The Three Questions with Andy Richter - Zach Galifianakis

Episode Date: February 23, 2021

Comedian and actor Zach Galifianakis joins Andy from his hideout in the woods. The two discuss Zach’s Greek-hillbilly lineage, living in closets in New York and vans in LA, and how parenthood has changed Zach and his comedy.

Well, hello, everyone. I'm talking to Zach Galifianakis today, which I'm very excited about because he is a gentle woodland creature that only comes out when he's feeling completely secure. That's correct, right? Yes, that is correct. I only, hey, it looks like I have a bloody nose. Do you see that? It does kind of. No, okay. Sorry. Is it from cocaine? I've never done cocaine in my life. I have to tell you that. Really? Why haven't you done cocaine? Haven't you been around it? It's been offered to you and you've just turned it down?

I don't hang out with those. I don't hang out with those types. And I don't trust them. Yes, you do. I have seen you with those types. I don't go to parties. I don't do any of that stuff. But you used to when you were young.

No, but I remember once I met some cocaine heads in a bar in Canada and was with this other actor. And these guys were so coked up that we wanted to mess with them. So do you know breakaway bottles? You know those breakaway bottles in show business where you hit somebody? Yeah. Well, I always have them sitting around. bottles and show business where you hit somebody. Yeah.

Well, I always have them sitting around and somehow these Coke, Coke heads ended up in my apartment just so I could mess with them. And me and my friend got into a fake fight and he ended up smashing one of those bottles across my face. And six people left my apartment within two seconds. It was so funny. No, I'm a naturalist. I don't do that stuff.

I'm clean, clean living. That's good. You don't even drink anymore, do you? No, that that haven't had a drink in. Gosh. So I haven't not since the Obama administration. Wow. Well, congratulations.

That's great. Thank you. And you're happier about it? You know, I was a good drinker. I didn't have a really bad side, I don't think. And I really was. But there's more to life. I became a morning person when I stopped drinking.

And the morning, I like mornings better than evenings now. I kind of do too. I kind of always have. But COVID has changed me. I spent most of my adult life not being able to sleep past like 7.30, 8 o'clock. But now I can sleep really late. You can? How late do you sleep till? Oh, well, now probably the latest that I've gone is probably 9.30,

you know, something like that, 10 o'clock, which isn't crazy. I mean, like, wow. The look of shock on his face. No, I mean, I have like I-year-old daughter who can sleep till 2 o'clock in the afternoon. Well, they're supposed to sleep at that age, I think, right? Right. Their brain is growing. Your brain grows when you sleep. That's why my head is so big, because I slept too much. Well, I get up at... My body tells me every morning at five, it's time to get up.

Wow. Every morning, no matter if I go to bed at midnight, which I never do, but five in the morning, I'm up. Because, you know, I'm a triathlete. I tried being an athlete. That's what I thought it was. That's what it is. That's what I thought it was. That's what it is. That's the joke. Well, now you, I don't want to give out the detail, but you are living in the woods these days, correct?

Yeah, I've lived in the woods for, on and off for seven years now. Well, you're originally from North Carolina, right? That's what they say. Yes, that's right. Yes. And are you, liner, right? That's what they say. Yes, that's right. Yes. And are you, but are both your folks Greek? No, my mom is very Southern and my dad, my dad, uh, is, uh, uh, his family's from the island of Crete. So it's a weird mix. It's this Greek blood mixed with this kind of Appalachian blood. And it's a weird, it's a weird mix of cultures. It's two flavors of hillbilly. I am very proud of both hillbilly sides. Very proud to be from where I'm from. Well, is your dad, was your dad born in Greece?

No, my dad was born in the United States, but then they moved back to Greece when he was a child. And he's lived several years in Greece. His first language was Greek. His brother or brothers were born in Greece, some of them. And my dad had not been back to Greece until the year 2000. And I was working in London at the time. And he and my mom met me in London. And I put up a video camera, secretly,

to ask my father about Greece, because he hadn't been since he was a child. And within the hour of the interview, my dad cried about Greece 17 times. Because he loved it so much. He loved going to greece and you know it's weird when i go to greece i was just there last october and you know i'm very american but when i'm in greece there's a large part of me that just feels at home it's weird even though i don't have that huge of, um, and you know, but I just love

that country so much. I really do. Have you ever been? I have, I have a friend, a friend of mine from college, um, had dual citizenship because his parents owned like one of the nicest Greek restaurants in Chicago and did the classic Greek thing of came over here young, worked like dogs, and then went back to Greece to like, you know, in their 50s, I think, to just kind of then enjoy the Greek life for the rest of their time. Because like when I, during college, you know, like a couple of times I went to their apartment and their apartment was in the same building as the restaurant. The restaurant was in the, the ground floor of the building. It was on Michigan Avenue. It was a beautiful apartment, but in their apartment, there was like, there was like

a couch and a TV and beds. And if you open the fridge, there was maybe like orange juice because their whole life was in the restaurant you know and yeah and my friend costa when he um to keep his dual citizenship he had to serve in the army in greece so he went back for his to serve in which he said was like summer camp and that like like most of the most of the guys had earrings and stuff you know it wasn. It wasn't real tough army life. But he's from, and I think he still lives in Kalamata, but his family is from the Mani, which is, you know, in the Peloponnese. There's like three peninsulas at the bottom of the mainland Greece.

And the middle one is called the Mani. And it's kind of, speaking of hillbillies, like famously a hillbilly place where they have these houses called Maniat houses, which were just clans would build these stone towers that some of them were turned into Nazi machine gun nests during the war. But they had really low doors so that people would have to come in with their head duck. So if you wanted to, you could stand by the door and chop off their head when they came in through the door. You know, like it was like designed that way. Men were the protected ones in the clan raids. So the women were the only ones who could leave and go out and do all the work, basically, while the men stayed home, which seems to be a Greek pattern, if I may say. Well, I think that's a pattern for a lot of cultures, too, where a lot of women do a lot of work. In the South, where I'm from, you see women cutting the grass more than men.

It's weird. Yeah. But the civilian resistance from what I've heard in, at least in Crete, where my family's from, is I've heard that during World War II, women would go out in big dresses

with pitchforks waiting for the German paratroopers to come down. And under their dresses were two more women with knives. I've always heard that. And they would come out of the dresses and attack these German soldiers. That history is very interesting to me, all that stuff. But yeah, I love Greece. I miss, I mean, I would live there. I would love to live there. I really would. Yeah, it's a beautiful place. Well, the Greeks have, the hillbillies, as you call them, the Greeks, what they have figured out is they have figured out, oh,

what is important in life. Yeah. Where we as a young country are still trying to figure that out. Right. So in Greece, it's it's or in Europe in general, it's my friend was telling me this and I agree with him. In Greece and Europe, it's all about going the walk to go get a coffee. Yeah. And in the States, we save walk to go get a coffee. Yeah. And in the States, we save up money to get that big jet ski.

You know, it's their different philosophies and mentalities. It's, yeah, older cultures tend to be less materialistic because, you know, they've been through it. And now it's kind of like, well, you know, David Sedaris has a line about the Greeks where he says, you know, they found civilization and democracy and then called it a day. That's what I've always said. We started the Olympics, democracy, a lot of modern philosophy. And then one day we were like, oh, fuck it. Let's open some diners. And then one day we were like, oh, fuck it. Let's open some diners.

Let's have coffee. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. We'll bring in the sticks, that bundle of sticks. Your people are what? German? Yeah.

German. Well, but I'm a little bit of everything. I'm just, you know, like I, you know, if I was to do one of those ads for one of those genealogy things, I would just be able to say I'm European while I'm dressed in like, you know, later hosen and a French beret. And, you know, while walking an English bulldog and having some Swedish sausage, I'm just white.

I'm just like a mix of different kinds of Northern European white. So it's why I'm awesome. It's one of the reasons I'm awesome. I've always wondered what made you awesome. Yeah. Well, you should have asked. You know my number. You could have called at any time.

And I love to talk about it. All right. I'll call you after this podcast. Okay, good. Yeah. Because we could, it's, I would like to actually have a real talk with you sometime. Me too. Now, what do you think about, like, do you think, do you think that your Greekness gave any, like, what about your personality is your Greekness?

And what about your personality is your greekness and what about your personality is your southerness do you think that those that that's any you think that's a valid question at all or is it just horseshit i don't know but i'll answer it um it'll fit if it fills up time sure uh well i feel i feel i was born and raised in South, and I feel very of a kinship to the South because it's more – it's close. It's what I – but as far as the Greekness, it was – you know, I was baptized in the Greek Orthodox Church. But where I'm from, there were no other Greeks. There were no other – we were the only ethnic family. Really? Really? Well, there was there was a there was a couple of times, but, you know,

there were no Greeks. I think I think my dad had to tell the local mailman, Gus Gahoulis, that he was Greek. And Gus was I think he said, oh, yeah, I always wondered what I was. And Gus was I think he said, oh, yeah, I always wondered what I was. But you're Greek. I got news for you, buddy. You're Greek. It's always interesting to me when European like direct immigrants end up in the south because a lot of people, you know, they end up in other bigger cities or. So I think my grandfather was one of the first Greeks in North Carolina. So there's a proud history. There's a proud history there of the immigrant family and all that.

And then on my mom's side, there's a real ingrained culture there, too. Listen, the cultures of the Appalachian region have been ripped apart by these box stores. And, you know, there used to be a real culture around, but it's become overtaken somewhat. And it bums me out because I love rural. I do. I love the South. I love where I'm from. I mean, politically, we probably, you know, don't see eye to eye. we probably, you know, don't see eye to eye, but yeah, it's, it's, it's, I just, as I get older and think about, you know, you have children and you think about your lineage and it is, it is a, it's a weird mix of this, this Southern and then this Greek thing, but I feel both. I feel like I live the Southern life and then I explored my Greek life. I taught myself Greek at a young age.

I forgot most of it, but I went to Greece when I was 14, kind of by myself, because I was very interested in that part of my family. I didn't know it much because we were living in the foothills of North Carolina. So I was very intrigued as a kid to go to Greece. So I saved up my money by mowing grass and I went and met my cousins over there. And yeah, so it's I feel both. I do. Yeah. Now, didn't you say that some of your parents, some of your dad's siblings are moving back to Greece now?

Yeah. Part of my family, I've been talking to them. and back to Greece now? Yeah. Part of my family, I've been talking to them. It seems like there's a migration back, which is interesting. But, you know, we'll see how that plays out. The ones that are talking about it are dual citizens and they've lived there on and off for years, so they could do it easily. Right. And it's something that would be hard for you, though, right? I mean, can anyone live there if they just go over there and live there? You know, because you said dual citizens at it easier. I don't know. I don't know what I don't.

I think I could get dual citizenship, but I would have to. I have to. I think I have to find my grandparents marriage license, which they ain't no marriage license from back then. You know, so. But, yeah, I would love to. I could live there easily. Yeah. Now, was it a funny household growing up? Are your folks funny? Yeah.

My brother and sister are incredibly funny. My cousins are all funny. So my comedy influences came mostly from my family more than the TV and all that stuff. My cousins, you know, there was always laughter. Yeah. On the Greek side, there was always this, you know, a lot of jokes. My mom is very funny, not outwardly funny, but she has a really good sense of humor, really good sense of humor. And my father just would laugh at anything because he just loved the he just loved to laugh. Yeah. But my brother and sister are keenly, keenly funny. And my cousin Nick is kind of in the comedy world. I mean, he's a he's a cartoonist for

The Washington Post and he does humor as well. Oh, that's great. Yes. You know, like I think that happens a lot. I think it's I think usually most funny people come from funny people because that's the same thing. My you know, it was mostly my dad and my aunt were both could have been in comedy if they had chosen to um my aunt especially my and she just she just passed away recently but she was so funny and so just such a and even as she got older and had alzheimer's she still was like you know i'd go visit her and every other person in her ward was just miserable and scared and crabby. And she was still just happy.

And, you know, it helps. It helps to be from a family that likes to laugh. Well, it's also, you know, humor has been under a microscope lately and rightfully so but you know we would communicate through humor too meaning not we wouldn't just make jokes it was also a way of making a point even you know what i mean yeah so in my family it was very important humor was very important in in just the way we, you know, dealt with each other as a family. I mean, my father was always kind of more of a disciplinarian with the humor stuff, which made it much funnier, right? You kind of need a parent to tell you that's not kosher.

That makes it funnier. Right, exactly. You need a straight man. Yeah, and I have two boys now, which, you know, there's a lot of humor that's going around. And sometimes I think, should I be the disciplinarian here and make the humor more enjoyable for them? Because it's like laughing in church. I don't know if you grew up in a church, but I did. And that tension not to laugh in church is some of the most euphoric I've ever felt in my life. Yeah, I actually asked that question on Twitter once because I was thinking about at my grandmother's funeral, there was a – and I think I just talked about this on this podcast.

At my grandmother's funeral, there was a, and I think I just talked about this on this podcast, next to where my grandmother was being laid to rest, there was a dual family plot, two families, and they were the Good family and the Eaton family. So it was Good Eaton was the big stone as we're standing next to my grandmother. And everyone just cracked up because good eating you know that's so good do you remember the manager's name on Spinal Tap Artie Fufkin no no that was Paul Schaefer

yeah no I don't he was Sir Eaton Hogg oh right Sir Eaton Hogg. All right. Sir Eaton Hogg. Oh, boy. Yeah. Can't you tell my love's a-growing?

Well, when do you start thinking that you're going to be funny for a living? Or do you get that idea that you would want to do it? Since you, I mean, you weren't, you know, as you say, you weren't inspired by the TV. Well, no, I wasn't as inspired by the TV. I mean, I was for sure. I started thinking about that very early for some reason. Very, very early for some reason, very, very early, I knew that entertainment was probably what I wanted to do. But where I was from and back then, there just was no knowledge of how to do it, really. I mean, I guess you don't go to New York.

And my whole thing was I went to New York to try to figure it out. to New York and my whole thing was I went to New York to try to figure it out. So after college, I left after kind of failing out of college. By one point, I left and went to... What did you study? Nuclear physics. I was a communications major and a film minor at an agriculture school. major and a film minor at an agriculture school. So... But I have to say,

I loved my university. I loved my classes there. Especially my film classes were so good. Because that's when I first learned that there were other movies besides Smokey and the Bandit. So... But from an early age, I just kind of... there were other movies besides Smokey and the Bandit. So,

but from an early age, I just kind of, my parents also were nurtured. They nurtured it. I think there were, and they were very supportive of the whole thing. It wasn't as if I was in school plays or any of that. I just, I just knew that eventually I could figure it out once I left my hometown.

And it takes some figuring out of how to do it. But yeah, I've been very lucky. Why did you not do school plays? Too small time for you? You were waiting until you could land a big fish? Well, they were always musical theater things, which was not, you know, I was never that kind of theater person. I was more of how can I make you laugh? And I, I did enter talent shows and in in the talent shows, I did the robot.

Do you remember Shields and Yarnell? I've talked about this before. So they were a big influence. That mime show, they had a mime show. And they did this robotic stuff. And I just thought it was the coolest thing. So I would perform in talent shows in my hometown. I did that stuff.

To robots. Would you dress up as a robot or just, and what track would you pick? Like what song would you do the robot to? We basically copied, it was me and my friend Jay Dunn. And we just copied the Shields and Yarnell sketches. That's what we did. We just kind of did whatever they did. And I was pretty good at the robot.

I used to do it at family reunions and they would throw coins at me to get me to stop. Yeah, you can heat up those coins too first and then you really get them to stop fast. Put a big lighter under. Yeah. If you really want to hurt a child. Then whip them. Oh, man. You can hear the sizzle as lighter under them. Yeah. If you really want to hurt a child. Then whip them. Oh, man. You can hear the sizzle as it hits them.

So you went to New York to figure it out. Lots of people go to New York to figure things out. And you were one of them. I just see you getting off the bus with your big sun hat and your gingham dress and your beard. I think I was wearing my who farted t-shirt and um you know just to fit in right to the manhattan elite yeah yeah i know i know they're into a lot of existential stuff so i thought i'd wear that i drove up to new york with my Dean. He was going to NYU to study science. And we moved up together.

And I'll never forget what he said to me as we were driving over the George Washington Bridge. We were driving over and we got into the city. And he goes, we just locked ourselves into the world's largest prison. Because I think his attitude about going to New York was different than mine. Yeah, I guess. He and I lived in the village for a while. We shared a closet. And we lived with a woman who was moved to New York to be a lounge singer.

And we would do this game. She wasn't that great of a lounge singer. And we would do this game where we would listen to her play her music. This is mean. But I was I was young. And my cousin Dean and I would have a game to try not to laugh while she would play her music for us. And, boy. And she would be like, I'm going to Kansas City, baby. I mean, it was music that was not great. But, yeah, I moved to New York in 92, I think. Did you move to New York as an actor already? I mean, you were working, right?

Yeah, I moved there because we did this dopey show in Chicago called The Real Live Brady Bunch, which is reenactments of Brady Bunch episodes on stage. And then there was a game show that preceded it, an audience participation game show. That was really fun, too. And that, you know, me because otherwise it was just 22 minutes of people reenacting fucking brady bunch you know i mean which was really it's a dumb idea but it was fucking genius it was hilarious it was really really a really funny show it timed very well with like this wave of nostalgia over disco, you know. So it became a big thing, you know, like we had a story in People magazine while it was still in Chicago. And then Ron Delsner, who is a famous concert promoter, booked us into the Village Gate.

motor, booked us into the Village Gate. And we played the Village Gate in New York for about, oh, I don't know, we were probably there about eight months. And then that cast went to LA, and they had another cast come from Chicago to continue doing it at the Village Gate. So you came as a working actor? I did. I did. I don't know that I would have had the nerve or the bravery to go by myself and to go by myself without a paycheck. Because, I mean, we're I was making, I think, like six hundred bucks a week, which isn't like a ton of money. But it was enough. I mean, I. Yeah, that's. Yeah. Yeah, that's. Yeah.

I slept on somebody's futon on their floor the entire time I was there just to, you know, splitting like as minimal amount of rent as I could. And I still came home broke. You know, I still like that was still like living in New York, soaked up six hundred dollars pretty quickly, you know. Yeah. So but yeah, no, it was it was from that. He just made the glug,ug glug drinking sound yeah maybe a little you know and weed was more expensive in those days when you bought it at the reggae record shop yeah that had four albums and it was cut with oregano no it always smelled they'd say these fat little baggies of of weed that always smelled like laundry detergent because I think that that's what they shipped it over from, I'm assuming, Jamaica because they were Jamaican.

They must have packed it to disguise the smell in laundry detergent. For many years, I just assumed weed all smelled like soap, but it doesn't. I didn't smoke weed until I was 30. Wow. Why? Were you afraid of drugs? No. Yeah.

I mean, look, I was such a good – I was a very straight-laced kid. And I just thought – for some reason, in the back of my head, I just thought it would interfere with my personal get up and go-ness. Not that I had any really. Well, you're not wrong. Yeah, and I just think that my warning to people is, hey, look, I'm all for marijuana. It's great. But what they don't tell you is, hey, you can get in the way sometimes. You know what I mean?

Like, just wait. Like my kids, I'm going to say, just wait till you're, you know, eight years old. No, wait till you're later in life. For me, that's what I did. And yeah, I never did any of that. I just, I mean, I was busy drinking a lot. Yeah. Yeah, I think, I mean that you're right. There is a, there is a side of,

of legalized weed that nobody talks about, which is, yeah, you can, yeah, it's, you know, everyone thinks they act like it's some kind of, you know, like it's some kind of like miracle supplement that will fix everything. But like, no, it largely, I mean, yes, there are certain things that it does help with you know if you have trouble getting to sleep or you know if you have nausea yes you know that can help but mostly it gets you high and it does make it make you lazy i mean that's when when it kind of opened up here i was like i moved to amsterdam all of a sudden and there's and there's weed around and now i got you know the the sort of control mechanism that that sort of

paced out my weed usage in the old days was access and when access is gone then you got to really like start to be like oh fuck now i gotta be a grown grown up about this and not just stop in the dispensary every freaking day. Hmm. Yeah. But so what happened in New York? Did you start doing stand up? I mean, did you think you were going to do stand up or did you think you were going to be an actor or? I was always influenced and loved stand up. I mean, I obviously it was it was in the back of my head, I felt. But I moved to New York to try to be serious and to get into acting. And I went to, you know, I took classes here and there. And I even did a play called The Hot El Baltimore. But don't get excited.

It was in the basement of a church. But I tried to surround myself with the acting world. Meaning I got a job at the public theaters and usher just so I could watch plays. I did my own thing. I didn't have any money either for classes. And I worked a lot. I worked in a restaurant called tequila Willies where you have to wear

sombrero and wait tables on al roker i had i worked at casa lupita wait a minute look where where's that casa lupita started in northwest the one i worked at was in naperville illinois and i had to basically wear like a peasant boy outfit that was sort of you know know, like that would be in a Disney, minus the sombrero and not necessarily like a serape, but definitely like this open necked shirt that had basically just guitar strap embroidery put to it. And I got to sweat like a peasant, too, in that uniform. My uncle was the manager of this restaurant where I, where my dad's brother was the manager of this restaurant in the city. And he used to throw my tips at me, which were never bills.

They were always, it was always change. I guess I wasn't that good of a waiter. And if you're on your hands and knees picking up coins, wearing a sombrero while you're being pelted with coins, it's you feel like you're not really going anywhere in life. And that's how I always felt in New York. This is not going to work out at all. felt in New York, this is not going to work out at all. Why did he throw it at you? Because he said that's how he was treated in the family restaurant, which is not true. It's not, that's not true. He just, he just, I don't know. Right, right. Well, some people just want to start the cycle of abuse. Maybe. Why not? Let's start it. Let's see where this takes us. But I was living in another closet in the shoe district, we call it, 8th Street.

Do you know A.D. Miles? Oh, yeah. A very funny writer. Yeah. And performer. Yeah, he ended up being Jimmy Fallon's head writer. Yeah. So Miles and I were roommates.

And both of us were going nowhere fast. And how did you guys find each other? We knew each other in college. We kind of moved to New York together. Oh, oh, OK. He and I worked in our own in a strip joint together, Miles and I called String Fellows. Wow. And how how were the tips there? Were they thrown at you or were they just shoved in your waistband? The strippers and I did not get along. I was the bus boy and there was a power structure there.

The strippers were they were in charge, at least behind the scenes. And they were quite mean, a lot of them. But yeah, as it should be. Yeah, a couple of them were nice. But yeah, I was not going. That was a part of my life where I just was really wondering what I was doing. Because I think it was 28, you know. Oh, wow. So. Yeah, that would be hard.

Yeah, but you're living in New York. It doesn't matter, right? I mean, to me, that's the way I saw it. Well, and also, too, I think you realize like, eh, 28, 23, eh, it's all, you know, you can, it's like that's, you're still finding yourself, you know, in your 20s, I think. And I was a nanny at that time, too. I was doing all this restaurant work, and I also happened to be a nanny. How did that happen? at that time too. I was doing all this restaurant work and I also happened to be a nanny.

How did that happen? I knew I was pretty good with kids and I knew that I could probably adjust my schedule better with auditions. If I could just pick up kids, like work from three to eight at night, then go perform, stand up and then audition in the morning. Yeah. So it was really good hours for that. But I also was a house cleaner. Oh, I've told you that. Yeah. We talked about that. And I clean houses. I had a lot of jobs in New York. Yeah. I worked at Dr. Squeeze. You ever been to Dr. Squeeze on on 23rd Street? I don't know what that is. There's a juice bar.

Oh, OK. No. It was my favorite job I've ever had. It's my best job I've ever had, even more than acting. Why? Because you were the only one there. There was no, and all you had to do was squeeze juice. You drank your juice all day, which I love. But, yeah, I had a lot

of jobs. Lots and lots. Did you start playing piano while you were on stage immediately or is that something that kind of developed? Because when I first got to know you, your act was piano and comedy. So that kind of happened. I was doing stand-up for a number of years, and then when i moved out to california largo had a piano and one night i i sat at the piano because i can fake that i can play the piano and i can only play sad music and i thought the sadness of the music with the ridiculousness of the joke um

was kind of new. You know, there's been piano playing comedians. I didn't know this when I started playing the piano. But do you know who Victor Borges? Yes. But he did more sort of musical humor, though. Yours was just a funny counterpoint, you know? Yeah, that's right.

That's right. But so, yeah, I just kind of started. I sat down at the piano and just kind of did my set. And it seemed to add another layer to it that was missing, maybe. And then I don't do it anymore. I haven't done the piano much at all anymore because it's too limiting. It's so one note that it's hard to do other things. But you can sustain an audience with the piano stuff

for about 10 minutes before they get bored with it. You found out. Found out the hard way many times. Oh, you found out. Found out the hard way many times. Have you done stand-up any time recently? When's the last time you were on stage doing stand-up? Right before the pandemic.

Right when things were. Oh, really? Yeah. And there was a feeling in the audience this was probably the last show for a while. I think they had just canceled a bunch of stuff in California. I have done it online, not stand up. But I mean, since the pandemic, I've done a show or two. But we have a delay in these woods. I'm used to an audience not responding to my material sometimes.

But on the computer, it has a different, I don't know, it feels more lonely. Yeah, it's weird. I mean, I've watched some stand-up. I'm not yours in particular because I'm not a fan. I understand. But I've seen other people do comedy online, and it is strange. Well, you know. It feels more like a confessional or something. There's no other art form, if that's what stand-up is, which is questionable, that you need feedback.

You need feedback. And there are shows that you don't hear the feedback because they've cut off the whoever's watching's uh audio so you're doing it to the ether hoping it's landing in someone's living room you know 2 000 miles away but i think i think once everything um clears up hopefully there's going to be a real like burst of wonderful performing from music, from comedy. I think there's going to be – hopefully there's going to be a real resurgence of it all. I think so too. And one thing I also think is like you've seen a lot of people doing stuff online who probably normally wouldn't have done stuff online.

Just like, oh, shit, yeah, I'll do, you know, I'll be on the computer for a half an hour for this reunion or whatever. And I think it's going to make people a lot, it's just going to kind of like, lower the preciousness of a lot of people's self-identity, you know, like, they're going to be like, yeah, I can do that. And I can do this. And for Christ's sake, I've been cooped up for how long? And, you know, and I agree with you. I think it's I'm looking forward to it. I can't wait to get back to my human pyramid stuff, though.

You know, I'm big in the human pyramid world and we have all been just shut down. Right, right. Yeah. And I also sold all of my hand sanitizer stock back in last February. Because who thought you'd need it? But, yeah. Goodbye, Purell. Can't you tell my loves are growing?

Well, now, was there something that predicated your move to L.A.? I got one of those development deals. Oh, you did? So I could stop working as a busboy and all that stuff. So I loaded up a van and two friends, and we drove to Los Angeles. and two friends. We drove to Los Angeles. The money I was promised didn't show up for a while.

I had to live in my car. I lived in the van for a while. I lived at the Hollywood Youth Hostel for about a week. Have you ever been there? No. If you like German tourists in their briefs

singing REO Speedw wagon songs at the top of their lungs it's your it's a place for you german guys with briefs and dark socks on um but oh my god that's my that's my fucking you porn search german youth ario speed wagon i talked to mechanic because the van i couldn't rent the van anymore because i didn't have the money and i talked a mechanic into i didn't talk him into someone told me a mechanic friend of his would rent me the car a car he was supposed to be working on so imagine you send your car to a mechanic to get fixed for, he's like, it's going to take four days.

And he rents your car out to a stranger. That's what, so I lived in that car for just, I lived in that car for a few nights, I remember. And then I got lucky. I found a place in Santa Monica. But it was, yeah, I just moved out then I got lucky. I found a place in Santa Monica. But it was, yeah, I just moved out because I had a job. I kind of had a job prospect and I ended up being

on a sitcom out there. Did you like the move from New York to LA? Man, when I first got to Los Angeles, I absolutely loved it. I loved it so much. What was it? The weather was fantastic. I would go swimming in the ocean all the time because I lived by the beach. I would just love the weather. And I didn't know anybody, so I also would bike all the time. This is 40 pounds ago. And since I didn't know anybody in california i felt completely

comfortable in being in my speedos and just biking with nothing but speedos on yeah that's the cool thing about moving to a new place you don't know like okay i can be as free as i want to be right right everyone will think i'm a german tourist um but uh i liked it a lot and then I think the city or cities in general started wearing on me because I was raised in a small town and I started missing that a lot but LA is magical

when you first move there yeah I mean you had some success before you know like the sort of catapult of the hangover hit. And was that transition? Because you're not you know, you're you're a kind. Hilarious person, but you're not, you know, you're a little shy, I would say, don't you think? The text I sent you, Andy, was not kind, hilarious. It was kind, hilarious,

handsome person is what you were supposed to say. Oh, I was saving that for the end for that was going to be the big button. What was your question? I'm sorry. What did you say? You are, you're very handsome um i mean was it was that transition was was when when when you got real famous was that fucking awkward and weird and did you did you kind of was there a part of you that hated it i was real bad with it i i got scared by it and it angered me because i think when we get scared as humans it angers us and listen it was for me it was for me, it was

that stuff came later in life. And if I were in my 20s, maybe it would have been more. Yeah. Let's party. But I was kind of a, you know, I was kind of new myself and new, you know, I kind of always have had this eye on show business and Hollywood in general. Yeah, it's fun to work in, but as a unit, I'm not really into it. You know, I've always been that way about it. I just have never, the small town has really never left me, really. I mean, it just, obviously. No, I know what you mean, because it is like,

I'm happy to get a check from show business, but I don't want to live in show business. And there are people that like come out here and they want to do the whole fucking thing. They want to live in it 24 hours a day. And I mean, I feel like Holden Caulfield. I'm so glad I got that reference. I just feel like everyone's a fucking phony, you know? Well, listen, it's, I mean, I think Steve Martin called it a high school years ago. And it is kind of that. You know, I love actors.

I really do. I love comics. I really love comics. But Hollywood as a whole is, I just don't get it. I don't understand it. And by the way, I've always made fun of it. I mean since when we were kids growing up, we would make fun of it. How many people listen to this podcast, Andy?

I don't know. I don't know. People, they tell me. I ask and they go, well, it's, it does really pretty well, you know? And I'm like, but it's always at that kind of like raising intonation, which always feels like, okay, I guess, you know. I love that, that, that, that, that voice pitch. Cause you're right. That's what people do when they are not real sure what they're supposed to say to you.

No, I thought you were funny. Yeah. Yeah, it was good. It was really great. No, it wasn't. Yeah, sure, I'll marry you. Ha ha ha! Um. Ha ha ha!

Ha ha ha! Ugh. Well, um, were you married when when the hangover happened like had you oh uh no no no no or were you together yeah yeah i would i've been my wife and i dated uh yeah for a long time and then she was during the hangover stuff she was all part of yeah with me and that that that was weird too though the relationship i mean i won't go into it but it's you know it sounds complaining and it isn't but for all those uh those uh people out there that want the fame thing uh it it's uh it's a it's, there's a lot of the other side that nobody likes to talk about, but it's a, it's, yeah, that was a change. It was just a change in your life that, you know, you don't expect, especially wasn't really kind of part of the plan.

Yeah. Yeah. No, it is. It's there. And you can't really talk about it much publicly because you do sound like such an entitled baby where you're like, when I go to a restaurant, people talk to me, you know. By the way, I love when people talk to me. I love it. I love interaction with people. What I don't like is can I get a picture because they're not interested in anything except that social media thing. But I would rather talk to someone for a long time. And I find people are not really into that. Yeah. Yeah. Well, that's a very small town thing of you, too, though. I mean, that's, you know, like the small townness of, you know, like I know people who grew up in small towns

who still do the same thing that like my uncle would do is, which is like when you sit down at dinner, like you'd say hello to the next table and how, you know, what did you get there? And where are y'all from? And, you know. That's the kind of town I grew up in. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Oh, we would walk into a restaurant and we knew everybody there. I like that. I guess I like it now that I'm older. But yeah. Yeah.

Has fatherhood changed you very much? Oh, my God. A hundred percent. In what ways do you think? Well, I get up at five every morning. That never used to happen. To me, if you're lucky enough to have kids, one of the benefits is you get to relive your own childhood in a way because you get to see the eyes of your children experience the world.

And that to me is just, there's nothing better. And I find men don't talk about it much. And I, if there are any young men out there, you've been marketed to young men that you're supposed to act like you guys do in beer commercials, but fatherhood and being that in that world to me is the greatest thing of my life.

It just is. My dad was a really good dad, I think, and I learned from him. Not that I'm necessarily that, but it changed. It just did. I cry a lot more. I'm more emotional. Yeah. Because of lack of sleep.

I'll tell you, my youngest son, I was tucking him in the other night. And I don't think he really knows what I do for a living. But anyway, we're in bed and we're cuddling. He's four. And he goes, hey, Dad. He has a weird accent. He goes, hey, dad, have you ever met Hitler in a movie? I'm like, have I ever met Hitler in a movie? No. He goes, he's a pretty weird guy, right?

So those kind of conversations to me are, I mean, I just love it. I just do. I'm amazed how funny kids can be. And I mean, look, as a comic, I also learn a lot from kids. I think my humor was probably, because I see one of my kids do it now. He'll say something very straight, but he knows he's getting a he knows he's getting a reaction because he's saying it straight. And that to me is really interesting to watch. I don't know.

I just I just always like I'm a family man. I'm a family man. Yeah, I I'm a family man. I'm a family man. Yeah, I'm the same way. I always kind of felt like, especially in the work that we do, the silliness of it, the silliness of it becomes, and it's a really silly business that, yeah, there's, you know, lots of money involved, but ultimately it's pretty silly. And, you know, if like an alien force were to land and decide who were essential and non-essential personnel, I think we would be vaporized, you know, like they're going to look people for people who can build bridges and,

you know, I don't know, grow food underwater or something, not fucking wisecrackers. food underwater or something, not fucking wisecrackers. But I always loved that my kids, like when my kids showed up, which, by the way, we didn't have them. They just showed up just like a cat that walked in the back door one day and you put a bowl of food down and then it's like, oh, I got a son, I guess. It's more convenient that way. Oh, it's great.

They make things. They really make what's important, important. They really show you like, oh, that, you know, all that, like the amount of time that you've had to spend working in show business, worrying about something that's just stupid. And then, and you, but when you don't have anything to balance it against, you think this, no, this is important. Cause look, there's all these people that care. And then you have a kid and it's like, oh no, no, that doesn't matter at all. You just kind of act like it matters and then go home.

And I, I always on, on sets at four in the morning after we've done 15 hours of improv, I'm like, does anybody want to go home to their families? You know what I mean? Show business also has a lot of young people that are working, younger people. So family life and show business is tough because of the hours. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. But you learn a lot as a comic from paying attention to younger people.

So, yeah, the kids are very selfishly. I get to watch them and be inspired by them for humor in a weird way. Yeah. for humor in a weird way. Yeah. If you could go back and talk to Zach when he showed up with his cousin in New York City and tell him something

that you feel would be useful to him, what do you think it would be? Don't get headshots. Don't get headshots. That's it. Well, there was such back then there was such an onus on getting your headshot like that was you're going to be your your calling card. Well, not for somebody like me. And that wasn't my calling card. But no, in serious, if I've never thought about that, what I would say to a younger me,

God, I don't know know that's a good question oh probably you're never going to get taller maybe i'll say this that younger version of me i would say hey you may not feel that this will ever happen but you're getting ready you're going to gain about 55 pounds in two years um so watch out. Yeah. What would you say? To Zach or to me?

No, to you. To Zach, I would say, grow that beard as quickly as you can. I've always had it. Without it, you're nothing. Well, I was asked that question. I did a live version of this podcast with Rachel Dratch in San Francisco at the Sketch Fest. And somebody in the audience asked, like, what advice would you give yourself? And I thought about it and I was like, honestly, learn to like cardio.

That would be the main thing I would tell myself. Like, learn to like cardio. i that would be the main thing i would tell myself like learn to like cardio i don't care because it's when you're 50 and you get on the fucking machine and you're still going i hate this i hate this i hate this it's it's not good it's not good it's you know do you do you get on a machine and do that i do i. I do elliptical. Jeez. Not as much as I should. Do you do car? What's your workout regimen now up there in the woods?

You just go toss logs around? I garden. In the winter, I've been chopping a lot of wood. Yeah. Beating up my children. Yeah. My kid, my four year old keeps telling me that he can't

this is almost a quote, I can't wait till I'm bigger so I can pummel you in the front yard he's very physical nothing like raising bullies nothing like raising bullies. Yeah. Nothing like raising bullies. Man, so many dividends. Well, Zach, thank you so much for doing

this. Oh, I thought we had a couple more hours. No, no, no. This is not that kind of podcast. I have to tell you, it's just nice talking to an adult. I agree. I know you're kind of making a quip there, but honestly, this podcast sustained me through a lot of this, you know, just that I could get on the computer and talk to somebody and that would be it for the day sometimes, you know, like depending on my schedule with my kids,

that would be, it'd be like, well, I talked to someone, you know, and then went back to my, back to my knitting. Yeah. It's, I think people are really missing people. When I, when I go grocery store shop, when I go to the store, I can tell people are really yearning for connection. I feel it. I feel it. And I find that people are being kind of friendly about it too. Cause of this. Look,

when they legalize hugging again, I just, I really am looking forward to it. Yep. You're just going to become insufferable. People are going to be like, get off of me. I think I'm going to open it.

I was thinking about opening a kissing booth during COVID. Yeah, you could just like, well, you could have a sheet of plastic in between you. Odd times, odd times. Well, Zach, thank you so much. And I can't wait to see in real life. Andy, thanks for asking me to be on. I'm sorry. I don't, I'm not that exciting, but stop it. Whatever. You can edit it. You are, uh, one of my favorite people. You are a lovely, kind, uh, hilarious person. So, um, and I'm sorry again that I didn't do it shirtless like you had asked me to do. Well, it's all right. It's all right. I, you know, I'm, I'm bottomless. I have a tattoo that I cannot show anybody. Right. I know. I know that stuff. That stuff is not, it's not ironic fun anymore. When I tattooed proud boys on my chest, Proud Boys on my chest.

That was in the late 90s. It was the name of my cleaning company. It was a singing group. It was an acapella cleaning company that I was part of. We'll sing your apartment clean. We're the Proud Boys. Well, it was a good run, our country.

Oh, it wasn't. We had a good time. It wasn't bad. Well, anyway, I'm coming to the woods to live with you. Get up here. Just change your license plates. All right.

I love you, Zach. And I will talk to you later. And thank you all for listening. And we will be back at you next week. The associate producer is Jen Samples, supervising producer, Aaron Blair, and executive producers, Adam Sachs and Jeff Ross at Team Coco, and Colin Anderson and Cody Fisher at Earwolf. Make sure to rate and review the three questions that Andy Richter on Apple Podcasts.

This has been a Team Coco production in association with Earwolf.