The Scathing Atheist - ScathingAtheist 193: Sparkleponies Edition

Episode Date: October 27, 2016

In this week’s episode, Ray gets Eli a month late birthday present, we learn that Hillary Clinton is a lesbian and that Men In Black is a documentary, and Chris Kluwe will be here to afford me a reason to say “Sparkleponies”. Get $3 off your new Loot Crate subscription here: http://www.lootcrate.com/atheist To make a per episode donation at Patreon.com, click here: http://www.patreon.com/ScathingAtheist To buy our book, click there: http://www.amazon.com/Diatribes-Godless-Misanthrope-Scathing-Presents-ebook/dp/B00J53FZFI/ref=sr11?ie=UTF8&qid=1396141562&sr=8-1 To check out our sister show, The Skepticrat, click here: https://audioboom.com/channel/the-skepticrat To check out our sister show’s hot friend, God Awful Movies, click here: https://audioboom.com/channel/god-awful-movies Guest Links: You can find Chris Kluwe’s book here: https://www.amazon.com/Beautifully-Unique-Sparkleponies-Football-Absurdities/dp/0316236772 Read Chris’s take on “Locker Room Talk”: http://www.vox.com/first-person/2016/10/10/13230346/donald-trump-locker-room-talk-chris-kluwe Follow AAAA Canberra on Twitter: https://twitter.com/QuadACanberra Headlines: Weird terrible jesus baby head statue thing http://www.patheos.com/blogs/friendlyatheist/2016/10/20/a-catholic-church-in-ontario-is-now-home-to-a-statue-featuring-a-freaky-baby-jesus-head/ follow up: Jesus baby head thief returns head after horror replacement goes viral: http://www.ctvnews.ca/canada/stolen-baby-jesus-head-returned-after-statue-replacement-went-viral-1.3127826 Kansas GOP official praises Hitler in FB post: http://www.patheos.com/blogs/progressivesecularhumanist/2016/10/top-kansas-republican-praises-hitler-in-facebook-post/ Follow up “dutch noah” can’t send his ark out until he pays his bills http://www.patheos.com/blogs/friendlyatheist/2016/10/21/report-ark-replica-isnt-allowed-to-leave-denmark-until-dutch-noah-pays-his-bill/ Christian doctor gets “don't euthanize me” tattoo...cause she’s an idiot http://www.patheos.com/blogs/friendlyatheist/2016/10/19/christian-woman-opposed-to-doctor-assisted-suicide-gets-useless-dont-euthanize-me-tattoo/ Michael Savage: Trump should talk about Hillary’s lesbian lovers: http://www.rightwingwatch.org/post/michael-savage-urges-trump-to-talk-about-hillarys-lesbian-lovers/

Warning, the following podcast contains profanity and full frontal nudity. This week's episode of The Scathing Atheist is brought to you by Lootcrate.com. Geek-approved subscription boxes with the best gamer and pop culture franchise gear, clothing, and collectibles. And by the new FGM multi-tool by Karanko, the Vagilmatic. Tired of the same old boring mutilated vagina parts in the same old boring shapes? Can't find the shelf space for all those different slicers, dicers, and specialty knives? Who has the time? There must be a better way, is what you're probably thinking. Well, don't worry, there is a better way. The Vagilmatic. Slit it, clit it,

and forget it. And now, the Skating Atheist. Some guy's getting yelled at so loud at Loot Crate right now. So loud. This is Justin, of Alcoholics and Ones of Agnostics and Atheists Canberra. You can find us on Twitter at Cordae Canberra

or by email at aaaacanberra at gmail.com. We're a group of drunks who like to sit around on a Friday night discussing sobriety and how we did in fact evolve from filthy monkey men and women. It's Thursday. It's October 27th. And if you say Bill Clinton's sexual predator on air, it frees Newt Gingrich from his lamp.

So don't do that. I'm no illusions. I'm Eli Bosnick. I'm Heath Enright. And from New York, New York, and Secret Lair, Pennsylvania, this is The Scathing Atheist. On this week's episode, Ray gets me a month-late birthday present. We learn that Hillary Clinton is a lesbian and that Men in Black is a documentary. And Chris Cluey will be here to afford you a reason to say Sparkle Ponies.

But first, the diatribe. As I was walking through the Assyrian room at the British National Museum, I said to myself over and over again, a thousand years ago, these carvings were ancient. I know it's a bizarre interest, but when I was a kid, I was fascinated by Mesopotamian history. This was pre-internet, of course, so the only outlet I had for this interest was my local library and the five books they stocked on the subject,

but I dutifully read all of them multiple times. My favorite one was classified as a reference book, so I could only peruse it at the library. So every week when my mom would take us, I'd pull it out, read another chapter, and then spend the rest of my library time looking over the several dozen pages of full-color photos in the back. Most of these photos were reliefs, pictured over several pages, and I soaked in the detail on these things like I was reading a comic book. Most of them depicted battle scenes, and those were fun but a little repetitive. The one that really stuck with me, though, showed a building project. The text box said these carvings depicted the construction of a winged bull statue, a Lamassu, being built and

transported to the palace of the great king, Sennacherib. At the end of this series of photos, they showed two such statues, possibly the ones depicted in the reliefs, the Lamassu, which stood at the gates of the same temple, right? Both the reliefs and the statues are currently housed in the British National Museum. And as I walked by them, I could feel my bucket list getting lighter. And maybe the coolest thing about wandering through those halls is that at the same time I was connected to this ancient history of Mesopotamia, I was also connecting to my own ancient history some 30 years ago. Of course, the comic book itself read a little different this time around. You know, when I was a kid, I just saw a bunch of people building cool shit for me to later marvel at in the back of some dusty library book. But when I see the same scene now, I see a bunch of slaves being forced to piss

away public resources building magical statue gods so their kings won't get attacked by pneumonia demons. You know, when I got to the end of the hall and saw the two-winged bulls, I thought about the enemies of the king that were likely whipped to death against them. Given the knowledge that I come to it with now, it's impossible not to walk through the remnants of Nineveh and shudder with sympathy for the hundreds of thousands of poor souls that actually had to live there. When I was a kid, I wanted a time machine so I could go back there and see what those statues looked like when they still had that new Lamassu smell. But if I had the same time machine now, I'd be more inclined to go back and rescue those poor fuckers.

I mean, virtually no sane person would choose to live in really in any point in history other than this one, right? And some people might start to argue with me on that. And then they'll think about Diana Ricketts or the state of dental medicine as recently as the 60s. And they'll think about Diana Ricketts or the state of dental medicine as recently as the 60s. And they'll think better of it. You don't need to apply any kind of modern bias to say that we definitely live in the best of all times. I mean, sure, if you could be a poor Somalian now or a rich Brit in the 1890s, maybe you'd make the switch. But station for station, everybody's better off now than then, regardless of when then is. And this isn't just a matter of medical science.

We also kill each other less, right? We starve to death less. We execute our prisoners less. We go to war less. We steal from each other less. We enslave each other less. Our world is simply more moral now than it has been at any other point in human history. And again, you have to take a broad view for this statement to be correct. You can find isolated pockets throughout history where they were more moral than the average place now, and you can find isolated pockets of now that are as immoral as virtually anything that you'd find in antiquity. But on the whole, on the average, we live in a more moral world than our ancestors. But why? Surely we're not actually more moral than they

were, right? For all practical purposes, we're genetically identical. It's not like our morality genes have been rapidly evolving over the last couple of centuries, and it's not like there's some steady line either, right? Martin Luther King said that the arc of history bends towards freedom, but he didn't mention that it was being bent by a pneumatic arm and guided by a laser leveler, because the sole source of universal moral progress is technology. You know, in the reliefs I saw at that museum, dozens of slaves are tugging at ropes to move a giant statue into place. Today we just throw it on the back of a truck. We didn't wake up one day and say, hey, this slavery thing is immoral. We knew that all along.

It's just that one day we did wake up and say, hey, we can stop doing this immoral shit now. We beat back famine with refrigeration and genetically modified crops. We have more resources, more widely available. So there are simply fewer reasons to kill or steal. The ever expanding scope of our communication networks connects us to people and injustices that we'd never known to have been outraged by before. And what about the moral issues that we're still wrestling to overcome?

I mean, if we're going to solve the problem of climate change, I think we can all agree that it's going to happen through technological breakthroughs. It'd be nice if everybody decided to take some collective action, but that seems a little too utopian for plan A, doesn't it? If we're going to solve the problems of animal cruelty, the most likely savior is going to be lab-grown meat that's cheaper than raising a chicken. If we're going to solve the profusional problems that our limited resources create, we're probably going to get there through some sort of off-planet mining

or some kind of nanoscale construction or by some technology we can't fathom yet. But whatever it is, none of the smart money is on, we're going to pray to God to send us more oil. That's why it always baffles me when religious apologists are so quick to bring up morality. They have had all a human history to show some appreciable progress and they've failed. They talk on and on about their moral absolutes, but they've been working off the same moral absolute playbook for thousands of years, and until the Industrial Revolution came along and gave them a kick in the ass, they never had anything of substance to show for their efforts. I mean, the Christians started with ancient Rome and wound up with medieval Europe. The best historical defense they can muster are a few

incremental and inconsistent improvements in morality over that time, but hey, there were also incremental improvements in technology over that same time. And however you want to quantify the two, there's no question that the present spike in morality has corresponded with a decrease in religiosity, so you can't equate the two. That'd be impossible. Look, we don't need religion for moral progress. In fact, as anyone with access to current events can tell you, it actually depresses moral progress, and yet they cling to this as though this is their last remaining stronghold. It's yet another thing that religion talks about while science does. Even when a devoutly Christian person looks into the future and imagines the wonders it

might hold, they're thinking about the science. I mean, they sure as hell aren't saying, I bet the religion is going to be awesome in a couple more centuries. And that's because even they know that the future belongs to reason. They just haven't figured out that also means that faith belongs to the past. Joining me for headlines tonight are bad hombres Heath and Wright and Eli Bosnick. Fellas, are you ready for the damn taco trucks or what? Okay, how is that a bad thing to anyone? Why wouldn't you want a taco truck near your house?

Every house. It's so offensive. Well, I, for one, am writing in Bernie, even though he explicitly told me not to. I think it delivers a solid message that I never cared about politics and I never will. It's great to be white. Have I mentioned that? It's fantastic. Yeah.

It is. It is. All right. Well, before we dive all the way into the headlines this week, hey, you know what, Eli? Could you go in the kitchen and grab me a devil dog? Yeah, me too. Oh, I got one. Really?

Yeah. Yeah. I was going to eat it while you talked. Lovely. I wanted a vanilla one. Can you grab me one of those? One second. Let me see.

Red Velvet. Halloween Spooktacular. Wow. Vanilla. Birthday Cake Oreos. Just so much of all the different... No Vanilla Devil Dog BRB. Where does he get those cakes?

We don't have time. We don't have time. Heath, the sponsor for this week's show is Loot Crate. But whatever you do, don't tell Eli. Heath, the sponsor for this week's show is Loot Crate. But whatever you do, don't tell Eli. Okay, why though? Eli loves Loot Crate. He subscribed for their Rick and Morty box a while back, and he's been totally obsessed ever since.

Okay, what's Loot Crate? It's a subscription service. It sends you an epic range of pop culture items for less than $20 a month. Our listeners get the chance to be the envy of their friends and get 100% exclusive Loot Crates at lootcrate.com slash atheist. And if they enter our code atheist, they get $3 off a new subscription.

Really? That sounds pretty cool, actually. Hey, hey, hey. Here you go. What sounds pretty cool? Oh, oh, um, nothing, nothing. Because if you guys are talking about Loot Crate, they have lots of cool stuff,

from t-shirts to action figures, collectibles, and more. Yeah, no, they sure do. Yeah, they do. Not just that, but if you're more of a fanatical fashionista, they have Lootware, which is a monthly wearable and accessories with cult classics and your favorite franchises. Huh. That's cool. Your eyes are really wide right now.

Yeah, I don't want to blink in case I blink. Super wide. If you want, you can get a fancy, bigger box bigger loot called the loot crate dx wait which one do you subscribe to all three your your your nose is bleeding man a lot oh man oh if we ever get an ad for loot crate i mean i don't even i'm i'm just saying why you, Eli, why don't you grab a tissue or something? I didn't need that blood. I'm going to go. Sure.

Man, you weren't kidding. I told you. But look, it's even worse than you thought. You know Eli's a magician, right? Well, November's enchanting theme is magical. Oh, no. Yeah, listen to this thing they sent us. Loot Crate has cast a powerful ancient spell to deliver you November's Crate featuring bewitching items from Doctor Strange, Fantastic Beasts and Where to Find Them, Big Trouble in Little China, and so much more.

You're saying November's box is literally a magician, Harry Potter, and obscure 80s reference themed box? I know, it's weird. It's almost like... Like I've known about this the entire time what were you hanging from the ceiling grappling hook smoke bomb but don't wait if you want this sweet loot crate you only have until october 19th at 9 p.m pacific time to subscribe for november's crate when it's over it's over, it's over. No more crates. You are soaking wet with sweat. Makes me agile. Soaking.

Rank war. Okay, well, we'll towel Eli down. And while we do, head over to lootcrate.com slash atheist. You'll be supporting the show by supporting our sponsors and hooking yourself up with some cool stuff as well. If you've been waiting to treat yourself or a loved one, now's the time. Once again, that's lootcrate.com slash atheist

and enter our code atheist to save $3 off of any new subscription today. Crucio! We said no unforgivable curses. Yeah, well, you don't know where Soho is. You don't know where Soho is. You don't know where Soho is. You don't know. Eli doesn't know where Soho is.

I used the racial slur during my live talk back. Eli has no idea where Soho is. I hope they feel like they got their money's worth. In our lead story tonight, Rodan, Donatello, and Bernini need to move the fuck over and make way for Wise. Heather Wise, that is. Because in a cosmic welcome home present to the whole crew, upon our return to the States, the universe provided us with an art restoration project that can be best described as a cabbage patch miscarriage. This story begins when a Simpsonian vandal decapitated a baby Jesus statue in front of

the church in Sudbury, Ontario, but rather than subject the church to the cost of a full replacement, local artist claimant Heather Wise sprung to the rescue by replacing the head with something that should be frothing up from the back of a wet gremlin. It looks like the work of a not-quite not quite as good pupil of the lady who tried to redo the Jesus face a few years ago and turned him into a monkey. It looks like Carlos Mencia had a

normal day. It looks like Carlos Mencia almost exactly. But was wearing a crown. Now, hopefully you've already seen this thing online, but if not, be sure to check the show notes because it's impossible to do this thing justice on an audio medium. It looks like phyllis schlafly before lucinda took her away from me looks like the statue of liberty got dressed up for a minstrel show very similar suffice to say virtually everyone listening to this show has shit out a more appropriate

replacement jesus had in the last 24 hours it looks like it should be popping out of some teamsters chest and telling Quaid how to start the Martian reactor. And to make matters worse, it was made from a clay that wasn't designed to withstand outdoor weather, so it's also slowly melting like it opened a geologic version of the

Ark of the Covenant. The artist claims it's made of clay because it's supposed to be like a placeholder while she works on a real head made of stone. But that's still insane. That's like replacing Lorem Ipsum with videos of the creature from the Black Lagoon, fucking John Boehner. Well, upon seeing the disturbing monstrosity that replaced the stolen head, the thief apparently started to feel guilty for what he'd unleashed upon the world and concocted a way to return the head

rather than share a world with that nightmarish terracotta mutant. And that is my favorite part of this story. It's just like some guy, hi, oh, yeah, I'm gonna go ahead and turn myself in rather than let this stand. I just, you know, feel bad. Right.

And in moral contraception news tonight according to a new poll by abc and the washington post from last week 44 of white evangelicals believe that donald trump has a strong moral character wow the same study also found that this group of people is either insane, illiterate, racist, or in favor of grabbing vaginas. Or some combination

of those things. Well, right. Weird how those sync up. In related news, a quick study of American history shows that these same people are the root

of almost all the evil. Yeah. Oh, and in case our listeners are wondering, the rest of all the evil is caused by bears. Fun fact. Answer is bears. As we learned from Colbert.

And to be fair, we're talking about Donald Trump's base here, right? So the percent that know what those last two words mean and strong moral character, I'd guess is 56%. So there you go. But I feel like one way or the other, we're burying the lead

when you consider that more than half of basically his supporters answered the, does your candidate have strong moral character question with, well, I don't know about all that. Oh, vote for him, but come on. And his emails. Okay, so the overall

number here is 30%. Among all the registered voters they polled, 30% answered, yes, Donald Trump has a strong moral character, which is terrifying enough already. But that figure gets even higher among groups like religious people, white people, Republicans, men, old people, and undereducated people. I hate all those people. Yeah, well, in contrast, that number goes down to 18% among the non-religious. And as much as I'd like to interpret that as a good thing for our demographic, that's still disturbingly high. That's way high. 18%? Matt or Robert Price makes up 18% of non-religious Trump supporters.

Yeah. 18% of non-religious Trump supporters. Yeah. Well, I'm just trying to imagine what new thing we could possibly learn about Donald Trump to get that down to the correct answer of zero. Right. Eye gouging.

Couldn't be helped. Anus grabbing, maybe? Purple for leaving that open. Literally a Nazi. Great quote from that guy. Let's start using discernment. That's a call forward, apparently. Yes, it is.

Wait for it. So, um... Like, five, seven minutes. Doing my stories out of order. So, relative moral of the story here, just in case anyone wasn't clear on this already, non-religious people are objectively better than white evangelical Christians. Just all around better about understanding of morality, about personal character, just mostly all around better.

Them, shitty. Us, less shitty. Not less shitty enough. By a factor of about two and a half times on this topic. Right. And we don't even get an answer key. Right? Fair.

How do we do it? And in Godwin's Lawmaker News tonight, I think we've all had that moment when you're searching for a good quote from a historical figure to help emphasize your point. And if you're Kansas lawmaker Peggy Mast, that person is Adolf Hitler. Ben Stein? I was going to say Ben Stein. I was going to say Darwin, but same difference. Mine counts. Ooh, yeah. You guys? I was going to say Ben Stein. I was going to say Darwin, but same difference. Mine counts. Ooh, yeah.

You guys want to Columbine some people? No. That's a call forward to next week's episode of GAM, which we haven't recorded yet. For those of you with time machines, you're going to realize. You know what Columbine meant. Listening backwards to both the episodes and the, yeah. If you rearrange all of our episodes in the right order, I crush it. It tells you where the treasure is held, yes.

It's my penis. Anyway. Earlier this week, the number three Republican in the Kansas House shared a Christian anti-abortion video criticizing Planned Parenthood on her Facebook wall, which features a quote from Adolf Hitler about the efficacy of propaganda and compares that propaganda to Planned Parenthood. So in case you're thinking I'm being unduly harsh, Hitler was just like Planned Parenthood was what she was going for. Yeah, exactly.

Missed. To be fair, though, I heard his original plan was to give out six million kosher condoms, but it just kind of ballooned out of hand from there. Similar idea, though. I get where she's going fun fact kosher condoms are just regular condoms if the top is colored in so your junk's wearing a yarmulke and look there are ways to point out how the words of adolf hitler apply to today's political landscape i mean less so because hitler didn't have twitter but my point is it can be done. Like, make Germany great again. Yeah, there you go.

That's a reasonable sentiment. There you go. Merkel's working on it. Mast, however, chose to post the video with the following words, quote, great quote from Hitler in the video. Please listen to it closely. His words are profound.

Let's start using discernment. End quote. Discernment. All right, I'm confused. Is she pro-planned parenthood then? Maybe she's pro-propaganda? I guess. Either way, she should have known something was amiss

when she wrote the words, great quote from Hitler. That's going to be a warning sign for you right there. Yeah, right. I feel like that should be an autocorrect situation just no matter what. Paper clip pops up. Looks like you're about to praise Hitler.

Do you want me to bend myself into a different shape? Also, let's start using discernment. You mean like whether or not to praise Hitler in a Facebook post? That kind of discernment? It's like me giving me weight loss advice or sex classes or sex for weight loss classes, which Gene has turned down several times at ReasonCon, by the way. Just saying. You know, I don't usually blame the victim, but his Lyme disease is his own damn fault at this point.

And in ARC parking news tonight, we have a follow-up story on creationist boat builder Johan Huybert. Do I have that correct? Eli, Johan Huybers? Huy builder Johann Huybert. Do I have that correct? Eli, Johann Huybers? Huybers? Okay. Huybers? Got it, got it. Johann Huybers and his attempted replica of Noah's Ark.

You may remember Huybers from episode 174 when we talked about how the lack of a rudder and means of propulsion made his vessel completely useless in terms of doing boat stuff, which meant it had to be towed by an actual boat. Always a good start. Yeah, right. And while I was being pulled around and ignored by God. The Matthew Shepard story. That's harsh.

That's harsh. Right now you're just like, oh, what's that? I missed it. But later on, you'll think about it. You'll be mad at me. And you should be. It didn't take me that long. So I was being pulled around.

It got into a collision that left it, well, pretty much equally useless. Yeah. But also with a giant hole. And now, most recently, it's been impounded by the Danish government, hole and now most recently it's been impounded by the danish government thanks to about seventy three thousand dollars in unpaid repair bills and parking tickets in fairness that's a lot less debt than ken ham's probably looking at but still not not great parking ticket what just imagine this guy running out of a gas and sip seriously i was in there for like 10 fucking minutes. This is bullshit. Yeah, so a few more fun details about this dumbass unboat.

First of all, it's not even an actual replica of Noah's Ark, unless, of course, the biblical Noah owned a steel foundry, because apparently the majority of the wood is just a veneer that goes over a metal hull. It doesn't even count. So he basically stapled an arc on the outside of a real boat and still couldn't get it to boat. This guy's only there to make Ken Ham look successful. Which is saying something, because Ken Ham is only there to make Ray Comfort look successful and turn him all the way down. So despite this obvious cheating with metal,

Mr. Hoover was not able to make the voyage from Scandinavia to Brazil last summer to show it off at the Olympics like he was planning. He claimed this was because of the Zika virus. Oh, I see. Well, hey, that shit on that boat's pretty important. You don't want, like, all the sheep in the world coming out with heads like an avocado.

No, you don't. He's probably also concerned about Ryan Lochte stealing it. Yeah, you never know. But it turns out the real problem was more about a rudderless box making a transatlantic voyage. Tricky. And also Denmark probably tying a small string to it. Right, because how do you go about impounding a boat with a hole in it that didn't float anyway? I just have this vision of some Danish guy trying to figure out where to put the club.

I'm just going to leave it here. Well, that's actually my favorite part. According to a Danish news site called Fjernsdistende. Do I have that right, Eli? Yeah. Got it. Fjernsdistende. called Fiends Distinde. Do I have that right, Eli? Yeah. Got it. Fiends Distinde. According to that place,

the standard procedure when a boat gets impounded like this is for authorities to remove part of the ship so it can't go anywhere until the outstanding bills are paid. But since this thing is literally incapable of going anywhere, even if there was an apocalyptic flood,

the creditors felt safe without any intervention beyond the small string or whatever else. So, bottom line, if any creationists are listening, if you notice too much rain, scoop up two of every animal and head to Esbjerg, Denmark. Yeah, right. You'd be all set. When you get to the ocean, hey,

if you really believe you can walk on that ship. That's right. What we need is some Dutch to English translation. That would help. And in don't euthanize me bro news tonight, an 80-year-old woman named Christine Nagel doesn't know what the fuck doctor-assisted suicide is and confirmed that fact forever by getting

don't euthanize me tattooed on her arm in response to new laws in canada that allow patients to apply for doctor-assisted suicide instead of dying horrible painful deaths the way god and christine nagel want them to for a podcast yes okay well i think she needs more tattoos um this one might help prevent injections of deadly poison by a veterinarian but isn't she still worried that someone might like stab her shoot her in the face dim mock there's a lot of other tattoos out there she needs to get based on the sarcastic negativity of your collective tones i'm starting to rethink that may be harmful if swallowed that i was gonna i going to get to stave off the cannibals.

I'm just going to do something else now. Hey, live your truth, Noah. In a horrifyingly cheerful news article on globalnews.ca this week, Nagel gave the reason for her tattoo decision, saying, quote, How would you feel if you turned up at the gates and St. Peter said, Just a minute, we weren't expecting you for another 18 months. End quote. And I feel like she thinks

that's rhetorical. Maybe, but weird moment to ask reporters what the sound of one hand clapping is. I guess, though my answer would be, confused that the omnipotent creator of the universe only jotted down the fucking long odds on when I was going to stop it.

But probably more upset about the whole fucking dying of a terrible, painful condition thing. Right. Yeah. If it means I can avoid the final weeks of terminal brain cancer, pretty sure I'm fine with waiting at the bar for St. Peter to have a busboy clean off my table or what the fuck he has to do. They give you one of those buzzing things to put up your butt while you wait? Dude, you're not supposed to put those up your butt.

Agree to disagree. So, as cutesy-bootsy as this article tries to make this woman's poisonous ideology, needless to say, getting a tattoo that says don't euthanize me, is just about as practical as getting one that says, don't gay marry me. In fact,

the second one is probably a little bit more practical as it's easier to send mixed signals that you're gay when you're not. Andy gets it. Well, I thought his tramp stamp that says Brexit only was pretty clear. Pretty clear signal. Once again, agree to disagree.

And finally tonight, from the expiring Minds Wanna Know file, conservative radio host Michael Savage took some time away from selling douchey hats in the shire last week so he could air another episode of his show and give Donald Trump some

advice on how to lose the election to Hillary by a slightly smaller margin hopefully if the answer isn't time machine he's wrong and even if it is hold on hold on let's hear him out the plan involves the national inquirer yep he's wrong yep okay well according to a recent edition katherine hepburn sp Spencer Tracy, Marilyn Monroe, Anderson Cooper, and most importantly, Hillary Clinton are all homosexuals. I see. And based on this top-notch journalism, Michael Savage wants Trump to make a public accusation about Hillary's secret lesbian stuff. Do you think they threw in Anderson Cooper just so stupid people would be like, okay, well that's one, not sure about the other, seems pretty legit.

How do I do this rating on IMDb again? But honestly, given their level of journalistic integrity, it may have been that they thought they were outing Anderson. They could have just been sitting around trying to fill out the last three inches of type saying, who's got a long first name and seems faggy to y'all? Benedict Cumberbatch. Too long, too long, a little shorter on the last name. And just to give everyone an idea of the so-called news source we're talking about, here's a few of the other top stories this week from the consummate professionals over at the National Enquirer.

We've got Janet Jackson is a Muslim. Carol Burnett, extremely wrinkle-free at 83. SNL cast member smokes weed. That one is almost certainly true. That's true. Also, Joy Behar plots a coup. Lorraine Bracco has an ugly face now. Russell Crowe used the N-word and got into a brawl.

That one's also probably true. And, of course, Jim Carrey murders a woman with an STD. Okay, also probably true, but three out of seven still isn't very good. So, a couple of quick points on all this. First of all, what the fuck does it matter if Hillary Clinton is gay or bisexual? I mean, it would explain the pantsuits. Boom! They're in balance roasting.

I'm just saying, though, I mean, nobody's being persecuted. It's not like Kim Davis has to hand her a piece of paper or something like that. No, true. But more importantly, even if we assume the National Enquirer is correct on this, like they are about twice a day. Three times, but yes. All we have is another piece of evidence that one of the major candidates is not a rapist. Everything in the article is about consensual lesbian affairs.

Doesn't that mean she wins the game? Is it over? Did she break it? Guys, Google consensual lesbian affairs. You will not be disappointed. No, you won't. It's my Tumblr. Okay, so I think we all know where this was going.

No need to explain why we already have 30 seconds on the clock. No, I don't think so. We're looking for Hillary Clinton lesbian porn titles. Of course we are. How about The Dyke Reich? I got your discernment right here. That's a callback to a call forward. See?

It's multidimensional. No emails required. Similar. What about Treason of the Witch? Private female server. Oh, nice. Naughty Nanny Gate 9. The Mother Daughter Whitewater Spite Slaughter.

It's like a Vince Foster, Femdom Snuff film slash film slash documentary oh i like it uh gotta go with this one nasty women obviously what about wiki leaks pay to spray from russia with love well since we all agree that the best lesbian grandma porn is the german lesbian grandma porn. How about Merkel on 69th Street? Ooh, I like it. I had a pay-to-play one, too. Pay-to-play with my vagina. It's direct. It's just direct.

Say what you mean. I got one more. I'm going back to Bond. I'm going back to Bond. What about Poonraker on Her Majesty's Secret Lip Server? And that's about as far from the suggestion to Google Consensual Lesbian Affairs as I can make it before taking that advice, so I guess we can wrap the headlines up there.

Heath, Eli, thanks as always. Nagging women like a giant asshole. And when we come back, Chris Cluey will be here to talk misogyny, religion, and free ice cream acquisition strategies. Hey, you know, just give her a chance, okay? She's Dave's daughter. Oh, okay, okay. Does she have any sculpting experience?

Oh, who knows? It's probably fine. How bad could it really be? Hi, guys. Hey there. Hello. Padre, I love your frock. really be? Hi, guys. Heather. Hello. Padre. I love your frock. Thank you, Heather. So, are you ready to see

the replacement I came up with for the baby Jesus head? Sure. Oh, absolutely. Okay, here we go. Ta-da! Ta-da! Oh, my God, you hate it No, not at all

We don't hate it No, no, no, I can totally tell you guys hate it No, it's just a little surprising It's the color The color, see I thought you guys would love it I was like, why are all statues white? Boring, you know, I was going for like gold

For like the King of Kings. That's, like, not even an orange. Not quite. Okay, well, the face... Yeah, I mean, I thought you would love that, too. Like, I haven't seen a ton of pictures of Jesus, but he was in Spaceballs, right? That's Mel Brooks. It does look like Mel Brooks' yogurt.

Yeah, him. Well, thanks so much, Heather. We're just going to go ahead and, you know, put it on a later. Yeah. Oh, my God. You guys fucking hate it, don't you? Well, it's just... No, you know what?

You know what? I worked really hard on this. And, like, my boyfriend broke up with me this week. And Mars is in retrograde. And I just thought for once, for once, in my life, something was going right. Because I worked really, really hard on this, you guys. And you hate it. So never fucking lie.

No, no. You know what? You know what, Heather? We are going to put it on right now. Look, I am putting it on. See? Wait, what? Really? Yeah, totally. See? I am putting it on. Wait, what? Really?

Yeah, totally. See? You mean it? Yes, we mean it. We do? Okay. I'll go get the puka bead necklace I made for it. The what?

If you've listened to this show for any length of time, you've already picked up on the fact that I'm a huge football fan. And while we were in England last week, I took an inordinate amount of shit for referring to the sport by that name when, as our British fans insisted, it should actually be called hand egg. Well, first of all, eggs are oblate spheroids. Footballs are prolate spheroids. So wrong. This is your language. I shouldn't have to tell you that. But secondly, you do use your feet occasionally,

and my guest tonight can prove it. Chris Glew was the punter for the Minnesota Vikings from 2005 to 2012, where he held team records for career punt average, career playoff punt average, and career punts inside the 20 before being released for reasons completely unrelated to his social activism, they swear.

He was the keynote speaker at the 2014 American Atheist National Convention in Salt Lake City, Utah, and he's the author of the magnificently titled Beautifully Unique Sparkle Ponies on Myths, Morons, Free Speech Football, and Assorted Absurdities. Chris, welcome to The Scathing Atheist. Hey, thanks for having me on. Hey, you bet, you bet. Now, I primarily invited you on to talk about your social justice activism, but I can't

pass up on this opportunity. You were a professional athlete for the better part of a decade, spent a lot of time in locker rooms. So from your experience, approximately what percentage of the conversation you overheard involves graphic braggadocio about sexual assault? 25%? 50%? sexual assault? 25%, 50%?

I would say 0% because I never heard anyone using the same terms that the orange frankenfurter is using, Donald Trump. That's the thing where, don't get me wrong, in the locker room, there's still plenty of problems with misogyny, with guys not treating women with respect. But I never heard anyone bragging about sexual assault or committing sexual assault. And like, I wrote a piece on it, you know, it gained some traction online, I think last week. And it's really just unfortunate, this idea that Trump thinks that that's how a man should act, and that it can be excused.

how a man should act and that it can be excused and it can't be excused like that's that's not decent social behavior that doesn't contribute to a stable civilization so yeah he's full of shit donald trump is full of shit you heard it here first um now i do want to mention that we will have a link to the piece that you wrote on Vox about this issue on the show notes for this episode. Definitely worth a read. And keep in mind, guys, this is coming from a dude who shared a locker room with Brett Dick Pick Favre, and he's never heard any of this. So no sexual assault talk in the locker room. So how about religious talk? Because as a fan, you know, I see everybody bowing in team prayer.

I see people, you know, thanking God for tripping up the strong safety. I hear Ray Lewis retroactively applying divine intent to his Super Bowl victory. And then I think to myself, holy shit, is this a hyper-religious league? Now, is that just a misconception I'm getting as a fan, or is there a cultural expectation of religiosity in the NFL? I think there definitely is a cultural expectation of religiosity in the NFL. I mean, when you look at the demographics, a lot of guys come out of the South, they come out of the Bible Belt region. And, you know, for them, that's just kind of a, that's how life is. It's, you know, football and religion, and occasionally school, like, and, you know, that's that. And, you know,

it's not to say that that's, that's wrong or anything, but that that is their environment. That's where they grow up. And so that's the lens through which they view the world. And, you know, we we are still a fairly religious country. I mean, we have we have quite a few different denominations within the United States, but by and large, we are fairly religious as a whole. And football is composed of players from all across our society. So, you know, I don't think it's anything out of the ordinary to see a lot of religion in football, because I mean, we have a lot of religion everywhere else. But you know, that being said, in my time in there, you know, I don't, it never really felt like I was forced to participate in anyone's religion, or that, religion or that you had to do these specific things. It was more like, okay, we're going to take a knee before a game because that's kind of how we were brought up to do things.

And if you don't want to, that's fine. You can just either stay silent or do whatever. Right, right. Well, that's good to know. Now, you've already sort of alluded to it. Of course, I know you as the guy who always pinned my lions inside the tent, but I feel like most of our listeners are going to be more familiar with your work as an activist and as an advocate for marriage equality. So can you tell me how that comes about? How did you become such an outspoken

supporter of marriage equality? I was asked on Twitter. I said yes. Really? Yep, that was pretty much how it went down. It was during 2012, what ended up being my final year with the Vikings, during the off-season, I want to say it was like June or July, a group called Minnesotans for Marriage Equality approached me on Twitter and said, hey, there's this constitutional amendment that's going to come up for vote within Minnesota that would make same-sex marriage illegal. Would you like to help us defeat this? And I thought about it. I was like, well, yeah, that sounds like something that I'd be interested in helping to defeat because I think enshrining discrimination

in a state's constitution is somewhat unconstitutional. And so I said, yeah. And I told them, let me make sure I clear it with the team first because I know that these can be tricky waters, and I want to make sure that the team's okay with it. And so I went and talked to the team's lawyers, and they were like, yeah, as long as you make it clear you're operating as Chris Cluey, private citizen, and not Chris Cluey speaking for the Vikings organization, then you're fine. I was like, great, well, let's do this. Awesome. Awesome. So now this all started with an open letter that you published online, correct?

Yeah. So that actually came a little bit later. So before that, I had done a couple like dinner speaking things and then a radio ad, But I didn't really get a lot of attention until I wrote the open letter on Deadspin to Delegate Emmett C. Burns, wherein I explained to him some of the responsibilities of an elected U.S. official and how he was failing to fulfill those duties. And yeah, that was when things really started kind of heating up in terms of people paying attention and talking about the issue. All right. Now, you said you did get permission from the team lawyers beforehand, but was there pushback from the team after this all happened from your teammates or coaches? There was pushback from my coaches after the letter went viral because I think they were okay with it as long as it was kind of like a low-key thing they, you know, they didn't have to think about it sort of out of sight, out of mind. But then once the,

uh, once the open letter went viral and the, the coaches saw, Oh, this, this is something he's serious about. He's going to be talking about this. Like we don't want him to talk about this because in the NFL it's,

there's this expectation that everything should be about football and that's all you should talk about. And, um, I think they were worried that somehow I would be distracted or I wouldn't stay focused. And it's like, well, no,

when I'm at the facility, when I'm playing football, like that's what I'm there to do. That's, that's what my focus is on. But when I'm away from the facility, then I'm an American citizen and I get to live my life. However I want to live it.

So if I decide during my free time that I'm going to advocate for marriage equality, well, if you don't want me to do that, I'm going to tell you to go F yourself because that's not the type of civilization I want to live in. Right on, right on. Now, obviously this year, I think a lot of people, even people who are not at all familiar with the NFL are far more familiar with activism within the NFL, obviously with the Colin Kaepernick thing, the um failure to stand for the uh for the national anthem in general how does the nfl in your experience look on on stuff like this is this generally frowned upon um there will be the the majority of the players will be okay with it um there will be some guys who aren't okay with it

because i mean like i said the nfl is drawn from all cross samplings of society, which means you get racist in the NFL, you know, you get bigots, you get people who are intolerant. But by and large, the players tend to be fairly up to date on social issues. Because when you look at demographics of the NFL, it's mainly 21, 22, 23 year old kids, you know, coming straight out of college. And so you see these social changes happening almost in real time. And for the younger generations today, they are far more in tune with the idea of social activism, you know, with the idea of same-sex rights not being a huge issue of marijuana legalization, you know, being something that should happen. So those are all things that are in the locker room. Players are looking at what Kaepernick is doing and they're

like, yeah, you know, I think he has a point. Like, this is something we need to address. Police violence, specifically against communities of color, is something we need to address as a society. And, you know, while most of them may not do anything to support it, either speaking out or taking a knee, they're also not going to oppose it. All that being said, within the front ranks of the coaching office and the front office and the ownership, those tend to be older white men who grew up in the 60s and 70s. And no offense to any rich older white men listening, they tend to have a certain mindset and generally not a good mindset when it comes to rights for the lbgtq community for

communities of color for the poor um so yeah that's that's where a lot of the pushback happens and unfortunately they're the ones with the power well and i think you know from my perspective we should also put a little bit of the blame on the fans because the fans skew a little bit older than the players as well and i'm sure you know obviously that the fans of the nfl tend to be a little older a little whiter a little wealthier so that probably is reflected in you know how they're trying to sell their brand as well sorry well i was gonna say well that's the weird thing though is that like the the fan makeup of you know who watches the nfl is so much more diverse these days and it and it seems seems like the NFL is aware of that. Like, you know, their whole thing

with the Breast Cancer Awareness Month, like they don't do that because they want to donate money to breast cancer because they don't donate any money to breast cancer. I think it's like 2% of the money actually goes to breast cancer research. They do it because they want more women watching the NFL and it works.

And so like the NFL is very much, I think, aware of the diversity of its fan base. And, yeah, there are portions of its fan base that are intolerant and racist. And, you know, I don't think the NFL necessarily considers that the majority of their fan base. But it would be nice to see them, you know, take a more direct stand against that type of thinking and say, you know what, hey, Kaepernick has just as much a right to do this, you know, as any other American citizen, which I think for the most part they've done so far. Yeah, no, I will say I think they've handled it fairly well compared to kind of what I've expected. And a lot of the reason I have those expectations is sort of at least my perception

of how you were treated after coming out so strongly for marriage equality. Now, not to get too deep into the backlash and the aftermath of that, but if you had it to do over again with 2020 hindsight, is there anything that you would have done differently in terms of your activism? I would have recorded all the conversations I had. That is something that I will recommend to anyone who's thinking of taking a stand record everything because when they eventually try to cut you or fire you or you know get rid of you then it's much much easier to back your case if you have recordings that you can go back and point to as opposed to trying to make people believe what you're saying because then then it boils down to okay well i hope these

people are my friends who i thought were my friends and that they'll back me up on this stuff because if they don't then like it's it's going to be a rough go of it right right yeah famous last words there well you know but i but i think the importance of it can't be uh overstated because either by some phenomenally unlikely statistical coincidence there are no gay or bisexual players in the nfl or and i think this is far more likely the culture is still perceived as being backwards enough that gay players don't feel confident coming out publicly so where do you think the nfl culture is in terms of lgbt acceptance generally um i think it's right about the beginning of the 80s um because because well i mean because when you look at it those are the people who are in

charge right like the the the culture of the nfl could very very quickly change if all the owners got together and made it a mandate to their coaching staffs that, hey, if a player is gay or bisexual or queer or gender fluid, whatever it happens to be, that has no bearing on how they play football. And if anyone tries to do something about that, then they will be fired. Like that's totally within their power. They could do that right now, and it would change the environment within the NFL. However, the problem is that the front office and coaches of the NFL, they're very much fans of the status quo. And so they figure, okay, if it's worked up to this point, why should we have to

change anything? Right, right. So if they're in around early 80s or so, do you think we're another 30 years away from our first openly gay NFL player? Or how far away do you think we are there? NFL play or, or, uh, you know, how far away do you think we are there? Um, that's a tough one. I'd say probably 15, 20 years to have the environment be one where it's not a big deal because that gives another generation time to come up and sort of, you know, rise through the ranks and then take power within the NFL. Um, it could happen sooner than that. If you have, uh, you know, if you have a player come out who's a a transcendent talent like because that was that was one of the unfortunate things um when when michael sam came out right like here here was a guy who he should have had a chance in the nfl like he was he was

one of those tweener guys where you don't know if he's a down lineman you don't know if he's a stand-up outside linebacker but he was good enough in college to where he should have been drafted between the third and fifth round and then given about three years to adjust to whichever position they tried to put him in. Like I've seen so many guys of his same type, you know, same athletic type, same position type, get that exact chance and be drafted in those rounds. And so the unfortunate thing with the Michael Pham situation is that he was a good football player. I think he might have been good enough to make it in the NFL. Problem is he wasn't like a Jackie Robinson, right? Like he, he wasn't that guy who, you know, he's not a Tom Brady where it's okay, we have to have this guy playing. And it's unfortunate that has to come to that. But you know, until I think until there is

a player like that, where someone who is so good that you're forced to acknowledge that it doesn't matter what their sexuality is then i think the nfl will continue to find reasons to cut guys that they either suspect are gay or you know have come out as openly gay because they're the teams are just going to look at it like well we don't want to have to deal with it right um so i'd also like to talk a little bit about your book while I've got you on. I would tell the audience that this is not a traditional football book, but I kind of feel like the title does that job for me. The title, again, is Beautifully Unique Sparkle Ponies on Myths, Morons, Free Speech, Football, and Assorted Absurdities. Now, this may be a bit of a superfluous question since the title kind of is the elevator pitch, more or less, but what's the book about? since the title kind of is the elevator pitch more or less, but what's the book about? So it's a collection of short stories and essays. And the way I describe it is this is probably the closest you'll get to seeing inside my mind.

So buyer beware. And yeah, when I wrote the book, that was one of the things that I didn't want it to be the standard football book because I'll probably write that book one day like, oh, here's my memoirs. You know, here's what I did. Here's like, here's what life in the NFL is like. But when I was writing Sparkleponies, I was like, these are ideas and thoughts that I think are important that I think, you know, people should be thinking about and talking about and considering. And, you know, some of them are serious. Some of them are funny. Some of them, you know, are just random assorted musings. But it was something that I wanted to show that football players, we're not just the helmet and the shoulder pads out on the field.

We talk about all sorts of different stuff. We think about all sorts of different stuff. And at the end of the day, we're just human beings like everyone else living in the same society as everyone else. And we should probably have that society be a good one as opposed to a bad one. Yeah, I would say that in a lot of ways, the book reads like a treatise on the importance of humanism. But I also think it's great that because we talk a little bit about or we've already talked a little bit about how the culture within the NFL might be a little bit regressive, but the culture, our larger culture's attitude towards football players is also regressive. It seems like we've got sort of this attitude that was locked in in the 50s of a bunch of meatheads that don't think good and therefore they athlete. And I think your book really pushes back against that as well.

There's definitely some really interesting nuggets within that mind of yours. So can you tell me a little bit more about the title, how you landed on Beautifully Unique Sparkle Ponies? Sure, yeah. So I knew I wanted to pay homage to the original letter that went viral, the one on Deadspin. And that one was titled, They Won't Magically Turn You Into Lustful Cock Monsters. And I knew Barnes & Noble probably wouldn't stock a book called Lustful Cockmonsters. So in the sort of like self-censored version of the letter that I wrote, because it's so funny, because I wrote this open letter and then I got a text from my dad the next day. He's

like, you know, yeah, I think the letter was great, but did you have to use that much swearing? He's like, you know, yeah, I think the letter was great, but did you have to use that much swearing? And so I was like, well, no, I didn't have to. But A, I like swearing. And then B, and I actually made this apart, and that essay is in Spark Ponies as well. B, I made the argument about it where if, you know, if all you're focused on are the bad words, and you think that that somehow invalidates the argument, then you're making the same mistake that so many other people make when they take something surface value and assume that that's

the truth about it, rather than looking deeper within and saying, is what they're saying, does that really match up with their actions? Does that really match up with what is being done? And so I wrote the letter and I replaced all the swear words with baudelarizations, which, you know, you take really interesting jumbles of words and put them in there. I think one was like slide whistle to E-flat and inappropriately shaped phallic hedge sculpture. So the

baudelarization I used for Lustful Cock Monster was Beautifully Unique Sparkle Pony. And long story short, that's how i got the title of the book is i was i'm like okay well i can't call it you know lustful cock monster so i'll just call it beautifully unique sparkle ponies awesome and and that made for a great cover photo as well on the uh oh yeah yeah so so the cover photo uh that was fun because um the photo crew the they were you know they did a bunch of different pictures of different scenes for the book cover, but they did it all at my house.

And so that picture on the front of the book where I'm on a carousel horse, sort of like staring off into the distance, they did that in my driveway as what I found out were our new neighbors were moving in that day. neighbors were moving in that day. So I'm sitting in my driveway on this carousel horse with some guy taking pictures of me and a photo backdrop, and these moving trucks just keep coming by, and the movers inside are just staring like, what is going on here? It's like, oh, just a Tuesday. Welcome to the neighborhood. I'm assuming that's a mystery that they still haven't solved. Amazing.

Yep. Now, we have a little bit extra time. This has nothing to do with anything we've talked about, but this is my personal favorite Chris Cluey story. I wanted to share this. When you played with the Vikes for a long time, you wore the No. 5, but then Donovan McNabb came over to the team. He wanted to keep wearing No. 5 like he did in Philly,

which meant you had to change jersey numbers. But before you agreed to do that, you managed to finagle a couple of concessions from Donovan. If you recall, can you tell us what your conditions were for switching jersey numbers? Yeah, yeah. So that's one of the things in the NFL, you know, for your listeners, that guys will frequently sort of haggle with each other for jersey numbers. Because for some guys, it's a real big deal. And then for other guys, they're like, well, I don't care what I wear, but I might be able to get some money from this guy for selling him my jersey. Right. And so I kind of fall into the second camp where I'm like, whatever, it's just a number. Like it has no bearing on, you know,

who I am as a football player. But I didn't want to do just kind of the standard, okay, well, just give me some money and I'll give you the jersey. I, you know, I wanted to have some fun with it because that's what I enjoy doing. So, so what I ended up saying, um, to Donovan is, you know, Hey, I'll, I'll give you, I'll give you the Jersey, but you have to, um, you have to make a $5,000 donation to the charity that I donated to. Um, it was a kick for a cure for muscular Duchenne. And then, um, you also have to give me an ice cream cone and you have to mention my band's name five times in five news conferences. Because I was like, well, the publicity is going to be worth more to me than just grabbing a couple thousand dollars.

And, you know, maybe it helps the band out. Yeah, and I'm sorry, what's the name of the band? The name of the band is Tripping Icarus. We are on hiatus since I live in California now, and the other three guys still live in Minnesota. But one day, we'll be back together. So if you want to check out our music, we are on iTunes and, what is it, Bandcamp, I think. So I might be biased, but I think our music's pretty good.

Awesome. Well, we'll have that linked on the show notes as well. And I love, by the way, that you also threw in an ice cream cone. A little something for you, too. Yeah, I had to get something out of it, you know? Because I figured the band mentions, you know, that's kind kind of me but also for the other guys in the band and you know the charity stuff that's for charity and i gotta get something you know just just a taste just you know i i wouldn't mind getting an ice cream cone from donovan mcnabb i'd be and make my day

yeah it's a good story exactly well you know chris i can't thank you enough for your time tonight and for the sacrifices that you've made on behalf of people who really needed your voice. You know, they kind of fuck punters in terms of the Hall of Fame, but something tells me you're going to be immortalized for something a lot more important than your athletic prowess. So on behalf of a lot of people that can't speak for themselves, I really do thank you for that. Thanks. Yeah. And, you know, for me, it was just a matter of I was in a position to do something. And the world that I want to live in is one where if I need help, then, you know, someone who's in a position to do so will help me. So if I'm if I'm in that position, then I need to do something because otherwise I'm hypocrite and I really don't want to be a hypocrite. That kind of sucks. Well said. Well said. And of course, if the audience would like to hear a little more from Chris, you'll find a link to buy his book on the show notes for this episode. Chris, thanks again for hanging out with me tonight. Yeah, no problem. Thanks for having me on.

Before we rush off to spend all that crazy loot crate cash, I'm proud to announce that we're nearing completion on the long-awaited Diatribes Vol. 2. Should have a firm release date for you next week, but between now and then, if you'd like to catch up by polishing off of Diatribes Vol. 2. Should have a firm release date for you next week, but between now and then, if you'd like to catch up by polishing off of Diatribes Vol. 1, you can find it on the Kindle Store, you can get it as an e-book or a paperback on Amazon, or you can just follow the link

on the show notes for this episode. And don't forget to check out lootcrate.com slash atheist to get $3 off your first order. For the record, they also have Loot Pet in case there's a dog in your life that could use a monthly box

of cool gamer stuff. Anyway, that's all the Blast movie we've got for you tonight, but we'll be back in 10,022 minutes with more. If you can't wait that long, be on the lookout for a brand new episode of our sister show's hot friend Godawful Movies, debuting at 8 a.m. Eastern time on Tuesday. Breaking down the new Columbine Made Me Jesus movie

from the God's Not Dead folks should be brutal. Obviously, this episode wouldn't count if I didn't thank Heath for fighting through a brutal British head cold to get here tonight. I also need to thank the lovely Lucinda Lusions for doing what she could tonight, and she promises to be back with a full-blown This Week in Misogyny next week. I need to thank Justin from Alcoholics Anonymous for Atheist and Agnostics in Canberra for providing this week's Farnsworth quote. If you had a little trouble with the accent but still wanted to follow him on Twitter,

check the show notes for an Australian to American translation. But most of all, of course, I need to thank this week's most perspicacious patrons, Philosopraptor Jesus, Abdi, Lauren, Daniel, Christina, Cameron, Eric, Derek, Mike, Mark, Denny, Roger, Andrew, Sharon, Jay Bradford, Adrian, Sheldon, and the whore of Babylon's cuckold husband. Philosopraptor Jesus, Abdi, Lauren, Daniel, Christina, and Cameron, whose relative excellence has forced Bill and Ted to rebrand their adventures as somewhat pedestrian, Eric, Derek, Mike, Mark, Denny, and Roger, whose ejaculations promise not to set off those tsunami warnings anymore, and Andrew, Sharon, Jay Bradford, Adrian, Sheldon, and the whore of Babylon's cuckold husband

who are so seductive mermaids go to them for singing lessons. Together, these 18 enviably elegant exemplars of elite erudition elevated our estates this week by giving us money. Not everybody has the money to give us money, but if you have money that you don't need and you'd like to give it to us, you both can and should. You can make a per-episode donation at patreon.com slash scathingatheist We'll see you next time. review on iTunes, telling a friend about the show, or supporting our sponsor, LootCrate.com. If you have questions, comments, or death threats, you'll find all the contact info on the contact page at SkatingAtheist.com. All the music used in this episode was written and performed by yours truly,

and yes, I did have my permission. And in making that joke make sense news tonight. The preceding podcast was a production of Puzzle in a Thunderstorm LLC. Copyright 2016. All rights reserved.