryos. Hashtag abort the straight embryos trending just to see what we can make kevin swanson smear on his face hashtag abort the straight embryos hashtag abort the straight embryos fly minions fly pretend you care as much about this as you do about midgetism midgetism midgetism physics so noah started to guide us back yeah getting back to the important issue here the shit face bet that's the key here's a piece of swanson's latest rant about this and he seems to be offering big gay some advice which was weird uh quote in order to bring down a civilization

you've got to be sure that you have homosexualized the four-year-olds and six-year-olds and eight-year-olds and ten-year-olds. You have to homosexualize the kids, end quote. And yeah, I'm not sure why it's just the even numbers. That's how this one went the same way. But he's saying we need to gayify at least half the young children, I guess, at least. I mean, we were already doing that, but still, why volunteer that information to us? I mean, maybe he's a secret fecophile.

I think my mission is clear. No, no, I do not think you do. Understood. Wink. No wink. I just want to be perfectly clear. Eli? Eli?

Where's he going? Oh, shit. Okay, so quick while we forestall a series of costly lawsuits here, we're going to pause for a quick break and hand things over to my lovely wife, Lucinda. Where did we put the Halloween candy? A man wrote the Bible? A horse, what's he like? If it's a legitimate race.

It's a slut, right? Cooking can be fun. Hey! I'm proud of a man! This Week in Misogyny. So I'm into this riddle thing, if only to give you like catchy titles for YouTube. So here we go. What does a woman who wants an abortion in Louisiana need that a blind person who wants to go hunting does not? If your answer was a 72 hour waiting period, then give yourself two points and scream into a pillow.

hour waiting period, then give yourself two points and scream into a pillow. Because our first story tonight is that the Louisiana legislature passed a bill this past Wednesday increasing the mandatory abortion wait time from 24 hours to 72. The bill, which requires women to wait 72 hours after a state mandated ultrasound, which by the way, you may remember as though you can just not look at the screen of your precious baby as it holds up Bob Dylan signs asking you not to kill it law, is due to be signed by the Democratic governor and has received wide support among the Republican legislature. Legislative director Deanna Wallace,

who looks like Vin Diesel wearing a merkin on his head, Google it, y'all, it's a solid fucking comparison, said of abortion, quote, many of them regret the decision later in life, end quote, and that the measure was, quote, many of them regret the decision later in life, end quote, and that the measure was quote, empowering them with additional time to consider all of their options, end quote. Now, apparently Kingpin with a dead raccoon on her head didn't get a chance to Google the first part because it's totally fucking bullshit. So remember that after my eventual arrest for rear naked

choking Deanna in the back of her Chevy Nova. I was just empowering her with the additional time to consider all of her breathing options. Next up, we have a story from Canada where Fred King, polygamous cult leader and super bad extra who fell into a vat of duck fat, has pled guilty to nine counts of assault on his own parishioners, which he called corrections and chastisements. King's chastisements included stripping parishioners naked, punching and kicking children, spitting on them, and pouring water over their head. His admitted victims ranged in age between an 11-year-old boy and a 63-year-old woman. Among the charges that were withdrawn were six allegations of sexual misconduct. In two cases, the charges alleged repeated sexual assault. No explanation for not proceeding with them was offered in court, and Martin declined to comment until sentencing.

But my guess is the explanation runs something along the lines of, we really wanted Lucinda to have some material this week. And finally tonight, and hey, you should tweet me the other side of this story news, a North Carolina pastor has been arrested for sexually assaulting a parishioner he was supposed to be counseling. According to the victim, who remains anonymous, Reverend Kenneth Darrell Worley came to her home and spoke to her for two hours and at the end of the session asked if he could give her a hug. He then proceeded to try to force her back onto our couch, lick her neck and grope her. You know, because nothing says I really feel like we've made progress today, like trying to fuck your patient.

The victim came forward because after months of police investigation, Worley, who's still senior pastor at his church, by the way, eventually faced a whopping charge of misdemeanor sexual battery. And while I go wait for some asshat to tweet to me about jurisprudence so I can throw my phone off a cliff, I'll hand things back over to Noah, Heath, and Eli. Thank you, Lucinda. And in Zelda news tonight, head of the Faith Christian Center and man who looks like he

should be trying to sell you a timeshare at a rape zoo, Gene Linderfeld, offered his opinion on gamers this past week. Oh, did he? Linderfeld, who still tops as Garen, decided to take on the Xbox in his sermon this week, saying, quote, Don't even get me started on the Xbox and all of that. If you have calluses on your thumbs, you're a loser.

If you're more than 18 years old and you're still jacking around with that stuff, and then he made the l gesture for losing i think he's talking about video games also i want to point out that that could relate to a lot of things i have calluses on my thumbs yeah exactly exactly apparently his son convinced him that the calluses from jacking it are video game related good for him good for him yeah it's like playing the guitar you know you gotta keep doing it several hours a day or else you lose your calluses and then it gets really painful.

But I'm getting off track. You were talking about video games. I'm sorry, son. How come your controller needs so much lubricant? It just does, dad, okay? It does. And if you weren't already totally convinced by a man who looks like he was fired

from an Armenian cologne shop and uses the gestures of Smash Mouth, he then bemoaned the unmarried status of his female congregants, saying, quote, There are young girls in this church. Beautiful, beautiful, beautiful young girls. Okay. And you know why they can't get a date?

Because that retarded spirit got into young men. What? Okay, first of all, it's not about retarded spirits it's about ethics in gaming journalism okay right shouldn't have to keep saying that and um another factor that might be playing a a larger role than the developmentally disabled apparitions, is the fact that playing Xbox is a lot more fun than going on dates and never getting your penis touched. Yeah, right, right. Now that we have Grand Theft Auto, you can fuck in video games. But it gets better.

Linderfeld, who wouldn't know a water temple if Navi told him, went on to suggest that the way for these young women, who he may or may not have thought was beautiful, I don't remember if he mentioned it, but was to win these young men's affection by destroying their gaming consoles. Oh, that'll do it. He said, quote, some of you women, you have my permission. Blame me. He come home. I'm talking about your husband come home and that's gone and don't just throw it in the trash

he'll fish it out you gotta put it in the bathtub full of water before you throw it in the trash now don't do that while it's plugged in oh safety first white rabbit white rabbit bright side is we are pretty safe in the knowledge that anybody's stupid enough to listen to linder felt who still hasn't unlocked the lost, will probably ignore the last part. And finally, tonight, we have a story about a recent homophobic editorial from Coach Dave Dobenmeier of Past the Salt Ministries. For those who aren't familiar, Coach Dave became the center of a legal controversy back in the late 90s after complaints that he was leading his public high school football team in Christian prayer. There were also complaints that he looks like Rip Torn's racist brother who models plus-size denim shirts for men. Both true. And apparently that whole scandal launched his hate speech career, which continued to thrive last week with his latest column about how Roy Moore is actually a hero, how gay people can go fuck themselves, and how gay people may not go fuck themselves.

Just another one of those completely straight guys who talks about gay sex all the time. I got it. You know how much it disgusts me? Look at this erotica. You see it? talks about gay sex all the time i got it i see you know how much it disgusts me look at this erotica you see it i will read every word out loud while this filipino boy forces this pair of anguish inside that's how much i hate it so normally we might ignore a story like this it's just another christian asshole using the bible to justify dehumanizing large groups of people. Not exactly news.

Yeah, we only have an hour. Yeah, exactly. But Mr. Dobinmeier managed to pull this off with possibly the most densely packed series of genocidal analogies and accidental gay innuendo that I've ever seen assembled together in a single article. Right. And I want to stress that last part. We're in a single article. Right. And I want to stress that last part. We're talking about an article. Right. Not a speech or an improvised answer during an interview.

This is a written, thought about my words ahead of time, edited them and wrote them down article. And here's a few highlights, starting with a warning about how the gays have taken over the Supreme Court. how the gays have taken over the Supreme Court. According to Kim Davis with a goatee, quote, this sodomy-focused army is hell-bent on removing all sexual standards of this nation. Their blitzkrieg through the courts

would rival the cultural destruction of Sherman's march to the sea. End quote. And this immediate genocide of a lawsuit will have Yangzhou massacre level consequences on the rape of Nan King like policies from this Khmer Rouge of an administration

you have to wonder does he do this like all the time like hi Zappos so this march of tears para-ugs I ordered is the nothing but hoot-toot-toot-toot child soldier Gilmore girls I want a refund he probably wouldn't say Gilmore girls. Probably not.

The rest of it, though, yeah. So, yeah, quick review. Gay people got one equal right, and that's pretty much the same thing as a bloody campaign that helped the North win the Civil War. Right, yes. Oh, wait, that's really confusing. It's also like the nazi takeover of

nailed it everybody's got it perfect and based on this knowledge uh third base coach who uses a chair decided to write our 30 seconds bit this week and added that this genocidal army of quote sexual deviance is planning to quote ramrod sexual anarchy down the throats of mainstream america penis butt sex and quote again thought about these words in advance i swear there's some fantasy poll among right-wing assholes about who can get 30 seconds on the clock every week just jim baker and swanson just cleaning up. God damn it, Jim. Yeah. So obviously we've already got those 30 seconds on the clock. We're looking for other Freudian slips from homophobic Christian articles by Coach Dave,

who loves the cock and should learn to embrace it. Go. All right. How about Jesus is a Bukkake goalie. None shall come upon the Lord except through the holes in Jesus' palms. Yeah, he's good, but some always squirts through, I guess. Let the Lord come inside you. It's his birthday.

What about lay before the Lord and let Jesus milk the prostrate? Kneel before the Lord or, you know, have him lie on the bed. Whatever works. You can take the body of Christ in the Lord or, you know, have him lie on the bed, whatever works. You can take the body of Christ in the mouth or the hand, as long as it's from a priest, and you swallow it with some blood. Oh, God. It just kept getting worse. How about get on your knees for the Lord is behind you and wishes to comfort you with his staff. Do not let your child be drawn into the secular spread, no matter how gaping and inviting.

I got one more. What about America is a Christian nation. We should be hearing about Santorum on the exit polls. And quick, while we try not to visualize that joke, we're going to close the headlines for the night. Heath, Eli, thanks as always. 3D chess. And when we come back, we'll kick back and enjoy some really adorable bigotry. Mr. Christ, thanks so much for coming in. Yeah, thanks for having me.

I'm afraid we're running a little late, so we'll have to be quick. Sorry about that. The tree in your waiting room doesn't have any fruit, so I had to yell at it for a bit. I might kill it. Yeah, sure. It's ornamental. Ooh, uh, I don't think they like that word anymore. I think you're supposed to say Asian. It's proper nomenclature. Moving on, what brings you to the accounting firm of Finkelstein and Bloom? brings you to the accounting firm of Finkelstein and Bloom? Yeah, well, Lou Dobbs was on O'Reilly this week, and he compared me to Donald Trump, and he pointed out that I've never done my tax returns. So I figured, you know, any chance to prove Lou Dobbs wrong, right? So here I am. Absolutely, sure. So tell me, do you have receipts, expense reports, W-2s? What are we looking at? Yeah, so here are my W2s from my appearance fees this year.

So you've written W2 on top of these news articles. I see you appeared on some toast on the side of a cow and appeared with your mother in the clouds several times this year. How much did you gross from that? I mean, well, nothing. I mostly just like show up for old Latino ladies. It's not a lot of money. well, nothing. I mostly just, like, show up for old Latino ladies. It's not a lot of money. Sure, sure.

Why don't we move on from this for the moment and look at your expenses? Sure. Okay, so here we go. I see quite a bit here from Dave's glove emporium. Yeah, yeah, kind of needed to. Holes in the hands make it hard to hold stuff, you know. Of course, but I don't know if I'll be able to write any of needed to. Holes in the hands make it hard to hold stuff, you know. Of course. But I don't know if I'll be able to write any of this off.

Let's see. We've got frankincense, copy paper for unanswered prayers, myrrh. Is this myrrh? Yeah. I love myrrh. Yeah. I'm sorry, Mr. Christ, but there just doesn't seem to be much I can do for you. Really?

Really? Even though I died for your sins? That was like a whole thing. Well, not mine. I'm Jewish. Oh, oh, yeah. Okay. Sorry about the hands holes, though.

You people killed me. Thanks to the ceaseless and boundless awesomeness of our listeners, we reached our $2,000 goal on Patreon last weekend, which means Eli's already hard at work ensuring that soon, in a relative sense, every episode will be loaded up to YouTube along with segments broken down into playlists for you to share and or binge on. And of course, among the upcoming videos will be one of us consuming the bucket of apocalypse feed that we've already ordered from Jim Baker's Apocalypse Feed Emporium because there's no better way to celebrate our move back to New York than three years worth of chemically induced diarrhea.

Of course, during our Matreon pledge drive, a number of listeners have reached out to ask why we don't pursue advertising as an additional means of revenue. And while we have been approached by a number of advertisers in the past, there's always some kind of nonsense about, you know, having to advertise products you don't like or refraining from profanity during the ads or not telling people a product or service is fucking stupid, no service is fucking stupid no matter how fucking stupid it is. That being said, we do have to explore all our options,

so we thought we would give advertising a try today and see if we were any good at it. All right, let's try audible.com. Most of the great courses were recorded through a wall of Triscuits. Also, we have radio now? I love great courses. were recorded through a wall of triscuits. Also, we have radio now. I love great courses. Naturebox.com.

Feed this granola to your unvaccinated child. They're peanut butter num-nums. Casper Mattresses. Stores totally want to carry our awesome mattresses. We just won't let them. Dollar Shave Club. Because if we say it enough times, you'll think buying razors is more of a pain in the ass than shaving with sharpened tinfoil. Blue Apron.

The lack of food waste totally makes up for the environmental impact of having FedEx deliver you a zucchini and some pepper. That one website with the glasses that darken in the sun. Because people who are afraid to go buy glasses spend a lot of time outside. Squarespace.com. Create a shitty business card for your band before it breaks up too late. Bonobos. We stole a box of a gay guy's clothes.

You should try them on and then send them back to us how many penises have been in these pants before so yeah probably not going to pay the bills with advertising dollars so if you'd like to help keep the show ad free and help keep us from having to shill for mail order chicken nuggets or whatever please consider making a per episode donation at patreon.com slash scathing atheist where you'll learn early access to an extended edition of every episode plus get other shit sometimes we're fast approaching our live tour goal and you can help make it a reality and now back to the show hi everyone welcome to curves all right ladies everyone get in line for conspiracy cardio my name is brick and i've never learned anything

that wasn't a photo with words on it and today we're going to start with some nice stretches of the truth that's right get your arms up over your head and stretch the fact that Building 7 fell down like it was just a normal day and nothing could have caused it. That's right, ladies. Really feel yourself stretching that cognitive dissonance. All righty. Now, let's reach way down into the bowels of the internet and breathe. Breathe. Drop to your knee if this is too intense. Excellent. Really, get at those YouTube videos with the terrible Photoshop circles. What are those, people? Debris? No, they're explosives. How do you know? Because you feel it in your gut. Excellent. Really let it burn. Okay, now let's turn up the heat. Five,

six, five, six, seven, eight, and accuse, and comment, and run away, and post a meme, and comment, and run away. You're not commenting, Karen. Really respond to your niece about how you can't trust the mainstream media. Good. Good. Keep it up, people. That's right. I'm looking at you, Harold. I'm looking at you. And 5, 4, 3, 2, 1, and never comment on that thread again woo good work people alright let's take a quick unfloridated water break and just a reminder tomorrow is anti-vax mommy baby yoga

for those of you who still have kids that are still alive on god awful movies the challenge is often to truncate our rage and keep every episode from blooming into a five-hour bitch fest, and a video recently made the rounds that really demonstrated that fact. Despite being all of two minutes and eleven seconds long, it was packed with so much hate and bigotry that it could damn near spawn

an hour-long episode of Gam all by itself. Now, normally we dispense with this kind of stuff in the headlines, but this particular video was so vile that I do believe the folks over at JW.org may have inspired a recurring segment on this show, a mini-GAM, if you will. So with that in mind, Heath and Eli, are you ready to tear this 131-second video a new one? GAM on. Let's do it. All right. So let's start it off as we always do. Tell us, Heath, what will we be breaking down today? All right. We watched Become Jehovah's Friend Lesson 22, One Man, One Woman, which seems like the result of the J-dubs trying to turn a gay intervention lynching video into a cartoon

with a PG rating so they could show it to more kids. And they finally got approved for this thing after like 50 versions that were all too murdery. lynching video into a cartoon with a PG rating so they could show it to more kids. And they finally got approved for this thing after like 50 versions that were all too murdery. Here we have 51. It was exactly murdery enough. Take the blood out entirely. Just take the whole blood out. And the pepper spray and the razors. Okay, well done.

Now, if you want to see the video before we break it down, it's only 2 minutes 11 seconds. Like I said, it's linked on the show notes and we're willing to wait for you, and you're back. So, Eli, tell us, how bad was this video? Well, if you ever thought to yourself, man, I love WALL-E, but it wasn't hate-crime-y enough, well, you're in luck, because that's what this video is. Yeah. So the video's going to start with a little girl in pig details looking at the My Family drawings in class when she notices that one of these drawings has two mommies.

And clearly she is pissed about this. This has offended her deeply. Sure am glad that everyone's family is exactly like mine. Well, what? Pixar double take at lesbians? She just scowls at the drawing of these two moms like her candy bar wouldn't fall out of the vending machine she's like you know what fuck this i'm gonna ask my swarthy mixed-raced super hot mom about this please send your rule 34 porn of the mom to eli bosnick at gmail.com send it right there yeah yeah now we're gonna yeah we're gonna meet mom now so we show back up at the house where mom is coloring organic yarn pamphlets what um but then she lays it on mom that carrie drew two

mommies on her picture and then goes on to explain my teacher says that all that matters is people love each other and that they're happy and and mom's like no yeah right we can't have any of that this is the opposite of all the other cartoons and i also i love how racially ambiguous these characters are it's like they're saying it doesn't matter if you're white slightly brown or kind of filipino looking we can all hate fags together also i love the mom in this moment goes people have their own ideas about what is right and what is wrong and i i love that they have to pull this way abstract because even children watching this we're going to be like that's bullshit so right right because what they're having to fight against is as long as people love each other and they're happy it doesn't matter and they're going no to

that i mean that seems hard to disprove so maybe we could have a question of ontology big words you don't know yes she says it doesn't matter what we think it what matters is how jehovah feels uh so basically this is also where they ran out of animation budget, so we just get still images from here. So she explains that God invented marriage. So then it says a bunch of Bible passages about marriage, but none of the parts that are super murdery. They don't use the stone the gays or the, you know, it's an abomination. They're just like, stand by your man. In Genesis 2.24, God sings that song that lounge singers yeah right right god said a man will stick to his wife cue superman that hoe

and i also love that the idea here is like but god knows best how to make us happy like he wrote this book and i'm like yeah have you ever seen a happy gay person thought not thought not checkmate holy shit she says jehovah's standards haven't changed like like a fat friend who even though he's fat and works at a car wash still wants to hit on 19 year olds like come on man i'm not the football captain anymore and we get two different visuals here first we get the visual of of adam and eve and um adam has tiny little Marco Rubio hands. They are creepy. They're terrifying. And then they show us Jesus because, you know, later Jesus said the same thing about this.

And apparently Jesus would often preach in front of his modern high-rise apartment with glass windows. What the fuck was that? They drew this. This is an animation. Right. Yeah, exactly. It's not like they had to build a set or anything to get rid of the anachronisms fucking hilarious and i love too that the mom goes like that's why jehovah created marriage the way he did and the little girl goes you mean one man one woman it was like

well one man sure i've read the bible one man one slave one man one rape victim one man one dead brother's wife there's a lot of things the key is not one man one man yeah exactly exactly one ghost rapist it's all it's all oh my god and i know we've already touched on this but this mother could not possibly be more of an animated fuck doll yeah holy shit and then she throws down this analogy that i i don't even get where the fuck they were going with but she's like but being gay is like going on an airplane. And I'm like, I'm writing in my notes, I'm dying to know where this goes.

Being gay is like knitting needles or a water bottle. It's like, is airplane the gay biplane? Do they know about a bonus erogenous zone or something? You mean gay people are like terrorists with a bomb in their luggage? Yes, they are. That is what I mean.

Right. And she's saying, like, what if somebody wanted to go on an airplane and wanted to take something they weren't allowed, like butt sex or whatever? And we get this image of a guy walking through a metal detector. The alarm goes off. I'm like, is that gaydar? Yeah. Is that what people mean by that? I've never seen it.

Literally a gaydar checkpoint at the front of heaven, apparently. You're not allowed to walk around the side of it either like right yeah you can see the way you're picturing it seems like gay people just walk around the side and because you know nobody's watching the checkpoint but no you have to go right through it well drop off your butts what if the rules on the airplane were made up by the pilot arbitrarily based on something he absolutely could control well then that pilot would be an asshole, wouldn't he? Yeah, right. Exactly. And then we get our little image of heaven, which is Tahiti, I guess. Yeah, playing in a pool.

And they can't show a version of heaven because heaven's stupid as shit as a concept. Right. Or super pornographic and wouldn't admit it to YouTube. But the key is, though, that in heaven you'll get to jump in the water over and over again. And other kids will be jumping in righte you. But the key is, though, that in heaven, you'll get to jump in the water over and over again, and other kids will be jumping in right behind you. Anyway, also,

Jehovah wants to be our friends, so we have to conform to his prejudices so he'll like us. That's not how friends work. I'm sorry. Leave your bag of gay behind and you can be friends.

All my best friends are bigots. This is not how it works. That means leaving anything Jehovah doesn't approve of behind. And I wrote, like the Amalekites. And I wanted a little image of him smashing a baby's heads on the rocks. And then, of course, now the little girl is worried as a demonstration of how horrible this is to tell the children. Because she goes, but I want everybody to get to paradise. And she's like yeah

god doesn't it's weird because you're supposed to like your friend more than you and you recognize that this system is broken but we're just come on we're gonna animate some animals for you yeah right yeah but don't worry you can totally talk people out of being gay and if they have gay parents all they have to do is disown those parents and it's all good with Jehovah. Yeah, exactly. Which is what she fucking tells him. She says, well, you know,

Jehovah wants everyone to go to paradise too. So let's get our pitchforks, sweetie, before they spread their gayness any further. I wrote my notes. Oh yeah, mom, stop being straight.

Wow, that was easy. Mom, I think you're gay. You're gay. You did that real fast. This is perfect. I'll tell Carrie about heaven and the resurrection and how hetero fucking works. I think this is going to work. Well, and that's the most fucked up thing is that at the end of this, the mom turns to the kid and says, so what can you say to Carrie?

They are actually saying, go tell your friend her moms are going to hell. Right. Holy shit. Or to prophylatize. Yeah, exactly. And of course, the little girl goes, well, I could tell her about the paradise and I could tell her about the animals. Yeah, what are the animals? I have no fucking idea.

I guess they just eat. There were animals in the cartoon. Yeah. Well, there's talking donkeys and shit. That's probably appeals to kids. But yeah, yeah, I have no fucking idea. And then, of course, mom says, well, that's awesome. What a spectacular little homophobe I've brought.

And then she's like, let's practice. Like, here's a rock. Imagine Scruffy was a lesbian. How do you practice homophobia? And then it closes out. And if you were hoping for a basic instinct upskirt shot of the mom who is super hot, they totally tease you with it, but it fades out too early. So don't even bother spending 15 minutes trying to pause it.

$5 short of that animator's budget. I guess so. He kept that one for himself. And on that terrifying note, the video ends. Now, obviously, if we tried to thumbs down this video as hard as it deserves, we'd put a hole through our screen. So in lieu of a rating system, I'm going to ask you this. video as hard as it deserves we put a hole through our screen so in lieu of a rating system i'm going to ask you this what educational video could you make for a child that would have had a worse

message than this one with or for four four okay okay uh how about sockets and pennies tingly fun for the whole family um what about jewish baby blood prevents autism oh god with guest star andrew wakefield right just an animated andrew wakefield with a bunch of papers falling out of his briefcase right yeah him and akhmedina jad hand in hand it would be great and with one blood chart of a psa behind us we've got no choice but to leave you with the breakfast club close. The former sodomite left his bag of butt sex behind and did a hetero cannonball into the lake of heaven.

Carrie beat the crap out of Dora the Watchtower Explorer, who later outgrew religion and was shunned by Jada Pinkett Smith. Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha. Wow wow. Wow wow. Jada. Before we grab the washcloth tonight, I want to remind everybody that Reason Rally is right around the corner. Saturday, June 4th, Washington, D.C.

Probably going to be the biggest gathering of atheists in this country's history. But if you weren't there, too, we would still miss you. Google it. Book your hotel. Book your flight. Do your shit. And come hang out with us at the Crystal City After Party. And remember, this isn't just movement masturbation here. A big enough group of atheists gathered in D.C. this close to a presidential election where the primaries just demonstrated the waning power of the religious right can make a real

tangible difference you can be a part of that and you're going to have a lot of fucking fun doing it anyway that's all the blasphemy we've got for you tonight

we'll be back in 10,022 minutes with more if you can't wait that long be on the lookout for a brand new episode of our

sister show The Skeptocrat debuting Monday at 8am Eastern Time and a brand new episode of our sister show's Hot Friend Godawful

movies debuting 24 hours after that also subscribe to us on YouTube. Eli's putting up a ton of good shit there, so definitely your best source of bonus scatheism at the moment. Obviously, it just wouldn't be an episode if I didn't thank Heath for being the cheech to my Chong,

Lucinda for being the angels to my Charlie, and Eli for being the chick in Chinatown to my that chick's dad. Take that however you want it. I also want to thank Conrad, Mike, and Glenn from the Grilled Onions podcast for providing this week's Farnsworth quote, complete with the music that porn sites put you on hold to. you'd like to check out their show of course we'll have a link for that on the show notes for this episode but most of all of course i need to thank this week's best people christian jessica michael jordan swordmouth jesus wilson jr thomas chris

samir angelica paul brad the skeptic feminist christina matthew rick johnny john garrett mark and richard christian jessica michael jordan swordmouth jesus wilson jr and thomas who are so bright they give gamma ray Ray bursts absolute magnitude envy. Chris, Samira, Angelica, Paul, Brad, the Skeptic Feminist, and Christina, whose IQs have more digits than their extremities. And Matthew, Rick, Johnny, John, Garrett, Mark, and Richard, whose cock rings can only be described as Saturnian. Together, these 21 wonderful, wondrous wonders of oneness help keep the world safe from whatever Eli would otherwise do with the time this podcast takes up by giving us money. It takes a groovy kind of love to give us money, but if you believe yourself

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