The Scathing Atheist - ScathingAtheist 182: Over the Top Edition

Episode Date: August 11, 2016

In this week’s episode, women want to rip off Steve Anderson’s arm, Mike Pence lectures Congress on the origin of specious, and we didn’t want to go to the Australian Capital Territories anyway. Click Here to make a per episode donation at Patreon.com Click Here to buy our book. Click Here to check out The Skepticrat. Click Here to check out God Awful Movies. Guest Links: Get your paperback copy of Chris Matheson’s The Story of God. Calendar Links: The Women in Secularism Conference The FFRF’s 39th Annual Convention Great Lakes Reasonfest QED The Mythinformation Conference Headlines: Australia passes anti-religious vilification law: http://www.brisbanetimes.com.au/act-news/act-parliament-passes-religious-vilification-laws-20160804-gqlagu.html Idaho changing law: http://www.patheos.com/blogs/friendlyatheist/2016/08/06/idaho-is-reconsidering-the-law-allowing-religious-parents-to-kill-their-kids-without-punishment/ Steve Anderson challenges every woman who disagrees with him to arm wrestle: http://www.patheos.com/blogs/friendlyatheist/2016/08/04/christian-pastor-men-rule-over-women-at-home-and-ill-arm-wrestle-any-woman-here-who-disagrees/ Pope francis calls trans people an annihilation of man as image of god: http://www.patheos.com/blogs/friendlyatheist/2016/08/03/pope-francis-calls-transgender-people-an-annihilation-of-man-as-image-of-god/ Pedophile rapist priest punished with Hail Mary prayers: http://www.patheos.com/blogs/friendlyatheist/2016/08/07/a-catholic-priest-who-molested-20-boys-was-told-to-say-hail-mary-prayers-as-punishment/ Video surfaces of Mike Pence decrying the evils of evolution on the house floor: http://www.patheos.com/blogs/friendlyatheist/2016/08/05/mike-pence-in-2002-we-have-seen-the-consequence-over-the-last-77-years-of-teaching-evolution/ Sex before marriage is like putting a cat in a microwave: http://www.patheos.com/blogs/friendlyatheist/2016/07/23/teen-study-bible-having-sex-outside-of-straight-marriage-is-like-burning-your-cat-in-a-microwave/ Abortion rights don't count in Missouri once you're no longer pregnant: http://www.patheos.com/blogs/friendlyatheist/2016/08/07/judge-tosses-out-satanic-temples-2015-abortion-lawsuit-because-plaintiff-is-no-longer-pregnant/ Baptist preacher claims he was fired for bringing a black kid to bible study: http://www.patheos.com/blogs/friendlyatheist/2016/08/08/baptist-preacher-claims-he-was-fired-by-alabama-church-for-inviting-black-kids-to-bible-study/ Mayor plays strip poker with a minor: http://www.patheos.com/blogs/friendlyatheist/2016/08/05/mayor-who-once-gave-god-a-key-to-the-city-arrested-for-allegedly-playing-strip-poker-with-a-minor/   This Week in Misogyny: Clinton presidency is the final chapter in feminists war on america http://www.patheos.com/blogs/friendlyatheist/2016/08/03/christian-pastor-a-clinton-presidency-is-the-final-chapter-of-feminists-war-against-america/ Hillary clinton can’t be president because the bible forbids ithttp://www.patheos.com/blogs/friendlyatheist/2016/08/03/christian-pastor-hillary-clinton-should-not-be-president-because-the-bible-forbids-it/ Pope commissions study on women deacons http://www.patheos.com/blogs/friendlyatheist/2016/08/05/pope-francis-creates-commission-to-study-historical-role-of-female-deacons/ Charity Links: If you’d like to know more about the charities mentioned in this week’s Farnsworth Quote, David was kind enough to share the following information: Azhec.org. Arizona Health-e Connection is a non-profit, that drives the adoption of health information technology (HIT) and advances the secure and private sharing of electronic health information exchange (HIE). Through statewide education, coordination and collaboration, AzHeC promotes the innovative use of HIT and HIE to achieve the Triple Aim of better care, better outcomes and lower costs. Apertamanus.org. We make free prosthetic hands for kids and adults who have lost a hand due to trauma or a congenital defect

Warning, the following podcast contains words. If you get offended by some of them, that's your own damn fault. This week's episode of The Scathing Atheist is brought to you by the new treatment for anal warts and swimmer's ear. It's Cup Yours. Do you have warts on your ass or dirty water in your ears? Do you believe cupping has medical value? Or maybe you just want Eli Bosnick to cup the shit out of you.

Well, why not put that cup where your head is and try Cup Yours? Available at ICanFuckAwayYourLymeDisease.com slash Cup Yours. And now, the skating atheist. Hi, this is David Spitzer from Phoenix, Arizona. I run two different charities here, one that helps bring better health care for people in Arizona, and one that makes free prosthetic hands for little kids. It just goes to show,

you don't need God in order to help other people. And we did, in fact, evolve from filthy monkey men. It's Thursday. It's August 11th. And he said you could shoot her, not should shoot her. No illusions. I'm Eli Bosnick. I'm Heath Enright.

And from New York, New York, and Secret Lair, Pennsylvania, this is The Scathing Atheist. On this week's episode, women want to rip off Steve Anderson's arm. Men too. Mike Pence lectures Congress on the origins of species. And we didn't want to go to the Australian capital territories anyway. But first, the diatribe. When I was a little kid, my sister learned that if she just accused me of doing whatever it is she just did, she would never get in trouble. If she stole my garbage pail kids and then I found out, she'd run to my mom and say, Mom, Noah stole my garbage pail kids.

And then when I said the same thing, my mom's too confused to punish anybody. Or more likely, she'd just look at the two of us, see that my little sister had really cute dimples, and assume that I was the guilty party. Now, as far as I know, there's no word for this tactic. There's no word that I can find that means preemptively accusing someone else of doing the thing that you did in an effort to deflect blame later. Of course, if I'm overlooking one and you know what it is, by all means send it my way. But if I'm right and nobody's gotten around to it, I'd like to propose a neologism. We could call this religioning. I mean, consider the extent to which religion employs this opposite-day bullshit.

If you replace unevidenced religious claims with genuine scientific curriculum in the schools, they'll accuse you of indoctrination. If you insist that they follow the same laws as everybody else, they'll accuse you of persecution. If you call them out on their anti-gay hate speech, they'll accuse you of intolerance. I mean, consider this one, right? This is a huge one. Think about how much time religions spend talking about the importance of the family. They're all about the family this and the family that. We got to protect the family, keep the family together, yada, yada, yada.

And now think about all the people you know who have shit relationships with their family. Just tally them up in your head as you think about it. Think about the people that you know who have issues with their parents or their siblings or whatever, and ask yourself what lies at the heart of that conflict. Now, sure, there will be plenty of secular shit in there. There will be some political stuff. There'll be some prejudices. There'll be some like, my brother fucked my ex-wife kind of stuff.

But if you're anything like me, the vast majority of people that you know who have family members they're completely estranged from or they have crazy strained relationships with they got there for religious reasons you know they say that the family that prays together stays together but they leave out the second part about how that's only because they'll disown you if you stop praying religion is antithetical to family unity and yet with no hint of irony religious leaders will claim that it not only promotes family unity but it's necessary to ensure it i I mean, even if you set aside the doctrines of excommunication, disfellowship, shunning, all that shit, you're still left with a mountain of dysfunction for the churches to answer for. You know, I know that even

in my personal life, I'd love to be able to share my successes with my mother. You know, when we won the podcast award, I wanted to tell her about it, but I couldn't do so without ruining all the Thanksgivings and Christmases between now and her funeral. And my sob story here is pretty small fucking potatoes compared to the shit I've come across in emails from listeners or in conversations with friends. In fact, I had a perfect example of this just the other day. Turns out that the guy painting my new house is an atheist, right? So I got to chatting with him a bit, and he's telling me about his wife's family. Now, she's an atheist. The wife is.

But she comes from a staunchly evangelical family, and they take their religion at least seriously enough that she's not willing to tell them that she no longer believes in it. She fakes religiosity and maintain a relationship with her family. How often have we seen that? Her husband, on the other hand, does not fake it, right? So he's telling me about how they keep him at arm's length and actually say stuff like, you're such a nice boy. I don't understand why you won't accept Christ's love as though being a nice person and belonging to the religion are intrinsically linked. And we should all know that they're actually telling him straight out. I'd like you more if you were Christian.

And they see nothing wrong with that. He even says to him, what if I lied? Would you trust me more if I lied to you and pretended to believe in God? And it doesn't matter how they answer because of fucking course they would. If you lie to your religious family members, they will deem you as more trustworthy. That is, Islam is the religion of peace levels of opposite day. That is opposing gay adoption

for the sake of the children levels of religioning. In fact, this concept of religioning is so ubiquitous that I started wondering if it didn't represent an actual mental malfunction of some sort, right? Like something got stuck into their brains the wrong way around or something. And maybe that's been the source of all these issues we've had with communication this whole time, right? Maybe it's just that religious people mean the exact opposite of what they say all the time. Think about how much more sense every religious claim you've ever heard would suddenly make,

right? And I'll admit that I'm probably wrong here, but just in case, I want to offer up the following opposite day message in hopes of finally getting through to our religious co-earthlings. All right, it goes like this. My dearest religious people whose ideas I respect, fuck on with your factual truths. Your intellectually defensible claims in no way torture children or rip apart families, and your tolerance of all people isn't ruining society. And while I don't have your attention,

I should subtract that shoving that Bible down your ass would not be the best use for it. It isn't filled with out-of-date detrimental calls for hatred and violence, and it doesn't act as a direct barrier to scientific understanding. Damn, this isn't tougher than I didn't think it wouldn't be. Anyway, as I wasn't saying, your religion is necessary, useful, and smart. And first, but not most, fuck me for all the misery you haven't unleashed on the world.

They're talking about your Jesus. I interrupt this broadcast to bring you a special news bulletin. Joining me for headlines tonight are the pinky in the brain of blasphemy, Heath Enright and Eli Bosnick. Fellas, are you ready to do what we do every night? I ate all the marshmallows. On air? I mean, okay.

Oh, look at me. I'm the food babe and I'm lost in this room full of lava lamps and juggling equipment. I meant the other thing, but okay, if we must. Anyway, in our lead story tonight, we just became outlaws in the Australian Capital Territories. Fuck, it was just a lick. Ah, I've got to go into hiding. No, believe me, dude,

they'd have just arrested you based on your kangaroo impersonation. You said we weren't doing sex stuff on the air. I admitted way more than I intended for you to admit. No, I was talking about a new law passed by the ACT Parliament, which says that vilification on the grounds of religion is now illegal and could net the vilifier in question a fine of up to 7,500 cowrie shells or shark testicles or whatever they use for money in Australia. Oh, no, it's actually Bloomin' Onion app cards.

Oh, I thought it was Foster's Can. Kangaroobles. No, wait, I have a question. Vilification seems a little tricky. Like, I think the Catholic Church vilifies themselves when they fuck a bunch of kids and cover it up. Does this apply to them or just like the people who say Cruella de Vil shouldn't make puppy cubs?

Yeah, good question. Yeah, well, it's about the puppies and the rape victims indeed. How they have a condescending tone. Maybe we should move the show to Australia. That's two birds, one stone. People think I'm native. Hello. Hello there.

Hello. I'm the feed babe. I'm lost in this room full of lollipops. Sure hope nobody climbs inside my pants. Now if you can believe this shit, the effort to stifle free speech for the sake of getting a gold star next to your name from Mrs. Wormwood would be received bipartisan support after a study from the University of South Australia found that about 10% of Australians were highly Islamophobic. And if there is a better way to counter the fear that Muslims are trying to change the laws and take away your rights than changing the laws and taking away your rights because of Muslims, the ACT parliament sure the fuck isn't interested in hearing about it, apparently. Yeah, this is the country that had a counter-movement to checking no religion because then Muslims will outnumber everyone in Australia.

Nothing calms people down more than literally and actually taking away their freedom of speech. Show them right the fuck out. We've got a really good wall guy here in the States. Happy to send him over. He could definitely use the money based on his taxes he's afraid to release. Well, of course, Attorney General Simon Corbell said that the act was designed to, quote, ensure the political discourse does not descend into hatred, end quote. So the limiting of free speech was more of a side effect than a direct intent.

That's good. Oh, OK. Australia didn't have laws against that before. No. It's just like people walking around screaming fires in a theater or, I guess in this case, ankles. Yeah. Well, see, it's not that your rights aren't important.

It's just that they're less important than you thought they were. Of course, critics of the AG's comments couldn't help but admit that they did have a fever and the only prescription was more Corbel, but they were still pretty pissed about it. Yeah, so if any Australians want to continue listening to the show, you're going to want to proceed very quietly to secret drop point two. Right. Under the room. Yeah, yeah, Right. Under the room. Yeah, yeah, exactly.

Under the marina. Now, look, I'm sympathetic with the aims here, but this is like trying to prevent molestation by forcing every woman to dress like a Pac-Man ghost in an apiary. See, now we can't go to Australia. Well, this was in drop point two, this part.

So according to the statute, vilification can include actions in the workplace, social media posts which probably includes sharing this podcast or clothing signs or flags that would incite hatred, contempt, ridicule or revulsion. Ridicule is on the fucking list. A fucking

chart that shows the smallest seeds in order would fit into this bullshit law. And now we're going to get a whole bunch of refugee science teachers. This is not the greatest plan. I don't now we're gonna get a whole bunch of refugee science teachers this is not the greatest plan i don't think we're gonna get a fun olympic team but still americans don't want those jobs right uh and it should be pointed out that this is not the same as firing someone for posting that all muslims smell different this is right legally enforced restriction of rights not not getting kicked off twitter for molesting a ghostbuster and it's a huge fucking problem and legitimately regressive however

however well-intentioned it is and i'm sorry this is a little bit off topic but this is exactly why shit like the free milo campaign so damaging the secular community has spent so much time defending tommy fucking robinson yelling about college students, then when legitimate free speech issues like this one get brought up, we've already lumped ourselves in with the bigots and assholes so the people who should be on our side about this thing are going to be afraid to be. Just thought

I would preempt a couple of emails from people who never listen to anything I say anyways. Not that it'll help, but why not? I just like it on record. I listen to it after I read your tweets. I appreciate you bringing up the milo ban in an effort to decrease the number of angry emails and tweets we'll get this week at heathen thanks for that but but the other thing is look the fact that my shirt pointing out the logistics of noah's ark wouldn't actually get me fined isn't a defense of the law it's an admission that it's bullshit right they can't say

stop picking on the muslims y'all so they construct this huge stupid overarching law that makes everything illegal with the plan to selectively enforce it and as if that's not bad enough all on its own i should point out that that was exactly the thinking on riffra when it was first passed by a democratic congress in 1993 oh they're just going to use it to protect the native americans no the fuck they're not you think the christians in australia just going to use it to protect the Native Americans. No, the fuck they're not. You think the Christians in Australia are going to seize on this shit and try to get people fined for putting not going anywhere a while slogans over a picture of the crucifixion? Fuck off. You're the country that created Ken Ham. And in they have the cutest little feticide news tonight.

tonight. Idaho, a state best known for its inclusion in the rest of the country, may rethink their sincerely held baby murdering laws this year. Oh, great. Right. And while I know that sounds like awesome news, thinking about taking a hard no killing your baby stance is actually as happy as this story is going to get. Yeah, no, this is good. They're kicking around a few ideas about maybe not murdering children. That's adorable. Well, hey, look,

when it comes to babies and kicking around, this is pretty good for Idaho. If we're grading on a curve, this is pretty good for them. Yeah, I mean, you want to get people into soccer. So, as listeners may recall, Idaho is one of six states with laws that are on the books where you

can escape charges of negligent homicide manslaughter or capital murder as long as it happened it is an exercise of your religious faith i'd like to point out at this moment how sincerely i believe kelly kahlberg is an amalekite no reason to tell people that right now in this time this is august 9th i know we said the whiteboard isn't supposed to have loopholes, but that is pretty solid. That's pretty good. I like that. We're going through three Expo markers a week at this point, guys. Oh, business expense.

However, despite the fact that six states have a only-if-you-really-mean-it-kill-your-kid policy, Idaho is the only state so far to actually apply those laws. It's like those fun little snapple cap fags like it's illegal to whistle while walking backwards in new york city and you can kill your baby if you think jesus will take the wheel in idaho fun you know exactly well i hope to do the responsible thing here and come up with a stand your ground law to go along with this toddle your ground It'd be fucking adorable. Stand your grounded.

What about the law-abiding faith healers, huh? More people die in swimming pools. And again, this is actually good news because this week the state convened a legislative committee to review the law. ADA County Prosecutor Gene Fisher, who is the major force behind the change, said, quote, I don't think the rights of the parents should so supersede the rights of the child, end quote, adding, let's pretend it's a fetus. If we pretend it's a fetus, will we all agree that parents don't have any rights anymore? There we go.

We did it. Well, maybe if these kid killers were doing something useful like stem cell research, I could get on board. But otherwise, it's just gratuitous. That's. Yeah. kid killers were doing something useful like stem cell research i could get on board but otherwise it's just gratuitous that's yeah and if by gratuitous you mean delicious i agree it's an acquired taste it's acquired however despite the law being reviewed don't get your hopes up idaho's legislature is famous for giving inter-religious special interest groups like these and the review may be pushed back until 2017,

which says nothing of the decision itself. Until then, I guess Idahoans will have to focus on the important things, like what color trash bag dead kid's going. Right. The clear ones. Well, remember, it changes on Labor Day, though. Oh. It's tricky.

And in over-the-bottom news tonight, Arizona hate pastor Steve Anderson continued serving his role as white pastor Manning on our podcast writing team with a new challenge for any ladies out there who want to argue that Christian misogyny is a bad thing. And much like you'd expect from a man with severe undiagnosed clit envy he wants to decide this philosophical issue by arm wrestling arm wrestling arm wrestling i think it was aquinas who first

offered the punch me in the stomach as hard as you can apologetic right i'm not super caught up i'll have to check and and look i know he's gonna going to get into this and all, but as we go, try to keep in mind, Steve Anderson is a fucking noodle. He really is. I mean, there aren't many people whose physique I can talk shit about, but this guy is a human noogie. I guarantee he has a permanent wedgie cleft in his tailbone. Joke's on you, Satan.

I can't wear underwear anywhere else. So here's how the challenge happened Apparently Anderson took some time away From furiously masturbating To American Sniper So he could deliver the following message During his sermon last week Quote

I get an email every day calling me misogynistic One What a stupid word This is like a new word What? I get an email every day calling me misogynistic. One? What a stupid word. This is like a new word? What? New. 1650.

Close enough. Not bad. Maybe he meant Jew word? I'm just throwing that out. I'm trying to help. Entirely possible. Anyway, continuing. See, I don't go with all your little trendy words and all your little trendy concepts. This can't be real. It can't not be. Read. I don't go with all your little trendy words and all your little trendy concepts.

This can't be real. It can't not be. Read. I'm just a simple caveman pastor. I don't understand. Anyway, back to the quote again. People have been doing it my way for the last 6,000 years or 200,000. But again, close out.

Whatever. Give or take. And it's worked out great for a lot of people. Read. Half the people. 49% of out. Whatever. And it's worked out great for a lot of people. Read half the people. That's 49% of them, yeah. Is he trying to do Matt Foley? I feel like he's trying to do Matt Foley. So then from there, as per his contract, he snuck some homophobia in there.

Yeah. He continued, quote, all of a sudden, we're supposed to get on this trendy little faggoty type of a relationship where my wife and I are supposed to dress the same, act the same, look the same, talk the same, live the same lifestyle, have the same authority, end quote. So apparently Steve Anderson's wife is actually a gay man. Well, yeah, and apparently he thinks the two spots on this scale are beat your wife and matching fanny packs there's nothing in between steve anderson sounds like that buddy who doesn't want to propose to the girlfriend that everyone knows is cheating on him he's just i'm not ready dude she's been in the bathroom for 20 minutes with Alan. I don't think she's ready either.

All that finally led to the physical challenge portion of the sermon. It went like this, quote, I challenge any woman right now to come up and arm wrestle me. And if you can come up and defeat me in an arm wrestling match, I'll admit that women are as strong as men. End quote. And, of course, that brings us to our latest Kickstarter idea. You bet your ass it does. We're hoping to fly out a whole crew of yoked-up feminist women to Arizona so they can break Steve Anderson's arm and therefore finally settle this academic debate over gender equality.

I thought that we were doing that on Twitter. Didn't we agree? On what? If only. I wonder what that would be like. What that would be like. What that would be like. This Sunday, Sunday, Sunday, Pastor Steve Anderson has a challenge for all the ladies out there.

Steve Anderson has a challenge for all the ladies out there. I'm Pastor Steve Anderson, and if any of you ladies, of you ladies, think that the lady isn't not in, and shouldn't be in the kitchen, ladies should be in the kitchen, well then I challenge you to an arm wrestle. And we have accepted his challenge. This is Stacy Rebrill, the Atheist Amazon. Now, normally I have Lucinda handle my light work, but in your case, Steven Anderson,

your bullshit requires my personal touch. And although I think that an arm wrestling match is just a veiled attempt at you touching a real woman, I accept your challenge. But be warned, after I drive your hand through the table, I'm going to put you in my kitchen. I hope you know how to cook with one hand, bitch. Okay, well, that isn't... I didn't mean that you... Hold on there, Steve-erino. It seems like you've got another challenger.

I'm Callie Wright, and I'll fucking rip your arm off, Steve Anderson. I'll rip your arm off and fuck you with it. I will up and down you. Okay, it was more of a metaphor, really. What I'll rip your arm off and fuck you with it. I will up and down you. Okay, it was more of a metaphor, really. What I meant was that it would be... Bring it on, Backstack Attack, because we've got one more surprise in store. What? Why am I here? He said a girl. Oh,

fuck you guys. Got him. So, tune in Sunday, Sunday, Sunday, for the apostate with the prostate and rebel gonna rip open your Wilson versus Steve, not Adam and Sleeves Anderson for a battle royale. I want none of this to happen. I'm not only on pay-per-view. You said it was an emergency. It was an emergency.

And in while Callie's in an ass-kicking mood anyway news tonight, we have another feel-good story about that fresh-faced, never-even-kind-of-a-Nazi pope that's doing such a bang-up job reforming the Catholic Church's international image. In a closed-door meeting with a group of Polish bishops last week, the pope so sissy he had to put it in his name said that it was terrible that children were being taught that transgender people exist. Yeah, when you trans substantiate, it's a big problem for Catholics. They don't like that.

Oh, that's good. Anyway, according to the Catholic Herald and all the other news organizations that read the transcript of the meeting, Pope Fran Barbera said, quote, we are living a moment of annihilation of man as image of God. End quote.

Did he go to Walmart after midnight? Because I've been there. 4 a.m. in the canned food aisle, you are sure we evolved from beach balls. I get it. I get it. Pope Fernando's split was very clear on the culprit here, of course. He said that this effort to emasculate God's image was clearly the fault of the textbook supplied by, in his words, quote, persons and institutions who donate money, end quote. And if that's not specific enough for you, what with the indefinite use of collective terms that would encompass all possible culprits, followed by an open-ended modifier that includes all entities that use money for purposes, he added that it was backed by very influential countries, just to narrow it down.

So it was a person who uses money from a country, if you know what I mean. It's the Jews, isn't it? It's always the Jews. Yeah, no, he was probably like drawing little payas with his fingers as he said it. Make perfect sense. Now, I'm going to set the implication in his statement that all trans people started out with penises that they no longer have. We'll save that for another day. And I'll even say in Pope Frankl Bracelet's defense that he did resist the urge to compare trans people to nuclear weapons.

Again. Compliment Sam. Like he did that one time when he actually said that both nuclear weapons and trans people can destroy a high number of human beings. Well, one for sure. You hear what Callie was saying about Steve Anderson? beings well one for sure you were callie was saying about steve anderson well and maybe maybe two to be fair it's a lot harder to do a hit and run with a nuclear device oh she is a murderer she's so politically correct she's fast but still but the idea that you're gonna like wrap this anti-trans rhetoric and concern for children when you have to fucking know that

your anti-trans rhetoric is going to drive children to suicide that's a little much which is just poor planning if the catholic church drives the kids to suicide who are they gonna fuck i mean right just logistics guys it's in everyone's best interest here anyway the point is that this asshole being the most progressive pope is an indictment of the other popes, not a compliment to him. Yeah, he's the nicest guarded book involved. Right, yeah, both paid in Nazi gold. Well done, sir. Paychecks.

And in Bail Mary news tonight, if there's anybody who can make Brock Turner look good, it's the Catholic Church. They're trying. and make Brock Turner look good. It's the Catholic Church. They're trying. This week, ABC has reported that according to the confession of 95-year-old priest Louis Brouillard, he molested around 20 young boys while serving in Guam. And when he told his fellows,

they advised him to, quote, do better, end quote, along with regular penance such as saying hail mary prayers but what was clear was that nobody specifically told him to stop leaving us to wonder what do better meant yeah like a i spit on your grave cheering him on do better like a prisoner mama said hide under the car situation either way don't picture it don't picture it. Don't picture it. Also, don't picture a priest in a jail cell getting sexually abused by an underage pink elephant.

Well, you're at it. But yeah, because I mean, one way to read this is try raping fewer kids, bro, but the other equally valid way is, yeah, Tommy was raped, but was he raped? I mean, how could you really get in there? For my birthday, I want a super cut of all the times we've said raped on this show.

That's all I want. I just want 70 solid minutes. But it gets worse. Brouillard's confession only comes to light after one of his victims, who Brouillard does not remember and who is now 75, testified this week at the Guam legislature that the statute of limitations for lawsuits against pedophiles should not be the current two years. What? That's right. According to Guam law, you get about the same amount of time to sue your child's rapist as you do to be awkward around your ex at parties.

Right. Well, keep saying never. Cut it out, guys. Still serious. Never. You're ridiculous. party. We'll keep saying never. Cut it out, guys. Still serious. Never. And in typical papist fashion, Brouillard now lives in Minnesota, having never

been punished for his crimes, where he receives a pension from the Catholic Church. Of course he does. Because, you know, Minnesota's worse than prison. But it's not worse than Guam prison, so let's be fair here. And in what the veep do we know news tonight thanks to a recording from 2002 that was recently uncovered by right wing watch the american public got a glimpse into the science credentials of gop vice presidential candidate

mike pence oh i bet it involves stickers. Or wrestling, yeah. So, the video shows Pence during his time as a U.S. Congressman from Indiana, giving a speech on the House floor, in which he suggested that we should go back to teaching creationism in public school science class.

Why? Because evolution is just a theory. Say it with us, guys. Just a theory. And since you can put the word theory before literally anything, then we have to be willing to teach literally anything and present literally anything as equally valid. That was his argument, as far as I could tell.

And to be fair, that's pretty close. I watched the video, too, and Pence seems unable to figure out which way to hold his example newspaper. So yeah, good that you got anything out of that. It's like he's directing you to a place that gives out cash for gold. It looked like he was looking through the fucking thing for a coupon. He also implies that the three steps in human evolution, these are all his words. I shit you not. These are the three steps in human evolution, these are all his words, I shit you not. These are the three steps. Little monkey,

knuckle-dragging Neanderthal, Mel Gibson in all his glory. That's what he said! Mel Gibson in all his glory. And no, it doesn't make more sense in context. He was introducing Mel Gibson to the conversation cold. Oh, God, Mike, you gotta stop

doing that. What? I was just using an example about this pasta. I want it, like, somewhere between Al Dente and Mel Gibson to the conversation cold. Oh, God, Mike, you got to stop doing that. What? I was just using an example about this pasta. I want it somewhere between Al Dente and Mel Gibson and all his glory. So here's a few highlights from the speech. First, he seems to suggest that the Scopes monkey trial was decided in favor of the evolution teacher yes he did was not it was the opposite yeah after claiming to be an expert in history and law he's like i don't know much about this biology i know about history and law and then he fucks that up yes but uh yeah

so i'm gonna give a pass on that one it's not like there's a famous play and a famous movie about it so you wouldn't be able to probably got confused watch gone with the wind oh shows up in a beautiful red dress. I don't know what this has to do with anything, but I've never felt more free. And, well, it's not like he's running for... It's not like he's going to win. No, that's right. Anything important.

Anyway, moving on. He also tries to argue that science is constantly refining its old theories with new ones. Just to be clear, he thinks that's a bad thing. I did a diatribe about that. It's a problem with the scientific method it works. And then he talks about how the founding fathers never read into the future and all believed in creationism instead of evolution. And I'm assuming that's why he thinks med schools

should go back to teaching about bloodletting with leeches. I guess that would fit in with his medical views on cigarettes and lung cancer, so it wouldn't exactly be a shock, now would it? Yeah, I mean, the founding fathers also fucked their slaves, I'm pretty sure Mike... Okay, bad example. Bad example. Right, right, yeah.

Trump's in the back saying, not necessarily. Hold on. Hold on. You could fuck his... Not you should fuck his... Job creator. right right yeah trump's in the back saying not necessarily hold on hold on you could fuck you not you should fuck you job creator and uh one last thing pence closed it out with the following quote i believe that god created the known universe not the unknown one apparently the known universe god created the known universe the earth created the known universe, the earth, and everything in it, including man. And I also believe that only the theory of intelligent design provides even a remotely

rational explanation for the known universe. End quote. Said the guy running for number two leader of the free world. He says what I'm not thinking. Well, let's be honest honest he's running for special thanks credits on the fourth season of celebrity apprentice at this point have you seen the bulls

so uh nate silver's just gonna quit you guys none of you motherfuckers know what's gonna happen i'm going to cabo yes sunscreen gets to see another piece of evidence that Mike Pence clearly isn't quite as well read as his predecessors like Sarah Palin. But it's not like we didn't already know he's an ignorant, bigoted fuck. I mean, in case anyone forgot, he's the Indiana governor who signed a state refer bill last year that would have basically made Jim Crow laws for gay people. Right. He also claimed that cigarettes Crow laws for gay people. Right. He also claimed that cigarettes don't cause lung cancer. Nope. And, of course, we already had his 2009 interview with Chris Matthews,

which was brutal, during which Pence wouldn't even acknowledge the problem of climate change. Nor was he able to correctly use the phrase scientific method. Nor was he able to prove that he's not actually Bobby Knight with Botox. Oh, my God. Well, see, Mike Pence being the world's oldest little boy in a grown-up suit is just a theory.

It's not a theory. So I guess while we put together a little placemat maze to teach Mike Pence the difference between the scientific and common use of the word theory, we'll take a quick break and hand things over to my lovely wife, Lucinda. A man wrote the Bible? A whore is what she was. If it's a legitimate race. If it's a slut, right? Cooking can be fun.

Hey, I'm proud of a man. This Week in Misogyny. You know, there are times when the misogyny of religion is insidious. There are times when genuinely intelligent people play their intelligence against the rights and freedoms of women. But then there are those other times, when you just stare with your jaw on the floor and realize the true extent to which some people have no fucking idea what they're talking about. Which brings me to my first story of the day and an infinite well of misogyny, Kevin Swanson, the only prominent misogynist less equipped to challenge all the women to arm wrestling than Steven Anderson. Anyway, Kevin took to the airwaves this week and announced that if Hillary Clinton becomes president, it will be the final chapter in feminist war on America. According to him, Hillary's presidency would be revenge on America for Bill Clinton's affair.

At least I think so. Here's the quote. They don't appreciate the fact that a woman was taken advantage of. Therefore, in order for this woman to be vindicated, she has got to prove herself by winning the power struggle over the highest office in the land. This is what defines America today. End quote. And either Swanson's a fucking loony or he just spoiled season six of The Good Wife or both. But hey, Swanson wasn't the only person with a degree in talking to the Easter Bunny that drew a hard line in the sand this week.

And at least the next guy is honest. The head of the Pennsylvania Pastors Network explained on a panel this week that, quote, women serving in positions of political leadership is a sign that a society is spiritually rotten and under the judgment of God. He then went on to cite 1 Timothy 2. authority, it seems very clear in the scripture that a woman should not be an authority over men, which would limit a woman from being the president of the United States of America, or even a queen of some other particular nation, end quote. And you know what? He's fucking right. According to the Bible, he is spot fucking on. And if someone tries to tell you different, tell them to read the fucking book. Because despite Dull's dim-witted interpretation, that isn't an argument against female leadership. It's a fucking argument against using the Bible for something other than capturing bird shit.

And that's why I'm going to keep telling these stories. Because next time someone tells you that their sweet old grandma would just be lost without church, you remind them that I've got at least 2,000 years of evidence that her church doesn't give the most fleeting fuck about her. And on that cheery note, I'll hand things back over to Noah, Heath, and Eli. Thank you, Lucinda. And in cat snatch fever news tonight, according to the NIV Teen Study Bible... Because Jesus makes you radical! Is that not their catchphrase?

I thought that was their catchphrase. That would have been a lot better than the wisdom we've got for you today. So, according to the NIV Teen Study Bible, having sex outside of a traditional marriage is just like putting your cat in the microwave. Which is obviously ridiculous. I can assure you it's nothing like that at all. Unless you fuck the cat afterwards. I'm guessing. For a friend. I'm guessing for a friend. I can assure you it's nothing like that at all. Unless you fuck the cat afterwards. I'm guessing.

For a friend. I'm guessing for a friend. I'm the friend. You're always the friend. Okay, so here's the actual words on this topic that are being shown to Christian teens. Section starts with the question, quote, If God made sex for people to enjoy, then why do some people get AIDS and other STDs? End quote.

Good question. And here's their answer. AIDS and other STDs? End quote. Good question. And here's their answer. That is not a good answer. Quote, when microwaves were first available. It's not a good answer. Not looking great. Not looking great. When microwaves were first available, as the premise, a woman used one to warm her cat.

It did warm the pet, but it cooked its organs and killed it. Now, does that mean you shouldn't use them? No. Wow. And I'm guessing there's a footnote on there saying this should not be read as an endorsement of safe sex. Not the instructions on the condoms, guys. No matter how many bags you put that cat in, it will still die. It will still die. Don't look at it. Don't look at it.

And just to be sure, nobody was... Do look at it. Lock eyes with it. That's hard because it would be spinning. And then just to be sure, nobody was confused, they closed it out with the following. Quote, when people who aren't married to each other have sex, it's sort of like putting a pet in the microwave. Someone could be burned, damaged, or killed.

End quote. Only if you don't wait for the wax to cool. Come on. Amateur mistake. Amateur mistake. Silk scarf. Yes. Don't forget, if you're about to have premarital sex, you should have a cat read the Bible first.

That was a serious safety hazard, apparently. Set the book of God for teenagers. Yeah. The fuck? If you're not picturing Noah's Wilford Brimley cat reading the Bible with reading glasses, you're not the listeners we know in large. Mmm, diabetes. Corinthians.

Look at my butthole. And in Missouri loves company news tonight some of you may remember the story of an unnamed woman who was seeking an abortion in missouri last year but because the state is named after the feeling it gives to the people who live there she was impeded by a mandatory 72-hour wait period however miss, Missouri also has their very own brand of RFRA. So the Satanic Temple, to which she belongs, wrote her a waiver because, according to the Satanic Temple, quote, one's body is inviolable, subject to one's own will alone, end quote. You know, I would get pregnant just so I could walk into a Missouri abortion clinic

and say, I brought a note from my Satanist. Exactly, exactly. However, because the unnamed woman wasn't using the riffraff not to hand out condoms at a pharmacy or not doing life-saving operations at a hospital, you know, the stuff it was written for, she was turned down. Doesn't count, doesn't count, yeah. So she'd literally have an easier time shooting her fetus with an assault rifle from a gun show than having it removed by a doctor. That would be way less than 72 hours. Yeah. And if she waited for it to crown, that would be legal in Idaho.

Yeah, but you got to believe. It's like walking on water. Future reference, different show. People in archives are going to love that shit. People in archives are going to love that shit. Anyway, as a result, the Satanic Temple petitioned for injunction against Governor Jay Nixon and Attorney General Chris Koster. And while you are more than welcome to read their response if you are legally minded, their answer was basically, you weren't using this to not do a thing and your religion doesn't motivate you to get an abortion so it doesn't count adding one of us only tells lies the other one tells only truth how would that guy suggest i murder my child

yeah right gun show thing what would he say however satan as the now slightly more attractive justice scalia reminds us he's a clever fox so the satanic temple countered by filing a federal suit which was held up in court for more than a year until this week when it was thrown out by judge henry edward autry because the woman quote is not now pregnant end quote well that's right completely ignoring the religious freedom argument of the satanic temple Autry's judgment seems to be based on the fact that OJ was innocent because he wasn't currently killing Nicole. In the month. Right. Right.

Yeah. We don't need the 13th Amendment if we kill all the black people. It'd be a good point there. I never tell you how amazing you are, Heath. I never tell you how amazing you are, Heath. And look, it is easy to just look at this suit and think, oh, this is just the inception of stupid, right? The satanic temple uses the stupid laws to show the hypocrisy of other stupid laws. And now this particular back and forth is over.

But the problem is this highlights the key to these rules, which is that they're applied unfairly exactly what's truly poisonous about these laws isn't just that they try to make stupidity and wishing a legally valid argument it's that they don't treat all forms of it the same are you listening australia i i eli if you don't mind could you finish the story in australia and maybe just make sure it's clear to them foster's austral Australian for abortion. It would explain the taste. That would explain the taste of Foster's. I like the taste of those things. Whatever. Nothing tastes better than freedom.

It's important to point out, RFRA isn't just dangerous because of how it's written. It's dangerous because of how it's applied. And I only mention this because when Christians pretend to wonder why we care if the clerk refuses to do this or if you need to go to the next pharmacy over, and aside from the usual, the voice in your head doesn't get to choose whether or not you do your job answer, it's because we're reminded over and over again by cases like this, that the people writing these laws do not mean what they say. Right.

And couldn't and logically couldn't mean what they say. Yeah. Anyway, and in honky if you love white people news tonight, Baptist pastor Jonathan Greer has taken to local media to complain that he was fired from his position at Mount Sterling Baptist Church in Butler, Alabama for inviting black kids to Bible study. By the way, inviting black kids to Bible study is not a euphemism for anal sex without douching first. I said I was sorry.

We're not doing this on air. We're not doing this on air. No, we're definitely not. I call food babe next time. I am all lost with these benevolence. No, I've got to admit, I've got two heuristics butting heads here.

I would define. Two other heuristics. Anyway, one, of course, is never trust the claims of a pastor, and the other, of course, is never underestimate the bigotry of Alabamians.

So I'm not going to put my nickel down quite yet, but assuming this dude's right, that's pretty fucked up. Yeah, and it seems like the church has a quandary, too. How do you teach everyone the Bible and prevent Canaanites from learning to read? They need to rank the rules.

That would be good, yeah, like a top ten list, at least. Yeah, like the Asimov thing with robots? Yeah, right, there you go. So speaking with a reporter at the local ABC affiliate WTOK-TV, Greer, who looks like he glued that beard on to get into ladies night but underestimated the humidity explained quote there was pushback about where the types of children we were bringing in sick and i was asked to not invite black children to vbs end quote now greer admits that they never actually said this to him directly but

instead in his words they were rather coy about it. Unfortunately, he didn't give examples, which sucks, because I would love to know how Alabama deacons hint around about their Nazism. I'm guessing the words, a certain secret society, are pretty common. Perhaps you find kids that are a bit more amenable

to the free sunscreen we give out if you know what I mean. Your pants have to be this tight to enter the bar. It's not about race. Right. We're thinking a little more Wayne, little less Wayans. You get what I'm saying here?

There's one and a quarter black kids in there already. Yeah. Don't worry. If I know Alabama, this will not go unpunished or implicitly rewarded. Trust me. You know what?

If it inspires just one public shit, I'll be okay. Oh, now it's going to be stuck in my head again. For months. And finally tonight, in Silva Dollar City news, soon to be ex-mayor of Stockton, California, Anthony Silva made headlines twice last week for being involved in terrible things that happened to children. Well, excuse me while I cross Mayor of Stockton, California off my vision board. Well, yeah, apparently he's got a really creepy bet going with George Pell.

He might be winning. So first off, it was discovered that he's the registered owner of a gun that killed a 13-year-old boy during a drive-by shooting in 2015. Oh, wow. And then a few days later, it was reported that he got caught serving alcohol and playing strip poker with underage teens at a local summer camp. Wow. Where I'm assuming he's no longer welcome. And probably jealous of where Eli's allowed to stand. Hey, what's

going on, Anthony? Just hanging out next to this school. Yep. Right next to this school. No big deal. Hey, Anthony, guess how little my neighbors know about my sexual history, bro. Go ahead, guess. It's zero. It's zero. So, if you follow

insane Christian politicians, and if you're listening to this, then you do, you may remember Mr. Silva as the guy who responded to the fatal shooting of a young girl last year by presenting the God of the Bible with a key to the city for all his omnipotent efforts in not quite preventing that death. Right. Well, to be fair, giving God a participation trophy would have seemed snarky. Also, by the way, Silva violated the establishment clause in several other ways that did not involve dead kids.

Not as sexy, but still against the rules, worth noting. Also, he looks like Marco Rubio became a homeless wrestling coach. He looks like a stock image for Divorce Dad, New Mexico. It was like everyone who ever watched a car for a living got melded into a single entity. And lived in that car. Okay, so before we go any further, I think we should take a moment and reflect on how shocked we are about hearing that a Christian man in a position of authority was sexually abusing children. What the hell are you saying? Just imagine if things like this happened all the time.

Scary, scary stuff. Imagine all the laws we'd want to change. It's a sobering thought. But this was just the one time. So I'm saying we try to forgive and forget. And in that spirit, I was thinking we could help this guy out and come up with some new plans for gainful employment, which he'll probably be needing. Yeah.

So, keeping in mind his skill set that includes underage strip poker, let's go ahead and put 30 seconds on the clock. Ideas for Anthony Silva's pedophile casino. Go. Well,

they have slots there, but they're not as loose as I like them. Petty slots. Kidding. What about Humbert Humbert Baccarat? Black jack off in front of each other, it's not gay? All right, well, the casino's going to need a name. How about the George Pelagio?

Maybe the Child Child West? No, I got it. I got it. The MGM grandson What about The Tricycle Casino Getting craps on your snake eyes The hard way

I said I was sorry Comline joke Texas Hold'em You don't have to do anything Alright well we need one for the Muslims. How about Aisha Poker? Ooh. What about

Twino Kino in Reno? The biggest little mistake of your life. If only. Chat roulette. We have a winner. We have a winner. Always bet on green.

And while we slowly recover from that, we'll close out the headlines for the night. Heath, Eli, thanks as always. Chat roulette. I knew you were going to say that. And when we come back, we'll return. It's time for the Atheist Calendar portion of the show. This is the monthly couple of minutes we set aside to get you caught up on all the great atheist, secular, and skeptical events going on around the country and around the

world. And when I say monthly, I mean kind of whenever. Of course, conference season is starting to slow down, but there are still some great events to hit yet in 2016. The Women in Secularism Conference is coming up at the end of next month. That's September 23rd to the 25th in Arlington, Virginia. Speakers include Julia Sweeney, Robin Blumner, Annie Laurie Gaylor, Debbie Goddard, and more. A couple of weeks later, the FFRF will be holding their 39th annual convention in Pittsburgh from October 7th to the 9th. Jerry Coyne, Daniel Dennett, Susan Jacoby, Lawrence Krauss. I mean, there's more, but does there really have to be?

Also in October, you've got the Great Lakes Reason Fest in Detroit, the town that gave us me. October 28th to the 30th, their speaker list includes Andrew Seidel, Melissa Pugh, Lucian Graves, JT Eberhard, Jerry DeWitt, and it's Detroit, so that's pretty much it. Just them and the people going to this conference. And obviously, I'd get in trouble if we started talking October and I didn't talk up the UK's premier skeptical conference, QED. Susan Blackmore, Cara Santa Maria, Fred of the show, Mike Marshall, and a lot more, including us doing a live record of god-awful movies in British.

It's October 14th to the 16th in Manchester, England. It's only 99 pounds, and we'd love to see you there. And lastly, a quick reminder that the Myth Information Conference is coming up on October 21st. Of course, the crown jewel of this conference is a debate on the historicity of Jesus between Drs. Bart Ehrman and Robert Price, moderated by Matt Dillahunty. Should be amazing, and you might be able to

go for free. I mentioned it briefly on last week's show, but the guys over at Mythicist Milwaukee offered us a couple of tickets for a free giveaway. You can win those tickets. All you have to do is write a Jesus haiku, email it to me with the word haiku in the subject line. You'll find the email address on the contact page at skatingatheist.com. And then we'll be selecting a winner at random on Tuesday of next week's show.

So we'll need your submission before the 16th. We'll announce the winner in the headlines of next week's show. And of course, if you'd like more information about the Myth Information Conference or any of the events we just discussed, you'll find links to more information on the show notes for this episode. For those of you who missed last week's show, we did a little skit that ended with the lines, David Barton is a boring liar. Hell, that's even what we called it for YouTube.

Well, we probably should have named it Noah Wins the Lottery because in a stroke of fucking fortune, David Barton proved our point this week by going on Glenn Beck's show and telling a boring lie, namely whether he has a doctorate in education. He doesn't. So we figured we'd give Heath another shot at what the Hypothesizer 2000 failed to communicate last week.

In the arms of a man named David Barton. Hi, I'm Heath Enright, host of The Scathing Atheist, God Awful Movies, The Skeptocrat, and of course, Cooking Ramen with Heath. Are you a right-wing pundit?

A Fox News anchor looking to fill some time on a Tuesday morning? Do all the real historians keep pointing out that you and everything you stand for are the bad guys and always have been? Well, don't hire David Barton. Sure, David Barton seems cool. He's old. He's white. That's awesome.

And he uses the words history a lot. But he's not a historian. He's a boring liar. And when it comes to boring liars, just not even once, do not hire him. Hi, I'm Glenn Beck, who hosts a, I don't know, who the fuck knows what it's called now. And I thought I'd have David Barton on and talk about how Martin Luther King used to whisper just kidding after all of his speeches. But now he's made me and my program look stupid. Don't hire David Barton. Don't hire David Barton.

Don't hire David Barton. Don't hire David Barton. Boring liars. Not even once. Exactly. So now wait, you have a cooking show? Yeah, yeah. It's on Go90, new cooking show.

What do you do? I make ramen. Making ramen with Heath. Making ramen. Like different kinds of ramen? No. It's time for the part of the show that comes next, listener feedback. This is the part of the show that couldn't exist without listeners and feedback. that comes next listener feedback this is the part of the show that couldn't exist without listeners and feedback our first message comes from dimitri who sent along a picture of a letter

to the editor from an australian paper where somebody tries to forgive islamic violence because irish protestants and catholics eventually calmed the fuck down um no idea uh the letter says in part quote roman catholics and Protestants were at war, and the Provisional IRA was clearly a terrorist organization. Yet Provisional IRA operatives were not referred to as, quote, Roman Catholic terrorists. No one suggested that Roman Catholics should be prevented from entering Australia. No one approached Roman Catholics asking for a condemnation every time the IRA committed a terrorist act. End quote. The letter goes on to insist that the only real way to combat terrorism

is with love and unicorn jizz. Anyway, Dimitri was interested in getting our thoughts on this matter. That we really should have been calling the provisional IRA Roman Catholic terrorists. And we're sorry for the oversight. All right, missed out. I mean, there's a lot of things that are different about this, and we should point that out. the provisional IRA Roman Catholic terrorists. And we're sorry for the oversight. I mean, there's a lot of things that are different about this, and we should point that out. But I think where the author does make a point is the obsession certain people in the United States have with uttering the magic words, radical, Islamic, terrible. It's like we're droning the shit out of these people and their children are afraid of the

sky, but he won't use the name we like. Otherwise, he won't end up in terror recruiting videos like Trump. I imagine how weak we'd think russia was if putin stopped talking about killing his enemies and eating their children well but but yeah but let's i mean among the differences is that the ir right that was ireland i mean you know they did some shit in england and they did some shit in tom clancy novels but mostly it was just ireland if there were roman catholics all over the fucking world bombing shit of course you'd be getting the same reaction as you're getting a muslim terrorism now and yes as the letter suggests some amount of muslim violence stems directly from bigotry towards muslim and that should be dealt with that that should be recognized but the fact that many deaths are caused by heart disease is not an

argument against wearing a seat belt right nor is it apologizing for or enabling radical Islamic terror to take a larger worldview in a country where one party is running on a platform of banning all the Muslims until we figure it out. Radical Islamic terrorism. Radical Islamic terrorism. Say it, Barack Hussein Obama. Say it, Hillary Clinton.

Jill Stein will say it. She won't. Say it Hillary Kitten. Jill Stein will say it. She won't. No, I'm sure. I'm sure. But that's because she needs to get near a router to say it. She might ask it as a quest. Radical Islamic terrorism? She suggests it in the questions.

We also had an email and a series of tweets from several folks who wanted me to know that they wish I would stop using the bats or birds example from the Bible. And the short answer to this question is that 99% of the time I'm talking to someone who is holding a book in English that says bats or birds. They are not holding an Aramaic or Hebrew text with an explanation of the word elf in it. They are not holding an Aramaic or Hebrew text with an explanation of the word alf in it. They are holding a King James Bible, which they clearly believe is the perfect and perfectly translated word of God. And it says bats are birds in a language which we've determined I am almost fluent in. And also, look, the same book gets the number of legs on bugs wrong. They think rabbits chew their gut.

What I'm saying is giving them the benefit of the doubt in biology seems like a stretch. Why would we? Yeah, there's not really any doubt from which to give benefit. The science knowledge contained in the Bible is pretty much exactly the science knowledge of humanity at the time each chapter was written. And that's the point we're making. Well, right. Lesser than. Less than.

Yeah. was written and that's the point we're making well right the lesser than less than yeah and i should point out the side argument that often comes down this like bats or birds role is that like god didn't know that bats aren't birds because he doesn't use kingdom and phylum and i gotta say if my opponent ever brought that up in debate i'd be great oh thank you i'm really god don't know about these faggot birds y'all talking about you just know winged and unwinged edible and unedible and finally tonight we got a message from howard that was too amazing to believe in response to our butt lube story a couple of weeks ago howard writes quote was intrigued by your lube slot last week and not sure if you guys know how topical the issue is.

Not many people know or talk about the widespread Southern African practice of dry sex. If you guys want to give it a try, I'm told the best results are obtained by filling the end of a stocking with sand on which a baboon has urinated, and then inserting this in the vagina and leaving it long enough

to soak up all that pesky, slippery mucus. Yeah, let's give that a try for the first time ever. That is a completely new idea to me. Indeed. Never heard of that. Yeah, new Patreon goals. I think that's what he suggested.

I'm not exactly sure. I mean, honestly, what comes up for me is the logistics of getting a baboon to pee on a tube sock. Finish your slushy, Chim Chim. Come on. I call baboon next time. Come on, Chim. Come on, Chim Chim. I already raised that thousand Nigerian dollars with the vultures

and Eli's three bucks. Come on, man. I'm horny. Help me out. What is me, the food babe, wandering around Nigeria if only there were a kangaroo with a lava lamp.

Higher voice, higher voice. I like the higher voice. Okay. And that's all the feedback you get. If you want more, keep sending us those emails, tweets, and Facebook messages. You'll find all the contact info on the contact page at ScathingAtheist.com. Before we close the loop tonight, I wanted to let you tonight. We'll be back in 10,022 minutes with more. If you can't wait that long, be on the lookout for a new episode of our sister show's Hot Friend Godawful Movies

debuting at 8 a.m. Eastern Time on Tuesday. And if that's too long to wait, be sure to check us out on Facebook, Twitter, and YouTube. Clearly, we can't bring the festivities to close without thanking Heath

for taming the lion bastards in the church. I need to thank Lucinda for her intellectual acrobatics. And I need to thank Eli Bosnick for something related to his similarity to a circus seal.

Also, huge thanks to Stacey Rebrill, Callie Wright, and Thomas Smith for playing along with us tonight, and a big thanks to phenomenal human David Spitzer for providing this week's Farnsworth quote. Incidentally, if you'd like more info on either of the charities he's involved with, we'll be including a link and a brief description in the show notes for this episode. But most of all, of course, I need to thank this week's loveliest life forms, Alex Loco, Jack, Brendan, Dan, Jonathan, Mark, Alexandra, Philip, David, Omar, Dr. Bill, Benjamin, Carl, Michael, and John. Alex, Loco, Jack, Brendan, Dan, and Jonathan, whose erections are longer than the Olympic relay and a lot harder to extinguish. Mark,

Alexandra, Philip, David, and Omar, whose athletic prowess would have forced the Olympics to add participation trophies just so the other countries could win some shit too. And Dr. Bill, Benjamin, Carl, Michael, and John, who make the pole vaulters look like pansies for kneading that stick. Together these 15 mean lean sirens gave up some green so we could reconvene to make umpteen unclean obscene blasphemes that demean a Nazarene by giving us money. Not everybody has the mastery of een words that it takes to give us money. But if you think you're up to the challenge, you can make a per episode donation at patreon.com slash scathingatheist. Whereby you'll earn early access to an extended edition of every episode. Or you can make a one time donation by clicking on the donate button on the right side of the homepage at scathingatheist.com slash scathingatheist, whereby you'll earn early access to an extended edition of every episode, or you can make a one-time donation by clicking on the Donate button on the right side of the homepage at scathingatheist.com. And if you'd like to help but you can't donate money until that Nigerian dude gets back with you,

you can also help us a ton by leaving us a five-star review on iTunes or by telling a friend about the show. If you have questions, comments, or death threats, you'll find all the contact info on the contact page at scathingatheist.com. All the music used in this episode was written and performed by yours truly and yes i did have my permission at pikachu the preceding podcast was a production of puzzle in a thunderstorm llc copyright 2016 all rights reserved