The Scathing Atheist - ScathingAtheist 173: Comfort Food Edition

Episode Date: June 9, 2016

In this week’s episode, we mourn the miserable failure that was a 7,000 person march on Washington, an African pastor takes a page out of the Matthew Broderick playbook, and we’ll get an all too infrequent chance to make fun of Buddhists. Click Here to make a per episode donation at Patreon.com Click Here to buy our book. Click Here to check out The Skepticrat. Click Here to check out God Awful Movies. Headlines: Catholic church lobbied against child protection billhttp://www.patheos.com/blogs/friendlyatheist/2016/06/01/the-catholic-church-in-new-york-state-paid-lobbyists-a-fortune-to-quash-anti-child-sex-bill/ Texas County loses $22,000 in settlement over crosses on their police cars: http://www.patheos.com/blogs/friendlyatheist/2016/06/07/texas-county-with-crosses-on-police-cars-will-pay-atheist-group-more-than-22000-in-settlement/ God’s Not Dead producers face $100m copyright suit: http://www.hollywoodreporter.com/thr-esq/gods-not-dead-producers-facing-900029 AFA: Why fund AIDS research when you can just tell gays to stop buttfucking? http://www.rightwingwatch.org/content/afa-don-t-fund-hivaids-research-just-tell-gay-people-stop-doing-what-you-re-doing Christian prophet drives car over followers to prove God: http://www.patheos.com/blogs/friendlyatheist/2016/06/06/christian-prophet-drives-his-car-over-disciples-to-prove-the-power-of-god/ HEY! Buddhists sued some people for blasphemy. Finally Yeah! http://www.patheos.com/blogs/friendlyatheist/2016/06/04/party-organizers-in-thailand-get-sued-by-shady-buddhist-sect-over-alleged-blasphemy/ Rabbi forbids girls from riding bikes because it’s too provocative: http://www.patheos.com/blogs/progressivesecularhumanist/2016/06/rabbi-bans-females-from-riding-bikes-because-its-provocative/ NYT calls out public pool for “ladies only” jewish hour: http://www.patheos.com/blogs/friendlyatheist/2016/06/02/times-editorial-board-calls-exclusive-pool-hours-for-women-capitulation-to-a-theocratic-view/ Turkish president says family planning is like treason: http://www.patheos.com/blogs/friendlyatheist/2016/05/31/turkish-president-urges-muslims-to-ditch-birth-control-says-family-planning-is-like-treason/

Warning, the following podcast contains explicit language, and even if it didn't, it would still be offensive as fuck. This week's episode of The Scathing Atheist is brought to you by Halal's Angels, the world's number one legitimate business biker gang for Muslims. Halal's Angels. We ride jihad, and during Ramadan, we ride fast. Ting. Fasting.

And now, the scathing atheist. We did not evolve from monkeys. We did evolve from monkeys. We did evolve from monkeys. It's Thursday. It's June 9th. And Ray Comfort tasted like a kangaroo's ball. No illusions.

I'm Eli Bosnick. I'm Heath Enright. And from New York, New York, and Valdosta, Georgia, this is The Scathing Atheist. On this week's episode, we mourn the miserable failure that was 7,000 people marching on Washington. An African pastor takes a page out of the Matthew Broderick playbook. And we'll get an all-too-infrequent chance to make fun of Buddhists. But first, the diatribe. I'd already had a hell of a good day, and I was about to have a hell of a good night, and the only thing standing between them was a two-mile trek across the National Mall to my hotel room for a shower and a buzz, because holy fuck is Washington, D.C. sultry this time of year.

So there I am, rivers of sweat running off my tits, pit stains joining in the middle of my shirt, keenly aware that the Washington Monument isn't even quite the halfway mark when I come across some 16-year-old Christian kid with a megaphone. Now, this is nowhere near the first Christian protester I stumbled across at Reason Rally. Hell, Eli and I had spent the better part of the afternoon tracking down Christians to troll, and you'll be hearing audio evidence of those adventures throughout today's show. But this dude was both the youngest and the angriest, so even though I could have probably filled a stein by wringing out my shirt, I stopped for a few minutes to observe.

So here's his angle. He's got a little megaphone and he's screaming into it like he doesn't know that it already amplifies his voice, and he pauses only when his lung capacity demands it. He's condemning everybody who walks by him as an evil sinner, even though he's like a full mile away from the epicenter of the rally. And at least half of the passersby are just random tourists that have no idea that atheists are afoot. So he's barking shit about how we all know our lifestyle is sinful and evil.

And when we spend eternity burning in hell, it's going to be all our fault. A couple women walk by, he declares them lesbians, and starts going off on the evils of gay marriage. I mean, the odds that these two women were lovers is vanishingly small, but they seem pretty amused by it. So when they refuse to take him seriously, his eyes fall on me. Now, I'm alone, so apparently he can't accuse me of faggery, so instead he calls me a masturbator. And as you might imagine, so instead he calls me a masturbator and as you might imagine my laughter temporarily drowned out his megaphone a filthy masturbator he says as though those are fighting words or whatever and i nod because i am in fact a filthy masturbator i had masturbated as recently as that morning which is at least part of the reason i felt no need to wander the streets of dc screaming at strangers

about what they did with their dicks now i couldn I couldn't out yell him, but I could certainly sign to him. So I do my best charade of, yes, I love to masturbate. You can probably imagine what that looks like. And this got him even angrier. So he starts firing off every effort and insult that he's gotten, his quiver, and he's missing like he's a fucking stormtrooper. He calls me a pervert, a fornicator, a sodomite, and an abomination. I'm like, eh, he's four out of five here, and yet I remain frustratingly uninsulted. So I'm just nodding along to his tirade. He calls me a fag lover. Again, it's a badge I wear proudly, even if that's not the way I'd phrase it.

And by now, a couple of other rally goers have stopped to watch this, right? And I can see he's getting angrier and angrier as each new aspersion elicited even more robust rounds of laughter from the peanut gallery. A minute later, an actual gay couple shows up and he turns his attention to them. And in possibly the single greatest moment I have ever been witness to, these two dudes responded with a prolonged, passionate kiss that included a little hand-on-ass action. I mean, they may not even have been gay. I'm pretty sure I had a French kiss to do in that moment just to see the look on that kid's face.

It was glorious. I mean, if he was any more turned on by this site, we could have played ring toss. But when he managed to gather his wits, he redoubled his fulmination, except this time his pitch is about two octaves higher, and he starts going off again. Of course, in the moment, this is all fucking hilarious, right? A random stranger had, after all, just called me a masturbator. But if I was a better person, it wouldn't have taken me so long to feel sorry for the kid. You know, he almost certainly had some gay tendencies that he was being told were evil thoughts the devil was implanting in his brain, so his defense mechanism was to scream himself

hoarse in the miserable humidity of a summer afternoon in D.C. When I was his age, I spent my Saturday afternoons smoking weed out of makeshift bongs and pretending our band didn't suck. But if I'd popped out of a less opportune vagina, I probably would have been doing the same fucking thing. I mean, I'd laughed at the kid. I mean, how could you not? But he was very clearly the exact victim that we're in this thing to help. Of course, I took comfort in the fact that I'd spent most of the day

talking with this same kid at different points in his life. I mean, I'd met him 10 years later and 20 years later and 30 years later. And by then, he was an avid fan of the show. He was a passionate atheist motivated, no doubt, by all the fucked up stuff his church had shoved into his head. And as I mulled this over, the pity that had replaced the anger found a new target. I mean, sure, I still felt sorry for the kid. But even more than that, I felt sorry for the people that convinced him to be there in the first place because statistically speaking he's almost certain to wake up one day and realize that it's all bullshit and that he was used by a heartless church leader that had no qualms about demonizing a child and then sending that same child out to

do the dirty work they weren't willing to do themselves because based on the conversations I'd been having with listeners the best formula for making a dedicated atheist is a strict religious upbringing you know it's impossible to imagine that he didn't go home with an itch in his mind I'd been having with listeners, the best formula for making a dedicated atheist is a strict religious upbringing. It's impossible to imagine that he didn't go home with an itch in his mind about how all the people he was condemning seemed to be having a lot more fun with life than him. A life where you can touch your dick and not have to apologize to any ghosts about it. A life where you can be gay and the people around you don't hate you because of it. You know, I don't know.

Maybe that's just wishful thinking, but I can say for certain that he learned that there is a life without a fear of it. You know, I don't know. Maybe that's just wishful thinking, but I can say for certain that he learned that there is a life without a fear of hell. And I'm pretty sure that that's atheism's strongest selling point. Can I ask you a couple of questions? Fantastic. Have you ever read the Bible? I have. Okay, fantastic. I have a couple of questions about the Bible. Are you ready? Is the Bible the perfect word of God? It is. Are bats birds? It is. Are bats birds? Bat birds?

I'm not sure. Okay, the Bible says bats are birds. Well, I don't know that. Okay, is the smallest seed in the world a mustard seed? I'll give you a hint. Well, the Bible says it's the smallest seed. There is no smaller moat. So, is a mustard seed the smallest seed. The smallest seed. There is no smaller moat. So, is a mustard seed the smallest seed in the world? Scientifically, I have to check that out.

Okay, it's not. Not even close. There's like tiny fucking seeds, dude. I haven't seen a mustard seed in my life, so. You should check them out. They're at the grocery store. They go bad. It's rough how large they are.

Like, they're pea-sized. They're not even small store. They go bad. It's rough how large they are. Like, they're pea-sized. They're not even small. All right, sorry. Moving on. Okay. If a gay guy rapes another dude and then pays his dad 50 shekels, should they be able to get married? No, no.

The word of God says it's a marriage between a man and a woman. They're talking about you, Jesus. We interrupt this broadcast to bring you a special news bulletin. Joining me for headlines tonight are the Han Solo and Chewbacca of secularism, Heath Enright and Eli Bosnick. Fellas, are you ready to travel through the atheist galaxy at the speed of distance units? We're all the way cranked up, but the speed's set to ludicrous distance. These ones go to 12 parsecs. All the way cranked up, but the speed's set to ludicrous distance. These ones go to 12 parsecs all the way up.

Oh, well done, sir. Indeed. You sounded like a Spanish man. Yours was bad. In our lead story tonight, according to a recent expose in the Daily News, the New York branch of the Vatican's multinational pedophile import-export business spent over $2.1 million since 2007 on independent lobbyists with the intention of blocking new legislation in the state that would make it easier for victims of sexual abuse to pursue legal action against their attackers because they want to maintain the integrity of the rape conviction, I guess. Right.

The Hall of Fame. Very important. So that's what Pete Rose was betting on. One with the long hair. He's begging for it. I'll give you two to one. What's the spread? It gives all new meaning to the term over under

and uh against all odds it's actually worse than it sounds it is it is really really is the church i'm ready they're not claiming that rape victims are lying well well they are doing that in court but that's not a topic of this particular story in terms of the lobbyist thing they're saying uh yeah we totally raped those kids. But that was like years ago. So too late. You bring up old shit like that. So basically, they want it to be like the teacher late for class rule.

Apparently, rape victim doesn't show up in court within five minutes. Then it was consensual and everybody goes home. And I guess everyone in that kindergarten class gets a 4.0 for the semester. Unless the priest was black. Look, rape is a terrible thing. But as you can see, I'm touching the car now and the car is safe. So I don't know. Just to be clear, an enormous organization with huge amounts of untaxed property is spending money on preventing rape victims from seeking justice. This part should be obvious, but I really don't think it is to millions of people.

What I just said means the taxpayers of New York are providing a public subsidy for getting away with rape. We're literally spending tax dollars on silencing victims of sexual assault. That we are. Okay. Wait, wait, wait. Bright side, though, that is money well spent. Like, we know that we're silencing the fuck out of some rape victims. Like, more tax dollars at work.

I'm just trying to be positive. I'm putting a positive. No, no. I get it. I get it. I just kind of wish they'd swap the guy who worked in the child rape protection department with the one who's in charge of that Second Avenue subway line, right? A hundred years from now, they'd partially protect eight priests or something.

That would be great. Okay. So we got this one guy, and we're probably going to protect him in 2024. But in the meantime, we need to shut down 87 churches. I'm in. I'm in. So, yeah, one other detail worth noting here, that $2.1 million does not include their in-house rapist protection lobbying team, which they have.

Oh, for fuck's sake. And that makes the expenditure even larger. And we'd know exactly how much larger if churches were required to have transparent finances like all the other tax exempt charities. But they are not required to do that. And they're probably determined to keep it that way because the pie chart for their budget, I imagine, looks like Pac-Man with the words rape stuff written on his face. Fun fact, Pac-Man with the words rape stuff written on his face most of my tumblr page most just you gotta scroll and scroll rape stuff in his mouth yeah and in brewster's thousands news tonight brewster county sheriff and man who clearly doesn't take

his cowboy hat off the shower or fuck ronnie dodson made it clear that his christian faith is worth at least 22 000 to him provided it's somebody else's money. This revelation comes in response to a recent legal settlement that sacrificed $20,000 worth of taxpayer money to the coffers of the FFRF because Dodson was too much of an asshole to take the Christian decals off of his sheriff's cars without being sued into it. Look, if a man doesn't draw a line at a bumper sticker, where does he draw a line? I don't know, man. Anywhere else? Like literally? Pick a place.

Anywhere. Yeah, I think we should be using cases like this as a test, you know? Like, we give them the choice of penalties. Either you take down the stickers and pay the fine, or the department has to display Muslim stuff or satanic stuff on the cars from the, you know, to even out the magic. It'd be fair here's your hufflepuff sticker and as much of a jackass as this uh sheriff dodson is i want to say that at least a healthy share of the blame on this one needs to fall squarely on the shoulders of

texas ag ken paxton who recently supplanted bill to become the world's most annoying paxton as this guy like literally encouraged the sheriff to continue to break the law after the ffrf sent him a letter for warning of this pending legal action yeah paxton always looks like he's just finished saying i'm a naughty boy god it looks like harvey dent got half stoned like the left half got stoned right he looks like the oompa loompas union representative we only want to sing when one out of four kids dies so now paxton originally responded to this initial request from the ffrf by arguing that crosses aren't actually symbols of christianity so much as symbols of sacrifice and since police

officers make sacrifices it's all constitutional unfortunately for paxton the ffrf is not made up of rejected yokel characters from green acres and thus they recognized that this response it was just a fetid accumulation of monkey shit rather than a legal argument yeah seriously why don't you just like put a donut under a box when the FRF came by to try and pull a string out. Oh, this? This is a T for time to be a cop. What? What? So after months of inaction on the part of the Sheriff's Department, the FRF filed suit in March, and because Paxton's initial defense was only there for his future gubernatorial ads or whatever and did not represent a sound legal argument, the county was quick to offer

a generous settlement that included taking the fucking cross stickers off the government-owned vehicles. The county will also pay a little over $22,000 in legal fees and court costs with an additional buck apiece to the two atheist plaintiffs that initiated the suit. I knew they were in it for the money. God's Not Dead 2 was right all along. It's what we are. That is what we are. So was it those money-grubbing whores Nick Morganmore and Callie Wright then?

Oh, God. Damn it. I knew it. She didn't do the Black Widow takedown on Ray Comfort. I'm mad at her. Shit. You got the picture. If you picture it, it's the best thing you'll ever think.

It's the best. You can be at your dad's funeral and you'll have a chuckle. And in fraud's not dead news tonight, according to The Hollywood Reporter and every tweet I've gotten in the last 24 hours, the producers of my single favorite thing ever put on film, God's Not Dead, are being sued for basing their story that never happened on someone else's story that never happened. Sounds about right. happened. Sounds about right.

According to the article, screenwriter Kelly Kahlberg, who already sounds like a badly named Christian movie character, claims she developed a screenplay based on her autobiography and the producers of God's Not Dead stole her idea. I see. Yeah, I don't think going to college and being told by smart people that religion is silly, I don't think that counts as anyone's novel idea that's just right that's just college like nobody gets credit for that story wait you're saying my new screenplay i tried pot isn't gonna go over super well god damn it all right so according to the complaint quote the film and kahlberg story both depict a young college student who has to confront a popular and charming atheist professor in three debates,

who struggles in the first debate but succeeds in the next two after encouragement from supporting characters, including an unmarried local pastor, a rural married couple, the atheist professor's wife, who is also the professor's former student, a lapsed Christian who questions her own beliefs and observances, an international student ally, and manages to persuade many others, including the professor, that God does exist, end quote. Uh-huh. Okay, again, this isn't original material. Every pseudo-intellectual Christian college student in history has probably had the exact same wet dream many times.

And I'm sorry, but an unmarried local pastor, like if it had been a married one from a couple of towns away, they would have said, oh, fuck it. No, we got no suits. Also, her other car is a Porsche and she just didn't bring it because it's in the shop because she did some Tokyo drifting last night with her dad, James Spader. This is supposed to be Harvard. I did a quick Google of good news. Atheist professor hit by car and dies, but nothing came up. I guess I'm not going to buy this one. Well, and I want to point out that the worst thing about this is that this is not the first

time this has happened, right? There was a similar lawsuit from two different Christian screenwriters that sued him for almost exactly the same thing almost exactly a year ago, claiming that they stole the idea from their Christian movie called Proof. So while all my instincts tell me both lawsuits are complete bullshit, it's an interesting window into just how little Christian filmmakers have to say, this is a terrible idea for a movie, and at least three different writing teams are fighting over who got there first no i wrote sandlot 3 return to the ooze no okay that was really good so so pureflix has yet to respond to the suit i assume because they don't know any lawyers they haven't screamed jewette but more importantly her stupid book is a real thing and it's a penny on amazon so i bought it and i'm gonna read it and i'm gonna report back as soon as i have awesome awesome sounds great and in ass holistic medicine news following president obama's announcement declaring june 2016 as lgbt pride month the american Association, or AFA, released a response

video explaining that they're not mad, they're just disappointed and concerned. In particular, they scolded Obama for suggesting that our country has, quote, worked to strengthen our national HIV AIDS strategy to reduce new infections, increase access to care, and improve health outcomes for people living with HIV, end quote. So they had a problem with the statement I just read. A problem with that. No, I understand because if the HIV AIDS reduction isn't bottled up in San Francisco, next thing you know, your whopper in Des Moines, Iowa is going to be butt-fucking the large fries. That's just how this shit works, as we know.

That, by the way, everybody, was a butt-fucking burger arbitrage joke. Well played, sir. Very rare. It was my first. I just, I want to be in that meeting so badly, just like, okay, guys, just to be clear, we're sending out a press release that says we're pro-people

getting AIDS. Okay, I just don't want to press send until we've all heard a press release that says we're pro people getting AIDS. Okay, I just don't want to press send until we've all heard those words. Because 3, 2, 1. No objections here. Okay. So the AFA, they decided to dance back with a video that features three overweight men who look like part of a newsboys cover band. men who look like part of a newsboys cover band explaining that we shouldn't be worried about equal rights for the lgbt community because here in 2016 christians are the only people facing discrimination from employers oh i see that's what's happening yeah i mean look at us we haven't hired any christians checkmate us now they also pointed out that being gay is just like consuming too much sugar or smoking

cigarettes what and just so you don't think i'm exaggerating here's the exact words from afa president tom wildman quote it's very provable it's very provable, it's very provable that engaging in homosexual activity is dangerous to your health. In the same way that smoking is. What? Or too much sugar. Okay. End quote. So, assuming he proved this by sucking 20 dicks a day for a while and found it to be very satisfying, but, you know, somewhat unhealthy.

Right, in the long term. satisfying but you know somewhat unhealthy right in the long term can we take a moment just to point out that a man who looks like bending down to pick up a twizzler would blow his heart up probably shouldn't be talking about what is and is not healthy really i'm concerned for the health of others now if you'll excuse me i'm gonna sound the hole in my dick with a sour straw so a quick summary the afa thinks it's wasteful to spend money treating aids patients because we should really be telling everyone to just stop gaying so much you know for the same reason we let people with lung cancer and diabetes just die without precisely we shouldn't have been smoking that whole time. And in cooperative drive-by news tonight, self-described prophet and overpaid bad magician Penwell Nguni

of the End Times Ministries in South Africa reminded us last week that all the best Christian crazy comes out of Africa when he demonstrated the power of God by driving his car over two of his disciples. I'm a hundred percent in. Penisuts linguine is my favorite. I'm not surprised. Me too, but next time I'm lady you're the tramp, I call it. Now, this feat which can be accomplished either by invoking the unlimited powers of the almighty or by

wearing a few extra layers of clothes and using a tiny car or a big car with extra weight on one side, was only the first in a series of godly demonstrations that also included linking two seemingly solid rings and determining that it was a black card when there's no way he could have known that seriously okay don't know why i use those second two examples because they're awesome weren't you not also not thinking of a red card i was not not also not and i do have dirty ears that's i mean he just ran over my face with

a car but dirty ears and was not not amazing now i i think it's worth pointing out that the car he was using probably weighs in at about 2200 pounds or about a thousand kilos three quarters of which are being supported by the tires that aren't on the people so we're talking about withstanding about a quarter of a ton for about four seconds. This is basically the equivalent of having a fat guy roll over top of you. The Anna Bosnick story. Well, actually, from his perspective, it's more like the Eli Bosnick story

because he was just driving the fucking car. He didn't even get run over. The Ted Kennedy story. Well done, sir. It's also probably worth noting that if accomplishing such feats makes this guy a prophet, I feel like the dude who drove that steamroller over Criss Angel should at least get to be a messiah. At least.

Only if he succeeded in killing him. Amen, brother. All that being said, I do think this represents an important step forward for Nguni, as this is one of the least insane things he's ever asked of his parishioners, apparently. You may recall the prophet Penwell from episode 127 when he made the news by encouraging his congregation to eat live snakes. Wait, wait, wait. Are we sure this isn't the bad guy from Temple of Doom?

Not at all. How sure? Not at all. Did the Temple of Doom guy eat an infinite scarf, too? I think that was part of his thing. No, but he did fool them into thinking that those snakes were going to be peanut brittle, so it's basically the same. Of course, the snake thing was just a follow-up to his much-maligned practice of making his

followers consume strips of cloth, human hair, and motor oil. Now, of course, this leads to the obvious question, which I'm going to hear directed Eli. Is motor oil vegan? I mean, because technically it comes from dinosaurs and shit, but they were already dead. It better be. We have an entire bucket of Jim Backer shit to eat, and that is the first listed ingredient.

It's in bold. Lots of tiny print underneath it. And in Buddhist me news tonight. Okay, little pop quiz for you. Organizers of a music, dance, and cosplay event in Bangkok came under fire and were threatened with legal action for blasphemy this week. Take a guess which religion was pursuing the suit. The Buddhists. Yo, fuck you.

You read it. So what I have written is wrong, I'm afraid, because you're supposed to say Muslims. You're supposed to say muslims okay so it turns out the rave company named trasher insulted the damakaya movement with a stage show that included satirical photoshopped images of the leader and headquarters as well as dancers dressed as damakaya monks which sounds kind of awesome to me just saying like if i someone at a scathing atheist theme party and everyone, like, grew their hair out really long, gained 50

pound, and acted like they were on a beach all the time, we'd be flattered, right? We'd be mad. Quick question before we move on. Eli, when you say that I seem to be on a beach all the time, do you mean the way I try to use, like, arm posture tricks to minimize the overhang of my moobs, but it doesn't really work?

Because I'm pretty good at that, but not always. You've got to be in your presence to notice it. But if you look at the three of us and you go, one of us just realized they're on a beach, it's you. You just always look around and you're like, fuck, what is it? Beach ball? All right. All right.

All right. At any moment, you could say the words, all right. All right, all right, all right. Exactly. So according to the article and what I read on Wikipedia, which sounds like it was written by the founder's mom, this is Buddhism with crazy on top. And it's basically that in Buddhism, you believe that when you meditate for long enough, you have a sense of non-self. But the Dhammakayas believe that you realize your true self. But the way that seems to play out more literally is pushing people and their members really hard to give all their money to the leader, Damakaiyo.

Ah, I see. And he's currently supposed to be under arrest for embezzling what is believed to be millions of baht in funds because this is the best part as they were threatening this lawsuit their headquarters was under siege by law enforcement and their leader was wanted on the embezzlement charges like literal siege and they still are they're still locked inside their compound which means somebody walked up and then when they hey guys i hate to bring this up but with the state police surrounding the building and trying to starve us out over all this fraud and embezzlement, but these guys at this rave are ruining our reputation. Can we do something about that? Take care of this?

Priorities. Can we do a subpoena with one of the commandos or something? Paper airplane it. Paper airplane. Exactly. Throw back one of the smoke bombs with this. Throw back one of the smoke bombs with this. So, Dhammakaya, again, and his followers are literally blockaded inside the headquarters and are currently, just to emphasize again, in Buddhist Waco standoff with the Thai government.

So, there you go. Some international crazy for you. Yeah, there you go. And while I quickly calculate the cost of mailing bags of gummy dicks to Thailand, we're going to pause for a quick break and hand things over to my lovely wife, Lucinda. A man wrote the Bible. A horse was smart. If it's a legitimate race.

If it's a slut, right? Cooking can be fun. Hey, I'm proud of a man. This Week in Misogyny. Do you want to know why I started this segment? The reason might surprise you. Believe it or not, it's not because I like people sending me hate tweets or mean emails. It's because of the conversations I had

with Christian women that went a little something like this. I'm not sure if I believe in God, but. And that but was always followed by, I met my husband at church, or it's good for our family, or the church does so much for women, or Eli Bosnick is an atheist and I can't be a part of any group that would let him in. And while I guess I get that last one, the other ones make me want to rip somebody's fucking skull open and forcibly stuff some common fucking sense in there. So I started this part of the show and every week without fail, I provide story after story, example after example, that religion hurts women. And that's what we're generally after.

Stories that show religion rear its ugly head and turn against an entire gender. But this week, I have no choice about which story I'm going to cover. And to be honest, I don't want to talk about the Stanford rapist swimmer. I want this week to be another priest saying that sticky Kleenex are the next Auschwitz or a Muslim cleric saying it's okay to hit your wife if there's a towel wrapped around your eyes. I want an example number 9,462 that religion hurts women. But I can't. Because this week, Brock Turner was convicted of rape.

He was convicted beyond a reasonable doubt of forcing a blacked-out drunk woman into an alley and raping her with his fingers and a foreign object. And as I'm sure you know by now, as punishment for this crime, he'll be serving a measly six months in county jail. And by all the estimations I've seen, he'll probably only serve three months for rape. And I am at a fucking loss for words here. And I should talk about the letter Turner's childhood friend wrote, in which she said, quote, where do we draw the line and stop worrying about being politically correct every second of the day and see that rape on campus isn't always because people are rapist. Okay, I'm sorry. I'm sorry. One second here. Yes, you stupid bitch. That's exactly why rape happens because people are fucking rapist. There's murder because people are murderers and rape because

people are rapist. You fucking cunt crumb. I should reach into your vag and hang you by your fallopian tombs like the traitor that you really are to all women. Okay. I'm sorry. I'm back now. And like I was saying, I should talk about those things, but I'm not going to because I kind of feel like I need to focus in on the other letter that the rapist's father wrote,

which was all about how the real villain here was alcohol rather than his son, you know, the rapist. Now, I would just read it to you, but it would probably piss you off as much as it pissed me off, and this is supposed to be a happy show. Of course, I also want you to know what was in it. So as a compromise, I turned to Eli and asked him to paraphrase the letter. So while this isn't exactly a quote,

I think it's fair to say that the letter more or less went a little something like this. Dear your highness, I want to tell you about my son. He's a rapist. Shit, gave that up too soon. Let me start over. Okay. I want to tell you about my son. Like many teens, he got a little crazy and made a mistake. He had one too many and raped somebody. Happens to the best of us. That's the old saying, right? One tequila, two tequila, three tequila, rape somebody. Now, I'm not saying he shouldn't be punished, but that's exactly what I'm saying. He used to eat like a horse. Ever since he raped that unconscious girl, I shit you not, he has virtually no appetite. What the fuck happened to the Eighth Amendment, am I right? Any whoosel bees, he's sorry. So sorry. And he'd like to go

around to high schools and warn them about the dangers of drinking culture Which again, I can't emphasize enough In my mind, means you drink so much You rape somebody But I'm giving away all the good stuff from the PowerPoint he has planned 20 minutes of raping somebody Isn't worth a lifetime of punishment Which is why we only convict people

Who take a long time to murder other people And steal things Love an asshole. And with a promise to do my best to talk about Muslim clerics declaring ovaries to be enemies of the state next week, I'll hand things back over to Noah, Heath, and Eli. There are very good explanations. In fact, I've heard one and I can't remember it.

But there are other explanations. Okay, King James, Deuteronomy 2229. The man who raped her must give the young woman's father 50 silver shekels, and she must become his wife because he violated her. He cannot divorce her as long as he lives. That's Deuteronomy 2229. That's the word of God. So here's my question.

If I rape someone here today, which I'm planning to, I cannot emphasize that enough, and I give their dad 50 shekels. Now, I don't know shekel to English dollar conversion. I'm going to be honest with you. I'm an to. I cannot emphasize that enough. And I give their dad 50 shekels. Now, I don't know shekel to English dollar conversion. I'm going to be honest with you. I'm an interlocutor, interlocutor, and I'm a chimera.

Thank you, Lucinda. And in BMXXX news tonight, an ultra-Orthodox rabbi in the Jerusalem neighborhood of Nalot was apparently sick and tired of the Muslims getting all the good misogyny press and set about correcting that disparity by declaring earlier this week that women and girls above the age of five are no longer allowed to ride bicycles since doing so forces them to sit in a way that could be provocative. That's right. A grown man said publicly that six-year-old girls on bikes turn

him on without crediting me, without crediting. Oh, wait. Sorry. That wasn't the story. Go ahead. And he assumed that that represented a problem with the six-year-old girls. Their fault. Because if they didn't want pedophiled, they shouldn't have worn such salacious pull-ups. Yeah, and they should have been riding side saddle when they passed all those pedophiles. Yeah, exactly. Oh, God. Pedophiles.

Pedal. Also, you got Pedal files. Pedal. Also, you got to think, this had to be caused by something, right? Like this guy was walking around and some kid rode by on a bike and he was like, fuck, there goes my whole day. I'm going to sit down. I'm going to sit down. Everyone's going to see it. I'm dressed like Voldemort over here.

Also, I think this is at least somewhat offensive to five-year-old girls. I mean, in what sense are they not sexy? That's just ageist. Whatever. Wow, this just gets worse and worse. I'm hesitating to even continue. I'm going to wrap the story there. No, okay, so this ruling or whatever was distributed throughout Haredi synagogues last week.

And for what it's worth, even many within the ultra-Orthodox Haredi community pushed back on this declaration with paraphrases of, what, are we Muslims over here? According to a dissenter quoted anonymously on IsraelisNationalNews.com, men should, quote, guard their own eyes instead of issuing bizarre edicts, end quote. And that's still wrong. I mean, that's still not it. Yeah, men should just not be turned on by prepubescent girls and look wherever the fuck they want but it is a step in the right direction yeah compliment sandwich look if you're turned on by kids that's totally fine but don't put it on the kids you know you know they should be able to wear whatever they want whatever they want close the story close the story it's me next and in jew peed in the pool news tonight new york city center of the universe and home of actual pizza has a peculiar relationship with

religious assholery and has for a while in the same week as officially releasing ads on the trains and buses supporting trans new yorkers choice of bathroom, the New York Times reported on some political backlash over gender-segregated swimming pool hours. What? Yeah, I mean, this kind of makes sense. I mean, women are filthy, but isn't that the whole point of the chlorine to replace the, like, banishing yurt for menstruation? I thought we were past this. to replace the banishing yurt for menstruation? I thought we were past this.

Yeah, so apparently, since the mid-90s, four times a week, a public pool at Bedford Avenue in Brooklyn has had alternating male-only and female-only swimming hours. And just this year, people seem to realize, hey, that's totally illegal. Can't do that. Nope. Well, and then on top of that, it brings up all kinds of weird legal questions about when the trans people can pee in which pool.

It's a huge can of worms you don't want to open there. Exactly. So in case you weren't already clued in when I said New York City or more accurately Brooklyn, the unofficial rules were put in place at the behest of the local Orthodox Jewish community because men and women are separated in judaism because reasons yeah i feel like the whole problem could be solved by just you know always having a no ejaculating policy like like even at a public pool just make that strong disagree strong i guess that thing about if a man lies with a woman and he emits semen they must both bathe in water really only counts if it's not the same water.

But I don't know. There's like 12 people who care about this shit and they dress like Death Eaters. So who cares? Yeah, I was going to say Amish gangsters at a funeral. But, you know, tomato, tomato. That's our king, Thomas. That's our king. Shakespearean pirates at a sleepover party.

That too would work and and look usually super religious jews in the united states are adorable they wear little outfits they bring their terrible children into toy stores but they tend to leave other people alone unless you're selling them something so it was surprisingly unpleasant to read about them kicking, well, everyone of a certain gender out of a public funded swimming pool. Again, this is a public pool. But in fairness, though, I feel like six-year-old Jewish girls doing the backstroke is way more provocative than the same girl's bike riding. So I just think we're going to put it in perspective. We've got to come back to that now, don't we?

Exactly. But here's the nice thing. We got to come back to that now, don't we? Exactly. But here's the nice thing. See, when Christians do this kind of thing, they do it like super sneaky with like RFRA, Child Protection Act and shit. But when it's pointed out to the people in the New York Times article, like, hey, other people live in Brooklyn. Are you trying to apply Jew rules to a public pool?

In the article, they're all like, yeah. Why? Why did you call? I don't understand it was refreshing i'm just saying it was a nice refreshing thing that's pretty fucked up i mean when it comes to religious groups trying to fuck us out of equal rights we are now jerry seinfeld at the dry cleaners we don't even want our money back we just want to admit that they shrank the fucking shirt i know what a constitutional violation is i don't think you do if you did

i'd be swimming right now it's kind of like jerry renting a car too yeah yeah that's right and i have proof of this a local politician dove hickin who looks like me he looks like me look don't google him i don't need to probably a beard, but he looks like me. Decision to keep. Anyways, he looks like me. Called the decision to keep those rules in place a, quote, major victory for human rights, end quote. Not adding, and by humans, I mean Jews. Yeah, right. It's not important.

It's not important. Detail. He went on to say, quote, the community can rest much easier this Shabbos, knowing that men and women can continue to swim separately. End quote. Once again, not adding, and by community, I mean Jews. Yeah. 15% of Brooklyn's population

he gives a fuck about. Can't we just compromise and put a sheet with a hole in it in the middle of the pool or something? Get everybody in there? Make it fair? You can still fuck each other. It'd be great. Don't worry. I have a solution to the problem. Noah, it's based on your suggestion

earlier. I'm going to combine two of New York City's policies. As of next week, I'll be declaring myself a woman and then going to ladies' swim time. I'm hoping I'll overload the supercomputer and save the country like the end of War Games. Dove Hickin, who probably looks

like me just in his room somewhere being like, but he can't, but he should, but he can't, but he should. How old is he? Or we could just turn the temperature of the water up one degree and we'll never see another Jew there again. Yeah, right. Shit. It's warm.

And finally tonight, in turkey cream pie news, Turkish president and guy who looks like Adolf Hitler penciled in a wider mustache as a disguise, Recep Erdogan, did an appearance on national television recently, during which he instructed female citizens of Turkey to get more semen in their vaginas. I'm in. That really happened. Why would he do that? Because he believes that birth control and other forms of family planning are the same thing as treason. And I'm out.

We can't afford to have a vaginal gap. You know what I mean. You know what I mean. You know what I mean. Too soon. Too soon. So here's what angry pierogi chef had to say about this issue of gender roles in Turkey's Muslim society. First of all, he's quite certain that everyone already kind of agreed that women are clearly not equal to men. And I'm back in again.

And, you know, it's kind of a dick move to be going back on that now then he went on to argue for a minimum of three muslim babies per muslim uterus and i'm out again this is hard this guy needs to pick us in and out in and out that's the trick elise well the uh three muslim baby thing actually echoed his remarks at a recent women's rights summit in istanbul when he told the conference quote our religion of is this is a women's rights summit i don't know our religion of islam has defined a position for women motherhood you can't explain this to feminists because they don't accept the concept of motherhood they don't get it i wish he had elaborated on that where does he think feminists think they come from or does he think they're just like dug out of the ground like the uruk-hai

i had such a lonely trip for him at the buffet at that conference just like so dude you told us that we couldn't be feminists do you know where you are yeah i'm here getting I had such a lonely trip for him at the buffet at that conference. Just like, so what were you enjoying? Dude, you told us that we couldn't be feminists. Do you know where you are? Yeah, I'm here getting melon. I like melon. There was one caveat. According to Nazi Hungarian Asif Manvi, if you're stupid and or not Muslim, you should just go ahead and disregard the thing about reproducing.

For those people, don't even worry about it. It's not treason at all. In fact, it's quite patriotic to die without kids if you're a dumb infidel. So that was his theory. First reaction for me, I think I'm on the fence about his thesis here. I'm thinking we can work this through with some other examples and it might help elucidate the whole point. You know what I'm thinking we can work this through with some other examples and it might help elucidate the whole point. You know what I'm saying? So in the interest of, let's call it intellectual rigor, we'll go ahead and put 30 seconds on the clock.

Other ways that family planning is just like treason. Oh, I see. All right. Well, judging by what we saw in that birding station in Oregon, both sometimes involve dildos. I can say this from experience when your family hears about you doing it on the news it's very disappointing i'm so sorry depends on the family um all right what about condoms are like treason chelsea manning won't be getting into either again anytime soon all right how about if you think it through in advance, you're less likely

to have to accomplish your goals by pushing somebody down a flight of stairs. If you're Palestinian and have downs, your mom will probably encourage you to do it. Oh, God.

Yeah. That's hard. You got to really, you got to grapple with that one. That's hard to read. Pulling out early is like treason. Even with a well-timed exit strategy you're leaving behind a mess and the president of turkey will not be happy about it and he should have made his own

turkey gravy all right how about the fact that historically speaking mormons fail at both oh that's true that's true they do they do you're pretty sure there's a new, fancier, high-tech way to do it, but if you can't, another choice is just to blow up someone's ass. Blow up someone's ass. Yeah. Yeah. I got one more. I got one more.

Masturbation is like treason. Either way, David Carradine would have died pretty much the same. Silk scarf, David. Amateur mistake. And with our requisite autoerotic asphyxiation jokes out of the way, I guess we can wrap up the headlines for the night. Heath, Eli, thanks as always. Silk scarf. And when we come back, you'll try to act like you didn't miss us,

but we'll know better. We'll know better. Are there, okay, so obviously, a lot of people didn't know about Monster Energy. Are there any other products with satanic messaging in them? Where do you start? Start, hit me with your

best shot in the words of Blondie. I don't know who it was. Two examples that are big. Disney. Disney, hit me. Disney, satanic imagery, go. Taco Bell. Disney. Satanic imagery. Go. Taco Bell. Taco Bell. Where is the satanic imagery in Taco Bell aside from how it tastes? Because I am doing a verbal image here.

Google the logo of Taco Bell. You will see that the clapper of the logo is a big fat six. The whole clapper is a six. It's followed by a blue six in the rim of the bell by another purple six. Six, six, six. Unite the humanity with each other. When you have the Lord Jesus in your name, he is the Lord of Jesus' name. Everyone has the name of God in their heart.

Then you will unite each other. So Zero Mustel covered in vanilla pudding right here has he committed any miracles has he done anything holy

yes many miracles can you tell me about some of the miracles he's done the big one he connect you with the God

tell me about that like once your heart initiated like you see the picture in the moon of Lord Raya's and say your Lord's name three times you practice your heart will be initiated and you you see the picture in the moon of Lord Raya and say your Lord's name three

times. You practice that your heart will be initiated and you connect to the God. Interesting. Like Candyman. No, no, not Candyman. Not like Candyman. No. Okay. We've already said the name twice, so let's not say it again. I get freaked out. So if you, if you could kill your son and it was legal, would you kill your son as the Bible commands? That is a tough one. I will admit that is a tough one. Who comes first, me or your children? It's hard to decide. No, it's not. Because when you love a God who died for you on a cross.

You let them come first. He comes first every single time because he gave his life for me. He comes first every single time because he gave his life for me. He comes first every single time. Every single time. If you measure Reason Rally by its attendance numbers, it was a bit of a disappointment. Apparently they were counting on something like three times the crowd, so a lot of people have taken to the interwebs to offer their opinions as to why the attendance wasn't quite that high. But rather than belabor the topic with yet more speculation,

I want to emphasize that if you measure the rally by any other metric, it was a resounding success. If you measure it by how fired up the people were, how much fun they had, how good the speakers were, how angry the Christian trolls were, or learning how many licks it takes to get to the Tootsie Roll Center of a homophobic creationist, I would call it an overwhelming success. Yeah, and if we're measuring by how well Gold Bond medicated powder is able to prevent inner thigh chafing while I walk around all day in the sun, it was no doubt a partial success. We'll call the first half a success. By the end, it was like my taint was eating a bag of Cheetos in an order of buffalo.

Good, but not great. Here's an image. Get that in there. Right before you go to sleep tonight. I said it on Twitter, and I will say it again. If 20,000 people didn't come to Reason Rally because of a non-discrimination policy, the problem we have isn't attendance. We have figuratively not. Yeah, well, don't worry. That's not the problem we have either. Like 47 people didn't show up because of that.

But anyway, so in an effort to underscore what Reason Rally got right and to make damn sure the whole trip is all kinds of tax deductible. We figured we'd spend a couple of minutes sharing the top 10 things that we learned this year at Reason Rally. Number 10. We have amazing fucking listeners. So this was my first time doing this. fucking listeners so this was my first time doing this so having people walk up to me and say like i've heard all your shows was just incredibly genuinely one of the most moving experiences i've ever had and i i cannot say how grateful i was for it also nobody fucked me what's the deal people it's fine you know what it's fine i said i'm gonna talk about it it's just

i certainly want to second that one both the amazing listeners and the not fucking eli part yeah yeah amazing listeners and that's all you said no i love this somebody thanked me on facebook they said you know it's really cool how when you guys met your fans you didn't just shake their hands and pause for a picture and move along you really spent time with them and as much as i'd like to take credit for being generous or whatever we just have really interesting fans like these are the conversations i would have wanted to get in even if these people had never heard of me yeah absolutely yeah and as much as i enjoy talking about epistemology with the guy ladling boiled peanuts into a huge bag at a gas station in georgia was even better. Yeah, that's true. Great fans. Bit of a dearth of good conversation of late.

Okay, number nine. Bill and Susie are fucking hardcore. Yes, they are. Damn right. If you're newer to the show, Bill and Susie are two friends that do slash did a podcast called The Barroom Atheist.

Still holding that hope that they're going to fire it back up. And they've been on the show a couple of times before. So anyway, on their way to the rally, they got into an accident, totaled their car, got carved out of it by the jaws of life got treated and

released at a nearby hospital and then caught a train to dc and still to the fucking reason probably meaningless to most of our audience but fuck if they don't at least deserve a shout out for that one absolutely badass strongly endorse the shout out to bill and suzy and especially because i was way too hung over to make it for breakfast with them on Saturday morning like we had planned. So many apologies. Would have liked to be there. You were missed. At number eight, I learned that the street signs in Washington, D.C. were designed by the Mad Hatter, apparently.

Because the entire traffic and parking situation is asinine there. asinine there especially the sign that says very clearly no parking pee with a slash through it and has a picture of a car very clearly getting towed by a tow truck and that sign as we learned apparently means yeah you can totally park here and we wouldn't even think about towing you away like in this picture what the fuck are you guys doing there was just this genuinely fantastic moment where noah and heath had just arrived they've been driving for 11 hours and i i thought noah was gonna kill the guy at our hotel like i saw the pros and cons list of killing a man forming in his head i just saw him being like all right well that guy's gonna jump on me but i can take him to no wait specifically which time are you talking about

number seven meeting other podcasters was incredible getting hugs from callie and ari over at gaytheist manifesto jeremiah and bobby c and ashley but speaking of bobby c and ashley by the way nobody in the world has a right to be racist because Bobby C looks like he should be forcing you to marry a truck at gunpoint. Ashley looks like his goddamn sister wife. And they are the two smart. Look at a picture of them. They are the two smartest, most gentle, thoughtful people I could possibly imagine me.

I mean, I watched Ashley just have this incredibly elegant like destructive conversation with these protesters my point is nobody has the excuse to pretend there's too many genders or they don't understand the atheist arguments okay although although if you can't decipher miss ashley's accent or remember her name when you're on her podcast that is totally forgivable the woman says the word jew with four syllables. That is my defense. She really genuinely does. G-E-W-U-Z-A. Okay, so number six. If you look super carefully, you can see Eli's erection slowly grow as Christian protesters get more and more confused. Slowly? It's relative. I guess. It's relative.

Okay. I mean, look, you're hearing the clips of the audio throughout the show, and I kind of feel like you can hear his erection, but just in case you needed a visual, every time you hear a baffled um in those clips, just imagine an extra half inch in Eli's pup tent. Hey, just because nobody fucked me didn't mean I didn't spend most of Saturday fucking Christians. That's right. How do so many of them not know the Bible? So many people were fucking stumped by mustard seed. I feel like you square that shit before you have signs made at staples right that's just me right you read the whole book

overestimating the quality of their signs i mean honestly by the end of the conversation with the monster energy drink lady eli was just wiping shit off of her face with his cop. Amazing. Yeah, she was too. At number five, in reference to the non-discrimination policy that Eli mentioned earlier, I learned that even without all the hateful slurs and Disney crow impressions that we all like to use at big political

gatherings, it was still fun for the whole crowd. I feel like we all managed to communicate somehow and everyone seemed to enjoy being infantilized. I know I did. I think it was great. I think everybody we all managed to communicate somehow and everyone seemed to enjoy being infantilized. I know I did. I think it was great. I think everybody had a good time. Four. Okay. One more thing about the Christian protesters. They were not ready. I mean, no, not ready. Cause like, here's the thing. These Christian protesters, they always do this, right? Every time anyone marches on washington gay marriage anything they show up and

they hold up their signs and they borrow people and i imagine usually people just like flip them off or argue with them but this was just a gathering of people who have been training for this their whole lives right i feel like this this was their version of walking into the gracie's living room and being like hey any of you tiny chinese guys want to fight huh y'all look real little and the cops keep coming over and going you have to leave the atheists alone and the like, hey, any of you tiny Chinese guys want to fight? Y'all look real little. And the cops keep coming over and going, you have to leave the atheists alone. And the atheists keep going, no, no, no, we're not done with them.

You don't let him leave. Get back here with your little pamphlet. All right, and then, of course, at number three, I learned that I'm a fornicator, a fag, a sodomite, a masturbator. Actually, I call that a heathen, a devil, an idiot, immoral, that I'll never understand love, and that I deserve the eternity and hellfire that I'm going to be awarded upon my earthly demise. Yeah. I also got your dick's going to fall off. Nice cleavage, but like sarcastically, which is absurd.

I have great cleavage. And also, you smell like rotting Cheetos and buffalo wings. Yeah, but I was just honestly pointing that out. I didn't mean it as an insult. I kind of took it that way. I'm just saying. My bad. I swear, though, every Christian protester that we spoke with, we asked them, you know,

why are you here? And without exception, they would either say to spread the gospel or to share God's love. But then you get to talking to them, and the only thing they want to talk about is how melty your soul's death skin is going to be in the afterlife. I feel pretty comfortable at this point saying the only reason Christian protesters show up at something like this is because it feels really good to put yourself on a pedestal above other people. Yeah, Blumpkins are the best. Absolutely. Anyway, at number two, I learned that Anna and I share a similar fantasy that involves Eli and Kevin Spacey naked on a bed sprinkled with rose petals and seasoned french fries.

Can't remember how the conversation naturally arrived at this point, but it did. Fun times. Okay, nobody knew fucked me at Reason Rally. Sorry. Clarify. Another great visual for you to go to bed too tonight and number one and you knew this was going to be number one yeah ray comfort tastes like someone came on a sandalwood shoehorn okay so for those who i am insulted for those who haven't seen the picture

check out my twitter or facebook or you know the inside of my eyelids or whatever because that is one second before i licked him i did lick him so what happened is i went up to anna i gave anna my camera and i was like take the picture right before i lick him i don't know how he's gonna react so she took the picture that you can see and then i i licked him really hard on the face and he sort of went like give it again and i was like oh sorry my cheeks wet and we had this moment where he totally knew I licked him, but in order for us to recognize it, neither of us wanted what happened next.

So I just hugged him and held him until his tiny little raptor hands fought me off. And now I can die in peace. My point is now I can die in peace. And by the way, definitely take a second and look at the fucking picture. If there is such a facial expression as this motherfucker's going to lick me,

isn't he? Ray Comfort is very clearly wearing it. I have never seen a person so clearly aware he's engaged in a photograph that he's going to regret. So, with a big thanks to everybody who made it out, everybody who took the time to tell us how much they appreciate the show, and everybody who worked their asses off to make the event a success, we're going to stop

making the vast majority of you feel even worse for having missed it, but next one's in 2020, folks. Start scheduling early for it this time. For one thing, I understand that a lot of the cultural beliefs over time period is, you know, women have been, you know, treated as a lesser individual. But God teaches that we're equals. And he also, you know, I forget what I was going to say. And yes, I believe that the appropriate, the just penalty for adultery here on earth given by God is death by stoning for adultery. Although I'm not sure if

the emphasis is really on the method. I think that I happen to believe that the death penalty, that adultery is a death penalty is an offense, yes. Have you been reached out to by the Monster Company, by Monster Energy? Actually, they did a counter video. So I must have impacted something for having them to do a video. And they did take the MILF off the box they took the milf off the box you put an end to milfs i did on their box before we fly out of flow on the flu tonight i wanted to thank everybody who came to see us at reason rally i don't want to thank anybody by name because i can't thank everybody by name but it was truly a pleasure to meet so many of our listeners

and to turn this thing into a two-way conversation for a bit anyway that's all the blasphemy we've got for you tonight but we'll be back in 10,022 minutes with more. If you can't wait that long, be on the lookout for a new episode of our sister show's hot friend Godawful Movies, debuting at 8 a.m. Eastern time on Tuesday. Obviously, I'd be a sad excuse for a host if I didn't thank Heath Enright for continuing to kick ass on a beta by the fact that he both attended Reason Rally this weekend and moved to New York City this week.

I need to thank the lovely and talented Lucinda Lusions for managing not to just scream what the fuck into the microphone for three minutes on this Week in Misogyny. I need to thank Eli Bosnick for all the wonderful things his tongue did over the weekend. I also need to thank Jeremiah for a valiant effort to coax a Farnsworth quote out of Ray Comfort. And yes, that was the real Ray Comfort. Fucking amazing. But most of all, of course, I need to thank this week's most magnanimous mammals,

Cindy, Scott, Stuart, Travis, Andre, Satan, Swampy Asshole, Malik, Jacob, Craig, Bill, Antonio, Carl, Austin, Michael, Aaron, Candace, Dave, Hadari, Met, Grandmoff, Tarkin, Stuart, Travis, Andre, Satan, Swampy Asshole, Melek, Jacob, Craig, Bill, Antonio, Carl, Austin, Michael, Aaron, Candace, Dave, Hadari, Mech, Grand Moff, Tarkin, Emperor, Palpatine, and Alex. Cindy, Scott, Stuart, Travis, Andre, Satan, Swampy Asshole, and Melek, whose intellects are so vast they can fill up the plot holes in the new X-Men movie, Jacob, Craig, Bill, Antonio, Carl, Austin, and Michael, whose cocks give icebergs just the tip envy, and Aaron, Candace, Dave, Hadari, Mech, Grand Moff, Tarkin, Emperor, Palpatine,

and Alex, who are so hot, hobbits throw rings into them. Together, these 21 atheists, Star Wars villains, and mythical orifices have helped to ensure that the creationists around the country continue to get the lingual attention from Eli that they so richly deserve this week by giving us money.

Not everybody has the discerning taste in poop jokes that it takes to give us money, but if you think you're up to the challenge, you can make a per-episode donation at patreon.com slash scathingatheist, whereby you'll earn early access to an extended edition of every episode, or you can make a one-time donation by clicking on the donate button on the right side of our home page at scathingatheist.com and if you'd like to help

but you already shaved your head to pay for that sweet pocket watch chain you can also help a ton by leaving a five-star review on itunes stitcher or your podcast rating vehicle of choice if you have questions comments or death threats you'll find all the contact info on the contact page at scathingatheist.com all the music used in this episode was written and performed by yours truly and yes i did have my permission. Gummy dicks to Thailand.