The Sevan Podcast - Kill Taylor Ep. 11 | WIN $2,000 BIGGEST POT YET

Episode Date: July 8, 2024

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Starting point is 00:00:00 Oh look, two camera angles, look at that, that's crazy. Our first victim is gone, Taylor Self is here, the next victim is waiting in the wing. Perfect, perfect, perfect, perfect, perfect, perfect. Oh my God. Welcome to the greatest show on the internet, Kill Taylor. You can win $2,000 today, but you're not going to because this is going to be absolutely impossible to beat taylor today this one is just perfect for taylor and for none of you the five hundred dollars brought to you today to make the total two thousand dollars is swoop consulting and their website is swoopcon.com swoop con i don't know if you should have the word Con in your name.
Starting point is 00:01:06 Swoop Con. Yeah. Pedro Con. Hiller Con. Hiller Con Fit. SwoopCon.com. Oh, and I had the part up that I was supposed to read. Shit.
Starting point is 00:01:18 Five back. Where is it? Swoop Consulting for all your salesforce and custom software development needs find out more at swoopcon.com the salesforce has a huge building in uh san francisco or is it san jose i just know i see it when i drive around they're part of that salesforce is massive i guess i guess they teach you how to use what is salesforce let me guess you know who knows what salesforce is out of all of us dorks the biggest dork of them all mr tyler walkins from heat one app what is salesforce it's a like you you can do customer relationship you
Starting point is 00:01:55 can also do accounting on it you can do all kinds of stuff it's basically just a business back end a business back end yeah all your shit you want to track you can do it in sales salesforce today a business back end jada coons works there the a business back end is what an only fans girl has um the workout today and it's crazy because who the fuck I mean Taylor really doesn't want anyone to beat him check out this workout guys It's a hundred. It's three rounds for time a hundred foot sandbag over your shoulder throw and Then a hundred foot sandbag lunge we don't even know what the fuck the weight is Feet cannot move when throwing the bag bag it's like slap fighting he's got his rules make it so you can't win bag must be thrown over the shoulder must perform workout in a minimum of 50
Starting point is 00:02:53 foot segments can hold the bag anyway on the lunge oh very sweet i think he missed one i think you have to have a bagel in your mouth while you do this workout too. Blueberry. You have to have balls resting on your chin. What is the weight of the bag? Bryson! God damn it.
Starting point is 00:03:16 What's the weight of the bag? 100 pounds for guys, 80 for ladies. 100 for men, 80 for ladies. There's no way that chalk was all useful he just got he had fun drawing that since most of you can't do this just crack open a can of fide go up to the barcode get your 40 off and uh and just and don't even bother watching the show just get your 40 off and move on a swoop or or go to swoopcon.com and actually make your business a better place so you can make money so you don't waste your time watching a silly show like this. Today I had three – this is the first time I've ever done this – three shots of espresso in my Paper Street coffee this morning.
Starting point is 00:04:01 I took four Adderalls and a C4. I told you not to mention C4. I didn't. I'm talking about the dynamite. We're talking about drugs, Taylor. Piss off. Taylor Self, shut up and scribble. Yesterday, people are like raving about what a sensitive, kind, gentle soul Taylor Self is.
Starting point is 00:04:22 He takes the conversation to very deep places. Check out yesterday's episode. It is truly getting great reviews. Bryson, we're ready when you are. Let's do this. All right. Going in 10 seconds. Let's go, T.
Starting point is 00:04:36 Caleb Beaver on the clock. Matt Souza head judging. Three, two, one, go. Watch closely. I thought your feet weren't supposed to oh man wow this is great footage this isn't quite what i expected out of the zealous games quality does the roll count i don't think that should count how are you gonna stop it hey last week he called me after the show and was just kicking my ass for talking shit about the workout or his performance. So are we going to exclusively talk shit about the workout and his performance? Hey, this is pretty impressive.
Starting point is 00:05:13 He looks explosive. I'm very curious to compare this to rounds three. I swear to God, all he wants to do is make sure Colton cannot beat him. And why do you think this is bad for Colton? Colton cannot beat him. And why do you think this is bad for Colton? When you have to move things over a distance, he has an inherent advantage over people who are shorter than him.
Starting point is 00:05:32 So that goes for the women and Colton. Oh, sandbag has to be on your shoulders. I think Frazier could beat him in this. Oh, you can? Yeah, yeah. You don't think Frazier could beat Taylor in this? No, he's got like four inches on him. I mean, Hopper could smoke him, that's for sure. What about...
Starting point is 00:05:48 Taylor, your feet are moving, says Dallin Pepper. Rules are made to be broken, Dallin, you square-ass motherfucker. It does say in the rules that you can't move his feet. Yeah, the rules are ridiculous. It's a hundred feet, throwing a ball that weighs a hundred pounds,
Starting point is 00:06:04 and then a hundred feet lunging back with the ball three rounds. Look at that. Taylor looks absolutely unstoppable, by the way. Watch him feet. Unstoppable. It's a foot, and the rules said feet can't move. He's only moving one foot. That's a good point.
Starting point is 00:06:20 Eddie Hall is going to show up and take the 2K. Pedro White, attorneys, weighs in on the rule book. Sorry, Tyler. Go ahead. No, just Eddie Hall would do it in three tosses. That would be impressive. I guess he's going to throw or something. $2,000 on the line.
Starting point is 00:06:38 Go ahead and send a text now. I wonder what a max, like how far you can max throw a hundred pound ball over your shoulder like this for distance. Jedediah S. Nelson, multiple times CrossFit Games champion. I promise I won't move my feet. Fair enough. He actually lives by that rule for his whole life. He's like really adheres to it.
Starting point is 00:06:58 He's obsessive compulsive. We're in the second round. Two minutes. That's heartbreaking. Two minutes and 20 seconds as he finishes the second set of ball throws. We're going to need that time. 220. I've never really seen a workout like that.
Starting point is 00:07:14 This is incredibly unique. And one will beat him, and there's no one calling in because no one wants to even try. Next week's show, $2,500. I think we got a guy. If he doesn't bitch out. John Young just finished the workout. What about Yellow Host?
Starting point is 00:07:33 Can Yellow Host beat him in this? Yes. Yeah. He's probably terrified, but maybe. Maybe if we say it loud enough, he'll turn it up. Say his name three times, he shows up like Beetlejuice. Yellow, yellow, yellow. loud enough, he'll turn it up. Say his name three times, he shows up like Beetlejuice. Yella, yella, yella. Finishing the second round in 3-0-6.
Starting point is 00:07:53 It's crazy how quickly he picks it up for the next one, isn't it? Yeah, he's crushing, dude. He's absolutely crushing. This is going to be tough to beat. The first round is kind of a throwaway round. Like, no one's going to – you're either going to screw yourself or you're going to win. I wouldn't pay much attention to the first round. What do you mean? Why do you say that?
Starting point is 00:08:14 Just because people are going to feel great coming out the gate and they'll shit the bed. The second round is where you need to pay attention, I think. Could you do something like this in the games, or would it be too hard to judge this movement right here? It would be awesome if this were in the games. Chad. I don't think that the overhead throw is any harder to judge than the lunge.
Starting point is 00:08:39 Do you? It's so hard to judge than the step-up. Right. Hey, do you know what you do? Do you bring them back to where they threw the ball from? If they move their feet, you know what I mean? It's hard.
Starting point is 00:08:52 That aspect is hard. Ken Walters. Oh, wait, where's this? Ken Walters, Jake Douglas. Could Jake Douglas beat him at this?
Starting point is 00:08:59 That's a decent guess, but he's kind of shorter than people realize. I think Taylor's mobility. I think good point i think taylor's mobility is way underestimated i think his throws are probably amazing i think if we see anyone even attempt this today we're gonna see how pathetic their throws are there's fitness involved but the timing i just don't i don't see it taxing you metabolically as much as it would have to to slow Jake down. I think Jake would have a good shot.
Starting point is 00:09:28 Oh, what a freaking try. What a pro. I do think that I didn't know what the workout was, but I think Taylor said it was going to go longer than normal. So that means he probably crushed the time that he was expecting. Holy cow. Everybody go to swoopcon.com. Swoop i'm there right now swoopcon swoopcon.com i need like uh oh who's that that ncaa football guy swoop i need somebody like that to do a
Starting point is 00:09:58 commercial for him three shots i get that reference three shots of paper street coffee and the show is off to an amazing start. I just stare at Caleb the entire time and think, man, he's going to win the neuromuscular division this year. Me too. Taylor Self is still down a minute after the workout. Shoes are off. That one hurt the plan uh the last two weeks has been to make these workouts so painful that no one in the audience dare give a try and we can get up to
Starting point is 00:10:56 2500 of the movements are easy though guys crazy oh savage ones yes good eye born primitive savage ones oh it's like hey while they're easy this isn't something that many people ever do as far as i'm concerned i mean as far as i know so i i don't know who will call in but the taller you are the more advantage you've got and when you say people don't do them i think people do uh over the shoulder they just don't do a throw over the shoulder with that kind of extension he's having right yeah imagine doing this as a class workout and an affiliate and everyone was chucking bags at each other what is it what does it mean uh that he takes his shoes off right away does that mean the workout really hurt some people do that with lunges you're facing all the socks too
Starting point is 00:11:43 usually your arches blow up people will do it after boxing or double or running sort of workouts but when you're doing this bag throw you kind of have an excessive uh spring in your toe so maybe his arches did light up oh no it doesn't look like he washes his socks you know what i mean it looks like he's cheap on his feet too hey taylor's so cheap he's the kind of guy who cuts a tide pod in half makes it uses it for two loads he is cheap you guys use ted pods do you have tide pods in ireland uh pedro no another reference lost me there they eat them they had to stand out while those uh what are those things on his knees shouldn't those be over his kneecaps
Starting point is 00:12:26 like what's the point of those probably were they were pete they were for the lunges yeah when people are trying to go a little quicker they'll get a little bounce off the floor or they just don't care about the impact into the floor because they're trying to go so quick so it's not it's not indicative that he might be injured it's just uh pushing okay you don't use tide pods uh tyler no just well no i don't do you use any pods or do you use like the green green soap like oh liquid wow oh it's for washing clothes okay yeah i i saw a washing machine the other day and i don't know why i've never seen this before, but you just pour a gallon of the liquid soap in the machine. It does it itself?
Starting point is 00:13:09 Yes. That's genius. Why is this taking until 2024 to figure out? I don't know. I saw it over at Greg's house. He has all the cool shit. I was like, wow, that's genius. Taylor Self finished the workout in 4.42.
Starting point is 00:13:23 It's just some balls thrown around and some lunges. Who's that? I hope I look half as good as Andy. Jesus Christ. Andy Handel. I think he could win. He's pretty tall. How long are his fucking arms?
Starting point is 00:13:41 We should give anyone who's over 65 a 30-second cushion. No. It would be good. Oh, yeah, Tudor. Good point. What about Lionel Franco? Remember when he was talking shit to Taylor? He goes, I'm going to challenge you to 50 muscle-ups.
Starting point is 00:13:56 And Taylor's like, that ain't how it works, dude. Dropped off the face of the planet. This is in Tudor's time domain. This would be a good workout for Tudor. Yep. All of them are. $2,000. He's got nothing better to do.
Starting point is 00:14:11 It's not like he's going to the games. And no excuses for Hopper today. This wouldn't interfere with anyone's games training. No. Here is the only excuse the games athlete would have from this. How about this? Leo is training with Tud training with tutor now yeah they should both call in that'd be awesome if they both called in and both did it at the same time or whichever one was one amongst the three of them is that can they do that legal well that those two goobers did that one time uh colton would be walking around giving an interview and sipping a paper street coffee now.
Starting point is 00:14:47 Taylor going to the interview area at CrossFit Charlotte. What's the temperature there? Do we know? It's probably, it's cooler today than it was just the past couple days. How do you know that? Are you there? Well, I just assumed. The temperature here?
Starting point is 00:15:07 Supposed to be 103 by 2 p.m. What? Yep. 80 pounds for the women. 100 pounds for the men. 100 foot ball throw. 100 foot back lunging, carrying the ball. 80 pounds for the women.
Starting point is 00:15:23 100 for the men. Three rounds. $2,000 if you can beat them. Let's see what the temp is right now. It's hotter than two rats fucking in a wool sock. A nice shirt. Just give us a second. Andy, can you smell Taylor?
Starting point is 00:15:40 Because his socks look so gross. Shut up. His socks look like he doesn't wash with soap. Are you that cheap, Taylor, that you don't wash with soap? I predict that you, every other load, you just run it dry. 90? Wow. Nice watch.
Starting point is 00:15:57 Wow. 90 feels like 100 right now. Boy, was I wrong. My fault. What'd you say? I just thought it was going to be around 80-something. It's as hot as it can get. Kind of.
Starting point is 00:16:10 It's morning there. What time is it? 11 a.m.? Yeah, 11, 15. So it'll be by 2 p.m., 100 degrees. Easily, yeah. Did you tell Andy the workout before you did it? Easy.
Starting point is 00:16:23 Maybe. I don't know. Andy, did you have any feedback? Look at him. Look at Andy. Did you have any feedback for him or coaching tips, Andy? Go faster. Yeah, you split that sandbag, you're picking up all the mess.
Starting point is 00:16:38 I thought about that. I had a second one. I was like, man, I hope I don't break this. Wow. They look pretty similar in physique. That's what Taylor's going to look like if he goes outside once ever in his life. I go outside every day, dude. I just get more breakfast. Without an umbrella, Taylor.
Starting point is 00:16:55 Without an umbrella. Why do you look so old? I don't know. I do look old. Any surprises there, Taylor? I thought it was going to be more like six minutes. Yeah, when we were talking, you didn't tell me the workout, but you thought it was going to go over five minutes.
Starting point is 00:17:16 You did not look like you slowed down one bit. I thought maybe in the third round that you chucking the ball would start to be more of a whimper, but you kept the chucking going. The second round, I was a little slow on the throw, maybe. Where did you think the other two minutes were going to come from? Just going slower. I don't know. I didn't think it was going to be that fast.
Starting point is 00:17:38 Did you think you'd pause between the lunges and the throws or vice versa? Because you're crazy quick transitions yeah i don't know i don't know i just thought it was gonna be longer what what did you do for the warm-up that looks like it's really important to warm up for that one right um i did a 10 minute emom of 25 drag rope double unders and a 50 foot handstand walk same minute directly into another 10 minute emom of 10 strict handstand pushups on the minute. And what about your back? Did you do any go-wad, wad-go mobility shit for your back?
Starting point is 00:18:13 No, my back is titanium. Oh, that's awesome. That's awesome. Did you do dumbbell snatches the other week? It's flawless. Same. Did you know we would have no takers this week why do you think we have no last week we had so many we couldn't even get through them this week everyone's
Starting point is 00:18:31 scared what's scary the workout was fun to try this one just looked miserable you don't think it's the 100 feet that you laid out no people could do it in 50 foot segments fuck you can do it 25 foot segments if you want i don't care people. People are just pussies. What would be the reason to reduce the length of the segments? Wouldn't the more segments you do, the harder it is because you have to keep turning around? Yeah, you would do less segments if you didn't have enough floor space.
Starting point is 00:18:56 You could do a 25 foot box. Just go around the square. Patrick Clark. I thought that shirt said transsexual. Patrick Clark letting the guys slip on his fantasies again online there is a version
Starting point is 00:19:10 go to sentineltraining.com you can get the trans sentinel or transsexual it's up to you hey where's my QR code no QR code for sentinel training but if you want 40% off of FitAid. Hey, he just said he'd try. Will just said he'd try.
Starting point is 00:19:29 Your name's not – Sentinel's not even up here. You didn't even make the show. He didn't say he would try. He said, I guess I'll figure it out. Yeah. Yeah. Hey, listen. Will's fucking 19 years old, and he stays up till four in the morning every night
Starting point is 00:19:46 playing some first shooter game. He's playing Halo 3 still. Still. Thank you. I don't know what that is but that sounds right. $2,000 if you can beat the time. Easy workout. Easy
Starting point is 00:20:01 movements. Nothing complicated. Clearly will let you move your feet um don't be a pussy did i move my feet any real rules i don't even know these guys some of these guys were saying you're moving your feet but they don't say that you did move your feet so dylan pepper in the comments all right dylan let's see you do it then you freaking nerd where's he at dylan of the comments. Hey, do you make this workout to make sure that Colton can't beat you? No, there's just a lot of things that he can't beat me on. Like what?
Starting point is 00:20:36 And I deliberately picked two of them. Lunges, rope climbs, running, box jumps. Not box jump overs with a burpee, but just regular. Let's see. Handstand walking, rowing, basically everything. Lance said that you can do it in his gym. Our gym is 250 feet by 60 feet. C4 Athletics, Cleveland, Ohio. Well, Lance, let's do it.
Starting point is 00:21:02 Yeah, why are you telling us that? Yeah, let's do it. That's humongous. Where's the – I can't find Dallin's comment. Up towards the beginning. Also, Dallin, why aren't you game training? Shouldn't you be game training right now? You're not allowed to watch TV.
Starting point is 00:21:14 You're a Mormon. Hey, is there – Is that how that works? Okay. No TV, magic underwear only. This is what I was thinking. The ladies are busy spending all day trying to fix the uncommon sandbag weight. How many women have an 80-pound sandbag, dude?
Starting point is 00:21:30 It should never be 170. I agree with that, but that doesn't mean that they have 80s. Taylor, you keep it moving. It doesn't make it any easier. Shut up, Dallin. Just wanted to say that. Is there a chance that that sandbag could have broke open? Yeah, there's always a chance. shut up, Dallin. Just wanted to say that.
Starting point is 00:21:47 Is there a chance that that sandbag could have broke open? Yeah, there's always a chance. I've seen it. Actually, I've done it before. Did you choose 80 pounds because you knew it was uncommon? No, I choose 80 pounds because that's the right way. And to be honest, I don't think 70 pounds really is any easier because there's more slack in the bag and it's not going to move at all when you throw it it just stops right where it is oh god yeah but could they could they use an 80 pound d ball great question yeah i get yeah sure
Starting point is 00:22:13 use a d ball the mondo that's less common than the 80 pound sandbag could you use an 80 pound dumbbell my question is kettlebell hard to pour some sand out it's $2,000 if you're in the comments complaining about it look at the dollar amount and shut the fuck up please two grand you guys are crazy
Starting point is 00:22:37 look at now I want to see someone use a kettlebell that's all I want to see Ryan Kendall we have bags in every 10 pound increments from 30 to 150 Now I want to see someone use a kettlebell to do this. That's all I want to see. Ryan Kendall, we have bags in every 10-pound increments from 30 to 150. There you go, Ryan. Great. Love it.
Starting point is 00:22:52 Have you guys ever seen sandbags? Love it. They usually are the most disgusting things on the face of the planet. They're all nasty, dirty, sweaty, dusty. Oh, sandbags? Ours are clean. Ours migrate all over the place. It's covered in chalk. What the hell are you talking about? I covered it in chalk, but then it'll be clean after. Ours migrate all over the place. How are you talking about?
Starting point is 00:23:05 I covered it in chalk, but then it'll be clean after that. It's all soaked in sweat. It'll dry out. It'll be nice and clean. Zebra bag. Nick Sack. Nick Sack. Who doesn't have an 80-pound ball? Sounds like people who doesn't have
Starting point is 00:23:22 balls to call in. That's what I think. I literally gave everybody a warning two weeks ago with an, with 180 pound sandbag. So if you watch that episode and you see 180 pounds and you don't make an adjustment knowing, Hey, it's probably likely if they do another sandbag workout, it would be the same weight.
Starting point is 00:23:38 You're just an idiot. Let's be honest. There's only been like one shake. He was called in. So who cares? Hey, um, women can't beat me. So it's, you know chick who's called in, so who cares? Women can't beat me, so I'll tell you.
Starting point is 00:23:50 This is interesting. Doug Reed, $2,000 for four minutes of work. Where are the elites? Yeah, Dallin should be able to beat them. I'll grab a 100-pound pig instead of a – oh, here we go, Colton Mertens. I'll grab a 100-pound pig instead of a sandbag, and I'll touch its udders. I'll milk its udders with my mouth. Wow. Wow. Pete is on the line. Wow. Could you imagine
Starting point is 00:24:12 Colton throwing a pig? I've never milked a pig with my mouth, Colton. How does it feel? Yes, you have. Do you milk it with your butt? Are you quoting Meet the Parents right now? Paper Street Coffee. I'm only having three shots this morning.
Starting point is 00:24:29 It says, Taylor likes it when dudes beat them. Off. Oh, yeah, he forgot a word. Taylor, the reviews for Shut Up and Scribble from yesterday's show are in, and they're insane. People absolutely love the show. It was really good. You brought your egg in yesterday, huh?
Starting point is 00:24:49 I'm going to put a training logo on that. You do have it on there? No, I'm going to, though. Yeah, one year in Shut Up and Scribble, and you're actually thinking about talking about putting your Sentinel training logo on there. Good stuff. Excellent. Well, before that, I had to pay Will 100 100 every time i wanted to adjust up the font joking not joking not joking um bernie gannon uh do you think president biden might call in
Starting point is 00:25:17 it would go a long way to prove his physical capabilities he'd forget the workout before it started did anyone watch his interview with George Stephanopoulos? I haven't seen it yet, but I'm watching the reviews come in. I guess he said he created NATO. That's hilarious. Hey, what are the reviews from our show yesterday? I got really uncomfortable on that show. Like in a good way?
Starting point is 00:25:39 Well, we just talked about the whole suicide awareness thing. Did you say your dad committed suicide? Oh, no. Oh, no. He said if he did. Oh,
Starting point is 00:25:49 uh, let me see. I heard it the way Sevan said it too. let me see. Next week you should call in 63 pounds. Don't bill. That's what's going to be when it's at six grand. All right,
Starting point is 00:26:03 guys, we have all 101 pound dumbbell. Yep six grand. All right, guys. We have a 101-pound dumbbell. Yep. Good luck. Oh, wow. This is a great question. Who costs more? Will Branstad or Brian Friend?
Starting point is 00:26:12 Will definitely, but it's worth it. Depends on what you consider. Is it financial cost or mental cost? There it is. Look at me, Heidi. Emotional or monetary? Taylor, with all due respect respect stop being a tough guy who calls out wokeness if you can't even go after the lqbtq mafia greg was wrong to fire russell
Starting point is 00:26:34 burger and trisha's spot on that was a big step toward the end here's the thing i'm not gonna address that entire situation because the only knowledge and context that i have are trish's comments in a youtube live stream no dude we need you to why would i elaborate on all racism ever and trish isn't even a real person oh yes taylor self the military veteran who has ptsd and tbi nothing like someone who has never served talking about the veteran suicide and what they go through. Jesus Christ. I'm a veteran. I'll give him a pass. There you go. He got the V card. Nice.
Starting point is 00:27:12 PS elimination style could work if it were the last event. What's PS? Postscript. Is that supposed to be one of those unaliving yourself comments? they don't want to say suicide elimination style uh swoop consulting salesforce and custom software development at swoopcon.com they're putting up the money this week it's two thousand dollars if you can beat taylor the
Starting point is 00:27:37 workout is so easy and we do not even have one taker yet. I love the Chad workout. Perseverance can beat pure physicality to an uncanny degree, but do it with the men's height, obviously for the men, and move boxes every 100 reps to make it a race. Shut the fuck up about the men's height. 24 inches because someone said so at some point. Fuck off. Oh, Graciano, Graciano. My smallest sandbag is 200 pounds.
Starting point is 00:28:04 I'm making a new one right now. He's pulling all the sand out of his gut, and he's putting it in his sandbag. Badass. Ouch. Wow. I hate Graciano. You hate Graciano? No, I don't hate him, but he talks a lot of shit, so I hate him.
Starting point is 00:28:20 Okay. One exception is- You get around that dude, and you get a big old lad every time. Have you been around him, Taylor? I probably couldn't even touch my fingers if I tried to hug him. It'd be like this. You could not. His traps are bigger than most people's lads.
Starting point is 00:28:34 It's crazy. But not because he's that big around. Because if you're a guy and you get close to him, he gets an erection. So that stops you from getting. Pushes you away. Good for his erection. Wow. That's impressive.
Starting point is 00:28:45 One exception to suicide, which some countries in Europe have understood. Oh, Jesus. Hey, do you know that, like, last year, it's some crazy number. In Canada, there were 100 assisted suicide, and this year there's been 10,000 already? Whoa. Oh, yeah. Government-assisted? That's crazy.
Starting point is 00:29:01 I don't even know about that. Is that just, like, euthanasia, basically? Is it Canada's government-assisted if the FBI kills you? You apply for it, and they're, like, just like, yeah, government-assisted? That's crazy. I don't even know about that. Is that just like euthanasia, basically? Does it count as government-assisted if the FBI kills you? And they're just like, yeah, sure, we'll do it. It's wild, and it's no surprise that Europe likes that too, where you can just ask the government to help you kill yourself. Some of Europe. Oh, listen, you guys just held a teacher in Ireland for 400 days in jail because she refused to use pronouns.
Starting point is 00:29:30 He refused. I sent you that article like 400 days ago. Oh, thank you. I think they just arrested this guy or put him in prison. Ken, I did a hundred. Wait, wait, please. Please read it. Ken Walters. Didn't he, Graciano Duccio, didn't he beat you in the campground workout
Starting point is 00:29:46 you guys did in Madison last year? That was the crazy difference in those workouts. What's the campground workout? Graciano did 30 cleaning jerks at 135. We did 100. Yeah. Oh, yeah, he's smoky. Yeah, he beat me with 70 less reps, but barely.
Starting point is 00:30:02 It was a tight race. Terminal illness with unbearable pain. Systems are now thankfully in place to help kill people in Europe. The government loves killing people. We like using our government to assist in suicide other people. We need somebody to call in really badly. We'll make the sandbag weights less. We'll go 70 pounds for guys, 50 for ladies.
Starting point is 00:30:24 No. No, not legally binding. We're going to go to 2,500 next week because everyone sucks. I'll do it at 50. I'll do it. Oh, here we go. John Young just posted his time. Three and a half minutes, guys. John Young. Nice.
Starting point is 00:30:40 No, he didn't. I'm just talking to him. He probably did it at 220, though. 928-583-3903. Matthew, do it. Oh, look, a new member, Brittany Tatum. Thank you, Brittany. Smart money. Very smart. You look like you can be Trish's daughter. For people to do, you do it to beat everybody, right?
Starting point is 00:30:59 I first made the workouts to be like... To be honest, I've tried less when writing the workouts. Tried less about what? I used to try super hard to find a movement that I knew I could beat everyone at, and now I'm just writing a workout that I think will be kind of cool, a little different, fit the time domain right, and that I'm pretty good at. And I'm just trying not as hard to make it like, oh, can beat me because i think that's not the point um meaning there's always someone that can beat me in something even if it's my absolute best movements whether or not they call in is the question um for example like you know when i when i did that biker's legless
Starting point is 00:31:41 workout i was pretty confident that no one was going to beat me i'm really good at those movements but yellow called in because he's like ah that's limited not by difficulty but instead yeah it's limited by you either can do it or you can't and not a lot of people can do that um do you think when your approach changed the higher the money gets like if it gets up to like four grand are you gonna be like all right i need something that nobody can win nope it's not my money. Hey, Taylor, why isn't anyone calling in? Is it because of the setup? That workout hurt, to be honest.
Starting point is 00:32:17 It's because you talked about suicide. That workout hurt like the burpee drag rope one from semifinals. And I think that one was probably the most painful. This one was, this one was kind of close. My legs were really bad. I think it's the distance. Like if I'm someone and I'm at an affiliate,
Starting point is 00:32:41 like in my affiliate distance, being able to take up distance is hard to do. Can you pull up the workout picture? Is that over here? Taylor, is Ricky Garrard just sitting there in his gym right now at Underdogs looking at this, coming up with excuses why he's not doing it? Look, must perform a workout in a minimum of 50-foot segments. Let's change that. 25 feet if you want to.
Starting point is 00:33:02 Is Ricky Garrard looking at this? Ricky can't beat me in this workout. But you know that there's games athletes right now standing around looking at this and their balls are shriveled up inside of them yeah basically i would say if you're a male games athlete and you're looking at this workout um you're probably feeling pretty trans right now or you hate money why why isn't hopper calling in shouldn't he be able to beat you in this? He's a loser Dude, Hopper is a loser Wow Straight up loser
Starting point is 00:33:30 Same with Dallin Hopper could stroke you in this It's an easy team win Why would he want it? Dallin probably could Look at his legs are the size of my freaking trunk He's being a baby He's in the comments
Starting point is 00:33:42 But he won't go hurt for it They're just making up excuses right now. Why they can't do it. It's easier for him to make money wearing, um, tier cock rings than it is for him to do a workout and earn some cash. That's what I would say. He just,
Starting point is 00:33:54 uh, he whores himself out for the tier for the tier $3,000 stipend a month. If you called in to kill Taylor every week, you would make more money on this show than you would with all your sponsorships combined. $500 a week. Everyone needs to think about this really quick. There was a solid year or two where everyone's like the athletes need more
Starting point is 00:34:13 opportunities to make money, more money, more money, and no one's taking it. Hey, can you read the workout for athletes that can't read Taylor? Can you read some of those? I can't read, but I'll go to CrossFit Games. Kill Taylor, week 11. Three rounds for time. A 100-foot sandbag over-the-shoulder throw. So it's a sandbag clean, and you throw it over your shoulder as far as you can,
Starting point is 00:34:38 turn around, jog to the bag, do it again until you get to 100 feet. Then you pick the sandbag up anyhow, and you lunge back with it for 100 feet. That's one round. Repeat for another two additional rounds, three rounds total, four time to win $2,000. What about this? What about this? It's not worth it for games athletes to have their spines pop out of their
Starting point is 00:35:03 bodies with 315K on the line. That's 100 pounds sandbag, Daniel. Yeah, if you do that at 100 pounds, you got other problems. Can you put that back? I'm going to translate it to Spanish. The people who are going to win the CrossFit Games aren't going to have that issue. It's 100 feet over the shoulder throw. S-A. S-A.
Starting point is 00:35:23 So is that good, Jonathan? Yeah. Shoulder throw good, Jonathan? Yeah. Shoulder throw, 100-foot sandbag. Oh, A-ohms. Lungy. Lungy. That was half Indian. You're up to one jump.
Starting point is 00:35:33 Call the fucking manager. Hunter McIntyre could not beat Taylor in this war. Dad, a QR code is being made for Sentinel Training by the employee who has the account login for our QR codes. It may be up next time. There you go. Look at that quick response from Brandsetstetter. Nice. I don't even have a QR code. That was someone's idea. I just wanted the logo
Starting point is 00:35:54 on the screen. 100 pound sandbag equals putting fat dog into car. Yeah, good point. Shouldn't call your wife that. Ken Walters, watching Caitlin Clark at noon on the WNBA network
Starting point is 00:36:10 and jelking is more exciting than watching this episode. I guess Ken's going to be jelking to the WNBA. Hey, it looks like people are making nice to her. Have you seen some of these clips where people are making nice to her?
Starting point is 00:36:24 What does that mean? Making nice? I saw a clip a couple days ago where she fell down or something and another player purposely untied their shoe to stop the game and took time to tie her shoe to give Caitlyn on the opposing team. Oh, it's like LeBron James, but different. Yeah, but different. Yeah, what's the deal with LeBron?
Starting point is 00:36:44 Is that really a big issue? I don't really follow basketball like that. They drafted his son, and his son's no good. I like the question that Glinton asked you on this, Pedro. Oh, nepotism. Nepotism. How do you feel about nepotism and cronyism?
Starting point is 00:37:00 I like it. Don't ask Henry what cronyism means. Is that like cavemen? Yes. I like it. I'm pro. Don't ask Henry what cronyism means. Is that like cavemen? Yes. I like it. You guys are all on the show because you're my friends. I was getting ready to say. Pedro's the only one of you that's funny.
Starting point is 00:37:14 Nepotism and cronyism is not a cost. I genuinely thought you were going to say Pedro's the only one of you that isn't my friend. I was like, praise him. Hey, Mr. Reed, GamesAthletes is putting up GoFundMe pages and also can't call in for 2K. Go fuck yourself if you put up GoFundMe.
Starting point is 00:37:35 If they don't do anything, it's like, here's my link in bio, send me money, but they're not going to fucking try to do anything. Wow. You log in 2K and share sales. It's fucking ridiculous. It's in four minutes. It's like, you know that job you do that you get paid to do anything wow you log in 2k and share sales fucking ridiculous but even it's like hey four minutes it's like you know that job you do that you get paid to do here's a really easy version of that job that's going to take you less than five minutes and you learn more than you would
Starting point is 00:37:54 normally and it will pay your flights it'll pay your flights or your accommodation for going to the games just call in and do it and they're like oh no actually uh i did a back workout yesterday and i can't whatever and here's the thing if they came on the show and they're like oh no actually uh i did a back workout yesterday and i can't whatever and here's the thing if they came on the show and they had that link in their bio we'd be like well guys just so you know there's a link in their bio if they didn't win the money here but send the money there if you want right right because they fucking tried and they don't understand it's infuriating my sister-in-law's headed to the gym to do this can't oh really yeah she better hurry up hey can you you make Bryson do it
Starting point is 00:38:25 with a 70-pound bag? Bryson's actually working out right now. What a douche. He would not beat me with a 70-pound sandbag, just so you know. It would take like a 30-pound D-ball for him to beat me.
Starting point is 00:38:35 Let's do it. Let's see him do it with a 30-pound D-ball. Go out there and interrupt him. What kind of handicap you give him? Yeah, let's see Bryson do this. My sister-in-law's got to do it with a 100-pound sandbag, though.
Starting point is 00:38:47 Is your sister-in-law fit? Yes. Renee Pape, she's top 100 in the East. The reason why Taylor did so good is he loves a ball resting in his face. Fair enough. Scardy cats. Yeah, Till Kaler. Win or lose, you get more exposure, which is more valuable.
Starting point is 00:39:03 Ken Walters, if he wasn't LeBron's son, he would have never got the D1 scholarship, let alone get drafted. Average 4.8 off the bench and missed nine games of freshman season with a heart issue from the jab. It's disgusting. You had me up until the last one. It was all statistical until you inferred something. Oh, wow.
Starting point is 00:39:22 Hey, you're crazy. Hey, Bryson said he'll do it with a two-minute handicap. Oh, with that? With the 100-pound ball? Oh, with the 100-pound bag. Okay, let's see. Does he win money? Let's see.
Starting point is 00:39:35 Yeah, he gets to win two grand if he beats him. No, he doesn't win two grand. I don't want to give him a two-minute handicap. I'd give him a minute and a half. A two-minute handicap? Well, what does he win? What does he win with a two-minute handicap? I'd give him a minute and a half. A two-minute handicap? What does he win with a two-minute handicap? That's 50% of your time. That makes me think that whenever Bryson gets laid, it's all mercy fucks.
Starting point is 00:39:55 Andy wants to know what kind of handicap he gets. Andy can use a 50-pound ball. Let's see it. I don't know about that. He's tall, dude. He can freaking chuck that thing. And when Andy breaks in half, we're not taking him to the hospital. How about if Miller goes again and beats himself, he gets the two grand?
Starting point is 00:40:13 Listen, no one at your gym can win it. No one at your gym can win it, Mr. Hendel. There's the owner of CrossFit Charlotte. If you, too, would like to have fun, please go sign up at CrossFit Charlotte today. Memberships are 50% off. Stop that. Stop that. Stop that. Stop.
Starting point is 00:40:29 You're going to give me trouble. But actually, if you are in the Charlotte area, come see us. Best coaching we have. Hey, listen. Listen, this is. Hold on. We got four level three trainers. Andy's a level four.
Starting point is 00:40:42 And actually, Bryson just applied for his level three. So we're about to have 5 level 3s. Listen, FitAid will give anyone who attempts it at your gym a free case of FitAid. And if they get within 2 minutes, we'll give them 5 free cases of FitAid.
Starting point is 00:40:58 We carry FitAid in our gym. We're about to get some free FitAid. Can I get one can of free FitAid? We tried to send you some, Pedro. They can't even find your country. They've got to search that stuff for beta alanine for sure.
Starting point is 00:41:13 This is crazy. This is crazy. Wow. We got a girl here that will try it with a 70. Okay. Let's see it. Free case of FitAid if she just tries it. Anybody, please, just do it. What's she wearing? That's what I want to know.
Starting point is 00:41:30 She's complaining already, so just kidding. It's too heavy for people. You just got your logo on screen there for a good 30 seconds. That was good. Oh yeah, she'll work. There you go. Yeah, girl. 500 more just like it. Yeah is oh shit andy's got
Starting point is 00:41:49 it too oh shit oh shit chucks that oh shit you redneck i don't even, you have to know what a legend Andy Hendel is. If you don't know, he has been around forever. He used to be a fucking staple in CrossFit videos. Wow. Andy's been on the L1 team forever. His son was Spencer Hendel. Those are disgusting.
Starting point is 00:42:19 They're supposed to be white. And they're supposed to have some flex in them. Why are they so stiff? Wow. How old is Andy? taylor how old's andy 74 he's 23 he just had a really hard life his son's 30 he must be at least he must be at least 60 when i met him i thought he was old and i I'm 52. Spencer? I met him 15 years ago. No, Andy. No, Spencer is his son?
Starting point is 00:42:51 Yeah, Spencer Hendel is his son. Spencer's older than me. He's close to 40, I think. Is he? Andy's 63. Wow. Spencer Hendel's dead? Yeah. Shut the hell up.
Starting point is 00:43:01 You didn't know that? He did my level one, Spencer Hendel. I think Andy was probably at my level one. This is crazy. God, there were some great... I remember watching you jump to like 285 during that level one. That was cool. There were some great videos made at that gym.
Starting point is 00:43:17 Hey, look, no one's going to call in today. 17 minutes left, guys. No, we got... Not even that guy Mason. Not even the pretty boy Mason. Who the fuck is Matthew? Pretty men don't like to do hard shit like this with sandbags. It's like digging a hole or gardening.
Starting point is 00:43:32 Matthew got it. It's the first of the month. Matthew got paid, so he's going to be out for two weeks. He's in line at the check cashing place right now. It's really sad that i used to think about that a lot like that used to be part of my life where town would get weird because it was payday for pill heads the european badussis are scared to call in that's for sure oh yes because the phone lines are all jacked up from all the American people calling in. Hey, we're going to get to a point, guys,
Starting point is 00:44:10 where Taylor's going to get a kettlebell and go to a field and say, if we're going to throw this kettlebell 100 yards, kill Taylor for $5,000. And he's going to swing it and chuck it. No one's going to do that either. Nope. Scared. Could Danny Spiegel best Taylor's time?
Starting point is 00:44:25 That's a great question. No, she could not. Yes, she could. She's too short, and she absolutely could not. She also couldn't because she's not going to call in. Pull Jared's picture back up. Is he Australian? David Beckham.
Starting point is 00:44:39 Oh, great guess. Great guess, Tyler. He looks Australian as fuck. That's a great point. Wow. God, that is just the standard haircut. All Australians get that for free. If you want the Australian
Starting point is 00:44:50 haircut, you get it for free. Let us know. Taylor isn't joking about the heat yesterday. It feels like 106 where I am. About 45 minutes southwest of Charlotte. We're usually 5-7 degrees cooler than Charlotte. I don't even know how you guys live in that area.
Starting point is 00:45:09 Taylor, are they all going next week for Beck's weather updates? Are they all going at the same time? Someone's going to get hit with the sandbag. I hope so. Oh, she freaking, oh shit.
Starting point is 00:45:23 She's flex after she threw it. She's all. Yeah. Oh, shit. Oh, shit. She used flex after she threw it. She was all pumped. Oh, this is going to be good. Can you guys hear me? Yeah, are all three going at the same time? Yeah, they're all three going to go. Hey, someone's going to get hit. She's using a 50.
Starting point is 00:45:37 What's Hendel using? He's using a 50. How old is he? 62. Holy shit, dude. how old is he 62 holy shit dude do you have your AED ADD machine ready to go and fire it up
Starting point is 00:45:51 give it a few is that Andy just trying to figure out how to lunge again looking a little robotronic there Andy oh my goodness Looking a little robotronic there, Andy. Oh, my goodness. Is that Bryson's Hock Tooey chick? Is that Bryson's chick? Is he putting it to
Starting point is 00:46:12 that chick? No. No. Hock Tooey chick. Oh, my God. This is going to be good. Imagine how impotent you'd feel as a games athlete when you realize that andy hendel at 63 yeah i'm gonna give you a 10 second when i start the 10 second clock and then when it's three two one go i'm gonna give you that as well hey you know andy's gonna be throwing
Starting point is 00:46:38 that bag all over all cockeyed he's already moving bikes and shit he did he hasn't seen a straight line in fucking 20 years That dog Dog is in grave danger. Oh Plap Hey Andy handle moves like the guy from Halloween, you know, like you can't stop He's not going very fast, but he's coming he's very large feet So does Michael Myers he wears a size 16, did you know that?
Starting point is 00:47:16 No, I'm on the hello wiki page Look at these fucking kids making Andy clear the pathway. What a bunch of douches. Bryson's stock just went down. Oh, man. Someone's gonna get hit. Someone's gonna get hit. This is gonna be wild. I think Bryson should interfere. Like when the sandbag... He should just kick the sandbag the other way. Anytime he's walking by somebody's sandbag. The legend that is Andy Hendel.
Starting point is 00:47:42 Bryson... Bryson's something. I don't know his last name. Taylor Self's Whipping Boy. Good for nothing but programming and some hot chick. Let's fucking do this. All right. You guys ready? This is being taped or am I just doing this for the fuck of it?
Starting point is 00:47:57 This is being taped. They're live, dude. There's only a thousand people watching, Grandpa. He doesn't know what live means. Yeah. He said taped. Didn't you see the video with Hip and Steel a couple years ago? You didn't get it. People watching grandpa he doesn't know what live means yeah You see the video of hip and steel a couple years ago 442
Starting point is 00:48:15 Internet this is the internet. Oh shit you guys Andy welcome to the internet He. Okay, okay, okay. He'll call false start. Mr. Beaver, let's get ready. Standard clock. One of those Brooks Brothers shoes. Jesus. Hey, my money's on the girl.
Starting point is 00:48:38 All right, 10 seconds, you guys. One throw, Andy, at the 50 feet. Oh, God, if the dog gets it, we're fucked. 3, 2, 1, at the 50 feet. Oh, God, if the dog gets it, we're fucked. Is anyone going to move that? Two, one, go. And we're off. Off, Samson.
Starting point is 00:48:52 Oh, my goodness. Andy's actually. Oh, my goodness. Oh, my goodness. Now, let the dog out there. It's the first excitement we've had on the show. Good job, Bryson. You're holding up good.
Starting point is 00:49:05 Not to lie, that made me shit a little bit. Like, that dog can't get whacked. That dog would have been fine. He'd be like, whoa. Yeah, that dog weighs more than Bryson does. Hey, what does that say about the people who won't try it this week, that just these three ding-dongs will just jump in and do it? It says a lot.
Starting point is 00:49:29 It's embarrassing. Two grand. I'm going to be cursing the community all day. The community. The community doesn't understand the methodology. Miller's first round was 90 seconds. Andy's on pace. No, he's not.
Starting point is 00:49:46 On pace! Let's go! You've got to watch him do a lunge or two. Each lunge is seven seconds. Give Andy a stutter step. Let Andy do a stutter step. I do like how when Andy threw it, the ball was this far in front of him.
Starting point is 00:50:03 His wingspan is like a nine-foot wingspan. Part gorilla, part man. Andy Hendel, making his son Spencer Hendel proud. Spencer would smoke Taylor in this. Spencer. Back in the day maybe. Right now, no. Hey, you know what they used to do?
Starting point is 00:50:21 Andy was telling me this story about a workout they went to the beach and did where they did – they took barbells and they did throwing grace on the beach where each clean and jerk, you throw the barbell as far forward as you can for a certain amount of distance. And that's where the idea for this workout came. Hey, my wife texted and you didn't send a link. Tell her to chill. She sent it at 8.51.
Starting point is 00:50:43 It's 8.52. My God. You're ready to go dude lay down she's up she's up next she's up next and the money will still be in play good boy out of fame let's go let's go andy that's a no rep you gotta get rid of that the man who was concerned about the heel over the line didn't make it over the line. Fair enough. Hey, dude, you can tell this guy's still fucking horse strong. That 50's nothing for him. Dude, his back.
Starting point is 00:51:12 God, look. He's stuck for 15 feet. Yeah, girl. Come on, Danny. Let's go. Let's go. Let's go. Just pick it up. Every.
Starting point is 00:51:24 Nice. That was a good throw. Now hit Bryson. It is a whack, Bryson. Horned Bryson. But not the dog. He'll be fine. Hey, we're only letting Bryson do two rounds.
Starting point is 00:51:34 Don't tell him until the second round. Doing great, Bryson. Go. Come on, let's go. Oh, Bryson's bummed. Bryson's bummed. Oh, shit. Hey, if we're being honest, this would be a sweet elimination style event.
Starting point is 00:51:48 Like the rogue style stuff where they do it for time. Like chuck it, lunge it, time. That face that he gave is his girlfriend just told him she's on her period. Like he's like rock hard and she's like, sorry, not tonight. Oh, just deep sigh. Holy shit, really well. You guys might have to pay Andy $2,000. Dude, just deep sigh. Holy shit. You guys might have to pay Andy $2,000. Dude, he's on pace.
Starting point is 00:52:10 He is absolutely not. He's not on pace. Also, did you write that way for the old dude? I heard hippies. I didn't know this throw was in the, according to Ortega, this throw's in the Army fitness test. The new one, yeah. Where are all these Army, these trans Army athletes?
Starting point is 00:52:30 Jack Rosema. Jack Rosema. Hey, Jack would have a shot at this. He's another pussy, dude. No, they're at Mayhem. They're all pussy. They won't call in. They're taking their cereal break at Mayhem right about now.
Starting point is 00:52:43 Oh, yeah. They don't even have to wear knee sleeves. They got that sweet-ass turf. Right, they have turf. They have a fucking any sandbag you could want. But you know what they don't have? They don't have the balls to make two grand. How would JR do on this?
Starting point is 00:52:55 I would destroy JR on this. I don't think he's wrong on that one. I don't know. A lot of things JR would have a pretty good shot on, not this one. We're going to have our one and only contestant is waiting in the rings. Nice job, Andy! Wow, those are some big steps. Damn, those are some big steps.
Starting point is 00:53:16 Let's go, buddy. I kind of want Andy to throw me like that. I'm like... Yum. Be honest. Hit me with it. When I told you this workout, or when the workout was announced, did you think it was cool, or are you like, ah, that's fucking gay? Oh, it's cool. No, it's a cool workout.
Starting point is 00:53:32 Stupid. Is it as dumb as a thousand cups? It's dumber. Listen, listen. Listen, you have a hundred foot anything in a workout. It just means you don't want anyone to win it. That's not true at all. Just because it's gay doesn't mean it's bad.
Starting point is 00:53:52 Ladies and gentlemen, I'm 99% sure that we will be in Southern California in early September. Center in the stadium will be Taylor self performing a kill Taylor workout. The audience will then have a chance one by one to come down and beat him. Every person who doesn't beat him, the money will double right before your eyes all the way up to $5,000. It will be the biggest kill Taylor event. It'll be our first big live event and,
Starting point is 00:54:23 uh, uh, in person streamed. I'm be there too oh you're gonna be there for that 28 steps same 25 steps come on coach i think it's early september guys we'll all be flying to socal it's gonna be a great event massive he's murdering this hey when i first moved to charlotte i'd work out all fucking day and andy would do half my workouts with me oh that's awesome do they have another round? Oh look, even Loud and Live knows. Even Loud and Live knows. Unless it's a
Starting point is 00:54:50 workout that nobody will do. We won't let Taylor program that one. Sorry Dylan. Maybe I'll think about programming backwards treadmill running and GHC hip extensions. I'll consider that. No one's safe from the wrath of Taylor's self.
Starting point is 00:55:07 That's a cool workout. Come here. Come here. I just got to. Why is the girl just standing around? Why is the girl just standing around? Crossing the finish line first. Andy Hendel, 6'30".
Starting point is 00:55:21 6'32". Woo! Good thing you didn't give him a two-minute. Wow. If we gave him a two-minute handicap, he beats me. Yeah. Wow. Good job, Andy.
Starting point is 00:55:34 That's crazy. Hey, Bryson, we'll give you the two-minute handicap. Yeah, Bryson, you got it. Andy. Nice job, Andy. Andy, what's Andy think about the programming? What was the hardest part of the workout? Too scared to ask the hard part of the workout.
Starting point is 00:55:54 Lunges. Lunges, hard part. Good one. That wasn't the question. Hard to say. Thank you. What do you mean by that? It's probably similar stimulus for us.
Starting point is 00:56:02 Yeah. Ask him what he thinks about the programming. About this workout's programming? Yes. What do you think about the workout? Stupid? Good? It's awesome.
Starting point is 00:56:13 Awesome workout. It'd be a good little finisher, a little strike going on there, a little skill drill. Throw the sandbag over the shoulder. Ask him what he thinks about Shed 1000X. He loves that workout. Really? Oh, yeah, he loves it. The best workout I ever did was 2008.
Starting point is 00:56:32 No, yeah, 2008 games was the – remember, it was five deadlifts, 10 burpees, five rounds per time. Oh, that's his favorite workout. Five deadlifts, 10 burpees, far-facing. 2-7 rounds. 3 minutes or crushed for 3 days. He loves Chad. I like Chad.
Starting point is 00:56:52 Hiller, you changed my mind. That deadlift burpee workout was amazing. I read that. You're such a simp-titter. I am a simp for Hiller. Yeah, that deadlift burpee workout has got to be done at like 4.05 now. Oh, yeah. Well, I think at that point in time, I don't know if you did it for Masters,
Starting point is 00:57:05 but it was like 2.75 then. But, yeah, I agree. Like a 4.05, that was just obliterate. It's still a sub, like sub three, sub two and a half minute workout. You're just going so fast. You think the Games athletes can do that at 4.05? Oh, 100%. And it would be destruction.
Starting point is 00:57:22 Wow. I mean, we could probably go with this workout. The affiliate stimulus is 10 minutes. You know? Yeah. So if you're going 100 pounds and it's taking you 13, you missed the stimulus. Right. You got to go.
Starting point is 00:57:34 So for me, 50 pounds is perfect. Bryson's got to miss the stimulus. I've been able to go 70. Bryson's got to miss the stimulus. Bryson, don't miss the stimulus. Yeah, come on. You got one minute. That's how to miss the stimulus. Bryson, don't miss the stimulus. Yeah, come on. You got one minute. Get the stimulus.
Starting point is 00:57:48 That's how me and Andy encourage you. Hey, that's a t-shirt. That's a t-shirt. Don't miss the stimulus. Hey, the workout's pointless if you don't finish it within a minute. That's all right. The workout's pointless. Yeah, nothing you did mattered if you don't go under 10.
Starting point is 00:58:01 He won't get any adaptation. Does he make it? I don't know if he makes it. That's a t- 10. Don't get any adaptation. Does he make it? I don't know if he makes it. That's a t-shirt. Don't miss the stimulus. Let's go, Bryson. 40 seconds. Come on, Bryson. Coach's responsibility. Let's go. Don't break this.
Starting point is 00:58:17 Come on. 10 steps. 30 seconds, Bryson. 30 seconds to get the stimulus. What's that technique? Come on. Come on. Come on, one more. Two more. Oh, nice.
Starting point is 00:58:31 Wow. Wow. All right, who's called in? Who's waiting? Bryson, are you glad you did that? Bryson, are you glad you did that? Yeah. He said yeah.
Starting point is 00:58:44 All right, Ladies and gentlemen. Can you hear me? Oh, we got to go up front. We got to call our – From Hoosier Athletic Club, the famous Hoosier Athletic Club. Great job, you guys. Coach? Danny?
Starting point is 00:58:57 In Wisconsin. Wow. Oh, is this – In Indiana. Is this Tyler's sister? Yes. What kind of sister? Is. What kind of sister? Is that a redneck sister?
Starting point is 00:59:08 Sister and wife. Yeah. Different kind of sister. What's up, girl? Nice hair. Is that really your blood sister, Tyler? No, it's sister-in-law. That's my wife's sister.
Starting point is 00:59:23 Wow. No, I was watching the show. Someone has to call once in a while. We appreciate you, girl. We appreciate you. How heavy is the bag? It's 79.5. Perfect.
Starting point is 00:59:36 Plus or minus a pound. How do you know that? Where's the scale? Do you want us to weigh it? No. That's a beautiful gem. Sean Tiemann. How do you know that? Where's the scale? Oh, do you want us to weigh it? No. Who's gym is that? That's a beautiful gym.
Starting point is 00:59:49 Sean Tiemann. He's owned a gym for a long time, like 2013. Is it an affiliate? Yep. Damn, it's nice. They run L1s there like once every quarter. All right. We're ready when she is. What's her name?
Starting point is 01:00:06 Janelle. Janelle. All right, Janelle. Let's see if that body's just show. Let's see if it's got go. All right. Whenever you're ready, I'll get a call. Let me know because.
Starting point is 01:00:18 We don't have a timer, so we're going to give you guys 10 seconds. Just give us. Yeah, give us a three-second countdown. You only had an hour to be ready for this, so it's okay. You only had an hour to get more callers. Hey, $2,000. Ouch, ouch. Camerawoman talking shit.
Starting point is 01:00:38 No music. Kayla Beaver on the clock. Three, two, one, go. Swoopcon.com. Thank you, Andrew, for all your Salesforce needs. Yeah, Janelle. Ken Walters is jelking again. It's getting lighter with every throw.
Starting point is 01:00:56 Look at that. Oh, Nellie. Oh, I like her technique of stepping backwards. Did you do that, Taylor? No, I turned around. Hey, the gym was, I turned around. The gym was spotless and clean. The sound effects on this are amazing.
Starting point is 01:01:12 The bike will be empty by the last round. There you go. Stay there. Are you all going 50 feet and turning? We're going 100. We moved the bikes. Are the parking manager. What's her name again? Janelle? She's on pace.
Starting point is 01:01:31 Definitely on pace. Let's go, Janelle. Stay with it, Nell. The cameraman's walking back twice as fast as Janelle. How come when Taylor did it, the hundred feet went by so quickly? I don't know. Because I'm fit. Hey, he was getting a little bit of roll in the bag.
Starting point is 01:01:47 Like a couple inches every time. He said that about the line, though. Yeah, he did. He had a lot of roll. Come on now, keep it up. It's the technique, baby. That slapping sound is what Haley hears when my balls hit her.
Starting point is 01:02:03 Oh my gosh. Yeah, there it is. Stay tough. That slapping sound is what Haley hears when my balls hit her. Oh, my God. Yeah. Stay tough. Slightly faster cadence. Oh, no. Slightly faster cadence. Only slightly. No breaking, Janelle. Gone to fucking manager.
Starting point is 01:02:19 Oh, she's getting more mobility in her toss. I like it. Is that white line the hundreds? Oh, my God. Did I in her toss. I like it. Is that white line the 100 feet? Oh, my God. Did I count correctly? No, dude. Taylor, what the fuck did you do? I did 100 feet, fucker.
Starting point is 01:02:33 I don't think so. Hey, Taylor, do we want to let someone else in? There's someone else who wants to get in. I think the show's over. Finish up the 100. You got it. Who's trying to cut? Depends on who it is.
Starting point is 01:02:44 Come on, Janelle. I don't know. they don't say who they are say who is this this person better be good we're at an hour come on janelle let's go janelle if this person beats me how bummed are you going to be? Very. Ben, come on. Just get a break. Janelle's – I hate watching. Janelle's really fit. Oh, she's like, here we go. Tyler, the floor is yours.
Starting point is 01:03:12 Go ahead. No, it just like – it freaks me out how fit Taylor is. Like when you see someone, you know how fit they are. One more. Yeah. And she's way the hell fitter than I am. Come on, now. And she can't even get through half than I am. Come on, now.
Starting point is 01:03:26 And she can't even get through half a round. Damn, on pace. No rep. I mean, Taylor. No rep. We'll give it to her. We'll give it to her. Sorry, Janelle.
Starting point is 01:03:35 Taylor was already through the second. Janelle, one more rep. No. Taylor says he wants one more throw. Sorry. Oh, sorry. Oh, my God. Someone hates Janelle.
Starting point is 01:03:44 Jesus Christ. I'm sorry. Yes. Janelle, you know who your friends are? Come on, lunge. Something new. You got it. We don't want to make you look dumb live on the air. That's all right.
Starting point is 01:03:56 Let's test the thread count on those Lulu's. I think Jason was going to call in, but he had an injury at their HWPO camp this weekend. What kind of injury? Hey, the only kind of injury Jason has is feelings got hurt. Yeah. I hear that's what happens at the HWPO. And by feeling, we mean vagina.
Starting point is 01:04:18 Yeah. Jason has three feelings. One of them got hurt. He didn't get enough likes on his last post him and lena richter having a little powwow right now oh my god that's they're hugging no one thinks i'm a real athlete holy shit hey i respect this chick janelle more than any any of those fucking ding dongs who are worried about being a real athlete coming on here letting a thousand people watch her fucking struggle with eight pounds on her shoulder.
Starting point is 01:04:47 Yeah, if you're laying a rick burn and you don't want to do this, you're actually a puss. Yeah. Major puss. She would have made more in four minutes than she made in the last four years of the games. Yeah, exactly. I would say. Hey, Ken. Hey, Ken. Ken. Shut the fuck up.
Starting point is 01:05:04 Sorry. I lost 944, shut the fuck up. Sorry. I lost 944, but we did this on Monday. Oh! One round for time. Hey, Janelle, come here, girl. Come here. 20 seconds less than Taylor did all three. How did you get suckered into this, girl?
Starting point is 01:05:21 I was watching and I was like, well, I didn't even have to think of a sandbag and throw it. You might not win, but you can do it. How does it feel to have bigger balls than the entire games field? Hey, do you have a boyfriend? There he is. Attaboy.
Starting point is 01:05:40 Good job. Husband, get it right and listen up. She does have bigger balls than the whole game still listen games deal You guys are pushing this daniel big balls my farm Totally a hundred we understand completely if the floor would have been going downhill both directions Your boyfriend is hot Heidi it's her husband If the floor would have been going downhill both directions, you'd have done better too. You have your own wheels. It would have been so much easier. Heidi, Heidi said your boyfriend is hot.
Starting point is 01:06:09 Heidi, it's her husband. Whatever. Who cares? Only fucking people from the South care about that shit. You guys are just so paranoid that someone thinks it's your sister. Listen, Janelle. Heidi's joking. Janelle, send us your address right away to the phone number that we we sent you a link on and we'll send you over some fit aid
Starting point is 01:06:28 we really appreciate you awesome thank you alright have a good one who's this next caller why he looks so mad who's mad call the fucking manager my sandbag didn't roll call the fucking manager
Starting point is 01:06:44 I'm sorry i opened this can of worms do you think anyone uh indian would call in or is that am i being am i being racist by saying that or am i just probably be working at a call center well is that cultural probably are being racist saying listen that's okay that's not being racist being racist is when you think you're better than someone or they're less than. Wait a minute. No, it's not bad to be racist, though. You're using your social discernment based on the – you're using math and social discernment to guess the ethnicity of someone that would call in. I think it's totally fair. Racism is fine once it's a hiring policy.
Starting point is 01:07:22 Someone said they're downloading the app. You don't need the fucking app. The Heat Worn app, yes. That's the only way you can do Kill Taylor is if you download the Heat Worn app. Ryan Drew. Oh, hey. Don't we know this guy?
Starting point is 01:07:36 Wow, someone who looks like they have testosterone. Where are you in your cycle, Ryan? Peaking. Menstrual cycle. Ryan. Hello, Ryan? Peaking. Hello. Menstrual cycle. Ryan. Hello, Ryan. I have three days left.
Starting point is 01:07:49 Luteal phase. Yeah, second day of that. Okay, good. All right. Well, it probably hasn't kicked in yet. Yeah, we know this guy. He almost beat Taylor. Oh, wow.
Starting point is 01:08:01 Almost. Ryan, $2,000 on the line. We should actually give you a 10% penalty for calling in. What took you so long to call in, dude? What the fuck is going on? I had a coach class. All right. Okay.
Starting point is 01:08:12 Okay. Put that slide. All right. This dude looks familiar. Has he been here before? Yeah, he's been here. He's gotten no chance. No chance because you did 100-foot increments.
Starting point is 01:08:21 Boy. Sorry. Sorry. I have a nice facility. Call the fucking manager then, Ryan. Call the fucking manager. Now that's racist. Thank you. That's racist. Where y'all at, Ohio?
Starting point is 01:08:34 Right? That dude looks like Will Carter, but you know, balder. Maybe we need to release the workout a half hour earlier, like at eight. There will be two hours earlier fine Okay, here we go Ryan drew where are you guys what's the name of the gym sir a barbell out CrossFit offset CrossFit offset
Starting point is 01:09:00 Ryan drew He's really lucky we're giving him this opportunity. It's been an hour since I've gone. My underwear is still wet. This is how I get butt acne. Is that true? Sweaty underwear gives you butt acne? Is that true?
Starting point is 01:09:16 Sweaty compressions all day. Who's this? Is this another caller? What kind of nose is that? That's an Armenian nose for sure. The first Armenian contestant. Just step on a different camera. Here we go.
Starting point is 01:09:29 That's me on my cell phone. That's like if me and Jonathan Ortega had a kid. My God. Is that a 150-pound bag? It weighs 100. It looks pretty big. Ryan Drew, let's go, buddy. He's only four foot tall.
Starting point is 01:09:46 Wow. Oh, you're screwed. Holy shit. Oh, Nelly. Wowzers. Is that filled with rubber? Because if so, it doesn't count. You didn't say what it had to be filled with.
Starting point is 01:09:59 I said 100-pound sandbag, you fucking retard. 100 pounds of sand and 100 pounds of rubber. Still 100 pounds. It's not a sandbag you fucking 100 pounds of sand and 100 pounds of rubber still 100 pounds it's not a sandbag it's sandy rubber it's sandy rubber what is that porn star from the 70s sandy rubber will give your shaft acne what what was this time 52 seconds for the first round? 40 seconds.
Starting point is 01:10:26 Yeah. Wow. He's on pace. He's beating Taylor right now by 12 seconds. What's this guy's name? Ryan Drew. Ryan. They call him the Taylor killer, the self killer.
Starting point is 01:10:37 You got to stand all the way up on the lunge, buddy. Stand all the way up, Ryan. I think that's a dumb rule. Guy looks just like Taylor when he was lunging. My goodness. Oh, this guy's going to implode. We got Houston. We have a problem.
Starting point is 01:10:52 See, that's what I told you. First round doesn't matter. Houston, we have a problem. Is his knee even touching the ground? Oh, shit. Curtsy. He did a curtsy out of respect. Hey, Ryan, we can see your labia majoris. You ought to tape those things up before you do a workout like this.
Starting point is 01:11:02 Ryan, we can see your labia majoris. You ought to tape those things up before you do a workout like this. If you need tape for that, go to – do we have a tape sponsor? The Heat One app. Yeah, the Heat One tape vagina sponsor. Right into it. Come on. Okay, so when – 1.31.
Starting point is 01:11:19 2.20 is where Taylor finished this piece of the road. 2.20. Don't give up, Ryan. Give up, pussy. Don't listen to your haters. 220. He needs to finish the throws at 220 to match Taylor's time. Get the most out of that rubber, buddy. Ryan, Taylor did not slow down.
Starting point is 01:11:40 He actually started going faster, just so you know. There is a 100% disadvantage by the 50-foot increments. Well, he's got a fucking massive advantage with the rubber pellets in his bag. It's bouncing like a basketball. Good point. He's not on pace. He's cock-eyed.
Starting point is 01:11:56 He's cock-eyed. Slow down, buddy. Slow down. Take it easy. Take a couple breaths. Yeah, your throes are all cock-eyed. Compose yourself. Take a minute.
Starting point is 01:12:05 No, he's fucked. Yeah, your throws are all cocked, guys. Compose yourself. Take a minute. No, he's fucked. The time to beat 442. He is now about 10 seconds behind Taylor's pace. You are all young. Oh, shit. Oh, shit. Sucks to suck. Off pace.
Starting point is 01:12:19 He's off pace. 12 seconds. Well. 14 seconds behind Taylor's pace. Oh, well. I forgot he had to do the lunge. He's off base. What?
Starting point is 01:12:29 He's 306. This is when he needs to finish the lunge in. Yep, yep. Step up to the middle. Take that breath. I can't wait until this show has got so much money that we can give the person who does the best some cash. He can get a case of Fide.
Starting point is 01:12:42 He can get up on that Fide. We're definitely going to do that. No, we're not. Did you have a Fide before you started today, Taylor? No, I'm about to go drink one, though. Hey, did they send me any yet or what? Yeah, they did. I'm all right.
Starting point is 01:12:59 Until I actually know who's behind him from Andy. Sucks to be you. Jonathan Ortega giving some great coaching cues. Wow. Lunge slower, Ryan. Yep, take that break. Could you do more without being fatigued? What?
Starting point is 01:13:18 All right, you're fast as round now. Could he do more without being fatigued? Yeah, you're fast as round. You got to do this round in one minute. Come on. Piece of cake. He's been sandbagging the whole time. Rubber bagging. John Young.
Starting point is 01:13:33 John Young. His 50-foot back looks like Taylor's 100-foot. John, go back to elementary school, you dumb motherfucker. It's like John's on the stream. That was such a good impression. I know. Time to beat
Starting point is 01:13:48 442. He's still in the game. He's on pace. This is the best thing Ken's ever said. Tyler, this isn't DEI. Annette's not working for the show. Everyone doesn't get a trophy for almost winning. Tyler? I think before we start giving out
Starting point is 01:14:04 a prize for best in show, the prize needs to start increasing by $1,000 a week instead of $500. Thank you. Let's just go ahead and boot this, guys. No chance. I didn't say we were going to do it tomorrow. You already get Fide. Well, we are. Yeah. So you are getting a prize. So everybody
Starting point is 01:14:19 in here is DEI. If everybody gets Fide, assholes. I'm not getting any Fide. I don't say it. I don't think anybody can get fit-aid. Let's just boot him now. Let's bring John on the screen. What was Andy Hendel's time?
Starting point is 01:14:36 You guys are getting fit-aid for this? 631? 632? These lunges are impressive. No, they're not. Yeah, they are. The walking is... He is doing really good.
Starting point is 01:14:48 That's a DEI comment right there. Thank you. He used a rubber bag. I'm annoyed. Taylor, you're mad because he made it look lighter than you. Yeah, 100%, but he also didn't have sand in it. Sand in your butthole. I do have some sand in my butthole right now.
Starting point is 01:15:07 Yeah. Another curtsy? Another curtsy, yes. Mighty English of you. Come on, Ryan. Ryan drew the first male to attempt the workout this week for $2,000. Sorry, Andy and Bryson. What the fuck is in there?
Starting point is 01:15:32 Rubber pellets. It's a well-packed bag, guys. That's what they do. It's got about 55 pounds of sand and about 45 pounds of pellets. What pounds of pellets. What kind of pellets?
Starting point is 01:15:48 It looks like the same bag you were using though, Taylor. Yours looked like, I thought it was a 150 bag filled with rubber. I'm just small, so my bag looks really big, but they're just 100 pound bags with sand. Ryan, what kind of pellets? Legit rubber pellets? Yeah, the ones you get from Rogue.
Starting point is 01:16:04 I didn't even think about that. of pellets like legit rubber pellets yeah the ones you get from rogue oh hey if we had them i didn't even think about that ryan you're a beast how was the programming you glad you did it no that hurt hey one fit aid and you'll be fixed perfect uh ryan send me your address over to the phone where we sent you the link. We'll send you a case of FitAid. Really appreciate you. And there's lots of chicks in the audience who want to service you,
Starting point is 01:16:31 so I'll send you their numbers too. Sounds good. Thank you. All right, brother. Have a good one. Good job, man. Sounds good. Wow.
Starting point is 01:16:40 All righty. Kill Taylor, this other guy says he's downloading the app. That means he's semi-retarded What app? The Heat One app Or he's 90 years old Why is the fucking camera I'm downloading the app
Starting point is 01:16:57 I need to send this link to Susan now Before I forget Is there a KillTaylor app? Alright, I gotta go take my underwear off. I'll be right back. Okay. Ladies and gentlemen, next week next week $2,500.
Starting point is 01:17:15 Really appreciate everyone tuning in to the best show on the internet. You're welcome. Remember the QR code in the upper right hand corner will get you 40% off at FitAid. If you want to be smart like me, drink three shots of espresso, paper street coffee. That's always good.
Starting point is 01:17:31 Swoopcon.com. Thank you for your sponsorship. You guys are the shit. Oh, shit. I don't see any affiliate commercials in here. Yeah, I deleted all of them. Trash. Garbage.
Starting point is 01:17:43 All right. Well, I was going to play you guys an affiliate commercial, but you don't get an affiliate commercial. Remember, go visit your affiliates. I guess I could go over here. If you scan the QR code in the top right, you can bid on Taylor's underwear that he just took off. Yeah, I was going to say I can't wait to be in Northern California with Sevan
Starting point is 01:18:03 so that when I take my stinky ass underwear off I can just toss him in his lap and see what he does alright guys remember this show maybe we'll release the workout we'll talk to Taylor we will release the workout half hour earlier you guys really let us down today you know this is a give and take show fuck you guys
Starting point is 01:18:20 bye bye

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