The Scathing Atheist - ScathingAtheist 231: Cut Off Your Johnson Edition

Episode Date: July 20, 2017

In this week’s episode, Republicans take a strong anti-”knowing true things” stance, we learn that buttsex is in Vogue again ... and then out ... and then in again, and the Mormons in the book of Mormon will go to a fountain called Mormon in the land of Mormon. To make a per episode donation at Patreon.com, click here: http://www.patreon.com/ScathingAtheist To buy our book, click there: http://www.amazon.com/Diatribes-Godless-Misanthrope-Scathing-Presents-ebook/dp/B00J53FZFI/ref=sr11?ie=UTF8&qid=1396141562&sr=8-1 To check out our sister show, The Skepticrat, click here: https://audioboom.com/channel/the-skepticrat To check out our sister show’s hot friend, God Awful Movies, click here: https://audioboom.com/channel/god-awful-movies Guest Links: Check out Inciting Incident’s 100th episode here: http://www.incitingincident.libsyn.com/ Check out the “A Topic a Month” podcast here: https://itunes.apple.com/us/podcast/a-topic-a-month/id1227145899?mt=2&ign-mpt=uo%3D4 Headlines: Majority of republicans think higher education is bad for the country: http://www.patheos.com/blogs/friendlyatheist/2017/07/11/a-majority-of-republicans-think-higher-education-is-bad-for-the-country/ House committee approves bill to repeal the Johnson Amendment: http://www.patheos.com/blogs/friendlyatheist/2017/07/14/u-s-house-committee-passes-bill-letting-pastors-preach-politics-from-the-pulpit/ New poll: Creationism reaches all time low in US: http://religionnews.com/2017/07/13/creationism-support-is-at-a-new-low-the-reason-should-give-us-hope/ House democrats reintroduce "Do No Harm" bill: http://www.patheos.com/blogs/friendlyatheist/2017/07/13/house-democrats-re-introduce-do-no-harm-act-to-correct-the-overreach-of-rfra/ Ken Ham sells himself his park for $10 to avoid taxes: http://www.patheos.com/blogs/friendlyatheist/2017/07/17/creationists-have-sold-ark-encounter-to-themselves-for-10-to-avoid-taxes/ Christian activists furious over Teen Vogue’s anal sex article: http://www.patheos.com/blogs/friendlyatheist/2017/07/13/this-christian-mother-is-furious-that-teen-vogue-has-an-article-about-anal-sex/ This Week in Misogyny: Defunding planned parenthood = more teen abortions, more unwanted pregnancies:http://www.patheos.com/blogs/friendlyatheist/2017/07/13/defunding-planned-parenthood-led-to-more-teen-abortions-and-unintended-pregnancies/ Go-Klings: God will cure all disease if we defund Planned Parenthood: http://www.patheos.com/blogs/friendlyatheist/2017/07/11/gordon-klingenschmitt-god-will-heal-diseases-if-we-defund-planned-parenthood/

warning there's no way to describe current events without profanity and we're not trying anyway this week's episode of the skating atheist is brought to you by ziprecruiter.com and by our jeff sessions in five words or less contest today's winner is matt who had gringotts teller fucked foghorn leghorn which would have been a much better book than The Cursed Child, and obviously an amazing stage play. Nice work, Matt. Now, normally it'd be time for a new subject, but there is no shortage of enthusiasm for describing the Attorney General, so we're going to keep it going. Please keep tweeting us your best five words or less using the hashtag SessionsScathe,

and you could be the next winner. And now, the Scathing Apees this is aiden from a topic a month podcast i assure you we did in fact evolve from filthy monkey men It's Thursday. It's July 20th. And this week they're coming for Art Johnson. I'm no illusions. I'm Eli Bosnick. I'm Heath Enright.

From New York, New York. Secret Lair, Pennsylvania, this is Skating Atheist. On this week's episode, Republicans take a strong anti-knowing true things stance. We learn that butt sex is in vogue again, and then out again, and then in again. And the Mormons of the Book of Mormon will go to the fountain called Mormon in the land of Mormon. Fuck is he not trying. But first, the diatribe. With apologies to Mr. Twain, the reports of the death of the atheist movement are greatly exaggerated.

Normally, I try to avoid talking about inside baseball on the show. Most of you don't give a fuck, I know. Hell, I generally don't give a fuck, and I'm immersed in this shit 24 hours a day. The so-and-so-doesn't-like-so-and-so game is boring, childish, and counterproductive. So it's only with great reluctance that I wade into these waters. But after five years of reading damn near weekly obituaries for the atheist movement, I feel like I've got to address it. First of all, the last 604 people that predicted it were wrong. Atheists have about as solid a

track record of predicting their own demise as Christians have of predicting the rapture. Every week or so, I hear another prominent voice warning that the movement is on life support, and yet measurable statistics show that we continue to grow despite it. And what do these counterfactual cultural coroners list under the cause of death? Well, it varies, but the one constant is the people who disagree with me about something else did it something unrelated the movement is dying because it's too pc or because it's not pc enough or it's too feminist or it's too sexist or it's too liberal or it's too conservative well look if you want a canary in your coal mine might i offer up me, I make a living telling dick jokes to atheists.

Hell, four people make a full-time living off of it, and three more make a part-time living off of it. There is virtually nothing in the atheist movement that is of less consequence than all of us getting our fill of dick jokes, and yet there are enough people in the movement to keep us doing it. If the movement's going to die, trust me, we'll be the first to go. And yet our show continues to grow, as do dozens of others in the atheist media world. And there's never been a better time to be an atheist in search of relevant entertainment and news. You got your pick of scores of quality podcasts, a library of books, a lifetime or two is worth a good YouTube content, conventions and conferences all over the world, or at least a part of the world that listens to this show. You got terabyte after terabyte of great blogs, plus an ever-expanding cornucopia of dedicated online

communities. I know literally dozens of people who make their living not believing in God. These are not signs of necrosis, folks. But despite all that, there are plenty of prominent voices willing to declare our movement to be on death's door the moment their YouTube comments turn against them. Now, at this point, i want to make it super clear that i'm not talking about anyone particular in this diatribe this rhetoric is so common that no doubt as i write this some prominent atheist is writing a blog about how the atheist movement is dying and when it comes out on thursday people are gonna like read that blog and then hear this and they're gonna say man why is noah being such a dick to blogger Bob? And I'm not talking about blogger Bob or anyone else who made this fanciful,

unevidenced claim, except in as much as I'm talking about everyone who's ever said it. And I'm not attributing malicious intent to any of these people either, though I'm sure at least some of them have it. But I'm sure most of them are sounding what they think is a very reasonable concern, right? They look around the atheist movement and they see things they don't like. They assume their opinion to be the average atheist opinion, like we all kind of do. And they worry that atheists are going to be scared away from the movement. Now, here's how this plays out, right? They go, gee, I noticed that today, a lot of people in the atheist movement care an awful lot about X. But when I got involved years back, it seemed like almost nobody was worried all that much about X.

I wonder if I'd have gotten involved if there was so much talk about X all the time back then. And so they go pour these concerns out to their laptop and warn about tolling bells and falling skies and shit. Now, the correct way to interpret that phenomenon is awesome. Now there's a place in the atheist movement for people who are really passionate about X. I don't give much of a shit myself, but it's good to know that we can call upon the people who are pro-X and ambiguous about it. I sure hope we wind up with a group of atheists that are anti-X, so then all the points of view will be represented and nobody can use X as a reason not to be an atheist activist. Now, admittedly, it does matter what X is here, right? If you substitute in church-state separation, it kind of falls apart.

The same is true if you're talking about something like flat earth theory leprechauns or nazism but if x is anything about which two reasonable people can disagree we should be fired the fuck up about the intellectual diversity in our movement and even if you can't bring yourself to be fired up about it you should at least recognize it as a growing pain rather than a death knell of course in today's political climate the list of things we admit that reasonable people can disagree about gets ever narrower you know we all suffer from the habit of trying to reduce complex moral questions into overly simplistic terms so we can accuse the other guys of being stupid or immoral but that's a problem every movement has

and one self-selected for rationalism is better equipped to deal with it than most now don't get me wrong i'm not predicting invincibility here, right? The atheist movement will die one day, but it'll be because we won. Religion is wrong, and no amount of political hegemony in our movement is going to change that fact. Religion isn't going to die off, of course,

but it'll lose so much influence that there'll be nothing important left for us to talk about. Victory is going to be our cause of death. And between now and then, sure, we'll wax, we'll wane, but about. Victory is going to be our cause of death. And between now and then, sure, we'll wax, we'll wane. But those fluctuations aren't gonna be based on whether we spend too much or too little time on fucking issue X or anything like that. It's gonna be based on how willing we are to work with the people we disagree with, even passionately on the things that matter to all of us. Look, I'd march alongside a Muslim to protest Christian overreach

and a Christian to protest Muslim overreach. And I'd march alongside a Muslim to protest Christian overreach and a Christian to protest Muslim overreach. And I'd march alongside your least favorite atheist to keep the Johnson Amendment intact. My least favorite, too. And it's look, it's not like we have to be super fucking good at this. You give the other guys long enough, they'll start killing each other over crackers again. So we don't exactly have to get over a high bar to be best in show. They're talking about you, Jesus. We interrupt this broadcast and bring you a special news bulletin.

Joining me for headlines tonight are two men who have as many legislative accomplishments as the 115th Congress, Heath Fenright and Eli Bosnick. Fellas, are you ready to filibuster the outro for about 52 more minutes? Oh, we finally get our chance.

Ready, Eli? Oh, I'm ready. One, two, three, four. Hats off to Botswana. All right, all right, all right, all right. Well, that's as far into the lyrics as you guys can go without violating international agreements and domestic hate crime laws. So we're going to take a quick break for a word from this week's sponsor, ZipRecruiter.com. Dear Michelle, thank you so much for your letter.

Hey, Carl the Pug of Pegcorn, what are you doing? Sorry, Heath, can't talk now Now that I'm the beloved mascot of our podcast I can barely keep up with the fan mail Wow, why don't you just hire an assistant? Oh, I wish, Heath But there's no way I could navigate the wild and crazy world of online hiring Okay, well, why don't you try ZipRecruiter.com?

What's ZipRecruiter.com? Oh, it's the best way to find qualified candidates for your business, no matter how big or small. With ZipRecruiter, you can post your job to 100-plus job sites with just one click. Then their powerful technology efficiently matches the right people to your job better than anyone else. It's good stuff. Thanks, Heath, but I've done things like that before. I pay to put up an ad and it just sits there for a month soaking up money. No thanks. Okay, well, that's why ZipRecruiter is different. Unlike other job sites, ZipRecruiter doesn't depend

on candidates finding you. It finds them. In fact, over 80% of jobs posted on ZipRecruiter doesn't depend on candidates finding you. It finds them. In fact, over 80% of jobs posted on ZipRecruiter get a qualified candidate in just 24 hours. 24 hours? That's like two naps and three tummy rubs. Exactly, Carl. No juggling emails or calls to your office. Simply screen, rate, and manage candidates all in one place with ZipRecruiter's easy-to-use dashboard. You can find out today why ZipRecruiter has been used by businesses of all sizes to find the most

qualified job candidates with immediate results. Oh, well, that does sound amazing, Heath. But see, I don't have any money because I'm a dog unicorn Pegasus thing. No problem, Carl. Right now, you can post jobs on ZipRecruiter for free. I'm sorry, for free? That's right, Carl, for free. Just go to ZipRecruiter.com slash scathing. That's ZipRecruiter.com slash scathing. Okay, one question left.

What's that? Is playing fetch a job qualification? Oh, Carl. This is a weird thing we do when we can't think of other stuff. And now, back to the headlines. In our lead story tonight, from the No Duh File, we have some numerical data about religious conservatives being dumb as a group, as is often the case with the NoDuh file. A revelation that will surprise pretty much only the people listening on the iPod of the guy they just murdered for his atheist bumper sticker. The American political party that relies on the ignorant Christian vote doesn't think the places that teach people things are good.

They don't like them. In other news, McDonald's doesn't like skinny bitches. So according to a recent survey by the Pew Research Center, 58 percent of Republicans say colleges and universities have a negative effect on the way things are going in the country just generally negative jesus so just to be clear the majority of the republicans they asked were like i'm not sure the doctor factories are good for the right now to be fair i'd assume some of these people are at least mild fans of learning stuff so if the survey question included you know the school of hard knocks and using facebook to test out the terrible ideas you learned on youtube i'm sure learning would have scored way better but right it's almost like

they've been fed a false narrative about extremism in academia by a fake center. I swear someone mentioned this. Can we think of anyone who warned us about any intellectualism being used to weaponize ignorance? No, me neither. Me neither. Well, Eli, you were the first person on the internet to say that learning is good. I do remember that. Thank you, Keith.

Supportive. You? Supportive. Welcome. You're welcome. Eli also invented the Interrobang. Most people don't know that. That's when you ask to fuck someone for those who don't know.

Anyway, uh... Interrobang! A child. Another stat worth noting here, according to the same survey, 85% of Republicans felt the national news media was bad for the country so again this isn't really an anti-academic thing so much as a general movement against knowing things again in general

point being you know let's not rush to judgment here yeah maybe watching bible man i get it no yeah right exactly i'm taking that message home Lean on a child that's of age. And in crippling an amendment name for a crippled guy news tonight, congressional Republicans took important steps towards making good on Trump's promise to repeal the Johnson Amendment last week, a measure that would weaken the amendment to a point indistinguishable from full repeal passed out a committee last Friday. Opponents of the move, of course, point out that the Trump administration already had way too much in common with the bumbling kidnappers from the big lugbowski way before they threatened to cut off our johnson i mean to be fair if he runs on

well that's just like your opinion man 2020 i'm just i like he says what he means not sure why but i cut off my dick and melania cut off her toe just saying house better make this happen it's gonna be awkward i mean if we're being honest but that's not fair is already the motto of the democrats so it is all coming together like i didn't realize until this moment just so long as donnie still has a heart attack at the end of course because this congress is too enamored with self-castration to actually pass a bill, they're instead trying to tack this onto an appropriations bill, which would effectively cut off any funds the IRS might use to enforce this law. This would allow them to

sell the measure to nervous supporters as a cost savings measure, as it significantly reduces the no dollars that the IRS spent enforcing this law in the last several years. that the IRS spent enforcing this law in the last several years. Just one guy like, okay, push that desk against the wall. Yeah, no, it's not for not doing that anymore. It's just a desk now. We're doing Christian stuff. You know where I'm thinking we could collect more money?

From rich people. Move the desk. Just move the desk, Kyle. I want to be clear here. I don't want to leave anyone with the impression that this repeal would be meaningless is it not that it's very not that look the irs doesn't enforce this law but at least part of that is because the abuses are relatively minor right i mean the existence of the law dissuades rampant abuses up until now churches have had to operate under the assumption that if they got too brazen with their violations the irs would have no choice but to come

after them with even that fig leaf removed there would be absolutely nothing to limit what political actions could be cloaked in the impenetrable shadow of church financial statements you know obviously some would say those impenetrable shadows themselves are the problem and i agree that's a big fucking problem but there's nobility and amelioration too, right? Right. So just to clarify, we are not a fake church because... The majority of us still have ethics. The majority.

I feel like we haven't voted. Pretty sure you're three to one at this point. That's why we haven't voted. If you count Andrew. And in fail Mary full of space news tonight. Before you get too bummed out about the cancer of anti-intellectualism and theocracy

sweeping across the land this week, there's some good news. And I'm not just talking about Heath's engagement. No. Joke done. Click, click, edit, click, edit. Think about it. This doesn't, edit, click. No, I mean, think about it. This doesn't go out until Thursday. Edit.

By then, who knows? And cut. Yeah, by Thursday, you could have a baby on the way. Can we stop? Really? This is fun. Our friend Heath loves this joke. You know who's going to really love it, though?

Heath Jr. Little Heath. He'll have his dad's hairdo, I bet. Oh, you could be an old dad. This isn't. Nope. Is that your grandpa? No, that's my dad.

And we're back. Okay. According to a recent Gallup poll, creationism, specifically defined in this poll as the belief that God created the world in the last 10 000 years with evolution playing no part is at an all-time low at just 38 so compliment sandwich also keep in mind donald trump's approval rating is at 36 which means in my mind at least that two percent of people are like look the earth got farted into existence by a magic sky wizard and fossils are alive planted by the devil. But this motherfucker needs to get off Twitter. Enough is enough.

He's doing a bad job. Yeah. Lots of creationist Meryl Streep fans are super conflicted these days. Sophie's choice, am I right? How do you pick? Well, hey, if Trumpcare passes, they won't have to choose which kid to kill.

And I got to say, I think this measurement should be like the BAC for running a country. Just like 38 percent. Fuck. No. Sorry, you're a colony of England again. Sleep it off. Couple hundred years.

Take an Uber back to your political system in the morning. Yeah, right. The most depressing thing about this number is that we're not depressed by it. Right. The most depressing thing about this number is that we're not depressed by it. Right. Yeah. We're like a feel good 60 minutes special about that guy with burns over 90 percent of his body. And in RFRA madness news tonight, we have a new development in the story of the Do No Harm Act. That's the bill proposed in the House last year by U.S. that's the bill proposed in the house last year by u.s representatives joe kennedy and bobby scott in hopes of mitigating many of the harmful and unforeseen consequences of rifra and it got reintroduced last week my legal counsel informs me that reasonable people can disagree about

whether magic is real so harmful parts of it but uh then again 2016 was a simpler time time when we thought a lady could be president or even a fictional alien time when we thought a bad year was when lots of famous people died of old age surrounded by loved ones how young and foolish we were in 2016 perfectly average number of famous people but yeah I guess that reinforces the how foolish point

when I listen to old episodes of the skeptic cat it's like three guys on the titanic doing an impersonation of the guy at the front freaking out about an iceberg turn turn hilarious fucking alan freaking out relax yeah so the fact that this bill didn't get passed immediately and needs to be reintroduced now is fucking crazy right because the bill it's just like it sounds the do no harm act would just add a rule to the existing RFRA law that says well except you can't use this to harm anyone that's it seems like that would have already been part of the law or maybe just like a tacit understanding about everything ever but apparently not and see hobby lobby for an example if you need yeah i mean the the pro-harm caucus is surprisingly vocal right oh well you guys want to bet that we

could get a harm chant going in congress right now just harm harm harm harm that's the gop white guy version of a hey yeah Harm, harm, harm. Just what's his name? Jeff Sessions doing that spin on his head thing in the center. Because he's the devil. Here's the thing. I'm definitely rooting for the bill. But again, it seems like we're taking a weird angle.

Maybe instead of giving RFRA a do no harm corollary, we just get rid of the thing that's doing harm in the first place and and then everyone just has to obey all the laws like everyone maybe a law that says that but instead congressmen have to spend their time trying to legislate rifra out of the cold dead hands of antonine scalia and his fucking reborn acolyte right ridiculous right but but in addition to a law that says that, we would also need a court system, an internal revenue system, et cetera,

that enforced that law. Right. Until we reach a point where a state AG isn't going to get run out of office for making churches follow the laws. Our best bet really does seem to be something like riffraff, but with the safety on. Again, though, that's only because

full rationality is off the table in america guys this episode's a bummer we need a sketch where ben carson tries a pick and mix or maybe religion could do something good i don't know how long has it been five years all of humanity anyway yeah um well the bill failed the first time around but many are hopeful that with donald trump in, the importance of these protections become a little more clear. But rather than hold our breath waiting for the world to be sane again, we'd like to introduce a brand new church. The Church of Firmly Held Beliefs. No, wait a minute.

Hold on. No, don't play the doodly dood. Brothers and sisters, my name is Reverend Eli Bovnik and I'm coming to you now from the Church of Firmly Held Beliefs and I know what you're thinking. Didn't John Oliver do a fake preacher bit a while ago? Fuck him. He doesn't own being a fake preacher.

No. Here at the Church of Firmly Held Beliefs, we're all about our very real beliefs about the laws that stand. Just listen to one of our heartfelt congregants. Hi there, I'm Brotherlusions. Which kind of fucks up my whole name thing. Whatever.

And I firmly believe that the pot laws in this country don't apply to me. Then they don't, brother. They do not. I'm Brother Enright. Name still works the same amount. Go fuck yourself. And I believe that each man, woman, and child should be able to drink scotch at 10 a.m. without being judged.

More of a social more, but whatever. Boom, you can do it. Brothers and sisters, I tell you, as long as RFRA stands tall and strong like the sycamore tree, we will be here, the church of firmly held beliefs, to help excuse whatever the fuck it is you want to do. Amen. And without frightening admission of what Eli'd be doing if we weren't here to reign him in,

I'm going to need to expand the whiteboard a bit. So while I do that, we'll hand things over to my lovely wife, Lucyn. A man wrote the Bible? A whore is what she wants. If it's a legitimate reign. It's a slut, right? Cooking can be fun. Hey!

I'm proud of a man. This Week in Misogyny. Well, as of now, it looks like the GOP health care bill is dead and buried. But I've seen enough horror movies to know the villain is never really dead. And even if they prove themselves ultimately unable to repeal the big scary black guy based health care plan, no amount of legislative embarrassments are going to take Planned Parenthood out of the crosshairs. And look, all too often the stories about the perpetual plans to defund America's largest provider of women's health are framed as anti-abortion efforts when the reality is that they're anti-woman efforts. And that's true regardless of your feelings on abortion.

Look, Republicans like spending less money. And of course, the ones who look at the data, and at least some of them do, have to know that making contraception harder to get increases abortion rates. And even without data, you'd think a functional frontal lobe would clue you in on this one. But in what I see as an admission

that way too many lawmakers don't have a functional frontal lobe, Miami University economics professor Annalisa Packham broke it down in charts and graphs for him. Her study, which was recently published in the Journal of Health Economics, follows the trend lines in Texas,

where budget cuts force most of the Planned Parenthood clinics to shut down back in 2012. Her data showed a nearly 5% increase in abortions over the first couple of years, Her data showed a nearly 5% increase in abortions over the first couple of years, along with a 3.5% increase in unintended teen pregnancies. Now, Peckham couches her data in the cautious tone of a scientist

and admits that she can't show a causal link with the data she has. But let's face it. In the real world, we don't need a whole hell of a lot to link decreased access to birth control with less control over births. Her research also blows the fiscal argument out of the water, since the money they save slashing the budget for Planned Parenthood is outweighed by the increased state assistance to all these extra teen moms. Of course, there are some benefits of defunding Planned Parenthood that aren't as easy to quantify. For example, take the benefit

offered up by former Colorado State Representative, and little piggy that had roast beef, Gordon Klingenschmitt. While stupiding into a camera last week, GoKlings offered up a brand new solution to all the nation's health care woes. You see, if we just fully defund Planned Parenthood, God will stop punishing us with all the AIDS and cancer and stuff. According to his research, which still awaits peer review, if America would just turn away from its addiction to infanticide, aka the demonic spirit of baby murder, apparently,

quote, we would receive God's healing and wouldn't need to rely on socialist health care, end quote. And to be honest, we should have noticed this earlier when illness began existing on January 22nd, 1973. Now, if you'll excuse me, I have it on good authority that I'm entitled to some kind of socialist health care. So while I take advantage of that, I'll hand things back over to Noah, Heath and Eli. Thank you, Lucinda. of the ark lost news tonight ken ham's unrepentant unlubricated anal fuckery of the city of williamstown kentucky reached all new depths this week when his for-profit theme park sold itself to his non-profit ministry for the grand total of ten dollars the move came in an abrasion effort to

avoid paying taxes to a city that naively mortgaged the next couple of decades of their prosperity on ken ham's hollow promises of economic growth. And as disgusting as this move is, it's probably worth at least noting that regardless of that sale, based on present attendance, the Arc Park was going to be a non-profit one way or the other. Williamstown, Kentucky is going to recover about as fast

as Chernobyl. The term half-life definitely applies. Do you think Ukraine would trade for Ken Ham? You could swap him for the elephant? You think it would switch? You could swap him for the elephant's foot and nobody would notice. I'm just saying. You're looking good, Ken.

You're looking good. So this comes in response to a safety fee the city instituted on the park to help defray the cost of additional firefighters, cops, etc. that crop up even when your city adds a miserable disappointment of a tourist attraction. Now, the fee was supposed to be funded by a 50 cent per ticket charge at the park, but apparently answers in Genesis claim that they don't have to pay that tax because they're a ministry. When the city pointed out they actually weren't a ministry, but were in fact a for profit company that was eligible for a bunch of tax incentives they couldn't legally give to a ministry, Ham responded by telling them to go fuck themselves.

When they lawyered up to come after him, he responded with this bullshit ten dollar sale to try to insulate the park so for those following along ken ham and this park is basically it's a wonderful life remade about a shitty guy it's a shitty life is what this is called look at how much better it would have been without you here ken yeah go fuck yourself movie house pretty soon they're going to find Ken Ham next to the ark just spraying a hose into a mud puddle. What are you doing man? Nothing. Nothing. You were trying to sail away.

Just every time someone buys a ticket he temporarily sells it back to himself and then back to himself again. It's the perfect crime. I'm Tony the accountant's second least favorite client. Tell me. And finally tonight, in anal is the centerfold news.

You are a treasure. You're a treasure. Thank you. Crazy, obnoxious Christian woman, homeschooler of 10 kids, and personified argument in favor of religious misogyny, Elizabeth Johnston made headlines this week after posting a video of herself having an angry meltdown in response to an article in Teen Vogue

that discusses, among other things, the butt sex. Huh. Like, with pictures? I gotta pick up that magazine. I believe at this point you're not even allowed within 500 feet of a teen magazine, bro. We are back in that hudson news at the seattle airport so uh yeah miss johnston who looks like that bitch from every story told by a waitress after work goes by the online name the activist mommy and spends her time panicking about modern society.

The most, but that's one way to define activist. I like it. In her new video, she flips through the latest issue of teen Vogue and points out all the evil lessons about safe sex. That's what the article is about all while zooming in and showing closeups of every page,

which is perfect for all the Christian kids watching our video who can pause it and see a detailed visual aid on how to lube up, have some butt sex, and, of course, stay a virgin. There you go. Yeah, in my day, we found out about butt sex by missing the vagina, damn it. We liked it.

And if Eli's to be believed, back in my day, they were all still cloacas. Anus hadn't really developed yet. Came along pretty soon. So she finishes up the rant and the video ends just like in any great intellectually sound argument. With the burning of printed words in a fire. Oh, Jesus Christ. All right.

So bottom line. Bottom. Thank you. You are a majestic bird and the English language is the wind beneath your wings, Heath. We. Bottom, thank you. You are a majestic bird, and the English language is the wind beneath your wings, Heath. We don't say it enough. You're weird today. Anyway.

You're going to be a great dad. It's great to see magazines writing about anal, just in general. I don't want to say especially magazines like Teen Vogue, but yes, I do. Especially Teen Vogue. Good stuff. I thought we weren't sending messages to our significant others on the show. We had a whole meeting about shout outs.

Nope. And of course, we're hoping the subject finds its way into other channels. Obviously, there's plenty of penetration into the visual media already. So we're going to try and help out with the audio stuff. Let's put 30 seconds on the clock. Ideas for butt sex themed podcasts. Go. How about Thomas and the Bile?

Ooh. He needs another one. Starfish Talk. Hey, when your show's hosted by a guy named Neil, you're asking for that, right? How about the Lubin Report? Wait, wait, don't felch me. The Turdist.

Hardcore fistery. The Turd Mentality Podcast. Angry crack rant. Right, yeah, no, that would be hosted by Adam Cheeks and Ishmael Still Brown, I guess. Yeah. How about Duff You Should Mow? Ooh, Butt the Fuck with Marc Maron. All right. I got one more.

How about Waking Up with Bill Cosby? Because he's a rapist with the pills. No, yeah, exactly. I figured that's where you were going. I mean, maybe some vaginal, some mouth stuff. I don't know, ear stuff. A lot of butt sex in there. With the candid admission that the rest of the show has no choice but to be downhill from that joke, we're going to close out the headlines for the night.

Heath, Eli, thanks as always. I am Shakespeare's ghostwriter. And when we come back, Joseph Smith will continue to pretend he didn't run out of shit to say several chapters ago. Shakespeare never really wrote any of that stuff. No. No. Homosexuals. No.

Too far. Too far. Too far. You want to play Back to Francis Bacon? Invalidates Eli's entire day. It's fine. Irresponsible. Irresponsible broadcasting. Back to Francis Bacon would Invalidates Eli's entire day. It's fine. Irresponsible. Irresponsible broadcasting.

Back to Francis Bacon would be a fun game. I will fuck a child on air before I allow this. Hey, podcast listener. Are you feeling bummed because you missed the Seattle live show? Well, hold on to your tits because you've got two chances left to catch the guys live

in the US of A. Those were tits. This September 22nd, we're headed down to Austin to rustle up some live show goodness. And it's the same weekend as the Atheist Community of Austin's Bat Cruise, so you can watch our show and turn into a vampire

in the same weekend. Those were bats. But don't worry, if you're afraid you might get pregnant and don't want to have to bury a fetus, on October 1st, we're headed to Salt Lake City, Utah, where the girls are as hot as the freshly baked marshmallow squares. That was a

marshmallow square. With special guests Mark and Dan from Thank God I'm Atheist we'll be breaking down some Mormon movies so full of shit even Joseph Smith wouldn't buy it I assume that was shit but don't wait these tickets are going faster than a race car on a ramp

pretty sure Morgan just ran out of sound effects so check the show notes for ticket links and more info. Godawful Movies Live, because we'll be dead soon. With the news cycle now taking hourly shits on the last desperate threat of democracy holding the Western world together, it's easy to lose hope and think that 2017 couldn't be worse. But I encourage you, whenever

you're plagued by that thought, to remind yourself that at least you didn't commit to spend the year reading the Book of fucking Mormon. It could always be worse. Unless you're us. Or a 12-year-old sister-wife. Yeah, they got it worse. I thought we weren't doing shout-outs to our significant other.

Can we not? We have rules? And cut the bit. And joining us for yet another installment of a dumb person rambling, fresh off yet another fruitless effort to find a loophole in that good times and bad clause is my lovely wife, Lucinda. For the record, I did

find a loophole, but it was in the till death do us part clause, and I'm not quite that desperate yet. Good to know. We'll see. Alright, before we get started, Lucinda, we could do it together. death do us part clause and i'm not quite that desperate yet good to know let's see all right before we get started we could do it together i feel like we need to remind everybody where we left off last time because because we have a lot of open parentheses to close in the next 15 chapters so previously on the book of mosiah ammon was reading the story of zenith in which a bidden i called king noah a douche nozzle and went to jail for not being a real prophet, even though he was. And while he was in jail, he paraphrased Isaiah. Yeah. And since

he's already gone through the only parts of the Old Testament Joseph Smith could remember while he was in the hat. Now it's time for Abedani to talk about Jesus. Abedani. I like that. I like that. Makes him sound more like Donald Trump. Well, then we learn in verse nine that after crucifixion, Jesus had, quote, the bowels of mercy being filled with compassion toward the children of men. End quote. So apparently Jesus shits compassion.

Who's this? Man. Whole new image when people beg for his mercy, huh? Yeah. Just Phantom Jesus squatting on an old woman's chest. Stop talking. You're making me nervous. I can't go. Look away. No, look right at me look right at me that's better hard eye contact also according to verse 10 if if we make us an offering for sin jesus will show us his seed mormon jesus has a weird maple thorpian obsession here doesn't he oh yes There is a lot of seed talk here. We get

five mentions of Jesus' seed in this paragraph. Immediately followed by four mentions of feet. So, I think he's hinting at something. Yeah. Now, I've

got another quick example of Joey's artful wordcraft here, too. Quote, these are they who have published peace, who have brought good tidings of good, who have published salvation. End quote. It's like listening to a stupid person talk to a judge. It's insane. So then we start getting details about the coming resurrection of souls. And it's like listening to a fan of bad sci-fi preemptively explaining away plot holes he's like

and all the pre-Jesus people still get to go to heaven except you guys because I told you about him so you still have to believe in him also little little babies are TSA pre-checked wait then why did you tell us about that

could anybody not hear me anybody hear what the Jesus thing well I heard it now Why'd you tell us about that? Oh, fuck. Could anybody not hear me? Anybody? Hear what? The Jesus thing? Well, I heard it now. Fuck. Oh, I'm so sorry. This gets real hard. So if you'll recall from the last book of morons,

God made Abedani invincible until he finished saying all of his prophecies. And now he's done. So it's time for him to, you know, get executed. Why was he? Well, I feel like you'd hold back the last word there right just like and everyone should believe in i can't kill me i haven't said it yet and this is where we meet alma and i want to warn you in advance we're going to spend a lot of time with alma before it's all over anyway alma hears abaddoni's prophecies he's wowed by them so he begs his king to spare the prophet yeah and of course king noah is way too unreasonable for that you know noah so he cast alma out of the kingdom

and then sent his servants after him to kill him i'm not sure why the king gave my head start but he's a snorting fella, I reckon. Are you serious? Are you really defying me? I'm going to count to a hundred. So fucking fast. One Lehi Nephi. Two Lehi Nephi. Oh, shit. And then in verse 5 of chapter 17, the king

has Abedani thrown in jail, which is where he already was, by the way. once again joey completely forgot what he'd already said not for the first time as this book continues we're getting less and less like fun isn't religion wacky and more and more we should start making plans for grandma that friend of yours has been dead for a while, Graham Graham. So the priests all gather around to kill Abedani, Abednai, whatever. And apparently the cause of death was, Joey's words, not mine,

scourging his skin with faggots, which apparently means they set him on fire. Or does that mean that? Doodly-doo, doodly-doo. Nope. You guys are no fun. I had a whole character planned. Flap, flap, flap, Abaddonny.

Abaddonote. Abaddon't. Nope. So now the torch has been passed to Alma, who has to set about preaching in private because of that, you know, Christian-hating king. Hey, didn't the last guy who said this stuff get burned? Yeah, why? What is that?

I don't know. I mean, no reason. Anyway, got to go. So once he's got himself a little congregation, they head out to a place called, wait for it, Mormon. And the land of Mormon was occupied by transient wild beasts apparently sometimes of course it was seasonal i guess and in the land of mormon was a forest called the forest of mormon in which there was a spring called the spring of mormon where he baptized all the new christians mormons yeah right and i just want to point a bit of attention to verse 24

of chapter 18 here because this is where alma insists that all the priests he ordained also labor the land and whatnot which seems noble until you see it in practice and see how the entire mormon bazillionaire empire is being tended to by unpaid volunteers and lo god said it would be great experience in the industry and as soon as there's an opening, you'll be considered. But just then, grumpy old King Noah catches word of all this Jesus and bullshit. So he sends an army out to kill Alma. Right. And just a little thing here.

450 people flee from the army. So there were 204 followers of Alma. But I'm guessing they did a lot of fucking at that fountain. I mean, that was a fuck fountain. Multiplied. Like gremlins. But alas, all the new Christians ran and hid, so the army had to come back empty-handed. I wonder, can you feed Mormons after midnight?

I don't think you can, actually. They're all asleep. Catch him. Lock him in a basement. For reasons Joey doesn't bother to fill us in on, the people of Lehi-Nephi, or wherever the hell Noah was king of, got restless and started to rise up against him. Well, to be exact, they started to, quote,

breathe out threatenings against the king. It totally sounds like fake coughing, right? Just like, I'm going to kill you. I said, I'm going to kill you. So some guy we've never met named Gideon attacks the king with a sword and they have a big act three battle. But just as he

was about to kill the king, the Lamanites showed up. So Gideon spared him long enough to defeat the invading army. And the way this story is told it's like it's like a comedy with adam sandler he's just about to kill him they look over and the lamanites and they're both like oh just lamanites with their phone out world star bitches going viral but instead of defeating the lamanites here noah's answer is to just tell everybody like, alright, grab your shit and run. And when that doesn't work, he's like, alright, we'll leave behind all the slow-ass babies

and women and stuff. And there's this whole section of like some of them don't want to leave the women so they're like, you know, maybe you could charm the Lamanites women and children. I've seen this porn. Right, so the Lamanites take all the women and all. I've seen this porn. Right. So the Lamanites

take all the women and all the slow dudes and say, hey, give us your king and half your shit and we promise not to kill you. So Gideon sends some people out to find the king but it's too late because apparently the people that were with him already set him on fire at some point. That happened. Just like, oh man,

I'm sorry, I got some really bad news. You are not going to believe this. Well, now we should point out that when the people burned Noah to death, they also wanted to kill his priest, but the priest escaped. And apparently the first order of business was kidnapping a couple dozen hot

Lamanite chicks. Yeah. Okay, I've definitely seen this porn. You're right. I feel like I got some good ideas for Mormon Peace Theater next week. I'll set up an interview. We've got a couch. Right, so the Lamanite king assumes Lemhi's people did it, so they go to war again. But Lemhi hears about it in advance, so he sets an ambush in his army, fucks the Lamanites all up, and captures their king.

Yeah, and the description of the fighting here is so obviously Joseph's best version of, like, you should see the other guy. First, it's like lions they fought. Then, like dragons they fought. I'm sure any minute we're going to hear about how shitting yourself is a display of dominance in nature. It was on purpose. Ancient Mormon Paul Joseph Watson, did I trigger you by shitting my pants? Did I? Did I? ancient mormon paul joseph watson did i trigger you by shitting my pants did i

but apparently the nephites just couldn't leave well enough alone because they kept pestering their king to go out and kill them some lamanites until he finally relented keep in mind the unprovoked warring party are the good guys in this story well yeah sure because the the people they want to kill are black. Yeah. And to be fair, listen to what the Lamanites were doing. Quote, this is actually from the book. They would smite them on their cheeks and exercise

authority over them and began to put heavy burdens upon their backs and drive them as they would a dumb ass. End quote. Yep. Carry my books, nerd. Oh, stupid treaty. Go on. Stop smiting yourself.

Stop smiting yourself. Right, but the Nephites go on to fight them, but this time they get their asses kicked. And then the Nephites were so pissed about losing that they arm up again and get their asses kicked again. And again. Yeah, right after.

Did they always feel like they were about to find a magic amulet that taught them kung fu at this point? Yeah. Stupid bike. I hate this bike. And this is where Ammon shows up and we re-meet the earlier story, right, that we started off. Now, quick reminder of how stupid this is. The way we got into this story was Ammon reading their history and plates so now the history of the place that Ammon is reading includes the part where Ammon shows up

and starts reading the place they were still carving this history as he was reading it apparently and it's like part of space balls where the you know they watch space balls to see what happens next yeah exactly, exactly. So quick summary, the guy who introduced this story by reading it is now in the story reading different plates than the ones he's writing reading. Draw me a maze. I'm confused.

So now we get to chapter 22 where Ammon conspires to break all the people of Lehi-Nephi out of the city and back to Zarahelm. And the answer they come up with, this is their plot. Leave. No. Leave.

Slip out the back, Jack. Make a new plan, Stan. One guy just insisting, we stay in blackface. They'll never see it coming. Mormon Eli. So Gideon suggests that they use, quote, the back pass through the back wall on the back side of the city, end quote.

To which I'm sure everyone else is like, well, yeah. I mean, is there a back pass through the back wall on the front side of the city? Am I still high? I feel high. How long did the brownies take?

Is it four weeks? So after a remarkably uneventful journey, they make it to Zarahemla and all become subjects of Mosiah, and the Lamanites that pursue him get lost in the woods and presumably eaten by bears, I guess. Except that bears

are a thing that existed in North America at the time. Right. Eaten by minotaurs. That's what happened to the Nephites' goats, you guys. It's all coming together. I got it. Then, in a remarkable admission that Joseph Smith couldn't remember where he was in the story again,

we suddenly, and without preamble, get a two-chapter account of Alma. Orange juice. I alma orange juice i need or thorazine yeah and if you're thinking to yourself wait didn't we just hear two chapters of this story five chapters ago you would be correct and no this one will not include any new details but uh hey there's a good mnemonic if you're confused i am um it's go uh fuck yourself again straight up go fuck yourself yep and then they try to make alma king and he says nobody should rule over anybody i'm not good enough to be king no kings for us instead we'll just have priest but then in the next verse he's's like, but I, you know, I get to be high priest, you know.

So it's like, OK, no kings, but you call Pharaoh. Not exactly noble, bro. Not exactly. I feel like these things really get out of hand when people elect each other. Let's just let God pick. What about that? Still better than the electoral college. Just saying.

Just saying. Like it. Not more. And then the Lamanites show saying. Just saying. Like it. Not more. And then the Lamanites show up and this is so fucking weird. Alma prays that God spares all the people and turns the Lamanites away. And God does that. But somehow the Lamanites still take their city. I'm pretty sure Mormon God is lazy or has a monkey's paw sense of malignant literalism.

God just turns them all black. Wishmaster. Also better than the electoral college, by the way. If the wishmaster was president, I'd be like, alright, yeah, president wishmaster. Meanwhile, the Lamanites that were chasing Ammon and Limhi came upon

the priests of Noah who joined forces with them to seek out Limhi, but instead, they happened upon Halam, which was possessed by Alma and his brother. God, for fuck's sake. All you need to know is that what happens in this verse is completely contrapuntal

to the thing that happened four verses ago. The entheogen theory has sounded better all the time, hasn't it? Is that where we kill all the guys named Ethan? I think that's where we kill. No. No, that's eugenics. Yeah.

Fuck you, Ethan. Yeah, you. You right now listening to this podcast. Hold up some fingers. I'll prove it. Three. Exactly. Yes. Ruins some guy's day. Crashes his car into a water truck.

Now, I should point out here, we also meet Amulon in this chapter who is apparently the leader of the Lamanite kidnapping priests who will be installed as the puppet king of Halam now that the Lamanites took it over. So the Lamanite king, whose name is

Laman, by the way, consolidates his power by making everybody learn about wrong God from Amulon. Right. And then Amulon makes it illegal to pray to real God and executes anybody who does. Right. But luckily, Alma is the great, great, great grandfather of Justice Antonine Scalia. It's all good. Right.

So, yeah. So God reluctantly agrees to help him out. So he eases their burdens and whatnot and he accomplishes this by making all the lamanites fall asleep so that alma and the almanites i guess could all escape to a valley they called wait for it alma yes so let me get this straight king laman of the Lamanites falls asleep and Alma and the Almanites escape to the Valley of Alma? Yes. Is that all correct?

Never been so clear in a book that I could go fuck myself. Right. Right. But that didn't last long because the Lamanites came after them and apparently God can't put them to sleep again until, you know, he recovers a full magic bar or whatever. Well, he needs to take a stupid amount of damage to charge up his super, I think. And then they two meet up at Zarahemla where Messiah takes them in too, so nothing has happened at all.

And then we get one of the most yada, yada, yada chapters in the entire book in which Messiah reads all the plates to all the people. The plates, by the way, that we're currently reading a translation of. This chapter is basically, and then he read this story and he read, and then he read this story and he read it. He's reading it now. Reading. He's reading it. He's reading it now. Reading. Reading. He's reading it. He's reading it.

Still reading. Still reading. So now all the Nephites have reconnected which reinforces the nothing has happened in the last several chapters critique

and just so that we get a little variety here now some of the people begin turning away from God and pre-Jesus. Plot twist. Wow.

Finally. Some people who aren't Jesus-y enough. I was worried that wouldn't happen in this book. So interesting. Apparently all those evil people were steadily sniping the good people and tempting away with sin. I just

picture a guy with a trench coat lined with different flavors of coffee. Psst! Hey kids. Ancient Mormon Eli. He's like, I'll have a soy peppermint mocha with an extra pump of peppermint and no whip at 110 degrees Fahrenheit, please. You got it right. I did. Yeah.

Hearing you cry, scream it at the barista at the first ever Starbucks in Seattle. Pretty much stuck in my head now. I get it. Works on them, too. Let's do it. Works on them too. Snapping. Snapping too. Snapping was good. Hi, Amber. Hi. Hi. Amber.

But escalate to cry scream real fast and then it's guaranteed. Yeah. So Alma gathers up a bunch of the wrong religion people and brings them before the king again this is the good guy right but but the king doesn't want to judge him and alma doesn't want to judge him so alma turns to god who answers back on a completely different topic and promises alma that he'll never die god's like a stepdad who isn't sure if he's allowed

to punish his wife's kids yet. And this is important, apparently. The sons of Mosiah and the son of Alma, whose name was fucking Alma, by the way, weren't buying any of this Jesus shit. I know it. Because apparently piousness like skips a generation in this story. Yeah, it's like albinism. There you go. Right. skips a generation in this story. Yeah, it's like albinism. There you go. Right, so this pack of bandits sets out to destroy the church,

but an angel of God shows up and tells them to knock that shit off. Yeah, exactly. So the angel chastises them and paralyzes Alma Jr., and Alma rejoices at this because he's a sadistic asshole, I guess. Maybe it was a parking thing?

It could have been a parking thing. And then they all pray for Alma Jr. to become unparalyzed and he does and then he tells them all a bunch of shit about Jesus again. Oh, great. You're better. I guess we can just walk across the Walmart parking lot for now.

Just wait for the ride like normal. Awesome. And now Messiah's kids are so excited about Jesus that they want to tell the Lamanites all about him. And the king's like, why the fuck not? You're just all my heirs is all. Right. The least realistic thing about the Book of Mormon

is that Mormons have ever convinced anybody of anything, fictional or otherwise. I don't get it. And then Joseph Smith remembers that there's still like an untranslated set of plates that he set up like way earlier in this book. So Messiah sets about translating those plates.

Yeah, and apparently those plates contain the first 11 chapters of Genesis. Yeah, he set it up like there's going to be something awesome the whole fucking time. He's like, nah, it's just a little bit of the Bible that we already have. It's a good thing we got the plates though. Otherwise, we're going to end up with Alma III and his pet llama, also Alma.

Alma the fucking llama. Whatever. And then at long last, we reach the last and longest chapter of this fucking book, in which Alma Jr. becomes the new king, or not king, but guy in charge by some other name. Yeah. Hey, hey, hey.

Head priest. Thank you very much. Way different than king. Kings pay taxes. Not our king. Russian taxes. Yeah. So then Messiah goes off for basically the rest of the book about how kings are for suckers.

And that's king messiah saying this by the way yeah now and to his credit yeah kings are a shitty way to govern a nation no illusions does not speak for the podcast nor does eli when he talks about the electoral college that being said his solution seems to be all powerful judge so i i, I mean, I don't believe that he figured out why the kings are a bad thing. Me and Messiah, same page. Same exact page. I also want to point out how internally stupid this is again. Because Messiah assures everybody that if you just do what the majority wants, you'll never go wrong.

Now, in terms of the 2016 presidential election, but in this fictional world, the majority of people are Lamanites. Right. Racist? Pretty sure Lucinda was just super racist, guys. You're picking up on that, too? Weird moment.

Whatever. Weird angle. Now, I want to point out that he does hedge his bets a little bit on this stuff, though, because he says that if the majority ever gets it wrong, God will be sure to destroy them. Oh, I wish. You're right.

Giant meteor just comes crashing into Florida. We are Mormons. It takes out all the adjoining states. I guess on that hopeful image we can wrap this chapter I'd be cool with the electoral college at that point now I have bad news and worse news about what's coming

the next book in this thing is the book of Alma it is the longest book by far and by all the accounts I've heard so far it's also the most boring 63 chapters worth of boring. That's the bad news. The worst news is that the halfway point of the Book of Mormon is in chapter 20 of Alma, so we've still got more than half this

thing to read, and we have less than a half a year to do it, so we're going to have to step up our game. That being said, we're still going to break the Book of Alma into thirds, so we're going to be tackling chapters 1 through 21 when the Book of Mormon returns in three weeks. Until then, try not to regret your literacy too much. Before we reel in that fish tonight, I want to remind everybody that Heath, Eli, and I were guests on the live record of Inciting Incidents 100th episode. Wanted to thank Marissa for inviting

us to be a part of that, but also wanted to remind you that those episodes are now available if you couldn't make it to the live show, but you still wanted to listen in. Anyway, that's all the blast movie we've got for you tonight, but we'll be back in 10,022 minutes with more. If you can't wait that long, be on the lookout for a brand new episode of our sister show, The Skeptocrat, on Monday at 7 a.m. Eastern time. Had to take the last episode off since there was so little happening in politics, but we'll be back with Augusto this time.

You'll also find a new episode of our sister show's hot friend, God Awful Movies, debuting 24 time. You'll also find a new episode of our sister show's Hot Friend Godawful Movies debuting 24 hours after that, and a still new episode of our sister show's Hot Friends Equally Hot Friends Citation Needed a mere 28 hours after that. And if even that's not enough for you, be sure to like us on Facebook, follow us on Twitter, and subscribe to us on YouTube. I'd also say follow me on Instagram, but I'm 41. Obviously this show would be too lopsided to fit into your phone if I neglected to thank the incredulous Heath Enright, the incomparable Lucinda Lusions, and the incontinent Eli Bosnick.

Also need to offer up a thanks to Aiden of the Topic of Month podcast. And, of course, if you perpetually find your month short by one topic, you'll find a link to his podcast on the show notes as well. But most of all, of course, I need to thank this week's most mesmerizing mammalia, Yedamon, Brian, Debra, Tombo, Matt, and Scott, Brian, David, Nate, Shannon, Teresa, Sarah, and Piranha Gear. Yetimon, Debra, Tombl, and Matton, whose IQs contain more 1s and 0s than this MP3. Scott, Brian, David, and Nate, whose dicks are so long they can only send dick pics as gifts, and so legendary my spellcheck is sure I meant gifts. And Shannon, Teresa, Sarah, and Piranha Gear, whose intergalactic reputations for badassery forced Fermi to retract his paradox. Together, these 12 tender, tantalizing talents tenaciously took care of our tactless taunting

of the teleological tabernacle today by giving us money. Not everybody has the money to give us money, but if you do, you can make a per-episode donation at patreon.com slash scathingatheist, whereby you'll earn early access to an extended ad-free edition of every episode, or you can make a one-time donation by clicking on the donate button on the right side of the homepage at scathingatheist.com. And if you'd like to help, but I lost you at money, you can also help us a ton by leaving us a five-star review on iTunes or by telling a friend about the show. Legal services for this podcast are provided by the law offices of P. Andrew Torres

and our audio engineer, S. Morgan Clark, who also wrote all the music that was used in this episode, which was used with permission. If you have questions, comments, or death threats, you'll find all the contact info on the contact page at scathingadius.com. still up lip i wonder what i meant according to a recent gallup poll creationism the preceding podcast was a production of puzzle in a thunderstorm llc copyright 2017 all rights reserved