The Scathing Atheist - ScathingAtheist 184: Fair Use Edition

Episode Date: August 25, 2016

In this week’s episode, Eli and Anna will fuck their way across Europe, Sandy Rios complains that the trans community might give her a UTI, and Jake and Hugo from The Bible Reloaded will be here to get litigious on some motherfuckers. Click Here to make a per episode donation at Patreon.com Click Here to buy our book. Click Here to check out The Skepticrat. Click Here to check out God Awful Movies. Guest Links: Click Here to support Jake and Hugo’s lawsuit. Click Here to check out The Bible Reloaded on YouTube. Headlines: Court finds in favor of Christian employer who fired trans employee for not wearing a suit: http://www.patheos.com/blogs/friendlyatheist/2016/08/19/court-rules-in-favor-of-christian-employer-who-fired-transgender-female-for-not-wearing-a-suit/ Tony Perkins blames gay people for floods and shit; has home flooded: http://www.patheos.com/blogs/friendlyatheist/2016/08/18/flood-ruins-home-of-christian-right-leader-who-believes-god-sends-hurricanes-to-punish-sinners/ Louisiana Lt. Gov saw shape in clouds; assures state they’re okay now: http://www.patheos.com/blogs/friendlyatheist/2016/08/19/louisianas-lt-governor-saw-a-cloud-in-the-shape-of-his-state-so-everything-will-be-okay-now/ Plans for a reverse abortion clinic next to Planned Parenthood in New Orleans: http://www.patheos.com/blogs/friendlyatheist/2016/08/21/a-gulf-coast-planned-parenthood-may-soon-have-a-new-neighbor-a-clinic-offering-reverse-abortions/ Irish Politician: The “fact” of Noah’s Ark proves we don’t need to worry about climate change: http://www.patheos.com/blogs/friendlyatheist/2016/08/18/irish-politician-the-fact-of-noahs-ark-proves-we-dont-need-to-worry-about-climate-change/ Actual Person: Muslim DNA makes olympic fencers “prone to attacking people with knives” http://www.rightwingwatch.org/content/family-security-matters-muslim-dna-makes-olympic-fencer-prone-attacking-others-knives Secular coalition for America grades Trump F, Clinton A: http://www.patheos.com/blogs/friendlyatheist/2016/08/18/atheist-lobbying-group-releases-presidential-scorecard-hillary-clinton-a-donald-trump-f/ P-Robes joins growing chorus of fucktards questioning Hillary’s “mental fitness” http://www.rightwingwatch.org/content/pat-robertson-raises-doubts-about-hillary-clintons-mental-fitness B Fish: Hillary motivated by the spirit of the antichrist: http://www.patheos.com/blogs/friendlyatheist/2016/08/16/bryan-fischer-claims-hillary-clinton-is-motivated-by-the-spirit-of-the-antichrist/ France bans burkinis http://www.patheos.com/blogs/progressivesecularhumanist/2016/08/france-burkini-bans-spark-debate/ Sandy Rios: If the Target boycott fails, Christians won’t be able to pee anywhere: http://www.patheos.com/blogs/friendlyatheist/2016/08/20/religious-right-leader-if-the-target-boycott-fails-christians-wont-be-able-to-pee-anywhere/ This Week in Misogyny: Christian nutjob: terrorists “pray we have abortions” http://www.rightwingwatch.org/content/alveda-king-terrorists-pray-we-have-abortions Mat Staver: US is doing the same thing as ISIS by permitting abortion: http://www.patheos.com/blogs/friendlyatheist/2016/08/22/christian-right-leader-the-u-s-is-doing-the-same-thing-as-isis-by-permitting-abortions/ Jim Bakker: Nuclear bomb would do less damage than abortion: http://www.rightwingwatch.org/content/jim-bakker-atomic-strike-wouldnt-do-any-more-damage-what-abortion-has-done Frank Pavone: Legal abortions like several atomic bombs went off: http://www.rightwingwatch.org/content/frank-pavone-legal-abortion-several-atomic-bombs-have-already-gone-our-own-soil

Warning, Eli won't be here this week, so the rest of us had to be extra explicit to make up for it. This week's episode of The Scathing Atheist is brought to you by the new reality show about New Jersey's favorite homophobic pastry shop, Sky Cake Boss. Get a behind-the-scenes look at this brave Christian business where cream pies belong in the V, not the B, like God intended. Sky Cake Boss, where gay people need not a pie. Also, if you haven't already, do not forget to Google Patton Oswalt Sky Cake. Best ever. And now, The Scathing Atheist. This is Dave from Philadelphia, and we did, in fact, evolve from filthy monkey men.

It's Thursday. It's August 25th. And I'm about to enter my mid-to-late-thirly-twenties. No illusions. I'm Heath Enright, and from Secret Lair, Pennsylvania, this is The Skating Atheist. On this week's episode, Eli and Anna will fuck their way across Europe. Sandy Rios complains that the trans community might give her a UTI. Technically.

And Jake and Hugo from The Bible Reloaded will be here to get litigious on some motherfuckers. But first, the diatribe. Well, we watched our little Eli get married over the weekend. He and Anna tied the knot atop a building in Midtown Manhattan on Friday, and Heath and I stood alongside him as he said his vows. And not to let the hopeless romantic in me take control of the diatribe here, but it really had the air of one of the genuine till-death-do-us-part weddings. Two people who genuinely make each other better.

Now, granted, I'm predisposed to appreciate any wedding where the bride uses the word fuck in her vows, but I'd rank this whole ceremony right up there with the most touching tributes to love that I've ever seen. And I'm sure a lot of that is because it was secular, right? Like, normally when I attend a wedding, I've got to force a smile through all the God shit and the references to being equally yoked, but this one was just about the bride, the groom, their pug, and the love that they have for each other. No resurrected carpenters need apply. Now, that's not to say there weren't a couple of diatribe-worthy moments before the night was out, you know, when one of the people toasting Eli at the reception said, I know

the bride and groom don't believe in an afterlife, but I think so-and-so is watching over us right now. I winced a bit. I know it comes from a good place, and the sentiment she was expressing is really touching, but it's hard to imagine a non-atheist's stance on religion being challenged during a toast at his own wedding, right? Something tells me social mores would stop virtually anybody from saying something like, I know the groom is a Jew, but Jesus still died for his sins. And then, of course, right in the aftermath of this one, the next toast includes a reference to Eli as an evangelical

atheist. Anna teaches music for a living, but for some includes a reference to Eli as an evangelical atheist. You know, Anna teaches music for a living, but for some reason nobody referred to her as an evangelical violinist. Weird. It's almost like there's a bizarre double standard, even among non-believers, when it comes to advocating for true shit if it makes baby Jesus cry. But I don't want to dwell on stuff like that, because ultimately the entire day was a nearly flawless celebration of two people who are very much in love. And it was also a reminder that religion doesn't have a monopoly on reverent rituals you know a well put together secular ceremony can outpace a religious one in majesty elegance and solemnity and even though we

know that it's nice to be reminded once in a while i mean of course when you give this a second's thought this is an of fucking course type-course type question. Secular ceremonies just have fewer limitations. The only rule in a secular ceremony is no invoking unevidenced mythologies as though they were true. Religious ceremonies, on the other hand, are loaded with restrictions. The bride has to wear this. The officiant has to say that. The groom has to stand here.

The candles have to be lit in disorder. The couple has to have a certain number of collective penises. Hell, I had to write a wedding march when my sister got married because she was doing it in a church whose religion had spiritual issues with Here Comes the Bride. F, B-flat, B-flat, B-flat. They have restrictions on that. Now, the secular ceremony, on the other hand,

is free to pick and choose whatever it likes from all the traditions. There's no ecclesiastical authority that has to sign off on the unity candle. If the bride and groom like the idea, they roll with it and hope their rooftop wedding in New York City isn't particularly windy. It was. Now, of course, there are some observers that would look at Eli and Anna's wedding and say that it wasn't completely secular because they used religious elements in it. And sure, they did some shit that you normally see at a Jewish wedding, but whatever. That doesn't make it Jewish. That just means Judaism signed their name to somebody else's homework.

Moses didn't come up with the idea of stomping on a glass at weddings. It wasn't handed down on Mount Sinai. It's just a touching nugget of symbolism that somebody started doing once, and the Jewish religious authorities were the first ones to yell dibs. I mean, look at the symbolism itself, right? The groom stomps on a glass, and they dump the shards into flowing water, which I don't think you actually do anymore. But the idea is that the love will last as long as it takes for the flowing river to

reassemble the glass. I mean, it's not like the Jews have some aquatic god that demands shards of glass as penance for despoiling one of his virgins. You know, there's nothing inherently religious about the concept. It's purely symbolic, and it no doubt grew out of natural selection. It's just one of the memes that made it. And sure, the people that came up with it and propagated it were Jews, but if that means only Jews get to do it, then only Muslims get to brush their teeth.

Now, I'm dwelling on this point because I hear from listeners and other atheists all the time about how we need to disassociate ourselves from anything that carries the taint of religion. I know a lot of atheists that refuse to celebrate religious holidays or use phrases with minor religious connotations and wouldn't even dream of carrying over a Catholic or Jewish tradition into their wedding. And I understand that, but I don't agree with it. In fact, I see it as a capitulation, right? Religions don't invent, they appropriate. Every holiday, every phrase, every tradition was born to human beings that just happened to belong to one religion or the other, or else the traditions predate the religion and it just elbowed its way in at some point along

the historical road. I'm sure all of you can name a dozen pagan traditions that are perpetuated by Christian holidays. So if we jettison those traditions along with our faith, we're basically legitimizing their theft. We're conceding ownership of something that they know and we know they stole. And you know what? Maybe it's just my combative nature, but I'm inclined to fight for every fucking scrap. They can have God.

They can have the soul. They can have salvation. They can have prayer and magic and superstition and homophobia and misogyny and divine authority, but all the other shit I claim on behalf of humanity. They stole our traditions, our holidays, and our language for reverence, and it's long past time to liberate them. They're talking about you, Jesus.

We interrupt this broadcast to bring you a special news bulletin. Joining me for headlines tonight is podcasting's most eligible bachelor, Heath Enright. Heath, are you ready to bachelor? Oh, I just bachelored about 10 minutes ago, so just give me a little bit, maybe after the headlines again.

Before you were into your mid to late 20s, this was a lot easier. Could have gone a lot quicker on that. Just want a medium bachelor in our lead story tonight a federal district court ruled last week that it's okay to fire a person because of their gender expression as long as you're religious about it amy australia stevens filed the suit after being fired from a funeral home in detroit back in 2013 for the infraction of being amy australia stevens as near as i can tell after working for the infraction of being Amy Australia Stevens, as near as I can tell.

After working for the company for six years, she told her boss that she'd be going through sex reassignment surgery. His immediate reaction apparently was to ask how the fuck she was going to afford that now that she was unemployed. Hopefully with all the money she's going to make in a lawsuit against this guy. I feel like you said the court ruled against her, but that can't be right. It's wronger than you think.

Wonderful. So according to Thomas F. Ross, Stephen's former employer, he didn't fire her for being transgendered so much as for dressing like it. And perhaps the most depressing aspect of this fucking story is that even if he'd written, I ain't paying no tranny on the pink slip, it wouldn't be any less illegal. In fact, a court tossed out Stephen's allegation of civil rights violations because we haven't decided to legislate civil rights for trans people yet. The part of the lawsuit that was allowed to go forward was the ancillary issue of firing her for refusing

to wear a suit like all the other employees with penises. Okay, well, it's ridiculous that the LGBT community isn't a protected class. No shit. I mean, what the fuck do we have that for if not to use exactly right now for that group? But setting that aside for a second,

haven't we already legislated civil rights for all the people? And even if we didn't, well, pretty sure we did. But even if we didn't, should we even need to spell that out? We do this like one by one? Okay, now trans people get to have

water um next legislative session we'll go for food when america's ready not yet believe that's how it's written in a democratic platform yeah so after kicking around in court for a couple of years the suit wearing issue was finally adjudicated last week u.s district judge sean cox agreed with the plaintiff that they'd made a solid argument that discrimination was at play, but despite that, he chose to fine in favor of the employer, and why would a judge who agreed that a discrimination suit contained legitimate discrimination fine in the favor of the discriminator? I'll give you a hint.

It starts with Riff and ends with religious people not having to follow fucking laws. God damn it. Yeah. Our old buddy Riffra shows up again as the primary culprit, leading the now significantly less honorable Cox to rule that Ross's religious obligations to make other people dress in a way that doesn't correspond with their gender outweighs Stevens' right to be a human who gets to work and shit. And just for some extra context here, the same people in Congress are currently working on something called the Do No Harm Act. Speaking of shit that shouldn't have to be spelled out. working on something called the Do No Harm Act.

Speaking of shit that shouldn't have to be spelled out, yeah. And that would specifically stop RFRA from allowing legal discrimination. So, I mean, think about this for a second. If you do out the math, that means religious freedom restoration is equal to do some harm. I'm not sure how we can make this any more clear. Well, and it's also probably worth noting that the majority in Congress is apparently pro-harm, or it would have passed by now. And look, I'll invite you to read the 56-page decision for yourself, but I'll tell you in advance that the heart of the issue is the judge's refusal to recognize transgender as a thing.

Because the religious freedom that excuses this behavior is the belief that Amy is a dude, and that's not something that is open to other people's religious interpretation. In the decision, the judge implies that the only option here to accommodate the plaintiff was to create a gender-neutral dress code, which would create an undue burden. But the other option is to simply recognize that Amy is a chick and keep the dress

code the same way as it already is. Moving on. Getting too pissed too early this week. Yeah, ridiculous. And in deluvians of grandeur news tonight, there's nothing funny or amusing about the terrible floods in Louisiana. Tragic stuff. Thoughts with all the families. Nothing funny.

Well, except, except... I knew there'd be an except. The fact that Tony Perkins, president of the Family Research Council, had his house flooded. And based on his reaction to several other horrible tragedies and natural disasters, he probably thinks it's a punishment from God for all the sodomy he's secretly involved in, very clearly. That part is pretty funny.

Dear Lord, is this about the hair I had to pull out of my butt the other day in the shower? Because I swear I didn't think I'd enjoy it that much. You need to get it out of there. where i didn't think i'd enjoy it that much you need to get it out of there so if you're not familiar tony perkins is the guy who suggested hurricane joaquin was a message from god that we need to reverse roe v wade and bring back a ban on gay marriage he's also the guy who wrote an open letter following the boston marathon bombing in which he blamed the act of terrorism on things like abortion, family breakdown, and sexual liberalism. Yep.

Also, he looks like Conan O'Brien got Zika. Or his mom did, one or the other, yeah. And apparently, he also thinks God has all the aim of a drunken stormtrooper pitching for the Diamondbacks. God's pissed about something that the American Supreme Court did, so he smites Bermuda, Cuba, and the greater Antilles. Eventually almost hits land in South Carolina. Come on, you pansy. He's not very

exact. He's just a guy. Yeah, right. And while we're on the incredibly important subject of what Tony Perkins thinks, I want to consider what goes through his head when other things happen, like small everyday stuff. Because the big things happen like small everyday stuff because the big things like his house getting flooded are obviously the result of all the butt stuff he's

into that much we already know but what about when he gets like an overdone steak or he gets a semen latte when he ordered it plain he must be constantly going back over his week just like trying to figure out was i accidentally nice to a gay person right i could swear i always know who they are but no maybe he gets in the slow lane so often that now he's afraid to touch his dick when he pees you know honey kfc fucked up our order again rick we're gonna need a bigger commode so uh yeah what i'm really getting at here and i'm quite certain this is what eli would want us to do in his absence i want to get everyone to start a prank war with Tony Perkins that drives him insane with tiny little pieces of bad luck.

Driving Tony Perkins insane. That's not a real big goal, I don't think. We win! I'm saying put semen in his latte. That's what I'm saying. We at The Scathing Atheist do not actually endorse putting semen in his latte. Andrew said no, he didn't. No, he very clearly didn't.

And in clouded judgment news tonight, the residents of Louisiana can breathe a little easier, the ones above sea level at least, with the knowledge that God sent a clear sign that he's done fucking with them for now, and he opted to do so through his loyal servant, Louisiana Lieutenant Governor Billy Nungesser. Nungesser, whose surname sounds like a drunkard on the lam isn't trying very hard, received God's assurance via a shape he saw in the clouds, which vaguely looked like Louisiana. He tweeted out a picture. That's it.

That's all God really could manage in his omnipotence. So Nungesser tweeted out a picture of this clear prophecy, along with the reassurance that, quote, during these trying times, God is still watching over us. God bless Louisiana, end quote. Yeah, he also might have added, Now, I have to admit that until I read this story, I was completely unaware that God announced his nice list via Cumulus Pareidolia. So now that I know, I'm happy to report, thanks to a little research that I did this afternoon, that God is also watching over Michigan's Upper Peninsula, the state of Virginia, a woodpecker doing push-ups, and an alligator in a stocking cap driving a go-kart. Ooh, that's a good one.

Yeah, and he didn't even have to flood the fuck out of them to get their attention first. Also, God clearly enjoys the Care Bears. Oh, yes. Great show great show no it is i'm on board with that villain and also the touch the feel of cotton the fabric of our lives and slavery there was no question on that last one but yeah exactly of course i i can't help but wonder why god would use the the same object to send the message that he used to do all the damage in the first place you know be like naz'd be like Nazi Germany spelling out, we give up with Jew corpses or something. But the important thing is that an elected official,

imagine that, just visualize that. Anyway, the important thing is that an elected official whose competence will be critical to the state's ability to rebuild in the wake of this disaster thinks the Teletubbies taught him how to speak to God. Let that sink in. And in fetal attraction news tonight According to recent reports

A facility called the Woman's New Life Center May soon be opening up next to a Planned Parenthood clinic in New Orleans And the purpose Of the new business Is going to be to provide so called Abortion

Reversals Abortion reversals. Now, unfortunately, if you're picturing an army of reanimated zombie fetuses kayaking around Louisiana, it's nowhere near that amusing. Nowhere near that amusing. Damn. Instead, we're talking about a pro-life activism group that's planning to shame women into changing their minds about terminating their pregnancies halfway through the process.

Huh. See, now I thought it was just going to be a really fertile dude that fucked you. And to be perfectly honest, that had me worried because I haven't seen Eli in a couple of days. He says he's on honeymoon, but who knows? He is very fertile, as I understand it. So here's a few details about how this is all going to work. Many abortions are a multi-step process that begin with a dose of one drug followed by a dose of a different drug

about two days later. So these abortion reversal clinics are trying to find women having doubts after the first phase and convince them to reverse course and skip the second phase. But for some reason, the pro-lifers decided to add an extra step

for absolutely no reason and administer a dose of uterine steroids that accomplish exactly the same thing as doing nothing after the first step. I see. Apparently, they felt left out of the big drug-giving party and felt this was more science-y or something. Even though it's the exact opposite. It's not at all science-y.

No, but I like it as a marketing strategy, right? Like dangerously misogynistic religious prudery. Now with drugs. I'm not saying it would sway me, but I would click on it. Listen to what they had to say. They're basically interfering with people seeking potentially critical medical treatment by using the fucking Starbucks business model. But instead of opening an actual coffee shop next to a rival store, they're setting up a hot water propaganda facility.

It's the homeopathic Starbucks model. Yeah, exactly. They might as well be harassing people with meningitis as they leave the doctor and then selling them maple syrup. What the fuck? I mean, hand out a condom if this matters so goddamn much to you. No shit.

Boy, that would just solve your whole fucking problem, wouldn't it? And in schmuck of the Irish news tonight, Christian Stupidity seems to have heard that Eli was starting his honeymoon off in Ireland and elected to pre-piss him off with an homage to all-American motivated pseudo-thinking. This came in the form of Irish politician Danny Healy Ray, who said in a recent... Isn't that the most Irish fucking name you ever heard? Quite Irish.

Yeah, anyway, so he said in a recent interview that the fact of Noah's Ark means that climate change isn't an issue. I'm sorry, what? After releasing a public statement that set aside climatology in favor of the God-has-a-weather-machine hypothesis, the magazine Hot Press elected to do a follow-up and see exactly how far up his ass his head would go, and for the record, it ultimately popped back out where it started.

Okay, so he's saying global warming isn't a problem because, you know, if shit hits the fan, Ken Ham's going to hop on his gopher wood yacht and fuck his daughters? That's our fail-safe for this problem? I'm pretty sure one way or the other that's going to happen. But yes, yes, I do. But, well, I mean, look, if I've undersold the stupidity of Healy Ray's remarks,

I apologize, because in addition to appealing to the historicity of the biblical deluge, he also implied that there was a single ice age and that the existence of that ice age, that one ice age, means that we're going to be just fine if the polar ice caps melt.

He said, quote, everyone is entitled to their view, and't that always proceed a load of bullshit yeah anyway continuing i'm basing my views on the facts the facts are there and history proves it we had the ice age we i think he's talking about the movie i don't know we had noah's ark we had all those stories we've proof of the famine of 1740 which was caused by two years of incessant rain. Those are facts and to his credit, some of them kind of are, but he continues, there were some centuries when the country was very hot and warm and there were different centuries with so much rain and cold. End quote.

Plus, you know, there was that Indian summer in November, so we probably don't need to worry about holocausts anymore. No. Those are over. Yeah, I saw a backwards swastika in the clouds. But, of course, look, I can see how a person might look at that statement and see nothing but the implication that Noah's Ark was a real boat and that hot and warm are two distinct states. But I fear that if you do, you're going to miss the stupidest thing about this quote. So let me emphasize it for you one time.

you're going to miss the stupidest thing about this quote. So let me emphasize it for you one time. When you set aside all the biblical literalism and misstatements, what he's actually saying is we can all agree that a climatic shift in 1739 directly led to the death of 2.4 million people just in Ireland, which is proof that we have nothing to worry about. That's the reassuring part. That's the least stupid interpretation of his position, yes. Also, there were three Ice Age movies.

Maybe. I'm not sure. And in Sabermetrics, fencing, shows us that stabbing people with sharp objects is encoded into Muslim genetics. Oh, you're fucking kidding. Of course, you know, this is based on the work of Watson and Crick, who figured out that double helix thing and where all the stabbing parts go on that shape. Well, and of course, as for the 16 other members of the U.S. Olympic fencing team, well, they don't list everybody's religion, but a lot of them had Muslim sounding names like Dershowitz and Courtney. hole for now of course according to the p holes article entitled political correctness taints the

olympics u.s fencer ibtihaj muhammad chose her sport because of quote the penchant of muslims for hacking stabbing or slashing non-muslims with knives axes mach, and other sharp instruments. You've got to give a big category there. Which appears to be in the Muslim DNA. End quote. Wow. And believe it or not, this is even stupider than it sounds since both of her parents converted to Islam in adulthood. So the stabbing thing is a lateral gene transfer upon...

It's one of those. Yeah. Muslims are bacteria is what he's saying. So, Pio also pointed out that Ms. Muhammad thinks Sharia law should supersede

the U.S. Constitution. And he seems to know this because she chose to wear a hijab during competition. Of course, that violates the part of the Constitution

where the founding fathers decreed that female Olympic athletes need to wear sexually provocative spandex at all times. Oh, that part. That clause, yeah. It's the part right after Moses wrote the Ten Commandments. Exactly. It's important. Well, right, that was important to them because if you had to describe 18th century women's fashion in two words, those words would be side boob. Clearly. They'd have issues with women covering up those founding fathers yeah so uh before we close out the story i just want to say fuck this guy for hating islam wrong right it's really not that hard it's fucking simple i should

not have to explain like don't hate the player hate the game pretty obvious and i shouldn't get roped into defending Islam in general. I feel very uncomfortable about this whole thing. No shit. So while Heath slips off to wash his mouth out with lye, we'll take a quick break and hand things over to my lovely wife, Lucinda. A man wrote the Bible? A whore is what she wants.

If it's a legitimate race. It's a slut, right? Cooking can be fun. Hey, I'm proud of a man. This week in Massage. So I get an email from a listener the other day who wanted to take me to task for talking so much about abortion on the show. He says, hey, let's not forget that there are also secular arguments against abortion. And you know what?

Maybe there are, but I've never heard them. And maybe it's just because they're shit arguments. Maybe it's because nobody's articulating them well. But even if they were, how could anyone hear them over the screaming assholes who hide behind Jesus so they don't need coherent arguments? Who could be expected to pluck reason out of that arms race of alpine molehills?

In fact, my news feed this week was almost like a contest to see who could spout the most ridiculous hyperbole about the zygote holocaust. We'll start with newcomer to this week in misogyny, Alveda Keene, who can apparently do a lot more than milk better than cheddar. While appearing on Jim Baker's show last week, she warned all the Christian women out there that when it comes to abortion, the only people who win are the terrorists, you know, since they'll need fewer bullets to kill all the Americans. But as we'll soon learn, King's tirade was actually pretty tame as far as abortion

terrorism comparisons go. Kim Davis's lawyer proved as much this week when he explained that ISIS is doing pretty much the same kind of stuff as abortion doctors. Only abortion doctors are doing it to babies. After listening to a few of ISIS's more well-known atrocities, Matt Staver said, quote, We are doing the same thing under the rubric of choice because we're decapitating children. We're breaking off their arms and legs. We're brutalizing them in the same way that these larger people are being brutalized by ISIS.

End quote. Now, first of all, abortion doctors won't burn your fetus alive in a cage. Believe me, I asked. But secondly, these larger people, what the fuck is that? Is that their new tactic? They can't get their personhood amendments passed, so now they're just going to try to convince us that we're giant fetuses? But as silly as that statement was, Staver barely makes the same crazy shit about abortion podium, because Jim Baker was willing to invoke the nuclear option. And by that, I mean he opted to compare abortion to nuclear weapons after lamenting about how, quote, people are so strong they want to kill babies.

End quote. Don't ask me. I'm just reporting the fucking words. Anyway, after whatever the hell that's supposed to mean, he added, quote, if an atomic bomb had dropped on America, it wouldn't do any more damage than what abortion has done. And I'm sure when he uttered it, he thought he would take the gold medal in a walk, but it turns out he was only half crazy enough at best. And that leads us to Frank Pavone, who was shilling for Trump on a

Catholic call-in show because Hillary would murder babies. Well, apparently a caller chimed in to explain that Trump might start a nuclear war if Putin talks shit about his hairpiece. Well, Pavone countered by pointing out that starting global nuclear wars is nothing compared to allowing women to have autonomy over reproduction. And he wasn't about to put us out on a single nuclear warhead like Baker did. Quote, it's like several atomic bombs have already gone off on our own soil when it comes to just the sheer numbers. End quote. That's right. Several nuclear bombs. So quick before any of these assholes think to compare abortion to the death store of Solomonite, I'll take my leave for the week and

hand things back over to Noah and Heath. Thank you, Lucinda. And in Making America Great Again news tonight, the Secular Coalition for America released their presidential scorecards for the major party candidates last week. The grades were based on candidates' stated positions on issues of church-state separation and science policy, though a number of their target areas remain incomplete for both candidates. Based on the information the SCA currently has, they awarded Clinton the highest possible grade. Trump, of course, got an F, offering yet more evidence that he hasn't passed the test since his mom pissed on that stick. And I'm not even sure if that counts. pissed on that stick and i'm not even sure if that counts as i understand it he wasn't so much birthed from a womb as he was constructed using a cotton gin that seems to be what that would make

a lot more sense yeah and it would be like a lot less gross to envision all right so among the numerous red flags that earned trump his failing grade was his position on climate change which he described in a statement that also would have earned an f in english composition quote i am not a believer and i will unless somebody can prove something to me i believe there's weather end quote so he lost additional marks for promising to repeal the johnson amendment of course suggesting that america should be basing its laws on judeo-christian morals and being a fucking idiot. Okay, so his stance on global warming is pretty much the same as his opinion on wealth distribution, I guess. He doesn't really believe that poverty is an issue.

He just believes that money exists. Yeah, right. Exactly. Exactly. He doesn't think gun violence is a problem. He just believes in bullets. And again, they move around sometimes. What are you going to do?

Fast, slow, all the time. Yeah. Now, it's probably worth noting that Clinton's A has a full two letter grades higher than the SCA graded Obama in 2012, though the criterion has changed quite a bit since the last election. The SCA promises grades for the minor party candidates, Jill Stein and Gary Johnson, in the coming weeks, but since both of them were also their party's candidates in the previous presidential election, it's probably worth reexamining their scores from 2008. In that assessment, Johnson received a B, losing marks for supporting abstinence-only

education and opposing science-based science standards in public schools. Stein's grade was marked incomplete because the SCA largely couldn't figure out what the fuck she was talking about. Seriously. On most of the issues. On more than half the issues. And in Hillary Clinton news tonight, despite the fact that Hillary Clinton is a Methodist who's never been divorced, supports efforts to help the underprivileged just like Jesus, and knows it's called First Corinthians, not I Corinthians, the Christian right continues to blindly support Donald Trump instead. Yep.

Who is the opposite of those things I just mentioned. Exact opposite, yeah. instead. Who is the opposite of those things I just mentioned? Exact opposite. And that's why people like Pat Robertson and Brian Fisher are grasping at every straw they can find in their attempts to discredit Mrs. Clinton. Most recently, those straws include her trouble with slippery stairs, which is pretty much the exact name of a fallacy, and of course the fact that she's the Antichrist sent by the Prince of Darkness to destroy Christianity.

Which is such a minor part of her resume. I mean, yes, that's why I'm supporting her, but I feel like with her foreign policy and legislative experience, I'd still vote for her if she was a lesser imp or demon. It's just a bullet point. Right. Okay, so let's start with the anal pierobes. Always.

During a recent episode of The 700 Club, Robertson, who looks like Salvador Dali repainted American Gothic, decided to recycle the rumor that Hillary is suffering from a neurological impairment. This is based on his extensive research in the peer-reviewed medical journal called The Drudge Report, where he saw a photo of Clinton being helped up some stairs last winter. And just for the record, it took B-Robes and his antebellum neurons about ten minutes to get out the single sentence needed to repeat this meaningless talking point. This is coming from an asshole that needs help scaling a shag carpet. I believe she's mentally impaired and the voices in my head agree.

Thanks for your opinion from the inside, P-Row. Just ten times slower with pauses between each word. Neurological impairment. Hillary Clinton has one. Yeah. But even better was the latest Hillary bashing from Brian Fisher of American Family Radio. Much like the P-Rowbs, it appears that Fisher just barely survived a total recall face melt and managed to record another episode of his ridiculous fucking

show. And just to give you an idea of where this guy's coming from, he's the same person who said last week, quote, you could make a pretty good biblical case that only men are supposed to hold public office. That's what he said. Which is actually true. The Bible does say that. It does. Well, that guy decided to keep talking this week and attacked Hillary for her evil anti-Christian

beliefs, like how gay people should count as people, and therefore she's possessed by the spirit of the Antichrist, who Christians seem to think is the bad guy in that book. Right. Point being, Donald Trump is a bigot with a penis, so let's make him president. That shit would fit on a bumper sticker. We could probably sell that. Like, they would buy it and not know we were making fun of them. I love it.

And in yet more hating Islam wrong news tonight, Nisan Khan added their names to the ever-growing list of coastal French cities that banned the burkini in what has become a national effort to tell the world, no, it's not about secularism anymore. We really are bigots. So the burkini, of course, is a full-body swimsuit complete with head covering designed to allow Muslim women to swim without getting molested or murdered by their brothers. And despite the fact that it probably would have been one of our like mock sponsors by now if it wasn't a real thing this ban strikes me as a trumpian effort to enshrine

stop being so muslim into law wow well i mean they just need to build a jetty right pretty simple solve the whole thing anyway look i want to spell out my stance fairly clearly here because i did vocally support france's effort to ban the face veil but there's a clear difference because covering your face in public is already against the law for safety reasons right like i can't walk around town with pantyhose over my face so banning the face veil is really just an act of making everyone follow the same rules but there's never been a minimal level of nakedness required for beach combing minimal i mean yeah right the french bands wouldn't stop me from walking onto the beach in jeans and a hoodie which would cover exactly as much of my body nor would they stop me from wearing

a wetsuit which is only distinguishable from a bikini based on the color so a burka is still legal but they're saying as you slowly add water to it at a certain point it becomes illegal apparently yes great basically the new world in france says that the more water you touch the more clothing you have to remove can't imagine how this could possibly get abused does sound like a french rule though doesn't it of course it does french politicians are selling this as an effort to dissuade the misogyny ingrained in muslim culture and i'm sure in a sense that's what it is but the idea that you're going to liberate women from restrictive clothing choices by restricting their clothing choices is too silly to take

seriously you know and it's not like Muslim husbands are going to say well fuck the burkinis ban break out the two-piece sweetheart so it's hard to imagine how this law results in anything but fewer Muslim people at the beach unless you count the additional credibility you're given to the terrorists who sell Muslim teenagers on the idea that their government is at war with their religion, you're also helping those folks out. That won't be an issue in France. We're going to have to j'ai sui somebody again in no fucking time because of this shit.

And finally tonight, in a scatological fallacy news, during a recent interview with Breitbart, Sandy Rios of the American Family Association described the reasoning behind the Christian boycott of Target. Reasoning, you say? Yeah, reasoning.

Now, as most of you already know, this was the ignorant religious backlash to the retail chain's decision to allow the trans community to use the restroom of their gender. But here's the part you probably didn't consider. Here's the part you probably didn't consider. According to Shatara in a skirt suit, this new idea of letting everyone pee and poo is going to make it impossible for Christian bigots to pee and poo. That's the problem. Sandy, your asshole is clenched tighter than Rush Limbaugh's aorta and you have a stick in your ass.

You haven't taken a shit in decades. No need to blame trans people for that. So here's a few of the exact words from the cowardly lioness. Quote, We know how major corporations are. They're scared to death of anything that isn't politically correct.

If we don't keep the pressure on Target, this is going to spread like wildfire. The poop? We will not be able to go to the bathroom anywhere. End quote. And she also may have added, Pena! Something like that.

And look, what makes this so disingenuous is the fact that she was publicly spewing shit when she said that, right? It was like the all cretins are liars of public defecation. So, I'm not sure how this applies to sandy rios herself though i'm as i understand it lions tigers and bears have been shitting in the woods for millennia but as for all the human religious assholes i suppose

they're going to need some uh miscegenated bathrooms of their own that make it possible for them to continue excreting stuff and of, they're going to need some clever names and slogans. Well, damn, won't they? Let's go ahead and put 30 seconds on the clock. Ideas for the Christian accessible restroom. Go. All right. How about the bigot spigot, where it's OKKK to shit on equality?

What about the Gospel John holy water closet, where it's always a straight flush? Oh, no, that's clever. I like that. Um, how about the Craptismal Font? Don't worry, it had fecal matter in it already. Because remember, we did the story about... They always do. They always do.

Always poop in them. Um, what about the Ciscer Pisser Cis Pool? It's better to be cist off than cist on. Oh, shit, that works on so many levels. How about one for the Holy Roman catheters? How about the Vatican City litter box? While you're digging into other people's shit anyway. I could be the slogan.

What about Badeus Ex Machina? Jesus tells us to spray it forward. Or up, in this case. Well, you've got to have anti-trans celebrity endorsement so how about St. Paul Stahls from Squirt Shilling I miss Eli he thinks he's running for president

that he does what about the holy shitter cracking the da Vinci commode oh there you go the hottie potty because some people can maintain an unearned era of superiority even when they're buckshot in last night's enchilada. I certainly can. All right, I got one more.

What about one more time? The Holy Shitter, Defa-Caitlin on the left, Deuce-Cheddar on the right. Oh, nice. Well done. Thank you. I see there's all kind of bigotry in that one. Awesome. And while we solemnly reflect on all kind of bigotry in that one. Awesome. And while we solemnly reflect on all the poop jokes we missed because of Eli's honeymoon,

we'll close out the headlines for the night. Heath, thanks as always. Shoot the ladders. And when we come back, I'll be beaming with pride at the constraint I exhibited by not using a load-based turd joke to segue to my interview with Jake and Hugo of The Bible Repooped. Fuck. Never mind.

You got it. Overestimated myself. It's The Bible Reloaded. The Bible Reloaded. The Bible Repooped. Fuck, never mind. You got it. Overestimated myself. It's The Bible Reloaded. I'm very excited to welcome my next guest to the show. Jake and Hugo are best known as the producers of The Bible Reloaded YouTube channel, though I'm sure there are a few Christian filmmakers that better know them as those meddling Kids. Jake, Hugo, welcome to The Scathing Atheist. Thank you. Thanks for having us on. Producers, that makes our job sound like more than just dick jokes. We're so official now.

I try new shit on my business card constantly. Right now it's choreographer. I choreograph this show. Nice. Now, obviously I invited you guys on to discuss your current legal circumstances. But before we get into all of that shit, can you tell us a little bit about the channel? What do you guys do on the Bible Reloaded other than just dick jokes? Not that that's not enough. Well, we are an atheist Bible study. And so far, we've gone from Genesis and straight through into Ecclesiastes.

We're almost done and on to Song of Songs, which is the sexiest part of the Bible. We also do other stuff on the channel like Chick Tracks, which are little Christian evangelical comic books that if you haven't seen them, good for you. But if you have, you know that they're usually cancerous. And then we also do movie reviews and then some other stuff. But the movie reviews are really, those are our big ticket items. We only do like one or two a month, and they tend to do pretty well in the views category. And they get us in the most trouble. Yeah, yeah. So I guess this would be about the right time to introduce the villain of this story. So can you tell us, who are the uh cristiano brothers well it's funny we didn't even tackle any of

their movies for like the first year we were doing movie reviews because at least in part they've been known in the past to be sort of copyright trolls who go after reviews of their material but eventually we decided you know what screw it let's go ahead and do one of their movies because they are very funny to watch oh yeah so we did which movie was oh it was matter of faith it was matter of faith which uh uh all the guys uh already know about i watched uh when you were with seth andrews i watched you guys bullshit about that so you know how bad that is oh yeah and honestly it is the best cristiano brothers movie i've ever seen yeah no kidding anyway so we did that review.

And as we do with our reviews, we use some clips and still images, as a lot of people on the Internet do. Like, for instance, the more popular ones like Nostalgia Critic and stuff. But a while after we did that, it might have been a couple weeks or a month. I don't quite remember at this point. But we got a DMCA notice saying they took the video down and gave us a copyright strike on the video. And if anyone out there doesn't know how copyright strikes on youtube work what essentially happens is a company will come forward and say we believe this video is using our material so please youtube take it down and give them a strike the strike on

our channel it's a three strike system or at least it was at the time i believe it's up to four now first strike it limits your ability how long the videos can be they can't be longer than 15 minutes which for us is crippling right because all our videos are longer than 15 minutes. The only videos we do shorter than that are like announcement videos or bullshit like that. And you also can't do live streams, and it limits your ability to contact YouTube support and stuff. But anyway. Okay, that's – by the way, that's my least favorite part about the strike. You get a strike, and they're like, by the way, you're dead to us.

Okay, so now I've actually been on the giving end of this. But for those people who aren't familiar, what exactly is – you said DMCA? Right. DMCA stands for Digital Millennium Copyright Act. And there's actually a DMCA notice that gets sent. It's an official legal notice that says, hey, as a representative of the company that owns the copyright on whatever material you may be covering, we believe you have unlawfully against our wishes used to that material. So take it down. It's like it's an official legal document basically that says, hey, stop it. Right, right. Now, I, of course, don't know anything at all about these laws, but can the studio restrict you as to which clips you can and can't use, which images you can and can't use, or is it just like a limit to the percentage of their material that you can use?

It's more like a balance. Yeah, it's a balance. It's the amount. It's the way in which it's used. They couldn't ever say, hey, you can't specifically use this clip to review or comment it if it's under fair use and if it's a reasonable amount if that makes sense like if i just spoilers aren't a thing that you can like you could show whatever i could like if i showed like 30 minutes of a movie without any commentary and then said one sentence after that's not fair use but no matter what the clip is or what the context is if i use a small portion i'm using it to dissect or review or educate or commentary, humor or satire are all things that are covered under fair use. Okay, so you get a DCMA notice from them saying that you've done something that you haven't done. So what's the process for you?

You just go back to YouTube and say bullshit or? Well, there are a couple ways you can go about it. You can go through YouTube and you can file what's known as a counter DMCA. So that's normally how it goes. Now, this was different with the Cristiano brothers. We actually were DMCA'd by their social media representative who we've come to call the pirate guy, which I'll explain a little later why we call him that. But in this case, we actually got their email address and emailed them and said, hey, this falls under fair use. I explained fair use a little bit and said, please take the strike down.

He refused, saying, no, take down the video and I'll remove the strike. And by the way, I would like to say that in the community, this specific guy, pirate guy, that works on behalf of the Cristiano film group as their social media rep and also their DMCA giver-outer, which I'm sure he has on his business card. He has the same tactic every time. We know several people, most notably Brad Jones, the cinema snob, who when he went to dispute the DMCA, the guy goes, no, delete the video. This is wrong. video, this is wrong, and he just is really bullheaded about it and basically forces smaller channels into compliance with bully tactics by saying, no, this is false.

This is DMCA abuse. This is you're not in fair use. You don't know what fair use is. Delete your shit or I'm going to keep the DMCA on your account. Right, and whether or not he's doing it legitimately, for most people, it's just so much easier to delete the video. Right. And like you said, with these smaller channels, it's a couple of thousand views or something like that that they're sacrificing. So I get that. I get why most people capitulate. But then, of course, I also get why you wouldn't.

Right. Well, we finally after those three days of talking and it actually took a while because for like two days, he absolutely would not respond to me no matter how many emails I sent. And I didn't get to the point of like harassing him. I sent like one or two emails a day saying, hey, we need to deal with this until it got to the point where his name was in the emails. I looked him up on his Facebook page. And this is a person, the pirate guy. This is how I found out he's pirate guy. He is way into pirates. He does sort of pirate

LARPing, if you don't know what LARPing is, it's live action role playing. If you don't know what LARPing is, you're probably not listening to our show, so no worries there. That's fair. And their Facebook picture is them in a pirate outfit. The thing is, though, it doesn't

look like they're at a pirate convention. It looks like it's just him in a pirate thing with his friends. Which is showing up at the bar, huh? is, though, it doesn't look like they're at, like, a pirate convention. It looks like it's just him and a pirate thing with, like, his friends. Yeah, which is showing up at the bar, huh? Right, yeah. And you know what? If you're a person who likes to dress like a pirate, that's cool, but that guy was a jerk. So, pirate guy. Anyway, so we talked for days with this guy, arguing back and forth, until finally we got in contact with actually Dave Cristiano,

who's one of the founding members of the Cristiano film Group, as you might imagine, based on the name. And Dave was actually a really nice guy. I explained fair use to him. We had discussions for a while. We talked about the movies they do. And he basically, at the end of the day, said, OK, fine, we'll release the video. So he told Pirate Guy to do so. And even after that, Pirate Guy was incredibly belligerent.

He seemed super mad that Dave gave in. Yeah. Which was hilarious. His pride got hurt a little bit, I think. Yeah. But after that happened, everything seemed all right for a couple months. We continued to do their movies. We actually, for their movies, because Dave was a nice guy, I told them,

Hey, we won't use clips of your movies. We'll use still images. Even though legally we're not required to. But he seemed to be bothered by it and he was a nice guy. So as a show of like, hey, it's cool. It was a mistake on the part of your employee at that point. That's what I believed. It was a good faith move

basically. We were like, we don't want to deal with this shit. We will do your movies. He really didn't care that we were doing the movies at all, just we were using clips and um we got a similar um reaction from ray comfort actually it was like hey you can just review whatever you want because uh living waters dmc at us at one point you guys interact with all the best people yeah it sounds like well ray comfort sent hugo a gift basket yeah he did and to apologize for the false for that false DMCA, which was separate, he did send me a fruit basket. It was nice.

Good array. Eli licked him in the heat and still didn't get a fruit basket. Holy shit. I'm going to let him know when he gets back from his honeymoon. He's going to be pissed. Yeah, and so we go on and we did months later. Was it four months or something, three and a half? Four or five months, yeah.

Yeah, we sit down to record, and I get an email that pops up. I get all the business emails on my phone, and it's from YouTube. And usually when you get an email from YouTube, it's bad news bears. Right. It's not a good day. So every time I've gotten an email from YouTube, especially when it says, like, hey, DMCA shit, it usually says, oh, and by the way, you're fucked and we hate your face. But this time it actually said, hey, Cristiano Film Group DMCA'd you five times. Here's a list of the five videos.

And it said, now, we think you fall under fair use, so we're not going to do anything to your account. But I just want you – we just want you to know that here's the DMCAs that they filed. This is unprecedented. I've never seen this from any of our peers during a DMCA. I've never seen YouTube go, you know what? That sounds like bullshit. Well, and you posted this email from YouTube online, and I just have to point out to the listeners that, you know, they're saying you have the full video of like 90-minute movies in 25-minute videos. Yeah, yeah.

It's not like they were really trying here. No. Three of them are the reviews we did um with the still images which absolutely fall under fair use there is absolutely zero excuse for that in the first place but then two of the videos weren't even movie reviews they were the videos in which we were talking about the previous incident with the pirate guy and the emails so this guy waited months must have been seizing every night he must have went went to bed with angry images of Jake and I in his head until one day he just snaps

and sends his five DMCA's all at once with the intention of shutting our channel down because if you did get five DMCA's at once and they were all strikes it would shut your channel down. I imagined him sitting there typing angrily like shifting his pirate hat.

He can't do home row because one of his hands is a hook oh it's just yeah it's it was lift up the patch to see the other side too yeah it's super pain in the ass all right so now i've had to file a view of these because i've had people like put our whole uh podcast up on on youtube or something like that but but the reason i bring it up is because when you do that youtube is very. It's like you are filing a legal action here. If you falsify this information, you've committed a crime. They're very, very clear about that. It's perjury.

Yeah. It's considered perjury, which is not great if you remember Bill Clinton. He got away with it, though. He was okay in the end. You can lie about blowjobs, okay? Believe me, I know. Believe me, I know. Also, the way it's done, it's considered harassment.

The way that this guy did it specifically in this case to us, the five DMCAs, the repeated offense, the fact that they have had a back and forth before about this issue, and that we have all come to an agreement on how to go about doing their movies in the future. And this is not the first time we've been kind of bullied by corporations. We've won every DMCA counter notification that we've filed. But this is the first time that someone's really stepped over the line and tried to genuinely try to take our livelihoods from us. All right. So what's the next step for you guys? What are you doing to fight back? Well, right now we've talked to a lawyer. It's actually a lawyer

that's associated with FUPA. If you don't know what FUPA is, it's the Fairest Protection Account. And it was actually started by H3H3, which is another YouTuber who's going through DMCA legal woes. And we talked to them, and we decided to move forward with a lawsuit against the Cristiano Brothers for the DMCAs for a myriad of other things that we can't be very specific because you know how lawsuits are. treatment not just to us but to all youtubers who fall under fair use and are using material rightfully under the law and we're sick of companies getting away with breaking the law to try and censor people who don't like the things that they produce so we actually started a go funding which is going amazingly well so far for our legal defense or for for our legal what's the word i'm looking for jake well uh filings war chest i think yeah sure sure for our legal – what's the word I'm looking for, Jake? Filings? Warchest, I think. Yeah, sure.

Call Warchest. Sure. For our legal filings. And right now, as of today, it's up to $71,435. I haven't looked today. I got a puppy, so I didn't look. All right. So now I'm sure a lot of our listeners are going to see that and think, wow, that's a lot of fucking money. Why would you need that much?

So how is that money being used? Why would you guys need that much money for this for this suit so uh when we actually got to talk to the lawyer uh we discussed uh you know what are we going to need and h3h3 who is um again they're one of the the top youtubers that are going through this same stuff right now although they're kind of the yin to our yang, where they're on the defensive and we're on the offensive, which is actually why we can't use the Fair Use Protection account, because they're intending it for

defenses, while this would have worked had they shut our channel down, but we're going on the offensive. But it's the same lawyer that works in that field, and he works specifically with the digital copyright stuff. So it's specialized because this isn't – it's not the same as like someone reproduced a book. It's got more nuance to it.

So it's – what it is is they could – if they appeal, they can outsp and and kind of just just stonewall us that way so basically what this is is this is we're fronting all of this uh uh through the uh the go fund me um to make sure that we have enough money to continue to pay under any circumstances other than a supreme court thing which let's be, this isn't going to the Supreme Court. And because we're so worried about, well, not necessarily worried, we're more inclined towards the precedent that we want to set rather than a settlement. Yeah, so it is going to court when they get served. It's going to have to go through all these things. And because we're spread around the country and because they're a film group and the brothers don't live together like it's it's all around so the the travel costs are going to be interesting um hopefully we we we pay 10 grand and it's over immediately and they lose super fast and

we get the damages whatever that could be uh precedent right now for every false dmca is up to like 120 000 i can't imagine we get that. Our personal damages don't reach that. But what we want to do is set precedent because I don't think we can monetarily hurt them enough. It's basically going to be legal fees and whatever damages were awarded. Well, ultimately, too, if it's just the damages to them, it's just this one abuser of this policy. It's not setting a precedent that is going to affect all the people who would just bully the little guy because they can outspend him in court. Exactly.

We'd happily be Cristiano the Bible Reloaded and be referenced in these cases in the future because it is a big issue. And so basically the idea is and we obviously we can't we don't have any like real figures at this point like none of the money is actually mine or ours until the end of this whole

thing for all intents and purposes lawyer money right now and a lot of the whole legal team um so until then we can't really make anything concrete but the idea is put it right back into the system help other people and of course we can't really make anything concrete, but the idea is put it right back into the system, help other people. And of course we can't commit a specific monetary value to that, but we would really like to help more people because all of our peers basically have run into this. And as nice it would be to take the money and run to Guam and smoke weed every day and live on an island. This is our job, and we love it, and we wouldn't alienate the fan base that way. So yeah, we're going to – whatever damages are ours are ours and whatever. I'm going to throw out the – 70 grand would buy a lot of weed in Guam.

I'm just – Yeah, it would buy a lot of weed in Guam. I'm just for a friend. It would buy a lot, like coma weed. Basically, we can't disclose most of the financial information until after the trial. But after that point, yeah, right back in, at least most of it. And of course, keep in mind

that if we got 100 grand and split it between the two of us, they would rape us on taxes. So I don't want to keep that money. I would have to go to Guam if I kept that money. Actually, that's a U.S. territory. No, can't do it. Yeah, no, that wouldn't help you either. Obviously, we have a little bit of skin in the game as well.

We do a lot of Cristiano Brothers movies. We do a lot of movies from other production companies that could certainly outspend us in court. We transfer this stuff to YouTube. So this matters to a lot of people outside of your channel and outside of our little circle

of atheist shows and entertainment. Obviously, this has big ramifications all the way, you know, kind of all the way down the board. Now, I know that with an ongoing legal action, there is a lot of stuff that you can and can't talk about.

But while I've got you here, is there anything libelous or slanderous that you would like to say about Dave Cristiano specifically? No, see, that's the worst part. He seemed like such a nice guy. He did. But, like, dude, get your employee. Pirate guy can eat my dick, though. You pirate guy. All right.

Pirate guy can eat my dick, though. Don't eat pirate guy. All right. So, of course, if anybody wants to help out, we're going to have a link to Jake and Hugo's GoFundMe on the show notes for this episode. Like I said, if you enjoy what we do, if you enjoy what they do, this is very important. There are way too many. It is way too easy for a big company to bully a podcast or a YouTube channel or something like that. If you listen to the Skeptic's Guide, obviously, just saw them go through the same thing on the other end.

Of course, we'd love to have you guys back on to give us an update once this is really underway, once you can talk about a little bit more of it as well. Sure. I'd love to. Keep in mind, if you guys get sued after we win the trial, we could probably help you out. There you go. Just don't let Eli hear that

or he'll be trying to get our asses sued. I swear, as soon as he heard that the Cristiano brothers were like super litigious, he's like, let's do second glance. He's like yelling things at him. Sue me, bitch. Sue me through the whole episode. So keep in mind, it could be worse. All right.

Well, obviously, of course, if the listeners haven't heard enough from Jake and Hugo, you can find their YouTube channel linked on the show notes for this episode right below that GoFundMe link. Guys, thanks again for fighting the good fight, and thanks for joining me today. Thanks for having us on. Before we stomp on the glass tonight, I want to toss one last congrats to the newlyweds. Eli will be taking one more week off from the show next week, but he'll be back in episode 186 with dick jokes just welling up in him and dying to get out. Also want to wish my hetero life mate Heath Enright a happy birthday.

He's going to be celebrating yet another successful solar circumnavigation on Saturday. Apparently he's turning one of those ages that starts with T, and that's all the information he's given up. But happy birthday, bro. Anyway, that's all the blasphemy we've got for you tonight. We'll be back in 10,022 minutes with more. If you can't wait that long, be on the lookout for a brand new episode of our sister show's Hot Friend Godawful Movies, debuting on Tuesday at 8 a.m. Eastern Time.

And if even that's too long to wait, be sure to subscribe to us on YouTube for bonus nuggets of scatheism along the way. Also, if you want to just share a segment of the show, you'll find those on YouTube all neatly divided for you. Obviously, I'd lose my podcaster's card if I didn't thank Heath Enright for carrying at least 50% of Eli's load this week, and I don't need to tell you that's a mighty big load. I need to thank the lovely Lucinda Lusions for not being hardened to a vitriolic misanthropist

by doing this week in misogyny for so long. Another big thanks to Jake and Hugo for hanging out. Again, if you want to support their efforts, you'll find a link on the show notes. Also want to thank Dave from Philadelphia for being the first to answer our call for more Farnsworth quotes. But most of all, of course, I need to thank this week's most benevolent bipeds, Jeffrey Bryan, J.R., Andrew, Adam, Jeff, Eric, Nicholas, Pete, the Apostate, Trent, Justin, Michael, Ray Comfort, Mark, Jesse, Kirsten, Glenn, and Michael.

Jeffrey, Brian, J.R., Andrew, Adam, and Jeff, whose cocks could have told astronomers what was floating around Proxima Centauri if they'd bothered to ask. Eric, Nicholas, Pete, the Apostate, Trent, Justin, and Michael, whose cock rings could collide hadrons if they wanted to. And Ray, Comfort, Mark, Jesse, Kirsten, Glenn, and Michael, whose IQs have more digits than most people's have points. Together, these 18 apexes of atheistic agency aided our aim at the Abrahamic anuses this week by giving us money.

If you, too, believe that we're only a few dick jokes shy of the whole religious edifice crumbling around us, you can make a per-episode donation at patreon.com slash scathingatheist, whereby you'll earn early access to an extended edition of every episode along with other stuff, or you can make a one-time donation by clicking on the Donate button on the right side of the homepage at scathingatheist.com. If you have questions, comments, or death threats, you'll find all the contact info on the contact page at skatingatheist.com. All the music used in this episode was written and performed by yours truly, and yes, I did have my permission.

The preceding podcast was a production of Puzzle in a Thunderstorm, LLC, copyright 2016, all rights reserved.