The Three Questions with Andy Richter - Flula Borg
Episode Date: December 13, 2022Flula Borg (Pitch Perfect: Bumper in Berlin) joins Andy Richter to discuss childhood obsessions, playing to the room, learning to love affirmations, Kojak vs Kujo, and much more. ...
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everyone this is a podcast called the three questions i'm andy richter i'm the host
and let's stop fucking around and start talking finally yeah i am talking today to a friend of mine, a joy to be around.
It's been a long time that we know each other.
It's been several hundred days.
No, but seriously, when was the first time you were on?
It's Flula Borg, by the way, but you probably already know that because this kind of shit is on the actual thing you read on your phone.
Absolutely.
Yeah, yeah.
We met before Berlin 2016. Absolutely. Yeah, yeah. Yeah. We met before Berlin 2016.
Really? Yeah. 2006. Okay. And what was that after the first, whatchamacallit movie,
Pitch Perfect? This is after this. Yes. Okay. Yeah, yeah, yeah. That was your real entree on
big time late night talk shows. Well, yes. Number six or seven in the rankings of talk shows.
I don't look at rankings. I look at spankings. Oh, I do. It's all I'm about. Oh, yes. Number six or seven in the rankings of talk shows. I don't look at rankings. I look at
spankings. Oh, I do. It's all I'm about.
Oh, really? Yeah, yeah. Like this podcast,
if it wasn't number one, I
wouldn't do it. What number is it currently?
It's number one. Okay.
Fuck you, smartless.
We just checked.
It's accurate. Yeah, yeah.
But yeah, okay.
So that was, yeah, because you were the only, as far as I know, only German buffoon on the American comedy scene.
Yes, I wrote the other buffoons and said, return to Dusseldorf.
Yeah, yeah, go back home.
Yeah, yeah, no other buffoons.
It's a quota.
So, yeah, you know. Yes. Yeah, no other buffoons. It's a quota. So yeah, you know.
Yes.
Yeah, of course.
Now, where and when were you born?
I was born in 1982 in Germany. Erlangen, Germany. Yes, yes, yes.
And you are not all German.
I am.
Oh, you are?
I am, but I was exposed to America many times because my parents are teachers.
Oh, I see.
So in the summertime, we would go and visit and have nice little road trips.
So this is why people are like, how does Flüle know about, you know, the fresh prince of Bel-Air and his 1-900 number, 1-900-909-JEFF?
That's because I was in America for the summer when this was popular.
I see.
So this is how I know dumb things.
And did you know English from a very early age?
All Germans are exposed, not in a nudity way, but in a language way, to all kinds of English and American things.
You know, our favorite shows, mine, were always American things.
So I didn't come to America and be a clueless Eddie Murphy with Arsenio Hall.
Right.
What's it called?
McDougals?
McDougals?
You mean McDonald's, the restaurant?
No.
So in coming to America, there is a restaurant where Eddie Murphy works.
It's called McDowell's.
Oh, okay.
It's very obviously McDonald's.
I see.
Yeah.
I see.
I see.
I forgot that.
Me too.
Yeah, no, I forgot it.
So, yeah, because that does seem, were the American things that you were exposed to, were they current? Because I remember traveling in Europe. Yeah. And on
primetime seeing like old heart to heart, you know, like in Italian. Yes. I am very familiar
with things that a 62 year old American would know. Yeah. Me too. Yeah, yeah. So like The Fall Guy.
Yes.
Cagney and Lacey.
Yes.
Roe Hide.
Yes.
You know, these are things I know.
I still watch those shows
and I really feel like
if I need a catheter,
I know about catheters now.
Because of the cow
or the commercial about?
The commercials about catheters.
Yes.
And everything,
I feel like most things I watch, and I'm not young, I'm 56 years old, but I don't feel 56 years old.
No.
But everything I watch is just screams, you're very old.
You don't leave the house.
Do you mean the word, the person screaming at you is literally saying these things?
No, the ads.
Oh, the ads.
All of the ads.
It's like, you can afford life insurance.
And I'm like, yeah, I know.
I know I can.
Your bowels don't work anymore.
Right, right, right.
Yes, yes, yes.
Okay.
Exactly.
Nick at night.
Is this what you watch?
Even worse.
Well, the MeTVs.
Do you know MeTV?
No, what's this?
MeTV is all old stuff.
And it's kind of, it's what used to be.
Do you remember VHF and UHF channels?
I remember there's a film by a weird Albert.
That's not, yeah, that's, that was, TV used to be sort of relegated into the main channels,
which I believe were two through 13.
Oh.
And that's where you had your CBS, your NBC, your ABC, and then like a couple of your local biggies, like the PBS.
And in Chicago, it was like WGN.
WGN.
I remember this.
Channel 9.
Yeah, yeah.
Then starting with Channel 13, it was a separate dial
because it was, you know, variable high frequency
and then ultra high frequency, I think.
And UHF was 13 through, I don't know, 60, 70 something.
And those are all the shitty stations,
but they were the best.
They were like where they play Brady Bunch reruns
five nights a week or five days a week after school.
And sometimes twice, you know, two in a row kind of thing.
Oh, wow.
Double duty.
Yeah.
And then just the weird programming.
Like there was in Chicago,, there was Channel 44,
and they had all kinds of strange Japanese children's shows,
like Ultraman and Johnny Sacco.
Do you know Johnny Sacco?
Who's Johnny Sacco?
Johnny Sacco was a boy that had a giant robot
that he controlled through a wristwatch.
He would say, giant robot, save me,
because the kid was always getting in fucking trouble.
What an idiot.
Yeah, well, with a name like Johnny Sacco.
I mean, you're begging for some, you know.
But I mean, these were like from the late 60s, I think.
So they were sort of like old when I was watching them.
All these really, you know, weird kind of kaiju-y,
you know, pre-Morphin Power Rangers,
Japanese children's television.
This is what you were watching as a child?
This is what I was watching.
Speed Racer,
the Japanese Speed Racer cartoons.
So I saw no Japanese things.
You would think with Germany and Japan,
we would have a relationship. You guys were really friendly at one point.
I saw none of those things.
So are those things people that were really old would know, or you are the appropriate age?
Well, those are, I think, more regionalisms.
And I got off on a tangent here because that's the channels that I watch are now like those shitty channels.
Like I was watching a Kojak marathon during the day.
Oh.
Just the other day.
Currently?
Yes.
Oh.
Like just a couple days ago.
I found some channel
called, you know,
Don't Give Up Yet TV.
Still alive? Question mark?
Right, right, right. You know, just leave
the remote on and go
do whatever. Run your tasks.
Go ahead and drool.
But just leave the TV on here
on Don't Give Up Yet TV.
Kojak, 12 hours.
Exactly.
And I even tweeted about it, the fact that, like, the Kojak volume was very low,
and then when you got to the commercials, it's like, do you need a new catheter?
It's, like, so loud.
It was startlingly loud.
This is a real thing, correct?
Yes.
The commercials are always 10 times louder.
Especially in the oldies.
For the oldies.
You gotta wake them up and let them know.
Buy this.
Time Life Records.
Oh, yes.
You want to get in on this.
Do they still have those?
Fuck yeah.
Stop the presses.
They have whole infomercials about those things.
I thought the Time Life Records died.
They died.
No, no, they're still there.
Okay.
Like, you know, a collection of, like, don't have to get up.
Ever.
Yeah, just to hear the music you want that makes you feel safe.
Nothing changed.
No.
Yes, I remember when I could move.
From 1999.
I'm in such trouble when I become a real old person.
I'm, for all the shit I've talked about old people.
It's fine.
You'll be in denial.
You already have it worked out.
Well, let's get back to you.
No.
No, yes.
You're born in Germany.
Yeah.
What kind of kid are you?
Are you the fucking weirdo that you are today?
Hello, yes.
Yes.
Yes.
I was very quiet.
I have no siblings.
I would spend time in closets.
Not metaphorical, but actual.
I understand.
Okay.
I enjoyed the acoustics.
I enjoyed...
I used to do that too.
Stop it.
I was a burrower.
I used to...
A burrower.
Like I used to love...
And I sometimes would sleep.
In the library?
Like you would burrow the books?
No, no, no.
Like in a closet.
In the bottom of a closet. I'd push the shoes out and like and i'm talking you know like when i'm like five or six
years old you've okay i just loved kind of safe little warrens you know blanket forts things like
that yeah elizabeth's do you have siblings uh yes i have an older brother and a younger half
brother and sister who are nine years younger would they annoy you or would they let you sleep in the closet?
Yes. Yes. I was very coddled.
Oh.
You know, they let me do whatever I want.
They love, they love.
Pretty much.
Did you entertain these people? Was this your...
Yes.
Okay.
Yes.
I assumed.
So maybe, yeah, maybe the closet is our backstage.
Perhaps.
Our green room.
Work out the kinks.
Yeah, where we can go and be away from those people for a moment.
Yes, just workshop some stuff in that drawer.
Oh, their adoration and their judgment.
Oh, both are there.
They are both there a lot.
But not next to those pressed shirts.
No, but really, you would hang out in closets.
Were you, yeah.
Yes, I was a self-entertained person.
I liked to build things with Legos.
I would be obsessed with things for a time.
Like I collected coins for like a year.
And then I was like, oh no, let's draw diagrams of fly wings.
I don't know why I did this.
Or then like very terrible jets.
I would make terrible jet models all over the map.
I was the same way.
I would burn through interests.
Like what?
Like I decided I was going to get a new bicycle and I researched bicycles and did virtually nothing but research bicycles for like four or five months.
And I purchased a bike, you know.
Oh, you did?
And purchased a good.
So this is an early phase of people's current pelotoning.
Yes.
Eight years of research.
Right.
Buy it.
And then you have a nice sweater dryer.
Wonderful place to hang them.
Wonderful place to hang sweaters.
Yes.
People don't know, but you can.
You can. You can. There's cheaper things to hang sweaters. Yes. People don't know, but you can. You can.
You can.
There's cheaper things to hang sweaters from.
Yeah.
Yeah.
But no, but might as well.
Uh-huh.
Use the Peloton.
People come over.
Where will they hang?
Well, no, they'd be like, whoa, look at you, Mr. Fitness.
Uh-uh.
You know, and then they would see my body and they'd be like, what the fuck?
They'd be like, hell yes, Fitness.
Yeah, baby.
Oh, you flatter me.
Stop it.
But I mean, but were your parents, were they okay with the self-entertained child?
They were very busy people.
They were always doing things.
So I very quickly learned, oh, it's time to entertain me.
Yeah.
And so I would just build and draw and make weird music and do some raps and beatbox.
Yes, yes.
Yeah.
So those were my...
And what year were you born, if I may ask?
82.
82.
Oh, so you were like, it was hip hop when you were...
Hip hop don't stop.
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
Yeah, yeah.
And also Falco, which no one knows in America, probably.
Falco, Rock Me Amadeus.
Oh, yeah.
Okay.
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
He's like...
But we call it Falco. What is that? Like Edie? That's Filco. Got it., yeah. Okay. Yeah, yeah, yeah. He's like, but we call it Falco.
What is that?
Like Edie?
That's Falco.
Got it.
Oh, Falco.
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
Wasn't Falco like involved in a terrible bus accident?
It was an accident, but no, he wasn't in speed.
No, but I mean, I remember like a taxi accident or crash or something.
He died young.
I can tell you this.
And I think it was in an auto accident.
Oh, this could be, yes. It was like a bus or
something. Look that up. Look that up.
How did Falco die? Yeah. I love having
people nearby with phones.
Yes. It was a bus.
Falco died in a bus crash.
Which is, oh, that's in my new album.
Falco died in a bus crash.
Yeah, yeah.
Yeah.
That's why I provide those for you. I will be
your hype man. Yeah. Uh-huh. Yes. Yeah. Um, that just reminds me of a quick little fun thing. I
bring it. I, uh, I had a gig once where I hosted a big concert, uh, when we were doing shows in
Atlanta, we did a week of shows in Atlanta along the same time and they would have us do them along
the same time as the NCAA tournament.
Oh, yes.
Which Turner had all that.
And there was a big charity concert that I was emceeing.
And one of the artists was Ludacris.
And Ludacris is, yeah, his hype man or whatever that is called.
Yes.
They were in the middle of a song.
And I was standing on this big, uh, festival stage
with a bunch of, you know, ludicrous people and we're just watching. And there was a little girl
next to me, probably nine or 10. And the hype man was going, yeah, uh-huh. Yeah. And walked over
by this little girl and went into the microphone. Where's your mom? And she went, she like pointed like, she's backstage.
You went, all right.
Yeah.
Continue.
It was a safety check.
Where's your mom?
People in the audience must have been like, where is my mom?
What a good point.
Yes.
Yeah.
So it was a safety check.
That's what this was.
Where's your mom?
Okay, good.
An on beat safety check.
Yes, exactly.
I like this.
He was working, but he wanted to know.
Make sure that his kid was...
I assume it was his kid.
I don't know.
No, who knows?
We never found out.
No, no, we never did.
This was my first job in America, by the way.
A hype man.
Really?
Yeah, that was my first job.
How does that work?
I inadvertently won a hype man contest.
In Germany or here?
No, they flew me to Chicago.
WGN, baby.
Oh, it was?
Yeah.
And so I was going as a way to like, oh, look, you know, in American Idol where the first day is all of the idiots.
Yeah.
You're like, oh, look at this idiot that can't do the doodles.
And so I was like, oh, I will be this, but for this hype man contest.
Right, right.
But because I am so uninformed, it helped me.
You know, it's like when you are good at something because you're an idiot and don't know what's good or bad. Right, right. But because I am so uninformed, it helped me.
You know, it's like when you are good at something
because you're an idiot
and don't know what's good or bad.
Right, right.
So I won this in an accidental way
and then they're like,
you should now go on tour.
Yes.
So I toured with some rappers
like T-Pain and Big Boy of Outkast.
Yeah, I would open for these guys
as a hype man.
You're like the Inspector Clouseau of hip hop.
I would go Inspector G- Oh no, Clouseau's good. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Yeah, yeah, yeah. You're way upward. Oh, fail up, be clueless. You're like the Inspector Clouseau of hip hop. I would go Inspector G-
Oh, no, Clouseau's good.
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
You're way upward.
Oh, fail up, be clueless.
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
That's incredible.
Yes, yes.
That is really amazing.
Now, wait, how did you get to that point?
I mean, because we're jumping ahead here.
You get to be, you know, of age.
Yeah, yeah.
Of Deutschland.
Of legal hype man age.
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
And you are
going to college.
You are...
Yeah, I studied
environmental science
and engineering
and then I thought...
Which school,
if I may ask?
Well, I did a bunch of schools,
but I also went to America
a little bit for this.
You did?
Yeah, Purdue.
Purdue?
Yes, Purdue.
In Indiana?
Yeah, hello.
Boy, you know where to go,
don't you, buddy?
West Lafayette.
Oh, man, yeah.
You know how it is.
You want a double scoop of American pie.
Go there.
Go to West Lafayette, Indiana.
Oh, they have a restaurant called Tri-Kai XXX, and you can have a burger with all kinds of peanut butter on it.
Tri-Kai XXX.
Yeah.
That's not Kai.
It's not?
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
That's Tri-Kai.
I think it's a porno restaurant.
And that might not have been peanut butter.
I'm, okay.
I won't Google this.
Let's just pretend.
Don't Google this.
Thanks, Andy.
Yeah.
Yes.
Can't you tell my loves are growing?
But yeah, so I thought, oh, perhaps I would be like a math man or something like this.
But then I realized, oh, this is actually more fun doing dumb things with my mouth and brain.
So I entered this contest.
Yeah. And that was while you were at Purdue?
No, this was afterwards.
I just started to realize I don't think I would be happy as an engineer man.
Yeah.
So let's just start to make very strange techno beats.
As a child,
so to rewind, I was also a Schuhplattler, which is like the dancing, you know,
in Berlin, you and Conan did
this. Yes. The slapping. Yeah.
That's not slapping. You know, slapping
of hands and butts. Yeah, it's like,
it's a similar, it's
a folk dance that
involves wearing of lederhosen.
Yes, wearing of lederhosen and slapping
of the shoes and clapping
and it's sort of like
a full body ham bone.
Do you know ham boning?
Is this a meal?
It's like a folk
people like slap their hands
against their bodies.
The thing
in the mouth, the twangy mouth.
Yeah.
There's the,
yeah.
The mouth harp is,
is part of that same kind of thing.
Ah,
okay.
Um,
so yeah,
it's,
uh,
it,
but yeah,
you did that.
Now where are your folks?
Big culture.
Yeah.
Did they,
where is it like important?
Cause when Conan and I did,
there's,
there's a,
for those that don't know,
uh,
when Conan went to Berlin,
I went with him and we got a Schuplatle lesson from these two guys and their dad.
He's just this old German dude that's been protecting this folk music and making a living doing it his entire life.
And then Dum Dum and Dum Dum 2 come in and just, you know, make fun of it.
It was not thrilled.
Yes.
But yeah, but they were, I mean, it was, it seemed to be a bit of a kind of cultural,
you know, crusade, like, you know, like, like they were protecting this kind of heritage.
Oh, yes.
We don't want to forget about it. You know, it's fun.
And it's so number one, we were in Berlin, right?
So in Berlin, no one shoe plattlers.
Yeah.
This is like, what are we doing?
Right, right.
This would be like shoe plattler on or like doing square dancing in the Lower East Side of Manhattan.
Very confusing.
Yeah.
Yes, exactly.
So this is really from Bavaria where I have grown up.
And so you kind of, you know, it's I don't know, maybe it's like this, which is a June bloom.
What was this?
You said Bam bone.
Slam bone. Ham bone. Yeah, Yeah. It's like ham bone in where? It could be.
Yeah. Yeah. Who knows? I'm not an expert on ham boning. I just, you know. Same. It's a confusing.
For the American audience, I was trying to explain it to them. Sounds inappropriate. And probably most people don't know what ham boning is anyway. I'm hopelessly out of touch.
Same. Me having a podcast is, it's ridiculous. Yeah. Why are you doing it? I don't know what handbooking is anyway. I'm hopelessly out of touch. Same. Me having a podcast, it's ridiculous.
Yeah, why are you doing it?
I don't know.
How many Kojaks did you watch in a row?
Four.
Four?
Full ones?
See, we just answered the question.
That's why I'm doing it.
I'm out of the house.
You know, the DVR is getting the Kojak.
You still have a DVR.
So they're still there. When do I have a DVR? Can't you getting the Kojak. You still have a DVR. So they're still there.
Oh, when do I have a DVR?
Can't you just Netflix Kojak?
Nobody.
I don't know.
Maybe.
I'm not sure the streaming platform that has secured the rights.
Yeah, I'm not either.
To Kojak.
I'm not paying for Kojak, though.
Kojak, to be clear, is the man with no hair as a detective.
It's not the killer dog who's rude
to everybody
and hates him.
that's Cujo.
Oh,
yeah,
yeah,
yeah.
Oh,
that would be
an excellent crossover.
Cujo Kojak?
Yeah,
yeah,
Cujo versus Kojak.
Versus Kojak.
This would be
the Batman versus Superman
of 1970.
It's too late though.
Oh,
okay.
They're all dead.
They've died?
Yeah,
Cujo and...
Cujo,
lifespan,
12 years.
Yeah,
yeah,
exactly.
So,
Kelly Savalas.
Lifespan, cigarettes. Correct. Yeah, exactlyujo and... Cujo, lifespan, 12 years. Yeah, yeah, exactly. So... Kelly Savalas. Lifespan.
Yeah.
Cigarettes.
Yeah, yeah.
Correct.
Yeah, yeah.
Exactly, correct.
What?
So you're in Germany.
Yes.
And I mean, are you...
How does one...
I mean, are you looking to start a showbiz career in Germany?
Well, yeah, I did need to do this because my brain informed me that this was required
for my happiness.
So the hype man contest also...
Do you move into the big city?
The big city?
Yeah.
Well, no, if this is a metaphor for the internet, then yes.
Yes. Oh, I see.
Yeah.
So you just got online and did your videos because I think the first place I saw you...
Same.
...was doing your beats.
Yeah, my beats.
Yeah, yeah.
So I made some videos as well as with the Hype Man.
This was with live people.
And there's, yeah.
You can Google it.
Flule Hype Man, you will find it.
But then I also was making
my videos and songs for YouTube early
before YouTube became what,
I don't know what this is.
Yeah, yeah.
We don't know.
This giant thing.
The giant.
But before it was for me
like bread, little breadcrumbs
like Hansel and Gretel
or what's the one with the wolf
and the hoods? A little red riding hood. Yeah, yeah, yeah. So I was hoping, so breadcrumbs like Hansel and Gretel or what's the one with the wolf and the hoods?
A little red riding hood.
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
So I was hoping, so this, I was like, let's make these breadcrumbs cross the ocean and
then maybe someone will hire me.
So this happened, the hype man contest and then Pitch Perfect 2 to bring you back to
it.
They found one of my videos and said, we should audition this person for the film.
And so that's how this happened.
Were you making a living at that point?
That's always a curiosity to me.
I'm always, you know, I always like the nuts and bolts of like,
how'd you make a living at that?
Bring those bolts.
Yeah, yeah.
No.
No?
No, zero dollars.
I was also teaching a little bit on the side.
And then also I-
Subject?
Oh, whatever.
Oh, like substitute teacher?
Yeah.
The rule is, Andy, just be one page ahead of the kids.
Of course.
They don't know.
It's been my life philosophy forever.
Yeah, one page ahead.
Mm hmm.
Yeah, absolutely.
That's form a foundation.
Yeah.
Yeah.
Yeah.
So that's what I did.
But then once, you know, the Pitch Path 2 thing happened, then this was like, oh, I can actually
have a life of doing dope things.
Did you, after Pitch Path, did you have like a stage show?
Yeah.
Yeah.
Yeah, yeah.
Was it just like stand-up?
No.
I don't understand stand-up or comedy, to be honest with you.
Well, you understand comedy.
Do you?
Do I?
Yeah, you do.
You do.
You're very funny and you're very quick and you know how to make people laugh. You know, you understand comedy. Do you? Do I? You do. You do. You're very funny
and you're very quick
and you know
how to make people laugh.
You know what you're doing.
Yeah, don't try and play
that dewy-eyed
knafe again with me.
Wow, that is rude.
It's a...
Well, no, I...
Yeah, my show was
live techno music,
but what I do
is I like to tell a story
about why I wrote the song.
And then I perform the song.
And then we go to the next thing and then perhaps I tell more stories.
But I don't have like, hey, knock, knock.
What is it?
A horse who?
I don't know.
I cannot tell to you a joke.
What is it with this airline food?
Yeah.
Why is it so delicious?
Yeah.
Yeah.
Nobody knows.
Yeah. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Yeah. Nobody knows. Yeah, yeah, yeah.
Well, that, so, I mean, so that must have just seemed kind of crazy to, like, have that big change in your life.
Like, did you move to the States pre-Pitch Perfect 2?
I flew for the Hype Man contest, and then I flew in return back.
And then once the Pitch perfect thing occurred, yes.
Then I came here and started just shimmying and doing all of the things.
And how was your family with that, with you going over?
Very confused, but also they don't understand.
It's like everybody, you don't know what is real until you see it.
And so my mother saw pitch perfect two on the screens.
And so she would just, she came to many of the screenings in Germany and then she's like,
oh yeah, you are not murdering people.
You are performing, which is nice.
Wait, Andy, do you do stand up?
I have attempted it, but I don't like doing it.
Ah, okay.
I don't like, I just don't like being on stage by myself that much.
You like to play off of people?
I do.
I do. I do.
I like to kind of,
yeah,
no,
I've always,
the most fun for me is,
is being with funny people.
That's what I,
that's what I've always liked most about what I do for a living.
And I don't,
and I don't have like a lot of people really need an audience.
Like it kind of does something for them,
you know, like, like it's like the recharging of the Green Lantern's ring for them or something.
Yeah.
And I'm kind of, you know, I like an audience and they're nice and I'm, I'm glad that they
are listening.
I'm glad that they took the trouble to get there.
And I appreciate if they like me, you know, and if they don't, okay, I don't
blame them.
You know, I mean, I'm not for everyone.
You get it.
Yeah.
I mean, listen, I spend a lot of the time not liking what this guy's thinking and saying.
Yeah.
Yeah.
Yeah.
So, so yeah, but I just, I don't need it.
Like, you know, I don't.
Yes.
I feel the same.
I don't need to be behind for an audience's attention.
Now, you know, now that the Conan show is over and I'm not in front of an audience four days a week.
You're fine with this.
Yeah, I am.
I'm okay with it.
But you have creative juices.
They must be flowed.
Yes, but my problem is that they can flow into like,
what have I got in the cupboard and what can I make for dinner?
Oh.
Yes.
And then you live stream this and make sure to interact.
No, no, no.
I just do it and I get the satisfaction of like, look what I did with beans and day old bread.
Oh.
That kind of thing.
That's simplistic.
What did you do with those two things?
Now that's on video.
And that's behind a paywall.
Sweet.
Yeah.
Count me into that. No, I mean mean i can busy my day yeah you know i can write a few tweets and i feel like well i was funny today yes you know which is
they're not making me any money or anything so and i also have come to the conclusion i just i i i
need people around me i i'm a collaboratorator, I think. I mean, I have good
ideas, but I just, uh, I just, I sit and wait for the phone to ring for somebody to go, Hey,
come down here. And then you do it. Yeah. And I'm like, all right. And then when I get there,
I think I do a good job and I know what I'm doing and I, I, you know, earn my keep, but
I just, the notion like now in this, in this particular framework of my life of,
you know,
what do you want to do?
Like,
I've been running from that question for decades.
Fuck you.
What do I want to do?
Tell me what to do.
Well,
you've been doing a pretty great job running away.
Yeah.
This is very wonderful.
Yeah.
No,
well,
thank you.
I mean,
I,
I,
I mean,
I'm obviously not like some sort of shrinking violet that's, you know, afraid of, of, of, of the world or anything and, or just, you know, or like, gosh,'ve made a lot of, you know,
a lot of wonderful friends that, you know,
want to work with me and do stuff with me.
But I never felt like I really kind of created the vehicle,
got in the vehicle, drove the vehicle, brought it home, you know.
But you're not interested in building the vehicle anyways.
No, that's what I, yeah, I'll get it figured out.
Like by the time I'm in the grave, I'll get it figured out, like, by the time I'm in the grave.
What? I'll have just figured
it all out, right, when they're putting the
first shovel of dirt on me. You're doing
it currently. This is currently what you want
to do, right? I don't
know. It doesn't feel like
it. Oh. Do you feel satisfied
with your, with, like... I don't
know. Sometimes I feel very happy with what I'm
doing, and then when I don't, it's action. Yeah, yeah. Action is the key, I find. Do you satisfied with your, with like... I don't know. Sometimes I feel very happy with what I'm doing. And then when I don't, it's action.
Yeah, yeah.
Action is the key, I find.
Do you worry about your future a lot?
I don't see into it.
I think people have like plans and write down words of things that will happen in the future.
I'm just very concerned with meals for today.
Bowel motions.
And then like two weeks, like one fortnight in the future seems exciting to me to look into.
That's what I do.
Have you always been that way?
Yes.
Yeah.
Well, I've realized you cannot,
these plans,
what do they say about Moses?
He laughs at the plans
when you make those on your day trip.
Yeah.
What do they say?
It was God.
Yeah.
Something about God.
God and giggles.
Yeah, God shitting on your plans.
Yeah.
I'm not a Bible scholar or anything.
I think it's, yeah, God drops trowel on your.
On your fucking plans.
On your fucking plans.
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
Bitch.
You ant.
Ant.
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
Bug.
Worthless garbage.
That's right.
Anyway.
That's Old Testament.
Praise him.
Yes, yes, yes.
No, so I don't look very far, you know, and I like to just focus on what is happening now, because otherwise I'm just a concerned, sad pony.
Now, is that hurtful in relationships in your life that kind of like not looking forward?
Do you find people who are like want a little bit more of a planner?
No.
No.
Well, I am very reliable, Andy.
You are.
I can write things in a calendar.
I don't like delete my calendar two weeks of an event. Okay, I am very reliable, Andy. You are. I can write things in a calendar. I don't like delete my calendar two weeks in advance.
Okay, I understand.
I book plans.
But I mean more in sort of an emotional sort of like, you know.
I try to be super, you know, as they say in the cheese balls, I'm very in the moment, Andy.
Yes, yes.
And this is important when you see people in the face and you're with them for real.
Yeah.
This is more important than if I, you know, make sure to remember they like bananas on tuesdays i see who cares i see yeah so i try
to just be very focused that's why like i'm not good with uh two-on-one not just in basketball
fast breaks i see but also in conversations i see i see yeah yeah
can't you tell my loves are growing there is kind of a duality yeah there's a public persona and then there's a person that isn't that public persona sure does that cause i mean are there
difficulties that that causes in your life or well are you just surrounded by enough people
that understand yes yeah i enjoy being absolutely insane in public.
Because this is a very fun time.
And I think everyone else is sane.
Let's maybe try the other one.
You know?
Just for poops and kicks.
Yeah.
But so my friends know that, oh, so also I can be a normal man.
You know?
I put on my pants two ways.
I have pants.
I put them on like...
Sure, sure.
I wear... Two ways. Two ways of have pants. I put them on like... Sure, sure. I wear...
Two ways.
Two ways of the pants.
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
You got to pay extra for pants you can wear two ways, though.
Thank you.
Watch out for those zips.
That's right.
You.
Yeah, it's the word.
That's the word.
Also the brand.
You.
That's right.
Eight yous.
Yeah, yeah.
Two umlauts.
You.
Yes.
No, so it's fine.
Yeah, yeah.
But here's my argument with you, Andy.
Every person has a public thing and a private thing on some level.
Some are insanely crazy and then, you know.
Yes, there's a deep, there can be a, well, I mean, there can be an extreme difference between them.
Paul Rubens is an example.
Oh, wow.
Paul is Pee Wee Herman and Paul Rubens. And Paul Rubens
is a very different person, a very funny person. Yes. But a much more low key person than Peewee
Herman, as one would hope. Of course. Yeah. Yeah. Let's balance this puppy. Yes. Yes. Yeah. So,
yeah. I mean, because and like you're right. Yeah. There's a different I mean, my public persona,
I feel like is just like there's like when you have company over
that's your public
you know what I mean
yeah
I'm gonna put on some pants
yeah
I'm not gonna go nuts
you know
yeah
I'm not gonna go crazy
you know
Martha Stewart-ing you
out you know
because I just want to make you happy
but
you mean insider trading
I don't know what you mean
no no
oh
I mean just
I won't
I'm my public persona is very
close to me but it's more of a presentable me i agree with yeah yeah yeah yeah and and and do you
feel that that's well i am i think my public is very uh positive and bubble crazy but then my
private i think to balance it out is can be very, but still in a way that I think is funny. So I think my humor switches.
I see.
Yeah, in private, it's super dark and in the public because I'm like,
I think to use Conan, our mutual friend, as an example,
I think he doesn't delve into politics, for example, on many things because like, what's the point?
This does nothing.
So when I'm super, when I'm out, I try to be more positive because this is more productive
and proactive than the dark stuff, which to me is very funny.
Yes.
But I don't think helps. It's not.
Yes.
And it's not.
There was some questionnaire thing.
I think it was for Team Coco that I was doing.
And one of the questions was, what's the funniest thing you've ever seen Conan do or something like that?
And I said, well, it's not what he's done.
It's what he said. And it's never been, it's nothing that I can repeat or, you know, cause
Conan at his funniness funniest is absolutely not for public consumption. And the same goes for
almost every funny person I know. Yes. They say the worst, most awful things.
And I don't mean like, you know, everyone's throwing the N word around.
I mean stuff like, you know, murder is good kind of things.
You know, that sort of stuff.
Yes.
But yeah, no, Conan at his funniest is something that most people will probably never see.
Yeah.
Yeah.
Well, you are. And for the same, I would say it's the same for most people.
Yes.
Most funny people.
Well, you know what?
Your audience is many, many, many people when you're doing this.
But when you are private, it's those eight people who you understand and know.
So you can say a thing that those guys or girls will really enjoy.
And sometimes it's just deeply inappropriate in a funny way.
Right, right.
Yeah.
and sometimes it's just deeply inappropriate in a funny way.
Right, right.
Yeah.
Well, you, you know, your difference,
the difference in your public persona and your private persona is that there is kind of this, this German-ness.
There's this foreign-ness to the public persona.
Oh, yes.
And is that any thoughts of like, why have I chosen to be an other?
Well, I'm not.
This is me.
It's really just taking the levels and going, whoop!
Really? Oh, yeah. An other within the
terms of like, because when you come
on the Conan show,
you're not a comedian
from New Jersey. No, that's true.
No Hoboken for this guy. Yes, yes.
But you are,
it's, you know, the fact that you are
an other, that you're from a different country
and that you use that to your advantage comedically.
I like to do the thing that maybe would be the most chaotic and fun for the situation.
Yes, yes.
So I kind of just knew you and Conan and what you guys would, what would be fun to do.
Yeah.
So that's what I played with you.
fun to do. So that's what I played with you. But like with Kelly Clarkson,
I can't do the exact same thing
because it would go devolving into
chaos and darkness and
everyone would be confused. We would go
to commercial very quick.
And you've got bills to pay. You can't do
that on Kelly. Have you been on Kelly
Clarkson? Yes. Oh, that's wonderful.
Yes, but like this is, I think
maybe all of us do this. Like
you, I love to be with people.
I played basketball.
So I like to be in a team and do what the team needs.
And so I think it's very fun to try to fit in and see what will work for each thing.
I'm not always the same for all of these different things.
So, you know, I can adjust the levels on this insane German Harrier jet.
Yes.
And you got to do a new
Pitch Perfect-y thing.
Yes, bringing it back to...
Yes, yes.
Yes, Pitch Perfect 2, I was...
It's a plug now thing too, isn't it?
We're going to plug it.
Aren't we plugging it?
Yeah, let's plug it.
Let's plug it.
Peacock, streaming now.
Pitch Perfect, Bumper in Berlin.
Yeah.
A wonderful series.
Six episodes.
Binge that, puppy. I'm in it as the character from Pitch Perfect Bumper in Berlin a wonderful series six episodes binge that puppy
I'm in it as the character
from Pitch Perfect 2
Bumper played by
Adam Devine
Sarah Hyden plays his
let's call it
her love crush interest
sure
and Jamila Jamil
is in it
Lira Abovar
a newcomer
great actress
very fun time
if you like Pitch Perfect
watch it
and
because you're
kind of the heavy in in the in pitch perfect too
is are you does your character kind of is it more sort of padded out and humanized correct yes i was
like i would say 1.2 dimensions uh and pitch perfect too they have now amplified me to 2.9
yeah and so you're not evil all the time no i, I'm oh, this is opposite. I'm like, do you remember the Terminator series?
Sure.
Number one, Arnold, bad guy.
Number two.
Oh, no, he's a bad guy.
Time out.
No, he's not.
Right.
T-1000.
That's me.
I'm like T2 Arnold.
They use the technology for good this time.
Yes, yes, yes.
Unbelievable.
I don't die.
So it's not a full parallel.
Yeah.
OK, but maybe I die. Let's watch it. Peacock, everyone. Unbelievable. I don't die. So it's not a full parallel. Yeah. Okay, but maybe I die.
Let's watch it.
Peacock, everyone.
Yeah.
Well, I mean, how are things going for you?
I mean, are you putting money away?
Are you going to start your own business?
Yes.
Are you going to have a line of restaurants?
I'm beginning a...
Schnitzel stands.
Schnitzel stands.
I'm starting one.
The working title is Wiener Schnitzel,
I think I'm going to call it.
Unfortunately,
there already is
a Wiener Schnitzel.
What?
Yeah, and it...
They have no schnitzel.
They don't serve schnitzel.
It's fucking annoying.
Yeah.
Another thing I found,
do you know how much royalty
is at the Burger King?
What do you mean?
None.
Oh, royalty.
I thought the money royalty.
Yeah, no,
there's no royalty there. Lies. Lies. Yeah, yeah, lies. I thought the money royalty. Yeah, no, there's no royalty there.
Lies.
Lies.
Yeah, yeah, lies.
You know the grill stripes?
Fake.
Fake.
Painted.
Painted.
Oh, it's like that football line, those yellow first goal lines.
And now, and everyone knows it now, so just lay off.
Stop the stripes.
Yeah, stop the stripes.
Right?
Right.
I'm doing great, Andy.
The reason I had to cancel with you, and I'm sorry that I did it, I was in a World War II drama.
So, like where I play not an insane man who may murder everyone.
Wow.
Yeah.
And did you play a German or an American?
Yes, of course.
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
Did you play a Nazi?
No.
Oh.
Yeah, no.
I played a man in the resistance.
Oh, nice.
Yeah, a real character.
Wow, wow.
That's fantastic.
Yeah, thanks.
It was very fun.
What was the audition process for that like?
Because, I mean, I imagine there was sort of a something, you know, that silly guy, that sort of thing to overcome.
Oh, that insane man?
Yeah, because, I mean, but, you know, it's a German, German drama.
People, it's a very, casting especially is very dumb.
Yes.
It's just a dumb process.
So it's like whatever you've done, you're like, that's the only thing you do, right?
That's correct.
They've never watched Reading Rainbow.
No imagination.
No imagination.
Yeah.
So was that a tough thing to overcome?
Yes.
But I had an inside man, not like Denzel Washington in that Spike Lee movie, but just a person who knows, oh, he's a normal man also if he wants.
Oh, I see.
Let's allow him to audition.
And the other nice thing,
these were British people,
so they didn't really know me.
Oh, I see.
So I think they...
So there was no sort of preconceived idea
that they had to overcome.
It was a wonderful order of operations,
to use math.
They saw my tape first,
and then they're like,
oh, this was great.
And then they visited my Instagram and were shocked and confused. Yeah. Well, that's good. Yes,
that's good. The English can handle that. Yeah, of course. Yeah. They've got tough skin,
thick skin. They've got skin. What's this? Is it a series or a movie? It's a film. It's a film.
Yeah, it's a film. And it's an English film. It's an English film. What is it called? It's
God's Spy. God's Spy. Yeah, yeah, yeah. And what is this?
It's about Dietrich Bonhoeffer.
Okay. You would not know this person, but he's like a
legend in Germany because he was part
of the resistance who tried to assassinate Hitler.
And so I play his brother-in-law
Hans von Donanyi. Oh, I
see. Yeah. Nice. You know.
Yeah, yeah. Sure, of course. Everybody knows.
Hans von Donanyi? Yeah, exactly.
Is that what you say? Donanji. Yeah, yeah.
Nice.
You know.
Andy, if you could play anything, any movie, no bullshits.
Yeah.
Like for me, I'll tell you, it's Hans Gruber.
I would play the diehard prequel called Gruber, where I play Hans Gruber.
This is what I would play.
If you could play anything or do any of those, what would it be?
You know, I used to think I would want to play and his name is
escaping me right now because it's been years
but... Wilt Chamberlain.
No.
It's too easy.
I'm on the short list for that
anyway. That's true.
It used to be the protagonist
of Confederacy of Dunces.
Oh, yes. Ignatius T. Reilly. Ignatius
T. Reilly. Yes. Yes. Um, and, and, but I honestly feel like, like, Hey, I'm too old to be him now.
Makeup CGI. Not true. But, um, but I honestly, I don't have any, like, I don't have a specific
one like that more, which is something like that i learned early on that uh and quite frankly i
learned it kind of from conan because he i mean i learned it from observing him you know he got his
dream came true when he was about like i don't know 29 or 30 years old yeah and then i saw like
him kind of struggle with well you know i I've been this machine that's been, you know, lubricated by this desire to get to this.
And now it's there and the machine's still running.
And what are, you know, it's hard.
I think if you make, you know, like your, if you make your goals like one thing, when you get there then what are you going to do once then yeah so
i think it's better to kind of go in terms of processes you know and and i would love to at
this point what i would really love to do is just act in lots and get to do lots of different things
yes and i would really like to like to play a heavy know, like to play, like I, you know, there's, because whenever it reruns, I hear from about four or five people.
I got to murder in an episode of Monk, the show Monk.
Sweet, yes.
You know, pistol whip a guy.
You pistol whipped?
Yeah, I pistol whipped a guy, yeah.
Oh, okay.
And I mean, and I would love to kind of do sort of more stuff like that.
And I've had little opportunities here and there.
To kind of do sort of more stuff like that.
And I've had little opportunities here and there.
But, you know, usually I play like the nice guy or the dumb guy or the guy that's nice and dumb.
Or dumb and nice.
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
And so for me, it would just be more, you know, like playing like a deeply, deeply evil villain would be fantastic.
So fun.
Yeah.
That's the most fun.
It would be, you know.
Yes.
Even like once, you know, like when people have played villains and it sort of fucked them up a little.
Like I would, I'll take that on.
Oh, yeah.
Oh, it will happen.
Yeah, like a serial killer that makes me really start to feel like,
am I a murderer?
You know.
Yeah.
You want this.
I do.
I think it would be, I think it would be a fun, a fun challenge.
And I, and I really do.
I have, you know, it's like I've had a wonderful career, but I miss acting.
I would love, and I really would like to do more acting.
Yeah.
Because it's really fun.
Yes.
And, and you can't really just do it.
It's not that, what am I going to do? No. I don't know, just make, you know, internet videos.
I, you know.
Who does that?
Like who puts out videos?
It's for losers.
What, tool bags?
Yeah, what am I going to fucking beatbox?
Preach.
Yes.
Yes.
Thank you, Andy, for finally saying it.
No, no.
I mean, I just, I, I, I really would like to act and I, you know.
Yeah.
That's fantastic
that you got to do that.
Oh, yeah.
I tried to get you on.
Yeah, I bet you did.
I said,
he's half German.
They said,
what's the other half?
I said,
he's from Oslo.
Which is Norway.
Sorry.
That's all right.
That's all right.
That was close.
They're your neighbors, actually.
Oh, come on.
Scandinavian.
Give me a break.
No, but I would love to see you perform acting things more.
This would bring me joy.
Yeah, that's what, you know.
I mean, do you think that this is going to open the door for you to do more stuff like this?
I hope so.
Who knows?
I mean, I think you had both a blessing and perhaps a curse of being on this show for so long.
So much stability. Yeah. And then but people now see you as this.
But of course, you can now play against the tide. That could be could be very fun.
You know, it's I've told this story many times that my first sitcom after the Conan show, Andy Richter controls the universe.
Conan show, Andy Richter controls the universe.
After the first table read of it, the head of Paramount Television Studios came up to me and said, wow, you really can act.
Yeah.
And I was like, yeah, that's what you're paying me.
You thought like, okay.
Yes.
Yes.
They just thought like, yeah, let's pay money for this guy to do something that we don't know that he can do.
Well, similar to this peacock, peacock.
How do you say it?
Peacock.
Peacock.
Peacock.
That's why.
This Pitch Perfect Show bumper in Berlin, I'm doing more than just saying two rude words in a toot and then a beatbox.
So I think people are surprised that I'm not just a small squirrel, you know, eating nuts.
I can also hide those nuts.
You know?
He is a big nut hider.
Yeah.
Everybody knows.
Well, what are your plans for the future?
What do you, I mean, do you, you know?
Well, children.
Children?
Are you ever going to have children?
Oh, like give birth?
Well, I mean, no, but I mean, you'd have to have.
Oh, help someone else give birth?
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
Like be a midwife?
No, I have no plans for this right now.
Maybe, perhaps, I don't know.
Andy, I'm dating basically techno beats.
These are my romantic involvement.
I swipe right on whole notes.
I see, I see. If you know what I mean.
Wow.
Yeah.
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
You're in love with the beat.
I am.
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
The beat, the beat, whatever.
Yeah, the rhythm's going to get you.
Yeah, tonight.
It's tonight.
Tonight, yeah. Anyway, beat, whatever. The rhythm's going to get you. Yeah. Tonight. It's tonight. Tonight.
Anyway, away, away.
Yeah, I'm not certain.
I like to just try new things.
And so that's my goal is to keep trying new things.
Because if it gets old, my brain, you can tell.
Like, I'm like, why am I still doing this thing?
I must try a new thing.
YouTube was like, hey, every time make a new thing every week.
Or like Instagram, all of these social things, we feel pressure. I was like, hey, every time make a new thing every week or like Instagram,
all of these social things,
we feel pressure.
I feel like all of us now.
Oh, you have to put a new thing
into the world now.
Yeah, yeah.
I hate this.
I find it terrible.
Yeah, and I see,
yeah, that's,
you know,
my fiance tells me like,
you need to get more
Instagram followers.
Why?
And I'm like,
how do I,
yeah, but that would involve effort.
But, you know, and I also just.
But why?
I don't, I don't know.
Well, because it does matter to get a book deal.
Oh, you want a book deal?
Well, no, but I mean, but just things like that.
It matters.
It matters in casting.
No.
Absolutely.
It matters in casting when it's between you, it's between you and somebody else.
And like I said, it's a really dumb process.
And they're like, well, this guy has X amount of followers and this guy has shitty no followers.
So let's go.
Let's take a chance on the guy with lots of followers.
I want a backlash, Andy.
I want a backlash from the numbers.
Yeah. That's what I want. Good luck with that. Well, thank followers. I want a backlash, Andy. I want a backlash from the numbers. Yeah, well.
That's what I want.
Good luck with that.
Well, thank you.
I need it.
I know when it goes through.
Okay.
I've sent my request.
All right.
Yeah.
I mean, you know,
like you said,
you're sort of about silliness,
about craziness,
about chaos.
Confusion.
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
But do you have, like,
any kind of words of wisdom that you
can impart that you've kind of feel like you know your time on this planet and your journey yes
your journey my journey has your journey taught you it yes it has Andy I'll continue whispering
um so two things I've learned is uh if you're going to drink alcohol, never switch alcohols.
Always stay with the same one.
If you don't want to drink it all,
probably the best option.
You don't mean for the rest of your life,
though, like just...
I mean, in a current situation,
like one evening.
Oh, I see. Okay.
Because I was going to say,
like, and then you'd be
like stuck with schnapps
just because you went to a Christmas party.
What a choice was this.
So I don't really drink now,
to be honest, Andy, but if I do, that is what you don't switch. So I don't really drink now, to be honest, Andy.
But if I do, that is what you don't switch.
Stay hydrated.
This is one.
Yeah, staying hydrated.
That's a big one.
When you learn that one, it makes a difference.
Wootie, woot, woot, woot.
Yeah, yeah.
The other one I've learned is you can solve a problem with your brain.
It's action.
I've never really solved something by thinking about stuff.
I have to actually do things, I've learned,
because I have like a downward spiral
of darkness that occurs.
So I just need to move.
That's what I've learned.
I see.
Action.
And is it an informed movement
or is it just kind of movement
for its own sake?
And you'll figure it out
after the movement starts.
As the movement goes,
you know what's right and wrong.
But until you move,
you don't really know.
It's like you can't solve this complex thing by just, I'm not Stephen Hawking or who, I don't know who else is very smart.
Will Chamberlain was probably.
Sure, very smart.
Yeah.
Very smart.
I have to try some things and fail and then do another thing and improve on the fail.
Like that's the thing I think I forget about life.
You got to do scheiße, otherwise nothing happens.
Do you make repeat mistakes,
do you think? And are they
lessening as you go on? Yes. And what
are they? Oh,
well, I mean, you know, not specifically,
you know, like... Oh, well, what happens is anytime
I make a mistake in the olden days,
two years ago, I would
feel terrible and then
feel terrible about feeling terrible and then
it would go down and down for weeks and weeks.
Now I feel terrible the first time and then I just correct.
Like, oh, well, don't do it again.
And then we are done.
So a stupid example, but simple because we are animals.
I like to eat healthy.
I try and I like to be a fitness person.
You are very fit.
Well, it's genetics.
You are very, very fit.
It's genetics.
And now your Instagram is just all workouts.
Thirsty bros. And all your workout pals. Do you know why, Andy? Why? First of all, very fit. Genetics. And now your Instagram is just all workouts. Thirsty bros.
And all your workout pals.
Do you know why, Andy?
Why?
First of all, it sells.
Number two.
Does it?
I mean, I'm there every day.
I see you.
Thank you.
I see my Instagram story opens.
Right, right, right.
Who's first?
Richter, Andy.
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
First.
Just there for the triceps.
Fire, fire, fire, fire, fire, fire.
Like, like, like, like, like, like.
Delicious.
I do that because, of course, it's my goal to be a prominent member of either the MCU or the DCEU.
Oh, really?
Which are acronyms that involve superheroes being shirtless and fighting things.
Yes.
Which I think is very fun.
I would like to do this.
That's why I'm thirsty, Andy.
That's why I do this. That's why I'm thirsty, Andy. That's why I do it. A friend of mine is married
to a costumer who recently
did something on
Black Adam, I believe, and said
that all the costumers love
Dwayne the Rock Johnson because
he has actual muscles. He's the only
one that they don't have to build muscles for.
And apparently it's very difficult to build
the muscles. Very difficult. I was told, this is
my claims to fame, Andy.
I was in the Suicide Squad.
Yes, I remember.
You were the Lancer or the Javelin.
Yeah, thank you.
Second try.
Good.
I thought you would go toothpick.
Well, but Lancer would be fine too.
It was a lance.
Yeah, although it isn't a javelin.
It's more thrown, you know.
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
A lance is what you do with boils, but I get it.
And also you died really young.
So young.
You basically just,
your purpose was to bring the spear into the movie
and give it to her.
Andy, no.
I was the James Dean
of that film.
I moved you.
I made you want me more.
You're like,
why did he,
it was so young
and then you're distracted
by my absence.
Right.
And the wig
was distracting.
That was a good wig.
Okay.
I'm a nice blonde Andy.
I'm almost as hot as Andy Richter when I have blonde hair.
It's close.
It is very close.
Oh, anyway, to answer your question.
So I like to eat healthy and do exercise.
But there's days when I eat three pizzas and a big bag of Trader Joe's chocolate-covered peanut butter-filled pretzel bites.
Yes.
Great.
But then the next day I'm like, oh, okay,
well now do the healthy thing again.
Yeah.
But before it was,
you're an idiot.
You're so stupid.
You have more of those.
Eat some Ben and Gerald's pints.
It might as well.
Might as well.
I started it.
I fucked it up. I am a, you know,
I'm a turd.
I might as well flush.
Thank you.
Yeah.
Clockwise.
But so, you know,
now I have like this step back of, wait, what does this help me in three days? Yeah. Clockwise. But so, you know, now I have like
the step back of, wait, what does this help me in three days? That's why I also don't drink much,
Andy, because I can now during the first drink, imagine what's 72 hours from now like, oh,
then one drink, please. Yeah. Yeah. You know, part of the healthy path forward is
like sort of if you can do it right, it's kind of like a, like a loving sort of, you know, like,
like a loving paternal or, you know, parental kind of disappointment, you know?
I love you, Andy Richter, but oh, you did it again, didn't you? You know?
Oh, that's yours. Mine's way darker.
Yeah. No, but I mean now. Oh, yes. That's the healthy mean now oh yeah healthy version that's what you're talking about yes exactly oh no it was
i mean up until five minutes ago it was like you fucking piece of shit yes you're garbage oh yes
yeah speak to me baby yeah and then i'd be like ah i wonder why i keep doing the same thing you
know like why why i'm not like trying to do with that guy that's talking to me
so bad. Why am I, why am I not trying to fix, you know, like make that guy happy. The guy that calls
me a piece of shit. Absolutely. And totally another lesson is so dumb and cheese nuts, who cares?
It's positive talk. Yeah. I've learned to talk nice to yourself. I do it every day. Now I have,
I have a little journal and then I have, it's called it's affirmations. I have seven little
boxes. And if I say these three affirmations to myself five times, I get to color in the box because I did it that day.
I do it every day.
I love it.
Oh, yes.
I love it.
Very German.
That's great.
Yes.
That's great.
You should make a big show of it at Starbucks.
I should say it loud.
And then like lick the pencil.
Bring the dry erase board.
There we go.
Done, everyone.
I am worthy of love.
Two frappuccinos.
Good idea.
That's great.
It's like I was, I've, the way I've always said it is that like when I've had jobs, the people that treated me like shit, they're the ones that like, I, you know, try and get some sleep in the break room and, you know, or, you know, swipe something from work, you know.
Like, look, I don't have to buy toilet paper as long as I work here for that asshole.
But the people that were nice to me.
Yes.
I would bend over backwards.
Inappropriate.
Oh, sorry.
Well, if they asked me to.
Okay.
But, you know, just to please them, to make them happy because they were kind.
Yes.
Oh, it matters.
Yeah.
It sure does. Yeah. It pays not to be rude. We've were kind. Yes. Oh, it matters. Yeah. It sure does.
Yeah.
It pays not to be rude.
We've talked a long time.
Okay.
Thank you.
It's been really lovely.
I mean, this has been one of those ones
that was just, I was just...
Oh, that's what that was?
That's just what this is.
You have not looked at that one time.
Why?
Let's see.
You see anything on there that floats your boat?
Yeah.
Suffered from extreme diarrhea, 2018 to 2020.
Smells of food.
Yeah, I'm glad you didn't.
In quotes.
Food.
Food.
In quotes.
And two sets of quotes.
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
So I don't know.
Weird, yeah.
Okay, great.
Well, I'm glad you didn't.
No, I didn't.
You know, I didn't.
Because I just knew we'd get here
and have fun
and talk about stuff.
Yeah.
You know.
Well, I'm glad we did.
Yeah.
Yeah, it's good to see you again. It Yeah. You know. Well, I'm glad we did. Yeah. Yeah.
It's good to see you again.
It is.
It is.
I mean, what have you got coming up immediately?
Like, what are you doing with yourself besides pumping iron and filling in boxes after you
said nice shit to yourself?
That's right.
I take a poo.
What am I doing?
I'm going to Belgium for one more shoot day of this film.
Oh, nice.
Yeah.
So I'm doing this. And then, of course, promoting as I nice. Yeah. So I'm doing this and then, of course,
promoting as I must. This wasn't promotion.
This was pure fun, of course. Thank you. Yeah,
thank you. But for this show,
Pitch Perfect Bumper in Berlin, then snoozing.
Yeah, yeah. Snoozing till I'm losing.
Will Christmas be here or back
in Germany? I think it occurs all around the world.
No, no, I mean for you specifically. Oh, sorry.
Yeah, yeah. I will be in Germany for that.
You'll be in Germany. Yeah, yeah. But I think, again, I think it also happens if you're not there in other places.
It does.
It happens everywhere.
Okay.
I mean, some places, it's the 25th of December.
No, no, no, no.
Yeah, yeah.
We don't do that.
Christ child, schmeich child, you know.
Schmeich child, which literally means throw the child.
Yeah, there you go.
So there it is. Christ child, schmeich child. Schmeich child, baby in literally means throw the child. Yeah, there you go. So that is Schmeichschild.
Schmeichschild, baby in the bathwater.
Thanks, Andy.
Well, thank you, Flula.
And thank all of you out there for listening.
I will be back next week with someone else doing the same thing, but differently.
Yeah.
Be sure to comment, subscribe.
Give this five stars, guys.
Tell your friends.
Oh, my God. I'm supposed to say that. Three Qs. Yeah, yeah. And that merch. Like, to comment, subscribe. Give this five stars, guys. Tell your friends. Oh, my God. I'm supposed to say that.
Three Qs.
Yeah, yeah.
And that merch.
Like, like, or subscribe.
I don't even know what that means.
Nobody does.
I don't know.
Nobody does.
Well, do it anyway.
Yeah. And merch coming. Bye. The Three Questions with Andy Richter is a Team Coco production. It is produced by Sean Doherty and engineered by Rob Schulte.
Additional engineering support by Eduardo Perez and Joanna Samuel.
Executive produced by Joanna Salataroff, Adam Sachs, and Jeff Ross.
Talent booking by Paula Davis, Gina Batista, and Maddie Ogden.
Research by Alyssa Grahl.
Don't forget to rate and review and subscribe
to The Three Questions with Andy Richter wherever you get your podcasts.
Can't you tell my love's a-growing? Can't you feel it ain't a-showing?
Oh, you must be a-knowing. I've got a big, big love.
I've got a big, big love