The Scathing Atheist - ScathingAtheist 175: His Ark is Worse Than His Bite Edition

Episode Date: June 23, 2016

In this week’s episode, we’ll read the book equivalent of getting dicked to death by wolverines, state-mandated anal probes get two thumbs up from a Kenyan judge, and Bill Donohue will dress up like a penguin and plot against Batman. Click Here to make a per episode donation at Patreon.com Click Here to buy our book. Click Here to check out The Skepticrat. Click Here to check out God Awful Movies. Guest Links: Click Here to help Dan Arel get to the Ark Park protest Click Here to check out the HolyCrap Vlogcast Headlines: Creationists to counter-protest atheists at Ark Park opening: http://www.patheos.com/blogs/friendlyatheist/2016/06/18/how-many-levels-of-protests-will-take-place-on-opening-day-of-the-noahs-ark-theme-park/ Donohue: Law to extend statutes on child rape was designed “to rape the Catholic church.” http://www.patheos.com/blogs/friendlyatheist/2016/06/21/bill-donohue-law-to-help-child-abuse-victims-was-really-intended-to-rape-the-catholic-church/ Police in Trenton NJ plan to bring underage curfew violators to churches in the middle of the night: http://www.patheos.com/blogs/friendlyatheist/2016/06/18/kids-who-violate-curfew-will-be-sent-to-church-say-trenton-nj-police/ Hackers add gay pride stuff to ISIS Twitter accounts: http://religionnews.com/2016/06/18/hackers-add-rainbows-gay-pride-slogans-to-isis-accounts/ Canadian police break up fight over whether or not the earth is flat or round http://www.patheos.com/blogs/friendlyatheist/2016/06/15/canadian-police-had-to-break-up-a-fight-over-whether-the-earth-is-flat-or-round/ Turkish Muslim mob attacks album release party at record store in Istanbul for not doing nothing during Ramadan: http://www.patheos.com/blogs/friendlyatheist/2016/06/18/muslims-attack-istanbul-music-event-upset-that-it-took-place-during-ramadan/ Man attacked with machetes for not fasting on Ramadan: http://www.patheos.com/blogs/friendlyatheist/2016/06/10/man-is-attacked-with-machetes-by-muslim-boys-who-were-upset-he-wasnt-fasting/ Anderson cooper is too gay to interview straight people http://www.patheos.com/blogs/friendlyatheist/2016/06/15/bryan-fischer-anderson-cooper-is-gay-so-hes-disqualified-from-interviewing-anti-gay-politicians/ Anderson cooper goes hard in the paint on bigot: http://www.patheos.com/blogs/friendlyatheist/2016/06/14/floridas-anti-gay-attorney-general-pam-bondi-taken-to-task-by-anderson-cooper-for-her-past-bigotry/ Anal probes are a legal way to determine if someone is gay: http://www.patheos.com/blogs/friendlyatheist/2016/06/16/kenyan-judge-says-anal-probes-are-a-legal-way-to-determine-if-someone-is-gay/   This Week in Misogyny: Six months for raping an accident victim: http://www.thedailybeast.com/articles/2016/03/04/state-trooper-gets-just-6-months-for-raping-car-accident-victim.html Amish couple sells 14 year old daughter: https://www.thesun.co.uk/news/1303574/amish-couple-arrested-after-gifting-their-daughter-14-to-man-who-went-on-to-father-two-children-with-her/?CMP=spklr--Editorial--FBPAGE--TheSun-thesun--20160619--News--497084531-_-Image,textandlink Abortion Drone: http://thinkprogress.org/world/2016/06/21/3790692/abortion-drone-ireland/

Warning, if we beeped out all of the offensive stuff, this podcast would be Morse code. This week's episode of The Scathing Atheist is brought to you by Hijab Creators, the new fashion line for the conservative women of Islam. Hijab Creators, because Muslim neoconservatives want to dress like they're in The Matrix, plus a ninja mask. And now, The scathing atheist. Hi, I'm Shujing Tribble. I'm Dallin. Hi, I'm Heretic Woman.

Hi, I'm Chris. Hi, I'm Bridget Fitch. Hi, I'm Joseph. Hi, I'm Joe. I'm Unrenowned Tech. That's what you get for free, Noah. Fuck you. It's Thursday.

It's June 23rd. And Eric Hovind looks like Lance Bass's rejected stunt double. I have no illusions. I'm Eli Bosnick. I'm Heath Enright. And from New York, New York and Valdosta, Georgia, this is The Scathing Atheist. On this week's episode, we'll read the book equivalent of getting fucked to death by wolverines. State-mandated anal probes get two thumbs up from a Kenyan judge.

And Bill Donahue will dress up like a penguin and plot against Batman. But first, the diatribe. Sometimes people apologize to me for having been religious. Always strikes me as weird. And you've got to appreciate that when I have a chance to meet our listeners, it's kind of weird already. I mean, don't get me wrong. Some of the best podcasting memories I have and some of the best overall memories I have are the chances that we've had to meet our listeners. But it's still weird.

Yeah, I mean, I sit alone in a room or in a room with Heath or Lucinda, whatever, telling dick jokes to an inanimate object. You know, that's my day-to-day routine. It's one of the most asocial jobs you can imagine. I mean, I know you're there. I know we're talking to somebody, but all I ever see is a download number. And on the rare occasion that I do get to meet any of you, I'm on this weird, impotent end of the balance of conversational power, you know?

Depending on how long you've been listening, you more or less know me, but the only thing I know about you is that you have an affinity for a well-crafted dick joke. So my natural response is to try to reverse that a bit. It's the nature of this bizarre conversation we're engaged in. I always have the floor, so when I get a chance to meet you, neither of us want to talk about me. We talk about me every fucking week. We want to talk about you. What got you there? What demons did you have to fight through to get to this side of rationality? And look, I'm genuinely curious, even from just a purely self-serving angle, because my story is boring and easy. You know, my parents were so lackadaisical about their religion that my rejection of faith was essentially a painless process of thinking to myself, well, this doesn't make any fucking sense.

You know, I didn't have to face any ostracization or any difficult conversations with my parents. I wasn't estranged from my spouse. There was no wedge driven between me and my kids. I lost no social standing or community. Hell, I wasn't even sacrificing that comforting fantasy about the omnipotent fiduciary with the omnipresent ear since I'd never really talked myself into believing it in the first place. I just learned too much for any of it to make any sense anymore. And hell, I even had a head start on that since my parents were ostensibly Mormons. And then there's you. By a stroke of dispassionate fortune, I was airlifted over the labyrinth that you had to fight your way through.

And I saw you down there. I could just barely make you out, but I saw you. And of course, from above, the dead ends betrayed themselves, and you looked like a fool wandering down a path that I could ultimately see would coil in on itself. You looked like a fool walking into that unsprung trap around the corner that I could so easily see from above. So I watched you turning right when the exit was straight ahead and turning back when the path was about to straighten out. I watched you treading back over familiar passages,

and I got so frustrated that I shouted down to you, but you could just barely hear me. I mean, even if you realized that you were the one I was shouting at, you couldn't make out my words. You couldn't understand me. And so I left you there. I got to the other side. I drew a map of what I could remember and I meant to go back for you, but I never did. And now here we are years later and you've made it through without my help or the fortuitous aerial view i've been on the other side for years i've had time to set up shop here settle down get a lay of the land and here you are still nursing your minotaur wounds and i see you across the field i run up to you desperately trying to formulate my excuse for never adventuring back

into that labyrinth to find you and before i can form the most feeble of pretext, you apologize to me for being late. Imagine my surprise. And keep in mind that this happens to me a lot, you know, at least once a week through email, but something like a dozen times just at Reason Rally. People would come up to me, introduce themselves, say a few kind words about the work we do, and then they would sheepishly admit that they only made their way out of church a few years ago. You know, they're not ashamed of their scarlet letter, mind you. They're just ashamed it hasn't had time to fray. I mean, I guess I get it. When you come face to face with all the damage that religion does, there has to be a part of you that feels guilty for all the time you spent perpetuating it. But that doesn't change the fact that you were a victim. You may

have laid a few new bricks while you were in there, but nobody should have put you in that labyrinth in the first place. And nobody should have built it, and the government shouldn't subsidize it, and nobody should have flown over the top of it in their youth and laughed at the people inside with a smug and unwarranted air of superiority. Look, I gave up nothing to be here, except maybe a less fun job that pays better, but when I meet a man in his 60s that was a devout Baptist until his late 50s, you know, I know he's given up a lot of himself to get there. I know he had to come face to face with a lot of demons, a lot of lies he'd been told by the people that love him,

and a lot of lies that he'd told to the people he loved. He had to simultaneously come to grips with both his culpability and his victimhood. He had to kick away pillars that had damned back his doubts for decades and face that oncoming flood with no reward on the other side of it but knowledge. I've never done anything so daring in my life, and I don't know that I'd be able to muster the courage if I had to. That man is my hero, but he's more than that.

He's also my muse. Because in addition to inspiring me with his courage, he also vindicates my purpose. See, I did go back up in that balloon. I'm floating over that labyrinth shouting down right now. And what better way to mold my message than to learn what it's like on the inside from a person who never gave up the quest to get out. Joining me for headlines tonight are the peanut butter and jelly of atheism, Heath Enright and Eli Bosnick. Fellas, are you ready to be appealing to children but ultimately prove unhealthy? I think we're more like the jelly or syrup of atheism.

Salads are healthy is what I'm saying. Tossing them isn't. The more you know. We all learned that the hard way, didn't we? In our lead story tonight, from the Noah's arcing ropes of jism file it looks like creationist minister eric hovind might get a lot more than just saliva on his cheek if he runs into eli at the opening of ken ham's arc encounter theme park on july 7th apparently mr hovind who looks like nazi dax shepherd just ate lemon, heard about an atheist protest at the event and decided to stage a counter-protest in response. Seems to me a counter-counter-protest is in order.

How deep do you want this rabbit hole to go, Eric? How deep? So, here's a little background for anyone who hasn't been following the story of the Ark Encounter. Who? Who is that? Who listens to our show that doesn't know? Fuck that guy. Fuck that guy. Read a newspaper, man. Come on. You made it to our podcast, but you don't know about it. It's fine. Go.

Alright, so for that one guy who's an asshole, Answers in Genesis President and Amish Wolverine Ken Ham took some time away from log cabin joinery using his adamantium claws to try the same technique on building an enormous wooden replica of Noah's Ark in Williamstown, Kentucky, which is about 600 miles from the nearest ocean. That's eight years if you're walking. The functionless boat is regardless going to be the centerpiece of a so-called creationist science museum.

And if that wasn't reason enough to protest the stupid fucking thing, they're somehow getting public funding in the form of tax breaks despite refusing to hire gay people to work at the facility. atheist people or trans people or Jewish people or Muslim people or Hindu people or non-creationist Christians or old earth creationist Christians or unmarried cohabitators or pornography users. Public funding. Set aside for a moment that any of that shit's legal for anyone, but public funding. Yeah, $18 million for those who are wondering. Two and a half weeks of fucking Woody Harrelson's wife. Want to do that math in your head all right so just to recap eric hovind is organizing a group of people that are going to be picketing in favor of

pseudoscience and employment discrimination yeah that's what he's doing but we want more of this when do we want it whenever exactly but don't tell anybody about it because he wants to keep it a secret. Yes, yes. According to the video he posted on what he seems to think is a private part of YouTube, quote, don't tell the atheists we're coming. We want it to be a complete surprise. So everybody be very, quiet exactly and as someone who saw how well the christians did it reason really i am really sad i can't be there right i'm broken

right oh and speaking of sad that they can't be there uh in the interest of counter counter protesting friend of the show dan errol is trying to make it to the park's opening to join in on the i believe first layer of protest that first outer sphere anyway trying to make it to the park's opening to join in on the, I believe, first layer of protest, that first outer sphere. Anyway, Dan, if you don't know, he's a freelance reporter that's been instrumental in keeping all the shady shit that Ken Ham's been up to in the public eye. And freelance reporters get paid dicks. So he's asking for some help getting there. If you're interested in lending him a hand, we'll have the link to his GoFundMe on the show notes for this episode. Just wanted to throw that out there.

Excellent. And one last thing. Just to be clear, Eli already mentioned it. I'm not saying Eli's definitely planning to be there on July 7th, but if he does make it, Cheek Fluid would be a very reasonable risk to consider for any

notable creationists thinking about attending. And also, they might get jizz on their face. Please don't encourage him prank war and then i'd settle for just one league under the sea news tonight catholic league president and albino yoda bill donahue took one of the most sinister public victory laps in american history this week in celebration of the continued impunity of child rapists okay okay no look i don't like bill donahue either but let's not exaggerate what did he actually do oh no no no this is not a euphemism

i know you're kind of the rookie here but if i say bill donahue danced on the bones of his ancestors you should assume i mean that literally yeah same goes for when i say he looks like carl rove got fucked by carl Rove's father. I'm sure he did. By the way, dance on the bones of my ancestors is my new shorthand for fucking your dad. Anyone wants to throw that out there? Ironic that that sentence bred a euphemism. And pedant ironic, too.

Anyway, so after a New York bill that would have eliminated the statute of limitations in cases of child molestation failed to reach the floor last week, Donahue issued a triumphant press release declaring that fuck those money-grubbing rape victims. And while I admit I took a little bit of liberty in the paraphrase there, the following description of the proposed legislation is a direct quote. He called it, quote, a vindictive bill pushed by lawyers and activists out to rape the Catholic Church. End quote. bill pushed by lawyers and activists out to rape the catholic church and the quote these lawyers use their position of trust and authority to rape the church with impunity and just just now thanks to the brave efforts of few we're starting to see the scope of the problem i look like someone tried

to make a statue of dick cheney out of a penis yeah Ideally, Rush Limbaugh's penis. Yeah, perfect. Eli makes a great point. I mean, where's the spotlight movie about the lawyers who raped the rapists? I mean, oh, right, hold on. They're the good guys in Spotlight. Yes, exactly.

Who rapes the rapists? A much less popular Watchmen spinoff. And I could never figure out why. Seems like it would be... Anyway, now, obviously, the word rape gets all the attention in that sentence, as it should, Much less popular Watchmen spinoff. And I could never figure out why. Seems like it would be. Anyway, now, obviously, the word rape gets all the attention in that sentence, as it should. But I also love the idea that wanting to punish people for raping kids is vindictive. Then you have not spent time on the prayers for Brock Facebook group.

Guilty as charged. Guilty, I'll admit. 20 minutes of action, 20 minutes of statute. That's fair. 20 generations of child rape shouldn't ruin an entire religion's future. But, I mean, look, the logic chain that leads to Donahue's conclusion includes the phrases, and who rapes children? We rape children. That makes you the automatic bad guy in all scenarios.

Yeah, if Bill Donahue was a movie villain he would be lazily written right right you'd be like come on really so i think we can all agree that there's no such thing as a good statute of limitations on child rape i prefer bronze oh statute statute yeah new york state provides ample proof that there is such thing as a bad one so under the current law victims of child sexual abuse have until they're 23 to bring charges against their attacker now this this proposed amputation band-aid that failed to reach the floor would have only extended that by five years and because of the influence of people like donahue and groups like the catholic lead not even that kernel of common sense can pass through the state's legislative rectum yeah and this has to make people wonder like what were the

counter arguments it's not like nobody talked about this right someone this week had to be like really fucking people who are almost 30 get over it right slippery slope what's next 31 year old rape victims getting justice 32 where do you draw the line? Who said nowhere? Fuck you, Brian. This is serious. Take this seriously. Oh, and in the cocking news tonight, police in Trenton, New Jersey, have a brand new idea of how to punish minors who violate curfew. Rape them.

Okay, well, not rape them themselves, because that should be done through the official channels uh yeah right like the way i'm writing letters to my congressman about letting me rape steve anderson yeah exactly the problem i'm just saying we should do a crossover with cog disc fly you and tom out there to fight and fuck steve anderson respectively i i would get us to that patreon goal myself no uh, it's not that, unfortunately. Curfew violators under the age of 18 will now be transported by police to the nearest church. So they're outsourcing the room.

Exactly. Wow. Not sure why they don't just drop them off at my apartment. Seems more direct, and I'm right over the GWB. Whatever. It's fine. I get it. Anyways, this new policy is in response

to increased youth violence in the area and the plan is that kids who violate curfew get brought to church and then their parents will be notified to pick them up

and, I guess, bring paper towels. Well, yeah, because if you don't clean that shit up right away, it streaks. That's true. But meanwhile,

Eli doesn't even get panes of glass involved most of the time. But maybe I'm not giving this policy the credit deserves. After all, if as a kid, I knew they were going to bring me to a church alone at night and then call my parents in the dead of night in the hopes they wake up and get me before the priest found out where I was the most ticklish, I would have been in bed by six. Yeah, right.

No, no, no, i'm good nappy noop and from the tweet a dick file tonight stop that is the funniest thing that anyone has ever written stop listening pause the show you do not deserve think of tweet a dick. That's fucking, you don't deserve us. You do not deserve heat. So speaking of tweet a dick, we have a tiny bit of good news to report in the wake of the tragic massacre in Orlando. And this obviously doesn't make up for organized religious bigotry contributing to the murder of 50 people, but it's something, I guess. So we're going to talk about it.

the murder of 50 people, but it's something, I guess. So we're going to talk about it. So according to recent reports, the Anonymous Hacker Collective continued their targeted online harassment campaign against supporters of ISIS. But most recently, they've added a new twist in solidarity with the LGBT community. Instead of just fucking with crazy people in general, they've been taking over Twitter accounts and adding pro-gay images and slogans. So tweet a dick now. instead of just fucking with crazy people in general, they've been taking over Twitter accounts and adding pro-gay images and slogans. So tweet a dick now.

Nice, nice. Butt plug ISIS flag. You've been training for this your whole life. And you know this means there's some guy in a cave somewhere on the phone with tax support just like, I have tried resetting my password. It is death to infidels, all one word, and then the number four.

No, no capitals. No word and then the number four no no capitals no okay the number four so this is uh excellent stuff now a whole bunch of muslim homophobes have twitter accounts featuring rainbow flags and phrases like i'm gay and i'm proud and also by the way if the hackers took the suggestion of Maxim Magazine, plenty of the hacked accounts should also feature ISIS soldiers dressed in pink robes posed like a George Costanza sexy couch photograph. Which is fantastic. Not that there's anything wrong with that.

No, I like that idea. Paint me like one of your nine-year-old girls. So, again, yeah, loving the effort here. But I do feel like this kind of opens up that whole question of, you know, who was the good guy in Captain America Civil War? About which is wrong. Fine. Not here.

All I'm saying is the ability to secretly control the Internet is, you know, pretty much a superpower at this point. So I'd be a lot more comfortable if these hackers were somehow accountable if they do stop being good guys at some point but for now anyway great job love it you sound like such an iron man apologist or now i i want to say too if our government was able to doodle dicks on terrorist twitter accounts this wouldn't matter so much right if we had guys or or if if maybe even if their present strategy vis-a-vis isis was more effective than the dick doodling approach i wouldn't feel so bad about it but yeah it's worrisome and in propane in the ass news tonight police in brockville ontario responded to a live action facebook conversation last week after a disagreement over the shape of the earth

ended in an attempt to blow shit up so So according to investigators, the incident began when a 56-year-old man got into an argument with his son's girlfriend and ended when he threw a propane tank onto a campfire because that stupid bitch kept insisting that the earth was flat. Now that's what I call a flame war. Zing! They always go Godwin so quickly. It's ridiculous. Now, I want to be very clear i don't endorse throwing explosive gases on open flames in an uncontrolled manner in response to flat earthers

but that's not to say i don't understand it or controlled manner i i don't endorse lick raping ray comfort either but i understand it it's like two part Foster's, one part pig urine. That would have been... Is that vegan, though? Yeah, as long as the pig's alive and into it. Well, but what I'm saying here is that I've had that thought. I've had that, like, I bet dying in a fiery explosion

in a forest would be better than talking to this idiot more, kind of a feeling before as well as the i wonder if he tastes like a blooming onion thought you know both of those which actually would make perfect sense considering he looks like michael savage just came out of the fryer at an outback steakhouse michael savage looks like michael savage just right yes but less well done yeah now unfortunately no record exists of the actual conversation, but we were able to input a highly detailed psychological profile

of both parties into a conversational simulator and determine the most likely transcript, which Heath and Eli have agreed to reenact for you now. So, Heath, you'll be the 56-year-old Canadian dude. We'll call him Gordy. Whoa, whoa, whoa. Way too soon. Gordy, really?

Was that the monkey they shot? And Eli, of course, you'll then be the 20-something Canadian flat-earther chick. We'll call her Moon Java. I brought a costume. And I already dressed like Gordy. Oh, well, there you go. Okay, ready? I'm Gordy.

Got it. Something, something as sure as the earth is round. LOL. You think the earth is round? You believe everything Monsanto tells you? Hashtag sheeple. Hashtag frankensheep. The earth is round.

Here's a picture. ROFLMAO. No way. That could be faked. Hashtag Stanley Kubrick. Hashtag too much fluoride. What about satellites? What about eclipses? What about the fact that I can't see town from my porch? How about the fact

that Neil deGrasse Tyson is a direct descendant of a Merovingian monarchs and known member of Skull and Bones? Hashtag jet fuel 1500 degrees. Hashtag steel 2750. Hashtag do the math. So just tell me, what do I have to throw into what to end this conversation hashtag minion memes no at this point apparently gory elected to use the delete and ban user function which unfortunately isn't a legal option in real life conversations according to police he grew increasingly irate and began throwing shit on the campfire culminating in the aforementioned propane tank which is bad nobody's denying that nobody's saying he's the hero of this story

he's just the most sympathetic character yeah we're not saying he's the hero we deserve saying he's the hero we need and in radio headhunters news tonight. Okay. Pop quiz. What do Turkish Islamists and Eli Bosnick have in common? Oh, anti-Semitic. Good guess, but no. If your answer was a severe dislike for Radiohead listening parties, give yourself ten points.

We also would have accepted a shaky view on whether or not it's okay to have sex with a nine-year-old girl. See, now, I had ability to make women feel like their clitoris is useless allegedly skeptics we're skeptics i need proof anyways a listening party for radiohead's new album a moon-shaped pool was interrupted by a violent and angry mob furious that people would be listening to music and drinking alcohol during the holy month. Right.

And to show how dissatisfied they were at people doing forbidden stuff during the holy month, they responded by doing a bunch of forbidden stuff during the holy month, including smashing the business's windows and attacking the customers inside. Yeah, it's kind of like a government shutdown. They only do essential Muslim services. A Turkish paper quoted one of the attackers as saying, quote, Do you not feel ashamed of drinking alcohol during Ramadan?

Not adding, But more importantly, Radiohead, what are you trying to finger bang a Wiccan? They sound like a teenager describing the time he threw the New York Philharmonic down a well. But I'm going to go ahead and pull a Reza Aslan here, along with so many others, and say that really the Radiohead listeners are to blame here. I mean, they

incite this violence. I've got a whole piece coming out on Salon.com. You can read it there. And I guess while you dig through the four dozen hit pieces on people who scored too high on the salon employee iq aptitude placemat in search of eli's piece we'll take a quick break and hand things over to my lovely wife lucinda a man wrote the bible a horse which one if it's a legitimate rate it's a slut right cooking can be fun hey i'm proud of a man this week sometimes misogyny isn't about action.

It's about inaction. And one of the hardest things to understand is that not every act of misogyny is trying to take away a woman's right to vote or get an abortion. Sometimes misogyny is just about making it easier on the assholes who do. Which brings me to my first story tonight. This week, Samuel McHenry pled guilty to raping a car accident victim. And for his crimes, he'll be sentenced to six whole months in jail. At his discretion, of course. The reduced sentence is due to a plea bargain.

And honestly, I can only wonder how a meeting that starts with a rape charge ends with, yeah, but he better do the full six months of jail within the year. We're serious about this shit. And plea bargain or no, perhaps the fact that a rape charge can get negotiated down to less time than I've agreed to spend reading the Quran is the problem. Now, sometimes misogyny is a bit more direct, not necessarily aimed at women, but just aimed at a fucked up way of thinking. And if you're looking for a fucked up way of thinking, the Amish are a pretty good place to start. According to The Sun, Sevilla and Daniel Stoltzfus, an Amish couple, are currently facing charges for selling their 14-year-old daughter to a 51-year-old man who provided financial support for their failing farm. farm. And as if that's not fucked up enough, when police intervened, the three adults were found to be living in a house with 11 girls aged six months to eight, two of whom were the children of the

14-year-old. So as bad as this is, sex slavery may have been an upgrade for her. And look, we've got a whole lot of weird insulated religious sex in this country, and it's probably not a coincidence that there are precisely zero of them where you don't find despicable mistreatment of women. Say something about your fundamentals when these are your fundamentalists. But after depressing the fuck out of you with some morbid stories at the close of my last couple of segments, I was finally able to locate some good news to wrap with this week. And it comes in the form of a subversive feminism bot that's on the run from Irish police. And no, this isn't George Miller's next action flick, though I would totally watch that. It's the story of the abortion drone.

So this one comes to us from Northern Ireland, home of some of Europe's most asinine and backwards abortion laws. Despite being approved by the World Health Organization and being largely considered the gold standard for medical abortions, Northern Ireland still prosecutes women for taking the combination of mifepristone and misopristol. But because of a loophole in the maze of archaic abortion laws between Northern Ireland and the Republic of Ireland, the women could get prescriptions for the drug and then have a drone fly the pills to them from one part of the island to the other. Police were present when the drone landed, but since the medication was legally prescribed, they couldn't confiscate it.

And since the two women who took it refused to say whether or not they were pregnant, citing medical privacy, they won't be prosecuted either. Now, I've got to admit, when I heard abortion robot, there was a slick little part of me hoping for an R2-D2 with a blender attachment and a handy vac. Just would have scared Christians way more. But I'm happy with any story about using the 21st century to conquer the 19th. So on that happy note, I'll hand things back over to Noah, Heath, and Eli. Thank you, Lucinda. And in fast and furious news tonight, I'm going to stick with the theme Eli had going before the break about Muslim people violently attacking other human beings

because Allah likes it a little rough, and talk about a story out of nigeria now don't worry it's not another nigerian scientific breakthrough story or another nigerian forward thinking progressive victory it's uh good huh i was tired of reading all that yeah no this time it's religious fucktardery and it comes in the form of six muslim teens who tried to murder a guy with a sword because he wasn't fasting. Okay, I feel like if everyone in Nigeria walked around with a machete, stuff like this wouldn't happen. You're right, yes. A good guy with a machete could have helped out here.

Banning machetes will never work. I'm that friend from your hometown on Facebook who lists my education as School of Hard Knocks. What about hunters? I care so much about hunters. Oh, I love hunters. Hunters, hunters, hunters. What about the Inuits? So this is the story of a Nigerian carpenter by the name of Francis Emmanuel Francis,

who apparently had the audacity to eat lunch during his lunch break, and apparently this enraged six passersby who asked if he was a Muslim or a Christian. And in Nigeria, this is like Dan Aykroyd getting the are you a god question from Gozer the Gozerian because we failed to give the preferred answer. They beat the fuck out of him and hacked him up with a machete. And in stop looking at my soft balls news tonight, Brian Fisher, who looks like he wanders around tennis courts offering to help young men with their form, had some choice words for Anderson Cooper this week.

Here, let me get my hips against your hip. I've met golf. Not now. Never helped me. Anyway. Anyways, he had some choice words for Anderson Cooper this week,

specifically that because he's gay, he's not allowed to interview bigots anymore. And this is clearly sour grapes this is beefish saying and i'm pretty sure i sent him that friend request by accident anyway i didn't even want to be on his show this show is stupid it's like a donald trump judge yeah now for those who are confused i should point out that even if this wasn't related to something that happened this is something that would totally dribble out of the porcupine vagina that Brian Fisher uses as a mouth. But in this case,

he was actually referring to Cooper's contentious interview with Florida Attorney General and participation ribbon winner in the Miss Piggly Wiggly 2004 beauty pageant, Pam Bondi, in which he asked, hey, you're not just playing on this tragedy even

though you said in court that gay marriage would do serious harm to your state, are you? Because that would make you a lipstick covered ball sack full of shit. To which she responded, no one even talk about Islam in his diatribe. Gone. So, you know how it looks when a sloppy fat kid gets hired to dress up as like spider-man at toys r us something like that full bread is my weakness well brian fisher looks like he got hired to wear the anderson cooper costume at a shitty toy store come take a picture with anderson cooper well as a result of pointing out that if you've actively worked against gay marriage or, say, thought it was illegitimate to object to a gathering of atheists because LGBTQ events were on the agenda, you're not really an ally and never were.

Fisher had decided that Anderson Cooper – it's okay. I just said it fast enough. They can't hear. Their eyes are based on movement. Anderson Cooper is no longer fit to report on stories. What with the gays in them saying, quote, he has no business trying to do journalism on an issue as fraught with emotion as the homosexual agenda. He's disqualified from providing any kind of objective journalistic treatment of that topic. End quote is what Brianrian fisher said about anderson cooper also do journalism like doing a joint of pot like what really and i gotta admit i see his point so i'd like to propose a list of

things that brian fisher should no longer be allowed to report on guys any ideas oh this is good um people with voices that sound like a fat man learning to play the pan flute shouldn't be allowed to that's a good people in glass houses it's a really good one um what about uh john mccain and colonel sanders double teaming a surrogate mom not allowed to work how about skin so papery and white it tears with a wide smile. Or how about where Anderson Cooper's dick goes? Jerry Sandusky on South Park. A ghost that haunts a miniature golf course. Use your hips.

God damn it. And finally tonight, from the Pooper Troopers file, according to last week's ruling by Kenyan judge Matthew Amukule of the Mombasa High Court, there was no foul play involved when police arrested two men and then proceeded to shove objects in their asses. Non-consensually, just for clarity. Because I've had that dream. Not in the fun way so uh yeah he's saying those cops were just checking if the perps were gay and seeing if they could find any aids in there that's all they were doing so so wait so the words no no i was shoving this up his ass to make sure he wasn't gay were actually spoken yeah almost for me in high school but i mean how but how do you

would do you just see how many sonometers you can shove it in i don't get it so uh here's what happened the two men in question were arrested last year on suspicion of gaying i guess after the gay rumor task force that they must have at this police department heard from Duma, who heard from Bussar, who heard from Barack that these two guys might be doing butt stuff together. So the cops hunted them down at a bar, took them to the station for booking, and then eventually subjected them to anal exams and HIV tests tests oh against their will oh actually hold on let me back it up first a bunch of christian missionaries went to africa and bribed shit

loads of people into being jesus-based bigots right then some of those people became lawmakers in kenya then the legalized police action butt raping happened. And by the way, here's a real sentence that was uttered by this judge when he ruled against the attempted ass raping injunction order being sought by the ass rape victims. Quote, I find no violation of human dignity, right to privacy, and right to freedom of the petitioners did you look at your own asshole

clearly not and i mean that would still be terrifying even if he strengthened his claim to an or statement there either way regardless of whatever scientific evidence the anal probes yielded uh the two men are still facing sodomy charges and could spend up to 14 years in jail if they're convicted. Wow. Ass rape victims convicted. That's what's happening. And also, no word on whether these cops are going to get sticks shoved up their asses just to be sure they didn't enjoy shoving sticks up the asses of two men earlier. So, we'll find out.

Infinite regress. Who rapes the rapers? Call back. You don't deserve Tweet a Dick. You don't find out. Infinite regress. Who rapes the rapers? Call back. You don't deserve tweet a dick. You don't deserve it. You didn't pause. You kept listening, but you should have.

You didn't deserve tweet a dick. You didn't think it. It's fine. Now, I got to say, on a serious note here, how fucking backwards is Kenya? Look, in civilized countries, we don't use state-sponsored medically useless instrument rapes

unless you're considering an abortion. Get with it, Kenya. Come on. Be like a civilized country. Right. So, as usual no need to explain why we've had 30 seconds on the clock

since last week when this story came out. And we're going to be looking for ideas for the rectal homosexuality detector. Go. All right. I've been thinking about this for a really long time. If he loses his church, he's going to be looking for a job. So how about a Pastor Manning Starbucks taste test?

As minimally invasive, you would just need to insert the stir in there and then stir the coffee and he would know. Can we go with a queer Spy for the Brown Eye? All things just keep getting wetter. What about The Bronze Shovel by Bowel Trowels? Because why not do it in style? How about Enema of the State or Public Enema No. 2? The Eli Bosnick storyteller

i'm picturing like one of the you know like the the magic eye thing where you flash through maybe anyway see now i was thinking like a speak and spell thing where you just turned it to a certain thing and it would tell you about that that particular fetish like a view master yeah says stop if you're not picturing my dick across someone's eyes you're not the listeners we know and it would tell you about that particular fetish. Like a viewmaster, yeah. The goop says, stop. If you're not picturing my dick across someone's eyes, you're not the listeners we know and love. This is my last one. What about the seven-layer dipstick?

And you better hope we don't find any lube. Yeah, it's the opposite thing you're looking for. Now, I have to say, for reasons that have nothing whatsoever to do with heath pointing out that i have a pre-lubed anal insert as nearby as the driveway we're gonna have to close the headlines right there heath eli thanks as always seven layer dipstick and when we come back we'll learn that apparently the quran wasn't enough to fill eli's annual literary masochism quota for those of you whose listening memory extends back two weeks, you'll recall us talking about a pending lawsuit against the makers of Eli's favorite historical occurrence,

God's Not Dead. Self-appointed author Kelly Kahlberg claimed that large swaths of the movie were lifted from her 2006 autobiographical work about God not being dead. And while most people would rather gargle shards than read this shit that's why most people aren't eli bosnick as you may recall eli jumped at an opportunity to invest the requisite single cent that her book sells for on amazon and now that he's read the book he's promised to share all the juicy parts with us in a brand new segment called God Awful Books, Literature, Travels, Publications.

So I'll be damned if we're going to reinvent the formatting wheel here. So Heath, tell us, what will we be breaking down today? All right. We're talking about finding God beyond Harvard, the quest for Veritas. And that's about as far as I read. That's as far as anyone should have. And Eli, how bad was this book? Well, if you liked Mein Kampf but thought this book isn't smug enough, you're off because

there's Finding God Beyond Harvard, The Quest for Veritas. Yeah, yeah. Awesome. So we're pre-God winning this. Awesome. Now, Heath and I are already engaged in the two least pleasant activities a human can do. That's moving and reading the Quran. So there was no way where we were going to be able to make time for this book.

But Resident Glutton for Punishment, Eli Bosnick, has read it and is prepared to walk us through it. Are you not? I sure am. And I want to point out, before i get to any of the words in this book i should point out that this is a book like a freshman double spaced extra period small margins essay is a doctoral thesis this book is filled with unnecessary boxes new paragraphs it's even got a fucking map to get the measly 218 pages of text that manages 218 pages that start i shit you not on page nine they count like the fucking ads of other books at the beginning

the dedication page there's like two pages for them and by the way if you're thinking to yourself hey even with those unnecessary appendices diatribes volume one didn't get to 218 pages fuck you it's not the size that matters. It's all about finding a tiny wife to hold it and make it look big. That's why I like girls with Zika virus. Yeah, but how's her head? That's what I'm talking about. So I feel like the title gives us the where.

So if you don't mind, Eli, give us the who and the what, if you would. Okay, so this book is about a scrappy group of kids who dare to challenge the Harvard standard of evil atheism and ask the hard questions like, what if all the powerful people in the world are right and thinking is dumb? Also, the word veritas. We love the shit out of that word she then explains that she's a bad writer who can't tell a story which we would have figured

out on our own anyways and and she sort of tries to make a point of that by saying quote i've written something more like a novel that asks the reader to put together the pieces of the puzzle end quote not adding in a thunderstorm yeah and then check out her website that's pretty good i'm just picturing lewis black screaming at her no you put the pieces together you're the fucking fuck and then we get right into the bullshit she says quote our lives are the result of a chain of more than a thousand scientifically variable but very unlikely events each one essential in exact order of its occurrence statistically less than one chance in trillions if by dumb luck but all

reason cancels random end quote so uh who wants to help me break that down oh me me i mean i'm not a scientist but i think there's way more than a thousand scientifically verifiable events. But like, that's my beginning of the universe. And you, yeah, maybe a few more. And of course, it's just all it's it's just man. It's amazing how puddle shaped this pothole is. All of it. Any fucking series of events would have been that one in trillions and trillions of fucking odds. You dumb shit.

History happened exactly like history it's amazing what are the odds i'm not gonna think about it also little note she says quote i want in inside of things end quote so nice we have something in common uh she then points out how cool everyone thinks the veritas forums are, and that maybe when you think about it, Veritas is the coolest club of all. I see. Yeah, Harvard wasn't really doing anything for society until 1992. Yeah, pretty much used this club. Finally they got around to it.

And you've got to digest all of this manure before you even reach chapter one, correct? Oh, yes. This is the wild, wild west of books. It always gets worse. There's always a next and a worse. And this is where we get the first space filler idea she came up with, which is her quote-unquote journal entries, which are written in a cutesy fake script so that you, the reader, get all the joy of going, fuck, how does cursive work? That's an L?

How is an L just a tall circle? We should buy every copy of this book and have like a Fahrenheit 451 party. Make some fucking s'mores. I think I could find the funding in my couch. Right. I should also point out that it is not a coincidence that some of the most

heinous shit in this book is written in her little journal form. She was definitely hoping that people would skip the journal entries, but I didn't. Right. then we learned that she's not a student at harvard she's a part-time chaplain at harvard and a student at harvard's divinity school and she's worried because it seems like all this learning is fucking up the whole god thing and she's gonna come back to this over and over she She's right. Spoiler alert.

The messages of this book are pretty simple. We have a black friend. Latin means that education is supposed to be Christian. And the modern university's moral relativism is the cause of all the evil in the world. It's good to know. Good to know that. Exactly. T.L.D.R. of this book. Please tell me she gets beat up by like a genius.

One Latin nerd. me she gets beat up by like a genius janitor quam a is dotably mala one latin nerd right now losing his mind and now the story is going to start oh okay for those keeping track we're about 10 in the book this is chapter two bewildered in the city and uh nothing has happened except she's urinated twice on how awesome the story she's about to tell us is going to be. It's like Kirk Cameron introducing a Christmas movie, but here we go. So we start with the second stupidest quote I've ever heard. You ready, Noah? Grab something, bite down. Ow, ow, hold on, hold on.

Too soft, too soft. Give me a second. Okay, now it's better. Okay. Quote, Okay, now it's better. Okay. Quote, We live in a culture that has for centuries now cultivated the idea that the skeptical person is always smarter than the one who believes.

You can be almost as stupid as a cabbage as long as you doubt. Today, it is the skeptics who are the social conformists. Oh, God. Dallas Willard, Veritas at Ohio State. Right, but the other 90% of us are blazing our own new trail. Fuck, are you... How can you think that's right while you're saying it? And then we get another

very clearly fake journal entry. It goes something like this. Dear Diary, I'm totally a college student. I remember, I mean, I am, just walking around and I heard that Harvard Divinity school is going to

be pretty hard on biblical literates like myself because if you were thinking hey this happened at harvard well yeah harvard divinity school again just to emphasize the plot thins right harvard divinity school that's like a it's like a rolex sundial anyway she goes to orientation and even in her own story she's a bitch like she's sitting there and everyone's making jokes about jesus and like getting to know each other and she's there thinking they're just like the snake what kind of preachers are they going to turn out here and this is the first time i wrote fuck you in the margins of my book well yeah i mean because if you're not careful they're not going to learn how to magically wish for stuff good what is a bad preacher yeah then she mentions she tells this

crazy story about a jew offering her ecstasy and she says no because she's boring and terrible so instead like the conversation turns to theology and he points out that everyone thinks their faith is reasonable. And she literally writes, huh, I'll have to think about that. But don't worry, she doesn't. Not even a little. Of course not. Never thinks about that. I guess they cut that scene in the movie about the drug-dealing Jew professor.

That's weird. Saved it for War Room. Which is sad, because I crushed my audition. Marlon Brando. And then she monologues for a few pages about how hard it was to be at Harvard, how everyone was gay, and they let the pagans have church too, and how her friend who had made a perfectly reasonable comment about how God hates fags nearly got, quote, burned at the stake, end quote. And no, she doesn't get the irony of using that phrase. Right. Wow.

end quote and and no she doesn't get the irony of using that phrase right wow and and on top of that i cannot emphasize enough the scorn with which she speaks about tolerance and diversity she puts them in fucking quotes every time she uses them and so clearly a fucking fantasy because every page just drips with her being a miserable bitch while everyone else went to college and then she basically has a bit where she says like everyone said church was just old white man but if that's the case how come many people all over the world are christian not because white men raped christianity into them or anything right more like prima knocked up am i right am i right he knows he knows that's why they call it missionary better from a you know rapey jujitsu perspective angles yeah and then for the second and last time we see michael the the jew who offered her ecstasy and she says to him if you're why are you a jew if the prophecies all

came true and and because the story's made up and she got to write it he doesn't say yeah when you've seen pirates of the caribbean one it's pretty easy to name the characters in the sequel right so she talks about how they had this super great speaker come and talk about how awesome jesus is totally for real and her professor she goes to talk to her professor about it like wow i can't believe you didn't change everyone's mind instantly and her professor responds, quote, but Kelly, students here don't equate logic and reason with truth. They see no connection, end quote. Not adding, I'm totally real.

You're not making me up. And I'm sorry, this book just keeps getting crazier. Well, I certainly hope so. We've only got one bigoted stereotype of a character so far. Let's get our pennies worth. Because then she makes the claim that students at Harvard Divinity School stopped saying Jesus and started saying the J word. Oh, fucking bullshit.

Well, yeah. And instead of Nehemiah, they would say N word. PC stuff is out of control back then yeah totally she then quotes david french who if you google david french that's already way funnier than anything we could ever say about this book but she's she the quote is you find more intellectual diversity in most evangelical mega churches than in most universities well well yeah because when you abandon true shit as a prerequisite for fucking intellect there's more room for disagreement it doesn't make me jealous of the ufo conventions what a stupid fucking quote this probably pissed me off more than any

other quote you had in here it's fucking a fun fact i'm gonna get what you just said tattooed on my chest and just start sending people on Twitter the picture. And the chapter ends with her writing a journal entry, and I shit you not, about how ironic it is that there were posters for anonymous hookups next to warnings about date rape and AIDS. And by the way,

you're wondering what I did with those pages as I read them. The answer was tearing them out and eating them. Wouldn't have been my first guess, but it would have been my first non-anal guess so it was my first guess either way reverse rectogestion exactly so now we're on chapter three rumors of another world oh awesome uh and and this chapter is about her going to grown-up jesus camp I'm going to be very disappointed if she doesn't stick a flute in her pussy. Yeah, I have a feeling it'd be like jamming a sun umbrella into the sand at the beach. Faster air.

Faster air. Faster air. Faster air. Basically, so Jesus Camp for grownups is a bunch of graduate students who all get together and don't think and play volleyball. And she realizes that in this closed group of assholes, she truly felt home. Oh, I see. Yeah. And what she really wants us to know is that everyone here was super duper smart. And they had scientists and engineers and a ton of black people so stop

calling her racist she she then describes her going on a mission where she meets a bunch of poor people and doesn't realize that god let these family have flies all over their faces but she does really think it's super deep to ponder how great it is that they can bring these people food and jesus and well less food in order to get the jesus right you had to make a room for the jesus only so much room in the cartons so she finishes her mission with man people love it when you give them food and water and and jesus jesus mostly right we didn't have a control group with just the food and water we're assuming they said they liked the jesus right and and she's all done with school and when she's finished one of the guys is like hey why don't you stay and make harvard divinity school christian she has this moment of like can i should i and she's gonna i have never wanted to burn a book so badly in my

life she's gone but fortunately for us you didn't or we'd be robbed of all the beauty of chapter four veritas envisioned oh oh my god we're three chapters in that's it yeah god damn it it's faster than the quran but not much and in this chapter she goes back and starts a bunch of discussion groups and coordinates missions and plays charades and literally charades by the fire. That is an actual thing she describes. Babysitter's Club has more depth than this fucking book. Again, it's not about the depth.

Right, it's about length and width. Length, mine's like a graham cracker. One of the quarters, if I'm being honest. I'm told mine is like an innie belly button one time a girl spat on it and it drowned it's like a balloon knot i should also point out she keeps making these little quips throughout the book about like how smart she is like quote we tried acting out emmanuel kant end quote her Square dancing is really about centrifugal force. And I will eat my dick if this woman can have a ten minute conversation about either of those fucking subjects. Centripetal.

Faux force bullshit. Dualism bullshit also. Then she talks about skiing with her friends. And on her way back, she realizes that the reason so many scientists are christians is because they're so curious what here's the nope here's the fucking quote quote scientists not only have a sense of wonder and believe in a real rather than imaginary world but they also understand the value of putting theory to the test that is why so many scientists now believe in god and oh for fuck's quote that's a quote yeah awesome the test that kant says was impossible to conduct because humans can't

perceive the noumenal world yeah that's the one where he implied that religious people should all be agnostic instead of blindly faithful that one yeah they were trying to act that out she only learned about that through charades, so it's hard. Right, right. Dinesh D'Souza taught her about it. Then we hear that astronomers are finding cosmological alignment of Genesis 1 and the Big Bang, which footnotes to, I shit you not, quote, scientists have found that a random universe is negative 10 to the 38th power.

That doesn't make any sense. That's meaningless. Not aligned two sentences. She then says that the speed of light is described in the Bible, and she footnotes that number six. And when I checked, there is no footnote number six. Check my Twitter. I put a picture of it up there. Literally no foot number six. Check my Twitter. I put a picture of it up there. Literally no footnote six.

Although, to be fair, 300 million meters per second is pretty good. And that's what it says about light in Genesis. It was good. So pretty big coincidence, I'd say. There's something there. And thanks to evolution, in 20 years, it'll be 600 million meters per second. This is also the chapter where we learn that the flood is scientific

monogamy is really healthy and that prayer heals she doesn't even bother to try to footnote that shit little superscript of the square root of negative seven or something 2.6 I bid 2.6 I bid to nothing

I get it I get it And then she goes on to say that Jesus makes better parents Linguists and Economists Here's the quote Economists see how faith in the creative and intrinsic Value of humans made in God's image Energizes an economy

A nation A world That makes no fucking sense. It's able and Keynesian economics. It's totally. This is the nerdiest string of things I've had. We're talking about the negative one. I would have a con.

Anyway, moving on. So she's trying to build the forum, but everyone hates her. And here's a journal entry. Again, they're tiny little things, but they take up half a page because she couldn't write well quote perhaps we're not overtly persecuted so much as we assume constraints press on end quote maybe it's less that the lizard

people took over the world and more that the world surrendered to the lizard people no just no lizard people right and then we go full fantasy world so she wants to use the harvard shield for her forum and the dean says no and she's like how come you let the gays use the shield because according to her there was like an lgbt group that had a shield with rainbow colors on it won one of their posters and so the dean says you're just like jesus and she gets to use the shield i'm surprised she didn't walk away from this conversation on a flying horse and then it's time for the first forum and guys it's super duper busy oh shit i just can't wait to see how it's gonna all work out actually i can and i going to, because unfortunately there's way too much stupid in this book

for us to squeeze it into a single episode, so we're going to have to leave you hanging there and finish Eli's book report next week. But first, let me give the next week's exciting conclusion the hard sell. Will the people at Harvard abandon a dispassionate examination of the world in favor of superstition? Will Kelly get the Jesus fucked out of her? Will Kevin Sorbo get hit by a car at the end?

Find out the answers to these questions and more on next week's installment of... God Awful Books. Literature. Travel. Talk. Publication. Before we run out the roll tonight, we're stoked to announce that we're going to be doing a second live record of God Awful Movies Across the Pond in Manchester, England. We were invited to take part in the upcoming QED conference.

Don't know what days we're going to be doing just yet or what movie we're going to be breaking down, but our UK listeners should definitely start thinking about setting aside the weekend of October 15th. Also, following week, we're going to be heading north to hang out with Tom and Cecil of Cognitive Dissonance fame, both the podcast and Uncomfortable Mental State, in Scotland for couple of skeptics in the pub events in Glasgow and Edinburgh so if you can't make it to Manchester you can get a second crack at us we should have exact dates on next week's show and of course on our Facebook page a lot earlier than that anyway that's all the blasphemy we've got for you tonight but we'll be back in 10,022 minutes with more if you can't wait that long be on the lookout for a brand new episode of our sister show's hot friend god-awful

movies debuting on Thursday at 8 a.m eastern time or look for bonus nuggets of scuggets of Scatheism on our YouTube channel, our Facebook page, and our various Twitter accounts. Clearly, I'd be at risk of court-martial if I neglected to thank the sultan of sarcasm Heath Enright, the Maharani of Mortency Lucinda Lusions, and the second lieutenant of rape jokes Eli Bosnick. I also need to thank Shujan Tribble, Daylon Heretic Woman, Chris Bridget Fitch, Joseph Joey, and Unrenowned Tech, all of the holy crap vlog cast for providing this week's mellifluous and exquisitely choreographed Farnsworth quote. If you'd like to hear more

from them, preferably not shooting for In Unison, you'll find a link to their YouTube channel on the show notes for this episode. But most of all, of course, I need to thank this week's best people, Steve, Joe, Brother, David, Lindsay, Kitty, Chrissy, Matthew, Pete, Kevin, Daniel, Joseph, Kyle, Burz Molly, Fallon, Velociraptor, We3, Seth, Thomas, Amphiro, Sean, Matty, T, Ryan, James, Steven, SirPrivyWings, Other, Joseph, Adam, Casey, Victor, Robert, Billy, and Ashley, Sneaky, Tonal Confusion, and John. Steve, Jill, Brother, David, Lindsay, Kitty, and Chrissy, who are so bright the sun can't look at them during an eclipse. Matthew, Pete, Kevin, Daniel, Joseph, Kyle, and Burz Mali, whose cocks are so long Archimedes

just needs the fulcrum now. Fallon, Filosoraptor, We3, Seth, Thomas, Amphiro, and Sean, who put the us back in genius. Matty T, Ryan, James, Steven, Sir Privy Wings, other Joseph and Adam,

whose combination of penis length and sexual magnetism would be more than enough to explain away the Bermuda Triangle. And Casey, Victor, Robert, Billy, and Ashley, Sneaky, Tonal Confusion,

and John, whose IQs have more digits than an Amish baby. Together, these 35 thoroughbreds thirsted for thoroughly therapeutic Thursdays, and therefore they gave us money not everybody has the generosity, pleasant aroma and ninja negating nunchuck skills it takes to give us money but if your kung fu and body odor

are up to the challenge, you can make a per episode donation at patreon.com slash scathingatheist whereby you'll earn early access to an extended edition of every episode, or you can make a one time donation by clicking on the donate button on the right side of the homepage at scathingatheist.com, whereby you'll earn the satisfaction of knowing that you made a one time donation if by clicking on the donate button on the right side of the homepage at scathingatheist.com whereby you'll earn the satisfaction of knowing that you made

a one-time donation. If you have questions, comments, or death threats, you'll find all the contact info on the contact page at scathingatheist.com. All the music used in this episode was written and performed

by yours truly, and yes, I did have my permission. Who's the hell on the recording, baby? La la la la la la.