The Sevan Podcast - Live Call In Show | We are What You Need

Episode Date: March 13, 2024

*Born Primitive* made _"Taylor vs The World"_ happen, shop today and *use code BPOPEN20* https://bornprimitive.com/ *My Tooth Powder "Matoothian":* https://docspartan.com/products/matoothian-tooth-powder 3 Playing Brothers, Kids Video Programming: https://app.sugarwod.com/marketplace/3-playing-brothers/daily-practice ------------------------- *Partners:* https://cahormones.com/ & https://capeptides.com - CODE "SEVAN" FOR FREE CONSULTATION https://www.paperstcoffee.com/ - THE COFFEE I DRINK! https://www.vndk8.com/sevan-podcast - OUR SHIRTS https://usekilo.com - OUR WEBSITE PROVIDER ------------------------- ------------------------- *BIRTHFIT PROGRAMS:* Prenatal (20% off with code SEVAN1) - https://marketplace.trainheroic.com/workout-plan/program/mathews-program-1621968262?attrib=207017-aff-sevan Postpartum (20% off with code SEVAN2) - https://marketplace.trainheroic.com/workout-plan/program/mathews-program-1586459942?attrib=207017-aff-sevan ------------------------- Taylor Self, owner of Sentinel Training and 2 Time CrossFit Semifinal athlete, takes on 3x CrossFit Games athlete, Jayson Hopper in CrossFit Open Workout 24.2. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

bam we're live good morning sorry for the uh scheduling error this morning uh we are in all three of us uh caleb matt susan myself are all in arizona that caused i believe the scheduling error it's funny uh i've been here i don't know five five days. And finally, just this morning, my computer finally switched to local time. I don't know what my, you know, your phone switches as you're driving, right? All of a sudden you're driving and you cross a, uh, a time zone and your phone, your iPhone changes automatically. But for some reason, my computer didn't change until this morning. I mean, I knew, I knew I was doing the math before. It wasn't like I was ignorant to it. But when we scheduled the show yesterday, somehow it got screwed up and was one hour off. But I apologize for that.

But we're here. We're visiting you. Look at you outside. Is it cold, Caleb? No, it's beautiful out this morning. It's pretty perfect. Hey, I took my roadcaster. You know, we were having some issues yesterday. So we thought we were going to integrate the show, the broken, I took my roadcaster. You know, we were having some issues yesterday,

so we thought we were going to integrate the show, the Broken Science event with the roadcaster, and I forgot the roadcaster at the event. Do I sound okay? Yeah, you sound good. Yeah, you sound great too. Oh, thanks. Got a little rough voice this morning.

And I hear birds and stuff. Were you up late? Yeah. Probably like... Did you just change the background yeah it was taylor versus the world oh thank you god fuck glad someone's paying attention you were up late yeah i don't think we got back to like 11 30 hey did you get to see the rest of the fights no we tried to the place we went to next what wasn't playing they were playing movies on the tv i was like why are you i don't want to watch a movie i want to watch sports at a bar hey when you uh how was the bar at the hotel was it crazy oh i wasn't even at the hotel we went

to a different bar but oh my goodness yeah it's pretty nuts there's a lot of a lot there's like a biker gang showed up so that was a little scary but no they were cool they're nice people wow uh are you staying at the hoe yeah yeah yeah and you're just out on your patio yep i'm just chilling it's pretty nice listen seve doesn't love us anymore listen listen listen that is not true at all seve you're looking mighty liberal today well thank you i'm uh we're gonna i'm gonna get off early today what we're doing caleb what caleb and i and suzer are doing is we're filming greg's broken science event along with a few other people patrick rios is here uh and a handful of

other people and so i'm just trying to you know what i mean like as i as i as i buzz around i'm trying to dress like the help i'm trying to just trying to look good are you talking about the shirt do i do i does this look does this shirt look liberal does it look liberal no i think it looks okay looks clean cut is that okay no it is not a one premier shirt this is a collared shirt i've had this shirt i bet you 20 years wow you know when you've had uh no i don't think so probably like macy's or nordstrom's you know when you've had a shirt for so long that like it's gone through all your body types too you're like oh i'm fat oh i'm skinny oh and

it's like yeah this is kind of the my um like i you go i go through phases where i only wear this shirt with a shirt underneath it because it's so big but if i'm if i'm fluffy i just don't wear the shirt underneath it it's one of those shirts yeah Yeah, I like it. That's good. This sweater is the same for me. I've had it for years. It's the only thing I'll wear. It's the litmus test if you're fat or not. Yeah, pretty much. Let me see.

Let me see. Some people do body fat scans. I'm just going to put on this sweatshirt. Exactly. Feeling a little fluffy. All right. Time to get back to the gym. Hey, did Kenneth DeLapp win the $200 from Paper Street Coffee?

Was it him? Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. He's the one that said Jason Hopper looks like he's cut out of marble or something like that. Yeah, awesome. Jason liked that, so that was him. Seve, you look like a middle-aged white dude. You are the problem. I'll take it.

Yesterday, I was at the event. it was completely jam-packed i'd say there were a hundred people there uh this the the speakers were great greg was absolutely on his a game i was getting flashbacks of when he used to do talks at the level one and i'm sitting in the back and uh i sitting in a lawn chair. It's just kind of like most of the chairs there are like, you know, your typical venue chairs, folding chairs, nice folding chairs. And I'm sitting in the back and this guy I've known for many years, for 10 years, walks up to me from behind. And I feel him push on the back of my head with this hand and push my neck down. And so I hold my head down for like five seconds and then I look up at him

and I go, what's up? And he's got this really serious look on his face. And he says to me, hey dude, hold on a second. And he pulls out his camera. Let me see if I can send this to you, Caleb.

I don't know what your capabilities are of pulling shit up today. But I'll send this to you. And he pulls out his camera, and he takes this picture, and I stand up, and he flips his camera around, and I look at it, and I'm like, what's that? it and I'm like what's that and he goes hey dude are those new that's my ear by the way look at I don't even have really old man hair on my ear yet and I go is that uh he goes is that new and I go yeah he goes like really new I'm like yeah like I mean I don't look at my back of my ears every day but what the is going on and he goes hey dude you need to have that looked at i go okay and he goes within the week oh he said it like that yeah and it's this really smart fucking guy who's very worldly who i have a shit ton of respect for like i really respect the fuck

out of this guy right i love being around this guy he's cool as shit and he's smart and uh and he's a black belt in brazilian jiu-jitsu he's cool as shit and he's smart and uh and he's a black belt in brazilian jiu-jitsu he's just all around and he's a voracious reader and he's always sharing great stories with me oh look at asymmetric ear says ink so there's a a lady i don't even know her but she's from remember when i had that bump on my back and i was freaking out right okay so oh so so the guy tells me he goes hey those are um asymmetrical spots you have with irregular borders and and you gotta have that looked at that's not good like you want a perfectly round one so you can be like hey it's a molar it's a warp look, you're extra sloppy. I'm a blue belt. You're fine.

So, so there's this lady in the, um, in the chat who I, who I don't know her, but I just know she, you know, I, uh, I've exchanged phone numbers with her when I had the bump on my back and I would send pictures to her and then she would send the pictures to her mom, who's a dermatologist. Right. So I immediately send this picture to her, right? And then I also send the picture to my mom and my sister. And my sister writes back, hey, man, you need to stop drinking. That's my sister's advice. And like I'm at the bar every night drunk and shit. And like I'm at the bar every night, drunk and shit. Just partying. Yeah. And, and then, uh, so, so, so I'm sitting there and, and then I also, uh, took a screenshot. I took a screenshot of this and I sent it to my doctor at Kaiser, the dermatologist who, who, who froze the ward off my back.

Right. And I'm trying to act cool, like making jokes with the guy who spotted it. Like, Oh my God, I'm going to die. I'm going to die. Oh die oh yeah I have cancer and then I'm like just kidding I'm not worried at all but I am worried I'm tripping I don't hear a word the second speaker says because I'm googling melanoma so this chick from the chat responds back to me, and she goes, hey, man, it's a scab. And I'm feeling it, and I'm like, that's not a scab. And I'm thinking, what do you think I am, some sort of fucking idiot, like telling me it's a scab? I know what a fucking scab is. I'm not a moron.

So I go to the back where the guy spotted it. I'm like, hey, dude, can you touch my ear and tell me if that's like a scab? And he rubs my ear. He goes, no, dude, that's not a scab. So I go back to the girl. I go, hey, dude, that's not a fucking scab and he rubs my hair he goes no dude that's not a scab sorry back to the girl i go hey dude it's not a fucking scab dude so she writes back and she goes well get a wet paper towel and wipe it and it'll it and you'll see it's a scab it'll wipe off and there'll be blood there and i write back to her again i'm like no you're fucking nuts like what are you talking about

so i sit there for 20 minutes my mom and my sister are like please keep us posted you know it doesn't look good blah blah blah whatever so i get up i get a paper towel i see i have a little bit of water left in my plastic water bottle that's uh 95 water and five percent microplastics and i and i pour it i pour it on my paper towel and i wipe my ear and i look at the paper towel and one of those dots is now on the paper towel so i jump up but i'm like i'm like panicking i'm like oh my god i just disturbed the cancer i wiped the mole off you know what i mean i just cured of cancer. I just pulled it off of my ear. I'm like, this shit's going to spread now. I've disturbed it. I shouldn't have fucking disturbed it. You know what I mean? It's like I stepped on an anthill. Now all the ants are now. I seriously think, oh my God, this is. So I walked to the back where this guy is, right? I'm like, hey, dude, I wiped it. One of them came off. I wiped it, and one of them came off.

And he goes, give me that paper towel. And he wipes it. First of all, he goes, don't let that thing get on me. I don't want your cancer. So I take that thing, and I put it on my finger. And I'm taking all sorts of pictures of it from the side and shit, trying to figure out what it is. And then he wipes it, and the other one comes off. And then andrew hiller walks by he was taking photos at this event and he says hey dude i go what he knows right away what's going on he goes

those black marks are from your headset and i have these sony headsets that are old as fuck that I use for my podcast. And it was this stuff peeling off. So in one hour, I had cancer and I cured myself. Wow. I would not have guessed that. Does that make sense?

I was so happy to text my mom and my sister back. Be like, I'm good. I'm cured. Fuck. What a roller coaster. I'm fucking cured. I almost went out and got the COVID vaccine ever since Biden said that the mRNA vaccine not only cures you of COVID, but cancer.

I was like going to run out and get it. That's right. That's right. He said that. State of the Union. get it that's right that's right he said that say to the union there was a there's a the the lady who recommended the book the moth and the iron lung to me i've told you guys about that book it's the history of the polio uh disease and the vaccine she said that when her mom was a kid on the front of the newspaper every morning

they had a huge ticker of how many people have died from polio whoa sound familiar same exact fucking playbook not on tv sets but on the newspaper and they kept a tally yeah seve uh the man that wipes a cancer off yeah that should be yeah uh jody lynn sounds like when hayley told you she was pregnant on april fool's day yeah this was this was this was bad though yeah it's a miracle okay so here's the thing okay so here's the thing you're ready renee here's the thing if you have not read this book and you have kids or you're thinking about having kids or you for some reason are skeptical and you think that any of the vaccines work you have to read this book this is not an anti-vaccine book at all

this is a book about the history of polio listen to this fucking book 4..8 star, 729 ratings. This book is unbelievable. I'm going to get this guy Forrest on the podcast. Or Gal or whatever it is. Sorry, I didn't mean to misgenitalia you. So here's the deal. When you say it's a miracle.

So here's the deal when you say it's a miracle. Hang out with you fucking Christian wingnuts. I'll tell you this one. I'm sitting there, and we're in a basketball gymnasium that's – what would you say it's – the structure is built. Yeah, the skeleton is there. Yeah, the building is 50% done. The structure is like 100% done done i mean there's steel beams and walls and four by sixes everywhere not a two by four in sight i mean a massive building right yeah that's a good point there are no two by fours no twigs in that building no no no and we're sitting in there we're on the concrete crete floor and i'm sitting in the lawn chair and I look up at the ceiling. It's a beautiful ceiling. It's got the steel. I think those things are called trusses. They're like triangles that hold this massive roof up and there's a shitload of them. And I look up there and I'm like, oh man, is it time to pray to you, God? I'm ready to make a deal. You know, the deal i made with god my senior year in high school right

no no i don't think i know this so i got called into the counselor's office okay and my senior year i was only taking three classes i got kicked out of like you know whatever i was a senior like in pre-algebra you know what i mean like with the sixth graders from the school across the street i got kicked out of there i kicked out of like my social studies class and and then i was only taking like probably four or five classes to begin with so i only i like before lunch i was done with school so i get called into the counselor's office and there's a month left in school and she says hey stevon and i'm like what and she says you're not going to graduate from high school i go what do you mean she goes you just don't have enough units what and she's

holding my fucking transcript and i'm like i feel my tear ducts turn on i just imagine telling my mom i'm not going to graduate from high school i'm a i'm so fucking stressed out, right? Yeah. She says, hey, I can go get your official transcripts, though, if you want. We can double check. And I said, sure. Renee, touch me, Sevan, and cure me. Yes. I will touch you for sure.

I'll make an attempt. Definitely make an attempt. You have a yeast infection, I'll cure that shit right up, Renee. So she goes and gets my official transcripts and she leaves the room. And I just get right at it. Dear God, I'm so sorry. I've never prayed to you. I can't even believe I'm praying to you now. But I want to make some sort of deal with you to help me graduate. And I promise something. I don't even remember what I fucking promised, but I remember I was in full prayer mode, singularly focused on this abstract entity.

I promise to be a good boy for the rest of my life. Yeah, that's how desperate I am. Yeah. Shit like that. I promise. I won't shoot the neighbor's dog with my BB gun anymore. I promise. I won't kill any more birds. I promise. Like, you know what?

I mean, I was, I was a bad kid. I did. I did. You know, I promise. We won't jaywalk.

Yeah. I promise. Like, as I drive by girls, I won't stare at their boobs on the, as they're walking by on the street. Like I was, I was a horrible,

I'm a horrible human being. I've done some horrible shit. I promise. I'll wipe my butt until all the poop's off i mean i like i'm fucking i'm pulling out all the stops i only shot the dog with a one pump like i like you know what i mean just like a little oh yeah yeah nothing yeah that makes sense uh and she comes back and she says oh my goodness and there's all these loose pieces of paper in my folder and i and i recognize them she goes you do have enough units to graduate exactly i go how come and she said because you did all the plays in high school so uh in high school after school i would i did the after school plays i would always just like right

after school i'd go hang out with it and i started my freshman year because that's where all the older girls were right yeah right i just so every so i did the plays and that gave me enough units yeah and so some people would be like some people would be like like that's weird like i wasn't like hey fuck you god i did it i don't need your help like i don't know how that shit works like for all i know like i don't know how that works but i graduated like i graduated i prayed and i graduated that's a that's confirmation right like yeah it's real so listen i had i had cancer and so then i looked up at the rafters yesterday while while we're while we're in a talk about probability and uncertainty that's basically other universes yeah that's basically

just debunking god the whole thing was debunking god but i'm in the fucking back and uh and next thing you know i don't have cancer cured there you go i mean i don't know how this shit works but uh you're two for two praying to god yeah i i don't want to say um i don't want to say uh yeah it was a trip people they're thinking i'm in the back having this profound life fucking changing experience i mean that's my life every day that's why it's so amazing being me other people just sitting around drinking fucking bubbly water listening about uncertainty and i'm fucking having a fucking religious experience in the back they're having a religious experience too they just don't know it there's an awakening happening yes yes yeah okay okay they're just a few steps behind me i go

straight to the source they have to fucking work work through Greg and his buddies. Yeah. Gerd Gigerenzer's got to tell them all about it. Yeah. I'm not CrossFit Jesus. I'm like the leper. I'm a CrossFit leper. I'm the leper that Jesus touched and cured. You know who did look like Jesus, though? It was Chido Vera at the end of that fight last night.

I saw pictures of it. He looked like he just got beat the shit out of him. That was the weirdest fight ever, dude. I came home. I forgot kicked out of Greg's house, and I got the fight. First of all, our boy Jack Dela Maddalena, who's been on the podcast at least once,

I want to say twice, fucking beat Gilbert Burns. That's a change of the tides right there baby that we're in a new era now yeah that's a that that's as much of a striker as you get strikers beating one of the best jiu-jitsu guys in the world that's it that that was a that's a trip right yeah absolutely i thought i didn't realize he was going to fight him and i was like dang if jake jackman de la Jack Madelina pulls this off, he's a contender, I think. That's a huge step in that weight class.

Yeah, now he has to fight someone like Usman or some shit or fucking Colby Covington or like something crazy is going to happen now. Yeah, top dog for sure. Yeah, Ian Gary. Him and Ian Gary should fight. Hey, you know what i think it is too um so so sugar sean was just a trouble for cheeto vera because he kept him so oh my god he does look like he did turn him into jesus holy shit he beat you up so bad he turned you into jesus

exactly and then like just like the blood and sweat coming off of mother mary on there that's Holy shit. He beat you up so bad he turned you into Jesus. Exactly. And then just like the blood and sweat coming off of Mother Mary on there. That's wild. Damn. Damn. So Cheeto just was terrified of Sugar Sean. He would just do this the whole fight. He would run up to him and then just put his hands up what it was bizarre you have to see the fight it was so bizarre

and and and and i think that's what i think i think that gilbert burns went into that ring and when he saw how big Jack Dela, Madalena was, Madalena could just keep the distance. I think he's got, he's got reach, doesn't he? Yeah.

And I think he just, I think he felt something in there that doesn't translate to TV. You could definitely see it with Cheeto Cheeto. You could definitely see it. You could see sugar. Sean could keep, I mean, he's so long, right?

And so you could see that he could keep Chito at distance the whole time, the whole entire fight. Yeah. It was more difficult to see in the Burns-Madelena fight, but it would be awesome to see Madelena fight Ian Gary. You know who Ian Gary is? Yeah. The British guy who changed his last name to his wife's last name?

That's right. Machado? Yeah. The British guy who changed his last name to his wife's last name. That's right. Machado. Yeah. And his wife wrote the book on how to fuck famous athletes. How to be an old lady and how to be an older lady and bang young successful athletes. Dang. I need to read that book. Hey, you know what's crazy

is he got all sorts of shit for that. But as opposed to what? Being a young athlete and just banging skanks? Like, so what if she wrote a book on how to attract younger wealthy men? It must be a formula to it. Is there something wrong with wanting to be with a rich, young athlete?

Sounds fun to me. Yeah. If you're into cougars, it's cool. And she's hot as shit. Have you seen her? Yeah, she's pretty hot. She's pretty cute. Yeah, she's a smoke show.

Even if she's not cute show even if she's not cute what if she was fucking ugly as shit and she did it good honor i mean for her that guy's down for it sure yeah by the way that book should only needs to be one page long what does it need to say suck that cock just blow him into oblivion. Sorry, babe. I know it's early. Oh, I got the death stare from across the room. Yeah.

Page one. Blow him. Page two. Blow him again. Oh, yeah. She's incredible. Yeah. That's a nice smile. Yeah. Black don't crack. Incredible. Yeah. That's a nice one.

Yeah, black don't crack. Wait, she's not black. Whatever, Brazilians don't crack. Whatever she is. Brazilian. Yeah. I wonder where Suzy is. Do you think Suzy's hungover? Oh, he just, daylight savings.

What, today? Today just daylight savings what today today's daylight savings oh oh oh where did you see that where did you learn that susan just texted us no susan just texted us oh that makes so much sense so it's a double whammy. We were in a, you went back at time zone. I went forward at time zone and they changed the clocks. Yep. Yeah. I didn't think Arizona played that finger fuck. I thought they just kept like one time zone.

Yeah. I think that's a, I think that's a too short reference. Does anyone know? I don't play that finger fuck. I think that, or is that NWA's a um too short uh reference does anyone know i don't play that finger fuck i think that or is that nwa that's too short my wife's like yeah from the back how did fuck do you know that jesus christ your wife's a savage dude at your age she's just like yeah i just hear she's like she's like on her computer she i just hear this yeah i listen to too short yeah can i have a cup of coffee please i'm not feeling as peppy as i should Like on her computer, I just hear this, yeah. I listen to it too short. Yeah. Can I have a cup of coffee, please?

I'm not feeling as peppy as I should. I definitely don't need one. I'll get the jitters. But I need something hot to drink. So I don't have cancer. Sousa got lost in the time change. But you can't use time change really as an excuse anymore because the devices are just like it just automatically changes yeah they just unravel shit hey you can hang out in here and talk on the phone it's cool three-story house no problem you chill in here i

like having you nearby sweet it's nice hearing your voice i'm doing the show you making flight schedule changes for people that's really cute i took control of the fucking conference yesterday yeah i can't wait to see the video on that that was fucking hilarious you guys it it is um it is absolutely and this is going to sound so stupid. If it wasn't for you guys every morning, I wouldn't have been able to do this. I know this is weird, but you guys at this show and you guys, Kenneth, you in particular, and Olivia, not you, Roy. I don't even know who you are.

But the rest of you besides Roy. You guys have – audrey of course audrey even though i saw your comment the other day saying that brian show is your favorite show i'll let that pass wolf um but uh you guys have given me such a a huge motivation and backbone to do the things i'm doing this weekend was fucking crazy because um normally I'm just like a I just I mean I mean I prepare and I work hard but there's no pressure on me to fail because I don't take money from anyone and this week I had two paid gig basically the Taylor self versus the world I'm born primitive it invested money in that you know that and then greg had you know

paid money to fly us out and put us up in hotels and get this filmed for him so there was nothing you could there was no time for amateur hour and i usually just hang out in amateur hour there's no there was no you could there was no you know what i mean there's no room for failure there's like you can't be like oh i fucked up or i like like i i was holding a piss in half the day yesterday because i didn't want to leave the camera you know what i mean like that's how i know it just fucking around all the time yeah just fucking around yeah like i'd have been outside hanging out or like whatever talking to my wife playing with my kids like i didn't have my kids with me all day i was serious as a heart attack yeah and so to have thursday over no so thursday we had the three shows then friday we had taylor

self versus the world and then yesterday we had that filming and i'm like oh i'm so i now i know what it's like to be you guys and have a real job it was crazy it was crazy dude it was like a weekend of like did you ever take your sats yeah yeah yeah like i didn't sleep like the month before that i don't know why like i just once i got there i just filled in the bubbles anyway just like i didn't even i just filled in the bubbles as fast as i could and i was the last one done you're trying to fill them too perfectly dude i was so hung over when i took my sats of water coming out of my eyes dripping onto my paper just from being you know when you're tired and your eyes are water it was a fucking joke

did you have to write the essay did they have the essay for that at the time i don't remember probably not i just remember lying to all my friends when i got the score my score was like 600 yeah yeah i think i told people i got a 1200 but i but i think but i think really i had like a 700 or an 800 and i literally did just fill in the bubbles but i think you've got there's something on there that like you just got 400 points for filling your name out right or something there's some yeah there's like a minimum yeah and they never like i don't think they like deduct points it was just like if you got it right you got a point if you didn't get it right no no foul or something no no there's a point yeah yeah anyway so it felt man i'm so glad and uh what's the lady's name who has the business with greg

one lady with the giant yeah uh emily was there and afterwards she walked up to me she goes man you really killed it you made it my job so much easier because she runs the event and so she's like i didn't have to worry about anything you were in such control i'm like holy fuck no one's ever said yeah that no one's ever said anything that nice to me it was kind of cool like i acted cool though i'm like yeah no problem anytime and then she's like and then she's like yeah and then she's like hey i know you probably can't make it to all these i'm like are you fucking kidding me i'll come to like what do you mean like which one have i missed i hate it when people say shit like that like went to my

fucking grandfather's funeral, and my stepmom was like, thanks for coming. Introducing TD Insurance for Business with customized coverage options for your business. Because at TD Insurance, we understand that your business is unique, so your business insurance should be too. Whether you're a shop owner, a pet groomer,

a contractor, or a consultant, you can get customized coverage for your business. Contact a licensed TD Insurance advisor to learn more. What? Yeah. I didn't have a choice. Yeah. Like, I know it's your event, but I'm like a fucking award on Greg's dick.

If Greg's doing something, I'm there. What do you mean? I don't know if you can come to all of them. What the fuck are you talking about? She just doesn't want to make you feel obligated. Seve and Control, were there cocktails? I just haven't been drinking. For some reason, I just stopped drinking. No reason in particular.

I just haven't been... I think yesterday I had one uh tequila and soda but my drinks are so weak i could drink 20 of those i've been just chilling and you know what's crazy is people have been saying on the show hey man your skin looks good and i'm like oh that's weird i wonder why but now that i think about it that fucking having a sip of alcohol Maybe you just have beauty mode on in your FaceTime camera or something. I don't. I checked. Oh, wow.

Yeah. That's a fucking hell of a compliment. That's a hell of a compliment. Let me see. Yeah. Where do I go for beauty mode? Virtual background? No.

Recording? It's in that little FaceTime camera on the top. And then you just, I think it's portrait mode or something. Oh, yeah, portrait mode. Here. Now I'm in portrait mode. That didn't do anything to me. My creators look just as deep.

Oh, studio lighting. Let me do that. My creators. Oh, that looks nice. I click studio lighting. This isn't a brown sweatshirt, Adam. It's black. Just sitting in the sun.

Hey, you could probably exfoliate. Are you washing your face with metuthion? You could probably exfoliate your face with metuthion. Oh, my God. Do you know the metuthion story? Have you heard this, Caleb? Uh-uh. You, yeah, I want to know.

Oh, fuck. So the metuthion is selling like crazy as it should and so they got this so they got behind on orders because they fucking ran out of jars he's like holy fuck like we can't believe it's going out like this and they make the shit there in portsmouth so they get more jars and they felt before he left town they're fucking working around the clock they're working on the weekends and they filled up they filled in all the orders and then more orders are pouring in and i'm like hey can you bring me some because i like i've only i paid for my jar too i only got one jar and i'm like i want and he's like yeah i'm gonna try to bring you like 10 jars and I wanted a bunch of jars so that I could give jars to

Rios So he could be Patrick Rio so he could like have a few jars to play with to make like, you know commercials and shit Yeah, yeah So Dale King comes and he hands me this cardboard box And he goes hey dude, there's 10 jars in here i'm like holy shit yeah fucking 300 worth of metuthion yeah yesterday i go to open the box i don't know where the box is oh no i i have no idea where the fucking box is and there were people there that i wanted to give some to,

like the guy who diagnosed me with cancer and cured me. Yeah. So I texted Dale late last night, and I'm like, hey, dude, I can't find the box. I'm a dipshit. He's like, we'll find it. Richard Brosdo, my metuthion arrived yesterday. Total game changer. I can't stop running my tongue over my teeth.

Feels like I just had to clean it. Yeah, dope it's fucking incredible i know it's it's so it's it's it's awesome huh yeah i know it sucks 10 jars hey dude it's like buying a carton of cigarettes and I lost them. Very expensive cigarettes. Yeah. When I smoked, I never bought a carton of cigarettes. I don't know why I never did that. Is it cheaper? Is that how that works?

I don't know, but I would have felt like a fucking rock star just having a whole carton. My dad used to own a liquor store, and he he sold cartons oh yeah and i would be a little kid and i'd be working the cash register and people would take i'll take a carton of this and i would sell it to him and what's crazy is at the time i didn't put two and two together but those people must have felt like gods when they walked out of there what is it like a 20 pack or something that's that's crazy that's yeah what do you think about this? The two handed coffee drink? If you're, if it's really full gay,

I suck cock. Well, okay. Little fruity. It's like extra full then. Yeah. Or if it's like cold and the drink is hot, then I'll,

I'll do that. The, the, there, there was this comment. I don't get a lot of these but there was that comment that i read before 24.2 where the guy says um i didn't know you were a maga racist nut job and like i'm totally i'm totally okay with being called a maga nut job i fully get it like i used to i used to hate trump for no reason too like i fully get it you don't like his hair you don't like when he was shooting the three pointers with the paper towels to the poor puerto ricans you don't like the weird handshake shit i totally get

it i totally get it um you're you're you're offended because he says the word uh mexican or that he calls it the china virus i fully get it i mean you're wrong but i get it. You're offended because he says the word Mexican or that he calls it the China virus. I fully get it. I mean you're wrong, but I get it because I used to be like that. the liberals are trying to pass laws that make it okay to be a minor attracted person. They're trying to make it okay to molest children. Right? I'm not trying to pass any, like, let's say I was racist. what the fuck would that look like like what what would that look like like i start a petition no more black guys in the nfl like what the fuck would that look like if i was racist you got a big old hood on your head i'm just trying to think of like one thing that you

could remotely say i'm not trying to pass any laws that make life harder for black people uh donald trump was promoting the 49ers of course course he was. A lot of people think vaccines work, dude. Of course he was. The distinction is – and listen carefully. Listen carefully because I know distinction is hard for retards. And you know fake Stefan is dumb as a box of fucking rocks. And I also know that I'm reading into this because maybe you do know this, you don't well in the bet the house you don't he was not trying to make it mandatory he was not trying hey listen it's like it's like the difference between selling cigarettes and forcing people to smoke them when they're three there's a huge there's an enormous difference there those aren't even like butted up against each other. It's not like, well, the next thing that's going to happen

after you sell cigarettes, we're going to start forcing three-year-olds to smoke. It doesn't work like that. There's tons of people. Hey, listen, I thought my wife was a complete nut job when she didn't get our kids vaccinated. Like the kid vaccine? It like the babies the like the 72 vaccines that the 72 shots and 18 vaccines you need before you're 12 years old or some shit whatever that crazy insane schedule it's a fuckload dude a fuckload what's what's crazy is what's this i... This is horrible, but some parents will

forget or they don't get them vaccinated on a proper schedule and they'll have to start going to daycare or something because they can't stay home. They bring them in and they have to get updated. They're like three or four

years old and so now they have to get updated from they're like three or four years old and so now they have to get all of their vaccines basically at once to get caught up to get caught up it's it's fucking it's so shit hey you guys know that there's not a single study that studies not a single study that studies the effects of the mixture of the vaccines. So you know when you get home and you look at your, you know when you go to the doctor and you've taken fucking 18 Tylenol

before you go because of whatever fucking issue you're having and they give you Vicodin and you get home and it says do not mix with Tylenol. There's nothing like that with the fucking vaccines. No no there is not just i could have a fever when you get home listen and if you if i'm no better than donald trump i'm no i'm no smarter than him i never stopped and thought well that's weird if you

don't take these drugs they won't let your kids go to school. Like my kids can't go to school. My kids are not allowed where other kids are allowed because they haven't taken the mandatory drugs. Just think about that. If you're still sitting on the fence um find a doctor and it's get it's it's it's um it's not easy but find a doctor that works with kids who aren't vaccinated and kids who are vaccinated both and just ask them anecdotally hey what's the difference between kids who are vaccinated not vaccinated ask them any doctor in the world ask them what the difference is one who works with both.

You will get- One's slime and grease balls. The other ones are clean and healthy. Yes. You will get a profound- You will get a profound- Unvaccinated kids, you never hear their parents like saying they got an ear infection or an eye infection or a nose infection or they have eczema or like- It's wild. It's absolutely wild. I met, I met a

lady yesterday. I'd known her for a while. She has three kids and she got two of her kids vaccinated, fully vaccinated. And one of them, she didn't give any vaccines because she started listening to the show. She's like, Oh my God. She's like, I wish I would've done that. I would've, I would've known sooner. I'm not saying that you should feel bad. I'm not saying you should feel bad, by the way. I mean, at all. You should not. But you also shouldn't defend it just because you did it.

Do you know what I mean? You shouldn't be like, oh, my kids are all vaccinated. They're fine. Like, hey, there's lots of kids who aren't fine. Actually, you don't even know. There's no study showing.'s there's there's no there's no control group there's no study that shows that um all of the all the people who have blah blah blah cancer also got these three vaccines together there's there's no one studying that so so no one knows like we don't

know and listen i'm all vaccinated up too i'm fully vaccinated my mom took me i i want to say i'm trying to think if they gave them to us at school i think they used to yeah i want to say that i got some shots at school even school nurse just whipping them out i can't even imagine now for i guess for what a mega nut job i am i can't imagine taking getting anything done at cv i can't imagine going to cvs to get something done like i can't imagine walking into a cvs and letting some dude there fucking inject me with something i just really no i don't know i how crazy was it that during covid you just rolled up in your car and they just did you up in your car to like a shack in some mall parking lot it just set up shacks or like little overhang like structures and people drive through and you

got some random air national guard dude oh having people up wad zombie uh cvs is good for plan b that's the abortion pill yeah drops the kid off the off. I saw a video. So this is how stupid fucking liberals are. They've called the National Guard down to the New York City subway. Yes. They can't patrol them well enough. There's not enough cops. And they're searching people's bags. I've had – I've ridden the New York City subway a hundred times, and a hundred times I've had incidents. I've never got on the New York City subway and not seen something where someone should have been arrested, not once. And this was 20 years ago or 30 years ago when the city was safe. Have you ever been on the New York City subway?

Yeah, yeah, yeah. A few times. And did you see some shit? Like someone yelling on the – Always. Yeah. Or you're just sitting there minding your own business and four kids walk in and they're like, Okay, everyone, we're going to walk around with a fucking hat and you're going to give us some money.

And you're like, what the fuck? I can't even believe it's America. Yeah. Jumping through the little railings or just being obnoxious. Yes. You always see inappropriate shit in there. Always. None of those incidents I saw required the National Guard.

They just required cops to be like, hey, you can never ride the subway again. Yeah. Get their ID. Give them a fucking ticket. If they don't pay the ticket, put a warrant out for their arrest. Yeah. They just don't have any cops anymore, so they're like, shit. I don't need – being white is not a privilege.

Riding the subway is a privilege if you can't follow the rule the the i don't think like necessarily i don't know if i'm gonna say this right i don't think that the the constitution protects you in the subway meaning i'm there there there should be different rules in the subway uh you come in there with your radio on too loud, right? You're toast. You're toast. Yeah. You get a ticket. Um, uh,

fuck it here. You ready for this? There's a pregnant woman standing next to you and you're sitting down and you're an able bodied 18 year old male. You're toast. Like just make the rules fucking strict. Let alone, uh,

no break dancing in the subway. Uh, yeah, I like that one. No, no break dancing, no yelling at people at I like that one. No break dancing. No yelling at people. Any incidents of verbal altercation, you're being hostile towards someone.

No ride in the subway. Straight to jail. Yeah, not straight to jail, but you just can't ride the subway anymore. You get a fucking ticket. It's just different. Like, it is a place. It's like your car. I don't require you to wear a seatbelt when you're walking around, but in the car, there's different rules.

The government can tell you you have to wear this seatbelt. You have to wear this piece of apparel. You know what I'm saying? Oh, what's this? I like it already. To take the protesters away. Where are they? This kind of behavior is never tolerated.

No trial, no nothing. Journalists, we have a special jail for journalists. You're stealing. Is that comedy? Slow jail. You're charging too high prices for sweaters, glasses. You write to jail. Is that comedy? Please tell me that's comedy. Yeah, Parks and Rec.

Is that comedy? Please tell me that's comedy. Yeah, Parks and Rec. That's it. Yeah, I'm fine with there being rules in the subway that are not, that are not, that break your constitutional right. It's different. It's like the car. It's like, it's like the motorcycle helmet law, right? Yeah. I'm perfectly okay down in the subway. One strike, you're out fuck you

a seven-year-old boy or a seven-year-old girl should be able to ride the subway by herself like i i used to do when i was fucking 10 years old ride the subway from pleasant hill to san francisco no problem 20 stops whatever i'd never had yeah i'd net all the time i never had to worry about fucking anything adam i typed it in before you brought it up listen adam this is an interactive show stay focused you don't you don't bring shit up on your computer you fucking hit the full screen and watch this show full screen if you want to do my job go for it it's fucking crazy and so now now just like so much shit in this country because of fucking we can't because we tolerate the fucking idiots um everyone has to be searched yeah i've seen this lady coming down the escalator with a bag

and a backpack and headphones on and they pull her off to the side listen you fucking idiots it's never any women either like if you're a fucking cop somewhere and you're searching a woman you're a fucking idiot nine out of ten times it's never the women dude the women aren't doing anything maybe playing the violin in the in the yeah leave the fucking women alone it's the dudes it's dudes you know what they look like they all look the same they all look the same regardless if they're white or black their hair is unkept and they look like they haven't and they're malnourished and they're skinny and they're like flailing around you know what i mean you you can see the guy right yeah they just they can't control their their body yeah that's fucking start by just scooping up all you know

usually i pick on fat people just start by picking up all the people who are malnourished they have the caved-in chest they're like this you know the guy i've seen a few of them this week. Yeah. You know, it's crazy. I, and I swear to God, this is true. This isn't a generalization. This is a fact. When I lived in, uh, uh, the Bay area up North in Oakland and Berkeley, every day I got in my car, there was a black dude who would cross the street and, um, uh, and look at me and look at me like it's a green light for me and the light would turn green i'd start to go and he would cross the street and but in the crosswalk and just look at me what what what do something like like like just just a hundred percent uh if you're

black you can cross the street doesn't matter the color of the light I'm not even there's no exaggeration here there's no hyperbole someone who drives in the Bay Area on the streets in Oakland and Berkeley tell me I'm wrong every day

a black person will walk in front of you on the crosswalk if the light is red so I moved to Santa Cruz where there's no black people the white fucking people they don't even use the fucking crosswalk it's just fucking meth heads scampering fucking across the fucking road at least the fucking black people you know okay they're gonna be in a crosswalk and they're like trying to stick it to you like fuck you whitey these fucking white crackheads i don't see this often but i do see it once a week they just scamper across the road you have no you have no and it's it's all it's in hey dude and it's always a tall skinny guy white you can see the

white skinny guy right he's like he went too far with his jesus look it's like if jesus did they all look like jesus but they but if he smoked crack like their posture's all fucked up their the pants are disgusting you look at their pants yeah absolutely oh my god it's fucking crazy disgusting oh my god now listen if you think that's if you think that's – thank you. See, Slicky, you're a racist. Yeah. Listen, this is – I know you're joking, but that's the problem. It's because I'm talking to stupid people who don't see the difference between correlation and cause and effect. They don't see the difference between observation and racist. It's the same people who thought Trump was racist when he said Mexico and Venezuela are sending over their worst people. Like, obviously, it has nothing to do with skin color. You're not born with darker skin and all of a sudden you just you just think that you can cross the street on a red light that's that's why it's funny it's a

joke because it's so absurd but but there is a continuity you can see in it it's still a fact it's still a fact that i observed it but there's no way in fucking hell that someone's born with their dna saying you you hey whatever you do, hate white people. That's enforced by liberals. That behavior, the way that black guy crossing the street treats me and not following orders, that was enforced to him by liberals who call people like me racist because they believe black people are inferior and should be able to get away with that because of their skin color you're the you're the one making that attribution is cause and effect not me i know it's a correlate i'm not stupid you are i don't think black people i don't think i don't think chinese people are born and because they're chinese they have a

higher chance of getting a phd in math i don't think it's because born, and because they're Chinese, they have a higher chance of getting a PhD in math. I don't think it's because they're Chinese. I think it's because whatever culture, the way they're raised. We could do the same thing to fucking any group of people. I don't think Jews make good accountants because they're Jews. Fucking nuts. Sevan, stop arguing with no one. Oh, okay. Fine.

Hey, dude, I got a show to fill up. What do you want us to do? Hey, you know why I'm coming out so hot today? It's because yesterday the show was ass. Yesterday I was just fucking dragging. Yeah, I was just dragging. Adam Blakesy, obviously you don't send over your best people. Yeah.

Hey, listen. The thing is, is your best people are coming over legally, right? Your best people are following the rules. How about when Trump came? So those of you who think I'm a MAGA nutjob job i want to help you out here uh trump nut job i was sitting in a room with 40 people yesterday 30 people watching the fights at the ufc and when um uh speaking to black people and i act so like a black person and when trump came in the room i start yelling at the tv i'm so excited i'm like what does black people you see in the movie theater i'm like yeah trump everyone else is like

no i i there were more people that were there were in the greens with you yeah that whole room got pretty rowdy real quick when yeah like i jumped up like i was like yeah my boy yeah people were stoked about that i was i was like holy this is this real where am i yeah that was so cool oh my goodness i did not expect that oh my goodness yeah that was uh that was cool hey what's cool too is all the fighters after the fight go over and talk to them yeah yeah they're just they're just cool with them like yeah black white and other they all go over and like they all go to

the fence and like what's up big daddy trump yeah i don't think any of them are like you i'm voting biden i don't think any of them said that right i don't think so either yeah that was pretty pretty wild Everybody was pretty stoked about that. It is a weird – it is an interesting phenomenon that the ghetto is turning for Trump. Right? Because even they're done with the lawlessness that Biden's, that the liberals have let in, you know what I mean? Right.

Like before it used to just be, you just hang out in your front of your fucking local liquor store and sell some crack. And there's still some order and the cops come and you run away. Like everyone wants order, even the bad guys. Right. Now it's just like two months. Oh yeah.

It's just out of control. And probably, and they probably don't like it. because just all the kids are just fucking running rampant i mean crime the number of people involved in crime now is nuts oh shit daniel garrity the pillow guy will have to be defense secretary at this point hey dude you know it's so funny that you say that? Because sitting next to Trump two seats over was – what's the guy's name? Will.i.am? What's the rapper?

The artist? No, the white, zit-faced white kid who got kicked off of YouTube. I think he was an elk boy maybe. Maybe he wasn't. Maybe I'm getting my ideas wrong. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Anyway, that – what is it? can do it it is is oh oh what did i say will i am oh yeah will can do it is it will sam can do it maybe sam can it's not whatever but it is i can do it i think steve will do it steve can do it, I think. Steve will do it. Steve will do it. Jesus criminy. Some fucking white boy name can do it.

Yeah. Steve will do it. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. I think he's on steroids, by the way. But anyway, he got kicked off. He's sitting two seats over from Trump. And you know he's buddies with Trump for sure, right? Oh, my God.

Look at Steve will do it. His avatar picture is him and sugar sean oh he is an elk boy those guys don't even look 21 years old oh my god look how good dana white looks now what happened to dana he looks so good well he he didn't he had like a crisis did you hear about that yeah and that and the guy the guy who preaches crossfit but calls it something else saved his life yeah he's like you need you're not you're gonna die within five years if you don't stop what you're doing and then

he changed his entire life and now he looks like that what are they dropping those drinks in? Water? I think those are beers, probably. So those dudes are friends? That is a Nelk Boy? Kyle or Steve will do it's a Nelk Boy? I think they both are.

What does that mean, Nelk Boy? I think they both are. What does that mean, Nelk Boy? I have no idea. Oh, oh, they dropped it in beer. That's their drink. Big Daddy drink. Yeah. Oh, they don't look that guy, the steroid guy does not look like he feels so good. He's hurting.

Wow. Watch that again. Don't try this at home. He does not look like he feels so good he's hurting wow watch that again don't try this at home he does not uh look how ready he is i mean uh dana looks great he's not he's not all puffy anymore he's not red and when that guy who helped him talks i he i just hear him preaching crossfit yeah he's like greg glassman but 20 years late just repurposing other people's shit totally irish car bomb that's what that's called no irish car bomb is guinness and jameson i think watch the dude with the unranked shirt on he does not like this he already made a bad face he's fucked yeah he holds himself like a girl that like doesn't want to kiss a guy look at look at his whole body language gets a little you see he's

like uh yeah look uh yeah yeah i don't feel so good uh-huh yeah good job i'm gonna fucking throw up now. Damn. Friends with Dana. Oh, yeah. Look. There he is. Yeah. There they are with Trump. Damn. All of them. Yeah. Maybe that's going to be our Secretary of Defense. That kid. That guy. Yeah. Yeah. That's a real great choice.

Oh, man. Yeah. So, that's a real great choice. Oh, man. Yeah, so he's got – look at Tom. Every third picture in here – so this is – Steve will do his Instagram account. Trump. Trump. Trump. So he's either on – oh, is this the quarterback over here? No, that's Gronk.

That's Rob. Oh, wait. On the right. Yeah. Tom Brady. Yeah. That's the guy with the failed fitness program. He owns Noble now.

Yeah, that's the one. The not so good T-shirt company trump look at this haircut i just cut one my boy's hair it's about as fucked up as his damn that's a fucked up haircut you know what's really fucked up about jesus christ is this what the fuck happened to his hair i asked i asked obby yesterday I asked Avi yesterday. I was like, did you give yourself a haircut? I feel bad about this. Go ahead. Go ahead. I know it's so bad.

I know. I'll tell you why it's so fucked up. It's my fault. Okay. I'll post a picture of Avi today so you guys can see how fucked up his hair is. He's such a good boy. Go ahead. Say it.

I was like, did you give yourself a haircut? I was like, did you do that to wear it for like headphones or something and he's like i don't know ask my dad and they like put his face in the couch and like rolled away obby it's your dress come here please fuck i'll see if i can get him to tell the story you guys want to see cameo the coolest fucking kid in the world Avi come here are you

clothes on all right come here he didn't he didn't seem embarrassed but I was like oh shit I can't believe I'm gonna do I can't believe I'm gonna do this hold on I'm gonna switch the speakers to come here, boy. You got it. You got to hook me up and come strong here. OK. Can you hear me?

Yeah, I can hear you. You got it. OK. Come here, boy. Tell Caleb about look that way. Look that way. Look that way. Like that? Yeah, yeah. Look that way for a second.

No, the other way. More. Yeah, yeah. That. So tell Caleb about your haircut. Let's talk about that story. Tell him what happened. I don't know.

You were cutting my hair. I was cutting your hair? Tell them how this happened right here. This thing on the side. Oh, you were going to do a different haircut than this? Oh, okay. Like this and it turned out...

On a 1 to 10, if 10 is a perfect haircut and you have this haircut, what's this if a one is ass and a ten is great what did you what did i give you you can be honest you can wait ten is what ten is amazing haircut and one is complete ass i'll give it an eight oh wow an eight all right all right wow okay that's good i, it's not like a horrible haircut. I just noticed that there was a little piece shaved off. He had,

he had long hair, right? Yeah. And he goes, Hey, just shave underneath. So I shaved underneath and you couldn't see it. And I had already shaved his brother's head like short army cut.

Right? Yeah. Yeah. So then he goes, all right, fuck it. Just make my hair short like theirs but i had forgotten that i had already fucking balded him with no guard on the side and i shaved it off

and he goes straight to the mirror and he goes oh this is a horrible haircut because i should have left that shit long i mean he still looks good because he's a kid i go it'll grow back. It's like maybe a piece of gum got stuck there and he had to shave it off. What's crazy too is he doesn't know this, but a week or two earlier, we got a notice from the jiu-jitsu studio saying that

someone in the studio had lice. Oh. Yeah. I thought I was going to have to shave their head anyway. Yeah. Well, they look fine. All right. No, look at, but look how fucked up this guy's hair is right here.

Look at that dude's hair is jacked up. No, but what? Oh, yeah, that kid's sick. That's why that kid's bald. He got like cancer or something. Uh-oh. I know, that sucks. I had cancer yesterday for a minute I believe in God now

I'm serious we're gonna start doing weird on Sundays we're gonna start going to church no more morning shows we gotta go to 9am mass okay someone someone's picking me up in 12 minutes to take me over to the venue. I'm getting there an hour and a half early because that's what you do when you have fucking

OCD. I'm going to go over there and obsess and make sure the setup's right before the talk starts this morning. Caleb, thank you. Thank you, everyone. Once again, sorry we're late. We have all sorts of excuses. None of them are real. It's really just too much alcohol consumption. We love you. We'll work on our issues. Bye-bye.