The Three Questions with Andy Richter - Moses Storm

Episode Date: December 14, 2021

Comedian Moses Storm joins Andy Richter to discuss his name, being raised in a religious cult, finding stand up comedy and preparing for his new special Trash White.

hello everyone uh i am andy richter i'm i i'm a stalwart in that department i will remain andy richter as long as i possibly can until they pry the Andy Richter out of my cold dead hand. And I have a very funny, very talented guest here tonight. I first got to know him because he was caught up in the rolling ball of goo that Team Coco is. He became attached to it. And then with each successive role, got deeper and deeper into it until now. I'm sure he has a Team Coco tattoo somewhere. But it's a very funny comedian, actor, bon vivant, philosopher, poet, swashbuckler, Moses Storm. That sounds like it's about to be the most annoying

interview. Like, oh, he's a philosopher and a poet. Well, I like to let people know what they're in for. Yeah. By the way, I never thought about it before, but just today, I was like, your name is ridiculous. It's like a superhero name.

100%. It really is, and I think people just automatically will say things like, oh, that's a great name, when they really mean it is a stupid name. It's just ridiculous. It stands out. It's not stupid, but it is kind of like, it's like an X-Men. It's like one of the X-Men's real name. You know, it's like just, which i guess you could phrase under because i think you

know the world of of comic books especially you know when x-men were becoming x-men not you know now they're all dark and complicated but just like right when jack kirby was naming things and everyone was like you know you know gideon stone and you know all these ridiculous names you know, Gideon Stone and, you know, all these ridiculous names, you know, like, like that. It's a strong name. And then an element.

Uh, yeah, it is like the older I get, the more I'm like, Oh, I understand what, what's behind it. It's just like, people will immediately comment in it because we're all looking for

something to break the ice. And then, uh, you hear a good name a lot, but it is like when someone gets a haircut. Like, oh, it looks nice. You just mean that you noticed it. Yeah.

Is really what it is. Does it look better? Or do I look much fatter? So, it's, yeah, it's odd. And it's not a great story, too. I wish it was. I've tried to, like, develop things. I specialize in, you know, in, like, C-level stories here.

Yeah. This is the guy. I just mean the name. I think the story of who they are are great, but it is just like, if I had to guess, it's just, oh, they had a lot of kids. And that's it. There's less importance on names. I mean, yeah, but the biblical nature of it, given your history, is it's very pointed. Like, how many siblings do you have?

There's five of us all together. I have four siblings. Do you all have Bible names? Yeah. Yeah, yeah. Yeah, without disclosing too much of their personal life, the oldest one, the very first one, is just the concept of religion. Her name is Faith. So, they were going hard.

Yeah. By the end, they were naming them Yahweh uh just yeah we're going deep deep cuts yeah moses is one of the more extreme and egregious ones it's like everyone knows people like oh were they fans of the bible it's like that's there you got to be a huge fan yeah it's like being named da vinci code yeah it's like you we know what book you like yeah i had a we used to have a plumber named zeb or is it zebadiah yeah yeah yeah yeah which i just that's that's not fair that's zeb yeah i think i okay so if you were writing if you were like in a writer's room and you had to write a character, you wouldn't want to give him two unusual names. You wouldn't want to be Moses Storm. Right.

A good name is like, oh, one thing that's unusual, an insane last name. Yeah, yeah. But that two double positives, it just, yeah, it does sound very X-Men, Weatherman, magician-y type name. Yeah, yeah. Well, too late. Which is a real thing. I was doing the shows at the Punchline San Francisco, and I think when you're not famous,

they put a poster up of you as your face and your name, just to be like a human's here. And then I was walking behind people that were just trying to find out what was happening at the comedy club. They had tickets or anything. And they were a little drug so they were speaking their mind no idea that i was behind them and the girl just like what is a moses storm and i never heard it in that context and then i just overheard them talking and loosely her boyfriend was like oh Oh yeah, I think I know him. But, uh, do we really want to see magic tonight?

But he was like very confident that I, that he had seen me and that I was a magician. Oh, that's great. That'll kill your boner. That's for sure. Yeah. Yeah.

It's all the things that people like in real time, struggling to find out who you are. Yeah. And, uh, yeah. Make a, you are. Yeah. And yeah, make it, make it. Do you ever get anything for your name?

It seems very like a very wholesome Christian name. It's like a filler. Yeah. I mean, people, they have trouble with Richter. They're not, you know,

like they'll think it's Richter or it is frequently spelled R II-T-C-H-E-R because C-H-T, those three letters are not together in English, you know? Yeah. So people, I think they're naturally it's T-C-H, but, but no, it's, it's, it's, uh, nobody cares. Was it a fight at Fox though to be andy richter controls the universe but they were they they insisted i did not want it uh i i wanted it to just be named something because i didn't i well because it's just i have a modicum of shame mainly um but they insisted we have to have andy richter in the title

and then i thought well i'm gonna make it sound so grandiose that no one could possibly take it seriously because i was just like everybody loves raymond would that would just haunt me that if it was something yeah cute and you know you know you know what's up with andy you know, you know, you know, what's up with Andy? You know, just some glib shit like that. So I came up with Andy Richter controls the universe because it, you know, captured the concept of the the the ability, you know, like the narrative, me being the narrator and being able to fuck with things. But it's a terrible title because

nobody gets it right they're always like andy richter rules the world i might have just said it wrong after you said that's all right yeah that's all right i probably said something like it's yeah it was you know you don't know until you know and it's like that was that was not a great not a great title but yeah live and learn you know yeah i did have i had a humbling when you were talking about the people outside the comedy club i had a it put me in mind of a humbling experience i had on the warner brothers lot walking back from the commissary in the middle of the day and a tour group and like they you know multi-row little open air buses yeah uh you know like giant golf carts goes by and the person is going you know and over here's where they make

big bang theory and what you know just but after they had passed me the the the narrator or the guide said uh guys that was and Andy Richter that we just passed. Andy Richter from the Conan O'Brien show. Anybody? Literally, I got to hear it. On mic? He's hot mic? Anybody?

I think they were, she was trying to do it kind of hushed. Yeah. Just to kind of, I think be cool, but I could just still hear it. Over mic. Anybody? Struggling. Yeah. Not a soul Over mic, struggling, not a soul. No, nobody knows who that is. Can someone pull up a photo?

Yeah, it is. It's fine, though. I mean, it's, you know, I never can get mad. People apologize that they don't know who I am. I'm like, oh, God, I'm glad. Yeah, I don't really care showing up to clubs and no one's ever heard of me, but it's when people go out of their way like that tour guide to be like,

I'm sorry, I don't know who you are at all. My friends came and I've never heard of you. Yeah. I literally never, and like, you don't have to double down on that. Right, right. And I don't need to hear any of that. I believe you. I presume that most people have not heard of me yeah that's the baseline so

let's surprise me every once in a while and say oh my god we saw a clip of you online you saw this and we came out surprise me with that but don't be like you the show was great and i had no idea that you were a human being until right now. That adds a lot. I thought maybe you'd just come out and make fart noises with your mouth. But no, you said words and told stories. We were just up for anything tonight. We thought it'd be funny to go to this.

And we'd be cringing in the crowd of like, oh, God, I can't believe stand-up is still a thing. They know the internet exists right yeah oh it's it's it's so transactional oh it's like a fake podcast someone's pretending to come up with it now uh you have you have a unique uh story you have a unique past your childhood you've probably talked about it you know a lot but um you were raised as part of a traveling bible cult yeah is that fair to say to put a finer point on it's a doomsday cult oh wow prep part right and no island shaped like a skull or anything no yeah no it is every time i find out about other cults i do get jealous of our experience i'm like oh i i wish we had some of that i wish we had more crazy to leave i wish it

was more successful so i could have that at least but through and through it was an unsuccessful doomsday cult it never took off never had a, never had any followers besides the three families that were originally in it. Wow. And it never made any money, never scammed anyone out of money. And there was no compound. It was just three separate buses, like actual city buses that we lived in. Was that from birth you lived in city buses? No.

Oh, okay. Which is i if it's fine if you're born into it like this is all that life is right we were renting a house from like michigan to ohio to florida is the main places that i'm from but overarching it's like the united states which is a very annoying answer it sounds like like a poet, philosopher answer. Right. But I was born technically in Ohio, in Findlay, Ohio. And then in two years in, they got the bus and spent that whole year converting it into an RV. Based on not the internet, but essentially, I don't know where you even get blueprints for a bus. I guess a library?

Is that that? And then hearsay of just other people that have done this before. So it was never finished. The bus was never finished. It was always under construction for the 12 years that we were in it. Wow. Yeah. And then that was most of our life is moving to different campgrounds.

And the idea was the three families would constantly be missionaries, meaning like street preaching. So you go out to a concert outside or a farmer's market with big neon signs that say you're headed for hell. Yeah. And. Do you mean neon, like neon colored, not neon. Neon colored. Yeah. Yeah.

Not like the lights. That would have implied that not neon? Neon colored. Yeah, yeah. Yeah, yeah, not like the lights. That would have implied that we had some money. Wow, yeah, that would be, and those are tough to travel with. Tough to travel. The extension cord, to get people to not trip over that, letting out of a Rolling Stones concert is brutal. We'd like to plug in our sign that says you're going to hell. It's plugged into a Starbucks bathroom, going all the way out to the concert.

Yeah. So we would just, from early on, the first performance or the first time you're in front of people is yelling at people on the street as a child. Not really knowing what any of these Bible verses mean or what the objective is. You're just like kids. You're like, I just don't want to get in trouble. So I'll yell this. I'll yell at these strangers and say, you're like i just don't want to get in trouble so i'll yell this i'll yell at these strangers and say you're going to hell what what brought your parents to this point to to say okay we're religious but it's not enough we got to get into a bus like have you ever spoken to them about

kind of what the rationale was and did they come from like really religious backgrounds or did they have sort of a conversion at some point? Yeah, they come from pretty strict religious backgrounds, both of them. And I think it is that thing of just, they had a rough childhood. So they are trying to escape that and they want to feel special and there's no money. So they want, there's a way to feel special

is to help start your own thing. Get on the ground floor of essentially a one-story building. And my great-uncle was actually the one that started it and is, to the best of my knowledge, still doing this, still traveling with his family, still street preaching. But my mom's uncle, my great-uncle,

is the one that started this. And it happened on the, he was like a star player at the Michigan State, at Michigan State, he was a running back. And his origin story is that he got hit incredibly hard and he's being carted off the field. And he knew that his entire football career is over and his whole identity as a star football player over. And as he's being carted off the field, the heavens open up.

And then God comes down and says that every organized religion, government, school system, that's all wrong and that this is the new way. And he needs to spread the word of this before the world ends. And God's walking alongside the gurney as they're going into the locker room? Yeah. Or is he just speaking down down he came down from the heavens as like a beam of light like not a form of a man not a painting or rendering of what Jesus is but got it um you know a CTE hallucination after you get hit incredibly hard yes yes which more power to him like if if you could make something that's not beating up your spouse after a ct injury but the the embarrassing part is that my parents heard the same story that you and i just heard and were like yeah that we should go along with

this i believe in this yeah the research wasn't there for concussions yet. It was not there. I mean, rarely has an epiphany been so directly related to a head trauma. It's like this is, you don't, you know, Moses never got hit in the head by anything. I mean, maybe going up the mountain, rock fell on him or something. Right. All of a sudden, there's a burning bush. And I just said Moses like it was someone else. Like, that's not your name.

Again, I'm not famous. I always presume it's that one. Right, the Bible Moses. I always presume it's someone's name. It's Charlton Heston. It's someone's dog's name, Moses. Yeah, 100%. Or it's Charlton Heston, yeah.

That is one of the rare movies that we were allowed to watch growing up. So I have seen that movie on repeat. Uh-huh. I love that movie. Yeah, it is great. It does hold up. It's just like, oh, it's for 70s. Not visually, the effects are terrible, but it is, I don't know, something comforting about it.

Oh, it's great. It's the one thing that we were allowed to watch yeah and and were there other like bible movies like could you watch the other jesus of nazareth jesus and a lot of lines from that that's not the max von seda one is it who's the jesus yeah but it is like a six hour series it's a mini series right no it's not i can't remember who that jesus is i don't think he he did a lot past that it's acted pretty well it's got a pretty big budget i was just watching it's like free on amazon now and and um yeah great but i've seen that on just very janky vhs is that that kept getting ripped and copied growing yeah. Yeah, yeah. Because of the no money. In a TV on a bus.

Yeah. Yeah. Which I did break. I sprayed Windex on the TV screen to wash it, and I guess that broke it. Oh, God. So many other things were broken in that bus. Yeah, but that was a huge deal.

Are you, I mean, it's hard to not be a dick about it, you know, in terms of like just, you know, what your parents did to you. And like, you want to think, okay, you know, people have kids and they're well-meaning and they think they're doing the best thing for their kid. But I mean, this seems really really hard like was it was there happy times or was it always kind of struggle and you were aware of the stress there was happy times and i think that's even a point that my mom brings up it's like you only talk about the negative stuff and it's like well yeah because that's the only thing that is it's unsettled yeah there's no reason to talk about the happy times. I mean, overall, no, not a happy childhood.

It was constantly living in fear of my parents. Very strict religious. It wasn't fun. We weren't allowed to have friends growing up or talk to anyone that was not directly our siblings or in this cult. And constant fear, constant struggle. I remember you and I would talk about this at Largo largo but we were very aware of our parents money problems like they told us like

hey we're not doing well yeah we might not eat your mom's fucked uh so yeah that's a lot of stress to start thinking about that early uh and um and always this thing that's hanging over you said god's to end the world and it's going to end in a terrible way. There's going to be stuff, funny enough, there's going to be civil unrest, there's going to be a holy war in the Middle East

and there's going to be a plague that's going to wipe a lot of people out. That's the signs of the end times. So the whole year was, this past year was the first year that I had revisited all these feelings and was like, there's still a part of me of like, is this right?

Were they right this whole time? Yeah. Well, I mean, while you were in the bus, I don't know what the problem with it was because you'd just be, you'd fly right up into heaven, you know, as one of the chosen people. Right. You know, like just zoop there you go and then people buses coming with yeah this and now yeah people like me be stuck down here you know the verse that was quoted to us is that uh few will be saved like in the days of noah that's

that's like who's gonna get saved out of this terrible ending of just strife and people have boils on their face so i obsessively as a kid looked that up and it was eight people on the boat. So I kept counting my siblings and then other cult members of like, who's going to be the eight that's going to make it? Because it can't be everyone. God probably means like, it's just going to be eight people.

Oh my God. Yeah. That's a fun thing for a kid to be worrying about yeah yeah so i mean i think the older i get the more mistakes i make sure i become more empathetic and less angry um but i mean i'm i am at the age now 30 now it's like when my parents were doing this and it is like well just yeah if i had kids now i would not do as many road stand-up dates i wouldn't take more career chances because like well that needs to be our life now it's just taking care of these human beings that you chose to make or at least you know

right to keep around so that needs to be the number one and i think that's the only crux of the problem is that they had the responsibility that they should have kids. And then also just as like every selfish human being wants to feel special, wants this experience of traveling around, being in a cult, feeling special and a little bit better than everyone because you're getting saved. So I understand that feeling. Yeah.

But yeah, I think the problem is the kids. Did you feel like a religious conviction throughout your youth? Like, I mean, you don't really have a choice in some ways, but then at a certain point you do start to. I mean, because I know I grew up, you know, my grandmother was religious and I thought about God. And, you know, like would say my dad would tell me, you know, that I would say to him, dad, do you really not believe in God? Which, you know, I mean, it's, I was like six or something. But then when I got to be, I don't know, I guess whenever I was getting, what do you call it?

Going through communion, you know, the, or the, you know, the sort of, of you know junior high graduation that you do in a protestant church um i think that's whatever it's called i can't uh it's like you wear a suit and you do the ceremony you say a verse and they put the thing yeah it's like you're now that thing you're now a grown-up yeah you're now a grown-up in the church um but in it was in that process i was like i don't this doesn't make any sense. Like, there's a lot of stuff here that just like, really? There's somebody up there that cares whether or not I steal a cookie or, you know, or why is a bird's life worth more than mine? You know, is the bird going to heaven? You know, just all the kind of...

They're always watching you and how could they always be watching everyone? Yeah. What kind of being is that to have? Yeah. Yeah. It's just, it's just our rational brains cannot come up with this. And it begs the question, like, who thought that this would work? Who thought that, we understand the greater purpose of religion for order and for keeping

people at peace as far as like, if there's answers to the unanswerable, people won't go insane. Right. But I don't know why this is the version that was the most comforting. Like who thought that this would work of like, it's a man in the sky. We'll never be up in the sky. But now we're up there all the time. There's billionaires up there. And it's like, there's nothing up there.

Right. It's like Richard Branson's up there all the time. There's billionaires up there and there's like, there's nothing up there, right? It's like Richard Branson's up there. Yeah, that it's a miracle that we've held onto it this long and all the contradictions that are within the Bible. I mean, when does it need to go farther than look at Bill Maher and Ricky Gervais's insufferable work to look at this? Yeah, some of the flaws in the logic. But I mean, but it's obvious. You know, it's like you said, there's something about we are a particular kind of primate with a really big brain. And so we know about our own deaths. So that's scary. So in our basic

development, we're like, well, I'm afraid of death. That can't be the end. Okay, well, how about this? And then it takes all these different forms and, you know, and there's polytheistic societies and, you know, and, you know, and monotheism being like the sort of the new, the new, like jazzy, the jazzy idea that uh that christianity was given to the world um but yeah it's just it's like there is just like this combination of things that happen in this guy's story you know humble humble beginnings revolutionary genius betrayed by the powers that be you know son of God goes up to, you know, it just,

there's all these things that kind of happen. And then even like, you know, that the stations of the cross, the crucifixion, like that part of it is just like the, the story needed a little gore for, for it to really resonate with people.

Yeah. Yeah. Jesus died of like a help parpotations. Like it wouldn't, he wouldn't be Jesus. If it was a high blood sugar. people. Yeah, yeah. If Jesus died of like a help palpitations, like he wouldn't be Jesus. Right, right, right. If it was a high blood sugar. Right. Yeah.

Or if somebody just walked up and stabbed him, you know, like if that had been like, you know, one of the Pharisees just like hit him over the head with a rock, it'd be like, oh. It had to be the slow Mel Gibson version. Something, yes, exactly. Of torture for it to stand out in people's minds. Yeah. And I think it's just a lot of it is, if you've ever retold a story, like I noticed this recent, I got my car broken into and I went to go like track down the backpack because the iPad was in there so you could track it down. But the more you tell people the story, you can feel people's interest feigning in real time.

you could feel people's interest feigning in real time. So you start not lying, but embellishing certain parts of the story and making the house I went to scarier in your mind. It's scary just to keep people's attention. And I think eventually after thousands of years, that story just spun out of control to hearsay of like someone could walk on water,

he could do anything. And to be like, he literally walked on water on water yeah so that doesn't bother me i think it's just when you have your rational brain you continue to to to do those things and it's actually hurting you is is the problem yeah i have no problem with people coping are you learning when you're in the bus? I mean, is somebody taking care of teaching you basic school stuff? No. My older siblings, yeah, there was, but there's footage of it. And I don't really remember any teaching so much as like, here's some textbooks we found at a library.

Do your best to learn the stuff. And I'm like, well, first off, I cannot read. I cannot read. So I don't even know what i'm looking at here really you couldn't and how yeah like how old did you get without being able to read uh i'm still struggling with it really if i do a table read for something i have to like hey i know it's like the script is under lock but can i please get it in advance just so i don't bomb the table read and you have to cut jokes because the studio's like, that's not funny because I was sounding out a word.

A lot of it is dyslexia and dysgraphia. Wow. Which is like, dysgraphia is like the order of things in your head. Yeah, yeah. Undiagnosed till now. And then having no school structure whatsoever. So didn't fully learn how to read with like a passing grade level till maybe 16 or 17.

Wow. Yeah. Wow. So like even like a McDonald's menu would be. Oh yeah. You couldn't read that? Yeah. All the time.

Yeah. And it's just constant misspellings. I stopped being on Twitter so much just because like you can try to roast people on Twitter, but you have all these misspellings. You ought to lose. It doesn't matter. The most solid. I think human beings are equal. But if you misspell equal, it's like you, dumb idiot.

Yeah, yeah. Yeah. So no school. It was like sat down in front of us. And then the one time I did go to school is only because we needed welfare paperwork to continue to be on food stamps. So you have to provide school records in Florida. It's like the state law, at least whatever the Bush administration was doing. So my mom needed just the paperwork for it. And the idea was to forge the names and the grades for the rest of the kids based on one kid's paperwork, meaning whiteout typewriter. Right. So she enrolled. Just like Jesus would do. Exactly like Jesus would do. Yeah. So I enrolled into a school just thinking like,

oh, all we need to do is be in school long enough past to get the paperwork and then you can drop out. So I enroll into a school and you have to take an administrative test. And I get placed into a class almost immediately and was blown away by how easy school was. It was legitimately, people were very nice. I was one of the only kids that was not in a wheelchair in a very real way and i slowly started putting those things together that i had been placed in in special ed like a very special needs class so that was the that's what i was able to test into yeah it was a special needs class and we did that for two months that i absolutely hated every day it's fun to walk now and be like no

it's just we're all learning but it was i was just humiliated yeah that's what i mean i was gonna ask like was it just that you didn't like school or was it that you were really intensely aware of really intensely aware it's the way that people talk to you it's the same way that people talk to you when you're dirt poor it's these uh very condescending tones of like i'd be like I need to go to the bathroom okay you're going to go to the bathroom and you let me know if you need any help in there okay you're going to do a super job in there

don't be embarrassed of anything if you need anything at all and that's just that hurts worse than anything yeah or when you're poor and we would go to food banks like homeless shelters the way you're talked to, that like, this is, hi, this is so bad for you.

Here you go, you're welcome, is the part that hurt worse than any. Like, I'm hungry. I'm worried about, is rent going to be paid? It's that. Yeah, yeah. Can't you tell my love's a-growing? Yeah. Well, when do you start thinking about getting out of there? Oh, pretty early on.

When did you hit that point where you're like, oh, my parents, they don't got this? Well, I was never, I wasn't brave enough to to like really it wasn't until after i college you know like i was just gonna i was gonna do as i was told and you know and i i kind of did that up until when i got you know probably my early 20s i started to be like no you know i've kind of been and because i thought i thought a lot of the choices that i made i made and i mean i i i thought i had made them wholly willingly but in retrospect it was like no they were i did say yes but i kind of also was letting the decision be made for me, you know, like just where to go to college and things like that. But I did switch halfway through college and went to film school, which was probably the

first big step in sort of breaking out of the mold of just kind of normal, do normal things and be normal and come back to your hometown and be normal there. The first thing you did for yourself of like, oh, what if I just followed this thing that I'm interested in? Yeah, that I, it would probably be that it would be, you know, cause that was a big upheaval. You know, once you're in a college, I went to university of Illinois and once you're in a college, it's a fucking drag. I mean, it's a drag to be in college, and I had a hard enough time with, you know, it wasn't until I was out of college that I felt like,

well, now I'm ready to learn something, you know, because I was just learning how to be out, you know, you're learning how to be out of the house and to be your own person and and just cope with adult life in this kind of you know relatively baby-proofed environment um but just a depressed wreck and no no structure no self-imposed structure so just you know like homework and and and unfinished you know, like homework and, and, and unfinished, you know, schoolwork, classwork would just pile up around me like a hoarder, you know, like, it felt like I've, I've said this, you know, cause my kids sometimes have the same trouble. I'm like, it really does feel like, like a hoarder's nest. Like, cause if you, if you, if you have one thing late, you know, you're like, or, you

know, if there's one project that's late, you're like, yeah, you know, you're like, oh man, I got to finish that. But if there's seven or eight things late, you're like, well, I mean, come on. It's crazy. How can I even, yeah. How can I even make any of this? I'm choosing to take the identity right now of I'm overwhelmed and it's too much. Yeah.

That is exactly what I'm going through right now just trying to set this special up yeah it's not just the material and the performance it's the minutiae of like uh because i'm helping to direct it as well like set pieces there's people have to email back there's a ticket link there's video elements of the show it's too much so i'm just choosing choosing to take the identity of like, it's just, I'm just overwhelmed. You've broken me with too much, which is not helpful. When did you... To get out of it, what got me out of it was early on, once you see how the sausage is made, once you see where the money is coming from, which is we would, you'd be in a dumpster.

We'd be in a dumpster getting food behind a grocery store. We'd be going through people's garbage to sell at a yard sale. We would set up a yard sale, not on our property because no one's going to come to a trailer park. We would go to city property essentially and set up in front of someone else's home on that little grass before the curb. Constantly getting yelled at. Other adults around my mom mainly yelling at her and saying, you're an idiot. You're insane. What are you doing?

You can't set up a bunch of junk in front of my house. Get out of here. Lady, get out of that dumpster. What the fuck are you doing with your kids right here? Take this money, get out of here. So that is the disillusionment of any sort of baby-proofed environment of your parents have you and they're safe. That's early on. Earliest memories is other adults saying, essentially, your mom is not doing a good job. And then as far as the religion stuff, believing that I'm going to go to hell and that the world is going to end in 45 minutes from right now, I got a job at a grocery store because we were desperate times of money, even though working in the workforce and having a secular job is a sin.

Yeah. I got a job, so I was around kids my age for the first time. And I got close to this girl who was a friend who I was absolutely in love with. And that was enough of an incentive to open up about little aspects of my life. And then just hearing what I believed through the filter of her just absorbing it was enough to make me completely deprogrammed yeah but oh yeah it is insane once you just say it out loud yeah yeah it is really stupid that's one of the magic keys to therapy is it like you know like people that don't that aren't in therapy they think that somebody it's like something from tv from the 50s where somebody's like here is your problem you know you fixate on your mother.

It's like, no, it's when you say it out loud. I'll never say anything in therapy that I don't already know or haven't said to myself, but when I say it out loud, that's when I'm like, oh, yeah. And then you make connections and you're like, oh, right. Yeah, yeah, I'm fucked up because of that thing, or, oh, right, I should stop doing that. And I see a pattern here.

It's a hurtful pattern. I should stop that, you know. Right, because we do think too fast. The brain's dangerous in that if you have a fear of, like, I'm not going to get this done, and I might never work again. It's over for me this one shot and you just spin so fast but if you have to structure it and organize it out loud yeah and you only have a certain time limit and it can't go on forever because you know the rhythm

of a conversation then it's like oh yeah so this is the thing i believe and yeah it's it's over was her reaction hard to take i mean or I mean, I imagine she was kind of... The girl that I was in love with? Yeah. Yeah. I mean, her response was in her behavior and her not wanting to essentially be with me. I was such a weird person, so antisocial,

had no idea how to interface with another human being that wasn't a sibling. So it was in her actions. It was like me finally admitting that I loved her. And she's like, yeah, it's kind of too late. I mean, you only lived for two years and you never made a move. You never did anything. Yeah.

And I was kind of expecting her to do it. And I just didn't know how it worked. So without her directly saying, no, this is insane, the way, just what I was putting in was not coming back. It was what I thought I was putting into this. Right. It's like, hey, this is me being vulnerable. This is me opening up and saying as much as I'm capable of saying at the moment. And then that not being enough.

And then just that first heartbreak, it was enough to be like, well, if I love her, and that feels great. I feel incredible. It feels like every cell in my body is on fire. I'm with her. And then this religion or this ideology says that what I'm feeling is wrong and that this person is going to hell. Then there's no way that that one's right. It's a feeling thing.

It's a gut feeling. And when you you feel the truth you know it so it was just that and i wish that again like my name was a better story meaning like it was more profound but it really is just a horny teen yeah wanted to hook up with someone and uh this is it just felt right like, that's what you should be doing. And yeah, so all that goes away. Was she aware that you had not been around other teens? Or did you kind of keep that under your hat?

I didn't even know. My story doesn't have the currency that it has now. So no, I think when you're a kid or a teen, you're just trying to blend in. Don't do anything weird. Don't wear Converse with red laces or I'll die if someone calls this out. Everything is so high stakes at that age. If you're not normal, you're weird and you'll, you're not going to sit with us. So now in the industry, and I really have to watch myself to not embellish stories and to not sell people out in my life just so I can monetize a poverty narrative.

It's rewarded. The more tragic things I've gone through, the fact that our cult was on Dateline, there was a murder trial, you get rewarded for these things of, look how fucked up it is. You should be on this show. You should write a book.

So now it has currency. Now it's finally paying off. But back then in the formative years, when your brain is mush, it was just bury the story. Just lie. Just say you're from Ohio and then nothing else. What is your, I mean, that's interesting.

What is your relationship with all that trauma and all that juicy stuff that, you know, this tacky, tacky industry. I mean, because I imagine it's sort of like, well, you know, okay, you know, if you want to buy the rug, I'll sell you the rug. You know, I know you came over here to buy my strawberry preserves, but if you like the rug, you can take the rug too. Yeah, it is that feeling.

It is that like, I wish you just liked me for me. I just like want to make jokes. I don't want to do Nanette, but for boys. I don't want to do that. But you kind of, you can't escape your story. You can't escape your past. And in a very real way, no, I just wish it didn't happen. I think it's this false narrative that's sold to you

that trauma sometimes to you that trauma sometimes makes you stronger. It makes you interesting and it allows you to help other people because you've been through it. And it's like, well, yeah, it'd be nice to not do that, though. It'd be nice to not have that burden of me digging other people out of their trauma or being a voice for people that went through a similar situation. i wish i could just be a lawyer i wish that sure those things didn't happen um it would it would just like that internet thing that goes around with the yes queen of like trauma doesn't make you stronger trauma makes you traumatized unfortunately that's true that's that's actually what it does not a lot of people can pick up the pieces and exploit their past for a story or

a script deal at fx yeah so yeah overall it's like no don't do that if i could go back and say just no you don't have the story if you could just be a boring white guy which are not in vogue right now that's fine yeah i'll do that yeah because yes you have this interesting story but the effects from that life carry on to this day yeah the fear that i'm not enough the fear that i will end up back there not having any sort of structure of school early on makes it very hard to do things like learn the lines you have to learn today. Yeah. Mail these people back to set up the special, the thing that you know is good for you. Yeah. Do that thing.

Ask for help when you need help. Yeah. So the trade-off is not worth it, or at least right now it doesn't feel like it's worth it. Yeah, yeah. Well, you know, you work on it, you process it. And I mean, you know, it is, it is just, you know, especially stand up is very, like I said, it's very transactional. And, you know, and how many, how many overweight people come to the stage and within a minute, they're just, their is like i'm a fat guy you know or people with you know various disabilities and all right here's i'm gonna do jokes about my disability to make you feel better about it yeah this is my dream america's got talent yeah it's really but i mean I can't blame anybody for doing that because it's not like an incredibly wise space.

You know, it's sort of, it's very base level. Like, just come on, tell me something so I can laugh. And it's also like, you know, and if like you got a weird birthmark, I'm just staring at that birthmark. I hope you say something about that birthmark. Oh, good, he did. And he made fun of it. Ha ha, I love it. Do you know you're fat?

Are you going to say that you're fat? Yeah. Because that's, we are, as much as we want to be like, we're woke and this, it's just, it's just how you look is a huge portion of life. It's just because we're animals and we're like, is that a threat? That's a big old person. No. It's just that. Yeah, it's just because we're animals and we're like is that a threat that's a big old person no yeah it's just that um yeah it's very stupid and i don't fault anyone for leaning on the crux of

their story whatever their thing is because yeah you made something out of it yeah but um yeah so i kind of have to now it's the only thing yeah and it explains a lot too yeah explains like why did you bomb at that table reader why did you mispronounce that word that gives me some power right having the story out there i'm like well no i've been through a lot and it's a miracle that i'm here it's a miracle i'm not living on the street and shitting into my hand right uh which is weird shit on the street go shit in your hand sound fun you know yeah but you can't fling it once it's on the ground.

It's hot when it first comes out. You can't really fling on it. Yeah. It's got to be interesting. Because you're going to get some, whatever contact it makes with the ground, you're going to get some actual volume loss. Yeah.

So you got to do it right into the hand so you can do that great, you know, sort of like. You feel it. Yeah. Silly putty extruder thing. Yeah. Oh.

Feasties. Yeah, it's going to feel feel great i know what i'm doing tonight um just open hand one thing you know i think it it's a healthy thing to become bored with your story too so you know if you yeah what do, you know, I mean, you, your process, your, you know, and I mean, I didn't go through anything like what you did, but, you know, you process what was done to you. You process, you know, how people let you down. The people that were in charge of you were not, were not acting in good faith, made tons of mistakes, tons of neglect. You know, you sort of, you get mad about it. You know, you get sad about it. You figure out what it's done to you. But after a while, it's just, you know, it's a press junket.

And you've said that you've told the same story 600 times in a hotel banquet hall. Who's the biggest prankster on set? Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. But it's your stuff. And I think that somehow, because I think that there's something healthy in that. Because that is you sort of like it's it's fading away you know it's it's

something you wrote on your hand and pen that's going away and going away till it's not there anyway i mean it'll always kind of yeah be there but because it's not something you wrote on your hand and pen but but that is kind of the process of i'm not about that anymore i'm about something different you know um and i'm in fact i'm so much not about that stuff that i'm tired of it i'm tired of talking about it i'm tired of hearing about it um and so i don't know there's more to me than just the 16 years that i was a child right right There's so much that's happened since then. The one thing I'm struggling with now is, okay, so we're talking about this big trauma story, right?

Where there's obviously physical, verbal abuse. There's actual crimes that the state of California would consider a crime. There's also siblings. So I do wrestle with, okay, I'm selfishly exploiting this narrative for a career. So it feels like a payment for the past. It feels like it happened for a reason.

But my siblings don't benefit from it. They just want to work at a pet store and you are talking about your life. And the more I become a public figure, then people will ask them about it. Like, did this thing really happen? That's insane. And they're just trying to live their life and

have two kids and cut contact lenses in a lab and size them. And so that's what I'm struggling with now. And I'm deeply nervous about the specials. Like, oh, that's kind of real shitty that they didn't sign up for this.

I mean, I haven't, well, I've been through that on a minor level, you know, like, you know, on a podcast that I think my mom will never hear someone. Yeah. Yeah. Sends it to her when I, you know, and I'm a little too honest about something. honest about something. But I do think, I think, you know, when it comes down to it, I do feel like you, you gotta, you gotta do what you gotta do. And if this is your process, you gotta trust that they love you and that they wouldn't have you stymie your own process of dealing with this and getting to a better place and trying to achieve a life that you, you know, an aspirational life that you want.

You got to trust that they love you enough to know that like, well, he's got to do what he's got to do. You know, I mean, you're not, you're not naming them and saying, you know, I'll tell you where they live now. Go to that pet store you know it's probably just weird for them but if they didn't hear it you know if they they're gonna watch the special because they love you i'm assuming um and i think that so they're gonna they're gonna see it and they're gonna hear it but if they didn't watch it or hear it, I don't think it would affect their lives. I don't know why it would. Yeah. Yeah.

I guess that makes me feel better. It's just the other people. I can control or anticipate their response. It's just the general public. Again, this is not important. It's not going to be the number one special by any means, but just the people in their smaller lives or less public lives it's a bit more polite less of a piece of shit um in their lives like they're

coming up to them and asking them about things that they didn't want to disclose but because they're known as you're moses's brother you're oh they know that okay yeah now people in your life know this thing about you they know that you ate from the garbage they know that. Okay. Yeah. Now people in your life know this thing about you. They know that you ate from the garbage. They know that you suffered abuse growing up. They know that you've never been to school. Yeah. So that's the part. But I mean, to your point, yeah, it's, I do think they will understand that I'm trying

to make a positive out of this incredible negative that everyone still talks about and holds to this day when we're all together. If that's a dirty secret, it's a really shitty secret that shouldn't be kept. You know, that's all of those things being treated as if they're, they can't be shared and they can't, you know, that like, then you never, then they're always over you. You're never over them. You know, they're always, they always have those, those things always have more control over you than you have over them. Whereas when you say it, you get it out there, it's magic tends to be broken somewhat. And I think, you know, unfortunately they are, you know,

they're going to be pulled into it a little bit, but I would hope that they would want to be, you know, have some part of this process of figuring this stuff out and clear in the air, you know, just get it, you know, I mean, it's like, I didn't choose to, it was done to me. And yeah, it's not, I'm, it's not a thing I'm proud of. And it is, you know, we, our society says that I should feel ashamed of it. So I feel a little ashamed of it, but I did it and it's not going to define me. And I'm going to, you know, I'm gonna say yeah i did that i did that you know honesty i guess you know yeah you got it if you're gonna be honest with the world it's you know if you're gonna secrets are just most secrets are shitty you know like i mean there are some that are you know that are kindness and stuff but most secrets of that, you know, that are kindness and stuff, but most secrets of that kind, you know, because you're protecting mom or you're protecting the family name. Like the family, you know, whenever you're protecting the family name, I'm always like, well, fuck, then maybe the name's.

It's not a family. Yeah. It's like if we ever get together for Thanksgiving, we go to a restaurant on Thanksgiving Day. If you want to see a bunch of broken families, go to a restaurant on Thanksgiving day. Do you want to see a bunch of broken families go to a hometown buffet on Thanksgiving? Wow. Well, I mean, do you start thinking, when do you start thinking, I mean, we're well into this, so there's, when do you start thinking about comedy? When do you start thinking like that the kid that doesn't know how

to speak to teenagers should get on get on a stage in front of a room full of people who are expected to be quiet and listen to them oh uh so yeah it was funny according to my siblings growing up was it was a tension breaker for that yeah all that shit that was going on it was a way to pass the time you're doing dumb voices as soon as i could get a video camera like a hand-me-down video camera was filming stuff always trying to make stuff growing up and um i think my mom always wanted to be a performer as well and i think the cult was a great way to be performer adjacent if you can't be so because you have that you're you're special you're someone you're yelling at

people on the street everyone's looking at you so it's always kind of encouraged that in us and thought of it as a viable career path it's not like the parents you hear of like get a real job it was always like entertainment is the top job. So a lot of my wants come from her, wanting to be an entertainer. Like we would, which I think you might've seen this video, we would try to make, we would try to get on America's Funniest Home Videos every single season.

Yeah, yeah. We would rent a camera and we would shoot fake bits from the time I was two years old, just trying to get on the show. Yeah. Get the 10 grand. So it was always this thing in my head of performing, performing, performing is an option.

Always a muscle that, but without any training was always working. And then 18 rolls around and everyone's asking you, you're not going to work at this grocery store forever. What are you going to do? What are you going to do with your life? Are you going to go to college?

Where are you going to go? And you start thinking about that. Well, I could barely read or write. I sure as shit don't know math. I don't know a lot. So I would have to go get a GED. I'd have to study. So what can I do? And this is right when like YouTube is coming up and individual creators and performers. And I'm like, well, I don't have a lot of friends. So that's a way I could, that's something I could do on my own. That's a skill I kind of know about. So it was slowly just making videos, dog shit YouTube sketches.

And then doing improv. It was free improv that was run by a church group. And this is in Florida? This is now in California. This is in California. Moved now in california moved to la oh okay we were everywhere just constantly getting evicted and uh always moving so in that time california we uh it's like right before the housing crash anyone could have a home so my mom was like what's your job high street preach like you get a loan you get a loan. The fact that we

got a two bedroom house should have been assigned for the markets. Like, oh, this is going to crash. There's no way these people can pay. The fact that we got approved. Yeah. The storm family effect. So we moved out to the desert here in Palmdale just because you could get a home. Yeah. Because they're just passing it out. And then from there, it was like a, from 16 on, I would drive down to LA and watch shows whenever I could, sneak into comedy clubs and, or shows that were like indie shows that you can, you don't have like a bar, so you can sneak into. Yeah. then met some people in a community college where I was taking a one semester of video production run by the two oldest people in the world that were telling us that digital is just a fad and that everything's going to go back to analog. They just had just two like curved spined, older Jewish people. The husband and wife had the same gray Afro. And the whole class was taught

about be wary. If you want a smart career, this digital thing is a fad. So we're going to do the digital thing because that's what everyone's working in. But we're definitely going to go back to basics and learn analog video capturing. Oh, that's hilarious. It's funny because when I went to film school, what I learned on video is now on your phone like i mean all the technology that i learned and had you know how to editing and everything it's on your fucking phone now you don't need to take a class you know we are gonna have better filmmakers because from an early age i don't know how young your kids got a phone you're very aware of the way a picture looks you're very aware of the technology editing everyone you look at like tiktok it's there's incredible editors on yeah no both my both my

kids have been making short films for their whole life with you know and just to fuck around just just for the fun of it and and i you know and i would notice it uh you know like a couple of like little short videos that my daughter made with her friends of hers when she was like 12, I was like, there's more economy in this than any, you know, first year film student, introductory student film shot on 16 millimeter film and a Bolex camera. Like she understands like why waste why waste screen time get to the point get to where you know like at 12 she's like no you know because i remember being in film school and somebody's saying like you know somebody's entering a house and somebody's like what if

we got a shot of the doorknob turning and i just i Why? Why? I don't know. Just because. I'm like, are you building tension? No, we just, we want them to get in here, you know? Yeah. Just get to the action already. Yeah. It's funny that there was a time where filmmakers, half of their skill, 50% of like, that's one of the greats, was just understanding how to use the equipment.

That was, I think of what Casablanca's made. It's like, oh, the director just understood the way that the equipment works. And something that was a baseline, presumed knowledge of framing. Yes, not having bullshit insert shots of a doorknob for no reason. Not having those, it's just ingrained in us.

And some dumb TikTok kid who's showing his abs and lip syncing probably has the same technical knowledge of one of the great directors that's lauded as a hero in Hell's Eye. Yes. Yeah. can't you tell my loves are growing when do you start to think like are you are you looking at stand-up as like this is i'm gonna make a living at this no are you just looking at it like i want to do this because it's fun and i got to do something i want to perform yeah that's it and you don't book every audition you go on uh you sell a show and you sit in two years of development i just want to perform and stand up is the most readily available. I mean, I did improv. If that tells you anything about my

thirst to perform. When improv mainly is like you perform, hey guys, we're the other team. Now we're going to talk. You're just performing for other improv students. I did Christian improv. It's just performing in front of an audience or having work that's absorbed by an audience is the only thing I love definitely want to get out of stand-up the better I start doing because I don't want to do rich guy stand-up

I won't name any examples but we all have seen these people where the stories are all celebrity stories of like I was at this Golden Globes after party and their big closer is a thing that's not relatable or not even a problem really. And these become these like public appearances. And unless you have a mind of a great,

I don't know, truth sayer of our time and you could unpack what's going on socially. If you're just doing like observational stuff, stuff you think is funny, I think the more comfortable your life gets, the worse the standup gets. Yeah. Without romanticizing trauma, poverty, and a heartless struggle. Yeah, I could hear some troll saying like, so, you're minimizing trauma now. Sure.

Or you're glamorizing trauma now. You're glamorizing trauma, absolutely. Because that's bullshit too. You should be struggling. You shouldn't take any meds and you should be all fucked up before you go on stage. No, no, no. I hope that's over.

Being miserable, especially being funny, being miserable never helps you be funny. Not at all. You're funny when you feel good. Like, that's when you're funniest. And not like you're grinding it out in a hard room and you're performing at a bar for two people. It's like, no, you should be with a warm audience.

Yeah. That makes you better. That allows you to explore more than just barreling through an eight-minute set for disinterested drunks. It is weird when people get real super famous because they do live in a different universe and they have different oxygen. And they just kind of naturally start to drift away from being a world in which— From what money does by comfort. Yeah. The more— Yeah. Comfort moves you. from from from being a world in which by comfort yeah more yeah and it removes you the basic thing

of being told no like people people that are really famous they get surrounded by people and i mean you know i'm not even like it's a huge deal but there's situations that i get into where everyone's like is this okay is this all right are? You know, where I go to get my own coffee, like I could have got that coffee for you. It's like, no, no, I want to get my own coffee. You know, and I think- That's what I mean with the comfort. Yes, like it's removing you from experience.

So if you have a cushy life, you don't have to go out and go drop off your own dry cleaning where you would run into a Curb Your Enthusiasm type of situation. Yeah, yeah. Where, you know, you're eating a jar of mustard on the way into the you know how you live you're eating a jar of mustard on the way to a dry cleaner and you spill it everywhere so your only life experience

is when you're around celebrities i also like that when when you were eating the mustard you were using a spoon it wasn't a squirt bottle, right? No, it was a jar of mustard. A big jar of mustard. Meaning you emptied a squirt bottle into an old pickle jar because you can't let things go because you're a hoarder personality. And then you're going and you're not even enjoying it. You've noticed it's a constant movement. You're trying to avoid a feeling that's in you.

So you're like the tartness of the mustard is getting you through that feeling so you're just focusing on that as you stumble into this dry cleaner the anxiety brought on by the dry cleaners because of all the beautiful garments that aren't yours yeah um well you said you said hopefully not stand up uh yeah when you is that something you say a lot and do people get like do other stand-ups yeah oh yeah it's big taboo to in the stand-up world to say that you have aspirations to be an actor writer performer there's which i don't care anymore i don't care about being david tell doug stanhope these guys are purists. They go to the Midwest cornhole. They

go to the dirty south and they talk to these people. It's like, that has no merit to me. It has no romance to me. Yeah, yeah. He's grinding it out at a comedy club in a strip mall. I do it because I have to. You can't say that

to people who enjoy it and choose it and like it and get some sort of, get a charge from it in some way. You can't say like, well, that's not for me. You know, you can say that's not for me, but it still seems like an insult. It's, you know, it's like.

And I don't think, I've talked to these people and I think it's a defense thing. I don't think they actually believe that, oh, it's lame if you do TV. It's lame if you try to be an actor. I think it's just defense thing. I don't think I actually believe that, oh, it's lame if you do TV. It's lame if you try to be an actor. I think it's just, they've been let down by an industry that constantly lets me down, constantly rejects me.

And instead of just admitting like, yeah, I want to do it, but I'm instead in San Antonio at a place called LOL Comedy Club above a Nordstrom rack. Instead of just saying that and being upfront, they're like, I'm a purist, I'm an artist, I'm out here doing it.

When you're really saying as the child in you of like, I'm hurt I didn't get that audition for that free form show. Yeah, yeah. And it's hard. It's hard to travel around and stay in the comedy condos and do this, you know, stand in front of drunks. It's hard. And so like, yeah, it's like when you're told like, I don't want to do this you know stand in front of drunks it's hard and so like yeah it's like when you're told like i don't want to do this hard thing they're like well that's because you're

gonna get worse you are and you are if you're just playing theaters you're coming you're playing for people you want you to do a theater tour for people that know you already yeah they're predisposed mr richter can i get your coffee yeah they know you, so they're already just, it's essentially a public appearance. So you're getting laughs that you wouldn't get if you were an unknown and you were just going on the comedy store 10 minutes after, you know, after Rogan, which, you know, impossible to follow for you. Well, what are you heading towards?

I mean, just kind of keeping your i mean you obviously have this special in front of you that's you know consuming you um but do you i mean what what if you had your druthers where would you be uh you know in 10 years i don't know you pick the time frame i'd be performing stand-up when i want to um what i'm doing now but on a more comfortable level meaning i guess it's hard to say what you want because the more i get into this it's like it's never stable and any celebrity that you think you know of like they have a good life they always work and they're constantly feeling like they're going to be knocked off the mountaintop

and they need to sustain. So it never goes away. So I want to continue what I'm doing, but better. So that means performing, but not wondering if the room's going to be half filled. I want to play to full rooms. I want to play to people that know me so I can really dig deep into material and

not just do jokes, but do, uh, work on a more personal and important story. And I can only do that when you're not there to just essentially talk long enough for people to order chicken wings, which is what my job is now. You do an hour of material because that's how long it takes to order two drinks an appetizer and food yeah close out that's why that's why comedians do an hour it's not because that's the magic art form that's the time so it would be playing theaters so i can actually work on something that's not a lot of people are cutting into yeah overcooked steak uh and then uh doing, not being the star of a movie, but I like doing bit parts. I like being a character in a movie.

And I also like having a show. If I could turn my whole thing into a show, that would be great, my whole story. Because you don't have to rely on jokes if it's a narrative show if it's a half hour show then i don't have to pull the ripcord every 15 seconds and get a laugh yeah what about um outside of show business i would uh i'd like to be more comfortable around my current girlfriend i would like to open up more and not feel

like I have to keep the separation between me and everyone that's intimate in my life because- Well, you're talking about elbows McGee. She's constantly throwing elbows. Yeah. So you can't get too close. I know, but that's part of trusting her is knowing that it will heal. I interrupted you when you were telling something real. I'm sorry. I know.

But that makes me love you more because you do what I do. That's what I do. The second that someone's doing something, it's like, stop. Stop being important. We're not. Anyone's doing a Mark Barron special. You're not important. When you said you want to get closer to your girlfriend, I just took it very literally and just saw her like you know yeah

constantly swinging a knife around or something it's just what's going on with them i just mean emotionally closer yeah um like a non-psycho just just to be able to open up and have that person um like truly let them in yeah and and get away from this false narrative of like, no one's going to understand what you're truly are going to have gone through. No one understands that because it's so unique and I don't see my, so lame. I don't see my story anywhere else.

So I have always felt the separation between me and everyone I meet. Yeah. So it would be melting. That thing I know is false, but you have to be continually reminded that it's false and open up and truly be vulnerable to that person. And that means across the board, anyone that's in a close relationship with me in my life to be able to do that. Yeah.

you know, I, um, in, in much the same way that you say, like, you know, showbiz stalwarts,

people that have been around forever still have the, Oh my God, where's the next job. You know, I think that everyone's grown tired of me. You know, it's my time has passed. Yeah. That,

that never goes away. I think, and I'm speaking from, I'm speaking from, I'm speaking personally. I, having that, do I have close enough connections? Am I really connecting with people? And I mean, you know, it can happen like with my kids where I'm like, am I really, like I love my kids and I know my kids, but like, do I really know my kids? You know, but it's also, I'm constantly, you know, part of, part of getting better is inventorying.

So it's like, I'm constantly running down a checklist. How am I doing? How am I doing? How am I doing? But I'm really, I feel like as healthy as I've been ever in my life mentally, and I still wonder, am I experiencing the closeness with this person the way that regular people do or the way that, you know, unfucked up people do? And I just kind of have a suspicion that I'm going to go to my grave feeling a little bit like just having this hunch that could be complete bullshit, that somehow other people are enjoying it better. Like they're just, they're living better.

Did the guy that murdered me have a better life? And I do presume that you will be murdered. Of course. Of course. Yeah. Yes. That everyone, yes.

Grass is greener, but that's a catch all for everything. But yes, that people are doing this better. They have more self-worth. They're more talented. Absolutely. I feel that with everyone.

That if I have a kid. I also, but I also mean it just kind of like cut yourself some slack yeah you know in terms of like you know try you gotta try to open up and you gotta be you gotta try to not be you know it takes a long time and it's easy for me to say now but like have difficult conversations like you know I spent years and years just being terrified of, you know, difficult conversations and they're just conversations when you get to them and you have them, they're just like, no bones are broken and no, you know, the house doesn't catch fire. You just said what you felt and now let's see what happens, you know? And I think,

you know, you know, unless your girlfriend is saying like, Hey, how come you never talked to me? No, I just know that there's this part that, yeah, I haven't even brought up.

Like I brought up the fact that I'm not fully open with who I am. Yeah. Yeah. So it hasn't even gotten there. Yeah. So it's not not it's not this critical mass thing but it is like oh i and it's not even an actionable thing it's not like a deed like i just want to tell her this one thing that yeah about me it's just an overarching thing yeah

of just letting people in because that is a way that you express love a true love to someone as you love someone you you really let them in because truly letting them in is you're saying the shittiest things about you. You're making a case against yourself. Yeah. That, yeah.

So it is, I guess, being able to have those difficult conversations. Right. Well, you've earned your wariness. Let's just say that. You know,

I don't think that anybody's going to be like, you know, why aren't you an open book why are you afraid to trust yeah why do you have you know issues about belonging you know it's you know you you have um you you've you were dealt a weird deck you know or, or a weird hand, I should say. Yeah. Well, it was weird that he gave me a whole deck at the table. Because the pin boss came over immediately and said, why do you have a full deck? Did you ask this?

And then the dealer, he was fired immediately. I had to watch that. Yeah. And by the way, this is craps. This is craps. This is craps. You didn't even have cards. Pit Boss was yelling at him so bad.

And it just wasn't cool about it. He started crying and he was like, I need this. I'm living in my Civic. It was not good to watch. But yeah, it was dealt a very weird deck. But also, I have to watch myself and be very careful. That's also not an excuse for bad behavior. Yes.

It's not an excuse to be a dick. Yes. To be like, maybe because I know plenty of people like that. And I'm like, well, that sucks. I had a hard life.

Right. Yeah. Or just because you have a, a officially diagnosed mental disorder, right? And you have a $10 word. It's still not an excuse to be an asshole. It still you still are an asshole right oh i struggle with mental health i can't it's not saying there's no empathy but that can't be your answer for why you are me and

you still have to apologize yes yes i agree well what do you um i mean, you obviously are actively in the process of learning and figuring things out. But what do you think is the gist of what you've learned so far in the work that you've done? Which, by the way, you know, you've done a lot of work. Like you said, you know, you congratulated you. I mean, you know, I mean, and you should, because Jesus Christ, it is like, there's some people in my life that have had incredibly fucked up childhoods that I just feel like, oh my God, you deserve to be so much worse than you are. Like, you deserve to be a mess, you know? And you certainly, like you said, you could be,

it wouldn't be a surprise if someone with your history was deeply, deeply damaged and unable to function in society. You know? Yeah. So what have I learned? Yeah. It depends. That's a lot of questions there,

because it's like what have you learned about performing right is well i mean it's a podcast i gotta ask you something i know the worst podcast ever what why are you asking me a question that we're riffing on bad movies um i want to talk about old candy i I don't know that I have enough perspective to know that I've truly learned a lesson yet. I know things I won't do again. I know things that humiliate me, make me feel bad, plan for bad rooms.

I don't know. I think if you don't take inventory, you're breaking a man right now. I guess if you don't take inventory, then you don't know. I think, yeah, if you don't take inventory, you're breaking a man right now. If you don't take inventory, then you don't learn. If you don't stop down and ask yourself, what did you learn from that situation? Whether it was negative or positive. I don't know.

I don't know what I've learned. I hope I, yeah, I hope I have gotten better. I hope I'm easier on myself. I hope I'm learning that in real time. I hope I stopped taking an identity from being hard on myself. Yeah. Oh, you mean thinking that that's kind of- Yeah, that being hard on yourself is- That's Moses right there. Yeah. He works hard and you're known as someone. That's why the lockdown was so hard

because that whole identity is gone. I'm like, you're constantly doing something. You're always back to back. Eight shows a night and then you're shooting in the morning. Yeah, I think I've learned that that's a bullshit way to live. Yeah. And yeah, I just hope that now I can I've learned that that's a bullshit way to live. Yeah.

And yeah, I just hope that now I can actually act on that instead of just knowing it. Do you like the way you talk to yourself? You know, like, do you like the way that you- No, that guy should be canceled. I shouldn't be canceled, but the like hard slurs, it's so mean. It's awful. And the problem with that is if you talk to yourself like that that that's in you to talk to other people like that even though i don't talk to people like that

well that is the stank behind it yeah to me i don't know if for sure that is true. Because I think it's very possible to be able to really hate yourself way worse than you could ever hate anybody else. Like, to really, and almost, you know, and almost to kind of take comfort in that and take a, like you said, an identity, a pride in that. Like, here's what a stoic I am. I hate myself. I think I'm an absolute piece of shit. Isn't that great for me? You know? Right.

It's like this, you know, my ex-mother-in-law is like very concerned with being like kind of very holy and Catholic. But while doing that, it draws all this attention to her as like, wow, you're so holy. and draws all this attention to her as like, wow, you're so holy and you're, you know, so it's like, I'm so selfless that everyone admires me, you know? Yeah. And I think,

I forgot where I was going with this because I was nervous about, maybe I shouldn't say something about myself. I know, right? Because everything's, but yes, these identities that we make for ourselves. I guess the one thing I've learned that's actually been helpful

is that nobody has it. Nobody's got it. It does feel like other people are better and that they're set and that once they get this one thing, it's over and they're going to make it. But I think understanding that and talking to people like you

and the better you do, you get access to people that have done it, have lived it, have lived your dreams. And realizing that for them, like we were talking about, it's not over. You always feel like, well, fuck, now I'm here. I could never be the newcomer again. I could never be the fresh face of this. So now I have to maintain this. I'm already known as this one thing what if i do this so knowing that it's never over and that nobody has it is probably truly the most healing and comforting thing that i've learned in this life of performing as an adult because the kid stuff was just like just survive just get out of this and survive but as far as a valuable lesson that if I was giving advice to someone, was they would be like,

you got to know that no one else has it. That's going to make you less nervous in situations. That's going to make you put less pressure on yourself where big opportunities come up. Is that nobody has it. No executive knows what they're doing. You have general meetings with these people that are just meeting with you

so they can justify the rent and their office yeah yeah they have no plan they just know what's trending now they they don't know they don't have a plan and it all goes away i think knowing that that is one thing i wish i would have known earlier yeah well i can tell you i still in my mind feel like and i know this and it's embarrassing to say it but it's like you know any minute now the the real stuff's gonna start like the like in terms of work like any minute now i'm really gonna like start firing all on all cylinders rather than just kind of floating along from thing to thing that someone else created that i can come in you know yeah you know be a

passenger and all these different vehicles like there i still in my mind think like all right any minute now i'm really this this blossom's gonna bloom and boy the aroma fantastic when's that come that big i'm making it time when I, and also I'm in incredible shape. I'm eating right. I'm doing all these things. When's that coming? Yeah. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

Any moment. What I wanted to say earlier about how you talk to yourself, this is something like that I've been trying to focus on over the last few years. And I tell my kids is like, when you're doing something for somebody and they treat you like shit and they talk down to you and they call you names but then expect you to do stuff, you're like, yeah, fuck you.

I'm not going to do that. But to the person that is kind to you and says, I like you. You're a good person. I like being with you. Now, could you please help me with this? Or could you please head towards this direction? You're going to do it because you're going to be like, this person has my best interest in mind.

This person isn't my enemy. I don't mind this person isn't my enemy uh i don't resent this person you know that is super that is uh yeah it's embarrassing to say this but that's exactly what i needed to hear right now oh good uh for the stress it's already put a lot of stress away and i know how to accomplish the rest of the day now and the 85 things that i have to do because i mean that is a good point yes i i'm in a happy environment people are like this is great yeah nice to have you here i think you're great i always have a better show like that if people i feel like they already know me they already know i'm good and if i already know me and i know i'm good i know i've delivered in the past

i'm more likely to get something done and when when you hit those roadblocks, which I keep hitting with the specials, those feel less important when you have that, exactly what you said, overarching thing of like, no, I think you're great. Be kind to yourself. You're good at this. So it's just one roadblock, but overall, you're great. Yeah, you'll get it done it'll get you'll get it done well you will get it done i'm gonna wrap up now because i've got you from from all your

i do feel better now i didn't know what i was gonna do after this um oh good i was like maybe i'll watch a couple videos and then i'll start the work but uh now i'm actually i'm gonna start the work because yeah that's embarrassing to learn, a very important life lesson on a podcast. Other people are horrible because other people are learning it with me. Yeah. Or watching me learn something. Yeah. It's dad stuff.

You know, it's being a dad, trying to, you know, make humans and make them work well and function well. So it's so weird talking to you and even Conan, it just feels like it is such a big part of my childhood and growing up in the way that my mushy brain was formed is, is secretly watching your guys' show. So anytime it's just this, there's no other feeling I have talking to people besides you too. It's so odd. It's the weird. Yeah. I don't know if you have that with anyone in your life but i think when there you don't have

access to the whole catalog of tv and you're zeroed on that in my head you are tv yeah you are the entertainment industry like when andy richter controls the universe, when that came out, that was like a huge moment in my life. That's like a moment I remember. That's really, he's doing that. And I thought about that and now he's not doing that show and he's doing this show. That's nice to hear. Yeah, no, I, it's, I mean, I'm always just kind of humbled by it and I can't really, you know, I can't like take when people tell me like you are important to me the things you did on television are important to me that's nice but like i just kind of go like i let it just sit there and then i walk away from it because i just feel like no i have to be the day-to-day

human being i can't start thinking i can't let somebody else thinking that I'm, you know, a fixture creep into my identity. Like, ugh, I eschew you. Yeah. One important thing I've learned, and then we should go, but to leave on a compliment, a thing I've, such a valuable thing, especially when I started improv, it was just like a mile a minute, just like, da-da-da-da, this idea, this idea this idea, this idea, this idea. But from watching you hang back and your devastating blows, it's the ability in a conversation, you can get that joke off. If you just wait, slow down, listen, it doesn't matter how many little jokes people get off. If you deliver that one big one because you were listening because you have slowed down it's it's the most impactful one and watching you is the thing that taught me

how to do that or at least the example when i learned it in my head i was like oh yeah like andy because this is huge pops if anyone watches your interviews or like andy's greatest hits it's these moments you're hanging back you've absorbed the whole conversation so you have a callback ready you have a zing ready and it's um it's such a valuable skill to be able to shut the fuck up and listen so thank you for that oh you're welcome um yeah i you know i i uh it's also too it's like you know and if you're on a talk show talk is work so you know I've always been taught to avoid work. So. Right.

And that Zen state. Moses, you have a good one and I will be seeing you around campus for sure. Yeah. And good luck with the special. And I can't wait to see it. And thank all of you out there for listening. We will be back next week with more of this. I've got a big, big love for you.

The Three Questions with Andy Richter is a Team Coco and Earwolf production. It is produced by Lane Gerbig, engineered by Marina Pice, and talent produced by Kalitza Hayek. The associate producer is Jen Samples, supervising producer Aaron Blair, and executive producers Adam Sachs and Jeff Ross at Team Coco, and Colin Anderson and Cody Fisher at Earwolf.

Make sure to rate and review The Three Questions with Andy Richter on Apple Podcasts.