The Three Questions with Andy Richter - Neal Brennan

Episode Date: October 26, 2021

Stand-up Comedian Neal Brennan joins Andy Richter to talk about working with your close friend, defining your career, experimental meditation and more.

Hi everybody, it's Andy Richter here and you have tuned in to, is tune in really the right word? I maybe have asked that before. I've done too many of these it's the three questions with Andy Richter and uh today I'm talking to a very funny very talented very introspective um and um and fucking hot smoking fucking hot comedian Neil Brennan hi hi Andy how are you I'm good I'm good I'm good. I'm good. I'm well, Andy. I think we, uh, we met once. Uh, well, I feel like we met a lot, but I, we only like hung out and talked once at a bar. I don't know. We'll go two years ago, probably you and, um, and, uh, now I'm fucking blanking on her name. now I'm fucking blanking on her name. Jenny.

I don't know. Jenny something. Jenny. Jenny Johnson. Yeah. Jenny Johnson. I don't know why I couldn't remember. And you know why I couldn't remember it? Cause it's the,

it sounds like a fake name. It sounds like a fake pseudonym of, I was like, it couldn't be that simple. Yeah. Jenny. Right. Right.

Yes. Yeah. We, we drank and talked. Yeah, yeah. Well, how are you? How's the drinking? How's the talking?

Drinking, I don't do much of. But the talking, I do a decent amount of. Every night, Andy, in my off-Broadway show, Neil Brennan, unacceptable. That's right. That's why you're here that's why i'm here buddy i gotta sell times only sold 8 000 tickets and i have to sell 4 000 more is it is it going pretty well yeah it's going great it's just yeah it's just like uh i can't believe how

many tickets i have to sell yeah where it's like it's i've sold 8 000 and i and that's not enough right and there's not and there probably isn't anyone else selling them really no no no yeah yeah of course not god yeah i wouldn't have i wouldn't i wouldn't allow it andy oh no this is my burden no this is my baby yeah yeah uh yeah so it's a it's a baby or burden to me yeah yeah exactly well same thing yeah uh that's what the you your kids are almost no longer a burden right the your kids are about to be their own burden they're uh 20 and 16 so they're still they're still burdensome at times um is it directly commensurate with their age like the 16 year old is bigger but like the 20 year old you're kind of like no no it's based no it's based on personality

and it and it ebbs and flows too it's like you know sometimes they're fine on their own and then they'll hit a rough patch just like anybody and it's kind of like uh and then you got to worry and you know and that that i mean the real the thing really is that that is it's inescapable and there's nothing you can do about it is that you spend so much energy and so much love and so much worry and anxiety and money on like making sure that this person is okay and then you gotta let them go and then you just fucking sit there and hope that they don't get eaten up or murdered or suicidal or drug addicted or whatever you know you just and there's nothing you can do about it in terms of, but you can't go like, do you ever have, do you ever watch them do something and then think about something you tried to instill and been like, well, that was a waste. That was a total waste.

That was a total waste of my time based on that, that action by them. I would be, I would have a hard time not being a petty parent being like, huh, that's funny. Thought I sent you to private school. Forget it. No, not so much that. What I find more to be like the recurring thing is like, oh, yeah, that fucked up part of me that I struggled with. Oh, I see you have it too. Congratulations.

Can you say enjoy your bad brain? Yeah. No, but can you say that? Can you go like, hey, hey, can I speak to you for a second? Son or daughter? That's my that's on me. Or it's not even on you because it's probably it's, you know, genetic or whatever. But but you can you give them tips about like, I did this, I had that.

And, and here's how you can kind of help yourself. Yes. It's the one, the one, and I mean, and it's not all, it's a lot of the times it's shit like, yeah, you, you, you got problems with depression uh i got problems with depression uh there's times when it gets pretty bad and you're not feeling that great about just like existing and yeah that happens but you know look i'm 54 i'm doing okay and that's been my life that's you know like right occasionally you will feel like you have somehow gut punched yourself yeah you don't even know why or when or what but yeah that happens that happens and you just kind of get through it and that's you know that it's cold comfort it's same thing like

i got one kid that has trouble like just just procrastinator, you know, kind of ADD procrastinator, also kind of a perfectionist. So, and, and shit just piles up. And I, I was exactly the same kid is I got no tips for you. You just have to do it. Like there's no, like the work, the work never goes away. You become a grownup and it's not homework. It's like work, work. And there's no, there's no special method. I mean, there's like strategies that you can read about and that, you know, school counselors will tell you, but the bottom line is you just got to fucking do it. It's not going anywhere. And, and there is, you know, you can change your relationship with yourself in terms of like not calling yourself an asshole all the time and, you know, and, and being more understanding of yourself. And I think that that's helpful, but otherwise there's no procrastination is just, it's a very simple thing. It's like, there's no procrastination is just it's a very simple thing it's like there's

work it needs to be done you got to do it and and how you get there i got no no no advice you find that you're did you find that your kids were pretty much who they were from like eye contact from like the minute when they came out you're like okay and they haven't changed absolutely absolutely i mean not fully you know because there's only so much you can but like yeah yeah you got a sense of their personality when they were still wet you know what i mean like yeah and and and it continues but now you would wet them every day right i would i would i would i kept the placenta fresh and and I would rub them down. And do you always, when you talk to your kids, do you always talk like Curly from City Slickers? Like, since you were wet.

I knew who you were since you were wet. Jesus. Yep. I'm a cowboy poet as far as my kids know. They've never seen me. Great. Great. Now, you come from a big brood right you're the youngest

what was it five ten ten ten jesus christ that's ridiculous it is it's too many it's way too many you thought five was absurd yes um ten yeah it's like a thing that kind of doesn't happen anymore. Yeah, yeah. It's. I mean, unless you have a farm to tend to, you know. Or you're Jim Gaffigan. It's the only one who tried it. Right, right. Because he was like, I want people like Neil Brennan in my, I want my boys to be like Neil Brennan.

I want to fuck them up just right. Yeah, yeah. If I don't get at least one comic I've done, I've made a huge mistake. Yeah. The the yeah, it's too many. It's too many kids. Do it. Should we start the do you actually do the three questions anymore or is it just like. Yeah, but I mean, but they're just sort of inclusive, you know, like, oh, got it. You know, I'm already posing it in various ways. Got it. Yes. you were meaning you were

carrying me the whole time when there was one set of footprints that's right that's right and you're actually you're a lot heavier than you look yeah wait first of all how dare you um um i've been doing a joke i've been doing in my a joke in my show where I say, uh, I'm liberal. And I go like, clearly liberal. Look at me bone thin.

And it gets a huge laugh. I'm like, why is that even funny? How is bone thin even funny? And it fucking crushed. It's gotten applause breaks from like, what the fuck are you um laughing or clapping about like i didn't know the joke yeah no i didn't even write andy i didn't even know it was funny

sometimes i'll just say stuff that's honest and like that works i'm just too fun it's an embarrassment of riches how i andy it is comedy is a mystery and it changed my life uh wait or do you mean you just have problems with the fact that they that they are so like is it like giddy relief that you acknowledge that your bone thing i don't i truly don't know what's funny i just said it like that's a description of me like it was like bone thing like i just thought it was a description of me like it was right like i just thought it was a description and then it ended up being like yeah right it's like when you when when you whenever you a famous person it's like you say if a famous person even acknowledges something that not famous people have seen they're like wait a minute yeah you saw tiger king like yeah yeah yeah yeah it was on netflix you saw the catheter ad with the old man

that flies a plane yeah like how um you get the same broadcast as me yeah um so uh so yeah giant so gigantic family and like are there kids that your parents don't even know very well? Like there are a few in there that kind of slip. I would argue all of us. Really? I mean, this is another thing I've talked about on my show. How old are your parents? My mom is 82, 80, 80, no, 81.

And my dad is 84. Yeah. My parents are my dad, my dad's dead, but he would be 91. And my mom's 87. So like they're from a different world. They're from like three worlds ago. Yeah. As far as I'm concerned.

Like I do it i tell the story in the show that they were the joke is uh my parents were born in the great depression and they were nice enough to bring it with them like they hey uh they my my dad was one of 13 and like his he was a twin his grandmother was super proud of the twins then my dad's twin dies um and the my grandmother declared that she would never be proud of anything again for as long as she lived like just crazy depression-y shit like that i picture her saying it on like the back porch in chicago like near the l like as long as i live um and no one can hear it because the train's going by exactly yeah uh but God but God could hear it um do you think you think that she felt it was her

pride that killed her child yes yes my god yes that's exactly right I should actually say that in the show like that's how because that's how the world works right right if you're prideful they will murder your kid yes it's because they're because of that one story in the bible the show like that's how because that's how the world works right right if you're prideful they will murder your kid yes it's because they're because of that one story in the bible you're right um and uh and and then my my apparently my dad's parents put him up for adoption at one point and a a family came and took him for a test drive and returned him. Oh, my God. Like, great. And then my mom's one of five.

Actually, it's one of seven. Two of them died. And then my mother's mom dies when my mom's a toddler. Her and her sisters get split up because they didn't even think the dad could take care. They didn't think a man could take care of children. So they just said the mom, before she died, gave the the daughters away one of my mom's sisters gets sent to ireland with the caveat that they come get her in like 10 months or a year once the once they sort of sorted everything out about who was going to take over and uh and then they couldn't get her because of hitler because of hitler's blockade like this is like this is like right above me and by the way

this is a another thing that i'm really glad works in the show it's a piece of trivia that i didn't know you may not know ireland during world war ii andy neutral couldn't call it couldn't call it couldn't call it they were like i don't your't call it. They were like, I don't, your guess is as good as ours. It's not my fight. Leave me alone. Yeah. Yeah.

Yes. Yeah. They, they, uh, they were like, that's how much they hated England. They were like,

you know, Germany is exterminating people, but they're also bombing London. So I had to look it up again. Cause I was like, that can't be right and it's right it's right apparently fdr and and churchill was like what the fuck is wrong with you people and they were like we don't know something's wrong we seem very petty don't we they probably just

they didn't want to commit any troops you know to like die alongside englishmen and yeah no i get it like i get it but it's like looking back you kind of go that's odd they i mean did they have to send a letter of condolence to germany andy did they really yeah when hitler died yeah they sent a letter andy they're just attracted to morbidity it's not. Well, I think they were playing the long game on Aryan-ness, right? They were like, look, if this Aryan thing really pans out, who's more Aryan than us? Right, right. We're so white that we're translucent.

That is correct. So I think we might be the real, we might be able to out Germany to Germany. So, yeah, so i'm from a gigantic family and as somebody who deals with mental health and probably therapy and medication all that stuff you kind of and then you try to blame it on your parents and then you go well what i'm i'm two generations away or three generations from illiterate farmers yeah so what am i even asking them right right what how can i expect this level of emotional integration from them when they they're like they just heard about it yeah like male emotions the

fuck are you talking about besides rage right there's no male emotions? What the fuck are you talking about? Besides rage? Right. There's no male emotions besides rage. So, like, is horny an emotion? Yeah, you do find, I mean, I wholeheartedly agree. And I do think that like. You know, if you walk a mile in your parents shoes, you can you know, you can lose a lot of. Well, I think, first of all, when you're figuring yourself out, there's a healthy period of fuck those people and what they did to me. But you go through it. You know, it's not meant to be the place that you stop and linger and, you know, set up shop there. You're just supposed to pass through it on your way to a better understanding of yourself and the people that you love. But having kids, there are some things I look back on that, like, I think I have kids and I just kind of instinctively knew to not do that, you know, or do this.

And I don't see them having done that. And, you know, that's another joke that I did in three mics, the last Netflix special, which I said, you know, they're the we did our best generation. Yeah. So it's like, all right. So you were you were getting drunk, beating your kids and thought to yourself, this is me at my best. Here I am at my absolute best. I can't help it.

Glug, glug, glug, smack, smack, smack. Natural talent. Yeah. I am the best. Water seeks its natural talent. Yeah. I am the best. Water seeks its own level. Yeah. So yeah, like that's the,

that is the thing. And then do you bother confronting them about that? Or do you just go, or, or you, do you accept that? I think part of the thing with parents is accepting. If you accept them at that that like at their skill level

that's kind of a reduction from what how you what your expectations are most people so it's like you're in a lower level than i consider most people and i are you sure you want me to think of you that way yeah and and i don't i still haven't found a good resolution for that right where we're like accepting it's like your friend who's just like you know always late or all just like a it's like i can accept this but i don't i i don't think that highly of you yes especially when they get you know like there's a certain point too that i think like as people age you know the notion that people get older and then they have some sort of epiphany and and do a 180 i have never experienced that in my fucking life and also the other thing that

when you've got a person and there's kind of a duality there's kind of like the part of them that's open and sensitive and kind and then there's the part of them that's kind of selfish and and you know a product of of hurt you know and yeah and stubborn i i'm i don't i don't see the the nice part like rising to the fore as people get old. And that's a real fucking lesson that I try and absorb. Like maybe I can, you know, it just seems like the crust gets thicker. And the part that you've always felt kind of like, God, I wish you could be more understanding or, you know, a little more patient or have a little wider view than you do that i i'm not familiar with too many people that that uh well yeah they just i also think they get

they get defensive people yeah i mean i think older people get defensive and you know what analogy i've been thinking of lately is with uh like wokeness where like i've always thought of myself as pretty woke and pretty progressive and all this stuff and then they change the they like change the rules or enforce the they either change the rules or strenuously enforce rules that already existed and a part of me it's like what the fuck like what and i and then in some ways i feel like that's how my mother must think about me. Right. And,

and I'm, I'm sympathetic to her, but at the same time, like I kind of, I'm, I can't really negotiate on it. Yeah. Like,

and, and, uh, but yeah, that thing of the, whenever somebody said like, there's the narrative of like the old, the,

the joke is like, women think that they're going to change the guy they're with and it's like i've never the most i've seen anyone the only time i see people change is when they almost die and even that they probably won't change and if they just go to a 12-step meeting every fucking day yeah they can make like incremental change and then it's 10 15 yeah yeah so this idea that anyone can change anyone i can't really change myself that much yeah so the fact that the idea that i'm going to change somebody else is uh insane yeah yeah yeah but i i we all like go well let me hold on let me everyone's just a pickle jar that, like, hold on, let me.

I think I, yeah. And it's like, no, we're not changing shit, so we got to figure this out. Yeah, yeah. Can't you tell my love's a-growing? can't you tell my loves are growing one thing that has occurred to me lately is like the notion of like like breaking through someone's shell like you know like like you know someone this this is they're a tough nut but you just gotta work at it and you get through the shell and then you usually find out they're all shell yeah you get through the shell and like there's no nut in here yes there's no lobster meat there's just a hole you know it's a oh you're a nesting doll huh yeah

yeah more use no fucking yeah and then at the end it's just like there's like a fucking a fortune cookie yeah you know what i mean like there's nothing yeah people are and by the way people think that about you and me yeah you know what i mean like everywhere we think all these people it's like no we're to most people were those people yeah yeah to everyone but ourselves we're that fucking guy yeah who won't x and that's another like uh like very hard to truly comprehend uh the dynamic in human life yeah um yeah that but yeah like you ain't breaking shit yeah people are who they are and there's nothing you can do about it. It's basically, uh, it's,

it's, there's no, it's no substitutions. Yeah. People are like fickle chefs. They're like temperamental chefs, no substitutions, no change.

Now, by the way, that's, I actually feel like that in romantic relationships where I'm like, take it or leave it like you can i'll like if you want to talk to me about like being late or being rude like that's that i feel like that's a thing that you can give me a note about but just like a lot of the notes are just like that's just what you want that's not better for me you don't want what's better for me you want

it's better for you yeah yeah the buddy of mine said about relationships that um it should be a a gardener flower thing where you just flower you just water the other person and however they grow they grow you can't you don't prune them you just whatever just like what are you supposed to be i'll give you water for that but most people think are afraid that if they water you too much you'll grow into something that doesn't want them anymore yeah they like try to meet out the water and they slip you to their desires and you've been married i've been married and uh and yeah no but i agree because it just to me that like the ideal relationship is the one that you get to where you're just like, all right, I can just like be me. You know, like the friends that you have that you don't have to think about keeping the conversation going.

You don't have to think about what you're watching on TV. You don't have to think about even talking that much if you don't have anything to say. You're just existing. But I think a lot of time in relationships people take that everything's a referendum so if i'm not if i'm quiet it's like well you're awfully quiet yeah well this is a betrayal of me well this is somehow indicative of how you feel about me and it's like no it's, it's not at all. How I feel about you. I,

I have pre-exist all my personality is a pre-existing condition. Yeah. And if, whether, if you want to take it personally, cool, but you're going to drive us both insane. Yeah.

Yeah. Um, but, and I try to impart that early on, Andy, I try to let them know. You should get a printout. Just hand out, you know, a flyer.

I'm going to laminate it. And I have like lots of them. And then later, toward like the older I get, the printout is like kind of dirty and sticky. And people are like, how many relationships have you been in? Like, well, I don't know. i can't even count them a lot probably a lot probably a lot i yeah i should get i should get these redone actually because i have i'm out to the printer right now yeah i'm waiting for the email back on these things there's some new medical stuff i should have included uh they're handwritten

at the bottom and sharp yeah yeah you can see it um now yeah before we get too pessimistic though i do want to say i mean you've made progress in your life in terms of like just coping with who you are and sort of like some of the bad programming that you've received don't you think yeah i would yes i have well that's the thing is i but it's been like diligent work yeah it's not you know i've been to i've gone to i was the treasurer of an al-anon meeting yeah like i've done although i should have just said 12-step meeting an anonymous 12-step meeting but i didn't say who else is there i was there um the uh i've i've gone to lots and lots of psychotherapy i've taken lots of um medication i've i've done it's you know not experimental treatments but i've done a thing

called tms which is transcranial magnetic stimulation on my brain i went to china to do a better version of it i what did you do uh it's a thing called tms it basically just uh stimulates synapses uh via a a mri machine like dormant synapses activates different parts of your brain and then alleviates depression. Oh really? And do you find it effective? Yeah, I did it probably six years ago, like a full

treatment and then I did it and it lasted a long time and then two years ago I was going gonna do a stand-up show in shanghai and the guy who was doing the show who sponsored show was like hey my brother's a a um neuroscientist in or a surgeon in china and he's a big fan of yours and wants you to has a better version of the thing you did that's not legal in

the states if you want to do that while you're here and i'm like that's all i want to do so i went to better better version that's not legal which oh it's so it's like some music to my ear i'm not i'm if i turn out a super villain cool if I turn out to be brainiac and my head swells to four times but also a happier super villain right so and it was free

fucking where do I sign up I'm at the airport right now so so I did that that was great and then I've been, I did ketamine, which I didn't like a lot of people have had good results from ketamine. And, and then recently I've been doing ayahuasca that's gotten me off antidepressants and that's been fucking super cool. Oh, really? How often do you do that? I did it in the last year.

I've done it roughly once a month, which I kind of now feel like may have been more than I needed to, but I really love it. And it's I don't know if you know people that have done it, but it's wild. I mean, I've only heard of it. And I, you know, yeah, it does. Do you get used to it or is there always the puking and shitting and all of that uh the shitting is overstated i've never i've never shit and i've really never seen anyone else shit yeah and i've seen hundreds of people do it and i'll send you videos i have some videos i would love to um send it to my to my burner okay um and i don't want to get that in the algorithm i don't want that in my gmail

and they think i'm in listen i should i didn't need to explain this i'll text them direct and yeah uh the and the puking i puked once and yeah i don't know it was again people puke millions of people puke last night from alcohol no one brings it out yeah yeah um so but yeah how long of an experience is it like hours wise uh uh one each cup is about four hours so okay and you usually do two cups so it's uh it's it's it's wild it's a wild it is a the only spiritual experience i've ever had and is it guided in some way does the person bring it there is a not not really there's music and there's it can be i'm part of a circle where there is a bit of guidance there is like a bit of a homily and like a bit of like, not homily, but like, um, there is like a spiritual, there's a ceremony. Yeah. Um, so, and that's, that's been wild. So that's been really helpful. Uh, but I'll try anything.

And I, and I, and I would say that, you know, I have changed, but it's a lot, it's a, it's a, like a full, it's a part-time slash full-time job. Yeah. It's, you know, sometimes 25 hours a week of like, I mean, I don't know, maybe that's too much, but like, you know, it's a preoccupation. What do you, what do you think? Cause I mean, there's a lot of people that, that issue attempts at mental health, that even though they know it's good for them why do you think you're so diligent uh i think generationally i was in i i my i'm the youngest of my family so you know i have a brother that's like retired yeah Yeah. And, and I don't know, I just never, I just, I was in the eighties.

I was like in high school, late eighties, early nineties, high school. And I was like, people started taking Zoloft and I was, I knew that my house was not very healthy. And, and I just thought like, I don't, the shame of it never manifested in me. It just never manifested in me and what i found with people that are ashamed um is or people that like if if you say something about mental health and they're like sort of some of the effect of like pussy they're like they've just never given themselves any empathy right and they think it's like wrong right you know right and and i i don't know it just never manifested in me and then and then you it can have a real especially as like somebody in public you can have a uh very positive effect by talking

about mental health you talk about it and you see like the dms you get about it and people said like i didn't i didn't consider it until i heard you do x like so few people talk about the tms thing i i talked about on the daily show five years ago and that and the video of me talking about it became the home page for most of the doctors that prescribed it. Wow. Like it, what no one talks about. Right. Yeah.

Um, with ayahuasca now it's another thing. Uh, Will Smith has been talking about it and that's going to be huge. Yeah. He talks about it in his book and apparently his book, he says it's the, the,

the first taste of true freedom he'd ever had in his life. Wow. Yeah. Like, and he told me about it. So like you just, it, you know, if you talk about it and then you just, it's like, you know, a little, it's like a, it's a little, a little viral where people, right. So I just was never ashamed. And I got a lot of help from, I started going to therapy when I was 23, started taking medication when I was 24, started going to 12-step meetings around that same time. And it was very helpful. It just gives you a better,

it does give you like a laminated set of tips for dealing with your own uh sort of default thought process yeah and and which we don't get we don't we just don't get it and then the stuff we do get like you probably grew up going to church or some kind right yeah not i mean you know kind of lackadaisically yeah but um yeah like even that's like well this isn't very helpful yeah yeah like doesn't it just makes you feel guilt so yeah yeah which is you know i guess a little bit helpful but but yeah like so i will say that i've changed uh i don't know 10 15 percent i think the biggest one honestly it's been i lost that i mean from my friend's point of view that's the one that people go like you seem different so really yeah tms ayahuasca yeah i'd

say those two wow wow but to talk therapy do you think without the that i mean i found talk therapy i started sort of joking about talk therapy and going like i have to go to uh therapy right now so i can repeat my problems like an incantation yeah um like well then to my mother well you know my mother you know what i mean like yeah and it just becomes after a while i was like i need something in my body i need something like because it wasn't like the brain talk stuff wasn't, um, getting it, getting through to me. Right. And, and, um, again, I've done a thing called traumatic release exercises where you, your

body shakes out trauma. Like just, I've done every, I did EMDR. That's been really helpful. I mean, again, yeah, I say TMS say tms but emdr tms everything's helped uh five percent you know and that's the other thing that bugs the shit out of me about about therapy is they don't tell you other options yeah even within therapy they don't say hey i'm freudian but you might be better off with this kind. It's like going to a car dealership. They don't tell you about other types of cars because it is a business.

Some do and some don't. You know, I've had therapists that have said, you know, you would benefit from this other thing. Oh, really? I've never had that. Let me refer you to and yeah yeah um and it was just and it was kickball therapy it wasn't even it was yeah no it was it was kick therapy and you hire people and you get to kick them great yeah it works out a lot of and they're usually like uh they're like uh you know submissivesives. So they get something out of it. Yeah, yeah. It's not, it doesn't cost much because of that.

Yeah, but you injured your ankle on a rock-hard penis. That's right. I kicked a dick. You turned a foot. Don't worry about it. All right, all right. I'll tell you because I trust you. All right, well, shifting gears here. ah don't worry about it all right all right i'll tell you because i trust you um all right well

shifting gears here um one of the you know they i they uh somebody sends me like some research because i can't be i can't be looking things up yeah and um but one of the things that really struck me about your career trajectory was that you early on knew you wanted to do stand-up went up once didn't do well and then didn't go back on stage for like was it four years or something yeah it was i didn't do well when i was 18 then i did well when i was 23 but me and dave had just sold half big so i was like i'll just do that and then I was a writer and then I started again when I was 30 like during Chappelle's show so that wasn't I that wasn't really thing and then I didn't start in s in like in in I started really like every day when I was 33, which.

Wow. Don't do that. But why do you think that I mean, why do you think you kept coming back to it? And it seems like you correct me if I'm wrong, but it seems like you think of yourself primarily as a stand up comedian. At this point. Yeah. primarily as a stand-up comedian at this point yeah like yeah i mean because it's the yeah i mean it's it's one of those things where i'm sure you can relate it's like well what do i make the most money at what do i like the most yeah what do people want me to do the most yeah um the at this point i think of myself as a comedian who yeah i mean but there are a lot of people

who think of me as a writer like yeah i don't know about most people but like i get a lot of writing offers and uh and and like people because that's the thing like the things i've written have been very successful so yeah but i don't i call that doing the dishes it's like like, yeah, you can be on the show, but we need you to be like, no, either you want me in the restaurant or you don't. Like, right. I'm not going to I don't want to do dishes. So I see myself as a comedian. I always I don't know. I guess I was like always a comedian. Somebody one time said a guy named Alan Stevens, who was a he was a writer for Roseanne.

He was a comedian. He was a writer for Roseanne. And he goes like, I don't know if I'm a writer. I think I'm just like a shit talker. And I think of myself, I always think about that. Like, I think that might be I mean, again, I can I do think and i can think i think in sketches a lot of the time or i'll think right or i'll think in like a desk piece or whatever right but i also have stand-up bits like i i can think i'm like bilingual it can be uh like in fucking so fun but at the same time like if you don't have to um you know i bet you've started going i'm sure in 95 you were like at the office like bright-eyed and bushy-tailed and then by 2010 you're like yeah i'll figure it out let's see what they got yeah yeah well no it definitely it ebbs and flows and that's another thing that's a twice i've used that phrase but uh like it's you

know it's all ups and downs a roller coaster ride of just sort of my own mood and circumstance, the two things aligning. But I definitely, you know, the TBS show wound down. But I mean, I remember, and I even had a conversation with Conan about this a couple years ago, where I was like, we're two men in our fifties and we're still doing bits. Like that's our job is to do bits. And it just seems, I don't, you know, like so sweaty and inelegant, like to be this old and still like doing like, Hey, did you see this story about the lizard that got into the, you know yeah air conditioning duct and right but it's that's a bit of a life thing it's like well what else you're

gonna do yeah that's the thing you're good at right right you guys are fucking freakishly good at bits like yeah um because there are guys who like smigel or something like i don't want him doing anything else yeah yeah you know what i mean like no no go do bits go do your best i need you yeah yeah they're like mckay is still doing bits there i guess they're more elegant and sophisticated right but sometimes i'll be watching a mckay movie and i'll be like fucking that's will ferrell would walk in and fucking you know yeah yeah like watching succession going like i could use a little fucking will right now um or you know what i mean like i'd so yeah so i know i i do

understand i the thing that i don't um with me it's more like i like being i don't like the humiliation of having to ask somebody if I can if something's funny that's what it is the thing I like about stand-up is like I'll just ask the audience right I don't need to ask an executive or we've been lucky in that the people we were asking were funny as shit so like yeah and again we're not asking we're saying like can i interest the gentleman in this you know right right but when the gentleman's like no and you know it's because uh they're like kind of pissy with you about some other thing you're like yeah you know what i mean like you know whatever this is not i don't think we're telling tales like these guys are ass but it's just these are personal relationships and you it it's the

it's the the the anecdote and i'm this very relatable to you i'm sure where that me and dave were having a conversation one time and i go are you asking me this as your friend or as your executive producer yeah like because there's different answers right you know what i mean and by your executive producer i mean like your employee like basically like and even and and that's that gets a little sticky after a while is that you know where it's the difference of do you want to hear what you want to hear or do you want to hear what i want to tell you are those well it's there's there's so many jobs in in la especially i mean a lot of jobs are like this to a degree but where they're entirely based on uh somebody liking you yeah and so that's so it it like you're

you have to behave a certain way it's not you know it's like this one person can just decide fuck you and you're like so and that just kind of is a bit doesn't feel very adult or human. Can't you tell my loves are growing? To me, the thing about it is always like, well, aren't we supposed to be making funny goods television? Like, isn't that what we're supposed to be doing? well, aren't we supposed to be making funny, good television? Like, isn't that what we're supposed to be doing? And then you find out, like, a lot of these decisions are like,

oh, you didn't make that decision based on a funny, good television standard. You based that on your ego, your pride. You know, a lot of times it's like the genesis of whatever this project is wasn't your idea. You weren't in on the ground floor. Right, so you're not invested. Yeah. Some new alpha male, you have to kill all the offspring of the previous alpha males. You know?

Yeah. Just that kind of shit. And that's the thing where, you know, that on reality shows where they go, I didn't come here to make friends. Yeah. I realized at a certain point I came here to make friends. What's so wrong with that i know i really like am in comedy like hey we're all doing comedy right i realized like oh other people's and uh motivations are not that and i don't know i mean i i'm selling myself like i'm a i'm a rube and I have the best of intentions.

But I just got to the point where I. I do stand up and I direct commercials. And the reason I like doing those two things is because there is the stand up is autonomous between me and the audience and the commercials are short term and i always say like i'm like a wedding photographer yeah where i'm like hey i don't you know i was doing a commercial one time and they were like oh you're the last director was such an asshole and i was like why did he was he did he dream of making a buffalo wild wings commercial like what's the what's the where is he getting yeah why be an asshole yeah like i not like i've never been an asshole one direction in commercial but like i just see it as like hey let me help you do this thing right i have my experience that i'm decent at with making short things and it's a it's a very transactional relationship that i think i understand whereas

once you get into projects and it just i just find the relations of really hard to negotiate like i just find them harder and harder the older i get where i'm like ah i didn't want to see that part of you yeah or or uh or they're just you know or success does a thing or failure does a thing or just and so there's like i'm in comedy i try to uh be friends with as many people as I feel connected to and some you know if they need help I'll come in for like short spurts but this I think the thing of being in a submarine with somebody again is like I don't think it'll I think I'm like too I can't I don't think I can do it yeah because it's just too it's too it's too fraught yeah you know and and that's and I and that's and and the submarine with Chappelle show was great and very successful funnily enough um when when we were doing the pilot for Chappelle show Dave did Conan

and in the commercial Conan goes who you who dave did conan and in the commercial conan goes who you who you write in the show with and dave goes uh buddy my neil brennan and he goes uh who else and he goes uh dave's like ah it's gonna be me and him and he goes i'm telling you don't do that he's like it's gonna be too hard i implore you and uh and he was right he was wrong until he was you know what i mean like yeah yeah it's like to work until it didn't yes and it's just too it's too uh it's too much of a hot house and it just like it's just like nuclear it's just like this when the when the when the when the fusion's happening right right, it's fucking Rick James. And then it's not. It's it's a hey, Dave went to Africa and you're like, oh, OK.

OK. Yeah. No, it. You know, it is, though, true, it's I mean, it's something that I I didn't notice until kind of later. Because I'm, you know, like working with Conan is a very specific thing, and it's only that thing. It was the Conan show, and then, you know, and we'd go on the road, you know, and we'd do like live shows in other places, but it's only that thing. It's not like we were, it's not like Will Ferrell and Adam McKay coming up with a new will ferrell adam mckay right type movie so conan was sort of my creative partner through all this you know through the bulk of you know i mean hopefully i'll be working another 20 years or so but you know through the

bulk of the last almost 30 years um and i i had it took a while for me to realize like the people that are really kind of doing stuff that I like and that I appreciate they're partnered. Like, you know, like Dave had you and you had Dave and, you know, Will Ferrell has Adam McKay, you know, like everybody has kind of somebody to lean on. But, it is like it's it's hard to hold that together when the thing that you're doing is jokes and also uh business it's commerce you know so it's like it's you're not just you you know, making writing funny songs together or whatever. You're you're you know, you're selling cheeseburgers and dish soap, you know? Yeah. I mean, I would argue that there's also like the the emotional component that like to the same thing of like people say, I didn't come here to make friends.

And I'm like, I totally came here to make friends so there is the I might be too sensitive to have a partner I don't know I'm with you I love McKay and Farrell's stuff and I like when people there's something cute

about it you know what I mean and I think in my case, uh, I think in my case, they didn't want to have a partner. Yeah. Like, you know what I mean? And I, it's like, and that's why I do stand up because I'm like, okay, well, I like, I like that. I really like that. If I have a partner, I want it to be totally unhealthy and enmeshed. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Like real gooey shit.

Right. That's a young person's game, though. That's a young person's game. I know. I know. I know it is. Yeah. Absolutely. game i know i know i know it is yeah um i used to love i used to love

when i started out in comedy which was improv i used to love being around dysfunctional people and see them you know like bounce up against each other like bumper cars and the sparks fly and you know and just kind of you know we look that, look at all that fucking sickness on display and they're overlapping and wow. And, and then after a while it's like, Oh no, that's exhausting. I don't want to fucking deal with crazy people being crazy. Yeah. Yeah. I'm with you. I mean, that's the thing. It's like, it doesn't even have to be crazy. It's it. When I say like gooey, I don't mean like just that it doesn't have to be crazy it's it when i say like gooey i don't mean like just that it doesn't have to be awful it's just that's my tendency right yeah so and so yeah yeah and and uh

so i realized like if i'm if i'm in a thing even with this show i'm doing now like derrick delgadio directed it and he did a show called in and of itself and it was excellent and and i love that show and we asked him to work with me on this and and um and like for a while we were like on some bunk bed shit for like six eight weeks prepping this and then at a certain point we then we didn't need to be and i'm just kind of like hey i mean not i think we were both like hey what do we don't see each other and it's like well because we're we're done i mean we're kind of done you know yeah um and uh so i like that thing but i realized like like, I, I get, uh, to it, if I'm, if I'm going to be in that with somebody, it's like,

I'm in this thing with Dave and then it's, it's planned and contracted and my life is going to be that. And then he just goes like, Nope. And like, and then you go, Oh, this is not a good way to plan a life. Right. And, and so, so then I just kind of, from that point on, I've been like, okay, let me just do short term things and stand up and, and not be so, uh, reliant on another person's kind of whims.

Was, was it because like, like were the like the breakups too hard like i mean did you feel yeah i don't yeah like stressful to be that close to somebody and then have it end and yeah kind of i mean i it with their i've written with other people or work with other people and i get very like we're fucking blood brothers man man. And it's, it's like, not, that's not healthy on my part. And like with Derek, it was like that thing of like,

Hey, it was like 48 hours of like, well, I thought, and it wasn't, I don't even think I ever said it. It was just a feeling. Right.

Whereas before I would have said it. Yeah. So, so the, the, um, so I just have to like, know that i'm like that and and try to uh work and undercut that part of myself or at least like mitigate it through thoughts and

behavior and and know like yeah that's i'm gonna my my is going to want to do that. And I just can't. When you, this, I mean, and I'm asking a question because part of that I relate to in a sense. And I'm asking this question and it's a question I've asked to myself. Does your ability to have those intense partnerships and then move on from them, does it make you doubt your ability to maintain a long partnership and to really like well no it's a it's worse than it's worse than that it it it and again i i would bet a lot of money that you relate to this is you worry like can i do something on my own yeah you know like that's the big worry so that's been like the stand-up part uh of my life is like i i have to do it on my own because i can't count on a partner and and it's been very gratifying to have specials like three mics and the new one

unacceptable. That's like, I did it on my own. I did it. I don't, there's barely any one's other words in the special. Yeah. You know what I mean? Like there's, so that's been fucking really gratifying. And, and, and so that's always my worry and my insecurity the the part being a partner i think i've gotten better at it like like just being and a lot of it is about not being codependent yeah and being like very like yeah cool we'll work till six and then i'll see you tomorrow at 10 yeah yeah you know and not like what do we hey man yeah i thought of an idea yeah is your wife with you you know lose her yeah yeah whose side are you on um so so yeah that's kind of been my art when you i mean because you do kind of deal you're an excellent joke writer but so much of your of your stand-up deals with mental

health um was there like a point at which you made a decision you know i'm not just going to crack wise here i'm going to also kind of i'm going to share this it was a necessity thing it was a necessity thing because i did an hour on comedy central that I thought was good. I did an hour and a half in comedy central that I thought was good. And no, and just like, people were like, so I was like,

I'm not just going to keep putting on hours that people don't care about. Like, I'm not going to waste my time. So I was like, let me do one more thing. That is, um, that is,

I'll do another special. And hopefully if people don't care then i'll just stop because i'm not i just do something else and and i did the three mics thing and it kind of became like a lane for me meaning like i do in that one it's like different and segregated like now i'm being doing stand-up for 12 minutes now i'm telling a story for 10 minutes now i'm doing one-liner so like uh and i realized that people like the the sort of serious revelatory monologue as much as they like the stand-up yeah and and it is a weird thing where people i don't uh the same way i don't feel a lot of shame about about um mental health stuff or mental health frailties i don't have a lot of shame i don't mind talking seriously to an audience even though they've just been laughing

i'm not i don't see i don't see them as like i've i've kind of figured out a way to do it occasionally where i can be funny and then the next little pocket be serious and it's better it's more effective overall i have a i have a joke with with chris rock where i would say like if i could crush like you i I wouldn't do this shit. I can't crush like him. But what I can do is crush around as hard as him. But then the nutrient part, the sort of revelatory or the personal part kind of gets you there. Yeah. It'll like get you closer to like the fullness that that chris or dave or bill burr or any of these people can give you yeah um but uh but i need to i need to do more

than just do you know stand-up jokes you got the the special that you do i mean a special i don't know if you got you know your one-, unacceptable, which is now and playing until. On November 21st, they can get tickets at unacceptable show.com. All right. We're not, we're not wrapping up. I just want to get another one. No, no, no, no, no. We're not wrapping it up, but I think people never know. And with podcasts, you never know when you're wrapping up, Andy. People wrap it up whenever that goddamn wealth plays.

And also they can still listen while they're purchasing tickets if they're listening on their computer. That's right. Thanks to the apps. Right. There's so many things happening, so much technology. Go ahead, folks. Order away. What do you, is this the kind of like, you said it, the stand-up, the directing commercials.

Is that kind of what you see your life being like going forward? Yeah, I am doing a series for Netflix that Kevin Hart asked me to do. It'll be a doc series, like four episodes. I'm going to do that. I'm going to, I'm like life of a comic kind of thing. No, it's a,

no, it's a, it's a, it's a doc. It's a, it's a, it's like a serious, uh,

it's a, I don't, I don't want to say what it is, but it's like not, it's not, it's not biographical. It's like, okay.

Ideological. I see. Um, uh, and so I'm going to do that. I got, it's one of these things where like, okay. Ideological. I see. Um, uh, and so I'm going to do that. I got, it's one of these things where like, I assume every job is my last one, uh, in a, in a like protective way. And also like, um, I don't have a wife or kids. So like, I'm not that concerned. I don't,

I'm not purely driven by making a living it's more just like what do i what can i do what should i do with my time yeah and and i i don't yeah if i just did stand-up and commercials and and did a doc series if i became like a doc series person i kind of don't know what's gonna happen like in some ways i feel I kind of don't know what's going to happen. Like in some ways I feel like, uh, I don't think my career hasn't started yet, but like, I don't know,

like this is cool, but I feel like there's a lot of things that I don't get considered for that. Other people do that. Like if I got considered for those, I would do them. I don't or nothing. Yeah. Or I'll just read.

Yeah. Yeah. I, you know, it's, I think about it because it's like you said, you're, you know, you're established, but you still kind of think of yourself as like, well, yeah, there's a lot left undone here though. Like I still haven't really, and this is something I feel it's like, you know, I I've, I've been working in television a long time, but I still feel like there's a lot of stuff that I that is undone and that there's a lot of things that I would like to do that. I feel like I still have this feeling of like I'm a young person and I'm just starting out. And I, you know, but I will say, like, you know, looking at you and again, i say this is somebody who's 47 but like i

i you i didn't realize how young you guys were when you started yeah like when the show started i think i was 27 maybe right but you i was it was i was 19 or 20 yeah so to me you guys are old yeah right and then you realize and then and then like recently the thing a year or two or three ago when someone was like you know conan's the oldest the longest late night host and you're like what yeah um and you guys are still not that old. Um, so, so yeah. And even in terms of like undone, I guess it's, it's like, uh,

I see it more like I'm curious about like, if I, if I could contribute to that or, or feel like I would have an idea around that, I would do it. And, and cause I'm trying to get away from, uh,

I'm not good enough thinking. Like I'm deficient thinking. And just go like, oh, maybe I could do that and contribute. Instead of like, I don't know if I'm good enough. Could I? Sirs, may I play the fifth lead in your sitcom? I'm begging you. Please.

If you can find it in your heart. Please, please. I've never been the fifth lead. Let me do the fart jokes. Please. I can come through a door and say something ironic. On a more personal note, do you ever see yourself getting married and you don't have to answer that if you don't want to um i'm not opposed to it i have a bunch of stuff in the show that's sort of like i'm not i would love to have a an everlasting love commitment with a woman yeah uh um marriage i the legal i

don't i haven't looked at it from the legal point of view uh which i've been doing a joke a lot like the culture wants you to get married so badly that common even they have common law marriage which is when you go no we're just dating and the government goes how long and you go 10 years and the government goes you're married yeah yeah yeah just so you know you're married like there's tax benefits to you too dragging your feet this long yeah yeah um so uh the yeah like i'm not opposed to it it doesn't It's another thing where I've stopped thinking about my life is incomplete if I don't. This is my life. I'm here.

And if that's a thing that I want to do, or if that's a thing that presents itself, I'm so in love that we got to call the government. Let's do it. love that we gotta that we gotta call the government yeah yeah let's do it you know but i don't but i'm not gonna see it as if i don't get married i will not see it as a as i fucked up or i was deficient as a failure or something yeah it's a failure it's failure of leadership that's right that's right you just can't play ball with others can you yeah it's never i don't play ball yeah if it's a character flaw or if it's like there's a flaw in the system or the me that's kind of what actually the show is about it's like the world wants me to do this thing but i don't want to do that am i am i broken you know right

which i think is like kind of the maybe the main people's main problem. Yeah. I mean, once you get past poverty and hunger, it's a prime existential quandary. Yeah. Yeah. But it is. But it is like you're right. It's like for people who are safe and not hungry. That's when they they worry about that sort of thing. Yeah. You know, I define the five, the, the three questions of this one is like, what have you learned? And I mean, you're basically, you keep doing shows that are almost, you know,

here's what I learned. Yeah. Officially the tech stuff, here's what I've learned. Yeah. Yeah. Is there sort of like a Neil Brennan onenan one you can boil down i mean you know um in terms of what i learned yeah like what you know what advice you have for people or what people the point of your story what they would take away from it

well i have showbiz advice showbiz advice that i wish i had known um which is uh seem nice um that's and not be nice seem nice yeah yeah um that's a big showbiz lesson uh the what i learned i guess is just i don't know it's just i don't think that your instincts can't be wrong, but you're, I spent a lot of time not trusting my instincts and, uh, I don't know. I wish I, I wish, I wish I would just like take my word for things more often.

Like, and I wish there were more instances where i was like i met my own needs like yeah that's like your needs are your needs like you're not gonna that they're okay yeah you know like they're they're not they're not wrong i mean again if they're in more if they're like blatantly immoral yeah you're nice yeah don't do that but a taste for human flesh you know yeah yeah yeah yeah i mean what i mean yeah there's i mean there's even there's degrees of that yes right right exactly um so so like that's the the i wish i'd uh met my knee own needs more often and i wish i took my words for things is that were you afraid of uh difficult

conversations uh were you were you afraid that that your needs were somehow deficient i just thought that they were wrong i just thought that i was if if you know it's like if i didn't want to be in a relationship with somebody whether it's a man or a woman my next thought especially with women would be like relationships are hard hard work. I'd be like, okay, I'll give it another year. Yeah. Yeah.

Yeah. Honestly. Like, and I, I know lots of people that do that. Like, I think most people do that. Yeah.

Uh, and you just go, okay, yeah, I am pretty late. I am a procrastinator or whatever. Like you think of the thing you're probably doing wrong. And it's like

or it's just not right yeah you know and and and but that's the thing that's hard for i don't even mind tough conversations i think i've gotten better at them over time but but just expressing my own needs in a fairly open way. People, you know, the weird thing about it is people are very accepting of it. If you just go like, hey, I have this feeling and I know that it's anathema to you or it's not what we agreed to or whatever. it it's anathema to you or it's not what we agreed to or whatever but if you express it like hey i have a human feeling and i hope you can understand yeah i think like people are more understanding of that than you would guess yeah yeah you know it can be somebody helping you decide whether or not it's valid you know like this need that have, you can talk to somebody about it and, you know, they can help you because, you know, so much of the time, it's like you

said, following your instincts, but sometimes you're, you don't know what your own instincts, they could be right. They could be wrong. I think as you get older, you get, you get a better handle on that, but you're, everyone's capable of making mistakes. And that's one of the biggest like the people that think they get to a certain point because of success or money or whatever to where they think like just because nobody tells me no i have the i can't be wrong anymore like just if it comes

out of my mouth it's right like i see that all the time and that's like yeah i mean not only is it doesn't make life miserable for other people but it's also like such a nice prescription to never feel happy like to go to the end of your life feeling like i'm missing something i got everything but i'm missing something and it's like yeah because you're you're not allowing yourself to be a full character you know you're a caricature you know yeah and and and i mean there's part of me that's like i look at the kind of person you're talking about and i go i mean i always say uh narcissism narcissism basically is uh they have the disease and we all have the side effects yeah yeah right right narcissists don't care like they are on they go to the grave unreformed yeah um yeah and so narcissism is

like one of those things where you just go like yeah as much as you go you're you're that advice you just gave to a narcissist like the fuck are you talking to i'm rich i'm i'm great i'm yeah um so but it it is more like i think if you are it's like if you say in a like a good divorce where you're like this isn't this isn't good for you or me you know like this isn't good for us like i have enough empathy for you to accept the fact that you don't love me the way you used to because i'm not who you thought i was going to be or whatever like without being so territorial or defensive you can just have a an empathetic conversation with somebody and it's,

it's just better. But I didn't know you could have those. I thought it was all just like, here's what they're expecting. So I'm going to do that. And I'm going to do that and do that and do that until I just can't. And I won't communicate any doubts or misgivings until it's just a rug pole.

Right. Until I can't take it. And I'm like, we're breaking up or whatever. And, and then they're they feel completely blindsided because I didn't let them in on any of my misgivings. Yeah. Yeah. So I guess it's like just my advice to people would be, of course, brush your teeth and and that your needs are OK, provided that they're somewhere in the sphere of morality. Right, right.

Yeah, that's pretty good. I don't know what more people want from you, frankly. I've never understood what they want from me. You give and you give. Yeah, they may not want anything from me, which is the worst hospital news. You can't just run away from that thought. Just flee from it like it's the blob. Yeah.

Yeah. Well, the show is called Unacceptable. It's until the end-ish of November. Yes, sir. And then I'll probably do it in L.A. at some point, and I'll probably tour it a little bit. All right, cool. I'll come see it if it's in L.A. at some point and I'll probably tour it a little bit. All right, cool. I'll come see it if it's in L.A. I'm not going to New York for anything. Where in L.A.? How close does it need to be to your house?

My backyard. I live in Burbank. Yeah, it is L.A. So fuck Burbank. The Silver Lake is probably max for you, right? Oh, absolutely. Absolutely. Yeah. Like like West Side, side you're never gonna it's not you're not even gonna rsvp it west side unless i'm uh unless it's uh unless it's conan's house or there's a possibility of me getting laid forget it are you single now um yeah no yeah i've been uh i got a divorce a couple of years ago. All right.

I didn't realize. For some reason, I just thought, I just assume divorce guys all get a girlfriend who's also divorced. No, there's no system in place. There's no California agency that's distributing. When my app comes out, there will be. Well, thank you so much for doing this, Neil. Andy, it was nice talking to you.

It was great talking to you, and I'd love to bump into you sometime and share another drink. I think the odds are good. Good. All right. Well, everyone out there, thank you. Thank you, Neil. And thank you all for listening. And we will be back next week with three more of these goddamn questions.

I've got a big, big love for you. The Three Questions with Andy Richter is a Team Coco and Your Wolf production. It is produced by Lane Gerbig, engineered by Marina Pice, and talent produced by Galitza Hayek. The associate producer is Jen Samples, supervising producer Aaron Blair, and executive producers Adam Sachs and Jeff Ross at Team Coco, and Colin Anderson and Cody Fisher at Earwolf. Make sure to rate and review The Three Questions with Andy Richter on Apple Podcasts.