The Sevan Podcast - #337 - Brian Monarch
Episode Date: March 19, 2022Brian Monarch is a standup comedian born and raised in Los Angeles, California. He is heating up the LA comedy scene with bold, creative and in-your-face jokes. Brian recently finished up a comedy st...andup tour with Dane Cook. Working alongside many comedic greats including Bill Burr, Joe Rogan, Margaret Cho, and Louis C.K., you can catch Brian performing weekly on the main stage at the Laugh Factory and The Comedy Store in LA. Partners: https://www.paperstcoffee.com/ - THE COFFEE I DRINK! https://www.barbelljobs.com/ - WORLD'S #1 JOB BOARD FOR THE CROSSFIT COMMUNITY https://thesevanpodcast.com/ https://sogosnacks.com/ - SAVE15 coupon code - the snacks my kids eat - tell them Sevan sent you! Support the show Partners: https://cahormones.com/ - CODE "SEVAN" FOR FREE CONSULTATION https://www.paperstcoffee.com/ - THE COFFEE I DRINK! https://asrx.com/collections/the-real... - OUR TSHIRTS ... Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices
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The change, we have to send Brian one.
Bam, we're live.
Oh my goodness.
Caleb, when did that come? Literally
just now. Oh, you the man.
You the man. Good to see you.
Brian
Monarch, Sevan Matosian, the Sevan
podcast live on the
place where, platform that President
Trump cannot speak, even if it's to a
room full of 22-year-old boys.
There you go.
Good to see you, brother. You too.
Holy shit, you're a fucking comic in LA.
Los Angeles
stand-up comedy scene. It's something,
I'll tell you.
You guys are a trippy bunch. I'm starting to dig in.
I'm trying to leverage a podcast.
I come from the CrossFit world and I'm trying to leverage my blue checkmark to get as many cool people on here as I can.
Like, you know, like we're all just kind of like we're in a swimming pool, just climbing.
Everyone's drowning and we're just pulling on each other to try to get to the top.
Yeah.
So that's why I appreciate you coming on and letting me stand on your shoulders for
for a few minutes an hour i don't know okay yeah is that a teenage mutant ninja turtles hat you
have on this is a floyd money mayweather hat yeah um i was actually at the four seasons in your hood
in beverly hills and the guy i was at the bar and the guy there who runs his i guess
they call it merch these days that's what the cool kids call it his merch page was at the bar
and um and i was actually there with the founder of crossfit greg and greg and him greg will talk
to anyone he just wants to spread the word of of health and he starts um shooting the shit with
this guy and he ends up being floyd's best
friend from when they were little kids and um so so we we got a connection and then a few years
later he killed himself the other you know um brian you're 50 i'm 51 dude how can that be i saw
you on the um i i mean i've been obviously researching you, but I watched you for an hour and a half very, very patiently sit through the community service podcast.
Okay.
Remember that one that you did?
Community service.
Who hosts that?
Good, good.
I'm glad.
You want to forget this one.
It was Craig Conant. Oh, yeah, Craig Conant. Yeah, want to forget this one. It was Craig Conant.
Oh, yeah. Craig Conant. Yeah. He's a he's a stand up comedian as well.
Yeah. And I forgot what his podcast was called for a second.
You said you were 50 and I can't because I just turned 50 yesterday.
OK. Yeah. I mean, you just don't have as good a genes as me, man.
Yeah, I don't have any jeans compared to you.
Just kidding.
I'm wearing Lululemons.
Oh, there you go.
I got Paige jeans on.
Incredible.
And you've been doing stand-up comedy since 1998.
Well, I tried an open mic in 1998, and back then there was no social media, and I tried to find other shows, but I just kept doing open mics for a while.
Did some bringer shows, if you know what those are.
I don't. What are those? Tell me what those are.
That's when you're starting. Yeah, you're starting out and you're nobody is interested in seeing you because you're nobody at that point.
So you got to try to get your friends and your family to come out and the promoter is like if you can get like you know five or ten people out you'll
you know get a better spot and it's just all about filling up the room because there's nobody famous
on those types of shows really did you call it a bringer show yeah because you got to bring your
friends and family yeah bring your own guests yeah pretty much that's what that's the
way it works out here because i mean if you can go see dane cook down the street on that corner
and eliza schlesinger on that corner and like you know who's going to want to go see these newbies
if you don't invite your friends and family you know it's just how how it is because there's it's
so saturated out here there's comedy everywhere and there's so many big names so you gotta do what you can to get a spot is it the hardest is that the mecca of um stand-up comedy like if
you want to go and be around all the other comics that's where you go i'd say new york or la each
has their own hub um those are the two workout towns i guess you would call it um but there's
other towns that have big comedy scenes like Chicago and
other places. I think Austin is starting
to boom a little now that Joe Rogan moved out there.
Really? Is that
because of him?
I know he's building a club. I know he's
in a club right now and I think he's building another
club and I think a lot of his
friends moved out there with him.
I think Tom Segura moved out there
with Christina P pozitsky and
um a few others tony hinchcliffe and so yeah it's starting to blow up over there i would i would
imagine i'm not there but you know but he's definitely running some stuff how many comics
do you think you could name uh probably a hundred it seems like you could name even more they just
roll off of your tongue
yeah i mean i've been in this business for a long time i've been running shows since
probably 15 years ago so yep you've been running shows so you actually run shows also
yeah i book uh right now i'm at the hollywood improv every tuesday and thursday and i run that
so i get a lot of you know it's me and three or
four real big names and yeah I was running it at the comedy store before the pandemic every Saturday
in the main room over there so are you the guy that you know I've never I've obviously watched
a ton of stand-up comedy and a ton of comedy on tv um but are you the guy I've never been to a
show are you the guy that that introduces the people and then they like they rip on you a little bit or you rip on them a little bit and then they do their set
no when you say you run it oh okay yeah okay sorry sorry i have hosted in the past but you
know i don't usually don't try to rip on the comics unless it's a roast or something but
yeah i mean just a subtle just a subtle i don mean like a roast, but you know how like when they switch in and out, like it's kind of like a backhanded compliment.
Yeah.
Brian Monarch, the guy who can barely walk out here because his dick's so big.
You know, it's like a making fun of you, but it's also like.
Yeah, sometimes you'll throw in a little pop like that or even just what comics will try to do is try to do a callback to one of their jokes.
They'll try to make one of their jokes that they just did a little funnier by adding something to it you know so that's what i would usually do
but yeah i mean it's just whatever whatever feels good in the moment whatever you think will make
them laugh you do something to me that seems so fucking risky but it seems also that it would have
the highest reward you interact with the crowd like a lot like more than anyone else that that i've
been watching is that fair to say um i would say that uh i've definitely enjoyed doing that because
it's uh you know when you do stand up people are like they see you on in february and then they
they're like in march like do you have all new material and you're like no it doesn't work that way so it does get redundant doing your jokes and trying to come up with something
that's gold that is unique that nobody else has done you know and it takes time to come up with a
well-constructed joke that hasn't been done so I try to you know talk to the crowd and get something
funny out of that um while I'm doing my regular stand-up just to change the monotony
and try to get something funny out of it something i can post online you know it's it's fun as you
talk now if i want to engage with you i have to listen to you but my but inherently i'm in a panic
because it's a podcast and i'm trying to like come up with the next question and make sure there's the flow.
Yeah.
But you're up there and you're fucking engaging these people and like you're really listening to them and like you're so quick.
And I just – it seems so risky.
You know they say to lawyers, don't ever ask a question if you don't know what they're going to say when someone's on a stand.
Like that's a trick.
But you do that. Like your job is to go up there and no matter what, I mean,
you put yourself in these really, really crazy situations. And of course I'm watching all this
stuff on YouTube. So I don't know if they just, you pick and choose, but you're fucking killing
it. It never gets weird. You're just killing it. Yeah. I mean, you know, things happen over the
years, obviously, and I'm only going to post the things that turn out funny. So, but yeah, I mean, you know, things happen over the years, obviously. And I'm only going to post the things that turn out funny.
So, but yeah, I mean, sometimes it doesn't go.
A lot of people don't want to talk to you either.
Like I'll be like, so how long have you guys been dating?
And they'll both just stare at me like this.
And I'll just be like talking to you.
And they'll just like, I don't know what's going on in their heads,
but I'll be like, all right, next.
Dude, I would do that. I would do that too.
The way some of the shittiest data people.
Oh yeah.
I'd be so afraid.
Yeah.
But some people are totally into it and they'll talk too much.
Like sometimes I ask the guy what he does and he started going on and on.
I finally just pulled up the stool and sat down and just like, I've got 15 minutes up here.
Let's waste five minutes on your job, you know?
So it just depends who you
get and what mood they're in how long have you been awake right now oh man i just woke up at
like 11 30 a.m that's why do i look tired as shit no no not at all you look like 42 year old
strapping stud who just came in from a five mile run and just ready to rock and roll you got your
guitar back there you're ready to like do some practice, some comedy skits, playing music.
I wish I could, but I can't play it very well.
And do you get up that late because you were up so late last night?
Sometimes.
But last night I took a sleep gummy and I woke up at like 9 a.m., went to the bathroom, fell back to sleep, woke up at 1130.
I was like, oh, my God, I don't usually sleep till 1130.
So in an hour or so, I'll feel much better.
Yeah. Well, thanks for doing this.
When you when you're on with this guy, Craig.
Yeah. You guys talk about inspirations or you guys talk about going back
sometime and he mentions beavis and butthead and like i like i couldn't do and i think maybe you
even said it in the in the bit in the in the um interview which really wasn't an interview
you said yeah you watched the first one and you thought it was so stupid but after
watching like three or four you're like okay there's there's some i can get into these guys
yeah i all my friends were into them and everyone loved imitating them all that i couldn't for some
reason i couldn't do it but my when you were a kid who did you watch like i was obsessed with
abbott and costello like more so
than like i watched the three stooges but only if it was on but like i looked at the t do you
remember the tv guide that little square magazine rectangle i actually we would get the la times tv
guide which was more of like a taller paper you know thing and uh you know saturday morning
cartoons when i was little yep yep when i got older, it was more like when I started getting into comedy, it was honestly it was Eddie Murphy, Andrew Dice Clay.
Oh, Dice Man.
Yeah. And Dennis Leary, who I later found out, stole all of his jokes.
So, oh, did he really?
Oh, yeah. Like they had a side by side.
Who is that guy that he stole from he died he's like a
every comedian looks at him as a yelling guy the short yelling guy no he wasn't like that he was
very loud like you know he had that sam kendison vibe but he wasn't uh it wasn't the actual content
that he used wasn't sam kendison's bill h I think it was. And somebody put up a side-by-side YouTube video once, and it was word for word, and I watched this thing for a half hour. And I don't think it's up anymore. I looked for it to show somebody once. I don't know if Dennis Leary had it taken down or what, but they were friends before he passed away and i think dennis miller one time
got on him for doing that in an interview if i'm not mistaken i'll have to look all this up again
but yeah back then though i was totally into him and uh yeah the dice man and eddie murphy
do you care um this is gonna get pretty esoteric here. Bear with me here. My dad, sorry to interrupt you. My dad was totally into Laurel and Hardy and Abbott and Costello.
My dad is like the pun master, and who's on first is like his.
That's a Jew thing, right?
Probably.
Yeah.
Just clever puns.
Seems like it.
So do you remember Milli Vanilli?
Oh, yeah.
I talk about them a lot, actually.
So why – when we were kids, they were dope, and their songs were awesome, and their dancing and their hair and shit.
But then when we found out they were lip-syncing, I never understood why we hated them.
Like what do we care?
And it's the same thing with like Dennis Leary.
If he stole the jokes and Bill Hicks was OK with it, let's say, what do we care?
It's like I was tripping on this, too.
Let's say my I found out my wife.
I love my wife so fucking much.
She's dope.
But what if I found out when I walk out of here and she's fucking taking it in the living
room getting fucked let's say this podcast ends early and she's getting fucked in the living room
all right and i'm like what the fuck and she's like i've been doing this since the day i met you
what am i supposed to say stop doing it and fuck like my relationship with there's perfect do you
know what i mean just because i didn't know now it like, do you see what I'm kind of trying to reconcile here? Is it the image of shit we like? Like what? Like, trust me, I don't want to walk out there and see that. You know what I mean? Let's make sure this podcast goes the distance so I don't go out there and see what's going on.
what's going on. But, um, yeah, so I mean, help me, help me out. Was, is it frowned,
frowned upon? Do people hate Dennis Leary for that? I don't think most people know. I mean, he doesn't do comedy anymore. He went into acting and he sort of just, you know, he used that as
like, he had some MTV deal going on in the eighties. I remember where he just talked fast
and, uh, then he started doing standup and then he got his show and his movies and that was pretty
much all he did after that um he did the fire show right that's yeah that was a big one i think on
fx right yeah i never saw it but i heard it was his best work i didn't like him as a kid i didn't
get all i didn't like sam kennison i was more of a i was shallow in my humor i liked um uh andrew dice clay rodney dangerfield they were buddies um yeah
the uh the whole thing with stealing jokes is a big deal in the comedy community it is very frowned
upon and i guess if bill hicks said publicly yes dennis leary is going to take over my material
before i die that would be one, but I don't know how it
actually went down. It doesn't matter at this point, but when people catch somebody stealing
a joke, they're trying to use somebody's original content and idea to move up higher in the comedy
business. And it's just, it's just really frowned upon. It's, it's just, I know there's parallel
thinking that happens, you know,
but when somebody actually is like, you know what, it's like saying, I'm not good enough for this.
Let me find somebody who is, and I'll use their stuff. And with Milli Vanilli, it was the first
time like people, they would catch people lip syncing their own songs that they sang in the
studio, but this was other people. So they were presenting
themselves as being these talented singers that wrote these songs. And it was really people that
were not as good looking as them that couldn't, that couldn't make it to the top because that's
how the entertainment industry is, especially back then. And, you know, a lot of people just,
and imagine that happening now, because back then the word wasn't
spread with Twitter and all this other crap. It would just, it would be on fire right now. This
was just, it had to get to the news first, you know, leaked and it was just a big deal. I don't
know. I don't, I love one of those dudes killed themselves, Brian. Can you pull those guys up,
Caleb? I think they did. Right. One of the guys, Millie definitely killed themselves. Yeah.
Can you pull those guys up, Caleb?
I think they did, right?
One of the guys, Millie.
He definitely killed themselves.
Yeah.
Killed himself.
And you think he did it because of that?
That shit got revealed?
Well, I do think he had a, I know, plagiarist slash loser slash no talent.
And then they tried to do it themselves and it sounded like crap.
And it just, it's depressing,
especially when you're on top of the world and you know,
People don't get, um, I get, well, shit, maybe we just uncovered something.
I guess there is, there's always been kind of a, uh, a cancel culture.
I guess it was different.
Um, vanilla ice was dope.
My kids love vanilla ice.
And then he was here today and then gone tomorrow or same with, uh, MC Hammer.
He had a, I guess MC Hammer kind of exploded then left with, but then came back with too
legit to quit. Remember kind of made a little with but then came back with too legit to quit remember kind of
made a little run with that totally i i was totally into vanilla ice i was totally into mc hammer and
it's the same sort of thing you know if uh it's just here's the thing when you're on top
people want to bring you down if if there's reason. I never want my wife to get off when she's on top, by the way,
almost when you're on top, almost everyone, but go on. Sorry.
Yeah, no, but I think, you know, with vanilla ice,
that was like a studio project. Like, I don't think,
I think he had a one hit wonder situation.
If he would have had another hit as big as the first one,
he would have lasted, but instead big as the first one he would have lasted but instead
he stole the david bowie riff and he went to court and he was proven wrong and ding ding ding
ding ding everyone hates you you know like it's just that's just how it was and with mc hammer
irs problems he just spent so much money but everyone in his crew mercedes and all this other
stuff and next thing you know can't do can't touch it again because that's a you know it all of his songs
sounded similar except for that one and it just got old and everyone started not liking him because
he was pop rather than you know our gangsta raps came in and they were like FMC hammer. That's all sellout shit. And yeah,
there's people's perception just shifts pretty quickly.
It's crazy.
Damn.
Social media makes it even worse now.
Like you hear one person complaining and you think it's the whole world.
You know,
your pop culture,
especially from back then.
It's,
um,
I,
I think the,
um,
I personally think the move when people come at you is to basically just stand your ground.
Or make fun of yourself, but never apologize.
Yeah.
And never's a bit harsh.
Never's a bit harsh.
But you should never run into.
If you get me too, you got to apologize.
Yeah, I got me too'd.
I got me too'd.
Oh, wow, what happened?
Yeah.
I had this.
So I had a podcast over at CrossFit Inc.
This will excite you maybe a little bit.
So when I started working at CrossFit, there were 300 gyms.
And when I left, there were 15,000 gyms.
And it was the fastest growing chain in the history of the planet. There's never been more, a faster growing chain. And it met faster
than Starbucks, faster than Apple, faster than Subway, faster than McDonald's. In that short,
in the short 10 or 15 year period, it exploded. There was a point we were opening a gym every
five gyms an hour, 24 hours a day, somewhere on the planet. And I was the chief marketing
officer there. I was the executive director of their media, everything forward facing that the entire
world saw I was in charge of. Anyway, flash forward to 2018. My listeners have heard the
story a million times, so I'll try to make it kind of quick. The owner decided to do a big
change within the company, big changes in the company. And I was the right hand man to the owner.
And unfortunately, most of those changes came in media.
And that's what I ran at a big, huge mass media department, ESPN shows, uh, all the
YouTube's massive social media, all that shit.
We were in 162 countries, uh, seven continents, right?
All seven continents, even Antarctica.
continents right all seven continents even antarctica so uh i had a podcast there and i was very i was i was like this on the podcast just how i am now you know what i mean so like so i would
have women on and i would bring up i would have women men whoever on and i would bring up topic
like all sorts of topics like you're a professional athlete do you have sex during the week of the
competition do you what about your menstrual strike cycle do you try to because you know how women like
cycle together so do you try to get with women who are cycling at a time that your
menses won't come during the games what if you do do come in the games what advice do you have on
the products and it was kind of funny talk but it was fucking serious talk it's real talk right
like that's got to be fucking a serious issue for professional female athletes any any female
anytime they deserve the respect to have it openly talked about anyway. So then my, my, my boss, uh, right before the, the, the, the so-called
pandemic hit the thing that kills fat people that they call a virus. Um, I know you didn't like that.
Sorry. Sorry, Brian. Um, uh, no, you're okay with that. Okay. Um, they, my, my boss, um, was selling
the company and the New York times did a massive hit piece on him
and uh in there they gave me a paragraph where they reviewed one of my podcasts and they basically
left it very ambiguous but they said that i was misogynistic and i said all this bad shit about
women they never even they never interviewed me they never interviewed any of the women who were
on the podcast those women actually came out and defended me, but it didn't matter, right?
When the new owners got any quotes out that you said, or they know, no, fuck, no, fuck, no fucking cowards.
And I blasted that bitch on the lady.
What's her name?
At the New York times.
I spent two weeks on my, on my Instagram account, just going after her, like, like doing funny shit.
Like, Oh, she has two jewish boys i have three
jewish boys oh she has a jewish boy named avi i have a jewish boy named avi oh your jewish boy
likes to play tennis my jewish boy likes to play you know that kind of shit just like just creeping
anyway so basically so then the new owners bought it and they said i'm gone yeah thank you oh yes thank you katherine katherine rossman my girl
my girl and and it's just what's crazy is it's just an article of ambiguity
and that's the part that sucks because then you because then everyone and this
was right when the um harvey harvey weinschnitzel shit was out and so fucking everyone was going
and that that guy who was the guy who who banged his secretary over his desk over at abc or matt
matt lauer that crazy shit was out so if they just wrote something ambiguous everyone would fill in the blanks
it ended up being great for me the the this podcast is fucking gigantic we have three to
five hundred thousand downloads a week i'm having a blast um yeah so i'm i'm i'm i have a loving
family but anyway um do you know the origins of me talking about that, where we started?
Me?
Yeah, you. Brian Moner.
Origins of what we – which subject?
Why I went off on that?
I would like to tie it in a full circle. I just started going down that road of why –
I think I said something about being Me Too'd, and you said I was Me Too'd.
Oh, yeah, yeah. Oh, yeah, yeah. So yeah so you said if you me too you have to say sorry and I didn't because I didn't need to anything I
spent 15 years I was raised by a mom who's the first woman to go to her night law school the
first woman to graduate from there um I spent 15 years glorifying women I get beaten by women
and workouts all the time in the CrossFit community I I love women. I respect the fuck out of women. To do that to me was fucking nuts.
Or should I say I don't disrespect women.
So I treat them, yeah, anyway.
How about the guy who, the teacher at NYU, James Franco?
Oh, yeah, I've heard about that situation.
I guess he was going after the students.
Well, he got me too. In the article I read, he got me too by his girlfriend of a year who he I guess they were in a car together. And she said, will you go down on me? And she said she felt pressure because he was famous, but they didn't boyfriend and girlfriend for a year.
But I guess and that's tough. And then I also heard that he had an amazing movie come out right when he got me to that.
He probably would have been nominated for Academy Award.
That shit's heartbreaking.
Yeah, there's some people that have taken the whole thing a little too far.
I was on Facebook once and this girl was like talking about the three times she got raped.
And I was like, oh, my goodness.
And then the first story was the first story was I was with my boyfriend at a party.
And he said, let's go have sex in the bathroom. And I told him no.
And then later in the party, he goes, let's go have sex in the bathroom. And I told him no.
And then a little bit later in the party, she was like he was like, come on, let's have sex in the bathroom.
She's like, OK. And that was the first rape story because she got felt pressured.
Yeah. And he wasn't famous either.
He was just her boyfriend.
It was just a dude.
So I was like,
you know,
there's a point,
look,
I believe women and I believe,
you know,
but when you,
when they start considering three,
you know,
inquiries,
you know,
inquiries to have sex with your boyfriend that you've been with.
And you finally say,
yes,
you could have said no. A third time you could have have dumped him you made the choice to go in the bathroom and that's where
that's a line where i'm just like okay ladies sometimes sometimes this gets a little nuts
bruce that is correct i did get shit canned thank you for the um the poignant um yeah there was the Indian comic also. The girl accused him of
oral sex.
Yeah, yeah, but
he left her house and she
invited him back. And I'm like, wait.
Can't do that.
But then they come back with the
Yeah, that was crazy.
I had
Hans Kim on. Do you know who that is?
Hans Kim.
He's a comic out of Austin.
His claim to fame is there's a comedy show there.
It's on YouTube.
Kill Tony.
Oh, yeah, yeah.
And he was on.
Oh, here he is.
Hans.
Thank you, Caleb.
Do you know this guy?
Tony Hinchcliffe.
That's one of the guys I
was telling you about earlier that moved to rogue to Austin, just, you know, where Rogan is. Okay.
I don't know him. Okay. So I had him on and he, he was saying in his early days,
he was living in a van in New York city and he would do up to four shows a day.
Is that, is that, I can't even get my head wrapped around it oh yeah
new york comics new york comedy they've got comedy uh you can get up like four to six places in a
night from what i've heard i've never done it because i live out here but um yeah i've heard
la is a little different in that aspect where you can get up, you know, normally like two or three at the most. But in New York, it's like,
there's this place has a bar that does comedy.
And then right next to it is a club and you can pop in there and it's just,
they just moved from one to the next and you can get a bunch of spots.
And if you organize it right.
Do you, do you ever do multiple sets in a night?
Yeah. Not as often as a New york comic but uh here and there yeah
they definitely will overlap um and with traffic out here it's a little harder maybe the subway
helps out there but um you know getting from somewhere in hollywood to a place in santa
monica or venice it takes you know an hour so it's difficult to do it out here. Um, if you don't really plan ahead and know
when your spots are and, and sometimes they don't know when your spot is till the day of the show.
So it's, it's, it's a little more challenging, I think. Do you like it doing more than one spot
or just doing comedy? Well, both, but let's go with more than one spot first. Yeah. You want as
much stage time as you can get when you're a stand-up.
It becomes, I don't know if I'd call it an addiction.
I'm sure for some it is,
but you just want to do it as much as possible
and get your face out there
and work on your stuff as much as possible.
That's just, you know, if you're going to do it,
have a good work ethic with it.
That's the way to try and get it done.
What if, like, a friend of mine who I spoke to today have a good work ethic work ethic with it that's the way to try and get it done what if what if
like um a friend of mine who i spoke to today who's a comic in la i asked him if he knew i
brought up this guy um craig craig cook conant yeah yeah and i brought him up to him and i said
hey this guy's a podcast and um and and this friend of mine said oh yeah he's really hot right
now he's doing he's doing good right now but't think that, um, I don't think that podcast is helping him.
That comment is so hot right now.
Um, no, I don't think that pot, I don't think that podcast has helped.
That was a Zoolander quote.
Oh, sorry.
So hot right now.
And I don't need to, I don't need to dig on your friend.
I'm just talking about the fact.
So like, is it really good to keep getting like it would be better not to just spend some time really working on material?
Well, people look at a podcast when you're in comedy as almost necessary to some degree. I wouldn't say necessary, but it's something that a lot of them want to do because look what Rogan did and look what Whitney did. And it's just something that you can have a side income on because
sometimes you're not getting the spots you want and you want to have
multiple,
you know,
you know,
place to tell people where you're going to be performing.
And if,
if the podcast has a good clip that goes viral,
you might get more followers to see on,
on the,
on the road.
And yeah,
when I've done a show two or three times and every time we get to a
point where he's just like, I'm like, do you have you have any questions you know he doesn't have a plan usually and i i
he he's very aware of that uh but i guess that's just how he runs his thing you know he just kind
of just like get my buddy in here and we'll chat if if there's a lull because we didn't plan then
that's just how it is so i don't know it's it's his thing and
i you know when he wants me to do it i'm like all right whatever yeah you're a cool dude it
seems like a uh almost like a meditative practice or like a crossfit workout and patience and being
comfortable with science silence and stillness it's like a fucking vipassana course in there
yeah i guess so i mean i've i haven't really watched too many episodes i'll
watch a clip if he puts it on instagram but uh yeah i mean we are both times i was just like
what else yeah you i mean you carried it you carried the podcast right you carried the podcast
hey who's whitney she's a comic has a big podcast uh whitney cummings she's uh yeah she's a very big comic
and she's had multiple hour specials and she had a show on nbc called whitney that chris
delia co-starred in and she was one of the creators of two broke girls executive producer
um and she's got a real big podcast with lots of you know big names on it every week and yeah
she does my show a lot oh what oh what And yeah, she does my show a lot.
What do you mean she does your show a lot?
What show? I run the stand-up show, so she performs a lot on my shows.
There she is.
She's had Paris Hilton on and lots of big names.
A lot of the big comics, Bruce, Bill Burr and all those peeps.
And she was naked in the bathtub.
You skipped right over that.
You skipped right over that, Caleb.
Let's see that one.
Oh, yeah, that's a great picture.
How convenient.
She's washing her boob right when the picture was taken.
Oh, man, what are the odds?
Look at Lance Armstrong.
Oh, my goodness.
So how do you finally decide that you're going to be a comic? how old are you then
shit man probably early 20s okay so you didn't know when you were a kid you weren't like eight
being like oh i'll tear this shit up no when i was eight i probably wanted to be
i don't know what was what year was
that 1979 i probably want to be a veterinarian like every other kid or you know and then i
wanted to be a rap star because the beastie boys and run dmc and then i wanted to be a comic because
of eddie murphy and dice and um i was like i was like i'm gonna go well i'm gonna go to an open
mic i'm gonna do it and I bought that book by Judy Carter.
You know, the standup comedy Bible or whatever. And it's like, it said,
don't do it at a car. Don't do it at a comedy club.
The first time you do it. And I was like, why? You know,
I started going to all these open mics just to watch.
And she's like, go to a coffee shop.
And I went to the coffee shops and there was no one there and nobody was
laughing. And I was like,
what? Yeah, that's the book. The, uh, the, the Bible, I don't think was out. I think I got the standup comedy, the book, that one. Yeah. Yeah. Is she still alive? Yeah. I actually met her. Um,
and she's more of a public speaker. I think she teaches public speaking to people now. And, uh,
that's a pretty, pretty lucrative business. If you can get corporate gigs doing public speaking to people now. And that's a pretty, pretty lucrative business. If you can
get corporate gigs doing public speaking, you just got to, you know, her big thing is specialize in
one subject and make it entertaining and, you know, get in there and, you know, but I went to
these coffee shops, like she suggested, and I was watching and I was just like, I don't want to do
it here. Cause I won't know if I'm good because no one's laughing.
So I didn't listen and I went to the Laugh Factory and I was so nervous, man.
I was just like, I went to Disneyland the day before intentionally because I knew I
wouldn't be able to sleep.
I was like, I got to like use a lot of energy this day, man.
I was like walking around Disneyland in the heat.
And yeah, I bombed real hard the next day.
You get three minutes at the
laugh factory and uh it's mostly comics watching and they don't want you to be dirty and i'm you
know not exactly the cleanest comedian and it was just really weird but uh my first joke was just so
horrible it was just so bad i have it on mp3 and i will not listen to it yeah i think i know what it is hold on yeah i've talked
about it before online but maybe maybe i decided go ahead a friend of mine and i might be starting
a podcast soon and we're going to talk to comedians and uh listen to their earliest set that they have
recorded and see what they think and you know try to get them to play their earliest material um are you gonna are you gonna open with yours i don't know maybe someday i'll get it in
there it's just so bad is the laugh factory still doing that is that how people get their start they
do three minutes up they have a one night a week or one night a month tell me how that works
well back then in the 90s jamie masada the owner of the laugh factory would watch, would watch every single – I thought that was a Band-Aid this whole time.
No, you know, it's something that fell off my chair when I jumped into my chair.
I don't know what it was.
I'm like, he's got a cool black Band-Aid on.
So Jamie Masada, the owner of the Laugh Factory, he would sit and watch every Up and Mic every Tuesday.
And afterwards, he would tell you know he would get people deals
like back then it was sitcom you know it was the whole sitcom boom and all he was looking was for
the next Jerry Seinfeld and he wanted everyone to be clean and he would give you suggestions on your
set and it was you know the first time I did it it was just horrible but he still was like you
you know you're not going to be on tv with a sitcom with that type of material. If you could do some clean material next time, you know, that was this big thing.
And, yeah, I wouldn't say you're going to make it because of doing an open mic, but you might be able to get a spot.
And it's where everyone starts.
So that's just how it is with this biz.
And how old were you again when you did that?
1998.
I was like 20.
I was born in 71 so 81 91 27 and and and then and then what was your next move after that so then i started doing a couple bringer shows there was a
guy he just passed away actually um you know he worked at the uh small room at the ice house in
pasadena and he would give you
like all these blue cardboard tickets and i remember melissa via senor who's on saturday
live now used to do that show with me um and uh you know he's like sell as many tickets as you can
let's get a crowd in here and started doing that um but it didn't take off for me until i started
running my own shows. It's just,
I don't think- What does that mean? You keep using that and that confuses me. What does that
mean when you run your own shows? It means that you're the headliner. So like- Introducing TD
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ways to earn air miles it's brian monarch and then there's like and then you have to you talk
to other comics to come underneath you to open no i'm a i'm a comedy show producer is the best
way to say it or slash booker you know i'll hit up all these big names every
week and be like hey can you do tuesday or thursday like right before i got on here i texted
damon wayans and i was like hey man you around next week oh and and then you'll also perform in
that set also yeah okay okay okay yeah and that's how i got better honestly the first
10 years i i wasn't good i just i mean i'd get laughs but it was it took i wasn't good. I just, I mean, I'd get laughs, but it was, it took, I wasn't one of these people that was just like naturally supposed to be a
standup comic. If you were to ask me, frankly, I, you know, I've,
I've grown and I definitely kill now and I, you know, am really good,
but it took a lot of time.
So it was sort of like like because of being thrown in there
the way i threw myself in there it just happened over time and it took many many years um doing
the bringer thing sounds horrible to me because those are the people like even this podcast my
mom listens to it and i have to i'm fucking, I'm fucking 50. I have to pretend like she doesn't.
Do you know what I mean?
What say that bringer shows?
They're not fun.
I used to run them.
And, uh, you know, you've got these comics that complain, like I can't get people out
anymore.
I've, I've, you know, I've, you know, what do you call it?
Uh, shot my wad with all my friends, you know, and, uh, they've all seen me and, you know,
it gets to the point where you just can't do that, you know, unless you
figure out a brand.
Everyone's a bringer comic.
Think about it.
Like Louis C.K. is not going to get a spot at the improv unless his fans want to come
see him.
He doesn't have to reach out to them at this point.
Right.
You graduate to a point where you're bringing people because of your fame.
But it's all about demand and selling tickets.
All they care about is filling those seats up.
And if you can't do it because of your fame,
find another way.
And my way was to run shows.
And luckily, it's turned into a cool career
and I've gotten a lot better because of it.
So that's how I did it.
Did you have a breakthrough moment where you got free from your parents? Free from my parents? And I've gotten a lot better because of it. So that's how I did it.
Did you have a breakthrough moment where you got free from your parents?
Free from my parents?
Yeah, I'm projecting onto you.
I'm making the presupposition that you went through what I went through.
It's this, you know, there's, at 25, I don't tell, I don't make the comment of my wife being in there fucking getting railed by the plumber while i'm in here doing a a podcast with you but at 50 i do like
finally i'm just like fuck it still not comfortable knowing my mom's listening
right but but um but like like this break like and your mom's kind of the most um
but but it's but it's anyone.
Do you know what I mean? Like, I don't want to tell this joke around my black friend.
I don't want to tell this joke around my Jewish friend.
I don't want to tell this joke around my fucking girlfriend.
I don't want to tell this joke.
Is there a moment where you just have to like, I mean, because the creativity, on some levels, creativity really flourishes under a pressure cooker, right?
Hey, here's a piece of paper.
Here's a pencil.
These are your limited tools.
Go.
Yeah.
Or Bill Cosby, do whatever you want, but no swearing or whatever.
But on another hand, you have to be free. Yeah. Free is fucking you know what I mean?
Was there a moment for you that you realize that or does this not apply to you at all?
It doesn't apply to me as much as it sounds like it applies to you.
But I did. My parents would come to shows, you know, in the earlier days as well.
And they I didn't I didn't censor
myself. So I didn't have that issue. I kind of thought it was kind of funny, like saying these
things in front of my mom, you know, this Jewish lady who was, Brian, you know, it's just like,
that's the reaction that you, that's the worst it would get. But it's, I don't have the kind
of parents that would be like, if you're not going to be a lawyer, then just, I'm not going to,
you know, it wasn't ever like a situation where they didn't approve. They were kind of like, do what you want to do, which is great. You know, with parents, a lot of,
you know, my grandma wanted me to be a lawyer or a doctor. I heard that growing up all the time,
you know, that's just how it is with some of your elders. So, but I'd ever felt too much pressure. You know,
you know how it is, but the Jewish parents that are extra neurotic,
like go play paint guns with my friends when I'm growing up and you're going
to shoot your spine. You guy now, you know, it was just like,
it was always something, but it was just kind of like, I'm going, sorry,
you know, but you have siblings yeah i have uh one younger brother who's
actually uh um he was pretty big in the raw food world for a while and i have an older brother who's
mentally handicapped so what's your older brother got um when he was born his um the part that can
that uh come what do you call it that communicates the right side of the brain with the left side of the brain, I think the corpus callopsum, if I'm not mistaken.
Oh, yes, the corpus callopsum, yes.
Yeah, it wasn't connecting the right side and the left side.
And he's severely mentally handicapped.
And he's in a special place.
He could talk.
He's just very – it's almost like when you talk to him, it's almost like talking to like a.
Yeah. It's almost like talking to a Corpus Clops.
And there we go. It's like talking to a very young kid.
How much older is he than you? Four years. I'm in the middle. Four years on both sides.
Did you grow up with him in the house until he was 16?
And at that point, my my mom couldn't really do it anymore. She found a place
for him that could handle the situation better. Yeah, that's, that is a, so, so I worked in a
home for mentally disabled adults for five years. I not only worked there, I lived there. I lived
in the driveway in my motor home. I ran the home. I came in there as a barefoot hippie. And, and I, um, when I left there five
years later, I was running the home with 20 employees and there were eight adults there.
I was very close to them, obviously. And, uh, uh, the, and I made a movie called, um, our house,
which won 30 film festival awards the year it came out. And the state got really, really upset with me.
They said, hey, this is a horrible portrayal of mentally disabled people, adults.
And all the parents came to my aid.
They're like, defense.
They're like, but this is real.
This shit ain't easy.
Yeah.
It's not fucking easy.
And one of the craziest things was, or one of the most intense things was, is they knew that they were mentally disabled.
They had self-awareness of that
and that always broke my heart oh you don't know if he does okay that always broke my heart
um i think he i yeah were they were they mentally disabled from birth those people all of them
except one one of them got in a motorcycle accident and that shit was fucking crazy that
shit was fucking hard yeah all of it was all of this heartbreaking but you know there were there
were there was a a woman there with down syndrome and a man there with down syndrome and another
one with alcohol fetal syndrome or is it fetal alcohol syndrome but you get the point and they
all they wanted was just to have just a normal life yeah they wanted to be with people who
weren't disabled they wanted to have relationships with people who weren't disabled.
And it was fucking hard.
Yeah.
It broke my heart.
Growing up.
You don't really,
you know,
it's just,
it was just my life.
You know,
I didn't really think about it,
but it was more of an,
he was,
he's very loud and he has to talk to everybody.
And it was more,
you know,
I guess I,
I felt embarrassed when I was a kid, you know,
because everyone was staring and stuff like that.
So it was difficult growing up with a mentally handicapped brother,
but he was happier than anyone, you know.
So he didn't have those hangups because I think people that have Down syndrome
have a different perspective than he does.
I think he's just, he's like a kid and he just always
has been and always will be i think and doesn't really grasp those sorts of things like relationships
or you know that must have scared the shit out of your parents when they had another well i guess
they had two more kids they couldn't have been that scared but like i had my first kid at 43
and now i have three kids and my wife was 39 when we started
and one of the things that you know i was like hey let's have some more she's like are you
fucking kidding me we're old as dirt you want to roll the dice again i'm like good point i mean
that that's that's that's intense yeah yeah i think i think it has on my end. I feel like it's a it were Ashkenazi Jews.
So, you know, there's a lot of genetic mutations from our history going on.
And I think he got hit hard with that. I have a couple issues myself, but nothing like that.
And I think my brother, my younger brother does, too. And we didn't know any of this stuff growing up.
It's all coming to light, you know of recent so it's just uh have you been did you get yourself 23 and
mead yeah did you use a fake name no damn i don't worry about that stuff okay good you're good
joke about that actually speaking of whitney cummings she's you know she talks about how
like everyone's trying to like you know don's trying to don't share your data,
protect your data. She's like, we used to have people throw
big books with our home addresses on it and everyone
The bit is longer, but it's really funny
and it really makes me think like, yeah, I have friends that are very
careful. They won't get an Alexa.
I'm not too worried about it.
I just think if I'm, if I'm that important that they need to find shit out about me,
they'll, they'll use my iPhone somehow.
You know, I was just thinking the fact that you, I've heard the stories of like the uncle
getting busted for something because the nephew got it, got, you know, 23 minutes and we,
we 23 meet our
one of our kids and what's crazy is i was with my wife for 20 years i mean obviously i knew she
was jewish but i didn't know she was ashkenazi and i'm i'm all armenian both my parents are
armenian so the kid kid came back uh 51 basis shah love him sure not i got him do you hate
armenians living in la no i used to work in burbank though though, so I just know Baravish Bezis very well.
Oh, thank you.
They thought I was Armenian when they'd come into the store, and they'd say that I worked at Circuit City, and they'd be like, Baravish Bezis.
I'd be like, I don't know what you mean.
Oh, let me go.
My cousin works here.
I'll use him instead.
Lose a lot of sales to the Armenian salespeople out there.
I'm from Northern California.
I'm from Northern California.
The first time I went down there to Glendale, and I went into a Safeway or some shit, and everyone there spoke Armenian. I was like Northern California. I'm from Northern California. The first time I went down there to Glendale and I like went into a
Safeway or some shit and everyone there spoke Armenian.
I was like,
wow,
this is crazy.
Cause they don't even know what Armenians are in Northern California.
Like they don't know.
Yeah.
Um,
they just think you're related to Osama bin Laden.
That's it.
Um,
Whitney Cummings. oh, 23andMe.
So basically we got them tested, and that is the joke I say.
The kids are just like they're half Armenian, half Ashkenazi,
and anything that's like weird about them, I just blame.
I'm like, well, fucking you're inbred.
But I think the Armenians are pretty inbred too.
They were kind of mountain people too really yeah stuck in the caucuses over
there and yeah my girlfriend is persian and she thinks she's uh inbred to some degree we constantly
make fun of ourselves with this stuff but uh it's a tight community yeah i mean how about those
icelandic people 300 000 people stuck on an island together yeah they're all related yeah i wonder i wonder how the gene pool is over there
it seems to be working yeah there you go you wrapped with queen latifah my listeners don't
even know who that is at circuit city yeah i mean she was in there and my listeners don't even know
what circuit city is sorry go ahead yeah totally Circuit City is a an electronic store like Best Buy.
That was around in the 90s, big time. And, you know, this whole Amazon thing and everything, you know, put a lot of those places out of biz.
But Queen Latifah was a famous rapper, now actress.
And she came in and she was buying a TV and i was helping her and i was like i rap and she's like let's hear what you got and i did like this standard one minute rap that i did
for everybody and she's like oh you should make a demo and i was like thanks did you do big mac
filet a fish quarter pounder french fries sunday do you know that one do you know that material dude
you stole whitney cummings a little bit. You gave her credit.
Always give them credit if you're going to tell someone else to do it.
Do you remember the rap you did?
Yeah.
Can you do it for us?
Sure. It went, you're in my palace, motherfucker. Bow down. I'm head of staff. I'm your king. You're my jester. I command you make me laugh. I'm laughing
at your face, punk. I don't mean to diss, but subtract the B from bass and that's what you can
kiss. You want to be me? Keep sleeping on that dream. I'm a 99 ton iceberg. You're a molecule
of steam. So just step back and get the fuck out my face because I'm the woofer. You're the tweeter.
You're the treble. I'm the bass. I only got one line left.
Remember you've been warned just like a killer bee on your face.
My lyrics swarmed.
Booyah.
Booyah.
Wow.
That was my one minute rap that I did for everyone back then.
Wow.
Was the beef,
um,
uh, inspired by the,
where's the beef lady?
No.
Um,
but the killer bee was my rap name.
I called myself Killer B.
That's where I got that at the end.
Just like Killer B.
You know who you sounded like?
You sounded like the rapper out of New York.
The rapper out of New York.
Snake the Snake liked my rap.
He was. He was,
he did.
He was,
um,
LL Cool J's,
um,
I went to LL Cool J's concert in Hollywood and I gave him an envelope with that rap in it.
And a letter saying how much I admire him and dah,
dah,
dah,
dah,
dah.
He took it. I don't know if you ever read
it oh like it was penned out it wasn't like a c you didn't burn it onto a cd you saying it
no i wrote it out i go hey man i love writing lyrics if i'd love to work with you some you
know whatever i was doing at 18 i just like i was just like i wrote him a little letter put
it in a sealed envelope and i gave it to him. I wonder, I'm looking at New York City rappers.
Oh, it's just all recent ones.
Man, you know.
Biggie Smalls?
No, no, way, way before him.
Like when LL Cool J sung I'm Bad.
I love that song.
That's like one of my favorite songs of his.
When he does the shark, did you used to go like this?
Like do the shark part yeah
yeah yeah my hat is like a shark's fin yeah i'm bad god he's so good i remember arsenio hall had
him on and he was like man that oreo cookie line i just don't know where you get this stuff from and
um he does my show a lot arsenio no he's still around oh yeah he was just in coming to america
too and he does stand-up comedy he's great he's one of the nicest guys I've ever met. Actually, he met my dad. Man, dude, I will never forget this. I brought my dad to a show at the improv and my dad is obsessed with Eddie Murphy movies from the 80s, you know, and when his twins going to he wanted he heard they're going to make a twin sequel, and Eddie Murphy was going to be like the triplet, and it was going to be called Triplets.
And that was in pre-production for a while.
But anyway, so my dad is with me, and Arsenio Hall is there, and he's like, is it true they're going to make it Beverly Hills Cop 4?
Is it true they're going to do this?
And he's asking all of these Eddie Murphy questions.
There's my girlfriend.
Hey, babe.
Hey.
Just on the podcast.
Inch beses.
She's not Armenianmenian she's persian hey hey we're all the same we're just fucking from the desert come on um so anyway my dad goes up to arsenio hall and he just
starts asking all of these eddie murphy questions beverly hills cop four um you know all these
different things and finally i go dad come on you know, all these different things. And finally I go, dad, come on, you know, like leave him alone.
He doesn't want to answer questions about Eddie Murphy.
And our son, he goes, no, no, no, no, no.
These are great questions.
Let him finish.
And my dad, and I was like, wow, this is a nice guy.
You know, like he's just the nicest guy.
And he, he answered every Eddie Murphy question.
Like he really cared and maybe he did.
And that was awesome. And are him and Eddie Murphy, are he really cared. And maybe he did, and that was awesome.
Are him and Eddie Murphy, are they pretty tight?
They must be.
I mean, they're still making movies together.
He just did that Coming to America 2, and they did Harlem Nights,
Coming to America 1.
So, yeah, they're friends from back in the day.
Do you have a favorite comic?
Do comics have favorite comics?
Yeah.
I mean, it's,
it's a hard thing to answer because so many have made me laugh over the years.
Um, I really liked Amy Schumer's first special. Um,
I've always had a place. There's always been a place in my heart for dice.
And, you know, it's just something that's just, you know, from my twenties.
Um, but you know, Louis CK is amazing bill burr um there's so many there's
just so many what about tosh i love tosh yeah i'm i'm i'm um he's my favorite yeah and and here's
why like a lot of people would say like dave chappelle but i but there's stuff of dave chapelle does that i just really
don't like that i just don't think it's funny but man i i i think just tosh is just funny just to
look at you know you know what i mean i just think he's just tosh does it like the beastie boys man
he'll make a quality album or special every three or four years he He doesn't come out with four Netflix specials in a month like Chappelle does.
So it's finely crafted.
Yeah, it's finely crafted.
And he makes sure every joke is going to hit.
And he's just a master of left terms and shock humor.
And I love watching him.
He's one of my favorites too.
And he seems like he'll go anywhere.
Like, oh yeah, he doesn't care.
He'll talk about anything. Yeah, he'll go anywhere. uh oh yeah he doesn't care he'll talk about anything yeah he'll go
anywhere and i and i just really like that um yeah what about when um who's the guy who did
the academy awards and he just kept saying i don't care i don't care ricky ricky gervais is that who
it is yeah yeah yeah ricky gervais i think he did that a couple
few years ago was that him is that him caleb that tactic that he had where he would just
fucking he was just dropping nukes yeah yeah but then say i don't care i'm not coming back i don't
care i'm not yeah this cat yeah yeah that's him that was um i thought that was a brilliant tactic i don't care i'm not like i'm
not like almost like that wasn't part of the bit that was a like like almost like that like you
could see how maybe that came organically like like he knew yeah and people love rebellious
people that don't want to listen to the man and that's just what people like to see sometimes man that's how you know i equate comedy to wrestling sometimes i don't know if you're a
wrestling fan but like back in the day i saw wrestlemania one in the oh wow yeah yeah i saw
starting at wrestlemania 2 um with hulk hogan fighting king kong bundy in that blue cage but
yeah yeah i saw that one and you couldn't even watch it at home on your tv you had to like go to an auditorium where they projected it on a closed circuit tv
with like thousands is that how you did it like at a high school gym i think i got mine on vhs
or something oh okay i used to go see him live and we'd have to like travel but but you still
watch it on a screen it was nuts yeah and then he fought andre the giant at wrestlemania 3 and i
think pay-per-view just blew up at that point. You just have, you know, watched it on your TV at home. But yeah, I just kind of look at, you know, there's it's just like every entertainment business like that has tiers of people like, you know, you got The Rock and John Cena and Hulk Hogan at the top.
that are creative and they can talk well on the mic and they're good physically in the ring.
And then you got people that are good at one or the other, you know, and they don't make it to the top like that. And that's how comedy is too. You know, like there's people that are great with
their mind and they're not such a showman, you know, people that are really good showmans,
but their content isn't as creative. So when you have both, like, you know, some of these superstars like sebastian maniscalco
i don't know if you know him but i spoke with him once and i was like dude you are one of those guys
that has both of those ingredients that are needed and he's uh say his name again caleb i want to see
this guy and get him on the podcast for you before fucking he's too big pretty big. He's a Sebastian. There he is. He's great.
Sebastian Manasquala. Hey, so kind of like Conor McGregor for the fighting world.
Yeah, he can. He could fight and he got the mouth and he got the body to die for.
In that business, you don't need a mouth, you know, but it does help if you're going to start doing, you know, commercials and public.
You know, well, it turned him into from just like a superstar in the sport he transcended the sport right exactly it's kind of like um uh when kardashian
took the dick she transcended uh and in the film league she transcended and i don't mean that in a
negative way i fucking dig her she's my armenian peeps but um yeah you do something happens in your career and you transcend your your box right
yeah you got to stand out you got to have a niche you got to be something that nobody else is
otherwise you're just going to fizzle away like vanilla ice and mc hammer like another thing um i
every once in a while i cruise by um vanilla ice Instagram account. I think I've invited him on the podcast a couple of times. Um, and he's doing good shit. He seems like a cool
dude. Anytime I see him interviewed, I feel like I'm talking to like an authentic guy. I don't like,
he seems like he's a real nice guy. I mean, when you're in your twenties, you're different than
you're going to be in your thirties and forties and fifties. Like he's got this testosterone just
bubbling in your head. You're just like kind of
angry. At least I, you know, I was kind of angry all the time and, you know, I wanted to make
people laugh even if it was at someone else's expense, you know, and making fun of people was
cool, especially in the seventies, you know, and it's just, everything has changed and you kind of,
you know, and luckily you grow out of that sort of thing as well. But, uh, yeah, I mean, I feel
like being a kid right now would be hard, man, being in your twenties with all that crap in your head and having to like have VPC,
but I guess not all of them are, but you know, it just feels like it's such a different world now.
If you can tell the truth and defend your position logically, and you have to be able
to defend your position logically, the earth earth the earth is still an amazing place
if you can't defend your your yourself and you have opinions then you're best off just asking
questions and the earth is a really safe place but if you're but if you're one of the um unfortunately
you know i don't know how you were raised but i was i was uh what's that brainwashed is a little too harsh but i was um indoctrinated into an ideological you know
system and it wasn't until you know my late mid-20s that i started breaking out of that
and it wasn't till my 40s that i was able to really really break out until the next level
where it's like okay if you don't fucking know, just ask questions. And if you do know, really stand by your truth and fucking and slay.
Yeah. And it's amazing how many people can ask questions.
It's amazing people help. Many people can't admit they don't know something.
How many people can, how many people can or can't, can't, can't. Yes. Yes.
Yeah. They can't admit they're wrong. They can't apologize.
I don't understand that, man. I don't have that ego and I just don't,
I don't, I can't, I'm glad I don't, you know what I mean? Like if I, if I need help with something,
I'm more than happy to ask. I don't mind not knowing things. And then you, you know, you know,
it's just people are, people have weird egos and you know, in this business that I'm in,
it's, there's a lot of them. So how tall are you? Six, three. Yeah. Yeah. Sometimes I didn't realize how tall you are. But when you stand next to other people. Well, I guess that's how the world works. You make other people look tiny. Yeah, I guess if. Yeah, sometimes.
10 movies oh 10 documentaries oh cool produced directed shot all that shit been all over the world shot movies in 100 countries been to 49 states and all the continents i never i never
which state are you missing uh alaska oh okay um i would never i never felt comfortable calling myself a director
never felt so comfortable i mean i would probably feel a little more comfortable
calling myself producer i never identified with it i never like like in my point what i'm getting
to in the long-winded way is did you do you feel like a comic and was there a moment where you're
like holy shit i'm a comic like did you get off the stage one day or were you writing one day a set and you're like oh
fuck brian monarch is a fucking comic i think when you're doing it as long as i've been doing it
and you see the evolution the the you know when you evolve to getting funnier and funnier and
funnier to the point where like people come i'm on these shows with these big names and most nights,
somebody will come up to me and be like, you were the funniest one on there.
That when you hear that enough and you get that sort of positive
reinforcement, you're kind of like, okay, yeah,
I can hold my own with these big names now. And, um,
I don't know if it was a slow process cause I don't think it happened
overnight. Um, but it got to the point where, you know, I've opened up for Dane Cook and these big, huge theaters.
And, you know, I've and he wouldn't have picked me if I wasn't funny.
And, you know, it's just, you know, you get to a point where you finally accept that, OK, you're you're better than a lot of other comedians.
And that's just it's a it's a good
feeling um there my moment was i was filming a uh a documentary for a guy who had taken me to
central america somewhere i can't fucking remember which country but we're in central america and the
way he was speaking to me i was like it still didn't make me feel like a director, but I felt like a professional media person.
Like he was – this guy was so fucking successful, and he was asking me fucking questions, and answers were coming out of my mouth.
And I was having like a kind of this out-of-body experience where I'm like, holy shit.
You have this realization like, oh, I'm looked looked up to and this guy really respects what I think. And I,
and then I'm looked at as somebody who knows what they're doing. And yeah,
I get that. Honestly,
I am at the top echelon of comedy booker slash producers,
not top comedian. So, which is kind of, and you know,
I want to be a comedian, but
when comedy clubs talk to me, they have that air of respect and they, you know, like, Hey,
you know, like they give me what I want. And, you know, it's gotten to a point where, you know, I,
I'm just, I'm the best at that. And it's cool. You got me all confused again. God,
I thought I was understanding. Okay. Uh, so I need to know exactly what you do. So you are a producer. I get that. You, um, Hey Joe, you want to come perform tonight? Hey. And, and, and, and you're a booker. So like, that means that you interact with the club, the people who have, um, uh, ownership of the stage and the facility and the seats in the house and you and you're so you're
kind of also like an agent uh if i was if i was representing one of these guys and getting them
on the road gigs and all that that would be more like an agent i guess or manager but this is just
more of a producer slash booker for a couple shows per week and um so there's like sorry i need a real example so so
you're saying that there would be like a club let's say um let's say i don't let's say there's
a club right it's joe's club and they'll be and you'll go over to them and be like hey i see you
have tuesday night open i got a bunch of people i'm gonna bring in i want three percent of all
the door money and uh and we're good and three percent of drinks or 50 whatever the deal is
and they say okay we'll give you from eight o'clock at night till midnight and you're good in 3% of drinks or 50%, whatever the deal is.
And they say, okay, we'll give you from eight o'clock at night till midnight. And you're like, shit.
And then they ask for a deposit from you and you put down 10,000 bucks.
And then you're like, okay, Arsenio, you want to do this?
Dennis, you want to do this?
Corey, you want to do this?
Christy, you want to do this?
And then they say yes.
And then you guys go, but within there, you also perform.
Yeah, yeah.
I mean, yeah. I mean,
the logistics are way different because I have a reputation.
So it's not like I have to be like, can I have this Tuesday?
It's more like I want every Tuesday and every Thursday and you know,
and it's just, it's just how it is every month.
Well, Cubs call you too. Like, they're like, Hey, we have a vacancy.
Can you fill us up Wednesday?
It's happened,
but normally in LA at the big three clubs, laugh factory, comedy store,
improv, they have lots of things established.
Like every Wednesday is woman crush Wednesdays in this room.
And every Thursday is going to be this guy's show. And Friday,
we book it ourselves because it's easier to sell out.
We don't need a middleman, you know? So it just depends on this, you know,
what's going on. And, uh, yeah, I mean, they just, I have a,
I have a scheduled thing and it's just every week.
So I just hit up people every,
every weekend and try to get them on my shows for the week.
And, and you have to write new material.
I don't have to, the crowd's shows for the week and and you have to write new material i don't have to
the crowd's never usually the same um but i'm always writing um and i'm trying to uh trying to
i mean that's one of my it's hard to go up with all these big names and experiment you know i
always fill in a few jokes new jokes in the, but you don't want to open up with something brand new because you don't know how it's going to work no matter how genius you think it is when you wrote it.
Hey, do you have another few minutes?
Yeah, I have another few minutes.
I have another thing at 3.
They rescheduled it.
It was going to be at 2.30, but they made it 3.
I need to take a 30-second pee break.
I need to walk out the door of my office and pee.
Okay, I'll wait for you.
Okay, cool.
Remember, the people were live, so don't start picking your nose or pull your dick out or anything crazy like that.
Oh, thank you for warning me.
Yeah, no problem.
What is with this guy?
I'm just kidding. It's an interesting logo.
I'm going to have to ask him about that logo.
It looks like his head on top of a bell.
It's like the meditating man, I think is what he calls it.
Oh, okay. It kind of looks like the meditating man i think is what he calls it oh okay kind of looks
like the taco bell logo with his head as the handle oh look at caleb holding down the house
you're a good dude caleb would you try out some material on did you tell him a knock knock joke
caleb yeah yeah we were joking on the logo looking like a Taco Bell logo. Fuck you guys.
My dad asked me the other day, he's like, is that a bell?
Fuck. I know it's your son, dude.
Thank you, Caleb. I appreciate it.
So are there other Brian Monarchs out there?
Or is this kind of a unique situation?
Like there's not a career.
Have you built this kind of
unique role for yourself oh i'll tell you that whether literally someone else named my name at
first and there is and i actually he actually gave me my instagram handle which i did not have at
first and he was so cool about it um this guy named brian monarch he's in florida and he goes
just take it i was like oh shit i offered him 50 bucks he's like just take it. I was like, oh, shit. I offered him 50 bucks. He's like, just take it.
Wow, that's crazy. That is. But to the actual question.
Yeah, there are other producers. There's a handful of them here in L.A.
And I mean, the honest truth is the comedy clubs don't want to use us because they'd rather have the whole door and everything, you know, but, uh, when you have two
rooms, seven shows a week in each room, comedy store has three rooms actually. So there's, you
know, two a night in each room. It's a lot, you know, to book yourself. So you do get these
promoters, the promoter help. And, uh, I built mine up to the point where I think I'm probably the biggest one.
Yeah, that's awesome. Congratulations. And that, and people are probably nicer to you now too,
because of that. It depends who you're talking about, but I mean, but you know what I mean?
Like if you're the guy in high school who has the car, I don't even mean people act like it's so
superficial. It's B it's wrong to be nice to the guy who's in control i don't think it's wrong to be nice to the guy who's in control or who i
you know who the guy who pushes the buttons on the elevator i mean that makes perfect sense
you know what i mean yeah i mean when it comes down to it i try to get the real famous people
on my show so they don't care so much you know they they're going to be able to get spots
wherever they want whenever they want but right you know they do know if they do my show it's going to be sold out and they know
it's going to have other good names on it and it's not going to be advertised as the whitney
cummings show it's going to be whitney and dane cook and eliza you know it'd be like a bunch of
big names so i think they've i've uh earned that you know um is there anyone is there anyone you've
blackballed you're like dude that
motherfucker was an asshole or that dude got too drunk in the back or okay that person's on time
out for the next three months like i'm not calling that does that shit happen they were or they were
rude to the owner of the club i didn't like that they're fucking with my boss you know not really
uh it's hard with these big name guys you you know, like they're going to do what they want to do.
And most of them are nice. And, you know, there might be like I wouldn't say any names or anything, but there might be certain people where I'm like, yeah, he's a pain in my ass.
Or, you know, I don't like what he did, but it's just a game you've got to play, unfortunately, or else I might not have a comic one week and he's available and he's still a big
draw so i gotta you know play the game with that person and act like we're you know best buddies
or whatever but yeah most of them are honestly no problem to work with and they're nice and
it's not usually an issue hey um caleb can you pull up um the guy who wrote the book Mask? I have him coming on on the 25th.
Eli – in the calendar it says Eli Michael, but that's not his last name.
It's Eli Wiebe.
Do you know who – does that name ring a bell, Brian?
Yeah, he invented the cotton gin.
Just kidding.
That was good.
He was – shit, If I had my notes, he, he was the manager of a couple of the biggest, um, managers, probably not even the right word. Does that guy's face? Eli Weeby lived in the White Hot Center of Los Angeles nightlife for more than a decade of hustle scramble. I just read his book and, uh, I'm having him on. Do you know who this guy is?
I don't.
He ran a nightclub called,
what was the name of the nightclub he ran?
Fuck.
I could go over here and check my notes of that.
Do you, do you do any of that scene?
Do you do that nightclub scene?
No,
I'm not,
you know,
a big partier to be honest i uh um used to go when i
was a kid you know try to get chicks or whatever but you know like uh there's these guys that are
actually they're the i don't know if you've heard of them the houston brothers they they started
running a couple comedy gigs and they are big in the nightclub scene and i was running a show over there with a friend of mine at this place um and are they russians are these guys russians i know
they're asian i'm not sure i think maybe filipino or thai i'm not 100 sure to be honest the houston
brothers yeah they're real big in the uh the nightclub scene they're uh they run like i think
10 different ones there's's one in Vegas.
They just opened up,
but they started getting into the comedy biz a little bit.
So we had some fun right after the pandemic doing some shows over there.
Hey,
the name of the club is called Warwick.
Does that sound familiar?
No.
Okay.
I mean, it sounds familiar,
but I don't know if I've ever been there or anything like that.
Did you leave at California at all during the pandemic?
I went to L.
So just so you know, just to be completely transparent, I, I, um, just a full blown dirt
tour twirler.
Like my kids never wear shoes unless they're skateboarding.
I don't like, I don't do masks.
I don't do vaccines.
I lick the fucking backside of a fucking donkey.
Like I'm, I just don just don't i don't need added
sugar refined carbohydrates my immune system i'm the shit i'm like a fucking closest thing you
could be to a walking god true right caleb and um uh so but but i went to la a couple times during
the pandemic and it was fucking it was weird where do you live now i'm in santa
cruz california it's a little weird here too it's a little weird in berkeley california too
like when i go visit those places like people are completely fucking freaked out you know what i
mean like i was standing um about a year ago during the middle of the pandemic i was standing
in front of a place to get some food with my kids and everyone was like you know eight feet apart
and masked except for me and my family.
And some lady went by with her, with her three,
two year old kids and was like, don't get close to those kids.
Don't get close to those kids. And it was fucking nuts. It was like, wow.
I mean,
I've got people in my life on both ends of the spectrum when it comes to the,
uh, to the, yeah, yeah. We weren't allowed to go to family,
family reunions or none of that shit. Um, but LA was pretty, it was pretty intense, right? It's about as intense as it gets.
I mean, yeah, you had to wear masks even outdoors for a while.
And, you know, there was a point I'm pretty sure I don't it.
I pretty much stayed in the whole time. You know, it was just there was no comedy.
Comedy clubs are closed for all that time.
there was no comedy comedy clubs are closed for all that time and they just uh there wasn't really not much to do anyway because everything was either closed or you know there was no movies
couldn't go how about innovation did you think about like maybe like going standing you know
that like there's a park in london when i lived in london i used to go to where like there's a
park where dudes just literally stand on boxes and like or rate i you know what i mean you know
park i'm talking about it's like a famous park in london maybe kaylee will pull it up i know what you're talking about
um they try to do drive-in shows with cars they try to do zoom shows on you know like we're doing
right now and i'm just i'm just gonna wait till the real what what about just like go like to the
to the ivy like in front there like even if it's closed and just start just fucking get on a soapbox and practice bits like was there anyone doing any like just i have a friend i have a friend that
went to venice and was doing it down there you know like you know they have performers down there
and like yeah and stuff he was doing it down there and making a few bucks but uh i didn't i i would
just i just waited how do you know i'm speaking of venice have you seen the rapper harry mack
is he really good oh my goodness is he better than me uh you're good you're good i did actually
enjoy your rap this guy is so special you should check out his youtube he is so special his name
is harry mack um yeah he's crazy basically he'll just go anywhere and just start rapping uh don't get us
pulled down caleb don't get us fucking censored don't get us don't get crazy you gotta be careful
about the videos and sounds you play huh if yeah if if i was um if i was a comic, I would be like OCD about like always having material. Do you ever get that?
I have OCD about not having new material.
That's my, you know, it's really hard.
Like I just got my friend this week.
We did a writing session and I did it last week as well.
And I'm really trying to buckle down and get some new stuff.
But I have some jokes that work every single time.
And it's hard not to want to do that when you have
200 people sitting in front of you you know so yeah you know so I try to mix it up you know I
try to get the good stuff and put in some new stuff with it and that's you know until that
until that becomes great stuff so that's the that's the path I take but yeah I mean
I mean I've I've never done stand-up so
this is just fucking nuts for me even to fucking slip it try to slip in your lane but
isn't it like you go to a coffee shop and you see a guy walk in with the girl and you just start the
fucking skid up in your head that's how mine works and i just and i pretend like i'm in front of a
crowd and i'm doing this kid so i'm sitting in the coffee shop i see this guy on girl walk in
this motherfucker's so fucking fat and his girlfriend is so fucking skinny and i start
imagining to the fight and then don't is is that is that like my brain would all if i felt like i
had to go on stage in front of people i'd always be doing that i would probably lose my mind yeah
the material is always birthed in a different way or another, but normally with me, it's like, it'll be like,
I'm in a situation and if I start cracking up with my friends because of
something that I said, and I'm like, Oh, this can,
this might be something I could turn into something, you know, you know,
that's how my brain works. So it's usually just, that's another thing.
Like during the pandemic,
everyone was in their own little bubbles and like you couldn't get out and
experience new things because everything was closed
out here.
And I,
I do find myself being a lot more creative when I can get out of the house
and be in different scenarios and observe different things.
So that's something I got to do more of.
And,
and I have been,
so.
When's your next gig?
Tuesday,
this Tuesday coming up.
Can you pull up his... Oh, you're a good dude, Caleb.
There we go.
You look like Ryan Reynolds there.
I'll take that as a compliment.
That's a huge compliment.
Do you dye your hair?
No.
Fuck, how can that be fuck how can that be?
I don't know
it's a little gray right here
can't really tell I guess
but it is
it almost looks red
so you're busy as shit
um
I mean this has become
running shows has become when you do it as long as I have.
It's kind of like I have a list. I have a spreadsheet, you know, Bill Burr's at the top because he's the biggest draw.
And it goes down to the people you haven't heard of. And I just go down the list and try to, you know, make I just need four comics on each show.
Sometimes it happens fast and, you know, then I just have to write.
And I also make deep fake videos. I don't know if you see that at the top up there.
I did see that. What is that about?
It's artificial intelligence. It's an AI. It's something you can do with AI. It's like Photoshop for videos. Oh yeah, this is Pete Davidson and Kanye West.
So you can basically replace a face on video.
That was originally Sasha Baron Cohen and a baby.
And I turned it into Kanye West and Pete Davidson.
Not a country baby, get it right.
Well, it's full of African-Americans.
It's full of African-Americans.
No, they're called African-Americans, girlfriend.
No, fool.
How did you find your son?
I swapped him. Swapped the baby? This is from a movie, though, so you may African Americans Girlfriend. How did you find your son? I swapped him.
This is from a movie, though, so you might want to be careful.
But I did.
I made it so, like, I played that on YouTube and I didn't get flagged for a copyright.
So I edited it enough so that it wouldn't.
So you should be fine.
So did you write the program that does that?
No.
No, I don't have that kind of intelligence.
I just use it.
It's pretty tedious, though.
It's a big, steep learning curve.
It's not as easy as just like, oh, I'm going to take a picture of Kanye West and put it over here and make this thing do that. You know, you've got to get lots of source footage and five to 10,000 images
of the person you want to put on there.
And then the software has to train for five days.
It's a lot of steps involved.
You mean when you say train,
you mean that's the rendering process?
Yeah, it has to.
It's a very slow process at this step of the technology
and you got to let it train.
There's like a curve and it has to flatten out and then you got to let it train there's like a there's
like a curve and it has to flatten out and then you go to the next step and it curves and it
flattens out and you go to the next step and it curves and it's a pain in the butt and if it's
fucked up you got to redo it so like something that's renders for five days then it's like oh
shit then you gotta start over again render again truthfully after a day there's there's
a blurry face there and you can see if it's going to work
or not. You could test it after the first night and you can stop if it's not going to work at
that point. How did you learn that skill? I saw a couple very basic ones when the technology first
came out and I hit up one of the guys on Instagram and I was like, is there any way you could teach
me or just tell me the software that's used? And he told me, and, uh, I didn't realize two years later,
I'd still be asking questions. Like it, it, it keeps evolving and it keeps getting more,
the graphic cards you need that get, get more, you know, expensive. And it's, it's a lot, but
I'm at the point now. What kind of computer do you have?
I got four computers in front of me.
I got two monitors up there.
I got one in front of me.
I got three computers down here.
I got one upstairs.
They're homemade computers.
It's all about having a powerful GPU, you know, graphics card.
So you're a PC guy.
You don't do any of this on Apple?
No, I don't do anything on Apple except for my iPhone and my iPad.
Wow. I wish they were one company so I can have i message on my computer but unfortunately that's not in the cards with
the way things are with these companies and why are you a pc guy are you pc guy because of this
software because of the deep fakes did you used to be an apple guy but you're like can't run the
software on pcs i've always been a pc Um, the only time I've ever dabbled
in Apple is with the, uh, portable devices. Um, I've just, when we were young, my friends were
all into PC games, you know, and we would, you know, we, we, we all had Commodore 64.
As you remember that? Yeah. Yep. Yep. I had one of those. Yeah. And then we moved on and we went
on to like IBM computers and, you know, Hewlett Packard and compact and all that stuff. And we
played games
and it just once you're used to something if you're used to an android you're probably never
going to move to an iphone and and vice versa you know and uh i just never really got into max
so it just never happened every once in a while i'll get a pc and try to fuck with it within a
week i've taken it back or sent it back i just can't figure out any of like it's really just
the um where all the settings are right the learning curve of like where you learn to adjust the monitor or what
monitor pick or the audio or where the where the files are stored or how
yeah yeah it's just like a phone like you use a iphone yeah and every once in a while i get an
android like i really want to fuck with the um foldable androids i want to get like a really
nice android but like i know that like i'm going to have it for a week and i'm going to blow my brains out like you're like
someone's texting me and i can't see their typing and it's just always like little things and each
one what you're used to is what you got to probably stick with that's why i'm with pcs
and iphones because those are the things that i started with never played or is that a PC game?
Yeah,
I played other games,
but I never got into that one for some reason,
but I know it was very popular back then.
Oh,
I want to tell you a story.
So you told the story on the,
on the Craig Conant podcast.
I'm really sorry if I came at that hard,
by the way. Oh, it's okay. I mean, I watched an sorry if I came at that hard, by the way.
Oh, it's okay. I mean, I watched an hour and 42 minutes of that. And, um,
I kept telling myself not to bring it up, but man,
I keep telling myself I'm about to get mad at my Jewish mom when she nags me. So we can't
control our emotions sometimes. Yes. Um, um, or mouth. Um, so you told a story about when you were 30 years old and you'd never smoke
weed before yeah and you had a girlfriend at the time who's like um she would watch a movie
young guns by the way one of my favorite movies i love young guns yeah great movie smile make you
famous yeah fuck so kill your dick yeah and both of them are great the sequel's great too
yeah i've only seen the sequel once cause I didn't like it as much,
but I should watch it again.
I remember I had Jon Bon Jovi soundtrack and I listened to that all the time.
Dude. So good. I watched young guns, probably no shit.
That and top gun probably I've watched a hundred times each and young guns too.
I probably watched like 50 times. Yeah. It's awesome. I like when Charlie,
I like Charlie. Well, I liked when charlie sheen got killed i
thought that was so brave back i remember even being young and watching i was like wow what a
brave move to kill off one of the stars right away yeah um so so you tell that story and it
reminded me of a story that i wanted to share with you this i met this i met this lady i was
met this lady one time um she was uh she went to harvard and she uh to Harvard, and my ex-girlfriend at the time lived in whatever town Harvard's in.
Harvard's in Connecticut, right?
I think so.
Do you know what town that is, Caleb, that Harvard's in? What's that called, that town?
Cambridge, Massachusetts.
No, no. Oh, so not Harvard. Sorry. What's Yale?
Oh, Yale, I think it's in Connecticut.
Yes. Somewhere. Not important.
New Haven, Connecticut.
Yes. Yes. New Haven. Yes. My girlfriend lived in New Haven and she had this friend there who went to Harvard and we were there visiting.
And her friend told us this fucking crazy story. But but but it's really stuck with me and I want to share with you.
So her friend, her friend's dating this guy for like two years and she's pretty sure she's going to marry him and she loves him.
And she really, really, really wants to fuck him in the ass.
And he's like, no.
And she really wants to do it.
Like a dildo?
Yeah, yeah, a strap-on.
Yeah, not her own dick, like a store-bought one.
And she really wants to do it, and she's fucking pressuring him to do it.
And he's like, no, no, no, no, no.
Third year into their relationship, he finally is like, you know, they're engaged and shit.
And he's like, OK, you can do it, you know.
And she fucks him in the ass.
Right.
You know where this is going?
No, this is a friend of yours, though.
A friend of a friend was my girlfriend's friend.
No, I saw I saw the story written on a bathroom wall no but it is a friend i want to i need some distance it was my it was my girlfriend at the time's friend and so she fucked this guy
in the ass and about a week later this guy's like hey i want to do it again and she's like okay
and then after fucking a while he's like
asking for it all the time yeah and she loses all fucking respect for him and fucking kicks him to
the curb wow so she's the one who wanted it yeah yeah yeah yeah and it just made me think of that
like he he did something he didn't want to do for her he ended up liking it and she lost all and she
just said she told us she's like yeah i lost all respect from who the fuck wants to be with a guy
who likes to get fucked in the ass i was like oh fair enough um but um do you still do you still
smoke weed once in a while it doesn't affect me very well sometimes and i just don't love it i
took a weed sometimes i'll take these uh sleep gummies you know yeah knock me out but uh i think uh sometimes it just makes me not happy sometimes
so i don't i don't like weed yeah i stopped smoking when i was i don't know 20 like i started
smoking in my 20s or late 20s i was like on a five year like i started smoking in my 20s or late 20s. I was like on a five year, like I started smoking probably when I was late, late, like 23, 24. And then I smoked 35 times a day for like five years,
you know, just like always smoking. And then I just quit. I was like, cause I didn't want to
leave the house anymore. I got paranoid and shit. Yeah. If I, if it made me feel like some people
that it may, how it makes some people feel, I'd probably do it, but it doesn't make me feel that way. So I just, uh, I get, I started thinking of, uh, negative things and I get paranoid and I just,
you know, it's just, uh, you know, we have enough of that without smoking weed. So did that girl
end up ever, did that girl just to test out my theory, did that lady leave you because you smoked
too much weed? Um, no, we didn't, uh, we we we ended up breaking up for other reasons but uh
we're still friends and uh we still talk about that story actually i don't really um i don't
think people want to date people who like are addicted to stuff yeah i mean i guess even if
you're addicted to it like two stonersers, like really deep down inside, I think they're like, fuck, this sucks.
I think a lot of them are have no plan on stopping and they are happy together.
But I think in some cases you're probably right.
But you ever watch Intervention, that show?
No. Was it a TV show?
Yeah, it's really good, actually.
It's a reality show, one of the first reality shows and you know there's they secretly they tell somebody they're doing a drug documentary and we're going
to follow you around we're going to pay you this much money and they're like okay and they don't
know that they're on intervention where their family's going to be there at the end and
they stage this big intervention it's always very you know a very touching show but yeah it's 23
seasons it's been going holy shit hey if someone
ever did an intervention on me i had a friend whose wife did an intervention on him i would
feel so betrayed they do initially but these people are at the point where they're gonna die
um it's that point of the addiction it's not just like you know this kid goes out and does
coke every weekend um like they're selling their family's heirlooms and, you know, they're ruining everyone's life.
And they they're like, we can't have you in our lives anymore.
So this is it's either us or the drugs.
Yeah.
Get to that point.
You ever have you ever had any roommates who stole shit from you for the drug habit?
No.
Oh, it's crazy.
It's crazy. Not that I'm aware of i had these two i
had these two housemates that were into heroin like they just steal everything oh yeah that'll
do it it was crazy i'd be like where's my bike they're like we sold it i'm like oh fuck you just
start to learn not to leave anything out or maybe just get different roommates i kind of wanted to
i wanted to watch it do you know what i mean you know you love that show then roommates. I kind of wanted to. I wanted to watch it. Do you know what I mean?
You know, you love that show then.
Yeah.
All the stuff that other people usually get rid of their friends for.
Like, I kind of want to like keep you see how this plays out.
This is where most people pull the parachute.
I'm going to figure it out.
Like this is too interesting to abandon.
Brian.
Thank you for coming on.
I want to,
in all the most sincerity and honesty I can in the next five to 10 years, when people start saying that I am the Joe Rogan and Howard Stern of someone
fucked and had a kid and Saval Matosian is that is,
you know,
Joe Rogan and Howard Stern of the podcast world.
You will always have access to my podcast. Thanks, man. As coming on here as a, as a true
Hollywood comic and giving me the CEO some love. Yeah, it was a pleasure. I appreciate you having
me. Yeah. Thanks dude. All right. And I, although you don't share your phone number cause you're
paranoid LA guy, I totally understand. You have my phone number in the, you have my phone number because you're paranoid la guy i totally understand you have my phone number in the um you have my phone number in the um email thread and you can text me at any time if you
ever need me to promote anything or help you do anything let me know i appreciate that peace
brother thank you later