The Scathing Atheist - ScathingAtheist 186: Saint Misbehavin' Edition

Episode Date: September 8, 2016

In this week’s episode, the movie Room becomes a religious documentary, Kevin Sorbo masters a British aphasia accent for an upcoming role, and the Quran continues to be a guy not knowing when to just go with “et cetera.” Click Here to make a per episode donation at Patreon.com Click Here to buy our book. Click Here to check out The Skepticrat. Click Here to check out God Awful Movies. Guest Links: Click Here to check out Eli on the Left of the Valley podcast Click Here to learn more about our upcoming live record at QED Click Here to hear more of Andrew Torrez on the Opening Arguments podcast. Headlines: Indiana mother whips fuck out of kid; cites RFRA in her defense: http://www.patheos.com/blogs/progressivesecularhumanist/2016/08/indiana-mom-cites-bible-in-child-abuse-defense/ Iceland government will uncover rock to make elves happy http://www.patheos.com/blogs/friendlyatheist/2016/08/31/icelands-government-will-uncover-an-enchanted-rock-to-appease-the-elves-seriously/ Campaign lawyer thinks a cloud means God wants Trump to be president: http://www.patheos.com/blogs/friendlyatheist/2016/09/04/donald-trumps-lawyer-heres-a-cloud-that-looks-like-trump-so-god-must-be-sending-a-message/ Pastor resurrected dead woman by texting through facebook http://www.patheos.com/blogs/friendlyatheist/2016/09/02/christian-pastor-i-resurrected-a-dead-woman-by-sending-a-text-message-through-facebook/ Christian charity that rejected atheist money now begging for money  (lead) http://www.patheos.com/blogs/friendlyatheist/2016/09/02/christian-charity-that-rejected-huge-donation-from-atheists-is-now-extremely-behind-on-funds/ Guys things ad featuring muslim is illegal promotion of islam http://www.patheos.com/blogs/friendlyatheist/2016/08/31/oklahoma-man-says-library-ad-featuring-muslim-woman-is-illegal-promotion-of-islam/ Sorbo to play atheist apostate: http://www.patheos.com/blogs/friendlyatheist/2016/08/30/kevin-sorbos-next-project-a-film-about-the-worlds-greatest-atheist-converting-to-christianity/

Warning, the following podcast just gets more vulgar from here, and even in this warning, I'm probably going to say fuck. This week's episode of The Scathing Atheist is brought to you by the new Connoisseur's Magazine Guide to Transubstantiated Jesus Blood. It's Sacramental Wine Spectator. Tired of using boxes of Franzia for your Catholic services? Looking for the perfect pairing to go with magical Triscuits. Can't decide what's the best year?

Well, it's 33 AD, and we've got lots of other fun facts, too. Sacramento Wine Spectator. The best way to impress a 14-year-old girl with your wine knowledge on a Sunday morning. And now, the Scathing Atheist. Greetings and salutations from Canada. I am Kevin, the host of the Left of the Valley radio podcast. Now I know you Yanks think that Canadians are igloo-dwelling maple syrupy ice holes, spawned from the unholy alliance of polar bears and beavers. But in fact, we too evolve from filthy monkey men.

It's Thursday. It's football. And John Kasich got mad at the wrong fictional wizard. I'm no illusions. I'm Eli Bosnick. I'm Heath Enright. And from New York, New York, and Secret Lair, Pennsylvania,

this is The Scathing Atheist. On this week's episode, the movie Room becomes a religious documentary. Kevin Sorbo masters a British aphasia accent for an upcoming role. And the Quran continues to be a guy not knowing where to just go with it, etc. But first, the diatribe. You know, Christianity could make my job a lot harder

if they would just stop venerating horrible shit. They venerate a God that throws baby-drowning temper tantrums and condemns adolescent girls to sex slavery. They venerate a savior who violently loses his shit at the forex, then takes his anger issues out on innocent date trees. They venerate a book that endorses slavery, child abuse, homophobia, witch hunting, genocide, and the list goes on and on. I mean, there are moral books out there. If you just took a book at random, you know, if they said, okay, we're going to switch to this new one now, ready player one is the inerrant word of God. It's almost impossible that they would land on a less moral book in this scenario of course one way

or the other that would be bad you know one way or the other saying hey this set of claims over here is sacred and can't be questioned that's going to lead you down a bad road and we'd have to push back against it but they could at least try to make it hard on us by starting with better shit like how about any of the books that doesn't endorse murdering gay people? Any of them. And almost all of them don't when you come right down to it. And, you know, whenever I air this complaint, some people accuse me of, you know, trying to fight last millennia's battles. A lot of religions defenders would rightly point out that even the biblical literalists

aren't taking the Bible literally. They may pretend that they believe in Noah's Ark, but even Ken Ham stops short of stoning his kids to death for disobedience. You know, they would point out that the Bible has stayed the same, but the interpretation has evolved. And the stuff that Christians venerate today is much less morally reprehensible, which is a claim that'd be a lot easier to take seriously if they hadn't just made a saint out of Mother Motherfucking Teresa. Now, I want to start with an apology, because I know a lot of you already know what a sadistic fuck Mother Teresa was, and I'm not going to sum it up any better than Hitchens did,

but I'm amazed how often I come across people, even in the secular world, who still seem to think that this miserable bitch was some kind of moral icon. So let's start at the beginning. For all practical purposes, the legend of Mother Teresa begins in 1969 when some documentarian doesn't realize his DP is using an experimental low-light film stock. He sees some shots later inside a dark orphanage that look really well lit and decides it can only be a miracle from heaven, the divine light of God radiating from Mother Teresa.

And that's too stupid to believe, but whatever. It allows him to market his documentaries containing the first miracle ever captured on film, so he ran with it. And of course, the Catholic Church's PR machine was cool with that. Keep in mind that they knew about all the kid fucking even way back when. So anything to keep everybody's eyes on Calcutta, right? So they promoted this nun as like the paragon of virtue and charity. And they were so damn successful that when I first heard Hitch talking shit about her, I was like, dude, come on.

You're fighting a losing battle here. I mean, the phrase blank is no Mother Teresa, but that was common parlance and it was by no means limited to Catholics. In 1979, she wins the Nobel Peace Prize for, quote, work undertaken in the struggle to overcome poverty and distress, end quote, which is the exact opposite of what she actually did. By her own admission, she had no interest in ending poverty or alleviating suffering since both of those things bring a person closer to God. Her legacy isn't one of engaging in charity, it's one of perverting charity and subverting charity. She drew in volunteers and donations under the guise of altruism, sure, but her goal wasn't to help people, it was to make Christians,

specifically to make poor and suffering Christians. By the time she died in 1997. She was running over 500 missions. In 100 different countries. And by all credible accounts. The conditions in those places were deplorable. More than one objective reporter. Compared them to concentration camps.

Stories of kids tied to their beds. Dying people given nothing but aspirin. And baptisms that they didn't ask for. Hypodermic needles being rinsed in cold water and then reused, expired medicines being administered to patients, people shitting on the floor for lack of anywhere else to do it. I'm not talking about some Victorian-era mental asylum here. This shit was going on the year I got married.

And look, we have this tendency to imagine medical facilities in really poor countries, and we're inclined to forgive that lack of sanitation, right? We're inclined to say, well, shit, you know, they're making do. But that was not the case with St. Ratchet's Hospitals. Her charity had more than enough money to provide, if not modern care, at least much better care. But she chose not to because in her words, quote, there is something beautiful in seeing the poor accept their lot to suffer it like Christ's passion. The world gains much from their suffering. End quote. She literally chose not to give painkillers to people in pain because

dying of cancer brought them closer to Jesus. Now, of course, by all accounts, she wasn't quite as committed to this suffering shit when it was her turn to die. Apparently, she was plenty close enough to Jesus already. So when her ticker started to go she treated herself to top flight medical treatment in the good old us of a so implied in the whole how awesome or miserable poor people thing is an unspoken addendum about it being way more awesome if you don't have to be one of them this fucking cunt took money from fascist dictators she took money from notorious frauds she diverted hundreds of millions of dollars of charitable donations for some global Tuskegee experiment with only the control group. She was basically a demon overlord shy of being a

Lovecraft villain and this person they call a saint. Now, you know what? Let's set aside the absurdity of the whole process of canonization for the time being because I'll run out of breath eventually. But suffice to say, in order to take it seriously, you have to believe that a picture of Mother Teresa shot a magical laser into a lady and excised a tumor that her doctor said she never had. So even if they do manage to find a Catholic worth praising, they have to taint their legacy with some credulous investigation of a crazy person's miracle claim.

The end result is mainstream news outlets pretending to take claims of posthumous wizardry seriously for the purposes of a fluff piece about a fanatical sadist. I mean, this can't possibly be the best they have, can it? I'm sure the average Catholic has fewer skeletons in their closet than this morally perverse sell it. But I guess for the people making decisions that the Vatican didn't rape any kids that we know of seems like a pretty high bar to clear. at the Vatican didn't rape any kids that we know of. Seems like a pretty high bar to clear. So they'll call her a saint, despite the fact that she is to humanitarians what the Bible is to codes of ethics. Joining me for headlines tonight are the spic and span of secularism, Heath Enright

and Eli Bosnick. Fellas, who wants to be the duration and who wants to be the racial epithet eli you said your laptop was off how would he know that it was that's the screensaver in our lead story tonight apparently i didn't get myself worked up into a sufficient rage talking about that leathery sadist in the diatribe because i'm going to start the headlines off with an evil bitch that beat her kid with a coat hanger for jesus all right, so this story started back in February when Indiana resident Kin Pat Yang was arrested for felony abuse and neglect of her seven-year-old son. Her defense at the time was the opposite of the devil made me do it, citing Proverbs 23, 13, and 14 and Samuel Butler, but she meant Proverbs 13, 24.

Well, as it turns out, her lawyer has elected to run with her the voices in my head have no reason to lie argument, citing Indiana's notorious RFRA bill in her defense and documents filed last week. Yeah, there is no Satan made me do it, but there is a God made me do it law. So let's use that one. I feel like this lawyer probably should have spent time not thinking of extra creative defenses of this woman. You know, maybe get a hobby, ping pong.

I hear that's fun. Ping pong's fun. Also, if you are going to get creative like that, at least have better timing. I mean, Adrian Peterson turned out to be a huge bust for me in the 2014 draft. This really doesn't help anyone at this point in a serious way. I'm serious about this. All felony fantasy league. You have points for unpunished felonies. Wave of the future.

Kind of like fantasy league. I call unpunished felonies wave of the future anyway kind of like fantasy league i call swimmers i call swimmers first overall now i want to preempt the defense because i know i'm going to get an email or two bitching at me for using such an extreme example because yes you know this woman's probably mentally ill or whatever and yeah she's probably going to be punished for this regardless of her invocation of riffra and some people will say hey you know what there's enough bad shit about religion that you don't have to go reporting on every extreme example of a crazy person that does a crazy thing and then says God afterwards. But among the bad things about religion is the part where they hand a book to crazy people that says beat your kids real good and then tell them that demons will eat their flesh

for eternity if they don't obey it. Yeah. And if I can add to that, the problem is if this woman had said the chicken bones fell this way and that's why i hit my kid she'd be getting the treatment she needs but because both medically and societally there are bullshit rules about religious delusion it's even more important to talk about again both from a caring humanistic health care perspective and a go fuck yourself religion perspective they work both ways absolutely and also with the chicken bones at least some of the time it tells you not to

physically abuse your child right bible's a hundred percent i mean point being if we're not going to poison all the bibles with green vapor like the original plan and honestly i like the original plan but if that's not happening i think it needs like a built-in spinner on the Bible or like a magic eight ball or something. Like, should I throw my child against these rocks? Huh. Doubtful. Okay. Like, that would improve things at least somewhat.

That actually would. Yes. You're lucky this shit says ask again later, Timmy. Put my belt back. And in man, it's nice to talk about silly religious news from Scandinavia news tonight. Despite being in the top 10 most atheist countries in the world, Iceland ventured into the public eye this week to prove what everyone who has an aunt who's into crystal healing will tell you. Just because you don't believe in God doesn't mean you can't believe in silly, silly shit. Yeah.

Okay. I feel like that was directed at me. Is that your way of telling me I should finally go see a doctor about the Lyme disease? Not at all. Not at all. Using your legs is overrated. Okay. It's been fun.

So what silly shit do I mean? Elves. And I'm going to say that again because I don't believe it. Elves. Elves. Yes. elves elves yes last week the mergen bladed daily reported that a construction project on a highway in regvik had to be delayed while a sacred elven stone was uncovered you know i feel like the whole series really went downhill with the backhoes of shannara

the backhoes of shannara is my erotic lot lizard slash dwarven erotic fantasy fiction. Well, right. And it went downhill from there. I don't mind saying. I didn't want notes. Anyways, the head of this construction company, Sven Zepfheiserson, who works for the Boss Road Construction Company, told the paper his woes began in August in 2015 in Shigurjufurka. Fuck you.

Fuck you. That word is spelled S-I-G-L-U-F-J-O-R-D-U-R. It's a made up fucking language. How did that evolve? Huh? Huh, John McWhorter? Cavemen all had a mouthful of taffy for a thousand years? I bet they all speak English when we leave.

Sorry. Sorry. Sorry. Anyways, the woes began when in the process of doing some work on a highway, an earth slide covered up the, quote, elfin lady stone, end quote. Lady, what? Okay, but don't they have statues of Bjork

like all over the place? How important could this one be? Really? Well, and also I don't want this to slip by here. Important detail. If a dude ever elects to attribute a gender to a rock, it's because he fucked it. So clearly, that's how this started. Dude's boss caught him fucking a rock.

He's about to fire him. So Svein introduces the fucking Icelandic riff or whatever. And he says, I sincerely believe that it is a lady rock. And she consented. And then it all just spirals out of control from there i see how i see how we get there this is what we're looking at indiana it's the it's the russian floating sex doll angel of iceland everyone just keeps playing along okay so listen to this once the stone was covered the road flooded

machinery broke down a contractor was injured and a visiting reporter fell into a mud pool and had to be pulled to safety. And with the evidence of this is just stuff that happens when you work around mud and shit not being sufficient, the project was halted so that the rock could be, and I seriously quote, subsequently cleaned with a pressure washer last week. End quote. Okay, well, I think they could use this as an opportunity to test out the elf magic theory. Like, just clean off the rock almost all the way and see if someone, like, twists an ankle or cracks a nail. Then you know what you're dealing with. That's science. Isolate some variables just the image of some poor guy standing there spraying down a magic rock just like really

really spent yeah man just wash off the rock we're just this has all gotten way out of hand by the way off the subject here but somebody remind me to ask and Andrew if riffra applies to elf and lady crack. Oh, I hear Andy sells that to kids. It's true. It's true. Luckily for Iceland, the elves don't seem to care who gay people marry, who gets health care or tell people to hit their kids. So I'm going to go ahead and offer swapsies. Leave out some bread or milk for him. Come on.

Who's in it? Do this. And in cloudy with a chance of lunatic fucking president news tonight, we have a follow up on a story from two weeks ago about how God communicates like an emotionally disturbed five year old with no language skills. Much like Donald Trump, who is also part of the story. much like Donald Trump, who is also part of the story. And, of course, I'm talking about how the creator of the universe likes to draw vague shapes in the clouds

in order to send out important information. And one of his latest messages told us that Donald Trump is going to be the next president. Definitely, definitely, definitely going to be president. I want to watch Wapner. I want to watch Wapner. In 10 minutes. Okay, so here's the timeline of events. Last time we saw this happen, God drew the shape of Louisiana, sort of, a little bit,

which was clearly taunting the people who lived there during the terrible floods they brought upon themselves with butt sacks. That one makes perfect sense. Yeah. I get it. But this time it's a little bit trickier. It appears that God drew a side profile of Donald Trump's face. And that's why Trump's lawyer, Michael Cohen, who, by the way, looks like Jeffrey Tambor fucked a copy of Atlas Shrugged, he tweeted about how he's working for god's chosen candidate now uh so for

those of you who don't remember michael cohen is the says who guy yeah that's a few weeks ago so being super skeptical about all the polls does not preclude getting magic messages from yawa in the clouds for those keeping track well and to be fair nate silver isn't even factoring in cloud omens because he's a communist and a jew that hates jesus yeah polls plus clouds isn't even an option on five three no no exactly you're never gonna get a job with rasmussen if you don't learn the latest indicators all right so anyway uh one guy really loves that right now. Rest moose and poles. Anyway, so here's what we got from Michael Cohen.

He sent out the image of the cloud along with the following caption. Quote, in case anyone is unsure as to who will be our next hashtag POTUS, the Lord has chosen the people's messenger. End quote. People's messenger. And I think he's confused because Bernie Sanders isn't even running anymore. Did he mention any wars? Who started them? Nate Silver.

Also, in a related story, if you're wondering who's going to win the contentious house race in Iowa's third district, local pareidoliologists are pretty confident it's going to be Garfield's sidekick, Odie, but wearing a cape. I believe the word is paleontologists. That's what my spell check seems to think. So I'm kind of skeptical about this whole thing. First of all, the picture looks less like donald trump and more like uh abe lincoln getting attacked by a squirrel um i guess i can see the confusion there but but the beard should be a dead giveaway uh let's let's all pay attention next time we tweet out about

clouds also i don't think it's really fair to assume the cloud is trump considering his real life hair is made of condensed water vapors. It's going to lead to a whole bunch of false positives, obviously. And one other problem. Just the other day, I saw a cloud that had a picture of a woman in a pantsuit putting multiple cards into a ballot box in Pennsylvania. So it's really hard to say which way God is leaning at this point. Well, unless you look at poll numbers. Otherwise, it's kind of hard.

Says who? Nate Silver. Okay. That really happened. And in raise you up news tonight, Apostle David E. Taylor, who looks like Stevie Wonder ate the rest of his beard during a famine, made some extra... He really does his ability to heal people through Facebook.

Sure. Yes. According to Joshua Media Ministries' international Facebook page this week david e taylor commanded what i assume is an old asian lady based on the picture on the facebook to come back to life after she had been dead for 40 minutes by quote sending her a text message through facebook end quote i'm guessing he tried to send her an email through twitter and a voicemail through MySpace first But this was the one that did it Eventually he

Probably took a few tries He's got a magical batting average that is not great For example in 2014 This guy David E. Taylor Claimed to have a divine prophecy That the Broncos Would win the Super Bowl later that winter I mean granted He almost came within five touchdowns of being correct in predicting

the overwhelming favorite incorrectly, but it didn't work out. I guess he's been practicing up now if he can resurrect people. So that's good. But also, just for the record, even if Zuckerberg added a resurrect the dead feature here, it would not be worth it for all the goddamn group messages people put you if only two of you are talking why are the other 11 of us tagged in on this shit I'm getting these alerts I'm trying to

fucking drive cut it the fuck out stop writing on he's wall it confuses and frightens him nobody wrote on my wall I do have a rat to to be poster though I have more questions not less I like Patton. According to the Facebook page, the unnamed woman who the ministry refused to allow the Christian Post to interview was dead for 40 minutes before I assume Taylor texted her, hey, cut it out, and she came back to life.

Additionally, according to the Facebook page, her diabetes is now cured okay well that's what i interpret by putting it through google translate what the page says is quote after clinical studies slash they tried not to give her diabetic pill and guess what dash she got healed from her diabetes as well ellipses she doesn't need to take her medication no more and her diabetes pill yeah you're also able to take the cast off her irritable bowel syndrome and she doesn't need an inhaler for her erectile dysfunction anymore so i could use one depends on who's blowing into it I could use one. Depends on who's blown into it.

Yes. I'm not sure if they have that all correct. It sounds like she has the same doctor as Donald Trump, though. It does. And I guess her diabetes test results were all positive. Yeah, might want to clarify. Might want to check with that actually. She's the most physically fit old lady to ever leave this hospital. I'm convinced she's the most physically fit old lady to ever leave this hospital.

And look, before our listeners rush out to call the Ministry for Miracle Healing, which happens to have a phone number on their Facebook page. Just saying. A quick reminder. David E. Taylor, aside from looking like the only black guy in Sgt pepper's lonely hearts club band was he said he really does he really does guys uh was the subject of a financial corruption case last year which our listeners might remember from his fantastic deposition video in which he defended his elaborate spending at high-end clothing stores because quote macy's don't have the kind of suits I wear, end quote. And to be fair, that's true. I've been to

Macy's and they don't sell bandleader uniforms or kindergarten parachutes. Yeah, that's true. And quick, before you put together why Eli was shopping for bandleader uniforms and kindergarten parachutes at the same time, we'll take a quick break and hand things over to my lovely wife, Lucinda.

Well, if the kids would start trusting ice cream men again, I wouldn't need to. Unmarked ice cream. A man wrote the Bible? A whore is what she wants. If it's a legitimate race. A religious slut, right? Cooking can be fun. Hey! I'm proud of a man! This Week in Misogyny.

You ever notice how much harder I go on women in this segment? Well, if you're Phyllis Schlafly's family, you're going to want to fast forward. Because in the words of Aeschylus, there is no disease that I spit on more than treachery. And while there have been many thoughtful, heartfelt posts lately about not speaking ill of the dead in relation to Phyllis's death, none of those were on the scathing atheist. So strap in and strap down because this bitch was my Scalia. speaking ill of the dead in relation to Phyllis's death? None of those were on the scathing atheist. So strap in and strap down because this bitch was my Scalia. And if you don't know who she is, good. Don't find out. Just go ahead and forget her. Please, I'm asking you, speed up the process of this horrible woman's legacy of misogyny and bullshit being forgotten forever so that she can

be really and truly dead. But in case you needed a reminder, she was an anti-feminist, pro-life, anti-gay, bigoted piece of shit who looked like a badly colored inversion of Julie Andrews' corpse. And she spent her whole life saying mean shit so that sexist men had someone with a vag to validate their horrible opinions. Among the many wet, bloody farts that emanated from the baboon asshole she used for a mouth were her oppositions to the Equal Rights Act, gay marriage, evolution being taught in school, a woman's right to choose, and my personal favorite, her denial of the existence of marital rape. Seriously, here's the quote. By getting married, the woman has consented

to sex, and I don't think you can call it rape. She was a miserable, inarticulate, insincere, cowardly whore of a woman who was just too stupid to know or too evil to care what kind of harm she did to women with her backwards-ass opinions. She helped create a legacy of craven anti-feminist, pseudo-intellectual bullshit that lives on in the YouTube comments of the video version of this segment, I'm sure. Fuck you, Phyllis. Fuck your whole fucking life. Fuck you. Fuck every asshole who will repeat your talking points in the name of misunderstood egalitarianism amidst a smelly basement neckbeardy debate on women's rights. But most of all, fuck every woman you inspire to make the world a worse place for women, just so that they can scrape together a modicum of attention under the misappropriated guise of being contrarian or skeptical. You don't deserve the spit that should line your grave. Now, while everyone goes, whoa, Lucinda, and I sing Ding Dong, the Witch is Dead, I'll go ahead and turn you back over to Noah, Heath, and Eli.

Thank you, Lucinda. Don't piss off Lucinda. Good. That's why I just get the purple stuff. She means grape when she says purple stuff. She could hear you. She could hear you. It's all about the Sunny D, man. Is that what we're talking about? Phyllis Schlafly

pickup lines? It's all about the Sunny D. There's no line. You just wait till it gets dark get a shovel and in i sent you the boat in the helicopter news tonight the muro indian children's home who turned down 28 280 dollars from atheist donors last week had one of their staffers reach out on facebook this week to tell her friends that they could really use some money for the children. Yeah. Dear Facebook friends, if all these kids starve, there won't even be any atheist donations

to discriminate against. Our very bigotry is at stake here. Yeah. It's like panhandling for change while Ed McMahon is standing right next to you with a six-foot foot long check. Right. Yeah, but he's an Irish. He's an Irish.

Well, he is. So without any irony at all, this staff member took to Facebook to ask friends, family, and anyone who I assume believes in the correct number of gods, to look into their hearts for the children. Some restrictions may apply. Yeah, yeah, you gotta read the small print. And in their Taking Our Hijabs news tonight, an Oklahoma man is outraged this week because he doesn't understand how equal signs work. This story comes to us from Norman, Oklahoma,

where local resident Chad Grensky is demanding the removal of a picture on a government vehicle because, in his opinion, it illegally promotes religion. And no, this is not another story about some zealot sheriff putting Bible quotes on his squad cars because then the complaint would be sane. No, Grensky is pissed because the woman in this picture is wearing a burqa, thus promoting the religion of Islam by acknowledging that it exists, which brings me to a brand new segment of our show with Andrew that we like like to call nope andrew is admitting something exists the same as illegally promoting it nope thank you andrew and the whole thing is ridiculous because lots of people wear those ironically like i've seen plenty of hipsters and burkas and fucking suspenders with oh yeah raises on like all the

akbar bitches man and most of those people aren't muslim yes i brew my own non-alcoholic beer now according to reports gretzky wants to make it clear that he isn't racist you know the way that people who aren't racists often do before anyone accuses them of racism anyway the way he sees it if you can't have police cars that say Jesus is the Lord on them, you also can't have a picture of a Muslim on a library truck because those things are the same. How would it work with Jews? Would it depend on how Jew-y they work, the black bars over the payas? I don't get it. So apparently you can't have a person that is a religion on an image or an atheist

because then you would be favoring atheists too i guess no babies or dogs it makes it kind of tricky i was thinking um what if there was a picture of a box and it said don't read this there might be a muslim in there that seems fair and even if he looks i feel like the chance to kill the quantum maybe Muslim would sweeten the pot for this guy. It's true. Police cars just start riding around with bumper stickers that say Christians exist on them. Got him. Got him. Don't give many ideas.

Now, the Norman Library is looking for the most diplomatic solution here, and we like to help where we can. So I do have a suggestion. Instead of finding a whole new model for a whole new ad ad we could just find something that could cover up all the parts that chad grensky finds offensive like a like a burka burka of course now i think about that some feminists are gonna get pissed about all of that so we'll have to cover that burka burka up with something and thereby create a whole new industry of forced modesty russian nesting garments boom save the economy you're welcome america right maybe the next bus could just be her being forced by armed police officers to show everyone her tits i'm just spitballing here i'm trying to think of such a frankophile yeah exactly

that gray matter and finally tonight in god's not awful movies news uh that should be the name of kevin sorbo's production company. It should. Or maybe like he's surely at least meh film. Anyway, it appears that Sorbo isn't making enough money as a model for enormous tweed jackets, so his torso

is going to be starring in another god awful movie next year called Let There Be Light. I'm so happy! Apparently it's the story of a famous atheist author having a near-death experience and, of course, becoming a Christian. Oh, shit. Angry atheist professor that sees the light and turns to Jesus.

Angry atheist author that sees the light and turns to Jesus. Is there any role this guy can't play? A lot of rain. It's no accident that he was nominated for one consecutive online film and television association award 20 years ago. That didn't just happen. An actor prepares to

pretend to be smarter than he is. Poorly. According to Kevin's wife, Sam Sorbo, who also stars in this movie and co-wrote the script. Oh, even better. Here's how it all started in her head. She asked herself, quote, I wonder what would happen if the world's greatest atheist had a come to Jesus moment.

End quote. Not sure how she decided on those atheist rankings, but that's the plot. And as we all know, when you have a terrible traumatic experience, it creates a whole bunch of extra evidence to believe that an all-powerful, all-loving God is real. Oh, yes, of course. Especially if you're a world-ranked atheist right near the top. Speaking of which, have you guys heard how many gods matt dillahunty doesn't believe in holy shit i i know he's number four on most of the draft boards but fuck it if i have first overall you could have kraus it too okay 30 seconds on the clock things atheists and nfl

football players have in common about elevators go no no absolutely not dude we had such a nice two weeks except for somebody pissed off at me trash talking michigan my twitter was so quiet uh i don't know what that means anyway this brings us to a big pet peeve of mine we're talking about a perfect example of how this entire genre of movies is wildly offensive but it almost never gets mentioned right i mean imagine if this was about a famous jewish author instead of an atheist. Right. Imagine if this was a story about Anne Frank and how she realized one day that Judaism was causing all her problems. So she converts to Christianity and survives the Holocaust.

That movie would be a medium-level hate crime. That joke is a medium-level hate crime. Pretty close. But if the character is an atheist, somehow it's pretty much fine. close but if the character is an atheist somehow it's pretty much fine and it's such a ridiculous double standard in society that plenty of atheists don't even notice how terrible this message is right so um just in case anyone couldn't find a good reason to avoid kevin sorbo movies uh i think i found one for you that's good but uh regardless this guy's horrible acting is a big part of our business model. And that's why we're going to go ahead and put 30 seconds on the clock.

Ideas for the next Kevin Sorbo movie. Go. All right. Grab a pen, Sam. Despite a lifetime of devotion to Tibetan Buddhism, the 14th Dalai Lama always felt blue during the holidays. Until one day when he realized that his was an evil pagan faith coming december of 2016 have a jolly dolly christmas oh i like it oh how about this uh francis collins was a man without hope in a world without god but one waterfall changed it all in a not so beautiful mind um how about uh it's 2016 and atheists still don't realize that semen is a person.

One brave man must fight back against the system. Coming soon. Unplanned parenthood. A simple plan B. Based on a terrifying story. When Richard Dawkins met his end, his brain was too far gone to say no to the Christian asshole pestering him to turn his life over to Jesus at the last second,

so they spin it as a deathbed conversion in A Stroke of Luck. Oof. That's really, really mean. Pretty bad, yeah. How about this? After years of criticizing Christian cinema, he finally found the film

and the performance that changed his mind forever. This summer, the Eli Bosnick story. Hey, come on, the money's right. I'll say I went to Harvard to bother people, too. Fuck you, Kelly Kohlberg. Fuck you, I'm coming for you, Kelly Kohlberg. And I guess now that we've

carved out a little more job security for GAM, I think our work here is done. Heath, Eli, thanks as always. Fantasy felony. And when we come back, Lucinda will join us to wish that we'd gone with the Book of Mormon this year again. When we announced last week that Andrew was a new partner in the show, a lot of our listeners expressed interest in just what it was that Andrew would be doing. Now, aside from coming on as legal counsel for when we're eventually sued for something

that Eli says, he's also helping us develop the show and grow it in a ton of ways that we know you're going to love. We couldn't be happier to welcome him on. And so to share in our excitement, we decided to give you a little behind the scenes sneak peek at the evolving dynamic of our company. So we recorded our first ever company meeting for your enjoyment. Well, gentlemen, we are now an official LLC. So if there are no further questions.

Oh, my turn. My turn. No, no, no, no. Okay, Andrew, thanks so much for seeing us. Really looking forward to working with you, dude. Yeah, yeah, absolutely. Very excited. Well, actually, I mean, Eli, if you have any questions, I'm happy to answer them.

No, no, no, don't. Don't. That's a horrible idea. Thank you. Oh, okay'm happy to answer them. No, no, no. Don't. That's a horrible idea. Thank you. Oh, okay. You brought a list. I did. Do not read the list.

Please don't read it. Did you really get a list? No, no. I'm happy to give this a quick look-see. Is this in crayon? No, it is not. Well, I'm just going to leave it there on the table and not touch it anymore, if that's all right with you. Okay, so your first question seems to be, how many murders?

Just that, and then it looks like you drew yourself a coupon for one free murder and tried to forge my signature at the bottom. I object! In the future, Andrew has no T in it. Noted. Okay. Point two, after where you started to number them, is Heath has to give back the DVDs he borrowed after two weeks.

That, I don't know that I would put that in the operating agreement of the LLC. Dude, you live three hours away. I want to watch Goonies. I'm not done with it. Shuffle shuffle. I have regrets. Okay, and then

finally at the bottom, you've just written, dicks out for Harambe? I'm not sure what you want me to do about... That's your penis. Overruled! Ha ha ha! Ha ha ha! Ha ha ha! Ha ha ha! Enos. Overruled. Hey, guys.

Oh, fuck. What is that thing? Dude, not in the studio. It was such a nice two weeks. Are we already going to... What the fuck? God damn it. Oh, this? This is Phyllis Schlafly.

Well, I can see that. It's everywhere. Yep. I know most people think she's. Well, I can see that. It's everywhere. Yep. I know most people think she's dead, but I sincerely don't. So here we are. Hi, Noah. I'm Phyllis. Nice to meet you.

Dude, there's got to be a better way to make this point. Yeah, all the ways. Just any way possible. All the ways. What point? Just living my life the way phyllis wants me to live that it's not about what society thinks it's about what god thinks and that comes to life medicine or you know consent you didn't man of my word i'm calling andrew oh facetime him

hi andrew it's me phyllis Hi Andrew, it's me, Phyllis Oh god You know, for a second I thought After I read that, the first time I thought Is Eli fucking her corpse on our show A little too much And then I thought No, just the right amount actually

Goldie locks it Found his own buddy Good job When we first set out to read the Quran it. Found his own, buddy. Good job. Quran Media When we first set out to read the Quran, we had all these plans and new segments for the show that could spin off of it. We figured that there'd be new skits reenacting bizarre Quranic

tales, whole new slate of Quran stories for kids, not to mention the various diatribes its themes might inspire. But as we've been learning all year, there are no tales, there are no stories, and the only themes are, I can write good, do you guys remember the Bible, and fuck the Jews. And while that's plenty enough to carry a Mel Gibson movie,

I don't mind admitting, it's getting harder and harder to carry a tri-weekly segment with it. Yeah, it started off like a drunk guy telling everyone at the bar about the glory days of killing Jewish people and raping nine-year-olds. But it managed to go downhill from there, which is impressive. Now it's the same guy repeating the same stories, but he didn't notice when everyone walked away and he just kept on going. Right.

And now the bar's closed and he's talking to the dumpster out back, like poking it. Listen to me. If you didn't like my bachelor party you could have left at any time heath okay but guys think of all the time we'll get to explain that we've read each chapter of the quran with commentary and extensive thought only for it totally not to matter because we didn't read it in arabic come on that'll be fun right great that's so clear twitter fight and course, this counts as sickness and or health, so I've got Lucinda on a technicality here. Welcome back.

See, Anna, it all starts off fancy dresses in Ireland, and a couple decades later, you're reading a deadly literate guy rant about Moses. The dresses are mean. Such a cliche. So why don't you start us off with Surah 35, The Creator Alright, so we start this one off with a bizarre visual According to verse 1, angels have two, three, or four pairs of wings Yeah So just start off picturing an eight-winged angel

And nothing else in this surah will seem strange in comparison, I guess Where do the other ones even go? Right, well, what's weird about this is How do you do that? In my version about this is, in my version at least, they don't tell us why. It's not like, oh, warrior angels get this many wings and helper angels get this many wings. It's just like, see, angels, they come in three varieties.

We got tall, we got grande, we got vente. This one's just covered in wings. It's just a big pile of wings. We also get the dust and semen mixed thoroughly recipe for making humans again. And I just want to point it out to underscore how disingenuous the Muslims are who claim this thing has science in it right 90% of the time when this book brings up how

humans came into being it starts with dust and then they quote the one mention that kind of gets it rightish yeah I think I'm starting to see the pattern okay so hear me out here Jewish apologetics don't even bother lying like yeah book says that but it's he was saying it to larry and it's in my perfect book of morality christians they lie

right uh but in the way you can't prove like oh look at these people who believe jesus was crucified and rose from the dead are they lying but islam is just like yep this book has all the parables in it and babies are made out of fun dips. You can see the progression going. Actually, recently I've been picturing more like a white Russian with non-dairy creamer. Okay. With a fetus inside. But one other thing on this verse. It says that nobody lives shorter or longer than Allah intended, except the people that do.

Right. But he writes their names in a book, which is super easy for him because he's omnipotent, except for when he's wrong and has to write. Why mention that? Like, in case of an audit, what do you have that book for? One guy shall leave in the corner. Remember me?

I wrote it in the book. I wrote it in the book. I wrote it in the book. Well, I also loved in verse 12 when you get an idea of Allah's geographic knowledge. He's doing an analogy between salt water and fresh water, but he seems to think that there are only two seas in the world.

Almost like a 10-year-old could prove this book wasn't divinely inspired or something. It's weird. Well, I know of at least one 9-year-old. That's true. Yeah. She'd argue. And then in the next verse, we learn that God stopped the days from having the wrong amount of hours.

Oh, yeah. Right. Because during the summer, there's more daylight. of hours. Because during the summer, there's more daylight. And if God hadn't subtracted that much extra time from the night, everything would have been all fucked up, apparently. He was the one who figured out that 100 is the right percentage for the whole thing. Good God. Genius.

And then we get more of the, well, if there's no God, why isn't everything the same color apologetic? Which is honestly one of his strongest. Yeah, you don't want to forget that all colors matter. That's important. That's your one. I don't know, guys. I'm going through our YouTube comments, and apparently we're only afraid to admit this is totally right because we won't debate a guy whose profile picture is anime boobs.

I'm torn. I'm torn. I understand it. And apparently that's the end of a thought or something because now it's on to Surah 36. Yasin? Yasin? Yeah, and if we had to sum this one up in three words, they'd all be yada.

We did get some good news in verse 12 though, kind of in a roundabout way. So it's telling us the same old shit about how we're all going to burn in hell if we don't start Musliming. But to bolster its warning, it says that all your deeds are recorded in, quote, a clear book. Now, that sounds bad until you consider that Allah considers the fucking Quran a clear book. Just imagine me at the gates of Muslim heaven,

Muslim St. Peter's, perusing a book that looks like Eli's gam notes, trying to figure out what it says on the scathing athlete. Says here, you mesostrated on a church. I'm at a loss, honestly. Was someone eating wings while they wrote this? Sorry.

Sorry. Sorry. It was Monday night. What? No, no. Don't run a. Sorry. It was Monday night. What? What? No, no. Don't run a spell check.

That'll make it worse. I think that was supposed to be menstruated on a chicken, but I was just making a note to myself. Fuck, did he just run past you? That keeps happening. That is on me again. And look, we don't say this often enough, but Muhammad is a fucking idiot. That's the end of our Christmas special.

We learned something here today. Every single apologetic he offers assumes its premise, right? Every single one basically reduces to, well, if God doesn't exist, how do you explain the existence of God? We're talking about a person so unfamiliar with thinking that he doesn't even know how it works. Yeah. Muhammad is to other religious authors as boxing commentators are to other sports commentators. Like, he punch, punch, make

fall down. No, in a version of Madden football with Muhammad announcing, he's like, gotta watch the snap. Here's a guy who sees worse because the Jews stole his eyeballs. Well, and the result is God coming off as comically stupid. In verse 40, he has God saying, I've killed millions of people in an effort to prove I exist and still nothing.

Better kill some more. Yeah, right, right. I've stacked up 80 Cheerios and still no world peace. I was like, it's going to take 100. I've stacked up 80 Cheerios and still no World Peace. I was like, it's going to take 100. And our desperate efforts to catch Muhammad saying something different, continuous, or a 37, the ranks, or those who set the ranks, or drawn up in ranks, depends on who you ask. Yeah, it's pretty tricky stuff.

They have no idea what the words mean. Okay, so I want to start with the exact words from the two different translations I'm using. One of them says, beginning here, by the aligners aligning and the drivers driving. Not sure what that means, but the Saudi version says, by those angels ranged in ranks or rows, by those angels who drive the clouds

in a good way. That doesn't even count. So, apparently Arabic words are just like vague suggestions Like a script from Curb But that's no problem when you're writing the clearest book in the universe Apparently not Yeah, it doesn't slow you down a lick

No, and speaking of clearest book in the universe It then goes on to tell us that despite the rumors we may have heard to the contrary Demons definitely can't hear what the angels in outer space are talking about yeah and if they do god would set them on fire yes yes right i was wondering what would happen he's got a plan he's got a magic missile which which he follows up by saying like isn't that amazing and can you believe other people think that's a silly thing to believe that the stars are the cone of silence from Get Smart? And if you're thinking to yourself, flaming space demons, this chapter sounds promising.

Then you've learned nothing from this segment, because that's all we're going to hear about the flaming space demons. And now it's back to, well, who the fuck do they think created the mountains and stopped the earthquakes then? He also introduces a new euphemism for dust Allah jacked off on in verse 12 when he says humans were made from sticky clay. Oh, sticky. Yeah. Apparently the creation of human beings was like Swayze and Demi Moore and ghosts.

So it was just Allah by himself, like just jerking it onto a potter's wheel. Nut fesas flying everywhere. Spin art. Song is still the same though. sauce flying everywhere. Spin art. Song is still the same, though. And by the way, if you thought Muhammad's hell descriptions were bad, wait until you hear his heaven descriptions.

He basically describes it as a dinner party with non-alcoholic beer where everybody laughs about the people who used to doubt their religion. I would take the overcooked soup of damnation, thank you very much. But hey, this is where we learn that, quote, and this is my version, and with them are the large-eyed ones with modest refraining glances, fair like a sheltered egg, end quote. That's the actual quote in my Quran. Fair like a sheltered egg.

Is that like an egg that doesn't see the wire until it sees the lines? Sounds like a poem I wrote for Madge. Anyway, my copy makes it sound like heaven is a circle of people sitting under a bridge, passing around a bottle of white Zinfandel from a gas station. I mean, add 72 virgins and that's a middle school party. white Zinfandel from a gas station. I mean, add 72 virgins and that's a middle school party. We also meet the Zocum tree in this chapter.

Apparently it's a tree that grows in hell with a bunch of devil head fruits. Seems like something we could have spent a little more time on earlier. Or later. Or later. Just if you're going to have the Zocum tree, let's linger there.

Right, let's talk about it. And can we talk about how thoroughly he fucks up the Jonah story right after this, by the way? He has Jonah as this righteous dude who is following God's orders and was saved by... Read the fucking story, bro. It's 686 words long. Have somebody read it to you. This is Muhammad's version of, like, I looked at the front cover and read the back cover of where the red fern grows for my book report. This will be a shoebox diorama with just like a fern spray painted red, like a GI Joe with

Jonah written on it, a goldfish snack. I'm in. Wait, then he knocks down Christianity in one fell swoop by asking if you've ever seen a female angel. That's right. Not sure how that all adds up, but for whatever it's worth, I have not indeed seen a female angel. Okay, but hold on, though. I've got to jump in here.

I remember a time when I was looking through a girly magazine, and there's my homeroom angel on the pages in between. My blood ran cold. My memory had just been sold. My angel was the centerfold. My angel on the pages in between. My blood ran cold. My memory had just been sold. My angel was the centerfold. My angel was the centerfold. So, just in the last two segments, the Quran got debunked

by, let's think about it, three little pigs, a nine-year-old rape victim, and now Jay Giles band. Not a great song. Thing you'd find in Andy Wilson's bedroom.

I'm getting ready. Okay, yeah, right, right, for deportation. And with all of that important wisdom out of the way, we pass over the halfway mark of today's reading and get to Surah 38, which is titled Sad, but not in that way, I guess. No, no, it doesn't make any sense. So we start with a new rephrasing of Muhammad's only apologetic.

This time he says, nobody in history has ever believed that I was the messenger of God. And where are all the people in history? Dead. That's what he said. They didn't believe. If he were alive today, Muhammad would be the healthiest president ever elected. I was thinking

the same shit. Right? And if you want a clear idea how stupid mom it is, consider what passes for wisdom in his mind, right? So he tells this story about how wise David was and here's an example. Two guys show up.

Guy A has 99 sheep. Guy B only has one. And the guy with 99 sheep is like, I want his sheep too. David says, nope, that wouldn't be fair. That is wisdom

to this nose flosser. And what's worse, in my version, the guy is like my brother convinced me to give him my sheep right now i want it back and david's like yeah you seem like you're great with sheep you oversold how smart this story is and the saudi version specifically mentions that david doesn't even listen to the guy with all the sheep after the first episode. Right. Who, first of all, sounds like a job creator, honestly.

But more importantly, he was probably about to give a really good explanation if I had to get, like, listen, this guy was literally fucking the sheep. Not going to get into the details. Give it back. But he's going to rape the sheep again. La, la, la. Give it back. Sheer no evil, sheer no evil see no evil he also rewrites the job story so that satan takes all the blame for evil shit that god does

yeah and they added a domestic abuse theme that i did not remember apparently job asked god for help because satan was torturing him right so like, fine, here's a bundle of sticks. Just beat up your wife and stop complaining. That's not in this book. They added that. Yeah, that they did. And if you were just thinking to yourself, man, sure has been a while since we heard the story of Satan refusing to bow to Adam.

Fear not, as clearly Muhammad was thinking the same thing. And I'd love to add some commentary on Surah 39 as well, but absolutely nothing is said in it. This is the toughest reading we've ever fucking done yet. Just seven pages of bad people go to hell, good people go to heaven, and I'm good people. Not even a Moses flashback is bullshit. But hey, we learned that every kind of parable is in this book again, and that this is an Arabic book, quote, free from torturous wording, end quote. Not really sure.

Maybe going with the Ted Cruz definition. If we want to replace this segment with drowning me for 20 minutes every three weeks, I know that I and several people on Twitter will be up for it. Is Milo back on Twitter? Oh, there we go. All right, well, I guess we could basically skip over 39 and get on to our final chapter of the night, Surah 40, The Forgiver.

And you're not going to get much more out of this story. Just to give you an example of how little is being said here, verse 4 opens up by saying, quote, Only those who deny the truth dispute God's signs, end quote. So basically, only the people that disagree with us argue about this shit. You think? But this particular surah has an unusually high amount of like, don't be tricked into feeling sorry for non-Muslims. So that's what makes it unique, I guess.

Oh, okay. Right. But what makes it unique is like, the way they prop it up is always like, God wouldn't damn them if he didn't know that they weren't going to believe in them. So like, it, so, yeah. It's like the two of them solving the trolley problem. is like god wouldn't damn them if he didn't know that they weren't going to believe in them so like it so yeah it's like solving the trolley problem so basically allah's like a confused parent who doesn't understand how punishing works he he catches all the atheists smoking and he's like okay now you have to smoke this whole pack and

we're like oh fuck wow Wow, that was awful. We're totally going to stop smoking and be Muslim. And he says, no, no. You just live in a European airport lounge from now on. There's no useful purpose to my actions. You just all smoke now. I have no follow-up. Where was that parable, guys?

He also keeps specifically condemning people who dispute god's message with no authority and i'm dying to know what the fuck that means yeah right who does have that authority can you apply for a card or something do i need a license like a double o kind of thing maybe i don't know look into it well yeah and if you want to speed up the process i think there might be a gun show loophole i think we need to ask the world's top atheist pam geller no no she died she died I think we need to ask the world's top atheist. Pam Geller? No, no, no. She died. She died.

We also get the 50th contradictory explanation of how babies are made here. And I only bring it up because after the Stone Age embryology, it says, and God made you an infant and then he made you an old person, except when he killed you young. There's that, of course. This could not more clearly be thinking out loud. To the extent that there was thinking involved, sure. Right, sure.

The Koran, we'll fix it in post. And hey, they have. Nobody points out the loophole. You know that guy everyone knows He doesn't know how to play He always tries to jump in on jokes And is just like Hitler rape abortion No

This entire book reads like a Muslim version Of that guy trying to make up his own Chuck Norris memes about a lot Dicks up for Aisha Am I right? Also we get a little more detail On our hell attire Which is good

I've been wondering what I should wear So apparently we're all going to have iron collars So you know, dress accordingly I guess Right, right Yeah, it's going to be super awkward When I show up with my own collar And I'm just like Ooh, is that one sub shop?

And the guy's like I don't know This one's creeping me out. Cut it out. Get the ball out of your mouth. It's just collars. It's just collars. So yeah, I don't mind admitting it.

It's getting harder and harder to excise dick jokes from this asinine jabberwocky. But damn it, audience, you are worth it. And if you guys need some good news, we're more than two-thirds of the way through these segments and more than three-quarters of the way through this book. You sound like a doctor listing off all the kinds of cancer a patient doesn't have first. That's a good idea, though. You should. You should do that.

I'm trying. Here's the diseases you might have had that I fucked away. Hey, you know what? That's enough to get you canonized by the Catholics. Also, you know what? That's enough to get you canonized by the Catholics. Also, you're pregnant. Before we master the gift tonight, I wanted to thank Kevin from the Left of the Valley podcast, both for providing this week's Canadian Farnsworth quote and for bringing Eli Bosnick on for a chat about all things humor. Of course, if you'd like to hear that conversation, you'll find a link on the show notes for this episode. Also want to remind you that your time is running

out to get your tickets to see us live in Manchester, England, QED, October 14th to the 16th, live recording again, plus a speaker list that you probably would have wanted to pay to see anyway. You'll find links for tickets on those show notes as well. Anyway, that's all the blast movie we've got for you tonight, but we'll be back in 10,022 minutes with more. If you can't wait that long, be on the lookout for a brand new episode of our sister shows, Hot Friend, Godawful Movies, debuting at 8 a.m. Eastern Time on Tuesday. Obviously, this show would be like

Sex Without an Orgasm if I didn't thank Heath for all the, um, something other than orgasms, as far as you know. I also need to thank the lovely Lucinda Lusions for not faking all those orgasms,

as far as you know. And I also want to thank Eli for not mailing me any more of his orgasms, as far as I know. Also need to give a huge thanks to Andrew Torres of the Opening Arguments podcast for playing along with us tonight. But most of all, of course, I need to thank this week's most erotic earthlings, Neil, Hal, Ben, John, Kyler, Jeff, Coronzo, Eo, and Caffeine Yarrow, Pastor Timothy, Fee,

Wesley, Matthew, Annie, Cameron, and the Skeptic Smash Talk podcast. Neil, Hal, Ben, John, Kyler, and Jeff, whose ejaculations give Enceladus geyser envy, Coronzon, Eo, and Caffeinero, and Pastor Timothy, who would together form Voltron if they wanted to be a little bit less formidable, and Fee, Wesley, Matthew, Annie, Cameron, and the Skeptic Smash Talk podcast, who are so cool James Inhofe wants to carry them

into the Senate to disprove global warming. Together, these 17 superlatively splendid, surpassingly sexy, sublimely sympathetic, strikingly seductive, sagaciously smart, secular, sacrifice some species to secure supplemental sacrilegious scathing this week by giving us money. Not everybody has the sensitivity, savings, and swordsmanship it takes to give us money, but if you think you're up to the challenge, you can make a per-episode donation at patreon.com slash scathingatheist, whereby you'll earn early access to an extended edition of every episode, or you can make a one-time donation by clicking on the Donate button on the right side of the homepage at skatingatheist.com. And if you'd like to help, but your shape-shifting lizard overlords won't let you donate money to podcasts, you can also help us a ton by fighting a dragon to save us from a tall tower,

or giving us a five-star review on iTunes, whichever's easier on you. If you have questions, comments, or death threats, you'll find all the contact info on the contact page at skatingatheist.com. All the music used in this episode was written and performed by yours truly, and yes, I did have my permission. I will forever have the recording of Andrew saying dicks out for Harambe. That is all I needed.

The preceding podcast was a production of Puzzle in a Thunderstorm LLC Copyright 2016. All rights reserved.