The Three Questions with Andy Richter - Chelsea Peretti

Episode Date: March 9, 2021

Comedian and actress Chelsea Peretti joins Andy to relive middle school trauma and reminisce about the pre-quarantine comedy scene. Plus, Chelsea’s publicist emerges from a cryogenic freezer to provide her talking points for this interview.

hello internet people in your car people at your desks people at home this is the three questions and uh i am andy richter and i am talking today with one of the greats. Isn't that your tagline? Yes, yes, it is. Chelsea Peretti, the very, very funny, very talented Chelsea Peretti. It's good to see you, if only virtually. Good to talk to you. You too.

You have a virtual palm tree background. Yeah, I was so happy when I figured out about a year into this pandemic how to do these backgrounds. Yeah. It was huge for me. And I liked you when you got up for a second. There are actual palm trees on the wall behind you on like wallpaper. Yeah. So it's a whole theme. Kind of. They're actually not a palm tree, but they look similar. I don't want to get into the details, the nitty gritty of my wallpaper, but. Right, exactly. Because you don't want the stalkers to know. Exactly. Yeah. So how are you? Well. You have a small child. I do. I have a three year old. You're one of those

I do. I have a three year old. You're one of those quarantiners. Yeah. Yeah. How has that been? It's been a wild ride. I've gotten really into saying wild lately. It's a good go-to. It's such a kind of a person who's like, oh, it's so wild how blah, blah, blah. now now that's me a lot of stuff has changed you know i like amazing too oh my god that's amazing no it's a bowl of soup yeah that's amazing that's a very hollywood one oh that's amazing yeah um so yeah having a three-year-old in a pandemic is i

mean truthfully it's been heartbreaking i know that we're lucky and he's lucky, but it's just been really hard to tell him he can't do anything that he loves to do. I mean, before this, he would go to the playground and the zoo and art class and music class. And we were trying to train him for this decathlon, this toddler decathlon. Four mile swim. Then art, then you have to paint something. But anyway, so it's just been hard. Like when he's like, oh, I have an idea. And I'm always like, please don't tell me what it is.

And it's like, we could go to the car museum. And I'm like, just turn my back and start weeping silently. And then I smile brightly through the tears. And I'm like, you know what else we could do? Keep hanging out in the backyard. We could braid some grass. Well, you could convince him that like the Ralph's parking lot is another car museum. Yeah, that's actually brilliant.

I should have done that. Look at this one. It's dirty. Right. Man, I forgot how dumb kids are. I could have done that. Oh, they really are. No, I mean, because I know people who basically, when this started, had tiny babies. Yeah. I think that in some ways those kids are better off because, you know, they don't know any better. I guess so. But, you know, it's like everyone's doing this kind of comparing of kids' ages and how it does for them.

And it would, I think, be a little bit easier maybe if they're a baby. They can't ask heartbreaking questions at the very least. But, I mean, even when my kid was little, we went to little classes or he would go with me to go get coffee and we'd sit outside and I don't know, there's just like, I don't think it's easy for anyone. That's my point. And even though I should just shut up. Cause I know that we're, we're lucky. No, you shouldn't shut up. Cause A, this is a podcast and that would – That would grind things to a halt.

It really would. I mean, I can keep an audience for about two hours, but that's not long enough. This is a four-hour podcast, by the way. Oh, my God. So you're in the Pete Holmes school of – Yeah, I went to Aukerman University to learn my podcasting. Well, you were once a baby. You were a child once.

Yeah. And before we get into your childhood, I always liked to, you know, like, I know from being a parent, there were so many things when I became a parent that I was like, oh, wait a minute. Yeah. My parents should have done a little better in that way. Or like, oh, now I understand. Like, are there a lot of those for you? Yeah. I'm like, wait, I shouldn't have been just biding my time when my dad slept till noon. Like, is that what you mean? You mean waiting for him to get up?

Yeah. Yeah, yeah. Yeah, on his weekends that he had custody. And just really hungry all morning. And then he's like, wakes up at noon and he's like, donuts. And I'm like, you're the best. It all kind of clicked into place. Now I'm like, I can't imagine just sleeping till noon with my kid in the house.

Yeah. Yeah. But what a dream. He really had something right. You can get a, you get away with that when your kids like, cause like my daughter's 15, my son's 20. Yeah. And my daughter's powers of sleeping are just heroic. Just heroic. When I was that age, I dragged, I had a single mattress and I had, my mom had a big old house and I dragged this mattress into the closet and I slept in there

because it was pitch black. And then I could just really just sleep like a complete animal. I did that too. There's something about burrowing when you're a kid that's just so, feels so safe, you know? Yeah, and I liked that when my arms went to the sides of the bed, it was walls. Because there's like, and then you know there's nothing creepy that's going to get you. Right, right, exactly. There's nothing under the bed because there's no bed.

Yeah, it's on the floor. You're from Oakland, correct? Yeah, I'm from Oakland. I'm from the Bay Area. Yeah. And I wasn't aware your folks were divorced. Oh, yeah. Did they divorce early? Yes, they did. I was one year old, one years old. And then my dad was out of there yeah it's also interesting

to think about when you have a kid like how young i was was he young you know i never i never really know my parents ages which people get really like sort of offended by they're like how old is your mom i'm like i don't really know you know, if you know the neighborhood. Like, is she in her 70s? I think so, yeah. Yeah. You don't really know until they die and you cut them open and count the rings.

Yeah, that's what I'm waiting. See, that's what I was waiting to do. I can't know until I do that. The mystery will be revealed. Well, so was that, I mean, that must have been weird, I guess. I don't know. Or is it one of those things, like I said before, like you don't know any different having split parents? Yeah, you don't. You don't really know any different. And it's weird because then when you, if you get married, you're kind of flying blind, especially blind,

because you have no real, you're like, oh, yeah, I don't know what parents act like when they're together. So, it's interesting. But yeah, I think that my grandparents, my dad's parents were super tight knit and then all their kids like were divorced. And then now I feel like my generation is tight knit again. Are you the youngest? I am. Of three? Just two.

Oh, just two. Yeah. And your brother's a big deal too. What the fuck is going on over there? I don't know you know i honestly i think it's kind of like my mom was like a school teacher and a teetotaler and my dad was like a big drinker who let us watch tv all the time and like i feel like somehow like having to kind of chameleon between households and and being in one household where you weren't allowed to watch TV and one household where you're just binging TV for an entire weekend. It made us inside and outside

of pop culture and kind of prone to commentary. I see. Yeah. Like you have an outsider's perspective of something that you actually are educated about. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. But I don't know. But also, I don't know. I think my parents are kind of tough love and kind of like critical. So I think that makes you strive to constantly, you're constantly disappointed with what you've done and want to do something better.

Yeah. Are they judgmental about everything, both of them? I mean, yes. They're also encouraging and loving. it's a whole fucking crowd of critics you know and i mean not just you know works of art like that fucking asshole over there right but and that probably is what makes you funny right like i i sometimes it's part of it yeah i wish i was less critical and less judgmental um but then i fear that if i let go of that too much, I won't be funny. So it's a dangerous game. Yeah.

Although I'm like, it is, it is a dangerous game because it's like, you know, like doing other things, like doing another podcast that we, you know, was suggested to me. And I thought it'd be funny to find a partner, like somebody that I, you know, that I bounced off well and just complain about things like just a complaints thing, which isn't like a fantastically original idea or anything, but it's just, I thought, yeah, that could be funny. Cause I can be like, I can be a pretty good bitch about stuff, but not like a rant. You're saying it's like a soft rant. Like you're just more whining. Like here's, yeah. Did you see that commercial that, you know, and then you talk about the commercial, just that kind of thing.

I mean, basically it's, you know, it's, it's, it's an improvised standup routine. Basically it's, you know, it's critiquing. I like that you, you see standup as complaining. Well, come on. It's certainly not. It's certainly not. Have you guys noticed how great airplanes are?

You know, my mother-in-law is a loving, caring woman. You know, that would be a that's a great character, stand up character.

The appreciative comedian. Yeah, yeah. I tell you, I just can't do wrong when it comes to my wife she's so appreciative and grateful she loves everything i do she tells me she loves me every day but i but then again i'm like i don't know if i want to do that just because of the energy of just living in that energy of you know yeah. Yeah. I know. Complaining, complaining, complaining. I have that too.

Like sometimes I'll think of an idea for a project and it's too dark. And I'm like, wait, I don't want to will that darkness into my life. I don't know. It's just a dance for me. It's a fine line and a dance because I actually go to therapy. I try to have like a healthy life, but then I feel like comedy is, I try to have that be a place of catharsis.

Yeah. Yeah. I think that's, that's good. And it's also too, it's, you know, the world's a bit fucked up.

Maybe you should just do a complaining segment on this podcast. On this podcast. All right. this part all right what's been what's been annoying you lately oh god don't um why am i putting you in the hot seat on your own oh i know honestly i this is not because i mean there's stuff going on there's stuff going on that's like um more than annoying me yeah but it's you know like family you're you're full of rage and it's about people you can't talk about it's more full of worry about people i can't talk about so that you know like when you say that like the first thing the first like three things that pop into my head, I'm like, nope, nope, nope. Bummer, bummer, bummer.

I know. I think that's what happens when you get like older and wiser because I feel like in my 20s, I would have said all three of those things. Yes. You know? Yes. And then like I get in big fights with people in my life and stuff like that. I also, especially with podcasts, when people first started doing them and I was on them, I thought no one's ever going to hear this. And now everyone fucking hears everything. And like magazines take quotes from podcasts and put them.

I mean, it's just like it's a content generator that's a free for all. Yes. So, yeah, you got to be. I actually consulted with my publicist before this and we created talking points and i'm sticking to them you should have let me know i would have been helpful if i had them too i'm kidding do you have a publicist no she's on hiatus right right yeah that's the thing that's another thing people don't realize is publicist man that's a lot of money that's a lotists. Man, that's a lot of money.

That's a lot of moolah. That's a lot of moolah. Every month to just have people go, you know, I got you three columns in Premier Magazine. And then the thing that kills me is like on top of the monthly fee, there's like, okay, and then also for printing costs, it's 50 more dollars. I'm like, can you just make it inclusive of that? I don't want to think about that. Can you go paperless? Yeah. I'm like, you really spent $50 printing stuff for me. Like, I just, I don't know. Yeah. I've been lucky. I haven't had to have a publicist in years just because I've been part of the Conan organization. And also I've just, I've been part of the Conan organization. And also I've just,

I've settled into being sort of a moderate failure. That's cool. That's cool. Yeah. You got it. You got it. You know, if you got it,

if you're wearing an itchy sweater, my idea is get used to it. Don't take it off. Hate an itchy sweater. Hate an itchy sweater. It's the worst. It's the worst. But I'm extremely ambitious.

Oh, are you? No, not really. I'm extremely ambitious. Oh, are you? No, not really. I'm conflicted on every level. Can't you tell my love's a-growing? Well, now, when did you start as a kid? I mean, were you a funny kid in school?

I ask that a lot. Yeah, I feel like I was weird. I was called weird, which is now to this day a word I really despise. Until junior high, in which point my survival instincts kicked in and I had to become extremely funny. Well, weird and funny often say, there's a lot of overlap. The weird was a training camp for the funny that was later to emerge. What did weird mean?

Like me and my friend were kind of like dorks and we would like, I found this play we had written called gertrude's revenge and it and the subtitle was all popular kids beware so that's what i was up to it's like couldn't be more of a textbook fucking dork and um and you know i don't know There was a really pretty hot girl there and her mom was heavily involved in the PTA. And I always came to school and like, she was like, my friend, then she wasn't speaking to me and no one else was speaking to me. Like elementary

school was horrible for me and like kind of emo and painful. And then junior high, I don't know, it just kicked in. I was under constant attack. The junior high school that I went to, everyone was always like just, I mean, first of all, people were hilarious and they were always attacking each other. So you had to be ready because you were always vulnerable. And I can still look in that yearbook and be like, this is what this person was made fun of for. This is what that person, I could look at every picture and be like it it comes back clear as day it's like a a trauma memory but but then on the other hand that's when I became like crazy and funny yeah now that is interesting because like you you knew Andy Sandberg and Moshe Kosher when you were like other comedians like what is it about where you guys grew up that makes it so funny? Is it, is it like a super liberal area? It is. Yeah. Berkeley Bay area. I think that Moshe actually

went to the school I was just talking about. He was, I think he was like a year younger than me or two. And so he was like really tiny at the time and always had red cheeks. That's all I really remember. And he was always wearing a starter jacket as, as were most of the kids at that time. And, and Nike Cortez and whatnot. But, and then Andy went to Berkeley high.

Well, I knew Andy from elementary school and he was in that, that time where I was considered weird and i had a crush on him and um he didn't really care and that was that was andy but then he went was he at least kind about it i don't even really remember i mean i just remember a lot of like that means no no i mean he wasn't mean i don't remember him being mean yeah fuck andy fuckberg. Oh, high and mighty. Fucking prick. No, I think it was, you know, when you're that age, your crush is so completely in isolation. It's like you're living in an entire world about yourself.

Yeah. You know, I just remember it was like calling his house and I feel like hanging up and just thinking he was cute. And what also, too, is weird is like the seemingly arbitrariness of it. Like why this person? Why like, you know, like you have a detector in your brain and they have a chip in theirs and it's like, I'm obsessed with you. Yeah, it's especially weird with like little kids,

you know, like when you get like, I have some younger kids in my family and they're starting to be in the age of crushes and you get like, I have some younger kids in my family and they're starting to be in the age of crushes and you're like, it's so weird. Who are they going to like? And why? Like, it feels weird that kids have crushes, you know, young people. Yeah. I was just thinking the other day when my daughter was, I think she was, it was, you know, maybe middle school, but my son is gay and has been out for a long time and so she you know being gay has been a very you know like normal thing in our household yeah and i was just

thinking about she got in the car after school my ex-wife was driving and she got in and the first thing she said is like well i guess i'm straight she was disappointed and it was yeah she was disappointed and then would not explain. Like, why? What are you talking about? Never mind. Just trust me. I'm straight.

So is it like she liked someone and he didn't like her back or like she tried to make out with the girl? Still to this day, don't know. Yeah. I don't know. I can't wait. Heard some indigo girls. Yeah. I don't know. Felt't know i can't wait heard some heard some indigo girls yeah i don't know nothing you know felt nothing yeah um that's so funny i honestly don't know but uh but yeah it is it is weird i mean well and also too like having kids that go through those ages

and stuff you just realize like oh my god you're just like a cloud. Like you're not even like a set thing. You're just like a cloud of hormones and emotions and feelings and a bombardment of information. Yeah. I always think that because it's like, you know, you ask tiny kids what they want to be when they grow up. It's like, yeah, cool. You'll be a vet, I'm sure, you know? And then right. And then, like, even when someone's in college, it's totally unclear, like, what they're actually going to be, you know? Oh, I know. Yeah, or what they're going to look like. Until they've gone through puberty,

you don't even know what a kid's really going to look like. Like, there's a lot of reveals. That's what keeps it exciting. Yes. And also, different parts grow at different rates, you know? That's what he said. No, but you know what i mean like like kids like just like get giant ears all of a sudden yeah and then their skull catches up to the ears you know yeah i think probably seventh grade was the ugliest i've ever been in my life i was just like kneecaps and nose

and i had braces and a perm and i straightened my bangs with a curling iron and curled them under it was just a mess a mess wow yeah it was it was like that's the cool part about being like super ugly when you're like in your teens and puberty is that no matter what you have nowhere to go but a better look. Yeah. Yeah. Did, were you, were you interested in performing? Like were you in plays and things? Yeah. Yeah. I did. I did theater and stuff since I was really little. I started doing classes at the American conservatory theater,

their young conservatory in San Francisco. So I was like, really? Oh, wow. Yeah. I was really into theater and I was like, really? Yeah, I was really into theater. And I did like their main stage in ACT in San Francisco, I did two productions there and missed a bunch of school. That's why I think I don't know anything about states and geography and things like that. And so was that in your head? Like, you know, speaking of like, asking a little kid what they want to do, was that kind of in your mind? Well, what's funny is someone just found in my family something I had written like about how I wanted to be.

I think I posted it to Instagram. I have to find it. But it was like about how I wanted to be rich and famous for acting or something. And I was like, well, two out of three. something and I was like well two out of three but no I mean it was kind of cool to see like a dream that I had for so long you know yeah yeah I I found uh years later I found you know like one of those baby books that you're supposed to update you know yeah first yeah and you do the first couple months and then you never touch it again. Well, my family, or I think my mom did, or my grandma did, like, the first two or three years,

and then there was like a four-year gap. And then I found it and started filling it in myself. Oh, my God. It's so sad. And there was a point where, like, when I was five, I said, I want to be a fireman. Well, wait, how many years commitment was this book? It's like up through 15. It was like, yeah, like exactly. That's too much. It was like, you know, like something you buy at like a Hallmark store.

Yeah, but still, I mean, it should end at a year. Like it's wild that it would go anywhere. I mean, that's a huge undertaking for any parent. Yeah, I know. But it's also, you know, there would be. It's wild that it would go anywhere. I mean, that's a huge undertaking for any parent. Yeah, I know. But it's also, you know, there would be. It's like 48. Andy just tried a matcha latte. 32.

First gray hair. At 40, doctors were right. He needs reading glasses. And also, it's like like who will eventually read this this is a lot of details yeah well my biographer of course yeah yeah absolutely but i i remember like at five i think i said fireman for some reason which i feel like i probably didn't really i just was like i felt like i gotta put something yeah But then like at six or seven, I actually, I went from actor to then the next year comedian. Like I'd obviously learned the word comedian.

So there again, it was kind of the same thing. So that's, that's when you first became aware of how hot actors are. Oh yeah. Yeah. And I knew I could never hold it up. I was like actor.

And then I looked at myself in the mirror and I was like, I'm going to have this toddler body the rest of my life. Fuck that. I'm a comedian. People are going to laugh at this. When I take my clothes off, it's a different thing. But, yeah, so, I mean, I do feel like, yeah, it is kind of neat that you knew this thing. It is. I always think that that's like one of the biggest gifts I've ever, you know,

I have in my life is a clarity of what I'm passionate about and what drives me. Because when people don't have that, I literally have no idea what to tell them. Like if someone's like, I don't really know what I want to do. And it just so hard for me to I just feel so thankful that I have a passion that drives my life because I can't imagine what life would be without that you know yeah it's it's akin to a religion you know and what what I feel like some people get from religion. Are you somebody that just creates without trying? You know what I mean? And I don't mean without trying, but you don't have to push yourself. Well, for example, when you say that, I'm thinking about, I know there's comedians who,

I remember Mike Birbiglia, there was a big thing about him in New York because he rented an office space and he went to his office space to work on comedy. Like, absolutely. Would I do that? Never. Like, I mean, like I think of jokes in the shower. I think of jokes conversationally. And I knew a lot of comedians that would sit down to write jokes.

Like if I did that, it just never generated something worth repeating on stage. if I did that, it just never generated something worth repeating on stage. So yes, I do think it's work, but it's just like a different process. And the hardest part is when you're on the stage. That's like the, for me, that's when, when you put in the work, the writing part, I like it to be fun. Yeah. I don't, I'm not like trying to torture myself in some sadomasochistic way by sitting at my, my computer writing jokes for three hours. Yeah, yeah. Do you leave, do you leave like when you're on stage, like, is there a certain percentage of what you're doing left to just kind of, we'll see what happens when I get up there?

Or are you pretty planned out? Well, that's what I'm happiest on stage is when I feel comfortable enough to play around. And I do, whoever told me to record my sets, that was the biggest help to me. Because I also have so much anxiety and self-doubt that like, I mean, I will watch whoever's on stage before me and be like, oh, this is what people want. I don't have that. I don't do that. I'm going to bomb. And so listening to my sets before going on stage helped me remember I know how to do stand up.

But also. Oh, yeah. Right. Oh, I know how to do this. Yeah. But it also helped me write jokes because I could think of tags and and stuff when I'm listening to it later that I might not have in the moment. Now, as you're growing up and as you're going into high school and stuff, you know, I think generally speaking, little girls aren't really socialized to be funny and to be the one that gets attention and to be the one that like cuts up in class. And did you have to push up against that as you were growing?

I mean, I still do. Oh, really? Yeah. I mean, I think it's gotten a lot better for like the younger generation, but I remember making short, I was in a group called Variety Shack and we used to make comedy short films. And I remember a comedy gatekeeper in New York going, why do you guys make these? And it was like, what? What? And they meant because you were women? Literally just didn't occur to her that this would be a professional pursuit. It was just so, it was a different time. I mean, I think people

are getting raked over the coals for saying things like that now, but a lot has changed. And I remember being at a holiday party of a prominent gatekeeper at the time and realizing that all the really funny women I was talking to in a circle, none of them were invited directly. We were all plus ones. And just little moments like this, you go, Jesus, like this, this is, and this is why it's annoying to me when, especially in my day, a lot of guys were like, oh, it's easier for women. Everyone puts you on shows. And it's like, anyway, whatever. I don't need to get into this all the time. But, but, but yeah, like, so when I talk to little kids and I see a boy, I'm like, you are gorgeous. You are absolutely gorgeous. I love your build. And then when I'm talking to a girl, I'm like, you're so funny. What a brain on you. Yeah. I mean, it is funny when you see stuff like that.

I was like, you are smart and you're strong and you're funny to girls. And then to guys, you're like, I don't take you seriously. You. You're too good looking. I get lost in your eyes and I can't think. Six year old. Just try to fuck up their heads. But yeah, no, I mean, I definitely do think that I internalized a lot of that and I, the older I get, the more I'm like, women are so funny. Like I just went on a tear of watching all these British female led comedies, Game Face. I forget the name. I hate something. I hate Lizzie, Katie, something. Anyway, I just started watching them. I'm like, these are so funny.

They're hitting me so much harder than the stuff that guys are leading in right now, comedies. And I'm just like, oh, yeah, you know, people say representation matters. And it's like, oh, catchphrase, it kind of you tune it out. But it's like, it really does matter. It matters to see things that you think about reflected and not just as a constant sidebar in someone else's world, you know? Yeah. Well, I mean, I've and this isn't like oh i'm such a fucking ally or

anything because i'm not really uh i i in public i really say and do the right thing but behind the scenes i am trying to despise these sluts um no i uh but like I was raised by women. I, in many ways, like I, I just noticed at a certain point in my life, like when I'd go to parties and there would be kind of, you know, especially parties like in Chicago, there were, there was very much could be like gender clustering in the parties. Chicago is of course known for that. Absolutely. Because it's, you know, well, because it's cold and you have to wear so much clothes, you can't be sure. Yeah.

So you need them to sort of, you know, like you need to know. You too. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. You know, we look the same when we're, when we're in all that fleece. Yeah. But I always, I like talking to the women.

They just are talking, you you know like men are like oh what about the big game and i'm like i don't give a fuck about the big game and you know look at the rack on her it's like okay yeah sure that's great but why are we you know listen we all love titties what what yeah why are we talking about it it doesn't doesn't warrant a lot of conversation and i think it's a it's a trap yeah it's the whole notion of like, I mean, this is so I'm being so like, whatever. But the whole notion of like this extreme gender binary, it like cheats everybody of being a whole person. Well, the notion that you can't like, yeah, gender roles. That was another thing. I didn't grow up with them.

Like my mom was like, you want those pants fixed, you better learn how to sew. You know? So like I know how to sew. Oh, I'm envious. And I know how to cook. But in comedy especially, because there weren't like, I mean, there were female comics, but not to the level that there is now. And there wasn't, and there certainly, you know, like when you think back to like the years of like, I look back when I was a kid and like, but like Elaine Boosler and Paula Poundstone. I kind of feel like the reason that I like women comics, and then I, you know, especially when so many started coming around,

is because it was just not men. Like, that was one of the big things. It's like, aren't you tired? Like, bro comedy is just the most tired fucking shit that I just, I just can't even, you know, and from years of sitting on a Conan show and like somebody comes out, it's just like, oh, this again. Yeah. Women are crazy. Right.

You know, and it's it's it seems like there's just always going to be a major audience for that. It just feels like it just feels like it's never going to go away. just feels like it's never gonna go away but um you know i always always think about would men be as passionate about stand-up if every night you know when they're like you gotta do three sets a night and any audience should love you and blah blah it's like would they have that same energy if the lineups were 20 women and one guy would they have that same energy because it's such a different proving ground if you're following 10 guys who say women are annoying and then you come on stage like hey so i'm the devil of which they speak

it's like it's a whole nother another level of winning over the audience you have to win over all the disinformation they've just been fucking jammed down their throat yeah yeah and i also think too like that not only well i mean i'm not telling you anything you don't know but you know i think also too comedy audiences expect women to just kind of outman the man like it you know like that they just like you got to kind of work within the same milieu and the same sort of topics you know you can maybe you know sort of play with it a little or undercut it a little but like i always feel the pressure on and that's maybe not so much anymore but certainly oh maybe 15 20 years ago, like it just seemed like if there was a woman stand up, like she could do better if she was filthy.

Yeah. No, I mean, I certainly did that much more when I was starting out. And then I hit a point where I made a conscientious effort to be vulnerable and to be silly. And those were two of my goals because I, even with a lot of the male comics that I knew really personally, they would be vulnerable and silly and they would be so much funnier when I was talking to them. And then they'd get on stage. All right, guys, it's like, you know, and, and what drives that is fear. It's a fear of bombing. It's a fear of not being in control of the audience and you know i had that when i

started and i increasingly don't like my earlier material because of that it's like i was surrounded by a bunch of dudes that were like nothing's offensive and you should be you know like you know it was just like kind of like this very like aggro boot camp. And yeah. And specifically as it keeps coming out that more and more of these men are like predators and like genuinely like I'm like, oh, yeah, this is who was giving me advice for the start of my career. You know, probably not the person I want to follow in their footsteps. Yeah. When did you start to think like, OK, stand up, that's what I want to do?

Well, right out of college, basically, I was temping, and I had my little headshots, and I wanted to be an actor, and I was temping, and I met a temp who was a stand-up. Are you up in Bay Area? No, New York, New York. I went to school in New York. And I met, yeah, a temp who was like, I do stand-up. You should do an open mic and so

the parkside lounge had a open mic that i went to do um host what year is this approximately 2000 okay i think and um hosted by joey gay and i'm blanking on the other guy's name and um i like wrote my little terrible jokes on a little piece of wrapping paper and did a set. And it was, I know, like, I found that paper later. And it was like, crop dusting joke. It was just so bad. And, but, but what I was drawn to about it, compared to acting was obviously that you can have your own thoughts in there and you can write your own material. And I never really felt, I mean, I was shocked to wind up on a sitcom because I really never felt that someone like me would be on a sitcom or that anyone would write anything

for me. I always kind of felt my best shot is writing my own material. So that's what drew me to stand-up. Were you just thinking of being an actress before? Were you just like, I'm in New York to get on plays and stuff? Yeah. Yeah, I did theater. I did improv, and I thought I just would go straight to being an actor. But I hated auditioning, and most of the material is,

you know, not that good. Yeah. Did you like the, the atmosphere of, of standup clubs? I mean, did that,

did you feel comfortable there? That's such a tricky question because I know I'm trying to trip you up. Yeah, you get me. Hold on. I have to call my publicist on hiatus. Wake up. Hello. She's like in a cryo freezer. I think that like, yes, I did because there's such a fraternity

and some of the funniest people in the world you're talking to and hanging out with every night. And it's really fun. And I didn't because it's such a fraternity. And so I felt uncomfortable and people would hit on me or the material would be super misogynistic preceding me. And, or, you know, there's a, there was a variety of reasons to both love it and hate it. But the main benefit was just getting to laugh so hard every night and hang out with people that are truly some of the funniest people who are my friends to this day that I used to do open mics with, you know, and and it's so fun to like rise up the ranks together and get to work together in a totally new way later. Yeah. What what kept you going during those early days when you were learning how to do it? Alcohol. I mean, I don't drink anymore, but that was the first thing that comes to mind because, you know, you go out and you do your sets and you go have drinks with your friends. I don't know.

I mean, I think what was the most fun about the open mic time is that it's not as solitary. You're with your friends all night. You know, you're all, you have nothing to do. You have no paid work. So you're all going to the same open mics and hanging out and watching each other's sets and hanging out afterwards. I was sort of sad how solitary and lonely standup became once you become successful. But then you can like, then it's like a revelation to bring someone with you on the road that you like. And the audiences are there for you, so then that part becomes much more fun. I don't know. I mean, it just evolves.

But definitely the camaraderie, running all over New York and doing sets and hanging out at bars afterwards and cracking up. And that was amazing. Does getting into that world, like, does it change your dating life? Because like you said, you know, men are hitting on you at Well, you know, your peers are hitting on you in a way. Yeah. Is that like, does it, did your life change in that regard from pro-d stand up to during? I don't know.

I always had like a weird confidence around dating. I just always felt like whatever, just if you think someone's hot, like try to go for it. What's the worst that happens? They're not interested. Big deal. I always felt that way. So I had always a lot of success with hooking up with people. And I wish I could have read your book when I was like 16. Well, I never got this whole like, oh, what if they say no? Well, then they say no and move on to the next person. Who cares?

At least you have your answer. Yeah. I don't know. Well, no, but what about it destroying my whole sense of self-worth? Yeah. I don't think it has to. Yeah. I forget what your question was. Did it affect?

Did it? I mean, was it? One thing I liked when I started doing improv is like the, the increase in funny women or like you're guaranteed kind of more, like, it's almost like a call. No, I mean, that's what I was thinking was like, if I hadn't gone into comedy, would I have still wound up with someone super funny? I think so. I mean, I always just love laughing. And I mean, you know, it's a cliche, every girl on their dating profiles, like I want a guy that makes me laugh. However, in my case, I'm like, he also will be enjoying laughter on my part. You know, like I want someone where we can crack up together watching Love Island.

And I got that. I got that. Yeah. In, in early improv days, there was, there were, there were guys that I could see like they basically you know got together and sometimes married like audience members right like because they that's what they really wanted they wanted like a built-in audience around the clock and that was just like it was like oh skeevy is it not absolutely shocking with standups? Like so many male standups, it's like you could just tell like they were weird. They were dorks. And now they're so amped to get this status symbol girlfriend that is not like every comedian is like, oh, fuck, here comes what's her face. It's like such a dud. We can't joke with her. We can't laugh at her. But yes, she's very young and very hot. And now she's killing the vibe of our riff session. Well, and also, too, just like the feeling of like, don't you put kind of like a value on conversation?

I know. No. Why would I do that? I don't like hearing any other voices but my own. Right. Oh, all right. Yeah, I want to date a mirror. Yeah. I remember there was a comedian in New York that people said part of his, like, dating, like, one of his moves was to bring someone home to his apartment where his roommate was and could hear this and play his comedy tapes and then fuck them.

fuck them i mean i just cannot imagine a fucking dusty comedian bringing out their vhs tape of their set at like the comic strip and thinking that was going to move me to copulate uh i can't yeah and especially like that would involve me have to watch having to watch me and that does not yeah who would want to do that? Only a psychopath. Yeah, yeah. But I think we're learning a lot of psychopaths are drawn to stand-up. Yes, yeah. And I've always felt, because definitely in my early career, there was a split between stand-ups and improv in Chicago.

Yeah. Because there was such a strong improv community. And improv didn't exist in a lot of places, really. Yeah. And I really, I would go, because I definitely had friends who did both. Yeah. And there would be parties that would be like more stand-up parties. And there definitely was like a lower kind of energy level because,

and it just occurred to me even then, I'm like, oh, they don't really want to play. Like they don't want to play with others, generally speaking, like compared to the improv people. This is so fascinating because I come to it from the other side, even though I also did improv, but not as seriously as you did it. But like, I always feel like improvisers aren't as funny. Oh, really? Oh, really? Well, like I feel I feel like you, God damn it.

No, I feel like improvisers are nicer and they're funny in improv. But when you're in a conversation like, I mean, this isn't fully entirely true, but like I do think standups are darker and improvisers are nicer and happier. Yeah. And so I feel like a lot of times like yeah like if but there were there remember new york there was this show death by ruru it was an improv group that curtis i never saw it yeah but i heard it when and like gemberling and it was like the one improv show i loved because they were just super dark and so i mean i think it's also just like that kismet thing but like like improv is like, say yes and, and, you know, as standups are just like, fuck you.

You know, I'll say what I want to, you know, so I feel like it's like a different, I think that like, it's just funny hearing that from your perspective, you're saying like, they're kind of low, like, you mean like kind of low energy? Well, some, you know, and I mean, of course I'm generalizing. Yeah. And there are, and I, you know, and like some of the people, you know, that I love most in the world do stand up for a living. Yeah. And then there's other ones that I feel like when they save it for the stage and when they come off stage it's like why would i put this on now like there isn't like just the you know i knew so many stand-ups that were just didn't feel like there was any joy in just like fucking around there's a whole phenomenon of stand-ups that

all stand-ups will talk about where they aren't funny in person like like there's a whole genre sub-genre of stand-ups where it's like, how are you not funny conversationally at all? So, that's also a real phenomenon. So, maybe, yeah, that's maybe what I'm keying on. But then also, too, it depends on the group, because I went to film school, and there was an overlap in Chicago for some years of where I would throw a party, and it would be half film school and half improv. And like my film school friends with like their black fingernails would be like, why are they so loud? You know, it's just like, and it's like, you know, some guy in a Blackhawks

jersey named Jeff bellowing at the top of his lungs. And, you know, and I'm kind of like, well, I can, I get things from both of both groups. So, yeah, I think it's like, it's just like little clicks and cultures, I guess, you know? But yeah. And it's also what you respond to and what you come up through. Because, you know, if I'd been in like a super standup town, I might, might have ended up doing standup, you know? Yeah. And sometimes to me the the extreme vulnerability of improv even though I did it when I was younger once I started doing stand-up it seemed even more

terrifying to me to be so open and so like kind of a hundred percent like going for something you know the way that improvers do yeah um well the, the thing that I like about it is that you're not on stage alone. I don't really like being alone on stage. Yeah. It's like, I like, I like it though. I miss it.

It's like, I really like, I've been writing jokes. I'm like, I'm really in the mood to do standup. And it's just so funny. Cause I really have been like on a decline with standup where I'm like, I don't feel like dealing with driving to a club.

I get dressed and do all this to go be on stage for 15 minutes and then I drive all the way home and it's like I miss dinner I'm not there you know bedtime or whatever just like it's such a production for 15 minutes it's you know and then like and then you got that adrenaline right then you're up all night and your kids up early it's's just like, it's hard. Yeah. Well, now, do you still like, is stand up still your thing? Like, I mean, are you writing a screenplay? Are you thinking of pilots? the pandemic that I was going to be making and it would have been done by now. So I don't know. I don't know.

But now the entire world changed. You know, it's like comedy. So much of it is like, you know, being au courant and being of the moment. And it's like, so I have to revisit the script and see what it is now. Yeah. it is now. But yeah, I really want to direct and star in a movie and have it kind of have my sensibility. And I would like to create a TV show. I feel like at this point, TV shows and comedy are some of the best comedy you can watch. And some of the best, well, just some of the best comedy you can watch and and some of the best well just some of the best entertainment too well i i see that meaning like when i was a teenager big huge comedy movies were hilarious

you know it was like jim carrey and you know uh ace ventura ace ventura and like um well and all the like stripes and caddyshack. I mean, those are earlier ones too. And I don't know if you like those, but. I'll tell you what I like. Okay. Groundhog Day. Yeah, exactly. That's enough.

Yeah. But like, yeah, big, big budget, big comedy with big stars. And now they do seem like cheap. Yeah. Like most comedies seem kind of be done on the cheap. And also kind of like more lower common denominator, not like a big swing and not like someone's taste. I don't know.

Yeah. But. Although even on TV, like Barb and Star go to visit Omar. Yeah. Fucking hilarious, you know? Yeah. But there again, it exists on TV. i don't know how that much well and that that movie was a pretty huge thing bridesmaids was was so awesome and it's the it's so great and barb and star reminds me of those those 90s movies

in tone yeah yeah it felt like kind of like retro in a way. Yeah. But what I mean, it's also different, though, because you really get in the sense that these are. Two people that love each other doing whatever the fuck they want, like sort of letting everyone in on their particular sensibility and what they like to do to make each other. Right. Right. Exactly. And there's almost no committee in there you know like so many you know you look at you know like the female ghostbusters like i love everybody that's involved in that and paul feig that directed it and people were like it's a little muddy but it's like can you imagine how many

fucking corporate sponsors there are that are in there just tinkering and fucking around and going, can't they, you know, can't we, you know, can't the car be a, you know, the new Chevy or something? Exactly. Like so many other, yeah, focuses. Yeah, that have nothing to do with funny or good yeah yeah and i feel like we grew up with like christopher guest or i grew up with christopher guest movies and like um parker posey movies and things like that were like more indie and so funny yeah well now do you think you'll always do stand-up or do you think like if you're you know you get to direct these movies you're starring you get your big hit show i don't know it's hard it's a hard muscle to

completely let go of because you know stand-up is crazy because i always say it's like having like a jealous lover or something it's like no every night uh also weekends and holidays you know like new year's spend new year's with me and it's like geez louise could i have a life you know so that's my gripe with it. But then on the other hand, because you do it so much, it becomes a part of the rhythm of your life. And it's weird to not do it. And also, I'm so used to writing down stand-up jokes now if I think of something, you know.

So I don't know. I've always been so torn about it. And I remember my therapist like decades ago in New York being like, well, why don't you just go all in and see and then make your decision? And then I just got more successful, but I still feel ambivalent about it. So I don't know. I feel like it's just like, it's part of my DNA is just to always feel torn about everything. So time will tell. always feel torn about everything. So time will tell. Yeah. Well, and also too, I think, you know, the cellular structure of any comedy is jokes. So if you want to be making comedy movies or comedy TV shows, it all starts with the joke. Exactly. Like I, I feel like when I was growing up, the thing I loved was not stand-up watching. You know, it was funny movies and funny characters. So that's probably like, I think, I don't know. I think I'll probably do both.

But yeah, I love watching comedies. All right. All right. Well, that's pretty much it. I just wonder. Where do I sign? Well, so now going forward, like you said, you want to direct and stuff. Are there, you know, sort of in a larger sense of your life, what are the, what kind of, what do you see going forward that you really, what desires are there going forward?

Well, I see a climate apocalypse okay and so i don't know what's gonna be possible but i figure at least we got probably five ten years left um yeah which means you know my son might live to be like eight or something you are funny no i don't know i um i obviously like this stuff i'm talking about is what i would love to do and and it takes forever to do all these things i'd like to do another stand-up special i'd like to create a a comedy tv show that's like maybe eight to 10 episodes. And then out, right? Yep.

And then like I like to do. I love that. Yeah. No one needs to be doing 23 episodes. Yeah. And I'd like to do funny guest things and other people's stuff. And yeah, I'd like to direct a movie. Those are my dreams.

Maybe somewhere along the lines of book. I could see myself doing a play at some point. Nice. And that's it. Then I'll die. Okay, that's good. Then I'll be ready for death. Just, you know, as my grandmother say, her phrase was always like, before I lay down to rest.

Oh, my God. She'd say like, I just hope that before I lay down to rest, you people will stop fighting. That's a good one. I'm going to start adding that to rotation. Right, right. Say it to your son a lot. Yeah. I want him to think about mortality more.

Yeah. And your death, specifically. Yeah, like, I'm not here forever. What will you do? Right. The clock is ticking, kid, so come on, produce. Yeah, let's go. Yeah. Well, what's the point of the Chelsea Peretti story? Honestly, the truest point is to make people laugh. what's the point of the Chelsea Peretti story? Hmm. I honestly, the truest point is to make people laugh. I feel like the world is so, I feel like life is excruciating and I feel like anyone who can make me laugh

or take my brain out of it or help me process a feeling I've been having, but haven't been able to say, I mean, this is what I think entertainment is. And it, I think it's either distracting people from demons or letting people see they're not alone with their demons. And that's,

that's the whole point of my story as far as I can figure it out, but also to try to be a good person and, and try to help people as much as I can. Yeah. And that's, I, I, I agree wholeheartedly.

It's like kindness. Like, I don't expect my anything out of my kids really other than kind. Yeah. I mean, we were just talking about this as like, you know, with a lot of these different identity things that are so prevalent right now. I feel like if you teach your kid to be kind and loving and accepting of people wherever they stand, you know, unless they're a fascist,, that's a good starting point outside of all the, the, the words and the language and the specifics, just teaching your child that, you know, being loving and being accepting is important. Watch. Then I go on stage and just shit on every type of person that exists.

Or watch, then I go on stage and just shit on every type of person that exists. Fucking Ukrainians. Mommy, what was that about? Never mind. This is why I'm in therapy. Yeah. I'm divided. That was called mommy making money. That's what that was.

Yeah, no, I agree. I mean, I was, to me, I'm always, especially like in the line of work that we do, when I am around people that seem to not really like be concerned with having fun, like making the day, no matter what you're doing, like having fun job. I'm like, I don't want any way. I don't want any version of taking a job where I'm doing it just for the money, but I hate it because the whole point of my career was that I'm following my passion and getting to do something I love, you know? Yeah. So anyway, yeah, I think that that guides the choices that I make. One of the sitcoms I was on in the choices that I make. One of the sitcoms I was on in the writer's room once, the guy running the room at the time,

actually said the phrase, guys, quit screwing around. We got writing to do. Like, oh, you mean comedy writing? I know. Quit screwing around? What? I hate when someone runs a room that way where they don't let you play because these tangents can lead to such useful, amazing comedy. And if you're not allowed to go on the tangents, it's like your whole headspace is in the wrong place.

It's basketball without dribbling. Yeah. It's like just, no, why aren't you making baskets? Right. Well, I've got to get there. Yeah, let me freaking dribble. Let me dribble, it said on his tombstone. Well, Chelsea, thank you so much for taking time out of your day.

Oh, thanks for having me. Hope to see you around campus when all this nonsense ends. I hope so, too. All right, everyone. Thank you for tuning in. And we will get back at you next week with more Three Questions. I've got a big, big love for you. The Three Questions with Andy Richter is a Team Cocoa and Year Wolf production.

It is produced by Lane Gerbig, engineered by Marina Pice, and talent produced by Kalitza Hayek. The associate producer is Jen Samples, supervising producer Aaron Blair, and executive producers Adam Sachs and Jeff Ross at Team Coco, and Colin Anderson and Cody Fisher at Earwolf. Make sure to rate and review the three questions with Andy Richter on Apple Podcasts. Can't you tell my loves are growing? This has been a Team Coco production

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