The Sevan Podcast - #481 - Nycolas Joyal | CrossFit Athlete Fails Drug Test

Episode Date: July 7, 2022

Nycolas Joyal comes on the show within 48 hours of being notified he tested positive for PEDs following the Atlas Games, a CrossFit Semifinal. Joyal was set to make his rookie appearance at the 2022 NOBULL CrossFit Games. He knowingly took the PEDs after feeling like his fitness was slipping following the first Open workout. He has been attempting to make the Games for many years now. Sign up for our email: https://thesevanpodcast.com/ ------------------------- Partners: https://www.paperstcoffee.com/ - THE COFFEE I DRINK! https://www.cahormones.com/ - CODE: SEVAN for a FREE consultation https://thesevanpodcast.com/ - OUR WEBSITE Support the show Partners: https://cahormones.com/ - CODE "SEVAN" FOR FREE CONSULTATION https://www.paperstcoffee.com/ - THE COFFEE I DRINK! https://asrx.com/collections/the-real... - OUR TSHIRTS ... Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

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Let's go seize the night. That's the powerful backing of American Express. Visit amex.ca slash yamex. Benefits vary by card. Other conditions apply. Bam, we're live. Hey, Nicholas. What's up, dude?

How's it going? Is it part of you like, what the fuck am I doing? Just turn off my computer. Go outside. Don't deal with this shit go on with my day can you hear me yeah i can't can you hear me oh yeah i can hear you um are you are you sick to your stomach are you like what the fuck am i doing like i just want to like why i'm not even gonna do like five minutes before you sat? Are you like, what the fuck am I doing? I just want to... Five minutes before you sat down, were you like,

hey, I'm not doing this shit. Fuck this. I'm just going to go outside. I'm going to go about my day. I'm going to work out. I'm going to go to my job. I'm going to kiss my girlfriend. I would just want to push all this shit away. You don't owe anything to anybody. Yeah, I'm a bit stressed out, but, uh, uh, I was looking forward to, to this, uh,

podcast. So I'm a bit stressed out, but, uh, I really wanted to be here. Okay. Wow. I'm impressed when, when I always get these feelings of, um, like, like I get, like I, when I, when I'd be put in a situation that you've been put in. I don't know. I read your thing and you sound like you feel like you've let a lot of people down. And when I feel that way, I just want to run away, you know? Yeah. Obviously, there's a lot of people that from my gym, from my surroundings that contacted me. from my gym, from my surroundings that contacted me. And they're all saying pretty much the same thing.

Like, it's a mistake, blah, blah, blah. And it's cool to hear, but I still am a bit ashamed of it. I just don't want to go to my gym right now and look these people in the eye yeah you think you think uh this is kind of starting at the end but you think you'll be more forgiving as a human being because this happened to you? For sure. Yeah. Yeah. You don't realize how hard it is on people when they mess up. And now that I know what it feels like for sure, I'll be more, a more forgiving person. Cause I already, I was this morning in the shower i was thinking about that i

was thinking about how even hearing your story makes me want to be a more forgiving person not even more forgiving i want to be even before it comes to forgiving i want to be even more accepting of people yeah yeah it's uh it definitely uh opened my eyes about a few things. There's these relationships we have with everyone. How old are you? 28. 28? Do you have kids?

I don't. There are these relationships we have on the planet and we we mimic them off of the relationships we have with our our brothers and sisters do you have brothers and sisters yeah i got a brother brother yeah are you close with him uh i'd say it's a normal brother brother relationship nothing too crazy older younger younger he said two and a half years younger so he but if i so if i asked him he might say he really looks up to you yeah yeah he he was actually one of the first to message me. And he pretty much said that no matter what happened, I'm still his figure. I don't know how to say it in English, but he still looks up to me.

So we have these relationships with people and like you have one with your mom, you have one with your dad. And you know that the conventional wisdom is we all marry our mom and then women all marry their dad right these are the relationships we have with people and after you establish them with your parents you sort of relive them with everyone else but i realized today and i'm not just saying this like from some old man perspective but i realized today i have a son now. And so when I read the people in your comments, commenting about what you posted, you're not only my father and my mother and my sister, because those are the relationships I have that are deeply ingrained in me, but you're my son. And I start and I see people saying mean things to you. And then i start to imagine even one step further what if i was those

people's father i would rather have you as my son than someone spitting on a man when he's down i would rather have joyelle any fucking day of the week as my son i'll take a thousand joyelles before i'll take ten thousand of these guys who will spit on none of those people's parents are proud of them. All of those people's parents are embarrassed because a true warrior, a true man wants to wants to wants to tussle with the biggest monsters. Not not not a wounded soldier on the field. And just remember that those guys aren't those guys don't make their parents happy. Those guys are an embarrassment to their family name, and you are not. So I just wanted to tell you it was very emotional for me to kind of see that.

Yeah, thank you very much it's it it definitely was one of the the hardest uh thing i had to uh come out with um yeah and especially hearing all those uh of course there was a there was a bunch of good messages but there was also a lot of bad ones. I think it's overkill a little bit. You were kind enough to put it out in English and French. Yeah, because I know there's a lot of people who are English that follows me. I didn't want anybody to have to go on.

Translate. Yeah. So you've been doing – you're 28, so you found CrossFit when you were 19? Yeah. I can say I remember the exact date actually it was the september 17th of 2013 was my first crossfit workout and and how did you stumble upon it were you an athlete before uh i always was a big sport guy um i i just came i came in 2013. I was finished

with trampoline. I have a big trampoline background. And I was just looking for something else, you know, that's a bit more demanding on the physical side.

And yeah, just looking through some video on YouTube, I found CrossFit and what was it? So, uh, you, you came into it with amazing body awareness. You were jumping around, doing flips, twists up in the air, just you basically, you know, you knew your body and you came in and you like okay i want to put my body through this too yeah yeah um uh i was doing like the olympic style trampoline like i was competing and that was a serious trampoline not just uh some tricking or uh it wasn't the actual sport and then so and and when after you start this trampoline thing when do you start getting aspirations for um going to the crossfit games how long are you how long are you doing crossfit like oh shit i can compete in this um for like two and a half years something like that uh

when when the uh the first time i really tried to put all my efforts in this sport was in just before the 2016 open um i uh i was working with for my dad um and i told my family that i wanted to quit and try to train full-time um so yeah first year in 2016 I didn't qualify to the regionals but I managed to do it in 2017. Okay so and your parents did and you let your parents did they supported you they're like okay go ahead try it and you gave it your all after doing you'd only been doing CrossFit for three years, two and a half years. Yeah. My parents always encouraged me in doing sports.

And they saw that I was pretty serious about this. And I wasn't wasting time. I wasn't just enjoying life and having fun and partying and everything and stuff like that. So, yeah, when I announced it, it was a bit of a shock for them, but they said yes. They accepted it. And so then for the next six years, we would have to come forward. That was 2016, 17. We would have to come forward three,

five more years to bring us to this year. Yeah. And in your, in your, as, as, so, and then, so when we, when the open started this year, were you happy with your performance in the open? I wasn't at all so but the the my performance in the open this year was uh one of the main driving factor for uh what i did you didn't tell me more about that you you did the open you're like, fuck, something's wrong. Yeah. So I started like trying to gear up for the open and doing a bit more open style workouts and stuff like that at the beginning of the year. like 22.1 22.2 and i was uh really not happy with uh what what my capabilities were were um

so yeah i was i was uh a bit um depressed about it so i had a i had like a few pounds of extra body weight that I needed to shred. I didn't feel fit. I didn't feel strong. I really didn't like the athlete that I was at the time of the Open. So that's what made me – I don't know how they say it in English. That's what made me like fall on the wrong side. So you do the open and that's when the thoughts start creeping in? That's when you get on Google and you're like, okay, what can I take to make myself better?

Yeah, I was looking at any sort of supplements that can help with endurance or stuff like that. And one thing led to another. I listened to the wrong video at the wrong time of my life on YouTube. And yeah, that's what made me start looking for looking for it and start to start with it too. Like we got some things. When I heard, um, uh, Chase Ingram, um, obviously I'm not competing against anyone, but when I heard, um, Chase Ingram, uh, interview Ricky and Ricky said that he did that stuff, rad 40 and something else. Like while I'm watching the video i'm i'm googling and i found a store that sold it and i put it in my shopping cart and i wanted to buy some and try it and then as i'm checking out it's telling me that it's going to make my prostate big

and i already had a dude diddle my prostate i didn't like it went through that experience i didn't like it at all um and uh and, uh, and so I didn't, I didn't buy it and I never got to try. Um, I never got to try it. I tried, you know, I, I, I fuck around with creatine. Um, but so is, was it like that? You were just, you were watching one of these videos on steroids and how to, or performance enhancing drugs and how to get past it. And you're like, Oh shit, I can do that. I can, I have this much time. I have this much schedule. I can take this and get off and be clean. Can you kind of walk me through what you heard? And when I watched the Ricky Garrard video, by the way, this is how, what a simpleton and easily I'm influenced. I wasn't going there to, I wasn't

watching Chase interviewing because I was looking for some insight. It would be like, if I saw you wearing that shirt and I'm like, that's a nice shirt. And while I'm talking to you, I started shopping for it. You know what I mean? It was like that's a nice shirt and while i'm talking to you i started shopping for it you know what i mean it was like that yeah yeah i think we all um i think we all fantasize a little bit about what i imagine if i could take this what my body could have do or things like that one point or another we all do but um uh yeah uh I just read about it. You read or you saw a video or both? Both. Yeah, I saw the video first and then I, on the negative health side versus what it would, um, uh,

allow me to do. Um, I was, uh, like the things that it would allow me to do outweighed the bad, the bad health side effects. And what you were looking, you knew specifically what you were looking for you were looking for something for endurance yeah yeah um i can say it i don't mind um i got tested positive for uh gw 501 516 like the cat wait wait say it again i gotta write the gw 501 5651 516 516 okay i I'll call Andrew afterwards and ask him what that is it's what Ricky Gerard popped for

and there was also Ostrin in my urine but the only thing I actually wanted to take was Carterine was the GW and I have no idea where

the Ostrine came from. Maybe it was from the, the, the, the bottle of, of GW itself, but I really can't tell for sure. Why, why did you choose that? So, so were the, was your decision made on how it would affect you and how quickly you could get it out of your system? It was a decision made based off of everything, like what it would allow me to do, what the half-life was. I mean, when I say half-life, it's more like how long it can stay in your body, in your system.

And GWU is like a CrossFitters dream on what it allows your body to do. So meaning when you took it, you felt something? Not nearly as much as I thought it would. I only took it for two weeks, I have to say, exactly 14 days. So maybe I didn't take it for long enough, but it wasn't – maybe it changed something, but not even enough to make me notice it. So, okay, just to be clear, and I know that there's a language barrier. You're saying it's a CrossFitter's dream, not in practice, but in theory. When you read it, you're like, oh, that's a CrossFitter's dream.

But when you took it, like Ricky said, he didn't even or i don't want to put words in his mouth but like hey this shit didn't even help me yeah you're not saying that and it sounds like you're saying it because you don't want to be a dick but but you don't know you didn't come out of there being like like if you take a viagra you will have a fucking dick dick and like if you take a viagra and a vicodin you could fuck like the whole east county yeah yeah like you know it's working no it's not like that with this you didn't go in there and you're like you're carrying instead of pulling 145 off at a time you're pulling three it's not like that no not at all um you don't test your your your your mile pr twice in a row once at noon and once at two yeah exactly i i i didn't test your, your, your, your, your mile PR twice in a row, once at noon and once at two. Yeah, exactly. I, I, I didn't test anything before and after, like I did not do, um, uh,

like a 2k row before and a 2k row two weeks after, um, I didn't do anything like that, but, uh, um, physically what, what I felt, um felt it didn't do much you did you did fucking beat up Vellner pretty good yeah I did

I don't know if it's if you could call it a win but hey it's pretty crazy that both times the dude who got popped was, was fucking had Velner in a headlock. I don't, I don't know if, uh, he would have won, uh, if I was, if I haven't been there, um, competing, but, was if i haven't been there um competing but uh it for sure would have been a closer race he he didn't um we we had him on the show last night and he had like zero animosity towards you

and you know what i was thinking that's what like that seems like just the way a focused man would be right like he's like these are just things in the road you're driving down the street you see a dead deer you see a pothole you see like it's just okay and he had no he was like yeah this is like this is the landscape the the one thing he was disappointed in joyale is that like the the side shit that's gonna fall on him meaning some people are dming him now too being like hey don't act like you're not on it too, you piece of shit. And he's like, yeah, you know what I mean? Like someone threw a rock at you and missed and hit fucking. Yeah.

Yeah. I know it's, it's, it's a bad move for, um, it, it, it benefits no one to, uh, actually use PEDs. Um, it's bad for the sport. It's bad for the person. It's bad. It's bad for the sport it's bad for the person it's bad it's bad for every athlete it's bad for the sport it's bad for uh every every everything that's related about sport did you did you consult someone or did you just all your own research you didn't even ask a doctor you didn't like pay one of these guys who's an expert like hiller has a guy who pays a hundred bucks and then he talks to hiller for an hour nobody knew i did every every single research on my own um i bought it on my own

how do you buy it the same way i did you just went on the internet and ordered it yeah yeah pretty much the same way you buy something on uh amazon like you go on the website there's a bunch of uh i bought it on the internet i i heard there's a lot of people that uh buy it from a source in their gym or something like that but uh for me it was on the internet and um it's pretty much the same exact thing as you would do on a on the noble website website or any other website i'll take those shoes those peds and that box of gummies okay and and then so it comes in the mail and do you live at home with your parents or do you move out of your house? At the time, I was living at my parents'.

By the way, that's a nice chair you're in. Yeah, it is. Some people are saying it's a gamer chair. Yeah. In my earlier years, I was a bit of a gamer. And that's an old chair my brother gave me for my birthday. Nice. So then it comes, and you have a calendar.

You know, okay, I'll start this day, I'll finish this day, and I'm good to go. Yeah, that's what I did. What I did went from the 1st of March all the way through March 14th. And yeah, it comes in the mail. It's a cute little box, and that's what's in it. And is it a bottle, or is it pills you pop out of like a sheet uh my my my gwu was a liquid form and liquid eyedropper yeah it was a under under your tongue and uh that's how it took it and as you do that as you prep for that you it comes you open it up you're looking at the calendar you have all you haven't figured out the half-life this is how i'm going to get away with

it this is how i'm going to pass the test are you having second thoughts the whole time before you squeeze the dropper yeah yeah uh the first time i was actually like, uh, swaying and shaking. And I was like, this is it, which you can go back once you do it. Yeah. Yeah. That's why I've never kissed a boy, by the way.

I'm like, fuck, like there'll be no going back. I'll have it on my record. Like, I'll know, I'll know I did it. I like it.

I know I gave that dude a hand job over there. So I just don't, just don't, I just don't, I just don't want to like, because once you do it, it, um, uh, it's sort of become like easier and easier every time you do it. And well, if anyone ever asks you now, right. Hey, did you, have you ever done PEDs? Um, if you say no, you have to carry a lie yeah if you say yes you have to accept the judgment of the world of course it's way better to accept the judgment of the world carrying lies is it ruins us as human beings yeah um

yeah and and you're and you're free because you don't have to defend it someone can be like hey you're a fucking asshole for doing that you'll be like yeah i am correct correct now what yeah now what yeah now what so so you're you're you're you're sweating you're nervous and you and you're like you know you're having to talk with yourself i can't go back yeah um did what what made me take the first uh was, as I said, I was nervous. I was sweating. It was early in the morning. It was just before going to work. And I just, I thought to myself, like, oh, gosh, you're so unfit. You're so weak. You're so fat. You're so blah, blah, blah, everything. And that's what's made me, like, push it into my mouth. Makes perfect sense.

Yeah. Makes perfect sense. Yeah. Hey, that's how all those things go. Like, you're trying to quit smoking cigarettes and, and, and like you put it down and you walk away and then you come back an hour later and you're like,

okay, it's just one. And you just rationalized it. Yeah. It's, it's so easy to rationalize it right after the, the first dose, like the second dose was low,

like taking a vitamin c yeah that was it first boy you kiss no problem you're panicking the next thousand boys no problem you know you're giving someone a handy in the bathroom uh wow okay so you do that and you and is this before is this is this what and is this before, is this, is this what, what this is after the open? Is this during the quarterfinals? Uh, it was, it was right after the, uh, uh, 22.1. I don't remember. It was from the March 1st to March 14th. So I don't remember if it was 22.2 or 22.1 still.

So you thought there was no fucking way you were going to be caught. When your test came back, you're like, what the fuck? Yeah. I thought I could get away with it and never even think about it and just put it to the darkest corner of my mind and uh for try to forget about it but um when i heard uh the story from uh crossfit shoe fly yeah uh i actually got so nervous i had to get out of my truck because i thought i was uh going to vomit yeah yeah yeah that's where i knew down i'm gonna get popped and uh isn't that a crazy um feeling when you know you're going to

get caught for something isn't that so can you tell me that story you're in your truck what kind of truck uh i work for the city i live in i'm a sort of a construction worker um and uh yeah i'm in the truck and uh like i just opened my phone up and i see a post from uh i think it was hillar unf. Unfollow him. That's just bad for your health. And whatever. I see the post and I just read through it. And then I learned it's from GWU. And I'm like, shit, that's what I took.

And he said in an interview that he stopped taking his pills near the end of March. So I was starting to calculate the dates and everything. And the dates were not good. So that's when I realized I'm actually going to get popped. I'm actually going to be like just like everybody else who got popped. Yeah. I'm sorry to interrupt you. Joey says, Sevan talking about handjobs during a moment of extreme vulnerability.

No, Joey. I was talking about handjobs from giving handjobs to other men during a moment of extreme vulnerability. And feel free to DM me and tell me when is a good time to talk about handjobs. I miss the when it's a good time to talk about handjobs guidelines. It's called breaking the tension, Joey. Learn it. Okay. And literally you felt sick to your stomach and you pulled over. Yeah, yeah. It was the same exact feeling. I felt like when I took this first dose, I started sweating. you felt sick to your stomach and you pulled over yeah yeah uh it was the same exact feeling i i felt

like uh when i took this first dose uh i started sweating i started shaking i started i felt sick to my stomach yeah i had to get out get some fresh air and uh yeah that even you saying that right now i feel that like my skin started crawling a little bit and i and i farted a couple times like i like i i uh i know that feeling i know that god i know that feeling was it a relief and and the thing is is it's not even like a it's not even like a big deal in the big picture by that i mean you're not going to jail right no you didn't you didn't rape anyone. No one got hurt. It's like in the relative scheme, it's nothing. But it's like, fuck, it's a horrible feeling. Yeah. Yeah, especially because I've put in so much time and effort into this before dipping into PDs.

into pds like when i when i when i started to think about like what's gonna happen if i get popped versus all the time and all the energy i've put in uh i was like damn why did i do that yeah you see that you get you so so you calm down, you get back in your truck. And how many more days later than the CrossFit contacts you? I'm assuming you've seen email in your inbox. And are you just staring at that? Can you tell me about that moment? I was looking at reels on Instagram, like memes and everything, and I was laughing. And then I just had an email notification. And I just swipe to see what's the email. And I see CrossFit failed drug test. Oh. Did your heart get sick?

Yeah. That's a third time where I felt a bit sick to my stomach and started sweating. And I was like, babe, I have to tell you something because nobody in the world knew about it. Babe, is that your dog? My girlfriend. Ah, your girlfriend. Okay. That would have been my second guess.

Okay. Was there a feeling of relief after you got that email and told your girlfriend, like almost like the weight was off your chest a little bit, or did you still know that there was going to be a longer road as this slowly comes out? Not that much of a relief, but I was like, I felt like, because what was stressing me the most was announcing it to the people that are close to me, that loves me and everything. I had so much people like thinking that I actually made it and everything. When I got the email, I thought about all those people that I would have to look them in the eye and say, hey, I'm a cheater. So I want to go back to when you told your girlfriend you're at the park.

No, no, it was in my apartment. OK. Just in the living room. And it comes in and you say, babe, I have to to tell you something and then what did you say to her what if she would have said back i have to tell you something too i'm pregnant i would have changed the conversation a little bit so so you read it and you're like and what is she you read it can you tell me like exactly what you told her and then and then what her response was to you? Like, what's a good girlfriend say?

Yeah, the tone of my voice changed dramatically. And did you say it in French? Yeah, yeah. Oh, that's probably. Yeah, my girlfriend doesn't speak much English. um uh so yeah i i just told her with uh with my my this this dead voice tone and uh she immediately knew that uh there was something going on so i told her and uh uh she reacted much better than i initially thought she would um is she a crossfitter yeah a casual crossfitter she she trains like uh three four times a week one hour per class yeah so um yeah

she she she just sat on the ground with me and hugged me for like 10 minutes straight. And, uh, yeah, she helped me, uh, figure out how we would, we would do that. And, uh, yeah, that she, she, she helped me a lot. It's interesting to, to, you know, um, when you're, when you you're – being a mate is – one of the things about being a mate is when your mate is emotionally hurt, you kind of go through it with them, right? So like if you wake up in the morning and your girlfriend lost her job and she was sad, you would be sad too. And so now she – because you did this you know yourself now you're going through something and she's kind of got to go through it too and you'll in both of you will be obviously better people as you come out the other side um do you think she do you think she judges you at all for

for anything like what do you think her her take is on that like if my girl if my wife got caught i wouldn't i it would not be good because i would probably start laughing like i would probably it would be fucking wild holy shit grand scheme of things yeah but but but i don't know but i'd probably get in trouble for not being like uh empathetic enough but i would think it was hilarious uh she's she was really empathetic um she actually cried more than I cried. For your pain, not because she was embarrassed, but for your pain or because she's embarrassed. Oh, my God, my husband's a cheat.

No, no, no. For me, yeah, yeah. Not because she was ashamed of anything. She took your Joyal jersey and just threw it out the window of the apartment. I'm never wearing this shit again. No, she didn't do anything like that um uh yeah she she she um she posted a couple of uh of stories and uh uh really helped me with the messages and everything um like like she she's a true supporter she she she was there when everything was going uh was rolling and she's a true supporter. She, she, she was there when everything was going, uh, was rolling and she's there when everything is, uh,

crumbling down. It's a good girl. And, and, and who is the, who is the, um, second person you tell after her? My mom, I texted my mom. I texted my dad i texted my dad right after and uh um why text why not call them or go over there because it was 9 p.m and i knew they were asleep okay um uh then fuck your fuck your parents i'm gonna emotionally dump on you right now even though when you're asleep and when you wake up take that um so yeah i i actually woke up my mom and she came home with me to like sort things out and talk about it and everything and um a couple minutes after the

uh the only person i i said it to was uh my uh my uh And, uh, that's it. Yeah. Cause I've been, uh, training with them for a couple of years now and we're really close friends. And, uh, yeah, those are the first people I've said it to. Any of your training partners pissed or all cool? Uh, no, they, they, it's quite a shock for them but uh why why are you a good boy yeah i think i am yeah you're a good boy yeah you look like a good boy but uh yeah they were they were shocked uh when i dropped uh the bum but um uh they they they still want to uh train with me and uh and uh yeah they want to beat the guy who's

all juiced up yeah of course but um yeah no one nobody that's like close to me is uh actually really mad and uh um nobody like it was um uh how can i say mean they weren't mean at all hey no no no healthy human being would be mean to you that it's not it's not a sign no no a a healthy um uh the best hunters in the world um uh feel something when they when they put a bow through its prey they're not they're not uh happy to see the animal uh die that that's not we're not we're not made like that not not healthy people not not good people yeah and by good i mean people who um humble people humble humble people i mean they want you want to win but no one like like at the crossfit games like you didn't look over at austin and be like you're going home bitch like you didn't want to look at him because you knew he was hurting probably right yeah i was uh i was a bit uh like it's it's hard when

you won and you finally achieve your dream to go see the guy that next to you that the first one that's that's that's being cut off and to go see him in life and and look at him in the eye and say hey good job man you made it uh it's uh i i i shook his hand and um i i told him good job and that's pretty much it he's a cool dude i i i had forgotten that i had actually hung with him a couple times in new york at a regionals long time ago he's a really cool dude chill he i think he's a misfits athlete yeah have you had any exchange with him have you had any exchange with him or velner or anyone who is there has anyone reached out to you or you reached out to anyone i reached out to a couple of uh athletes that uh are close to me and uh a couple who were at who were at the event yeah yeah uh a couple of ones. But I was actually waiting on Spencer to post something so I could comment on it.

And I thought in my head that it would be better to say something in his comment section about his qualification and everything more than maybe a DM. But yeah, that's pretty much the only thing I was planning on doing about Spencer. Right. And why do you think that's a good idea? Because he, like, to make a comment instead of a DM, you mean? Either, either.

Why do you think it's a good idea to reach out to Spencer? I don't think it's a good idea. I just think it's the right thing. I won't try to be his friend or anything, but I just want to say, like, hey, I'm sorry. I'm sorry I took your spot good job on qualifying i acknowledge you want to acknowledge to him that um yeah yeah like hey i cheated when you actually you are the guy i cheated yeah yeah exactly yeah yeah give back to him as much as you can yeah interesting so you tell your your mom and dad and are they are they chill too

um they're both they both were like um gosh why did you do it why you're such a dumbass why did you do it you didn't have to but and like they were they were disappointed um in my choices but uh like they they helped me they they like under sun say though that they won't they won't they won't stop to love me but um yeah they were just really disappointed the one thing they said to me was like why did you do it you could you should have talked to me first i'm gonna guess and i'm willing to bet a thousand dollars of matt suza's money on this that when when parents say stuff like that this is gonna make you feel really bad nicholas sorry um when parents say stuff like this the real reason they're saying that is they felt they

let you down they felt that they weren't there for you do you know what i mean yeah and it's so fucking hard but but the truth is too is that let me tell you something your mom and dad go home and they're like they're they might even be laughing they may have taken shots of tequila and they go i'm so glad he's okay i mean you're a beautiful strong healthy man there's nothing more a parent wants nothing more you didn't hurt any girls or kids and you're a strong healthy boy like the truth is they don't give a shit but the little bit that they do care they just feel bad that like your mom and dad are like fuck me what could we have done so that he could have spoke to us for you know what i mean everyone who loves you like really loves you is like what could i have done so that he could have been more open to me? Yeah. To prevent it. Yeah.

You know what I mean? Yeah. Yeah. Of course. I, I, I get it. Um, I, I just sort of, uh, yeah, his hair is insane. I know. I know. I know. Stop, stop. His hair is crazy. He, he looks like a, an Adonis. He looks like one of those gods, like a Prometheus type. He looks like an Adonis. He looks like one of those gods, like a Prometheus type. Are you Greek? Is that what you are? I have a lot of people who ask me where I'm from. I'm actually 100% Canadian. A lot of people are asking me if I'm from Europe or a place in Europe like Spain or Greece or a place like that but no i'm uh i'm 100% comedian yeah you know what's weird about noses like like fuck you got a great nose you got a fucking huge nose and it's good it's just like it's so it's so long it's so big but it's so good it's like a statue nose you didn't get like mine's like bulbous like i drink too much or something okay sorry we're off subject here uh okay so so your parents so

your parents they want to be there for you we were saying yeah um uh i sort of uh learned i don't know how but i i i always i've always been like a quiet guy and I internalize everything. And I really don't speak much of my feelings like when I'm not doing so good and anything. So this whole story was just another time where I did everything on my own and tried to deal with everything on my own. Does this just go away now? Like time will heal this and it goes away? Or is there something you have to do? That's a great question.

Performance-wise now, I still do CrossFit. I won't do what I need to do, but more what I want to do. So there will be less thrusters and burpees and suffering things like that. And maybe a bit more bench press and back squats. But outside of the gym, there's not much more. Maybe I can talk to a few people that have been where I've been to maybe try to help them figure out what they should or shouldn't do. But besides that, there's not much off the top of my head I think I could do or I would need to

do. So it's just a wound. It's a psychological wound and it will go away like a girlfriend broke up with you. No happened nothing uh um on the social side uh of things and your crossfit days are over by the time your suspension's up you'll be a fucking old man like you look like me yeah yeah um uh yeah i made the math uh if i want to keep competing uh in crossfit i would the first season i would be able to was I'm going to be 33. Yeah, that's old as shit. Yeah, yeah. I don't want to keep pushing for another five years.

The Games gave me a good push to keep training and to keep trying to be as fit as I could be. But I actually told way before anything of this happened, I told a couple of persons close to me that even if I qualify or not, I won't be competing much longer because mentally it's so hard. I'm so hard on myself, and I didn't want to keep putting so much pressure on myself. When you were at the semifinals, did the thought of the fact that you had taken GW501516 uh enter your brain at all

did it and as you i mean did were you able to enjoy the semi-finals or was it haunting you um i maybe maybe like 95 there was there i i, I, I mean, I'm competing. So, uh, I, I just am a hundred percent focused in the, in the, in the game. Um, but yeah, when I qualified, uh, maybe I wasn't like as, uh, happy or ecstatic as I would have been if it was a hundred percent legitimate. And why do you say that? Did you feel that? Do you remember the drive home with your girlfriend and not being fully present because you're like,

hmm, I took some stuff? If there was so much happening, I didn't think too much of it. I really didn't think too much of it until the CrossFit Sh shoe fly story came up i was actually how about leave i was going to the games uh i was really going to the games but um a couple days after like the the story came up and uh that, that's where, uh, that's what, that's where I hit my lowest point. I think I was, uh, really, really depressed. You did, you,

you thought you were going to the games and Austin knew he wasn't. Yeah. And yet both of you were wrong when, when you finished the semifinals and the last workouts done and they announced your name, then from there you're taken to, to, to drug test, right? Yeah. Yeah. Right after the, right after the, the, um, after the last event, uh, you say, you say, uh, at the finish line, um,

stay you stay uh and at the finish line um then what's the word, but I was shocked. Like it was a weird experience. Like you go in and you sign everything and it's really, really, really serious. It's super official. And you just go into the small washroom and like the guy says lift your shirt up to the the pecs and drop your pants to the knees and oh like you're in the second grade like those kids you used to make fun of that's how you have to stand there yeah and the guy is watching you can't just put your balls and cock over the top of your underwear

no no yeah just plop it out wow and he just stares at you the whole time you're peeing yeah yeah he stares at your dick the whole time like three two one go yeah yeah it's obvious like he he watch uh did it make you nervous what if you just stand there and you don't pee for a while? Yeah. I would get in my head about it. because if you don't fill the cup enough, they ask you to sit, drink water, and you're going to pee again in a few minutes. I have trouble peeing in those big troughs at the baseball games or the football game, let alone somebody staring at me.

So as the pee's coming out into this cup is there any oh any any any gw501516 thought uh no there was so much happening like i was oh good on you wow yeah there was there was way too much stuff happening uh at that time to think about uh peds there's these comments on your um on your post people saying hey thanks for being honest and and that's what velner said too he goes as strange as it sounds i'm just glad he's honest and the the thing that um i think that the greatest quality we have as human beings i think that basically the cure for for every human being is just to be honest when you're honest that's when you find true love not only for yourself but but inmates like i always say to

people hey you don't have to break up with your girlfriend just start being honest to her and she'll fucking leave you and but there's these people who honesty's not enough yeah for some reason and they say well he wasn't gonna come he's only being honest after he got caught yeah and i know there's something clever to say back to them. I want that. I went through your comments this morning, started just fighting with people. I said, OK, tell us something, you jackass that no one knows anything about that you haven't been caught for yet. Tell us something then. Here's your chance. Go ahead. Let me hear what you got. Yeah, of course, there's the there's all the trolls and everything. And it's like, I, it's, it's weird.

Like it's the first time having to do this thing happens to me like that. There, there, all the attention from qualifying and all the attention from testing positive. But people like comment on my things as if I'm not there, as if I'm not watching. And I read everything. I take the time to read everything. And I know maybe it's not the best thing to do for me, but I just can't help it. And it's hard to see how much people can be cruel sometimes.

Yeah. And those ones too that- What do they want from you? They're just, no, I was just going to say this piggybacking off what you were going to say. It's like, there's obviously some sort of issue with them personally, because why would you take somebody who's being honest about the situation that you got caught? You're just putting yourself out there. You're exposing it. you're not making any excuses you're taking responsibility and now i feel the need to come over here and bash you like obviously i got some stuff that i'm dealing with too if you they're really mad at cheating they're really that's

that's what does that word mean can you look up cheating for me yeah what that word means that upset you know that's what that's what it is right joya they're they're they some they're really upset about cheating these are people who put a premium on an act of dishonesty or unfairly the dishonesty was is that it's in the rules you're not supposed to take it the unfair is is that you took it and everyone else didn't take it and you got an advantage um in a game yeah maybe maybe it's because like they they get invested in in in me and uh and like they trust me and everything and then everything blows off so this interest that they had is like it feels like a big lie for them and i i can't i understand why it's disappointing but um even if in 2017 i was i was actually

really happy for ricky gerard to pull him and uh oh that's when he when he tested positive When he tested positive, I didn't feel the need to go on his profile and start bashing him or anything like that. Of course, that sucks. Did you have any strong opinions about that? Were you a hater at all? No, nothing too strong. Nothing strong enough to go on his profile and start a bunch of bad stuff and everything. Like, I thought he was cool.

I still think he's cool. But nothing to the point where I wanted to start saying bad things. Sam wrote in the comments, I think the frustration is with the other people idolizing him. I don't know exactly what that is. I hear you, Sam, by the way, and I appreciate you writing that. I don't think anyone's idolizing him. I just think that we're in this era of so many people not being honest let me ask you this let's skip over this for a second um when is so so i have two two questions

for you for your insight of what you think do you think that there's has crossfit made any announcement about your situation uh not yet uh i, they tell you when they're going to make the announcement and did they care that you went first? Did they know you were going to go first? Um, so how it happened is, uh, two days ago I received at 9 PM, I received the email saying I failed the drug test and they told me I have 72 hours to um uh appeal if i don't appeal it it will be considered um as if i uh i uh take as i admission guilty yeah yeah so um uh i said okay hey so you could still appeal right now you'd be like like, actually, I didn't take it. A handful of pills.

You pay 200 bucks and they analyze your B sample and they send you a detailed document of the dosage, what the dosages were and everything that was banned in your urine and like every details in there so if you appeal they don't announce anything until the b sample is analyzed or if you if you choose not to appeal they will announce it at the end of the 72 hours so okay okay so this everything's going according to plan and did you tell them ahead of time hey guys like when you sent that be like hey guys just so you know i'm gonna come out ahead of you guys i'm gonna own this no i i i asked them like if they're

gonna uh if they're gonna announce anything or or if they do when they're gonna announce anything or if they do when they're gonna announce something and yeah I wanted to be the first to say it publicly so that's when I said I'm gonna get back to you later on today and

a few hours later I told them I'm not gonna appeal I'm done competing did you run the scenarios of denying it? Like a few hours later, I told them, like, I'm not going to appeal. I'm done competing. Did you run the scenarios of denying it? Did you think, okay, I'll put – no, you didn't even run them. You're not like, okay, I'm going to get a lawyer. I'm going to pay $20,000.

Hey, there's this – Hiller made a video that when people pop, a lawyer reaches out to them and says, hey, here's your menu of denial. Did that lawyer reach out to you? No. I knew that was bullshit. I knew that was bullshit. I knew that was bullshit. I knew that was bullshit when Fraser said that on Rogue, and that's a bunch of shit. Sorry, I can't talk right now. Ask him if the P.E.D. lawyer reached out

to him, curious if the whole... And this guy speaks French and English, and so two lawyers could have reached out to him. Nobody. That's a bullshit story. Yeah a bullshit story yeah at the bottom of that mystery lawyer i'm trying to be nice i want to blast that rogan show with it matt i'm trying to be cool i actually have a quick question when you came back and you saw the the this is going to take it back just for a second but when you saw your open score and you started um what did you type in were you just initially looking for stuff just to help with endurance as far as workout wise or did you go right to like okay is there some sort of supplementation or nutrition and then it led to that video which led to then

the the ped or like what was that sequence there real quick um of course i i i thought about like what my year of training had looked like and i was like okay that maybe wasn't so so it can't be that bad like i i i did a lot of strength work i did a lot of uh cardio work i did a lot of a lot of everything and um now i was looking at my sleep it was sleep okay yeah i do sleep well and then i was like maybe nutrition was it was wasn't cutting it so i took a look at what i was eating and uh everything felt fine to me felt good to me so then came the question of supplements so I started looking for maybe new or replace a few supplements to help with endurance and a few like a few days later like I was still reach searching and trying to read some stuff about endurance.

And then came the GW 51516 video. Okay, thanks. I'm trying to remember where we were. We were going to go somewhere. I'm sorry. No, it's okay. We were talking about the lawyer hey and in fairness to the rogue and matt story in the hillar story they didn't know that you um they didn't have a chance to reach out to you because you jumped out ahead of it before yeah they announced it so there could still be men and women who have tested positive in the 40 athletes going to the games men and 40 to the

women you've just gotten out ahead of it but they may have sent out five of those for all we know and just no one's come forward yet yeah yeah we can keep our fingers crossed that a bigger name than you pops and that you just kind of fade away into the uh no we don't wish anyone yeah i don't i don't want to like fade away as if um and just like be forgotten i want it to be like um uh like, I want it to be like a closed, a closed, uh, um, uh, document. Like I want the story to be complete.

So everybody know everything that has to be known. And, um, like it's, it's, it's, it's a class affair. What's that mean?

A classy affair. It's, it's classified. Oh, you don't want it to be right here it is this happened yeah you're and you want to be free from it in your conscience yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah smart you're so smart for that so they so we don't even know now one of the benefits of you theoretically one of the benefits of you just owning this right away within hours. This happened on July 5th at 9 p.m. Eastern Standard Time. You won less than 24 hours later.

You came out with it. Theoretically, it gives them time to backfill Austin. But we still don't even know if they're going to offer it to Austin. Is that correct? Yeah, I think so. But that would, is that the ideal situation for you that he gets to backfill your spot? Sorry, can you agree with that? Is that the ideal situation for you? That's what you want to be part of the closure of the

story that Austin gets to go? Yeah. So far, um, with how I handled, uh handled this whole situation is it happened the way I wanted it to happen. I qualified, if you forget the PED, my qualification was a dream for me. It happened the way I wanted it to happen. It happened the way I wanted it to happen. And now the whole PD situation is – I handled it the way I wanted to. I think that maybe something was lost in translation there. It wasn't a dream though, how it happened. You didn't want to go to the CrossFit games by using PEDs.

Yeah. Yeah. And so, so it's kind of more like a nightmare started, right? With that. Yeah. What I wanted to say is that the way I qualified, if, if, if, if we forget every PD and I haven't took any PDs, the way I qualified was the exact way I wanted to qualify. I qualified in my hometown in front of everybody I love. And yeah, so that's the way I, that's how I wanted to qualify. So that's how I wanted to qualify. But obviously, this BD situation came to take things up a little bit.

When you received the email and you're sitting there with your girlfriend and you got that feeling again for the third time, is that the last time you've had that? Has it gone away? Like this morning before the podcast, did you feel like it coming back? Um, not, not that much, uh, for the, the, the, the podcast, but, uh, this morning when I, um, when I clocked in and at the job, um, I was pretty stressed out about how people would look at me. Every time you put something out there, there's going to be some maggot or vulture or hyena that's going to come to the carcass. It's just the way it is. It sucks. But even this video, there's going to be people instead of saying hey

thank you for your transparency there's going to be people who um just pile on yeah it's like an open wound right you have an open wound and you're trying to put a band-aid on it and heal it and there's fucking flies and maggots and hyenas and sharks and shit that are just looking for weak prey right yeah uh because they're hurt inside they are they're attracted to wounded creatures because they're wounded so it's kind of a double edged sword right you're trying to get closure to this by talking about it yeah i wonder who learns sorry go ahead go ahead um there's all sorts of messages but um uh mainly what i get as messages is like people saying thank you for your honesty and and everything and i think more people should

be like you so um uh maybe if i can like heal it a little faster with helping other people or anything related to that. That would be cool. I know this is a hypothetical, and I'm sorry to put you in this – well, I don't know if I'm sorry. But let's say you didn't get caught, and you go to the games, and you finish the games caught and you go to the games and you finish the games and you come home do you think that there would be a point where you would reflect and you would still be disappointed in yourself if you could talk if you could talk to what would you have done it would you do it if you could get away with it i know it's it's so hard to ask that question now in hindsight. First of all, I think there's a lot of people that would say yes to that question. I haven't put much thought into it.

Well, now you know how much it sucks to have it on your brain, right? People forget about that. You don't just do it and win and everything's great. You have to carry that around with you. Yeah, yeah, exactly. And guard it. It's always something that's weighing on your shoulder um now that i lived it i'm not so sure i would um uh um say yes to that question um i haven't put put much thought into this question, to be honest.

I don't know. I really don't know. But for sure, I would not have celebrated the same way if I had gotten away with murder or if it would have been a legitimate qualification. Do you, I think the obvious is if you could go back in time, you wouldn't have taken it. Yeah. A hundred percent. Yeah. That's not even a question.

Like that first dose, I remember, I remember exactly how it happened and uh no uh of course not i wouldn't do it do you do you think some people are going to watch this and learn from this do you think that um there's going to be guys who watch this and are going to be like okay um i i i'm not going to do it or, or the other way. Okay. Don't do that drug. Try something different. Well, you see, I, I, I, I,

I read a lot of stuff on PDs before dipping in. So every single people on the internet that took a little bit of them, they all say that it's not worth it. You should not do it. Don't do it. Don't do PDs. Don't do drugs and everything. And I still did it. Wow.

Okay. So, yeah, I really wanted to try for myself. At the time I ordered it and everything, I wanted to be better at CrossFit, however I could do it. So I kept training. I kept sleeping. I kept eating well. And I just added PEDs on top of it so I could be better. I wanted to be better more than i wanted to be

healthy or um anything else and and the experience right i mean it just it looks if there is some sort of magical drug out there that can make you 20 stronger it just sounds so awesome yeah especially for something that you've been working at your you know for nine years yeah like i said earlier we all fantasize about how what we could have what we could do if we were on x y or z drugs and everything like it's normal it's fun to do but um yeah uh i think there was a study um that had been made i don't know where or uh where where it's at i couldn't tell you where to go find it but there was a study that that took some people um and they didn't do anything they were like sitting on their couch watching movies all day

and they injected some uh testosterone and what they found is that um uh these people that sit on the couch all day uh had had um bigger bigger strength results and strength um um gains than natural athletes who would who were training their asses off and at the gym. So yeah, PDs do work and that's what so appealing. Melissa writes, Savon, as I said, my teens are watching and the voice of an athlete has more impact than my

lectures. Yeah. Yeah. I'd say to this, And the voice of an athlete has more impact than my lectures. Yeah, yeah. I'd say to this son of a medicine, don't do it. Don't ever do it. I tell people that about smoking cigarettes too. My whole life, they say to you, smoking cigarettes is bad and you shouldn't do it. And I smoked cigarettes when I was in my 20s and I loved it. Nicotine is the greatest drug ever.

The only problem is now I have to carry that addiction around with me the rest of my life and that's not worth it. Meaning when I see cigarettes, I want to smoke. And to have any noise in your brain is never worth it no matter what the benefit. And so if you do PEDs and you cheat, if you do PEDs and you're going to come open with it, like just to, you know, whatever, do it. But if you're an athlete and then you have to guard that secret your whole life in your brain, it's not worth it. It's not worth guarding anything in your brain. The peace of mind that ruins your life. Yeah. The peace of mind that comes with honesty and the truth is priceless.

It's priceless. It's so nice to finally have nothing to worry about and just go back to whatever I want to do. Make that a real. I mean, those are words to live by. It's not, it's not, it's not empty words that the truth will set you free. It is not empty. Those are not empty words. Yeah. Joyelle, thank you. I cannot tell, you know, in the most superficial sense, I'm so happy you came on.

It's great for my YouTube channel. It's great for my reputation. Most people, I think they're lucky as fuck to even get to look at me. But I am actually lucky as fuck to look at you today. And I knew that when I woke up this morning. And I knew when you were a gentleman, when you text Matt yesterday and said, hey, guys, I popped. I don't know if you still want me on. And I'm like, fuck, guys, I popped. I don't know if you still want me on. I'm like, fuck yeah we do.

I'm honored and I don't take it lightly that you came on here and partied with us and let us pick your brain. You're a beautiful man and you're welcome to come back on the show. I'd even love, if you want to do any commentating during the games, stay in touch. It's still a couple weeks away.

Maybe you'll go through some healing and you'll want to come on and uh and shoot the shit we'd love to have you thank you yep thank you very much yeah thank you for your honesty she said oh she's saying something in french in french yeah that's why i put it up there for what does this mean turn the page you're so young ah awesome yes all right brother you have my phone number text me anytime thank you tell your parents they have that I think they have a wonderful son. I appreciate it. You're watching. I saw my mom come in a few times here.

Oh, okay. Good. Oh, really? She's a good mom. She raised a good boy. She should be proud of herself. Thank you. All right, brother.

Bye-bye. Have a good one. Okay. Yeah. I was tripping on his eyelids. I'm an old man i don't even have eyelids he's got like these big huge eyelids like he can close his eyes halfway and i still see his eyeballs i might as well be chinese dang it i forgot i had something got up for him because i figured it since we were talking with uh athletes and they were sharing vulnerable sides, I was going to recommend him The Obstacle is the Way by Ryan Holiday. Oh, fuck that guy.

Fuck Ryan Holiday. I agree. Quadruple boosted. He tries to act like he's a stoic. Hey, no one who's into stoicism or who embraces or knows stoicism got the vaccine, just so you know. It doesn't work like that. It doesn't work like that. I don't disagree. A gay guy just so you know. It doesn't work like that. It doesn't work like that.

I don't disagree. A gay guy doesn't eat pussy. There's no, it doesn't work like that. I don't disagree. But this book, however, that Ryan Holiday wrote is awesome. So, Nicholas, is his mom still listening? Maybe she can- God, I hope she didn't hear that part. I hope she didn't hear that last part.

About Ryan Holiday? No, about the gay guy doesn't eat pussy that part wasn't uh so yeah his eyelids man his eyelids are fucking amazing he's a statue he's i hope he goes into modeling is it was he the first athlete that um popped like that and then just just straight up was like i apologize i took it i would took it in a silo and now i'm taking my licks i don't know i said that's it that's a that's an interesting question so maybe someone will say in the comments i mean other i'm sure other definitely athletes from other disciplines have come yeah but i meant in our space because usually isn't the only time like oh i made out with my boyfriend and he's taking whatever or i took a handful of pills from you know some shady guy whatever the thing is right like my protein got mixed up with some other chemicals and i just took it but he was just like

honest about everything which is a breath of fresh air and fuck you guys that are gonna go out there and hate him too don't go hate on him. You guys have your opinions and you might be upset that he cheated, but clearly he's remorseful, remorseful about it. And he's apologizing, being honest. And what more can you ask? There's no reason to go over there and kick him while he's down.

Don't do that. Please. Word. I second that. What, what Susan said, I wish mayhem chick who popped a few years ago would have had that integrity on it.

Oh, there's so much wrapped up. There's so much wrapped up in that. There's so much wrapped up in that. Never speak of that again with the Mayhem name. Yeah, that would be. Here's the thing. Yeah. I mean, here's the thing, man.

There's these people in my life who. Well, I'm'm just gonna say this i was really thinking about forgiveness because of this story it's not a word i even like i feel like it's such a petty word because i don't like to hold anything against i don't want to hold anything against anyone to have to forgive them i want to be cooler than that yeah but there's these people who have spread these really really fucked up vicious rumors about me in the crossfit space and when i meet when i say that they're nothing compared to like if one of my kids was sick or one of my kids got hurt then it's like right it's nothing relative to that but i don't i don't even want to be mad at these people

what oh like uh like people who've just said dumb shit like like dear friends of mine who when greg sold the company who were like i always just think of this one dear friends of mine like people like like i took care of i let into my life into my house people that i spent hundreds of hours filming editing video let them sleep at my house people like i adored and then and then when when the shit went down with Greg, they were the first ones to turn their back and tell, you know, when they had a chat time alone with Rosie, yeah, get rid of Sevan. Like, dude, like, let's say I did deserve that. Let's say I am a piece of shit. Like, you should have just never – why did you come into my life then?

So many of you, 100 of you. Why did you even come into my life? Like, many of you a hundred of you why did you why did you even come into my life like you could have just kept your distance from me we would never but those people like i'm um i'm not mad at them but but i don't um i want to see everyone as my family in the world i want to love everyone but but i just those people i um just i guess i'm just not there yet yeah well i think the issue too is a lot of people think they have the moral high ground. And there's two combinations. It's like they're the moral high ground.

So I view myself as a better person than you. And then number two, in the particular situation with you, I think it's a little bit of that group think. Like you're like, oh, I don't want to be on the outside. He's already on the outside. I'm on the inside. So by attacking you, now I'm on the inside too. I've protected myself. I've been able so it's

like self-preservation and the moral high ground right right it's like and yeah i don't think either of those things are productive you come over to my house every single day for a year and eat peanut butter and jelly sandwiches and then you and then you make a living telling people that i make the worst peanut butter and jelly sandwiches in the world. It's like, what? Fuck out of here. Just shut up. You know, it's like, why even smush you? Yeah.

Well, I have a comment. Oh, here we go. What? I'm trying to see how good this show did. Ellie commented. Heidi, I'd be happy to talk to you about any time. Woo. Oh. Hi, Ellie. Heidi, I'd be happy to talk to you about any time.

Hi, Ellie. Hi, Ellie. Thank you, Ellie. I am an open book. You're a good dude, Ellie. You're a good dude. The thing is, the truth is I don't care. me personally yeah i don't i don't it doesn't not not that's not in response to ellie by the way that's in response to joyelle or or anyone i just i i mean i care but i care like the same

way i care of like what lizards live in my backyard blue bellies and alligator lizards and i'd like some some newts and skinks and like but but i'm not i'm not like if we were competing with them we probably care a little bit more yeah for sure for sure like you want to be in the parameter thank you for contention i'm not saying that no one should care i'm just saying like i care like i just want to hear joel's story and then if he lived next like i wish he lived door. And then like me and him could go for a bike ride right now. Yeah. And be like, hey, I made 50 bucks on that YouTube show. You want to go drink coffee, get high on coffee.

I was wondering too, like how much, like how much more does he feel like mentally lighter and stuff? Because there's a situation like when you know that you did it and like he was saying when he saw the post with Shoefly and like he just got sick to his stomach and he was so nervous he had to like get out of his truck and like move around so the second that that i know that feeling i've done shit i know that feeling yeah like you know you're gonna get caught you're coming the cops are caught yeah just i threw an egg at someone's house and the fucking cops are coming yeah me and a bunch of my dumb ass friends when we were younger actually like paintballed the side of somebody's house like a bunch of idiots now i look back on that i'm like

what a freaking asshole but anyhow as a kid you don't even think though right like no it was like the cool kid who always got in trouble and everybody wants to follow around and because you know you're just a bunch of dumb idiots that are like 13 but i remember too it's like anytime something like that happened you're just paranoid in the house like a doorbell rings and i'm like oh it's the neighbor that saw us you know you get all freaked out and then finally when you get caught from it there's almost a sense of just like relief you're like yes and like you said you don't have to like guard it and carry it around with you and um that is that is true so he i wonder if there's a little bit of that going on too in these next couple days like he's just relieved he doesn't have to live like that anymore.

I got the greatest compliment a man could get. My neighbor just sent me a text, and he can't even see it because he said your apricot tree is going apeshit. I have over 100 fruit trees on the property, but I have like 12 apricot trees, and I have so many apricot tree is going ape shit i have the i have like 12 i have over 100 fruit trees on the property but i have like 12 apricot trees and i have so many apricots he just earned himself a bucket of apricots that's the nicest thing anyone could say to me you have a huge cock your apricot tree is going ape shit and i you're you have the greatest kids in the world uh i'll choose that i'll take the compliment on the apricot tree god that's so cool that he said that warms my heart i sent hillar a link oh yeah let's see oh i was like see who is popping up at the bottom i was

like what is happening give the people what they want yeah yeah yeah i was reading all those comments i was like guys don't detract from joyelle come on fuck you want andrew hiller me you don't think i have feelings you don't think that hurts a little bit no i don't know anything i don't know shit about fuck that's my thing um anything oh and you run off and put on your ceo shirt sorry you didn't have time to put it on. I'm out, yeah. I was just sitting here watching. I'm just like, actually, I'm just like, all right, when's this thing going to end so I don't miss anything so I can make a video about it?

I was thinking that too. I swear to God, I got my little notepad open. Let me ask you this. Let me say that again. In relation to what? What do I think? Yeah, let me be more specific. that again in relation to what what do i think yeah let me be more specific um is is this the way to handle it like just socially speaking is this is what he's doing like i don't know if i i think i would have just like gone black

especially if he doesn't especially since he's not going to be in the space anymore you know what i mean what would you have done when you had gone black just deleted instagram i just told you i'd eat apricots just be in the yard picking apricots i'd go to the beach you play with your lizards and your insects yeah yeah fucking get take a shower with my wife i shit like that all the normal shit i do well i tell you what i don't know because he's so wrapped up in this. I feel like he has, there's two routes. He does what he did or he does the contaminated supplement route, which is what a lot of people I suppose. Why can't he just say nothing?

Well, like what's going to happen every time he sees anybody, they're going to ask him about it. He's going to live with it the rest of his life. He's wound up in the CrossFit world. You suppose, is he a gym owner? Is he an affiliate?

Do we know? No, but he, but he, he clearly loves CrossFit and he's going he a gym owner is he an affiliate do we know nobody but he clearly loves CrossFit and he's going to keep going so so then you so then that being said do you think he handled it right I do yeah I mean everyone is all pissed off and they're like he's a cheater we're praising cheaters and it's like you're not and my hindsight's 2020 and one of the things that I have bookmarked in this podcast is I think

Sousa had asked him like, would you have done it? Would you do it again? And he's like, no, I wouldn't do it again. It's like, that's the hindsight is 2020. It's like, he wouldn't have done it. He was thrown up in the side of his road on the side of the road. He's like, Oh fuck, this is uneasy. I don't want to do it. And then it's the thing about drugs. Right. And like you hear it all the time you say about nicotine, another thing I have bookmarked, and this is going to be a little bit of my rant on my show, but it's okay.

It's going to live in the back of your head forever. So at some point in time, he may think, well, when I qualified for the CrossFit Games, I did some Carterine. And he's going to be like, I want to get in good shape. Maybe I'll take some Carterine. And then with every drug, there's always the downside. There's the, if you want something good, there's got to be something bad out of it. And the side effects of Carterine are of course the possible cancer.

And he's like, am I willing to risk it? But I don't know. I got really good shape and almost qualified for the games. That's the, that's the thing he's dealing with now for the rest of his life. Do you think he took that because he saw your video on it i want to say oh no no because your video just came out and he took it in march i want to say that he said that he had done his own research which led him to that supplement yeah the video of mine that he saw gave him the throw-up sensations on this oh yeah he said that he said he basically said he was he saw your instagram post

on uh on soul fit or whatever shoe fit shoe fly shoe fly and and and he had to pull over dude i know that feeling that's like i know that feeling you've done something wrong and if i i'm trying to think of what one of the last things yeah it's like you cheated on your girlfriend and she found out she sends you a picture of the two of you like at mcdonald's and you're like oh i got i got one something like that too in the back of my head the one the one that's more addressable is the childhood fuck-ups and the cops actually show up you're like oh god the cops yep yep come to the door and i could just hear my dad you know answer it and then just be like matthew you're like tent wants to talk about the austereen and that's the i want i wish that the only question i think

you missed would have been like i saw a 600 pound deadlift and i think we were talking about how he's got a crazy deadlift and i was curious if that's something he's always had or if it's something that he kind of developed along the same time because osterine is oh i hate myself for what we're not asking the question you wanted oh no you did pretty good you asked you asked the questions that had to be asked because he brought up the gw he brought up the osterine and he said that he hadn't taken that on purpose, right? That maybe his supplement was contaminated, which is interesting. And everyone's going to, of course, say he didn't tell us everything that he was taking. And I was a little bit speculatory on that, too, because you look at him, and he looks different than he did when he was at Wadapalooza. And I'll always say that it's hard to look at

somebody and tell off the bat like you look at somebody's like schwarzenegger's yes there it's well what did he look like when he was here here and here and it's almost like the fluctuations in the body that give it away more than oh they've got acne here or right big eyebrow or some shit like that so he does look a bit different he did take Osterine per the drug test. Why wouldn't he just say everything? Why wouldn't he just completely set him free? I don't know. Did, have other people completely like released what they say about everything all the time?

I don't know, but like, just speculate for me. Speculate for me. If I say you got caught cheating, it's like, are you going to tell everyone that you cheated with? Are you going to say, well, sorry. Oh, I see what you're saying. You're saying my girlfriend catches me with a girl at home and she's like, you're cheating on me. I don't be like, yeah.

And there's these other 10 other girls. Okay. I see what you're saying. Of course. I don't know if that's a perfect metaphor, but I feel you. I don't. I don't fucking like, well, okay. I'm going to show you all of them.

You're right in the spectrum of things that i've seen like people taking rent various compounds i don't really know if austrian is as beneficial towards strength as it would have been as it had appeared to have been is all i'm saying um uh uh mr uh muscle fitness girl this is the same disease that hiller has, just so you know. Hiller has this disease really bad. While I can't speak for others, for me it's tough to hear another athlete has tested positive because now it muddies the sport and makes me think no one is clean. I said somewhere in the comments that I don't think that CrossFit, and I think I've gone back and forth with you on this, I don't think CrossFit hides results. I don't think as many people get away with shit i think that they are taking things that can't be tested for is that i think that there's some

super chemist out there who's providing some things that are on you do you do i brought up one of my videos there's a there's like gw501516 and i think there's another one it's gw7042 and it's i i know that i am pretty bitchy about like getting those numbers correct but i know there's a seven zero and a four and a two and i'm not certain about the order of those and it's irrelevant because nobody should take it because it's been proven to like enlarge your heart upon the first uh taking of the compound oh yeah yeah I saw that. But it's also said to be 200 times as effective. Crime and Punishment by Deutsch, Deutsch, Deutsch, is a good book about doing something bad and being punished by living with it

on your conscious, if anyone's interested. Yeah, I mean, think of the horrible shit that some people have done that they have to live with. Yeah. I had a friend recently tell me, but i think a lot of you know that they were at a party in high school and someone was killed oh they were jumped by like 30 people and this person this friend of mine witnessed it and and never spoke about it and how and how it eats away at them yeah that's not a healthy

relationship with that incident no even though they didn't partake yeah but still i mean sometimes that's worse because then you're running through the whole thing of like should i have stopped it could i have intervened am i just yes yes yeah exactly you know all those things that run through your head i think tiger woods had a hook heer problem, right? Yeah, he liked to scoop porn stars. Did he admit to any of that, or did he just keep on getting caught over and over and over? No, no, not only did he admit to it. Well, that's a good question,

but he made a Nike commercial apologizing. It was so weird. The guy, Phil Knight. I hated every one of those sexual experiences. Oh, did you really now? Yeah. I'm sure they were just terrible. Especially the one with three girls at the same time.

That was the worst. Shut the fuck up, dude. The more that were there, the worse it was. Phil Knight talks about it and has a super close relationship with Tiger Woods and wouldn't allow, when the whole thing started to break, wouldn't allow negative talk about him. Not in his presence, not with the PR team, all that. Just wanted to like keep giving him more and more love for whatever reason.

They had a really close relationship and he completely just was like, yeah, I get it. Everybody who's at that high of a level at the game has a dark side and yours was porn stars. I have friends like that. I would have fucking, I'd bury a body in the backyard for him. He went to rehab for a sex addiction. And then when they found that body, would you give them the other ten bodies that you also buried for them?

No. Would you make them a killer or a serial killer? Can you imagine what – I'm not going to – Sex addiction fucking rehab. I was going to say that you have to be rich gonna no sex sex addiction fucking rehab i was gonna say that you you have to be rich to have a sex addiction like you can't just be a normal dude hey you know what i am realizing though i think there is a whole generation now that's addicted to porn i do think that that's real i'm hearing about it so much now well think about the access to it when you're that young imagine having the internet like you did at 13. Like we didn't, like we didn't have that.

Go outside and play for fuck's sake. You found the one page of the magazine when they were like advertising bronze. Oh yeah. Yeah. I remember that page. Oh, the nineties. Like it wasn't just like type in whatever you want and boom, there's access to it. I wonder how young people do that these days

way too fucking young i'm sure oh the access is crazy hillar do you want to um uh oh by the way i saw your video on on eubanks yeah that one too what do you what and it was supposed to i just went over to his facebook page. That guy is a fucking. Okay, I don't want to call. I'm going to try not to call him names. He's completely clueless. Some of the shit he wrote. He posted this thing that the fucking Supreme Court made abortion illegal.

That's the kind of fucking idiocy. I'm pro-choice as fuck. That's the kind of idiocy that makes it that you can never talk to people like that. They have no fucking clue what the fuck they're talking about. Supreme court did nothing of the sort. And then on top of that, you're the head judge for the CrossFit fucking games. And you're so far off the fucking left that I know you have a fucking Antifa suit in your fucking closet.

Mr. Dave Eubanks, you're so batshit crazy. You're so lost in your interpretation of things. You're comparing gun violence to Tylenol people ODing on Tylenol. Do you want to just start going through check this guy's Facebook page out? If anyone wants to know what I'm talking about, he's basically saying guns have killed all of these people and we haven't done anything about it, but Tylenol killed six people and we, and we changed the whole bottle mechanism. Dude, we could play that game all day until no one does anything.

You know 12,000 people fucking die a fucking year falling down stairs in the US. You know every chronic disease is from eating sugar. Like, Mr. Eubanks, when are you going to stop? Bye, Hiller. But how are you the judge for the CrossFit games that people are supposed to have? And he uses the word objective.

In your video, you show, he knows nothing about being objective and yet this guy's going to judge people so let's say let's say he's judging rich froning sorry rich to drag you into this and rich and he sees rich shooting guns um off his deck with his dad out in the middle of fucking nowhere in cookville tennessee and now this motherfucker's gonna rich rich in the mayhem empire is supposed to trust this guy's fucking opinion hey dude people have been canceled for fucking saying uh less you're a complete fucking tool that doesn't understand your position and you can't think clearly. You're an emotional wreck. Put a tampon in and fucking sit on it. All right. I would like to say that.

Yeah, go ahead. I created the video. You're a joke, dude. You're a fucking joke. And I want to be very clear. I'm totally pro-choice. But you're an embarrassment to fucking human thought. And no CrossFit athlete should fucking trust you at

the fucking games you're a biased nincompoop i uh made the video with people like you make it a real okay i gotta go i'm gonna skate park i made the video with people like you in mind and uh hey that's worse than someone doing steroids. You're worried about Joyal? This is the fucking judge. We already know they can't judge. We already know they can't judge. We already know that they're not transparent. We already know that they're dishonest.

We already know that we can't see shit what's going on. Except we know this guy's fucking fucked up opinion on what the supreme court just did not even opinion misunderstanding and there's like 30 things in there i i okay go ahead hillary i'm sorry please it's true patrick true true if if you let's say that you are a member of Dave, you fix Jim. I want to say this also, by the way,

and this isn't a Russell burgers, an amazing guy. Love the guy to fucking death. But for like two years, he'd been taking care of his six wife and still getting paid. And so all he really needed to do is stay quiet and keep collecting his paycheck. Like Greg is really a good dude,

but, but he was, he was stirring waves, collecting a paycheck and not working but i love russell don't get me wrong he's a beast i'd love to have him on the show but there was a little more to it okay sorry hillary sorry sorry fifth time back to dave eubanks head judge for crossfit is he objective i don't know what the fuck he is he has no business posting shit like that he's a disgrace to fucking liberals everywhere

Whoa joke You remember the point of that video? I thought I thought you were going to fucking ass pound this guy And instead fucking my homeboy Adrian Bosman Who I love to death Took one between the eyes I didn't like it Alright alright alright

It was like hey i had a business partner who paid post all this shit to facebook and some people would get really upset about it and this yes you you are the individual who is upset yeah yeah yeah that's all i mean i meant and like imagine like you had some sort of affiliation underneath eubanks i'm glad i could be one of your monkeys that you prove it proves you right again andrew hiller what's your middle name what's your middle no i'm the monkey what's your middle name gerhardt wow that's strong yeah dale hart and ger g-e-r-h-e-a-R-T. Andrew. Gerhardt. Gerhardt. Hiller. Hiller. Yeah. I never heard it.

Listen, guys, sign up for the fucking newsletter. We're going to make a cut of this video that's like 10 or 15 minutes long, so you don't have to listen to me talking about how I wanted to kiss boys, but I'm not going to do it because I think it'll lead to kissing 500 boys. We'll cut all that shit out, and you'll just get all the salient points of uh of um oh you're gonna do it please someone do that someone do it before hillar does it and uh and we'll make that an exclusive video um that you can see uh if you sign up for our newsletter we're gonna start doing more and more exclusive content um so because we need more people to sign up for it it's doing well

but but we need more i need more powerer. Thanks for coming on short notice. I know I didn't warn you. Love you to death. Matt Sousa. You're a boss and I'll see all of you guys. Do I have a show tonight? No, I'll see all of you guys tomorrow morning.

Sonny Webster. He all.