The Scathing Atheist - ScathingAtheist 233: Science Moms Edition

Episode Date: August 3, 2017

In this week’s episode, we learn that the generals Trump talked to about trans people turn out to be from the salvation army, Bill Donahue will argue about what kind of cheese Mother Teresa’s vag tasted like, and Natalie Newell of the Science Enthusiast Podcast will be here to tell us about our second favorite kind of mom. To make a per episode donation at Patreon.com, click here: http://www.patreon.com/ScathingAtheist To buy our book, click there: http://www.amazon.com/Diatribes-Godless-Misanthrope-Scathing-Presents-ebook/dp/B00J53FZFI/ref=sr11?ie=UTF8&qid=1396141562&sr=8-1 To check out our sister show, The Skepticrat, click here: https://audioboom.com/channel/the-skepticrat To check out our sister show’s hot friend, God Awful Movies, click here: https://audioboom.com/channel/god-awful-movies Guest Links: To learn more about Natalie’s upcoming film, Science Moms, click here: https://www.facebook.com/ScienceMomsDoc/ To check out The Science Enthusiast Podcast, click here: http://ascienceenthusiast.com/ To read the open letter to celebrity moms Natalie talks about in the interview, click here: https://geneticliteracyproject.org/2015/08/19/science-moms-celebrity-moms-lets-discuss-gmos-farming-safety-health-together/ To get tickets to see the film at QED, click here: https://qedcon.org/ To get tickets to see the film at CSI-Con, click here: http://csiconference.org/ Headlines: Evangelical leaders takes credit for Trump’s anti-trans move: http://www.rightwingwatch.org/post/tony-perkins-frc-worked-with-white-house-to-stop-transgender-cultural-grenade/ also, others: http://www.patheos.com/blogs/progressivesecularhumanist/2017/07/conservative-christians-celebrate-trumps-transgender-troop-ban/ Salvation Army caught turning away trans people: http://www.patheos.com/blogs/progressivesecularhumanist/2017/07/salvation-army-caught-turning-away-transgender-people/ England to ban prescriptions for homeopathy, other bullshit treatments: http://www.patheos.com/blogs/friendlyatheist/2017/07/23/england-will-ban-prescriptions-for-homeopathy-and-other-low-value-treatments/ Football player thinks dinosaurs aren’t real http://www.patheos.com/blogs/friendlyatheist/2017/07/29/nfl-player-d-j-reader-dinosaurs-arent-real-and-fossils-are-fake/ TX man blames devil when caught without pants in child’s bedroom: http://www.patheos.com/blogs/friendlyatheist/2017/07/25/tx-man-blames-devil-after-getting-caught-without-pants-in-childs-bedroom/ Catholic League pissed about cheese shop talking about eating out Mother Teresa: http://www.patheos.com/blogs/friendlyatheist/2017/07/29/catholic-league-to-cheese-shop-dont-joke-about-mother-teresas-nether-regions/ This podcast is a production of Puzzle in a Thunderstorm, LLC. Copyright 2017, all rights reserved.

Warning, the following podcast contains offensive language, and I'm not just talking about profanity. He's not here for 30 seconds, and the puns in his absence are downright offensive. This week's episode of The Scathing Atheist is brought to you by Policy Genius and Stamps.com. And by the brand new Atheist theme park, look at this shit. Boats, flasks, and ask to ask coming as soon as this forfeiture thing comes through. And now the scathing atheist. Hi, I'm Natalie Newell, director and producer of the upcoming documentary Science Moms, and I can assure that we did in fact evolve from filthy monkey men. Filthy Monkey Man.

It's Thursday! It's August 3rd. And Heath's on vacation this week. How'd I do? Well, it is, in fact, Thursday, so great job, I guess. I'm no illusions. I'm Eli Bosnick. And from New York, New York, and Secret Lair, Pennsylvania, this is The Scathing Atheist. On this week's episode, the generals Trump talked about trans people with turn out to be from the Salvation Army Pildani who will argue about what kind of cheese Mother Teresa's vag tasted like

And Natalie will be here to tell us about Our second favorite kind of mom But first The Diatribe okay word of warning i just had a great vacation and one of the rare trips where nothing major goes wrong everything works out the way you planned it, you manage to find two babyless planes for the round trip. And sure, that's good, but when your job requires you to be angry, a vacation that's too relaxing can be an occupational hazard. I'm just not that pissed today. And that's actually been a real problem for me over the last couple of years.

More and more often when I sit down to write the diatribe for the week, I find myself scanning my memory banks trying to remember some notable time in the past that religion pissed me off because in a weird way, being pissed off at religion for a living has insulated me from all the things about religion that used to piss me off, right? First of all, I don't go to work anymore, right? I get to work from home, which means that I don't hear people casually discussing how good conversion therapy worked for their ex-gay cousin in the elevator. I don't see people praying over their vending machine Cheez-Its in the break room. Hell, I've made it through two Ash Wednesdays in a row without seeing anybody with a weird fucked up shit smear on their forehead. I see fewer people, which means I see fewer religious people.

And what's more, the people I do see on a regular basis are all atheists. Yeah, I work with Heath, Eli, Lucinda, Andrew, Anna, and Morgan. That's at least half of my human interactions in a given week, and you're not going to find a Baptist on that list. What's more, basically all my friends are rationalists and atheists as well. You know, many of my religious friends disavowed me over my shameless obama support and after five years of podcasting most of the friends i've replaced them with are people i've met through the atheist podcasting community even my social media pages are self selected for atheism so shy of the occasional tag somebody puts up and hopes i'll smack down their aunt kathy's god needed more angels posts i don't really see the religious shit online that much unless i go looking for it but it's not just the ever more homogeneous social circle you know when we started

the show i lived in new york city which despite having a pretty healthy dose of atheists and committed secularists also has a shit ton of every wacky religion the world has to offer so sure you can wear your atheism t-shirt without getting lynched but you're also going to meet people from the moon temple of perpetual patchouli odor every third time you leave your apartment too and of course from there i retreated to south georgia where the only way to walk a mile without seeing christian propaganda was somnambulism but now i'm i'm tucked away in secret lair where i mean you know there may be some amish people around here somewhere but nobody's showing up at my door with pampless about my posthumous subterranean itinerary anymore.

What's more, I'm a dude. I'm a white dude. I'm a white, cis, straight dude. At best, my atheism puts me at number six on the evangelical demographic hit list. And that's if you count brown people as just one big category. And sure, there are government actors trying to subvert the rights of non-believers you know the supreme court wants to give money to religious schools and betsy devos is more than willing to oblige but nobody's trying to shut down my primary health clinic

nobody's trying to nullify my marriage or forbid me from taking a shit in public or ban people like me from entering the country i'm as insulated as a non-Christian can be in this burgeoning theocracy. I mean, shit, I'm a job creator, so that might even balance out my atheism to most evangelicals. So yeah, a couple more vacations like the one I just had, and I might be in danger of losing my edge altogether. But luckily, the very source of the problem

offers up its own solution. Because I don't have religious shitty coworkers to piss me off anymore, and I don't have religious shitty co-workers to piss me off anymore and i don't have religious neighbors everywhere to stoke my ire but i do have tens of thousands of people to be pissed off for see my anger is far more often vicarious these days but if anything that just makes it more potent than it was before see if it wasn't for this show i probably wouldn't know any active duty trans people, for example, when Trump decided to throw him

to the evangelical wolves to distract from his scandal du jour. And then I would be limited to the motivations offered up by simple empathetic concern from my fellow human beings. But now that's multiplied by the very real concern of,

well, then what the fuck happens to Alice and Joanna, you miserable asshole? I mean, it doesn't take much to get pissed off about gay conversion therapy but but nothing does the trick quite like hearing from a person who's gone through it you can discern all the dangers of telling kids that they're going to go to hell for touching their genitals just through thought experiment alone but you're never going to reach the kind of outrage you get when you meet people who clawed their way out of their hell fears in their 40s.

And I don't know that there's any way to get your head around what it's like to grow up in one of those weird ultra-religious sects without actually talking to the people who have been through it and being able to ask them questions. Look, I'll admit that in the beginning, this was much more of a selfish endeavor. I was drowning in my own profane tirades and I needed a flood valve to open. But in a counterintuitive way, the more I get out of the podcast, the less selfish it becomes. Because even though the show started because I needed somebody to vent to, it's long turned into something I do because there are so many people I need to vent for. All the previously theoretical victims are now tangible friends, and their memories should be more than enough to fuel my rage for another generation or two.

They're talking about you, Jesus. We interrupt this broadcast and bring you a special news bulletin. Joining me for headlines tonight is the dentist to my menace, Eli Bosnick. He's actually on a beach this week. So, Eli, are you ready to pun it up and make jokes about math in his absence? All right. Now I'm confused. Between last week's scam and this week's scathing, I think Skeptocrat is Lucinda and

Heath this week, right? Lucinda's got a thing, actually. So while we figure that out, we're going to pause for a quick word from this week's first sponsor, Policy Genius. Hi, Mr. Bosnick, right? Yeah, that's me. You're the doctor. How did my tests

come out? Have you heard about PolicyGenius.com? No. What's PolicyGenius.com? It's the place to go to learn about life insurance, compare quotes from America's top providers, and save up to 40% on your policy. It sounds crazy, but that's never

existed before. Kind of like your cholesterol levels. I'm sorry, my what? My cholesterol. Their simple, user-friendly website helps you work out exactly which policy is right for you and finds you the best price. It takes just five minutes to apply for a quote, which, you know, for you, is pushing it. Maybe. That actually does sound really cool.

I'm sorry, did you say five minutes is pushing it? And you know what sound really cool but i'm sorry did you say five minutes is pushing it and you know what they don't just do life insurance you can get your health insurance you can insure your pet you can protect your income and if you don't need to do any of that they'll tell you i mean not you they will not tell you that personally but they could if you were someone else they have an insurance checkup thing on their website it's really cool tells you what coverage you need and and whatnot oh that's that sounds really convenient uh uh sorry my tests though uh if you've been putting off life insurance or you just want to make sure the insurance you have is right for you check out policygenius.com today you can save up to 40 just by comparing policies.

The quotes are free. There's no sales pressure and zero hassle. Policygenius.com. It's life insurance for the 21st century. I'm just going to go. I had to kind of shake your blood out of the test tube like Heinz ketchup. That's bad. It's not good. It's not good. It's not good.

Okay. And now back to the headlines in our lead story tonight, evangelical Christians continue to be the worst category of people we have in this country, unless you categorize by criminal conviction. See, this is a perfect place to pitch my drinking game, rapist or Christian,

but no, I just, I didn't heath to miss it is all yeah you've ruined the surprise anyway not a christian we were reminded of this fact once again that was a time bomb i'm sorry heath i have to keep that now so yeah yeah all right so anyway we were reminded of just how bad evangelicals were this week when schmuck galarange desperately tried to shore up his evangelical base in light of his spiraling approval ratings and comic tragedy levels of legislative impotence i mean to be fair there is literally now no reason to say you originally supported trump that doesn't have demonstrable evidence against it except for i am an evil and dangerous yeah right i hate the mexican that's pretty much it

yeah and if you want a crystal clear example by the way of what a bunch of horrible sholes these people are, you need to look no further than what the president did when he wanted to shore up their support. In a series of tweets last Wednesday, conveniently coming after we'd already recorded because I was going on vacation, so I couldn't bitch about this in my diatribe. And because our president obviously has a 140 character attention span, Trump announced that after consulting with his generals he decided to ban all trans service members from the military to which the military said the fuck you talking about bro you didn't talk to us uh fun add to this story during the 10 minute pause between tweet one and tweet two according to the independent the the Pentagon was worried he was going to declare war on North Korea. Yes, over Twitter. Just some general standing near his computer going, it's okay, guys, it's trans people.

He just, he wants to declare war on trans people. It's not, we're good. So if he wasn't meeting with his generals, as he'd have you believe, who was pushing for this move? Well, according to a group of influential evangelical leaders, it was a group of influential evangelical leaders. When asked what Trump could do to best ensure evangelical support, their answer was apparently hate better. Yeah, for real. Fun fact, that's the new catchphrase for the new flavor of Coke Zero. Yeah, for real. Fun fact, that's the new catchphrase for the new flavor of Coke Zero. All right.

So in an ill-advised pledge of mutual bigotry meant to slap a bandaid on evangelicals pissed off at him for being mean to Jeff Sessions and hiring a guy who says fucking dick sucking jokes. human beings under the bus, even if, as the generals actually said, it would interrupt our military preparedness just when a crazy man baby is miniaturizing nuclear warheads for his new ICBMs. See, the nice part about being a New Yorker is when it happens, I'm just going to think someone took my picture. You assholes are going to have to fight mutants and shit. It's going to be no fun. Eat a bunch of salt.

Is that real? I think i just realized that's not real uh growing up me now the good news here is that the pentagon has made it super clear that a series of tweets does not an order from the commander-in-chief make and as of this recording trump has done nothing to follow up on the order so odds are actually pretty good that he's just gonna back down from this now since you know liberal stalwart orrin hatch came out against it orrin hatch has to write an email supporting trans i've never seen someone less comfortable than he was in that little clip oh my my God. Just him at Stonewall in a mesh shirt. I don't know how I got here. Everything's gone terribly.

I am officially tired of winning. And in bells or kettle news tonight, the United States isn't the only army making some transphobic policy changes this week. Everyone's second favorite group of bigots playing army man dress up is joining in the fun as well. Wait, who's the first? That would be Sheriff David Clark. That man will literally wear anything that looks military that you hand him. And I personally have a secret prank plan to pretend to send him

something from the military or the police and i bet he will wear it i see anything but back to our favorite silver bell ring and homophobes because despite their multiple apologies and promises to the contrary they're still a bunch of bigots yeah yes the new york city commission on human rights announced last week that it was charging four different substance abuse centers, one of which is run by the Salvation Army, with discriminating against transgender patients in violation of city law. City law. So, yeah, don't worry. They almost certainly didn't violate the laws where you live because most cities don't give a fuck about trans people except insofar as where they shit right i'm i personally am just upset i didn't make an

illustrious career by protesting it when it first passed i really missed my opportunity that's all i'm saying now obviously this behavior fits in with the salvation army's long history of discrimination which includes but is not limited to refusing to serve LGBT people at their soup kitchens, threatening to pull services from cities that pass anti-discrimination laws, forcing people to sit through church services to get care and services, and, of course, spending the money people think goes to charity on not charity like giant megachurches, centers that do no charity, and other optional activities for their members. I like doing long lists, too. So, also, collecting signatures for anti-gay marriage equality campaigns, turning down a $3.5 million contract with San Francisco for being so damn gay,

campaigning against school curriculum that suggests gay people might be humans, lobbying for exemptions from anti-gay discrimination laws, and openly supporting conversion therapy. And no, our collective lists are not remotely exhaustive. Fun. Yeah. Fun. We're all having fun.

Now, the violations found included refusing to accept transgender people as patients at all, assigning trans people rooms based on their sex assigned at birth instead of their live gender identity, a practice, by the way, that is not only malicious, but is also dangerous in some care facilities yeah and my favorite unwarranted physical examinations to determine if trans people were on hormone therapy or it had surgery because no let's have a look at that penis is not part of the usual rehab intake procedure

uh in fact if my experience matters it usually, please put your penis away, sir. So I'm just saying. I don't want to be contradictory, but I've seen internet videos that strongly disagree with you on this, Eli, that the look at your penis thing is fairly standard. I'm not sure if we're researching on the same websites, but I urge caution.

We gotta compare websites more often. No, we really don't. We don't. don't agree to disagree so according to pink news the salvation army is now facing 250 000 worth of fines which is a lot of bothering people at christmas so remember next time you see that kettle spitting it the opinions of eli bosnick do not represent those of this podcast or of Puzzle and a Thunderstorm Entertainment LLC. This week it is a tie whether they represent those of the podcast

or Puzzle and a Thunderstorm LLC. Don't make me go get Lucinda, man. Don't get Lucinda. Don't get her. I forfeit. And in dilution delusion news tonight, we've got another big win to report for our skeptical brethren across the pond where doctors will no longer be able to prescribe homeopathy to their patients this comes of

course with the humbling caveat that until now doctors in england were prescribing homeopathy to their patients and their national health service was paying for it but they're not doing that now so i can apparently stop being vicariously pissed off through marsh about this just years of marsh's life in meeting rooms with people trying to think of the word to call him that means racist, but for homeopaths. Years, people. Years they did that for you.

Yeah, so the move is expected to save the British taxpayers about 200,000 pounds a year. That's about 260,000 US dollars because 2015 is only a dream to you guys now, huh? NHS England's chief executive simon stevens heralded the move as basic fiscal responsibility and dubbed homeopathy quote at best a placebo and a misuse of scarce nhs funds end quote okay but this brings up a lot of questions for me okay so if the rule before was that shit not working didn't matter could your doctor have prescribed like

a visit from krampus how about magic beans inquiring minds yeah no of course this policy shift also has us detractors most of whom lie firmly in the i was making a lot of money off this shit camp but it has the support of pretty much all the doctors and professional associations and serves as a reminder that a focused effort by skeptics can have a huge consequence that reverberates on a national scale and ultimately despite all the pushback it's an attractive message to everybody because ending subsidies for incorrect only hurts bad people oh okay noah but let's look at the other side of this issue i mean in a world where the truth doesn't matter how bad could it be how bad could it, how bad could it be? How bad could it be? How bad could it be? Hi, how can I help you today?

Just here to pick up a prescription. Okay, no problem. Let me rustle that up for you. Thanks. Can I pay for this Gatorade here too? You're not really, sure, okay. So we got some Eye of Newt. Take that with food, by the way.

We got Four Leeches to Balance Your Humors. Ooh, okay. Now, I don't actually have Blood of a Virgin on brand, so you're going to have to come in Monday to pick that up, okay? Oh, shit. Really? Yeah, sorry. We do have the generic version, though. What's the difference?

Oh, it's the same thing. It's just a generic version. What? 19, hasn't had a serious relationship yet. Little too into Firefly. Tends to be off-putting. Generic, you know. Yeah, that'll be fine.

That's fine. Okay, great. And finally, oh, here's your mouse penis. Will there be anything else today? And the Gatorade. Right. And the Gatorade. It's to help me take

the mouse. And in the Eli Bosnick story news tonight, a man in Texas who was caught with his pants down alone with a four-year-old has someone to blame who is not on this podcast. Refreshing.

Yeah. For his way too old for podcast. Refreshing. It's nice. Yeah. For is way too old for Heath. Oh, Jesus. 29 years. That's what you get for not being here. No, 29-year-old Stefan Stewart, who was caught in the bedroom of his four-year-old relative, is relying on everyone's favorite,

get ready for it, scapegoat. You get it? Goat? I'm making this story about child molestation hilarious. Yeah, and I've been meaning to say this. Probably shouldn't be on your business card anymore. I've gotten complaints.

Okay, I'm sorry. I figured JonBenet Ramsey's family would like some fresh eyes, and I was wrong. I've admitted that. I would like to move forward. Okay. Okay. According to the affidavit, Stewart started apologizing to the victim's mother when he was caught and blamed his actions on his medication and the devil. Again, according to the affidavit, quote, the victim's mom offered to pray with the subject, but he said the devil had already left him, end quote.

Yeah, and mom's like, all right, and when he left, which of your holes did he come out of? Yeah, exactly. And I'm not sure what to be more horrified by here. Like the guy blaming his child molestation on the Babadook or the parent entirely willing to grab a shotgun and hunt down the gay hat wearing motherfucker to begin with. If you do not know why the Babadook is gay, Google it. It is amazing. do yourself a favor you have way more fun with the internet than i do and finally tonight from the jesus christ file catholic league president and cardinal of the mordor archdiocese bill donahue took time off

of being angry at the lack of accessible sources for uncoagulated orphan blood to be pissed off about something else this week. The definition of all you can eat. His expired gift card at Jell's, Jell's, Jell's. No, actually, worse, it was blasphemous cheese. Yep, that's right. Cheese that failed to properly exalt his religious beliefs is the source of his ire, and he's a grown-up.

All right, so here's the story the bedford cheese shop in new york city is selling some kind of weird smelling heath cheese that sells for 27 a pound really just that to give to the servants i don't understand why would you buy it if that was what he was calling blasphemy that would be understandable fucking two dollars and 79 cents a pound i can get craft singles fuck off but his lividity actually came from the description that read quote the texture is as close to heaven that we have found here on earth kind of like going down on mother teresa herself divine pair with a mineral rich burgundy and five hail marys look i've gone down on an 81 year old sadist and nothing moist should be using that description what a gross way to sell cheese it's like licking the dusty vagina of an unhygienic

elderly woman from calcutta it is a good way to sell sawdust no yeah right but as poor as the marketing is it's not bigoted as Bill Donahue seems to think. It's just kind of funny but misses. And unless Donahue has eaten Mother Teresa's pussy, he's in no position to say it isn't factually accurate. But on the plus side, we just gave all our listeners a way to keep from coming ever again. Welcome everyone at home. Really just dig that image into your head and you're good to go. We'll wait. It'll take a long time next time but since bill donahue can't be far from an embolism and since

we now know he's not above getting pissed off about cheese i feel like we owe it to humanity to put 30 seconds on the clock for other cheese based porn that could give bill Donahue an embolism. Go. Cheddar Dunn. Like the Catholic name. Dunn. The pun guy isn't here. Pepperjacking the Oregon Blue Vein. Oh, Mouths Full of Mozzarella? Grilled, Drilled, and Filled starring Brie Larson.

Like it, like it. Curd-E Eating Alter Boys. Scatchatory. Miss Swiss. All Holes Filled With Hard Block. The Guide to the Gouda Life by William B. Bovine.

Huh? That's pretty good. Two Goya's, one curd. Our listeners in the Oxtatia region of northern lithuania are going out of their fucking minds right now on that one hi yorgi how you doing man he sent us a goat uh how about uh you don't have to monterey jacket provolone and now that it's perfectly clear on how much we really do need heath to make this bit work i suppose we can close out the headlines eli thanks as always do magic and when we come back natalie newell will be here to talk about gwyneth paltrow's weird series of vaginal power-ups

it's not what i wrote in the space that's what I wrote. Hey, Eli, do you know where I put my... Whoa, whoa, whoa. What is in that box? Oh, it's Heath. I'm going to regret asking this, but what do you mean it's Heath? Oh, so you know howith is going on vacation this week i do and you know how easy and convenient stamps.com is i i do and of course you know how expensive travel can be so heath is in the box isn't he okay now but before you get mad too late

eli look stamps.com is great it's how we send out all our merch to patrons and whatnot, but I'm pretty sure it's not for sending people. Okay, but stamps.com brings all the services of the U.S. Postal Service right to your fingertips. I mean, you can buy and print official U.S. postage for any letter, any package, any class of mail using your own computer and printer. They say so themselves. Plus, he's got water in there and snacks. Look, you don't have to tell me. We use Stamps.com because it's the best way to take care of our awesome patrons easily and conveniently. And don't get me wrong.

Right now, they too can enjoy the Stamps.com service with a special offer that includes a four-week trial plus postage and a digital scale without long-term commitments. They can just go to Stamps.com, click on the microphone at the top of the homepage and type in scathing. That's stamps.com enter scathing, but I'm pretty sure it's not for mailing people. And I'm, I'm pretty sure you forgot air holes, air holes. I knew I forgot something that air holes,

right? Stamps.com. Never go to the post office again. Question. Yeah, I'm pretty, I'm pretty sure by now he is hey guys eli here and i've got some pretty serious news we said heath was on vacation but the reason heath isn't here this week is because he's dying of too many buttholes. TMB is a serious and very real disease that too many Americans have. And if you don't go to patreon.com slash scathing atheist and donate, this year could be his last.

So please take a moment. Eli, what are you doing in here, man? Oh, hey, no, nothing. I was just jerking. I was not looking at pornography. Are you recording? No, no, nope. There's a script. Let me

see this. Actually, that's my screenplay of journal, screenplay of my journal, and I don't want you to know. No, Heath is not dying. OK, technically, we are all dying. So, you know what? You know what I mean?

But OK, think about the Patreon bonus. Look, Eli, Eli, there are a lot of great reasons for people to support the show on Patreon. OK, it pays for us to come to conventions and meet fans. It pays for live shows come to conventions and meet fans. It pays for live shows all over the country. It gives folks who use other podcast players a way to get an RSS feed with an extended commercial free early version of the show. And of course it helps support atheist activism with an edge all for as little as a dollar an episode. But one of those reasons is not that Heath has too many buttholes and he needs a super expensive totes real

surgery to plug up at least three of them. But if you but. No buts not multiple buts for him or you. If people want to support the show they'll go to patreon.com slash scathing atheist on their own. Fine.

I'm sorry he's out how many buttholes is he supposed to have in this thing like four I think four I lost that's a lot of buttholes that is a lot you think three like I scale it back we're not workshopping one of the disadvantages of doing 231 episodes of this show is it's easy to forget what we've

already done have i written that diatribe or did i just think about writing it have i already used this clever physical description of pat robertson's jowls hasn't joseph smith already told this fucking story so after nearly five years of weekly recordings it's bound to happen that we occasionally have ideas for segments do them in episodes 154 and 160 and then forget all about them only to be reminded because we think of them again have a vague feeling of deja vu and then scrounge through the past episodes folder on google docs so with that idiosyncratic and insubstantial introduction out of the way, I'm happy to present a long overdue dive into ridiculous religious miracle claims

that we call... The Devil's Advocates. I'd like to state for the record, I cannot believe we're revisiting old bits when we won't even give my segment a chance. You wanted to challenge someone to a fist fight, Eli. Several people. Several people to a fist fight several people several people you're not a fucking senator so heath what bogus claims of divine intervention are we going to dive into today all right today we'll be looking at the miraculous head wounds of theresa

neumann i guess she's german we're going to say theresa neumann famous stigmatic clairvoyant christian mystic and astral projector or famous uh she's full of shit one of the other you decide nope uh we're gonna decide we're decide he decides so let's bust out occam's razor and see if we can whittle down that introduction a bit what can you you tell us about old Teresa? Well, she was born in Bavaria on either April 8th or 9th of 1898. Ooh, even her birthday is shrouded in mystery. And according to herself and credulous people who believed her without investigation, she lived a life marked by miraculous healings, miraculous injuries, and miraculous visions. First up, we've got a story that no doubt began with,

did I ever tell you the one about the time God cured me of paralysis? And according to Neumann, shortly after her 20th birthday, she fell off a stool in her uncle's barn and became partially paralyzed. And because she had trouble remembering how she first told the story there's several different accounts of it that believers have tried to mesh together in the classic apologetic from she probably just fell a lot back then falling down a stairway of stools no actually you know what there's a name for this.

It's called the maybe he hung himself in the tree, but then the branch broke and he fell. And that's when he hit his head on the rock and ruptured his guts from the fall syndrome is what they call it. Yes. So while paralyzed, she also developed partial blindness from the falling. She got falling blindness and then eventually lost her sight completely when the people she was telling this story to started getting bored. At this point, she was bedridden, of course,

and developed bed sores that were so bad she had exposed bone showing. That is a heck of a bed sore, though. You got to earn that one, right? Yeah, no, that's tough. But not exactly miraculous. So when does this stop just being a sob story uh that would be april of 1923 when she prayed to a newly beatified nun and all those maladies were swept away through divine intervention according again to the shit

this woman said and nothing else she prayed to the candidate saint and immediately her eyesight was restored. God took a little longer on the paralysis and bed sores, but eventually he knocked those out too. Bed sores take longer though. He's got to run it through her HMO. It's a whole thing. Thanks Obama. Now,

it's important to point out here that the Catholic Church verified her miracle. They sent out Egon and Ray, I guess, and they got positive readings on their PKE meters or whatever the fuck they pretend to do. And the Vatican used this claim to fully canonize Therese of Lisieux, a different Teresa that they wanted to make a saint out of already. Ah, from the people who brought you this guy turned fish into other fish in his mouth comes sure why not so so basically her church rewarded the bullshit claim with 15 minutes of fame and her very own saint so it should come as no surprise that a couple years later when the notoriety was drying up god decided to directly involve himself in her biology once again. Ooh, that's my new pickup line, by the way.

Hey, girl, can I directly involve myself in your biology? All right, so as fascinating as a Bavarian hypochondriac is, I feel like you promised us a bleeder. That's right, I did. So at this point, I guess God got bored with curing her ailments and decided to even out the balance sheet a little bit this started around 1926 about a year after the appendix thing when she was no doubt looking for the snooze button on her 15 minutes of fame again well this time it would come in the form of stigmata which is not an energy drink just a reminder yet yeah oh yes such a good energy drink

all right so uh according to later claims that were verified by absolutely zero people she began experiencing her stigmata on march 5th of 1926 beginning with a small wound slightly above her heart because apparently she's not 100 sure where stigmata is supposed to go. But by March 26th, she Googled it, I guess, because that miraculous wound appeared on the palm of her left hand, which is still wrong, but much better than above the heart, at least closer. Priest is like, show me on the doll where the Lord touched you.

No, literally look at the doll it's wrists feet wrists and feet that's what we'd also have accepted side back and head like yeah you have to be trying to fuck this up yeah so she claimed that while she was getting these mysterious wounds they were accompanied by visions of the passion of the Christ because Jesus was still pretty anti-Semitic back then. I'm tired of these Comic-Con trailers. There was a baby.

Barack Obama was holding him. And at this point, there are witnesses because now she's kind of well-known. But according to critical accounts, all anybody saw was blood on her. Nobody saw her bleeding, like, actively. Just, like, there was red shit below her eyes that people saw at one point. Estus Perkle bleeding, yeah. She's got a housekeeper.

Every time she gets a miracle, I run out of Prego. Motherfucker. Fine. Yep. By then, even the Catholic Church was getting embarrassed. By that, not the kid fucking. It's a weird threshold they have for embarrassment anyway they send out some actual investigators at this point among the investigators was a physician named martini from the university hospital bon he was clearly less than impressed by her stigmata and couldn't help but notice that

the blood only seemed to appear when he was out of the room by chance uh martini you say you could say he was shaken but not stirred by what he found so martini wrote about the uh obvious lying that was going on and uh here's a piece of his notes from the time quote the fact that two or three times the observers were made to go out just at the moment when a fresh effusion of blood evidently came to cover the wounds arouses suspicion on the contrary that during this time something happened which needed to be hidden from observation was for the same reason that i disliked her frequent manipulations behind the raised coverings. Raised coverings? Okay, so basically, all right, you show me the blood now. Sure.

What's that over there? Oh, so much blood. Well, combined with, well, I only really get stigmata from behind this veil. I can't look when you, I can't go when you look. It's like Michigan J-Frog on a crucifix. But her bullshit story does not end there in addition to the frequent i i can't go when you look stigmata and selective blindness that didn't seem to influence how her eyes responded to light weird she also claimed to subsist solely on jesus crackers according to again herself and nobody else from 1923 until her death

she consumed no food other than holy eucharist crackers and drank no water which to be fair according to billions of people makes her a cannibal yeah this last claim was also tested and the observers were once once again, not impressed. A doctor and four nurses observed her over a 14-day period. And while she did make it several days without food, her weight dropped by a solid 10 pounds over those days. And then the doctor started making her eat food so she wouldn't die because she's a human being. The test was repeated later with similar results before her family stepped in and made her stop pretending she didn't have to eat in front of the strangers

to show off. Grandma, just eat your soup. It's, okay, we're all embarrassed. We're all embarrassed. Well, with the fervent hope that the knowledge one can make a living by spreading blood on themselves and lying doesn't affect Eli's career

path, we're going to wrap things up there. And we'll be back the next time we recall that we also have a segment called the devil's advocate rackall so sexy I'm happy to welcome my next guest to the show. Natalie Newell is the co-host of the Science Enthusiast podcast, and she's also the director and producer of the upcoming film Science Moms, a film that explores what happens when you pick conscientious, scientifically literate mothers against a multibillion-dollar industry trying to retard their scientific literacy and replace it with non-GMO, gluten-free stupidity.

Natalie, welcome to the show well thank you and um that was the best introduction i can imagine and i need to um i don't know transcribe that and put that on my social media somewhere because you you just wrote the description of my film way better than i ever could thank you awesome awesome i'll tell you what we'll get uh we'll get heath and eli on it We'll put 30 seconds on the clock and we'll come up with something great for you. Oh, I'm super stoked. Thank you. Awesome. All right. So now I've got to be the devil's advocate here.

Got to put on my skeptical hat and grill you a little up front because I generally like to take health advice from people with proper qualifications. Like, for example, partial education at the University of California, a blog named after unpleasant semi-fluid matter, and a decreasingly important role in the Iron Man franchise. So why should I listen to anything that you have to say on the subject? See, this is the thing, right? Because I know that we all just want to listen to Gwyneth, right? We want to listen to Goopy Gwyneth Paltrow about health advice. And you know, why not? Because she clearly has a lifestyle website and likes to talk about putting things in your vagina

that you probably shouldn't put in your vagina. But so I'm going to provide a little bit of an alternative to that in that I think maybe you're not going to take health advice from me because I'm not the expert here. So what I'm trying to do is offer some, some women who actually know what they're talking about. Women who are scientists, science communicators who have,

you know, done a little bit more than, than make goop or bullshit. So, so yeah, that was the thing is this movie. I'm not, I'm the director,

producer, whatever, but I'm letting these other women who are way smarter than me about these topics, like GMOs, vaccines, real medicine versus, you know, alternative medicine. I'm letting them tell the story because they know what the fuck they're talking about. Yeah, right. Unlike the steamed vagina expert, Gwyneth Paltrow. So what can you tell us about the contributors to the film? So in the movie, we have, I have five women,

Coven Synapathy, Alison Bernstein, Jenny Splitter, Anastasia Bodner, and Leila Kateri. And they are a group of women who I found on a blog called Grounded Parents. They had written this open letter to celebrity moms when a lot of the, you know, just label it anti-GMO stuff was going around. They wrote this open letter pretty much saying like, ladies, you're, we're moms too. And let's talk science.

Let's not talk fear. And they hashtagged the whole thing, moms for GMOs. And I just thought science. Let's not talk fear. And they hashtag the whole thing, moms for GMOs. And I just thought it was brilliant because it was different. You know, like the narrative around parenting and food and medicine and all of that, it's steeped in anecdotes and fear mongering and lacking a little bit of evidence. So to have this letter written by women who are geneticists and biologists and people who have actually written on these topics of health and food and all of that

was different and really refreshing for me. So I reached out to them and I found that they're just as awesome in person and on camera as they were in this open letter and I really got lucky with this group of women. It was really engaging and one of the things that I really liked about it is if you compare it to other science documentaries, when you had scientists on screen you didn't science them up right there's no lab coats no beakers no three-dimensional spinning brain graphic in the background for

no reason um i i'm i'm i'm assuming that that was a conscious decision uh it can you tell us why uh you didn't like you know kind of dress them up in the accoutrements of uh of of um authority there because they're they're real people they're real people. And I think that we need to humanize the science and not just make it about, you know, here's somebody in a lab coat reading facts and data points. It's people that you, you know, you see maybe in the school parking lot when you're dropping off your kids or just people that you are, you know, hanging out with having a drink some night. It's, you know, they're real people.

And I didn't think that we needed to, you know, turn them into a stereotype of a scientist to get the message across. I think that part of effective communication about anything is making the person providing the information, make them approachable you know we didn't need to science them up i think they they're the words spoke for themselves and yeah i didn't have to didn't have to dress them up well lab coats can't you just tell who's telling the truth to you by that right because like i've i watch of course a lot of these terrible pseudoscience documentaries and creationism documentaries and anytime they've got anyone who has anything like a PhD,

they're going to put them in a lab coat, put a pocket protector on them, give them every symbol of authority, intellectual authority that they possibly can. And yet when you see people who are telling the truth, it's just like, you know, yeah, sitting in the kitchen having a conversation. But there definitely was this feeling of like, these are my friends, these are my coworkers, these are the ladies at my gym, you know, etc. And I think that probably makes it a lot easier to take for what I assume to be your target audience. So let me do away with the assumption, who is your target audience? You know, I mean, the target audience, I think it started out to me as,

okay, let's make a movie, you know, for parents, current parents, prospective parents, you know, let's make a movie for parents, current parents, prospective parents. But I think that even though that was the initial target, I think that it is a film that could reach people who don't have kids too and just want to get a little bit more information about some of the myths surrounding food and medicine and all that.

But I think that the biggest target audience is people who are questioning the decisions that they're making for and about their children. Because they're, I mean, parents worry about everything. And, and they're, and which, of course, you have this small human that you need to keep alive. And you, and on top of on top of that, just try to help them grow into the best person possible. And there are just things that perhaps they shouldn't be as worried about. So I'm hoping to reach an audience that can benefit from that and that, okay, they can alleviate some of their fears. But I do think that the film, you know, after spending a little time at an atheist convention

over the past weekend and noticing that there's a little bit of scientific skepticism lacking in even that community too, I would like to be able to take this film to that audience as well, you know, because I think that the critical thinking piece is there you know and so i think that you know there's there could be a benefit beyond just parents but people who maybe you know can can learn and challenge their own beliefs about some of these issues or perhaps people who know parents i mean like like literally the whole time i'm watching this i'm thinking of all the people that I just want to strap into a clockwork orange chair

and forced to watch this film. Like there are probably multiple people I'm going to go like offer to go to church with if they agree to watch your movie with me afterwards. Ooh, I like that. I'm so into that. You'll go to church for science moms. That's a whole campaign we can make.

Hell yeah. Hell yeah. I love it. Well, and, but see, that's a, that's a big thing for me because I cannot be super convincing in these instances because I don't have kids and, you know, there's a, there's sort of an inherent prejudice and some of it's a prejudice and some of it's just legitimate that when a non-parent starts, you know, spouting off their opinions on how to raise your kids you you shut down a bit um so to have a resource like this that i can turn people to and say no look here you got legitimate scientists with nothing

here to gain but telling you the truth you know obviously we all know there's a lot more money and fear mongering than fear alleviation so you're obviously not in it for the money yeah that's that's the thing the other side of the aisle has so they have kind of this money and power that goes along with their message and so i mean well fear sells a lot more than than somebody's kind of saying like well don't be scared i mean i because i love i love shitty movies i love terrible movies And I've watched some of the bad science ones. And oh my God, I just watched What the Health the other day. I've watched Vaxxed. I've watched GMO, OMG. And there's money behind that kind of stuff. Oh, yeah.

Because it's the narrative that sells. And so this is like, I feel like science moms in a way is sort of the anti vaxxed because we're just kind of like, yeah, get your kids vaccinated, um, feed your children a healthy balanced diet. Like it's not that complicated. Um,

now I should say like the, the film touches on a lot of subjects, which by necessity means that you don't go like deep dive into into anything you touch on gmos alternative medicine organic foods vaccinophobia homeopathy um was there a temptation to like narrow in on one thing was there a temptation to focus on like even more things and how did you choose like those subjects you know those seemed to be the ones that were coming up most in discussion I mean just from from things that I experienced in my own life as a parent so I have I have two young children I

have a two-year-old and a four-year-old and I was just thinking what are these topics that I keep hearing about a lot and then with the women we kind of zeroed in on the food and the medicine and honestly when I set out to make this movie, I was thinking, oh, let's, you know, maybe a 10, 15 minute thing that I throw on YouTube somewhere and, you know, just to kind of highlight them and their letter, focus more on maybe just GMOs. But it definitely became more as the process went on and I was seeing the response. These were things, I mean, I had, I worked in education for a decade. And when I first had my children, my son was crying and I was at a school event. And someone asked me if I would take him to a chiropractor because maybe that would help.

Oh, wow. Oh, this was my real life. And I, because I was the school principal. So I had to be very polite when I said, nope, and just walk away. I had people in the school who didn't vaccinate their children and were able to sign a religious exemption in the state of Maryland. I had somebody tell me that we should only serve organic food as snack at the school because it was healthier. Great. You see your finite resources. Yeah. Right. Right. So these were, these were things that I was experiencing. And then just, I think

I kind of wanted to find out the answers for myself to the, like for myself to these, these questions people had for me are these things that were trying to be pushed on me. And it was kind of nice to find kindred spirits who were like, yeah, you know, the organic food is not going to be better for the students or holy fuck, like somebody said, take your child to a chiropractor. Right.

Yeah, that's terrifying. Don't crack people's backs, especially babies. I mean, let's just put that out there. But this is the world that exists. And these are the things that people are doing. And I feel like any little bit that I can do, that we can do to put out a different message is worth it. So that's why the movie did end up touching on a bunch of things rather than just kind of this moms for gmos concept because i think that some of the medical stuff is i mean i

would like to almost do more of that at some point i think because there's some real bullshitty stuff out there yeah well i mean this could just as easily be a weekly half hour show and you'd be able to keep going for several years. And I think, you know, I think ultimately I agree with the approach. There were things that, as I'm looking at it, because I'm so steeped in these pseudoscience arguments, that as I'm watching it, I'm thinking, oh, but, you know, the true believers in GMOs are going to point this and this out,

and you don't touch on that. But, of course, you can't reach everybody. And like you said, the people that you're looking for, the people who are questioning and wondering, I mean, you know, there's a woman in the film at some protest that screaming about how she she's cured five diseases that science can't cure. I mean, yeah, no movie's necessarily going to get through to that lady. No, but but to her friend, you know, who she's spewed all of her nonsense on it. Just maybe.

Right. I think that in a lot of these conversations, it's about meeting the people who are kind of in the middle, because really, I'm not going to change the minds of the people who are seriously convinced on Twitter that I'm some Monsanto shill for even making this, you know, super, super low budget documentary. I'm not going to convince them that GMOs are okay. I'm never going to reach the fervent anti-vax crowd that is convinced that Andrew Wakefield was right. Those are not the people that are going to be swayed or convinced by really much of anything because those beliefs are so deeply held. But it's the on-the-fence people

who can maybe sway one way or the other, I'm hoping. Because, hey, if you can reach somebody or change somebody's mind or make them feel a little bit better about not going the whole crazy fear-based route, then I think that's a success. Yeah, well, absolutely. I mean, I'm still amazed how often I talk to people

who when the subject of homeopathy comes up, they have no idea what it is. They just sort of have a vague notion in the back of their mind somewhere that it's healthy or that it's natural or whatever it is. Well, natural, because natural is good for you, right? So natural is good and natural remedies, water with memory, whatever it is.

There's so much natural stuff that's fantastic for you, but people just don't always know. And it's marketed so well that how would you know unless you kind of question and dive a little bit deeper into it. And not just Google University research, but have real conversations and go to real sources for things.

Yeah, and try to disprove your preconceived notions here and there as well. That's always important. Well, I am depressed to hear that you are not a Monsanto shill. I was kind of hoping for a kickback for this interview, but apparently I'm fucked yet again. I know. I'm really sorry. But if I ever get in with that, I'll send you a briefcase of money or something, however they do it. Yeah, I'm sure that's it.

All right. So a penultimate question, not counting follow-ups here. In a nutshell, what do you hope your audience walks away from the movie with? I hope that they walk away maybe changing some of the beliefs that they had before or at least spurring a little bit of critical thinking. Because I think that,

you know, these are issues that a lot of people have strong feelings about. And if they walk away thinking, you know, let me try to reevaluate some of my maybe preconceived notions or beliefs about some of these myths, then I think, you know, just getting people to think. Awesome. Awesome. Because like you say, I mean, you know, look, the only kind of parents that aren't terrified of everything and questioning everything that they do are terrible terrible parents but when it comes down to it rationality

and reliance on the best available science that's what you owe your kids you know not not the the latest gwyneth paltrow get healthy quick scheme all right so the the movie is not out yet like you said um but i hear you got recent word on when and where it would have its red carpet grand opening. Red carpet grand opening. Well, it will be shown in two different places in October. And today I just got word from our friend Marsh that it'll be shown at QED in Manchester, which I'm super stoked about because QED is when you were there last year. which I'm super stoked about because QED is, I mean, you were there last year. Amazing, amazing conference. And then in the US, the first, I guess, big showing will be at PsyCon in Vegas at the end of October. So those are two that are kind of premieres in locations, but I am working on other showings. And I think I want to see it as a little bit of a grassroots

effort too. I want to try to find a little bit of a grassroots effort, too. I want to try to find ways for people to get the film, get their hands on the film and show it in their own local places, too, because it's not obviously it's not about money. It's not about any of that. It's just about spreading a message of critical thinking and rational thought. Awesome. Awesome. Well, just keep us updated as as it becomes available on different sources. We'll keep the the audience updated as well. And, of course, we'll have links on the show notes to all of the venues that were just mentioned, along with links to the Science Enthusiast podcast. Natalie, thanks for the work that you're doing, and thanks again for your time this evening.

Thank you so much. Before we head back down the mountain tonight, I want to let everybody who gets their podcast through Stitcher know that they can finally find our newest show, Citation, needed there. We had a bitch of a time getting it registered, but if lack of Stitcher availability was the sole impediment to you checking out our new show, Cecil took care of you. You can check out our new show now. Anyway, that's all the blasphemy we've got for you tonight,

but we'll be back in 10,022 minutes with more. If you can't wait that long, be on the lookout for a brand new episode of our sister show, The Skeptocrat, debuting at 7 a.m. Eastern on Monday. Our sister show's hot friend, Godawful Movies, debuting 24 hours after that. And our sister show's hot friend's yoga instructor citation needed 29 hours after that. Obviously, this would

hardly be an episode if I didn't thank the lovely and talented Lucinda Lusions, who sends her apologies for the lack of a This Week in Misogyny segment this week. She promises to be back with a vengeance next week. I need to thank Heath Enright, who sends no apologies for the lack of a this week in misogyny segment this week she promises to be back with a vengeance next week i need to thank heath enright who sends no apologies whatsoever for his absence this week because damn it that man has earned a break plus he was on the show with that pre-recorded segment and i need to thank eli who sends apologies for his lack of absence this week as always obviously i need to thank natalie one more time for hanging out tonight again check the show notes for links to more info about her movie and follow us on

facebook for updates about when it will be available. But most of all, of course, I want to thank this week's best people. Paul, Matt, David, Randy, John, Colin, Faye, Douglas, Robin, Real Life Beyond Faith, Stephen, Phil, James, Rebecca, and Christian. Paul, Matt, David, Randy, and John, whose dicks are measured less than inches and more in horsepower. Colin, Faye,

Douglas, Robin, and Real Life Beyond Faith, who are so bright you can only look at them with NASA-approved glasses. And Stephen, Phil, James, Rebecca, and Christian, who are so sexually magnetic, interested parties queue up in Faraday lines when they walk around. Together, these 15 ferociously factual, phenomenally fuckable, freethinkers facilitate in the furtherance of our faithless fury for another week by giving us money.

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