The Scathing Atheist - ScathingAtheist 174: An-Nahl Bees Edition

Episode Date: June 16, 2016

In this week’s episode, our least favorite people weigh in on Orlando, Mel Gibson tries to resurrect a career despite the Jewish conspiracy, and Noah will yell in your ear, but he didn’t mean to. Click Here to make a per episode donation at Patreon.com Click Here to buy our book. Click Here to check out The Skepticrat. Click Here to check out God Awful Movies. Guest Links: Click Here to check us out on The Thinking Atheist Click Here to check out the Reason Nugget Facebook page. Headlines: B-Fish http://www.patheos.com/blogs/friendlyatheist/2016/06/12/bryan-fischer-we-dont-want-gay-people-dead-we-want-them-cured/ Alex Jones (it was a false flag) http://www.rightwingwatch.org/content/alex-jones-orlando-attack-was-false-flag Donald Trump https://www.washingtonpost.com/news/post-politics/wp/2016/06/13/donald-trump-suggests-president-obama-was-involved-with-orlando-shooting/ Steven Anderson: http://www.patheos.com/blogs/friendlyatheist/2016/06/12/christian-pastor-celebrates-nightclub-massacre-theres-50-less-pedophiles-in-this-world/ Republican senator calls for obama’s death http://www.patheos.com/blogs/friendlyatheist/2016/06/10/republican-senator-inadvertently-calls-for-president-obamas-death-in-speech-to-christian-audience/ Nasa pays 1.1 million dollars to see how aliens would affect christianityhttp://www.patheos.com/blogs/friendlyatheist/2016/06/10/why-did-nasa-issue-a-1-1-million-grant-to-study-how-alien-life-could-impact-christianity/ Dutch Noah’s Ark replica gets fuck smashed out of it: http://www.patheos.com/blogs/friendlyatheist/2016/06/11/dutch-replica-of-noahs-ark-suffers-damage-in-collision-at-oslo-port/ Bible store doesn’t get Samuel Clemens: http://www.patheos.com/blogs/friendlyatheist/2016/06/10/bible-store-doesnt-understand-quip-presents-critical-quote-as-an-endorsement-of-the-good-book/ Postal worker won't deliver to pot shop because of religious reasonshttp://www.patheos.com/blogs/friendlyatheist/2016/06/08/washington-postal-worker-wont-deliver-mail-to-marijuana-shops-allegedly-for-religious-reasons/ Passion of the CHRIST TWWOOOO! http://www.patheos.com/blogs/friendlyatheist/2016/06/10/mel-gibson-is-gearing-up-to-make-the-passion-of-the-christ-2/ This Week in Misogyny: Hillary’s 1st speech as presumptive nominee is on reproductive freedom: http://thinkprogress.org/health/2016/06/11/3787138/clinton-reproductive-justice/ Dutch woman held in Qatar on suspicion of having been raped: http://www.abc.net.au/news/2016-06-11/dutch-woman-held-in-qatar-after-making-rape-complaint/7502840 and http://www.bbc.com/news/world-middle-east-36516006 Pakistani mother burns daughter to death (TWIM)http://www.patheos.com/blogs/friendlyatheist/2016/06/09/pakistani-mother-burns-her-teen-daughter-to-death-for-going-against-tribal-and-religious-customs/

Warning, the following podcast contains some much-needed profanity. This week's episode of The Scathing Atheist has no sponsor. Instead, we're going to take this time for a brief moment of silence to honor the victims of the tragic massacre in Orlando, Florida. We'd also like to add that faith is not a fucking virtue. It's horrible for society. This is your fault. And now, the scathing atheist.

Hey, what the hell is that? Looks like a reason nugget. Yeah? What's it say? It says we evolved from filthy monkey men. Hmm. It's Thursday. It's June 16th. And fuck that fucking piece of shit.

I'm sad there's not a hell for you to burn in. Amen. I'm no illusions. I'm Eli Bosnick. I'm Heath Enright. And from New York, New York, and Valdosta, Georgia, this is The Skating Atheist. On this week's episode, our least favorite people weigh in on Orlando. Mel Gibson tries to resurrect a career despite the Jewish conspiracy. And I'll apologize in advance for yelling in your ears in a couple of minutes.

But first, the diatribe. Alright, so judging by my inbox this week, a lot of people want me to say exactly the opposite of what I'm about to say. So I just want to ask you up front to bear with me for a couple of paragraphs here, okay? Religion does not cause homophobia. The truth is we don't really need a cause here. Human beings are just naturally inclined to dislike and distrust those we perceive as being different than ourselves.

People don't like to hear this, but nobody needs to teach us to be racist. We're just born racists. And I know that racism and homophobia are two different things, and for non-trivial reasons in this discussion, but they come from the same natural urge to otherize, and that is innate in human beings. We don't have to learn our way into this. We have to learn our way out of it, and we have to do so over and over again throughout our lives. I mean, if I could go back in a time machine and meet my 16-year-old self, the first thing I'd want to do is smack the homophobia out of him, and my 16-year-old self wasn't religious. Now, with all that out of the way,'d want to do is smack the homophobia out of him and my 16-year-old self wasn't religious. Now, with all that out of the way, I want to emphasize that none of it, nothing that I just said exculpates religion's role in what happened in Orlando on Saturday night. Not in the slightest.

50 people died of religion last weekend and no innate human urge is going to excuse that because bigotry is natural. Shooting human beings to death by the dozen is not. For that, you need reinforcement. You need justification. You need moral exoneration. You need a plausible way to believe that you, the person holding the gun against unarmed human beings and mowing them down by the dozen, are the good guy in the story. And where do homophobes go for that? I mean, sure, there are other hate groups. There are non-religious groups that'd be happy to pat you on the back for hating fags with a passion, but they're universally pushed to the margins of society. You know, they're not the kind of groups that you announce that you're a member of on Facebook, generally speaking. They're the

kind of groups that betray you as a loathsome bigot who shouldn't be taken seriously and should probably be on a watch list or two. And then there's church. And then there's a government-subsidized hate group that's sitting on every third street corner in this country and instead of being ostracized for membership, you're socially rewarded for belonging to this one. And in between all the mythology and the bad music, you're told that you're disliked by gay people. That's not a character flaw. That's a divine obligation. You know, what's more, there are so damn many of you, even the politicians are catering to you,

passing laws that say, well, you don't have to cook food for them or let them in your ambulance because Jesus. The whole goddamn religious culture around you patting you on the back and telling you it's okay to hate fags because God does it too. And when we see the inevitable outcome of this kind of mass dehumanization like we did last weekend, all the religious hate mongers are trying to run to base and declare themselves safe because they're touching the swing set. You know, Christians are pointing to Muslims and saying, well, that's what you get when you worship the evil brown man's God and carefully try not to speculate on the religion of that person who planted that bomb in a target bathroom last week, or the guy with a car full of guns that they picked up on his way to the LA pride parade. And then all these mainstream religious spokespeople think that they can wash their hands, all this blood by condemning the violence without condemning

the hatred that breeds it. You know, they've had a perfectly good platform to denounce hatred for a long fucking time. And instead they were using it to endorse dehumanizing riffer provisions and bathroom bills and shit. They could have been emphasizing the love your neighbor stuff, but instead they need to just air out Pandora's box a little bit, tell everybody that God doesn't much care for the gays. I mean, show me the time it didn't go this way. Show me the time a subset of any population was institutionally dehumanized and then it did not lead to violence.

So sure, let's blame the televangelists saying the LGBT agenda is to imprison all the Christians and take away their Jesus. But let's not forget to blame the congressman who accepts gay marriage, but thinks it's a little much to ask Christian photographers to take pictures of them. And let's not forget to blame my Aunt Kathy, who has to open up her Facebook post about Orlando by saying, you know, like, don't get me wrong, I know Jesus doesn't like the gays and stuff. And let's not forget to blame the progressive person who has no issues with gays whatsoever, but still gives money to the Southern Baptist Convention or the Roman Catholic Church or the Mormon Church or any institution that hold up a book that says you should murder gay people and call it the word of

God. And you know what? I'm not saying any of this, by the way, to let Islam off the hook. Sure, Christians are still leading the field in terms of mass shootings in this country. But I don't think anybody's arguing that the Sandy Hook guy did what he did as a statement against the kindergarten lifestyle. I'm reading their fucking book. And it repeatedly calls for violence. It repeatedly justifies murder. It repeatedly equates killing with religious obligations. justifies murder. It repeatedly equates killing with religious obligations. And you have to be intentionally blinding yourself not to see that the violent interpretation is higher among Muslims

than any other major religion in the world, and not by a small margin. But you know what? This week, there is plenty of blame to go around. So while we're busy doling out our righteous condemnation this week, let's not forget to save a little for ourselves. Because like I said at the top here, look, bigotry is innate. It's something we have to learn our way out of. So how are we learning? And who are we teaching? And what are we doing to counterbalance the poisonous narrative that our religious neighbors are promoting? And no matter how dedicated we are to these causes, we still have to ask these questions and we still have to find fucking answers because whatever we're doing clearly it's not enough they're talking about joining me for headlines tonight are heath enright and eli bosnick fellas are you cool if we just

skip the jovial intro and move right into the lead story this week. Yeah, go right ahead. In our lead story tonight, religion murdered 50 people and injured 53 more at a nightclub in Orlando, Florida, early last Saturday morning in the deadliest mass shooting in American history. And as a primarily comedy-based show, we're obligated to move off this subject and be funny eventually, but before we do that, we have to address a few responses from the usual suspects here. Suffice to say though the best any surrogate of religion's culpability could offer was a rebuke for hating gays wrong

but his heart was in the right place and uh you know god takes notice of stuff like that he's a big picture type of guy that's that's the message we got yeah not the ways it's the means let's start off with uh beefish who took to the Twitters in the aftermath of this attack with the following nugget of wisdom. Quote, Muslim massacre in Orlando. So let me pause here for a second. I feel like he's tipping his hand a bit. But anyway, he continues, quote, difference between Islam and Christianity on homosexuals. We want them helped.

They want them dead. End quote. helped they want them dead end quote so but and neither of us want them to exist but christians have learned how to shame them into suicide and save bullets more effective is he giving them advice you'll be a better bigot in 12 easy steps guys guys with the shame suicides the mainstream media never talks about it nobody's ever held accountable accountable. Just try it for 30 days. If you don't like it, we'll get you your money back. Yeah. We also got an explanation for the massacre from conspiracy theorist and Will Sasso Muppet, Alex Jones, who is pretty sure that Obama hired the assassin abroad from a Muslim state called New York, where the shooter was born. And of course, this was all part of a larger plan to have more mass shootings,

take away all our guns, and presumably get that third term as president that Alex Jones has been talking about for years. He also may have added, Stop saying that I look like Curly got re-spackled. I was going for Shemp. Number three goes to presidential nominee presidential nominee donald trump who tweeted the following subtle empathetic statements quote appreciate the congrats for being right on radical islamic terrorism i don't want congrats i want toughness and vigilance we must be smart and quote so uh not quite sure who was giving him the congrats in question i mean i haven't checked all think this morning but if by being right on islamic terrorism he means being a vicious bigot about

a problem which needs literally anybody in the world but him to solve it then yeah i agree with his final statement we must be smart and um not elect him at any cost no shit i also want to point out that he went on to give a speech where he pretty heavily implied that obama is in cahoots with terrorism that he did that's and i know that sounds so crazy but like here's the quote you tell me what this means if not obama maybe sorta is down with the taliban quote a lot of people think maybe he doesn't want to know about it i happen to think that he just doesn't know what he's doing but there are many people that think maybe he doesn't want to get it he

doesn't want to see what's really happening. And that could be so. End quote. So word salad aside. Yes, a presidential candidate has spent this week coyly implying that Barack Obama feels about terrorism the way I feel about shit porn. Like, I'm not saying I'm into it. I'm not saying I'm not. I'm just saying don't check my hard drive too closely. You know, I know it kind of fucks things up if you have to explain the joke,

so I'm sorry in advance, but I feel it's important to point out that Eli is not implying in this analogy that I star in most of Barack Obama's jihad videos. He means this in a totally, totally different way. Star would be the wrong word. Star would definitely be the wrong word. Starfish.

Exactly. And, of course, no horrible tragedy is complete without some horribly tragic words from Pastor Steve Anderson. Fuck you, Steve Anderson. He took some time away from being Jack's meth double on Lost so he could deliver a four-minute sermon on why the massacre of 50 people should probably qualify the shooter for a tax deduction. Because of the public service performed, you know, by executing a bunch of gay people. Yeah. Which, of course, is the responsibility of any good Christian government. And I'm really not editorializing at all here.

No, you don't have to. Yeah. No. There's a few of the exact words from the sermon. Quote, Obviously, it's not right for somebody to just, you know, shoot up the place. Ready for the reason?

Because that's not going through the proper channels. That's why it's not right to shoot up the place. They should have been executed by a righteous government that would have tried them, convicted them, and saw them executed. Because in Leviticus 20.13, God's perfect law, he put the death penalty on homosexuality that's what the bible says plain and simple end quote so yep that's what it says plain and simple

right and we should take a moment to clarify that nobody nobody should ever take a wet poop into their hand and smear it on steve anderson's face nobody should ever be going through the improper channels improper channels the government should do that for us uh honorable mention goes out to the shooter's father who pointed out while praising the taliban that 20 minutes of shooting shouldn't ruin his son's life the shooter's wife who according to today's news seemed to know about the shooting, took him to the venue and tried to stop him with the same vigor. Noah corrected my pronunciation of the word chimera and some dickhole preacher in Orlando who probably had Twitter mentions on his phone active when it exploded earlier this week. Right.

Give the devil his Purdue news tonight. United States Senator and man who swaps hairpieces with Marco Rubio on school picture day, David Purdue, spoke at the Road to Majority Summit last week, where he unintentionally encouraged the people there to pray for the death of President Obama. I think the intentionality is debatable, but we'll get to that. We'll get to that we'll get to that he looks like he's not only a senator he's also a client and he seems quite happy about his four hour erection he looks like all the men in their 60s from like every commercial just fucked each other yeah but they didn't like have a baby this is just the sweat after effect he's the human

embodiment of what that room smelled like after it happened anyway he was giving what i'm sure was a speech nothing at all like someone would give to set up an x-men movie when he commented half jokingly that the way we should pray for obama is with psalm 1098 which reads in part may his days be few and let another have his office the problem is the psalm reads in other part may his children be fatherless and his wife a widow may his children be wandering beggars may they be driven from their ruined homes so um important to read the second half of sentences kind of like a little bit may he be like Oedipus King. May he have a legendary penis.

Like John Bobbitt. Legendary. And in Houston, what the fuck are you guys doing news tonight? We have a problem with NASA. A serious million dollar problem with NASA. According to a recent blog post by Jerry Coyne, the highly underfunded American space program spent over $1.1 million of taxpayer money last year to sponsor a so-called research project by a Christian organization called the Center for Theological Inquiry, or CTI. We have a theological wing of NASA now.

The fuck is going on? Look, all you got to do is go up there and name anything firmament. We got three or four months of apologetics left at the rate you motherfuckers are going. Just do something. What about that? Can that be called firmament? That's the moon. Great.

Use that. Yeah, can that be called firmament? That's the moon. Great, use that. So we already have enough information to know that this is both horribly stupid and also not allowed. But it gets even worse once you hear the stated goal. According to the CTI's website, resident team of visiting scholars in theology, the humanities, and social sciences that will conduct an interdisciplinary inquiry on the societal implications of astrobiology, the study of origins, evolution, and future of

life in the universe, end quote. The study of origins, evolution, and future of life in the universe, end quote. Or, translated back into meaningful sentences, they're going to have a bunch of not-scientists talk about how stupid it makes Christianity look every time we gather more data about the universe. And they're going to figure out what to do about that. Right, but I mean, even if you're being as generous as possible here, you could say, you know, we're trying to figure out what aspects of ast how we're going to excuse raping kids on the moon. ZeroGravity opens so many positions. You gotta picture it. You don't have to.

You don't have to picture it. I'm drawing it. Bottom line, this is one of the dumbest things we could possibly do with a million dollars. I mean, like, this isn't rocket science. And that's the problem. Yeah, right. This isn't rocket science. And that's the problem. And in both

the irony news tonight, if you follow international art replica news closely, and damn it, I know I do, you'll have heard of John Heathers, a Dutch carpenter who has spent the last seven years painstakingly building two replicas of Noah's Ark

according to biblical instruction. Yeah, because Christians aren't allowed to masturbate. I could have built several boats. It's not worth it. Hold on, are you guys talking about like a double Dutch rudder scenario? Because I am on board.

All hands on dick. Ready to go. I'll stop this podcast mid-sentence. I'm in. Shit. So last week, it was being towed because, and maybe I forgot to mention this, it doesn't work as a fucking boat. Never mind. Sorry.

Anyway, it was being towed when the crew lost control and smashed a big fucking hole in the side of it. An old irony sides. I love it. Oh, nice. So yeah, sorry. Sidetrack. I know.

Doesn't work as a boat. And then when you bump it with a real boat, it fucking implodes. And that's without elephants and hippos and shit in it. It just empty it does this. Yeah. That's why you always make two arcs, you know? Right. In case God was wrong about, like, how many fucking popsicle sticks or whatever you need to use.

Yeah, hard when your God is wrong about pie to take building instructions from him. So Mr. Hubert was obviously distressed, saying, quote, It's a terrible... Wait, I want, saying, quote, it's a terrible... Wait, I want to do his accent. It's a terrible situation. It's an awful dream to have an accident with the Ark of Noah. I have to go to Norway with wood, nails, and a hammer to repair it. Not adding, gee, how the fuck did Noah do it?

Almost seems like it's all made up, huh? You guys smell burnt toast? Where am I? Not end quote, sorry. I'd like to apologize to all of our Dutch listeners for what was really the accent of what I assume was a bouncy ball going downstairs. Swedish chef. Lots of people. Gordon Ramsay.

And in Creed Between the Lines news tonight, we have a story about a Christian bookstore in Kansas that was successfully mocked by Mark Twain over a century after his death. He's so good. He is fantastic. This is just another amazing feat accomplished by one of the greatest American authors in history. So here's what happened. This Bible store in Kansas recently decided to display a remark often attributed to Mr. Twain on a chalkboard at the front door of the business. It says, quote,

the best cure for Christianity is reading the Bible, end quote. And the Christian... Couldn't agree more. It's funny how they only put up factually accurate shit by mistake, isn't it? God damn it. Is the whole store the fiction section? Yeah, inventory did not go well.

Yeah, so if you're wondering, how can someone with no interest in literacy own a bookstore? Well, apparently the answer is Christian bookstore. And actually, if you switch out the words literacy and bookstore for pretty much anything else, the answer formula still holds. Like, how can someone with no interest in blank own a blank? The answer is Christian blank. Right. Pretty much context clueless about reality. Ooh, ooh, I want to play. I want to play.

Catholic school. Ooh, it works. Christian science works again. Muslim brotherhood. Three for three. Look at that. Yeah. Christian science works again. Check. Muslim Brotherhood. Three for three. Look at that. So it's like trying to justify racism and the use of the N-word by quoting Chris Rock as saying, we hate N-words too.

So great job, guys. Good bookstore. And because she always likes to follow up the N-word joke, we're going to take a quick break from the headlines and hand things over to my lovely wife, Lucinda. A man wrote the Bible? A whore is what she was. If it's a legitimate race. Then it's a slut, right?

Cooking can be fun. Hey! I'm proud of a man! This Week in Misogyny. Okay, I know not all of our listeners are big Hillary fans, and I gotta be honest here, I was holding out hope for Bernie to the bitter end. Hillary's a little too conservative for my taste, and she carries decades worth of baggage into the race with her. I don't think she's the best we can do in a democracy, and I don't think she was the best candidate in the race.

But there's still something to be said for one of the two major parties nominating a woman as their presidential candidate. And whether or not she's the best woman for that honor, it's still something worth stepping back and appreciating. Feminism has become a dirty word even to a lot of liberals, but a lot of women gathered together under the banner of feminism, dedicated their lives and their passion to getting us to this point. And we owe it to the ones that didn't live to see this, to set aside our political vitriol and our misgivings and reflect on the fact that our country is probably going to be presided over by a woman for the first time in its history. And that matters. I mean, I don't want to play the gender card here, whatever the hell that means. But on the one side, you've got a guy

who can't talk to an attractive female reporter without reflecting on the blood coming out of her whatever. And on the other side, we have a candidate whose first speech as the presumptive nominee was about reproductive freedom. And for whatever it's worth, this is the first time a major party's candidate has devoted an entire speech to the subject. Look, we've seen a major push in the last 10 years to legislate abortion clinics out of existence all over the country. We've seen obtrusive, medically unnecessary obstacles placed between women and the reproductive

rights. We've seen politicians trying to give driver's licenses to fetuses and use eminent domain to declare fallopian tubes public property. And I'm about ready to see that trend turn the fuck around. But enough about America, because not every country is lucky enough to have a feminist milestone to celebrate this week. Take Qatar, for example, where a Dutch woman was convicted of adultery last week for having been raped. But because she couldn't summon up the Quran required number of rape witnesses, and because the man she didn't know insisted that he had consensually drugged her drink and raped her, she was fined 800 bucks

and deported. The Dutch ambassador to Qatar called on Dutch women to get the fuck out of Qatar as fast as possible. But she said it kind of like she was nodding along to something they were already saying, like, as if I need to say this, get the fuck out of this rapey, barbaric, misogynistic hellhole. That will be all. But it gets worse. So, so much worse. My last story comes out of Pakistan where all the worst shit happens. According to the Honor-Based Violence Awareness Network, the country of Pakistan sees at least three so-called honor killings a week. And as fucked up as it is, it's easy to grow numb to that fact when you encounter it as often as I do. And now I'm only shocked out of my complacency by stories like the

one I saw this week about a mother who burned her 17-year-old daughter alive because she married a guy her family doesn't approve of. And I honestly thought about skipping this story because it's just too horrendous to talk about, especially in a week where we're all still processing that shit in Orlando. But one of the reasons that this shit happens three times a week in Pakistan is because we're not talking about it enough. And if we learned anything this

week, it's that the world can't afford our silence. And on that awkward transition from note, I'll hand things back over to Noah, Heath, and Eli. Thank you, Lucinda. And in Reburn to Sender news tonight, it seems that the town of Bremerton, Washington has a problem with its local post office. And unlike the rest of America, it's not that it seems to be open three hours a day and once a week, and it's always somehow magically full. And how is that woman taking so long?

What could possibly take this long? Here, take this shit. Send it somewhere. Is it a bomb? No? Great. That'll be whatever. Here's the money. Bye, mother fucker.

Are you addressing that package by process of elimination, lady? Are you registering to vote up there? Oh, no. I'm sure there's 11 more cents down in there somewhere. Pull out some more fucking Kleenex and you'll find it. God for fucking bid, you saved 15 minutes of my life by taking 89 cents worth of fucking change. You goddamn fuck. Fuck, dude.

Fuck. Trigger warning, please. Yeah, sorry. Content warning, post offices. I like the taste of the stamps. Tastes good. What game are we playing? Okay, so that's not the problem. The problem seems to be a staff

of religiously motivated mail delivery people refusing to deliver to businesses they deem ungodly. Several businesses, two pot dispensaries and an adult bookstore, have both reported problems

with their carriers leaving slips rather than delivering the packages to open businesses. And this week, one of the carriers was caught on video handing a package for a dispensary to an exiting customer to go back inside and

deliver saying i assume here you give it to them i don't want to catch the reefer madness and meanwhile a bunch of christian assholes over at the templeton foundation are saying guys you're gonna fuck up legally hating gay people. Come on. Come on, focus. Excuse me, sir. Sir, you're gay, right? Yeah, I'm trying to be a good Christian over here, so I really shouldn't even be doing this. But do me a favor and bring this AIDS medicine back upstairs to the gay ward.

You're welcome, by the way. You're welcome. The U.S. Postal Service. We have commercials now. And how did the local post office react to the news that their staff was um not doing their jobs if you were hoping the answer was made the government employees do their fucking jobs then you are not one of our u.s listeners how's the weather in england or sweden no instead the post office insisted that the dispensary install a mailbox on the glass wall of their business.

And in my favorite part of this story, the compromise they reached with Elmo's Adult Bookstore, not making that up, was that the owner will build a small box just inside the door where the postal carrier can drop packages without entering. One assumes then run away screaming, eww, cooties! If that image doesn't cheer you up, nothing will. And by the way, if they don't make this mail carrier put packages in the rear entrance and hopefully shaped like a giant butthole,

I'd be very disappointed with Elmo and his bookstore. All I know is I'm going to start mailing them shit just so I can draw gay sex on the envelopes ah you gotta see this don't you gotta see that and finally tonight from the hollywood ending file according to a recent story from the hollywood reporter that mel gibson movie from 2004 about the the Jewish guy getting tortured to death was actually just a setup for a big budget sequel. Yeah, that's right. The script

is already underway for Passion of the Christ Part 2. And Eli's pretty excited. And also, spoiler alert, rumor has it that Jesus is going to come back to life in this one. Like some sort of big resurrection plot.

Very exciting. I'm so happy. Yeah, I don't know. If there's not a part where he wanders through the room where all the Jesus hybrids that didn't make it are, I'm going to be very disappointed. Kill me. Awesome scene. Kill me. Yeah, so I'm still very much looking forward to the new project, just like Eli.

And according to a recent article on Friendly Atheist, so is Hemet Mehta, whose final line was, quote, Let the betting begin on what the subtitle to Gibson's movie will be. Passion of the Christ 2, blank, end quote. So pretty sure he just told us to go ahead and put those 30 seconds on the clock hemmet did it for us he really did this is just for you hemmet and of course we're looking for taglines and or subtitles for the sequel go all right all right how about the passion to second coming soon to a theater near you okay maybe not soon as in in your lifetime like i clearly said but soon like as in geologic time promise the passion to less screamy more redeeming how about uh the passion to imax edition

the bigger longer uncut high-res erection How about the passion 2 This end times it's personal Passion 2 Taking back the title from Deadpool Got jealous I gotcha What about passion 2 A good judgment day to Undie hard with the vengeance

You got there How about passion of the Christ 2 Undie Hard with the Vengeance. Ooh, you got there. You gotta walk through it. How about Passion of the Christ 2? What's stigmata with you? Ooh, James Gandolfini. Yeah, yeah, there you go. Passion 2, Return to Talking Snake? One Friday the 13th fan is losing his mind right now.

Just that one guy. I just need him. All right, this Friday the 13th fan is losing his mind right now. Just that one guy. I just need him. All right. This is my last one. The Passion 2. Secret of the Jews. I still know what Jews did last summer. Spring, whatever.

Jew rhymes with everything. It's great. And, of course, that means we're going to need a minute to set up our Secret of the Jews Kickstarter page. So we're going to close out the headlines there. Heath, Eli, thanks as always. Cribbage! And when we come back, Lucinda will rejoin us to redouble our regret about

committing to this whole stupid fucking Allah book. This summer, from the makers of How Stella Got Her Groove Back, meet Vdy, a girl who had it all. She had the money. Oh, Vaddy, I wish I had your wealth. Conservative estimates say you manage $64 billion in wealth and your hair looks great.

How do you do it? I condition before I shampoo. She had the guy. Oh, Price Waterhouse Cooper. What a dreamboat. And he's all mine. How transparent. But could she have both?

Hey, um, uh, do you have a bunch of money hidden away that you've been using to hush up rape victims by any chance? Um... Now she's giving love a second chance. I really do want to do this audit with you. Yeah, sure, just, like, show me your books. This really isn't hard if you aren't doing any evil stuff.

Just show me the books. But it might not be as easy as she thinks. Quick, hide the Nazi gold. But where? I don't know, eat it! Hi, Mr. Cooper. Hi, Mr. Cooper. Summer 2018, lost in transubstantiation.

Toronto Media. I'm not an expert in many things, but I've been making dick jokes about holy books on a tri-weekly basis for over three years now, and it's taught me a couple of things here. First and foremost, as we will reinforce once again this week, everything we read is more boring and less ripe for dick jokes than the last thing. It started with the historical books in the Old Testament when we said, holy shit, do I miss those awesome begats in the Pentateuch. Comedy gold they were. Then we find ourselves in the prophets with nothing but rambling insanity.

Next thing you know, we're in a minor prophets mission, Jeremiah. Then we're in the epistles. Remember in the good old days when the treasure troves of sophomoric humor like Zephaniah and Habakkuk were on the line. And now we're in the Quran, finally recalling the epistles when mostly the chapters had different words in them. I swear at this rate, the Bhagavad Gita is just going to be 800 pages of all work and no play makes Vedavyasa a dull boy. This book is like that game you play in the car when, you know, somebody starts with, on my way to the store, I saw an elephant.

And then everyone keeps adding another word. Right. Say the whole string of words leading up to their turn also. On my way to the store, I saw an elephant. And then everyone keeps adding another word. Right. Say the whole string of words leading up to their turn also. So here we are on Surah 15 and every verse is like, here's what you missed last week and last verse and last chapter on the front. I don't care. Just start saying things. This book is the religious version of talking to grandma with dementia. It's like, oh, did you used to jump in the pool?

Cool. I'm going to play on my phone. You tell me that 12 more times. Hey question which pillow is your favorite like to press i just out of curiosity it's what texture do you like and joining us of course for the profound boredom and repetition of the muslim holy book is my lovely wife lucinda lucinda welcome back you promised me my little ponies in this one sir yeah no we'll get to that we'll get to that but first we've got to start where we left off last time which is surah 15 al-hijr which is alternately translated as the rocky track the stone land or the rock city none of which remotely

apply to what will be talked about within said surah so we're going to start off good and contradictory here it starts off telling muslims to leave people the fuck alone if they don't believe you, seeing as how they're going to burn in hell anyway. But then it says, and only destroy towns when we tell you to. Yeah, this is conditional. And the general message here is that atheists are so gay for Islam. We love the rock. Still going to burn for eternity, so don't even get into it with us. It's not even worth it.

Right. And it should be pointed out here that this is one of those verses that gets pointed to all the time as an apologetic, and it's just super crazy clear how disingenuous this is in context. It could not be more sarcastic and bitchy. This would be

like using everything we've ever said about Pat Robertson as his eulogy. It's just like, nah, leave them alone because they're going to love it in hell. Am I right? He did look like the pitch drop experiment, only a human. And then it says that even if we opened up the heavens and showed them proof, the atheists would be like, nah, I'm just drunk. So why? I'm not even going to bother. Like, God's not going to tell you why he's mad if you don't already know.

Right. I think that means you should shower more often. That's my experience. And then he tells us the Satan story again. Again. And talk about hedging your bets. In verse 42 satan just told god i'm gonna lead all your precious little humans astray and god says ha none of them will follow

you except the ones that do well right yes direct quote from my translation surely you will have no power over my servants except those misguided ones who choose to follow you my copy actually says satan's gonna have no authority over god's slaves except the uppity ones and satan's like yeah i know i already told you i'm taking the mouthy ones i want the mouthy ones that was the whole plan you only get the not true scotsman yeah but wait i want to talk about this because he seems to know that he's repeating this Satan story again. Because in my version, it tells the same story, but at the beginning of the sentence, in italics is the word remember. Like someone was like, that's it. Mo, you already told this story.

And he was like, I know. I know. I'm reminding them. You didn't let me finish. Do you remember? Keep writing. I love you. You don't say it.

Either way, if they're going to call this the Rocky tract, I think Weird Al needs to make a song called Lie of the Tigress or something. If we don't make it first. And then that's it for the Rocky tract. And as though they're getting their chapter titles off of a fucking speak and spell, the next surah is titled Bees.

Bees. Bees. Moe, are you just saying things you see or do you really want to write a surah about bees? I love bees. Bees nuts. Draw them, scribe. Draw them now.

What? Oh, now you're cool with just the bees? Yeah, I thought so. I thought so. Also, my copy calls this surah anal bees. No way. Seriously. Anal

bees. Really does. Anal bees. Also, spellcheck wanted me to spell it bees nuts with a Z at the end of bees. That would be proper. Did you mean third grade rap star? I did mean third grade rap star. Bees nuts.

And I guess they were counting on nobody going cover to cover on this thing because after just saying multiple times in the last surah that God made humans out of mud and clay, he starts this one off by saying humans were made from a drop of God jizz. Okay, but wait a second because i want to say this on air we got an email weeks ago from a listener who's muslim or like a guy who's muslim i don't know and he was like wait until you get to this wait because it's gonna blow your mind now my translation says quote moist germ end quote was this what i was waiting for because we don't come from germs does that even mean seed because that's come we do come from germs. Does that even mean seed?

Because that's cum. We do come from cum. Never mind. It's fine. Weeks. Fuck you. If you're a listener, fuck you. Fuck you, dude.

I read your whole shitty rambling email and clicked on your crazy link that took me to a fucking Azerbaijan porn site. Fuck you. Fuck you. Also, they just started a surah called Anal Bees, and now it says we're all made of ejaculate called nutfa. He does. Quote, he has created man from nutfa, mixed drops of male and female sexual discharge, end quote. So we're clearly talking about cum, but more importantly, what the fuck is female sexual discharge? This book is complete fiction.

Oh, Heath. Nonsense. Then God brags about all the cows he's made, and he probably should have known better than to follow up the sperm verse with a verse that contains the words, they carry your loads to places you could otherwise not reach without great hardship. I mean, if you're not trying to say cows will suck your dick, you're doing a really bad job at it. I think this is about milking the prostate, actually, and that's important. Point for you,an well compliment samward as if this innuendo wasn't easy enough he specifically mentions donkey shows in the

next verse i fucking kid you not quote god has created horses mules and donkeys so that you may ride them and also so they may be put on show. Everybody like parfait. I can't watch. And apparently God put the mountains there because without them, it would be all earthquakes all the time. A little more of that scientific foreknowledge that they like to brag about, I guess. Did you come from a wet germ or not, Lucinda? Does your grandma look like a wet germ? Does your mother look like a wet churn? Does your mother look like a wet churn? Also, I love this bit in verse 35 too

where Muhammad stumps himself. It's just like, and the non-believers will ask, hey, if God's all powerful, wouldn't he be able to make sure his message wasn't corrupted? And the best he can do in reply is like, hellbound heathen says what?

Literally in my book, it just says, woe to them who said that. Yeah. Woe and jingly keys. God isn't real then why isn't he an atheist?

That's better than any argument he offers too. Yeah. Also, if you make evil plans whatever that means be careful because according to verse 45, God might just sink you into the earth, punish you when you least expect it, or hide

around the corner and say boo really loud when you're holding popcorn. I love this quote. It says, quote, God will punish them by giving them a fright. So I just want to say I am so unintimidated right now. Ooga booga booga. I'm not going to say Carson got to write exactly one sentence in the Koran. Watch out, I'm dressed as a spider. Huzzah.

Leave your tuffet while you can. And if I'm reading this right in verse 58 he says that having daughters is pretty much the most humiliating thing that could possibly happen to you and it's basically assumed that anybody who ever had a daughter is going to have to wrestle with the decision whether to keep her and feel disgraced or murder her and bury her in the sand. It actually says that, and for no reason. It's not like someone brought it up. It wasn't related to the other verse or anything. Just saying. In fairness, though, at least they describe it as like a lose-lose situation.

It's awful to have female children, granted, but it's also bad, according to them, to bury them alive. Like, you know, tough call, but both are somewhat negative. But then we get to the titular bees for exactly one verse, and that's it. That's it. Basically, he says, well, if there wasn't a God, why would bee vomit taste so awesome? Hey, Mo, you said bees like 20 minutes ago. I'm getting to it.

I'm getting to it. like 20 minutes ago. I'm getting to it. I'm getting to it. And by the way, in Saudi Arabia, apparently honey is rainbow colored and magically heals all sicknesses. Like why wouldn't it?

Diabetes, for example. Put more rainbow honey pills in there. You're all set. Gotta get me some of those. But we do get one of my favorite verses here. Verse 74, it says, Do not compare God with anyone. God has knowledge, but you have not.

And I'm saying, like, nobody realized that second sentence compared me to God, did they? Or did the scribe just not bother to tell you? See, I think this is out of context. I think, like, someone whispered as he was dictating, This book sucks compared to the other two. And Mo was like, it stands on its own, motherfucker. It stands on its own.

It's like a Sanderson novel. You don't need the other two. Keep going. And just when you're thinking we're about to get two sirs in a row with no Jew bashing, we get to verse 118 where he says, and look at all those filthy Jews. You know how God is going to punish them

trick question he already made them Jews what worse punishment could there be than being Jews you know everyone in the room was like oh good one Mo high fives all around and that's all that Allah has to say about bees

anal bees with nut for sauce That's all that Allah has to say about bees. Anal bees with nut for sauce. Exactly. Which Eli says is the best lube. That's true. And then we get to the most frustratingly mistitled chapter in the book, Surah 17, The Night Journey. And I guess we weren't the only ones noticing a conspicuous lack of Jew hate here, because the next chapter starts with several verses of what a bunch of fuck-ups the Jews are.

Yeah. Right. And then in verse 12, we get more of the alcoholic teacher with tenure about to retire who doesn't give a fuck anymore. dark the sign of night while we made the sign of day illuminating that you may know the number of the years and the reckoning yeah like and we have explained everything in detail with full explanation and also it sounds like the scribe was like to predict his words, and Moe was just saying other wrong stuff for spite, so he wouldn't get it right. It's like, night is dark, and day is light, light, no, no, not light. Day is illuminating, is what I was going to say. Yeah, the notes in mine are, Mohammed is a bad TA.

Look, I put all the notes up online, gave out my email at the beginning of the year. Please don't write a bad evaluation. I really need this $60. I get here at nine. Five bucks an hour in the dining hall. He also talks about the book that he keeps of everyone's sins. You know, that Allah keeps, I guess. And I'm just saying, there is no amount of money I would not pay to see Eli's book of cities.

Oh, shit. Volume 1, Masturbating on Animals. Volume 2, Masturbating in Animals. Volume 3, Masturbating Animals. Volume 4, Happy Scrappy Hero Puppy. Hey, hey, hey, that last one is my erotic children's book. Do not spoil it for people. Do not.

Happy Scrappy. People do not. Happy Scrappy. And right after that, Muhammad explains why it's okay to raze whole cities to the ground. It says, hey, look, before we burn a city down and murder all of its inhabitants, we politely ask all the rich people to stop being non-Muslims. And if they say no, what? We're supposed to not murder the babies? What the fuck?

Come on. Come on. Come on. Come on. Come on. I'm pretty sure the Saudi version is saying that, you know, we always offer them a prima nocta program, to be fair, and they always say no. So, you know,

if the Jews didn't want to get murdered out of existence, they should have thought about getting bread out of existence like civilized people. We offer it, is all we're saying. Would the gentleman prefer

to be murdered then raped or raped then murdered? Brony and cheese. Well, he does tell us in verse 31 not to kill our children because we're poor. Kind of fucked up that he felt the need to say that but it's definitely good advice.

I mean, there's this 30 or so, there's this whole string of good advice but it's such an odd mix of shit like don't murder your children for money is right next to don't commit adultery and then he stacks on some other bullshit but it's so random it's like don't rip the eyelids off the elderly

don't punch rabbits let other people off the train before you get on and try not to over pronounce Wednesday the maker of cipher in the Snow comes... My copy has an interesting loophole here. It seems to be saying that you are allowed to have unlawful sexual intercourse as long as you don't come near it.

So, like, money shot, ceiling fan, run outside the door. So when you think about it, Mia Khalifa is the best Muslim, not the worst. And the types of questions he's offering up here are insane. In 51, he tells you what to say if one of those filthy non-believers ask you how you can be resurrected

if you turn iron or stone. What? Like the most pressing question for people about the bodily resurrection is going to be, okay, but what if I get killed by Medusa? What then? Build a bridge out of her. Grapes. Churches.

Well, and when he isn't doing that, he's offering up like tests for their gods that Allah wouldn't pass either, right? Right. In 56, he says, notice how when they call upon their non-Allah gods to make their diseases go away, it never works.

It's because they're full of shit. But what about when we... Fuck off! Fuck off! Rub some rainbow bee vomit in there. Fine. Allah's busy. Go play outside.

Go play outside. Also, God is still really pissed about the she-camel. She comes up again. i had no idea she was going to be such a major player in this book but when he's explaining why he doesn't send more signs of his existence he says look what those motherfuckers did to my she camel i i still don't get this she camel thing she got tied up and and raped by the townspeople but doesn't that make her kind of the perp i I feel like I'm blaming the rape

victim here. That's just bad musliming, as I understand it. Okay, and I think we finally have to admit that this was very clearly a camel Muhammad was fucking. Oh, yeah. It wasn't God's camel. It was his favorite fuck camel, and there was like a donkey punch situation, or I spit on your

grave thing, and now every now and then he just breaks down like your buddy talking about his ex and the head scribe was like, we're going to make that God's camel. Everybody. Okay. Yep. Yep. No, no.

Affirmative self referencing pronouns. It's all. And I guess he just can't sign off without a little dig at Jesus either, because the very last verse says, all praise be to God who never had a son proclaim his presence and if you're thinking to yourself hmm I wonder where in the surah title the night journey it'll talk about the

fucking night journey on the winged horse but the fuck with the fucking man face clearly you haven't been paying attention to the chapter titles in this book and how that works because no fucking mention of it is ever met I've been waiting for Muhammad to ride rainbow dash for 17 fucking surahs and still nothing you know my little ponies see see i think you guys are reading it wrong because like you ever wake up in the middle of the night which is like terrible diarrhea and you're just like worried you're dying because it's

just lava and you just fill the bowl like you just created a punch bowl of shit that you can feel getting closer and closer to you. That's what this sort of feels like. So there you go. The night time. That's really what he was doing. Fuck this book. Thanks for the visual. And finally, last one we're doing tonight anyway.

There's still plenty more but we've got to talk about Surah 18 The Cave. Also there's a cave in this one pretty much right away, too. So I think Muhammad's getting a little better. Yeah, finally. You got the feeling Mo woke up hungover after like the first 17 Surahs and was like, oh, did I write all that? I said it was the word of God, too. I can't. No backspace. OK, here we go. I'm getting to it. No back seats. Okay, here we go.

I'm getting to it. Right, so the story here is that Allah shot two different groups of people into caves. He cryogenically froze them or whatever. And then he woke them up later to see if they could figure out how long they'd been asleep. We also get some more science here. And it's astronomy this time. According to the Quran, the sun rises in the right and sets in the left. And this is, quote,

one of God's wonders, end quote, that things face north sometimes. It's a wonder. But hey, how much fun must it be to argue that apologetic? No, my left. Stop it, Brian. You're being a dick.

What about now? Stop turning. Stop turning. And then, just when you think the Quran might settle the fuck down and tell you a story, Muhammad starts barking about how God is going to pour boiling water all over the non-Muslims' faces in hell. Look, guys,

I can have one drink. I'm not going to get drunk and start yelling again. Flash cut to fucking Zeus. My copy is actually a little different here. It says the heathens are going to get put inside a wall of fire, which is actually the least weird part of the scenario because from inside their fire cubicle, they can ask for water and a waiter will bring it over, I guess.

But it's going to be boiling water. Uh-huh. Which still puts out fire. Yes. Exactly. Exactly. The heathens are just going to throw it in their faces right away without letting it cool.

Hey, and can I just say, this is by far the most terrifying vision of hell I've ever heard. Yes, exactly. The heathens are just going to throw it in their faces right away without letting it cool. Hey, and can I just say, this is by far the most terrifying vision of hell I've ever heard. Just an eternity of watching a barista hand you a latte you know is going to be molten lava for the next four hours. You try and drink it anyway. Fuck, damn it, Chad. You had to push a button, man. No, I don't want to come to your band, man. Fuck. And by the way, we are done, apparently,

with the cave story. That's the last... We're done hearing about who are those guys? What was the point of it? What was that you were just saying about not having ambiguity? Oh, never mind.

I don't care. Any new information, that's what I wanted. That's what I got. They mentioned new characters. Small victories. No anal beads in the cave, either. I'm still fine with this as long as we don't have to hear the story about how Satan wouldn't bow to Adam again.

Yeah, right. And then he tells the story about Satan not bowing to Adam again. Motherfucker! And then we get this Moses story, which reads like a dumb person telling you a joke that they don't get. It's kind of insane. I literally wrote in the notes, this is like a five-year-old trying to you a joke that they don't get. Yeah, right. It's kind of insane. I don't understand. I literally wrote in the notes, this is like a five-year-old trying to tell a joke. Yep.

Yeah, it is. Right, so apparently all of the Jews fish come to life and wander off or something. So Moses is following a dude who promises to show him how to fish or something. I don't know, but no ambiguity, though. No, none at all. And by the way, I just want to emphasize that the setup on this story is that the fish came to life and wandered off. Okay, so then Moses is walking with his dude.

They come across a boat, so he drills a hole in it. And Moses is like, what the fuck, dude? And he says, quit asking me questions and shit. And then they come across the kid, and the dude murders the kid. And Moses is like, what the fuck, dude? And he says, quit asking me questions and shit. And then he braces the wall of a building that's about to fall down. And Moses says, what the fuck, dude?

For some reason, because Moses is an asshole, I guess. And the guy gets sick of Moses and then asks him to leave. Yeah, it's that classic parable about drowning a boat full of people, killing a child and fixing a wall. Try circling the one that doesn't belong. Can't do it. Right? Yeah. That's God.

Exactly. Right. But then he explains why he drilled holes in boats and murdered children. And it turns out he had really good reasons, I guess, for murdering that innocent kid. Yeah. So, you know. Okay. So the moral of this story is that you can't judge an innocent child murderer by its cover.

He says, well, no, that kid was going to rebel against his parents. That's why I murdered him. And we, the reader, are supposed to go, oh, so he needed to murder that kid even though he hadn't done anything wrong yet. He was dead the whole time. I get it. And, yeah, I think this is the origin of another old saying, actually. I did and yeah I think this is the origin

of another old saying actually how does it go give a Jewish guy a dead Muslim child and he'll eat for a day oh god teach a Jewish guy

to murder Muslim kids and he'll overthrow Palestine it's something like that that is actually a song they sing on Muslim Sesame Street

so I was genuinely baffled like this like I felt someone ripped pages out of my Quran like as a prank I just sat there in my bed on Muslim Sesame Street. I was genuinely baffled like this. I felt someone ripped pages out of my Koran as a prank. I just sat there in my bed like, 232, 233. Nope, can't be, can't be.

Okay, 232, 233. Fuck this book. Fuck this book. Yeah. And lastly in this era, we're treated to the story of Dulc Carnane. I have no fucking idea. But apparently he was a king or something, and he traveled all the way to the place on the earth where the sun sets. Hotel California.

Oh, okay. Yeah, yeah. It'll be on the left. On the left. Of everything. That's on the left of everything. Scientific foreknowledge and whatnot. He also went to the place from which it rises you know just to

be thorough the other left yes yes which really doesn't seem fair because it can't be easy to live where the sun rises like it's probably hot there at least in the mornings yeah and then he reminds us about how we're going to hell and it's over and done. And to be honest, we'd originally planned on going through Sura 19 this week. But when I realized that we had a chance to stop on one that actually had new stories in it and shit, I figured for the sake of morale, we just had to jump on that opportunity. So that's all the Quran we're going to fuck with this time around. But we'll be back in three weeks to knock out some more. Between now and then, I'll just be scrubbing the stupid out of my eyes with a toothbrush. I want my little ponies. My little?

Before we split the check tonight, I wanted to thank Seth Andrews from the Thinking Atheist podcast for inviting Eli Heath and me on to review a couple of our favorite least favorite Christian movies. It's one of the most fun guest spots we've ever done. If you haven't already checked out that episode, I encourage you to look for the link on the show notes for this episode or check it out on YouTube where you get the bonus ability to see clips of the movies that we're reviewing and you get to watch Eli dance. Anyway, that's all the blasphemy we've got for you tonight, but we'll be back in 10,022 minutes with more. If you can't wait that long, be on the lookout for a brand new episode of our sister shows Hot hot friend Godawful Movies debuting at 8 a.m. Eastern on Tuesday. We're halfway through Mormon Movie Month and it just keeps getting crazier. Obviously, I deserve to have my hosting license revoked if I neglected to thank Keith Enright for always keeping it classy. I need to

thank the lovely Lucinda Lusions for her continued not divorcing me that she seems so inexplicably good at. And I need to thank Eli Bosnick for never not being funny. Also want to thank Keegan and Rich from the Reason Nugget Facebook page for providing this week's Farnsworth quote. If your Facebook feed is in need of Nuggets or Reason, you'll find a link to their page on the show notes for this episode. But most of all, of course, I need to thank this week's most cordial Cordates, Pitt Atheist, Andrew Insto, Lisa, Jeannie, James, Reverend Jesus H. Christ, The Inciting Incident Podcast, Julie, Michael, Clara, Tiffany, Andy, Lisa, Other James, Robert, Trent, Timothy, Joe, Chuck, and Alan. Pitt Atheist, Andrew Insto, Lisa, Jeannie, James, and Reverend Jesus H. Christ, who are

the subject of the badass jokes that Chuck Norris and the Dos Equis guys tell each other. The Inciting Incident Podcast, Julie, Michael, Clara, Tiffany, Andy, and Lisa, whose intellects make Einstein look like Eisenberg. And other James, Robert, Trent, Timothy, Joe, Chuck, and Alan, whose erections are so hard, Battletoads brags about beating them. Together, these 21 wonderful wonders of wondrous wonderment wondered whether we could use a little help getting by this week, so they gave us money.

You, too, can give us money by making a per-episode donation at patreon.com slash scathingatheist, whereby you'll earn early access to an extended edition of every episode, or you can make a one-time donation by clicking on the donate button on the right side of the homepage at scathingatheist.com. And if you'd like to help with the Illuminati as tracking your every expenditure and you

can't afford to clue them in again, you can also help us a ton by leaving us a five-star review on iTunes, Stitcher, or your podcast rating vehicle of choice. You can also find bonus nuggets of scatheism by following us on Twitter, liking us on Facebook, and subscribing to us on YouTube. If you have questions, comments, or death threats, you'll find all the contact info on the contact page at scathingatheist.com. All the music used in this episode was written and performed by yours truly, and yes, I did have my permission.

Now should I be pronouncing this as shampoo? Nope, sorry, shampoo.