The Sloppy Boys - 35. Blue Hawaii
Episode Date: June 18, 2021The guys fly to Waikiki to visit the birthplace of the bluest beverage thus far!BLUE HAWAII.75oz/22ml vodka.75oz/22ml light rum.5oz/15ml blue curaçao3oz/90ml pineapple juice1oz/30ml sweet a...nd sour mixAdd vodka, light rum, blue curaçao, pineapple juice and sweet-and-sour mix into a shaker with ice and shake until well-chilled. Strain into a Hurricane glass over crushed or pebble ice. Garnish with a pineapple wedge and cocktail umbrella. Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.
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Hey folks, welcome to the Sloppy Boys where we take a deep dive into the drinks that you love.
I'm Jeff Dutton along with Mike Hanford.
Hello Jefferson.
And Tim Kalpakis.
What is up island style?
Oh, that's a, that's a, what is that sound that I'm Calpacus. What is up? Island style. Ooh.
That's a, that's a, what is that sound that I'm trying to replicate? Bird, a bird.
No.
It's like a slide guitar, right?
Slide guitar, right?
But is it like a pedal guitar?
Like where the-
Pedal steel?
That's something different.
I don't know what that is.
Steel magnolias.
Ukulele.
Listen to Jerry Bird.
Jerry Bird is a good Hawaiian guitar player that does that type of sound.
Larry Bird.
Yeah, I think you're thinking of Larry Bird.
You're thinking of Larry Bird.
He's a basketball player.
Basketball player.
Whoops.
Basketball extraordinaire, some might say.
Check the back of his rookie card.
You know what I just learned this weekend?
The Twitter icon is named Larry.
Oh.
Must have been a wise man who told you that, Jeff.
Yeah, it was you.
Yeah, it was me.
It was a wise jag off.
Folks, we're looking back at this weekend through foggy, foggy lenses.
Oh, boy.
Oh, probably drunk since we got off the plane and hot, very hot sun.
Plain and hot.
Very hot sun.
So we got back from our trip to Honolulu, Waikiki Beach on Oahu.
We told you last week we were going to do it, and then we lived up to our promise.
I got a lot of DMs from people being like, you're bullshit.
You and your fucking little group are such bullshitters.
You're not going anywhere.
What was that?
You used to get a lot of comments from people saying that we were fucked up dickheads.
Yeah, but now that we've got this podcast, it's more, you're all
bullshit. You're all bullshit.
Everything you say is bullshit. It's shifted.
It's not going to happen. But
I still think you're a dickhead or whatever
you said. I don't want to say it. The old feelings
remain as well.
We're truth tellers
now because we went to Hawaii.
We had the time of our damn lives
and we're back.
We're bronze.
I'll tell you that much.
Oh, yeah.
We're relaxed.
And tired.
And tired and hungover.
Certain parts are bronze.
Certain parts of my midsection are beet red.
Yes.
Tomato comes to mind.
I got the sort of tan lines and
burns that exactly the ones
I didn't want, which was farmer's
tan already. Yeah. And then
the selective burn on the
pale parts. So you got the
Cosmopolitan? No.
Neapolitan. You got the Neapolitan
three colors. You might look more like a
well, yeah, right. If it was just the one full
burnt red, you'd be a Cosmo.
There's also kind of a little bit of a Spumoni.
I got the bronze
stomach, the red chest,
and the green seasick face.
Yeah, that's how you
tan well. You know,
when you like to put suntan lotion on
and then you can see in the mirror the next
day when you're burnt where your fingers couldn't reach on your back and there's like a clear hand outline.
Yeah, the back always has like finger smudges of like where you couldn't quite reach the top of the back of the spine.
But I think we did all right because we employed spray lotion.
Folks, we're sponsored by spray.
Click the top and it spritz it all over you.
Now, if you haven't signed off yet
because of boredom, because we've been talking about tans
and lotions, welcome.
Welcome. A full-on welcome
to you who can get through the bullshit.
To all of you.
What do you guys see when we get into some booze news?
Oh.
Oh!
Hit the Booze News theme!
Hello, I'm Geoff Dutton, and this is Eye on Booze News.
Oh, ha ha ha!
Come on, lunchtime, s booze news you greasy little
shit
that was sent to us Crazy little shit.
That was sent to us by Robert Persinger.
And do you know what the audio clips from movies were hidden in there?
Because I learned something.
I recognize Kemp Brockman and the Ion Springfield music.
Is there a common theme?
Sloppy Boys stuff.
We've talked about it.
I know a happy,
or Billy Madison.
Billy Madison.
And then there was another that was Kevin Bacon in Tremors
says like,
here's your lunch,
slophead.
Oh.
That's crazy.
We got to find that.
Well, that's what we,
yeah, I guess that is
what we named this band.
We're going to track that down.
Also, per singer,
and everybody, you know, the songs that we make and we release, they're not public domain.
Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah.
We will see your ass in court.
Yep.
You better lawyer up, buddy.
Yeah, to borrow our favorite line from Social Network, lawyer up, asshole.
Andrew Garfield doesn't stumble on it like I just did.
He doesn't go, lawyer up, asshole. Yeah, he doesn't he did good andrew garfield doesn't stumble on it like i just did he doesn't go lawyer up asshole yeah he doesn't almost say luller up you guys wouldn't feel bad about if like the way that we got really rich and successful is by suing somebody for use of
our music on our own podcast say hey you you sampled slophead and then we played it on our
show yeah yeah we we we i would do that. I would get
paid very well. Yeah, yeah, yeah.
I mean, as long as it helps out the bottom
line. Okay. Oh, yeah, we'd funnel
that. Man, I am so
mush-mouthed today. Well, here are that on some of the
clips, too, I think.
I
forgot what I was going to say.
Much brained as well.
Mikey, bring up a good point.
We got a lot of fun Hawaii clips headed right for you, folks.
But first, booze news.
Yeah, geez.
Oh, right.
After booze news.
Okay, well, here's a little, just a quick little banger of booze news.
Hey, you guys know that it's Father's Day weekend coming up right now.
And, well, the top story is the shoesy
i just sent you guys a link but from hype beast this was sent to us by david ferguson oh right to
celebrate father's day miller light and new balance have collided to create the first ever
beer shoe the shoesy coming together the father of light beer and the originators of the dad shoe
crafted the shoe meets koozie to keep your beer cool in a fatherly fashion.
Uh-huh.
So yeah, looking at it, it looks like the heel of a New Balance shoe.
It's chunky and everything, but it's a koozie have you seen that there's there's a kind of like
a tiktok meme of with um new balance sneakers where it's like when you know the job's gonna
get right or whatever like people video like dads dads working in a backyard or working in a garage
and just zoom in on their shoes and it's always new balance and it's like that's how you know
the job's gonna get run so i think that uh i mean this is one of these collabs it's like it's always New Balance. And it's like, that's how you know the jobs can get run. So I think that, I mean, this is one of these collabs.
It's like, it's not even a real thing.
You know, like they made this little product
hoping that like Jagoffs on podcasts would talk about it.
We're playing right into it.
We're taking the bait.
But I want to talk about it
because it does look pretty funny, doesn't it?
Like they made a koozie
that is made out of a shoe balance shoe.
And it's going to balance shoe and it's
going to be on.
It's like a sneaker drop.
Like you go this Sunday and you go to their website and then you buy these
shoes.
And then people will grab them.
They'll resell them for a markup.
That's how all these things work with the hype beasts.
What do you think of Miller light as a dad beer?
I think that the new balance shoe as a dad shoe,
I get that. But yeah, light is a little forced to call Miller light a dad beer. I think the New Balance shoe as a dad shoe, I get that.
But do you think that Lite is a...
It's a little forced to call Miller Lite a dad beer.
It's also weird for them to brand it that way on their own.
It feels like a dad beer maybe from like the 70s, 80s, early 80s.
But we're in the early 20-aughts.
Yeah.
What is a dad beer?
I can't think of what a dad beer would be. The early 20-aughts. Yeah. What is a deadbeat? I can't think of what a deadbeat would be.
The early 20-aughts.
Tim, don't overthink it.
I know.
It's one of those things in life you just don't want to get involved.
You can move on with your life a lot easier.
Now, see, I wore New Balance in college.
And when I was real cool.
Yeah.
That doesn't make me a dad.
No, it doesn't. It makes you a guy talking about his shoes from years ago. Yeah. That doesn't make me a dad. No, it doesn't.
It makes you a guy talking about his shoes from years ago.
Yeah.
Well, also, I guess a lot of people went to college with our dads.
Mm-hmm.
It could be.
Dave Ferguson himself, a dad.
Oh, maybe that's why he was looking at hypebeast.
Hoping for dad content.
Where do the dads go?
Now, I used to wear New Balance back in college, too,
and I didn't have any kids, and I still don't,
but I do have several million sperm.
Right.
And I have kind of a fatherly relationship with them.
Yeah.
I remember I asked you once to choose your favorite one,
and you were like, I never could.
I could narrow it down to maybe three or four million.
Then I have the closest bond with it.
The best of the best.
The ones with two tails, those are not my favorite.
Those ones bring much shame to my family.
Now, if we were doing my dad's dad's shoes slash koozie,
it would be a koozie with the Etonic brand on it.
Oh, yeah.
Etonics.
Etonics. What's that? I feel like Etonic is like... Just a brand on it. Oh, yeah. Etonics. Etonics.
What's that?
I feel like Etonic is like...
Just a brand of shoe.
I think they kind of specialize in making wide sizes.
Oh, is that...
I was going to say, what do they bring to the table?
I've never heard of Etonics.
I guess they're...
I thought they were...
Yeah, I guess they're wide shoes,
but my dad doesn't have wide feet,
so he just, I assume, got them on sale.
Does he put two feet in one shoe?
He's been known to, but not for yard work.
See, if I look at Bo Hanford, I think, well, that man probably likes a really heavy sock.
Could that be it?
That could be true.
Normal foot, thick sock.
When I call him on Father's Day, I'll ask him, hey, Dad, you like big, thick socks?
Record it for the pod.
I love them, son.
See ya. You better roll on that convo. Oh, yes, yes, yes, you like big, thick socks? Record it for the pod. I love them, son. See ya.
You better roll on that convo.
Oh, yes, yes, yes, yes.
Okay, any slopheads that take the bait and go buy these shoesies on the website,
send us a pic.
We'll laugh.
Yeah, send us a pair.
Yeah, shit.
We might be taking the bait ourselves.
Yeah, maybe we'll be sort of like influencer guys
and get a lot of free shit sent to us all the time.
You know what would be a nice thing is if we got one for Dave,
but I doubt we will.
That would be nice of us.
That would be a nice thing.
You know we're not coming.
Dave, if you're listening, sorry, bud.
You just know that ain't happening.
Dave, drop it.
It ain't going to happen, bud.
And that's Booze News.
Hey.
Do-do-do-do-do-do. Hey. Okay, so.
Hawaii.
Wow.
What a town.
Jeff, you been?
I've been.
You've been now.
You hadn't been before, though.
Oh, right.
Tim been.
I've been once.
Now twice.
You should have said, had you been?
Yeah.
Had you been? Had you been?
Had you been?
You had been?
Well, I knew you were there.
It was fantastic.
You get off the plane, you say, this is nice to be in.
Yeah, Hawaii, nothing like the mainland.
Oh, my God.
The mainland sucks.
I'm a little embarrassed to be back.
I'm embarrassed, too.
I was blushing all day today.
Yeah.
When you see people on the mainland, and they're like,
how the hell would we get over this?
You take a boat or you take a plane, asshole.
I was walking around the mainland today, and everywhere I looked,
I was saying, howlies, howlies, all these howlies.
That's what us Islanders call the mainlanders.
Yeah, and it's true because I do, when I think of Hawaii, I miss my Ohana.
Yes.
Yeah.
There you go.
I was drinking for breakfast this morning.
My juice, I poured in it.
I hollowed out a pineapple and drank orange juice out of the pineapple.
I'm just, what I'm used to now is just pineapples as cups.
Big thorny cups.
Yeah.
Used two hands.
Ouch.
No, the trip was happening first.
We had decided we were going to go let our hair down in Hawaii.
And we had my wife, Jessica, and our friend, Neil, with us.
And then we said, oh, we should do a hawaiian
drink for tax purposes for yeah this is all right off if h and r block is listening uh make a note
of that for us um but we when we were planning our trip we found a certain little cocktail that was going to dovetail pretty perfectly with where we were going.
And that drink is called the Blue Hawaii.
Had you had?
No.
No.
Oh, my gosh.
A talking guitar. No, I had? No. Oh my gosh, a talking guitar?
No, I had not had, and of course,
we get into this a little later,
just a heads up,
there's the Blue Hawaiian.
That's not what we're talking about here.
If you're making a Blue Hawaiian right now,
stop, take all ingredients, even if they
cross over, throw them away, buy all new stuff.
But we have established that that is a
common tiki confusion.
That's right. That was maybe
a
TV show we were going to make? Yeah, did we ever make
that? I can't remember if we ever shot it.
I know we wrote the script.
We sold it to NBC. Yeah, advertisers
are lined up. We just gotta roll.
Yeah, we need some tape.
Yeah, it doesn't help that they look
nearly identical Oh yeah
No they're baiting you to try to
Fuck those up
Right when you see the blue Hawaii
What's the first thing you think of?
Blue
But when you see the blue Hawaiian
You also probably think blue
And they both have a pineapple
Perched right atop
Well you want to hear
The history of this motherfucker?
Yeah.
Yeah, baby.
Let's put some of that island music under here.
Not Mike doing the fake version.
I could if you need me.
No, we're going to get the real deal.
Okay.
So you guys have heard of Trader Vic?
Sure.
Sure.
You guys have heard of Don the Beachcomber?
Oh, yes. You've heard of on the beachcomber oh yes you've heard of tim kalfagas uh-huh but have you ever heard of harry k yee yes Okay, great. No. Harry Yee was that kind of a guy.
He was a famous bartender at the Hilton Hawaiian Village Hotel in Waikiki.
Now, I know what you're thinking.
Hilton?
I don't like Conrad Hilton.
His great-granddaughter Paris is too promiscuous.
great-granddaughter Paris is too promiscuous.
But, even though you're totally right, Conrad Hilton was a fantastic hotelier who bought the Hilton Hawaiian Village and made it this big whole thing, one of the biggest hotels
in the world.
And here's the thing.
When Hawaii became a state, there's lots of tourists around, right?
And they're saying, hey, we want some uh vacationy drinks but
as we learned hawaiians themselves were not big drinkers right they they uh there was no rum
the rum was more of a caribbean thing so there was no like indigenous alcohol drinking going on
whatsoever but for that very reason tourists in the 50s going to hawaii when
it was like newly a state were like well we want to drink some fun concoctions so this guy harry
yee who was the bartender at the hilton hawaiian village hotel he invented a bunch of fun cocktails
so that the tourists would have something to drink. Is that why you dragged us down to the Hilton Hawaii Hotel?
That's precisely why.
God, what are we going here?
What did you think that we were doing?
Yeah, get this microphone out of my face.
What are we doing?
It's a podcast, Michael.
So he invented a bunch of drinks, a whole slate of them,
and then he's kind of known for popularizing.
Popularizing.
Papacorna.
The little tiki umbrella.
Those umbrellas were in the food at the Hilton.
And he started putting them in the drinks.
And people said, hmm, that's kind of fun.
Oh, that's funny that it already exists as a food thing.
Yeah, you'd find them in a chicken.
Or you could use the toothpick to pick your teeth.
Right, sure.
But then for this specific cocktail, in 1957,
he was approached by a representative from Bowls Blue Curacao.
You know that brand?
B-O-L-S.
You'd recognize it.
It's like they make a bunch of wacky colored schnaups.
They got a ridge bottle.
They do have a ridge bottle. Yeah, I know bowls.
They represented from that company said, hey, how about you make a drink out of this blue shit that we're selling?
And he said, yeah, I'll do that. He made the blue Hawaii and it took off.
It's a big hit all around the globe.
And his recipe is hit me three quarter ounce vodka.
That's interesting.
Three quarter ounce light rum.
Half ounce blue Curacao.
Right.
Three ounces pineapple juice.
One ounce sweet and sour mix.
Add vodka, light rum, blue curacao, pineapple juice, and sweet and sour mix to a shaker with ice.
And shake until well chilled.
Strain into a hurricane glass over crushed or pebble ice.
Garnish with a pineapple wedge and cocktail umbrella.
Mm-hmm.
Nice.
I don't think I saw anyone making these for us when we got ours.
When we were at a restaurant, they would, like, do them, obviously, somewhere else.
Mike, what if I told you that I snuck off and had cameras rolling
on them making our Blue Hawaii's?
Not a shaker in sight.
Yeah, that's what I was wondering. And, well, more to come.
I mean, I think the no shaker and some shortcuts
are kind of a common theme out there on the island.
No hurricane glass.
Yeah.
Oh, that was because of covid we had to get
it to go but had we dined in yes then i eventually did get to get one of those but yeah our first
round of these is clear plastic cups man i really like this idea though of us going to the
motherfucking place where these were invented yeah Yeah, because usually on this pod we go, we're going to go mix it up.
Oh, mine came out too ashy.
Yeah.
Yeah.
We'll see if that happens this time.
I hope not.
I don't like that it was another drink that was made by a company being like,
hey, put this in something.
We want to sell more bowl.
Yeah, well, you better get used to it.
Yeah.
That's every drink.
That's the corporate capital of America that i've come to love i also wonder like when
that happens what are they getting out of it like did did bowls give harry like a thousand bottles
for free so they or or why is this happening you know i don't know and why won't someone give us
a new liquor to make something with?
Yeah.
Bring it to Mike Hanford's Test Kitchen.
I'll make a Russian root.
I mean, that's it right there.
Svetka Vodka wants to come over and mix it with some A&W.
How did the talks go with A&W?
They don't want anything to do with it.
But if I get maybe Barks on board.
Also, I think it was Mug.
It was Mug. That's why the A&W meeting didn't go so well.
They're like, hey, we love your idea.
We just like, we really
shouldn't be putting out recipes
that involve our direct competitor.
It's maybe the one and
only thing we should have. Well, if they have their number,
then you're not helping me at all.
Well, you have to stick to your guns about which root beer you want to use in your recipes.
I know, you do.
You can't bend on that.
You cannot.
Well, what do you say we take a little break, and when we come back, we're going to roll the tapes from live in Waikiki.
Yeah.
Where the drink was invented for our first sips, and we'll recount some of our uh little adventures along the way
yes that sounds kind of fun i'd listen to that here we go
Oh, aloha.
Aloha.
Aloha.
Hey, aloha.
Aloha.
Aloha.
We are live in Hawaii.
We're at the Hilton Hawaiian Village in Waikiki.
We got a round of blue Hawaiis in the very spot where they were invented.
Let's take some first steps.
No, wait, what's in this thing? knows nobody knows no one cares no nobody cares bottoms up
now make sure to take a nice big sip bubbly i did not think it would be very good
that's like uh i want to say gatorade just because it's blue. You've been drinking the Haterade. I will. It tastes strong.
There's a lemon
in it. I do want to
smush that lemon around a little bit. It tastes
insidious.
Much like Darth Sidious.
It gets a soda.
It's got a lemon
like a spray. Yeah, it does taste like a soda.
Sprite? Get this thing out of here.
Oh no, Jeff might cry his little fucking sheets wet.
All right.
It's garnished with a lemon.
Yep.
You know, we wanted to drink inside of the bar, but then they said, you got to take these
to go.
So we're up by the pool.
It's kind of a chill vibe.
It's a cool early evening.
It's early evening.
People are getting a lot of kids in the pool, but a lot of the parents are saying,
we got to go.
We got to shower up.
We're going out to dinner.
We have reservations, which is a big thing here in Waikiki.
If you want to eat, you got to have a reservation.
Yeah, guess who doesn't have a reservation?
The three of us.
Guess who's standing out by the pool recording a pod?
Now, we've been here a couple days, and this is fantastic.
Oh, yeah.
This is great.
This is our zone.
I feel like we are feeling the Aloha spirit.
Yes.
I felt it.
Yeah, today we just kind of hung out.
I had a few beers today. Yeah.
In the sun, in the hot sun.
I might be very burnt.
Very burnt.
I had a pina colada.
It was simply divine.
I had many, yes.
And I had a Bloody Mary.
Yeah.
And a Big Wave lager.
I just said, keep those skinny girl jeans IPAs coming.
Skinny jeans IPA.
Skinny jeans IPA.
I'm confusing with skinny girl margarita.
Margarita, yeah.
No, skinny girl wine, right?
I say every 35 episodes, we do a Hawaii episode.
Yeah, we come here, we get drunk all day,
and then try a drink. And the patrons
foot the bill.
Sorry, folks.
You're paying for it. Well,
in true Hawaii spirit,
Jeff, and in Waikiki
especially, Jeff and I went surfing
today. Oh, yes.
We rented some boards, and
we went surfing. Now, how did that pan out because i saw
you guys leave real confidently yeah we left saying like i've surfed before i did a lesson
i caught a wave and they said it's it's like 20 bucks an hour and then it's 10 bucks for every
additional hour so we're like great we'll be out there for like three hours you said i heard jeff
say we probably like once we get to like three hours we'll probably want to come in i said yeah three hours we'll see how do
we and then we also said we should go every day yep we'll go tomorrow and we'll go the next yeah
most servers do kind of like a nine to five monday to friday type stuff most most servers are really
into it they love it okay so you got big long boards and you got uh rash guards rash guards
they we rented it all.
And they said, over here, that's where, like, you'll see there's very aqua water, tons of surfboards.
Like, that's where you want to go to start.
And then over there, and he points to some dark, scary water.
He's like, that's where you go if you really want to catch some waves.
Yeah, we said, well, we've taken one lesson before years ago.
We've each taken one lesson.
We'll go to the dark waves.
And I followed you.
Yeah.
And I was a little frustrated. I was chugging
out there. You were slow getting up. I was slow
and I think it's because you had a bigger
board. I had
a bigger desire to conquer
the ocean. You said, I just
like being in the water. Mike, you're a little
bit more, your vibe is you're one with
Mother Ocean. That's right. She accepts you
out into her. And me, I'm like the intruder.
But anyway, Mike had the 11 footer and i had the niner yeah the niner was the nine foot board was and
and you you really trounced me getting out there yeah every step of the way i was like you took a
long time to the point that i was like i don't think jeff likes this right well and i started
to feel like well i just got to ditch him and i I'm out there. So we get out, and we're cutting hard right, and now we're like way, I would say like, is a mile crazy?
I think we're like a mile.
That's crazy.
We're not a mile.
No, I think we are.
Maybe.
It seems like it, because a knot, maybe.
I don't know.
Well, anyway.
We'll go back tomorrow and ask the guy, were we a mile out there?
I don't care.
So I'm paddling.
And I've surfed before.
I've gotten up before, folks.
Yeah.
I was confident.
Cock sure.
Yeah.
And I'm paddling, and then things start to go south.
A little south for you.
From my perspective, we got out to...
Don't go to the big part yet.
Okay, okay.
Oh, the big part.
So we got out to...
Was there a tsunami?
In a certain, yeah, in certain respects.
We got out there, we're paddling.
I'm trying to catch waves.
Jeff's trying to catch waves.
I just couldn't get the timing right.
Never got the timing right.
The waves were there because I saw other people catching them right.
Right.
I just was not my timing.
Was there like a lineup?
Or were you guys, you and other surfers together?
We were drifting away from the lineup just because like...
So you were just kind of your own little two-man lineup?
There was a lineup in the area we were supposed to be in.
Yeah.
But we were out in, like, with sea turtles.
There was a...
We were out amongst nature and the reef.
Is the line where all the surfers are all lined up?
Just chilling on the boards.
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
Oh, sorry.
That's where I am every morning, the lineup.
Sorry, I forgot, yeah.
There was a woman there who, like, looked like she knew what she was doing
and got away from us because she could kind of see we were in the way.
She was a good surfer who was doing her own thing and like us.
I'm catching my own special waves and I've got to get away from you.
It's kind of funny, though, if you are a really good surfer,
to be in Waikiki in the middle of the madness that's like skateboarding on the Vegas Strip.
Especially because isn't the North Shore like where... Yeah, like the best surfing in the middle of the madness that's like skateboarding on the Vegas Strip. Well, especially because isn't the North Shore like where?
Yeah, like the best surfing in the world.
The North Shore is where the big pipelines are,
and the Waikiki is where like the beginners kind of like learn how to do it well.
The waves are consistent is what we're told.
And somebody said it's the best place in the world to learn how to surf.
Yeah.
That's what somebody told us at some point yesterday.
So we figured since we each had a lesson and we got up to go to lessons we'll be fine so mike's
out there he's getting the waves a little early yeah he's not quite oh you can't do that i was
trying to pop and quickly it wasn't happening and jeffy is paddling just trying to get out there
catch up to him i get out there and then i to him. I get out there, and then I'm exhausted. Like, can't really even, like, move around as much as I'd like.
You're in the sun.
And I'm in the sun, and look, folks.
I drank last night, but not a ton.
I had a pina colada at 10 o'clock.
But not a huge one.
But not a huge one.
And I had breakfast.
Sure.
So I'm out there, and I start to feel like I'm, like, headachy,
and I start to feel a little seasick to be honest.
So I start to feel a little tingly in the arms, in the extremities.
And so it's really hard to like fucking paddle around.
And I started to feel like I'd feel better if I maybe just puked a little bit.
Oh no.
And so just a little tiny puke came out.
Wait, wait.
The fish? The fish loved it. Just splattered it on the board and the rash guard. And so just a little tiny puke came out. Wait, wait.
The fish?
The fish loved it.
Just splattered it on the board and the rash guard.
It didn't look crystal clear to them.
But now I'm trying to signal Mike because I'm like, I kind of have no energy out there.
Yeah.
Real low energy Jeb Bush situation. So I'm trying to catch the waves, as I'm saying.
I'm failing.
And, you know, every once in a while, I'm just kind of like laying down on the board,
kind of be like, all right, let me catch my breath a little bit.
I look over at Jeff.
He is sitting on his board, forehead down on the board as well.
And I'm like, okay, he's the same as me.
We're just kind of like trying to catch our breath.
Catch another wave, try.
Look over at Jeff, same thing. Third time just kind of like trying to catch our breath. Catch another wave, try. Look over at Jeff.
Same thing.
Third time.
Fetal.
He is laying down.
Vertical fetal on the board.
Yeah.
It would never occur to me that someone would be seasick just on a surfboard.
Like you're supposed to be on a big cruise ship.
I don't think anyone admits to this type of thing.
So then I said, Jeff, are you okay?
And I look over at him and he's green.
Like I've never seen a cartoon green person before in my life.
And he makes a signal like, I've been throwing up.
And does an X with his arms.
Like, I'm done.
Yeah.
I am done with this.
So I'm like, all right, I paddle over to him.
And I'm smelling puke in the water.
Maybe seeing chunks.
Could have been algae.
We don't know yet.
Could have been algae.
There were chunks of algae out there.
Well, he ate algae last night.
Exactly.
And the sharks too.
But then, Mike, you were there for bout number two.
A lot of heaving, a lot of, yeah.
Then came the rapid fire, like, three, four, like, your stomach is just doing it.
And I'm a big, big full puke.
I can't believe that happened out there today.
I'm laughing at him because he's like, ooh, goes out on a surfboard and throws up because they're seasick.
A family of sea turtles rolled their eyes.
Yeah.
It was a pathetic showing.
Hey!
No, but you understand.
You were supposed to save me.
I told you.
I said, like, I'll paddle us in if you want to hold on to the back of the board.
You're like, I'm fine, I'm fine.
Okay, so getting back into fucking shore is like 20 full minutes of paddling against Mother Nature that wants to keep you out there.
Oh, yeah.
And I was like...
Right, it's the waves coming back i would like have my
head in my hand and do like five six strokes with one side and then like flip to the other
i'm like frog leg kicking which it seems like kicking doesn't do shit you gotta paddle no i
don't know what's going on out there and so we eventually get back and we've drifted so far
from the hotel that we have to walk like four blocks back to the hotel's down oh my god and i looked
at other servers who were just like cruising paddling like gliding along the water and jeff
oh no they seemed like they were comfortable in the water they enjoyed doing it they were uh their
complexions were tan and and you know they probably right wake up in the morning have a
little ipicac get all the puke yeah of the way, and then they get a jerk.
So I plan on going out tomorrow, and Jeff says he will too, but I don't
trust him. Folks, I will not be
broken. What are big cliffhangers?
I'm going out, and I'm going to take some Dramamine.
I think that's going to be
the secret weapon.
So what's ginger
stuff, right? Like ginger candy?
Maybe. Like a whiskey ginger? Yeah. Like a penicill candy? Maybe. Like a whiskey ginger?
Yeah.
Like a penicillin?
Yeah.
Like a Moscow Mule?
I will probably go without you, Jeff, because I cannot babysit anymore.
I have to focus on getting up.
I cannot find you puking anymore.
What?
Yeah.
Folks, it's up to me to win back his trust.
Can he do it tomorrow?
Stay tuned. We'll find out.
Well, let's talk
about these drinks for a second. It tastes like
Sprite, right? It really is.
It's just a blue Sprite. It's a very
sweet Sprite. Who made this?
That lady in there.
Okay, but I know
that the pod listener
knows what's in this
by the time we play this recording,
but as I'm sipping it right now,
it just tastes very vodka-y to me.
Is that right?
Yeah, it's rum and vodka.
Good tongue.
Thanks.
Rum and vodka,
splash of pineapple juice,
this seems to have Sprite,
which I didn't know,
and then Curacao.
But the blue Curacao is, you know that brand Bowls, B-O-L-S?
It's like they make all kinds of schnapps and stuff.
No shit.
This is Blue Bowls Curacao.
If you heard that, that is Neil, contest winner Neil.
He followed us to Hawaii.
I heard someone saying blue balls.
Neil won the slop your way to the beach contest.
Yep, yep.
You wrote another essay for that, didn't you, Neil?
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
You finished off, you wrote more about our abs.
Yeah, yeah.
Because we had popped a couple new abs and then you covered them.
Yeah.
And I sort of imagined what even more of it would look like.
It was sort of like a sci-fi piece.
The second, yeah, the second essay was a lot of just more kind of grotesque versions of pictures, mostly pictures.
Yeah, yeah.
It was mostly, it was kind like a like cyberpunk kind of tribute
all right well um i've truly vodka and sprite that's all i'm tasting it yeah that's it it's
great it's not bad make it yourself won't be as blue just vodka and sprite well what is supposed
to be the flavor of curacao orange it's it's It's liquor made from orange peels. I don't taste it.
And then just blue food color.
I feel like this is, we're at the hotel where this drink was invented.
I think the Tropics is like probably established in 2004.
Yeah.
This bar that we're at.
And I think that this, well, when she was making the drink, did she reach for a bunch of different bottles?
She may have had a mix.
Ooh.
They probably get it a lot. What do you i think you did you take a video jeff we gotta we gotta check i got a video of the tail end folks so all the other stuff is the other stuff is uh
yeah sweet enough that it yeah that's me might be how they make sprite when you just put sweet
this might be where they make it yeah when you When you said orange peels, I instantly tasted that.
I do taste a bit of bitter.
I was going to have to taste this little bitter.
Yeah.
I feel like my first sip was very different from this sort of now.
Yeah.
Now I'm just like, oh, yeah, it is sort of sprightly now.
But the last one I got more of a sense of, like, something a little more specific.
Definitely not a swayed-by-the-smell drink.
Are we going to have another one of these later, and can we, like, revisit this,
or do we just give our—do we appraise it now?
This is one of those podcasts where it's just like,
we got two more days here, so we'll see what happens.
Ooh, I like it.
And the next time we check in, it might be a different drink.
If we see it on a different menu, we should drink it on a different menu and compare and contrast.
Tim, that's a great idea.
That is a great idea.
Let's do that.
Great.
Yes.
Aloha, folks.
We'll see you the next round.
Aloha.
By the way, when should Jess and I sign the releases?
Oh, yeah.
When does our paperwork come through?
That's like dealt with.
We posted signs in your hotel rooms.
We'll see you in court for that.
Did you get Daniel's email?
You need to talk to Daniel.
Talk to Daniel.
Yeah, talk to Daniel.
We meant to ask, do you guys?
Yeah, talk to Daniel guy.
What do you guys think of Lucy Nicotine gum?
Do you think it's great?
Okay, we got to go.
We got to go.
Wow. Damn. There it was. Okay, we gotta go, we gotta go Wow
Damn
There it was
We are like, kind of like vice reporters
Yes
The docu-audio right from the scene
I was gonna say that, but I don't know what
I don't really watch that show, but yeah
It's a
I guess it is a show, yeah
It's a show, it's a network, it's hip
It's hip, It's hip.
It's out there.
And you know what?
Listening to that audio made me a little nostalgic.
Oh, my God.
I was right back on Island Time.
That was so... Yeah.
That was...
So you heard all the kids yelling in the background.
It was nighttime at that point, and this pool at the Hilton Garden...
Hopping.
Hopping with kids and parents and no lights.
It was like a dark, dark pool. The water was not lit. at the Hilton Garden. Hopping. Hopping with kids and parents and no lights.
It was like a dark, dark pool. The water was not lit.
It was pitch black, a thousand kids underwater drowning.
It was very weird.
And then the parents are kind of fine with it.
Hey, less kids for us.
No lifeguard on duty.
Now, there was a lot of big talk in that surfing story
about you guys going out the next day.
Oh, yeah. When did we say we were going to go out every guys going out the next day.
Oh, yeah. When did we say we were going to go out every single day?
Every single day.
How many days did you end up surfing?
I didn't go anymore.
Zero.
I didn't go anymore.
That's a big goose egg.
What happened?
Here's what happened.
The next day, I was sore from the paddling,
and my feet were all banged up for hitting them on the bottoms of the, on tops of the rocks
and on the water. No joke beat up.
Like, one of your toenails was
bloody all around. Oh, yeah, yeah. Well, that was
from when Tim stepped on it.
That was an unrelated... Right before we
had the, we were taking a picture with these drinks
and Tim stepped on my foot.
No, no, no. I think it was the surfing.
Yeah, maybe in the surfing, the
sand maybe got in. Anyway. I think it was the surfing. Yeah, maybe the surfing. The sand maybe got in it.
Anyway.
I mean, let's just, a word of warning to anyone out there.
Don't wear Birkenstocks when you're hanging out with Tim.
Yeah.
Because you're going to get stomped.
If Tim's had a few drinks of them, put your steel toes on.
Yeah, so we didn't go anymore.
Too sore and just kind of not into it.
What would rather have hung by the pool, which is what I did.
Yeah.
I did buy Dramamine and I was waiting cautiously for you to say, Jeffy, let's go.
And I was going to go if you said the word.
Is that why you were kind of nervous the whole rest of the trip?
I kind of feel like you chickened out on going a second time.
Because I kept saying, oh, the next day, the next day.
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
And guess what?
Now the next day is I'm here in LA.
Yeah.
Which surfing is also happening here, too.
So I probably won't do it.
There's no way to do it.
You had a feeling of unfinished business
when that recording we listened to.
You guys were like, you were going surfing again
so that you could feel like you had conquered the beach.
Oh, right.
I still have that feeling.
I'm disappointed, Tim.
I'm disappointed in myself.
I'm disappointed.
The listeners are disappointed.
As long as you're sad, I'm happy.
I'm sad.
I'm mad.
Now I'm kind of glad.
Okay, well.
What's 35 times 270?
When we go on a trip for episode 70 we'll go surfing again okay now jeff you said that you'd
been surfing before and that you had gotten up before and didn't wave you neglected to mention
that that time that our friend ryan pushed your board like a dad no no no i received no pushes
really i mean i i probably wave You caught a wave all the time?
Because I was there that day. You were there, and that was a fun day.
Carpenteria.
Yeah, I would get on a board, and then our friend would say,
here comes the wave, and then he'd push me,
and I would catch the wave, but I did none of the work,
and he was able to help me catch it.
Oh, I definitely caught a couple of raw dogs,
if you know what I mean.
Oh, yeah.
Well, the thing that...
Because when I took my lesson years ago
I got up I did get up like with the paddling and everything and I wasn't
being pushed but the instructor was like telling me exactly when to like do the
stuff he was like paddle paddle without pop-up Mike you're doing it
you son of a bitch you wonderful son of a bitch doing You wonderful son of a bitch! Get doing it! So getting back, we don't have to focus on this ill-fated surfing trip.
Yeah, this is not a surf podcast.
It's not a surf podcast.
It's not a puke podcast.
It's not about puke.
It's not about not doing the thing you said you were going to do all week.
I am not Kelly Slater.
I am not sitting here with Kaloey Andino.
No, no, no.
He's also not Laird Hamilton.
Thank you.
And he's not sitting here with being directed by Stacey Peralta.
Hey, he got a haircut like Laird, but he's not surfing like that.
No.
No.
I wonder if Laird Hamilton has ever been seasick in his life on anything.
Sure.
No, I think this is a guy who lives in the ocean.
He does the water.
He loves it.
Even these pros, they get on a Niner like me, and they just start, you turn green on those things.
Man, they should put a warning on those boards.
It was like I could see a shade, like a pale green going on in your face.
Yeah, nasty.
Nasty stuff.
The drink was, like you heard, we don't have to rehash,
it was Sprite-y.
It was from a place that was a little
more of a um tgi fridays perhaps it was it was because that was the thing that yeah i mean the
bar that we got these drinks from it it wasn't necessarily harry yee's bar i'm sure that tropics
right yeah this was a place called the the tropics And I don't even know that they're aware that they invented this drink.
You know, it was just like a drink they have on the menu.
Same thing happened at the Cotton Club, if I'm not mistaken.
Was it Cotton Club?
No, the...
Trinidad Sour Club.
Yes, the Clover Club.
Yeah, I don't think that people other than podcast hosts really care about where drinks
are.
Yeah, I'm starting to think that we're the dorks. Yeah, I'm starting to think that we're the dorks.
Yeah, I'm starting to think that this is a fool's errand.
But no, we also hadn't, before we drank those,
we didn't even give a good look at the ingredients.
Now, I was raving about Sprite.
It makes sense.
There's sour mix and there's club soda.
So that made Sprite, they just went kind of easy
on the pineapple juice
and i don't know i mean the that drink uh it uh it looks nice it's as blue as the uh ocean
waves yeah yes uh with the ocean that has a little bit of puke also floating in it
um but those cups we were drinking out of were to go then when we
remember we circled back later that night as we mentioned there were no reservations to be had in
this damn town we struck out trying to eat uh dinner and then we ended up just coming back to
that bar and getting bar food but i ordered a second round of the blue hawaii at the tropics and i because we were dining in i got it
in the hurricane hurricane that's right and it was more short and squat tasted the same but it was
more of a thrill to to be drinking out of the appropriate glass my feeling with that drink was
i don't know if this is influenced by the events that had come before or the drinks that had come
before but it just felt like a sugary college alcoholy heartburn bomb yeah yeah yeah it it is
called it had a kind of a jungle juice flair to it and it didn't it didn't have that tiki that
don the beachcomber like there was no like dark rums and lime you know yeah where it's just like
oh this became something else it was it was sugary and uh bubbly you know fun to drink outside on the
beach but it didn't have that freaky tiki magic we've come to love kool-aid but also i don't know
what the alcohol just felt burny maybe it was just a cheap vodka. I don't know. I'm actually a Bernie bro.
Hey.
Right.
Right.
Right on.
But now after that bar, another night we popped into a kind of divey touristy,
tiki-ish bar called Arnold's that had been recommended to me.
I remember.
I said, hey, Arnold's seems like they have a Blue Hawaii.
And I asked, and they said yes, and I ordered it.
Do you guys want to hear a clip of me tasting it?
Yes.
Here we go.
What is up?
This is Tim from the Sloppy Voice podcast.
I'm at Arnold's in Waikiki, and I'm having a Blue Hawaii.
Okay, here we go.
It's delicious!
See, now there's a nice tight clip.
There's a review. Succinct.
We didn't have to rehash
Misadventures of the Day.
That was good.
That was more like, talk soup.
Here's the clip.
What was the music playing in the background?
That was good stuff. They did have great Hey. What was the music playing in the background? That was good stuff.
They did have great music.
There was a lot of Chance the Rapper going on that night.
Yeah, a lot of us trying to figure out.
It was Chance the Rapper, this new project he's working on.
Racking our brains.
We couldn't figure it out.
Well, somebody figured it out, and I just forget.
But that drink was basically like a blue pineapple juice.
It did not have any bubbles in it.
No bubbles.
And it tasted like blue pineapple juice.
I liked it more,
but still it didn't have that freaky take.
And still Roman vodka,
right?
Roman vodka.
Yeah.
I mean,
and that one was a little bit on the weak side.
It really just tasted kind of like a big iced juice.
That's really, you're like Chili's Grill and Bar version.
Yeah, for sure.
I do believe we had a third adding.
You guys.
Yes, we had two, a couple at the Royal Hawaiian.
Here's the clip.
All right.
Hey, sloppy boys.
We're back.
Slop heads, I should say.
We are back.
Day three of the Hawaiian trip.
I could go for three more, to be honest with you.
Three more days.
Where are we?
The Blue, we're at the Royal Hawaiian.
The Mai Tai Bar.
I tell you, that sun, that sun knocks you out.
You spend enough time in that, plus drinking a lot.
I've been drinking and sitting in the sun, so that's a cause for uh mush mouth here we go what's up to all the listeners hey guys thanks for joining
up with us here in lovely waikiki we've got we got new blue hawaiis we're and we're at the royal
hawaiian uh uh resort it's fantastic here it's got my thai bar the mai thai bar but we're at the Royal Hawaiian Resort. It's fantastic here. The Mai Tai Bar.
The Mai Tai Bar, but we're having the Blue Hawaii's here.
We just got a cool cabana that we upgraded to.
Just because I think we're cool people.
Now, place your bets.
Do you think this is going to be better than the one at the Hilton?
I bet it's better.
I think so.
We've got forks now for the fruit plate.
You got it.
Thank you very much.
Okay, so just if you're just checking in,
we just got forks and
uh plates and napkins for the fruit plate napkins for the fruit plate here we go i'm taking a sip
of this blue hawaii second sips oh yeah that's much better that's more coconutty i don't know
yet that's what it is coconut they added something where it doesn't just taste like a college
Coconut.
They added something where it doesn't just taste like college concoction.
Yeah, this is like... I'll tell you, this to me seems like it could be a Blue Hawaiian,
which has coconut milk in it.
Blue Hawaiian has coconut.
Blue Hawaii is pineapple.
And the waiter did have a distinction.
She was like, the Blue Hawaii is ice.
So do we think we have the wrong drink here?
Well, I guess so.
It looks good.
We could hire a
private investigator, like a
Magnum PI type
to try to get to the bottom of this.
You kind of look like Magnum PI.
Yeah, I guess I am kind of.
Gumshoe for hire, gumshoe for hire.
This is perfect. Hey, perfect. Yeah, what do you want? I am I'm super high a gum shoe hey didn't that gum shoe who could have had
work just now look a lot like contest winner Ne Neil Campbell. Hey.
Yeah, this is better.
This tastes like, to me, a blue pina colada.
Yeah, it's balanced.
The other one tastes like detergent or something.
The other one looked like detergent.
They all do.
The other one was from a quick TGI Friday style spot.
This is legit.
All right, I'm going to dig into some of this watermelon, and guys, we'll check in later.
Peace out.
Bye.
Oh, well, Mike, don't leave us hanging.
How was the watermelon?
The watermelon was not as good as the blue Hawaii that they had there.
That was, yeah, you go to an actual place that makes the tiki drinks,
you get the better tiki drink.
I am starting to think, though, that that was a Blue Hawaiian.
When you ordered it, did you look at a menu or did you just?
No, I said Blue Hawaii, and then she said, okay, one comes on ice and one comes like blended with ice.
Frozen.
And we're like, and then
I thought she said one is the Hawaiian, one is the
Hawaii. And I said, yeah, we want the one
in the Hawaii. And she's like, okay, that's the one
that's just on the right. She's like, what are you, some kind of
podcaster?
You got the common tiki confusion.
But looking at the recipe
on Liquor.com for the Blue Hawaiian,
I'm seeing ounce and
a half light rum,
three quarter ounce blue Curacao,
two ounces pineapple juice,
three quarter ounce cream of coconut,
half ounce lemon juice.
And then with the garnishes are a pineapple cherry and cocktail.
So the same shit plus a can of coconut cream.
And also less like they doubled the rum and they lost the vodka.
So that is basically like a kicked up uh it's it's
a blue pina colada yeah and that came later so do you think what do you think at the at the royal
hawaiian when you got this do you think that they were making the blue hawaiian or do you think that
they don't care and they're just kind of i wonder if they're just like doing their own spin on a
blue hawaii and then if you add coconut though that's like seems like the one thing that makes it a
hawaiian well it's funny with tiki like the options seem to be pineapple we want something
pineappley or you want something coconut so then you make a drink that's both you're kind of like
well what's left you know in any case the taste was superior i agree and. And that was a better bar. The Mai Tai bar has a really good
the Vicks 44 Mai Tai
there is really good. It's a fancy place.
The whole building is like
pale pink with these pink umbrellas.
This is like the punch drunk love
Mad Men hotel that you
always see. Historic old pink hotel.
It's gorgeous. You probably know
it from My Honeymoon. That's right.
After we had these
drinks i kind of like they had some chairs set up i was rocking chairs i was sitting in rocking
chairs in the uh sort of lobby area oh and i record i just sort of let my mind wander i sort
of recorded uh something here oh yeah can we listen to it let's to it. Or do you just want to hold on to it?
No, I want to share with you guys at least,
and then we'll decide if we want to put it on.
But I feel like it could be good pod fodder.
Yeah, good pod fodder.
And this is, it was just a nice,
it's sort of a magical spot for me.
Hey, Hanford, play it.
Play it now.
Okay.
Here you go.
I'm here at the royal hawaiian hotel sitting in a rocking chair in the breezeway of the lobby looking out upon waikiki beach this hotel is iconic the exterior is bright pink if you
could imagine such a thing looking out of over their beautiful, well-manicured, lush green lawn.
Two funny-looking birds with bright yellow beaks are chit-chat, titter-tattering to each other.
The waves are rolling in, there's a breeze in the air.
The smell of sweet dew floats by my nose.
Breeze in the air, the smell of sweet dew floats by my nose.
The sea, my eyes gazing upon the lineup of surfers sitting amongst a collection of royal blue, azure, and foamy aquamarine water.
A sight that could only inspire poetry.
A sight that could only inspire poetry.
For me, a lyricist, poet, storyteller, and free spirit.
Here it is. This poem is called The Rays of Waikiki.
Waikiki, oh Waikiki, your bright red hot sun has done a number on me.
Not on my legs and arms where my lotions can reach, but on my back.
Bright red patches that hurt like a beach.
Aloha, ma And Aloha Wow
It's one of those spots
You just get inspired
And you guys are songwriters
To a degree
To a degree
Not at your level
Not at your level of songwriter no
no yeah well you heard the poetry yeah you just get the feeling and it flows everyone talks about
the flow it's i don't know where this stuff comes from i just comes right out of the air and i'm the
guy right yeah i didn't i didn't know we were out there with jack kerouac 2.0 yes yeah you were but
uh just magical yeah i remember seeing you uh We were sitting there at a table drinking our stupid blue drinks.
And then you just got really inspired and just kind of walked off.
Yeah. I didn't even say, excuse me. It just that's how it took me.
Well, it's really impressive to hear that type of thing. Just stream of consciousness.
It feels like the type of poem that you would have been slaving over for months and months.
It sounds like the work
was done for years and years.
But, well, when you're, you know,
when you have the experience
that I do, it is not working.
It's actually a lot of fun.
You can tell that this is not a guy who pulled
up blue on a thesaurus
and found azure and aquamarine.
What is a thesaurus? Oh a spot to get all the
Yes synonyms
He is such a good poet that he
Doesn't even know what a thesaurus is
Wow
Don't be a funny joke
As if you were like
A thesaurus you know a synonym dictionary
A alternate word book
That's good
Yeah that's pretty good and it's funny that Mike
you were so verbose and you just like
you seemed like an entirely different person
in that moment because most of the rest of the
trip you were kind of a drunk
dumbass
that can
happen too
sort of an alter ego that sort of got inspired
I'd like to make the drunk
dumbass nerd dork guy the alter ego and maybe of got inspired. Right. I'd like to make the drunk dumbass nerd
dork guy the alter ego, and maybe
we don't see him as much. Yeah, yeah, yeah.
Change the ratio a little bit at least.
And the regular ego is the ultramarine guy.
Right, the cool
poet guy.
Well, speaking of cool stuff, I actually
had kind of a cool experience when we were in Hawaii
that I don't think I got a chance to tell you guys about.
Oh, nice.
Do you guys know that the theme from Hawaii Five-0? Yeah. Oh, Jeff's got it. Good.
It's a fantastic theme song, right? And don't you love that when a TV show theme song is just like,
it's musical and just that melody is like so great doesn't need words or anything and and it's just like a simple
melody sticks in your head it's a fantastic song um i've always loved that but did you hear this
thing about how they're thinking about adding a new note to that song didn't now yes hold on hold
on this is the original classic Hawaii Five-0.
Time honored.
And they're thinking about adding a note.
They're thinking about it.
I don't think that they have made a decision yet,
but the people out there in Hawaii have been tinkering with the song
and thinking that maybe it might be time for a new note.
Now, if I'm not completely off my rocker,
the Hawaii Five-0 TV show is still on?
They have a new version of it?
There's a new version.
But the song's got to be different, right?
There's no way that's...
It's the same song.
It's great.
It's a time-honored song that people love.
But it must be like a Chemical Brothers remix
of the old one or something, right?
Well, all Zy knows. Yeah right well all zinos yeah well yeah yeah
i want to hear about this added note and i'm sorry i brought up anything else you just know
the notes well look you guys know the original song i know the original song we love it it's a
great melody right you wouldn't i just i'm not the type of guy that maybe i'm too much of a
traditionalist or i'm old-fashioned i don't want to necessarily add a new note to a song if it ain't broke don't fix it but you know the people
of hawaii are really excited about this new note i guess so well um mike you were recording your
poem and jeff i think you were in the bathroom i i snuck off to uh you know uh iolani palace you
know like uh you know where king kamehameha ruled yeah
big palace in the center town i snuck down there into the vault underneath the palace
wow looking around in where they keep all their kind of secret audio tapes and i found
the tape where it's this is the new version of the song they're thinking about releasing they
did it as a test and they're thinking about this being the new version of the song they're thinking about releasing. They did it as a test, and they're thinking about this being the new version of the song.
And they're just keeping a test in the vault.
Yeah, because they didn't want to go public with it yet.
So they internally have been testing these things.
Sure, still under consideration in the vault.
You have more luck sneak around in vaults than any other person I know.
I know.
I really come alive when i like sneak down those stairs
and give me a lock but uh your rival is only the whip man himself indy jones my idol someday
indy jones indy josh indy josh um so i put the tape down my pants and I snuck out and I brought it home to the mainland.
And I haven't listened yet, but I thought we could listen to this tape.
And like it's, you know, you guys are looking at this canister with me right now.
It says there's masking tape here.
It says Hawaii Five-0 theme plus new note question mark.
So this seems like it's probably the tape.
Yeah.
Yeah.
Well, let's give it a listen and see what we think.
So far, so good.
Drums are great.
Rousing.
Yeah. Rousing. Yep.
Whoa.
Ow.
Huh.
Right. Oof.
Hmm.
Oh, that's pretty awful, I think.
I just don't see.
Also, they used it more times than they really probably needed to.
Yeah, but is it a new note or just a new sound of the new instrument making the note?
Well, I have perfect pitch, and when I heard that, it sounded like it was a D.
Okay, okay.
But isn't that what it would be?
Would that be, was a D played there in the normal version?
No, I think that in the original version, there's probably an E there, and now there's a D played there in the normal version? No, I think that in the original version,
there's probably an E there.
And now there's a D there.
Sorry, I don't have a perfect pitch.
I'm lost.
And instead of a guitar, it's like a barge.
Yes.
You are bringing up a good point,
which is like you should stick with the arrangement at least.
Like the instrumentation was working.
Well, the instrument that's playing the note right ahead of it,
keep that instrument.
I don't hate it.
It's not terrible.
Like, it's a rousing song,
and it'll let you know that something is going to start.
And what better than to have a barge go,
Right.
And, I mean, to be honest, they haven't released this.
They're just tinkering with it.
So, you know, I actually feel like I kind of invaded their privacy a little bit.
Maybe when they finally come out with the real note,
it'll be a different note altogether.
I didn't mean to step on their process.
It's interesting because in this modern age of media,
we have a lot of remakes happening.
Yes.
Trying to make the money back the best way they can. I get it.
And when I
saw Planet of the Apes,
I said, what is this junk?
I've seen the movie two times
since. I love it. You're talking about the new
ape? Yes, the new one.
I watched the old one. I'd never seen the old one.
This is
Wahlberg? That's right.
No, no. Wahlberg?
Wahlberg was in one of them.
Yeah, are you talking about Wahlberg or are you talking about Franco?
Franco. Yeah, he's talking about Franco.
I'm more talking about the third in the
new series. War
from the Apes. That's right. The War of the
Apes. Isn't that
the one though where they did have like a cool director
and everything was cool? Yeah, Matt Reeves.
He's directing the Batman.
Coming.
The Pattinson one?
Yes.
Oh.
Patton is Batman.
Pattinson.
Pattinson is Batman.
Son.
Son.
Well, that's great. Tim, I'm glad you got that tape
I know and I'm glad you didn't get arrested
bringing it back to the mainland
me too because I had to
declare it with customs I wrote
stolen tape
there's a long sad tradition of people
going to places like Hawaii
and like taking the riches
of these exotic places
and then taking them back to the mainland.
It's funny that in the old days
it would have been natural resources, flora, and fauna.
But these days, TV themes, intellectual property
is where the real money is.
Even temp ones.
I even saw some guys in the plane
smuggling in some Planet of the Apes masks.
Those fools. Yeah, talk about a
sort of a climax of both
stories. Well, guys, what do you think we
take a little break and we'll come back
and wrap this shit up. Good.
Love it. Good thinking. Aloha.
Hey, folks, and aloha.
We're back with our final thoughts on the blue Hawaii.
Well, my feeling at first is, you see, we're back from Hawaii, too.
That makes me sad.
That was not a fun ride back here.
Yeah, our final thoughts on the mainland is that it's bad.
Mainland bad.
Hawaii land good.
Yeah.
The drink.
I land.
I land.
The drink is kind of, I got to say, not so good.
Is that why that guy was using an iPad next to the pool? Is that why that guy was using an iPad next to the pool?
Is that why that guy was using an iPad next to the pool? I-land?
Yeah.
I was wondering if maybe Apple sort of...
You were saying, Jeff...
Wait, hold on.
Is the I in island always lowercase?
Oh, it's this corporate shit that we hate.
I know it.
And there's no S.
Did we go to Hawaii or are we just in some fucking Cupertino Island?
Oh, fuck everything.
Sorry, Jeff.
You were saying you love the drinks.
No, the drink is bad.
But Hawaii, there is a place.
You should go check it out.
Yes, do yourself a favor and go there and have fun.
Go out there, have a few laughs.
Go to Coconut
Bananas. Wait, what was it called?
Cuckoo Coconuts.
Oh, and let's talk
about real good drinks, dudes.
One night, we shook the touristy area.
We went into fucking
Chinatown. We went to Skull and Crown.
It has a really good tiki drink.
Fantastic.
They were serving skulls, some of them,
they were on fire,
some other ones.
And this was some
Don the Beachcomber shit
with some really good food
and a fantastic experience.
Yeah.
We got some videos
I'm sure we will have posted
by the time this is live.
And in general,
I think we drank
a lot of great Mai Tais,
both at the Mai Tai Bar
at the Royal Hawaiian
and everywhere.
So, you know,
our final thoughts on Mai Tai might be positive when we get to that.
And hey, talk about a place where the pineapples grow on trees.
There are pineapples.
I actually don't know if that's true.
But pineapples everywhere in Hawaii.
You guys drank pina coladas out of those big fat pineapples.
That was so good.
Oh, that was good.
Yeah, my thought on the Blue Hawaii, not my favorite.
Maybe just because we got it at a bad place.
But the Blue Hawaiian that I had, I really liked.
Yeah, that bodes well.
Maybe we do a soon, a compendium episode where we have the Blue Hawaiian,
and then we say, oh.
Now, Tim, for some of the dumber listeners who would define
compendium um well comp uh that's like computer uh and endium is kind of like the pentium 2
processor so it sounds like it's all tech stuff say no more i know my final thought is also i i
didn't like this drink but it it's so it's the definition of a don't order again but do i guess order once if you if you are in hawaii and you want to have a blue thing
in your hand that everyone looks at and says you got a fun drink you could order it once but this
is not to be confused with some delightful tiki concoction this is kind of a silly blue it's
dork drink it's in amongst so many other good drinks
worth your time yeah yeah exactly that's that's a good way of putting it i would say maybe if you
got this stuff at home try making it yourself yeah and then tweet us online tell us if you like it
uh i yeah so the the weekend sort of ended up four day weekend and it was, we were there four days, right?
Four nights,
five days.
And I remember the last place we were on Sunday night.
Uh, we all got our tiki drinks and stuff.
And then the second round was just like,
I'll just have a beer.
I'll have the gin and tonic.
And I was sitting next to Jessica and she was like,
I think we,
uh,
I think we're done with the tiki drinks after five days of drinking these
sugary things. I was like, yeah.
Oh, it's a lot.
Also, I was never really, I know we were joking on like the surf story and stuff.
I don't think I was ever truly hungover.
But when tiny little hangovers compound over like three days.
Yeah.
Oh, man.
I remember we had like a couple Bud Lights in the room.
And on the last day, there was one Bud Light left and we were
like packing up and you pulled it open and you cracked that last Bud Light.
I couldn't bear to look at it.
Wait, was this in the morning?
Yeah, I was hoping for a little hair of the dog because that last morning, I think all
the hangovers caught up to me.
Well, Mike, you're one of these Great Depression era kids where you don't you're one of these uh recession uh great depressionary kids where you
don't like to leave a a wounded soldier behind because you were also lamenting that you left
some domino's pizza in your fridge that's right we had some good domino's pizza leftover and even
still some of the chairs i hadn't sat on in the room i got sat down for a minute got my money's
worth i've had that with hotels if i don't swim in the pool, like the last hour before I leave, I'm like, oh, that was
me in the water slide.
Because we were honestly great, great recommendation.
Something I see on websites all the time when you're looking at accommodations is an adults
only pool.
Oh, yeah.
And this place, we hung out at this pool for a part of the day every day.
Yeah.
It was just like a cool infinity pool
area and so there was this other pool though that was utter chaos it was a madhouse and and it had
like the slides and stuff and you know i had to go down that slide yeah there's some really good
people watching in the adult pool though because it was an infinity pool where you look off into
the horizon and you could lean up against the wall. And everybody was taking selfies, but not just normal selfies.
They were all, a lot of the boyfriends were tasked with getting a butt shot of the girlfriends.
Oh, sure.
Yeah.
Kind of doing a dolphin, like looking off into the horizon with the cheeks poking up in the back.
The butt cresting the water.
Yeah.
We saw people dipping their hair in the water and flipping it back and the boyfriend taking the picture just as the water's flying around.
Check Instagram.
Some of those pictures might be up there.
Yeah, check the location tags.
Yeah.
And also, right on the edge of the infinity pool, over the edge, the infinity edge,
there was a little sign that said, selfie spot.
Take your selfies here here this is a great
selfie spot selfie spot and it worked people were like well diamond head in the background maybe
i gotta go back there and get a selfie i never did that's our show follow us on social media
at the sloppy boys where we release these recipes ahead of time also be sure to check out our
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That's patreon.com slash thesloppyboys.
Thanks for listening, everybody.
We'll see you next week.
Okay, I want to say aloha, but I want to make it clear it's the goodbye form of aloha.
And I'll say mahalo for listening.
That means thank you.
Hey, and me, bon voyage.
Oh.
Peace out. Give it up for your boys.
Give it up for your boys.
Give it up for your boys.
Give it up for your boys.