The Sevan Podcast - #642 - Kym Dekeyrel

Episode Date: October 24, 2022

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bam we're live there you are yeah bright and early i'm i'm up where are you what what state are you in i am right i'm your neighbor i live in san jose i'm in california that's right that's right holy cow you did you think about being like hey can we do 9 a.m well I just do what I'm told I'm a very I'm a good student well I really appreciate it I um I always expect people to push back who are on the west coast and anyone who's listening that's totally fine to do that we had uh Don um follow the new CEO on a couple days ago and he's he's

more i think he's a little closer to you than me he's in woodside yeah i was like i listened to that and i was like oh my gosh he's yeah he's right up the peninsula i heard him saying yeah so if i wouldn't have said hi to you you wouldn't have you wouldn't have seen me that i came on no i know like like right now I assume you're looking at me and I'm thinking, I wonder what this guy, this guy looks like. Yeah. I'm just staring into like a light that's in front of me. Um, you're you, well, um, do you know what you look like? Well, a younger version of myself. So i'll try to keep that in my i will forever be you know like 26 that's awesome uh that that's when you lost your sight at 26

well i i was born with the eye condition it's called retinitis pigmentosa and it's the deterioration of the retina. So I was diagnosed when I was five because that's, you know, when I started school and teachers started noticing that I was tripping over things or not seeing things. And after that, obviously, then I was diagnosed and it's a slow progression of vision loss. So I had some vision, but it's like a slow burn until I was 32 and I am 40 now. And, um, I had to have an emergency surgery. And when I came out of the surgery, all my vision was gone. I want to dig into all that. I listened. Have you,

how many podcasts have you done? In the past few weeks? Oh, have you been doing a lot? Well, just a few here and there and, you know, some other stuff. I mean, it's been awesome. This whole CrossFit is so cool, right? I'm really supporting this blindness awareness month. I mean, and you, and you're one of them. Yeah. So just some cool, cool stuff that's been going on. And yeah, I mean, since I started competing in CrossFit, just some different podcasts here and there and telling my story and trying to hopefully get other people that are adaptive or have vision loss to kind of join in and just kind of bring awareness to the normal able-bodied world. You're very attractive. Did you know that?

I don't know. I'm glad it'd be really awful if God made me blind and ugly. Right, right right right right hey um i want to i want to i want to tell you one more thing uh before we start um there's a gentleman who runs the back end of the show and his name's caleb and by the back end of the show if we're talking about let's say your instagram account or something on there he brings up pictures and stuff so not only will the people be watching us, but as we reference things in your life or something, he'll be going through your Instagram and pulling up pictures and references

so that people can see that. Oh, that's so cool. Yeah. Awesome. I was in the shower this morning and I'm trying to think if I've ever spoken to anyone who navigates the planet without sight. And I can't think of one. one yeah most people and that's and with you know crossfit which is wonderful having this vision division and them saying things like oh we need to get the numbers for the vision division up well in all honesty there's not that many blind people yeah how many how many caleb how many blind people

are there in the united states he's gonna he's gonna look now do you do you have a guess it's interesting because if you look up like on the world health association right there is let's say i don't know something million people in the world that are blind or legally blind. And there's a huge difference because, you know, I've been legally blind in my life and that I've been blind and there is like, it's well, it's like night and day, literally. And like people that are legally blind, I'm like, you can still totally see but um yeah but most people don't become blind until either they're over 65 or they live in a third world country and could easily have their vision fixed by a cataract surgery or something. So there is, there's a lot of visually impaired people out there,

but totally blind. I don't, I honestly don't know. I don't know any. I'm going to read, I'm going to read this to you off of some website Kayla pulled off. More than 12 million Americans over the age of 40 have some sort of visual impairment. Okay. Forget those people with 1.3 million legally blind all right forget those people three million who have vision loss after a correction eight million who have an uncorrected refractive error uh i don't see anything with totally blind. I'm the only one.

Yeah, probably. Here's why it's absolutely so fucking fascinating to me. My wife did this course. It's a Vipassana course. Well, first of all, I believe that we're just all mirrors here. There is no, you're given the name Kim, and then you're given the incredible task of keeping that character it kind of sane and intact as it changes second to second until the day you die and the illusion's

over it's just this arbitrary thing given to us and we're just trying to fucking navigate this thing and keep this character together that our parents have named yeah and our name kind of holds that together and um and my wife did this vipassana course uh several times where you go somewhere and you're not allowed you're not allowed to talk to anyone or make eye contact with anyone for 10 days it's a silent it's a silent meditation retreat how do you it that would fucking rock most people most people could not even fathom doing that and yet you live in this world if i'm understanding it correctly like you can't even how do you know, like how to read my gestures and stuff? How do you know if like I'm joking or being sarcastic or I'm flirting with you or if I'm angry at you, like all those things are just out the door for you? Well, it's just voice and flexion and physical touch. But yeah, 90% of our communication is nonverbal. And so it is hard.

Like, you know, I'll be somewhere and all of a sudden everyone starts laughing. You're like, what the hell is happening? Or, you know, everyone starts cheering and you're like, was that my kid that made a goal? Or, you know, everyone starts cheering and you're like, was that my kid that made a goal? If you don't kind of laugh about it, it can be, it can be devastating. But, you know, I like to talk. I like to talk to people. And yeah, you just kind of have to, yeah, I read people, right?

You sense people and just go by language, really. And everyone must have like a thousand questions for you, but probably none of them come out. You know, it's the difference between, it's like the guy sitting at the beach with one leg. My kids will go over and talk to him. They got questions, but all the adults kind of avoid it yeah you're you're so spot on you it's that is that is how i lived and still live in like normal society before i became this CrossFit athlete. And it's just such a difference because, you know, now because of competing in CrossFit and having this CrossFit community,

people will ask, but out in the real world, I feel that avoidance all the time. And I want to say to people, I know you're there. I know you're there. avoidance all the time. And I want to say to people, I know you're there. I know you're there because I, because I have a guide dog. So people then know I can't see and you feel them avoiding you. And I'm like, I'm actually really pleasant if you just take a minute and then people, I love it then. And it is true. Then kids will come up and ask a ton of questions. And I'm like, yeah, you're awesome, kid. You know, it's fine to ask people.

Just don't be an idiot about it, right? Like, just ask. Don't be like, oh, did you lose your leg in the war? And they're like 20 years old. It's incomprehensible. And it's even more fascinating, the insights that I hope we can get into because you used to be able to see. Yes.

So when you talk, right, like I can see you, even though I have no idea what you look like. And I can see when you speak, like what gestures you would be making or facial expressions, because I have seen it, which I think that is such a blessing in still having memory. And my brain is like all the time. I mean, it's always going and piecing things together. I mean, even as I move, like, I feel like I can actually see my hands moving, but I know I can't see my hands at all. I can't, I don't look at you. If you, if I wouldn't have known, let's say you came on this show and I was just talking to you about PR. Let's and I was just talking to you about PR. Let's say I was just talking to you about your training. I would have no idea that you can't see.

I'm staring at you intently right now and your eyes just do normal shit. They're blinking. Your face, when you smile, does all the smiling. You just have a completely – your face does not say, hey, I can't see. Well, if you watched me walk down a hall and smack right into the doorframe, you would know, but I, and that's actually something I really try to even work on because I have noticed as I, cause when, especially when I was a kid, I did know, cause I had to take classes to learn how to read Braille and cane travel because of my

imminent doom. And there was a kid in my class that was way, way, way, way, way more blind. He was probably almost considered totally blind. And he could not read social cues. And even as a little kid, I thought like, ooh, ooh, buddy, like, don't do that. Like people, like he couldn't understand that. You know, when you get excited, you want to like jump up and down, but you don't actually jump up and down because that's not socially acceptable. And he, he would because he was excited. Right. And so I've said my whole life, like you will not do that stuff.

And I noticed I do have to practice because I have started getting what I it's called. Well, I think it's called the like blind upward gaze because I still have some light perception. So I feel like my eyes wander. Oh, yeah. The sky. I have seen that. Like I have seen that when i've just like seen like blind people like at a cafe or something yeah and so i really try to focus on like then where your voice is or what i'm actually trying to look at but people are sneaky too i'll be talking to them and i'm feeling like yeah yeah, I'm doing this. And then all of a sudden I hear their voice like next to me over there.

I'm like, damn it. A lot of times, you know, my husband will be like, who are you talking to? And I'm like, oh, Katie. He's like, she walked away like three minutes ago. I'm like myself talking to myself. But I try to be conscious of, I don't know, it sounds so, I don't know, not do blind things. Right, right. So that, and is that a, is that a a is that a good thing that you do that? I think so. I mean, it is just you're trying to be a good actor. I don't mean that.

Yeah, you're trying to participate. You're trying to participate in the normal social cues and mail of society. And there are some things that I have realized, like not, I'm no longer, the difference is, is I'm not embarrassed of it anymore. Like now I'm not embarrassed that when I walk down a hallway, I'll skim my finger along the wall so I can keep track of the wall where in my younger days, I would not, I would try not to do that at all. And then I'd end up hurting myself. And I was so conscious of like, Oh my God, people are watching me. And obviously I still have those moments of people that don't know, I can't see. And then they do notice me just turn smack into a wall or something. But I try if I do things that are going to help me navigate this world. Or if I do talk to somebody that walked away three minutes ago, I at least try not to be embarrassed inside about it. I just think like, whatever, like,

that's my new attitude. When you met your husband, could you see? Um, yeah, I mean, I could see him too. Yeah, to a point. Yes. I do know like same as myself we are forever young like i still have a really vivid picture of him before we were even married and we would go sit at the togo sandwich shop and i have a i don't know forever picture of him and my brain wearing his cool sunglasses and his button-down shirt. What did you order at Togo's? I can't remember what number it was, but my mom used to take me. I would get the turkey and avocado. Yeah, I'd always do the turkey and cheese.

Simple. And I would always get the footlong. Even though I was a little kid, I'd always get the big one. God, that was such a special treat i haven't heard anyone mention togos in 30 years i know i places well it was great okay so are your parents still alive they are yep they live in san ramon okay so so at five years old, when you're diagnosed with this degenerative issue with your retina, do you, do your parents tell you? You know, I don't know. I don't remember, but I remember very, very vividly going to all the eye doctors appointments and listening to my parents

talk to my doctors so no actually nobody in my entire life and this has sat me down as a parent or a teacher or a counselor no one ever sat me down and said, this is what is happening to you. This may be the prognosis and we're going to get through it together. No one ever did that. It was all just, I knew because I'd listened to them talking to doctors and listening to them talk about me in front of me. Do remember an age where did it ever hit you like a ton of bricks like you're sitting there at 12 years old you're just brushing your teeth and then all of a sudden you're like oh fuck one day i'm not gonna be able to see yeah that was like my entire young person life it probably was about 12 yeah that like 11 and 12 that it started like becoming

yeah like teenager years right like this emotional it's so emotionally daunting I mean even through college of realizing, my dream of being a professional dancer down in LA is never going to happen because what vision I have left, it's like the more, the less you have to lose, the more important those little tiny pieces that are disappearing are. And I started noticing more and more that I would like avoid situations to kind of hide that I was losing more and more vision. But yeah. And that's like the biggest part I think about vision loss is that it's

not like the guy on the beach with one leg that got in a car accident, lost his leg one day and boom, you know, he's just learning. It sucks for sure. But now you're learning to live with one leg. And from the age of five, it's like, okay, I'm learning to live like this. Now, five years later, now you're learning to live like this. And now you're learning to live like this. Oh, and now you can't read your textbooks anymore. Okay. And now you can't see the stop signs anymore. And it's like this constant reminder

of like, whoa, someday I'm not going to be able to see my face in the mirror. And that's going to be really, really terrible. But I think things are changing. But when I was growing up, there was never that mental health element of someone saying, yes, Kim, but you'll be great. We'll describe the world to you. It was really mentally difficult, to say the least. mentally difficult to say the least i i want to say that i either heard in in a podcast i listened to yesterday that you did or i read on your instagram that it was basically a really long morning yeah process it's just like constant morning for you yeah and i mean not to get too debbie because i was a happy kid i i was and that's part of my it's just my natural personality I'm a super optimist and but I remember like as a kid thinking like just get it over with

like can't we just get this over with but then of course I didn't want that to happen at all because I liked being able to see but it was such to is so plaguing um were you ever in denial no I was never in denial because I saw other because like I said I had to work with other kids learning how to learn to be blind. I mean, that's a whole nother element of like, it's these, I look back now, right? As a kid, I didn't know any difference, but it's, you know, sighted people who are very highly educated, which is fantastic, teaching me skills of how to be blind, which have come in really handy, like Braille, cane travel, things like like that but nobody understood what it actually was to be blind so they didn't teach you how to be like blind they taught you like tricks which is good but I was never in denial because I worked with other kids who were totally in denial and it just drove me like crazy because then they were

angry all the time and they were mean to those teachers don't help me i don't need any help i'm like dude they're bringing us to taco bell and all we have to do is ask for a braille menu like don't be such a turd like i never i i just i never was like that i guess i knew it was coming yeah what did that mean right there when you said you were never taught to be blind they taught you the tricks what's the distinction oh like i was taught to I was taught to read skills, right? Like learning language. I was taught to read Braille.

I was taught how to Braille label my kitchen appliances. I was taught tricks of like cooking or navigating, listening to intersections and things like that. But nobody being, which I don't think you can understand until it happens to you. So like nobody could understand what it is actually. what it is actually no one taught me like to navigate this world totally blind with nothing where and that's like I've said it's more of a mental thing nobody taught me exercises of like okay like in this situation when you are absolutely terrified like this is a coping technique. Or it just is something I didn't expect when I did become totally blind, how unfathomably different it is to be visually impaired

compared to not being able to see it all someone in the comments wrote this just now the show is live and as a general miserable person who has really no problems in life i'm fascinated by people who have been given challenges and overcome them and just make the most of it. Yeah. That's a great line, Jeff. And what other choice? I mean, I do have a choice. I could lay in bed all day and just collect my disability check and be a

miserable person. And, and I do like every so often, I'll like pop into a Facebook blind group and that's a lot of what's going on. And I want to like shake them and say like, there's a world out there, like go listen to some birds singing or, I mean, I do have a choice. I could sit around and do nothing. And that's kind of where I was headed in a sense. Uh, well, no, I still have a job and everything, but before this world of CrossFit, but I mean, there's, there's stuff to do, man. I have like, you know, help me with that second. So I think, I think when people,

a lot of people like Matt Sousa, the executive producer of the show, he just went to Rome and he went to Rome to like, look at the Coliseum. And so I think a lot of people are driven. Oh, I'm going to go to the grand Canyon. Cause I want to look at the grand Canyon.

Yeah. There's a whole swath of society. That's like, Hey, I want to look at porn. There's just like, everyone's just driven by shit that they want to look at. Right. I want, I want to go to the nursery and look at plants. I wonder how different your, what I wonder what the catalysts are that drive you to want to do things to keep, if it's not to go out and just look at shit. That stuff is actually challenging for me. That's like, like I said, like my brain, it's like a world of self-talk all in here because someone would say something like, let's go to Rome. And my first instinct is to be like for me like why like that's the point

you could go outside right now and say here's Rome I mean it's real what you're saying yeah oh it's beautiful but I try now to remember um like maybe it's five years ago we my husband really wanted to go to New York City and I totally pulled that what's the point I can't see it like that all I've never been and but we went and I I loved it so much that I do remember I stood in the nasty subway tunnel like crying saying God I wish I had been brought here when I could see but you know especially my husband because obviously he knows better than anybody and I've learned once again to not be shameful of being blind like I mean we just would walk straight up to the late naked ladies in on the street that are all painted and my

husband would say like my wife can't see can she like you know touch your boob and just trying to be okay with navigating things differently, like going to enjoy the sounds and just the experience overall. But yeah, I mean, it is still hard for me to think i'm gonna go to the grand canyon and stand there that's cool so when you get up in the morning what what um what what motivates you so like i might get up in the morning and look over and see that the laundry's full and i see that then i look over and i see my kids and i'll be like, oh, the blankets are off them. So I go pull the blankets on them. And then I go over and I and I and I open my computer and I and I see my email like I'm just driven like a fly that flies from one pile of shit to another by my eyes. What's what's driving like you wake up and like you wake up in the like do you wake up in the morning the first thing

you do is put your hand on your husband yeah yeah yeah I mean and because I would just look over right I just look over and like yep there's my wife she's sleeping I guess it's just the routine of life. I wake up. I know what I have to do that day. I know because I have some, like my kids always joke, but they're not even joking. They say like, my mom is blind and she can find anything. Like they drop their shoes somewhere or they're like, I can't find my shoes. And I'm like, they're under the coffee table because,

you know, maybe somewhere along the night before I sat down on the couch and my foot touched a shoe. I don't know. All these things get like logged into my brain all the time. So like you look over and see that the laundry is full. I just know it's full. And I know that that has to be done. I know. Yes. I, I always touch things, right? Like I go into my kids' rooms to wake them up. I feel for a leg and then feel for a head. It's all just very tactile, but it's very routine. Like I wake up in the morning. I know I'm going to the gym.

I know I'm coming home. I know I'm making lunches. And it's all just a very methodical way of living. But it's not like I think a lot of people think that my life is super organized in that, like my kids are perfect and put things away and we have places for everything. Like, no, I mean, we live in normal family chaos and I'm just feeling around a lot all the time, but in my own routine way that you might not even notice if you're watching me right the box jumps are a good example of that uh there was a fascinating uh caleb just showed a box jump video where like everything looks just like a normal person doing

a box jump well like a high level person doing a box jump, but there's a subtle touch. You come down, you touch it, you go do the burpee, then you touch the box on the way up. And so there's this touch every time. And so like, if I were to, if I were to walk into the gym and there was to be a box there, I would literally, you know, obviously I've literally walk and just fall right over that box. I would trip right over it, hurt myself. But if you put the box in front of me and I touch it and I feel the height of the box, I feel the width of the box and I can actually make it any color I want in my brain. But if you tell me the box is bright green, all of a sudden the box is there and it's bright green.

And so it is a little piece of your brain filling it in and almost making it, it makes it real. So then it's, you know, people say like, oh, it's so terrifying. And I'm like, well, but it's not because it's there. Unless you come and swoop that box out from under me, like while I'm burping, like I know it's there. And I trust my skills because I've learned like, and I just, you know, I just go for it. You got to trust yourself. And that's a box jump is actually easier for me to do than navigate to the bathroom at the gym by myself.

You know, like there's way less obstacle and unknowns because this is a routine. This is here and it is tangible and I know I can do it. And I know I can do it. So at the age of 12, they tell you that you'll be completely blind by the time you're 18. Yeah. And you mentioned in this interview that you were diagnosed with lupus and something else. What else were you diagnosed with? So lupus with the symptoms of rheumatoid arthritis.

And then I was diagnosed with autoimmune hepatitis. But I think it's all really a conglomerate of just a messed up autoimmune system. And how old were you when you were diagnosed with that? 24. Okay, and at 24, at 18, you could still see a little bit, you could see contrast and stuff. Yeah, I can still see. I mean, I got through college being able to read large print and in certain circumstances, right. That also depended on the lighting in the room, but yeah, I can still see well, well enough. And when you were, and when you were and when you were

diagnosed with lupus what was your response fuck it was just so fair fair it was it was like i when it happened and when it was in the the the depths of it I thought like god I thought being blind sucked this sucks way way way worse like because at least I don't know why did does it hurt is it painful like what was it was excruciating all the time all the the time. And I'm a really tough person. And it was like, I couldn't bend my fingers more than like this. Like I couldn't make a fist. I couldn't straighten my arms. I couldn't, I'd wake up screaming in the night because I would try to bend my knee in my sleep.

have been my knee in my sleep um it felt like when I step off of the get out of bed I couldn't walk without shoes on or else it felt like hot coals were like ripping through my feet and then and then I like this my circulation I mean and some of it I mean maybe even right now some of it is still there where my hands if I get like the temperature is weird I my hands would turn like black dead and then they put you on all these medications like I was on chemo and autoimmune suppressants and I don't know, anything they really wanted to throw at me. Cause I didn't know any better. I just took it. And then I couldn't tell the difference between like symptoms and side effects because then I was throwing up all the time. Then I had ulcers in my mouth. Then I had like, it was the world. How long did this go on for? Years. How many years?

this go on for years how many years four years so so does it creep on slowly you you're like man this like my arm feels tight this doesn't feel right and ow this hurts and then all the every day got incrementally worse and you went to the doctor and then they're like hey you have lupus arthritis and this other thing and then and then you're like okay and then they just put have you met your husband at this point in your life yes Yes. He was actually the only one when it first started, he, he wasn't my husband. We were just friends, but, um, when, and he was actually the only one that would, because at that point I was still before it all started well at that point I was still working for a dance company I was a choreographer I was still working as a dancer and living as a dancer and boom overnight I literally went from being able to do backflips to I'd have to turn sideways to step off of a curb or else my knees would buckle and I'd fall. And I went from weighing like 130 pounds to like 105 pounds in a matter of like a month.

Why? Because eating sucked also eating was too hard that and i don't i don't know it's well i started losing muscle fast and i don't know it just it just changed my body so much but my husband was the only one, my only friend that would have me stand up on a stool and he'd hold my hand and say, jump. And I'd jump and I'd fall and he'd say, you have to keep up some sort of strength, do it again. And he would have me do that over and over. And literally like when we started dating, I do remember even thinking like, what is this guy seeing this blind, both super healthy like I am now and super, super sick like I was then. Do you know the relief all the people feel around you that you took control of your life? Do you know the stress you took off of your husband

and and your uh in your family i know that's pretty selfish to say that but but you were fucking a stress you you were stressing people out you were you people loved you and you were you were like an anchor in people's lives and now you flipped that you completely flipped the script it's crazy i i really i it's so hard i i know it's so selfish to say but it's so hard on people when you like someone and you see them suffering i know you're gonna be like fuck you savon shut up she was the one who was suffering sorry i mean there's two sides it is it's very true i mean now, especially as a parent, right? Like when people tell me they're, you know, because I'm obviously really deep in this adaptive community and I learn people's stories. And usually the first thing I say is like, oh, your poor parents or your poor husband. Like they,

I mean, even my husband, when, you know, when I had to have that emergency surgery because of my liver, because my immune system decided it didn't need. Oh, wait, wait, before you go there, let's talk. Let me build the group up there. Okay. So for, because this is a crazy part of the story, I cannot believe I'm staring at this person that you're just, you're describing a person and I just don't see any sign of her in front of me right now. Okay. So, so you're, so you're basically on your way to being completely blind. You get diagnosed with lupus. There's a dude in your life who's like helping you. Um, you, you're in excruciating pain and they start putting, giving you shit loads of medications. And then take me to like the end of that as, as you're just bombarded by medication. Were you hating that the medications God you're in your, was your self-esteem just fucked?

Yeah. Cause I was in my freaking twenties. Yeah. I mean, I went from like party and dancing on the bars in downtown San Jose to like, well, all my friends are to crippled girl to crippled girl yes and like i would still try to kind of keep up but i couldn't even like walk and then i'd try and then i'd be in my brain

the whole time and then i'm on chemo and everyone's like what's drink and i'm like i don't know if that's a good idea for me yeah it just it just, it's like, well, it became like, Oh, like I became so aged and it was so bad. And so then, um, my husband, Adam and I did end up together.

And, um, he, his parents must've thought he was crazy. His parents must've been like dude what are you doing like get a new dog why did you go to the kennel and get this fucking like this is a this dog has one leg and it has one year to live like what the fuck are you doing they did and but they live on the east coast so they only like heard more than seen.

And, you know, they were very skeptical, but then I, you know, obviously became their favorite, but obviously, but we went to the doctors one day. This is, and the doctor said to me, well, the chemo is destroying your organs or something like that. So we're going to take you off of it for a little while. I'm like, great. And they're like, well, you might start feeling crappy again. I'm like, I've never felt good.

Like it never did anything. I still my fingers would still one would swell up to be like a monster finger and the other one would be like black and shrivelly like it never did anything to help anything so we left the doctors that day and i said to adam as we were walking to the parking lot like i can't live like this anymore I can't do this and are you crying when you say that um no but I wanted I felt it right and I thought like I can't jump off a bridge I would need someone to drive me there and the problem but i i can't i just couldn't do it and his exact words were okay then let's figure it out and he so wait so so when you left the doctor's office that day they pulled you

off all your medication cold turkey yep this is such a fucking weird world we live in people listen to this there's a million fucking lessons in that go on sorry to interrupt yeah the lessons get bigger because then he so we made my next appointment for like three months or something like that and he said adam said okay let's let's change this and so he came to me the next day and he said, you're going on a totally gluten free diet. We're going to cleanse like all the shit out of your body. And you are going to eat completely clean, as clean as possible. And what year is this? This is this is like 20 years ago, 15 years ago.

Do you know what year this is this is like uh 20 years ago 15 years ago do you know what year this is this is i was about 25 like yeah about 15 years ago now okay about okay now maybe a little less but somewhere in there okay maybe 2010 2009 yeah yeah and um so i went on a totally gluten-free diet which is much harder in the sense that you think like people say like oh you take out like bread and pasta no freaking gluten isn't everything and that's why it is the world's poison because they put that shit in everything. There's like Gatorades that have gluten in it, like certain Gatorades and sauces. And you can't go to a restaurant without them poisoning your salad somehow. But anyway, we got, and within two months of totally clearing out my body, being like really great about my diet, I found myself, yes, crying as I ran on a treadmill because I never thought I would ever,

ever, ever be able to do that again. Where was that treadmill? be able to do that again where was that treadmill at my we lived in a condo at the time and there was a gym there and i hadn't been in that gym in so long and one day i came home and i was like you know i'm gonna try this and i did it you did you do that by did you go down there by yourself yeah oh yeah you got a little crazy in you you're a fucking rebel and then we went back then we went back to the doctors and we said like look look i can bend my knees i can squat i can step off the curb i can do stuff like I'm on my way and she said and we told her what I was doing and she said no no that's not proven we're gonna get you back on this different chemotherapy drug and I did not have balls back then no no I still did not it was my husband that said

no we'll be taking her medical records and leaving then because they wouldn't even listen there's no there's no negotiation it was their way is drugs or not like it that was it they're like no what did your diet look like in those two months what did you eat just meat like and vegetables basically you know just so basically nothing that man made you went back to just eating shit that the planet's thrown at us yeah and i felt great and i felt great it was better than you like back to the old days. Great. What were some of the things that were still bothering you?

Um, I do still have an, uh, circulation issues. Like, um, so I'm really prone to temperature changes and stress. Like to me, cold is six, 70 degrees. Oh, damn. Five degrees. Like I get really, really cold. And so then I have to like take a super hot shower or something and stress will make me get really cold. make me get really cold and then my hands will still turn like purplish like people say to me a lot like I don't obviously I can't tell people come up and say like oh were you painting and I'm

like what are you talking about like your hands are purple like no, that's normal. So I still deal with some of that, which then causes pain. And, but I mean, it's just nothing compared. It's just nothing compared to how you still live. It's just whatever. So you get off on this this you get off the meds you change your whole diet um you're able to start uh doing stuff you get on treadmill and then and then is that when you come across crossfit when do you come across crossfit so then um i i lived my wife i my kids wait so you you you had during that that four years when you were on all those drugs you got pregnant with cooper was after right after the how's this timeline right after the drugs and then and then easton was when i was my healthiest so So you didn't get pregnant until you got off all your drugs?

Yeah. And was that scary? Like, did you look at your husband and were you like, dude, I'm fucking blind. What do you mean you want to have kids? No. You were up for the challenge. Yeah.

Yeah, I can do this. It's crazy because my wife is completely abled and she was scared shitless to have kids. And I didn't blame her i mean she wanted to have one but then the thought of two scared the shit out of her she's like we can barely do one how are we going to do two well it's not the and this is the like it's not me in that sense it's you know when i had our son right after having this baby um you know no matter what as a new parent you're terrified you know social workers when adam had left the room so like i don't whatever i don't know where

he had to go maybe to the circumcision or something fun um social workers came into my room and like interrogated me that i couldn't possibly raise a child shut the fuck up are you kidding me that was in the hospital yes like literally the next day after having a baby it was like what the fuck like is so people don't if her husband would have come in there he would have fucking kicked your teeth in don't do that to people's wives you're fucking nuts yeah they're like i i'll never they're like how how will you know if your kid has a dirty diaper like what like it's just poop like yeah like i know because i'll touch his diaper or or i'll smell it or someone will tell me or yeah like i've made it this far on my own i i know what i'm doing like but it is so i mean you're already no matter what sighted or not sighted you're you're scared to

death you're scared to death that you're checking that kid's breathing every two seconds. And it was just so, yeah. So they don't come in there and they're like, Oh, Kim, congratulations. Your boy's so beautiful. This is great. Um, we, we, we have a, uh, a Facebook group that has tons of moms who are blind and we'd love to direct you to it. And so that way, if you have any questions, um, you can get through it but but you're gonna kill this kim if you have any hesitation or questions on what it's like raising a child blind we're here for you here's our phone number it wasn't that it was like yo bitch you're fucked it was how do you think you could possibly do this i'm like there's people with no legs and no arms that raise kids. I think I'll be okay.

I think it's the most vile trait a human being can have, and I've said this on my show endlessly, to argue another human being's limitations for them. Like, do not do that. We do that to ourselves enough. We argue our own limitations. Yep. Yep. And that's really, really, I don't know if I've ever said this on the show. Chaps, my hive. Is that a phrase? By the way, Caleb just showed a beautiful video. I'm guessing it was you're seeing eye dog and he's in the gym and you're doing burpees, uh, jumping over, uh, your

son, which is really cool. You guys are taking turns. Do you realize what a beautiful mover you are? You feel that? Yeah. Cause I was a, I was a dancer, right? Like even when I learned how to do pistol squats, you know, my husband would be like, Kim, they don't have to be pretty. You don't have to point your toe. But I'm like, yes, I do. Yeah, I think I'm probably still, you know, even when I started workout, I'm still like five, six, seven, eight, go. Oh, wow. Serious. I'm still such a dancer, right? Yeah.

Even in competition. One of the, I just remember remember i think it was last year um somebody came up to me at waterpalooza and said you know you're the only competitor on that stage that is smiling the whole time and i'm like isn't it a performance aren't we supposed to smile how am i supposed to get sponsors if i don't smile okay so so so get off the meds um uh super duper proactive husband man god bless him uh that that's just so awesome he did that do you know where he got that information at like well he's a chiropractor so okay you know so he believes he and and at its core chiropractor he believes that um you we can heal ourselves yes yeah and then so uh he's he's

probably really happy because he got to experiment he saw that firsthand he got to experiment with you he starts he changes up your whole diet within two and a half months you're you're become able-bodied again and then uh and then you have your first baby and then doesn't somewhere you talk about some sort of liver failure or surgery can that then you went into and you come out and you're blind yeah so and that was pretty much uh so i lived well and good for a while, like years. And this is where I truly do think, or I know really that if I had kept up my same lifestyle, I would have ended up dead. And they would have just said, I died from lupus because lupus is just your immune system attacking your body and it can attack any part of your body um so I went to this coffee shop and that I go to all the time and they were known for their gluten-free stuff do you ever see an eye dog at that time or a cane or anything yeah yeah okay i have my guide dog citrus and so um

i ordered a gluten-free croissant that they had made and then i eat it and then later that day i went back there to like get a coffee and somebody said like oh I heard you had a cheat day today and I was like what are you talking about and they're like oh yeah someone said you got a croissant or whatever and I said like no they told me that was gluten-free and like oh no no I'm like oh shit so I figured that I would swell up that that my joints would hurt, that I'd have to like detox everything. And no, within a week, I, Adam, we woke up and he's like, holy shit, you are jaundice. And he's like, uh, yeah, we're going to the hospital so I was like total yellow as in my eyes were even like almost my really green and I looked like a zombie and I had thrown up like and had some like

pain in my side but I just I don't know I just ignored it for a little bit and then yes and then I woke up jaundiced we went to we got an appointment super quick with my general physician I walked into her office and she was like holy shit um we're sending you straight over to the hospital. So they do some tests and then I never, I didn't ever go back. No, I did. I go back home. Oh yeah. I did go back home, had some tests done tests done and some other tests. Then I got a call to go back to the doctors. And then I had a procedure done where they like go down a scope down into your gallbladder and see if you have gallstones, blah, blah, blah. I came out of that. And then I just remember being so surreal while I was like being a kid again, like sitting on the table and my doctor and had them talking. And I mean, they were talking to me too, but I was just so zoned because the doctor was saying, if she doesn't get a liver transplant within two weeks, she'll be dead and you're like but Cooper has soccer games to do and you know it's still like so unreal and they said yeah my immune system had attacked my and I was in total liver failure. So that was weird because I felt okay. Like I could still walk and function. I felt like my side was like pregnant, but I, it just seemed weird to think like how could I be dead because I feel alive um so I never left the hospital after that

for like a few weeks I went um to they wanted to do you know a bunch more tests so it's in and out of things and then well then it then they did a liver biopsy and when I got out of that biopsy I was like there's something wrong like I was freezing like freezing freezing and um but they said all of this was normal. Then I had to. Oh, by the way, I was supposed to be having a college reunion at my house that weekend. So I guess we decided we should probably cancel that. And meanwhile, they wanted to do. Oh, I started throwing up blood and so then they wanted to know why i was like bleeding internally so they decided this this whole time are they searching for a

liver yes i was still on some sort of list okay but you're in the hot but you're in the hospital you went all this stuff you're talking about now you're in the hospital. They don't let you leave. Right. Okay. So you start, you start throwing up blood. out and in and out and then I was Adam was at work and I was at home and I was on the floor and I was my friend had come over and I was changing Easton's my little guys I was changing his diaper and I remember looking at my friends and saying something bad is about to happen and so she took Easton and I like exorcism. Like I was spewing blood. Like I couldn't stop throwing up blood. And so she calls Adam.

And you taste it. That's how you know it's blood. Oh yeah. And my friend's screaming. Right. Right. Right. Right.

Breaking out. It looks like a murder scene. Yeah. And so Adam rushes home we rush back to the hospital of course they take me in right away and then after that every time like i even tried to stand up i would pass out because i was losing so much blood because it was coming out of all the ends and so they decided they they decided that they wanted to do a colonoscopy an endoscopy to see if they could find where the blood was coming from what's an endoscopy what's that they go down your mouth oh okay proving you from both ends. Right. They want to touch the cables. Yes. Okay. And oh my God, the hell of,

I had to drink the drink, the colonoscopy drink. Yeah. And then it was like, I mean, that just made everything way worse. Cause then it was, that's the clean you out, right? You have to drink. Yeah. Yeah. Like I really needed to be more cleaned out. Right. And meanwhile, how and meanwhile how healthy are you how much do you weigh at this point oh my by the time i left the hospital i weighed 89 pounds oh my god oh my god that must have scared the shit out of your husband i was like a skeleton person oh my god um but they uh meanwhile they're doing blood transfusions to try to keep up with what i was losing and did an ambulance take you to the hospital you're throwing up on the floor did you call it did they call adam rushed me he came home and brought me

and what's he do what what was his vocation what did he do for a living then he's a chiropractor okay right so he just cancels appointments for the day and then uh it comes out okay yeah sit on my my wife's dime i'll be back yeah so um and i'm a massage therapist and we work together so you know our our patients you, everyone knows our family. So everyone was super concerned anyway, because things had already been going on. So then they, you know, they want to do this endoscopy colonoscopy.

And so I go in for that and I, this is the stuff that like still, I don't know, like is trauma to my mind. Because I remember going into it and my nurse, her name was Nestle because she was really nice. And I was face down. And, you know, when those tests, you're kind of in a fog, like you're not asleep, but you're not awake. And I was laying there and all of a sudden I heard all these alarms going off. And I heard like these people yelling, like call Dr. Singer and call this other person and all these beepings. And it was like all crazy. And then Nestle,

the nurse, she like leans down and I guess I was totally crying. And she said like, are you in pain? And I just remember saying, no, I'm just really scared. And then that, that's all. That was all. And going back to, going back to like, who's really living it? You know, they had to go out and tell my husband if we can't figure this out your wife's gonna die so i mean i was out like you were you were scared because i could just hear terrible something was bad something was really bad it was no longer going to be a colonoscopy something was happening that wasn't right

and you weren't gonna like you weren't gonna see your kids again yeah i had no idea like i was so and i i was aware of it and that's the weirdest part too like is you're aware that and once again like you feel so alive even though every your body is going bad but you're like but I'm fine but I'm not fine I don't know it's just so mortality is so weird so weird um so then I woke up and i had a big hole in my side but i still had my own liver that's a bonus i still do have my own liver i didn't end up having to get a donor but i had um a hole in my side and they had done surgeries and cauterized my liver and wait wait wait wait you you were how did they save your liver if they said you were in total liver failure what brought your liver back to life a lot of drugs that's when drugs came in i guess pretty handy yeah and i mean they they i mean my liver if you

like need pictures obviously like has scarring and stuff because they did i mean i don't even quite understand what they did to be honest right like they said they cauterized things they but you're so like i'm alive did anyone say holy fuck i can. But you're so like, I'm alive. Did anyone say, holy fuck, I can't believe you're alive. This is a fucking miracle. Yeah, a lot of people, even strangers, because even walking around after I looked like this skeleton zombie and they were like coming up. People were like coming up and pulling on my clothes and like oh are you okay you know like oh my gosh you know people kim so so you're you're having this this complete fucking like

you're gonna die moment you're face down with with nestle and then how long before you go like what's it what's the how many days before you leave the hospital and you go back home? I don't know. At least, at least a week or so, maybe more. And do they tell you, hey, you're only going to live another month or like, holy fuck, we stabilized you. Yeah, it was really. Yeah, it was really weird because then there's all these different maybe you're dead maybe you're dead maybe i am and there's all these different stories because maybe we're not real this is such a crazy story well i do

think you know to be honest i think because after that, I couldn't see anything. So then I've always thought. Really? So you. What if everything's an illusion now? Yeah. Hey, on a serious note, I had this lady here named Kate. I had a lady on my show named Kayla Harrison. She was she's the greatest living fighter alive. She's the only American to, I think, to win the judo gold at the Olympics.

And she did it twice. And her coach – sorry to bring in another heavy thing, but her coach from when she was 8 to when she was 16 was molesting her. And she said that she would go away to a place. Yeah. And, like, for me, like, I don't understand what that – I don't – I never go away to a place. That's what I. And do you, do you, do you go away since you can't see, can you just go away to a place? I do.

That's actually been like, it's actually been a more recent thing. Like when I start feeling, let's say I am at like my kid's hockey game or something and everyone's cheering and I'm feeling like, fuck, this is so shitty. Like, what if that's my kid? Like now I'm like shameless and I will turn on an audio book for like 10 minutes and just go away to that place and get my head back into myself. And remember that I am here for my kid, not to see my kid. But I do. I just turn on a book and look, I'm in London now. And I'm solving mysteries. So, yeah, that's my place is books.

I'm not talking because I don't want to. I'm not talking because I can't. I was thinking, I hope he's still there. It's just crazy what you just said about your kids and you know and my kids and it is something also that my husband has has to or doesn't doesn't have to that he reminds me and he'll even say it you know to the kids right like all that matters is that mom is here right you know and so it's kind of them uh giving me what's the word I don't know like making me also feel validated that okay it's okay that, and I, I, you know, I stand at the ice and I, I look like I'm watching. I stand there and I stare out at the nothing and I try to listen

to like what's happening. But yeah, sometimes I even need that validation of as long as you're present, it doesn't matter. Like you are there. I mean, that's really probably a good lesson for anybody that as long as you show up, as long as you're there, that's what's important. I'm losing my shit. Okay. Pull yourself together, Sebi. Fuck. I just want to come in here and do a podcast. Have fun.

Instead, I'm fucking crying my fucking eyes out. I have a way with people. It's so fucking selfless. It's so selfless what you do. Well, you know, I, I,

I think like my life, I've always wondered, like, I've never been like a why me person per se, but I have wondered like why or you know especially once I couldn't see at all and then I'm like great so now my body is better but now there's nothing left to see um I mean and I guess no matter, that was the long-term prognosis anyway, but to have it like, be like, oh, okay, so now this, this is, this is real. And always to feel like, I mean, I hated, I lived just fine, but I hated being blind or hated the idea that I was going to go blind.

Who would like that? Nobody would like that. Anybody that says things like, I would never trade being able to see for anything. Yes, you would. But I never thought that anything good would come out of being blind or going through the health issues I've gone through. But I've realized, well, 100% now because of my family, my husband and my kids, and because of CrossFit, especially this month, my husband and my kids. And because of CrossFit, especially this month, I mean, I've realized like how many times I've written now to people over the past week who've sent me, oh my God, talk about crying. I find myself sobbling in my kitchen as I'm, you know, cause my phone reads everything to me as I get a message from a mom saying, I just found you on Instagram. My daughter was diagnosed with CVI, which is

another eye condition with CVI. She's 18 months old. And I've been terrified since she was born of what will happen to her. He said, seeing you. I know that she is going to be just fine. And. I'm like. Oh my God. Like there's. Something so good. Has come.

Of this for me. And to be able to. Naturally. Because it is natural to me. To be an optimist. I'm naturally good, I think, at like writing and being open and honest with people about life and sharing my story. And because of the health issues with my liver, with my joints, that I still, you know, who knows, right? Like, I mean, what if I accidentally

eat something or what if it's something else and my immune system decides next week that it wants to attack my heart or my brain like it's just very like who knows and to be able to now know that like that something good has come of everything like it just empowers me a lot to like just keep pushing and keep trying because I I really wish there was a way I'm sure there is but I'm technologically inept to like put together all of these messages that I've been getting from people all around the world saying, like, your story has helped me cope with my child's diagnosis or with my own diagnosis or with just getting out of bed because I'm lazy. Whatever it is, like, it really, it's so rewarding. And that my kid who is now in high school, which is super weird, super weird, says to me, mama, you can be a speaker at my school. And I'm thinking, I didn't want my mom anywhere near my

school. Right, right. And then he was like, the other day he came home. Or no, we were at the gym. Him and I were at the gym together. And, you know, I'm just next to him and kind of trying to make sure he's doing okay. You know, and we're really good at communicating. Like, Cooper, just yell to me when you're done with your kettlebell swings and that you're moving on to your pushups. Just keep me up to date on, you know, what you're done with your kettlebell swings and that you're moving on to your pushups just keep me up to date on you know what you're doing and then he comes up and goes mama my friends found your instagram and that makes it so well makes it all

oh it's just life's crazy as long as you live it kim um so so you get you get out of the hospital you go home the healing begins i'm guessing you double down on this on this diet you you can tell yourself okay i heard you say on another um uh show you you would there's no fucking way you'd ever put a ritz cracker in your mouth like no fucking way yeah nothing it would never i couldn't even come close and then i did like more allergy testing to see what else I probably shouldn't be putting in my face. And just being really good. And shit. I mean, now, of course, competing in CrossFit, it's probably the best thing anyway.

Because who needs it? If your husband would have been a Harvard Medical School graduate, you'd be dead. Yeah. Isn't that crazy? You'd be fucking dead your dad what if your husband wasn't some sort of weirdo chiropractor you'd be fucking dead uh-huh because i did go into liver failure one other time after going to this restaurant but it was far less dramatic so it was just cured in a sense by heavy heavy disgusting meds and stuff for a little

bit but and at this time you're still embarrassed that you're a blind person yeah in your life embarrassed that i'm a blind person at this point because this isn't that a it's such a trip uh-huh it really okay so we're all embarrassed that we're even fucking people. It's so weird. I know. I tell. Yeah, we're born. Here you go. Here's embarrassment. I don't even know what that is. I look when whenever I feel embarrassment coming on, like, you know, like you drop your phone in a public setting. I try to really focus, like live in the present in those moments and watch that embarrassment like a fucking hawk i want to murder it the embarrassment comes from i mean i experience this you know because there's always trolls on the internet right and some people were saying jerky things about the blind

people should never do box jumps and you know my friends are saying get off the comments kim get off because i'm like someone pulled my fingers back from getting on that keyboard. But then I had realized, well, you know, you know, you're doing good if you got haters, right? Like, well, that is really truth. You have to see that you are you're because basically you're making them uncomfortable and they're reacting. They're reacting to those. So it's the people like that social worker that came in and said you can't raise a baby and it was the lady when i went i had already gotten my four-year degree and i decided to go to massage school and the president of that school like when i went to

orientation and i asked something about like a carpooling program because I couldn't drive because I was visually impaired and she told me like well maybe maybe school's gonna be too hard for you oh my god and I'm like f you lady I have a higher education than you do I'm sure and she was like what you went to college you know and it's those voices and that's what I have to remind myself it's those voices. And that's what I have to remind myself. It's those like, why can a million people say you can do it? You're amazing. And then like 30 people tell you you're an idiot. And you're like, oh, so it's like, well, hey, don't don't feel special, Kim, because they do it to fucking everyone. Right. Right. everyone right right and then soon you have to like realize like it's it's that ignorance that is you got to not let that destroy well just let it empower you right you're like i can't do this

i'll show you all right i can't go to school sign me up right uh someone just uh miss pug face that that's one of the people in the comments just said tear ducts activated a strong lady with amazing support system life can be as beautiful as we make it and you know what's crazy she lived up to her support system that it's like she paid them back all right okay listen guys you're okay you're gonna put some energy into me let me hold my beer yeah and so my at that okay. You're going to put some energy into me. Let me hold my beer. Yeah. My husband had started going to CrossFit and I was pretty like, uh, bitter in a sense. He says I was angry, but I don't know his back, but you know, he was living a life and he was going to CrossFit. He was playing softball.

He was playing hockey. And I was playing softball he was playing hockey and i was like i used to be somebody too and now i'm nothing and i'm invisible because i can't see so now i'm not even i don't know i just became lost kind of and i'm still you know working and i have my kids but i didn't feel i don't know i felt what year is this what year is this that you're referencing 2000 and around 17 yeah 2016 yeah and you tell and you kind of express this to him like hey you're going to crossfit i wish i could go too or i wish i had something or no i just i just was like i can't do anything that's how i felt there's i can't do anything and he was the one that one day came home and said you're coming to the crossfit gym with me and i was like

no i'm not how long had he been going before he said that to you he had been going i think for four years maybe holy shit okay wow i want did you ever ask him why that day he decided uh he said it was a plan he had oh he had a plan i mean you're his you're his personal experiment i mean it's it's kind of cool he's experimenting with you I know so he brought I went crying so I cried and then when we got there all of these people started walking in saying like we heard we heard that Kim was coming today so we were here for her first day and then I'm like oh my god all these people and they were so nice and then but I was like I can't do this I've never even I was a ballerina I'd never even seen a barbell in my life and I'd never seen a barbell I'd never seen a anything crossfit and so I I couldn't do it right that was just what there's

no way I was gonna break my face I was just what, there was no way. I was going to break my face. I was going to hurt myself. I was going to die. I was going to be awful. And literally, I wish I could remember, but I think the whole thing, I was like in shock the whole time. I wish I remember what my first workout was. But by the time I finished, I was like, oh, my God, I can't do like oh my god I can't do this like I totally do this

and so I really um I started going like twice a week and then one day you know I've told the story like a billion times I one of the days after class, I walked up to one of the coaches, and I said, and I was still super shy about everything, and still I wouldn't tell people, none of the members per se, unless other people told them that I couldn't see. I would never tell people because I couldn't make the word blind come out of my mouth. Never. I couldn't do it. And so, but I walked up to this coach and I said, I want to just say thank you for letting me be here and letting me do this. And he looked at me and he said, Kim, well, I don't feel sorry for you. So if this is what you want to do,

I'm going to make it happen. How many days have you been going before you said that? Like two weeks or so. And I just was like, that's exactly what I've been wanting someone to say. Always. That wasn't my husband, right? Like somebody from the outside looking in, like, right? Like somebody from the outside looking in, like, just don't feel sorry for me. Don't pity me. Just tell me you can do this. And then I, I don't know. Then it started. Then I found adaptive. Well, then my friend, um, so then I started going to the gym. I started loving it. I started figuring out that I could do things. And I am very lucky that I was a dancer. Right. So I've always had good body proprioception because it is very real that blindness affects your balance. And I have to be extremely aware all the time of what I'm doing. But anyway, it was when I went to my friend signed us up for a local partner competition. And, you know, because it's really easy to sign up for things. And then the day comes, you're like, Oh, shit, I have to do that. And, you know i i had my support system there and i still wasn't telling people i really couldn't see and you know we would say to the judge before but they knew but everyone knows

right like you're just in denial like everyone knows you can't see but you're like I'm fooling them kind of I mean sometimes and but then there's the time like during that competition all of a sudden in between events total strangers were coming up to me saying like holy shit we just found out that you can't see and you're crushing it and it was like this moment of me saying yeah I'm blind and it was like whoa whoa and and then at the last event of judge gave me a hug and he said like, you are so brave. And it really just like, cause I've never thought of myself as any of that, but it just gave me the power in my own or the confidence or something. It changed me to be able to say like, own or the confidence or something it changed me to be able to say like I am blind and nobody's gonna like put me down for it because these people this CrossFit community they see that I'm blind

and they don't tell me you can't do anything go sit over there in the corner. They're like, hell yes, you can do this. And then I found Adaptive CrossFit. Then I started signing up for everything I could. And it's just been nonstop action ever since. I did this show last night and we were looking at videos of people who were hating on CrossFit. And it's so funny, the kind of stuff that they hate on.

They never mentioned the gym owners and they never mentioned the community. Like they just hate on like the CrossFit games or something. Yeah. Which is like not even I think 1% of what CrossFit is. And it's – I mean you're just nailing it. You went in there and what a CrossFit gym is is a place where other people will believe in you. Yeah. And there's something else that you said in this other podcast that I really liked you. I'm paraphrasing, but you realize. Through your own humility that you give people an opportunity to help you.

your own humility that you give people an opportunity to help you. So you let people, you've realized, oh shit, people want to help me. And that's kind of a gift you're giving them because they all walk away feeling better about themselves for helping you. Yeah. And people, um, whatever help means, you know? Yeah. And adaptive people will reach out to me or other visually impaired people. They reach out to me and say like, oh, I do CrossFit. I work with my coach, you know, one-on-one. And I tell them, no, get into class. Be a member. Don't be separate from everybody else. Like let other people see we're all different. And isn't that the best part about CrossFit? I mean, that's what I, cause I obviously I'm always trying to talk anybody into going to CrossFit is yeah, I'm the only blind person at the gym, but then everyone's there for their own reason. Someone's trying to lose a hundred pounds. Someone's trying to, I don't know, rehab an injury. Someone's trying to compete. Someone's Someone's trying to, I don't know, rehab an injury.

Someone's trying to compete. Someone's just trying to be able to drink beer on the weekends and not feel fat. You know, everyone's doing their own thing. And that's like the best part of it. I'm not this like this anomaly in the gym because we're all just there. And when people see that a disabled person or a blind, whatever is, it's not weird or scary.

A person in a wheelchair isn't scary. The blind person isn't scary. I can be a human just like you, then it makes everybody more comfortable. And you can tell when somebody, I mean, I can feel it. I can feel the difference between if somebody wants to be helpful to then turn around and kind of brag, like I helped the blind person today, that shit. Like I helped the blind person today. That shit, I don't like that.

Like don't use me to pat yourself on the back. Like to feel like you earned brownie points in society. Help me because you just want to. Because I'm your friend. Because it's natural. Because we should all help each other. It shouldn't be. And I can tell the difference. Like I can even tell when somebody is like kind of itching to ask like.

And so then I'll just say something like, hey, when you go over that way, could you pick me up some fives and two and a half plates? That way, could you pick me up some fives and two and a half plates? And then it's like, it's like you just, I can feel their energy change of like this new comfort. People will say that to you. Hey, Kim, when you go over there, will you grab me some fives? No, I'll say it to other people. Oh, I would do that shit to you. If I worked out at a gym with you, I would do that to you to fuck with you. I'd be like, you want a piece of gum?

And I'd throw a piece of gum at you. I'll get them for you. I'll be back in about 10 minutes. I'll make it there. I will. I mean, even the other day, because at our gym, we all pretty much have our own equipment. But the boxes, like box jump jump boxes are all against the far wall and I was determined I was putting away my box and literally after probably five minutes of me like

moving the box kind of trying to walk to the wall to feel where to put it like one of my friends like what on earth are you doing I'm like I, I've come this far. Leave me alone. I can do this. Do not take this from me now. Okay. Tell me if I'm going in the right direction. Kim, I didn't even get to any of my questions. I had a ton of fun, superficial questions. even get to any of my questions i had a ton of fun uh superficial questions um we're at 90 minutes and we we got to have you on again i would talk to you for another hour and a half i'm going to take my kid to tennis practice now yeah we're gonna we're gonna go to the gym and do some partner workout apparently today uh it's so it's so you are just a uh an awesome bundle of light i mean you you uh i don't know if i've ever told anyone um this on the podcast but you've changed my life just talking to you

it for 90 minutes and i and i and i and i've had i don't know i've interviewed 600 people in the last year and thousands in my life and i really appreciate you taking the time to come on here and let me, let me poke at you. Oh, well, thank you. I mean, I, I appreciate it. And I really appreciate people like you that actually want to, you know, help change other people's lives and make a difference. So, you know, you know, stuff, you know, yeah, you know, stuff that the world needs to hear, you know, stuff.

Well, all right. Um, you have my, uh, phone number, text me anytime. Um, tell your husband, uh, thank you. He's a rock star. His experiment is turning out perfect. Husband, thank you. He's a rock star. His experiment is turning out perfect. You're beautiful, strong, and smart. And thank you. I know our paths are going to cross.

Awesome. We'll be in touch. All right, girl. Thank you. Have a good weekend. Bye. Bye. What the fuck?

Dude, I thought I was going to have to leave leave the room i couldn't even fucking breathe i was losing my shit i was not gonna be much i can't do kid talk when she starts talking like when i hear her devotion to her kids and like i'm not here for myself i'm here for i was just i i couldn't i was wow have i ever i can't remember i'm trying i think maybe once or twice i've had some tears drop in a podcast but i haven't been like where i can't talk no yeah i've never seen you cry on the show before i can't i couldn't talk um that happened to me when I saw this movie Dracula Untold right after I had Avi. And I was just like sitting down to watch a Dracula movie late at night. Avi's like a few months old.

And basically in the movie, the guy has to turn into Dracula and live an eternal life of hell to save his son. And I'm just like, I can't watch this fucking movie. I fucking came on. Haley's like, what's going on? I'm like i just i i'm a parent now i guess this just we just watched that the other day too that's funny it's good right it was a good movie yeah all right dude thank you i'm glad you were here to witness that shit what a mess all right worth. Worth it. Okay, brother. I'll talk to you later. Guys, everyone, thank you. I'm going to reach out to – I think Brian and I might do a show tonight.

He reached out to me. I need to see what kind of show he wants to do. All right, guys. See you guys later. Bye.