The Three Questions with Andy Richter - Natasha Lyonne

Episode Date: July 16, 2019

Actress Natasha Lyonne joins Andy Richter to discuss working with Marlon Brando on Scary Movie 2, the difference between east and west coast therapists, and being more fit than people give them credit for. Plus, Natasha talks about her experience overcoming showbiz “soul sickness” and what’s next after Russian Doll.This episode is sponsored by Drop (code: QUESTIONS), Betterhelp (www.betterhelp.com/threequestions code: THREEQUESTIONS), and Mack Weldon (www.mackweldon.com code: THREEQUESTIONS)

Hello, this is Andy Richter, and you are listening to The Three Questions. And my guest today is the lovely and talented Natasha Lyonne. Hello, Andy Richter. Hello, Natasha. We've known each other for a very long time. So long. Yeah, yeah. And still, I'm most excited by your eyebrows. We've known each other for a very long time. So long. Yeah, yeah. And still I'm most excited by your eyebrows.

You're a real Jack Nicholson character. Really? Oh, you mean the flexibility of them? Yes, and their pointiness. I'm so jealous of them. I have taken, though, lately to plucking because- Really? I'm 52 years old and I, you know, like there's a difference between eyebrow hair and whiskers.

I'm getting fucking whiskers growing out of thick, coarse, boar-bristled hairs growing out of my eyebrows. And then also, too, just appearing in a couple of days, a three-inch-long whitey. Okay. Upshot, however. Yeah. Pretty soon. Eyes don't work as well. You think it's the right prescription. Right. Pretty soon, eyes don't work as well. You think it's the right prescription.

Right, exactly. But you don't know. Exactly. That's the life of a woman, you see. I know, I know. And especially your fair, okay, I'll just put it in first person. I'm fair-haired and shocking. It's shocking, like in an airplane bathroom especially.

Oh, yeah, yeah. It's very shocking because I think I'm in the clear and all of a sudden something terrible, it's terrible to happen. Airplane bathrooms are cruel. Yeah, they sneak up on you. Really cruel. Yeah, yeah, yeah. One of the many indignities of getting older, but this is, you know, it's such a small and

yet large one. It's really, it's more of a metaphor than an actual injury. Yes, yes. Yes. I've never been a hairy person. And now like my legs are like baby smooth. I like to say I'm an infant. Oh, you're like my Hungarian grandmother that way. Yes, exactly. In so many ways. But I've even had like a man at the farmer's market once, a stranger said to me something like, do you shave those legs? And I was like, no, it's called old age the the hair falls out

i was like you know i'm so glad that i had a stranger comment on my hairless legs good job buddy thanks a lot yeah yeah good job into the farmer's market i know i know a death zone is is a minefield but yeah but i i think of you in this kind of always in a very dramatic sort of and also uh you're like um ryan eno you know like uh finding it find your safety and let it be an anchor like i think of you in that way in what way because i love that you're talking about me on scary movie oh right the wonderful picture directed by Keenan Ivory Wayans. That's right. Which we were in the best part of the movie, just for those that don't know.

There's an exorcist parody at the beginning of the movie that I played the Jason Miller priest, and you play Reagan. Linda Blair, yeah. Yeah, the Linda Blair. Uncredited, by the way. Why were you uncredited? I don't know. Probably like a classy move. I'm deeply aware that I was in it.

I think most people are. That's any consolation. Yeah, yeah. And then the other priest was supposed to be, the Max Fonsito, was supposed to be Marlon Brando. Yes. And we worked with Marlon Brando for a day. And then it ended up being James Woods. And this is why I think of you as the safety in the storm.

Because your eyes and those eyebrows, I was even shellacked in so much monster makeup. And all I could remember when Brando, you know, that's the reason, of course, that I did it. I was like, come on. Are you kidding me? Brando? Absolutely. And I remember, you know, him coming in with his oxygen tank. And I remember he had his earbuds.

Earpiece. And the woman Abra, that was her name. Abra, I can't hear you. Abra. What, Abra? I can't hear you, Abra. The power of what compels me? The power of Christ. Yes. And I would look at you through all that makeup and just be like, Andy is my safe place.

Oh, that's nice. Because it was like what we were seeing was so surreal. And I remember Keenan and I, we would be like, now we're going to have the bed as a scary movie joke turn into like a low rider car that's kind of on, what are those called? Puffer zones, we'll call them, you know, and it bumps up and down.

Oh, like, yeah. Hydraulics. Hydraulics, right. And so you and I kind of like, I felt like maintained sort of like eye contact as like Brando and his oxygen tank. Yes, yes. And his earpiece tried to kind of like I felt like maintained sort of like eye contact as like Brando and his oxygen thing yes yes earpiece tried to kind of like understand the gag that was the hydraulics within the scene about the exorcist it was so psychedelic and I think I also in that way think of you as a dramatic actor because my context for you is Brando well yes he and I are often

our thought together we're like an accessory set. Yeah. Whenever I'm around people that I am kind of in awe of, I don't say a word. Yeah. And so he and I, we were alone together at one point sitting behind a set running lines. And there was a joke, there was a joke that was, oh, it burns. It burns, you know, like how Reagan says it burns when she gets the holy water. But in this case, it was the priest saying it burns and burns. You hear it burns and burns off camera. And then you look and it's the priest holding his dick saying, you know, that Tijuana hooker or something like that. Yes.

And we were running those lines and he went over that three, and he went like, I don't understand this joke. What does this even mean? Well, and he had said like, first of all, can we not say Tijuana Hooker? It's a pejorative. Could we just say – Oh, good for him. Could we just maybe say, you know, my ex-wife or something like that? He changed it to something.

And he's like, I don't understand this joke. And I said, well, I said it's like an STD joke. It's like in the original, it's the holy water burns, but in this, it burns, it burns. And it's him burning because of an STD. And he went, oh, the clap? He's like, the clap doesn't burn that bad. It's like, oh, okay. Yeah, yeah. It was pretty amazing. It was a pretty, and then I got to, and then James Woods came in and one of the, just those moments, those showbiz moments that just break your fucking heart. And I mean, he's

now, you know, he was, at the time I had a lot of respect for him. He's an amazing actor. Now he's really- Once upon a time in America. Oh, onion field. Video drone. Yeah. But he's now really given over to the full on prick lifestyle. But we did our first chunk of stuff. And then they took me away to do like EPK or something. And there was a break.

And he chased me down like, Andy, Andy, come here, come here, come here. And he pulled me aside and he said, he's like, you know, I do drama stuff. But, you know, you're the big comedy, me. Am I doing all right? And I was just like, yeah, you're doing great, James fucking Woods. Oscar nominee or whatever. Little Jimmy Woods got his heart back. No, we're not going that far. No, we're not going that far.

No, we're not going that far. This guy turned out to be a real prick, huh? Oh, he's the worst. Meantime, I have dailies on VHS. Oh, you do? Of me, you, and Brando. Oh, wow. Yeah.

I would love to have those. Yeah, I should really transfer them or something. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Dude, that would be great. I'm keeping them in a closet next to a can of gasoline and some pack of matches. Just in case. Yes, but I now see that maybe that's the wrong place for it. Yeah, yeah.

I don't know why you keep gasoline in your house anyway. That's strange. I just like to think having a risk of disaster. Yes. Well, I should get to the concept of the show because this is one of our, you know, it's a new show. And the name of the show is The Three Questions. And my favorite part of the Conan show is talking to people in the commercial breaks. And I don't ask them about their is talking to people in the commercial breaks.

And I don't ask them about their projects. I ask them about their life. And that's what I wanted this show to be. And what these three questions are for, I'm sure all of America soon will know all of them, but it's where do you come from? Where are you going? And what have you learned? So that's what we're going to do throughout the hour is answer the – you're going to answer this question. Wonderful. I mean, you should know I arrived here utterly unprepared. That's all right. So I'll be strictly winging it and we'll discover together what my answers are. Well, you don't need to study your own. You don't need to study your own life. There was going to be a fourth question, which is how are your bowel movements.

Oh, I'm relieved. I'm relieved that that's not in play. That's not in there? All right. Not really my bag. Yeah. It's not really that's not in there. All right. Not really my bag. Yeah. It's not really my colostomy bag. All right. Okay. So what, but I know you're, you're from New York City. You're a New York City kid. What did your parents do? Born in New York hospital. I recently tracked down a birth certificate,

which will give you some indication of what it was like. And then we lived in Herman Melville's old, Herman Melville's dilapidated mansion. Oh, wow. In Kings Point in Great Neck in Long Island. Was it broken up? Or did you live in the whole thing? It was just that it was sort of like overgrown. There was a long, winding driveway.

There was an overgrown bush, bush everywhere. And there was a kennel full of dogs. You know, my father, he had come from a very Orthodox Jewish family of, you know, button makers and flatbush. And, you know, but they were fifth generation American. My grandfather was a pilot in World War II in the American side. So, you know, you're welcome. An Orthodox pilot? Yeah. You know, that's a movie right there. Yeah, the Orthodox pilot.

Yeah. Yeah. And so, but anyway, he dreamed of being a race car driver and a boxing promoter. Your dad. My dad. It was the 80s. He wanted to, Don King was his big hero. And anyway, I don't know how that one macho dream translated to the next,

but there were a lot of – we had a kennel full of dogs, German Shepherds and Dublin Pinchers and Rottweilers. Wow. Yeah, very macho dogs. Yeah, macho dogs. Very overcompensating dogs. Yeah, although I'll never forget Whoopi Goldberg in Jumping Jack Flash and the scene with the Rottweiler.

I was like, ah, this is my scene. Like, I always felt so connected to that scene. Yeah, yeah. How did they end up in that crazy old house? So I don't know.

I think some sort of, you know, weird, bizarro typology, I'm guessing. And, you know, my mother was her own sort of a wild,

redheaded case. And, you know, European, she was born in Paris and, you know, she's a Hungarian. And on her side of the family, they're Holocaust survivors. And in any event, we lived in this kind of crazy looking house. And I'm guessing that that was the appeal. And I'm guessing that that was the appeal. Later in life, when I've sort of said this one-liner of like, Herman Melville's dilapidated mansion, and my impression of me, I have a thicker New York accent. You do. It's good, though. You really hit the brand hard. I just don't think it's thick enough. And some people have said like, Herman Melville never even lived in Long Island.

That sentence makes no sense. So really, it's hard to say. Listen. But that's where I come from. You make your own truth. Yeah. You know, and fuck those people. Let you, you know, let you have your history. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

And then anyway, then we lived in Israel for two years for tax evasion reasons in the 80s. Then my mother and I moved back to Manhattan. And then that's where I really lived from, I guess, 9 or 10 until present day, and I'm now 21. So it's been a long, long time. Do you have siblings? I do. I have one older brother, Adam, who's six years older than me.

How old were your parents when they had you? Were they youngish? That's an interesting question. Yeah. I think I have so little context in this way. Maybe this is why my grasp on reality is so slim, is that I have no underlying sort of You don't really know. Oh, okay.

Yeah, I now see that. Only in this moment. Thank you. Oh, well, that's all right. That's all right. No shrink yet could crack it. And here we are in five minutes. Yeah, I'm not sure how old they sort of ever were, to be honest.

I kind of have no sense of them as figures with a number. What is your sense of them as parents? Like, how are they as parents? They're like, you know, so much changes. You get older. And I feel like in so many ways the things that are weird when you're a kid, like sometimes I think like if Penny Marshall and Bob Evans had been my parents, would I have thought that they were kind of like nightmares or geniuses? You know what I mean? I

sometimes sort of, in other words, in others and especially in showbiz, we kind of so deeply normalize kind of eccentric behavior in this way that makes me sort of self-question retroactively sort of my impression of who they were relative to the company I keep in adult life. I see. But certainly they were not, you know, great at being parents. Yeah. I have no idea. I'm sure that Penny Marshall is a wonderful mother and Bob Evans is a wonderful father. Right.

So no shade there. Does Bob Evans have kids? Bob Evans has children. I don't know. Maybe those are Steve McQueen's kids. I don't know whose children. He's got babies. Good Lord. She had his babies, right? I don't know. Maybe those are Steve McQueen's. I don't know whose children. He's got babies. The Godfather, right?

The Godfather 2. That's his baby. Yeah. Well, now, how did you start acting? I mean, was this something that you pushed them to do? I think it was the other way around. Oh, really? So I think they kind of had this sort of 80s fantasy of kind of, you know, this is, you remember the 80s, Andy?

Crazy Eddie was huge. I mean, the figures in my life were like Crazy Eddie, Don King, you know? I just remember parting my hair in the middle. Did you really? I did, yeah. That was the thing. It was kind of the butt cut. The butt cut?

It wasn't exactly, yeah, it was like, you know, the butt cut it wasn't exactly uh yeah it was like you know that it was like christy mcnichol hair like parted in the middle and feathered like that was what everyone's hair was but i bet you still wore polo shirts because you still wear them right yeah probably yeah but they were they were tackier this i just uh no this is like i wear i wear uh polo shirts just because they're like a T-shirt with a collar. So I seem a little bit legit. Yeah. It's like I'm still dressing like a toddler.

Right. But I have a collar on, so I look somewhat grown up. That's what I feel about a blazer. Yeah. You throw it on, you seem legit. But I bet you look great in pastels. Like the whole 80s palette really spoke to your kind of complexion and the blonde and the blue. Listen, I am not afraid of color.

I do like color. I wear too much blue and black just out of like laziness. But I really, I don't care about popping. I'll pop. Were you a real Gordon Gekko 80s type? No. No. No, I've always been exactly who I am.

Yeah. I've always been like just this fucking, you know, this hulking corpse drags itself around. That's always been me. I identify. You know what I mean? That's how most of us feel. I have, no, I have friends that, you know, talk about feeling like they went through so many changes in their lives. And I just am like, the only changes that I've been through is like getting less depressed. Yeah.

Important. But other than that, like, yeah. It's huge. It's everything. It's gigantic. But other than that, like, no, I'm the same fucking, I'm really like, I'm like the same person I was when I was like 14 or 15. Yeah.

And being my age, it's just like, I don't, it doesn't even register to me. Like the fact that I've been on earth for 52 years. It's, you know. Yeah. It's like, I don't know. It's, I like it actually. I like that being some, like my identity being in some kind of youthful stasis, but with wisdom, because I have gotten, I have, you know, I've had my eyes open. I've learned some shit, you know, but so. Now, let's get back to you and your showbiz. Like, how did you feel when your folks are like, let's. Yeah, well, you know, anyway, I would say that also I relate to that. I feel, I saw this picture yesterday of myself that a friend sent me. I ran into some old friend that I didn't even realize.

yesterday myself um that a friend sent me i ran to some old friend and i i didn't even realize normally in when i was uh eight and it was like uh and then this morning i was uh i took a spin class andy yeah you gotta stay fit and uh look i was 15 minutes late the class was 30 minutes but the point is i went and uh and those things are hard on the crotch i cannot do those the crotch the lungs the heart and the lungs i'm like i think i'm like living you know freely with the consequence free you get into a spin class you're like jesus christ this is terrifying and anyway but then i caught myself in the profile in the mirror and i was like oh my god because i think i was like sweaty and sort of curly haired i looked exactly like this little eight-year-old girl because I was like sort of not in my full kind of like,

you know, tough guy hard shell yet. And I do feel similarly, like there was always this sort of, I wonder if that's even in a way, you know, this heaviness that you speak of, this kind of, you know, depression or any number of names for, I guess, how it manifests. But this kind of like living in an internal world, if that has something to do with a sort of like knowing self almost too deeply in a way that kind of travels with you the whole way through.

Yes. The over-knowledge of self can be its own kind of like inertia. It's also tricky. It's almost like being a teenager. It's like then the shame comes of, oh, my God, am I just self-obsessed? You know, like this kind of idea of like – and then with adulthood, it's also like the realization that the world's problems are so sweeping. You know what I mean?

It's all so deeply unjust that it's kind of like this self-shaming that I think happens around and, you know, why it's so kind of important and great that everybody's first starting to talk about kind of mental health as a real, just a reality of every single person's life. You know what I mean? Like leaving aside even, you know, diagnoses and chemical imbalances and specificities, in general, kind of like the modern dilemma, the human condition is in and of itself sort of a living nightmare to navigate for, I think, probably all thinking, feeling people. Yeah. Well, there are people who are kind of blessed with kind of just, they're okay.

You know, I don't know too many of them. You know, I'm in, look at the business we're in. Yeah. The podcast. Yeah, the podcast industry. But, yeah, no, it's – you know, I've been open about going to therapy. You're in therapy, I would assume. Not in a way that I should be, Andy.

What does that mean? I'm running rogue. You know what I mean? I'm running rogue. I mean, you just lean on Uber drivers for your therapy? Is that what it is? Oh, my God. But the guys, I know running rogue. You mean you just lean on Uber drivers for your therapy? Is that what it is? Oh, my God. But the guys, I know these guys.

These guys are so good at what they do. And I keep calling back the same driver. And he's very creeped out. Very creeped out. I've certainly spent real time in therapy over the years. Yeah, yeah. Yes. But you're not now?

No. How come? I don't know. I mean, if you want to share. Yeah, I mean, I guess it's an interesting question. Only in that I sort of never really think about it, like, too deeply. It's sort of this thing that I, like, assume I should be in. And so I kind of, like, I'm such a sort of, I'm so New York Jew.

I mean, I know his name is Verboten, but I'm such a sort of a Woody Allen figure. And I don't mean figure. I mean, you know, that makeup that's kind of like hyper-analytical and sort of talks about being in therapy all the time. But I'm not actively actually in it. Yeah, I don't know. I think maybe, I mean, I spent a lot of time doing, like I probably spent, you know, a solid, you know, five years or maybe almost 10 years doing, like, deep dives into, like, Dark Nights of the Soul with, like, Shrinks and all the rest and sort of, I'm a little bit not in that space right now. Like, in some way, like, sort of feel like it's okay to sort of put it on pause. Yeah. And sort of pick it up again. You know, I have a very serious sort of support network in my life of like,

it's a lot of people having a lot of these type of conversations. And I think I've sort of like learned a lot of very serious tools along the way. Although I used to have this lady in my life who would say like, you know, tools are kind of like, you know, like they're like a wand of mascara. You can't just sort of like leave it in the drawer and be like, I own mascara. You've actually got to like open the drawer, take out the wand and sort of put it on all your eyelashes and kind of like close back. That's really having, you know, any. Now are the tools, are you talking about the people that, yeah, I would say like. Or even coping mechanisms.

No, I would say just like all kinds of things, you know, whether it was about learning to reparent or kind of like wallpapering the mind with love or like all these kind of like bizarre platitudes I picked up along the way about, you know, restarting your day at any time or, you know, smaller things. Like I remember first reading The Four Agreements and being like, oh my God, this thing is so revelatory, you know, things of that nature. I'm like, right, don't make assumptions. Don't take things personally. Like that there's just been a lot of, I think because I spent so long being so uncomfortable in my skin and so self-destructive around it and, you know, with, with drugs and alcohol that I, I think that on the, the back half of that sort of like realizing that I was going, that I actually had made it out alive somehow. I had to get really invested in kind of getting well or kind of like cracking the case.

So I think that there were a lot of people on that journey, a lot of books, a lot of, you know, I certainly don't think I've cracked it or any of us ever, you know, ultimately cracked it. Oh, it's all a process. Yeah. But I would say that maybe on the short term I just sort of, you know, felt like, oh, I've got a lot of information. Let me go try it out in the world a little bit and come back with new

problems. Did you like your therapist that you. Geez, you know, it's. I want uh... They're not going to listen to this. Oh, my God, this therapist has been stalking me and me. That's how I know she sucks, okay? No, I don't know that I've ever truly loved a therapist. I think it's been sort of part of my journey. Do you love yours?

I have been talking to the same guy for about 25 years. Wow. And you just go. He's in New York City. We do phone sessions. And yeah, no, there's just so much history and groundwork. And he's a very New York style guy, which is, I find a very, because I, you know, I dabbled out here in some therapy. West Coast therapists are much more casual and much more sort of conversational. And we'll say, you know, that reminds me of something in my life. Whereas my guy, he came to the Conan show. He was in LA and he came to the Conan show with his family. And that was the first time that I found out that he had been divorced and remarried like six years. Like he just, you know, that was like never anything

that I knew about. And he's very guarded that way, you know what I mean? Appropriately. Yeah, absolutely. And I, and I, I endorsed that. I think it is like, it's about me. This is like, it's an entirely selfish kind of process. But it's what like church is for religious people for me. It has given me just a vessel to carry myself in and a sense of progress. And the main sense of progress. And, and the, that's the main thing is progress. Just because if I felt, if I felt like I wasn't at least moving forward and figuring shit out and untying knots and cleaning out closets, just full of bad shit. I, I don't know

what I do. I, you know, I'm lucky in that way, that I just, I started with this guy and I'll probably talk to him for the rest of my life until one of us dies. And like I say, it's one of the most valuable relationships in my life. And it's really weird because it's- Well, it's certainly not weird. I mean- Well, it's weird that it's like a, it's an important relationship, but I know almost nothing about him. You know, it's like, it's a, it's a very specific kind of thing that you have to give yourself over to.

And you have to believe in the process and you have to, and I never have, you know, I used to have sessions too, where I'd be like, I don't have much to talk about. Like never have that anymore. There's always something to talk about. There's always, you know, once you get the hang of it. You feel like you're like actively working through something and it's. Absolutely. Absolutely. How long do you go for? Like, is it a 50 minute session? Twice a week, 50 minutes on the phone. And I mean, a lot of it is just talking about the

shit that's happened to you that you don't want to bore the people around you with. You know, it's just, you can, and, but the thing that to me is always so valuable is when I say something that I already knew, but I didn't know that I knew it until I expressed it to this guy, you know, like he's not doing it. You know, it's you talking. It's you basically, you know, I mean, it's me talking, sorting out all of this. Like I said, it's untying knots. It's and it's going over the same thing. And it's things that you just haven't verbalized.

And then you verbalize them and it's like, oh, fuck, yeah, you know, like, okay, wow. Yeah, you know, I think I've only really done therapy in my life. I mean, I've done it so much, but I've only really done it primarily when things are acute, you know. I never really sustained. Yeah, yeah. And kind of like used it in moments that were sort of crucial. Yeah. And which, you know, thanks to a high-octane lifestyle,

there's been many, to be clear. But, you know, I don't think that I've ever sort of really sustained, like what you're describing of this kind of sustained sort of like 20 years of even sort of like not in emotional crisis. Right. To still be kind of showing up for that relationship. It sounds like a thing of beauty that I've never really been able to touch. You should try it, though.

I mean, you should at least be open to it. Yeah. I mean, you should do everything I do is basically what I'm saying. Well, for A, yes. Yes. Clearly. And, yeah. No, it's – honestly, I do – I am – I'm such an advocate that I just feel like – and

I'm not – you know, I'm not here telling you. I also – not only that, but I also want everybody in my life and everybody I know and every young person to be there. So it's not like I don't deeply agree. I wonder what it is. I think I might, I think, yeah, I think, I think probably I just spent so many years so exclusively focused on kind of, you know, restructuring and kind of like getting well that on the back side of that I was more interested in kind of you know sort of a daily maintenance of this kind of uh new approach to life that you know luckily I found and not even

like moving on just sort of that I didn't feel like I was so relieved to no longer be in a state of sort of acute crisis that I think I probably, you know, mistakenly or correctly sort of associated deep analysis with kind of those times in my life in a way that I haven't quite, I think it's like, I'm almost there. Like I'm so relieved that so many sort of great things are happening and sort of, you know, professionally the war is over. You know, physically, sort of like financially, like, you know, my health, like the consistency of my relationships, my friendships. Like, you know, I have an apartment now. Like my dog is really into me. You know, I'm just bragging at this point.

But I think that I'm sort of so relieved. The dog obviously saw Russian dogs. Well, the dog is fucking obsessed with the show. I mean, come on, the dog gets it. All right. Right, right. So, yeah, I think I was just sort of, but in other words, on the other side of kind of like these,

it's interesting to me, you know, I'm going to be 40 one of these days in the next, you know, 20 to 30 years. Sure. And so it's interesting to think of the idea of entering therapeutic relationship without an immediate kind of crisis on hand. Yeah. And to see what that would feel like is, you've piqued my curiosity.

I do want to talk about, because I've read some quotes from you about, because I have kids. Yeah. And I have a daughter who goes to a nice L.A. private school. Yeah. A lot of her friends are in the business. And she's a good actress, too. She's, I mean, like, as objective as I can be, she's really good. But she's a bit more of a grown-up, right?

She's 13. Yeah. She's 13 now. 13, but I was 13. I mean, I don't good. But she's a bit more of a grown-up, right? She's 13. She's 13 now. 13 by the time I was 13. I mean, I was running cargo, kilos coming from here to there. You know what I'm saying? You had four Coogan accounts. Come on.

She wanted to get, you know, she would like ask me about it. And I, having been in show business, I was like no yeah and i understand you know like show business needs children you know the that's water you know i don't know what you guys think you know they need children but it's like my daughter we had a conversation once where she really like, because she is a good self-advocator, which will serve her well in her future life. But for me right now, it's a fucking drag because she never lets anything drop. And I have to beg her to end negotiations. So she was like pushing about, I want to be an actor. I want to do this.

And I finally just said to her, I said, look, because she said, why don't you want me to do it? And I said, you will be surrounded by people who say that they're your friend and that they love you, but what they're really into is making money out of you. You will be surrounded by adults who judge the way you look, judge the way you talk, judge your body, judge your hair, and you will be separate from actual life. And she kind of understood, you know, and the notion of these people loving you. It's interesting to me that you went through that, and I've heard your perspective on it as being kind of like, it wasn't so great. Well, you know, in the first place, I would think that the things, the very things that you're raising and suggesting to her are such clear evidence of good parenting that in the first

case, you know, in the first place, her experience would automatically be, you know, radically different than my own, which was just like, you know, so I do think that sort of belly, that foundation of where these kind of individual showbiz kids are coming from. You know, mine ends up sort of like a very stereotypical arc of kind of gifted child of narcissistic parents gets put in showbiz, kind of like does a couple of things. Hey, it's fun. It's, you know, imagination, fun. And then it's kind of quickly descends into the things you're talking about.

Like, who am I? Why am I here? All these grownups are judging. Am I good enough? And, you know, drugs. Drugs feel good. Sycophants everywhere, you know. And suddenly you're in Fellini's, you know,

Spirits of the Dead movie, Toby Dammit. You're tearing stamp. You're walking around at some awards ceremony with, like, a drink and a race car being like, a bunch of satanic caricatures out to get me. And, you know, and then you kind of come down and return and, you know, make it out alive. And so, great.

That's, you know, my personal trajectory and many others. You know what I mean? I mean, many people who are much more famous than me, for example, Drew Barrymore or something. I mean, it's much more in line with, you know, that type of a narrative. And when I say much more famous, I mean, it's much more in line with, you know, that type of a narrative. And when I say much more famous, I mean, you know, it was also, there's a lot of, I think, space in there between being, you know, a kid who's in some things and, you know, a giant kind of Macaulay Culkin style movie star. Right.

Like, there's a lot of, you know, space there of like to recreationally do a couple of things here and there with parents that are very like supportive and kind of like okay but did you also brush your teeth tonight you know like is very uh yeah you know life is so do so many sort of like sweeping kind of generalizations and and in fact everything in life is just so deeply a case to case, like moment to moment is so. It's a continuum. Yeah. And so, but, you know, you really do raise some kind of like universal issues. Like it would, time would never, I certainly do not know of one woman in show business that has ever not been sort of forced to acknowledge her kind of exterior the way she looks like i don't think that that uh i mean one of the things i'm so sort of like grateful for about uh turning 40s i'm like holy shit i'm really not as fucked up in this area as i used to be like i used to really spend kind of like dedicated time while surrounding like self-loathing for just existing and like having a body and a face and hair, you know,

and separate from showbiz, in showbiz, certainly, and like, you know, the whole thing, just being a woman and then being a showbiz woman on top of it. Right, right. But I'm like, ah, that's kind of lessening. Is that age? What is that? How, how, why? So in other words, like that, for example, is, I would say, almost a universal truth that she would be dealing with.

It's kind of like that baseline experience of being a woman and being a woman who's also, like, changing and young and is not yet a woman fully, you know, under additional eyeballs of, like – And with money involved. Yes. Yeah. But, you know, the other thing I would say that's kind of exciting and optimistic about these modern times when it's like, how radical, how great that it really feels like women genuinely are kind of reclaiming some space around that stuff of being like, whoa, whoa, whoa, buddy.

Like there's a lot of us and like, you know, we all sort of do our thing. And like a lot of us, there are also, all sort of do our thing and like a lot of us there are also you know we've got uh all kinds of specifics and uh so you know it's also not i would say not as as um we're in a time that seems to kind of uh value uh individuality in a way that it did not seem to for a very long time like yeah often think of like, you know, some sort of, you know, Britney Spears, Kurt Cobain kind of like response system or something. Like at one moment we're kind of like, you know, ah, there's too much pop. Bring me Kurt.

And it's like, ah, it's gotten too real. Bring me Britney. You know? So I think who knows how long this will last, but it does seem like we're sort of favoring that moment. Well, no, I think it's that moment well no i i think it's i mean i do think it's meaning maybe my question andy and i'm so sorry no you will this is about you if she was your boy son 13 same thing ah so then there you have it same thing what do you now

can you describe like what like this acceptance process that you came through? I mean, is there something? I don't know. I think this is all kind of lifetime work, all this stuff. Like I'm saying, I don't think it ever ends. I think the world has new horrors around the corner at every turn. It never ceases to. And that's almost right.

That's the fascination why we play with the Twitter. We're just like, how is this possible that it's just a never-ending stream? And still people find hope and joy and, you know, cats and what have you. Oh, absolutely. No. For me, Twitter, well, I kind of have been checked out of politics lately because just going through stuff in my life that I just am like, it's, I can't do this. I can't. And it doesn't matter. It's like, if it's about the election or if it's about the Mueller report, what the fuck am I going to do about it? So I just have been kind of like, like I actually tweeted something recently. I was like, thinking about sticking to jokes.

And I really am kind of like thinking about like, just like for while let's just do jokes let's not let's not try and take on how fucked up everything is and i you know well you know i mean all things in moderation yeah even these jokes of which you speak i know well i mean i give money things and i you know and i vote but it's like i just feel like i can't follow. I need a break from how fucked up everything is. It is. I think that's why I took a break from therapy. I was like, all right, I get it. Jesus.

Yeah, yeah, yeah. Enough. Yeah. You win. Yeah. I'm fucked. All right, buddy. Okay, take my money.

I'm going to go be fucked over there. All right? I'm going to nap about it in those 50 minutes. I would be the fucking endless series of discoveries about one more time how fucked up I am. Hanukkah Sameach to you, sir. That's not a phrase. Nobody really does that, wishes each other a happy Hanukkah. That's certainly not at the end of a session. No, I would you.

Unless it was during Hanukkah. Unless it was. Unless Hanukkah was coming up. Yeah, yeah. But even so, it would still seem obscure. Did that person even speak Hebrew? Probably not. And, I mean, should you really be in therapy on Hanukkah?

Should you? Or should I be collecting gifts, baby? Right, right. You know what I mean? Yeah, exactly. You should be getting a toothbrush. Yeah. And socks.

Yeah. In the early days. And fire. Uh-huh. Fire from the candles. No, I don't celebrate anything. What was Israel like when you lived in Israel? So much Hebrew speaking. Uh-huh.

So much. The most in one area. How old were you? I don't know what that means. How old were you? A capita. I don't know what that means. How old enough to know this is not in English, is it? Not at all? Eight to ten.

Eight to ten years old. I was fluent at the time. Did you like living in Israel? I mean, did it? It's gorgeous. Yeah, yeah. What if I just got it wrong? It's gorgeous. What are you?

Are you kidding me? It's like one of the best looking places I was in before I was eight. Okay. Yeah, yeah. So, yes, it was very, it was good looking. I remember because we lived by the Greek aqueducts nearby by the water. And, you know, there's very weird things that are happening. There's, instead of doing fire drills, you do bomb drills.

Yeah. Bad. That'll happen. Now, looking back, I'm like, what was this sort of false narrative I was being sort of sold as a child around, you know, the state of Palestine? Like, now that's a whole kind of adult thing to try to reconcile. It's like, what was my point of view? As a child, I was not particularly politically active is one of the things they talk about a lot is how inactive

as a political figure I was as a youth. But I would say it's interesting now looking back through that lens to see the ways in which I was, you know, so totally oblivious and kind of like, all right, this is great. My father was throwing fights at the Tel Aviv Hilton. Tyson never came. That was the big drama. I'd watch my VHS. That guy that just died, it's alive.

I watched that movie so much. Yeah. And I watched so much Rocky. I saw that movie so much. Yeah. And I watched so much Rocky. I saw that movie so many times. Scarface, you know, Godfather, Taxi Driver. I was a real scorsese nut as a kid. And that never changed. Yeah.

And I was good at, I was the sportiest I ever was. I was good at horseback riding. I was good at gymnastics, BMX biking. Wow. Major sporty kid in ways that totally disappeared in adulthood. But I like to think I'm still that time. I'm a little more fit than you would expect. I'll never forget Kate Mulgrew from Orange is the New Black.

She plays Red. Uh-huh. And one time she was like, you? You go to the gym? And I was like, what the fuck is this? Yeah, I go to the gym. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. What do you mean, do I go to the gym?

What is this kind of physique that makes you think? Yeah, underneath this very thin layer is a six-pack like you would not. I am right there with you. You would not believe. I think I'm very, very fit. I have been going to the gym for a long time. And I actually also recently have lost about 35 pounds. Congratulations.

Thank you. Unless that's your thing. No, no, I really, no, believe me. I'm very happy about it. No, believe me, I'm very happy about it. And I am beginning to see, like, all of this sort of laying on the floor and doing crunches that I've been doing for years and years now. And I'm starting to get the body of, like, an old-timey circus strongman. Oh, good, a Burt Lancaster.

I could not. No, but I mean, or like an old 60s wrestler. Mickey Rourke and the wrestler. No, I mean like Dick the Bruiser. I mean like Bruno Sammartino. Yeah, I mean, and that's like, I could not be happier than having an old-timey circus strongman body. I don't want to be a swimmer.

I want to be like. Another great Burt Lancaster movie, The Swimmer. That's right. Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah. That's how we got here. Yeah, that's how it is. That's how we were talking about all along. Can't you tell my loves are growing?

Now, I mean, there's been a renaissance in your career. Yeah. Yeah, yeah. Yeah, fucking, yeah, yeah. It's fantastic. And congratulations. And being in show business and having that insecurity of like, you know, when you got a steady gig and then it ends and you always feel like, oh, that's it. It's, you know, it's the end of it.

And you've talked about how, like before Orange is the New Black, you kind of felt like it was over for you. Done. It's a wrap. Showbiz term. Yeah, and that to me, that feeling is fascinating to me. And I wonder, were you okay with that feeling? And how did you make yourself okay with that feeling? Yeah, I mean, you know, it's like Richard Hill says, love comes in spurts.

Yeah, it was fucked up. I was like, but, you know, you have to remember at the time. So what happened? For those who don't know, let me bring you back. Yeah, I was showbiz, showbiz, copacetic, heroin, bad. Usually is. Now it's a nightmare. Yeah. Drop out completely. And then you come back to show business like, who's calling, please? No, thank you. You know, this is, that was the situation.

Yeah. Effectively in a nutshell. They were not so curious about my return. And so one is forced, nobody's calling on the phone, to kind of like sort of work on building a bit of a new life. So it's really out of circumstance, which I think that in my case was very useful because as we've sort of addressed, you know, I mean, I came from a place that was so sort of Rocky and I don't mean like

Sylvester Stallone. I mean, it was more like Rocky four. Yes. And so I think sort of having that time to be sort of like forced to say, who am I going to be now as an adult? Am I, am I a writer? Am I going to be a

social worker? Am I going to go into real estate? Maybe. Am I, you know, and then to sort of like accidentally sort of, so I think as a child, acting was sort of thrust upon me. And even though I was sort of uncomfortable in it, I sort of had a natural knack for it and kind of did it despite the discomfort. Then I think by the time I was 16, I was like, all right, well, this sort of thing makes me a bit sick. We get the idea. By 16, I was at Tisch. I was at film school. I was like, I'm going to become a director.

Then I dropped out of Tisch and I was like, no, instead I'll become a drug addict. So that seemed like the next career move. And then sort of by the end of that addiction, and I think in part because addiction is real and is a depressant and is all these things, I was like, you know what? Fuck everything. I don't want to participate. I don't want to play in any of these games. I'm done, you know? And so it was an interesting thing in a sort of, you know, there was this Mike Lee play that called000 Years. And, you know, my best friend, really my sister, Chloe Sevigny, I was sort of like, hey, you know, I think there might be like, you know, I know this guy, Scott Elliott, at this theater company, the new group,

and maybe you might want to take a look at the play. I'm like, this was the phone call. I said, who am I, David Doulis in Naked? I can't be that British. I love Mike Lee. And sort of Chloe vouched for me to Scott to like, sort of give me a shot at this thing. And I think in the course of that play, I ended up accidentally sort of like refinding this very off-Broadway sort of like low pressure, kind of like love of the game again, where my entire

language in the first place is really just movies and books and music. It's really the only like sort of language that I speak fluently and with ease. And, you know, with that comes, of course, like, you know, human condition and philosophy and all these sort of adjacents. But I think that I have such a natural sort of love of actually material and making things and that it sort of felt really like a comfort to sort of get to do that stuff again

in a sort of a low stake, a way that was removed from the stuff you're talking about of the showbiz, the kind of like, to do it for oneself rather than to do it for a critical eye to get to determine if you are worthy or not of this sort of claim you've staked in this small arena. In other words, that's really where I think the crime and the sort of sickness seems to live is in other people getting to dictate my worth to me. That is where the disease seems to live of

like, you know, the soul sickness that is the experience of, you know, showbiz or anything. It's kind of like that you get to fucking tell me about my worthiness here. Yeah. And, you know, eliminating in a way accidentally through experience that component because it was, I was so kind of removed from the public eye and nobody cared. I think it was very healing to have kind of a couple of years in there where I was really just doing it, you know, for the love of the game. And I think in there I started to get sort of slowly like stronger and was restructuring

a kind of an, you know, internal personhood that was not so easily swayed by your opinion of me. Yeah. And I think it took a long time. I mean, I think it took, you know, I mean, what now? I'm, you know, I've been sober for 13 years or something, right? You know, that was me knocking on wood because you never know kids. I'm looking at that Purell and I'm thinking, mamma mia.

But, you know, I don't think Purell has alcohol. Just so everybody knows. It is. It's straight alcohol, but it's the wrong kind. But is it? It's the wrong kind. Is it? Am I rinsing out my mouth, Andy? It is. It's straight alcohol, but it's the wrong kind. But is it? It's the wrong kind. Is it? Am I rinsing out my mouth, Andy?

It is the wrong kind, yeah, yeah. Well, put an olive in it and see. You know, I think that it was kind of, I think that what's important also for young people to know and sort of why, I think it's sort of like on my own terms to kind of like feel an ownership of my own experience and a kind of admission of like an underlying brokenness that exists in all of us and to be transparent around this stuff and the efforts of like not seeing bodies pile up because we're ashamed to talk about it. I think all that is very important to me. And one of the things, you know, it's very important to me, Russian doll, obviously. I mean, these are, I think the big, the big themes of at least what I feel like I have the power to contribute. And maybe answers your question of, you know, where I'd like to go or something.

But it's not, you know, I always get very nervous when people think it's something that kind of like you can crack, one can crack their own case in 28 days or whatever, like Sandra Bullock did so well. So, gorgeously in that film. like Sandra Bullock did so well, so gorgeously in that film. But I think that's sort of where our sickness lies. It's almost like, you know, Americans are basically, in other words, for speed freaks or something. I think we, you know, we think we've got to kind of crack it that way. And I think that it wasn't just that play.

It was kind of like a string of things of kind of like, now I'm a day player in this thing that felt atrocious again. You know what i mean like i think it really did take sort of five ten years to really be like ah okay i think i'm stuck and now i'm having still massive anxiety and kind of like whatever it is uh ocds and etc but at least they're in kind of like a, they're not as attached to the history of everything in the same way. That right there coming from that like disaster period, coming back and like becoming okay with yourself. That's fucking heroic. You know, that's really, you know, aside from, you know,

like the professional success that you're experiencing right now, that's great. But what you're talking about right there, doing those plays and reclaiming yourself in this fucked up business, that's what's fantastic about you. Thanks, Andy. Sure. Yeah. It's, you know, it's definitely big boy stuff, you know, because the places, you know, and that's why I think it's so important for, you know, obviously young girls in particular who I think of because it seems to be that they're the ones that are most paying attention to what I'm doing. So I feel very protective. Women.

Women. Yeah. Women from Orange is the New Black to, you know, all these things. It's been women. Women are supporting you. And, you know, I mean, in me. Women in me. Yeah.

And by the way, I do. I will say that there's, you know, I will make a pitch for, you know, how wonderful, I feel like there's so many wonderful men that are emerging that are serious feminists. And it is absolutely delightful to see. And anyway, my point would just be like that. I think it's important for kids, for grownups, for all of it, for me to remember things are not overnight. Things are not like, you know, things are, it's a heavy duty life.

Yes. You know, and that's okay. Just because I can kind of articulate that experience and it can feel like such an achievement, you know, I can speak to it. It doesn't necessarily mean that I'm like living in that reality moment to moment. It's a process. Like I say, it's a process. Yeah, you still have to wake up every day and waking up is always harsh.

Absolutely. Yeah. moments you know what i mean yeah you still have to wake up every day and waking up is always harsh absolutely yeah no i like i a big deal for me is a couple of years ago i got undepressed in a way that i hadn't that you know where and i was functional i i had a career a marriage i was raising children ably you know i mean my kids are great kids, you know, but I still was like under a fucking cloud for so long. And then I don't know, change in medication, change in therapists. But I think also, too, just like marinating in life, just all of a sudden it kind of I got better at it, you know, and I feel like my feet are more planted on the ground. And it just it takes friends of mine that are younger than me I'm like yeah it's I say I'm 52 and maybe when I was about 49 is when I started to feel like I think I'm getting the handle of this being Andy Richter

thing you know of this being alive thing but that's big three years that's big yeah no i mean it's i'm i'm i'm pretty happy about it but i mean you know it's it's it's always great to hear you know yeah you're like a story like yours where it's like yeah you get a bunch of shit thrown at you and then you you reclaim your own your own life that's fantastic yeah you know it know hooray for you is what i'm saying yeah you really you really accept these compliments i i know it's a i think i just always take them with a grain of the reality is it's you know everything is so tenuous in this life it's like you know we have very much just kind of like you know more of a sense of a moment to moment than a sense of like a permanent kind of reprieve.

It's kind of like, you know, so I think it's just important to stay conscious that, yes, there's this kind of, there feels like there's this sort of phase one of like an admission of sort of a brokenness and a phase two of like that being okay. Like being okay with that. of like that being okay, like being okay with that. Sort of when you describe your experience, that's kind of like what I hear is a sort of, rather than a sort of self-flagellation around why am I wired this way and what does it all mean to sort of say like, okay, I think it's okay that I'm just, this is sort of like what I'm up against and let's see how this goes.

You know what I mean? Like that seems to be the big kahuna, but it's also important to remember that it's also, that is a kind of an ongoing cycle, you know, of like – and I mean, I can be spun out very quickly. Like, why isn't the GPS working? And it's like, boom, I'm in some sort of – I don't even know how I got into this K-hole. And I don't mean literally because Special K is bad for you. Of course.

Which is what I always say. Except for the cereal. Yes. bad for you. Of course. Which is what I always say. Except for the cereal. Yes. So I think it's just, I take this sort of acknowledgement with a real, as it's given, you know, it's a profound, heavy thing. Yeah. And also with a kind of sort of like looking down or something, instead of being able to make eye contact around it for fear of not wanting to think like, and that's, so here I have started and welcome to my new church. You know what I mean? This is like, not at all how I feel about things. Like I feel much more like, okay, so now really what it's given me more than anything, you know, is the ability to speak freely about that experience.

Like that's mostly what's sort of so exciting about it. It's a victory. Yeah. That's kind of the victory. It's like, ah, now I can kind of like move through my life with a measure of honesty and transparency, uh, moment to moment of being like, good morning, how are you? Terrible. Thank you for asking. Over here. You know what I mean?

As opposed to a sense of like, well and healed, sir. How are you? Like, I don't feel at all sort of, for lack of a better word, Christian or something in that way. I don't feel like sunk in the water and healed. I'm not sure what it's like being Christian, obviously, listening to how I sound. So I don't know. Maybe it's wonderful.

What do I know? I gave that shit up a long time ago. Well, we're getting close to the end here. And I think we've covered the first two questions, where you're from, where you're going, actually where you come from and what you've learned. But I wonder, like, what do you see your future? Like, where do you want to be?

What do you want to be heading towards? Yeah, I guess I would like to maybe hunker into this kind of space a little more concretely and feel – This space being – Being able to kind of space a little more concretely and feel. This space being. Being able to kind of talk about, I think that my dream is that Russian Doll is really the beginning of life's work and therefore a life where I get to, you know, have the privilege of speaking freely on these things and feeling therefore more connected as a human being and less at sea as a result.

Do you think it's authorship too? Yes, I do. Very much. I think that's what we're kind of coming to in many ways of kind of as women, as, you know, as, you know, any, you know, marginalized group that historically has sort of had to say, like, you get to dictate to me what my experience was and what in it had value and what didn't and the kind of work that I should be allowed to make on that basis. Yeah. What, you know, this guy or whatever, the man, let's say, you know, finds worthy financially as an exploration because it's of interest to him.

Yeah. of interest to him. So I think that in a dream world, whether that was kind of part of that experience, would even be me be able to say to myself, hey, kid, you get to fucking go take a walk for, you know what I mean, a month or something. Sure, sure. Sort of like in other words, that I don't have to live in this sense of fear around, am I satisfying you, sir?

Am I pleasing you? Am I up to snuff? Do I look all right? And the work I made, I directed a film. Do you approve, sir? Will you give me a chance to make another? In a fantasy, I think, certainly in the realm of the arts, I would get to continue to make things. I'd love to write a book, direct a feature, you know, make more television shows. I just started this production company with Maya Rudolph. Oh, nice.

It's called Animal Pictures. And so I'd love for us to get to tell other people's stories to kind of, like, you know, really own that and start a band. I'm kidding. Why would I start a band? I have no real musical skill. One woman band. Get one of those.

Yeah. Yeah, a girl band. Yeah, yeah. With girls in it. It's called Girls Girls, okay? And we play the tampons. I'm so sorry. The tambourine.

The tampon. What do you play? I play the tampon. Is that not enough for you? You really have to mic that thing, though. You don't like it? Oh, you think? Is it too girly?

Sorry. I take the pill. What's the band called? IUD. I actually do have friends in a band called IUD. IUD. Lizzy Bugazos and Sadie Lasko. It's a great band. It's mostly just the drums.

But so, you know, some shenanigans like that and mostly like to feel like in this sort of, you know, man's search for meaning kind of a way that there was kind of some sense of connection there that had happened and feeling like this experience was maybe going to be able to connect with other people and like that. You know, that seems to be like, I got to be honest, it seems to be really the only thing I'm effectively any good at, if I'm being honest. Like I think, I don't know that, I certainly don't think tomorrow I'm going to, you know, crack cancer or anything. I mean, like that does not seem to be on the cards for me at this phase of the game. Like I think there's anything I can really do,

and then there's many things I really, I don't think I'm going to be the one to solve the political problem. In fact, I can almost know that. So of course there are kind of like bigger thing, but I would like in my own small way to be a part of that solution and change. Yeah. Great. What you've done in your life is what you're doing in your work. And that's pretty big success. Thanks, Andy. You're welcome. I think that's a good point to say. Thank you for listening to the three questions. And thank you, Natasha, for coming in and spending some time having some la croix with me.

Thank you so much, Andy. You're welcome. I love you, hon. And I'll see you around. And tune in next time. Thank you very much for listening to the three questions. The three questions with Andy Richter is a team Coco and Earwolf production. It's produced by me, Kevin Bartelt, executive produced by Adam Sachs and Jeff Ross at Team

Coco and Chris Bannon and Colin Anderson at Earwolf. Our supervising producer is Aaron Blair, associate produced by Jen Samples and Galit Sahak, and engineered by Will Becton. And if you haven't already, make sure to rate and review The Three Questions with Andy Richter on Apple Podcasts. This has been a Team Coco production

in association with Earwolf.