The Scathing Atheist - ScathingAtheist 172: God's Unwanted Edition

Episode Date: June 2, 2016

In this week’s episode, we witness an act of bovine intervention, Jim Bakker becomes the world's least successful Mexican powder salesman, and Shannon Low, the lead singer of the formerly Christian band The Order of Elijah will be here to tell us what the “formerly” thing is all about. Click Here to make a per episode donation at Patreon.com Click Here to get tickets for our live record of God Awful movies in NYC. Click Here to buy our book. Click Here to check out The Skepticrat. Click Here to check out God Awful Movies. Guest Links: Click Here to check out The Order of Elijah’s Facebook Page. Click Here to read about Shannon Low’s fateful Facebook post on The Friendly Atheist. Click Here to check out the full episode of Be Reasonable referenced in the episode. Headlines: Ray Comfort told to fuck off from Reason Rally: http://www.patheos.com/blogs/friendlyatheist/2016/05/28/ray-comforts-plan-to-evangelize-to-atheists-at-the-reason-rally-has-been-thwarted/ SJ DOUBLE-MOOhttp://www.patheos.com/blogs/friendlyatheist/2016/05/23/in-india-security-cameras-capture-a-cow-attacking-men-in-the-middle-of-an-honor-killing/ Teacher prayed kids scores better: http://www.patheos.com/blogs/friendlyatheist/2016/05/26/principal-charged-in-cheating-scandal-said-kids-scores-improved-because-she-prayed-for-them/ Uber made me do ithttp://www.patheos.com/blogs/friendlyatheist/2016/05/23/michigan-spree-killer-says-he-didnt-really-do-it-it-was-the-devil-in-his-uber-phone-app/ Hell awaits grumpy cat: http://www.newsweek.com/saudi-cleric-coughs-hairballs-over-cat-pictures-gulf-kingdom-463356 Saudi man shoots doctor who delivered his baby for seeing his wife’s hoo-ha: http://m.gulfnews.com/news/gulf/saudi-arabia/man-shoots-male-doctor-for-assisting-his-wife-s-delivery-in-saudi-arabia-1.1835093 NJ rejects bill to give $11 million to religious schools: http://www.patheos.com/blogs/friendlyatheist/2016/05/26/new-jersey-appeals-court-rejects-bill-giving-11000000-in-taxpayer-money-to-two-religious-schools/ Jim bakker has giant bucket of MEXICAN food nowhttp://www.patheos.com/blogs/friendlyatheist/2016/05/24/televangelist-jim-bakker-buy-my-giant-buckets-of-mexican-food-because-things-are-coming/ This Week in Misogyny: Catholic school dance rules: http://www.patheos.com/blogs/friendlyatheist/2016/05/25/catholic-school-issues-dance-rules-no-cleavage-heels-stay-on-and-only-serious-dates-allowed/ Dad forces 14 year old daughter to marry her rapist: http://www.patheos.com/blogs/friendlyatheist/2016/05/26/christian-dad-took-his-14-year-old-to-her-rapist-and-made-them-get-married/ Church accused of covering up dad on daughter rape and the herpes she contracted from it: http://www.patheos.com/blogs/friendlyatheist/2016/05/27/lawsuit-alleges-that-church-leaders-ignored-girl-who-was-raped-by-her-father-and-contracted-herpes/

Warning, the following podcast contains explicit language, so if you're gonna listen, you have to promise not to tell. This week's episode of The Scathing Atheist is brought to you by the new restroom option for trans people in North Carolina, from the makers of Transportapotty mobile colostomy systems, presenting the Demijohn. It's a large jug that sits on the floor between the men's room and the ladies' room and offers the perfect solution for anyone born with the wrong amount of penises for the indoor facilities The Demijohn

Because it's not okay to trans-pee in the cis pool And now, The Skating Atheist This is Adam, and we did in fact evolve from filthy monkey glory holes. It's Thursday. It's June 2nd. And when I'm in charge of the zoo, the monkey gets to eat the kid. Hey, the monkey got what he deserved. A kid.

And then somebody shot him. I'm no illusions. I'm Eli Bosnick. I'm Heath Enright. And from boxed wine country Valdosta, Georgia, this is The Scathing Atheist. On this week's episode, an act of bovine intervention. Jim Baker becomes the world's least successful Mexican powder salesman. And the lead singer of the formerly Christian band The Order of Elijah will be here to tell us what the formerly thing is all about.

But first, the diatribe. You know where the word slave comes from? I don't know. Maybe this is one of those things that everybody already knew but me, and now I'm just that guy pointing out the arrow in the FedEx logo. But I just learned this the other day, and I found it fascinating. Okay, so it comes from Slav, right, as in Slavic people. And even if you didn't know that leading, that probably would have been your guess.

That's kind of obvious. But the reason why is pretty fucked up. See, back in medieval days, most of the people buying slaves in Europe were Muslims. Not that Christians were more moral or anything, they just didn't generally have money for slaves in the same numbers that Muslims did. But according to Muslim law, you're not allowed to own people of the book. So that meant that Jews and Christians were off the table, as of course were other Muslims. So in order to get around this prohibition, Christian slave traders would always advertise their stock as Slavs. The Slavic regions were overwhelmingly pagan at the

time. So no matter what kind of olive skin Spaniards you were putting up on the auction block, you'd call him a Slav. And sure, he would tell you he was Christian, but that's only because he knows if he says that you're not allowed to own him. But he definitely came from bondage Slavia, and I only ever drove him to church on Sundays. Now, based on what we see in the historical record, nobody was fooled by this shit, right? Not the Muslims buying the Christians, not the Christians selling the Christians, not the Islamic authorities tasked with enforcing this inner Abrahamic slave ban, not the Roman Catholic Church that was tasked with keeping Christians from selling other Christians.

Everybody knew it was bullshit, and nobody cared. Everybody had plausible deniability, and even though that shouldn't matter if your actions are being judged by an all-knowing mind reader, it was apparently all they needed. Because whether it's Buddhists cobbling together a just war doctrine, or Jews wrapping a string around their neighborhood and calling the public streets a courtyard, or Muslims owning Slavic people that only seem to speak Italian, or good Christian girls with tight vaginas and spacious assholes, every religion has managed to find a way around its moral dictates as soon as they inconvenience a sufficient number of their followers.

Now, that's probably not an inherent flaw in religion, mind you. It's just part of the evolutionary process. You've got to figure, at a certain point, that sect of Buddhism that was sticking with the nonviolence thing got the fuck killed out of them by the sect that wasn't. And sure, you can point to a couple examples of uncompromising pacifist sects in all the major world religions, but they only persist as long as they're surrounded by non-pacifist sects of that

same religion. Hell, even the Quakers weren't above paying some Indians to kill some other Indians when pacifism got inconvenient enough. So ultimately, the end result is that almost every religion is a system designed to phrase moral dictates in such a way as to be maximally ambiguous while sounding maximally explicit. In other words, religions aren't methods of instilling morality, but rather methods of circumventing it. And if you think about it for a second, of course they are, because we don't need a method of instilling morality. Morality in its most basic sense is innate. Science has demonstrated that over and over again. You show a three-month-old baby a video where one doll is nice and the other is mean, and 87% of the time that baby wants to play with the nice doll.

As soon as babies are capable of coordinated movement, they exhibit signs of compassion and empathy. I mean, hell, animals exhibit morality, and none of them have given their lives over to Christ or studied the Hadith. But innate morality doesn't come with loopholes, right? If you're doing a bad thing, you know it. A couple of psychological disorders aside. And if you want to make good people do bad shit in mass, you have to find a way to short circuit their natural tendency towards not fucking over their fellow human.

Of course, this can be done through fear and threats and shit, but history has shown that it's far more effective if you just trick people into thinking that they're doing the moral thing, right? So the way you do that is you hijack the innate morality, you assign it an author, you set yourself up to speak for that author, and then you tell everybody he changed his mind. Nobody has to teach you that fair is better than unfair or that helping is better than harming. In other words, nobody at the base of Mount Sinai would have been like, oh, don't murder people and take their shit.

That's an interesting suggestion. I can see how that might work out. Yeah, that's why the Ten Commandments don't spend much time on truly immoral shit. They need to tack on all the dumb shit, like not wishing to the wrong magic statue. So they toss in a couple of fucking duh declarations on either side of them. And then they say with a straight face for thousands of years that not working on Saturday is an equivalent moral imperative to not murdering each other. And admittedly, secular moral codes aren't perfect, but at least they have the decency to admit as much.

Right? Secular laws come from the same flawed humans as religious ones, but they're not hiding it behind a curtain, which means we're allowed to second guess them, to amend them, to repeal or replace them. But when your laws derive their authority from the omnipotent, inerrant word of the Almighty, there's no review process. Maybe you can loophole your way around some of them and ala-cart your way around some others. But I'm guessing that if you put God's word to a vote, the majority of Hasidic Jews would agree that God no longer gives a fuck about pushing buttons on the Sabbath.

And of course, this is inevitable. The simple passage of time guarantees that even where religious laws aren't immoral, they're still going to be obsolete as often as not, and that means you don't even need a nefarious player manipulating them from the top to bring about all sorts of detrimental shit. You leave a bunch of religious laws laying around long enough and one population can all but accidentally genocide another. All the various faiths like to build themselves as the source of morals, but that belies reality.

At their best, religions are sources of moral confusion, and at their worst, sources of moral confusion and at their worst sources of moral abdication they're talking about your jesus interrupt this broadcast and bring you a special news bulletin joining me for headlines tonight are the tom and jerry of atheism heath enright and eli bosnick fellows are you ready to hand religion the dynamite cigar it so richly deserves well i feel like centuries of science already handed it to them and watched it explode in their faces and now they're like see ashes and dust just like the bible told us would happen i think they did it themselves i plan to paint a hole into the fossil

record and then watch them run into it get hit by a train in our lead story tonight eli was forced to rethink his nefarious plot to lick Ray Comfort's eyeball, despite all the reconnaissance work for which so many Bothans died, because a wrench was thrown in Ray's plans when he learned last week that showing up at a rally with a thousand people who want to talk the rallygoers out of the thing they're rallying for is called a counter-protest, and for that you need permits. And to stay in your little pen or whatever. And even if they got the permits dc police made it

clear that if comfort persisted in approaching atheists to harass them about jesus he would be arrested and i guess he just doesn't love jesus enough to risk all that yeah what a selfish asshole right might as well let us die in a broken elevator even though he knew about it ahead of time fucking rude no it should come as no surprise to any of our listeners of course that ray comfort ahead of time and said no. Fucking rude. Now, it should come as no surprise to any of our listeners, of course, that Ray Comfort is calling being forced to abide by the same rules that everybody else abides by persecution and insisted

that we atheists would love to talk to him. And that's probably true, more or less, but D.C. police rightly predicted that a number of those conversations would involve non-consensual eyeball licking, so they elected to head that off at the pass. However, you send one tweet and tweet comfort will still be allowed to attend with a film crew of about 17 people or 34 insufficiently hydrated eyeballs so there's still hope stronger than them and by the way like all the points for anyone that tricks Ray Comfort into holding a banana

and reciting the Farnsworth quote. Oh, yes. Please send us that recording and Eli will lick your eyeball. Yeah. I will fly to you and lick your eyeball. But wait, I'm confused. What is everyone else going to be doing at Reason Rally aside from bothering Ray Comfort? How many speakers can talk about how much God there is?

And I'm going to be like, yay, Bill Nye. But then I'm going to gather several thousand hours of YouTube footage with me and the Christians. That is my goal for Reason Rally. That's the point. And if you're wondering what Comfort now plans to do, by the way, with the $25,000 worth of Subway gift cards he announced he'd be giving away to atheists that gave him out of context defamatory video to splice. Comfort lamented, quote, we tried to show a little kindness and it didn't work, so it now looks like we'll be eating Subway sandwiches for the next 40 years, end quote. Sounds a lot like hell, but then apparently somebody pointed out what an asshole that made him sound like, because after a bunch of

atheists asked why the fuck he didn't just give them to the homeless, he offered to donate the gift cards to the homeless. Oh, right. Homeless. I meant homeless atheists, but not, I mean, right. Homeless. I meant homeless atheists, but not. I meant crocodile. And in a little birdie told me news tonight, what do your wacky aunt who thinks she's half gypsy and a parakeet have in common? Sleep in a cage. Sexually attractive. Confusing to me. If you said they both do tarot card readings then give yourself 10 points well that's nice to hear it's about time someone realized the potential of these birds i mean they're tied with humans at reading the future with tarot cards very impressive animals

they are equally as good at that it's true this past week the atlantic released a short film on the subject and honestly if you want to go down an internet rabbit hole this week that I promise doesn't end up somewhere in terrible, do a little research on this subject and definitely watch the video. There is nothing cuter or more despondent than watching these birds nonchalantly just like throw cards around until the guy gives them a seat. Honestly, I may make a career out of interpreting pug farts. That's how fantastic this video is.umble sticks those are useful you know now if you do please name pug fartomancy something that starts with a j way too few pseudosciences that start with j you got it and regardless of the name that's a great way to start a hedge fund exactly i am jewish but apparently the story isn't just shits and giggles.

No, no. Apparently parrot astrologers have become so common that forest officials in India have started having to confiscate and free people's parrots. And there are increasing protests and outcry from the bird psychics. And I would give anything to watch that interaction take place because I live in New York City and I watch Orthodox Jews try to talk their way out of parking tickets. I'm guessing watching a guy try to talk a park ranger they should be able to keep his psychic bird is better. Even better. A high bar, but I think you might be right. And in felony mutilation news tonight.

And in felony mutilation news tonight, despite the attempts of a very heroic cow, a woman in India was recently stabbed to death by her father and uncle as part of an honor killing. Way to bring it down. Which means she brought religious shame to her family. And in order to get back their good name, they needed to murder her. Pretty standard for India. They needed to murder her. Pretty standard for India. But what makes this particular honor killing unique and newsworthy was the security camera video of the whole thing, including the part when a cow and trampled while i imagined indian bob saget narrating the cow's high-pitched voice sorry friend looks like i'm gonna have to move in on this one there's a laugh track shame it's such a tragic story though because there are a lot of puns that you could milk out of this one but there's there's just there's too much angus i mean anguish for me to make light of it but i will say it's my kind of hero in this story right yeah yeah all the other cows thought she was past your prime but then by

the utter grace of god she she shows up and isn't taking any bull you know i heard with no a that they edited this video down to a bovine. And I've got no beef with that. But I do wish everyone had lived happily heifer after in the end. Sirloin. So here's the scary part of the story about a woman getting killed with knives. We know about the cow because, again, the two homicidal maniacs were stabbing their family member to death in plain view of a security camera. Why would there be a camera there?

Great question. That's because their murdering spot appears to be a crowded storefront just full of people walking past being like, oh, probably an honor thing. None of my business. It would be awkward if I say something. That's clearly what's happening in the video. Yeah. Yeah. Stabbing your daughter to death is to couple yelling loudly at each other on the subway as India is to America.

I remember that SAT question. Meanwhile, in the herds, it's saying, like, if you see something, move something. And from the putting the test back in testify file tonight, an ongoing investigation into a cheating scandal in the Clarksdale Municipal School District in Mississippi has turned up a new suspect this week,

namely Jesus of Nazareth. It's always the Jews. Isn't it though? Now this stunning disclosure came via former principal Lawanda Tyler-Jones who tried to lessen her responsibility in the scandal

by making like Thomas and fingering jesus thomas smith i feel like he told us that in confidence man that's not cool did like three episodes again that was that was jesus i think he said it was jesus but according to tyler jones the rapid and red flag raising improvement of her students on standardized tests had less to do with teachers standing at the front of the room reading which bubbles to color in and more to do with teachers standing at the front of the room reading which bubbles to color in, and more to do with the fact that she prayed for those scores to improve. Dear Jesus, please let my students fill in A on question 42. A, Tyler, I mean Jesus.

Jesus. The notes of my prayer song to Jesus are A, A, C, D, B, C, A, C. If anybody asks, those are the chords. Anyway, this revelation comes to us from one Walt Drain, the executive director of student assessment and accountability, who is leading the investigation for the state's disciplinary hearing. According to Drain, Tyler Jones, quote, told the state education official that a dramatic increase on test scores was due to prayer, end quote, adding that she further ensured

the success of her students when she, quote, anointed the desks, doorways and also the students heads with holy water end quote and oh my god what an awesome mental image just like some kid coming in early like hey teach what you're doing oh just anointing these pencils cool cool everybody use a number trinity pencil big test coming up but hey i think that water is going to fuck up my calculator oh you're going to sing the answers shouldn't be a problem and in on morning star news tonight this past february jason dalton shot and killed six people wounding two others including a child but the good news is now we know why you see see, the devil made him do it through his Uber app. Oh, yeah, probably snuck in through all that rock music on Pandora.

Satan just pulls up in a minivan of, like, putrid flesh. Hey, you called for an Uber? No, no, it's just a costume and paint job. I passed all the background checks. They're very stringent. They do not check thoroughly. paint i passed all the background checks they're very stringent they do not check thoroughly uh yeah in reason number 1,467,962 of why we don't tell people voldemort is real apparently dalton who looks like a spree killer like really don't google just like think spree killer now

google weird right magic anyway dalton explained to police, and I'm quoting the cops here, Dalton acknowledged that he recognized the Uber symbol as being that of the eastern star, and a devil head popped up on his screen, and when he pressed the button on the app, that is when all the problems started. Okay. But just for a second, try to imagine how fucked up this dude's story would have been if that's not where the problem started you know like shit's so fucked up in his life that he just taxed that onto the end of his tirades and then my devil phone starts telling me

to go on a murder spree so i gotta deal with that too wait but here's the question in the quote it says he hit the app like he pressed the button on the app right the devil appeared on the screen he's like all right next screen i want to see how this plays out swipe right so he then goes on in this like police interview i guess to explain that when lucifer the morning star appeared on his phone the app turned from black to red and honestly i feel like that should have been his first clue i mean if you don't have an update and the symbol changes it's pretty obviously the devil that's the only explanation yes well i mean you can pay for the premium app that that you know doesn't have satan the prince of darkness inside but five bucks you're about to get an upgrade on your phone

it never seems like it's gonna be worth right yeah so stupid all, what kind of asshole would believe their phone is possessed? Brian, it's me. Listen, Brian. Satan, go to Wendy's, buy a Frosty, and fuck it. Fuck it hard, Brian. Yes, you, Brian. You, with dark hair and glasses, listening while you drive. I, Satan, want you to fuck a Frosty.

Good times. There's like three people fucking freaking out right now three guys just statistically they're like just halfway into a frosty by the way when eli believes himself to have full control over another person's will he uses it to make them copulate with milkshakes at this point that should not surprise you honestly what would you guys do the value size brian the value i've seen what you're packing fucking magnum frosty relax all right next up in headlines from the muteube file in response to a recent wave of western imperialism in the form of cat pictures and cat videos on the internet sheikh salah bin fawzan al-fawzan From the Saudi Council of Senior Clerics

Did a TV appearance To deliver a very important message And it went something like this Dear people of Saudi Arabia Don't be distracted by the fact That I look like Rabbi Tuchman On the way into a boxing match Ignore that

On the cat issue We have a team of people working on this And it's been decided that taking a photograph of a cat is strictly forbidden by Islamic teachings. We're going to hands go up. What if it's wearing a burqa? Guys, I think we finally found a way for everyone on the Internet to criticize Islam. Just cut to Reza Aslan burning a Koran too far. So, yeah, it took him a while to get there. But the reason for the ban on internet cat stuff, according to the Sheikh, is because taking pictures is apparently banned in general.

Unless it's an absolute necessity, I guess. She's got to ask for a dick pic, not just deserve one. I guess she's got to ask for a dick pic, not just deserve one. So when asked about this new trend of Muslims being seduced by the hedonism of Western cat pictures, the Sheikh responded, quote, What do you mean pictures with cats? Taking pictures is prohibited. The cats don't matter here. End quote. So trick question.

I guess. Yeah. They already banned all photographs. Unless, of course, I guess you're in like a back to the future type scenario, in which case a life-saving Polaroid would be allowed. But otherwise, no pictures. Yeah, I was having a lot of trouble coming up with an absolutely necessary photograph. But then I remember we were talking about Islam. So, you know, maybe you're getting raped and there are only three sympathetic people watching and you need to snap a pic

for that critical fourth witness. I never realized how much Islamic rape and dogma debate had in common. If you aren't picturing David Smalley sighing and clearing his throat during a gang rape,

then you are not the listeners we know and love. So, whenever you're done So If you're keeping score at home Muslims should now be avoiding Pokemon, chess Slutty food

And pictures of any kind So basically my high school experience Without the pictures And still Jews just like normal And you can't take pictures of them either Basically my high school experience. Without the pictures. And still Jews, just like normal. Oh, yeah. And you can't take pictures of them either. Well, that's because they don't show up on film, but it's true, Dan, either way.

It's true. Poster for Gam is actually just a shaved orangutan. And with the depressing realization that Grumpy Cat got his fatwa before me, I'm going to need a few minutes to reexamine my goals and the ways I'm getting there. So we're going to take a quick break and hand things over to my lovely wife, Lucinda. A man wrote the Bible? A whore is what she was. If it's a legitimate race. If it's a slut, right?

Cooking can be fun. Hey, I'm proud of a man. This Week in Misogyny. You know, there are a few things I've encountered that are creepier than the amount of thought Christians put into how much of a teenager's tits they can see. And this is coming from somebody who talks to Eli once a week, y'all. Once a week. But even with all of that to prepare me, I was still appreciably creeped out once again this week when I read our first story.

This one is about an all-girls college in New Zealand called St. Dominic's and the rules for their upcoming seniors ball. So before I read these rules, keep in mind they're for college seniors, 21 and 22 year olds. One, a split on the dress can only be up to the knee. Two, the back of the dress cannot go below the armpit. to the knee. Two, the back of the dress cannot go below the armpit. Three, there must be no cleavage at all. Four, you cannot take off your shoes no matter how sore your feet get. Five, you must be in a serious relationship in order to bring a ball date. The first three I get, fuck, I've done this segment long enough to know that if Christian boys see too much elbow in an educational environment, the school turns into an all-you-can-rape buffet. People just fucking soap dispensers and shit.

But four and five are creepy even for Catholic schools. As far as the shoe thing goes, either they were expecting Quentin Tarantino to come to this senior ball and wanted to keep their soap dispensers semen-free, or they think their students were all the wicked stepmothers from Cinderella. Either way, that's fucked up. And the last one, you must be in a serious relationship to bring a date. How exactly are they measuring that? I'm just imagining some girl getting grilled like Andy McDowell in Green Card just to get into the door.

And speaking of serious relationships, let me quickly make you forget all about this little warm-up story and turn to the truly demented speaking of serious relationships, let me quickly make you forget all about this little warm-up story and turn to the truly demented portion of today's program. And for this story, we start last April when Kevin Strawn's 14-year-old daughter was raped and impregnated by one Aaron Seaton. So what did dad do? Well, if you're hoping for Liam Neeson in a taken type situation, you'll be disappointed to learn that this meat sleeve solution was to bring the girl to her rapist and force them to marry.

That's right. Rather than, oh, I don't know, killing and eating his daughter's rapist, this motherfucker decided to add him to the family tree. But don't worry. He got some harsh justice. That's right. He'll be doing a whole 120 days in jail for his crimes. And you'll know when he gets out because that's when you'll see me on the news

turning this bigot into a coat. And since we're already talking rape, I might as well depress you even more with our final story of the week. This is the story of a little girl who, at the age of six, confided to her church elders that she was being routinely raped by her father. And guess who the church reported it to over the following three years? If you said not a goddamn soul, you've probably heard of churches before. In fact, it wasn't until years later when the girl confided in her mother and a counselor, you know, people outside the wizardry world of

Harry Potter, that the Oregon Department of Human Services got involved. Almost like having a make-believe support structure for children is detrimental to the kids who need a real one. And now I face the impossible task of trying to put a positive spin on this. But fuck it. I hear rumors of Mexican food poop jokes coming up, so I'll leave you all bummed the fuck out. And with hopes that they can show you back up, I'll hand things back over to Noah, Heath, and Eli. Thank you, Lucinda. And in baby mama drama news tonight, a Saudi man was arrested this week for the attempted murder of his wife's obstetrician

because while delivering her baby, he saw her naked. Oh, no, wait. The wife or the baby? Because either way, that's pretty fucked up. But one way gives us a much funnier visual. I'm picturing a Muslim baby girl getting born with a burqa onesie. Yeah, it's like a Pac-Man ghost.

It's adorable. Am I doing it right? They slide out easier that way. Wet cloth. So according to Gulf News, after this doctor helped this woman give birth, her husband called and asked him if they could meet up to thank him for helping deliver the baby. And when he did, he pulled out a hidden

gun and shot him. Fucking Western imperialism. Am I right, Reza? Reza gets it. He knows. Yeah, that doctor never should have invaded Iraq. Right? Were you looking at x-rays of my wife, you bastard? Relax, man. It was just the dental ones.

There's a reason I cover up her teeth. That's the best part. Now, the good news is the doctor is going to be fine, but apparently this has actually caused some, like, controversy, because some commenters are saying the female gynecologist should have been given priority. So, good lesson. If you live in the part of the world labeled holy fucking shit under religious stupid probably best to ask mind if i sneak a peek at that cooch before you deliver a baby pro tip pro tip and ask the husband of course but that's his job regardless and in the only way new jersey and appeals find themselves in the same story news tonight new jersey governor and man who

likes his bridges like he likes his arteries ch Chris Christie, has yet another excuse to wear that perpetually harumphy expression after a New Jersey appeals court rejected his proposal to give $11 million of taxpayer money to a couple of religious universities. I don't know. I'm reading this list. I don't think Krispy Kreme University is real. in korea would have been it could have been if it wasn't for those meddling kids at american united for separation of church and state the aclu of new jersey and a couple other groups that elected to sue the state over this blatant first amendment violation he looks like a hostess always just told him there's a 45 minute wait to get a table every time he's about to take a picture the only expression he's got doesn't matter which go somewhere else. Can we go somewhere else?

Now, the proposed grants were part of a one point three billion dollar effort to improve New Jersey's institutions of higher learning, including over six hundred thousand dollars earmarked for the Princeton Theological Seminary, which exists only to train Christian ministers in the proper use of Jesus magic, but probably includes a minor in obfuscating pedophilia charges and a grant of over over $10.5 million for Beth Medrash Gavoha, an all-male rabbinical school that trains Jewish rabbis in the proper use of Moses magic, but also probably includes a minor in not telling your children they're not allowed to play with that. This is our leave your child with the magician while you go take a 40-minute

gefilte fish shit department. We have 30 professors total. It's a library. This is where we make General Zod's pajamas and kimonos for pilgrims. Also 30 professors. If they could vote, I think they'd upgrade the outfit as well. Of course, after seeing his plans

to play Kool-Aid Man with the Wall of Separation thwarted, Chris Christie also commented on the ruling, though my inability to recreate the jowl clicks would render a reading of the quote useless Also, I don't know how to pronounce you you h a you h, but I think it's Fun fact anyone can do a Chris Christie impersonation. You just blow through a Chipotle burrito like a recorder Whatever way you turn it you get one of his debate You just blow through a Chipotle burrito like a recorder. Doesn't matter where your fingers are. It's just whatever way you turn it, you get one of his debate performances.

Chris Christie shows up on a horse to take you to a different world. Yeah, that would be awesome. Don't blow on it if you don't need me. I can get him all the way here. Oh. Sound like guacamole coming out of a super soaker. I always look like I sat on my balls because I did. And finally tonight, from the cookbook of Revelation File,

end times preacher, convicted felon, and Clark Kent version of Colonel Sanders, Jim Baker, made some waves in the dehydrated culinary world last week when he added a new product to his line of freeze-dried apocalypse food. And he clearly found out that we ordered a bucket of his original recipe, so now he's decided to release an awesome new Mexican version for Spud. That bastard. Because I obviously would have loved that. Right?

And as the angel poured out the seventh bowel, we're going to build a wall in people's colons and they're going to pay for it. So the new Mexican style version is called the Fiesta Bucket. Oh, delicious. Sounds like the name for a sex act with a donkey. Probably feels like it, too. Also, the name of a restaurant across the street from the donkey show where you might see someone. I think it's like a Tijuana Hot Pocket, but inverted.

Okay, I see. Reverse Caliente Pocket. Doesn't matter. Anyway, here's what Jim Baker had to say about the new item. He claims the Fiesta Bucket, quote, passes the official Mexican test. What? And is Mexican food that real-life Mexicans approve of. What?

Oh, amazing. The official Mexican test. Yep. Okay, from what I know of his politics, he probably hired a bunch of day laborers to rape his food buckets, but I would strangle a fucking puppy to know what real-life Mexicans was like, as opposed to. So tell me, Pablo, does this pass the Mexican test?

Si, senor. That's a Chinese guy. Whatever. He's real life, though. He's wearing a sombrero. All right, so quick review. Jim Baker, who looks like he spent the last 40 years trying to decide between the cup in front of him or the cup in front of the pirate, owes the American taxpayers a huge amount of money,

and he's trying to pay it off by selling buckets of edible spackle to idiots. And now, spackle with pepper, I guess, too. And don't worry, just like the original version, the new Mexican buckets can still be used as furniture, are equally effective at avoiding the Zika virus global pandemic, and are equally useful when your neighbors start eating babies, all of which are very conceivable. And that's why we're going to go ahead and put 30 seconds on the clock. Figure we might.

Ideas for the Mexican-themed apocalypse buckets. Go. Oh, awesome. All right. I'm sure the Mexican Jews already took care of the quesadilla side. So how about some chili con carnage with a little pico de gallos? Ooh. How about some rapturos?

A little dessert. I was actually thinking crunch rapture supreme. Oh, there you go. This is the enchilada. End enchilada. For whom the taco bell tolls. How about some holy guacamole for when God pours out the seventh burrito bowl? And there shall be a mighty win.

What about Judgment Day Leche? It's the end of the world as we know it, and I feel flan. Okay, so when God removes his grace from the world, there will be no empathy, and that's kind of like an empanada but but fuck it i'm gonna go with frijole judgment oh that's a good one how about extra spicy hellfire sauce you'll feel like a sword is coming out of your mouth instead of jesus's catchphrase all right i got one more what What about Chipotle preppers with structural integrity? There we go.

It's drywall and we'll make them build it. And with the depressing realizations that that 30 seconds bit was less racist than half of this country's major political parties nominees. We'll close the headlines for the night. Heath, Eli, thanks as always. Tummy sticks. And when we come back,annon lowe will be here to talk about rock and your decision i don't always eat drywall but when i do i prefer a fiesta bucket

okay but but okay but what about decline pledges, though? I mean, every month, some pledges are always denied, so maybe we should wait until after we... No fucking shot. Yeah, man. I'm eating a bucket of freeze-dried fucking sheetrock here. So am I. I will fight you.

Okay, fine, fine. All right. So apparently last week, I got up to take a shit during the edit, and the next thing I know, I'm obligated to listen to an episode of Be Reasonable and review it on today's show using nothing but compliments. And before I say anything about the episode, I want to say that this show is an absolute masterclass in effective dialogue, and if you haven't listened to it before, despite all the shit that I'm saying now, I would highly recommend it. the shit that i'm saying now i would highly recommend it but if and when you decide to dive into the podcast be reasonable try not to do it after having other people volunteer you to review it in compliments right so we reached out to marsh and his listeners and ours and they helped us find

the perfect punish attainment for noah which would be episode 29, in which Marsh interviews Ian Jacklin. Jacklin is a former kickboxer and actor, best unknown for his role in Kickboxer 3. And he runs a website called iCureCancer.com. Yes, he does. It's also the name of a documentary that he produced and directed. Yes, it is. A couple other fun details about Ian Jacklin. He believes in shapeshifting lizard overlords. Yes, it is. A couple other fun details about Ian Jacklin. He believes in shape-shifting lizard overlords.

Nailed it. Believes that jet fuel doesn't burn that hot. Also nailed it. And believes he can eliminate your cancer by controlling the pH of your spit. Yes. And Noah, listen to this episode. And in addition, each of my colleagues, two of whom sleep where I can get to them, have picked out a few of their

favorite clips so they're going to set up the clips we'll give it a listen and then i will react only in compliments yeah all right i'm ready okay so this is our first clip and this is what ian thinks of vaccinators oh we're just diving right let's listen yeah if i had a kid and they forced vaccinations try to force vaccinations on me you know that wouldn't happen but they're making it so that could happen if i have a kid in a few years from now they could have a lawn staying that we have to get um vaccinated or we we can't even take our kid to school and there's also some i think words about possibly them coming to the house and forcing vaccinations on the children and that's just straight up Nazism.

Straight up Nazism. Like a surf coach. So, Noah, complimentary thoughts on that? Most people need steps to get to Godwin's Law, but not Ian Jacklin. Way to just dive all the way in there, bro. Okay, okay, my turn. This is what he thinks about organic vegetables and the Illuminati. Oh, for fuck's sake.

The vegetables, back in the 50s, they started dumping pesticides on our foods. The Illuminati, the 1%, the people that run this show, they knew what to do. They're trying to reduce the population. So they basically made our food. Stop there for a second. Why are they trying to reduce the population. So they basically made our – Can we just stop there for one second? Why are they trying to reduce the population? I just want to try and unpick things. I know.

That's a great question. If you ever find one of them, ask them for me. Okay. So we don't have a reason for that. It's just something that we accept that they're doing. Yeah. Well, they said they are. If you look at the Georgia Guidestones, it says that they're trying to get the population down to 500,000.

Okay. Okay. What do you think? The Georgia... Boy, did he pronounce the shit out of most of those words. He did. It's true. He said all of the words with all the syllables.

Pretty much. Okay. My turn. My turn. This is... He's not against the challenge, right? This is his challenge to the skeptics. Here's what I want you get them

phd guys together at a university give them 12 patients give me 12 patients you watch who who has the most at the end of the day and we won't use any drugs well um i i think you'd find it very very hard to get ethical approval on their on that study but yeah because they don't want to lose they don't want to get their ass handed to them that's that's that's one side the other side is they may be incredibly concerned for the the well-being of the the 12 who aren't uh getting treatment they they murder thousands every day look at the vaccination thing that's just a scam what do? Can you take him up on it? My cousin's a doctor. I can arrange that. Confidence is important. Not maybe so much when you're offering to murder people through medical neglect by the dozen generally,

but you have to admire his... That's it. Bring it in. Yeah, that was a compliment, but you walked it back. Doesn't count. Boy, he sure does change the subject well. I guess we'll get that. Okay, but important to realize that Ian isn't just all talk here.

So this is his story of cancer survival and cure. Sort of. This is what I did. I think I had prostate cancer about a year and a half ago because I couldn't hold my pee. My prostate was swelled up. I had a pH of five, and I thought if Dr. Bernardo was alive, he'd say, if you don't have cancer, you're going to have it, so smarten up. Get on an alkaline diet, which I did. I did a blend fast with a vegan only for two months. Got my pH from 5 to 7.4 in about two months, and the peeing issues went away. I made sure I didn't have any infections or anything in my bladder. So I basically just got my prostate back healthy by blending and doing all that. Yeah, he was pretty sure he had prostate cancer. He was quite certain he had prostate cancer. That sounds real.

It burned when he peed. You know, compared to other people I know with Jacqueline in their names, he's very original. Coming up with his own shit. But that's just an insult to somebody else, not a compliment to Ian. I don't think that counts. Boy, is he good at coming up with on-the-spot

excuses for why his girlfriend caught him rubbing oil on his taint and then sticking with him long-term. I don't need an excuse for that. I just said, go away. Get out! Now, he also has got some thoughts on Andrew Wakefield. Oh, hell no, not that part.

Oh, come on. Send his pic. Send his pic. As far as we're concerned, Andrew Wakefield was right, is right, always will be right. So I don't know about all that other drama in there. So don't hit me with Andrew Wakefield. It's bullshit. Just look at the numbers.

Come on. What do you think? What do you think? That that one isn't fair. Oh, come on. You know you have something nice to say about endorsing whooping cough and infants. Loyalty is important. Loyalty is important.

That's true. Okay. That's true. Okay. That's true. Okay, comedy break. He's moving in with a four-year-old, and here's his thoughts on treating coughs or whatever. Who the fuck knows? And I'll tell you right now, I got a five-year-old that I just started living with moving into a new situation. And I don't go to doctors, but I'm pretty sure he had whooping cough and gave it to me.

And I had it out of our system within a week with no one I'm known with the holistic stuff. And all these other kids just walking around for months with that crap. I mean there's just – I'm sorry. The holistic way is the only way. God put it all there for us. Moving stuff, huh? Thoughts? That his willingness to spend time with people more mentally mature than him is as admirable

assuming he doesn't accidentally kill them with his stupidity is that a compliment i don't think that's a compliment no fuck okay um hey ian way to reduce the number of potential seat kickers on my next flight to the west coast bro there you go I'll take it okay now I want to point out that Marsh closes the episode with this really excellent thought on why people tend to believe in conspiracies and the need for control

it's genuinely moving and empathetic and not the clip Noah has to compliment instead this is Ian's response to that. Oh, of all fucking, okay. I say be open and follow your heart. You cleanse your pineal gland, your third eye, you know, stop the aspartame.

Don't drink any sodas. I don't know what they do. In America, they put fluoride in our drinking water the same way they did in the Nazi camps for the Jews at Auschwitz. Well, for the record, we have no idea what way they did in the nazi camps for the for the jews also which well for the record we have no idea what the nazis did to the jews and off switch so maybe he's just breaking new historical ground here good for him uh the sarcasm moved to strike i'm not sure that counts oh okay all right i got a compliment for you marsh is a goddamn saint and deserves all the cookies

or biscuits or crumpets or whatever because his simple ability not to reach down the throats of these ridiculous jackasses and rip out their larynxes for the sake of humanity is downright Herculean. So go Marsh. But you're supposed to compliment Ian. That was the whole thing. Fuck that.

You guys just said compliments. Off switch. Very excited to welcome my next guest to the show. Shannon Lowe is the lead singer of The Order of Elijah, a metalcore band that has been described as Christian but probably won't be anymore. Shannon made waves in both the atheist and Christian music communities late last month when he posted a lengthy explanation of his new found atheism to Facebook, and he joins us tonight to talk about the reaction to the post as well as the thought process that led up to it. So first of all, Shannon, welcome to The Scathing Atheist.

Hey, how's it going, man? Pretty good. Pretty damn good. So before we talk about the post or the band or anything like that, I want to talk about you a little bit. Were you raised in a religious family? I went to church as a family. My mom and dad would send me on a church bus, but they weren't really big fans of going themselves. So I think it wasn't, I didn't get baptized until I was 20. So most of my childhood was just on and off. So now, all the headlines that I'm seeing about your story say something along the lines of, like, lead singer of a Christian band comes out atheist.

Now, do you think it would have been appropriate before all this to classify the Order of Elijah as a Christian band? There was many times where we were. We did say that we were. We were signed to a Christian label for a few years, and we stepped away. This was before I had shed religion. A lot of these titles you're seeing on the articles, I mean, they are a little bit of clickbait, but, I mean, there's honesty in it. They're not lying. of clickbait, but I mean, there's honesty in it. They're not lying. It's just, it's a little bit of a more edgier thing to say, you know, Christian band singer says he's atheist.

And I've, people that have been following my personal page would have found it quite easy to realize what was going on probably about six months ago but this is i i mean a lot of credits going towards the god delusion and stuff i read that book like in august of last year so but whenever we first did this i told in an interview last year that we weren't a christian band we wanted to step away from that. But I didn't come out and say that I was an atheist. I wasn't ready to really tell people that. I really didn't know how people were going to, you know, and it would, the whole family and all that. And I just wanted to get us away from that. And I thought that would be good enough. That way there, I wouldn't

have to put everything out there. And, you know, you wouldn't believe it but christians are really picky about what they listen to as it turns out you know every time we would do anything that wasn't aligned with the christian belief so that we would start getting hammered to the wall uh we went through a short period where you know they were just just uh pretty much demanding a lot of answers. So that was kind of the result of why I typed up the whole thing on Facebook to let everyone know, I guess, the testimony. Gotcha. So now do you think like – I mean, is this going to cost you venues? Is this going to cost you fans?

Are you making a professional sacrifice by telling everybody about this? don't believe so at first i thought so you know i was staying really optimistic in the beginning i was just trying to let everyone know where we're uh i i remember i put up a meme um standing up for lgbt equality and uh that upset them and uh the response the the level of negativity i mean it i'll be honest it pissed me off and i so i just i was like well you want to see what we really think on a few other things so i was posting some just trivial stuff there for a while in between posting our music and it just it turned into havoc and i realized pretty quickly that they had a completely different assumption of what we were all about so I figured you know ever since then we've had a great response from the atheistic community honestly it's been it's been really really nice it's a breath of fresh

air and since I came out and I explained my whole situation. A lot of similar-minded people have hit me up, told me about their testimony. And so, I mean, I have really high hopes for our future. Right on, man, right on. Now, I wanted to circle back to this as well. You mentioned the God delusion as being very pivotal in sort of your deconversion, or at least in your coming out. Was there like a particular argument or anything like that that you remember from there that just really left you sitting down the book going, oh, holy shit? There was a couple different times. That was the first book I read.

At the time, I said I was agnostic. So it was just in the beginning of me slipping away. So I picked it up. He's so smart as far as biology goes. There's some parts that you have to bite through because he just goes right above your head. Then he'll wrap it up later on and you're like, oh, okay, I see what you're talking about. I would say one of the things that was really crazy is he was comparing a mosquito flying into a candle the same way that you would see the dudes flying a plane into a building and he said that the mosquito it uses the candle or the

sun a light as a compass to tell it where to go and when to go there and whenever you see a mosquito do this it looks as if the mosquito is killing itself committing suicide when really that's not what the mosquito believes it's doing it's actually just following its compass right and he explained you know he went into thorough detail uh comparing that to all of the misfires he said this is a misfire of evolution that including with all of the other atrocities that we see whether they're bombing abortion clinics or pushing a poor gay kid to suicide or something that these are misfires of their compass and boy that i i just looked back at my

life and i was like man like so many things that have misfired. So, I mean, that was one of the kind of analogies that really kind of stuck with me. Every time I watch something, I see that now. And I thought one of the things that really struck me about the post that you put on Facebook was where you talked about how, you know, once you sort of started to, you know, follow this godless path, you started to take a little bit more control of your own life, a little bit more responsibility for your own problems, rather than giving them up to God, giving them up to Jesus. Whereas I believe that most religious people think it goes the other way, right? Like the secular people have the problems that they solve when they come to Jesus.

Yeah. You know, I was part of a church for a long time. There's some really nice people in there but uh what i what i feel like they do is they they tend to get the people that are either socially awkward or they're just went through a traumatic experience something like that and the lash on and i think that it's it's just a it's just a rock that they throw towards secularism because I've met people that are secular that have gotten through traumatic events in their life better than I've met people that go through religion. Religion seems to be a lot of a temporary cure, too. People will go into it, and they'll start getting involved with the church. I've seen them come and go, and they'll be in there for, you know, a few months, boom, they're out doing their, their same old thing. And I think that,

uh, science and reality, whenever you, whenever you realize the psychology of what's wrong with you, why, why, why you're doing this? Why do you want this? Why do you want to consume whatever it is you're consuming that you shouldn't be? And you learn how to get to the origin and the problem of that. You have a much more intellectual way of being able to combat this problem whenever it comes back every time. And rather than, you know, like you said, giving it to God. And I don't know how many times I prayed to God to take away my drive for alcohol, you know. And there wasn't anything magical. It was just that I decided to go to college, and to me, and that suddenly meant more to me than the alcohol did.

So in the process, I had to learn how to kick it. Right, and with that realization that no one's coming to help, it definitely puts the onus a little bit more on you to do that. Your newest album is called God's Unwanted Children, is that correct? No, that's the name of a song on the album. Oh, my bad. The album's called War at Heart. But we have a new song coming out, which is off that album, and the name of that song is War at Heart.

So that's kind of confused here and there. But yeah, it was written literally in the transition of all of this happening. Oh, right on, right on. Awesome. And I've got to say, I'm very impressed with a lot of the wordsmithry in your lyrics. I don't know a hell of a lot about your genre, but it was definitely more lyrically dexterous than I was expecting out of the style. It was a very interesting listen. Oh, I'm sorry.

So I had the name of your album and the name of your tour switched up. What's the name of the tour? The name of the tour is God's Unwanted Tour. All right. That's what I heard. That was actually named by a fan. Oh, right on. Well, I'll tell you what.

All right, that's what I hear. That was actually named by a fan. Oh, right on. Well, you know, I'll tell you what. If you decide to follow this up with a very atheist-themed album, maybe the Unwanted Gods tour next time around. Tell you what, I got one last question, and this is a bit of a cheat of a question because I actually saw a post about it on your Facebook page,

so I already know the answer. But now that you've come out atheist, will the Order of Elijah change its name? No. Oh, no. That has been a demand. God damn, they want us to... We can't even claim the

name Elijah anymore. No, we're not going to change our name. If anything, we can be known as the guys that used to be Christian and now we're atheists for all I care. People want us to change names. the name of this

band is signed to a contract with Luxor Records, and we're proud to be with them. We're not going to change that or anything. I really liked your response on Facebook there. They're basically hey, you know what? The Christians already hijacked all the holidays and marriage and every other damn thing. Let us at least have

our name. Again, thanks again for your time, and of course, if anybody wants to hear more, we're going to have links to the Order of Elijah's Facebook page on the show notes for this episode, as well as a link to the write-up that Hemant Mehta did over at the Friendly Atheist blog, did a really good blog post about this. Shannon, thanks again for your time. All right, I sure appreciate it. It's time for the part of the show that comes next, listener feedback.

This is the part of the show that reminds you it's probably time to queue up your next podcast. Our first message comes from Ryan Shadyak on Twitter. He tweets, quote, You're not examining the Koran right, and you're leaving yourselves open to serious and valid criticism from fellow atheists. The Quran can be translated, but it's more important to read and study the tafsirs, explanations, and the consensus of the jurists. End quote. Interesting use of the word important there. I'm not sure if that word means what Ryan thinks it means. Unless, of course, he's trying to underscore the extent to which all things are more important than reading the Quran.

Nothing like the perfect word of God to show you how you can't just read it. You need a bunch of people to reinterpret it and have a jury mean something totally different. Yeah, exactly. Most books about real things, you can just read them. The other books on the subject are mostly like, yeah, that's pretty much how evolution works. Right. Now, for whatever it's worth, I think I hashed out our differences on Twitter with Ryan. But the key here is that we're not trying to understand the Quran so much as make dick jokes about it. That being said, I'm sure eventually we'll read all that other bullshit, too.

Can't wait to misunderstand that as well. Yeah. Right. Okay. I also received several tweets, messages, emails, carrier pigeons, etc. from folks who wanted to let me know that I mispronounced the word chimera. Again, I pronounced it chimera. So, again, that word is pronounced chimera.

No. Chimera. No. Chim, chiminy, chim, chimera. So again, that word is pronounced chimera. Chimera. No. Chim, chiminy, chim, chiminy, chim, chim, chimera. So close. Used in a sentence, this nuclear explosion has created a chimera. As soon as we got done recording, Heath and I stepped out to catch a smoke. I says, do you want to tell them it's Chimera?

No, no. And why did we not tell them? Well, for the answer to that question, just recall all of the tweet at no illusions jokes over the last several weeks. Oh, I get it. Prank war. I could not think of a person I want less to think they're in a prank war. Yeah, right.

No, no prank war. It's going to poison a well or something. Prank war. a prank war. Yeah, right. No prank war. He's going to poison a well or something. Prank war. No prank war. And finally, we got a couple messages from people pointing out that Eli said anagram when he meant acronym on last week's 30 Seconds bit, and apparently several people tried to rearrange the letters of whipping on really delicate sun before realizing Eli had made said error.

So just so that their time wasn't completely wasted, I want to share a few possible anagrams that Michael sent us for that. Why rape illogical penis tendon? Wait, like he's asking the illogical penis tendon? Yes, exactly. Why it would rape. Why illogical penis tendon? Why?

Also, he had dingo antelope phallic winery. Sounds delicious. And also, this was my favorite. Pow! Agile Rapist lynched online. The Eli Bosnick story. So if you think about it, I made the show better. That's all I'm saying. You did good.

You helped. And that's all the feedback you get. If you want more, keep sending us those emails tweets and facebook messages you'll find all the contact info on the contact page at skatingatheist.com before we fly the coop tonight i want to remind everybody that tickets are still available for I'm going to be back in 10,022 minutes with more if you can't wait that long be on the lookout for a new episode of our sister show's hot friend god awful movies debuting at 8 a.m eastern on tuesday starting our mormon movie month over there and we're doing it with a goddamn musical hooray obviously i'd be in dereliction of

duty if i didn't thank the brains of the operation heath enright the heart of the operation lucinda illusions and the spleen of the operation eli bosnick i also want to thank michael marshall and the merseyside skeptics for helping us out so much with the skit this week incidentally if you want to hear that full episode of be reasonable we'll have it linked on the show notes i also want to thank shannon lowe from the order of elijah one more time for hanging out tonight again you'll find links to his band's facebook page on the show notes as well also need to thank adam for providing this week's surprise crossover farnsworth quote but most of all of course i need to thank this week's hottest humanoids rumory jordan emily jack suzanne john jennifer ashley dan jody amy amanda thomas rick garrett surprise crossover Farnsworth quote. But most of all, of course, I need to thank this week's hottest humanoids, Rue Marie, Jordan, Emily, Jack, Suzanne, John, Jennifer, Aisling, Dan, Jody,

Amy, Amanda, Thomas, Rick, Garrett, Patrick, Maureen, Katya, Faye, and Joe. Rue Marie, Jordan, Emily, Jack, and Suzanne, whose intellects are so impressive, Cerebro uses them. John, Jennifer, Aisling, Dan, and Jody, whose genitals are so superior, Bruce wrote four volumes about them. Amy, Amanda, Thomas, Rick, and Garrett, whose generosity is so legendary, Bill Gates donates the stuff just to hang out with them. And Patrick, Maureen, Katya, Faye, and Joe, whose neuronal pathways just added high-speed rail.

Together, this score of adorable moralists ensure an encore of our sophomoric abhorrence of the deplorable horror of faith this week by giving us money. Not everybody has the money to give us money, but if you do, you can, and we'd appreciate it. You can do so by making a per-episode donation at patreon.com slash scathingatheist, whereby you'll earn early access to an extended edition of every episode or you can make a one-time donation by clicking on the donate button on the right side of our home page and if you'd like to help with the moths in your wallet put out that do not disturb sign again you can also help us a ton by leaving a five-star review on itunes stitcher or your

podcast rating vehicle of choice and you can also find little nuggets of bonus scatheism by liking us on facebook following us on twitter and subscribing to us on youtube if you have questions comments or death threats you'll find all the contact info on the contact page at ScathingAtheist.com. Portions of today's show were originally aired on Be Reasonable, a production of Merseyside Skeptics, and were replayed here with permission. All the music that was used in this episode was written and performed by yours truly, and yes, I had

my permission as well. I just came from the other room and a little winded. Just a second. There was, uh... There were no steps. I... We have a one-story house.