The Three Questions with Andy Richter - Lisa Gilroy: Travel Nightmares (The Andy Richter Call-In Show)

Episode Date: August 30, 2024

Comedian and actress Lisa Gilroy (Jury Duty, Comedy Bang Bang) joins The Andy Richter Call-In Show this week to talk TRAVEL NIGHTMARES! In this episode of Andy’s new weekly SiriusXM radio show, we hear stories from callers about border disputes, scary plane turbulence, break-ups on the road, and much more.Want to call in? Fill out our Google Form at BIT.LY/CALLANDYRICHTER or dial 855-266-2604.This episode previously aired on SiriusXM’s Conan O’Brien Radio (ch. 104). If you’d like to hear these episodes in advance, new episodes premiere exclusively for SiriusXM subscribers on Conan O’Brien Radio and the SiriusXM app every Wednesday at 4pm ET/1pm PT.

Chazzy! Dial the phone, call in to the end, Victor. Call in show on Conan Radio. Oh man, now I gotta submit that to ASCAP. You get a co-writing credit. Oh thanks. Yes you are listening to the Andy Richter call-in show as our new theme song just announced here on Conan O'Brien Radio. I'm your host Andy Richter and I am with, you know her from Jury Duty, Comedy Bang Bang, Glamorous on Netflix with Kim Cattrall,

and History of the World Part II, and you can see her soon in Interior Chinatown on Hulu, and the upcoming animated series Golden Axe based on the popular Sega video game. I'm frankly furious at how much she's been working. Lisa Gilroy! Hello! Zubi zubi zadadadadadoo! Yeah! What's up Jazzheads 104.9? We're wearing berets! We both have tiny mustaches and we're smoking gal wasps. I'm good, how are you? I'm amazing. I'm really happy to be here with my best friend on the jazz station.

On the jazz station. Well we are talking travel nightmares today. That's what we're gonna be taking calls from. And I know you're, I don't know, can I tell people that you're Canadian? Of course. Okay, all right, I just don't know how much shame is involved with not being American.

No, I don't know either. You're telling me I don't know how much shame is involved with not being American. No, I don't know either. You're telling me I don't know how I'm perceived to you guys. Sometimes I feel like I tell people I'm Canadian, and they go like, oh, that's so awesome. I wish I was Canadian. But it's kind of the same way an adult is like, you're in kindergarten? That sounds so fun.

I wish I was in kindergarten. So you still get to go poo poo in your pants. That's good. What a big girl. Wow. No, I mean, I mean, I just, I think it's, I just, I just love like saying things like, like I tweeted once, you know, that song,

Brian Adams song, Summer of 69. Oh yeah. People won't tell you, but all of those things took place in Canada. Like the purchasing of the first real 16. Yeah, yeah. That was in Canada. Like the purchasing of the first Real 16? Yeah, yeah. That was in Canada. At the 5 and Toonie?

At the 5 and Loonie. Yeah, no, I mean, I just think it's funny. Because it's kind of like. Because Canada's so cute to you. Well, no, it's funny because it's just like to be nationalistic and be like angry at Canada. It's like being angry at Wisconsin. Right.

You know, so it's just, I think it's kind of funny. But no, you must have, you must be on a plane a lot. I have been this summer, yeah. Yeah. And I mean, but I mean, going back home to Canada and stuff and I mean, do you have any good like. I've been really lucky. I don't have any like travel nightmares.

Yeah. Many. The only one I can. You can make them up. The only one I can really think of any good like I've been really like I don't have any like travel nightmares yeah many I don't know I can come up the only one I can really think of happened a long time ago oh okay oh no no I was I was the first woman in space and they gave me a hundred tampons I don't need this many they insisted I put them all in it once what the hell holy moly luckily it worked yeah loaded up my machine gun and I was ready to roll. Pow, pow, pow. No, okay, the only bad travel thing that's happened to me, sorry I'm blessed, was a long time ago.

I was like 19 years old and I was teaching English in China and me and a couple of the other teachers who were all men went, there's just no other girls teaching in my school, I don't know. So the friends that I made were like Americans and Australians. And we went to take the seven hour train ride to a neighboring beach town. That's where we wanted to have a little weekend vacation.

And so we arrived at 10 PM, and we got to the hotel, and I didn't have my passport, and so they thought I was a sex worker, and they wouldn't let me stay there. Can you believe it? The highest honor. Really? Yeah, I was like, me?

For real? And they were like, yeah, you, girly. You're going to take those guys upstairs for a big birthday party, huh? And I was like, no I'm not, stop! But they wouldn't let us stay. And at first it was funny. And then we went to another hotel and it happened again. And then we went to another hotel and it happened again. And then it became clear that they weren't gonna let us stay anywhere. And so my friends were nice enough to get back on the train and take the seven hour train ride. Wow. How many guys? It was like me and three guys. We weren't all gonna even stay in the same room.

I mean, but they just wouldn't let me be there without my passport. That's so crazy. Oh, cause you didn't have your passport. But I thought, I mean, I'm just in a town nearby. I didn't know I needed it. I don't know. Is that stupid? Probably. I was 19.

I don't know. I mean, I don't know, you know. You don't even have a passport. Well, there's, I do. I wrote it myself in crayon. Cause government won't let you have the real deal with the picture and everything, right? They won't, cause I got crimes.

I know, we know. So many crimes. Cause you could also make the case like, no, it's better to leave your passport in a safe place while traveling domestically. Sure. So no, I don't think it's that bad. Thanks.

But, but you know, I don't know, maybe, maybe you missed your chance. What, to blow four guys at once? No, to just be a sex worker in China. It's like opportunity opening up to you right there. But it wasn't an opportunity. They wouldn't even let me stay at the hotel. Where is the sex worker supposed to do her sex work

in China then? Oh, that's true. This is kind of unfair. I bet that if you had asked them, where does a sex worker stay? Then they would have told you like a shitty hotel. Right, and we could have gone there. You could have gone there. Oh, that's, that would be a really interesting thing to say off the heels of an hour of saying I'm not a sex

worker. Okay fine, where do sex workers stay? For the sake of argument. If I was one, where could I rest my weary head? All right, if you want to be on the Andy Richter call-in show, you can always give us a call. That's kind of how it works at 855-266-2604, or you can fill out the Google form that's in my bios things and all of that. So we're going to go to the phones now. We're talking travel, nightmares, but we'll also take advice too if you got advice on how to avoid nightmares.

But really, the nightmares are really- We want the nightmares. I won't be taking the advice. But you can take it, Andy. Yeah. I made this show to be fun, but it's like if it's going to be fun, it means all the stories have to be negative, horrible things that happen to you. Yeah, they have to be terrible.

Because what is it like? I had a beautiful trip to Greece. Shut the hell up. I got engaged to a bartender there. All right, here we go. Sam. Hello, Sam. Hey.

You're calling. I'm good. You're calling from Washington. Is that Washington State or Washington DC? Washington State. I'm at a music festival right now. Dude. And I slipped away just to make it.

You did? Wow, thank you very much. Wow. What kind of music is that? The note I have in you is van issues. You were in a van and it exploded. Yeah, well it exploded kind of starting in the front. Sam, I'm sorry.

Try calling us back because I can't hear a goddamn thing. Technology. It hates us. Let's go on to Matt. How are you? Hi, Matt. I'm really good. Thank you for having me on. You got Andy, you got Lisa. And, uh Andy, Lisa, it's such a pleasure. I'm, I, it's, this is such a shame. Like, I feel like I should have hung up because Lisa was telling her, her horror story about China and like, mine happens in China, but there's like zero sex work. I, I didn't get assumed

to be, like, so I just, should I just hang up now? That's okay, Matt. That's okay. Again, you can, you can lie. I, I don't, you know, this is not court. You're not, you're not under oath. So you can you can lie. I don't you know, this is not court. You're not you're not under oath So you can make shit up. I don't care Go ahead. Tell us I think there's look. Yeah. Okay, so it's a December 2019 My wife is like under just under a month pregnant And we decide to travel Southeast Asia. We go to

travel Southeast Asia, we go to Laos, Vietnam, and Thailand, and the last bit of it we go from Thailand to China, which was our connection to get back to Los Angeles. Prior to leaving, my wife, who's very smart, smarter than I am, which isn't saying much, but she says, Matt, your US passport is like five and a half months from expiring, and like I don't know if people know this, but you want to be six months at least. Yeah, I've heard that. If you do international travel. But I'm like, oh, don't worry about it.

I've got dual citizenship. My dad is from England, so like we all have UK passports. So I'm like, oh, just bring my UK passport, no problem. I didn't bring my US one with me. So yeah, right? So we go about our thing we travel you know we and then our last bit lands us at a smaller airport in China. Now it's not like it's that tiny it's not just like prop planes but like there are

definitely fewer people speaking English at this airport than there would be in like say like Beijing or something. So first they come and they're like oh we lost your bag and I'm like oh, like I thought that was like, if this was where the story ended, they're like, Oh, this is great. And it's like Christmas time. So I'm like, Merry Christmas to me. They bring us to like a room. It's like a cemetery of bags. They're like, is it in here? I'm like, Nope. So fast forward a bit, and we're going to check in for our flight. And the agent says, all right,

let me see your passport. So my wife hands her passport over. I hand mine over. And they're like, all right let me see your passport so my wife hands her passport over I hand mine over and they're like all right where's your US passport and I'm like oh I don't have like I'm and I explained and she's like well you can't you can't fly back to home like without you but like you can't do this and I'm like what so immediately I'm panicked you know like my wife is like we've got to figure this out. So she basically said you can get a temporary Visa like a year. It's they call it ETA. It's like Like a temporary European visa

But I'd have to apply for it online like on the spot and hope that it comes through quickly She said it might take a couple of days My pregnant wife looks at me goes like like, the only option at this point seems to be she gets on the plane, I apply for this temporary visa that hopefully comes through in the next day or two, I stay at the airport hotel, and then just catch the next flight, which was like two and a half days later, the same flight, like, but on a Saturday. It was like Wednesday at this point. And I was like, all right, we'll just do that. And she's like, all right, so my wife empties her pocket of all of her money. She's like,

take whatever cash you need. Oh, and by the way, like, trying right, we'll just do that. And she's like, all right. So my wife empties her pocket of all of her money. She's like, take whatever cash you need. Oh, and by the way, trying to apply for the visa was especially hard for us because we have Google phones. And Google basically does not work in China. Like you can't use Google search engine. You can't use Gmail. You're just fucking up left and right. Jesus Christ, Matt.

Oh, but it gets so much worse. So she's like, all right. So as like Kisty was like, all right. Jesus Christ, Matt. Oh, but it gets so much worse. So she's like, all right, like, so as like, just he was like, all right, so we managed to through her Yahoo account, she had like an old Yahoo account, she's like, all right, we'll fill out the form at the hotel, like on their computer. And then when it comes through, I'll forward you this temporary visa, I'm like, all right, great. She gets on the plane. And literally, as the plane is about to take off, I get the email, she's like, it came through and like, oh, but like, just too late, right. She gets on the plane and literally as the plane is about to take off, I get the email.

She's like, it came through. And I'm like, oh, but like just too late, right? So now I have this temporary visa, my wife is taking off and I'm like, well, time to go check into the hotel. And the hotel is like, this doesn't work. Like you can't do this. Like you can't, like where's your either, you know, Japanese, a Chinese passport or where is your visa

that extends beyond the temporary visa that allows me to be in the airport in the first place. It kind of, it's not. Wait, Matt, I'm so good. Can I ask a question? How come you can't fly from China to America with a British passport?

Like a British person could be in China and fly to America, right? They just hate your guts or what? Maybe, but they were telling me that I couldn't do it because I didn't, it was the final destination were telling me that I couldn't do it because I didn't, it was the final destination and they said that I couldn't do it without. Oh, because you only have a one-way ticket to America, so you would seem like some sort of stowaway or something.

Oh. Exactly, exactly. So they would not let me get on the plane. It seems like it would have been faster for you to book a round-trip ticket. Like just buy another flight out of the States and say, I'm coming right back. just never and just never fly yeah yeah yeah I mean hey I'm kind of an airplane doctor so yeah yeah that's not really what Matt does yeah Matt wants to go buy the book

Matt fucks up that's what he does. Matt's like according to my research I like to speak to the government and go down the correct vessels of the program. According to my brand. Okay, sorry, Matt, continue. Yeah, go ahead. So tell us about your misery. So I tried booking a room at the hotel and they say, well, you don't have a Chinese passport and you don't have a visa that extends beyond midnight. You may not book a flight. Wow.

What if I was a sex worker? Right. So I could not fly home and I could not stay. I was Tom Hanks in terminal. I couldn't stay and I couldn't leave. And so basically, so there were no direct flights out and now I go back to the original woman who was helping me who I might add was like extraordinarily fed up with me by this point, because I was just like, what else can I do? And she's like, so I went back and she scribbles down,

at some point I took a picture of it, because it was so insane. She goes, here's what I think you should do. And she scribbles down this idea. Go fuck yourself. It's like, never mind. It's like. It's like.

It just walks away. I'm like, wait, wait. It was like, take a bus to a train to a different airport. I'm like, what? Like, I don't know. And it was like, with like 20 minutes of a grace period. Like, have I missed something? If I was late, if I went the wrong direction.

You're stuck in China with a pocketful of yuan. So I was like, this is crazy. I can't do this. And so she literally throws her hands in the air and goes, I'm done helping you. I'm like, Oh my God. So I'm in a panic. I turned to the first person who I see that's not helping someone. And I just say, I need to buy a ticket. Now I'm trying to get back to LA, but I'm like, I just go, I need to buy a ticket to the United States.

Cause now I don't care where I get. And so she pointed to a man who was like at a desk. I walked over. I'm opening, meanwhile, I'm opening like Safari on my Google browser to try to search for flights. And I start that process, which is going ever so like painfully slow. And this guy is helping me through his broken English, but he gets someone on the phone who's speaking English to me. And I just say, I need to get to Los Angeles but really anywhere and so she goes all right I have a flight and she started looking at the same flight that I was looking at that flew from where I was in two hours which was Nanjing to into

Beijing and then from Beijing to LA the next day so basically I ended up booking the flight before this guy could do it I I was just like faster on my phone. I was like, all right. So I flew from there to Beijing and I got through security. And what was important here was that I needed to get past security before midnight. And I got through at 10.30 at night. And so now I'm like, you know, now I just had to spend the next 14 hours

waiting for a plane. But I did it and I managed to get into a lounge and waiting for the plane. But I did it. And I managed to get into a lounge and slept for like 10 hours in a lounge. You know, all the while paranoid about you know, still getting pulled aside. So I had to like choose. Yeah, yeah, I did. And I got back to LA. And then it was like, of course I land and I'm like, well, I don't have us passport. It's like, you know, US citizens and visitors and I'm just like, well, I land and I'm like, well, I don't have a U S passport. It's like, you know, a U S citizens and visitors. And I'm just like, uh, well, I guess,

so I went to a U S citizens, obviously. And, um, I had to use my white privilege to, uh, like, it's just crazy that they let me through. I was here. I was like, traveling alone. I didn't have bags. I had like a backpack on and the guy was like, so let me get this straight. And I'm like, can I show you credit cards, my driver's license? And, uh, and they sort of like helped get me through. And then the kicker was when I was like leaving and they go to like,

do that final stamp, you know, uh, the guy looked and he goes, no bags. And I'm like, oh, if you only knew. And then they called me the next day, they're like, we found your bag. Come pick it up. I'm like, you won't drive it to me. I'm like, you lost it. And they go, no, we found it. And, uh, yeah, that's yeah, that's kind of my story. I was stranded at an airport in China. Just be smarter than me, I guess is. Yeah, you gotta bring that US passport.

I mean, that is, because you do have to think, I will be returning to the United States, and I am a US citizen, and they will kind of wanna see that. Right, but it really is a great, I mean, it is the whitest of all white privilege to fall back on. You're like, I'm American, we don't believe you. All right then, I'm British.

I'm actually more white than you could have ever imagined. Hello, hello, hello. I'm a bit lost. I am holding a pipe. All right, well, Matt, thank you so much for calling. Thank you so much guys. And you live and learn. That's all I gotta say. We're glad you got that 14 pounds of cocaine back from your lost bags. Alright, Matt, thanks.

You are listening to the Andy Richter calling show. I'm Andy Richter call-in show. I'm Andy Richter. I got Lisa Gilroy here. We're talking travel nightmares. And actually, Matt did remind me, it's not necessarily, it's a passport pain in the ass, which is I'm fairly newly married. I moved in with my then fiance,

because my lease was up. Before your wedding? What the hell? Yeah, yeah, yeah. Oh, we were fucking crazy. Andy, what the hell? Okay. We're old.

Not who I thought you were, but okay. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Yeah, no, I actually had checked with Jesus. You did? Yeah, yeah. And he was chill with it? Mm-hmm, I have it. He's on my WhatsApp.

Oh, no way. And I asked, and he said, yeah, it's no problem. Oh him? Mm-hmm, I have a, he's on my WhatsApp. Oh, no way. And I asked and he said, yeah, it's no problem. Oh, because in the Bible, the legal doinking age is like, I think, 39. Right. He actually just sent me a wink emoji. Oh, good. And he's like,

Oh, that's very cool. Okay, go ahead. No, but so I put all my stuff in storage, and this was like February-ish, I think, and I knew that we had a honeymoon coming up, and the day after I put all my stuff in storage, I went, oh shit, my passport is in there. Oh no.

It's in my desk, and I was like, it was contents from my desk So I go to the storage locker and I like it's packed It's fully and the passport no doubt is slip between the pages of one out of a thousand comic books All flash all the flash Yes, oh absolutely shrink wrap shrink wrap So I was like, oh shit, I'm just gonna call it lost and get a new passport. So I go through that process, which they're

like, if you want to get that done, you know, it's three months or whatever, I finally like figured out a library in Monterey Park was like nice enough to just like run through my paperwork with me. A library and any. I'm going to hold your hand when I say this. You did not get a real passport. No I did. I did.

No because there's different, you know, like libraries are one of, when you get all your paperwork together you have to take it to somebody who is authorized to go. It all looks good. Right. Yeah but they work for the passport whatever. Right. Okay. And that's, and sometimes they're libraries, but they work for the passport, whatever. Right, okay. And sometimes they're libraries, sometimes they're post offices.

And I was able to get it done at the Monterey Park Library by calling them directly. Because every time you call, they're like, no, two months, two months wait. Right, until you pull the old I'm Andy Richter. Right, exactly. And then in Monterey Park, they're like, oh yeah, we know, we're sure who that is.

So I send all the stuff off and I'm waiting and in the meantime I get a very lucrative job on a Australia a reality show in Australia and they're like will you do this and I mean it was like it was like save my butt kind of money you know and and you know into a new marriage I'm like honey I'm gonna make this much money okay and I was like oh fuck my passport but it's already in the mail getting ready to come to you right it not in time what it won't be there in time it's in it's in flux so then you go I have to I have to go I have to go, I have to go through, I'll make it short,

I have to go through, find out, and this is again using some showbiz privilege, call my manager, call different people, they're like, we have a fixer that can handle this. First I go Conan, their fixer says, yes, I have a contact in Dianne Feinstein's office who can accelerate things. So they're no good. And they want like 750 bucks. Then I try- Okay, says the manager, said he was about to get the biggest paycheck in his life. I know, I know.

750 bucks? Another fixer is like, you know, tries it and can't do it. It's getting down to the wire where I'm supposed to get on a plane like on Thursday and this is Tuesday and finally my manager says here's the name of this woman call her and it's kind of odd but call her and she can set it up and I was like okay I call this woman and she's just like, and it's a Russian accent, hello. And I'm like, hi, um, my manager's gave me your number and she's like, oh yes, I love him very much. Okay. What you're going to do is you're going to

go tomorrow morning to passport office, get their six 30. There will be a woman there. You will be, you will be, will be supposed to be married couple. I'll tell you what she wears. You find each other, you get in line, and then I will send you a screen grab of email that gives you permission to go in. They come around, they want to see the email. That's all that they want to do.

And then when you get in, they will call your name and they just have the first three letters of your last name. Your name is Miller or whatever, starting with M I L. Honestly, 100% true. And I was like, wait, wait, what, what, where do it? And she's like, do the passport thing. And I was like, and then I was like, and I'm meeting some other woman. She goes, yes, because there's two people on the letter and she is another client who needs it, and he goes, she goes, hold on one second,

I'll call you back, she calls me back, she says, she doesn't want to do it, you know, she's nervous, you know, I mean, I am woman, but sometimes women, they are so nervous, ask questions, you don't need, you know, and I was really like, seriously, and I said, what happens, and she said, it's no big deal, you know, and I was really like, seriously, and I said, what happens? And she said, it's no big deal.

She said, if they figure out that it's a screen grab, they just send you home. It's not going to arrest you. And you're going to get a passport for Andy Miller. No, no, because once you're through into there, you can be whoever you want. It's not connected. What?

It's not connected in any way to the process of getting into the room. Oh my god. So I do exactly what she says, except without having to meet someone. The guy comes around. There's a guard that comes around, says, show me your email. And I have a screen grab of somebody

with the last name starting with MIL. He goes, OK, I'm a nervous wreck. I go through the security, get up to this podium, and he's like, what's your number and what's your last name? And I was like, Miller 863. All right, get on in. I go in and I said, and then I give them all the legit information and say, I'm leaving tomorrow. They said, it got all settled, and they were like, come back tomorrow.

I got there, I went back at noon, and I was on a plane to Australia at 6 p.m. with my brand new, like, still warm passport. To shoot Australia's big jumbo splash, slam dunk cannonball competition. To be in Stars on Mars. It was a show about celebrities at a Mars habitat

in the Outback. Oh my God. I can't believe, that is like some. It was crazy. And I still have her name. So anybody, if you want to know where you can get a shortcut for a passport, I know a Russian lady that can,

who apparently has somebody on the inside sending her emails every day. But you know what's really sad? And guess how much it cost? How much? $150. That's crazy. $150.

Yeah, but you have blood on your hands because guess what, the fixer had to send someone to that library and shoot that woman in the back of the head. Whatever. Anyway, next caller, Sam. Oh, Sam's back. Music festival Sam, who had the van that exploded. Yay, Sam.

All right, get it, get it, man. What happened? Can you hear me this time? Yes, you sound gorgeous. Absolutely, you're crystal clear. Excellent. Okay, well, real quick, I just want to say, I hear that your co-host is Canadian today. Yes! Hello, I'm Lisa. I'm from Canada.

Hi, Lisa. My girlfriend's Canadian. Am I your girlfriend No, I don't think so where's she from Canada oh god. Oh my god. They haven't really got there yet, huh? Some girlfriend well, you know what that is the classic for a guy that does not have a girlfriend where's your girlfriend from? Canada. I swear it's sort of a two-for-one deal but anyway okay so my van exploded sorry I didn't want to sidetrack but okay my van exploded I'll tell this short version and and basically it started pouring rain as soon as it caught fire and I lost

everything I owned because I was like you know anyway I was moving across the country to New Orleans so I lost everything I owned because I was like you know anyway I was moving across the country to New Orleans so I lost everything I owned in the fire except for in the back in this kind of town. Howard Glassman Oh okay so it really did like the whole thing caught fire and ruined all your all of your stuff. Tim Gunn Yeah just everything and what's weird is I was just like laughing super hard when it was happening that was like my fear response and so I was just like on the side of the road, like cackling while like my van was like, you know,

like 15 foot high flames and stuff. So I must've looked just absolutely insane. Right, right. That probably was good for onlookers. Mad laughing. Unless your leg goes up in flames. Ha ha ha ha! Definitely.

Let's just say people weren't really stopping to help, you know. But when, you know but when you know the fire truck showed up and the police showed up all that stuff they needed a place to put me and to question me about like what had happened so they brought me to what I thought was the police station but then I noticed I was just sitting there waiting and then there were a bunch of like neon shirts walking by and I realized I was in the minimum security prison there. And it was like a super relaxed environment,

everyone was really friendly. Cool. But the only thing that I had left was my guitar from the fire. You didn't take your suitcase, my friend. Well, it was in the back, you know. That's where the fire started in the back? Oh, I imagined it happened in the front.

No, it happened in the front. But it burnt back, and only the things at the very back of the van were salvageable. So the suitcase was in the front. No, it happened in the front and then- But it burnt back and only the things at the very back of the van were salvageable. So the suitcase was in the front. Exactly, thank you. Near the front of the van. Mm, all right. Yeah, suitcase was right next to me and I just panicked.

I didn't even have my phone or anything. Lisa's suspicious, but I'm on board with you. Yeah, yeah, and clearly a fire marshal. But what I ended up doing is I was just like sitting around and the only thing I had was my guitar and one of the inmates came up to me and was like, hey, you should play us a song. And I was like, I don't know. I don't know. I was like, no, you should do it. And then I did. And they kind of gathered around and they were like, hey, that was okay. And I was like, okay, yeah, sure. And they were like, do you

know anyone's about like prison? And I was like, no. And then they were like, well. Specifically minimum security jail. Yeah, exactly. Yeah, we can walk out whenever we want. Yeah, yeah, yeah. I got a day pass. I hear the train a-comin' and I can get right on it

because I can just walk out of here. Yeah, exactly. But they were like, can you make up a song about that? And I was like, kind of under a lot of pressure because I was surrounded by inmates. And so I was like, yeah, sure. And I made up a song that I don't remember any of, but I just remember it was like the most, it was the worst performance experience I've had in my life. And I like was just, I remember the word freedom was in there and like I don't really sing a lot about that ever. So that was kind of a stretch.

And anyway, that was just kind of a rough go. And then I moved to New Orleans. I didn't have- Did they just take you to the- Go ahead, Lisa. To the, this is Andy. I know I have a high voice, but it's not that high. No, no, Lisa, you should go.

Why did they take you to the jail? I I mean were you under arrest for cackling as yours life burned Right, that's that's the thing that I still haven't quite put together I think cuz maybe maybe they felt bad for me because it was like raining really really hard and I was like on the side Of freeway, which is like a bunch of burnt stuff So I think it was just like where they could put me. I don't think they were mad at me, but they were like, we do have to do the paperwork, blah, blah, blah, we can't do it here,

because it's raining, so why don't you come down to the station, which happened to be all to the prison. Nice. Then you sang your little song. It's kind of like the plot of a Hillary Duff movie. She's on a road trip, and everyone's like, can you sing?

And then she starts singing, and they're like, wow, you're really good. And then they sign her to a label or something like that. Yeah, yeah. I'm a momentarily indisposed record executive. I had a tie as a belt. Exactly. All right, Sam, well, thanks for calling back.

We appreciate it. Thank you, Annie. Thanks, Lisa. Thanks, Sam. Next caller, we have another Sam, and this is Sam from Portland. And if I remember correctly, Sam is a female. You know it.

All right. And you had called in at an earlier episode. Yeah, you had the story of going to a dentist in Mexico, I believe. Ooh, Sam, tell us about it. Mexico, that Craigslist. Oh, yeah, yeah. Right.

You got the life, man. I don't know why. And every time you like advertise yourself saying, hey, call in this week's theme. I'm like, why do I have a story for all of your things? You know, and because I I'm secretly stalking you and I'm just trying to set you up for your memoir. I mean, I don't blame you. As you know, I'm very popular. I know. So popular in fact.

I know. But shortly after that Craigslist affair, this is where the story starts for your theme this week. Okay. Go ahead. Let her rip. I have a question for the both of you. Yes. Have you ever, either of you,

been in a situation where you were on a plane and you're about to go on a two week vacation free with a partner that you realize you don't want to be with anymore and accidentally blurt out, I want to break up with you as the plane starts to go up and extend into the air. That's actually how Andy and I met. Yeah yeah it is. It was the big two week free vacation remember? Yeah yeah yeah. And you were the one you were like I can't do this and I was like please please please. I was like no no I can't do this anymore I can't handle when people don't talk about me. Yeah. Lisa really likes to talk about other things.

Well, because what our publicists had tried to do is do kind of like a JLo Ben Affleck thing where we're gonna try to use each other's momentum to like further our careers. And then it just went up in flames. Right, right, right. And then we found out that neither one of us are big enough for anyone to care.

Right, right. So it was like zero plus zero equals zero. Yeah. Hmm. Anyway, so anyway, it was like zero plus zero equals zero. Yeah. Hmm. So anyway, so you're on a plane. So wait, you're on a plane and you break up or somebody breaks up with you as you take off? No, I broke up with them.

So we're about to take off. Yeah. And I'll kind of explain the context. So I've dated this person. We've been dating for about three months. I realized I really don't like them, but I'm also I was very young so I didn't really Know how to properly break up with people yet And her parents at the time had just bought a business in Maine close to Portland, Maine

funny enough and They invited us out and they're like we're gonna pay for everything. It's a two-week trip We'll do a whole thing. And it was the week that I really wanted to break up with her, but I also have never been to Maine and I love free stuff. So I was kind of the dick in the situation. And I was like, okay, we can go. I can just last two more weeks and this should be fine.

But it turned out she was annoying me so much on the plane as we're like, we're sitting down, the plane is starting to go, we're about to go up into the air and I'm just fantasizing about the breakup you know and so I accidentally blurt out I want to break up with you and she starts sobbing hysterically and starts to like make a scene and then I'm like just kidding just kidding I don't want to break up I was thinking about someone totally different and I was just like playing it out, whatever, and she decided to believe that. But did it put a pall over the rest of the time? Well, the rest of the

time was weird and interesting. When we show up to her parents place, they live in a cabin in the middle just outside of Portland, so like deep in the woods, and I started to learn why she is the way that she is, which is she's very actually narcissistic and very into herself, overachiever, things like that. And I realized- I get it, so normal. She was kind of raised that way.

Yeah, because her parents start to show their absurdities and like, oh my God, I definitely don't wanna be with this person. So I remember I walk in and they greet us and they seem so nice and welcoming and warm and so I'm sitting with the family while she like goes out to, my girlfriend at the time, goes out to go get something and they're like, yeah we're so happy we wanted to meet you, you treat her so well, we've heard so many good things and you know you should know that she's really special too and then they all of a sudden randomly pull out a book that was like a huge, was actually a

binder probably like like four inches thick and it turned out to be a binder that they have been cultivating since she was born and it's like an entire set of just everything about her that makes her perfect, including like her IQ tests and like all of her grades and just like highlight and they placed it in like graphs so they like made data sheets about it. It was really weird. Is she an only child? No she wasn't. Well I guess she was an only child for him because the original parents brought this up, it's like her dad and stepmom. So yeah, kind of, yes.

Yeah, yeah. Yeah, so it all started to make sense. And obviously with the stress of the fact that like I technically broke up with her on the plane, I'm technically stuck with these crazy people for two weeks and in a cabin and I am just feeling the anxiety build and build. I start to develop like really bad stomach pains

and nothing is working. I don't, it's getting to the point where like I literally can't sit up and eventually I just get desperate and I'm like, I just need to give myself an enema I think. So like maybe have like relief. It was the only, I was like out of my mind in pain. And I crawl myself to the bathroom. Are you like an enema girlie? Is this like one of your go-to bag of tricks or was this like first time?

I mean it was kind of my first time and it was recommended. I was trying to like look online for like recommendations and I think someone on a forum was like, try this. Interesting. Interesting to be kind of your first time. But it wasn't my first time so I was like I'll give it a shot and so I'm like crawling to the bathroom and I luckily because my girlfriend I told my girlfriend I was like I think I need this and so she like went out and bought it and came back and so I'm just like trying to figure out how to like insert it and this whole time they're like hey in about like 10 minutes we're gonna go hiking. You know, take your time.

They don't know what I'm doing. And so I'm just kind of trying to figure it out. And I realized that I'm too much in pain to reach my own butthole. I can't do it. I just can't. I've been there. So I like text, I text my girlfriend and I'm like,

can you help me with my enema and she like comes in and she was like I thought you wanted to break up why are we doing butt stuff now and I was like okay so you did believe me all right well seriously I'm in pain she's like let me think about it she just sits there for like a few minutes and I'm like seriously can you please help and she's like fine so it was awkward and we got the job done and for the rest of the trip, it was just weird. And then we got back and that was,

I mean, it's a short story, but- How long after you got back, did you finally really drop the hammer? Probably like two weeks after. Yeah, you gotta give it a little time. And drop the hammer means have that bowel movement, right? Yeah, yeah, yeah. That means, yeah. It's good. Okay, well, two is a long time to wait, but I'm glad it eventually happened.

All right. Well, thank you, Sam. I hope you've become more confrontational. I have, actually. Thank you, and I hope you have a great day. Thank you so much. Have a good one. All right. You're listening to the Andy Richard Callen Show. Lisa Gilroy is here. We're talking travel nightmares. Beep beep. Emily.

Oh, hello. Oh, hello. Andy and Lisa. How are you? Hello, Emily. I feel like I haven't talked to you guys in forever. It has been a long time, but we really need to just hear about your travel nightmares. That stuff with your parents, honestly, we don't care.

Just get to the travel stuff. Okay, well, it doesn't have to do with my parents, but it was when I was a child. But when I was 12, it's already off to a bad start here, I took a trip to see 10 national parks with my fifth grade teacher. Just the two of you? And it was me, her, and then her sister showed up and her sister was probably the nightmare of the trip. Oh no.

What a weird setup. Yeah. How do you get to go on a trip around the world with your teacher? You must have been a major teacher's pet. Yeah, Lisa, you have no idea. I was a theater kid, teacher's pet, little girl. And your parents are okay with this?

I mean, do they know the teacher enough to where it's like, cause you know, even women can be perbs. It's you know I mean yeah my mom's a teacher so I think like she was very involved in school activities and things like that so she knew my fifth grade teacher my fifth grade teacher was like old enough to be my grandmother and so was her sister so she was like oh it's gonna be fun it's gonna be great and I was, OK, I want to see National Park, so take me with you.

And well, so my teacher's name was June. Her sister's name was April. And then do you want to guess what the third sister's name is? Sabrina. May. You wish it would be May. It was Sandy.

I said Sabrina. I was close. You were very close. You wish you would be amazed it was Sandy You're very close you're like you're like a psychic kind of shitty psychic, but you're like a psychic You do the first letter that's all you need but um, yes So they hated Sandy but April was the only one that came on the trip with us and we started in Vegas And then I don't know what April had against 12 year olds but I think she was just jealous for me encroaching on her sister's trip and like looking back I can see like if my sister brought a random little girl to babysit I'd be like come on what the hell? Oh totally. Was your teacher getting paid for this? No. So you guys were just truly gal pals.

This was like the sex in the city of all the states. Yes. Yes, the sex in the city of all the states. A 12 year old. A May December. A 12 year old girl. Which one were you? Such a Charlotte, I bet.

Yeah. Such a teen, pre-teen Charlotte. Virgin loser with the pearl necklace on and the little cardigan. Yeah. But April, like, was so much, she used to diff my outfits. She was Samantha, obviously. I bought these pika pants that zipped off. Yeah, obviously.

And she zipped, I used to like zip them off at the knee and I thought they were so cool. And I kept zipping them on and off and she told me I was an ignoramus degenerate or something like that and that my pants were dumb and I was like oh okay and then there was like one point where we had a cooler in the back and she wanted a purple Gatorade and I couldn't find a purple Gatorade in this cooler and so she rams the brakes on the car, she opened up the backseat, finds a purple Gatorade and she... Wait, you cut out there for a second.

She threw it at you? Yes, she threw it at me. Now, what does your teacher say to this? April or June or whatever her name was. Well, June, like June at first was just kind of like letting us duke it out for some reason. And I, like June at first was just kind of like letting us duke it out for some reason. And I was like, ma'am, I'm 12.

I don't know why you're letting us settle our differences. Like this is your crazy sister. And eventually like there was a time where April had a meltdown in the middle of the desert. And I like was crying. And then June, the sister, my fifth grade teacher made me go buy her like this necklace to like say sorry to her with my own souvenir money and I was like this is not fair but I picked a really ugly necklace so that like she had to wear it as an apology but yeah

that trip I don't really know how that trip happened, honestly, but I tell people all the time, I went on a trip with my fifth grade teacher when I was 12 and they're like, that's not right. That's not correct. Yeah, it's very strange. And then when you got back to elementary school

for the school year, were you just like, oh, learning about sequoias. Oh yeah, June and I saw a couple of those this summer. Oh yeah. Well, I was in middle school now, so I didn't have to see June anymore. Oh, that's probably for the best. Did you ever see her again?

Yeah, it was like just, it was just awkward then. I was, I just pretended pretended April and I were cool. And afterwards she kind of reprimanded me as if I had done something wrong in the trip to make April so upset. No, I just showed up. I don't really know. Yeah, that's-

I don't really know what I did. That's what's known as abuse, an abusive relationship. You know, just the, like, you need to apologize to that monster, you know? It's what we've been doing my entire life. It's how it works. Get her a necklace, you know? Just throw a gift at it.

All right, well, Emily, thank you for calling. I don't- I have more questions than answers, but thank you, Emily. Yeah, yeah. Thank you, Emily. Just for God's sakes don't do that again. No I will never be 12 again and go on vacation with them. Yeah screw that. All right moving on we have Christian. Hello hi Andy. Hi Christian. Hi there. I have to tell you immediately that Lisa's also

the name of my dog who's right next to me, so she might get agitated if I keep talking. Start saying Lisa, Lisa, Lisa, Lisa, Lisa. It's your dog's name? Yes, exactly. Okay, all the best bitches are present. Reporting for duty. It's true, it's true.

But I do have a little story about, it's a little bit of a two-parter about how I kind of developed and got over fear of flying. Oh, good. There's a real arc here. Yeah. Well, no, hopefully.

I mean, still working on it. I mean, spoiler alert, Xanax. Yeah, hopefully. I mean, still working on it. I mean, spoiler alert, Xanax. Yeah, yeah. But there was about 13 years ago, I was, I worked in the music industry and I had to go to South by Southwest for the conference. And you're kind of just like there all week and perpetually like every show you go to and every person you're meeting there is just like you know you're never really drunk but you're always you always have like a beer or something so just by the end of the week you're just exhausted. So I was living in LA at the time and so I was

I was waiting at the airport, gets canceled and I'm waiting to take a flight back home and I you know waiting six hours give take, get onto the flight. And as soon as we're boarding, the pilot says, immediately, everyone get in your seats, we had terrible air coming over here, it's going to be the bumpiest ride you've ever like experienced. Like everyone buckle up. And I was like, okay, well, you know, like, not pretty well traveled at this point. And I didn't really have a fear, but he was laying it on thick. We get in the air and starts, he comes on the mic again and it's like, okay, well, you know, like if you need anything, take it from your,

take them to overhead bin now because once I put that seatbelt sign on, it's not coming off. And we're like, okay, then another, you know, all right, well, like, we're not going to do any sort of beverage service flight attendants, please take your seats, which is always the sign that it's gonna be bad. Especially for you, because you need that consistent beer in your blood at this point. Right, right.

You've got a buzz to maintain. I was just a little hungover. True, true. But you know when you hear that this flight attendants need to sit down, that it might be a little bumpy. Yeah. But then any of like comes on again and is like in 20 minutes, everyone prepare, like

you better get ready. And it's like wearing a denim shirt. And at this point, I'm sweating to a denim shirt. The person next to me is like, hey, do you think we're going to be okay? What's going on? I'm like, I don't know. We're just talking. We're just trying to calm each other down. Next thing we know, that's on the mic again, prepare for landing in 15 know 15 minutes zero turbulence Whatsoever the whole flight never had a bump not at all Not at all we land and we the person I was in the middle the person to in the aisle seat was

How to her headphones on the entire time takes him off says did it not sound like she was telling us we were going to die And we were like exactly exactly. That's it. It's crazy. But two, three weeks later, I'm again on a flight from on a flight, um, but from LA to Idaho, which is notoriously kind of, uh, rough air, oh boy, there is, I've looked this up, there are classifications of turbulence. And this was extreme turbulence. It was, you drop a thousand feet in three seconds, people are screaming on the plane, you know, like

Is a thousand feet, like, is that an exaggeration? No, no, no, that's a hundred percent, that's not an exaggeration at all. And also that's also not even like as much as you can drop. Oh, I know, it's not as much as you can drop, honey. Check my IMBB page. No, but it was literally like an insane amount in one second. And it was the type of thing where the, meanwhile, the pilot on that flight was just like, all right, everyone buckle up real quick and we'll get you on the ground soon. And, you know, the other guy was buttering it up, making

it seem like, you know, and this guy was just like, all right, so just everyone buckle up and we'll be there soon. It was not a fun experience, but it was the type of thing where people were kissing the ground once we landed. Yeah yeah. Now were there people up and about when you got when you dropped that thousand feet or had you had a warning? We got maybe a five minute warning. Right right. So everyone jumped in. I'm always worried that I'm gonna be in the bathroom when there's that like thousand foot drop and I'm gonna break my neck on the ceiling. Oh, that's what you worry about I was like splash with poo. Oh, no that I'm worried the whole contents of what's under that toilet's gonna come out on No, I pay for that. Oh, of course you I forgot planes, but yeah, yeah something I paid for before right?

No, I just I always had that feeling that like oh if there were because I've never been on a plane that took that really serious drop, but I know that it happens. Oh, you know that people get slammed against the ceiling. Well, the sweet spot to be in if you're going to hit turbulence is you want it to be bad enough that everyone's buckled up and seated and you are. But it's not bad enough that the flight attendants aren't up because you want one of those pretty little ladies go flying in the air and landing on your lap. I'll tell you. I'll tell you what. Wow. Okay. A lucky day on Christmas if that happens, okay?

Wow. Okay. I guess. That's fine. Yeah. I actually see now, Christian, you would probably hate me because I actually find. Just period. And we do.

You would hate me. Most people do. If you met him, trust me, Christian, you also would. Because first there's the smell. Then. No. If you met him, trust me, Christian, you ought to do it. Because first there's the smell. Then, no, but I actually, when turbulence happens, I kind of enjoy it. I kind of find it. It's a bit of a roller coaster.

Yeah, I find it kind of like a little bit of a thrill ride. But you know, I can see that that would not be fun for people who have a fear of flying. Well, have you seen the woman on TikTok who explains it? She is a flight attendant, and she has the Jell-O, and she has seen the woman on TikTok who explains it? She is a flight attendant and she has the jello and she has like a little peanut or something in it and she shakes it and she's like, that's what's happening with turbulence.

The peanut's not gonna fall through the jello. The pressure will keep you there. So then you can have a bit of a laugh. Oh, okay. Because you were all just along for a little ride. We're not gonna die. Now I know what I'm having for lunch. Peanuts and jello, honey.

Peanuts and jello. All right, well, Christian, thank you so much. Thanks so much for calling in. Thanks so much. Really appreciate it. Love the show. Oh, thanks so much. All right, let's move on.

Here we go. I think we got time. Man, you know, maybe one more, maybe two more. Who knows? Sariana. I hope I'm pronouncing that correctly. Hi. Sariana, Sariana.

You did, that's amazing. Oh, well. Do you have two sisters by any chance named April and June? I don did, that's amazing. Do you have two sisters by any chance named April and June? I don't, I don't. Oh my gosh, this is such a thrill. Thank you, thank you so much for calling. Tell us about your story, about your travel problems.

Alright, well this was a few years ago. We're a big road trip family. This was back in 21. So I had an 11 year old girl, a eight year old boy and a four year old boy at the time. And we were traveling with our seven month old lab and we were coming back from Wisconsin. What do you people have against yourselves?

What, like, why do you hate yourselves so much? We're glad for punishment. Jesus Christ, that just sounds like, that would be stressful to me if we had to drive to San Diego. With that line up in the car. Alright, so anyway, go ahead. Yeah, we were doing the Seattle, the Wisconsin and back. Oh my god, so much stronger stuff than I am. But anyway, God bless you, go ahead.

Yeah, so we were on our way back home. We'd been away from home like two plus weeks. Everyone's really ready to be home. We were in Montana. We had just gotten a new minivan, like a hybrid minivan. Brand new, got it right before the trip. And my husband's asleep. I was driving, we're in Montana. You guys might know that you can go like 100 plus miles between gas stations in Montana. Right? So I was getting

a little desperate. The tank was getting really low and I started to freak out like, oh my gosh, really hope we make it to a gas station in time. Then I see there's a town coming up. There's a gas sign. I'm like, oh, thank God we're saved. Pull off the road. My husband wakes up all groggy like, oh what happened? I'm like, okay, we're at a gas station. I'll get gas. He's like great. I'm gonna take our boys over to the bathroom. So I I fill up the tank. I'm like, whew. All right, we made it. We're good. Putting the putting the gas cap back on and Then all of a sudden this trucker with a giant cowboy hat come fronting over to me

And I'm like, whoa weird. What's going on? He's like, did you just fill up at this? You know whatever thing and I'm like, yeah. Yeah. He was like you just filled your van with diesel And I was like, you just filled your van with diesel. Don't start your engine. And I was like, what? How did that happen? Because it was the red handle, right? You know, the green one's diesel, the red one's regular. It was the red handle.

Because green, I always remember green is for diesel because it's good for the environment. Yeah, and it's made out of vegetables. That's right. Noah, and I thought that Diesel's like had a nozzle, a bigger nozzle that made it impossible. It doesn't have like the Monster Energy Drink logo on the side or something.

Yeah. God. That's what I'm thinking. I'm like, how did I do that? And I look up and it's like farm vehicle diesel. So there must be something different about the nozzle that it fits. So then we're just like, oh my God, what do we do?

And then this local kind of saunters over and he's like, do you fill your van with diesel? I was like, yeah, it happens all the time. I'll call Bob at the garage. Maybe you should fucking put a different sign up there, Clem. Yeah. Maybe you should fucking put a different sign up there, Clem. Yeah. I know.

So this tow truck or whatever the garage truck comes, they're like, okay, you know, they get our van hooked up and then they're like, okay, well, you know, you need to like start the car, but without starting the car, right? But this is our first ever push button car. We don't know how, because you know the key, you just turn it the one click.

Yeah. So we're like, oh my God, how do we do that in this car? So that took a little while to figure out. Finally, I think somebody, thank God, also just another savior at the gas station was like, oh, you just push the button without pushing the gas pedal down. We're like, oh, you just push the button without pushing the gas pedal down. We're like, okay, that makes sense.

But we'd only had this car like three weeks, so it hadn't come up yet. Imagine if you just, you touch the button and it explodes. Oh, that's, my anxiety level is so high at this point. That's what I'm thinking is about to happen. So they tow us to the thing and I'm like, okay, we're saved. We're in this tiny town. My husband, of course, at this point is livid with me, right? He's like quietly like feeding. He's like, why don't you take the kids and the dog to like

walk around? I'm going to stay here as a mechanic. So I'm like, great, good, good plan. So we leave. mechanics and I'm like great good good plan so we leave we're walking this is like a small town in the middle of nowhere Montana there's like vultures in the trees and there's like dads and sons like parading in a park with rifles and stuff and I was like oh my god where are we we're gonna die here and then my husband calls me and he's like they can't get the gas out because it's a brand new car there's like anti siphoning you know technology because usually they would just siphon it out like old school right that's like when you take three little slurpy straws and put them in and you

give each kid a slurping opportunity, right? I mean, that's how much I would've done to save a buck or two. They don't just swallow it, they could spit it out. Right, exactly. So we're like, oh my God, what are you doing? He's like, okay, I think what we're gonna do is we're calling the Toyota dealership in Seattle to ask them what to do.

So then the next update I get is they have to access the gas tank from the floor in the inside the van, so they had to take out, we're road tripping, it's the end of a road trip, so the van is just a mess. He's just having to take out all the stuff, the two middle seats, they open that up, and then they're like, oh, there's some kind of crazy,

fancy, fastener to this, we can't open it. they open that up and then they're like oh there's some kind of crazy fancy password to this we can't open it so they had to call the Toyota dealership again they were like oh yeah that needs the special tool to open this thing which of course these guys out in the middle nowhere don't have and then the next update I get is they got it open with a screwdriver. Like, thank God. So because we are thinking like if this was like a Friday afternoon too, we're like, oh my God, we're going to be stuck here all weekend at best. Like, this is so crazy.

But yeah, oh my God, they got all the gas out. They refilled it. It was like 450 bucks. We were we were back on our way. So it all worked out okay, but yeah, it was quite the, and my husband's like, you're never allowed to pump gas again. I was like, well, in the civilized world,

it's not a problem. I was kinda hoping that the story was, I was kinda hoping that the story was, they served up your husband to the vultures and now you're a sister wife. Plot for a horror movie, because then you guys go on your way and then the next van comes in

and someone comes over and is like, ma'am, you just filled your tank with the wrong fuel. Oh my God. That's how this town is existing. You gotta try, Office operations. You gotta try our special jerky.

It's a secret recipe, wing. And stay the night at the Vulture Motel. Stay the night at the old smokehouse. All right, well, Sariana. Yeah, they're like, this jerky was from California. All right, Sariana, well, thank you so much. And just be more careful, but honestly, it's not entirely your fault.

I know. If they say, when they say this happens all the time, that would be sort of an indicator that something needed to change. Exactly. Honestly. Yeah, you know, even just a Sharpie at eye level, you know, a Sharpie warning would be nice.

Yeah. Well, thanks for taking my call, guys. I hope you gave them a sternly worded Yelp review. Right. All right. All right, thanks, Ariana. Thank you. All right, Lisa.

That's it. We're done. We sort of now, we think like, what's the best call? That's where sort of like- Oh, it's a big competition at the end. Yeah, yeah. Wait, this is the Australian reality show. We don't give prizes.

We don't give prizes. We don't give prizes. Although, at some point, if I think we should, I'm looking at people in the booth to say, like, yeah, come on, let's, you know. Send a t-shirt for the love of God? A gift card or something. Come on. Give him one of Andy's old passports.

He's got hundreds of them. Thank you. Well, what do you think? What was your favorite? Well, I can tell you what's going to stick with me for the longest is that going on a trip with your teacher and the teacher's sister. I just I still can't wrap my head around how or why it happened.

Yeah, yeah. I just can't fathom a universe in which it's like, is the parent being like, go with the teacher or the teacher and you are like talking to the you're like, could be fun if we hit up a big road trip. This is like how the hell? I don't know. I don't know. I was I was partial to the go to China without your US passport one because that's just like, I would have divorced him. That's the kind of thing that like,

I'm thinking of the people in my life who would do something like that and how they're just like a perpetual source of frustration and irritation to me. But, okay, in his defense though, can you see the story also going badly if he brought both passports? It's like, so then they figure out

I've got two passports on me. Now they pulled me aside to a separate room, like, you know? No, I can't. Because there's lots of people in the world have two passports. Oh, doesn't feel like they're up to no good. To me, it kind of seems like, well, what do you need that for? You're up to no good.

No, no, there's lots of people that do that. Like you said, his dad was from the UK, so he had a UK passport too. Lying, but okay. My wife has two, she has a UK passport. She lived there for 10 years. I would do a background check on her. I already did.

I already did. You had the fixer look into it? She quit Al-Qaeda like years ago. Oh, okay, okay. Yeah, yeah, yeah. All right, well, Lisa, what do you want people to know? Do you want them to go see Interior Chinatown on Hulu? Yeah, go see it if you can find a way to get to your TV.

Go to your TV right now and look it up. On November 19th it comes out. Oh no, it's soon, on November 19th. That's ages away. I know. Oh my God, they're gonna gather dust in front of their TVs. Okay, try to stay safe out there, guys. Thank you so much for listening.

I'll be back next week with more of Sa Sa Sa Sa Sa Da Da Da, Zimidibidu, da dee da da. Scooby-dee-doo, Andy Ricker calling show. Andy Ricker calling show Andy Richter