The Sloppy Boys - 86. Planter's Punch

Episode Date: June 10, 2022

The guys get their hands on some raw sugarcane juice for a classic that predates "tiki culture."PLANTER'S PUNCH RECIPE1.5oz/45ml Jamaican Rum.5oz/15ml Lime Juice30ml/1oz Sugar Cane JuicePour all ingredients into a small tumbler or a typical terracotta glass. Garnish with orange zest. Add dilution to taste. It can be given by water, ice or fresh juices.Recipe via the International Bartenders Association (https://www.iba-world.com/) Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

As women, our life stages come with unique risk factors, like when our estrogen levels drop during menopause, causing the risk of heart disease to go up. Know your risks. Visit heartandstroke.ca. Hey folks, welcome to the Sloppy Boys, where we take a deep dive into the drinks that you love. I'm Jeff Dutton, along with Mike Hanford. Have you ever had a Krispy Kreme? Have you ever gone to Krispy Kreme?

Was it crispy? No. Yeah, right. Right. Right. Hey! Tim Kalpakis. What is up? Like, you gotta explain to the people what that was.

I love that lady. What do you mean? What do you mean? That was my intro. She's a TikTok lady. I don't know where it came from, but it's,, but it's this lady who's just kind of standing there. And that's what she says. And it's usually a meme that's usually paired with text on the top that's like me trying to make a conversation. Also, I asked you, tell them what it is.

I don't know what it is. That's all I know about it is that's that's all i know about it is that is that one lady's saying that one thing who knows there's nothing more to get right right right what i love is like it doesn't feel like she's asking that and learning it for the first time it feels it i can't tell like it's almost like she knows that and she's asking the question to make a point almost but it kind of cuts off before you know you need the context well the the funny thing the visual is so funny because uh it's like she says right right and then kind of like looks at the person talking to her like stands up straight and has just a look of like not like you get my point

but just like i I'm done talking. That's all I needed. That was all I wanted to say about this. You know what I came across today? Do you remember that video where it's of a flooding motel or a flooding hotel room? There's like a hotel staff is like trying to grab a guy who's like wet. And the guy hops over the rail, jumps down into the parking lot and like lands on an SUV and he slides off on his butt.

This family in the parking lot, this little girl is like that's our car! That's our car! Do you know the context of that? Was he like the guy who started the flood? I have no idea. It's just like another one of those things where like the more you watch it the weirder it is and this shrieking girl at the end is like so protective of their suv there's so there's so there's a thing online or an internet picture

it's like i think it was like the the craziest picture online and it was like a guy a little kid in his underpants playing an acoustic guitar. It looks like a hotel room or something. Somebody like it looks like they're going to throw up. Some other guys like dancing. It's like a grandmother, a dad. Crazy shit is happening. Yeah, I feel like that's a genre, too, is like now people have staged it where they've planted weird things. But it's sort of just like here's a video where five different weird things the more you look at it the weirder it gets the first

one i saw was in college and you know how there used to be those like before we called them memes even they were like fake motivational posters yeah like the black and then it would have like an image and it would just be like resilience and then like a little quote about resilience i love that this one just said unexplainable this photo can't be explained and the photo was a kid in a tuxedo outside holding a toaster and behind him was a crashed ups truck it's just like what the fuck is this there's there's something so fun or like satisfying to me if someone explains to me like a meme video and then you look up like um like Krispy Kreme lady and it pops up and you're like oh I found it I found exactly what everyone's talking about well let's get back on the rails with a little booze news

booze news hit it it. Oh, shoot. Oh, God, I tried to turn that off. Hello? Oh, hey, thanks for calling back. I was on your guys' website, specialtycondoms.com. I was wondering if you've ever seen a Blue Jays beat. I was wondering if... Have you ever seen a Blue Jays beat? Now I must be like the only guy who's calling because the mini condoms are too small.

Oh yeah. Oh interesting. Michael! Michael. Mike, can I talk to you off camera? Michael! Who cares? Stop. Michael, stop it.

No, I can't use the mini sized condoms because my penis is too small. It's booze news. Mike Trailer was sent to us by Adam LeClaire. And if you have a booze news theme, email it to thesloppyboyspodcast at gmail.com. Very good. Very good. podcast at gmail.com very good very good

that's always impressive when somebody has like all the pulls from all the episodes not all the episodes yeah I loved hearing Franny in there Michael why does it matter I wonder what I was talking about you were going on one of your rants

no no no that wasn't a Patreon. That was a mainline, right? What episode was the... I forget, but I was like... I feel like it was an episode of Hanford's Hobbies that got interrupted or something. No, this was well before Hanford's Hobbies.

This may have been before Zuby Condorino's movie reviews. This was... I think I was trying a drink that I was making myself or variation taste testing something that we had come up with the week yeah it was like the ashy bottle or something and then yeah yeah that you left the recorder going unfortunately while you were ordering condoms that was tough that was tough that was a tough week for us yeah it is i always enjoy when i you know tweet something online it's usually irreverent and uh people write just in the comments right mike

you're constantly getting disciplined by everyone you know things i say can't be can't be uh held with any type of um respect or regard. Well, all you need to be kept in line, Mike. You got no discipline. You're out of line. You need a little bark. It's much like the Homer's Bart. Oh. Oh.

Bart. Bart. My dad used to give me sort of a term, and it was in just, a lot of times, me trying to be funny. Term. Shut it down. funny okay uh first piece of booze news uh and really hey only piece of booze news because it's kind of a big one that i wanted to share oh that i saw on twitter shared by slob heads you love it when the community takes it upon

themselves to do something and the slob heads both on on our discord that you get access to when you subscribe to the patreon um and on twitter they did a bracket of all of the drinks that we have done on this podcast as of they shut down the eligibility about like a month or something ago. And then they voted. They did a bracket and they voted on their favorite drinks. Did you guys see this? I did. I voted. Yes, I did.

Oh, Jeff, what was your winner? Oh, I forget. This was months ago. Is that legal? Yeah, everybody gets to vote if you're on the Discord. Are you on the Discord? Yes. Are you a slophead do you pay the five dollars

no no no okay so i don't know if this is a fan of our band like i'm more into the pod um well i thought this this was the ringleader was mitch on the web and everybody got involved and everybody voted. And I was really impressed to see the winner. Yes. Wait, you guys both saw the winner, right? Yes. I forgot. Take your guess. Trinidad Sour.

It was one that I was surprised at. It was like a margarita or something. I forget. Well, margarita was in the finals yeah uh and was bested by the winner the paloma that the paloma that's right wow so we're going by taste not by like that was a good episode we're going by like the taste of the drink uh taste of the drink this paloma is a uh i probably haven't thought about that drink in four months what wow and four months ago did you think really hard about it no probably somebody mentioned i said okay not for me wow i feel the exact opposite mike i was gonna say in my search for the drink

of the summer i don't i'm not here standing here saying that the Paloma, everyone's going to say summer 2022 was not the Dirty Shirley. Nobody thinks you're saying that. Okay, thank you. But what I want to communicate to you guys is I have definitely seen a rise in popularity in the Paloma. Just going from what in some circles was an obscure drink to becoming somewhat expected, like it's no longer a dazzler in a nice way. Like when we were at that wedding in Santa Barbara, I saw someone was having one. And just in general,

they're floating around on menus that are not, that are not attention grabby menus. It's just sort of like the Paloma, you know, Margarita, you know, Paloma. You know what I got to credit it to Tim?

Well, two brands, Q, Q and on Q, the quarter. No, there there's a brand it's called like where are we where are we going with this jim i don't think i would be a party oh the soda yeah yeah it's oh it's a soda the grapefruit soda there used to be just like inconsistent weird grapefruit sodas now we got fever tree and we got q two great grapefruits if you spot them buy them i really like it as a you know because i was thinking about it it does make sense for is is a really for the summer as a real good slop head drink because of its there's a charm to the

simplicity like fancy bars will sell you a pink one and they've they've squozen some citrus into it and stuff like that but i think the simplicity of tequila and squirt tequila no yeah tequila and squirt hey squeeze the line pinch you say it as much as you want to him i'm not biting hold on tequila for those of us who have forgotten that episode completely, what exactly is the Paloma? Tequila and squirt? Tequila, grapefruit soda. So it could be, I always knew it as squirt, but it could be like Haritos or any of the bougie ones

your rich friend Jeff says. Go bougie. But even, I got no problem. I love those. Those sodas are better than squirt. But either way way much like the motherfucking uh russian root or the calpe cordial yeah a simple two ingredient drink and and i mean yeah the the paloma according to the iba it gets a squeeze of lime and a pinch of salt and that's

very nice but it's a it's an easy thing to keep if you got a big bottle of your favorite grapefruit soda in your fridge it's a kind of an easy one to just make it i'm not saying it has to dazzle you but promote it from a drink you never have to just one of your kind of standbys yeah yeah yep yeah i will say i don't that one of the i usually don't keep a lot of grapefruit soda in the house because i don't like it but this conversation is giving me quite an idea for a summer drink I might start thinking up. Okay. Ooh. Is it a bubbler?

An idea to start thinking of something. Interesting stuff. The idea is to write down and start thinking about this drink because I think it's going to be good. And I'm going to mix it up. I've been tinkering in the test kitchen with my summer drink. And maybe I'll have, I think, tonight after we record, I'm going to have one. Ooh. I got to get working on my test kitchen.

I was talking a lot about molasses the other episode. Yeah. And I got to stick the landing here. Molasses season is not for a while. I probably can't work on mine tonight because one of the key ingredients, the main ingredient, is found only in the darkest crypts of Egypt. Okay. Now, I'm going to the crypts of Egypt next week, but I just don't know what... I'll talk to you off-pod because I don't want to blow things.

Is it embalming fluid? It's tuts! Mummy fluid? It's Tuts! Mummy juice? Tuts spirit. It's mummy juice. Tuts Tangeray. Ooh. Alright, I have a quick piece of booze news that I don't even care about, but I feel like I should say.

Damn, okay. Okay. Okay, thank you, Walter Cronkite. I feel like we are over this sort of thing. I'm over the moon hearing you do a booze news thing. It came across my desk and I just had to say it. Bud Light Seltzer Cocktail Hour Variety Pack. Oh.

Now, what is that going to be? Tropical Punch, Lime Margarita, Watermelon Mojito, and Strawberry Daiquiri. Have we seen this before? Yeah, I feel like they tried this last year or whatever it was that we did. If you were really doing the cocktail thing and you're leaning in the cocktail, why still with the watermelon mojito?

Why this spins on stuff? Just do the classics. And this reminds me of, what was it? Out of Office? Right. Yeah, yeah, yeah. That's what that's, yes it? Out of Office? Right. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. That's what that's. Yes.

But Out of Office implies vacation, whereas Cocktail Hour, it should be like a Manhattan and an old fashioned and a martini. Yeah. The font on this is tiki-ish. Oh. And then I saw down in the fine print. What? It said the fine print.

I want to address that in a second. Go ahead. Now let's keep this show moving. In the fine print, they say, the Bud Light Seltzer cocktail hour flavors make a great addition to the Seltzer portfolio alongside our full-time offerings, classics, retro, and hard soda. So it seems like Bud Light Seltzer has nominated their classics,

the retro summer pack and hard soda to be their year round offerings. They've been upgraded from featured player to cast. I thought they were all just sort of like, whatever season. It's so funny. They're acting like that. This is like the cast. And we're like,

Oh wow. I don't, uh, I don't love that love the thing they're talking about. What's the new one called? Cocktail? Cocktail Hour. Like saying like portfolio and full time. It sounds too work-like.

Too corporate. I liked Out of Office Pack by the name. I like that name. I feel like we're done with Seltzer. We don't cover that anymore. We did a twofer, but I think maybe the people at Bud Light heard about that and they said, well, we'll get the sloppy boys for one last go. I think, I agree with you.

I don't think we need to jump on every pack. It's a waste of money. It's a waste of time. But I do think it would be nice if we did the Christmas one every year. That's the weirdest prank one, so maybe that is worth the it's a tradition oh my admission is that's a tradition have you had the saranac christmas seltzer pack no no seltzer back um you know what's saranac upstate new york uh saranac lake i believe beautiful land up there. Lovely land.

I would love to maybe bulldoze and put a couple parking lots up there. Oh, the land. Tasteful, tasteful parking lot. What are you parking up there for? Pave Paradise. Oh, yes. Hey, do you know when Joanie sang Pave Paradise, do you know what got paved? Let's see.

Where was she? Oh, I bet you I know, Tim. Wee- tim we ho oh that's not what i was gonna say what were you gonna say remember how um the gelsons on franklin used to be like an old disneyland or something or that used to be like the old disney studios is that right yep that's what i was thinking she was going for that would be a good one what the fuck were the animators work in the fucking deli section? Come on! Mike!

Here's a question, though. Good work there. You had to think of a Disney thing, and then you had to think of a grocery thing. You very quickly said animators, deli, two filing cabinets. This guy plays game. He's UCB trained, folks. You say good thing there. I take issue with that

i don't know if that was good it wasn't great that's for sure now what are you talking pay paradise uh we ho just like in general uh no let's say you're on the sunset strip you're driving west you pass like um the virgin mega store like the sunset five uh-huh okay oh yeah yeah yeah there's on the left side there's a mickey d's and that parking lot that is the mickey d's formerly was the gardens of allah apartment complex that was like a party sort of um zelda and scott fitzgerald drinky type of party spot um it was in that i feel i feel like they used it in uh or referenced it in that ryan gosling emma stone gangster movie from a few years ago but it was kind of like the la flapper party zone and then it got paved and parking lotted

wait so it was that's so funny, because I thought that whole song was about over-expansion and taking away green spaces. But it was just like they paved over a party spot. I know. I would have thought it was about Native American displacement

or something like that. You can make grander conclusions, but it is funny to be like, no, no, it's one apartment building. And they put up a Mickey D's. And they should have changed it to they paved paradise and put up a Mickey D's. Yeah. Put up a Grimace home.

Very good. All right. I got, Jeff, are you done with the cell phone? Yeah, that's my thing. But I got to get my prop. Hold on a second. Great. I never really thought of it. Mickey D's is just Grimace's home. But yeah, that's where he lives. Don't forget the Fry Kids.

They live there too. Fry Guys. Okay. Sorry. And Birdie. It was Mayor McCheese, the first one you said? Okay. So you remember last, right before we were starting Booze News in the last episode, there was a

media issue and media needed to be retrieved and I was killing time so I said, you know what? I'm eating grapes now. I had a good group of grapes. I bought some more and while I was saying that Jeff, you said you ever freeze them? I said no.

And you said, okay, they're good. Well, guess what I have here? Frozen grapes. We're going to do this live. We are going live with the review. Have you had? I've not had. I've had, and I only tried it once because someone tipped me off,

and I remember being pleasantly surprised. They're hard. I got the grape right up to the microphone. You usually hear a squish, squish. You don't hear anything when I'm squeezing this. They're hard. Usually, I got the grape right up to my phone. Usually, I hear a squish, squish. You don't hear anything when I'm squeezing this. Here we go. Yeah. My review?

Uh-huh. It's good. Yes, Michael. Mm. Okay. An issue. Uh-huh. Oh, okay. An issue. Uh-huh. Oh, no, he's going to spit it out.

Do those have pits? Mm-mm. Let me deal with this. Hold on. Oh, he's joking. Yep, he's passed away. Okay. I do not like to bite into ice cream, okay?

Yeah. It's sensitive teeth. Yeah, the sensitive teeth. You see these people take front teeth bites in ice cream. I'll do it. You wonder where these people are going to end up because that's sick stuff. But these, this is good. It was just a very sensitive bite.

Would you bite a popsicle? No. I think that's even worse to be honest I do the thing where like I like get a popsicle and I use my like tongue and roof of my mouth to like bite it when I was a kid before I left before I lost my baby teeth I remember just like crunching

down a rocket pop no trouble and then when I grew my adult teeth which I'm so proud of, then they were more sensitive and I couldn't do it. Ooh, speaking of which, listen to this. Do you guys have wisdom teeth or did you have your wisdom teeth taken out? I had my whizzies removed, all four. I think I have one hanging out, subterranean stylies.

Cool. That's awesome, kind of an underground tooth. The rest are gone. Is that your term or the dentist? Dentist. That's what my Kind of an underground tooth. The rest are gone. Is that your term or the dentist? Dentist. That's what my orthodontist said. In my late 20s, my wisdom teeth started to grow in. And I said, here we go.

It's going to crowd. And I'm going to have to get the surgery. And I went to Gentle Dental. Well, first I ignored it for a few years. Then I went to Gentle Dental. And Dr. Abrams told me that he's like, you know what? They're not crowding but but they seem to have stopped growing they're just kind of sitting there and then every every like annual checkup people like yeah they're just sitting there so this is like like years

of volcanoes yeah they're dormant they lay dormant but with great dangerous potential like godzilla they're gonna erupt with tooth pus while he gross he was like here's the thing it's fine if they just sit back there that is fine they'll just they're halfway grown in so they pierced the skin you can see them but they're not all the way in all four and he's like it's a little hard to brush. Just make sure you really get back there. Get back. Stop. No. Sorry, Tim. Okay, George Martin's friends.

The fabulous four. He was like, if they just sit there half grown in for the rest of your life, it's probably fine. But let's keep an eye on them. Probably. He's the expert. we'll do a patreon episode about him um but uh but i want to say six years pass and then last weekend yowch one of them's on the move baby he's coming in whoa whoa whoa so what is it isn't that? It's like plate tectonics that they're just hiding back there. And then.

Whoa. Interesting. I have a few more things to say about teeth, but I'm going to hold it. And maybe there'll be some space later in the episode because this is booze news. Yeah. You have a good producer's mind. Yeah. Yeah. But I have some good stuff to say about teeth.

Two good points. Tim, you should pull them. I can't pull them now. They're not in far enough to get on there. Yeah. tim you should pull them i can't pull them now they're not in far enough to get on there yeah because you don't want to be maybe i'll do a danger errand in jackass three just yoink it yeah but you don't want to be 90 years old and have your body spending precious energy trying to push those teeth out yeah that's your energy that's true but i gotta tell you it has never occurred to me that i would be 90 years old. You know those young people that do drugs and party are like, oh, I don't think I'll make it to 30. My version of that is eating the way that I eat.

You mentioned this last episode with the steaks. Yeah, yeah. Maybe don't eat the 20 steaks a year. They're good. Maybe you don't want to live that long. I don't know. It's up to you. If I make it to 70, i'll be shocked beyond belief i think i'm one of these guys who has a 69 heart attack at 69

nasty boy stop nasty man is a nasty boy tim the nasty man can we please rack up this fucking why don't we wrap it up we can rack it up some other time. Oh, I'll fucking ring your little neck for that. Oh, you got to get out of plane and get out of here, buddy, because I am... I'm coming out of there. Fourth of July, I'm sending a fucking firework straight up your ass. You better not. Don't do that. Don't, Tim.

Don't. Don't. Okay, I won't. All right, is that it for booziness? That could wreak havoc on my rectals. Tim don't don't okay I won't alright is that it for business that could wreak havoc on my rectals that's another Mario theme

no it's a Zelda flute Zelda all these old games they love a flute they do can I oh yeah is an ocarina a flute ocarina is basically a flute now here's what i'll

say wind instrument yeah go ahead i love what you're doing this theme you've been put on the last three weeks you've been doing this the what the video gamey theme yeah that's good thanks keep that up it's a nice little quiz right in the center of the episode um who's got the drink of the week not it i do you ready to tell us about it yeah yeah well i mean hey i'll i'll be honest with you guys i'll shoot you straight a lot of people when they hear planters punch they think of the peanut man's favorite fighting method you know but no not today we're talking about the drink planters punch you've had not had oh maybe i don't know not had but have heard in a tiki space are they were they on the menu at good luck bar i think they were yes um i oh maybe i have had i'm the same as you guys i've i have i haven't had but i've heard because it's it's on a lot of tiki menus and the one thing i knew about it

is that tiki guys like to say you know that's an older that predates tiki so it's sort of like it's on all the tiki menus but um it's it's one of those ones where you're like this one goes way back it's an old jamaican drink it's an old jamaican drink jerry great um well but in preparation for today's pot i finally looked into it and uh here's what's interesting um perhaps you've heard this rhyme one of sour two of sweet three three of strong, four of weak. Yeah, that's like what you get a bride on the wedding day, right? Yeah. Tim, could you say that again?

I haven't heard it. One of sour, two of sweet, three of strong, four of weak. Interesting. No. I've heard. It's a time-honored bartender's uh poem um for making uh it's just it's a certain like ratio of like sour would be your citrus to uh sweet would be like a simple syrup or something else sweet. The strong is your liquor and weak would be like

ice or water or soda. So you can kind of apply that to a million different drinks. And, you know, I had heard, I didn't really actually like look at it and realize that it goes,

oh, one, two, three, four. 30 days, half September. Are you sure you're not thinking of the feist song one two three four the coolio song oh yes get your woman on the floor they gotta do a mash-up of that they gotta do that one of the djs of the country um so that rhyme that bartenders hold so very dear is derived from a certain place listen to listen closely did you guys ever read fun magazine in london in 1878 oh wait no not no no never While there's a particular issue Of The British

Magazine fun In 1878 That had this recipe For planter's punch That's why we're saying This predates Man 1878

There were magazines back then Woo That's when it was all about The magazine man You bought a magazine You learned everything You didn't know anything else That's where all the knowledge was news and communication was so fucking slow back then

i really think that like people define not even that long ago but up into the 70s like if you were like a man like the you're like hi i read harper's bazaar people are like well i read national geographic and it's like different types of people, you know? I guess what is that now? People saying what websites they go to? I think we always say. I go to Harper's website. Right now I'm on Zencaster.com.

Nobody reads anything. It's just like you know what type of person somebody is when they're like, I listen to the Joe Rogan Experience. Ah, podcasts. And that's me. That's what I listen to. yes your friend tim that's so weird that there's just tens of thousands of of really core devoted slop heads and then me you think i'd be the main slop head no i'm a rogan guy a rogan on your noggin get get a little rogan on your noggin joe rogan experience coming up next

okay i got off track there listen to this planters punch recipe and and remember one of sour two sweet three is strong for a week when you hear this this is how they wrote uh recipes back in the day a wine glass with lemon juice fill of sugar the same glass fill twice then rub them together until the mixture looks smooth soft and nice of rum then three wine glasses add and four of cold water please take a drink then you'll have that's not bad at least so they say in jamaica did fucking kendrick lamar write this what's going on over there jeez louise i did not follow a word of that yeah well kendrick lamar read it uh also isn't that wasn't that during a time when they say wine glass, but they mean shot glass?

Yeah, that was also like... We came across that once before, I think. Episode one, when we talked about Jerry Thomas, writer of the Jerry Thomas Guide. Stop. I did not mean Phantom Menace. That's one of those things where I think I'm doing like the soundboard. You don't need to listen to a radio show and someone's doing the soundboard? How come they're not commenting on that? Well, doesn't Howard stop every time and then

yell at Fred? No, no, no. He loves it. Frank? Fred. Fred. I like Fred. Well, Tim, tell me that's not the recipe we have to go by today. No, no, no. You're not fucking with lemon. You're not reaching for winegrasses. But yeah, that was Jerry Thomas era. That's kind of what you used. I don't need a fucking bachelor's in linguistics today no no no you're not fucking with lemon you're not reaching for wine grasses but yeah

that was jerry thomas era that's kind of what you used i don't need a fucking bachelor's in linguistics to get this thank god i don't need a bachelor's in linguistics to get this recipe correct tim hit me with something a little more pedestrian if you would so cool um the the the the the the proportions we're using today yeah the iba did kind of use the modern incarnation of this and and tried to do a little tip of the hat at those proportions but this is kind of a loosely this drink is very simple right we're talking dark jamaican rum lime sugar there's other rum lime sugar drinks the daiquiri you know if you cachaça is a caipirinha yeah closest close blah blah but um this one there's kind of a loose uh it went on to have a pretty loose definition but all you got to know if you're you're drinking this drink no it's an old jamaican drink it's named for the planters in the sugarcane

fields uh you know there was a theory that it was named for the planters in the sugarcane fields uh you know there was a theory that it was named after the planters hotel in charleston south carolina but the timeline don't work out we're talking about probably most likely the enslaved workers on plantations in jamaica during european colonization um that's where this kind of rum comes from but this goes on to be it gets looped up in the tiki boom um and then different juices can be added to it i'm i looked at a lot of different recipes that use oj or pineapple juice um the two big tiki dudes trader vick and don the beachcomber both had their own versions vick added lemon, grenadine, and soda. Don, of course, added falernum and computers and weird shit.

But here's the IBA bartenders association recipe that we're going with today. I'll read it and we can complain. 45 milliliters of Jamaican rum. Dark Jamaican rum iconically would be myers i have caruba what do you guys got myers i have uh smith and cross i'm gonna use that beautiful i'm out gay too but i've been uh using that with other stuff so i want to go back to this smith and cross smart i think myers at one point like was was like promoting this drink a lot uh you know like in ads and on the

back of their bottle as like this is what you're buying meyers for um so it's an ounce and a half of that then uh 15 milliliters or half an ounce.a. one ounce, of what the IBA says is sugar cane juice. Yes. You guys, when you look at this in the recipe guide, what's going through your head? What do you think? My thought was, this is easily found. I will go to any number of places and scoop it right off the shelf. It has eluded me these past three days.

Oh my God. I had similar, uh, I, I said, Hmm, maybe I'll use some of my fancy Demerara cane syrup and I'll water it down. Cause I looked online and I saw like cans of Goya or Kearns or whatever of like sugar cane juice.

Seems like you can buy sugarcane juice seems like you can buy it but seems like i was picturing the bottle i mean the can i was like yeah yeah so i went to um a mexican grocery store viarta that i love they didn't have it then i went to a filipino grocery store oh seafood city love that place they didn't have it you dug deeper than i did i just went to lassen's in the grocery store and found all sorts of like close looking by the honey. Yeah. Looking by the. Yeah.

I was like looking. It was weird to even know where to look and very annoying to ask people because they were like, oh boy, I don't know. Like there's so many things that they were close to it. So I texted celebrity bartender Jack Schramm and he said he was like, look, sugar cane juice, schmuggler cane juice. You're not going to find it. Bartenders don't work with it. Cause it ferments too fast.

You're not going to find it boys. Here's what you do. Even this IBA recipe has a little asterisk note that says add dilution up to taste. It can be given by water, ice or fresh juices. So he said, look at that.

They're talking about diluting you can use juices and he sent me to a punch magazine recipe that used some pineapple juice and orange juice and he was like just use these some other juices because you're not going to find sugar cane then a text comes in from jefferson dutton a daily double no a text comes in. And I say, Tim, I've found it. I think I'm onto it. Where did you find it?

Honestly, I went to the grocery store and I came home with coconut palm sugar and Demerara brown sugar. And I was like, I'm going to make something close to it. I want to have the real taste. And then I said, you know what? I'm going to search just sugar cane on my maps. And lo and behold, right next to UCB Sunset is a place called like Raw Cane. Is that what it's called? Really?

Rock Cane? This place is called Raw Cane Super Juice. And they make juices out of raw sugar cane juice, or you can just get the raw sugar cane juice. Wow, amazing. And the lady looked shocked that I had walked in the store. They must get no traffic whatsoever. Oh, Jefferson, what are you doing?

And I said, two bottles, please. And she said, make sure you use them within like four days because normally we deal with this shit frozen it ferments fast and then also you'll be happy to know this is sourced from norcal cool our neighbors to the north uh up in groovy weed country i like that oh is this infused mike um i like, so that's similar to what Jack said about you got to move fast with this stuff. He was saying that's why they don't really stock it at bars, even, you know, bars that like fresh ingredients and stuff. I'm curious about letting it ferment and then see if I have some cachaça in my fridge. Yeah, because I was reading about it, that it, if you look it up, it looks green, which is weird.

You wouldn't think of that being green. And then it also was described as having a very light, sweet, apple-juicy taste, which I'm looking forward to. Oh, that's fun. This is very interesting. I called a bunch of places. I went to a bunch of places, and I started calling liquor stores and asking if they had it.

And a bunch of liquor stores kept telling me, oh, we can't carry anything that's not liquor. Their licensing doesn't do it but then i was like i feel like i've been to these liquor stores and seen their mixers and all that stuff yeah so maybe maybe if it's like under the umbrella of uh a bacardi mixer it still is they can sell it i don't know but i looked up like what you can use otherwise and i saw something that said syrup maple syrup maple syrup so you know i'm putting in some vermont maple syrup wow damn interesting how much are you are you gonna are you gonna like dilute it and make a little oh maybe maybe i should right 30 milliliters would be too much i Are you going to dilute it and make a little? Oh, maybe I should.

Right. 30 milliliters would be too much. I think you want to probably match the amount of lime juice or slightly less, but maybe a half ounce. I have to give that a stir, too, because I don't want to chunk it on the bottom. This is interesting. You could dunk an Eggo in there. That's good. That'd be nice.

Hey, keep that Eggo away from Eleven. Yeah, do that. Keep that away from her. Okay, so those are the ingredients. Now the method is pour all... I mean, this was tripping me up a little bit, too. Pour all ingredients

directly into a small tumbler or typical terracotta glass. Yeah, sure. When you said tumbler, I was like, shit, all I have is typical terracotta glass. Yeah, sure. When you said tumbler, I was like, shit, all I have is typical terracotta glass. The typical run-of-the-mill old terracotta glass. And here's the note that Jack mentioned. Add dilution up to taste. It can be given by water, ice, or fresh juices.

Garnish with orange zest. Beautiful. Great. So I've always seen this this like when you google it i see it in like normal glasses highball glasses lowball glasses i see a lot in a um in a kind of a tiki mug the iba has this picture of a typical terracotta glass that i've never seen it never seen never typical to uh our one weird website. This is so strange. They didn't mention any shaking, right?

They said pour all ingredients directly into a small tumbler, like room temperature ingredients. And then this note, add dilution up to taste. It can be given by water, ice, or fresh juices. If you don't dilute, that's insane. Because lime, rum, sugar cane juice is going to be a very stiff drink now i was looking at these measurements 15 lime 15 milliliters lime 30 milliliters sugar sugar cane 45 milliliters one of sour two oops sweet three of strong so i'm gonna put four So two ounces of water or ice, I guess ice. But then do I shake it until it's gone?

I'm going to shake this shit out of it. I'm just going to put it on ice. Yeah, this says just pour it right into the cup, right? Right. But if you pour it into the cup and then you add water or fresh juices to taste, you could use OJ or whatever. But let's say you do water to taste it sounds like these old-timey punches because i know that there was like old colonial and old

new york punches that guys drank at pubs that were like room temperature citrus sugar nasty boys but i would i could see myself in a kv bar in new york doing that around the holidays but if i want to have the real jamaican experience here i i don't well i don't know if they had ice in jamaica in the 1800s but uh i think you're right tim shake it up i'm gonna shake it up shake it up are you shaking on cubes and pouring i think i'm gonna need to shake it up. I'm going to shake it up. Shake it up? Are you shaking it on cubes and pouring on fresh cubes? I think I'm going to need to shake it up because of the syrup. I need to get that moving all around. Right.

And, Mike, because you're using syrup and not cane juice, you can dilute yours a little more than us. Like you could put a little half ounce of water as well or something. Yeah, yeah. But, folks, i think what we're learning here is this is a loosely defined drink when they even the iba says dilute to taste all that's important to us is you have something that has rum lime and sugar and if you want it with ice go for it if you want to add water to it go for it if you want to put potted apple juice go for it i don't think we're stressing about in the world of this drink i think it's

kind of customizable you do you can i also say this if you just want to if you want to crack a a seven up and you don't want to drink at all do that make seven not bad yours well do you want to get into it i'm looking forward to this one. Me too. Yes. Great, folks. We'll see you after those ads you love so much. Toodle-oo. And we're back with Planter's Punches.

Let's see them. Punches up. I like the look. Oh, Jefferson. Beautiful. I used the hurricane. I like that. Very nice.

Ooh, nice. Michael, you got a ring around yours? What's that? Oh, it's the glass. It's just the, yeah, some painted glass there. This is a, what is this? I think this is a Bailey's glass. It's kind of a little.

I like it. A little swivel. So Jeff went hurricane, me and Mike went Small Tumbler. Small Tumbler. My terracottas were in the shop. I'm very excited. This smells delicious and this maple syrup it's been hot here in New York

so the maple syrup was like really runny so I was able to like pour it like an ice. Really shake it. Nice. Yeah. Tim, did you sneak any sips of the sugar cane juice? You know I stole a sip. Was it like apple juice it said it was going to taste like?

No, it was more of a grass. It was fascinating because it was raw. What did you say, Jay? Grass. Yeah, it was. Lawn clippings. It was fascinating because it was raw. What did you say, Jay? Grass. Yeah. Lawn clippings. It was sweet and delicious, but it also had an earthiness to it. It really reminded me of what we were trying to put our finger on about the cachaça with the caipirinha. And so that taste is there.

It tasted like a live plant, though, right? It tasted to me like a health food. Yeah. And so it was weird to be getting sugar and chlorophyll all at once. Yeah. Chlorophyll. Chlorophyll. This does not make the ribosome.

I've got a sugar cane story, but I'm going to save it until after first sip. Great. I still do want to talk about my two tooth stories. Perfect. Here we go. Great. Oh, yeah. stories. Perfect. Here we go. Great. Mmm. Oh, yeah.

Mmm. Mmm. Freaky, tinky, stinky, stinky. That warms your whole chest. I mean, it cools your whole chest as you drink it. Warms or cools. I don't know what's going on. My chest is feeling... Something's going on here.

Something's going on. We're having a cardiac event. I like, I mean, I think it's delicious and it's strong and it makes me think it tastes like the building blocks of other tiki drinks. The dark rum and the lime and the sugar. It's like you start with this and then you add your weird stuff on top. But this is just like mainline. And boom. Yeah yeah it makes you want to chug it huh it kind of does but you can't if you go into a tiki bar and then they bring it down to the basement where they're serving this stuff oh yeah this does this is good this is a nice simple tiki drink might be i don't

maple i don't make tiki drinks at home Because It's too much stuff But this of course I can do Am I getting maple taste? Is it coming through? Oh yes Ready for an Eggo? I'd drink Eggo's all day long Sort of a breakfast tiki drink

I mean I think maple syrup is delicious In a Like an old fashioned you can't really picture it with lime with fruit with fruit you're twisted mike it's got is your sugar cane coming through jay um i got it mine is like i i put two ounces of crushed ice and i shook it until it was almost disappeared and i poured on new cubes so mine is kind of all in perfect measure the lime and and the cane juice and the rum all kind of disappeared into each other I mean the rum is you can taste rum for sure I didn't measure my

ice but um that sounds about right and I'm not tasting it doesn't taste like anything really distinct it could be any I I see why they say it could be orange juice you know yeah oh you know what i'll say this they call me crazy but this would be a christmas time tiki drink with the with the maple syrup in it i like yeah if i was tasting what you're tasting i would say hell yeah dude yeah what about it if i had made a strange weird choice with this drink yeah i would agree with you. What if you're stirring it up too with a candy cane, get a little mint in there with a ooh!

Maple mint? Ooh, I got two good drinks I'm coming up with this time. Maple mint. I just expressed my orange zest, which I forgot to do, and that just brought this thing to a whole new level. Oh! These are great. You make and expressed my orange zest, which I forgot to do, and that just brought this thing to a whole new level.

These are great. You make it planters punch, you're not expressing your orange. Yeah, there are so many rinds out there that are unexpressed. Express yourself. I can't even think about it. It's so sad. We live our lives just not even, we have blinders on. Now, did you keep cubes in there, yes?

Oh, yeah. I put two of my shaken cubes in there. Yeah, I had to fill the glass. So I poured on fresh cubes, and then I was like, come on, fill the glass. And so I dumped a couple of the shaker cubes. It's really good. It is funny, like, you know, we show our drinks to each other,

and it was like, you know, half an inch deep. You're like, oh, I'm sorry. I mean, it's really it is funny like if you know we show our drinks to each other if it was like you know half an inch deep you're like oh i'm sorry i mean it's happened we learned that early early and often in the pot happens to the best of us yeah um here's what i was gonna say about teeth so wisdom teeth here we go when i got mine out i got some wisdom teeth out they had to do the thing where they like cut they cut them in half, and then they just shimmy them out. Two of them they just shook out. And the other ones they had to break them out. But when they do that, when they are drilling through the bone, you get just the smell of that in the air.

Yeah. And I've been told what it smells like, and it does smell like this. Doritos. Doritos. Yeah. Whoa. I don't know what the deal is, but. That makes me, would make me a little snackish sitting in that chair.

Yeah. I was snackish for sure. The other thing I was going to mention is, you know, when you get, you get, you get suggested videos on your, or suggested Instagram accounts on your Instagram. Yeah. The ones that are coming through to me a lot lately have been close-up dental surgery. Tooth extraction, filling cavities, that type of thing. I don't know.

Why? I don't know. I don't know. I get a lot of, also recently I've been getting a lot of, um, earwax removal, like deep camera. Jesus Christ.

So that I've heard of because there's a world of these medical videos that are very certain people. Like they find it relieving. It's the pimple popper world. I would be lying if I said I wasn't entertained by those. Wow. You like watching a pimple pop. Oh,

sorry. I do too. Does it give you, it's, it's gratifying to watch it's like it's relieving there's something about it there's just so gross and there's i i've yeah i've seen like i saw a viral tiktok of like like a girl who like her boyfriend was about to pop a pimple and she was like let me watch let me watch and like she was like freaking out because she wanted to watch are you like that no i don't freak out but uh you never really lose your cool huh i keep pretty cool especially around these planners punches well the earwax extraction is is another thing where some people will have like four inches

of dark black wax in there and you can pull it out with like a chopstick it is yeah those ones are satisfying to see like a whole thing come out you're like oh man it's all so clean in there now yeah have you ever used one of those uh you can buy things huh the corkscrew type things? No. No, those I've seen advertised to, but the things where like it's a little camera stick and you put it in your ear and like the image shows up on your phone.

It's like a little pen camera. Damn. Wow, I can think of a lot of places to put that thing. Yeah, your nose maybe. Well, your ears are disgusting. Mine. Well, hold on. i was going to tell a sugar cane story or now i can tell an earwax story you guys choose i think we've covered that might not be for everybody great um unless some people are getting off on it whatever maybe

they'll get off on sugar cane i was in the dominican republic uh new yorkers call it the dr if you've heard um mr dr and i went and i really stuck out there uh uh i felt like when i was when i left the resort walking on the beach a lot of the locals like to come talk to me because i kind of looked like a cartoonish uh tourist you know yeah big fat greek jag off on their beaches they wanted to come talk to me um and so like a lot of people would like chit chat with i mean maybe it's just a friendly place but i felt like i was particular kind of like getting a lot of people just chatting with me and at one point i go up to this vendor that's serving um sugar cane and it's like this guy you know sugar it kind of looks like a bamboo stick and they're like with a big machete chops

chops you like a two foot piece of it and then he shaves the skin off and then he hands you this thing and you kind of chew on it and then it's sweet but then you'll swallow you spit it out and it's a great snack you guys have no no and it just tastes like sugar tastes exactly like this juice that me and jeff have where it's it's it's sweet and then at the end grass grass you must have seemed like a big panda bear just honking on a big old bamboo shoot i was just kind of sitting there on my ass just kind of eating all their sugar cane but so i go to this vendor i buy a two foot long stick of sugar cane and then i'm walking and then there's this lady in the beach chair and she uh she like kind of calls to me and waves me over and uh i was like what and i just like

she's like uh you know she's like hanging out in a bikini on the on the beach like hey come here and i'm like yeah i walk over and she takes my sugar cane puts her two hands on it she snaps it in half and then she hands me back half and then she takes half and then she was eating it and i just stared at her like what and she's like yeah thank you and then uh there you go i said okay i guess we what's mine is hers i I guess that was a robbery. I'll try that next time I see a waiter walk by with a nice fresh plate of swordfish. Drilled swordfish. Hey, come here.

Come here. Rip. Rip the swordfish in half. No, but there's a happy ending to the story. That lady that took half the sugar cane, she is safely incarcerated, I told the police. Don't worry. She's in solitary at the moment. Life behind bars.

Yep. Damn. Deserved it. Well, this is a great drink. It is really good. You know, it makes me think about how, especially Jeff, you got the Myers. That's kind of a stiff rum, sharp taste. Yeah.

It's amazing how a little sweet and a little lime can sort of just disarm it. Now, do you guys remember we were walking through the, when we were on tour, we went through the Sarah Duke Garden near Duke University. Yes. And we came upon the bamboo patch. Do you remember the fun panda fact I told you about that? No. Yeah.

What was it? remember the fun panda fact i told you about that no yeah what was it it was that pandas just kind of developed a liking for bamboo like the way kind of like the way humans eat like candy and chips like they don't do they don't do anything for them uh they're like they're not they're not very like um nutrient heavy for yeah there's nothing like nutritious for them but they just love to eat them. And if you have a panda in a zoo, a lot of your attention goes to bringing more bamboo shoots. Just because you're snacking on them.

They love it. Because they like to eat them, but they don't really do anything for them. Well, it's like us with the Cool Ranch Doritos, I guess. Yeah. You just like to eat them. I don't think it makes the pandas fat, though. I don't think it doesn't like... It's not like to eat them. I don't think it makes the pandas fat, though. I don't think it doesn't like...

It's not like candy. Right. They say that the sugar cane is like the nutrient-rich version of bamboo. They're related. I got cane on the brain. So this is good. You can get your nutrients. Make yourself a planter's punch.

Get a little planter in your punch. Get healthy. How do you neutral? How would you guys tweak this? Because I'm looking forward to round two. I understand the SRAM method of any juice you want. Splash of OJ, splash of pineapple juice. But that'll cloudy it up.

I'm kind of liking its glassy allure. It's a smooth. It's a smooth. It's smooth. It's a smooth. It's a smooth one. I'm going to make another one, and I'm going to add a lot more sugar cane juice because I have it, and I want to taste it. It's good.

I mean, it's a good ingredient. You may as well. It's just going to ferment anyway. It's just going to ferment anyway. It's just going to ferment. And then I am tasting like the Myers is good. And like, I like it because it Myers just screams tiki, but it's dominating. Yeah. I like Myers as you know, we've learned when you're making a tiki drink to use multiple rooms.

I like Myers is like my teeny little splash in the mix with some cheapo rums or something. I'm going to do that. I i'm gonna do that i'm going to do that now well hold on just right before you do that jeff would you mind if i change the subject oh oh yeah we've done it all we've been talking about teeth we've been talking about earwax the drink of course yeah i mean now something new something different well maybe this came up i wasn't really totally paying attention. If you guys have been jumping around topics, maybe you mentioned. Can I just say, Harry Styles has really come into his own.

Yeah? Into his own? Into his own. Yes, yes. Harry Styles, of course. Don't you think he was in One Direction and then he went solo? I think he was and he Direction and then he went solo and just like... I think he was and he did, yeah.

Yeah. Was he in that porno movie, Wonder Erection? Oh, my God. Mike, you're an adult film freak. It would be so funny if I saw your Instagram story and you were at the AVN Awards. Just watching. Just a fan. Freaking out because you're meeting a point star oh my god i got jenna jameson's autograph she and i have actually never worked together that's interesting who oh really interesting

yeah oh but harry is coming to his own his new this new album it just shows a maturity to it and it's just really he's good and I like it and I was wondering if you guys wanted to listen to the first single off the new Harry Styles album if we want to or if we have

if you want to do so now oh now yeah sure boot up the Spotify. Sure. Hit it. Holding a drink. Tasty and holding a drink. I want you to tell me what drink I have.

So I know what I'll taste. Oh, in this drink, There's dark rum You know it's got juice, cane, planters, punch In this drink There is lime You know it's got juice, cane, planters, punch Juice, cane? Planters, punch Oh, juice, comma, cane, planters, punch. Juice, cane? Planters, punch.

Oh, juice, comma, cane. Planters, punch. Oh. You know that I know Zane. Juice, comma, cane, I guess. That's probably what he meant. Is that what he said? Who is the lyricist?

Tim, you've got a lyric sheet. I'm looking at the lyrics. You know I've got juice, comma, cane. Yeah, so he said cane juice, right. Juice, cane, period, planters, or colon planters punch? Yes. So yeah, he just was wondering about what the drink he had was, and then he looked at the ingredients and he kind of figured it out.

That is really good. I am excited to hear the whole album because I haven't heard that single at all. So that's cool. Well, he's a style icon, Mike. Yeah, his last name sure uh that reminds me of earlier today when i couldn't i couldn't find the sugar cane juice you remember we told the whole story about it yeah yeah and then when i when i found it and i was headed to the place and i said i can't believe this is right by me and i was in my car and i turned on the radio and um the song was going sugar cane sugar find sugar cane sugar find and i was like that's exactly like my situation right

now this guy is he is is the whole is the new album called planters punch uh propaganda yep oh well there you go i uh I think I have to double check. Please, Slophead's fact-checked us on that one. That's very interesting. This whole thing is interesting. I find it curious. The song is great. I love the song.

Sure. Instrumentation, lyrics are perfect. The vocal choice being so up front in the mix is curious. Yeah, well, I guess he's really come into it. Well, that's between you and the engineers mike yeah yeah and again and you will i don't know mixing and mastering i know uh i would say i know jack shit about engineering and mastering so yeah i'm gonna go with uh the international superstar megastar style icon yeah probably go with that one on this one i'm gonna go with that one on this one, eh? Going to go with that one on this one. Wow.

All right, folks. We're going to go tweak these planters punches. Freaky, tweaky, tiki. And when we come back, our final thoughts. Love it. and we're back with our tweaked planters punches check this out how did you tweak jeff what did you do look at that enough rind i just put a big old hunk of orange in there you're not fucking around anymore did you express you give zero fucks I did a little half squeeze, you know? ZFGs.

Get a little homestyle in there, some pulp. Homestyle runner. And then I did a split bass, Myers and Bacardi. Split bass? Listen to this fucking craft mixology man over here. Whoa. And then an extra two ounces of the good stuff. The grass. Grass juice, baby.

And what's the verdict? Oh, that's a drink right there. Better. Better. Oh, Jeffy's Planter Punch. It's customizable. Everyone makes their own planter. Oh, I'm tasting the grass.

Oh, the grass. Now now here's what i did i love the taste of that cane juice but i wasn't getting a grassy flavor so i was like oh i'm gonna try what jack shram mentioned of just like using any juice because like we said there's not a lot of juice in this it's not like we're making a tequila sunrise or something where it's like a huge amount of juice um so i instead of cane juice on this round i took my i had bought an orange for my fucking twist and jeff you said you did a little squeeze i did a big juice uh press and i used fresh oj instead of the cane juice changes and the the look of it is exactly like the other one i sipped it it was maybe a little it wasn't quite as sweet so then i i have some fancy cane sugar syrup and i put a little drizzle of that so slop heads if you couldn't find cane

juice use oj and a little bit of sugar you're you're good this drink this is some drink you can you can put orange juice in it but yeah i think they protected themselves like when you call it punch that just means whatever well i think it's because the thing was when this drink was made it was like rum was new and it was like jamaican dark rum holy shit so the sugar you use and the juice you use are like yeah yeah yeah whatever you're diluting the rum but the rum but the rum the rum rum is in the tongue and for my uh second round i used a little bane juice bane juice yes yes what does that mean what's bane juice it's my sweat all right i'm not gonna keep doing that let's get to the what no okay so there's no bane juice that was a joke there's no

bane juice i didn't make a second round but why but why how did your brain get the bane that's what we know bane sounds sounds like Kane. Oh! And for the first letter, I saw a C in Kane and I said, let me step this back a bit. Just one step. We should do podcast commentaries where Mike can explain how. What goes on his twisted mind. The wickedly talented

Mike Hanford. The undalented Mike Hanford. Alright, edit that out, Jeff. Final thoughts? I'll go first. I like it. I like my tweak version better than the IBA. I don't know. This is another one I'm going to call it an IBA

blunder. What? But you got the cane juice, Jeff. Yeah, but every place tells you to get the cane juice. No, they don't. A lot of the recipes say pineapple juice. Whatever juice.

Some places want you to get a bane juice. All right. I'm looking at the recipe that Shram pointed me to on Punch, punchdrink.com. It's dark rum, lime juice, pineapple juice, OJ, simple syrup. I think it would be pretty close to this. Sorry, continue. No, this one I'm having right now is

very good and a five star. The last one is a little bit like, I like it, but it's just I'm more drinking it. It's very Myers heavy, but it's cold. And I just want that cold. So I end up drinking it

too fast, even though I don't love it. Yep. I got to follow Jeff on this one. For me, this is an FSD as well. And what I like about it. FSD? A five-star drink. What I like about this is it's so customizable.

You can do anything you want. Anything? Love it. You can't be wrong with this one. This is great. Add everything. Add nothing at all. Oh, crack a beer. You want. Anything? Love it. You can't be wrong with this one. This is great. And nothing at all. Oh, crack a beer. You're having a planner's punch.

Crack a beer, open up a bag of Doritos. Ooh, it's planner's punch. You might think you're getting your teeth sawed out. I love it. It's an order grand for me. And I'll tell you that I like, there's some drinks we drink and we're like, ooh, that's crushable. And, you know, I'd chug these. But I like this as a little stiffy.

I feel colonial. I feel like I should, I could be down in a historic old tavern of some sort. And I would drink this slowly. It's a pretty intense little glug. Yeah, it deserves your respect. I'm excited for mixing a concoction like this. Oh, boy. My head just got planted in the Jamaican dirt.

I am excited to make a drink like this for the fucking Christmas season, and I'm going to do some fun stuff with it. Yeah. I could see it. I get it for Christmas because it is rum. It's a nighttime drink. This is not Caipirinha. You're not standing in the sun

drinking this. It does have sort of a heavy vibe to it. Puts you to sleep type of thing. Is that everybody's final thought? Yes. Well, I'll tell you, this is nothing like my first Planer's Punch. Did I ever tell you that story? No. No. I didn't tell you, this is nothing like my first Planer's Punch Did I ever tell you that story? No

I didn't tell you that story You didn't tell us that story I think it was just after Birthday Boys Season 2 And we're at the Tiki Tea Tiki Bar, right? But I'm not at the bar I'm over on the side Because there's a woman over there

Oh my god, a woman at there. Oh, my God. A woman at a tiki room. Curvy like I like. And shaped like this, you know? See my hands? Right. Would you say she had a badonkadonk donk? Oh, yeah.

Well, see the shape of my hand? Oh, my donk. Whoa. You're doing like a hurricane glass shape. And then, so I'm talking to this girl. There's something about her, right? Uh-huh. And she's like you better uh be careful you don't my husband doesn't see you talking to me like this jeez jeff be careful out there lady i don't see that i don't see the husband around here

she's like well he's very rich and um famous so you better watch out, big boy. And so she's telling me, you got to watch out for my husband, but there's also like a flirty vibe to it. And so I'm like, I think that she's kind of into this. And so I leaned in for a kiss, right? Yeah. I'm kissing her. I'm like, this is great.

She's so beautiful and curvy, like I mentioned. But then when I come off her, I was just like, that tastes like, it tastes maybe like a little bit like a peanut. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, salty kind of. And then no sooner do I realize that, she gasps. So that's where it's from. And I turned around and pow, right in the mouth. I got punched in the jaw by her husband and then so i'm seeing

stars right and as soon as my trip to the uh yeah a trip to the planetarium and then i swear like as soon as my as my vision kind of corrected itself i saw her get let out the door by he looked like a giant peanut with a top hat and a monocle and a tux a tux i think mr peanut i think that i think my first spats i think my first planner's punch was getting punched by mr peanut at the tiki tea jesus this is crazy that is nuts Now is that true though? Yeah No I gave you the time stamp And everything This was 2014

The thing that's so crazy About that This was Obama era Yeah okay Yeah sure I remember that It was 2014 I remember in 2014

Seeing you one day And like you had Kind of like a You know your lip Was a little swollen You were kind of Talking a little bit Like were kind of talking a little bit like this yeah and i was like what's up you're like oh i i think some uh i got a spider

bite or something i don't want to talk about it yeah okay we don't talk about your spider bites whatever yeah on the chin yeah well this is the real story it's crazy that mr peanut and mrs peanut and mrs peanut hit you i should have known something was up. I told you that she was curvy. I didn't mention the texture of her skin. You got hit by Mr. Peanut and then he walked you out. No, he walked her out.

Oh, he walked her out. That makes sense. That makes sense. They're spouses. Was he mad? Oh, yeah. Maybe she had a're spouses. Yeah. Was he mad or was that like... Oh, yeah. Maybe she had a hall pass. Maybe, maybe. She was putting her glasses on.

She's like, was that Steve Zahn? Yeah, I think so. Yeah, baby, that was Steve Zahn. Your hall pass is done. Is Steve Zahn the other guy in hall pass with Jason Sudeikis? No, but Jeff kind of looks like Steve Zahn. He didn't have any glasses on. I mean mr peanut wears a monocle so if he was looking with his bad eyes i thought he was punching steve's on what did mr peanut i feel like they

did like a press release thing in the last year that was kind of a cute baby he died he died right a baby took it and then a baby took his place. It was like a Super Bowl ad or something. I say good riddance. You're punching Jeff? Fuck you, dude. There was a time when Bill Hader was Mr. Peanut's voice in commercials. That's awesome. And they looked like a very...

They were good commercials, I will say. I will say that. It was like a holiday party in a fun spot with like a nice hearth i think it's a little weird that they knew the they knew the next mr peanut at that young an age like it's sort of a like a dalai lama situation they're just grooming him i guess like they just sort of anoint him at a young age and then i guess they they rise to the occasion they fill the shoes i'll have peanuts sometimes they're all like just about to crack the shell on one and i'll be like wait a minute hold on this guy actually

might be and i'll talk to friends of mine who are in the in the peanut world and they're like ah no he's good but he's like not we got another guy we're working on okay great so i'll crack this one open and eat it. Crack his head. Crack his body open and eat it. Crack his body in half, suck out his insides. His guts. His exoskeleton.

Hey, if you're in South Carolina, you boil them up. That's true. That's true. Well, folks, it was a good episode. Certainly was. God damn, I wish I could listen to this shit. If you want more boys, check us out on patreon.com slash the sloppy boys. And if you want these recipes ahead of time, you know where to follow us, at the sloppy boys on all social platforms. Not TikTok.

Not yet. Not yet. Someday. We should do a funny dance. Ooh, yeah. Our kitchen isn't nice enough, Tim. We need a nice kitchen first. Yeah, we need an island.

Well, what do you say we meet back here next week and we'll do one more drink? I'd love that for us. Sounds good to me. Did you say sounds good, Timmy? Yeah. Did you say that, Jeff? Sounds good, Timmy. I meant to say, sounds good, me did you say sounds good Timmy? yeah sounds good Timmy sounds good Jeffy sounds good Jeffy bye folks

bye folks he's wet whoa whoa what's going on folks oh folks it is good please that's not right what the fuck That's not right!

That's not right! Thanks for watching!