The Sevan Podcast - #162 - Bill Dawes

Episode Date: October 8, 2021

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Let's go seize the night. That's the powerful backing of American Express. Visit amex.ca slash yamex. Benefits vary by car and other conditions apply. 1.5 kg kvartal. Дякую за перегляд! I will use the same method for the other side. 1.5 kg kv. kg kv. kg. Good morning. 7 a.m. It's weird doing a live show because you never know if your guest is going to show up or not. Can you guys hear me okay? Logan, good morning.

Message retracted already? What happens when you retract a message? You write it and then you're like, ah, I probably shouldn't have said that. I wonder what you said. Can you guys hear me? Oh, I heard something. I heard something. I can't hear myself in my headphones. I don't know why. Can someone type in if you can hear me? Oh, here comes the guest. There he is. I wonder if he can hear me.

I can hear you. Holy shit. That means my volume is too loud. Good morning, Bill. Good morning. Can I ask what state you're in? Bill Dawes. Bill Dawes.

Why? What did I call you? Oh, that's what you said. Yeah. Oh. You just said your name. Oh. Did I? Hey. call you oh that's what you said yeah oh you just said say your name oh uh did i hey i don't know what's going on what time is it 7 a.m what the fuck are you doing up i know this is crazy why

why would you accept this why would you accept this it was so crazy i was like you know what i might as well do it because this is no one's ever asked me to do anything at 7 a.m that didn't Why would you accept this? Why would you accept this? It was so crazy. I was like, you know what? I might as well do it because no one's ever asked me to do anything at 7 a.m. that didn't pay a lot of money. So you thought since the world's upside down, you flipped the script. Okay, I'll get up at 7 and do something for free. Yeah, that's pretty much it. Are you an early riser?

Not at all. God damn, I'm tripping. Yes. I'm tripping. I'm not an early riser not at all god damn i'm tripping yes i'm tripping i'm not an early riser you want to just jump in heavy or you want to like start like slow whatever you want i don't care what the fuck is going on with the world is that supply chain shit real or are they just trying to get me to go to costco and buy more toilet paper What is going on? Yeah. What's the story with the supply chain? They're just saying that it's broken down because people in South Vietnam, their fingers are bleeding in China because of what's happening. I don't know, but I'm trying to do a podcast and get ready and rehearse it. And I'm taking my last

minute pee and I should be thinking about funny shit I want to say to you. And instead I'm like, fuck, should I get on Amazon and buy more toilet paper or like order? Should I go costco and get like 6 000 cases of garbanzo beans so i can feed my kids like what is going on i'll be back to being worried about if toilet paper is going to go extinct i don't know worried about i don't know but it's cool having my own show because then it's like yeah i can just what's going on back there are you moving i want to want to set up a screen so it's not too distracting, but hold on. I like it. We're three minutes into the show and he's making adjustments to not be more distracted. Wow.

That looks like Louis Vuitton back there. Look at that pattern on your screen. The black. Look up high. Do you see that? Yeah. Was that like $122,000? There you go. Much less distracting, right?

Totally. What are you hiding back there? A couple of prostitutes that didn't make it through the night. the night you're you're uh so in my um instagram uh profile i write down that i'm a um comedian and i hope you don't take offense to that because i'm really not a comedian but i just want to be i'm just like faking it till i make it you know what i mean well there are different styles of comedians you don't have to be a stand-up comedian to be a comedian you can be a comedian you know what I mean? Well, there are different styles of comedians. You don't have to be a stand-up comedian to be a comedian. You can be a comedian, you know, you can be an actor comedian, a sketch comedian. You can be a comedian at cocktail parties. You can make pratfalls on the street for fun. Wait, what kind of calls?

Pratfalls. What are those? Pratfalls. Where are you from originally? I'm born and raised in the Bay Area. I was born in Oakland. Never heard of the phrase Pratt Falls? No, sir. No, sir.

Good Lord. In Northern California, they didn't even know what Jewish people were or Armenian people. We're a different breed up here. So you're a Jewish Armenian? I'm Armenian. My kids are Jewish Armenian. That's pretty cool, isn't it? Yeah, I like it. I'm pretty proud of that. It's like better than the pit bull. It's like an amazing breed.

You got two branches of victimization that you can claim if everyone gives you shit. And I was raised to be the president of the victocracy. But like you, something happened and I woke up. It's weird. When did you wake up? I guess that's what we're talking about. Finish Pratt Calls and then we'll circle back.

A Pratt Fall. It's like when you comedically fall, like Jerry Lewis in all of his movies. You trip to make a girl laugh at a party or whatever. It's like an old Dick Van Dyke couch type of thing. That's a Prattfall.

How old are you? I'm older than I look. 41. 42. Wow. Damn. I'm 49. I was obsessed as a kid. Remember when we were kids and there were Saturday morning cartoons

and there were five stations or three stations? And after all the cartoons were over, they would play old abbott and costello reruns and i was obsessed yes obsessed yeah and i'm gonna make my kids watch all of those i just bought the box set of dvds on amazon i'm gonna put it on in the dvd player in the van and just make oh really yeah kids don't like it because i gotta say, things moved a lot slower back then. As much as like, oh, the golden age of cinema. You watch some old movies now.

You watch Blazing Saddles now. Classic Blazing Saddles. You're gonna be bored out of your mind. That movie is slow and boring and stupid and the jokes are dated. It doesn't hold up. Like most comedies don't really hold up anymore.

That's true. And a lot of, even drama, a lot of it's really slow. Like there are movies, if you watch a movie from the 70s, which is supposed to be this like amazing decade in cinema there, if it takes place, if the movie takes place in Venice, Italy, there'll be like 10 shots of just Venice. Because at the time there was the idea that Mark Twain coined the armchair traveler where, you know, you get to like see these different cities. So they would spend so much time doing almost like a, what's it called?

Like a travel log about the city. But now people don't want to see that shit. If you want to see Venice, you can go look at a promo video, but movies back in the day, if it's another place that would just have like 15 minutes of just like, look how pretty Venice is. And look at this architecture.

And, or if a band was playing in a scene, the band would play like the whole song. like 15 minutes of just like look how pretty venice is and look at this architecture and or if a band was playing in a scene the band would play like the whole song porn has taken the same route what is porn has taken the same route oh it's more like yeah i mean like in the in the 70s there was like it like you know you get the you steal your friend's stepdad's vhs tape of behind the green door and there's like a story, and you and your friends sit around and watch it. Yeah. Now it's like, hey, can I find that one scene that I can ejaculate to and get on with my day? Which I appreciate, honestly.

I don't want— Just the—it being all expedited? Yeah, I don't need—I never said the idea of set up in porn. What am I—for the emotional catharsis? I'm shot? Like, what's that – I never actually did that. For those of you who don't know who Bill Dawes is, he is truly extraordinary. I didn't – I'm going to be honest with you. I just wanted to talk to comedians.

I just wanted to milk him to get more Instagram followers and to broaden my ability as – Like with that. As whatever the fuck I'm doing. And what a remarkable journey. is a true um thespian he has uh but but more than that what are they called they're called renaissance men he is uh is it true are you really um a brown belt in jujitsu yeah that's crazy that's crazy uh kundalini yoga you really taught that i taught that for seven years yeah yeah and that was to get chicks for sure well i definitely i definitely started doing yoga i mean look no man starts yoga not to get laid whether it's with other men or other women but usually it's to get laid with other

women because like you know you take your first yoga class and you see the the lululemon yoga butts right and you're in the back and everyone's doing downward dog you're like really i get to watch this for free right away it's not free but like um so i think that is just natural so don't paint me like some sort of pig like a predator but it's just natural like these beautiful women in yoga class mostly and and then so i got that's how I got into yoga, but to teach it. Did you ever actually have a girlfriend take you into it? Um, I'm trying to think of how, how I. You remember your first yoga class? It was probably some girl brought me.

I remember the first one. It was, it was when I was in, um, is when I was in grad school in New York. Oh, more, more crazy shit about you. I know. And you're smart as shit, too. Maybe I used to be, but the marijuana and all the drinking. No, you don't smoke that much marijuana. I don't really. I don't think so.

Do you? I smoke sometimes every day, all the time. No, I don't smoke every day, but I smoke probably like three, four times a week. smoke every day but i smoke probably like um three four times a week wow you don't have that um dry crusty skin uh slurred speech kind of like burnout of my friends who like didn't who started smoking in college and still smoking to their 40s well maybe you're too young maybe it's too early in your 40s maybe i'll talk i'll talk to you in a year and you'll be all fucked up no i didn't really start until i was like mid-20s but even then i didn't really start mid-20s i didn't really start because of a bit of a nerd until it became legal in california and then i was like hey it's legal i guess it's fine

for me so i speed when it was legal. That is nerdy. But I discovered, I discovered, I'm not like a wake and bake. I think the friends who do that are the wake and bake. I don't like waking up and smoking. And that makes me feel really fucked up. I like, and I can curse in this, I'm assuming. But to go to sleep, because I'm a product of like an Eisenhower Republican dad and everything that was like government approved and FDA approved is what you did. So if you need to sleep,

you would take Ambien. If you're in pain, you take opioids. Like is all like what can be, if a doctor prescribes it, it's good. Right. It's moral. It's legally fine. It's moral. Same thing. That's how like you, when you're the product of an eisenhower republican dad that's how you feel so i would take i would take adderall sometimes in the morning and being go to bed i was in this cycle which is fucked up it shouldn't it shouldn't be that way and a lot of people are like that and kids are like that even at a young age uh so i i've always tried to see what the healthier route is, what the alternative route is. So when weed came about in my life, it replaced Ambien, which was a semi-addiction for me.

It's obviously a much better thing to do than any prescription drug. I mean, I think all prescription drugs are little pieces of Satan in a capsule. You have crazy discipline too. Do I? Yeah. I can tell by looking at your body oh you can't see my stomach it's a it's a mess no you you have an you have an incredible physique if you guys want seriously you should look go to bill dawes.com there's two videos you should absolutely see before you should see his i don't know what it's called it's what he sends to people to get jobs it's a remarkable reel.

And then you should also watch his 2020 performance in Las Vegas at the Laugh Comedy Club. It's at the where? The Laugh Factory. Yeah, the Laugh Factory. And you should watch that and you should sit down and watch that and stream that onto your big ass TV like I did and watch it with your wife because you will fucking laugh your ass off 2020 no well that's when it's published that's when it's published was that wearing a blazer you're wearing pants that are so tight that like i keep looking down at your crotch to see if i can see your dick through them and i and i'm pretty sure i'm straight um and but you can see like your physique and shit. You're all, you're all buff. I get, I gained the quarantine.

I gained the COVID-19. Don't do it. I gained the COVID-19. I did. I did. You know, it's actually 40% of the public has gained 29 pounds or more. That's why I'm wearing a girdle right now. Holy shit.

What are you wearing? Wearing little, little, little spanks, little skims. Yeah. I'm going to wear it until I get under 200. I got up to 223. Are you fucking kidding me? How tall are six feet so that's fat yeah that's not good it's not in your face you still got the square jaw and shit uh but but i'm well i'm down to like 205 now but last night i ate an entire blueberry pie so there we go. Can I make?

I had a show. I booked a part of a Netflix series. I had a good show. I came home, and I just ate a blueberry pie with literally an entire can of Ready Whip whipped cream to celebrate. And then I became depressed. Wait, what did you book? Tell me about your Netflixing. I don't know if I'm allowed to talk about it yet.

Oh, okay. You guys got to rewind that if you want to hear something i'm not being i'm not being one of those like i can't talk about it yet i've literally yes you are i've lost no i've lost i've literally lost jobs and almost lost jobs because i i announced that i was doing this job one of them was even like a theater show it was a broadway show it's like who gives a shit but i said hey i'm doing this broadway show and i put on facebook because you know we we all need validation as actors and we're all fucking insecure and if people don't know that we're up to stuff we feel like we want to kill ourselves so i post on facebook my agent's like you're about to lose your job you have to you have to and i had to like apologize and all this shit do you

like your agent well he fired me since then. Oh shit. Do you have a new one? I have a new guy. Yeah. He's great. He's awesome. He's, um, you know, I wanted to go with him because I just lost my agency.

And I, ever since I got out of grad school, I've had an agent. I've never not had an agent. Usually I have an agent and a manager. Did you lose your agent? I'm going to say this in all seriousness. I know it's going to sound like I'm joking. Did you lose your agency because they were culling the herd of whiteys? No, because it was pre-pandemic.

Pre-cancel time? Pre-BLM, pre-pandemic, pre-all that. Okay, okay. But I had Tyler Fisher on here. Do you know who that is? Sounds familiar. He's exploded on Instagram recently. He does a lot of skits. He got big because Charlie Kirk was reposting some of his stuff.

He does a lot of funny vaccine skits, like he's covered in Band-Aids, and he's like, take one more booster, and just all that shit. Yeah, yeah. And he basically was telling me just all the jobs that they just outright told him, and his agent dumped him. He said, hey, now's not the time for white guys. We're done with you. I was like, wow,

that's pretty blunt. Well, if his agent's manager said, now's not the time for white guys, either that's the excuse they're making. Or my boy is like, because. Ouch.

They don't want to just tell you, you suck. That's retarded. Yeah. Because let me tell you, well, maybe he does. Also, it sounds like he's pretty,

like pretty far, right? If Charlie, he was super left he would this that's what's amazing about him i mean like he was this kid was super duper duper left and you know and then finally you just see they just throw one too many jews in the oven you're like maybe i don't want to be a nazi anymore you're like hmm you know what i mean like like you have your you have your threshold like i was a lefty to to the max and then and then like you see just one too many like rocks go through windows you're like yeah i don't think this is the party of tolerance yeah no i get that i mean it's definitely one of those things where when the republicans were the ones who were everything was like liberals like guys fucking calm down relax we're like love empathy compassion everyone needs to chill and now that liberals are like republicans are like

well they're not like love empathy compassion but they're also like stop i i feel like republicans are kind of are weird they're kind you always thought that liberals were pussies and the Republicans were the tough guys. But now that I'm kind of just floating in the ether, I'm realizing that Republicans are kind of stupid in this sense. They think they're going to talk logic into liberals. There's like no talking logic into them. And yet while their shit's burning and their fucking kids are being forced to take injections, they're like, wait a second here. Can I show you this study out of Israel?

And while the world's like just falling apart around it's like no dude now's the time to like yeah yeah it's a weird thing because it's so bizarre i um like my dad i just one of my jokes is hey my dad's a republican the hardcore trump supporter my brother's a cop and my mom's name is karen is your brother really a cop yeah oh man i gotta write that down uh your mom's name is Karen. Is your brother really a cop? Yeah. Oh, man. I got to write that down. Your mom's name is Karen? Yeah, which is the honky hat trick. So that's like a weird place. But like, I love my family. And I have two older brothers who are both brilliant, way smarter than me.

And one of them is one of the foremost scholars in human rights language as a professor. And the other one is that can i get him on my show will you send me his instagram yeah okay great instagram he he's he's brilliant he but anyway they they are i i mean they could be more diametrically opposed the cop brother and the professor brother they're both brilliant the cop is also an m So, you know, he was saving lives. And then he realized how much he hated people. So he became a cop. No, he just kind of wanted to, he had a level of disgust at the medical system and the fraud that, you know, there's a triangle of fraud.

There's doctors who are fraudulent, the insurance companies and their people. And it just really disheartened him. And I think being a cop was something he'd always wanted to do as a kid. So the point is they're, they're completely diametrically opposed. And I feel like I'm in the middle. I think I'll always lean left. Cause I'll never be anything. Look as much as like,

I love babies and I love, and I think that life is, I don't know if life is precious. I feel like life is like a party, not like a great party. It's just a party go to you. Like who showed up? You know, this person didn't show up or they left. It's like, who gives a shit?

Who dies? I don't care. But the point is, I could never be pro life. I just think that's a really antiquated notion about how to address the world and address women. It just doesn't strike me as anything other than misogyny as much. Even if you say, Oh,

it's killing a baby. It's like, okay, it's killing a baby. So what the baby is a baby. Are you telling me the baby's in purgatory going, darn it. I don't get to live.

Like who cares? The baby doesn't exist anymore. It's not a big deal. I just would could never be pro-life. I could never be anti-gay marriage. I could never be anti-weed. So there's certain like tent poles of, or what we call them? Like benchmarks of the Republican party that I just find so antiquated

and fucking outdated that. Are Republicans against gay marriage? I think there are some, they're still trying to like, hold onto this world. Traditional marriage means a man and a woman. There's still like that weird faction of republicans that right like some some podcasts i listen to um and i try to like cover a large twath of podcast like the what's the word you twath is that like related to swath swath like a large oh okay swath yes yes um like pod save america and then maybe like ben shapiro or um you know ben shapiro is one of these guys he seems like he he loves his family and he has a sense of humor. He's kind of a nerd.

But he won't go to his friends. And he seems gay as shit. Like whenever people are like – like every time I hear he's – and I like him. But I always try to like – I troll his accountant. Like anytime he says something about being straight or married, I'm like, dude, stop. Stop. So whenever I hear about them going on with their pro-life or ben shapiro won't go to even though he has gay friends he won't go to their

weddings because he can't celebrate the a gay wedding because he's an orthodox jew that's just as dumb to me so a lot of the sort of benchmarks of being a republican are just completely fucking stupid and i can't it however on the flip side I've been really let down by like all of liberal ideology for the most part. I just find it completely hypocritical and I don't know what to do. And obviously, Biden's shown himself to be kind of a train wreck, which is a shame. And in high school, I started having my suspicions about liberals when the anti-smoking thing was became so strong. I was born in Oakland. I was raised in Berkeley, California. smoking thing was became so strong i was born in in oakland i was raised in berkeley california yeah and it was like the the lack of tolerance and kind of like the it was very nazi-esque i

kind of i remember high school drawing the circle and being so liberal that you kind of spin around and be the opposite of liberal it's like nuts i was like holy shit this is this is this is something to watch like yeah this type of against something as, as history has played out any, any attempt at true socialism, true communist socialist societies. Uh, it becomes an, an, uh, autocracy and authoritarian, you know, regime. It just does. You, the human human beings. I love the idea of, of like with the far left spouses and what they believe in and they believe in

the inherent goodness of human beings. And I kind of believe that too. Me too. I kind of believe that too, by the way, but there's just enough. There's just enough of them to fuck up the idea of any utopia. So they have this utopic view of the world that they can create,

but the human race isn't, isn't involved enough to handle it yet. I mean, the tree of power, I had to treat the, the, the tree of knowledge in the ring of power, just too, too seductive. And the minute we bite the apple of knowledge and the ring of power are just too seductive.

And the minute we bite the apple and put it in the ring, we're fucked. So you take any liberal with the best of intentions, if you give them all that power, they're going to become maniacs. Well said. Brandon Waddle says this guy is a walking, talking contradiction. He's against the extremes one way while being extreme the opposite way. I don't see that. I want to address that in a that a second he also says does he have a child i wonder if did you know we're live i guess so yeah we're live we're live on my youtube channel youtube channel god damn it i'm fucking 49 does he have a child wonder if he would feel when i say i have a

youtube channel i feel like it's like acknowledging that like i still have a pacifier and diapers it just seems so juvenile does he have a child wonder if I feel like it's like acknowledging that like I still have a pacifier and diapers. It just seems so juvenile. Does he have a child? Wonder if he would feel the same about death of his own child. No, of course he doesn't have a child. And of course things would be different. But let me tell you why Bill Dawes is so incredible. And maybe it's just I'm just stroking myself.

He's willing to go anywhere, man. He's willing to go anywhere. Like you. It's not that he's a walking contradiction. Most people aren't willing to go certain places in their mind, and Bill is willing to go. Like he's exploring right in front of us. Like we're seeing the exploration right in front of us. It's not that he's a walking contradiction.

It's that he's exploring it. Aren't we all walking – that's what we are. We are walking contradictions. We're all of us. Either you're a contradiction or a hypocrite. Pick your path. Well, that tension is what makes us real kind of, right? Yeah. It's like our dichotomy is what Well, that tension is what makes us real, kind of, right? Yeah.

It's like our dichotomy is what makes, that tension is what makes our story real. For a walking contradiction, we'd be literally like a robot. We'd be a cyborg just going, I do this. Everything that we do, everything that you do in your life,

sir, whoever you are, that just made that fucking comment, are you at 100% integrity with everything you do? Do you believe everything one way, all the way that you only follow that so if he's pro-life which sounds like he is like i don't care you could be pro-life but if you're out there passing legislation that bans abortion at six weeks they did like governor dipshit abbott in texas that's just that's just silly i mean abortion is not a great thing i don't think we should jump up and join and high-five each other about it. But it is a necessary evil like a lot of things exist in the world to move forward as a society.

It's a necessary evil. I want to propose three things to you. Sorry. I know you're the guest. One, I want to have someone on here that's like really, really, really fucking smart who like knows how to think. So I propose this idea to you. If I tell you, should you have ice cream today or not? And then not only do I ask you that question, I tell you the criteria is whether it's hot, hot over 80 degrees or under 80 degrees in the town

you're in. And that's how you decide whether you should eat ice cream or not. So not only have I proposed the idea to you of when to eat ice cream, but I'm telling you how to think. And I feel like the abortion thing is like that. I feel like we're being told how to think. So I've been pro-choice my whole life. And the other day one of my friends said to me, hey, I'm not pro-choice anymore. And I said, oh, what happened? He goes, I'm pro-life now.

I go, what was the distinction? He said, I realize that a woman has right over her own body up until the point where she takes the dick. If she takes the dick, that's like she could say no to the dick. You're not buying it. But anyway, bear with me here. Bear with me here. When she takes the dick, she forgoes that right, right? Kind of like if you get in a car, you forgo the right to not wear a seatbelt.

Now you're obliged to the law of putting on the seatbelt. I don't know if that's a good metaphor or not or simile, but bear with me. And I was like, okay. But I liked his thinking. I liked his thinking. And I also don't have a problem with both sides because they're both so noble. The reason why we don't want women being told what to do with their bodies is because we don't – it's a slippery slope. That's why you can't get rid of hate speech. You have to have hate speech because you can't stop any speech.

Anytime there's a debate about free speech, you should bring a any speech anytime there's debate about free speech you should bring a gun and shoot the other person that's the only debate you bring a gun to because there has to be free speech and it's a slippery slope because who's to say what today is hate isn't tomorrow's love and you just you can't do it and but then on the other hand so like you can't put rules on people's bodies because it's a slippery slope but on the other hand the other people are kind of noble too because they're trying to prevent deaths of babies and like for the two no tell me tell me but but is this the only way to think about it was my main point like maybe we're thinking about it all wrong maybe they're telling us like this is the debate and

it's not really the debate well yes i i actually do believe i do believe that abortion is the killing of babies i do believe that see see brand Brandon, do you see what I'm saying? This is why it's remarkable. This is what's called honesty, Brandon Waddle. This is, and I'm not attacking you, Brandon, but I want to say that's the genius of Bill Dawes. He's just being honest. He doesn't have to.

That's probably what it is. But at the same time, because I've seen sonograms. I've been there for a month. I know what that's about. But at the same time, so what? Oh, so the baby doesn't get to experience life. The baby doesn't get to experience this shithole, this cesspool of fucking awfulness that is life.

So the baby gets, does what? So where's the baby now? It ceases to exist. Is that so bad to cease to exist? It ceases to exist, such an awful thing, such a torment to this baby. Are you worried about the five seconds of pain that the baby has before the baby dies,

where they're barely cognizant? Is that the real issue? Like, what is the issue? The five seconds of pain or the idea that the baby ceases to exist? Because if it's about the baby ceasing to exist, who gives a fuck? What do you believe in?

What is the world to you? Either we're stardust that comes down to earth and exists, or we have souls that cycle through the universe, or we're just nothing. So at what point does that argument actually work to be pro-life that the baby is being robbed of anything? It's being robbed of a shitty, miserable existence. We have to shit and poo and get sick and have colds and get cheated on and get dumped. Oh, Bill, don't. Don't.

This is good. This is fun, isn't it? Yeah, I love it. So the point is this. But you didn't want to be aborted did you like aren't you glad you're here I don't know who knows you know what I mean

that's my whole point essential essence of we're talking about consciousness right so if my consciousness ceases to be like we're all gonna die it'll be a late term abortion when we die ultimately are you gonna be mad when you're dead you don't know because you don't know what's gonna happen so i just don't buy the whole i care about the life of the baby first of

all you know you're convinced of that you you care about every life of every baby really is that what you're doing is that you care about is that that really Republicans care so much about the babies? Is that what about? And what about what about this? What about the fact that like, hey, if you don't want to do abortions, then don't do them. Exactly. Exactly. So you want to pose your ideology on something. I mean, that's that's why I never get the Republican mentality, because there's so much they're basically libertarian at this point. And then if you tell them, hey, well, then leave women alone. They're like, what? It's a baby. It's a child. The bottom line is this. If men could get abortions, if men got pregnant abortions, this is how you know it's sexism and misogyny in a nutshell, because if men could get abortions, they would get it all the time. They'd have nicknames for it.

They call it like, oh, I'm getting a bobo. They'd be wait what do you mean why is that why is that because the men you met men right you know men if men could get abortions men would be aborting the there'd be rap songs like yo i'll get an abortion it'd be so mainstream there'd be no taboo men would would get it all the fucking time. God, I hope that's not true. What? If men could get pregnant, get out of here. You think if men could get pregnant, they'd be passing anti-abortion laws? Forget about it. I always think that I can go anywhere in my head,

but fuck, I can't even imagine being pregnant. Do you have any kids? Yeah. You do? How many? 14. No, i'm kidding uh but you're not kidding about being a brown belt no no but you do have a kid yeah um and you did teach kundalini yoga yeah and you claim this and i and i and i this is the only kind of like this is the only poser thing i've seen about you so far um you said you're a

professional break dancer and this the two things just don't seem to go together what would make convince me that you were professional well i guess i guess this this way look when i was uh in uh i came up in all like black neighborhoods and black schools and um i started break dance crew well me and my friends are basically in... Okay, you're a professional breakdancer. You have no poser in you. You said black schools? Then we'd enter competitions and sometimes we'd win. So we'd make money.

Did you have your own piece of linoleum? Oh, well, the cardboard that you spread out. And then I think you order something that you get online because you had to order it from... Not online, magazine, yes. And then at competitions, and then my competitions, we'd enter competitions and sometimes we, so,

but then after that, when I was in, uh, at Princeton for college, I became a go-go dancer as like part of my way to make like money. I would, I would be a go-go dancer at, um,

in Washington, DC where I was from outside Washington, DC. So I'd come home on the weekends be a go-go dancer and then go back to princeton um and it wasn't like go-go dance like magic mike i wasn't part of a crew but i did like dance shirtless lightly oiled did your dick come out no no no no nothing like that um but like at the time it was like um you know late time, it was like, you know, late 90s. It was like it was like a lot of 90s. It was like baggy jeans and like no shirt and like a baseball cap and you dance on a box.

And then when I went to graduate school, I kept it going. I danced in like limelight in Webster Hall in New York City. So that was like so to me, that's enough to qualify. I agree. I stand corrected. No poser. Brandon says, i totally agree i'm not going against his stance i agree in most cases i'm saying it cannot be a light switch on or off what is when it comes to morality you kind of lost me a little bit i think you got too smart for me brandon yeah excellent transition to a different story several Sevalin, great. Thank you. Too many men in these comments getting heated.

Bill, do you think – last night when I was fussing around on my computer, I came across this video that YouTube published, and it was like the five best questions to ask your guest or something. And I clicked on it, and it's like this young girl telling me how to do a podcast, right? And I made it – I don't even remember. I just watched like 30 seconds of it. It only had 1600 views, which I thought was like so few for something that like, uh, Google was pushing, right. YouTube was pushing. Oh, is this brain? Let me show it up on your, on your feed. I was, uh, I don't probably, I don't know how, I don't know how I found it. Um, yeah, I'm sure somehow like that, but it was like one of those, like, you know, YouTube will like be like, they make content. I don't know if you know this, but they make

YouTube actually makes content to help content creators like this is how you should frame your shot. This is how you should put your microphone. These are questions you should ask me. And they're just all over the fucking place. There's millions of videos like that. And I was actually it got me thinking it really I don't know. There's like two kinds of podcasts. I don't think podcasts really matter the questions you ask your guests necessarily. I think it's the coming of, the excitement comes from who's coming together, right? So the excitement of like the Howard Stern show isn't necessarily the questions he asks, but it's watching that mind come up. Like, oh shit, this is going to be weird.

It's like mixing, it's like putting peanut butter on your cucumber. It's like, whoa, this is going to be weird it's like mixing um it's like putting peanut butter on your cucumber it's like whoa this is going to be i've never done this before it's like go into your fridge and just start mixing shit right yeah and i think that's what go ahead i think that's why joe rogan got so popular because he's sort of on one level he's kind of like a dude he's just a dude he's a jujitsu guy he was a taekwondo champion that he was oh yeah he was a beast there are videos him like winning championships when he was like uh 18 i think 17 wow no idea he's a monster so um and then he's doing like elon musk so that's exactly sort of like this idea of this like i mean he always joe always says like i'm an idiot i have no idea i'm talking about

obviously he's a brilliant man but um but that idea you can be a regular dude a regular joe always says like i'm an idiot i have no idea i'm talking about obviously he's a brilliant man but um but that idea you can be a regular dude a regular joe and sit in a room with elon musk and smoke weed and exchange barbs for an hour and a half or two hours is pretty remarkable yeah but also podcast is like a lot of times when i interview people you know i i just don't i don't want them to answer questions i want the questions to be like just a stepping stone for just them ranting about some bullshit. And I can zone out and think about the chores I have to do during the day as a host. I'm terrified of my brain wanders. Terrified. Oh, really?

Yeah. Because I'm terrified. I don't want any I don't want anything to slip in. And I didn't hear it. Like, I'm terrified. I don't want anything to slip in and I didn't hear it. Like I'm on full like – I'm like a dog who's looking out the window at a lizard running back and forth on the patio. Like you ain't getting anything by me, motherfucker. You know? All right.

Fair enough. Except for a prassel. Well, I just don't know. I just don't know a lot of stuff. Hey, what do you think the LGBTQ2 – do you know what that stands for, all of those stands for? I'm sorry for putting you on the spot. Q2? Yes.

That's the whole thing. If you Google LGB, then you get the whole list. I'm sorry? It's not Q squared. It's Q2. No, it's like a 2 that's the same size as the Q. It sits next to it. They're equal.

Q2. Is that two Qs or two? Is it parentheses and a two? So are we using the mathematical principle of distribution? What's the... No, sir. It's just a bunch of letters and then a number at the end. Like you'd see if you picked up your phone, like your serial number.

I think people got annoyed by the AI+. I think that just got weird. Oh, I don't know what that is. Well, for a long time, I think that just got like weird. Oh, I don't know what that is. Well, it happened to me for a long time. I think for a few years, it's been LGBTQ AI plus. AI plus. What is that shit? You're fucking up my skit.

You're fucking up my skit. It was LGBT. Uh-huh. And LGBTQ. And then people were like, what about the allies or the asexual? Right. Which and then, OK, science does a. And then people were like, what about the allies or the asexual? Right. Which and then, OK, science does a and then like, what about intersex, which is point zero zero zero one percent of population? But I think intersex, I could be exchanged with intersex and also some other thing.

And then some of the what about people who like dogs, but don't fuck them, but are in love with them and whatever it is, they said, look, we're at a plus sign to cover the whole panoply of of different sexual things and non-sexual things and i think that people the original lgs lgbtqs were just like wait what the fuck is all this so i think the two is just a way to say listen it's just it's double what we had i don't know um, I was looking last night, and it's because I don't like the fact that the LGBTQ flag is in front of my kid's elementary school. Why? Because I used to – I grew up in the Bay Area, and I used to party at the gay pride parade every year and the love fest, and I used to go to the gay bars, and I used to rage. And I know what the – I know what that – it has nothing to do with equality. Like we partied. you know what I mean? Like it was dudes with their dicks out and guys running around. It was like other guys on leashes and it had nothing to do with equality and acceptance.

And I've had gay guests on and asked them what gay means. And they're like, gay is like when you like the same genitalia as the genitalia in your pants. And like, we determined like, yeah, that is the definition. So, um, there should be nothing there should be if they the the actually the u.s flag does represent equality and if that if someone didn't think that i would more than happy to um honor a different flag that's equality and acceptance of all yeah all all heil hitler to blm to like the whole like i'm willing to accept them all um but i'm not i don't i don't want to sexualize my kid because at five years old, I want, I liked my kindergarten teacher, Mrs. Allen, but I didn't want to fuck her because I didn't

know what fucking was. I just wanted her to come to my house and tuck me in at night or like give me a bath or something. Yeah. Like my kid's six years old and there's a gay flag in front of a school. And like, that doesn't mean acceptance inequality. It's a lie. If we want words to mean something, if we want to like communicate gay is a term that references to homosexuals. Homosexuals is a term that references who you're sexually attracted to and who you're sexually attracted to is i just don't want those flags in front of my school uh they can be other places like in front of the in front of the liquor store like you know

wherever just in front of someone's house like i'm like okay but uh so it's a mistake it's a mistake but but it's one quick thing but i want to hear your thought on it lgbtq2 i looked at yesterday it's lesbian gay bisexual transgender queer i really only know what lesbian gay are and and bi i don't really know what transgender and queer and two is is is um if you have two spirits oh yeah i'm not even sure if i have one spirit but i just thought but i was thinking about putting a u at the end unvaccinated lgbt you. God, that was a long joke to get out. That's the only joke I had for you, and I fucked it up by being serious about too much shit.

Okay, go ahead. Thank you. Thank you. Well, that immunity is that the trans activism is so prevalent, and they're kind of, I mean, Dave Chappelle talks about Zach.

They're kind of they're kind of driving the car. You know what I mean? It used to just be. And the lesbians and the gays are fucking retarded for getting in the car with the other guys. Like they are stupid. They should keep their own shit. Because no one in their right mind has an issue with a lesbian or a gay person or like like. But when you start like getting squirrelly off and the other things like.

Yeah. Keep their activism separate. I think if I was running the show. or like, like, but when you start like getting squirrely off and the other things like, yeah, keep their activism separate. I think if I was running the show, well, I mean, there is, there is a lot of dissent and a little,

a lot of issues inside the, the LGBTQ community. If you talk to people who are, who are really deeply entrenched, there is a lot of issue because the trans movement and the gay movement have had, they, but,

and the trans and lesbian movement, but it's and the trans and feminist movement have had butt heads. So the trans movement is a very small but powerful faction of this society, of this community. And I think that – They're powerful only because other people are scared to stand up to them. Same with BLM. People are just – no one wants to be called racist or homophobic or whatever. There's also like some theory. I'm just reporting people say because the trans community is mostly sort of dominated in voice and power by MTF, by male to female trans. trans FTM and some people who are gay, lesbian, but they feel like it's just another example of men railroading and bulldogging their ideology and their power aggressiveness into a space where it

doesn't need to be. So even in the, even in the trans world between MTF and MTF and between generations, there's a lot of real dissent. And I think that the thing is with liberal ideology is that they really don't want to in any way infringe on the rights of any marginalized group so the trans group is a very marginalized group and i actually really feel for for them you know i i think the debate about uh you know children and trans children that's that's obviously a debate that's going to be going on for years and years and years. And I think it's very complicated. I don't really want to dip my toes in there too much. But at the same time, like –

I do. Let me just say this one thing about it. You should leave a kid's brain alone until they're 25. You shouldn't be smoking weed. You shouldn't be drinking alcohol. You shouldn't be popping Molly. You shouldn't even be on fucking Instagram. Leave the fucking brain alone until you're 25.

If you can. I'm just telling you the optimal way. Leave the brain and the body alone. Hormones are fucked, man. This whole thing is because people ate too much sugar. I know most everyone knows that. This whole thing that we're in right now, it's too much sugar and too much refined carbohydrates.

Everything. Dementia, the pandemic, heart disease, type 2 diabetes, dying of this fucking common cold cold like no one no one healthy has died not one and and you guys i know everyone wants to send me that article of that kid who died in new york he was a runner he ran sprints he was perfect in shape and he was 23 and he died from and he ate 8 000 goo packs a day yeah And he was addicted and he had a massive, and he was diabetic at 23,

but he could run a hundred miles in three minutes. I get it. But if you consume glucose and insulin and you have insulin levels that high, your immune system doesn't work. That's why the fucking tour de France people are scared to death. Okay. Sorry. Trans kids.

Sorry. I'm all over the place. Hi. Say that again. I ate a blueberry pie last night, so I'm probably. You got vaccinated vaccinated you have to you're on too many planes well the the truth is is i i had covet in december me too um and i liked

it it wasn't um no it wasn't bad i had i had two bad days i did all the things i my md brother you know gave me all the all the pills can take. Ivermectin? No, this is pre-ivermectin. And then I went to a Chinese herbologist who gave me all the little things I could take. Then I got IVs. And I guess I should have been quarantined, but I was going out getting IVs and shit. I didn't quarantine. And fuck you guys who say you unfollow me because of that.

I didn't quarantine at all. I ran my life. I mean, when I i was sick i quarantined a little bit because i mean but i wanted to get an iv i was like what am i doing you're a good dude you're a good dude um but it was in two days it was bad for two days and then it was fine so and then i got tested for antibodies had antibodies and this was like in january fe February. So it's like, OK, cool. And then when the vaccine came out, I just was like, I just had a feeling like, isn't this the way viruses work is you have antibodies and now you don't need to get the vaccine, which is what I've always heard my entire life about. Everything that's ever existed is viral. So I didn't think about it. And when they were pushing, I'm like, that's great. Go get the vaccine. Everyone should get it. People that need protection should get it. And then when it became like you need to get the vaccine no matter what, of course, I was like, well, I had COVID. And when I would tell people I had COVID, I go, look, I don't think I need the vaccine. I have antibodies that have COVID. They're like, no, just wait, because studies are going to come out as they have by the dozens showing that that immunity from COVID is stronger than immunity from the vaccine, which is just what any sentient human being. And for some reason, and this is my biggest problem with liberal, and I still identify as a double, I still identify as liberal. My biggest problem is the fact that when they make a mistake, they never go, oops.

And they're supposed to be the smart group. They're supposed to be the people who have complicated minds. They can think different things at the same time. They could be walking contradictions, as Brandon said, whatever. But the truth is, like, they've lost that ability for some reason. They can't go, hey, guys, you know what? There's 100 million people who had COVID who've recovered. So if you have antibodies and you can prove antibodies and you can work on a set, then you can be on a TV show, then you can go back to work, then we can't fire you.

But if you have no antibodies, then we feel like it's so. They'll just take the shot so we can get back to normal. Just take the shot so we can get back to normal. And admit that the vaccine isn't quite as effective as I wanted it to be. You know, I still am a big, you know, I'm not anti-vaxxer. I think people should get it. But I also think if you're 25 years old and you're healthy, like the NBA players who aren't getting it. By the way, no one's giving them shit because for obvious reasons. But like.

Because they're black, you mean? Well, yeah, because that whole other issue becomes, you know, and obviously the, the black nation has a real reason to distrust government for, you know, the existence of the culture here, but, um, but they're not getting it. And I think that the NBA is probably going to strike out some deal where they don't have to get it because first of all, they're also in the prime. I think, I think that's a, um, I think that is the only race.

I don't, I don't think that it's there. I don't think the only race. I don't think that it's there. I don't think the black community. I don't think the melanated people. I don't think the people with black skin. I don't. What do I want to call you guys? Anyway, you black people. I don't think that you don't take the you people.

I don't think I've already been canceled. So I'm sorry. It's always dangerous getting on the air with me. I don't think and I'm independently wealthy. So I i'm dangerous i'm like a baby rattlesnake um i don't think that um they they're not taking the vaccine because they don't trust the government i think that the black culture are significantly better critical thinkers than the majority of the public i think that they have a mastery over thought and language and and of course i'm it's like fucking super generalizing but like if i think of the most articulate least verbose most to the point culture that i can that i've ever met it's it's like it's it's

it's got to be black people and if i want to think of the smartest group of people i met probably ashkenazi jews but like fuck man like it takes a long time to get shit out of them black dude will tell you what what exactly what's going on in three minutes see that girl looking see that girl over there looking at you she wants to go out with you just twice though and she wants to ride in your car and then really she wants to fuck me because i'm your best friend i mean they see the whole fucking thing they're like outside the matrix yeah and obviously i'm generalizing racist but um i'm not buying it's a lack of trust i'm not buying that i don't i don't like well that's i don't like that narrative it doesn't narrative. It doesn't fit my story.

I want them to be right. So they're the smartest people in the room now. Yeah. I mean, I think that what a lot of people don't realize is just how many – and I learned this when I was doing this app called Stereo, which I think has an ignominious end where people would go online during the lockdown and just kind of talk audio. I think Clubhouse sort of replaced it, andhouse is garbage but um did clubhouse die already

it's still sort of being bounced around like a a volleyball in the gym but uh it's it's garbage so i think that um look anytime you have an exclusive thing everyone wants to be a member and then after a while you gotta give up the exclusivity. It's like why every great nightclub in New York is really hot when it's exclusive. But ultimately, they want to make money. So the goal is to let everyone in. So when it's exclusive, I got to get in the clubhouse. Then became basically everyone.

Oh, and that's like the same reason. The only reason you came on my podcast because you saw it a blue checkmark. You thought I was because I was exclusive. We have a pretty big following. Yeah. I don't think it's bigger than yours but go on go on sorry shit you're on a roll well i don't even know what the fuck i was talking about we're talking about the vaccine oh we're vaccine about the african like there's just a lot of black people i know know a lot of black friends of mine, a lot of black comics who are, who are very Republican and or pro Trump. And I think that if you're in New York or LA and you tell people that they're like, nah, they don't, they don't see that. If you tell some liberal white woman that, Hey, my buddy, uh, my, my black buddy over

here is like hardcore Trump. They're like, their heads will explode. Like it's such a rare thing. It's like, no, there are millions there. I mean, there are at least hundreds of thousands of, of black Trump supporters. And for some reason, I think there's millions now. Same with the,

same with the Chicanos. I think the Chicanos are loading up to my, my feeling with logic. I was like, the love has always been like Cubans have always been Trump supporters. I've, I've never met it. Wasn't,

you know? So, um, I think it's like a, a weird thing that these coastal I've never met it. Wasn't, you know? So, um, I think it's like a, a weird thing that these coastal elites kind of get into. And I, and I identify as coastal elite, but,

but I did. Me too. My mind. Like I used to love watching late night TV and the Kimmel's and the, and the Fallon's and sell out. John Oliver. I used to love John sell out, but I just feel like not you then. No, Oliver sell out but I just feel like

not you then no I know but I just it's hard to watch now because I feel like you're not allowed any nuance of thought if you're on the liberal train and you step outside of it that's why I went away but I've come back to people like Bill Maher who just is like this is what I think about this

he kind of bucks the trend oh my god you could be related to Bill Maher. You're like the handsome version of him. I've heard I look like Bill Maher, which is very depressing. No, you're buff and shit. I mean, he's not bad looking, but you're like the younger, more handsome brother. If you look like Bill Maher, can you say someone a little bit better looking, please? What are you?

What's your ethnicity? Just like cracker versus cracker. No Jew in you no no i wish i had something cool i wish i had like jew or wakanda or something but it's just like irish scotch but like my like the joke is my family tree has no branches um if bill bill dawes um go to google uh google his name bill dawes. And I know it's 2021, but this thing really held its own. There's a 2009 reel on there. I think it's called The Hosting Reel.

It's just him out in the wild. It is fucking so funny. It is very – that shit always makes me uncomfortable. But you can't stop. But you can't stop watching it. It's really, really good. It's ahead of its time. And like he said about 1970s movies, this thing does not lose its –

Well, funny, obviously pre – it was – we were in that weird place like between PC, ultra-pc movements. Like the 90s was very PC and now we're very PC. PC ultra movement. It's like the nineties was very PC and now we're very big. And this is like, this is like that sweet spot of like, uh, 2010,

2000. Yeah. 2010 where, which was like a real sweet spot in American history where we didn't feel that divided yet. We didn't hate each other that much. There was nothing terrible going on. We, we kind of recovered from nine 11.

That was that, that there's a weird we were recovering from the economic crash like 2010-2015 was like sort of a sweet spot in in modern life where people felt like the country had promised and um and you could just still say shit and you could say the words you could say whatever the fuck you want and um i mean i think the n-word was still verboten but uh in general there wasn't this whole this cap on language you were never worried about being canceled it was a concept as a matter of fact the opposite was true it was like the height of shock

jocks and shock comedy and blah blah and doug stanhope so i don't i don't say that word what word that word oh then word yeah, don't say that word. Well, why would you? Unless you're... No, that word that you just said. I say nigga. I don't say that word. Have you... Did you see the guy who just released a song, a black guy?

It said... It's called Let the White Kids Say Nigga. Have you seen that? Oh, that's funny though. It's amazing. It's on my Instagram. You should see it. And I asked Alexa. I said... Shit, she just woke up over there. But I said, though. It's amazing. It's on my Instagram. You should see it. And I asked Alexa.

I said, Alexa. Shit, she just woke up over there. But I said, Alexa, will you play Let the White Boys Say, Nigga? And you know what she said? She said, yes, I will play Let the White Boys Say. And then she bleeps herself out. And then the name of the song pops up and and and the word niggas bleeped out but then the song plays i'm like what kind of fucking idiots are we

where the where those idiots what kind of fucking idiots are we by the way that is i'm okay with that because you know and then someone said to me do you think it's okay to say that word? I'm like, absolutely not. Yeah. But if you're going to say it, I really like what Louis C.K. said. Why do you – do you know what skit I'm talking about? Yeah. And where he goes, why don't you take responsibility for the word? Now I have to fill in the blanks to say it.

And you do, and every time you do. It's a small concession to a community that I do think I don't think it's a bunch of white Karen liberals that are asking for a drive around their Priuses texting radio stations. I think it's like the black community does feel an ownership over the word as well. They should that they don't want to share. And I'm OK with that. That's a very small concession for crime. I'm OK with it. That's a very small concession for Kravitz. I'm okay with it too. Yeah. But I'm also not going to…

Kowtow? It's not even that. I don't… So there's this thing. There's a point where you – and this is the big problem with the liberals. When you apologize to someone, you validate their insanity and their delusion. Like the truth is it's just a word. It's all just words here. And the truth – like so if I say – so one of my friends recently who's got a big following, like a million followers, and he's super buff. And his name is Noah Olson. He's a CrossFitter.

Amazing guy. One of the nicest human beings I've ever met. He usually competes at the CrossFit Games. I don't know if you're familiar with what Cross is it's this fitness methodology thing i used to work there for 15 years okay and they um and he went from 200 pounds to 185 pounds or something and he said hey guys look i tried really hard to lose 15 pounds and normally crossfitters don't talk about weight loss at all we just work out and eat right weight loss is for pussies and so he did that and some people like hey you're not being a good role model by losing weight and people attack them and he said oh my god i'm sorry i

didn't mean to offend any of you and and i'm going to tell no i was like yo dude when you say sorry to them i know that you're a people pleaser i love you to death you're a good dude but you're you're not you're you're actually making them weaker you're acknowledging their delusion as something that they should have been offended by. It's perfectly okay to say, shut the fuck up and don't be offended by what I do. You fucking idiots. I think that if all you get is liberal white women complaining about the thing. Sexist.

If you hear about. Don't worry. 80% of my listeners are dudes. You can beat up on. And the women are like, kick our ass. No, but if that's the only. Like, for example, I do a lot of comedy shows in urban rooms and black room. And I'll say jokes that are directed towards like aspects of the black community.

Oh, the bail joke is amazing. The what joke? The bail joke and the pussy tight joke are amazing. But like the only people, if black people are getting offended by those jokes, I wouldn't get booked in those rooms. Right. But these white women getting offended on behalf of the black people, perhaps.

And that's if the Mexican people are. Yes. Joke. Then it should go like, let it go. White woman. But they, they just don't see that.

So if they're the barometer of what is offensive and they're the only one, like back to the N word, like black people don't want you saying the n-word they do get actually offended by it for the most part not i mean there are comics who've said it for years and can kind of get away with it louis ck was kind of getting away with it chris rock got he because chris rock was like well you can say it you know you're one of the few white people who can say it never like what the fuck do you mean by that well because louis ck wrote chris rock's best albums which people don't know he wrote wow yeah and he you could actually hear louis ck's voice and and chris rock's best shit is his first two big specials wow i had no idea absolutely he wrote for chris rock because that

was before louis ck ever became famous i think he never thought he was going to become what he became which is like a guy who jerks off in front of women. No, but he is a brilliant writer and he was a perfect writer for Chris Rock. The reason why Chris Rock's special wasn't as good because Lucy Kay wasn't writing for him anymore. Anyway, I probably should have said that, but here we go. But Lucy Kay, obviously, he would say it and he would get away with it. We have 32 viewers right now. You're safe. say it he would get away with it but we have 32 viewers right now you're safe but but in general i don't think that um i i don't think it's something that i don't feel strongly enough

to to die in that mouth but my no me neither you know what i mean so but you just said but i'm already but i'm already dead i'm already like what do you mean i'm already dead uh the new york times wrote something stupid. Bullshit lies about me. It caused me to lose my job. I'm shadow banned to fucking hell and back. Like, like. It doesn't matter. It doesn't matter.

I'm a professional van driver. I'm raising the three greatest kids who ever walked the planet. My wife loves me to death. I'm fucking one of the nicest people anyone could ever meet. I'm just a good dude. And so there's like, there's nothing I can, nothing can happen to me. So what is, what is your, so in making this show and doing this radio slash podcast show, what is the point that you want to do?

Is it because you want to help other people or just a way for you to vent? What sort of end goal? So when I was an executive over at CrossFit Inc., I worked there for 15 years. I started there when there were 300 gyms, and I was head of the media department with 100 people working for me until we had 15,000 gyms. My boss got canceled. The company was sold. And when I was there, I had a podcast that was very big, huge, fucking crazy. I'd only done 100 shows and it was taken off.

What? It was a CrossFit podcast? Yeah. And my favorite subject was like weight loss. Like just bringing people on and asking them every question about weight loss. Was it weird the first time? But questions that like a normal corporation would never let their podcast person ask. Do you remember the first time you saw your dick?

How was the viscosity of your semen changed after you lost 100 pounds um is it weird taking off your shirt just like all just and and what was the greatest trick to losing weight just tons of like stuff like that like real talk right and um so i also did a show with a guy named chris cooper who's the largest consultant of gyms in the world basically like if you have a small gym or any kind of gym or even a small business and it's failing you can contact this guy and he'll help you

get it off the ground and he's amazing at it and he's so fucking awesome and he gives away all his books for free and all shit so I had him on the show when he was on the show

some other guy was listening to the show and his business was failing and his business started to succeed so flash forward this is about six months ago

or a year ago and some guy contacts me and he says hey I'm Souza. And I want to know why you're not doing your podcast. I said, because I'm, I'm just, I'm cool. Now I'm like done with life. And I'm just going to raise my three little boys. I have two four year olds and a six year old and I just drive them around to and make them into superhuman beings. He said, Well, I'd really like you to start your podcast up again. I said, Okay, but I don't want to. And he said, Well, I'll give you one of my employees to help you get it off the ground. And I go, what the fuck are you doing, dude?

And he goes, you had this guy Chris Cooper on your show. And when he was on the show and I listened to your podcast, my business exploded. Now I got a bunch of money and I want to pay it forward to you. And I'm like, nah, I'm good. I'm good. Thank you, though. So then I get off the phone and my wife goes, dude, what the fuck's wrong with you? I go, what do you mean?

She goes, you always tell me that the universe is conspiring to help you, that it's like impossible for you to fail. Cause it's always just fucking puts a stick up your ass and props you up. And I go, yeah, she goes, well, it's doing it again.

And you're turning it down. Calm that back up. I'm like, listen, motherfucker, I'll do 500 shows as fast as I can. And by the way, today is my greatest day in the history of the podcast.

I have Bill Dawes on this morning. And do you know who I have on tonight? Who? Alexander Volkanovsky. Really? The UFC champion? So I have you. You're the biggest comic I've had in the history of the show.

I get bigger comics, I was just saying. So that's my story. So that's what I'm doing. I'm like a Labrador. I was just saying. And then I've, so, so that's, that's my story. That is, so that's what I'm doing. I'm like a Labrador. I don't really have like,

like you just throw a tennis ball and I'll start chasing it until I get it. Got it. Yeah. And that's kind of where I'm at. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah.

That's cool. Alexander. I love that. I do. I do a podcast called MMA roasted, which in the, yeah, we talk about him a lot. You do. Yeah. I do a podcast called MMA Roasted, which, yeah, we talk about him a lot.

You do? Yeah, I do MMA podcasts. I've got a comic named Adam Hunter. How come I didn't find that one? Because that really, you know, it's more like Adam's thing. I'm kind of like the sidekick to him. And I just kind of, he just has me there when he kind of goes off and ran. I always kind of go like, yeah, and I'll add a little quip here and there.

I like being a sidekick. Like, I would love, like, I don't know if you ever listened to Tim Dillon. No. You never listened to Tim Dillon? of go like yeah and i'll add a little quip here and there i like being a sidekick like i would love like i don't know if you ever listen to tim dylan no you never listened to tim dylan no is it a podcast you gotta listen to the tim dylan show i mean maybe maybe it competes with you but it's a very different thing he is he used to work with subprime mortgages he's a comic he's a uh kind of a heavy set gay uh white guy um and he got in i guess he probably started 10 years ago but just a couple years i guess maybe pre during pandemic his pod class exploded because he would take these very like right wing bents on things and um and i don't think he mean, he's a gay man,

so he's not super right wing. He's kind of like in the middle, but he would almost be like Steve McColbert and play. But I feel like he plays the right wing angle so much that he's almost like converted to being like, people look at him, they call him, they think he's a Trumper and a, and a hardcore, you know, he gets a lot of hate, but he is probably one of the best podcasters in the business right now because he will just go on for 20 minutes on a rant about something that bugs him. And he'll do it like completely without filter. I mean, you would really appreciate this guy. I'm trying to feign that I'm I think that's cool and I'm going to check it out.

But like in the bottom of me, there's like jealousy story. Yeah, no, but I'm like, I get that because I'm a comic and I understand the podcast, but just listen to Tim Dillon and that's, it's a different it's not an interview show, but he has a sidekick and I'm just like, I want to murder that guy and just be Tim Dillon's sidekick who I just get to sit there and laugh at too. Like, what a great gig. Would you be better than his sidekick?

I mean, his sidekick does the job, which is he'll take abuse from Tim Dillon, Tim Dillon-Mond. Yeah. He'll Google something and make a comment. He seems like a smart guy. But would I be better? Of course I'd be better. God damn it.

Yeah, I love. I had a sidekick, Brian Friend, and he was awesome. I used to abuse him. And then before him, I had another sidekick at the CrossFit podcast called Matt Bischel, and I used to abuse him. That's the best thing. Anytime you start just getting insecure, it's a little weird. You used to attack him. But no one wants to do a show every day no one really unless they get paid and so like that's the luxury i have so you're getting paid by this guy no no no not anymore i

don't get paid but i don't need to get paid yeah you know what i mean like i like i'm i i that's the front that furniture behind me is the furniture i grew up with as a little kid i'm frugal my wife my wife's Jewish. She doesn't make me spend any money. And I'm just chill. Do you get a lot of haters? Do you get people coming after you at all? No haters.

Zero. Because I'll go to war. I will fucking go to war. And I'll bring it anywhere on Instagram. Like I said, I've been decimated. I had everything taken from me. war like and i'll bring it anywhere on instagram because i because no one could like like i'm said i've been decimated i had everything taken from me yeah and i was like oh okay now i will say this in terms of like speaking my mind about stuff um you're you're pretty good man you're pretty good about it most part but on the other hand like i i am still beholden to corporate interests you know

of course i am gonna be doing a netflix series soon so i do like there are certain things that i'm not just going to like spout whatever because of free speech and it's funny but i am going to measure i'm going to be measured sometimes in what i say because i think like i in the back of my mind there still is the idea of like oh i will suck the fucking cock of a corporation to get money because money is an issue isn't i i i wonder i i walk around here like i i i i never would but but um but but no one's trying to put their cock in my mouth so like i like it's easy for me to say that you know what i mean like if netflix called me and they're like like i fucking despise soda pop i think soda pop is the root of all evil

do i think it should be legal absolutely not do i think it should be taxed no you should never tax anything it puts them in bed with the government do i think there should be warning labels on it maybe but it is the source of the collapse of civilization as we know it it's 55 of all the calories consumed in mexico and in chile 52 of all children are obese there is no coming back from that those people are fucked and i hate to argue people's limitations because i think anything is possible but if coca-cola offered me a million dollars to wear a coke shirt on my podcast sell out you feel like diet coke is better do you think it's no no no no no no no no it's all it's, it's all, it's all, it's bad. It's bad.

It's really bad. And you know, the CEO of Coke is on the Pfizer board. Really? Yes. I don't know. Wow. So he's making some money. Dude, the whole thing is so fucking incestuous.

It's fucking nuts. Basically what the vaccine is, is it's codependency. We've known since the thirties, since Otto Warburg won the Nobel prize, we've known that sugar is, is the root of all evil, that it is the collapse. It's the root of every single sickness. I mean I know that's hyperbole, but shut the fuck up. It's somewhere between the 90 and 100-yard line of all sickness, added sugar and refined carbohydrates. And so when we just keep coming with these Band-Aids, people are like, oh, but Sevan, you're such an absolutist.

Even though you're right, we have to give them the vaccine because no one can cure themselves that fast. You're arguing other people's limitations. Believe in people. They've had two years. It only takes 28 days to stop being metabolically deranged. Follow the carnivore MD. Just eat as much meat and hard cheese as you want for 28 days. Purge yourself of all added sugar and refined carbohydrates.

And then for there, start adding in vegetables or whatnot, but like throw yourself into ketosis. I don't know if you know what that is, but that's when your body starts. Okay. And your desire for sugar will go. It's a tough three or four days.

Don't be a pussy. You're going to die prematurely if you don't do it. Yeah. So we, we go to ketosis do you just stay in ketosis for the rest of your life or you just kind of get there uh i i wasn't able to i i go back and forth there'd be there uh i was like doing it so hardcore for like six months weird shit started happening like my heart started doing some weird shit my fingers started getting cold

so i started adding in some like some more carbohydrates. You know what I mean? Like I still like my kid had a birthday and I didn't need a piece of cake at it. Like I have no desire to open up that. Am I doing that? It's not it's not extreme not to eat cake. It's actually the exact opposite. Yeah, it's really extreme to eat six layers of different kind of just insanely processed sugar. That's yeah. Seven.

You're right. I didn't know about this guy, but he's insanely processed sugar. That's – Yeah. Sevan, you're right. I didn't know about this guy, but he's funny as shit, the WAD zombie. Dude, I'm telling you. Start digging around. Click on anything he does on YouTube. You won't be disappointed. Are people making comments that are like hateful? You're like, I'm not going to read this comment.

Are they like a fucking guy? If his square jaw is real, I bet you his dick is huge. Love, Sally. Wow. No, no, no. I bet you his dick is huge. Love, Sally. Wow. No, no, no. I made that up. Hold on. No, they're all good comments.

They're all good comments. Even Brandon Waddle is like, hey, I'm not disagreeing with this guy. Lay off, guys. Oh, enough for love on this podcast. I love it. Yeah. I have one or two in my – I get a ridiculous amount of DMs because of what I post. And only like there's like one or two consistent people who would just want to come in there and fight with me all the time.

But even our fighting is like – sometimes like at the end of the DMs, it will come down to like, hey, fuck you or fuck you or you're a Nazi or you know what I mean? And then like a week will go by and they'll DM me again. They'll be like, hey, what's up? You still stupid? And I'll be like, yeah, I think so. You know what I mean? And then we start up the – it's kind of crazy. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. I find that I'm, I'm pretty comfortable in, in both worlds. Like I have some, I have some friends that are

pretty, they won't say they're going on, but they're chewing on like, they're like, I'm not on, but you know, pizza gates real and you're like, Oh jesus christ and then i have friends who are like super super on the other side one thing about the vaccination i found too is that i have just as many like republican friends who are anti-vax is they have liberal friends the yoga community and the natural spirit and the fucking healing energy bowl type of people and the burning man they don't want to get vaccinated because they don't want to put anything natural in their body. And they want it.

They like, I will, I'll go to air one once I'm sick or whatever. I'll, I'll, I'll get my chi aligned with the, whatever the fuck it is that they want to do. And you're like,

yeah, sure. Cause you want to get laid. But, uh, so there's just as many of these yoga teacher, liberal, hardcore vegans.

They're anti-vax. Like a lot of vegans are anti-vax. That's a lot of people aren't understanding is like the amount of vegans that are anti-vax. Like a lot of vegans are anti-vax. That's what a lot of people aren't understanding is like the amount of vegans that are anti-vax. So I think people, cause people just go, Oh, what?

One thing that bugs the fuck out of me, disingenuous is this whole idea of like this, the disease of the unvaccinated. And then straight from there, they draw a direct line to like these fucking QAnon flat earth or Trump supporters that are killing everyone and ruining the country. I'm like, look at the fucking numbers. Look, look who's.

Oh, I got so passionate. Look who's like. There is obviously a lot of women that won't get vaccinated. There's a lot of black people that won't get vaccinated. A lot of Mexican people won't get vaccinated. There's a lot of people who make the choice not to get vaccinated. And it's not just Trump supporters. I don't know exactly what the stats are, but I think there's a parody there that the media doesn't want to talk

about are you tripping on australia too oh like what's happening there with the fucking lockdown covid zero i had a guest yesterday who told me that they've been locked down for like 238 straight days cake really good lord man and and how many are there like two cases or something? What's going on there? Yes, it's like that. So once the two goes to zero, then are they going to let people out of their houses again? Or what's happening? I don't know, but she agrees with me fully. Like basically, there's going to become a point where that shit's going to spread like wildfire there,

like it did in the United States. Yeah, I mean, i think there's i mean look we're never going to know the truth about any of this shit until five years right and hopefully five years now there there will be an independent study and people really look at all the ramifications what happened and then we'll know first of all we're going to know about if the vaccine and what the side effects of the vaccine are in five years we're not going to know about them the vaccine and what the side effects of the vaccine are in five years i don't know about them now i mean anyone who works immunology and vaccinations will tell you that you don't know about the side effects of any of these things until at least two so we have no idea what the side effects could be it's never gonna be anything good like it makes your dick bigger that'd be fucking awesome right wow thinking in her cousin's balls bigger whatever

the fuck it was and you you know, you know, there's a lot of, I was looking at some Japanese media. There's, there's actually reports in Japan, Japan about that too. Did you see that? Balls?

Yeah. About the big balls from the vaccine. And of course, when she said it, everyone just fucking mocked her forever. I mean, it's the same thing with, you know,

the mocking of people is totally uncool too. I mean, do you know any, do you know any flat earthers? I know like one or two. Someone landed in my DMs the other day and they're like, hey, you should look at this Instagram account. It's the guy who's like the head of the flat earther society. And I started looking at it.

And there's just premises in there that are just fucking utterly like like just i want to be open-minded to it yeah but it's utterly absurd some of the shit they're saying like they're talking about why the earth looks the way it does when you fly and i'm just like yeah do you do you can you not conceptualize three dimensions? I mean, I really want to be open to the idea of it being flat. I just, I can't. Yeah. I don't understand.

I'm struggling with it. I just can't even be, I can't even like, yeah, it's bizarre, but I'm going to watch the YouTube video on it. Now I'm going to, I'm going to like give it a shot,

but I, I, it's, it looks just complete. It's bizarre to me. Like I'm talking to a cartoon character. Yeah. I feel like the flat earth or thing is like someone got stoned and just

if they could wag the dog. Someone got stoned and said, look, man, what if the earth was flat, bro? Can you imagine? And maybe he was good at physics in high school or college and said, yo, if it's a parabola and people get there's a vortex of gravity dude and they just came up with this they just reverse engineered this theory involving gravity and the way the earth loops or whatever the fuck it was they tied it into the idea of the universe being you know whatever how the yeah they think it's a dome

from the little bit i saw on instagram they think it's a dome. From the little bit I saw on Instagram, they think it's a dome, and they think that, like, there's ice around the edges that keep the water from spilling. I mean, it's pretty impressive. I mean, it's like, you fall off, you die, dude. But it's more like they really do couch it

in these, like, quasi-literate terms that involve physics and gravity and different theorems. And and we listen to it makes no sense to me. And I went to school for aerospace engineering and I can't really wrap my head around the logic of it. But I always I feel like I've had to make concussions. So maybe I'm stupid, but it's not the flat earth theory is couched in really sort of pseudo intellectual shit to make it seem less stupid. And that's why people get duped into it. They're like, wow, this guy, he's a physicist. And he said that because the gravity we get when we go on, we get sucked back into this parabola of whatever the fuck it is.

It's very it's very bizarre. It's entertaining. And I think a lot of people just like to to jump on these bandwagons because it's fun to debate shit or like christians don't believe that the earth is like more than 3 000 years old and the dinosaurs aren't real and all this shit and i'm like what what i want to be open to it i really do when they talk about it i want to really be open to it yeah i just start i got i i guess i'm just too judgmental it's like really hard for me to like to to go there i'm like but i'm so good at going anywhere i don't know i went to kentucky not to

brag first show and you know they have a replica of noah's ark in kentucky it's probably about an hour outside louisville and of course i had to go and, they have a lot of scientists, a lot of smart people got together to make this arc. And the whole arc is basically anytime people shit on the idea of Noah's Ark, it's just a way to say, no, but look,

here's how you get the, here's probably how the filtration and they have all these charts and pie graphs and different systems. And how do you get every animal? Well, not every animal, every genus get every animal? Well, not every, every genus of every animal,

not every species exactly, but every type of animal. Here's how they would put them. And they really thought it through. You know what I mean? And I don't know really what the end goal is other than they just go, we have to believe in the Bible. We have to believe in the word God and let's,

let's do our fucking best to make it seem like this was a real thing. Was it cool? Was it cool? It is sociologically as an experiment, you got to go. It's fucking incredible. Is the boat huge? Is it like the Titanic?

I mean, it's huge. I guess it's big. I don't can't really think of a scale, but you Google no, no, no, it's Arkham,

Kentucky. And they say, you know, cause I think in the um bible it's something like two billion cubic meters or some fucking like well a cubic back then was a different thing in the measurements they just made a big fucking boat and it's a tour and you go around and people i've met people there that have been there seven or eight times they just keep going back and they feel and it's i and it's, I take my kids

there. I take my kids there. Yeah. It's, it's pretty crazy. And it's pretty, um, unbelievable that people, but it's not just dumb people. That's my point. People, people will recruit scientists just to kind of like, like I said, reverse engineer a theory or the belief system. If you have a belief system, then you will reverse engineer any concept into that belief system. Liberals and, you know, if a black man gets shot, a liberal have to reverse engineer racism into it. Right. If if something happens on the other side, then the Republicans. It's really it's just how the human brain works. We have to make we have a belief system.

It's really, it's just how the human brain works. We have to make, we have a belief system. There's a great quote that said, it's easier to trick someone into something than to convince them out of something. Say that again. Say that one more time. It's either, it's easier to convince something into something that isn't true

than to convince them out of something that isn't true. Ah, yes, yes, yes. I've been seeing some great quotes like that. Yes. So I forget exactly what it is, but it's,

that just speaks to everything. So if your beliefs is, Oh, I guess it's a belief. It's really hard to convince a person into a belief system than to convince them out of a belief system. Right? No opposite.

Right. Once someone has a belief system, it's like almost impossible to wake them up. It's impossible to convince them out of the belief system, but you can convince them into a belief system. You can indoctrinate someone has a belief system it's like almost impossible to wake them up it's impossible to get them out of the belief system but you can get them into a belief system you can indoctrinate someone into a belief system but once they're in that get them out of it is impossible i mean that's why people with with trump and look i i think it's pretty safe to say even if you're have let trump to a degree or a republican like he's a fucking idiot like and he just he just can't stop stepping on rakes.

I mean, I think the guy could probably win in 2024 if he wasn't such a goddamn fucking moron, but, um, he just can't help himself because that's in his DNA. So, um, but people on the left need to know is that people who are jumping ship from the left, they don't want to vote for Trump. No, you're giving them, but you're giving them no choice. Like when you start, when you start making it it so you can't go to work and your kids can't go to school and you can't leave your house and the parks say no old people over 65. I mean, you're in Los Angeles, you said? Yeah.

I mean, it's crazy here, people. For those of you who don't know, it seems a little normal to us in California, but California, Canada, the UK, Australia, itralia it's fucking nuts yeah i mean we are surrounded by fucking intense wackadoodles like people who are like scared of you it is fucking bizarre i've been walking down the street barefoot just my fucking tongue dragging on the sidewalk and people are like oh fuck if i don't eat a dick hiking trail and you'll see someone run like a 25 year old runner with an APAC running down a trail with a mask on. I'm like, stop, stop.

Dumb, dumb. Unless you want like hypoxia, just improve your cardio. Like that's fine. But otherwise like how you can get infected. There's no one within 50 yards of you. The USO tour.

Uh huh. You did that? Yeah, I did. I did a USO tour, yeah. Tell me, how do you get asked for that? And is that a moment where you're like, holy shit, I've arrived. I must be good.

No, I was touring with and writing for Jamie Kennedy when I first started. I think I lied to him. I told him I'd been doing comedy for three years, but I'd been doing it for like six months. And I would kind of do the thing that you do, which is you drive to a city so you can be a feature for a comic i would you know rent a car and drive to cleveland just to be his feature and then what does that mean like go up before him yeah okay um and then you know so that's wild then he kind of then they rely on you they they work with you and they start bringing around but so then the uso he got invited to the uso because you know this is i guess 2006 2007 when he was maybe it was 2008 9 something like that maybe 2008 anyway um so and he was his star was pretty

high back then so um it was paul wall i don't feel paul wall he's like a texas rapper and uh and he had a couple of rappers and break dancers and jamie kennedy and me and we went to um went to iraq and kuwait and and we had a bunch of trips scheduled for afghanistan but so many helicopters and cargo planes were being well i guess helicopters being shot down from FOBS at that time that we were grounded a lot of it. So we just performed in Iraq and Kuwait. Do you do that for free? Do you get paid a stipend, anything? You get paid. And it was like, I guess you get

paid like a grand for a week or something like that. Maybe $1,500. It's not like a huge amount of money. But, you know, they fly you over there. It's such an amazing experience. And yeah, I got banned at the end the last show i got banned so what happened i'm glad i asked because well when we were in kuwait they were like listen you gotta be very careful about what you're saying kuwait this is like a g show

maybe pg at most but none of your shit is g so i had to i had to dig deep and find that like hey bread's weird right remember the end piece of the bread whatever you just find whatever stuff or you take jokes that are kind of pgr and you kind of like sort of try to modify it um and it was fine so i go to baghdad like listen we get to baghdad you can say whatever the fuck you want these people say they they pick up dead babies out of rubble they're fucking they see awful things like it's so i did a 3 p.m show with a group of like marines who had like literally like their fucking m16s or whatever like by the by in their chairs while they were listening it was also 3 p.m in the middle of the fucking desert sun and um so i did the set i wanted to

do which is pretty dirty and um and i had a bit that I would call the Nestle knockout, which is about how, I mean, I guess I can do the bit. I don't do it anymore. I've retired this. But- Bring it out, bring it out. It's sort of, I mean, it's based on a true story. But so I did that bit, the 3PM show,

and the head of the USO, the woman, this woman, Tracy,acy was like she's like she's like i would strongly recommend you don't do that bit tonight because then we had a big show in baghdad at camp victory with like 8 000 people right she was i really but i go tracy you just told me i could say whatever i wanted in bagh. She goes, I would strongly advise you not to do that bit. I go, okay. You're recommending.

I go, you're recommending I do it because you don't take a work. And she just kept repeating. I just recommend you. I was like, okay, I take your record. I take it in accounts,

whatever. I don't know. I heard you. So, uh, I, and before jay mckinney um and there's 8 000 people they're standing on on on like like the backs of trucks it's everywhere it's right it's incredible um the show's going great i start my stuff i do one dirty joke and the audience laughs really hard i'm like oh fuck they want it they want the fucking

nestle knockout they fucking want i keep going do another joke i'm like so i look over at jay mckennedy's office i'm like i kind of shrug like should i do it he's like go ahead he gives you so i go to the nestle knockout joke which my time was a was a closer it's a longer bit but the gist of the bit was that like um having sex with this puerto rican girl um and uh i like it already and there's there's a lot to it but the but it's probably like a three or four minute bit but then i say um at one point oh oh, she said, oh, you like that Puerto Rican pussy? You like that Puerto Rican pussy?

And I'm trying not to laugh because I'm thinking, I'm like, what the fuck is she talking about? What is a Puerto Rican, is that a spicy brand of vagina? So a fucking, like a Triscuit, I do a whole slew of different types of racial vaginas and what do it

mean? Right. They get some laughs and that's fairly innocent. Yes. Yes. Yes. Oh, and then I kind of,

and I'm, and I lose my boner because I'm laughing about this. I'm like, I put Rick and pussy, like what could mean? And then she, she can tell. So she goes,

she, she, she takes out his trigger. Literally. She said, do my, do me a favor. Pull my hair. All that shit those white bitches won't let you do.

And I go, like what? Pay for dinner? I don't know what it is that white women won't let you do. Like, I feel like the craziest women have always been, like the whiter. Last time I was with a black girl, I tripped my finger up her butt. She's like, oh, hell no. What you doing, cracker? Last time I was with a white girl, I put my finger up her butt. She's like, oh, hell no. What you doing, cracker? Last time it was with a white girl, I put my finger up her butt.

She's like, what are you doing? Put your little fist up there. I'm like, fucker, fist me. Fist me in the face. I want the Nestle knockout. Wow. And I go, it's a time being a whole fucking. And at that time, to the snake, whatever it was, it was a shoot.

And it got this huge 8 000 fucking troops huge reaction murder i felt great i felt amazing i got a stage jamie went up there and jamie was like okay i gotta be cleaner based on what choice so jamie just he just bombed he just oh athletic he just fucking bombed like i'm not gonna do you feel bad for him when he bombs um uh i mean like are you uncomfortable like watching another comic bomb does it make you like her like your soul hurt or like it depends how they bomb because sometimes the comic book funniest thing you'll ever see in your fucking life because because it's because they are actually you know they're funny and you know how uncomfortable they are and that's hilarious to you right right it's

hilarious like there's a comic named brian holtzman who's kind of really blown up the office here right now but when he was in la he would do these light shows he'd follow like dane cook and he was like a very like angry guy and he's hilarious and comics know he's hilarious but at that crowd about young millennials who are you know there for dane cook he just wouldn't work and you'd watch him bomb but he was still committed to it and it was hilarious i mean i love that i love comics like that who don't give a and and bombing is part of the agreement they have with themselves with the crowd which is like i don't give a fuck and and bombing is part of the agreement they have with themselves with the crowd which is like i don't give a fuck what you say if you're offended go eat a dick you know

yeah yeah right there i i'm a little bit of a people pleaser more than more than i care to be uh anyway so the next day she said she was like i told you not to do i was like no tracy you strongly recommended i don't do it and she was like like, well, you're not welcome back to USO. And I was like, well, I mean, I'm dying to go back. I guess if I go back to Afghanistan now, what am I going to perform for the other troops? Who knows? So that was a long time ago.

So I'm sure if the opportunity came, I would love to go back. And since then, I've performed for other promotions with armed services. Why did you retire that joke? Sometimes I feel like things are a little, I don't know, flat-footed. They're a little broad. Like, white people be this, black people be this. It's not a terrible joke.

Sometimes the broadest jokes are the funniest jokes it just felt like involved fisting someone and punching in the face it just had this like hint of domestic violence that like as much as i'm all for that type of comedy if it's funny like i used to have a joke which is also a joke i don't really do anymore i've changed it where a girl said um uh she asked me on a date it's a true story i mean except for the punchline and she asked for a date and the bill came it's like um aren't you gonna pay for this i'm like well you asked me out she was um well i don't know i'm just old-fashioned that way. Well, yeah, I'm old fashioned too. So I slapped her for talking back to me.

That's a quality joke, right? Quality, quality. That's some Dangerfield shit. At the end of the day, there's just that weird hint of domestic violence that like, you know what I mean?

I get it. I get it. You know, same thing with like, molestation humor is hilarious until you have kids. And you're like, I don't know about that. I don't know. Yeah. Do you like Tosh?

I love Tosh. I mean, yeah, Tosh is what I would say is probably – he might be a bigger inspiration to me than any other comic right now. Oh, my God. We're cut from the same cloth. He's my favorite. Probably he might be bigger inspiration to me than, than any other comic right now. Oh my God. We're cut from the same cloth. He's my favorite. He, he, I think he's like,

he, he's just, I just, I don't know. I can't get enough of him. I could watch his specials like over and over and over. See, this is the thing that people don't get about Tosh or people who aren't

really like comic. I think I'm like, I think it's good. I think it's good. I think it's good when people get offended. I think it's a good thing. I like to be offended by offended. All it means is your sensibilities are challenged and you're struck with cognitive distance about how you feel and what you believe in,

what you're hearing. It being offended is it's like a kind of a fake term. You know what I mean? Like people, they have these feelings, and they put this phraseology of being offended onto these feelings, but that's a really weird encapsulation of actually the feelings that are being mustered by the joke.

I was in Manhattan during September 11th, and I watched the buildings burn, and I was 100 yards away, and I ran when shit you know, a hundred yards away and, you know, and I like ran when shit was started falling. So I was like crazy. I was doing theater in New York at the time. And, and I had, uh, friends who I had a friend who died.

I had friends who were really fucked up by it. Um, it was obviously a really weird time to be in Manhattan, real time in America, but particularly living pretty close to it. Um, so, uh, I have a lot to it um so uh i have a lot of feelings about it and obviously like a lot of emotions about it so two years after september 11th or maybe it was like a year and i guess it's like two years i was at the laugh factory and daniel tosh is on stage in his and he goes guys can we talk about the good things about 9-11 yet are we there yet we can talk about the positive things about 9-11 so there right away

it it it it makes you feel a certain way. Like, what the fuck is this? What is he going to say? You know what I mean? You have this, like, this tightening your chest, whatever those triggers are. But I invite those. I love those. I go, what the fuck?

He goes, you know, before 9-11, you had to, like, drive your girlfriend to the airport. And then you had to park. And you had to walk them to the gate. And wave to the machine going off the tarmac it's like now after 9-11 all you gotta do is drive up open door and throw her to the fucking curb that's worth at least one tower guys not two what are you a maniac but one tower come on and the joke has more dimension but man the first time i heard that joke the audience was you were like you could just feel them like this reaction thing with and i just was like

fucking that is so it's so funny and sociopathic and just brilliant and i fucking love it and that whole idea of like you mitigate the joke by saying one one. Like, guys, come on. Don't look at me like that. It's just one tower, not two. That construct in comedy is something that I look to, to find moments where I can kind of mitigate a joke, sort of falsely mitigate the offensive joke by just going, but I mean this, not that.

I'm not talking about all the way. I just mean a little bit you know and it's something that i always find um compelling because you're going to because it addresses the fact that people are going to be triggered or offended by it you know and it sort of that only introduces like something even more offensive being offended is the opposite of enlightened it really is like. Like the Buddha was never, you never hear stories about Buddha being offended. So all these people that want to embrace Eastern religion and ideology

and try to take their yoga classes and then they're offended. It flies in the face of everything that yoga espouses. It's crazy. It's so amazing. I would never even admit, my ego is so big, I would never even admit to being offended.

If you offended me, I would take that and go to my room with it and start working on it so that it never offended me again. My ego would capture it and then I would take it so that I could pursue my enlightenment and accept it. I mean – and one of the interesting things that I – and I just make this up. One of the interesting things that I – I just make this up. I don't know if this is necessarily true, but being only 5'5 and having a big nose and being a little chubby and being the guy who gets picked after girls in PE when you're picking teams in high school and all the dudes get picked and then some girls get picked and then I get picked, right? And like I was that guy, and like being funny was like all I wanted to do. Like I was the class clown, and I loved it, and I would never take it back. Like I really enjoyed like making everyone laugh,

teach a laugh, everyone laugh. But then after a while, something happens to you and these things that people made fun of, they're your favorite things. But your counterparts who are these tall, handsome, strong men, they're fucking pussies now that I'm 40, now that I'm approaching 50. They can't take shit. They're offended by everything.

They have no callous around their fucking ego. They have no enlightenment. They are the biggest fucking cunts ever because they didn't get fucking worked over in high school. And you learned that – it almost makes me defensive about being – when people come down on bullies. Bullies are who made me who I am. Now, granted, there's a limit to it i mean there were some bullies like the guy who hung out at the corner when you get off the bus and like beats you up and you got to run by him that gets a little old after like three years but but like come on man like life's not fair we

like every hardship should make a stronger if you are getting offended by something it's your fault and you're missing an opportunity to grow spiritually. And what does that mean to grow spiritually? It means to have more energy pass through you. You want energy to pass through you. I don't even know what energy is, but it's like love. And you want it to just come in and go out, come in and go out. And the faster you let it pass through you, the more you get, the more you get. Almost any philosophy is based on the fact that you shouldn't take things personal.

Any major religion is like shouldn't take things personal. Right. I mean, any major religion is like, do not take things personal. Any self-help is don't take things personal. And literally, being offended, it's the opposite of that. Everything is personal. Everything isn't a front to you. Everything is an attack to you. And that you're justified in that because you're marginalized. You're justified because you're from a disenfranchised community. And that applies to white people, black people, male, man, woman, whatever.

because you're from a disenfranchised community. And that applies to white people, black people, male, man, woman, whatever. People find their own ways to ascribe themselves as marginalized or disenfranchised, you know? Victim mindset. I think that's, and I get it, because it's not like there can't be victims. But at the end of the day,

you look at the largest group of victims. I think one of the most powerful books is A Man's Search for Meaning, written by, fuck, what am I, Eli? day you look at the the largest group of victims i think one of the most powerful books is uh a man's search for meaning written by fuck woman eli is it eli i always forget his name but i read that at a very seminal time in my life and now here's a guy who survived the concentration camp and he was able to find meaning there and after and go back and forgive his captors and forgive the people who held them. I mean, I think that is, there's nothing more powerful than forgiveness. Those books are crazy. I've read a couple of those books, people in concentration camp who

forgave their captors. Yeah. There's nothing more powerful as a human to, to give love, empathy, compassion, and to forgive. And for some reason we've fucked it up. We've lost the thread. And now we think the most noble thing we can do is to attack people and be the opposite of forgiving. And it's almost more noble to not forgive someone for anything they've done, for a comment they made 10 years ago, for a post they said,

or the guy who's up for Jeopardy. We made some comment about boobies, maybe some sexist jokes. I mean, it's a shame. It's like we've we've made that a virtue the ability and i don't know what that's about i don't know who's helming that i don't know if it's just like a collective unconsciousness that we can't escape from at this point or if there's a way out of it but it's just where we're at right now which is why i'm

i'm still to this day i got to be a little bit measured about what i say because i just feel like um and also at the end of the day, I do think that it's really easy to fall into like hatefulness and divisiveness and to like label people and point fingers at people. That's fun. It gives you like a sugary, sugary rush to kind of like, fuck you, motherfucker piece and you fucking C word, you fucking N word, you know, like I get, I get, you don't say, you don't say cunt either.

No, I say cunt for sure. Oh, okay. You don't say cunt either? No, I say cunt for sure. Oh, okay. I feel like cunt is sort of like still, it's right there on the edge. Australians say it as like a term of endearment. Isn't that amazing?

Yeah. So that's probably what's keeping it alive. But also it's about behavior. And I don't think it's necessarily genderized because you can call a guy, that guy's a fucking cunt. You know what I mean? So I do realize that it's necessarily genderized because you can call him, you can call a guy, that guy's a fucking cunt. You know what I mean? So, um, I do realize that it is a tricky word. I mean,

sometimes I would do, if I get heckled, I don't like to really, but sometimes with hecklers, if they go, Oh, fuck you. That's offensive.

Or bubble. I go, look, hecklers are real. Yeah, it happens. I had a show where this woman was, I was talking about charlottesville

and and it wasn't like i was like on the side of the protesters the joke was basically about like um calm down about nazis being on the rise like nazis aren't i'm six foot tall 200 pounds blonde hair blue eyes i've never once been recruited by the nazi party and i'm a first round draft pick by the nazi right right no one's ever been like hello would you like to know more about the organization we have some pamphlets you can share you could like us on facebook if you treat us on twitter and i just hope german thing and i go in and it was going fine and then i talked about how they were saying jews are not replace us i'm like you see how they're not saying black people won't replace them because like obviously like like black people aren't worried about that like you're never gonna hear an

announcer like uh off the bench coming in five foot four rookie sensation rabbi moisha lebowitz or something like that um replacing lebron james so uh but it's not it's not a it's not an offensive bit but this woman because people died a woman died in charlottesville she's like people died in charlottesville how dare you i go look i'm not saying hate speech i'm not like i'm these are jokes this is not hate speech i i would like i would never say the n word because it's offensive to black people i would never say the c word because it's offensive to cunts like you oh i love it it's the crowd and that's just like a go-to if i ever get like people get offended i go oh my god i don't want to offend you like this is not hate speech i'm not doing that like listen i'm not it always works i use it sparingly because i don't want to because i do feel like i do feel

like you have a little and this girl was crying at the end of the show and blah blah but also at same time like i hope she becomes a better person for it. Right, right. You know what I mean? At a company you paid money for. We're in a basement at a Chuck E. Cheese basically and you're getting offended by jokes I said

because someone died. Do you not understand what comedy is? Do you understand that comedy is processing death and pain and rape and misery and torture?

Do you understand it's our only way out of that fucking morass of fucking hell that is life? Without comedy there is nothing. There's no no fucking joy it's just fucking and eating we need comedy we need irony and sarcasm and you know sardonic behavior otherwise like what are you doing so i just don't understand these fucking people who go to comedy shows and get look i understand like

finding something not funny like she didn't think i'm funny fine don't think i'm funny don't watch my youtube videos don't subscribe to me on instagram where the fuck it is but at the same time you're going to go out of your way to start heckling me and start telling me you're not fucking funny you're racist you're sex wherever the fucking shit is to make a point about your belief system in a show that is i'm getting paid for go fuck yourself either walk out of the room get hit by a bus i don't care but don't fucking heckle me you dumb cunt yes bam i've had you on an hour and 41 minutes but i need to ask you one more question okay um how close are you to getting your black belt good question man i mean i should have it by now. Really? How many days a week are you training?

That's the thing is I'm very inconsistent. Like I was, I was going back between LA and New York a lot. And, uh, uh, Henzo Gracie and then my academy in LA. And I actually got belted for my Brown belt in LA, but, um, but because you go back and forth, I thought you don't get like the consistency of the time. So my black belt is, uh belt is far off right now. Because right now, I'm kind of not at this dojo, at that same dojo.

I'm there very sporadically because of some stuff. I've been traveling so much. So I don't know. I mean, it bums me out that I'm not on a strict regimen to get my black belt. I think I have to get my feet planted somewhere and find a dojo. I also work in Austin a lot and I've been looking for a dojo in Austin but most of the dojos in Austin

are all no-gi. I'm a gi guy just because I'm older. Oh, really? Is that true? Most of the gis, no-gi is huge in Austin? No-gi is kind of taken because no-gi is the sexy shit. no-gi is the sexy shit. No-gi is where you fucking put on the rash guard, you look all fucking ripped. And Gordon Ryan and Gary Tonin and all the real pimps all do no-gi.

And Eddie Bravo. There's something like sexy about no-gi jitsu. And their argument is it's closer to what you would actually experience in a street fight. But I disagree because in a street fight, you're not going to be covered in fucking man sweat. You know what I mean? When you start doing no-gi within ten minutes it's just it's just slime everything is just slimy and now the no gi game is pretty much like like ankles and heels and knees and heel hooks and you know what man i i've been lucky i played soccer and i was a dancer

was and i've just been blessed with really great knees and great ankles and decent hips so I don't want to all of a sudden like be in my 50s having to deal with fucking you know knee issues did you two injuries yeah so like with the gi stuff you know you there you know you still shit happens to like I've've busted teeth. I've broken fingers. I've broken toes and shit. But at the same time, I don't want to get an ACL snap because someone puts me on a fucking heel hook that fast.

I'm not that competitive at the end of the day. I've got to be the best. What would you need to do to get your black belt three days a week for three years? You need to just... I think to get your black belt like three days a week for three years? Like you need to like just. No, I think I think if I think to get my black belt now. Oh, I think what would you need to do?

Your audio got all fucked up. Oh, sorry. I was going to fuck off. But to get black belt now, I probably it probably be three days a week for two years. I think it would be enough. it'd probably be three days a week for two years i think it would be enough and then also just really putting the time outside and watching videos and learning all the names for all the moves and self-defense and judo i mean a lot of it my the dojo where i was belted they also um it's a lot of is actually like knowing the techniques and learning it like a student it's

not just like you you i mean obviously if you win a tournament but i also i don't think i want to compete i'm just not that interested in competing in tournaments you know what i mean it just never and maybe there's a little bit of fear to it but also like i don't fucking give a shit like i don't want to show up in long beach and wait for two hours and put ben gay on and walk around and look at other people i ran track in high school and it fucking i hated it it was nerve-wracking and i felt like it was the thing that needed to do and then become dull you're like i don't need to do that a stand-up comic is talking about track being nerve-wracking that's fucking i'm having trouble believing that i mean you you're in the most nerve-wracking career in the in the world i don't think so i don't think so i think it's pretty it like the nervousness with stamp comic is also like

it's also just excitement you can just in your brain just transmute it to the same neurons firing just like these are neurons of excitement they're not nervous they're not nerves and you still get nervous it's fun when you get older to get nervous because it means you care about shit and so much of us are dead inside that the idea that you can get nervous about doing something that you also love is kind of great you know i love that's the best thing about the podcast i get a little nervous every day sometimes a lot nervous i was a lot nervous this morning i'm gonna be a lot nervous tonight yeah i don't know why it seems very natural for you well it once it starts going but you know like the 10 minutes before like i'm already

10 minutes before you come on i'm already i'm already doing the show got it so like live that's different i don't do a live podcast so that's a little bit different yeah yeah someone told me one of my close friends uh seal team six guy told me i'm a pussy for not doing it live and i was like okay motherfucker and so ever since then i've been like okay i'm doing them all live yeah bill if there's ever anything i can do for you, let me know because you just helped me get one step closer to my 500th show. Great. So I owe you something.

Yeah, just pay me money. That's all. Anything else is money. Give me the money. Do you know what you're going to do next? Do you know where can can people like see your your your newest enterprise uh i don't know i don't know i mean i'll be doing shows in austin at the last factory and stuff uh like i have this netflix thing i'm gonna be doing hopefully more stuff is coming out i have um i have a movie that i shot with riz Ahmed, who's fucking incredible, who was nominated for Best Actor.

What's the name of the movie? It's called Encounter. It's kind of crazy how many movies and TV shows you've been in. Like, when I looked at your reel, I'm like, holy fuck. Yeah, I've done a lot. Nobody knew who the Hulk was. But, you know, you need to do that one thing that's a fucking massive hit to kind of, like, push you over the edge. And then it's just like, whoosh.

But I've done a lot of things that were supposed to be hits they weren't so there's that but um you weren't on game of thrones no exactly or girls or things in certain shows they're like industry darlings if you're on all of a sudden like the doors open but if you're like a guest star on sv svu which is an amazing show it's not going to be the thing that's going to propel your career. Really. This is going to get you insurance. You know, someone just gave us $5. Sorry. Sorry.

That's a lie. Someone just gave me $5. 250 bitch. I have my wife Venmo you ladies and gentlemen, go check out bill Dawes. You guys, thanks for everyone tuning in early morning. Make sure you check out tonight's show with Alexander Volkanovsky.

This is the biggest day in the history of the Sevan podcast. He's the man. He is the man. Yeah. And, man, we're not live. Awesome. Dude, show 162 in the bag. Nice, man.

Congrats, bro. Thank you. Well bro. Thank you. Well done. Thank you. I really mean it from the bottom of my heart. Thanks for coming on and giving me an hour and 48 minutes of your life. Yeah, of course, man. Anytime.

And I have your phone number so I can bug you whenever I want. Please do. I'd love it. Okay. Peace and love. All right. Thanks, man. Bye.

Bye.