The Three Questions with Andy Richter - Erinn Hayes

Episode Date: February 25, 2020

Actress and comedian Erinn Hayes chats with Andy Richter about her EST self-help upbringing, doing improv at California Adventure, and feeling confident in her starring role on Medical Police. Plus, Erinn shares her thoughts on what it means to make yourself meaningful.

All right. Hi, Podcastlandia. Not Port. That's, see now it sounds like I'm ripping off Portlandia, but whatever. I mean, that just came out. You're so harsh, you people, you three questions listeners. Well, that's what you, you people, you three questions listeners. Well, that's what you're listening to, the three questions. I'm Andy Richter. I continue to be, unfortunately. And I'm here today with the very funny, the very lovely and talented. I mean, I say that about everybody, but this time I mean it.

Oh, my gosh. Thank you. Erin Hayes. Hi. Hi. Thanks for finally meaning it. Because I saw the list of people you've had on before. Goddamn hacks. A bunch of hacks.

Plug ugly motherfuckers. How are you? I'm good. I'm really good. Yeah, yeah. How's life? Well, you're here. You're now, you're bathing in the afterglow of medical police, which is pretty fucking funny. I am so happy that people feel that way. Yeah, yeah.

You know, being involved in so many things where you have the greatest time in the world. Yes. And then it comes out to like nary a whisper. Right, right. Or people just hate it. Or they're like, eh. Yeah. To be involved in something where I did have the greatest time in the world and have it

come out and people enjoy it as much as we enjoyed it. Yeah. It feels very nice. It seems to be. I'm not going to lie. It feels very nice. It seems to be getting more attention than Children's Hospital did. And I don't know.

I mean, I don't know if that's just my perspective on it or maybe it's just that like there was the downtime in between children's hospital and then yeah you know and i think i i do think it's the netflix of it all you know because when you make an 11 minute program that's on at midnight on thursday nights with which is truly just for the stone of course um doy that makes absolute sense where like now like my daughter's middle schoolers are loving this show because you can watch it anytime you want anywhere. Behind the wheel of the car. Bring it up on your phone. Get in your car. Bring it up on your phone.

Instead of watching Waze, watch Medical Police. I mean, at this point, we should all have cars with anti-collision systems anyway, which are, as far as I'm concerned, were designed for texting while driving. Probably. Especially in stopping. Because they're like, listen, we can't get people to stop. We're not going to get people to stop. People won't stop texting. Might as well just put a robot nanny to hit the brakes when you can.

And also be my nanny. Like, take care. I know, I know. Somebody does take care of me. I actually did. Somebody make my lunch every day. I guess. Wouldn't that be so nice if you could go back to getting your lunches made for you

yeah i don't know i i get itchy when people take care of me but i don't mean it in like i don't want to pay anyone oh i see i just want like my children they're like they just get their lunches made right right yeah and you're just And you just kind of expect, you're like, oh, thanks, mom. See, I have a weird thing with lunch. I get my own lunch. I have an assistant, but I get my own lunch. I'm so proud of you. Because I just, there's, and when I'm like, when I'm working on something that's, you know, like a production with trailers and stuff, and they're like, can I get you some breakfast?

I'm like, no. Oh, no. I'll get my own breakfast. Yeah. But do you think that's because you're controlling? Because I'm very controlling with what I like. You're not going to put the right kind of hot sauce. You're not going to.

I don't want something slathered in dressing. Yes. Or, you know, you ask even when you send like it's it feels like it feels so highfalutin to say like when you order your omelet. Yeah. And you there's always something missing when it comes. And I'm like, can I just have, can I go to Kraft and order this? And just talk to them.

And they're like, no, we need you to sit in this hair and makeup chair. And then it comes and you're like, but I asked for salsa. I just want salsa. I'm at least going to have salsa. It's hard. This is hard. This is hard. I have to eat an all the way down. It stalls out.

I mean, first of all, it's hard to eat with all these people tending to me, making me beautiful. No, I also, too, you know, I was a production assistant. So I have a lot of, like, sort of strict rules about, like, where I just, it's embarrassing to me that somebody who could, in my estimation, be doing something more important. Has to get you a coke. Has to go get me something. Yeah. I mean, I do occasionally, like I have my assistant, like before rehearsal, go get me a coffee. But that's more like go buy me drugs.

Yeah. You know, because I need it. Also, you're paying that person. Yes. The people on set. Well, you're paying that person. Yes. The people on sets. Well, the production is paying them. Yeah, well, like the people on sets or whatever, they should be doing other things.

Yeah. My husband gets on me so much about this. Like he is checking me at every step because I'll be like, I think the kids are going to come visit. And he's like, you know who doesn't get to have the kids come visit? The crew. Yeah, yeah. I'll be like, yeah, but that's a perk, man.

People like kids. They're nice kids. They're not going to go poke the cameraman in the eye. Right, right. Like'll be like, yeah, but that's a perk, man. People like kids. They're nice kids. They're not going to go poke the cameraman in the eye. Right, right. Like, they just want to want, like, come on, let me have that. I know. He's like, what do you ask people to do for you? I'm like, nothing.

I'm very nice. I promise. I'm nice. What does he want from you? To not have the children come? Just to not embarrass him. Oh, I hate the way he tears you down. Oh, he tears me down.

And he's not in show business, is he? No, thank God. He's in, like... Construction. Construction, wow tears me down. And he's not in show business, is he? No, thank God. He's in like... Construction. Construction, wow. How did you meet a construction guy? Well, he went to... Did he cat call you as you walked by the site?

He was like, hi, mama. Hi, mommy. One, one, one, one, one. Mommy, mommy. We went to high school together. Oh, how nice. And where would that be? That was up in Northern California.

We grew up in Marin County. Oh, nice. Yeah. So you're hippies. We're total hippies. No, my mom got mad at me when I used that phrase that I was raised in a hippie household. We were their new age. Oh.

There's a difference. Yeah. Come on, mom. Yeah, I know. That's like I was so happy to find out that the cutoff for boomer was 1964 and I was born in 1966. And I'm like, fuck yeah. You can't say I'm a boomer. Okay, Xer.

Yeah, I know. But I mean, I don't. Yeah. But the notion of being Gen X, I don't even. It's all fucking nonsense anyway. Yeah. As if there's really like some sort of huge sea change between 64 and 65. Yeah.

Yeah. Everything's different. Yeah. Yeah. Everything's different. Yeah. So are your folks Northern Californian? We might as well get into sort of the background stuff. Yeah. Are your folks Northern Californian natives? Well, no.

Like, my mom grew up in Hawaii. Oh, wow. And then my dad was in, like, Minnesota. And then he went to, like, schools and all on the East coast and then moved to California. And then. Or else misbehaving. Or no.

Was he a delinquent? No, he was like the kind that they went to Andover and gave them, picked out nicknames for themselves. Oh. You know, like I'm going to be called Bucky. Wow. And that's so weird that then he ends up new age, you know? Well, he had an interesting trajectory because he was always very business, very.

But my dad's family have always been intense, like, let's make each other better. I want to make myself better. Yeah. So my dad ended up, do you know what EST is? Yes. What EST was? Yes, yes. It was like the first self-help seminars.

And my dad was one of the first trainers in that back in the day. And that was his job or just like a sideline? No, he was a full all-in. Werner Erhardt started it. And it was like he was right under Werner Erhardt. Yeah. So there's a certain generation like in the boomers that you'll be like, oh, my dad's landing card in the back.

He'll change my life. Yeah, yeah. You know, he didn't let me me pee and he yelled at me to look at myself. You know, it was like, they had it. So they would do these like six day courses and three day courses. And that kind of was that start of that movement where people really were like, God, I got to look at my bullshit. The story I tell my, you know, about all of it. For people listening, like, what is it in a nutshell? What's asked just to explain it? Because I would probably explain it in a much more like.

Yeah. Okay. Unattractive way or less understanding. It was the first self-help seminar. So people would go to these retreats and you would examine the patterns of your life and what you were doing to hold yourself back. It's all about... And in a sometimes harsh way, right? Yeah. I think at those beginning times, they had to really shake people up and get them a little tired and get them a little hungry and get them to this place where they go, oh my God, I am living

my life from fear. What could I be accomplishing if I could break these patterns in my life? And it changed a lot of people's lives. Yeah. And then I think, and it like, it snowballed into the, I mean, self-help culture is so intense. It can be pretty bonkers, yeah. And so much of, I'm really happy that I was raised that way because it really was this like, you create your own reality, whatever you want in this world. So it was definitely brought home.

Oh, 100%. It was like, you want to do this? Go do that. Make it happen for yourself. You can do it if you put the work in and there's nothing holding you back except, you know, your own story in your head. But it's interesting to see it for people so involved in it. It's like, it's a to see it for people so involved in it. It's like it's a drug. Yeah. You know, they go to these seminars and, you know, your friends come back from what is now the forum that you can go to in L.A.

They bought all of the Est materials and, you know, reworked it a little bit and that's what it is. And they're like, hi. Like it's a recipe for burgers or something. Yeah. And they're like, hi. Like it's a recipe for burgers or something. Yeah, right? Yeah. And people are high and they're like actualized and activated.

Yeah. And then the high starts to fade and your patterns come back. And it's hard to maintain that kind of energy. And so you need that fix again. Yeah. You know, and then you're going to go do another seminar. The thing that's always struck me and just like the reading, when I've read about it, is that it is like, and like you said, it was early on.

So they were like. It was blowing people's minds. And they were figuring it out. And they, you know, nobody had really done this kind of thing before. But they are like torture light techniques. Yeah, I think it kind of was. The deprivation, you know, and the kind of breaking you down and, you know, keeping you from eating and keeping you from bathroom breaks and stuff, right? That was the myth. I mean, my dad's like, we didn't do that.

Right. Too much. But there's these videos that he has, and it's really something to watch my dad. You know, like 33, that's when he was kind of doing all of this. And I was watching these like after I had, in my later 30s, going like, look at my dad, younger than I was now. Like he's so dynamic and he is so, and he still is that person. Because I don't want to be belittling all of it. Right.

Because. Oh, I do. I'm an asshole. The foundations of it. Yeah, yeah. And the foundations of it are so helpful to so many people. Because. Oh, I do. I'm an asshole. The foundations of it. Yeah, yeah. And the foundations of it are so helpful to so many people. Absolutely. That's what I always say.

Because I'm, you know, I mean, a huge subtext of this podcast is therapy, is talking in a therapeutic way. And I've said on this show before, like even kind of, you know, there's like when Dr. Drew used to do like celebrity rehab. Yeah. It seemed so gross. Like these people need real rehab, not TV rehab. Not rehab with cameras around. Yeah. Not rehab with the hair and makeup team. A it's just it's the same problem with cable

news yeah it's the news but it's also a tv show it's they also need sound bites yeah they need sound bites they need ratings they need to sort of build within the hour to some you know keep people watching and it was the same thing or dr phil is kind of like you know the key to dr phil i think is for people to feel holier than now and get to identify with this guy that's yelling at people about being fuck ups. Yeah. But at least there's introspection. At least there's some sort of process of examining the patterns of your life

and trying to change them and figuring out how to change them. Yeah, and maybe those shows are like the gateway drug to real therapy. Yeah, that's what I mean. That somebody says, oh, wait, oh, God, I identify with that. And that could use a deeper look. If it helps something like that, great. Yeah. It's really, I don't know. I keep thinking back.

Like, I got really lucky being born into the family I did because of that. Like, I know a lot of actors and just artists or performers whose parents were always like, Kiva, what are you really going to do? Yeah, yeah. You know, what? And I was always very nurtured in that way. That's great. That side of me.

And they were like, do whatever you want to do. Yeah, yeah. You know, you want to do this? Great. We'll support you. That's great. That side of me. And they were like, do whatever you want to do. Yeah, yeah. You know, you want to do this? Great. We'll support you. Emotionally. I mean, I'm not saying and I get a check every month still. It's so great. And they pay my mortgage. I'm like, nope.

Yeah. But it was like, it's it's luck. I don't know. I've been thinking a lot about luck lately and you know especially you hear like stories of people's upbringing you're like oh man god like it's just luck of what family you're born into sometimes in terms of what you're what things are nurtured in your life yeah and also too there's no guarantee there are major mess fuck-ups that come from a very solid foundation.

Oh, 100%. And then there are people in my life that I know that deserve to be just a puddle of tears because of the way they were brought up, the horrible, horrible way they were brought up. And they're lovely, well-adjusted, sort of normal people. I mean, you know, there's damage, but it's like, but they're not taking it out on everybody. You know, they're still sort of like functional and have maintained some equilibrium, which is just, you know, it's amazing. It's just how, what a crapshoot it is, especially like as a parent, you're like, you never know. Yeah.

You never know. My mom said to me when we were younger, she goes, listen, I think I was like a teenager in some year, but she said, we're trying the best we can. Yeah. But probably you're going to need some therapy at some point because of some way that we have failed you. And we don't know what that is right now, but it's for sure there. And I was like, yeah, that's right. No, but it was this very, really self-aware thing. I was like, but that's a wonderful thing to say to a kid. Like, I'm trying my best. I'm making mistakes. I don't know what they are. At some point in the future,

you should examine that. But please know that it's not like we were intentionally trying to hurt you in this specific way. I tell my son, who's our oldest, everything we go through, you're the first time. Yeah, right. Like it's a little easier with your sister because we went through what a 14-year-old is like. Yeah. We went through what a kid learning to drive is like. But every time it's, you know, and now he's in college and kind of questioning whether he's at the right place and stuff. And, you know, there's times when he's talking to me about it and I'm like, I don't know what to say.

I don't know. I'm not sure. Yeah. Do I say, no, no, buckle down and really focus? Or do I say, no, you know, change the whole environment? I don't, you know, it's hard to know. It's hard to know. And it's hard because it's hard also to know what your children are actually asking.

Is he talking to you and looking for you to have the answer, or is he just talking to you to talk it out with somebody? Because sometimes they don't need... Sometimes my kids just want to spill it out, and sometimes they literally want the answer. And that's where I'm not good at. Because I will, like, I'm going to fix it.

Even though I'm, like, you know, as being a woman, we mostly just want to talk and just have somebody... But, like, I'm like, you know, as being a woman, we mostly just want to talk and just have some, but like, they're like, mom, stop, stop, stop. It's a different story with your kids, I think. Yeah. Whether you're, I think that that's like, that's almost like a non-gendered thing where you can be, you know, live and let live with everybody except your kid. You're like, no, no. Oh, the stakes are too high.

You must do this. Yeah. So when did you start to be aware that the environment that you were living in, sort of the philosophical environment of your household was like an Est-driven thing? Or was it only in retrospect years later well no i think it wasn't you know when you start to go as a early teen to your friend's houses and like really critically look at how other people live their lives as this absurd you know like just that's when i would realize like, oh, this house has a

different set of moral. Yes. Like guidelines. Yes. Or this house is like, you don't talk about, like you don't talk this freely with your parents or you talk or these people talk. So I think it wasn't until then spending time with – and, again, we're from Marin. Like, it's pretty like a – it's a pretty – Loosey-goosey.

Loosey-goosey liberal bubble that's up there. But still, no, I was always – But still, like, yeah, we weren't raised religious. Like, I would be like – you know, I remember being a kid and being like, can I – I had another friend. At different times in my life, I've had two best friends named Aaron, one of whom's dad was a pastor. And I'd be like, can I please, can I just please go to church with Aaron on Sunday? Like, because it was such a different world. And I was like, Sunday school.

You know, like you go, you listen a little bit to church and then you would go to Sunday school. And you'd get snacks and they'd tell you a story and it would just be the, and I was like, what is this? I think I was like eight, you know? Cause it was, it's like preschool all over again. Yeah. Cause we were like deep in my little ponies and Barbies. So I must've been seven or eight years old. It was a dream. Yeah. And your folks were okay. They're like, sure. Yeah. If you want to do that, go for it. Yeah. You know, if this, if you want to do that, go for it. Yeah.

Yeah. You know, if this, if you get religion from that, maybe that is your path. Yeah. Then we can explore that with you. Yeah. Yeah. My. But really remember that God got us all there is, is probably more what's real.

Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. My, before we had our first kid, my ex-wife actually asked me, like, you know. No, it was actually like her mother came to New York City and, like, took our son out for a while. And she's like, I bet you she takes him and gets him baptized. Because she's super Catholic.

Just, like, never tells you. I know. And he's just for her own sake. She's got to save this little baby's soul. And I was like, she can fucking baptize him three times a day for all I care. And the same thing when my, because both my kids went to Episcopal schools. Yeah. And we talked about it before my son got into kindergarten.

I don't even know what Episcopal means. Episcopal, it's the Church of England, but the American version. Okay. It's like Catholic light. Oh, okay. Yeah. But it, the, but, and it's very, like their schools are super liberal and super, you know, pantheistic and, you know, they celebrate everything. Wonderful. But, yeah, but we talked about like, you know, do we care that he's going to be learning sort of Christian doctrine? I was like, I just said, they can tell him all the fucking fairy tales they want. I don't, you know, he'll decide.

We sent our kids to a preschool that was attached to a church. And I forget even what kind of church is like the most liberal one. And I was like, what are they? She goes to what my daughter calls chapels. Yeah. We go to chapels for 15 minutes a week. And I was like, if you. I'm like, yes, learn the do unto

others as you would have. That's all that the preschoolers are going to get. It's citizenship. I fully believe in all of those moral guidelines and tenets. Be kind. I just don't believe in a prescribed religion. Just this Christmas I went on Christmas Eve

with my husband's family, who is Irish Catholic there. We went to mass, to Christmas Eve mass. And I leaned over to him, I go, how does everybody know what to say? Like, why does this whole room know all these prayers? And he was like, honey, they've been doing this their whole life. I was like, oh, wow. And you just like learn the words. They didn't get a handout that we missed. Where's the hands out? Yeah. Where's the papers?

No, they really didn't. I was like, but that's just like a long prayer. It's like whole life. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. It gets drilled in. Well, my, in grade school, in my daughter's school,

which is like I say, it's Episcopal, and it's a really, really great school. And it ought to be. That's why my kids are in public school. But they have chapel. Chapels? They have chapel. And in grade school, they have chapel like every morning.

Wow. And, and then as you, as they go into like middle school, it's, you know, once a week. But chapel is just like, it's where like the, you know, the kids in the music class will do a performance. And they'll be like little sort of like just sort of positive sermons or just stuff. And they sing songs like they know, you know, they sing like they know. My daughter knows like the second verse to You're a Grand Old Flag. What? Nobody knows the second verse. I know. But Old Flag. What? Nobody knows the second verse. I know.

But from singing it. People barely know the first. They put it up on a screen and then these are one of the songs they sing, you know. And so it's just like, and I don't mind that at all. I don't mind that like that they are going to some sort of gathering that's communal and that's about kind of the philosophy of getting along and being nice to each other. Yeah. Fine.

Whatever. That is – I'm all in on that. Yeah, yeah. Got no problem with that. How many kids are in your family? I'm the middle child. I have an older brother and a younger sister. I see.

Yeah. And what kind of kid are you? Are you – I was – Are you normal? You know, are are you? Are you normal? You know, are you wild? Are you? I was swung highs and lows.

Yeah. Like I was always a really good student. I like school. I excelled at school. I was all, you know, academics. That's fine. Was that self-motivated? Yeah.

I have a thing. I want to please teachers. Yeah. And that to this day, like put me in an exercise class, and I don't understand why people are not trying to do what the instructor is doing. Yes. Like, I want to please my teacher. Yes.

And I want to get good grades. I cared about grades. At the same time, like, I've always been the peanut gallery. Like, I cannot shut up. Yeah, yeah. And that's why I will not join the PTA because I can't stop talking. And I feel that it's disrespectful. So I don't put myself in those situations. But you do want to sit next to me in the back.

And, but then I just went through like little stages where I, where I looking back, I was like, well, I'm unhappy that they sent me to this private school for this year. So I'm going to make friends with the bad kids. And I don't think it was conscious, but I made friends with the troubled girls and, you know, got my stomach pumped as a freshman. Like I got from drinking too much, like going to a party and be like, you could barely taste the alcohol in the vodka, in the orange juice. Wow. Like that. And like my mom laughs about it years later. She's like, you were so drunk and I was in the hospital and you just kept saying, I'm

so sorry, mommy. Mommy, I'm so sorry. And she's like, uh-huh, uh-huh. You know, like I did this. I experimented. Is that in Miranda's era, you think there's just kind of a permissive area? When your best friend's dad was one of the technicians for the Grateful Dead, they had the good weed. Right. And you just, like, there's cans all around the house, and you just take a little skim a little off the top.

Right, right. So there was experimentation like that. I do have to say, though, that when I got to college, like I'd gotten most everything out of my system. Yeah. So that, or, because I also had jobs. Like I worked at a bakery. I worked at TCBY. It was the country's best yogurt.

That's what I understand. And it's not even, it's the best yogurt. Yes, I understand. You can't say that without it being true. No, it's the B in TCBY. Precisely. So I had, and I was in theater, so there was parameters to partying. There was always parameters.

Yeah. So when you learn to do it within parameters, you know, you get to college and they were the friends who were on like party one semester, academic probation the next party. Because they didn't know how to schedule it. Yeah, yeah, yeah. For the lack of a better party because they didn't know how to schedule it. Yeah, yeah, yeah. For the lack of a better word. They didn't know how to parse out the party. They didn't know how to parse out. Yeah, yeah.

You had a sense of proportion about you're getting fucked up. But there certainly was a time, I think it was freshman year, where I was like grounded for two weeks, off for two weeks, grounded for two weeks, off for two weeks, and then kind of figured it out. In high school, you mean? In high school. Yeah, yeah. Wow.

And are your folk, do they come down heavy on you or is it just kind of like disappointed in you? Oh, it was disappointed in like lockdown. Like, oh, no, you don't get to go out. You don't get to hang out with your friends. You come home right after school. You are in there. Yeah, yeah. You know, when they wake up in the middle of the night and your door is open and your light's, you've made some mistakes. Yes. Yes. Yes. I was always so bad at it too.

Yeah. Yeah. And my mom laughed at me. She was like, you were so terrible. You always got caught. Oh, kids. Yeah. My kids are terrible liars. Just have always been terrible liars. Yeah. Yeah. So bad. Yeah. Yeah. And thankfully so because you get into some dangerous situations and you need a little bit of crackdown. Yeah. But that was a very brief portion. And then I got really, you know, once I got a little older, I got really into theater.

And then you don't have time to do that kind of stuff anymore. Right, right, right. Because your rehearsal's four hours a day. Is Marin pretty, they have a good theater program? That was like, there was some high school theater and I got really involved, you know, it was the first years of integrated learning. Like they would, now everybody does it, you know, where you're working on a project and you're doing a video project, but it's also history and it's this and that.

Oh, yeah, yeah. But we were in this pilot program and I remember it being at our high school and it being so frustrated and I would cry all the time because I was so frustrated with this program at school that I was crying all the time. And then later I go, oh, right, my parents were getting divorced that year. Like maybe that might not have been. Yeah, yeah, yeah. You weren't frustrated with the curriculum. That might have been some of the acting out. And that might have been the, yeah, yeah. You weren't frustrated with the curriculum. That might have been some of the acting out.

And that might have been the, yeah, the curriculum frustration. Like, oh, I just wish that Donna would get on. She never shows up on time. And I'm going to sob for 20 minutes. It might not have been it. Yeah, yeah. So they split up when you were a freshman? 14, yeah.

Yeah, oh, wow. Yeah. And did your dad stay close? Yeah, he stayed close for a while, and then he moved to Colorado. Uh-huh. And then I went to school in Colorado for – I went to the University of Colorado. Was that to be near him, you think? Well, to get in-state tuition.

Oh, no. But also, I didn't want to stay in California. Yeah. I was like, I want to get out of California. Just time to do something different. And I want to snowboard. And oops, oh, look, there's a good theater program. Oh, okay.

Yeah. Yeah. And Boulder is Boulder, right? Yeah. Not dissimilar from Marin. No, Marin. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Or Marc Maron.

Or Marc Maron. Yeah, yeah. Another liberal bubble. Yes. Just like Marc Maron. Well, you really set yourself up for Holly weird. Yeah, right? Yeah.

Just going to stay. Just permissive. It is so – I realize sometimes when I go and travel for work and – I don't do it all that often. Yeah. But in the past few years, there have been more when I go into different states and I go, oh, right. Yeah. I like my bubble like I like. I understand why people stay in them, whatever bubble you may be in.

Yes. Because it's comfortable. Yeah. It's uncomfortable to be the only one that doesn't think that, you know, X, Y, and Z. And to feel a little out of it. Right. Yeah. To live where, you know, it's okay to be fill in the blank.

Yeah. You know, gay, trans. Yeah. You know, socialist, whatever, you know. I think it's good to get out every once in a while and remind yourself, like, oh, right, right, right. Okay, here's actually where we are. Absolutely. Because I remember after the election in 2000, or maybe it was just the primary, you know, when some people in the room were like, I'm not even going to vote because you know what?

From what I saw, Bernie was going to be, should have been the nominee. Everyone, so like the whole election is rigged. I was like, no, you just live in this one place where everybody in your circle is talking about that like get outside of it and but then but then run back because i like it there yeah yeah yeah no i i you know a bubble is very especially a bubble like well and there's all different yeah there's different kinds of bubbles because you know rural kansas is a bubble. Yeah. Yeah. And, you know, and, but, you know, some bubbles are sort of, well, I don't know. You could say that they're all a little bit exclusionary of people that don't agree with them. Yeah, for sure. It's not a coincidence that a place like Marin or Santa Monica that have – everybody's pretty wealthy and pretty white.

And they can go, oh, the system's rigged. And, oh, I'm checking out. Because they – You've got to vote for people that are worse off than you, not for just yourself. Yeah. I get frustrated too with some, when you hear people are like, well, you know, like at this day and age, you're like, well, I don't really, I don't really participate. I don't, I mean, yeah, I'll vote, but like, I don't really get involved in any other political

things. And it was like, well, that's because you're, it's not affecting you because you're in such a place of privilege and we should – like if you just sit in it, then what good is it? Then you're allowing it. Yeah, yeah. That's the frustration I get. But I don't know. Whatever. So you get to college and it's all theater?

Are you just there mainly? Is that your major? Yeah of thought. Whatever. So you get to college and it's all theater? Are you just there mainly? Is that your major? Yeah. Yeah. Yes. I started out taking a lot of Spanish classes too until one time they were like, well, everybody's a major here because they don't have a minor. And I'm like, oh, I am wasting my parents' money. So I got out of that.

Que lastima. Well, couldn't you have just had a Spanish minor? No, they didn't offer a minor And that's why I was like I am wasting time So then I went all in on theater And had a lovely time I mean talk about another bubble Talk about like just a

Just The emotional Importance of a theater program For needy Theater kids Yes yes oh you know when like when your professor doesn't like your scene like tears you know like he said he didn't want to see it again i'm never gonna succeed you know yeah it is everything matters so much. I don't think I understand Chekhov. You get out in the world and it's like, oh, no, none of this matters.

None of it. I left feelings. I was like, I took an audition class and I am walking away with eight monologues, light and dark, classical and like comedic and serious. And did I ever use one of them? No. I mean, maybe if I'd gone to New York and pursued theater out there, I think you do still audition with monologues. But like I've never done – I haven't done a monologue since leaving there.

No. No. No. No. And also I'm really hoping that their audition like Studio Now or all theater programs speaks a little bit more towards our world now outside of New York theater. I think – Hopefully.

I think it varies. I think there's – because I went to film school. I took a little bit of acting in college, and I just didn't like acting class. And it was – and also I think acting class teaches you so much about being a theater actor. And I wasn't particularly interested in being a theater actor. I wanted to be a film actor. And I went to film school and it was, there's a spectrum of trade school to, you know, you do a two hour video of leaves floating on water, you know, like super artsy fartsy stuff.

Because in Chicago, I went to Columbia College, which was very, very practical, very much taught by people in the industry or people that were short in the industry. And then there was, and then the other place to study film was the Art Institute. And that was where it was like, you know, just a close-up of my nipple for 15 minutes. And, you know, as Maria Callas sings in the background or something. So I'm sure it's the same. Good. I know, I know.

Absolutely. Absolutely. I sold it to Netflix. Yeah. They'll buy anything. Oh. I got to get it in there when I can. Sick burn.

Sick burn. But yeah, I imagine the same thing with acting schools. There are some that are, you know, really esoteric and really philosophically driven and kind of ascetic. And then there are others that are like like here's how you get a job. And Colorado was not like that. No, it was great. It was a great program. I fully walked away with like

how to break down a script, how to get into a character, how to do the actual work so that you can get a job and when you get the job, know what to do with the job. That's what I got. What I didn't get was how to get an agent, how to even present myself to an agent was how to get an agent, how to even present myself to an agent, how to do cold readings, how to act in front of a camera. I didn't get any of that.

So when I moved to Los Angeles, I found an acting class that focused a lot on that. And it was pretty funny because the guy really wanted to be like everybody's goot. Because I think so many people come out to LA with no acting training, but they want to be actors. So they want like a guru. They want somebody to break them down. And I was like, I already was broken down. And then they built me back up. And I just want your Hollywood knowledge.

Yeah, yeah. That's what I want. So I got, it was great though. It was like, you know, a weekly class where you sat around in a circle and like, what did you do for your career this week? Here's how you send postcards. And this is all like pre-internet. Not pre-internet, but pre, you know, pre-cell phones, pre-websites, pre-stuff like that.

So you had to, you know. What year is this? I moved here in 99. Okay. Yeah. Yeah. So it was like 2000, 2001. Yeah.

Where it really was like, print up a postcard with your phone number and you're just going to do a bunch of casting directors that you did, that you'recard with your phone number and you're just going to do a bunch of casting directors that you did that you're in a show this week and they're never going to come see it, but then they're going to see your, you know, it's all this stuff like that. Like I talk to young actors now or, you know, your friends will be like, my son or my daughter really wants to get into this. Can you talk to him?

Like, yeah, but I don't know shit. Yeah. Yeah. I don't know anything about like, I don't know anything about now how to get into all of it or how to get an agent but i don't know shit yeah yeah i don't know anything about like i i don't know anything about now how to get into all of it how to get an agent i don't know i don't either and but that but i mean my situation is too is that i've been like off on this conan island yeah for years i mean it was a first uh a stretch for many years then i came out here and uh you know made some very very, very well-regarded failures.

And then. Oh, my gosh. Yeah, yeah. Oh, my God. It's really, it's really the way to go. I have the failures part. I don't really have the well-regarded. It's really the way to go.

But, yeah. Fingers crossed. But, you know, people will say to me, like, do you know this casting agent, you know, Dolores Legrand? And I'm like, no, I haven't been in front of the casting agent in years. I'd love to say that, but I auditioned for almost every day. I know, I know. But that's why I say, like,

I'm even more isolated from knowing what to do. And it also kills me when people are like, I have a screenplay. Could you read it and see if you can get it to anybody? It's like, motherfucker! I got my own screenplays that I can't get and see if you can get it to anybody? It's like, motherfucker. I got my own screenplays that I can't get anybody to look at. Right.

You know? So it's, I don't, I don't know, you know. It is, it's not, there's no way to do it other than to do it. Than to do it. Yeah. And there's no roadmap, too. It's one of those jobs where there's just your, you just have to take every avenue until go to everything you have the heart to go to meet every person that you, you know, make a connection with

anybody, everybody that you genuinely like and see what, see what comes. It's there. It's interesting. Do you, because I have my opinion on this, school, learning in school versus just getting on the job and learning. Oh, my God, learn in school. Oh, really? It's such a beautiful, safe space.

Yeah, yeah. But do you feel you use that when you get out, like when you get a job, when you first started getting jobs, professional jobs, acting, that it was, or was it just that you'd had practice? You just have practice in a place where you can fail. Yeah. Like, I don't, I'm not a fan of parents who want their kids to start acting and just start auditioning because there's so much failure in this business. I don't like kids acting.

I don't like kids acting. I know, I know, I know. There's so much failure in this business. And if you are just focused on whether or not somebody in Hollywood is telling you you're good enough to be in this thing, then it's going to stunt you and it's going to mess with you. And when you're at school, when you're doing school plays and when you're in college, you're 19 being cast as a 49-year-old.

When are you ever going to get – you can be terrible. Yeah. But you still get to do it. Right. And that's a beautiful thing to, like, go outside yourself and outside of what the world sees you as. Yeah. Because right now, I get a part that's, like, there's an audition for a 36 36-year-old and I'm like, I'm in my 40s. Can we really do that?

I don't know. Or like just, well, they're looking for a brunette rather than like I'm in college and I'm playing like a Russian ballet teacher who's supposed to be 64. And you know what? I killed it. Right, right, right. There's something really beautiful in that. And it's just that experience of making something with your peers and feeling important about it. And your parents afterwards telling you you were great.

And it can live in your memory. You never have to revisit it. You know, whoever watches like the tapes of their Guys and Dolls performance from sophomore year of college. Guys and Dolls performance from sophomore year of college. You know, it's just this memory of this good time that you had figuring things out with people who are just as terrible and self-important as you are. Were you in mostly comedic things? Were you drawn to comedy? Because that's pretty much your career now, isn't it?

It is. You do some drama, yeah? I do. I would love to do more. I love all of it. It's just, I'm sure you've experienced this. Do you think you get pigeonholed because you've done so much comedy that they don't think of you? Yeah. It's the doors, you know?

The door opens for one, and then the next doors for things similar to that open easier. Yeah, yeah. So that, like, you know, I've spent so many years with them going, like, well, they don't know if you can do a guest easy. Yeah, yeah. So that like, you know, I've spent so many years with them going like, well, they don't know if you can do a guest star on the newest Dick Wolf, whatever. Because it's truly amazing that in this creative business, the people that give out jobs are the most uncreative people. Yeah. They can only see you as what you were before.

What you have already proven to do. So there's, it's like, I have like my great almosts, you know, where, but it doesn't matter. Yeah. Because if you almost get the lead to Fringe, it doesn't matter if you don't get it. Yeah. Because no one else saw you except those couple executives from Warner Brothers in that room that one day. Yeah. And like, or the indie for what, like, so it's just been,

I've kind of slowly been trying to prove myself in that arena. Yeah. That said, I love comedy. Yeah. I love it. It's fun. I've done little, just a drop of drama. Yeah.

And for the same reason, I don't think anybody thinks i can and the people that have cast me in drama have been creative people that can that are interested in like well let's see if you can do this um and but yeah it's it it's it's not as fun the sets are not as fun because you really do need to find this, like, deep truth and stay. I mean, for me, it is like, I mean, I got to go, like, you know, if I was a crying thing, it's like make a playlist and get deep and go in my hole. Whereas, like, in comedy, you want to keep a light atmosphere to the set so that people feel free to play. And you're just messing around with your friends. That's it again.

Dear Hollywood, I am available for your emotional indies. Yeah, yeah, yeah. But it's hard to open those doors that you haven't before. I would like to. I wish people were more creative like that. And it's interesting too because there's so many great examples of people who are so funny doing great dramatic performances. There are not as many examples of

people who are known for dramas being hilariously funny. Absolutely. Because we tend to be more I mean honestly I always felt like this was a setback for me that I had a happy childhood because I was like oh I'm not tortured I'll a happy childhood. Because I was like, oh, I'm not tortured. I'll never be an actor.

I'll never be interesting. But a lot of very funny people did have kind of tortured. Yeah. They are unhappy people. There's a hole that needs to be filled with faceless adoration. Yeah. Or some sort of like, let's make everything happy because inside I'm so sad. Yeah, yeah.oration. Yeah. Or some sort of like, let's make everything happy

because inside I'm so sad. Yeah, yeah. When I first came out here, I had an agent that I was lucky to have. Stop bragging. No, no, no. Because I had been doing a show in New York and had an agent there. And then there was just, I mean, they weren't,

it was a very tiny agency. But they sent me out on everything and I was really, you know, all different kinds of things. And then I got a job on the movie Cabin Boy where I play like almost like a brain damaged person. Like the character's like so stupid, almost brain damaged. From that point on. Oh, there it is. You said the tone. Just dumb dumbs. That's all I ever read for was just really, really dumb, dumb people. So, yeah, yeah. Oh, niche work. Oh, well, I mean, I guess I'm good at being dumb. Are you with your husband the whole time?

Well, so we dated just – he's two years older than me. And we dated when I was a senior in high school. He was at UC Davis. But, you know, we had, like, stayed in touch. Yeah. So for that year, like even just a half a year, we were together. And then – but then we weren't together for my whole college experience. We dated other people. But it was that thing of like, it's kind of this beautiful experience that doesn't exist now, I think, that we're also in touch with each other.

Where it just never felt done. So there would just be times throughout college in these four years where, you know, if you wanted to send an email, you went to the computer lab in the theater department, you know, my like.edu email account, old as mold. So I wouldn't think about him for months, and then he'd pop into my head one day, and I'd be like, oh, Jack Hayes, you know, and then I would get back to my dorm, and there'd be a letter from him that day. Oh, wow. And he popped in, or it'd be months, and I'd be writing letter from him that day that he popped in or it'd be months and

I'd be writing him a letter and he would call me or like there was a lot of these little what is it serendipity or the synchronicity what one of those yeah one of those John Cusack movies just but yeah but those things do sort of happen there are these alignments that you can't that every once in a while. Yeah. And the longer you live, the more they happen and you stop being

sort of like holy moly about it. It's like, oh yeah, that makes sense. But in those years, it just like served as this reminder that,

oh, this thing is not done. Yeah. At all. In your mind, are you thinking, is there a little bit of like, he's the guy I'm going to get married to? I don't know that I did think that way.

Yeah. But it was like, oh, oh, this guy. Yeah, yeah. Oh, you know, like, I wonder, what if? Yeah. What if? Yeah, yeah. And then when we finally did get back together, it was like, that's right.

Oh, that's great. This is very right. And there's been times in my life like, you know, because friends who were single for a long time and then found somebody and they're telling me all these experiences, I was like, oh, I mean, I guess it would have been nice if it had been like four more years. Yeah, yeah.

Like if this was going to happen anyway. Right, right, right, right, right. I could have sowed some wild oats. A couple more oats. I got a big bag of wild oats in my closet that I want to get rid of. I got some oats in my past, but it could have been more oats. It could have been a bowl of oatmeal. Yeah.

And I'm sure he probably feels the same way. He better not. He better. God damn you. But when it's right, it's right. And that was always a thing of like, oh, well, this is the thing. Yeah. And it still feels very right. You know, it's a choice And that was always a thing of like, oh, well, this is the thing. Yeah. And this is, and it still feels very right.

You know, it's a choice you make every day. Yeah. Yep. Did you get together when you were in L.A. or when you're still in Colorado? He moved to Los Angeles first, actually. Oh, okay. For? He had no idea what he wanted to do, but he knew he liked movies.

Oh, wow. So then he went through, he used to work here at Warner Brothers. What did he study at UC Davis? Agricultural economics. Well, that's the place to do it. Yeah, yeah, yeah. So then he went through, he used to work here at Warner Brothers. What did he study at UC Davis? Agricultural economics. Well, that's the place to do it. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Yeah. Obviously.

Yeah, yeah. And then he was like, I don't want to do this. Yeah. So he came to LA and was like an assistant to a literary agent. At Warner Brothers. Well, first at a literary agent. I see. And then he was an assistant to a vice president at Warner Brothers and movies.

And then he was like, well, I don't want to do that. And he was like, executives, he's like, Aaron executives, they're not just unhappy. They're fucking miserable. Like they're deeply unhappy or the executives that he dealt with at that time. So he's like, I don't want to do that. Maybe I want to make movies. So then he was an assistant to a writer director and then he left completely and started to build houses. And then he was an assistant to a writer-director. And then he left completely and started to build houses. And then I was like, oh, there you are. Oh, there you are, Peter. I was like, oh, you're a puppy.

You need to walk around outside and physic. Like, it's not the idea of building a movie that excites you. It's the idea of building a structure and like solid piece of I have done this thing. Had he been done carpentry his whole life or anything? I mean, his dad taught him. His dad made, he has five older sisters. Oh. And his dad like taught all them.

That trains a man how to deal with women. Oh, God. Oh, he's so sensitive. Yeah. So sensitive. So sensitive. So sensitive in a good way. Yeah. You know, like understands feelings and emotional moods.

But he's still like a big burly carpenter. Well, yeah. But he can wire a house. Oh. I mean that. Literally. Okay. Yeah.

And he kind of just found his thing. It's also this thing of like when people are good with people and you finally find the way in which to do that, like he's just – I don't know. He's a good person. He treats everybody with respect from the day laborers to the clients and the spanky people. So it's kind of the perfect job. That's great. Yeah. you know uh so it's kind of the perfect job that's great yeah and i always i do find too like i mean you're right about putting things together is you know like

what it doesn't matter what it is like putting together a movie you know i've directed tv commercials you put putting those together like i like to cook. So putting together a meal. Right. Yeah. I'm handy. Like I can build things. And that's it's all sort of seems like the same thing. It's so satisfying.

Yes. To just look at the process. Yes. And then to have this finished thing. Yeah. It really does. It really is like a chest puffing moment. Yeah.

Look at what I have. There's you start with nothing. You have an idea. And then you follow this line. And then you end up on the other end with a thing. It's great. It's great. It's wonderful.

I recommend it. Yeah. So he moved down here first. And I moved to San Francisco because that's where I'm from. And I was like, San Francisco's better. It's more integrity. You were going to act in San Francisco? Oh, yeah.

I did like one play. Yeah. I was miserable. I was working as a hostess and I was in love with a guy that was down in Southern California. So then I finally moved down here

and was like, ah. Yeah, yeah. Love, sunshine, work. Yeah, yeah. Look, this is where they keep the work. How soon do you start

working regularly? I got some commercials kind of right off the bat. It was like, oh, here you go. And then like nothing for a long time, a hundred dollars in the bank account, panic attack. Uh, Oh God. And it was like, I just need a job job. Yeah. This dream of like, oh, I'm just going to become this working actor right away and not have a job is who, who fucking gets that? Uh, some people do. do some people do yeah uh it didn't happen for me

and then i got a job at um california adventure doing improv oh yeah wow uh yeah doing soap opera themed improv where though like in the middle of in the middle of you know whatever that is yeah that's square or no well there was there used to be a restaurant called the abc soap opera Like in the middle of, you know, whatever that is, that square? No. Well, there used to be a restaurant called the ABC Soap Opera Bistro. Oh. And we would just dress up. And it's on that main drag, right? It was over in the Hollywood area.

Oh, okay. Yeah, yeah. And we would dress up as soap opera characters and walk in while you're dining and, you know, give you a name and bring you into our scenes and stuff. Wow. I'm in a lot of vacation videos probably. And is there a template for the improv or is it just get out there and wing it? Let us do whatever we wanted.

Oh my goodness. I mean, I know that you know, like the guys that do Super Ego, Matt Gourley and Jeremy Carter and Mark McConville, they were all there. We were all sitting around doing bits in the break room and messing around and seeing what we could get away with.

And we would just get admonished like, you guys, you can't pick up children. You can't physically pick up someone's children. Yes, it's fine. Aaron, you've got to piggyback out of the restaurant by some man. That's fine. You cannot pick up people's children. We're like, ugh, stop trying to

hamper my creative process. Yeah, please. God. I love prop comedy. Ugh. Yeah. Yeah. So, well,

and you get healthcare too, I think, don't you? Oh my God, I had dental. I finally paid off my teeth. Wow. Like, it was,

you know, I got like, you know, got dental care and then discovered I had like three root, needed three root canals. And like I still have this one like little rollover, what's it called for retirement?

What's this called? Like a, I don't know, 401k. A 401k, yeah, yeah. You know, I was like, I'm a real grown up now. I have a 401k. Wow. And how long did you do that? Just like two years.

Uh-huh. It was one of the greater compliments. Full-time job? Yeah, full-time job. Wow. Four or five days a week. Wow. And how long did you do that? Just like two years. Uh-huh. It was one of the greater compliments. Full-time job? Yeah, full-time job. Wow. Four or five days a week. Wow. One of the greater compliments.

I'm sorry. Oh, one of the greater compliments that my manager one time gave me. And he looks at me and he goes, you're not a lifer. I was like, oh, my God, Chad, thank you. Oh, thank you. Oh, my God, thank you, Chad. Oh, yeah, yeah. I guess I can stop looking for Anaheim real estate.

But there's something really beautiful about Disneyland employees because they love it. Yeah. And you see it because the joy that people have coming to Disneyland. And it gets you high when you interact with people and you can make them happy. And these kids are having the greatest days of their lives. And the people that do the costumed characters, they're not making much money. We were making way more than them. I ended up doing a show with them,, like Donald Duck when the restaurant closed. Uh-huh.

And they're just so- Wait, you were Donald Duck? No. Oh. I'm 5'10", Andy. I was going to say, wow. Donald Duck is a shorty. Yeah, yeah.

No, I know. Well, you could be goofy. Oh my gosh, thank you. You're welcome. Oh, thank you. You're welcome. No, I was like a park ranger that was taking Donald Duck

on an art tour. Oh, I see. I had to do all the talking- You were a Sherpa. Bad puns. Yeah. But they were so, they're so happy to do it because they get that reaction from the kids all day long of just celebrity status, happiness, love, joy.

So I get why people work there for their whole life, you know, stay. I refer to it as the happiest place on earth. What? You should tell them about that. I should. I should. It's a good slogan. That's a great one.

No, I got – like I remember when my kid was little, they're kind of this artsy-fartsy dad. We went to – because we used to have a season pass and we'd go to Disneyland. I know. I haven't told my children that that's an option. You ought to be able to get a deal, you know, as a former employee. But we used to go all the time and I, you know, and like people would be like, God, you guys go to Disneyland a lot. It's like, it's fucking Disneyland.

Yeah, come on, man. It's 45 minutes away. It's Disney Land. Yeah, come on, man. It's 45 minutes away. And especially when you get there, you – I mean, you know, prior to having children, the last few times I had been there, I had been on drugs. Sure. But – That's an important phase of everybody's, you know –

Absolutely. You got it. Late teenage, early 20s. But when you go there with a kid, especially like a toddler, you realize this place is baby-proofed. And your whole life is defined by how far your kid can get away from you without you freaking out. And at Disneyland, your kid can get 50 yards away from you. And you know, like, well, this railing, they figured it out. The railing isn't wide enough for a kid to stick his head through it. Yeah, yeah.

And there's no, and this is a slight grade on this ramp, so they're not going to tumble down here. And so it just, it's, and the contact high that you get from your kids being there is just amazing. And like my son. God, I'm feeling really bad about my parenting. We never go. You really should take. I really should. How old are your kids?

They're 10 and 12. It's like the ship is almost sailing. I know, I know. They're getting into the age where it's not cool anymore. And I'm such a jerk too because every time we go to like a Universal or something, I'm like, don't even ask me to buy anything. What an asshole. I know. I'm like, no, we can have like treats, but I'm like, I't even ask me to buy anything. What an asshole. I know.

I'm like, no, we can have like treats, but I'm like, I'm not going in that wizard store. You don't need another wand for $40. Wow. I'm such a jerk. Jesus Christ. I'm a jerk. Wow. Well, how come you got to have so much joy and they don't?

Well, I feel like I deserved it. I'm not an asshole. They have joy in their... I just sometimes get mad at the experiences that kids don't realize how much stuff costs. Yeah, yeah.

And then you go there and they're like, can I have this? Can I have that? Can I have this? And you're like, no. Yeah, yeah. Just enjoy the rides.

It's about the rides. Look around. There are minions. You're 12. You don about the rides. Look around. There are minions. You're 12. You don't need a stuffed animal anymore. Oh, my gosh. Yeah, no, I fully heartily endorse Disney. And you should take your children.

I know. I will. I will. Take them. It's really, it's, you know. I mean, although, like I do say, they, well, my son, in like the last few years when my daughter because my daughter now is kind of how old is she she's 14 14 okay and a couple years ago it started to not be cool although you say no come on let's go and all right and of course even my son when he was like 17

and we'd say just you know come know, come with us. Yeah. And he gets there and it's like, of course, it's fucking Disneyland. It's Disneyland, you know? Yeah. I think most of my problem with it is that I got so jaded working next, like at California Ventures. So we always knew when the, when there was no lines. Yeah.

Yeah. And now I'm spoiled that I do not like to wait in lines for rides. I don't, I'm like, what? Yeah. We shouldn't have to do this. And now that my daughter's in middle school and like her schooling is more serious, she doesn't want to be pulled out for a day. Yeah.

She's like, I can't do it, Mom. I'm like, my classes. Yeah, yeah. So then that leaves the weekends or holidays when all of LAUSD is off. Yeah, yeah. And that's like dummy time to go. Yeah, yeah. Amateur hour.

Yeah, no, we always used to kind of like go on a Wednesday. Right? That's the way to do it. Like after a holiday weekend on a Wednesday. Yeah. Oh, God. Now I've said it. Now everybody knows.

Like it's some well-kept secret. Not that many people listen to this. Don't worry about it. Oh, okay. Thank goodness. Hey, people, don't go to Disneyland. No. We're lying.

Yeah. So what gets you out of there? Do you get another gig? I actually, I got like my first legitimate Hollywood job that you were on. Which one? On the spot. Oh, my God. Oh, my God, yes.

Yes. So there was like a casting director that took me under her wing and introduced me to, like brought me over to her house. I ended up talking to this guy forever who then ended up being Tony Sepulveda, who's like a casting director at Warner Brothers, who happened to be casting a part on that WB show, On the Spot, which was half improvised, half script. Mostly scripted, partly improvised. It was a weird show.

It was so weird. It was very weird. And I booked that. So then it was like, Hollywood, here I come. Yeah. Oh, God, you know. And it was interesting because that was my first experience with that attitude that people have of like, get ready. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

Get ready because when the world sees this and when the world sees what all of you can do, your life is going to change. Yeah. Strap in. You're on a rocket ship. Strap it, you know. Yeah, yeah. And you believe it because you want to believe it and you're having so much fun and then it comes out and it's just nobody watches it and nobody cares. watches it and nobody cares.

And improv doesn't translate all or improv that's made for the stage just doesn't translate to TV because people are like, well, maybe you should have taken some time to write some lines. I don't care. You can't have that. I have had this, you know, I mean,

I am still, you know, the people that I came up with, there are still like improv stalwarts that just still believe in it. And, you know, guys like my age in their 50s that are still like going and doing improv on the weekends, which God bless them. But like, I'm just like, no, I don't. A, well, I mean, I have the luxury of getting to be funny in front of people four days a week anyway. That's the thing.

You have like a Hollywood day job. in front of people four days a week anyway. That's the thing. You have like a Hollywood day job. And I'm also too, for me, improv has always been less about what you do in front of an audience and more what you do around each other and the fun that you have around funny people. And I work with literally some of the funniest people on the planet.

I barely remember the sets we did in that restaurant. I remember the bits we did in the break room that had me dying, crying, laughing. Exactly. So it's like, I get, I get, I, you know, the writers on this show and Conan and the people that I work with, I get to be funny during the day. So I don't feel like I need to go. And also I'd never have, I, an audience is nice, but I don't need it. A lot of people need an audience and I just don't really, you know, I like being funny with funny people and it's neat when it's in front of people and you get to, you get that sort of feedback, but I don't really need it. But I've always said improv will not work on television in that sort of straight up long form way because there's a remote control.

And nobody has time for you to figure out where you are and what the game is. And it's just doesn't, it's not the same thrill being in a room with somebody, watching somebody come up with something on the top of their head. Yep. That's magical. And that's part of why it's so funny. Yeah. It makes something even funnier to be like, how did you even, oh, my God, this person is brilliant. That's the part that doesn't, the excitement doesn't translate because sometimes the jokes aren't as funny.

They could have used a writer. Punch them up. And it's such a wonderful skill that so many performers have now because it's kind of this accepted thing in comedy on TV or in movies that like every director, every, like all the executive producers on comedies, everything, they kind of expect it and they want it. And they'll be like, just leave this one open, do whatever you want and it that nowadays so many performers to have those skills so that then if something works and like one line makes it in and it makes it better than great um that was always like the means to the end for me yeah was i just want to be able to feel confident going on to sets and playing around with people yeah um and not feeling like I was going to shit the bed. Yeah, yeah.

And not be able to think of anything. Right. Did you have improv training before the Disney job, or was that your sort of improv training? No, I did some at – At school? Well, no, I did, like, a different improv class in L.A. when I moved. I did an acting class, and then I did – like, we started doing some improv stuff and then went to a different small improv place in the valley and then kind of got that job.

And I kind of stopped. So now every once in a while I get asked to join in on things and it freaks me out. Like I lose sleep about it because I was never so thoroughly trained. Like I'm a peanut gallery. Or if I have like a really strong idea for a character, then I'm good. Right. But I'm not a great story builder. Like, just, let's just do a scene.

And Creatist freaks me out. Yeah. And I don't think it's my strong suit. And it also, too, is, like, you've got to be doing it in order for just there not to be crust built up. Yeah, I have so much crust. Yeah. Aaron Hayes, I got so much crust yeah i i aaron hayes i got so much crust 2020 aaron hayes crusty uh i you know because i don't do

for uh i do monologues for the ucb that's what i'll do sometimes yeah because that's kind of just i mean that's what you know blabbing in front of people. I'm used to that now, just being myself and talking. But doing scene work, like I've said, like, it just makes me so fucking nervous. And I just am like, I don't, I just am old enough and I just don't need to be nervous. need to be nervous. And recently there was a benefit, kind of a big benefit at UCB that was a long form improv and Besser asked, Matt Besser asked me to do it. And instead of monologues, people were going to sing a song. So you had to think of a song and then, and then do it and then do scene work based on that. And I realized as I'm going out and Horatio Sands

was doing it too. I realized as I'm going out, like, oh, I think I'm supposed to do scene work too. Like 20 seconds before we go out. Thank God you didn't have time to think about it, right? Precisely. I was like, and it was like, and it went on a long time. It was like two hours. And it was very telling to me because I was proud of myself. And it was that. I had 20 seconds. I was like, well, there's no – I got no time to sweat. I just got to do it. And I did fine. But it was very telling to me that when it was done, I was like, no, I don't need to do that again.

I've had to – I've had to have like – you know when you have to have talks with yourself. Yeah. You know, of – because I think – at least in my experience. Yeah. You know, of, because I think, at least in my experience, I've never felt, I've always just been like, well, who do I think I am to take up this much time on a set? Yeah. Just to mess around and make stuff up. But then I watch and I don't know how much of it is just me or if part of it does have something to do with gender and all of that. Because I watch the dudes and they feel entitled to just go for it.

And I'm there like apologizing with my being for just going off a script a little bit. So there's been, and that I'm not talking about now because now I had some talks with myself and was like, look at that. That's inspiring. Right. You know what? And nobody's saying, why don't you keep it down, buddy? Why don't you knock it down a little bit?

People know you have that skill. They're hiring you for that. It's the conversation like it's okay to take up space here in this moment. It might work. It might not work. here in this in this moment it might work it might not work but i think in the certain environments with certain creators the attempt will be valued yes um those are the conversations i've had with myself and i think that my work has benefited from it and maybe just myself maybe just i've benefited from it because it extends.

That's not a word. Sure it does. Hey, guys. I know what you mean. There's an E in there. It extends to your regular life as well. Yeah. It's okay to take up space. Yeah.

Yeah, yeah. And be listened to. And be listened to. Yeah. And have your ideas. Yeah. And think your voice is valid. Yeah.

So after that, how long before you sort of do, when your next gig after On the Spot? Because On the Spot was not even a full season, was it? It was six episodes. They aired five. Oh, wow. So get ready.

Yeah, yeah. Then it was like, I kind of had this good little role of, like deals with some studios and stuff. Oh, nice. Though, you know, it's like, we got you in this pilot that doesn't go anywhere. I was like kind of the queen of the pilots that didn't go anywhere for a while or would get picked up and I would do six and then they would get canceled.

Or I'm kind of like a one season queen, which I've had seasons, so I feel very lucky to have had that. It's just, again, that thing of luck of like, well, I guess it wasn't this one. What's next? That one didn't work out. It's really – because it's – I mean, speaking for myself, it's my life. I know you said lucky. I know how lucky I am.

You said lucky. I know how lucky I am. I know like comparatively what a bonkers career I've had from where I came from. But there's still like things that sting, things that didn't work. You know, I mean, I was in three different sitcoms, you know, that I was the star of. I'm making air quotes, people. Air quotes. And they didn't go. And it was, and there's different reasons, you know, there's all these kind of reasons

that you can, that are true, that have nothing to do with the quality of the show, that are like intra-network politics. Well, and especially comedies do, because it's like, well, they paired you with this and that audience is completely different, but you share the hour. Yeah, and they fuck your scheduling over. It's going to be so great because you're on after two and a half men. That's not doing us any favors. That's a different audience than our show.

Yeah, yeah. It's hard. You like Andy Barker, P.I. was a show I did. Oh, it was so good. Thank you. That was my favorite of the ones that I did. And I can't remember how many episodes on. We were on four different time slots.

That's ridiculous. And like, and in this one summer, they just kind of burned them off. And like, at one point they even put two on after the other just to kind of air them and get rid of them. And it just really felt like they just were. Oh, I've been on those shows where they burn them twice in an hour. They're like, well, we made it. We should show it to people. Like, yes.

Right, right, right. Yeah, we have to sell advertising for it just to recoup whatever losses, you know. It's weird to be, because, like, in my career, it has gone, it's just, it's slowly gone, like slowly climbing the mountain, you know. No huge leaps and bounds. Yeah, yeah. I'm not skipping a lot of steps. But happy for every little, like, step of the journey. But some really do hurt.

Yeah. But then there's also, like we're saying, like the ones that are so great. And then you watch it and you go, oh, huh. Yeah. It was better when we were doing it. Yeah, yeah, yeah. It didn't come together in the editing or I totally get it. I get why it didn't succeed.

Hell yes. Yeah. This has been the first one in all these years that's actually kind of medical police. Yeah. Where it is on my shoulders. I've always just been the girl, you know, where it's like, well, I love this show. I want to do more,

but this doesn't live or die by, you know, maybe I'll get a mention in a review, but it's really going to be about the dude. This was one of the first ones where I was like,

oh my God, like they can't talk about this show without talking about me. Precisely. They can't talk, they can't, there's not, there can't be a poster

or advertising without, and so it was a lot of anxiety. With a giant hubel and a tiny haze. There can't be a poster or advertising without. And so it was a lot of anxiety. With a giant hubel and a tiny haze. They could do that. I'll take that. He's like three inches taller than me. I'm just a tiny little lady.

Oh, my God. So small. I know not right now. Oh, my God. But this was, so it was a lot of anxiety. Yeah. But this was so it was a lot of anxiety about like, oh, this is the first time. And now there's just the anxiety of like, oh, right. We're the type of budget on Netflix where we don't have a billboard or or advertisements and papers or magazines.

So I'm sure that everybody who follows me on social media is just exhausted with the retweets. I'm sorry. Yeah, yeah. But, you know, if someone wants to put a billboard up, I'll give it a rest for a second. But until then, tough titties. You're inspired. Tough titties on my twitties.

That's part of the crust right there, guys. That's crust talking. That's a classic crust. That's part of the crust right there, guys. That's crust talking. That's a classic crust. Yeah, because it's rough when you do feel exposed. Yeah.

You are protected when you're kind of in the ensemble and sort of a little bit back and the attention's hitting somebody else bigger. Yeah, and with this, like in all honesty honesty it being a spinoff from an ensemble show yeah i just the story that was in my heart and the the fear that lived deep in me was why these two like couldn't couldn't it have been like you know lake and ken why you guys and like my honest answer is, like, we were available. But that was the really, because we all have this of, like, nobody's going to like, you know, that thing that makes us an actor in the first place. Like, tell me you like me. Please tell me you like me. Yeah. Or that looking at a crowd of laughing people and only focusing on the one person not laughing.

That little sourpuss in the back. Yeah, that fucker. Yeah. Yeah. And then you find out they're deaf. Yeah. They didn't like it. They don't even like comedy.

They can't hear you. Yeah. Do you want to talk at all about the Kevin James show thingy? Or have you talked about it enough? I just think what a great learning experience to be discarded. Yeah. Yeah. And that's for me because the specifics of it, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah.

Yeah. But it was one of the greater things. And it did happen at a time in my life when the kids were kind of old enough to be a part of it. Because, you know, for so long when your kids are young, you shield them from your pain. Yeah, yeah. Because they don't, they're not going to understand it. But this was like, we were on the track. We were going to New York.

Kids were moving schools. They were finally excited about it, one of them. And then to see this, like, heartbreak that I was experiencing. I mean, I hid it from them a little bit or the extent of it. But it was like, well, here's how you – I was like, all right, taking a step back, going, what a great learning experience for myself to pull myself out of a funk. Yeah. How long was the funk? Honestly, maybe like a month, maybe a month.

But there's such a bright side to kind of being done wrong. Yeah. Is that it pulls everybody out of the woodwork in your own life that loves and supports you. Yeah. And it was this beautiful reminder of how much friendship and love I have in my life and how many people want good for me and, and that I've met along the way. People that didn't need, like, cause it's the people that, that don't need to reach out to you, that, that you're not in daily contact with, that you're, that you're never, you might not see for another 10 years.

And getting a message from somebody that you worked with five years ago on a pilot about like, I'm really sorry to hear that. Like, blah, blah, blah. It's just a message of support. It filled me up. Yeah. And was this silver lining on a shitty experience. Yeah.

And then it was also kind of very easy to sit back and people were like, you're being so classy about this. I was like, well, everybody's saying what I, like it wasn't like saying, everybody was saying, well, she's an asshole and she's difficult to work with and that's why she got fired. Yeah. It was more like, wait, what?

That shouldn't have happened to that person. So I didn't have to say anything because people were saying it for me. So that was... From my outsider's perspective of, you know, and for people who don't know, you were on one season of a Kevin James show and then they let you go. And from my perspective as, you know, being outside the whole thing and knowing you a little, like not knowing you a ton, A, like what the fuck? What do you people want?

You know, you're a talented, funny person. And then the other thing was the general consensus was that you were. This is messed up. Yeah. You were dealt a shitty, shitty hand. Yeah. And it was fucked up, you know. Yeah.

And I realized it's fine. I mean, I had a good time doing that show. That's fine. Yeah. What I was most upset about, I realized a couple months later, I wasn't upset because I was going to be missing the work. I was upset because I was going to be missing out on this New York adventure for my family. And that was so much. Once I realized that, I was like, all right, moving on.

Yeah. That's fine. Yeah, yeah. Yeah. Did everybody move out for it? Well, we hadn't moved yet. Oh, I see. But we right, moving on. Yeah. That's fine. Yeah, yeah. Yeah. Did everybody move out for it? Well, we hadn't moved yet. Oh, I see. But we had rented an apartment.

I see. So we had found a school and all of that kind of stuff. It's fine. You know, my husband walked right back into his job. They were happy to have him back. Yeah. And we didn't have to move. So it's fine.

Yeah. And, like, it opened the door to other things. So it happened. You know, thank you, Kevin James, for giving me to other things. So it happened. You know, thank you, Kevin James, for giving me the paychecks for a year so we could finish renovating our house. That was great. Truly the house that Kevin James built. Right. Thanks for the pool, Kev.

Yeah, I was on – the second show I did was a show called Quintuplets that I really didn't have anything to do with creatively, which is unusual for me. You know, like I, you know, having my first kind of TV stuff being, aside from being a John Wayne Gacy victim in Hard Copy in 1991. Ooh la la. I was a victim of the rope trick. Ooh. But having been on Late Night and then coming to L.A. and doing Andy Richter Controls the Universe where I was a writer on that and helped – sort of helped create it and helped – was involved enough that I felt like when someone said that show is so funny, I didn't feel embarrassed accepting some responsibility for that. Yeah. You know. And then I did this show, Quintuplets, and.

I remember that script. It wasn't. Did you audition for it? I don't think, I don't know. I may have. Yeah, yeah. But I have, like, name a pilot comedy script in the last 12 years. And I probably read it. Yeah, yeah.

You know. Yeah. And I, but that went one season and it was like, it was a very sort of mixed experience creatively. And I loved working with the cast, the people that were in it. But like I said, it was, it was a mixed experience. I've never had the other experience where it's been where I've been deeply involved creatively. Yeah. I mean, the most is medical police. Yeah.

Only because Hubel and I were on set every day, you know, and with the create with Rob Corddry and Christopher Johnson and John Stern and David Wayne, like with all of them there, we have, you know, a history of seven years on Children's Hospital. So there's a comfort there to go like, hey, guys, this isn't working. What can it be? What about this? What about that? What about that? But that said, the scripts are already written. And I didn't have a part in that.

So that's kind of the most I've ever done. So I've only ever had that experience where you get the script and you go, oh. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Could this be funnier? And then you're like, it could, but they don't have any, like, this is what we're doing. Yeah. Yeah, I know. I'm in a very kind of privileged position in that way that people kind of expect that now.

And, like, I did a movie that happened during the writer's strike, the big long writer's strike. And so the director and the producer were doing rewrites of a script that had been written by a professional writer. Just let's just shoot what you got. And these scripts would come in. And I just did not do the lines. Nope. I just. Wouldn't say them.

I just wouldn't say them. I just. We'd get ready to block it not do the lines. Nope. I just. Wouldn't say them. I just wouldn't say them. I just, we'd get ready to block it and do a rehearsal. And I just would do like. Andy says no. I wouldn't even say it. I just would do my version of the lines. Yeah.

And nobody ever said anything because, I mean, I don't mean to be arrogant, but it's like, they were better. They were better. They were better. And I could tell like some of the other people were like, how come he gets to say whatever he wants? I mean, it's not like I'm going on crazy tangents. I'm serving the scene. I'm moving the action forward. But, you know, it's like it's fucking around.

But back to quintuplets, it was, and I'm sure that this was the same thing with this experience on this Kevin James thing. It was the most money I've ever made. 22 episodes of a network sitcom, and it was just like, it was such a mixed thing of, and then it got canceled, and it was like, but it was like, wow, this is, this. I mean, it also was this experience too where, because you don't move your family to New York for season one. That's dumb.

You don't know if you're going to get a back nine. You don't know if you're going to get a full season. You don't know if you're going to get a second season. Right. You don't know if you're going to stay with your family. I mean, like, who knows? It's all up in the air. You go to New York, you're like, whee!

Yeah, right? Yeah. And so it was the first time because I went from living with my parents to living with my college roommates to living in San Francisco with a roommate to moving in with my husband. So I never had an apartment on my own. Yeah. And this was the first time. It's weird. I had an apartment in New York and it was not weird, Andy.

It was so fun. I was like, I'm going to put, if I put this cup here, it's just going to stay there. Or like, if I don't, and the better thing, if I don't put some socks in that corner, none will magically appear. You know, like I was like, figure it out. I would just like get take at, like, just, it's been a long time since I have made choices in my life that I do not need to consider other people about. Yes. You know, even like, can I go, you know, to a mom's demand action meeting tomorrow night? You don't have anything, right?

Okay, great. Can you watch the kids? Like, are you fine to be home with the kids? Great. As simple as that. Yeah. So having this like experience where I was out there for a limited period of time, I knew it was with the comfort of like my whole life isn't, you know, I haven't like gone

out on my own and left my family or whatever. Right. It was this fun little adventure. Yeah, it was all. Yeah, it was like it was legit. You had permission to. I wish it hadn't happened at the same time as my children deeply feeling the loss of their mother. Yeah.

You know, that part is sad. How old were they? They were, this was, they were like 7 and 9 or 8 and 10. Because it's hard when you're there. I'm there so much. I'm there. I'm drop-offs and pick-ups and lunches and PTA. Well, not the PTA, but I'm a joiner.

You can't blabber mouth. No, I don't want to second something and say I. I don't want to second something and say I. Was there a lot of calculation on when you had kids, like in terms of career and, you know, or? Not really. It just was something we knew we really wanted to do. Yeah. You know, we got married and then like two years later. But I will say this, is that I got a job, was a short-lived sitcom,

six episodes of The Winner with Rob Corddry. And we did the pilot and then we got picked up and was like, well, it's only six episodes and it's from here to here. So I could be pregnant if we get, if we got pregnant right now, if it worked in the first like two months, I could, by the time I was 12 months and started to show, 12 months. 12 months? I was pregnant months and started to show, 12 months. 12 months? You've got to let that baby... I was pregnant like an elephant.

She was huge. Yeah, there's a different gestation period for people from Marin. Yes. We hold on to our babies. It's a privilege. 12 weeks, we'd be done shooting. And it did work out perfectly like that. It just kind of started to get

a little pooch towards the end and only wardrobe knew and it worked shooting. And it did work out perfectly like that. It just kind of started to get a little pooch towards the end. And only wardrobe knew. And it worked out. And then when we wanted to have another baby, I actually booked the show Worst Week on CBS with Kyle Bornheimer. And my character was pregnant. And I was like, we could do it. We could do it. We could do it.

Because the greatest, it takes you out. As an actress, it takes you out. Yes. People say, oh, yeah, totally, we'll see you. Yes. And then they look and they go, well, is there a way to make it look smaller? And I'm like, no, honestly, it's just going to keep getting bigger until it comes out. There's no going back here.

I can't just not eat. Suck it in. So to have a job while you're pregnant and get, that was great. We actually added a little bump on top of my bump. Mm-hmm. And we were like, well, you know, in the next season – there was no next season. Yeah, yeah, yeah. There's never a next season.

No, that's breaking right now. No. I hope. Yeah, yeah. Fingers crossed. Who fucking knows? Yeah, I know. Who knows?

I mean, it's, you know. I don't expect – I don't believe, now I'm like the jaded person on set that like to the younger people whose first show it is and are on the whole get ready thing. And I'm like, don't buy the car. Don't do the thing. Right, right, right. You wait. You hold on to it. Right.

Don't spend it. Every job I've ever, you know, like now I'm like until I get a call time or they send a car, it's not happening. Yeah, it's not happening. It's not happening. And also like, you know, like there's certain jobs you're like, uh-uh, it's not this one. You don't get the publicist for this one. That's a lot of money. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

Because it's not like we just wait. Right, right. That paycheck did not warrant that one. Yeah, yeah. And you get a hunch. You get a hunch. Yeah. Because I think, too, you feel like you get a sense of like whether or not the organization is behind you, the network.

Oh, 100%. Or the production company or something like that. But, you know, it is, yeah, it's, you get, you do get used to it. Yeah, you get used to it. Yeah, you do get used to it. Yeah, you get used to it. And I think you die a little on the inside where you learn not to – but it's also a gift, right? Yeah.

You learn not to expect it, and then when it happens, it's like, oh, my God. Yeah. This is happening. Let's enjoy it. Yeah. And it's the same way when you galvanize yourself against the eventual disappointment. Yeah. I have never, you know, like when Andy Richter controls the universe got canceled, it fucking hurt. Yeah.

It hurt. And I was surprised at how bad it hurt. Well, because we trick ourselves. Yeah. I was surprised. Because at that point, too, I'd done stuff. You know, I was not like some naive kid. And it was a

learning thing where I was like, all right, from here on out, I'm not going to let that happen. I'm not going to expose myself. I'm not going to open myself up to this. Oh, good luck. Fuck yeah. I kid myself every fucking time. I do too. Because I'm like, you know what? I'm probably not going to get myself up to this. Good luck. Fuck yeah. I kid myself every fucking time. Because I'm like, you know what?

I'm probably not going to get the job. You know what? It's probably not going to go forward. It's probably not going to do this. So I'm just going to expect that. And then I don't get it or it doesn't go forward. And I go down for like a day because you don't realize how much hope you are holding on to in your body until it's all taken away. And you can't.

You're like, why am I so empty? You can't. Yeah. Well, but also you can't live your life divorced from the excitement of the fulfillment of the reason that you're doing this. You know, I mean, it's like this is a risky proposition always. And, you know, you start out sticking your neck out doing this very risky thing. And you can't not get excited or like what kind of – you're like an automaton or something. Yeah.

I know. You have to find some excitement without – I just have to not now like put the – well if we get this, we can just – let's go to Europe next summer, you know? And then I start thinking about Europe. And I'm like, we could rent a villa in Italy and it'll be perfect and we'll just do everything and we'll just chianti in the afternoon. Yeah, yeah. Let's be happy in the afternoon, Sandy. You can do that here. I do that in Burbank all the time.

Yeah, right? Oh, I am just high in Highland Park. Not true. I haven't done that since high school. Yeah. Not true. I haven't done that since high school. Yeah.

But when I imagine the thing I'm going to get from this thing and not just the excitement of being in the thing, that's when I get into trouble. Yeah. You know, oh, when you're testing for a job in the last phases of the audition, when you start thinking about the paycheck. Yeah. And the villa in Italy. Chianti in the afternoon. Oh, well. Well, is there something that you're not doing that you wish you were doing? Is there some sort of, you know, project that you wish you could do?

Are you happy living here? Do you wish, you know? I think we all have that. Yeah. Like, yes. I think we all have that. Yeah. Like, yes, I, the, the portion of the mountain climb I'm on now is like, sure, I wish I didn't have to audition for everything.

Yeah. And there's a percentage of ones, of jobs that I don't. I wish that I were, you know, career wise, I wish that I were thought of for more serious projects. But that's fine. I'll go. I don't mind auditioning. I will go and try to do my best. And if I'm the right person for the job, I just hope that I'm – I want to get to that point in my career where if I'm the right person for the job,

I can get that job. Because I've been – I feel like I've been the right person for the job multiple times, but I wasn't famous enough or I wasn't, didn't have the connections or I didn't have the, no, like it's a part of it, you know, and it's a sad part of it that you need to be a sellable name, you know,, what's the word that they use? Oh, this is one that I learned with my old agents. Like, well, they can't cast her because she's not meaningful. And you're like, dagger to the heart.

Holy shit. Because there's algorithms out there for, like, independent movies. I'm like, why can't I be friend number three to Kristen Wiig on an indie movie? You know, like, well, you're not meaningful. Like, because I don't bring. Your agents use this word? They didn't say that to me. Okay.

But then other friends who have been putting movies together are like, I can't get this person because she doesn't mean anything in China. You know, like it's a number. It's a dollar value that you can bring to a movie that investors want to see. And like there's these small lists and it's sad. And I'm like, I just want to be meaningful. I just want to be able to get a part that I'm right for. That's it. So that's my career goal.

And I want to keep working. I don't want to like age out of Hollywood, you know, which I think is an allure of comedy. You know, you look at, like, Catherine O'Hara, like, you're not aging out of Hollywood. Yeah, yeah, yeah. You're a brilliant goddess of comedy. That's what I would like. Yeah. Do you write?

I, like, a little bit, but I'm so disenchanted by all of it because I don't understand how anything ever gets made. And then someone's like, I'm like, I wrote this movie wrote this movie and they're like great can it be a tv show and then I'll write it and then like you know nothing happens and a year later they're like what about a movie of it and you're like bitch it was a movie yeah um so I don't I I know this acting world and I am like scared I think think I'm just scared. Like I get scared because I don't know how to do it. And I see the friends who have put together a movie and then they, and then like what you're, then they're like just struggling to get it into these festivals and to get some, and then that, like how crazy they must feel just

constantly pushing this movie or this thing. And a part of me is like, I don't have that in me right now. It's a lot of heartbreak. Yeah. And you're almost there again if you're playing the odds. Odds are heartbreak. Odds, yeah. Yeah. Because like I, you know, I don't write as much as I should.

You know, like my writing is the kind of writing like that you do on Conan or even on sitcoms where you're sitting, you know, very rarely do you sit down. Maybe like a joke gets in. Yeah, you're sitting and you're dang right.

You know, somebody, you're looking at a screen where somebody, you know, somebody has final draft on a computer. You know, there's like an assistant typing things in as you say them

and, you know, and it's a very collaborative, like I don't have to stare at a blank page alone i'm it's with everybody but i've written pilot like i just i did a pilot i wrote a pilot not too long ago that i you know and i granted i'm biased because i think i'm great but it was really funny and i got lots of and it got taken around. It's like, yeah, this is really funny, but no. But no. And then it just goes away.

And then it just goes away. And you have to just like, you know, it's like a child that you just lose track of. That like wandered away from you at the mall. And you're like, it hurts that you're never going to see that. And then I go, okay. I guess, you know, I mean, I guess it's not like a child. But it is like, you have to fall in love with this thing in order to do the drudgery of getting it out there and then getting it out of your head and then out into the world. And then it just, whew, just gone.

I think I always had expectations, too, about, you know, like the story you have of what your success is going to look like. Yeah, yeah. And when I was younger, it was like, well, I'll get a TV, you know, it was like, it seemed like I'd get a TV show and it's going to get really big and then I can direct an episode of that or maybe I write an episode, you know, something like that. And then you're kind of like, all these years later, like,

oh, I should really change the story in my head because this doesn't need to be happening. Or it's just happening in a different way. And then. Tell me about it. Like, but then there's also those years where I really commit, like I didn't want to go, I didn't want to be, have too many things that took me away from my kids.

Like we made the choice to have kids and I wanted to be there and we're both very involved in the day-to-day of raising them. And so we never like had a nanny or we never did any of that stuff. And now we're getting a little bit of room within the family because – They're getting older. They're getting older and they don't – like they can go for – they have hours of, you know, homework and that they need to do. And you need to just make sure they eat some food and then, hey, let's watch The Office. Like, there's time to do stuff.

So now I'm trying to rewrite it of like, well, what am I going to do with this time that I now have? So, you know, but I'm not disciplined also. Like, writing is a discipline. It sure is. You just do it every day. You should just do it. I know, you know, but I'm not disciplined also. Like writing is a discipline. It sure is. You just do it every day. You should just do it. I know, I know. It's been my auto nag of myself my entire career.

Yeah. I should be writing something. I should be writing something. I should be writing something. Yeah. You know, and then it's just kind of like I have, as time has gone on, cut myself a little slack and just like, that's not entirely natural for me. Yeah. Because isn't it exhausting, this expectation now that like, you can't just be an actor. You can't just be a comedian. You have to be creating your own content. Yeah. God damn

it. Well, and you think yourself, you have to do it because you're not meaningful. Because I'm not. You have to make yourself meaningful. I mean, there's so many things that I realize, like, you know, I've been, like, you know, I've been doing Conan Show for a long time. I'm not in people's minds. I do the same thing where, like, I look at, I look at a trailer for a comedy and I see everyone I know in it. And I'm like, I could have gotten a day off to be the dentist. You know, like, and it's just, I just don't think people, I'm in anyone's mind because I'm over here

doing this thing. And you just seem more like an orthodontist, I guess. Could be, yeah. An odontist. I like the root canals. Oh yeah, for sure. Oh yeah. Cause when you really get in there. And it's, I mean, it's crazy that I'm bitchy about it. But it is like, you know. Yeah. Yeah, I mean, you have to, I feel like I would have to write something for myself to where I would be in someone's mind as like, oh, yeah, that guy, you know, because.

Right. Right. Yeah. Or the expectation these days, too, is that like I'm so resentful of those actors that have the privilege to not have social media. You know, like, oh, no. Like, I mean, Bradley Cooper doesn't have social media. Right. Yeah, because he's goddamn Bradley. Right.

Because their careers already hit before all of this and nobody expects them to do it. So it's not part of their job. Like you have to be. So now we should all be making funny videos and we should all be doing this and making this to kind of be multifaceted in our career. But if it doesn't come naturally for you, it feels we, but we think it should come naturally. We're like, well, I, I, I'm fun. I'm fun. I can create stuff.

I should write. Right. I should do this, even though maybe it's like cut ourselves some slack and do the thing we want to do. Yeah, I know. Well, you know, you get no choice. As you get older, you're just like you can't keep beating yourself up. I'm going to write the great American novel. Are you?

No. Oh, all right. Yeah. Besides, who has time to read books? Ugh, books. They're so long. It's so many pages. Well, the third of the three questions is what you've learned.

Oh. I mean, do you, is there something you wish you'd done differently? Is there advice you have for people? Is there, you know? I mean. What's it going to say on your tombstone? Oh, gosh. I was thinking about this the other day because, you know, you sent the questions.

I know three questions. Sure, sure. Yeah, it's a short list. And I was thinking it's more, like, I have thought a lot about deathbed, tombstone. Not tombstone. I don't care about tombstone. I'm going to be gone. I'm not going to read it.

Right, right. But, like, end of life kind of thing. Like, what do I – I have to sometimes remind myself, like, I don't know that I'm going to be looking up at the Oscar and going, I did this thing. Like, it's really – I think more about those moments of the friends and the people and the love you give in life and the love you get back. And, like, I don't want to feel like I was an asshole. You know, I don't want to feel that I didn't enjoy my life while I was living it, you know, or that I, or that I continued to act selfishly after realizing I was acting selfishly, you know, because then I could happen.

act selfishly after realizing I was acting selfishly. You know, there's something that happens. So I think there's that that I finally, like, realized of enjoy this while it's happening. And also somebody the other day, it got in my head because it's just that simple question we ask each other all the time when you run into friends. Like, how are you? How's the fam? How is everybody? And you search your mind for the highs and the lows and like the the the big accomplishments or the whatever or the crushing

defeats or like that you're getting over and I the other day was like we're good yeah like we're good we enjoy each other and we the marriage is fine and the kids are doing great and like and it felt boring and then I had to look and go like no doing great. And it felt boring. And then I had to look and go like, no, it's not boring. It's a nice moment we're having. And so it's okay to just be, to sit in that and appreciate the status quo. You know, like we have, my parents are still alive. How lucky, how wonderful.

Let's enjoy that. You know, they have three sets of grandparents still alive. How lucky. How wonderful. Let's enjoy that. You know, they have three sets of grandparents, all who we like, like that I've kind of learned that I don't have to seek these extreme highs or lows and focus on those as this like, that I can live in the nice middle and appreciate it for a little bit. Yeah. Because it's going to change, you know? Yeah. Something I learned early on from watching Conan O'Brien at age whatever he was, let's see, he was about 29, I think think when he got the late night show and that was the culmination of a life's

dream at 29 and I saw don't understand that I know and I saw I saw him I think kind of still have this – there was still this – I mean, he's a – he runs on a high RPM anyway.

Yeah. But I think I could see this – there was still this kind of – he was still producing this drive to attain this thing that he already got. That he got, yeah. to attain this thing that he already got. That he got, yeah. And I think it was a lesson to me to make your goal a process rather than a thing, rather than an Oscar, rather than your own show. It's all just to just keep getting better. Because if you think that that's all you want and once you get that, you'll be happy.

You are bound to be disappointed because it is the process of like, well, what do I what's what's what's underneath that? Do you want recognition? Do you want to live in a place where you need some recognition? Then do the thing that might make you happy. And I don't know. I mean, like I just find that people who get that early, it's probably got to be a little bit of a letdown because then what's next. Yeah.

But I think even with like having children, you think, oh, having children will fill my heart with joy and it does, but then. Some days. Yeah. But then you have children and you, you know, and then it's like there's still 60 seconds to every minute. And you've got to live in these moments and the kind of Pollyanna-ish, oh, my gosh, this wonderful thing has fallen from the sky onto me. You still have to work at being happy at it.

It's still having children is not – it's still – it's a process. And you've got to like – you've got to work at being happy. You've got to work at loving those kids. You've got to work at facilitating good human beings that go out in the world. Well, it is like every relationship too. You can choose to be a contributor, a positive contributor to that relationship or you can coast on patterns and kind of just what you do every day and there's like every once in a while

you're like wow I'm really not being the greatest mom that I could be in this moment buy them the stuffed animal or that's not what I mean but like you can choose to be invested or you can choose to be in a romantic relationship you can choose to do the nicer thing and you can, and sometimes we don't and it's, it's

not all roses. Yeah. Like, but appreciate when it is, I guess. Yeah. And roses have thorns. Oh my gosh. Oh, that's beautiful. Well, Erin Hayes, this has been a lovely conversation.

It's been so nice to be here. And thank you for coming. And again, congratulations on this funny, funny show. I mean, that's like, it is, I've said before, it's like one of the most beautiful things about doing this is you are making people laugh. I love it. And that show is so fucking funny. It's delightfully stupid. Yeah, yeah.

Yeah. Which is the best. The best kind of. Yeah, yeah. I'd rather be delightfully stupid than miserably smart. Oh, yeah. Oh. A whole.

I had a comment. Would you rather with my kids? And we have a moment where I was like really proud of this one. It was like, would you rather be intensely talented in one thing? Like it was undeniable, your talent. Or would you rather be lucky? And we were like, oh, man, that's hard, right? Because you might be incredibly lucky, but no one's ever going to be like, what a genius.

Or you could be like, what a genius, but you got to make your own luck and maybe you get huge and successful or maybe you're Van Gogh in your life and you're like, you cut your own ear off and you die before anybody recognizes you. Yeah. And we kind of all were like, lucky. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah.

Yeah. Lucky is good. Yeah. All right. Well, thanks again. Thank you. And onward and onward to all of you out there. And we will see or I won't see you.

We will be speaking to you next time on The Three Questions. Thanks for listening. Bye. The Three Questions with Andy Richter is a Team Coco and Earwolf production. It's produced by me, Kevin Bartelt, executive produced by Adam Sachs and Jeff Ross at Team Coco, and Chris Bannon and Colin Anderson at Earwolf. Our supervising producer is Aaron Blair, associate produced by Jen Samples and Galit Zahayek, and engineered by Will Beckton. And if you haven't already, make sure to rate

and review The Three Questions with Andy Richter on Apple Podcasts. the three questions with Andy Richter on Apple Podcasts. This has been a Team Coco production in association with Earwolf.