The Scathing Atheist - ScathingAtheist 180: Driving While Indoctrinated Edition

Episode Date: July 28, 2016

In this week’s episode, Ben Carson warns us that Hillary trifles with ghosts; Tanzania forgets that tears make great lube; and the Quran will get closer to interesting than it’s ever been, and still be boring as fuck. Click Here to make a per episode donation at Patreon.com Click Here to buy our book. Click Here to check out The Skepticrat. Click Here to check out God Awful Movies. Special Thanks “Jesus Don’t Take the Wheel” was written by Eli Bosnick and Anna Phyllis Smith, and arranged and performed by Anna Phyllis Smith and Morgan Clarke. You can hear more from Anna at her website; and you can hear more from Morgan on Soundcloud. Headlines: DNC wanted to use bernie’s atheism against him http://www.patheos.com/blogs/friendlyatheist/2016/07/22/leaked-email-suggests-that-dnc-official-wanted-to-use-bernie-sanders-alleged-atheism-against-him/ also http://gizmodo.com/wikileaks-just-published-tons-of-personal-data-like-a-b-1784140603 Donald trump and the RNC really want to repeal the johnson amendment http://www.patheos.com/blogs/friendlyatheist/2016/07/21/donald-trump-in-gop-nomination-speech-pledges-to-let-pastors-endorse-candidates-from-pulpit/ Ted cruz talks about protecting atheists http://www.patheos.com/blogs/friendlyatheist/2016/07/20/ted-cruz-in-convention-speech-talks-about-protecting-religious-freedom-of-atheists-seriously/ Ben carson says hillary can’t be president because she worships lucifer http://www.patheos.com/blogs/friendlyatheist/2016/07/19/ben-carson-hillary-clinton-cant-be-president-because-she-worships-lucifer/ Trump supporters love god’s not dead and kirk cameron http://www.patheos.com/blogs/friendlyatheist/2016/07/20/analysis-shows-trump-supporters-love-gods-not-dead-and-some-think-kirk-camerons-a-great-actor/ Florida woman let's jesus take the wheel http://www.patheos.com/blogs/friendlyatheist/2016/07/12/florida-woman-crashes-into-a-house-after-praying-behind-the-wheel-with-her-eyes-closed/ Letting muslim give prayer at RNC let DEMON GOD into party according to B fish http://www.patheos.com/blogs/friendlyatheist/2016/07/21/bryan-fischer-by-letting-muslim-give-prayer-at-rnc-republicans-invited-demon-god-into-party/ Tanzanian government seeks to cut down on gay sex by banning lube: http://www.lgbtqnation.com/2016/07/tanzania-cracking-gays-banning-lube/ This podcast is a production of Puzzle in a Thunderstorm, LLC. Copyright 2016, all rights reserved.

Warning, if you don't want to hear explicit language, it's not too late to turn this motherfucker off. Okay, well, now it is. This week's episode of The Scathing Atheist is brought to you by the new breathing helper for Protestant parkour activists trying to rid the world of Catholicism. It's the Holy CPAP Machine. Do you find yourself exhausted after a long day of hopping over bike racks in order to defeat the Antichrist who's taken over Vatican City? Looking for a way to get a better night's sleep? Well, don't worry, we've got you covered.

The Holy CPAP Machine. The number one solution for Leap Apnea. And now, The Skating Atheist. Hi, this is Brian. And I know what you're thinking. And now, The Skating Atheist. It's Thursday. It's July 28th. And Miss Cleo never saw it coming. Odd. Very odd. I'm no illusions. I'm Eli Bosnick.

I'm Heath Enright. And from New York, New York, and Secret Lair, this is The Scathing Atheist. On this week's episode... Ben Carson warns us that Hillary trifles with ghosts. Tanzania forgets that tears make great lube. And the Quran will get closer to interesting than it's ever been and still be boring as fuck.

But first, the diatribe. I'm Mark Rutherford. airborne is working, how good a chiropractor is, how hot jet fuel does and doesn't burn. He's a good guy, but he's gullible as fuck. So if you could have made an excuse to cut him off, you probably would have. But at this point, it'd be rude. He kind of has you cornered. So you sigh softly, you die a little bit inside, and you take the bait. What did you just get, Mark?

And now that he sees he's got your undivided attention, he decides he's not going to make it easy on you by just answering your fucking question. So he asks you, he says, you know what the leading cause of death is in the U.S.? Heart disease, you answer. And even though that's right, it's clearly not the answer he was looking for. So he rephrases the question. He says, I mean, what's the leading cause of non-heart disease death? You say cancer. And again, you're right.

But again, that's not the answer he was looking for. He says, what I mean, flailing at this point, is what's the actual leading cause of non like disease type deaths and by now even though you know the answer you can't help but phrase it as a question so you say accidental poisonings and once again he's disappointed he goes um after that so you say auto accidents exactly he finally exclaims auto accidents the number one cause of non-disease type, non-poisoning type deaths in the entire country. You nod and he continues. He says, but I don't have to worry about those anymore because I just upgraded my car with the most advanced state of the art, newest safety feature in the world. And now I never have to worry about me or my family dying in a car wreck again.

I'm trying to keep the note of stark terror out of your voice. You ask for details. He says, you ever seen Demolition Man with Sylvester Stallone? And you nod because for the sake of the second-person nature of this diatribe, you have seen this movie.

Mark continues, he says, you remember that bit where Stallone gets in a wreck and his car fills up with that safety foam so nobody gets hurt? You say, yeah, where he says the car turned into a cannoli. He says, the emergency cannoli foam. Exactly. Well, that's what I just got. Got it installed in my car last week You say, yeah, where he says the car turned into a cannoli. He says, the emergency cannoli foam, exactly.

Well, that's what I just got. Got it installed in my car last week, and now I can drive as fast as I want in any kind of weather and never have to worry about it. It's such a relief. Can't tell you how much easier it's made my morning commute. Now, your mark policy is normally to kind of just nod along until he goes away, but your conscience isn't going to allow it this time around. He's got three kids, and the idea that he thinks his car is death-proof over some imaginary safety upgrade is too dangerous to ignore. So you let him down as easily as you can while explaining that there is no such thing as emergency cannoli foam.

But he's insistent. He wants to prove it. So you wander out to the parking lot with him. He pops the hood of his car, and right along the side of the engine block you see a series of out-of-place canisters all lined up and held in place with duct tape. He points at it. He says, you see them? That's the emergency cannoli foam right there. Soon as your car gets into an accident, these cans detect it. They fill the car right up, and then it hardens in place, so nobody moves. Nobody gets hurt. After a brief examination, you break it to him that those canisters are clearly empty Barbasol cans with the words emergency foam handwritten on a piece of box tape. And at first he digs his heels in a bit, but when you point out that there's no J in emergency,

he reluctantly admits that maybe something is amiss here. Of course, he doesn't want to admit that he's been ripped off, so it takes a while to convince him, but eventually you do. For the sake of his kid, you can't help but keep chipping away at it until he knows his car isn't invincible. So after a couple of days, he admits that his emergency cannoli foam doesn't work, but he's still convinced that it's only because he bought the wrong emergency cannoli foam. So you have to keep at it for a little longer. And after a Herculean effort on your part, he eventually comes around to the truth. There is no such thing as emergency cannoli foam.

So you pat yourself on the back for a job well done. You reward yourself with a few skeptic points. Maybe treat yourself to some octopus porn or whatever it is you're into. It's octopus porn. Admit it. But the point is you think the whole ordeal is over, but apparently it's not. Because now, whenever Mark finds himself in heavy traffic and it's raining and his kids are in the backseat and he gets nervous, he calls you. He asks you what to do. When he was in the same situation with his bogus emergency cannoli foam, it actually was easier. Wouldn't have done him a lick of good if he'd gotten into a wreck, but it sure as hell offered him peace of mind when the drive got a bit scary. And because you were the one that convinced him he was relying on nonsense, he seems to think that you owe him emergency cannoli foam. Of course,

he never had anything to begin with, but he still feels like he lost something and he feels like it's your fault. He begrudgingly accepts that he's better off knowing it was all bullshit, but from time to time, he still gets angry that he no longer has that feeling of security, illusory or otherwise. And here's the weirdest thing. Once in a while, you actually feel guilty. You actually feel like you do owe him something. I mean, you did rip away his comforting illusion of invulnerability and all that you offered in its place was be sure to check your tire pressure and get regular tune-ups. Nothing you can say is going to alleviate his apprehension like the emergency cannoli foam did. And yeah, sure, you definitely did the right thing.

In the long run, you saved him money, you educated him, you spared him the dangers of treating accident problems as though they were resolved, but he's a nervous fucking wreck now. He's objectively less happy now than he was before he had that information that you thrust upon him, information he didn't want and resisted when you offered it. So I guess that pang of guilt is to be expected. It's natural. But doing someone a favor doesn't obligate you to do them more favors later. You already know this, of course, but I'm telling you anyway, you're still the hero in this story. Being an outspoken atheist and skeptic is going to cost you a friend or two. It'll cause you some conflicted guilt here and there.

It's most often an entirely thankless endeavor. And that's exactly what makes it heroic. They're talking about you, Jesus. We interrupt this broadcast and bring you a special news bulletin. Joining me for headlines tonight are the mac and cheese of misanthropy, Heath Enright and Eli Bosnick. Fellas, are you ready to be all cheesy and twisted? Is that soy cheese? Fucking gross. Really?

It's not that bad if you don't have real cheese for like three or four years. You barely remember. Oh, good. So it's like the masturbation of cheeses. That's wonderful. For a bunch of reasons. Yeah, absolutely. of cheeses. That's wonderful. For a bunch of reasons. In our lead story tonight, according to a leaked email recently released by WikiLeaks, Democratic National Committee CFO Brad Marshall suggested using Bernie Sanders' lack of religious belief as a weapon against his presidential candidacy

back in May. In the email to a number of other ranking DNC members, Foster points out that they may score points with Southern Baptists by planning a reporter to ask about Sanders' belief in God. Foster explains, quote, I read he is an atheist. This could make several points difference with my peeps. My Southern Baptist peeps would draw a big difference between a Jew and an atheist, end quote. Needless to say, this email has led to widespread outrage, primarily over the suggestion that Southern Baptists have peeps. Also, I would pay phenomenal amounts of money to hear what Southern Baptists think the difference

between a Jew and an atheist is. I'm going to go ahead and put 20 bucks on the fact that they can't do it without using the words gold and baby eating. Them Jews killed Christ. Sure, sure. But at least they realized how important he is. Also, we're talking about gold hoarding versus baby. Fuck, I lost the game.

I lost. Now, I've got to say, as a combination Hillary supporter and realist, the outrage over this strikes me as rather Captain Renault. He was after Picard, for those who don't know. Star Wars, says the semi-professional movie critic. Yeah, so let me translate. Of fucking course they did.

They'd be in dereliction of duty if nobody even brought this up. I mean, technically, yes, they're not supposed to be sabotaging a Democratic candidate, but the idea that the DNC is going to sit back while a non-party member

usurps their infrastructure for candidacy that doesn't match their party platform and not even privately discuss ways around it is both utopian and silly and the idea that political strategists would ignore birdie's lack of religiosity in this race is perhaps even more naive it's also worth noting that the email was dated may 5th and as near as we can determine

nobody ever followed up with the idea so nothing really happened and yet every third person on my facebook feed is really pissed about it yeah well I can understand some of the pissed off part, but nobody should be surprised by it. They're shocked at the strategy going on. If we ever get hacked, I hate to tell you, some of our emails, a little bit off color here at Scaming Atheist. Right. Just giving you a heads up now.

Of course, look, yeah, I don't want to suggest that there's nothing worth getting pissed off over in this story. The very fact that outing a candidate as an atheist is still perceived as exposing a weakness is a sad statement on how little progress we've actually made in this country. Though the fact that it couldn't be exploited to end Bernie's candidacy is no doubt a positive sign. Yeah, it didn't really lead to any Bernie sabotage at the time, so that's good. But just imagine the outrage if the situation was slightly different and they were talking about exposing a major candidate as Jewish instead of Christian. Yeah, right. As if that was like a gotcha, you know? The Jewish Anti-Defamation League would be going crazy and rightfully so.

I mean, they might as well be making plans to have atheist politicians walk around door to door like fucking Megan's Law. Everyone on this show is against Megan's Law. It's a First Amendment issue. It's about speech. Yeah. And in RNC Me Too news tonight, the Republican Party decided to die covered in balloons this past week in what can only be described as a slightly lower budget KKK rally with less high-ranking speakers. And while the highlights of the four-day event were probably Malala Trump reciting the lyrics

to I Will Survive for her speech and the call-and-response All Lives Matter chant, our commentary on that will have to wait for a skeptocrat spectacular. Yes. That said, we keep to the God stuff on this show. And luckily for us, there was plenty at the RNC. Yeah. Lucky us. The continued national decline towards a theocratic hellscape has been great for business.

Making America hate again or more. Yeah. Like before when we used to be better at hating. Is it not clear that any slogan with the formula make America blank again is probably going to be stupid and racist and anti-progressive? It's never been better than this, guys. Exactly. Ah, the good old days with the sl-nope. When we died of blank.

Yeah, exactly. In our cavalcade of assholery. Follow up to last week, where if you'll remember, we covered that part of the If I Ran the Zoo, otherwise known as the Republican Platform. While the RNC didn't get to touch on

porn as a public health crisis or the Bible as a historical document, a big theme was the restriction of the freedom of speech that the First Amendment poses, with Trump even including it in his own speech, saying, quote, Their voices have been taken away.

I'm going to work very hard to repeal that language and to protect free speech for all Americans, not adding, except the ones who don't want government-sponsored religion. This is going to silence the fuck out of them. Yeah. They're actually trying to use the First Amendment as an argument against another part of the same First Amendment. Right.

It's like killing the Second Amendment with a gun. Not the greatest plan. Yeah. And we've talked about this a lot before, but it's probably worth reminding everybody that once a year, pastors all over the country film themselves breaking this law and then send the videos to the IRS with a note attached that says, do something, bitch. And despite a decade plus of doing this, the IRS has never enforced this law, not once in its half century and then some of existence. So the only change would be us bitching about them repealing it instead of about them ignoring it. Yeah, it's like switching from cheating on your wife to an open marriage.

You know, one sounds more fair. Exactly. Kind of like how the stand your ground law fixes a lot of that don't murder people red tape. There's too much government. Yeah, right. Heath gets it. Moving on, in a

bizarre twist that makes me wonder if evil universe Ted was finally banished back to his home dimension by someone finally saying Zerk debt, the RNC took a break from chanting lock her up to hear him defend atheists. Yep. Cruz, whose past statements include, any president who doesn't begin every day on his knees isn't fit to be commander-in-chief of this nation, and calling the removal of a Ten Commandments monument an assault on religious liberty, apparently realized that he was in a Jew, Muslim or atheist, gay or straight, the Bill of Rights protects the rights of all of us to live according to our conscience. End quote. Wow. He then didn't endorse Donald Trump and walked off the stage to booze. It was glorious. But in fairness to Cruz, though, he did a lot better job of endorsing Trump than Chris Christie. Because as far as I could tell, Cruz did not swallow back any vomit during his speech.

That was a blast. Chris Christie, on the other hand, appeared to do exactly that and then smile for the first time on stage because he was still hungry. And that was kind of new vomit. Chris Christie's approach seemed more to be, I'm gonna play lawyer and you play a jury that takes me seriously. So again, for those listening, I'm allied with Ted Cruz and Noah still has a

no killing yourself on the whiteboard. Just saying it's not fair. Since Eli's come on board, it's amazing how many of the company rules have taken on the no killing blank format. Two, three, four. That's true.

That's a good point. Good point. Oh, you forgot Kelly Kohlberg. Oh, yeah. That's fine. Finally, no coverage of the convention would be complete without a word about everyone's favorite old poodle on methadone, Ben Carson, who, in between pauses for his CPU to reset, declared Hillary unfit for office because

she aligns herself with Lucifer. I mean, personally, I didn't think Tim Kaine was a terrible choice, but there you have it. Of course, it sounds like Hannibal Lecter convinced him to do brain surgery on himself in the middle of his speeches. Right.

It's like a portable speaker that's almost out of power and spins the batteries every so often a little bit and gets another minute of juice out of it. Shake him, shake him. See, Carson had some choice words about Clinton's mentor, Saul Alinsky, who wrote in the dedication of his book to Lucifer, the original radical who gained his own kingdom. However, for clarity, we should point out Alinsky was not giving a shout out to the S-dog. He was clearly talking about revolutionary ideas and freeing oneself from ideological slavery. But as you may have guessed, that point was lost on the homeless Bernstein bear who had this to say, quote, because I want to do his voice. Now think about that. This is a nation where our founding document, the Declaration of Independence,

talks about certain inalienable rights that come from our creator. This is a nation where our Pledge of Allegiance says we are one nation under God. This is a nation where every coin in our pocket and every bill in our wallet says, In God we trust. So are we willing to elect someone as president who has as their role model somebody who acknowledges Lucifer? Think about it. End quote. Acknowledges?

Ben, you just acknowledged Lucifer. What? Huh? Somebody spin my turntable a little faster. Faster. Perfect. Good. How can you support someone who makes someone who doesn't support them support Lucifer? I don't know why I followed a fly. So, aside from the fact that we now know Carson's wife got him a word a day calendar as a consolation gift,

what should we make of this? I'm going to go with Ben Carson probably thinks a lot of books are dedicated to his mother. It says my mother, my mother, however did they know? And in birther of a nation news tonight, And in birther of a nation news tonight, according to a recent study by the wall street journal that examined the cinematic tastes of American voters on Facebook. If you like Donald Trump, you probably also like,

uh, horrible fucking movies and horrible fucking actors. Yep. And, uh, if you like Hillary Clinton, you're probably a better human being who makes objectively better choices in life.

Scathing atheist. Hair and balance news. I feel like that statement could be proven mathematically, though. I'm going to submit that it could. You said there'd be no math. Well, in terms of movie choices, anyway, they pretty much did exactly that

and proved it mathematically. So here's what they discovered. Depending on what state we're talking about, the favorite actor among people who support Donald Trump is either Adam Sandler. Oh, God. John Wayne. Those are the two good ones. Or Kirk Cameron.

Kirk Cameron is one of the other choices. And the number one favorite movie among Trump supporters is God's Not Dead. Yep. Really? It really is. It really, really is. 39 out of 50 states, top choice. Of course, Kevin Sorbo is furious about getting snubbed on this one. Well, as well he should be.

Just on the phone with his agent. No, Jerry, this is bullshit, man. This is bullshit. I crushed that role. Where were the noms for the Golden Globe? That's your office, Jerry. That's you guys. Now, just in case anyone's curious, people who support Clinton, on the other hand, tended

to like, well, it doesn't fucking matter because the answer falls into the category of literally anything else. It's not the other things I just said. And I have to mention this because it's so delicious. Trump supporters in New York State had a different favorite movie. Take a moment. Think of a New York douche. Favorite movie.

It's going to be a magic trick for like 500 people. That's right. Their favorite movie was, some of you guessed it, The Hangover. Yeah. Douches who want to vote for Trump who live in New York State also like that douchey movie. I'm assuming because they couldn't spell entourage on the fucking floor. Well, and Trump supporters in Maine, New Hampshire, and Vermont listed their favorite movie as Jackass.

People who want to see Trump as our president also want to see people launch fireworks out of their assholes. A couple other fun little tidbits out of this one. In the majority of states, Trump supporters' favorite musician was Ted Nugent. Their favorite TV show was Duck Dynasty. And their favorite book was The Farmer's Fucking Almanac. Actually, the KJV come in at number two on this. The Farmer's Almanac. Actually, the KJV come in at number two on this. The Farmer's Almanac. There was actually, that was the Farmer's Almanac was number one and the Old Farmer's

Almanac was number two. Also, and this is important, fuck Eli, The Hangover was pretty fucking funny. Agreed, yes. That's the hill you guys die on. The Hangover. I didn't realize this was a fight to the death, but okay. And also, Entourage is pretty good too, you anti-Semitic bastard.

Oh, okay, I see. We watch 50 Christian movies and now entourage is man bites dog. I get it. Says the guy who didn't recognize the Casablanca reference. And in not literally news tonight, in yet another incident of Christians not being able to distinguish between literally and figuratively, a 28-year-old woman closed her eyes to pray, let Jesus take the wheel, and flew through a stop sign and into the side of a house. Luckily, nobody was injured because in the extended version of Rock, Paper, Scissors, this woman was playing house beats car.

But once again, we're reminded not to listen to anything carrie underwood says but especially not about not turning into the scam um but we're those atheist activists you've heard so much about so we enlisted the help of anna smith and morgan clark again to help us out with a new updated version of the tune in the name of public safety. Listen to celebrities But if there's one thing you should know They'll listen to their advice on snow and sleet Carrie Underwood can't read that good So please don't listen, please Just trust us here

So ignore what she says about divine intervention If you're going way too fast And should you for a minute ever find yourself Thank you. Don't throw your hands up in the air Both hands on the wheel What is wrong with you? Turn it to the goddamn skin And let the brakes go Cause I'm fucking real Please don't be asking him

For Jesus to take the wheel Now despite who carries thinking Winning contests about singing Doesn't mean that you know shit Don't need to figure with a pencil See it's pretty reprehensible For her to act like it So when I want advice on

What that cow tastes like I'll be looking your way Now shut up and get off stage. You're gonna cost a life. You know it's got to change. So from now on tonight. Keep both hands on the wheel. What is wrong with you?

Turn into the goddamn skin. wheel what is wrong with you turn into the god damn skin let the brakes go god's not fucking real by no means be asking him

for Jesus to take the wheel Let the break go God's not fucking real Stay a bird and don't ask for. I fucking hope you won't ask for. Jesus to take the wheel. Fucking Jesus can't do shit for you anyway

Ooh Ooh Thank you, Anna. And of course, thanks to Morgan Clark and Dick for working on the song. It was awesome. Indeed. Yes. Now how the fuck are we supposed to be funny, though?

I know. I mean, I'm glad it's not my story coming right out of that. Somebody's got to follow that. I wouldn't want it to be me. And go, Eli. And in Baldur's Watergate News, and I'll fucking roll through. You've heard me on Thomas' show. And go Eli. And in Baldur's Watergate news tonight, I'll fucking roll through. You've heard me on Thomas' show.

And in Baldur's Watergate news tonight, we might have had some choice words of criticism for the folks at the RNC, but we weren't the only ones. No, Brian Fisher had some choice words for the grand old party as well. And if you're wondering if it was the overt lying about Benghazi or the trotting out of various dead mothers that he had to criticize, then you've never heard our show. Or any other show about beefish, apparently. My friends, Dick Van Dyke's ghost was upset because they let a Muslim pray. He does a lot like that. Speaking about the invocation led by Sajid Tarar of the American Muslims for Trump,

a group only slightly more surprising than the men's rights activists with anonymous Twitter profiles for Eli Bosnick, Brian Fisher said, quote, the Republican Party last night allowed a demonic power to be invited into its building, not adding, but enough about Trump. Apparently there was a Muslim guy there. He went on to actually add Republicans at the event collectively committed the sin of idolatry by observing the prayer and committed a dangerous act by inviting a demon god, that's a real quote,

into its party. Yeah, demon god. To be fair, though, they invited him to the party, but they didn't let him go upstairs where all the weed and coke was and shit. Yeah. And also, it's weird that nobody noticed

this guy, Sajid, was sparkling. I mean, you don't invite that person into your building. Everybody knows that. I mean, I do. And finally tonight, in Stranger Than than friction news, as part of their ongoing effort to

stop all the gaying, the government of Tanzania decided to place a ban on lube. This is a real thing that happened. We had to double check. And it really is. This is a team meeting of us going, is this real? Because it's going to be satire.

We've got to do it again. So, yep, this happened. They already have a law that says you can get thrown in prison for life if you commit an act of sodomy. But apparently that wasn't strict enough. So they did what they seemed to think was ramping it up a notch, and also made the butt sex extra dry and chafy. The Eli Bosnick story. Fun fact, that was originally Trump's campaign slogan. Make butt sex extra dry and chafy, but didn't fit on the bumper sticker as well. Make America extra dry and chafy again.

Oh, please make us that bumper sticker. Please. Please. We will sell that on our Zazzle store so hard. But here's the thing. They seem to be forgetting that lots of people actually prefer it that way, the dry and chafey way. Which they would know if they had read the Eli Bosnick story. It's like drag racing.

You got to burn some tar, you know. Pokey hole drift. That's a Fast and the furious deep cut yeah well done but no to be fair if they had read the eli bosnick story i feel like the ass would be a much lower priority orifice for their enforcement efforts fair i don't think they know how deep it goes coming for you kelly culbert gonna add another rule to the whiteboard? Hold on. All right.

So here's the reasoning behind the new law from Tanzania. According to their national health minister, Ms. Umi Mwalimu, being able to buy lube encourages people to be gay. She thinks there's lots of people on the fence. Yeah, right, right. And the deciding factor for them is the ability to grease up an anus or not. And also, she's quite certain that it's the sodomites who are spreading

all the AIDS, so she decided to head it off at the ass. That's right. Bloody assholes is her plan for preventing the spread of HIV. which might sound like a horrible idea that's the end of my thought that's all i was gonna say yeah i mean look all the gay guys i know have blocked me on all means of communication but i'm pretty sure that

toughing it out is part of gay sex and it's it's not eliminated by greece so i've heard i have a lot of phones but also look you can be all the way gay without butt sex and you can be all the way straight with butt sex i mean you know there might be a correlation but this would be like trying to cut down on gun violence by outlawing ted nugent albums except bad it would be like that but bad you have bad examples tonight, Noah. Yeah, sorry. Also, here's another part of this that I don't understand. These lawmakers seem to think that sex lubes are the only, like, slippery things that exist in the world. Now, I'm guessing that's going to change pretty soon once they realize that everyone in the country didn't suddenly become a trumpet player who needs valve oil all of a sudden. But given what we know already about this country's legal system,

that'll probably just make it worse. Like, recently they'll have police officers with checkpoints next to every gas station. Just, you know, Sir, let me see your receipt. Okay, why would you need 10W30 and 10W40? Step out of the car, sir. I need you to fuck this vagina right now.

Fuck it right now. Are you enjoying this? Don't lie. Are you enjoying this? Is that a real smile? I'd watch that porno. I think I have watched that porno. Honestly.

Yeah, I know you shared it. I'll give it back soon. Okay, so I guess we'll find out how the ban on lube works out. Can't possibly be any worse than conversion therapy, very literally. Yeah, right.

But while we wait for those numbers to roll in, it seems like they might want to consider a few other options just in case, you know. And if there's anyone who knows about how to move the butt sex

equilibrium with market forces, it's us here at the show. That's on my business card. Let's go ahead and put 30 seconds on the clock, I guess. We're looking for new ideas about how to help discourage sodomy in

Tanzania. Go. Alright, well, I know this is kind of my answer to everything, but how about nuke Tanzania? Or some banana peels. Or some cats. Extra tight unremovable pants. Oh, there you go.

What about permanently installed butt plugs? There's actually an excellent company called, I think it's Throb Stoppers. It's made in all different shapes, colors, flavors, whatever. Similar idea. You reintroduce the butt lube, but you give exclusive license to Gorilla Glue. Ooh, I like it.

I like it. Give all the women braces. Sodomy, too. Sodomy, too. Yeah, I don't know. All right. This one's also from Throb Stoppers, I believe. The backwards chastity belt.

The astity belt. Also, they should ban jelly and syrup, I would recommend. That would help. And penises. Maybe ban penises while you're banning stuff. Or how about an electrified cock ring called the Cock Mauler Shock Collar? Ooh, catchy, catchy. Legally enforced tacos for dinner.

Wait, we've got to hold on for that one. Some people like that. I'm just saying. Some people like that. Especially when you have no lube. Yeah. Well, I was thinking the Koran actually has a pretty good solution on this. Those anal bees from 2016.

Anal bees would fix that. Or they could just do a complete 180 and just let the AIDS thing run its course. The problem just kind of works itself out in payroll. See, they tried that in the 80s, and the Republicans are pretty sure it worked out great. Nancy Reagan, she was an AIDS crusader. I don't know if you heard it or if you know it. No, of course. And now that we've put that Nancy Reagan bitch in her place, I guess we can close out the

headlines for the night. Heath, Eli, thanks as always. Of Thrones. close out the headlines for the night. Heath, Eli, thanks as always. Of Thrones. And when we come back, the Quran will be here to not espouse a religion of peace. As you probably know,

Heath, Lucinda, and I are in the middle of a big move the fuck out of Georgia, for which we have our Patreon supporters to thank. But as you may not know, we're not the only thing that's moving. The show's making a big move as well. In two weeks, we're going to be moving Scathing Atheist over to Blog Talk Radio. Now, you'll still get the show from the same feed you've always gotten it from, so that's not going to change, but there will be one big change that comes along with the move.

With the permission of our Patreon supporters and the support of all the audience members that bothered to chime in on it, we're going to be adding a couple of ads to the show going forward. Now, we know you'd prefer an ad-free show, but there's an important reason for the change. In three words, it's Eli's fault. That's right, as usual. Because in the short time Eli's been a full-time part of the show,

he has quickly become an indispensable part of the team. Now, that being said, his addition has also led to a few unexpected expenses. Yes, for example, Eli, in the name of a prank war, started a coup in Turkey. Sorry, sorry. Yes, he did. Yeah, Eli got high and bought a movie theater to watch gam movies. That happened. Yes, he did.

You said it was cool until you found out I bought it. Well, movie theaters are cool. Yeah. Everyone likes movie theaters. You ruined that popcorn machine. I was doing science. Ruined it. How about $50,000 in hush money to the Bolivian National Guard?

Okay. Half, at least half of those seals were asking for it. This is bullshit. How about $50,000 in hush money to the Bolivian National Guard? Okay, okay. Half, at least half of those SEALs were asking for it. This is bullshit. You guys didn't even let me tell my side of that story. I recorded a whole- A pallet of suntan lotion, dude. Buying in bulk saves money. I was for us, the family.

So with all that in mind, and with the knowledge that this was by no means an exhaustive list, we hope you'll understand why we'll be introducing a couple ads to the new episodes going forward. But of course, the content will stay the same. These advertisers came to a show with puppy rape jokes, and that's what they're going to get. And of course, if you just can't handle the thought of listening to and or fast forwarding through a couple of ads every week, you can also get an ad free extended version of the show early by becoming a supporter at patreon.com slash scathingatheist, where you, too, can help us get out of the crippling debt that Eli has saddled us with. He's bought a super expensive mop. Yeah, to clean all the suntan lotion. Move to strike.

I hate you. Okay, everyone, welcome to the RNC 2035. We're all here to support the next president of the United States, an actual Hitler clone. Let's give it up for him. All right. Our first speaker is country music star Jethro Chubby. Get him, Jethro. Fucking Jews.

Good stuff. All right. Next up, to give us a little background on our opponent. Boo. Yeah, exactly. Boo. Head of Fuck Everyone Brown for the Family. Get on up here.

You know what I think of Senator Smith? Great, good stuff. Party of Lincoln. 20 minutes of dance break, and then we'll wheel Hitler clone out here to scream at a puppy in a jar. Let's do this, motherfuckers. quick question for you what a muhammad and al bundy have in common uh oh um involved with institutes you can't disparage there There you go. Created the same amount of great literature. Same last name as a guy who killed

a lot of women. There you go. What about the words married and children apply to both? I'm going to change out one word there. All of that, but if you have familiarity with both the Quran and Marry With Children, among the first answers that you'll have come to is,

tells the same fucking story over and over again and expects you to continuously give a shit. You guys are crazy. You never knew what that family was going to get up to next. Salad with a cigarette inside? So funny. That would be terrible. Who would want that?

And, of course, joining us to read the same thing over and over again some more is my lovely wife, Lucinda. Lucinda, you're fucking up a lot of when will she divorce him over this shit betting boards by being here today. I appreciate it. Maybe, yeah, but I've got my own money on August. Oh, I see. Break one. Well, I guess we need to knock out what we can while we can. So why don't you start us off with Surah 24, The Light.

All right. So after explaining that this is indeed a chapter of the Quran, we jump straight into the vile fuckery with orders to lash adulterers a hundred times each. A rule, by the way, that is still often followed in the Muslim world. Well, right. And as if that's not enough, it tells you to gather around and enjoy watching it. Damn it. Yeah.

Yeah. And once again, by the way, the Saudi version is drastically different here. The first part is the same about the hundred lashes, but then it says in parentheses, quote, this punishment is for unmarried persons guilty of the above crime. But if married persons commit it, the punishment is to stone them to death. End quote. Jesus. So, yeah, my new technique for finding crazy shit

is just control F and search for parentheses. You can't say, oh, Jews, just any parentheses, pretty much. Any clarification automatically makes things worse. It's ridiculous. Yes. The most amazing thing is that means that somebody went through this book and said, I don't know, guys.

Seems a little namby-pamby about the punishment. A little vague on the Jew hate. You think we could ramp that up? And they did. Okay, look. You guys are being typical atheists, ignoring the context of this passage. Because look, Medinan, right? So that's French for median.

No, it's not. And if you take all the letters in Roman numerals, they add up to only four digits off the phone number for Valerie and James Ilbert of Wanton, Wisconsin, who have a dog named Skipper. So it's clear you can skip this passage. I would like a book deal, please. I would like a book deal. Well, if nothing else, you could write an Indiana Jones script like that. Also, one other thing about this section. In verses 4 and 5, it says,

those who accuse women without producing four witnesses should be flogged 80 times, except those who repent afterwards. Sorry. So basically, if her ashes weigh the same as a duck, she wasn't a witch, and you should unburn her. What the fuck are they talking about? Just add water.

But if a man accuses his wife of fucking around and has no witness, he has to swear to God that he's not lying five times. And then if God doesn't strike him dead for lying, obviously she's guilty. I mean, that's how I figured out OJ was innocent. Oh, right. But. Same with Ido. strike him dead for lying, obviously she's guilty. I mean, that's how I figured out OJ was innocent. But if you swear five more times, he owes you $33 million. He's still innocent, criminally, but

owes you a bunch of money that he won't pay you. But there's a second part to the swearing thing, too. If she swears to God five times that he's lying, then God obviously doesn't give enough of a fuck about this couple to smite either one of them and whatever. And if they swear at the same time,

it's whoever says the other one's name first, then they buy you a Coke, right? Games are fun. Games are fun. I'm glad this is the second largest religion in the world. Still though, I feel like you're not allowed to quintuple stamp a quintuple stamp. That's ridiculous.

Okay, at what point are pogs involved? Because I've been holding on to some very valuable slammers. That's all I'm saying. I believe that's in the Hadith. All right, and then we get what seems to be Muhammad and Dr. Seuss guarding a bridge with riddles. This is verse 26. Quote, bad statements are for bad people or bad women for bad men and bad people for bad statements or bad men for bad women. bad people for bad statements or bad men for bad women.

Good statements are for good people or good women for good men and good people for good statements or good men for good women. Such good people are innocent of each and every bad statement which they say, end quote, Redfish. Where's the newth, Rush? I mean, come on. I know this one. I know this one. He was standing on an ice block that was a midget.

It's a midget ice block. Umbrella? And then we finally, finally get some burka talk. That's the name of me and Lucinda's new chat show. The view through the eye slit. I'm in. I'm in. Okay, this is fucking ridiculous.

There's a full page basically about who can and can't see your cleavage. And then it says, and don't swing your legs and waft your vagina smell in the air either, you harlot. And basically that's what it says, verbatim. It also tells you not to prostitute your slaves unless they're cool with it. Right. Where's that staff meeting? Okay, guys, we've got an exciting new business opportunity and you're going to want

to say no, but hear me out. Hear me out. Of course, we also learned that all the animals pray and that they're all Muslims. Of course.

It seems like I'd have noticed one of those little chipmunk prayer rugs by now, but whatever. To be fair, my pug lies down at least 12 times a day. Aw.

Various directions. My cats seem Muslim, yeah. Yeah, yeah, sure. Allah Akbar, look at my butthole. My pug lies down at least 12 times a day In various directions My cats seem Muslim Yeah sure Allah Akbar look at my butthole Allah Akbar Apparently also It's okay for old ladies to show their cleavage But they probably shouldn't

Says it in verse 60 I like this Muhammad guy Yeah we end on a rare point of agreement And we move on to Surah 25 Which is alternately titled The Criterion, The Standard, or The Standard of True and False And by the way, if you're wondering why God doesn't just show you an angel and prove he exists He explains in verse 21 that it's because you're not good enough for his angels

Right, yeah Well, at least not yet. It's like talking to someone who wired $1,000 to Nigeria 1,400 years ago, and they're like, yeah, I'm just about to get a check for a billion dollars. So that's happening. Stop doubting me. It's like talking to a Christian waiting for Jesus, but slightly less stupid. Still stupid, but like, you know, 600 years less stupid. And in case that wasn't stupid enough for you, remember that earlier in this thing, he definitely promised us angels in any wars we might fight.

So apparently it's like an angels in the outfield situation. Muhammad's going to stand there on the sidelines. Flat, flat. Oh, I knew Danny Glover was a terrorist. Why else would he be hanging out with Mel Gibson so often? He also addresses the question of why the fuck God would send him Revelation's piecemeal instead of all at once. And his answer is hilarious.

He's like, what, the omniscient being is just supposed to predict what your objections are going to be? Come on, come on. I feel like Muhammad had the scribe version of Hermione Granger just kept raising her hand like, okay, but wouldn't you need to get it all at once? It's like, okay, you know what? Ten clits from Gryffindor. Then we get the argument from

Shadow Expansion. Okay, he says We do. Hey, look. Then we get the argument from shadow expansion. Okay, he says, Hey, look, if God wanted to, he could have made your shadow the same length all the time. And then where would you be? Fucked. That's where. So if Allah isn't God, who's lengthen your shadow every night, Mr. Know-it-all? That's his argument.

Yeah. And he claims that God made it so all the shadows completely disappear at 12 noon. Yeah. And he claims that God made it so all the shadows completely disappear at 12 noon. Yeah. So, apparently the entire world is on the Tropic of Cancer on June 21st, or the Tropic of Capricorn on December 21st. And nothing is elevated off the ground

ever. No. Or ever wider than its base. It's... What? Okay. Well, that last one is true of some things. I'm told it's like a coin. It's not like a coin. Then in verse 53, then in verse 53, we get one of my favorite nuggets

of stupid so far. It says, quote, it is he who released the two bodies of flowing water, one sweet and fresh and the other salty and bitter, and set up an insurmountable barrier between them. End quote. So, you know, estuaries disprove this book. Yeah.

That's all it takes. Just that. Done. Haven't they heard of the great flood? Come on. Read a book. Well, hopefully Muhammad can tell us about it again in Surah 26 here, the poets. And in this one, most honors up to you.

Slurping out of the beer, he just put a cigarette in. And he says, did I ever tell you about that time Moses went to see the Pharaoh? And yes, he tells that fucking story again. He tells the goddamn Moses story again we've said that twice in every one of these fucking segments and still the goddamn book thinks we need to read this one more fucking time how is that possible

how is it even possible that the book tells the same story and the same details six dozen times yeah Mohammed might as well start reading Michelle Obama's speeches at this point do it. Allah told me to follow your dreams and don't tell

anyone about the girls we make Trump steaks out of. Sounds deaf, right? What kind of accent is that? Deaf communist, yeah. And then he follows it up with the story of Abraham. That's right.

This is a rerun. It is. Yep. But somehow worse this time. A worse rerun. It's like the week that Zach and Kelly went on a drug bender in Vegas. So Saved by the Bell is one of those, hey, remember when episodes? Buzz Eden.

Outside vague. Yeah. In a book full of reruns, this chapter is a clip show. And of course, since we're basically just doing shout outs to all the recurring characters in this book, we also get more details on God's she camel. Yeah. R.I.P. She camel.

Not on the microphones. Prank wars. Well, and speaking of prank wars they once again tell us that the she camel was hamstrung but they never offer an explanation as to why these people decided to cripple a camel you see there was a karate tournament

and sweep the leg I've got this vision of a camel doing the crane technique now hilarious and then we get lot the leg. I've just got this vision of a camel doing the crane technique now. Hilarious. And then we get Lot, a bunch of shit about how we're going to burn in hell, and a promise that the Quran was definitely not

written by demons. And I'm sorry, if I believed in demons, this section would definitely make me think this book was written by demons. I immediately pictured a demon in Groucho glasses just whistling and quibbling his thumbs, sweating. No demons in here.

No demons in here. Again, I guess we can close on something we all agree on. Yes, this book wasn't written by demons. Well done, sir. And now it's on to Surah 27, The Ants. I think this might be my favorite surah. Hilarious. Okay, here we are, seven verses in, when Muhammad says, quote, tell of Moses.

That's right. More fucking Moses. And again, I can't emphasize this enough. It's not a different story about Moses. It's not a prequel or a sequel. It's not the new adventures of Moses. It's the same fucking story he just told in Surah 26 that he'd already told a hundred times about God sending Moses to Egypt to free the Jews. And it's not like

Moses didn't do a bunch of other interesting stuff. Tell us about how he wrote the Declaration of Independence. That's going to be really interesting. Or how he buried all those fossils. That's crazy interesting. Fossil fuels don't burn that hot. Skeptic. But then he talks about David and Solomon for a bit, which is a welcome relief, anybody but Moses. But in this bit, he suggests that Solomon could speak fluent bird.

Never heard that one before. Yeah, but he could not speak fluent bat language. So Bible's wrong, Quran's right. There you go. QED. Andy's cover for his sex trafficking operation. I want to get that rumor deep. I thought he was a drug dealer.

Is it both? How do you think he pays for the drugs? Ah, that makes a lot more sense. Sex. Well, speaking of drugs, the peyote kicks in or something right here, because holy shit does this feel weird. Oh my God. This was the greatest chronic moment so far.

Okay. So Mo decides to tell us about a battle with no warning, mind you, where you've got Solomon, his army, his birds, and his demons on one side. An army of demons? Yes. And on the other side, you know what you get? White talking ants, of course. Talking ants. I just see armored chimpanzees stripping branches in the armory or something.

I was actually picturing more like a Braveheart scenario. There's a line of ants charging at an army of demons and humans. Hold, hold, hold. Ow! They stick out a bunch of toothpicks. General Lennigan, reporting for duty, sir. So Solomon's looking over his army

and he notices that the hoopoe bird isn't in the ranks, overslept or something, which sucks because how the fuck are you going to fight ants with demons if you don't have the hoopoe bird, obviously.

So he starts totally losing his shit over it. This is the worst battle of five armies ever. First of all, it's only four armies, and it's humans, demons, and birds versus talking

ants. So, I think I found a better book than this. I think I found a few. Alright, so when Solomon's about to completely lose his shit, he finds out that the hoopoe bird was actually off spying on the satanic queen of the ants. No, the ants, I think, just charged away from battle.

We don't hear much more from them. This was the queen of Sheba, actually. I guess the talking ants were just doing a cameo. But this brings up a hard question. Which talking ant story is less enjoyable to consume? The Koran or Ants the Animated Movie? I got to go with Ants. Still not.

Nobody cares about a neurotic Aunt Woody Allen. Nobody. You killed your daughter on the inside. Not, you know. Hold on, though. I thought Sun Yee was his granddaughter. Was that? It's complicated.

Morgan Freeman. So the queen tries to say she's sorry, but Solomon isn't hearing any of that shit. So he sends some of his demons to steal her throne so that he can do a crazy reveal with it later. Or something. I was expecting at any minute to come across the verse that just said, And then Solomon was like, kapow, kapow, boom karate. And Solomon was like, ka-pow, ka-pow, boom, karate. And she was like, oh, Solomon, my boobs are way too big for this dress. Sometimes me and Eli like to do a little bit of role playing.

We were just, I call Solomon next time. We said no dibs. Whatever. My boobs are too big for this dress. Yours, mine are. Yours are. We both have large boobs. Solomon just gives up

you know you bring this army of demons and talking birds and shit out and she's like oh well I don't want to fuck with them and gives up this is the closest

the book ever came to interesting and it just fell asleep with your dick in its hand yeah well by the way Dutch rudder still works there I'm just saying and I call Sheba next time

I know he said no James but I'm gonna call Sheba okay but. I know he said no names, but I'm going to call Sheba. Okay, but only if Noah agrees to be the hoop-over. I like it when people watch. And birds. And birds. And Noah. It's 40 verses of Come On Man Trees

and you're going to burn in hell if you don't believe me. But we do get our first mention of the Daba or the Beast of the earth in verse 82. And apparently that's their much cooler named version of the Antichrist, I guess. I guess. The beast of the revelation. Yeah. Apparently it shows up right after the earth switches its orbit so that the sun rises in

the west. Yeah, exactly. Teaser for God awful movies. Well, the sun's rising in the west or everyone started facing south. It's one or the other. This wasn't actually in the Quran, but I found a description of what the beast, what the Daba looks like. This comes from the Tafsir al-Qurtubi. I don't know.

It's like Hubert wrote it. I don't know. This is the description. Quote, its head is like the head of a bull. Its eyes are like the eyes of a pig Okay Its ears are like the ears of an elephant Its horns are like the horns of a stag

Its neck is like the neck of an ostrich Its chest is like the chest of a lion Its color is like the color of a tiger Its haunches are like the haunches of a cat Its tail is like the tail of a ram And its legs are like the legs of a camel Okay Wait, there's more like the tail of a ram, and its legs are like the legs of a camel. Wait, there's more. Between each pair of its joints is a distance of 12

cubits. I feel like the seven-headed dragon could totally kick its ass. That is the least scary animal imaginable. That's a Jimmy Neutron episode, not an End Times movie. And it's got elephant ears. I love that. I just want to hear a racist song about how it can't fly.

I love it. Allegedly. Still better than Batman v. Superman, though. True of all things. And even though anything would be a letdown after the Surah with the Daba and the ants, we're going to mop up with

another really shitty one to close, and that would be surah 28, the narrations or the stories. Opening line. These are the verses from the book that makes things clear. We shall narrate to you some of the story of Moses and Pharaoh. I believe that's Arabic for go fuck yourself. There is a weird story at the end about Korah, though. I guess the moral here is never envy wealthy people because you never know when God is going to murder them and their families.

Moe, didn't you mean for them to get rich? And then it's like, just write it down, Steve. Just write the story down. Come on, Hermione. And that's all the Korah we're going to suffer through this week. And for whatever it's worth, the title of the story that we're going to be starting on next time is The Spider. So, I mean, given the chapter naming conventions of this book, that could just mean that at some point Muhammad says spied and her real close together. But the ants didn't disappoint.

So who knows? Maybe Allah fights a giant spider in the next time. We won't know until Quran Mananiacs returns in episode 183. Oh, I hope it's a robot spider. Oh, Muhammad just fucking a girl in a water tower. Wild, wild western imperialism. Sir 29.

Before we log out of the Oasis tonight, I wanted to apologize on Lucinda's behalf for the lack of a This Week in Misogyny segment in this episode. We were moving this week, and while we were able to pre-record the Koran segment, that's a little harder to do with the current events segment, so she sends her apologies and promises to be back with a vengeance next week. Also, you can get a little extra Eli in your life

by checking out his appearance on the Polite Conversation podcast, discussing the Milo ban on Twitter, the scope of free speech, and other stuff that's going to get me a shitload of angry emails as though Eli thinks with my permission. Come on, people. Email the person that pissed you off. That just makes so much more sense. Anyway, that's all the blasphemy we've got for you tonight, but we'll be back in 10,022 minutes with more. If you can't wait that long, be on the lookout for a brand new episode of our sister show's hot friend, God Awful Movies, debuting on Tuesday at 8 a.m. Eastern. First time since we launched that show that we're going to be doing a Muslim movie and it looks like we might set a new standard

for suck. Definitely looking forward to this one. Obviously, I need to thank Heath for his infectious grin. I need to thank Lucinda for her contagious laugh and I need to thank Eli for his virulent sense of humor. I also want to thank Brian for providing this week's Farnsworth quote and keeping a sense of humor as we drag his first name through the muck. But most of all,

of course, I need to thank this week's best people. Katarthis, Jason, Christine, N, Roby, Scott, Lane, Shelley, Caleb, Donovan, David, Benjamin, Peter, Casey, Megadiptus412, Cyrano de Bergerac's nose hair stylist, and Tom. Katarthis, Jason, Christine, and N, Roby, who have so much gravitas, even their sneezes merit deep contemplation.

Scott, Lane, Shelley, and Caleb, who cause more hearts to flutter than premature ventricular contractions Donovan, David, Benjamin, and Peter Whose dicks are longer than Peter Jackson movies And Casey, Megadiptus412 Cyrano de Berzarex No hair stylist And Tom who have more IQ points

Than Eli has fetishes Together these 16 savory secularists Supported our sophomoric sacrilegious stammerings This week by giving us money Not everybody has the prosperity, temerity And charity for verity That it takes to give us money, but if you think you're up to the challenge, you can make a per-episode donation at patreon.com

slash scathingatheist, whereby you'll earn early access to an extended edition of every episode, or you can make a one-time donation by clicking on the donate button on the right side of the homepage at scathingatheist.com. You won't get any early episodes or anything, but I'll still compliment your dick and or vag. And if you'd like to help, you're saving all your money for that puppy in the window. You can also help us a ton by leaving us a five-star review on iTunes, Stitcher, or your podcast rating vehicle of choice.

You can also tell an atheist friend about the show or a religious enemy. Either way, the downloads still count the same for us. If you have questions, comments, or death threats, you'll find all the contact info on the contact page at skatingatheist.com. Jesus Don't Take the Wheel was written by Eli Bosnick and Anna Phyllis Smith and arranged and performed by Anna Phyllis Smith and Morgan Clark and was used with permission. All the other music was written and performed by yours truly and yes, I had my permission too. There we go.

Scotch heals everything. The preceding podcast was a production of Puzzle in a Thunderstorm LLC Copyright 2016 All rights reserved.