The Sloppy Boys - 23. Bud Light Seltzer Out Of Office Variety Pack

Episode Date: March 26, 2021

The guys sample the beverage giant's limited edition cocktail-inspired seltzers. Plus, some good chip talk!Bud Light Seltzer Out Of Office Variety Pack available in select stores.Use the locator at the Bud Light website and choose Out Of Office from the dropdown menu: https://www.budlight.com/en/buy-beer.html Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

Hey folks, welcome to the Sloppy Boys, where we take a deep dive into the drinks that you love. I'm Jeff Dutton, along with Mike Hanford. Ooh-wee! And Tim Kalpakis. What is up? And we're your hosts, the Sloppy Boys. And Tim Kalpakis. What is up?

And we're your hosts, the Sloppy Boys. Tim, I got to tell you, remember last episode I was saying I saw a teenager with a shirt that said, What is up? And it was four U's on it. Well, that was for somebody else because you say, What is up? That would have been, What's up? So I don't know who that guy was talking about. Also, he's probably a fan of a different podcast. Different podcast with a whole different thing.

I keep my eye out for that type of trendy stuff. But yeah, so that of a different podcast. Different podcast with a whole different thing. I, you know, keeping my eye out for that type of trendy stuff. But yeah, so that was a different podcast. I don't know what it is. You're kind of like our street wear guy who's on the scene looking around. Yeah, street wear on the beat. He's waiting in line for the new drop. Mm-hmm. Yeah.

Whatever it is, I just get there. It's sneakers this time? Kanye West got new sneakers that he's selling you? Sneakers are in. I'm a sneaker guy. Put them on your feet. Well, I want to drip. No.

I'm worried that if you start to drip, then you'll end up grailed. Oh, no. What does drip mean? Me grailed of all people? Look, guys, if you cop too many things, you're going to end up with John's. Wait, is John's like the Philly thing? No, you're thinking of cheesesteak hoagies.

No, no, no, no, no. J-A-W-N-S, like John? Yeah. That means like thing, right? Yeah, I didn't know it was from Philadelphia. Or I don't know where it's from. I think it's an it's like an east coast thing but it's like hyper specific i think there's a pittsburgh thing it's like yin's like saying you like y'all it's like hey oh maybe that's you want to go here yeah i think yeah so i'm gonna get the flack on that now and

it's not from pittsburgh you fuck face easy hey don Hey, don't DM us with your regional bullshit. We don't give a fuck. No, I don't mind that, but it's just calling me a fuck face on every single one of them. What does grailed mean? Mike, just because I say a word doesn't mean I want to have to then prove that I know what it means. Okay, that's fine. That's fine. It's like holy grail.

You know what I mean? It's like a really uh an item you really want oh if you're decked out in awesome shit you're you're grailed like that i guess okay okay so i am i am uh not grailed because i'm wearing clothing i don't want you're the opposite is grailed an adjective i don't know because there is a website called grailed. Grail me. I see it used. Um, you know, I, I confessed to you guys that I found that I,

I have a problem with, um, ordering too much on Depop on Depop. And I didn't, I didn't let myself go back on there. I deleted the app and I said, Tim, you got a problem.

You ordered too many Molson ski jackets, the whole line of Molson ski bullshit. Well, I caved and I went on there and I dropped another few hundred dollars on Tabasco polo shirts. No. Polo shirts. Well, I saw Tony Soprano wearing a cool golf shirt with like chili peppers on it. Oh, I'm thinking of like a button up like a long sleeve. Yes, polo shirt.

Good, good, good. Yeah. And, uh, I went on there thinking maybe they'll have Tony's chili pepper shirt and they didn't have the exact one, but I bought like five other chili pepper type shirts. And a lot of those accounts will, uh, have references to the grail, uh, you know, or like this person's grail, that type of thing. I've been on the Depop there, Tim, and yeah, you can, I didn't buy anything, but you can sink a lot of cash just being like, oh, here's a funny

Fuji. Well, I see there's a cool Fuji t-shirt and you can find one. Yeah. Fuji film. It's weird buying clothes sight unseen because like, you know, it's not like depop isn't like zappos where they're like a big company and they're like yeah send it back yeah yeah who cares if you buy stuff on depop you're you're stuck with it you're fucked too because so much is vintage

and the sizes are entirely different so you just throw it in the garbage i i went over to Poshmark. It's kind of like Depop, maybe. It's vintage stuff. Got myself a pair of Reebok pumps from the 90s. I've been wanting those for a long, long time. Let's see them. Hold on. Fashion show. These are legit grail items. That's the type of...

When people would throw around the world that were... Oh, damn. Michael, they're black. These are cool. These are cool. Black and green. Oh, I like black. These are cool. These are cool. Black and green. Oh, I like them. Here's what I'll tell you. Here's what I'll tell you about them. I think they're a half size

too small. And they're a little more used than I wanted them to be. They're not brand new. If they're a half size too small, and then you pump them, you got nowhere to go. But here's the thing. They don't hurt my my feet but i just feel like these feel small but i wore them around a bunch and they feel great but maybe you're breaking them in even further yeah that's good breaking them in even more than the last guy don't overdo

it i went on poshmark and i was like a bunch of them were like 150 to 300 i was like hold on let's i'm not gonna do that yet and i found this for these for 50 and i was like how about 35 the guy was like 40 i was like yep wait you can do that i've been paying top dollar for all my he's paying out the nose for molson ice the ski ski edition i think most people who didn't want to get rid of their reebok pumps so quickly, would you be like, no, we're paying the price that I'm labeling here. I remember I had a pair of pumps when I was a kid. I loved them. I've wanted them for so long. These are things were the most nineties ever. They were like white and turquoise and neon orange. And when they were, when I blew them out, when they were dead, I cut them open and I took out the pump mechanism and it just looked like a weird lung jellyfish thing.

Like that weird mesh of like, you get to see, oh yeah, that's where the air was distributed. And that's probably why you became a biologist. You were interested in lungs and octopus. And air. Like, wow, it's beautiful. Nature is so beautiful. Beautiful. Nature is so beautiful.

Michael, on the sizing of those shoes, don't forget that it's not just about the length and where it touches your toes. But the guy at the finish line told me, or the runner's circle, said it's where the arch fits into the arch of your foot. Ah, yes, yes. The arch needs to be, well, I don't need to finish that thought. You know where I'm going with it? Well, you know, McDonald's actually has golden arches, but we don't have to go down that road. I had myself some McDonald's French fries last Friday, and boy, I had a great time with them.

Mike, what'd you do with them? Mike, just tell us, what did you do with those fries? It's a little bit more mature than this podcast tends to get. Mature. Let's just say that. Guys, I feel like, I fear we've gotten way off track. In what way? I know the perfect way to get us back on track

with a little bit of booze! News hit it! Oh, I love it already. Booze. News. News. Yep. Booze.

Yep. News. Just like the real song. Yep. It's booze news, you rat bastard. Whoa. Very nice. Sent to us by Mitch on the web, our old

slob head friend. I like that. Hey! Love Mitch on the web. We've heard son of a bitch. We've heard greasy piece of shit. What was this one? What did he say? Rat bastard. Rat bastard. Very much found his way to the same filing cabinet and found a new one we hadn't yet used.

That gets me every time, the high voice getting real ornery, surly with the, I guess, the listener. Hey, Mitch on the web is frequently on the Sloppy Boys Discord, available to Patreon subscribers. Here's a guy that's doing the work. He's not just listening to the pod. He's getting involved. He cares. He's part of the community, folks. He gives a shit. There's a lot of you out there listening right now and it's like, I don't need to do

anything. Well, you gotta do something. You gotta do something. Do something. You're just sitting there. Do something. At least find some food and shelter um okay well very simple booze news today i just wanted to share a personal thing that had me quite worried and i needed to share with you guys the other day i had a manhattan and it was delicious okay that's good congratulations thank you but here's the thing it made me worry about our

journalistic integrity i drank this was at a restaurant a place that knows how to make a good man and it was fantastic and then i thought here i am a podcaster and all three of us drank the iba version of the manhattan and we all said it shitty. And now I think we might be wrong. And maybe we need to issue a correction or a retraction or a revisit. A revisit. I think that was, yeah, we probably made it very wrong. We, you know, we had some vermouths that were bad, but that was before we had our Jack Schramm lesson. That's true.

And became McDonald's. So, yeah, you probably went to a restaurant and the bartender was one of Jack's students. It was his contemporaries. We were not yet kings of the shaker back then. Right. Or sultans of the mix. We were shaky on the shaker.

Our hands shook as we reached for the shaker. Your vermouth was from the attic or something? Yeah. It was long old. I had to dust off the label to see what it was. I'm like, oh, vermouth. This is what I've been looking for. Finally.

Oh, grilled. This is the prophet said it's true. It's down here. It's got to be. I followed the map. Well, anyway, that's why I just want to admit I want to own up to mistakes when we make them and just show that we're human.

And I'm going to continue to drink Manhattans and maybe I'll make one on my own. But I just feel like it rattled me and it made me think that here I've started to build up a belief system that might be built on shit man you know what i'd like to do the uh we should do an episode called ah redemption something or other something redemption yeah redeem uh the redeemable screamables anyway how about the crypt well the the crypt right we pull drinks back out of the crypt that's right.

And it doesn't, because like we don't all agree usually that it's like a bad drink. So this episode would be like, I do the Manhattan and the, I can't forget what else I didn't like, but just ones, one or two that, that I didn't like. Yep. And you guys also do a couple that you didn't like. Smart. Smart. Smart. And another thing is like when the world is fully back open up, you could go to a really good bar and order the good version and see if the problem was the guy who was doing the mixing.

Yeah. That's a good idea. You want, you want, uh, you want to give these drinks that we didn't like a path back into society. Yes. We don't just admonish them.

We've always said we want to, we don't, we, we don't want to hide them away from the world. We want to rehabilitate them and help them with their reentry. I would also like to do it the other way too, where I do a drink that I did like and go to a bar and try it and be like, mine's better before I even sip it. And they're like, oh man, I can't believe it, Mike.

That's amazing. How do you know my name? Well, we listened to all the Sloppy Boys episodes. Cool. I got a piece of booze news here, guys. Oh, nice. And I don't know how you're going to take it. Whoa.

I'm going to take it well. I don't know if you will. I haven't decided how I'll take it yet. This is no good. Fine, I'll take it bad. This kind of goes back to what you were saying about, you know, This kind of goes back to what you were saying about, you know, maybe the IBA didn't have the best possible Manhattan recipe. Whoa.

I just went to the IBAworld.com, and the website is down. Oh, no. Whoa. This institution that we've rested our entire premise on is down. Like it's not coming back? The podcast is rudderless. Holy shit. Here we are stepping out into the world from underground, blinded by the sun, out on our own for the first time, not knowing where to go, what to do. We thought this website would have the most standard untainted recipes you know like

like a musician would play like the standards we don't want somebody's little twist on something we want the standard yeah yeah now what are we to do is the whole website gone, Jeff, or is it just being maybe maintained? I pray that it's maintained because I went to... Is it an error 404? I'm getting a WordPress error. IBA uses WordPress, and it says, there has been a critical error on this website. Learn more about debugging in WordPress. Three dumb assholes have been making our recipes and ruined our

reputation. We have to stop this. Maybe, Jeff, did you accept cookies? You know, I think it's bigger than cookies. Jeez, except cookies, you sound like me in a bakery. Anyway, sorry, what were you going to say, Jeff? Hit it.

What the hell is he talking about? There wouldn't be any web tracking. Oh, Jeff? Hit it. What the hell is he talking about? There wouldn't be any web tracking. Oh, the round baked good. Gotcha. I'm talking about the round cruncher or sometimes chewer. I like a softie. Sometimes I like the batter. Oh, my God.

Okay, Mike Mike enough. Um, now, uh, Jack Schramm from Gush told us that he thought that our IBA cocktail recipes were a little weird. There are other, you know, you could use the old Jerry Thomas guide. You could use liquor.com or, or difference. But I did think something was up that every recipe that I've seen on, on sort of a craft website or anything like that. and our friend Jack, they always just start with two ounces of the spirit and then the other ingredients. Yet the IBA is doing

a lot of like, wow, an ounce and a half of this and an ounce and a third of this and all that. I'm not ready to just say the IBA is wrong. Me neither. I hate the IBA. I'm with the IBA till, I mean, this tattoo I got, I better be with him for life. Well, let's just say this. As we wrap up Booze News, the future is uncertain.

Wow. Wow. This is crazy. That's scary stuff. Well, luckily, we don't even need the IBA today. Yes. Hell no. today yes hell no you know why folks it's because we're doing a drink that comes in a can and guess what all we need to do for this drink is to pop it open oh yeah very good. When we put thumb to tab, all we have to do is pull and chug. And let's not forget to say what is written on the outside of said can.

It's the Bud Light Out of Office Pack. Woo! Seltzer. So this is a seltzer. It is seltzer time, baby. We're back. Bud Light following up the ugly sweater pack the holiday flavors with a spring collection that consists of i got it right here watermelon mojito

classic lime margarita mango mai tai and strawberry daiquiri those uh those sound good like those sound better than the sweater pack was gingerbread gingerbread man peppermint. Yeah, waxy peppermint. Cranberry, which is the best. Yeah, and then apple crisp.

What was that last one? Apple crisp. These actually sound like drink flavors and I like that. The original Bud Light seltzers from a year ago were good uh we drank them in the studio recording our album and we liked them and then they did the holiday one in the meantime they've also come out with lemonades that i haven't tried um uh i believe but it feels like looking at this out of office pack out of office is definitely a you know reference to being on vacation.

So it's almost like they wanted to say the spring break pack, but they didn't want to attract the wrong element. You know what they should have done? I bet you somebody pitched this and they were like, we don't like the connotation. They should have called it the working from home pack or something like that. Right.

Because I bet you that's more zeitgeisty. Like out of office doesn't mean anything. And in fact, I don't much appreciate seeing the word office written on my fun drinks. Yeah, but if you're looking at office and it makes you mad, just remember, go back two words. Out. Out of.

Yeah. Still doesn't help. It reminds me of The Office. I don't like that. What? Michael Scott? Stop it. David Brent. No, no, no,nt no no no no no i'm not going i'm not gonna start talking about the office television show um okay well you better not otherwise we're

gonna have a long show ahead of us um i was i'm thinking you know they're saying this is a vacation thing but really what we're talking about here guys the theme is cocktails because they've made yeah fruit flavors before but these are specifically um what i like about these yes is that it's four different flavors each based on a cocktail mojito margarita mai tai daiquiri what i'm wary of and maybe they'll taste delicious classic lime margarita great strawberry daiquiri great but when the other two they they took some liberties yeah a watermelon mojito is not a normal mojito, and a mango Mai Tai is not a normal Mai Tai.

Right. That's where we might run into some trouble here. I'm looking forward to them because even though I didn't like the, I mean, by and large, it was interesting, but I didn't like the ugly sweater pack, but they did a great job of hitting what they set out to hit. Like the flavor, what are they, what did you call them? Flavorists? The flavorists did a great job. So when I taste the mango Mai Tai, you know, I don't love mango,

but when I taste mango Mai Tai, is there going to be a little bit of a dark Jamaican rum? Right. Taste to it? How faithful are these going to be? That's why I wish the mango wasn't there because we've already talked about how too many seltzer brands

are doing the mango. And mango's fine. I don't dislike it. Not to me. But it's just too prevalent. But Mai Tai is such a specific flavor, right? What you're really tasting,

I mean, every tiki drink has lime and rum, so if you ignore those, the flavor profile on a Mai Tai is a bunch of cocktail mixer type things with no alcohol in them, just the mixers. They might have. And they said, oh, fuck, we got to do something to keep up with Pepsi. They're one of the biggest soft drink brands in the world.

Mm-hmm. It's interesting to think that a huge beverage conglomerate like Anheuser-Busch, who's very ownedusch, I did the research on this, some huge one. And when they want to hear about what PepsiCo is up to, the news source they turn to is Booze News. Awesome. That's awesome for us. It's awesome. It's cool. It's cool. It's cool to know we're having an impact in the world. It's cool. It's cool. It's cool to know we're having an impact in the world. Well, before we dive in, is there anything else we need to know? We're optimistic. We're intrigued.

And I already did a whole history of Budweiser on our December episode. So go listening to that if you want to know about the company. I think we just start cracking these fuckers. Oh, the only thing about this is like brand new, these things. we just start cracking these fuckers. Oh, the only thing about this, this is like brand new, these things. Oh yeah. When I first saw them, I grabbed them. And then now I do see them around a lot.

So maybe that's an LA thing, but I think they're going to be, by the time this airs, I think they're going to be rolling down the street. And if you don't see them at your local grocery store, go on to budlight.com and there's a buy beer button. And then you like in a dropdown menu, you select Bud Light out of office pack and it'll tell you where it is available near you. And this is not a paid ad, but you know, you could try to enter a coupon code sloppyboys69 if you want. Hey, and if it works, tell us. That's great. All right.

Let's go get these drinks. Folks, it works, tell us. That's great. Alright, let's go get these drinks. Folks, we'll be right back. Hey folks, we want to pump the brakes on this episode and talk about a great podcast called Bizarre Albums from our good, good pal, Tony Thaxton. This is a great one. Tony explores the weird side of music,

celebrating and telling the stories behind those strange albums that make you wonder how and why they exist. He does deep dives on albums released by pro athletes, actors, fictional characters, and those albums where musicians or bands just took a crazy, weird left turn. The episodes are short, digestible. They're 15 to 20 minutes, full of pop culture trivia nuggets. You'll hear stories behind albums by Bruce Willis, Shaquille O'Neal, Macho Man Randy Savage, Freddy Krueger, and many, many more. And he even does an episode on Ham's Brewing Company. They put an album out in 1965. It's really great. New episodes drop every Tuesday, everywhere you listen to podcasts. Tony's got a Patreon. That's great. So do yourself a favor. Drop everything you're doing

right now and go listen to Tony's podcast Bizarre Albums. It's fantastic. And we're back with four flavors to discuss. Man, already I'm liking these cans much more. The designs on them are cool. They've got a lot of tropical feel. The watermelon mojito can is very pleasant. The pale pink and the banana leaves.

Oh, yeah. Is it calling to you? You want to start with it? No, I think we should start with classic lime margarita, right? Oh, okay. Cool. Doesn't that seem like

the most straightforward one? This is my favorite can. I like just the green. Green on green. I'm wearing, well, you can see, I'm wearing a green shirt right now. And hey,

those pumps you showed us were green. They had some green accents. That's true. Mostly black, but yeah. Green and green. They had some green accents. That's true. Mostly black. Green and black. Okay, here we go. Now, wait a minute, Tim. You haven't tried these yet, have you?

Like last time you had already gone through all of them. No, because Jeff bought these and gave me four, so I was not able to dip into them. He locked them up. And I, too, have been chased. Good. Me, too. Here we go. Down the hatch. That's just not right.

Would you say it's a big old bowl of wrong? That's something. That's a big old bowl of wrong. I like his character That's a big old bowl of wrong. Now, I like this character, Mike. What? The guy who's from the South? He's a gentleman from the South. Well, I've never been to the North in my entire life.

Is it hot up there? Oh, no. I'm trying to think of, they have Bud Light Seltzer limes, and they're good. And I'm trying to think of how this is different. It's got like a creaminess to it or something. Well, Margarita. Margarita does not call for cream. No, I certainly hope so.

And yet the Bud Light Seltzer is creamy, okay. What flavors, in a real Marg, I guess you're getting lime and orange, right? Because of the triple sec. This is maybe just the classic misstep of too much flavor, right? You don't need that much flavor in a seltzer. I guess every time I do order a margarita, I say, one margarita, please hold the cream. I have heard you say that. Well, what's the spirit in margarita?

Tequila. Tequila. So we should be tasting tequila. We should be tasting salt. Also, lime and Cointreau. Hey, I might be tasting salt. Yeah, I can get there on the salt. Yeah, okay.

It's just coating my mouth, which I don't like. Yeah, I guess it does have a salty tinge. It does taste like a margarita, but it tastes to me like that diet, the pre-mixed Cuervo plastic bottles that already have tequila in them in their diet, and they taste kind of saccharine. Yeah. Yeah, it does have like a um what's that sweet and lowish or uh like a diet coke feel to a coke you know what i mean the other day jessica sent me up

to get some sweet and low and i came back i had bought high and bitter oh, how could you? Wow. Bitter and high? Yeah, yeah, wow. Bitter and high. Salty and elevated. So should we rank this real quick, or do we? Let's keep going and maybe taste some of these other ones. Okay, great. I'm ready to move on. I don't know about you guys.

Yeah, I've had enough of that. That's very telling. I do not want to finish this can. But we all know what's going to happen. We will. And then we will drink a bunch of beers that are also in the fridge. Okay, what's next? Strawberry daiquiri?

Yeah, strawberry daiquiri is the other classic, huh? All right, great. Classy daiquiri. Now, daiquiri. When we think daiquiri, what are we thinking? That's another rum thing, right? It right it's i mean it's a weird we talked about this with um our cocktail teacher jack he said that you know a traditional daiquiri was originally just rum sugar lime and um then somewhere along the line they started adding fruit and turning them into milkshakes. And strawberry daiquiri is probably the most popular of those.

And it's kind of like a big strawberry milkshake, but it is a rum drink. Okay. Is it like a Slurpee? Kind of like a... I mean, daiquiris are often frozen like margaritas. Yeah. Okay. Yes.

It's like the ones spinning on the wall in Bourbon Street, that type of... All right. Now, I smelled... I'm just smelling this one first, as any good sommelier would do. Yeah. Of which I know nothing, and... Oh, it smells strawberry for sure. Fake strawberry.

It smells... Yeah, it smells like strawberry Big League Chew, which I... Like, or strawberry Fanta, or... Mine actually came... It's all in a Big League Chew, which I... Or Strawberry Fanta. Mine actually came, it's all in a Big League Chew bag and I gotta reach in and pull out the liquid. I'm gonna do that. For this summer, I'm gonna have a Big League Chew summer. Oh, man.

I'm gonna go to the beach. Okay, sips. Strawberry Daiquiri. Here we go. Ugh. What in the world? Why do they all taste a little creamy? This is... Where is there something wrong? You know, doesn't the original Bud Light Seltzer Pack have strawberry in it?

Once again, they've just weirded them up. There's like a metallic taste to this thing. You know, there's a metallic sound to the music of James Hetfield. Tim, I don't have time for that right now. I'm tasting a gas. Tim, stay focused, will you? If I was drinking a drink I enjoyed, yes.

Ah, yes, of course. Metallica. Good, good, good. This is so weird. This is rank. It's weird. I think this is worse than the peppermint patty it reminds me of a um a bad lollipop i used to get as a kid and it's creamy over and over again like at yeah it was like a creamsicle strawberry lollipop that i think my dentist had and they were uh sugar-free i wish it tasted like the strawberry shortcake pop with the

crumbles on the outside. Yeah, I love that one. Yeah, there's something really like coppery to this. Mike, you get a weird taste set, man. You're like a prospector. You just taste metal. It's always minerals and metals with you. Yeah.

Get off the periodic table, Michael. We're tasting Bud Light Seltzer. I like that it's like normally on the show we make cocktails and Mike makes his wrong and complains. This time,

the beverages are made for us, so Mike's just tasting them wrong. Mike, you got to calibrate that tongue of yours, baby. I use all those mineral terms because truth be told

as we're recording this I'm also recording a chemistry podcast that I'm a host of and I just use the audio for both of them okay he's doing double duty hey

going back to the classic lime margarita from the strawberry daiquiri there's definitely tons of salt going on in this other one in the Marg.

It's a big salt bomb. But salt flavor, fake salt flavor. Right, because let's check the sodium on both of them. The flavorists are really missing their mark here. They both have 25 milligrams of sodium. So, yeah, it's a fake salt flavor. Wait, I'm reading. Do you guys see this?

I'm reading on the strawberry da this on, I'm reading on the was it strawberry daiquiri? The coppery one. I'm reading water, cold fermented cane sugar, natural flavors, citric acid oh give or take three or four pennies. What the hell is

this? Give or take choose a number of pennies and stick to it. I know. That's probably why yours probably has like four pennies. Mine has five. That's why it tastes more coppery. I'm surprised there's any differentiation between the ingredients here, but the lime has one more gram of carb.

The lime has one more carb than the strawberry. One more spaghetti noodle went right into that one. Wait, which one has has i'm seeing two carbs and uh and yeah and strawberries got one carb so they added a one carb of salt um speaking of carbos i was looking at these recently um in general white claws have two carbs and most seltzers have two carbs or one. Corona seltzer is the only one with zero carbs. Ooh, I liked the Corona. Yeah. So that's the one to go with if you're health conscious. I guess how many carbs are in a normal beer? Like just like a bud. Let me guess. I don't know. 90,

right? No, Tim, you know, I don't know carbs. Yeah, I know. That's the main thing I know about you. 35. I'm going to say 90. 11 or 12. Damn. Okay. But here's an interesting one. How many calories? That I don't know.

Like light beers will have like 96, and I think full-strength beers will be like 130 or something. Guys, can we open a new drink? Sorry, Tim. Go ahead. What are we thinking now which one oh well jesus let's try this uh let's try this watermelon one that's mojito watermelon sugar and the other flavor is what mango mai tai now mojito that is lime and mint if i remember correctly and rum yeah here we go smells good that smells minty it smells like a minty ish thing huh okay oh aggressive aggressive with the mint very aggressive with the mint but not as wretched as the other two still too strong too

much flavor but but i like that it reminds me a little bit of like an agua fresca watermelon juice watermelon is a weird flavor because in a lot of cases it's mild like yeah it doesn't hit you hard it's a it's a weird round low flavor. It's true. Not like the fruit itself. Isn't it weird that fake watermelon can be delicious? Like Bubblicious watermelon flavor gum is great, but that flavor has nothing to do.

That gum that looks like a watermelon? Yeah, I love that stuff, but it has nothing to do with a real watermelon. It's a full different flavor. Unless maybe if you cook a watermelon, it'll I love that stuff, but it has nothing to do with a real watermelon. It's a full different flavor. Unless maybe if you cook a watermelon, it'll taste like Bubblicious. Same with banana. I love bananas, but like banana

runts have such a weird flavor to them. Ooh, I gotta get some runts too. Ooh, I'm gonna have a good summer of candy and gum. Why are you waiting until the summer? Because I said I'm gonna kind of do like a summer thing. I was going to go to the beach waiting for things to open up before you go into the candy shop.

Oh man, I had some candy. You know Nerd Ropes? You ever have those? Nerd Ropes are awesome. They also, the thing I had recently was- I know what you're going to say. Nerd like pellets. Yes, Nerd Rope eggs.

Yes. Right? God damn, they were so good. I don't know if they're eggs. Not eggs, but like- They're like jelly beans. Yeah, yeah, yeah. They're about that size. They're pellets yes nerd rope eggs oh yes right god damn they were so good i don't know if they're eggs not eggs they're like jelly beans yeah yeah they're about that size pellets oh it was basically a nerd rope cut up and then like nerd rope cut up into small pieces but wait but it was like jelly beans right they're like they're little rocks yeah it was like it was like a a jelly bean with like nerds stuck to the outside of it. Okay.

Like a nerd rope is a rope with nerds stuck to the outside of it. I know what a nerd rope is. Sorry, sorry. I'm so sorry. I didn't mean to offend. Yeah, I think I'm looking at a nerd Zoom right now. All right. Let's take it back to the watermelon guy here.

Watermelon sugar. This is bad. They're all bad. They taste bad. They're all bad. They taste bad. They're not good. This is the best one to me so far. Me too, and I don't still want to have more sips. What's going on here

with these where they smell much different than they taste? You're being swayed by the smell. Well, I'm glad I'm not swayed by the taste because it sucks. Alright, well this one is uh honestly they are hitting the mark i just don't know if i like it yeah this one tastes the most like a watermelon mojito or what i imagine that would taste like agree it's like if they had a turd flavor and it tasted like a turd you'd be like yeah they're hitting its mark but i don't want that yeah yeah i don't want that i think that the uh we you know the thing to do with these seltzers other

than bon viv which i like most of them i pour out on the ice like even white claw is just better when it gets a little melty on ice i think these might be drinkable if they got melted down you know you're right because I feel like all of them, if they were at like two-thirds flavor, I would be into it. Ooh, that mojito now, after a few sips, it just tastes like drinking cologne or something. Well, what are the odds that they just nail mango Mai Tai? They better.

odds that they just nail mango Mai Tai. They better. You know, mango must be a crowd favorite if it's used in every fucking brand, so there's got to be a reason for it. Alright, mango Mai Tai. Smells weird.

Oh yeah, that does smell weird. Well, maybe that's the opposite. Maybe it's... It smells weird. It tastes good. try hold on it tastes like what like what it's like mango up top and then it hits you with uh mango drops out real fast and then you're like hey where'd it go and then in comes oh this shit sucks mango what my tie it would have been so fun to taste like an orgeat curacao or like a dark rum like yeah i feel like every tiki drink should just taste like myers a little bit i feel like if i'm feeling like now the sweater pack i like that more just because

the flavors were a little more on point this is I don't even know what they're sipping here. The holiday pack gave us the thrill of the Harry Potter jelly bean silliness. Yeah. These ones, they created cocktails and then made them and then did a bad job. Like they didn't. What are they thinking over there at Bud? Well, this stinks. In Bev. This is a this stinks. InBev.

This is a bummer. These things. I bet Adolphus Bush IV is rolling around in his grave right now. Why didn't you make something with coconut? Man. Yeah, these are no good. They just hang out in your mouth for too long too. They all taste artificial.

Yeah. They taste taste artificial. Yeah. They taste like flavored condoms. Which I wrapped around mine. I'm sucking on these cans. So I wrapped them in. All right. I don't get it because the whole draw coming off of the ugly sweater pack was that they're really good at nailing these flavors.

And I feel like they just made some shit up. And if you're going to make some shit up, make it taste good. Like, did they come up with the names first? And they were like, okay, we're just going to ruin our lime and ruin our strawberry.

Well, I feel like here's what we have the ingredients for some strawberry stuff. Uh, yeah, it'll be strawberry daiquiri. Great. Um, I would,

I would respect them more if they had said just like ruined strawberry. I'd be like, okay, well, if you can accurately ruin it. Strawberry set in some copper wiring. Man, none of these, like with the sweater pack, I was like, well, I'm going back to the cranberry. Yeah. I'm not dying to reach for any of these. I'm dying to dump them in a toilet. But what I was getting at with my carbo statement before about the beers have like 11 carbs, but Michelob Ultra, the low carb beer in the slim can, that one's only got 2.6 carbs.

So even if you're living a low carbo lifestyle, wouldn't you rather have a Michelob Ultra than any of these? Yeah. I am going to go to the other room and measure. I'm going to do equal parts and do a suicide and see how it tastes all of them together. Of all four? Yeah. I'll do that too. Why go in the other room? Why not do it right now on the mic? Because my, well, you know, how about this? I'll bring the shot glass in here.

Yeah, okay, I'll do that too. I got my glass and I'm going to make a suicide too. I'm going to feel just like the villain in Barb and Star. Oh, we'll be right back. Hey, here's a shocker. Yeah. They got color to them when you pour them out of the can. They're all pink and yellow and green.

How are you doing the suicide? I'm just going to do like. I'm doing an ounce of each so I can measure them. So they all have the same measurement. Oh, yeah, they do have color to them. I thought the normal seltzers were all clear. That's what was so kind of creepy about the sweater pack, like drinking something clear, something that's called... Peppermint patty.

Yeah, like chocolate. Gingerbread man. Peppermint patty. Now, this would be great if we found out that the suicide. Delicious. Tasted delicious. Yeah. Then we looked at the box and was like, make sure to mix them all together.

Cheers. Here we go. Bottoms up. Oh, it, it made Red Bull. It's like fruit punch. Yeah. That is better. I mean, that's, that is better i mean that's that's better than it's not any worse uh and maybe a little better i think it is it's not good but it is better

because at least my brain is not trying to like figure out what the hell is wrong and like you know this this feels like it's jungle juice don't worry about it like it reminds me of like the college tub don't worry about it hey i also have a drink here i want to i want to try oh what i was missing from the mango mai tai was that nice dark rum flavor so i'm gonna add just a pinch of meyer's dark rum. Ooh. I bet that Myers is going to give it more of a dark rum flavor. Tim. I think it will. Too soon to say. Now, do you normally mix high proof rums with seltzer?

Yeah, with malt beverage. Ooh, now that they should sell. You're just tasting the rum now? Mm. Mm. That's good. Are you tasting like any of that fake fruit coming through at all? Ooh, now that they should sell. You're just tasting the rum now? Mmm. Mmm. That's good. Are you tasting like any of that fake fruit coming through at all? Well, see, you get a little of the fake fruit sweet,

but then you get a really robust dark molasses rum. This is pretty weak. This whole thing is foobar. This whole podcast kind of sucks. Well, folks, we thought it would be good and it is oh michael what do you got there i got my cape my cape cod potato chip mug which this would be a good sponsor for this podcast true actually we'll take any sponsor i went to uh the cape cod potato chip factory once to take a tour and the tour i I thought I was going to like get back there and see the, you know,

all the belts and things working and be right in the mix. But the tour is just, you walk down a little hallway that has a glass on it and you see into the factory and you look down and read, read what they're doing and then move to the next little spot. They're making potato chips. And the end, you get some free potato chips and I bought a mug.

I was driving in Cape Cod one time and I looked out my window and I saw a big cranberry bog. And I said, Oh, cranberry, like ocean spray, cranberry, a Cape Codder,

Cape Cod cranberry. Hey, do you guys have a, I love a Cape Cod Cranberry. Hey! There you go! Hey, do you guys have a... I love a Cape Cod chip. It's my fave. You know? It's your fave? I was gonna ask, do you guys have favorite chips? Because I have like a top three.

Flavors or brands? Flavors. Oh, within Cape Cod? Or all... No, no, no. Just of all chips. I'm trying to start a little chip talk if you don't. Oh, a chip talk. It pairs well with a little Bud Light seltzer. Well, I was always very, when I first moved to LA, I was really loyal and nostalgic to the Cape Cod chips and be like, I got to go home and get some more of them. And then kettle chips kind of

broke big nationwide. And now you can get something pretty close to it. But I'm always a fan of, in any brand, salt and pepper. Get a little cracked pepper on there. The Cape Cod cracked pepper ones are very good. Salt and pepper is especially good with kettle too. I've been getting into this lately. And everyone I tell makes fun of me. Saltless chips. I've been getting into this lately and everyone I tell

makes fun of me. Saltless chips. I love them. I love that potato-y flavor. Hey, you were eating those even before you had your incident with your blood pressure. Your diagnosis. I love them so much. Now when you go to the hospital, you hear

the nurses outside your door being like, it's the salt-free potato chip guy he's what's wrong with him i don't know he's just weird i'll tell you my top uh three number one doritos nacho cheese oh yeah classic uh-huh yeah oh okay that's a that's a chip i thought okay yes not potato chip yes Well, why is that not a potato chip? Oh, a corn Well, sure Oh! Okay, here's another major chip

Lay's Sour Cream and Onion Oh, yeah Those Lay's chips are so thin sometimes that I put them in my mouth and I feel like there's no food in there except it just manages to still cut up my mouth. Cape Cod's are thin. Cape Cod's are just as thin.

Cape Cod can bust up your mouth too. That's true. You got me. Cape Cod's are not just as thin as Lay's. Jeff. Okay. Two more chips coming at you. Plain old original Ruffles.

Yeah, Ruffles, they're the best. Well, Ruffles have ridges. That's true. I just bought myself some Utz, Utz Ruffles. Ooh. Utz for dutz. And then finally, this is a new one, a newish chip. You know how IBA has new era drinks?

This is a new era chip. Those other ones were unforgettable. And yeah. Tostitos, hint of lime. Yeah, those are good. I eat those by the handful. That's a good chip. You know what I like?

I found recently again, Andy cap hot fries. You know what those are? Yeah, I love those. God, man. I eat those. So they're so good. Got a little heat to them.

I never had them. Oh, yeah. Try. Let me tell you guys my favorite chips. And these are going to be polar so good. Got a little heat to them. I never had them. Oh, you got to try. Let me tell you guys my favorite chips, and these are going to be polarizing, and you guys are going to say. Oh. My favorite chip at the moment, Utz crab potato chips. Oh, yeah, I say oof to that, Tim.

You say oof? Jeff, have you had those? I say oof just by, I mean, no, never had them. They sound gross. Oh yeah, I've never had them. I've been wrong before. Well, they don't taste at all like crab meat or seafood. They taste like Old Bay. Like the stuff you would shake on to crabs.

In that same category, Zapp's Voodoo Chips. You ever had Zapp's? Oh, I just saw them. Are those good? Hell yeah. Yeah, they're real zingy and zappy. Oh, I gotta try it. So what's the deal with Zaps? They're from New Orleans or something?

Like, why do they got that twang? They got that Louisiana twang. And Zaps' original flavor are very similar to the Utz crab chips I was talking about. And they're great. They're kind of Old Bay taste, but then the Voodoo is a little spicy and kind of crazy.'m starting to learn that i love uh like fish sauce or eel sauce you ever get like eel sauce with sushi it's just like really tangy teriyaki like dark oh yeah have you had um chips that are flavored like all dressed yeah that's that's a canadian thing i guess yeah

that's like saying the works in canada They say all dress, and I love those. It almost tastes like, you know, like hers ketchup chips. I like ones that are a little vinegary, but also sweet. I like ketchup chips I do not like, but salt and vinegar I like a lot. Salt and vinegar is nasty. No, no, I like to get that tart. Wait, Tim, did you name your third? I'm going crab, voodoo, all dress.

Here's an email I just found from 2009, October 1st, 2009. So I got the idea in my head that I said I love the Cape Cod potato chips every time I go to Ralph's grocery shop they don't have them there so here's what I said I I got the uh I got the Cape Cod potato chips email and I wrote them this I love capitalized your potato chips and I was wondering if I could get a complimentary t-shirt to wear in California. I noticed Cape Cod chips aren't too popular out here and I'd love to help spread the word. I wear a size medium. Thanks and keep up the great work. They wrote back on the next day. Wish I could send you a t-shirt. Sorry. It opens up that way. Unfortunately, Costco

is not ordering from us now due to a cost increase. So there's no, it's a corporate decision. It goes on to tell me who numbers to call. So I, that was my attempt to get the shirt. And later I got one, I think for Christmas. Oh, so, so they, so they did exist. They just didn't want to send you one. Yeah, they wouldn't send me one. But still, wouldn't you think like somebody writes an email, just send them a t-shirt and shut up? I like also you weren't asking for it just like saying, hey, please, I'd really like when you were offering to them like,

hey, I'm going to wear this around California. It could be good for your business. I'm a guy who gets on stage now and again over at the UCB theater. If you want showbiz circles to be hearing about your chips, then you gotta give me the tea. The other day I was on a show, BJ Novak did a set,

a comedy set, man. Maybe afterwards he sees me walking out wearing that, he thinks to himself, hey. That's good for you. Good for you? Hey, Mike, I can think of no better brand ambassador than, than you. You do embody their whole brand ethos. I know.

Um, remember the little debacle I got into with Labatt blue. They, I was in upstate New York and I bought a case of Labatt because it said, uh, it's got a free hat or what do Canadians call like a wool winter cap? A toque.

It said free toque. Toque. Toque? Is it toque? I thought it was toque, but anyway. Let's go to the Googler. Toque or toque is the correct, dear Google. Toque.

T-O. Oh, it says much like toka the ganja um my labatt case said it had a token and then it didn't and then i tweeted at them and i said hey what the fuck and they dm'd me immediately and said what's your address and then they sent me the hat and now i proudly wear it and they they kept me as a loyal customer. That's what you want to do. Well, you know what? Cape Cod didn't get me what I wanted. And they still kept me because it's a good chip.

And I'm here now saying it's a good chip. It's the crunch you like at lunch. Wow. Oh, hey. You guys, have you heard this thing about David Bowie? What about him? He's been dead for a couple years what well yes you mentioned his death the remember how amazing that was that when david bowie's final album came out um black star star yeah that came out and then he he passed away

a few days later okay and what we all sort of learned after the fact was that he knew he had a terminal disease and he kind of made his final album as a swan song, knowing that he wasn't, uh, that it was going to be his last album. And he didn't promote it that way, but it was like, the context was sort of like, this is, this will be my final work of art. And I want to put it out into the world because I know that I'm dying. It's pretty heavy stuff. Yeah, yeah. That's cool. Well, basically,

I guess that's not the end of the story because they've recently, they've seen there's this posthumous release that he's putting out and that apparently Black Star may have been a swan song, but it's not the last we've heard of him. Really?

Yeah, David Bowie. So swan song number two. Yeah. He said there was like, apparently some unfinished business and that he just had something that he needed to share because he thought this was going to be like really more important than anything else he's ever really discussed. This isn't like his estate putting it out. He's, he planned this to schedule he planned it it's like jd salinger scheduling his novels coming out like he said wait until five years after i die and then put this out because i think the world will be interested in this kind of thing crazy um anyway i downloaded the track here on mp3 and what do you guys say we give it a listen i'm dying to hear he's great he's one of my faves hit it they pulled up just beside the fridge he takes a can

he downs it gee cause i climb margarita i might drink more cans cans. He sipped it then and there. She took a swig, took a strawberry, took mojito, took a Mai Tai. Heaven knows she'd have taken anything. Bird light. She wants the out of office pack. Out of office

pack. Out of office pack. She wants the out of office pack. Bird light. She wants the out of office pack, out of office pack, she wants the out of office pack Bud Light. She wants the out of office pack. Do you remember? Ooh, wow. The holiday flavors.

How was that? Do you remember the first flavors Bud made or even the beers they made? I drank the booze today, oh boy I got a can and you got a can Eat one damn flavor I won't break down and try But like I want the out of office back Out of office back the out of office back.

Out of office back. Out of office back. I want the out of office back. Burn light. I want the out of office back. Ooh, that's a good can of seltzer, you son of a bitch. Oh, hold on. Oh, what? Whoa, wait a

minute. Tim, did you steal your initial booze news song idea from some posthumous Bowie stuff? I was not privy to what the Bowie estate has or doesn't have. That's purely a coincidence. Hey, probably just parallel thinking.

Yeah, geez. Yes. There you go. Thank you. What a song. That was exciting. That's so cool that he, I mean, he didn't really release a new thing.

He used his old song and just changed the lyrics. He's young American. Yeah. Awesome. Oh, it is. You're right. It has some resemblance to young American. Oh, you didn't know that, Tim.

Yes, there's a song called Young American. Same chord progression. Yeah. It has some resemblance to Young Americans. Oh, you didn't know that, Tim. Yes, there's a song called Young Americans. Same chord progression. Yeah. It's the chord progression. I feel like the lyrics were a little bit different. There was somebody in there that sounded maybe like Bob Dylan snuck in for a second to do a line. Did that happen? I think what you're noticing is in the original Young Americans, he says, do you remember president nixon and he kind of says it in kind of a funny way yeah right so that part i thought maybe he brought bob dylan in to say that part does that happen very possible yeah we'll have to check the line collaborating all

these old boomer rockers love to collaborate yeah well this is a new song so maybe we'll be hearing more like how it was recorded type of stuff coming out later. And, you know, going forward, if you guys hear of more stuff that is released by these huge artists who maybe they're dead, maybe they're not. That's fine. Bring them on the pod. This is good stuff. Yeah, for sure. If any slobheads hear of unreleased material that happens to be about booze, send it to the sloppyboyspodcast.gmail.com. We

want to hear that. Alright guys, let's get into the final thoughts and get on with our lives. My final thought is I hated all four of these flavors. Can't finish the cans. Even the suicide is bad, but it's the best of them all. Well, David Bowie, we just heard in his song, he

said there's no seltzer flavor he wouldn't try. I get that. We used to be the same way. But after the sweater pack and this, it's like, I don't know if I want to keep trying some of these things. You want to get off of the train. It's bad. These are bad.

These are not good. I will say I just had a bonus sip of each. And they're all bad. Yeah. I struggle to name a favorite. Maybe lime, maybe watermelon. Yeah, I'd say watermelon's the winner for me. But a winner amongst losers.

Sure. I agree that watermelon is the best of the shitty drinks. Are you feeling like, Jeff, after drinking some more, that your mouth is getting used to it at least? Well, now I've had several servings of booze. So I feel like I'm better acclimated to what they got going on. But I still don't like it. Disappointing. It's not something I'm enjoying.

It's a negative. It's a negative. The feeling you have when you drink these is that you're sad no yeah it's bad news and this this was no way to kick off our spring right we're spring has pretty much sprung and we are excited to have a new fresh batch of seltzers i say let's stay positive we're still gonna have a new fresh batch of seltzers. I say, let's stay positive. We're still going to have a nice sloppy spring of fun. Yeah, sure. Drinks ahead of us. We're going to stay,

but maybe the IBA website is down. Maybe everything is fucked, but we're going to persevere. I mean, we got, we got no direction now that the IBA is down. And I was hoping that this was going to be a shining light. I guess that's not the case. Not today.

Well, what we can look forward to is a summer full of runts and big league chew for us. Yeah, sure, sure. At least one of us, unless you guys want to do it, too. Well, that's it for the Bud Light Seltzer Out of Office Pack. Guys, we got a little mail. Oh, good. We haven't talked to the mailman in a long time. Stewie Louie asks,

What's the sexiest letter? I think it's the letter B for obvious reasons, but my mind can be changed. If you're stumped, you can use numbers if you must. I like that stiff, rigid, lower

case L. Ooh, Michael. I got to go with the number three because of that middle prong. What? Well, of course, when you look at the number three, the middle prong. You got two humps. Yeah, but then the middle prong stands out. Yeah.

And for me. Oh, God, I bet Jeff's going to be like, I think pi is the best number because actually it doesn't have... Oh, no. I can actually list it off to the 200th decimal. Can I have my platform, please?

You're going to have to take it from me. I'm going to go with cursive Z. Like, what's going on with that cursive Z. Like, what's going on with that thing? Oh, yeah. That's a good one. Remember when McDonald's put out pizza for a little bit and the Z's were sideways

McDonald's arches, M's? What? Yeah, look that up. McDonald's pizza? Yeah, look up McDonald's pizza. It's on lists like BuzzFeed lists of biggest food blunders, the McPizza. Jeff, I got to say that the cursive Z you're talking about, I'm looking at it right now because I had Googled Zapp's potato chips. And yeah, it does have a, it's got a nice sensual swirl to it. Such intrigue.

It's so confident in what it's doing. Well, thanks for emailing us, Stewie Louie. And if you've got a question for the boys, you can email us at thesloppyboyspodcast at gmail.com. Click on that link I just sent you in the chat there.

You'll see what I'm talking about. You see the pizza box there? Oh, yeah. They fucked. Oh, yeah. It looks like they're saying Pima. Yeah. Yeah.

Or Pi 3 3 A. What's this? What's this? Elon Musk's new kid's name. I'm down. Mike, you're getting so mad. I just will end the podcast and I can't take this shit anymore. That's our show.

Follow us on social media. We're talking Twitter. We're talking Instagram. Are we anywhere else? Facebook. Are we on TikTok? No. No, we're on Discord, though.

Oh, yes. Discord available to Patreon subscribers only. But follow us on social media at The Sloppy Boys, where we release these recipes ahead of time. Also, be sure to check out our Patreon, where subscribers can unlock The Sloppy Boys Blowout, our weekly bonus episode. It's a whole other podcast. That's patreon.com slash the sloppy boys. Oh, can I plug something, Jeff? Yeah, sure.

Last weekend, I ran the America's Shamrock Run Half Marathon. And while I was doing it, I was raising money for the Malala Fund. And if you don't know what that is, it's a fund that gives better resources to girls all around the world to help them get a better education. And you can actually still donate now if you want. If you check my Instagram or Twitter, Twitter especially, I've had posts up there that have a link to it. Donate whatever you want. It's, it's still opened. If you can donate, that's great. Mike, I'm going to donate. Mike, you don't even have to really run that thing because we know

it takes you 657 to run one mile. We learned that on the Patreon show. So just multiply that by 26.2. There's your number. Save yourself the... Tim, what do you think I'm going to do? that by 26.2. There's your number. Save yourself the... Tim, what do you think I'm going to do? Yeah, if you want to

find the link to it, check my socials and stuff. I've been posting about it and you'll find it on Twitter. Mike, you got to say your socials.

So you got to say you're at Mike Hanford. At Mike Hanford, both Instagram and Twitter. That's amazing that you were able to get those. There's not another

Mike Hanford, huh? There are, but they got together like, well, we should give it to this guy. He's new. Mike Hanford, huh? There are, but they got together like, well, we should give it to this guy. He's new. You all at a meeting? Yeah, and eventually, when I get older, we'll all get together and we'll pass it on to the next Mike Hanford. Hmm. Like a

Highlander situation or something. That's right. All right, folks. That's our show. We'll see you next week. Later, everybody. Bye. we'll see you next week later everybody bye