The Scathing Atheist - ScathingAtheist 181: Cruch Biggins Edition

Episode Date: August 4, 2016

In this week’s episode, Saudi arabia will be mad at pokemon go for a reason OTHER than step tracking, Cardinal Pell continues to look like Werner Herzog got raped by Play-Do a 2nd time; and we’ll learn that it’s actually Asa Akira’s fault Eli killed those Guatemalan kids*. Click Here to make a per episode donation at Patreon.com Click Here to buy our book. Click Here to check out The Skepticrat. Click Here to check out God Awful Movies. Guest Links: Click Here to check out the Atheist Avengers podcast Click Here to see that speech Lucinda was talking about. Headlines: George Pell accused of fucking kids (up until now, he’s just been implicated in the cover up) http://www.abc.net.au/news/2016-07-27/victoria-police-investigating-george-pell-over-abuse-complaints/7664674 Pope’s response: http://religionnews.com/2016/07/31/pope-francis-will-await-judgment-on-cardinal-pell-over-sex-abuse-claims/ Saudi clerics say no pokemon go in mecca: http://www.patheos.com/blogs/friendlyatheist/2016/07/28/saudi-clerics-dont-want-you-playing-pokemon-go-in-mecca/ and http://www.forbes.com/sites/dominicdudley/2016/07/28/pokemon-go-reaches-islams-holiest-site-and-some-people-arent-happy-about-it/#319b7e35d1db Satanic Temple promoting “Satan clubs” at elementary schools around the country: http://www.patheos.com/blogs/friendlyatheist/2016/07/31/thanks-to-christians-after-school-satan-clubs-may-be-coming-to-an-elementary-school-near-you/ Sex before marriage is like putting a cat in a microwave: http://www.patheos.com/blogs/friendlyatheist/2016/07/23/teen-study-bible-having-sex-outside-of-straight-marriage-is-like-burning-your-cat-in-a-microwave/ Antigay Nebraska state senator resigns over sexually explicit video of himself is found on state issued computer: http://www.rawstory.com/2016/07/antigay-nebraska-republican-urged-to-resign-over-sex-video-of-himself-on-state-computer/ US pissed away $1.4b teaching abstinence only sex-ed in Africa: http://www.patheos.com/blogs/progressivesecularhumanist/2016/07/report-u-s-wasted-1-4-billion-on-abstinence-only-sex-ed-in-africa/ Vatican ambassador tried to impede sexual abuse investigation: http://www.nytimes.com/2016/07/21/us/minnesota-priests-memo-says-vatican-envoy-tried-to-stifle-sex-abuse-inquiry.html?_r=1 and http://www.patheos.com/blogs/friendlyatheist/2016/07/21/newly-released-memo-shows-vatican-ambassador-tried-to-impede-sexual-abuse-investigation/ Calling your house a “spiritual retreat” doesn’t mean you don't have to pay taxeshttp://www.patheos.com/blogs/friendlyatheist/2016/07/27/ohio-supreme-court-denies-tax-exemption-for-couple-that-let-priests-stay-over-at-their-home/ This Week in Misogyny: Trans speaker at DNC http://www.patheos.com/blogs/friendlyatheist/2016/07/25/dnc-lineup-features-a-transgender-speaker-for-the-first-time/ Mike pence says he’ll overturn roe vs. wade http://www.latimes.com/nation/politics/trailguide/la-na-democratic-convention-2016-live-pence-says-roe-v-wade-will-be-1469737388-htmlstory.html   *allegedly.

Warning, we're not in Georgia anymore and a woman was just nominated for president by a major political party in the U.S. I'm not sure if we're going to be pissed off enough to cuss in this episode, but we're going to anyway. This week's episode of The Scathing Atheist is brought to you by the new fashion line for seemingly well-educated, reasonable women who also want to run for president and bring back rickets. Presenting J. Jill Stein. Just because you're helping murder children from afar, that doesn't mean you don't want to look good while you're doing it. J. Jill Stein.

Call 1-800-ANTI-SLACKS if you want to just ask us any questions. And now, the Scathing Atheist. Hey, this is Wyatt Mathers. This is Major Matt Guffin, and we are the Atheist Avengers. You know, some people may spend $100 million on a boat that doesn't float to try to convince you otherwise. The truth is, we did, in fact, evolve from filthy monkey men. It's Thursday. It's Thursday! It's August 4th!

And that baby had no right to tell Donald Trump he hadn't read the Constitution. I'm no illusions! I'm Eli Bosnick. I'm Heath Enright. And from New York, New York, and Secret Lair, Pennsylvania, this is The Skating Atheist. Pennsylvania, this is The Skating Atheist. On this week's episode, Saudi Arabia will be mad at Pokemon Go for a reason other than step tracking. Gordon Opel continues to look like Werner Herzog got raped by Plato a second time.

And we'll learn that it's actually Asa Akira's fault that Eli killed those Guatemalan kids. Allegedly. Allegedly. But first, the diatribe. I follow a lot of unsavory characters on Twitter. It's kind of like what we do on GAM. To do my job properly, I need to immerse myself in all the buttfuckery of religion on all levels. So I follow Ray Comfort, Joel Osteen, Josh Fierstein, Ken Ham, and of course, if you want to keep up with the Amish Wolverine, you also have to

follow the Discovery Institute, or as Stephen Novella dubbed it in what might be my all-time favorite portmanteau, the Disco Toot. So the other day, the Disco Toot tosses out a tweet baiting people to their blog that reads, whether the subject is climate change or evolution, who determines what is considered scientific fact? And then there's a little link to the blog. And of course, I have this, ooh, ooh, I know this one kind of moment. So I tweet back. I say, the consensus of scientists in relevant fields.

If you need more than a tweet to answer that, it's because you're obfuscating. Well, some online defender of hams decides to chime in with a series of six tweets or so good sign that he's really mastered the twitter medium he says at length quote consensus never determines fact only consensus the following were wrong bloodletting ptolemaic solar system septic surgery practices thalidomide saccharin dietary fiber imminence of fusion reactors stratospheric ozone depletion, acid rain, and high-dose animal testing for carcinogenicity. And all of these scientists were in the relevant fields. And nine tweets worth of quote. So never mind that I was responding to a tweet asking what

was considered scientific fact, not what was fact. Here's the short answer. And those that were wrong were determined to be so through widespread consensus of scientists in relevant fields. Your argument just defeated itself. That was my tweet. The long answer? Well, that's my diatribe. And it starts like this. Fuck off. I mean, bloodletting? Funny how religious people don't want to be held accountable for the shit that they did in the 14th century, and yet it's apparently okay to hang Galenic medicine on science? What the fuck are you even talking about here? This is a practice that dates back as far as written history all the way up to the dawn of scientific medicine. It was the scientific approach to medicine that ended the bloodletting, for fuck's sake. I mean, it's not like Jesus showed up in the late 1700s to point out that the bloodletting stuff wasn't working.

It took science to figure that out. So sure, whatever, take a victory and spin it as a failure. That's what intellectually honest people do, isn't it? Oh, and by the way, what was the religious prescription for all those maladies that ancient people used bloodletting for? If you said exorcisms, lucky charms, and magic spells, give yourself 10 points. And if you notice that those are still the only prescriptions religion has on tap, go ahead and give yourself 10 more. But the tweet just gets stupider. I mean, the Ptolemaic solar system?

Dude, Google, when did the scientific revolution begin? It'll give you the date that Copernicus published his refutation of the Ptolemaic model. This will be like claiming victory in a race because you made it to the starting line earlier. And his examples just get more insane from there. A little more pre-scientific medical bullshit. Then he conveniently forgets that the countries that did the most science avoided that whole thalidomide thing.

And then he just starts tossing out words, I guess. I mean, dietary fiber is a scientific incentive? What the fuck does that even mean? After that, he mistakes science fiction for future reporting. Then he tosses out a bunch of conspiracy theory bullshit that actually has been upheld by the consensus of science. And ends on puppy cancer. And look, even I know you never end on puppy cancer. But the key here is that the whole inflated argument

relies on the fact that religion has never advanced. You know, it's easy to point to shit that used to be the scientific consensus and then changed because science is constantly learning new shit and self-correcting. It's perpetually revising and perfecting its model. That's what makes it science. Religion, on the other hand, has just been clinging to the same bullshit all along. You can never point to something religious people used to think was true and then abandoned because they haven't advanced an itch in thousands of fucking years. Their bullshit has grown more

complicated, I guess, but it's never gotten any better. And here we've got some jack-off apologist trying to use that as though it were a strength. And sure, this is a particularly bad example of that argument, but we hear variants of it constantly. It's especially prevalent with the creationists and the climate change deniers, but it's basically a tactic throughout all of denialism. Science was wrong once, ergo, we can't trust anything science has to say, which is basically like gouging out your eardrums because you thought Credence was singing about a bathroom on the right. I mean, think about what a childishly misguided definition of science it takes to even formulate this argument in your head. Science, as you well know, isn't a set of facts.

It's a process through which we determine what are and are not facts. It's a method of determining the truth value of claims. It's a means of refining our understanding. So if you want to disprove science or discount the importance of scientific consensus, you can't get there by attacking a conclusion. You have to attack the process. Otherwise, you're just attacking science that wasn't science-y enough. I mean, look, even if this twitty had scraped up a few genuine examples of times when the scientific consensus was grossly incorrect, he still wouldn't have disproved the current iteration of those scientific theories unless, of course, we disprove those theories through some means other than science. To actually prove his point or even support it, he'd have to be able to point to a portion

of the scientific method that is in error. And the fact that all he can come up with is shit where the self-correcting mechanisms within the method work should be all the argument anyone ever needs to dismiss this asinine objection. In a lot of ways, this is the great atheist victory of our age. You know, the people on the other side of this argument have all but given up on disproving the godless conclusion through better theories or more convincing evidence. Instead, they're now arguing with the very means by which knowledge is acquired.

And amazingly enough, they don't seem to recognize that that's a white flag. They're admitting that if you think in the way that's proven to be most effective, you will always think they're wrong. And at the same time, they're admitting that when sound reasoning fails to support their position, they're less likely to give up on the position than the sound reasoning. Joining me for headlines tonight are the Sam and Diana skepticism, Heath Enright and Eli Bosnick. Fellas, are you ready to cut all the tension and just fuck already? Oh, I'm holding out for Curse the Alley later seasons. We have identical bodies.

I don't know. I'm pretty sure I'm going to make it in movies and not never be heard from again ever. It's bad enough that the Academy overlooked Money Pit, bro. Let's not double down on it now it's right up there with the hangover you know Eli's about to get married we'd be defying a cultural norm

alright in our lead story tonight we have an update on the extent to which Cardinal George Pell is an awful human being responsible for a whole bunch of kids getting raped and it got worse, by the way. I mean, the aforementioned extent to which he is awful somehow got worse.

We're not apologizing. So we already knew that he's currently under investigation by Australia's Royal Commission into the institutional responses to child sex abuse. into the institutional responses to child sex abuse. And considering he was the highest ranking Catholic leader in a country that needs to have that thing, that commission, it's already not looking great. Of course, this is based on numerous allegations that his underlings abused children and covered it up.

And now most recently, it's being reported that Pell was directly accused by multiple sources of sexually abusing kids himself. Right. Beyond that other time that already happened. It's like hair club for men, but with kid fucking. The Eli Bosnick story. And the sequel. And the sequel.

So, just in case anybody hasn't been following the story, George Pell, who looks like a pedophile priest fucked a pedophile priest is the guy who called in sick when asked to appear before the royal commission last year apparently he was a little bit under the weather a little coffee and uh therefore refused to fly from rome to sydney where he'd be given the chance to clear his name of all the child abuse cover-up charges. That guy. That's who we're talking about. If you were picturing Cardinal Pell in, like, footie pajamas holding a thermometer to a light bulb, it wasn't nearly that adorable.

Just giving you a heads up. I was picturing that. Well, now he might get in trouble regardless of his wicked head cold. Because Australian police know where Rome is and rumor has it they're willing to fly places to arrest rapists so that might happen

they show up and Pell's just touching the hood of his dad's car safe, safe said the car was safe and by the way I need to point this out at least one of the allegations of sexual abuse occurred while George Pell was setting up the church's investigation into the sexual abuse allegations. So he was like literally diddling kids in between chairing the anti-kid diddling hearings. This Pell guy is fantastic.

He's the Jack Crawford of kid fucking. Meanwhile, Pell's in the corner. And then I'd be like this. I mean, they, they would be like this. Bring me up a chair. I have to show you what they did. Show me on the doll where anybody, just anybody touched you. No need to name names.

So, also worth noting, Pell's boss is being super cool about all the raping stuff. Jealous. He really is. So in response to this news, Pope Francis told reporters that the matter is being handled by the justice system and therefore refused to pass any judgment during the ongoing investigation. So it appears that Pell is going to continue

serving his role as the Vatican's chief of finances and continue to be the third-ranking official in the entire Catholic Church. Right. Despite being there Joe Paterno and Jerry Sandusky all at once. Right. Fuck. Allegedly. Allegedly, yes.

It's the St. Peter principle at work. Fucking wonderful. He's the good pope. Yeah. Oh, man. he's the good pope yeah and in pikachu praying news tonight saudi clerks have a bone to pick with marowak and the other pocket demons see unlike the united states where pokemon go is the only reason people are visiting churches for the first time since the 50s these clerics do not approve of mecca and the kaba especially serving as pokey stops and pokey gyms

imagine that kind of people running around these places talking about mythical beasts are our giant magical space rock is serious this is serious it's the most serious magical space rock meanwhile cut to some developer in japan trying to say i thought they'd have a sense of humor about it with a straight face yeah i mean i feel like japan is the world's crazy friend just like yeah he's not scared of much just really into panties but like don't piss him off we didn't we did that in the 40s and there were bags of rats and stuff We don't like to talk about it. The way we calmed him down was not great. Oh, shit. It's true. Twice. It took two.

We called him in the morning. Yeah, exactly. According to Arab News, Sheikh Abdullah al-Mu'ayna, a member of the Council of Senior Religious Scholars, said that the game was a national security hazard and treasonous as it aims to uncover secret locations. If by secret locations he means giant block that everybody knows about and runs around in a circle around and everyone faces towards once a day. Yeah, exactly.

Okay, but I mean, regardless, if they didn't know about the location, they couldn't have put a fucking pokey stop there, could they? Hold on a second. Where the fuck did this latitude come from? What are you trying to think? This Iranian nuclear scientist seems to have been killed by some sort of feline lightning bolt right in the middle of this pilgrimage. That is so weird. If you're not picturing Nicolas Cage running around the Kaaba looking for clues, you're not the woman I married.

Where is it? It's so moral. I need Benjamin Franklin's glasses. However, never fear. It seems that Saudi Arabia is a bit more sane about this than Rick Wiles. Just a little. than rick wiles little another sheik isa al-gahith an appeals court judge and a member of the shura council the closest thing saudi arabia has to a parliament said he saw no problem saying quote in general i do not think there's anything haram forbidden in it as it is adding i am however

declaring a fatwa on all these fucking pidgeys i I don't care if they help me level up. That's not the point of the game, Alan. That's not the point of the game. Pikachu. Pikachu, yeah. The newest member of the Massad team, correct? Yeah, exactly. There we go. Broken clock twice a day. Well, at the moment, there

is no fatwa declared against an iPhone game, he clarified, because he lived in a universe where there might be. But all it takes is one cleric to, like, miss a squirtle he needs, even though he used a raspberry, and they could be in some serious trouble. That's all I'm saying. What the fuck? How would a raspberry not be able to... I'm not...

I'll be okay. That's just... It's ridiculous. And while you picture someone running up and stabbing Ash Ketchum in the chest, I'll toss you over to Noah. And in devil's advocate news tonight, Christianity is once again complaining that equal rights doesn't mean everybody gets to do it after the Satanic Temple announced the launch of their new after-school Satan program for all the elementary school kiddies. This is amazing. I love a baby show like this.

Oh, it's awesome. So this program takes aim at the Good News Club and other such evangelical outreach programs that seek to indoctrinate children in public schools and justify it by using that it's a voluntary after-school program excuse. And, of course, the Satanic Temple is attacking that concept by doing the exact same thing as the Christians, watching them get apoplectic over it and saying, how can you not see that makes you the bad guys? Is it because you don't have a skinny mustache and henchmen? Do we need to get you henchmen for this to sink in?

We can make that happen. At this point, the Church of Satan is just like doing the mirror exercise from an acting 101 class, except the other person gets really mad. Like, why are you moving your hand like that? I'm not. I didn't. We can all see you. They're like the dog who, right. I'm not. I didn't. We can all see you. They're like the dog who doesn't realize he's trying to box with himself.

He's super pissed at the other one copying all his moves just right. So as you'll recall, the way for these evangelical groups was paved by a 2001 Supreme Court decision that said it would be discriminatory to let school clubs organize for, say, chess, but not for, say, turning your life over to Jesus. Or the much less popular turning your chess over to Jesus. Jesus take the pawn. Should I move my bishop over here? What is this fire you have on the walls?

Okay, J-Dog, told you already, man. It's a light bulb and they're all over the place. Should I move my bishop? I'm the son of God. No, you're not. You are God. It's a light bulb and they're all over the place. Should I move my bishop? I'm the son of God. No, you're not. You are God. It's confusing. I can see how you get confused.

So anyway, because elementary school clubs can't exactly be student organized like high school clubs, this means that outside groups like the aforementioned good news clubs swoop in to set these clubs up. And of course, they fill them with the kind of activities and giveaways that elementary school kids find hardest to resist. And according to a write-up on the Friendly Atheist blog, apparently just the Good News Club alone has wriggled their way into a terrifying one out of every 20 elementary schools

in this country. And it's worth pointing out that these clubs are not Bible study groups. More often than not, they're free trip to the water park and then surprise Bible study groups, which if you're wondering why that's a problem, go ahead and Google marshmallow experiment. I'll wait.

I ate it. Did I win? I finished it. Oh, someone please recut the marshmallow experiment with inner cuts of Heath just happily eating an entire bag of marshmallows by himself in an experiment room. Sir, how did you get in here? I'm whipping these these kids asses black kid waited too long do you have more so after efforts to enforce the first amendment

apparently failed on this one the satanic temple opted for their familiar be careful what you wish for strategy and announced that they too can teach kids shit but just to distinguish themselves with the competition they'll be teaching kids true shit because according to their press release quote we prefer to give children an appreciation of the natural wonders surrounding them not a fear of everlasting otherworldly horrors end quote and of course christians won't be having any of that shit of course not oh i want to start one of these clubs. Quick question. Do these clubs happen within 500 feet of a school? Asking for a friend.

Yeah. The friend is me. And in PC gone mad news tonight, Nebraska Saint Senator and melting Weasley second cousin Bill Kintner found himself in hot water this week after a year-long investigation

into a sexually explicit video of himself that was found on his computer by authorities the video was brought to public attention when kintner himself brought his computer to the nebraska state patrol regarding quote what he believed to be a potential internet scam that occurred while the senator was in Massachusetts using his state computer, end quote. Which means the conversation went a little something like this. Heath, do this with me. I'll be kidding her.

All right, all right. Got it. Okay. Hey, I clicked a pop-up last week, and now I think my emails are hacked. Oh, okay. Let me check that out for you. Hmm. What's this file on your desktop marked me fucking

a mango? Don't click that. I would have skipped the salt though. No, well, hindsight's 20-20. Well, and look though, even if you set aside the fuck video of himself he neglected to delete,

what you have here is a man walking into IT and saying hey i think there's a scam in this laptop i need a new one like one way or the other this dude is unfit to hold any elected or unelected office but i wouldn't even eat off of dishes i knew he washed one time i mixed that up one time two weeks that up multiple times. Multiple times. And hey, aside from the usual you shouldn't put videos of you fucking on company computers policies that I'm aware of only because they're one of our

non-no-killing rules on the whiteboard, Kintner has come under special criticism for his actions based on what now appears to be a rather large scoop of hypocrisy. Because while I'll admit, I don't especially care about showing people your anthony wiener on a work computer it comes off worse when you've been vocally against gay marriage

transgender rights and gay adoption saying that his parents quote taught me the moral absolutes of christianity and i just applied those to everything even quote mangoes yeah and while i didn't do the closest reading in the bible, I do forget where Mark tells us the best angle to shoot your junk from. It's actually from behind. It depends on the junk. Oh yeah, some of the pictures of the old fruit basket, I just love that. Well now, I am pretty sure he paid the mangoes dad 50 shekels, so the biblical thing holds up. The excuse holds up

and if there's a better segue into the misogyny segment than a biblical rape joke i don't know what it is so we'll take a quick break and hand things over to my lovely wife lucinda a man wrote the bible a horse which one if it's a legitimate rate cooking can be fun hey i'm's been a fucking great week to be a woman. And I think most of you know why. Look, when I was a little girl, what happened this week wasn't even a dream. It was a goddamn impossibility. The 19th Amendment was ratified in August of 1920.

And here we are exactly one presidential election shy of a century later, and we finally have a major party with a female nominee. And not only that, she's probably going to win. Now, I don't want to get all political here, but this is a big fucking deal, and I'm celebrating it. if that means the tsunami of angry emails about how Shillery is owned by the TPP and favoring a trade deal that seeks to counteract the economic growth of China makes her unfit to be the fucking president. Or maybe about how sending non-classified emails that contain information that was later classified somehow merits jail time for the first time in human history. Or maybe about how you didn't get your favorite flavor of ice cream because the majority of people at the party liked a different flavor.

Oh, and by the way, they've been waiting for this flavor for 240 fucking years. But like I said, I'm not going to get all political. All I'm going to say is this. After more than 100 episodes of delivering bad news week after week, this week I'm delivering news of progress. Big whopping motherfucking progress. This week, I'm delivering news of progress. Big, whopping, motherfucking progress. And even if right now you're angrily tweeting the words email server at me,

you should still pause long enough to recognize that. But Hillary wasn't the only chick kicking ass at the Democratic convention last week. Among the many ladies that deserve recognition is one I want to give a special shout out to, because she also represented a monumental step for women everywhere. Her name is Sarah McBride, and she was the first trans woman and activist to take the stage at a national political convention. And in a country that's seriously wrestling with bathroom bills, I'd say that's a huge step in the right direction. And by the way, if you missed it, check out her speech.

It's moving, it matters, and it's leaked on the show notes for this episode. And look, I know I've already used this segment once to explain why I'm supporting Hillary, but just in case you needed one more reason, I wanted to add one overwhelming point in her favor. And that, my friends, is the goddamn alternative. And holy shit if it isn't reason enough to stand with a Democratic nominee. You see, while we were celebrating reason enough to stand with a Democratic nominee. You see, while we were celebrating a woman being nominated by a major party and a trans woman being welcomed as a voice of power into the Democratic platform, Mike Pence was reminding us the stakes of letting the other guys win. He was at a press conference last Thursday when he said, quote, I'm pro-life and I don't apologize for it.

Before adding that, quote, we'll see Roe versus Wade consigned to the ash heap of history where it belongs, end of quote. So keep that in mind, folks. One party seems to be moving forward on social issues, while the other one is promising to set progress back to before I was born. I'm just saying there's stakes. Pretty real fucking stakes. And while I wait for someone who learned all they know about politics from a Bernie or Buss Facebook page to tweet me a question unrelated to anything I just talked about,

I'll hand things back over to Noah, Heath, and Eli. Thank you, Lucinda. And in abstain remover news tonight, according to a recent report in Scientific American, between 2004 and 2013, the United States government wiped their asses with approximately $1.4 billion promoting abstinence-only education in sub-Saharan Africa. So just to put that in perspective, for the same amount of money, you could have just bought 51 condoms for every man, woman, and child that lives in sub-Saharan Africa, or you could have just bought them all a 20-ounce coconut pez dispenser because literally anything that you spent the money on short of smallpox blankets would have been more useful. Yeah. And maybe even those, too.

I mean, at least we have a vaccine for that. Well, and they get a blanket. Yeah. Granted, it contains enriched uranium and causes autism, but still, it's safer. Keith, are you running for president? I mean, I know you don't have a chance, but like... Go green. Apparently that doesn't stop people

from running i do have to be the first to admit from my experience when you buy a child 51 condoms their parents freak out speaking of which this ankle bracelet is itchy so of course surprise surprise this effort was the brainchild of a number of American evangelical groups trying to move colonialism and slavery down the worst shit we ever did to Africans list by denying them access to potentially lifesaving information and replacing it with Elizabethan prudery. After more than a decade of funding the program, a rigorous study compared the national data in the countries that did and did not receive funding over this program and get ready for another shocker. They found no difference whatsoever in age of first sexual experience, number of sexual partners, or teen pregnancy.

At least the triangular trade was a job creator. We said at the last staff meeting we were only going to list one positive thing about slavery per show heat, so that's yours. Now, if you don't Okay, that's my check. That's my check.

Now, if you don't mind, let's examine the inhuman cruelty that's really going on here. Okay, so in 2003, the U.S. decided to spend a whole shit ton of money trying to help stem the tide of the AIDS epidemic in Africa. And a bunch of evangelical Christians who know good and damn well that trying to prevent AIDS with abstinence-only education

is about as effective as trying to combat dysentery by sewing everybody's assholes shut, decided that they wanted some of that sweet, sweet AIDS money. So they used a bit of their political clout to reappropriate over a billion fucking dollars that was intended to keep people from dying of AIDS. They took money from the world's poorest people, lined their own pockets with it, and at the same time used it to promote their harmful ideology that would be unrealistically evil for a bond villain they would soften up that bond villain in a rewrite what if he just steals the money can can dr evil just steal the money from the people trying to stop ains no and finally

tonight from the ray comfort in file thanks to last week's ruling by the supreme court of ohio you don't get to stop paying property taxes on your house just because you occasionally invite religious leaders for a sleepover huh yeah even if you maintain a strict byo boys policy that's still not allowed now that't do it. That being said, though, if they come for a sleepover and you didn't invite them, the diocese does owe you some hush money to offset your taxes. It's fine. Steve Anderson never accepted my evite anyways. We're going to have tickle fights.

It's fine. Heath, you can eat the rest of those marshmallows. I already did. I won again. All right. So here's a little background um robert and janet hartenstein run a so-called christian retreat called innkeeper ministries using the extra space at their residence in lewisburg ohio and they set it up as a 501c3 charity where they provide accommodations meals and spiritual counseling free of charge to spiritual counselors who are well fed yeah and and by free of charge they mean the pastors don't pay for stuff but the taxpayers of ohio kick in the annual property tax on a 71 acre home

jesus which by the way is also their permanent address. Oh, really? Yeah, that's where they live. Like so many things with the religious tax code. It's not that they're not paying for it that's the problem. It's that everyone else is. Right. Exactly.

I don't seem to get that. So despite the enormous value that clergy sabbaticals provide to American society, the Ohio Supreme Court decided back in 2006 that a charity is only eligible for these types of tax breaks if it uses the property exclusively for the stated purpose, which, again, is stupid and wasteful to begin with. Well, right, yeah. Yeah, it's got to just be a place to put priests in timeout

for kid-fucking for a few weeks. Just. Just for that. Also, they're supposed to provide documentation of whatever the fuck it is they do there, which they did not. So the majority opinion said something along the lines of, absolutely not, that's nothing, pay your taxes. Make it for veterans with PTSD and prove you're actually doing that and maybe we'll discuss it.

Nonetheless, after being denied the exemption in 2008, the Hartensteins successfully sued to get it back for a while. But that was finally overruled by last week's decision. So, a little good news there. The American judiciary. Occasionally right on matters of religion if you give them about a decade to think about it.

That's what Hillary meant to say when she said e pluribus hunum what she meant yeah okay so uh that's enough about the legal details um it's time to address the real issue here which is the fact that we haven't made fun of these people yet for running a diddler hostel right now granted no evidence any kids were raped there right but no evidence they weren't either really there's no evidence that anything did or did not happen there and that's the problem so by fat guy in a red hat logic that's proof that kids get fucked there right call the cops horses too horses too all right so let's go ahead and put 30 seconds on the clock. We're looking for ideas for the Pedophile Clergy Hotel. Go.

Well, I did stay at an All the Way Inn Express last night. Ooh, yeah. How about a Diddler on the Red Roof Inn? Any given Sunday's Inn. There you go. Yeah. What about Rob Lowe's Hotels? Also Rob Lowe Lita's Express.

Going way back for that one. How about Motel 6 to 10-year-olds? All right, that was easy. That one was easy, sorry. The not-yet-old-enough-for-a-braza. How about the Zitz Carlton Pet and Breakfast? Or the Neverland Bunny Ranch. There you go, Neverland Bunny Ranch.

Oh, that one existed. That one was real. The Neverland Bunny Ranch. There you go. Neverland Bunny Ranch. Oh, that one existed. That one was real. The Blessed Western? No, maybe the Petaratus. Ooh. No, I'm going to go with Blessed Western. I like Blessed Western. How about the About Waste Hyatt?

No? All right. I got one more. What about the Handlewood Suite Life of Jack and Cody? Handlewood Suite life of Jack and Cody? Handlewood Suite life of Jack and Cody. And while you absorb all the various puns, homonyms, and before and afters that make up that masterpiece, we're going to close out the headlines for the night. Heath, Eli, thanks as always.

Great Detective Pikachu. When we come back, we'll learn why Eli is so evil. Spoiler alert, it's the porn. Eli is so evil. Spoiler alert, it's the porn. Okay, guys, it's obviously been about a couple of years for the church, what with the scandals and the unfortunateness of going on,

so we've hired marketing guru Crunchy Biggins to come in and help us out. Why don't you give him a hand? Hey! Gentlemen, thank you for having me. There's only three things you need to know about me. I've never buttoned my top button. I have four ex-wives and an ex-daughter,

and I can bench 435 pounds. He's a super fat. I think that last thing was a lie. Now, gentlemen, I have a simple question. What is it that you do? What do you sell here? Oh, yeah.

Well, we save souls. We deliver the Holy Sacrament. We spread the word of Christ's love. Oh, yeah. Padre, can I shoot straight with you? That's hack and crack on a bologna stack, all right? That's nothing in expression. What do I mean? Salvation?

Jesus? That's what you've been claiming to sell. But what do you excel at? What do I mean? Salvation? Jesus? That's what you've been claiming to sell. But what do you excel at? What do you do? Charity stuff? A missionary work? Let me ask you a question. What's your name?

Paolo. Paolo. Do I look like peanut butter to you? What? Do I look like peanut butter to you? No. So how about you spare me the spread? That makes no sense.

Paolo, look at my giant teeth. What do you do, Paolo? What do you do? Uh, rape kids? You're damn right you do, Paolo. You feel my giant, crazy, wet hand on the back of your head right now? Yes, I really wish I did not. You and I are brothers now, Paolo. You feel my giant, crazy, wet hand on the back of your head right now? Uh, yes. I really wish I did not. You and I are brothers now, Paolo. It's so wet.

It's like a squid is there. What sells in America today is honesty. Donald Trump, Lorena Bobbitt, shrimp, cold brew coffee, and now you. So, Paolo, we're gonna rebrand this place. We're gonna send a message fucking loud and clear. Do you know what that message is? Uh,

we rape kids? Louder, Palo. We rape kids? Louder, Palo! We rape the kids! Fucking fantastic. Let's go to a firewalk. Those of you who don't follow along with everything

David Barton does as closely as we do may have missed the news this week that he delivered a sermon, like all respectable historians are so often want to do, at Calvary Chapel Salt Lake in Utah. And while I can't recommend anyone actually exposing their ear holes to the entire thing, one moment was definitely inspiring. He claims to have been invited to a debate by the American Atheist Association, which doesn't exist, but let's give him the benefit of the doubt and assume he meant American atheists. And Davey was willing to do the debate, but he had some conditions. Based on the fact that 92% of the country believes in God, he would only agree to the debate if he got 92% of the speaking time. Because, quote, that's the way policy works in America, is the majority gets to rule, end quote.

It's not how it works in historians, of course. Anyway, we decided to plug David's new rules into the scathing atheist Hypothysertron 2000, and this was the result. Wonderful. Mr. Barton, your 92 minutes is up. Mr. Enright, you have eight minutes as specified by the rules. Your time begins now. All right, cool. Everybody take out your phones.

Good, great. Go ahead and Google anything he just said. Literally anything. Google it. Hey, Thomas Jefferson wasn't in the Super Friends with Jesus. No, no, he was not. Yeah, the vagina was not invented in the 60s by Gloria Steinem. No, no, yep, yep, good.

That's because, and let me be clear, David Barton is a tiny man with no knowledge or interest. He is a liar, a boring, wrong, stupid liar, and not worth hearing or listening to. Um, you have six minutes left. Oh, okay.

Everybody heads down, thumbs up. Yay! It's a fun game. Once in a while, we come across a movie that's too short to make it onto Godawful Movies, but too amazing to resist. And when we do, we bring it here to a segment we like to call Godawful Minis. Minis, minis, minis, minis.

So tell us, Heath, what will we be breaking down today? All right, we watched Pages of Death. It's an anti-porn propaganda film about how a quick look at my browser history clearly shows that I'm the most deadly serial killer in the history of the world. That's the movie. And Eli, how bad was this propaganda film? And Eli, how bad was this propaganda film? Well, if you ever thought to yourself, damn, I wish those people who told kids that jerking off made you go blind in your palms, Harry, got to make a movie. Then you will love Pages of Death.

They did. It's like 50% Columbo episode, 50% reminder about what it looked like when America was great again. Right. when America was great again. Right, yeah. So it's basically an anti-porn propaganda flick from the, what, late 50s, early 60s? 62, yeah. Yeah, and so we start with Dwight Eisenhower's bottom directly addressing the camera here. Yeah, Tom Harmon.

Tom Harmon looks like he has one more question. He looks like he's about halfway between Ted Cruz and Freddy Krueger's moisturized uncle. But he gets a lot of shit at Thanksgiving. Look at all that skin. Using Neutrogena. All over your whole body. So now this fella shows us the picture of Karen Fleming, 11 years old. And he goes, pretty, isn't she?

I mean, you know, in a couple years, sure, but totally fuckable, right? You can see it even now. Yeah, if you find a more bright and cheerful child, bring her to me. I need more skin. So we cut to a house in Sepiaville to tell our story. Apparently, Dad's getting home, and mom's worried because Karen hasn't made it home from school yet. Yeah, this is going to be the weirdest episode

of Leave it to Beaver ever. Yeah. Leave it in Beaver. Yeah, right. And apparently, there were two voices for adults in 1962. The male one and the female one. That's how that works.

And the mic throughout this movie, but especially in this scene, is working like the comedy bit and singing in the range. It's like every time they move, it's like... 1960s Brian. They're like, man, can you make it? Fuck you. Banana oil. He wouldn't have said fuck you yet. No, right.

Exactly. Exactly. So, and just to give you a visual here, dad here looks basically like Herman Munster fucked Wreck-It Ralph. And mom looks like what my grandma was shooting for. Like, look, she was clearly aiming for, but didn't quite get. Yeah. She looks like she's going to write a book called Masturbation is Murder, she wrote.

A lot of Angela Lansbury in there. And mom's basically like, should i call the cops and dad immediately like no no no no no no no no suspicious i kept expecting the dad to have done it because of his reaction there right no just say it normal just act like you didn't rehearse yelling no immediately just take a pause yeah i have evidence still to destroy are you crazy yeah dad is trying his damnedest not to be at all worried

that his 12-year-old daughter has been missing for hours. He goes, well, she must be somewhere. I'm like, well, you fucking nailed it, dad. Well done. Wisdom.

And then she finally convinces him to let her call around to see if she's gone to a friend's house and apparently phones used to operate by dialing in a combination like a lock? What's going on here, Noah? Explain this to me. It's amazing. Did phones used to operate by dialing in a combination like a lock

what's going on here no explain this to me it's amazing to unlock it to get to the cell phone inside that weird box amazing that the 911 concept didn't come out until after the rotary phone isn't it so so then we cut to this weird montage of people shaking their heads and i say weird because most of them are on the fucking phone yeah so now the cops are here straight from flashing the junior varsity track team yeah they uh they don't have a lot of time because they're supposed to go kill kennedy later but they'll get to that soon as they get about the shoot up columbine so yeah so they're asking some basic questions and and they're like well uh karen may have stopped at baker's variety store all the

kids go there and and yes the cops are aware of yes we know bakers we know all about bakers they say it just like that it's really all the male characters seem like pedophiles so far could she have stopped at the malt shop or the five a dime and the slave auction that's your one so no one gets one so they give her a picture of the girl to help her look for her they he the dick doesn't even give her back the frame yeah you got something in a swimsuit i'm just saying might be easier if we can identify her knees uh so like and they go to leave and right before they leave, the one cop turns around, he's like, don't worry,

like, she's probably not dead, and even if she is, they probably raped her after they killed her, she didn't even, you know what, I'm not making this better, I'll go. She's being real negative about this. He literally gives her a stat,

like, he says, there's only a 1% chance your kid got raped and murdered. He says 99 that it didn't, but he's saying, there's a 1% chance that your kid got raped and murdered, and mom's still upset. Sleep well know bitches be tripping so i guess

the cops head over to the drugstore to see what's what and this is where we meet bugs bunny doing his bugsy voice of a of a fucking uh drugstore owner baker could not be sketchier baker wants to pitch immediately when they walk and he wants to pitch immediately when they walk and he wants to pitch them some sample magazines that's 50s for porn i do believe i was convinced that baker killed her because basically the cops walk in and they go we want to ask you some questions he's like i didn't do it you hear me i didn't do it this is chocolate syrup all over me chocolate syrup i say he's literally refusing to cooperate with the missing child investigation. And yeah,

he's talking like a bad guy from Dick Tracy the whole time. Right. So fucking bizarre. But so what we eventually learn in this scene is the reason he doesn't like these cops

is because these two cops tried to shut down his thriving porn business. And that's what he's being so bitchy about. But he does tell them that there was another kid named Paul Halliday in the store at the same time that he saw karen last yeah he used to have

he used to be rowdy but now he just buys porn in the store and sits there reading it i kept expecting the cops to be like did the little girl buy any porn what kind of porn did she buy so then i guess with all the information they needed from the five and dime they head over to the holiday house to the music that quentin tarantino jacks off to also uh if you're one thing you can really enjoy about this movie is the prolific smoking indoors outdoors around children blowing it back between each other's faces it's it's when america was great again and and and they're constantly smoking a cigarette going porn is bad for you see it's fucking hilarious so they show up at the holiday house

where mom is pretty darn sure that her son didn't murder rape anybody but you know that's how she greets them yeah it's like oh hello detectives my son didn't rape and murder anybody would you like some coffee one number two my son did not rape and murder anybody. Would you like some coffee? One, one for two. My son did not rape and murder anybody. Did your son kill any little girls this afternoon? I don't think so. You can ask him if you want, but probably no. Paul, Paul, did you kill a little girl today?

What, Mom? Noah! Didn't. And also, okay, so we meet, so this is the Halliday family. We meet the dad, too, and his character's gonna be important because apparently he was the big wheel, that's their term, big wheel on the city council that stopped their anti-porn ordinance. And he's pissed.

He's mad. He says, you're investigating a missing girl at this hour? And the cops are like, yes. Whenever that happens, we just investigate it right away. Shouldn't you be out arresting Negroes? Yeah, exactly. There's a weird moment where he goes, shouldn't you be fighting criminals instead of looking for missing children?

And I was like, I feel like that's not an either or situation. That's what you yell at a cop as you're getting busted for your third DUI. That's not what you say while they're doing a missing child investigation. So Paul comes in, they check his palms for hair nothing but he's definitely a murder raper you can just kind of tell looking at him paul looks like a racist caricature of an asian doesn't he paul fisted tiffany's so yeah so he was in his den the whole time so it couldn't have been him his den where he keeps his stereograph and his silhouette cut out and his weird steampunk goggles. She actually says he has his own hi-fi and projector out there.

I'm like, wow, you were trying to date that. No 8-track? I was in room. My sex study. My den. I was in the den. Are we done here? And there's this great moment here where the one cop turns to the other and is like,

they found her body in a ditch by the city dump. And the other cop goes, murdered? Was she? Seriously? No, she died of malaria and then buried herself. Yeah, right. What the fuck are you talking about, Ned? And then they do the worst job of breaking it to their kids.

Okay, everyone who's kids alive, step forward. Uh-uh-uh, not so fast. Okay, question. What do Karen and Napoleon have in common? They're both dead. Jeez, kids are expensive these days, aren't they? I told you. So now they're driving out to the dump,

and my music note here is, a distant thunder had four extra bars of ominous if you guys need them. And the city dump is extremely well lit for the middle of the night. It's like they put a sun up there. Yeah. It made me very nostalgic for when the city dump was just like a giant hole where we threw all our trash until we realized that shit all leaked into the water. And again, you're walking through this open pit of garbage smoking cigarettes going that porn is really unhealthy though it's gonna

cause all kinds of problems so now we're we wind up at the teacher's house in a scene that just doesn't fucking matter um so that the teacher can read us karen's my very happy life composition where she wishes that she could jump high like a frog. Yeah, apparently short film movie bingo, everyone has to read a shitty kid's poem for us to feel bad that they died? I guess, yeah. I don't know, how was his poetry?

Yeah, and her essay is called My Very Happy Life. There's no reason why anyone would murder me, especially not my teacher by Karen. And the teacher reads the whole thing. Yeah. And the teacher is not a strong reader. Like, can we talk about the fact that the teacher has to sound out multiple three-syllable words?

Operate. Operate. Operate. I did it. I did it. I gave myself a gold star. Not a lot's expected by women at this point. Is this a good clue? No, no, but keep trying to read for us. That's adorable. I was fine with it. She had sort of a gaunty

Kate Winslet thing going on. I liked it quite a bit. So yeah, so during the little composition, she says, like, my baptism and my communion were the best times of my life. And I'm like, it's a clue! George Pell did it! But they didn't go that way. She also goes, I'd like to get all the education I can get, which isn't much, because I'm a girl and it's the 50s. I dream of maybe being a teacher, or a

nurse, or a secretary, or a housewife. Right. I have many possessions, and I am not a Martian. Again, very normal human being. I have all the things a girl needs and dolls yes exactly it's like ted cruz trying to prove he's a person in the third grade harrison ford sitting across with from him you know like meat why are you helping the turtle desserts and palm all unfiltered cigarettes 1962 is awesome for me i love the way this scene ends

too like the teacher goes well i sure hope you find her soon and he goes we already have and she's like oh good he's like oh you can't hear the ominous soundtrack i think you misunderstood how i meant that when i said we already i my bad my bad if we had found her why would we have come and interviewed you just to find out about the kid we just rescued? Doing some follow-up. What's her writing like? So I guess now it's back to the Halliday house because all these cops do is just a circle. Luckily, someone here was implicated in this murder.

Oh, I would have gotten away with so many murders in the 60s. I mean, I get away with a lot of murders now, but I would have gotten away with way more in the 60s allegedly allegedly less tarp yeah so so you know the mom is all like you know oh i've heard that you found the the uh body what kind of fiend could do such a thing you know and you know i don't know let's go check your your kid's sex dungeon and find out and i wrote in my notes please catch paul jerking off please just got a belt around his neck i'm a naughty boy oh hey spotter spotter help how about that fdr so uh you know so they show up and paul's actually run out for a minute, so they start snooping around without a warrant or anything, and find that his shoes are all garbage dumpy. Might as well shoot him on sight.

Also, do these cops have a warrant or anything? Look, I don't know much about the law, but I assume this is how the law worked in the 60s, just men in six-piece suits walking around looking for clunes. Why was everyone in formal wear in this entire fucking movie made no sense must have been so uncomfortable that back then right and then of course how making a murderer happens guys this is how making a murderer happens and then of course the detectives find his porn stash yeah he's got scorching sex stories, shows all, tells all, and hardcore

porno slides. Porno slides! Yeah, the stuff I leave on my home screen would kill this actor. Kill him. And just then he pulls out the little slides and he goes, this is strictly hardcore stuff. Most porn is cut with baby laxatives or boric acid

or something, but this is pure porn. Right. And, of course, Mom has gone off to get Dad, so they come in and see the porn stash, and Mom is convinced that it's not Paul's porn. She's like, no, he's into big black asses and amputee stuff. This doesn't look like his. Way too...

I'm sure he's just holding on to someone else's porn. You know, normal stuff. Is this your porn? I'd like to have my homicide lawyer present. What? There's a missing link here somewhere. Anyway, so yeah, so then Paul comes in with his da-da-da moment,

and keep in mind, so far what we've established is that Paul has pornography. They have no steps, these detect detectives between that and yeah he must have murdered the little girl this is that's their conclusion zero yeah zero steps tar on his shoes and porn yeah and the porn is related apparently yeah in the porn is a one-step conversation they're basically like hey can't help but notice you had some porn and he's like yeah and they're like you ever go to the dump and he's like yeah and they're like you go down that road and he's

like i killed her he breaks so easy yeah right and then we get this phenomenal line this is the obviously this is the fucking buzz clip of this movie the kid goes i don't even know why i did it officer and the cop goes i think we do and then he like glances angrily at the porn it's this lady's one-piece bathing suit isn't it isn't it you killed it i did hate to say it looking at porn doesn't make you a murderer sometimes looking at porn keeps me from being a murderer i'm gonna tweet that shit at. I don't even know you fucking egg. You didn't watch that YouTube video. It's fine.

So then they head back to the drugstore. Now that they've got the killer, I guess it's time to take out the kingpin, the porn dealer himself. Did you sell Paul these magazines and a rusty machete? No, just the magazine. So you admit it.

What? He also says that the hardened criminals down at the jail couldn't stand this porno. And I'm just imagining like a jail full of criminals like, oh, no, come on now. Come on now. What's that, Goatsy? Google Goatsy. Google Goatsy and then show it to your kid. Don't look at it first. Just Google it. Show it to your kid.sy? Google Goatsy. Google Goatsy and then show it to your kid.

Don't look at it first. Just Google it. Show it to your kid. Google Goatsy. So, yeah. But the clear, not conclusion, but precept of this movie is that some amount of pornography makes you kill people. And if I had to guess, I'm saying it's Japanese and it involves doing something gross to feet. If I had to guess.

I don't know. So, yeah. Oh, and then, of course, he's got to throw this line out. He says, the problem with porn is that it makes you confuse lust for love. I'm like, no, the problem with porn is it makes you think pizza delivery guys get laid. Fuck. And then, of course, so like the cops go to leave and the camera follows them out. And damned if there's not another hairy, pumped murderer in waiting reading a porno book right there.

Is he holding a chainsaw? No, it's just an erotic novel. Same difference. But still, close enough. National epidemic. Baker's like, you got your murderer? And he goes, we got one of them. And he's like, nope, you got all of them.

100% of the murderers. Pretty much laid in. Mission complete. Small town. Odds are there's not more. And then, of course, we've got to go back to that narrator

that learned us the lesson in the first place where, you know, he tells us that, like, Karen's last name was fake, but there was a little girl named Karen who got raped and murdered.

And the porn thing is almost certainly what it was. I mean, how else could a murderer possibly happen with these phenomenal mental health

resources that we've got in the 50s you know who agrees with me j edgar hoover blames a bunch of sex mad criminals while he was probably wearing women's underwear he's not crazy at all bobby kennedy deserved it yeah so they conclude that the killer couldn't possibly be mentally ill otherwise he'd have been chained to a bed, so it must have been the porn. And then, of course, we also get where he has to stop, and he's got to go like,

Think about it. Your little girl could be murder-raped. No. Think about it a little longer, a little more. In detail. So now the rape, and now the murder. Okay, ready for this? Murder, now the rape.

How's that feel? You want to give money to the hour of St. Francis now? Right, well, and he throws this little statistic out at the end. He goes, sex crimes rise with the availability of porn. It's been proven, which is why starting in 1996, every person on earth was being raped at all times in all orifices what the fuck are you talking about oh make america raped again and so yeah and then it gives us an address where we can write in to stop the porn and for at the hour of saint francis in los angeles i wonder how they did is there still

porn in los angeles you think a west coast listener can let us know for sure well obviously our hands are too busy to spare a thumb to rate this movie so instead we'll evaluate with a quick question what is the most disappointing video that you ever thought you were about to jack off to that still turned out to be better than this movie oh uh janae rice in the elevator but then i stopped but then i stopped watching i just got the watching. I just got the video today. I just got the video today.

I'm going to go with the dogma debate telethon. I just keep waiting for one of those audio books to be erotica. David won't return

my emails. I can't imagine why. And of course, if my wife is lying about the size not mattering shit, you can also catch

full-size versions of this bit every Tuesday morning on our sister show's hot friend, Godawful Movies. Between now and then, we'll leave you with a Breakfast Club close. Banana Boy. Down.

Banana, banana. Mystery's in the air. The entire world went on to get raped and murdered by Al Gore. The narrator went on to have a great fall. Eli raped and murdered the entire world. Before we crest the horizon tonight, I wanted to tell you about a cool giveaway that we're doing in a couple weeks. Our friends at Mythicist Milwaukee

offered us two tickets to their upcoming Myth Information Conference, including tickets to the Bart Ehrman v. Robert Price debate. So if you're planning on being in Milwaukee or the Milwaukee area on Friday, October 21st, and you'd like to see an awesome lineup of speakers for free, all you have to do is send us a haiku about Jesus. That's right. Check the contact

page on scathingatheist.com. Email me your haiku with the word haiku in the subject line, and we'll randomly select one entrant to get two tickets to the event. We'll be announcing the winner on episode 183, so you need to have that entry in before August 16th. Anyway, that's all the blasphemy we've got for you tonight. We'll be back in 10,022 minutes with more.

If you can't wait that long, be on the lookout for a new episode of our sister show's hot friend, Godawful Movies, debuting on Tuesday at 8 a.m. Eastern Time. We'll have to extend the Skeptocrat hiatus for a couple of weeks. Sorry for that, but the move, the live game recording, Eli's wedding and honeymoon all kind of wound up happening back to back. So as soon as we can, we're going to have our sister show back in business as well. Obviously, we can't call it a show until I thank Heath Enright for everything he does, both on and off the field.

I need to thank Lucinda for her triumphant return to This Week in Misogyny. I need to thank Eli for using all his best dick jokes on this show instead of his vows. And I also need to thank Wyatt and Mac of the Atheist Avengers for providing this week's Farnsworth quote, because all the best Farnsworth quotes have Ken Ham digs in them. Of course, if you'd like to check out their podcast, you'll find it linked on the show notes for this episode as well. But most of all, of course, I need to thank this week's most marvelous mammals. KS Jason, Rui Arts, Ryan, Nicholas, Chris, Katie, Michael, David, Wynan, Owen, Tronald, Dump, Earl, Seth, Matthew, Alex, Logan, and Dead Eye Nick.

KS Jason, Rui Arts, Ryan, Nicholas, and Chris, whose heads contain more gray matter than a Pennsylvania hiking trail. Katie, Michael, David, Wynan, Owen, and Tronald Dump, whose IQs have more zeros than the main stage at the Republican National Convention, and Earl, Seth, Matthew, Alex, Logan, and Dead Eye Nick, who give icebergs just the tip envy. Together, these 18 able-bodied atheists aided our aim to alienate the aging agents of Abraham this week by giving us money. Not everybody has the fine taste in poop jokes that it takes to give us money, but if our poop jokes taste good to you, you can make a per-episode donation at patreon.com slash scathingatheist, whereby you'll earn early access to an extended edition of every episode, or you can make a one-time donation by

clicking on the donate button on the right side of the homepage at skatingatheist.com. One way or the other, I'll say nice stuff about your junk. And if you'd like to help, but not in a having-less-money-at-the-end-of-it kind of way, you can also help us a ton by leaving us a five-star review on iTunes, subscribing to us on YouTube, liking us on Facebook, following us on Twitter, or shouting out our names when you masturbate. If you have questions,

comments, or death threats, you'll find all the contact info on the contact page at skatingatheist.com. All the music used in this episode was written and performed by yours truly, and yes, I did have my permission. In distinction... I think he's going to stay until the bitter end. I think it's going to be like 99% to 1% vote, and the last day he's going to be like, you know what's a bad newspaper?

The... The... The Beyoncé Journal. and the last day he's going to be like, you know what's a bad newspaper? The Beyoncé Journal. It's the last one that said I shouldn't be president. And they're garbage. The preceding podcast was a production of Puzzle in a Thunderstorm, LLC. Copyright 2016. All rights reserved.