The Three Questions with Andy Richter - Ron Funches

Episode Date: August 6, 2019

Comedian Ron Funches joins Andy Richter to talk about forming a complete picture of their parents as adults, raising a son with autism, dealing with “fatness barometers,” and throwing vision board parties. Later, Ron shares self-improvement tips he’s learned with his podcast ‘Gettin’ Better.’This episode is sponsored by U-Turn Audio (www.uturnaudio.com code: RICHTER), Betterhelp (www.betterhelp.com/threequestions code: THREEQUESTIONS), and Leesa (www.leesa.com code: THREEQUESTIONS).

Hello world, this is Andy Richter and you are listening to The Three Questions with Andy Richter. For those of you who don't know, The Three Questions are where do you come from, where are you going, and what have you learned? And I can't wait to hear the answers to those questions from my next guest who's one of my favorite people ron funches hi hi ron nice i didn't know there were questions involved yeah yeah but they're easy yeah they're easy i mean you just wing them okay i mean i basically want to talk about your feelings and dreams i love that yeah i know you do. You have a podcast.

Yeah. Pitch that. Go ahead. Plug that thing right away. Sure, it's called Getting Better. Yeah. Pretty much similar thing. We just talk about getting better at craft, our craft, our life, just all types of things,

relationships, sex-wise, career, of course, but all types of things, and it's fun. And I give a lot of guest compliments, which sometimes seems to be unnerving for comedians. Yes. I like that. I've been doing that here, too. This is a pretty new one, but I do like to stop and tell people, hey, check out what you just said and what that represents in terms of a human life, and that's pretty amazing. That's pretty great, because I don't't think especially in comedy we're always looking to shit on each other and tear stuff down and kind of which i

don't i don't think is necessarily in and of itself a bad thing no when it's aimed at the right thing but when you aim it at yourself oh boy sometimes it's a problem oh tell me about it how did you start to get interested in kind of that kind, those kind of topics? Is it something that you always had in you? Yeah, I think it's something I always had just because of the life that I grew up in. My mom's a single parent, and she was in an abusive relationship, and we had a lot of negative things going on. And I lived in the south side of chicago pretty rough area but one thing um and i've been talking about this with my mom lately that i and my therapist uh is that i

realized it's like oh my mom really went out of her way to like take me to museums and take me to concerts and like the first like i don't even recall but the first concert i ever went to was to go see see bb king and muddy Waters and these blues festivals, all these legendary things that were free, but they took effort on her part, especially as being a single mom and working all the time. And dragging a kid around is no fun. Yeah, dragging two kids around. Oh, you had two? Yeah, me two kids around. Oh, you had two? Yeah, me and my sister. But what that did was really kind of kept my mindset open about possibilities and other things being around.

And it made me very positive. And just my natural demeanor, I've always been pretty positive. But it was something that, especially either growing up in Chicago or when I started comedy, wasn't a thing that people really enjoyed. I would kind of hide that part of me. I would just do just regular jokes and stuff. And then just from kind of doing my podcast and dating some women who were like, I like this part about you. I like that you like talking about your feelings and that you like that you're open to go into like meditations and dealing with crystals and all these other things. These are things that you like, and these are unique things, and you should talk about it. And so it's just more about me being open, like, hey, this is who I am,

and this is who I've always been, and now I'm more confident in saying it. Yeah. Tell me more about your mom. Who is she? Where is she from originally, and what kind of person is she? My mom is from Chicago. What type of person is she? Where is she from originally, and what kind of person is she? My mom is from Chicago. What type of person is she? She's just very honest.

She worked for the Salvation Army for most of her career. You know, she would go in Chicago and visit people in lower-income housing and help them out with, you know, whatever they needed as far as social work, trying to get them into the right program so that they could get out of that position. I see. So she was a social worker? Yes. Yeah, and she had gone to school for social work? Yeah.

Those people are amazing to me. Yeah. I don't even think of myself as that selfish, but I don't know. I feel like I'm too selfish to devote myself to other people that much. Like, I just think I would – I don't know. Like I say, I'm not a bad person, but I just think I'm too self-involved to be like, well, what about me? Like, what do I have to say? Yeah, yeah, yeah.

Yeah, no, I don't – I didn't get that from her. But she's always been like that. My mom is really into helping the less fortunate and just helping people in general. And so she did that for most of her career and took care of me and my sister in Chicago. And then at some point she decided that she wanted to become a nurse. And so she just, in her late 40s, she just went back to school and got her nursing degree and then became a nurse for a couple of private companies for a while,

and she didn't really like that. And so she started being a nurse at a prison. And she really enjoyed that for a while until I was like, hey, I'm doing better. I have my son come live with me. And so she's been living with me for the last year. Oh, wow. That is a real testament to a good relationship to have your mother come live with you.

Oh, Jesus. That's my call. That's my phone. I thought you had sound effects. No, no, no. That's just my Buck Owens ringtone. I forgot to turn my phone up. Sorry, listeners.

Your relationship with your mom. No, I mean, that is great that you all can live together. I mean, even, you know, the free childcare, of course. Yeah, it's helpful. Y'all can live together. I mean, even, you know, the free child care, of course. Yeah, it's helpful. That's sort of like my sister sometimes will, I mean, over the years,

she'll complain about my mother, and I'll be like, well, if you want a little more distance, you've got to pay for child care. You can't, you know, that's the price you pay to have your kids get taken care of. Mom gets to say whatever she wants. Yeah, my mom, she's just really chill. And our relationship wasn't always that way, for sure, especially when I, like, she was supportive when I started stand-up. But then as the years went by and I still wasn't making any money.

And when I started, my son was already two years old. Oh so she. Oh, you started when your son was two. Wow. And so she was very concerned. Yeah, yeah. Well, that's a scary. I mean, were you concerned? Or did you just kind of just felt like I might as well do this because I want to do this? I was.

Of course, I was concerned about, like, not having any money. Yeah. But I also didn't see any other options for me. I didn't have any other interests that I knew to need a career because I had my son. And also when my son was two, he had diagnosed with autism. And so I was like, I don't know if he's going to live with me until he's 18, 20, 30. I don't know. He might need me to take care of him long after I'm gone.

And so I was like, I don't know. He might need me to take care of him long after I'm gone. And so I was like, I need a career. I need something I can actually focus on for 20, 30 years that can make me real money. And I didn't have any other interests. It was always like, I just like comedy and I like pro wrestling. And I didn't think I could be a pro wrestler. Well, now you can. I'm working on it. I went to school. No, I didn't think I could be a pro wrestler. Well, now you can. I'm working on it. I went to school.

No, I can't. I went to school for three months, and I found out that I am not naturally inclined at that. What was wrong? I mean, art. Tumbling. Like, I could tumble, but I couldn't get back up. Like, my leg, I was like, I'm down here now. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

And they made me do a lot of squats and i threw up a lot it was i have i do have like good commitment like i was like i could do it i sure went and i did it you could cut a promo yeah i could definitely cut a promo and those are the only things i was good at was showing emotion right they when i'd lock up with people they're like oh you're like good at like growling at people. Telling the story. But as far as actually, I'm not very coordinated. I've never been that athletic at all. It's just not meant for me.

All those things are pretty important for professional wrestling. Yeah. Yeah, I'm not as much of a wrestling fan anymore, but I was throughout my youth. And I always thought it was just like taking bumps. And that's so like in pratfall comedy that you do as you're growing up, falling downstairs convincingly. Like I used to really be able to do a funny fall downstairs and only hurt myself a little. Yeah. You know what I mean?

Yeah, in the meat. Like sure it hurts. Yeah. But it doesn't hurt as much as it looks like. Yeah. And then, I don't know,

I got to be about, it was probably my early 30s and I found out, like, you can't do that anymore. What used to sort of hurt for a day

now hurts for two weeks. Yeah. That's also the thing with wrestling where I was like, oh, eventually I'm going to get hurt because even people who are good at this get hurt. they live a life of pain and you know yeah so

why am i gonna be mediocre at it yeah yeah like that doesn't make sense and they started talking about like they were like you guys can come in and help build the ring and and if you i was if you're serious about this i would think about paring down to a part-time job and really focus on this and all the sacrifice you need to make and i was like i already did this like yeah yeah i already slept in my car for for comedy i'm not gonna do it for wrestling yeah which is supposed to be fun yeah it's just my hobby uh let's go back a little bit we're kind of hopping all over the place here that's fun i. I know, but still, I don't want to get to the end before we get to the beginning. Tell me, how about your dad?

What's your dad like? I mean, if you want to talk about him. Yeah, we can. Yeah, I don't usually. Are you still in touch with him at all? No, not particularly. My dad and I, it's a complicated relationship, another thing of dealing with in therapy. Yeah.

Because my dad, I didn't have a relationship with him when I was young. I don't recall him being there when I was young. Did your mom and dad split up? Yeah, when I was four. Four, okay. Yeah, but so I don't remember him being there. Yeah. And he had his own drug issues for a while and was kind of just floated around for a bit. And he got his life together and was there for me when I really needed him.

My mom was in a bad relationship. I was not doing well in Chicago. And my dad was there, and he was going to Oregon, and he gave me the ability to go live with him in Oregon, which really changed me. About what age were you there? 12. 12? Okay. Wow.

Was that a rough transition? I mean, just kind of then reconnecting or connecting with him in the first place, like going and living with this man that you hadn't really known very well. Yeah, definitely. Yeah. Definitely. A lot of button heads, a lot of trying to discipline me now, but I'm like, you don't know me. Yeah, Definitely. A lot of button heads, a lot of like trying to like discipline me now. But I'm like, you don't know me. Yeah.

You know? And he also was dealing with the fact that he was in a bad relationship with a lady who had two kids who wasn't particularly stoked that I was there. And then eventually my sister was there. So like that caused a lot of issues between the two of them and between us. But I still, again, dealing with therapy, I really am thankful that my dad did that for me. If he wasn't there for me at that time, I don't know how my life would have turned out. Because I was not doing well in Chicago, and I was fighting my mom's boyfriend a lot. And I just don't think my life, I don't think it would have been a comedian for sure. Cause my mom was very, very much on top of things and very

much like, you're going to go do this and you're going to make sure you don't end up like your dad and do these things. So like I would have been some manager of some grocery store or something. So I needed to get away from that in order to do that. But my dad and I don't really have a relationship now just because I still have resentment from the past, from those things. And then me being a father and being there for my son kind of also then made me be like, and I understand that I have to have some forgiveness as far as there being drug issues, but I'm just like, I had my son when I was 19. You know, she was pregnant when I was 19. My son was born just after I turned 20.

And my son has autism, and I had no money. And I'm just like, I'm here. I'm doing it. I'm figuring this out. And you weren't there. And I understand then he was there later when I needed him, and I really appreciate that. But then there's also some other issues where he's like, my dad has like five kids, six different women. Yes, that doesn't make sense.

Just reverse it. Maybe at some point they transplanted the embryo. We got a bunch of kids, a bunch of different women. Let's not do the precise math. Well, that's not precise math. That's pretty obvious math. My dad had, like, a son pretty late in life. I have, like, a little brother who is, like, he's probably, like, 14 now.

And so when I was younger, a little bit later, I was trying to reconnect with my dad. And that was probably my early 30s, probably 30, 31. And I liked this kid a lot because he reminded me of me. He loves wrestling, video games. He's got the same little fat cheeks that I had when I was a kid. And I remember just talking to one of my cousins. And they were talking about how they had taken him out to, like, talk him out to go shoot guns and stuff.

And not like, you know, not like people in the forest, just like people in the middle. In the backyard. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Not even really, like, in the alley in Long Beach, you know? Yeah, yeah. Like, near gang members and stuff. And I'm just like, oh, like, oh, yeah, like like like your gang members and stuff and i'm just like oh like

oh yeah you're like my dad is like he's well-meaning and stuff but overall he doesn't surround himself with people that are in his best interest are in the best interest of the people around him i'm like and if you don't know that your kid is being taken around to go shoot things like i can't i can't be around Big, obvious mistakes where you're just like, what the fuck are you doing? Yeah. Yeah. And you don't even know. It's hard to be around those people, yeah.

Yeah. And so that was the day I kind of made a decision where I'm like, I love you and I appreciate you, but I can't have a relationship with you because something's going to happen either with them or with us or like god forbid i mean it has happened where like i did the one movie with kevin hart like i do all these other things but like the one movie i did with kevin hart years ago then all of a sudden people are like hey don't forget where you came from and all this stuff and it's like you i don't know you you weren't there like the people who i know i was already talking to yeah and so i had to then just have to be like i had to kind of cut out that side of my family, mostly my dad's side of my family.

I have a few, like my cousins I still talk to, but for the most part, I don't really deal with them. Yeah. You touched on it a little bit. I think for most people, their father becomes a model for parenting. And I think frequently that either takes a negative, they become a negative model or a positive model. You know, like you want to copy what they did or you want to do the opposite of what they did. Yeah. And was your dad, do you think your dad, was he a capable of, like, was he an affectionate person?

Was he capable of showing love and, you know, in like, not just in taking care of you and getting you out of a situation, but. Yeah. No, definitely. Yeah. He was capable of showing love and I knew that he cared about me. I just don't think he was good at the nuts and bolts of the job, you know. So it's a mixed bag. It's real complicated.

I still got issues with it now. My sister and him have a relationship. Like, they talk to each other, but, like, we just don't. Yeah. I think, too, it's, I mean i mean for me being a grown-up is like having the whole key to being a grown-up is having two completely contradictory things existing at once which is like you appreciate and love your dad and for what he did but you also like see all these shortcomings and all these like, and like you said, because

I do the same thing with my parents and there's particular moments where I feel like there were like, there was just kind of ways that my dad lived his life and that I kind of took the story about, you know, like kind of that, like, cause he, he had avenues where he could have gone and made more money. And I don't mean, you know, become kind of that – like because he had avenues where he could have gone and made more money. And I don't mean, you know, become a hedge fund guy. I just mean within his – he was a college instructor and he could have – you know, there were some sacrifices he could have made to like make some more money. And he just kind of – he had good reasons to why he didn't. But – and I took those reasons.

And I'm like, okay, that makes sense to me. That's why you don't contribute financially and then when I became a father it was like instantly like are you fucking kidding me like the minute you have that kid you realize like I was already kind of doing show business so that was my job but it's like doing some shitty commercial that's sort of humiliating like oh fuck my humiliation or or a really dumb tv show like because you know you pick and you know how to pick and choose there's some shit you're embarrassed to do and then there's other shit where it's like i gotta do this i gotta pay for these kids you know so you

have on the one hand the love and respect and appreciation and you know and also kind of the responsibility like they're responsible for who you are good and bad but then on the other hand there's like the man you let me down then and you know there's no time machine or anything but yeah you let me down now you know i think you just especially having a kid you learn that like oh being a parent isn't like someone on a pedestal. It's just another adult who doesn't know what they're doing. Yeah, yeah. And they're trying and trying.

Keep that a secret. Yeah. You got to act like you know what's going on. Absolutely. But you don't. You're just hoping for the best and you're trying hard. And so in a lot of ways, it causes a lot of forgiveness. And it has with my mom and my relationship that we had.

There's things that we went through and there were a lot of things that she dealt with, with both me and her other family members when she sent us to Oregon, where they were like, oh, you're like, why don't you just get rid of this guy that you're with? And instead you're sending your kids away, you know? And she had to deal with that. And it turned out to be the best situation. My sister's now a doctor. I make more money than her for doing less work.

I'm getting high a lot more. Yeah. A lot more than her, that's for sure. And so things really, really worked out. And I just had to be like, like you know like you did the best that you could but then on the flip side it also kind of gave me this other side where it's like oh i know the sacrifices that you are there and i know the decisions i know the choices and you just chose another way and i can understand that and i can have sympathy for that, but that doesn't mean I like that.

Yeah. You know, it doesn't mean that I truly understand that because I was put in the same position and I made another choice. Yeah. At the time when you went to live with your dad, I mean, did your mom have an explanation for you? Or, you know, you don't have to answer and we can cut it out if you don't want to. No, I'm pretty open about it. I mean, my mom's thing was just that she was in a bad relationship with this, like, gang member dude, and she couldn't get out of it. She tried. She would call the cops all the time, and they would show up a little bit late.

Like, she tried, and he would just show up at the house. He ruined a lot of holidays and birthday parties for me by just busting through a sleepover I was having so then I had less friends. But then she just couldn't get rid of them and so she decided the best choice of action was to get her kids out of there. If she couldn't get out of that situation, she had to get her kids out of there.

Do you think she still loved him at that point? Was it complicated in that way? I think she was lonely. I think she was lonely and I think she didn't she was, and I think she was divorced, and she had two kids. And I think like a lot of people, you're like, oh, nobody would want me. And so when somebody shows you that they at least kind of care about you, they're giving you a little bit of something. Even if they're horrible, you'll make a lot of excuses. We all do that, whether we're male or female we make excuses for our compromises for um what we need just so that we won't be lonely

yeah you know i think and i think even like the crazy shows of of of wanting you are still you're still wanting you. It's still somebody wanting you. Like somebody busting into your sleepovers. Like that sucks. And that's selfish. But they're still in there is, oh, this person cares about me. This is some kind of love. Yeah. Yeah.

Yeah. Can't you tell my love's a-growing? Now, about fathering, how did you approach fathering? Like, you know what I mean? Like, all of a sudden, you're a dad. Well, you got to think about it, don't you? I mean. About how to do it or becoming one?

Because I did not think about becoming one. No, not becoming one. No, but when you're presented with, okay, now you've got a baby. Yes. You've got to raise this baby. Yes. And you are a thoughtful, sensitive, loving person. So you've got to, well, you are quite demonstrably. I don't remember it exactly, but, like, I didn't have a real good model for fathering

because my folks divorced when I was four and my dad just wasn't I want to say it wasn't his fault but I mean he could have been there more I mean I only saw him a couple weeks a year they only lived four hours away I would not yeah he could have been there yeah I would not have done the same way and you know and actually I'm going through a divorce right now and I'm learning to I mean why my wife and I were married for 25 years and I'm trying to figure out, I live four minutes away and I'm trying to figure out how to deal with the fact that I'm not in my children's life enough now. I mean, and like I say, I live four miles away or four minutes away.

So I didn't really have a good model for fathering. And I think I just ended up mothering. Like I think I just like, I did what my mother did, sort of. I mean, with some notable exceptions. I mean, I don't mean breastfeeding. No, I mean, I don't mean the obvious one. I mean, there was some stuff that wasn't that hot. So I'm like, I think I'll skip that one. But I mean, did you just kind of take it day by day? I mean, that is what so much is. Yeah, a lot of it is day by day.

A lot of it was pressure. But for me, I always say, my son really saved my life. I wouldn't have been a comedian if he wasn't born and didn't have autism. I wouldn't have done it. You think the autism even saved you? Oh, for sure. Really? For sure. Because of the the autism even? Oh, for sure. Really? For sure.

Because of the pressure that it put on you for care. Yeah, for pressure. It took on me for care and for a couple reasons. So, I'll tell you, just get a little bit of background. Well, that's what we're here for. Yeah, that makes sense. So, I was just kind of living my life. I had my girlfriend, my first girlfriend when I was in high school, 18, a late bloomer.

In Chicago, right? In Oregon. In Oregon, okay. At this time. And we're just hanging out, smoking a lot of pot together, taking gravity bong hits. Not really floating around doing anything. I didn't have any drive. I went to community college for like three weeks and did not enjoy it.

So I left. So I was just floating around, really doing nothing, working as a cashier at a grocery store. And I got my ex-wife pregnant and we decided that we were going to keep it. And I was like, oh, I got to do something. So I quit smoking pot. I got a job at a bank call center. And I wore a tie and shirts with buttons. And I just went and I did that for a while. And I was just trying to be responsible. Because for the most part, I didn't really want to be with my wife. This was my first girlfriend and stuff.

But once we were having my son, it kind of just kicked in with me, stuff with my dad. Where I was like, we're going the opposite way. I'm going to stay with my lady. I'm going to be with my son. I'm going to get a good job. I'm going to focus and I'm going to buckle down. I'm going to show my dad, you know? And I did that for a while and I was kind of miserable because I'm gonna show my dad you know yeah and I did that for a while and I was kind of miserable because I hated that job at the bank my relationship was not going

going well but I just love my son for sure and then when my son was diagnosed with autism it kind of just like broke my mind a little bit in a lot of ways it was you know scary and tragic at the time because you have all these expectations of what you want and what your son could be and NBA and all this other stuff. Lawyer. Not that he couldn't do those things. But he really just kind of goes like, oh, now I just care about his happiness and take care of him. And my son's different. And that kind of really rang with me.

And I was like, I'm kind of, I'm different. I don't want to be doing this. And when people ask, I tell the story of I went to this park with my son and my ex-wife. And it was this same park that me and my ex-wife would go to when we were teenagers in Smoke Pot Ave. The same park we would take my son to and push him on the swing. And we went there, and there was a group of disabled adults with their caretakers. And they were just, like, treating them like they were correctional officers and they were prisoners, you know. Yeah, yeah.

They're just yelling at them and just not, like, no respect for them. And it really, like, that was the moment where I was like, oh, I don't want that. I don't want that for my son. At some point I'm going to be gone, and he might need someone to take care of him. So I need to either make sure that I have someone in his life that's taking care of him, or I need to make so much fucking money that when I pay them, they're never going to treat him like that. Right. And so at that point, I was like, I need a career. I need a thing I do.

And I knew then, I was like, the only thing that I was interested in that would start at the bottom of was comedy yeah and so that's kind of was the motivation for me to do stand up and it still took a few more months of me kind of like working the regular job but once I started I just fell in love and was like this is it it. And so I don't know where I was going with it. No, you're just talking. No, something that just strikes me about that story, because it's the kind of thing that strikes me about like just how fucked up capitalism is. But just that, like if we had the kind of healthcare system that made sure that people taking, you know, developmentally disabled adults to a park and treating them like shit. Like, if we had a healthcare system that made sure that didn't happen, and we have a healthcare system that made sure that somebody like you with a little kid who has a disability has to think, I got to make a shitload of money to make sure my child isn't mistreated.

That's just wrong that that system isn't there. But if that system were there, you wouldn't have become an artist. You know what I mean? It's just it's so fucked up the way cruelty and injustice has a way of sometimes producing beauty. Yeah. It's fucking weird, you know? That is weird. Yeah. So can I weird, you know? That is weird. Yeah.

So can I ask specifically, just because I'm not that familiar with autism, what kind of – and you can, again, any of this stuff, you can just say no and we can edit around it. Like what kind of symptoms did he manifest that made you know that something was going on? When he was really young, it was – we just knew something was up. Like for a while, we were concerned that something was going on um when he was really young it was we were just knew something was up like for a while we were concerned that he was deaf because he just wouldn't really respond to you to sound yeah yeah but and like he would respond to certain sounds like if he heard the elmo theme song to elmo's world his head would just whip around yeah yeah he's like oh okay well he can hear right but he's just like but you could be behind him going malcolm malcolm you know and he just wouldn't respond yeah

um and he was very obsessive about certain things his sleep schedule that was one of the main issues um so i'd say he would just watch this videotape of the jungle book and he would just and you know a lot of kids like they like have a favorite movie and they like watch the whole movie and then just like again you know yeah yeah so i was used to that that's how their brains learn yeah my little cousin but my son would just do that with like scenes like he would watch a scene and then just rewind that scene and just play that scene again and rewind that scene and play that scene again. And it was just like so much. Yeah.

I was like, this is like obsessive. Yeah. And then his sleep schedule, like he was, there was a time period where he would sleep from 2 a.m. till 5 a.m. every day consistently for like six months. And that was it? That was it. Oh, my God. No naps. Oh.

Everything else was just, and the rest of the day he was just boom, firecracker. Oh. And so he would go down at like two and then we'd just conk out and then just boom, up at five. I remember with our first kid, because he was colicky and he didn't sleep well. And I remember just reading something where it said, one of the basic forms of torture is sleep deprivation. Yeah. And it's like, as a parent, you're like, I'm being fucking tortured by this kid. Yeah.

Yeah, that's right. Oh, yeah. Yeah. The nickname was Little Dictator. Because he was the boss. Yeah. Yeah, some temperament things. Like, he just didn't like, you couldn't say he did anything bad.

Sure. Because he took that very personal and then he'd want to bite your finger. You had to let him bite your finger or he would just screech until the cops would get called. There's a lot of that, a lot of cops getting called.

Wow. If he didn't get an item, he would throw these big tantrums that make it so, like, people thought you were kidnapping him. And people would be like, oh, a bad kid. But no, like a very sweet, well-mannered kid until he was very particular. And if he wasn't getting the particular needs met, then all hell broke kid until he, but very particular. Yeah. And if he wasn't getting the particular needs met, then all hell broke loose. Yeah, yeah. And there's no amount of, people don't understand, you know, there's no amount of parenting or

discipline or behavioral correction that can do anything about that. No. It's just he needed that. He needed that toy. Yeah. And that you not providing this toy is providing him with physical pain in some way. Now, you have custody of your son. Yeah.

At what age did that start? That happened when he was, well, he's old now. So 11, I think. 11. How old is he now? 16. 16, wow. That's amazing i remember him i think i first met him probably eight years ago probably yeah yeah yeah and how's he doing now i mean oh he's

so good right now he's so great um going to school yeah he's in high school he's killing it doing real well long division he's doing's doing some homework that I have trouble with. That's virtually all the homework. Yeah, it is. Yeah, yeah. But he's just really well-mannered. It makes me so happy. He's almost taller than me now, which is crazy.

He's very fuzzy. He just has little patches of fur on his cheeks, but he refuses to let me shave them. Because he likes them. Right, of course. He's like, I'm getting a manly. I'm a man. He's just a very sweet, well-mannered kid. I love, now that we have the house and everything, sometimes I just wake up to hearing him splashing

in the pool and stuff. Yeah, yeah, that's great. All the things that make me happy from the days when I was like, man, I used to really be concerned about how I was going to get you dinner by the end of the day. Yeah, yeah. And now it's just kind of nice knowing that I'm good at being a dad. I really enjoy being a dad, and I love being a single dad.

I like having custody of my son. Because it mostly gives me purpose. It gives me reasons to say no. It changed the way I dated, for sure, especially when I got custody of my son. There were certain women where I was like, oh, I wouldn't let you around him. Yeah, yeah, yeah. I'll let you around me. Yeah. Yeah, but not around him yeah and so i really

yeah so but that changed we're like oh i should date someone that i would let around my son right you know right and so all positives yeah so and i also think that what my comedy has been super positive because i've always talked about how like I have a really good balance because I talk about video games and and just the dumbest shit but I also can talk about like what it's like to be a parent I can talk about what is these fears and I can talk about like um when I talk about my son people can hear the love I have for him and I think if I didn't have that, then I'm just like your regular stoner comic. So to have that balance. Without any kind of substance.

Yeah. Tell me about the transition of when you did start. Because I imagine you didn't always, like you didn't do open mic nights about like, hey, get a load of my autistic son. He's over in the corner. Hear that yelling? That's him uh tell me about the transition to when you decided to start opening up about that situation i mean um it just really became a

thing that he's funny he's really funny a lot of the things that he does are hilarious yeah um and so it felt weird and And my comedy's personal. I don't like doing topical jokes. I don't like doing political jokes. I like talking about where we're getting. I'm kind of selfish. Yeah, yeah. I like talking about me.

I like talking about the things I like. Yeah. And so my son is a, I love him. So it's like, why was I avoiding talking about him? Why would I avoid talking about something I love? Especially when I realized that's the type of comedy I wanted to do. I didn't want to do the like, oh, this is what I hate this week. This is what I'm, you know, which was kind of very popular when I started of just like tearing things down.

But I was just like, I have to say those same jokes every week in different clubs. And I got to be like angry every week I go do these things. I don't want to do that. I want to talk about what I love. I want to talk about what makes me happy. And so that's my son. It became a thing where I was scared that people would think I was making fun of him or that they would just feel open to then make fun of him or that they would just, or they would feel open to then make fun of him.

And sometimes that happened when I was first starting. I would get some feedback like that. And I remember one comic was just like, I like that joke you do. And I hate using this word, but I'm just quoting. It was just like, I love that joke you do about your retarded son. And I was just like, that's not, that's not what I'm doing at all. I'm like, you don't get this. That guy sounds great.

Yeah, well, it was a lady. Oh, my God. Oh, fuck. It was a lady who's a school teacher. There you go, folks. That's who's teaching your kids. And doing comedy on the side. Doing sets on the side.

Yeah, I think, too, it's, you know, I mean, it can be a chilly thing when you do a – I mean, we deal with it all the time on The Conan Show. There will be a joke that we'll do about – like it might be about a sensitive topic. Like, you know, like you come out and you say, like, I have a child with disabilities. That can chill an audience. They're going to be like, okay, I can't laugh because I'm scared. Yeah.

I'm scared if I laugh, I'll look like an asshole. And, you know, and so they just, I think a lot of people when they get, when you, like, if you do a joke about death or you do a joke about abortion or something that, like, they'll be like,'m not gonna i'm not gonna laugh you know or you know or like me we we've done you know even jokes about like gay rights people like oh no i can't no one can hear me laughing about gayness which is like there's a lot of fucking funny shit about gayness you know people need to relax yeah the prime one is hilarious yeah i mean hilarious and great and everything you know it is but some of the outfits hilarious i know you know what's funny i'm my son is my son's 18 and he's gay and last year and there he's been so matter-of-factly gay he's been out since he was 11 years old to us and like i said like i've said he he

came out to us in 11 and then we didn't talk about it again because he's like yeah i'm not letting you into my yeah fucking sexuality and my dating life you know it's like which is like yeah cool it's you know it's the same thing as the son that doesn't want his parents in his business but he's just dating boys instead of girls but last year year, coming up on Pride, because Pride's a big deal to my wife. She really, you know, she's been a big ad. And I mean, in gay people, our life has been just people with so many, populated with so many amazing gay people and so many of our best friends. It's just the best people I've ever known are gay in my personal life.

And so my wife is very excited about Pride and always has been very supportive. And she asked my son and his boyfriend, she said, are you guys going to Pride? And they had never been to Pride. They're 17 then. And my son's boyfriend goes, are there going to be food trucks? Like the whole notion of like. That's so beautiful. I know.

He just, like, they have some, they know what Stonewall is. You know, they have a conception of like what it used to be like. But really to them, they're like, why fight the traffic unless there's going to be food trucks? You know? And it is kind of beautiful. It is. They don't see the need for it. They don't see the need for it.

And I, you know, it's a bittersweet thing to show gay friends my age my son's prom pictures. They think it's so beautiful, but there's a part of them that's like, I never got to have that. Yeah. They have a lot of that in the black community, too. Yeah. Part of that where some people, especially like some older black people, don't get me. Where they're just like, why aren't you fighting? And I'm like, because life is great.

You know, there's a little flare up now. We'll get back on track. Yeah, yeah. No, I mean, and also everybody's got to do their own thing. You know, some people are going to be on the front lines and some people are going to be serving soup you know what i mean but and to me i mean i get it i'm all for equality but there's to me there's a basicness there's like a weirdness when you're like so defined by your sexuality or by your race where that's like that's your like entire life yes it's like i gotta you know you know it just got you know when i'll just speak for black people it's just like I gotta you know I just speak for black people

I gotta like all black all the time black friends black wife black everything black owned stores and I'm just like I get the positivity of that I get the support of that but to me it's like that's so restrictive why would I live my I just like cool people

of all races and all colors I know white people who are great. White people who are assholes. You say you know all the gay people in your life are wonderful. I know some fucking horrible gay people. Believe me. I do, too. I just was being nice.

Yeah, no, I know. I mean, it's like I'm always like a little disappointed, especially this happens a lot in sketch comedy where a sketch – there will be like a gay sketch comedy group where everything is about being gay. And there have been – like there have been – as brilliant as Dave Chappelle was, I always felt like a little bit of his show was like every sketch was kind of about being black. And I kind of just wanted to know, like, I wanted to see more sketches about being bored. Yeah, cereal. Yeah, or working, yeah, cereal or working in a store, you know. But I think that the kind of that's what the marketplace demands, you know. Yeah, it seems right now, especially, it's a lot about like, what label can we put on you to market you specifically to your race or your political group or anything.

And so it makes it hard for kind of people like me who are just like, I just want to be good. Well, there was just a headline in one of the trades. Kay Cannon, you know, has done a bunch of amazing things, sold a sitcom and it said female comedy. Like they were like female comedy. You mean a comedy? You know, like it's got to be so notable that there's a woman in charge, you know? Yeah. We've been covering good ground here, but I want to talk about, I want to change the subject to something,

which to people who know you and people who've known you over the years, the most obvious physical change in you over these years has been weight loss. And it's a topic that's near and dear to my stomach. So I want to talk a little bit about that transformation in yourself. Sure. I mean, tell me about, like, you know, like your identity before and, like, had you always kind of been a heavy kid? Oh, definitely.

Yeah. Yeah, yeah, definitely a husky kid wearing husky clothes. That's kind of my thing. Again, now, finding out years later through therapy, wearing husky clothes that's kind of my thing again now finding out years later through therapy if you're not in therapy I recommend it

it's just that I just always had a bad relationship with food always use it to cope for things you know I do jokes about it now where it's like

if I had a bad day my whole thing was like I just go eat a whole box of chocolate and a Mendona. Sounds good right now. And just bad relation with food. Never had a background in like being very active either. You know, and so just heavy dude, but I could carry it well. I was always going to be

a heavier person, you know, but, just kind of, you know, when I was in my 20s, like 280, you know,

around there, and then, everything was kind of always kept in check by the fact that I was also super poor, so I couldn't really afford to buy a bunch of things,

and then, when I got my first TV role, I had money. And then I was like, I can order cheese steaks for lunch and dinner. And so I went from being like $2.80, $2.90 all the way up to $3.60. And my mom was very concerned. And she had been mentioning it a lot. Some random strangers had been mentioning it. And when I fell asleep on the plane and the lady was like, I think you got sleep apnea.

And I was like, I don't like hearing that. And then like just Bill Lawrence on the show. He was just like, yeah, we hire, we end the role at the breakdown. You're supposed to be a large dude, but you are just funny. And I noticed that you were trying to lose weight and then it didn't stick. And so he introduced me to my trainer and that really got me. Juergen. Juergen.

Juergen Deme. And I've been with him for like, what, four or five years now. And it's just been a steady goal of mine now. With no end in sight, really. I'm going to go see him after this. But I'm really happy I've lost like 140 pounds

trying to get it 20 more is my goal but we'll never know how long that gonna take no I know I know but it's been

you know the best thing for me in all regards and my health is 100% better my knees don't hurt I can breathe

a lot easier my comedy's better which I didn I can breathe a lot easier. My comedy is better, which I didn't think because a lot of people are assholes, you know. Oh, it's unbelievable. What do you mean your comedy is better? How do you think it's better? A, I can do two shows and not get all winded and tired. Oh, wow. That's amazing for me.

I used to be very tired after two shows. And for me, I used to be very tired after two shows. And then just my ability to be more active on stage. I'm more, my speech pattern is a little bit better now. It's a little, like, I talked to my girlfriend and she was like, you can't do some of these older jokes because they don't have the same rhythm anymore because you couldn't breathe then. Wow. So everything had a little extra pause of me taking another breath wow and you know and i kind of like my rhythm a little bit better now but you still have the people who are always like you know which i don't understand

because they're skinny they don't say skinny comedians if you put on 10 pounds you're not funny anymore i know that doesn't make any sense. I've had, because I recently lost 40 pounds after, you know, and I mean, like I got under 250 for the first time in about 20 years. And I'm the same way. I'm always going to be like, I got, you know, like I always. Sick men. Yes.

I got fucking cast iron skeleton I wear like a size 8 hat like I could lose I could lose weight all day and my fucking skull isn't gonna shrink every watch

I've ever bought I gotta get extra links or longer strap I just am a large person but going under

like going under 250 for the first time in all those years i have had people tell me like well don't lose too much and it's just kind of like i don't know it's amazing how there's just shit like that where you're like people by now like we got social media we got all kinds of sensitivity out there that's just one of those things you don't tell somebody you know like shut the fuck up man how about just hey good for you buddy yeah don't lose too much i bet you're feeling good yeah

how about that okay what are you talking about like yeah but you know what i think it is is that i think with certain people um we kind of become their effort and their fatness barometer and they're like oh like don, don't lose too much, because then if you become more fit than me, then I got to look at my life. That's right. That's right. Absolutely. Although Martin Short was one of them that said that, and that's –

he's not – he's always going to be more fit than me, but he just is kind of a – and I say this with absolute love – kind of a dick. I mean, he's sort of like the best dick in the world. Yeah, I could see that. Oh, he's one of the best. It's like I've had the, like two of the greatest things that have ever happened to me were to be insulted by Don Rickles and to be insulted by Martin Short. Like everyone, you'd go to the grave happy if you get insulted by those two men.

So, yeah. But he was one of them that said it to me. He's like, don't, because then you start to look a little sick. Yeah, but I think that's when people get the surgery, but they're not changing their diet. So then their faces look weird. Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah. Absolutely. But I think when you're just losing weight, you start to look all glowy.

You look real good. I certainly feel glowy. I'm not carrying around this fucking suitcase. It's like you said, the knees. The knees are for me. It's like, oh, my God, I got new knees all of a sudden. Yeah. Well, that's great.

Congratulations and everything. Thank you. Congratulations to both of us. Yeah. Hooray. Come on, ladies, line up. Congratulations to both of us. Yeah.

Hooray. Come on, ladies, line up. So, you know, we've done a lot about where you're from. And now where you're going, I imagine, is just kind of more of the same, right? You got any, like, specific goals that you're really shooting for? Yeah. Yeah, I try to. I've been big in goal setting, vision boarding.

Love it. Oh, really? Yeah. Like pictures and stuff? Yeah. Oh, really? Yeah. Like pictures and stuff? Oh, really? Wow. You got them hanging in your house? I got hanging them on my fireplace.

Yeah. How many you got right now? I got one. I do one every New Year's Eve. That's my New Year's Eve thing because I don't drink and I don't like going out that much, especially on New Year's Eve. Yeah, yeah. Who does? Unless I'm making money.

Right. So we usually have friends over. Same stuff. I'll have people over. They're drinking. I'm smoking a little bit. And we just get the magazines out, get the scissors, get the glue sticks out. Nice.

And we get a little vision board party. And then we present them to each other and talk about our goals for the year. And then around this time of year, I go look at it and I adjust because we're about halfway through the year. So that's my vision board. But as far as my goals. What kind of steps on there? I will tell you.

Oh, all right. Jesus Christ, back off, buddy. I want to go to Japan. That's on there. I've never been. Going to Australia was on there. But then I did that in April and did some shows in Australia. Awesome.

So I was happy. I want to make a show about being a single dad of a son with autism because I think that could be a fun comedy. I think just a fun parenting comedy about raising a special needs son and also doing some of this relationship stuff with my ex-wife and show a new type of female character. That would be really fun to me. And I think just good for representation of not only men and dads on TV, but black dads on TV. That's very important to me. And then other than that, I just want to keep getting better at comedy.

My main vision board was about staying committed, so I'm trying to stay committed to my girlfriend, stay committed to my stand-up, stay committed to my podcast, which is currently not profitable. We'll plug it again. Getting better. Getting better. With Ron Funches. It's good. People really like it.

I get a lot of great feedback about it. So check it out. But it's probably my most fun right now because i get to talk about things i really enjoy yeah um and so i just really focus on that and i just want to kind of have a lot of fun yeah i think that was kind of missing last year i got really focused on making a special and i got another thing where i was like oh netflix doesn't want it so i'm gonna prove prove you wrong. And you did. And I did.

I really did. It's fucking awesome you rubbed their nose in it. I mean, Netflix, if you're listening, I'm still a big fan and everything. Yeah, I still go in. I did laugh in. I still take checks from them. It's nothing personal. It's all business.

But it was just a disagreement on what we thought my value was. And I was right. That's great. Wow, that's awesome. But in that thing, though, I got so caught up in that that I just wasn't really having that much fun. And I kind of was like, I don't want to, like, I'm not rushing to go do another special right now. I'm just like, oh, have fun. This is my life.

I'm doing a lot of voiceovers. I'm doing a lot of voiceovers. I'm doing a couple movie voiceovers. Cartoon stuff? Yeah. Isn't that fun? It's so much fun. That's one of the things that I can't believe I get to do. I get to be cartoon voices.

Yeah, it's such a blast. My son really likes it. It's a lot of things that I really love. I'm doing a voice in the Harley Quinn cartoon. Nice. So I get to be in that universe and that makes me

really happy. And then I'm doing like a movie and then like it's like everybody else in it is real famous. Oh, wow. And so it's like

crazy to me. Yeah, yeah. Like Chaka Khan is in it. Wow. Yeah. That is amazing. It's so crazy.

When you said real famous I I was like, The Rock. But then I'm like, yeah, The Rock. He's fine. I like him. But Chaka Khan. Yeah. Getting to do a cartoon with Chaka Khan. That's amazing.

It's crazy. Yeah, yeah. And so I'm doing a lot of that. And I'm just trying to do more regular acting. And just anything that makes me excited and it's fun and will help me. Because my son is almost, he wants to go UCLA. Wow. Do you think you'll ever be a dad again?

I'm open to it for sure. I'm not pushing for it. It would be nice to do that without the constant fear. That would be good. And same, you know, new fears of just raising a kid. Right, exactly. I was going to say, there's still constant fear when you have a kid. Yeah, but the fear of like, I don't have any money. Yes, no.

Believe me, I know. Oh, my God. Being able to afford to buy a crib and just knowing that I have crib money. I bought my sister. My sister's having a baby any day now. I bought her. She was just like, she had a registry and most of it was taken care of and and i'm like i'm a good brother but i'm not all i'm like always busy so i'm always around just

like tell me what you need what do you want and she was just like kind of shy about it and she was like i want this stroller but it's real expensive and i was just like no problem yeah and that made me feel so good and i was just like oh I could do that if I had a kid. And I couldn't do that before. Everything was goodwill. Everything was secondhand. And so I'm open to the possibility of doing that, but I'm not going to rush it. Yeah. Well, we're now – we're getting close to the end here.

And I know you've got to get to Juergen. Got to get to Juergen. Oh, I don't mind being late. I know. Isn't it true? There's times – like sometimes something will come up right at the last minute with my trainer. I'll be like, oh, darn it. I got to cancel.

I'm really committed, though. No, I know. I'm the same way. I will go in after flights. I went in landing on an overseas flight. Landed, came straight to the gym. I just sum up. I just, something about it, I really, I get real committed to it.

But it's also after the week, like Sunday, I had my little cheat day and we got some sushi. And then me and my girlfriend decided that the sushi was not of high enough quality. So then we also got Fatburger. Because Fatburger is always of a very expected quality.

Yeah, we're going to be satisfied with the fat burger. There's no variable there. The fat burger is just. When you're all week long, I'm eating egg whites and chicken and protein shakes, and then a Sunday comes, and I'm like, oh, I get to eat this sushi, and it's garbage. I'm like, no. No, I know what you mean. We're having another cheat meal.

Do you get the fried egg on the fat burger? No, I usually just go with the bacon, sometimes with the chili as well. Yeah, yeah, yeah. I've never been a fried egg guy, especially with yolk. I'll put a fried egg on a goddamn corpse at a funeral. I don't care. There's nothing that can't be improved by a fried egg. I just, you know.

But I get that. You look like a fried egg type of guy. How dare you? Ron Funches, get out. All right. We got to wrap this up. I do want to ask one thing. You do a podcast called Getting Better.

You obviously are focused on healthfulness. And you are such a, you really are a lovely person. From the first time I met you, I've always just been, you just are an attractive person. Just you've got a beautiful energy and you radiate love and self-love and it's just, it's always been a joy to know you. Thank you. You're welcome.

And I wonder, like, do you have, and this is such a cheap bullshit thing, but I mean, getting better, what can you tell people? Like, what's like just sort of the little slogany way, what's the most important thing about getting better that you could give to people? Oh, I mean, it's kind of just wrapped up in the name. It's not called be the best, you know? It's not called get perfect. It's called getting better. You know, it's not called get perfect.

It's called getting better. And part of that is having a real forgiveness of yourself and having a real thing of like, I'm going to make mistakes. I've already made mistakes. I'm going to make mistakes. And I let that go. The whole thing is that I'm going to try to keep moving forward and getting better at things and hopefully make less mistakes every time. make less mistakes every time. And I think that's a big part of it is a problem when people have of like, I already feel like I'm so far gone or so much effort, but it's just like taking that steps, you know, it's just about getting better every, every day.

And that's what I'm real attracted to and what I've always been attracted to in my own life is like this kind of self-love of like, and this focus of like, it gives me something to do. If I'm not working on getting better, what am I doing? I'm just floating. If I don't have goals, what am I doing? It seems like there's like a lot of like apathy and a lot of like negativity around effort and around like trying, because then people are like, oh, if you try and you fail then you look like an idiot and it's just like i'd rather look like an idiot yeah i'd rather look like an idiot because also i'm proof of that if you make an effort sometimes things work out yep and i wouldn't

have that wouldn't have happened if i didn't try yeah you know and so that's really all it's about is just trying and having enough love of yourself to know that you're not going to be perfect. You're going to make mistakes. You're going to get sushi and then burger. But then the next day, I'm back in the gym. Yeah, yeah. Taking my protein shakes. And it's a process. It's a process that never ends.

Never. Never, ever ends. And you don't want that. You keep doing it. Because if it ends, you're dead. Yeah. Well, you keep doing it until you're in the ground. And that's just like, otherwise, like I said, you're submitting.

You're not thriving. You're submitting. And you might as well get in the ground. Yeah, you're not leading your life. You're being pushed around by life. That's kind of the whole thing about me and about setting goals was before. And my son and everything is that before all of that, it's just kind of a drift. I'm like, my whole life is just being on this ship that I don't have my hands on the wheel.

And, like, now I have my hands on the wheel. And that doesn't mean I don't get knocked off course, but it just means at least when I get knocked off course, I'm not just spinning. Like, I'm still fighting against it. Yeah. And that is all I want to do. I want to just keep trying and, you said keep having more opportunities because my life has been like I went from talk about with my girlfriend all the time like my life is so crazy like I used

to worry about feeding my son used to live on we didn't have beds we just had little mats and now I'm just like talking to my girl and I was just like do you remember when we were in Australia and she's like oh yeah I forgot we were in Australia a few weeks ago and I was just like, do you remember when we were in Australia? And she's like, oh yeah, I forgot. We were in Australia a few weeks ago. And I was like, I go, not only that, you remember just a few months before that, we were flying around on private planes with Conan? And then she's like, oh yeah. And it's just like, these are just things. I was like, oh, do you remember the month after that?

We were at Ric Flair's birthday party. And it's just like, you never know what could happen in your life and and i'm still so young and still have so many things i'm not even close to achieving and so i just want to keep swinging and keep my whole life is just keep me getting told no by more and more important people and i'm gonna keep keep going with that i love you ron funches i love you andy you wanna you in particular since giving compliments when i first did the show and then we hit it off and became friends and then we're going to the same gym and stuff, that was one of the first times where I was like, oh, man, I'm doing something. I'm in comedy. Oh, wow.

I'm working here because I know you and you're my friend. Oh, thank you. Thank you. That's nice. And that meant a lot to me because you, like, and more beyond the Conan show, like, you know, you're just someone that I look up to a lot. Like, I loved the sitcoms that you did. I loved all that stuff. And I love a lot of that effort that you made that you were like, I'm not, like, I do good at this job, but I'm going to go and try and do other things as well. Oh, thank you.

And that always was very inspiring to me. Thank you. Thank you. Honestly, that's really lovely to hear. Thank you so much. Absolutely. All right. Hey, people, thank you for listening to Three Questions.

This has been a good one. I really enjoyed this. And you guys tune in next time, and we will have more goodness for you. Thank you. The Three Questions with Andy Richter is a Team Coco and Earwolf production. It's produced by me, Kevin Bartelt, executive produced by Adam Sachs and Jeff Ross at Team Coco, and Chris Bannon and Colin Anderson at Earwolf.

Our supervising producer is Aaron Blair, associate produced by Jen Samples and Galit Zahayek, and engineered by Will Becton. And if you haven't already, make sure to rate and review The Three Questions with Andy Richter on Apple Podcasts. This has been a Team Coco production in association with Earwolf.