The Tim Dillon Show - 151: 151 - Toddler Suicide Bomber

Episode Date: June 9, 2019

Tim's first podcast after the move to LA, live from a porch. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

And now, Tim Dillon is going to hell! Welcome to Tim Dillon is going to hell, everybody. We are here in beautiful Los Angeles, California. It is a sunset podcast. How about that? If you're watching this, we don't know if we're putting it out video-wise. But if we put it out and you are watching it, it's a sunset podcast right here looking over the beautiful hills, not of Hollywood. We can't afford that. But of an undisclosed location, we won't share with you because many of you might get cute and come see us, especially if I say something you don't like. I'm here with Benjamin Avery. Ben Avery is the producer of pretty much everything I do. All of those videos. He's the co-creator

of all of those videos that you love. He edits them. He's very funny. He produces this podcast and he is trans. And that is the most important thing to me. That is why I hired him because he is trans. His other skills were completely a surprise. His ability to help me in this business and to create really cool stuff was, again, secondary, tertiary. To be honest, I hired him because he was trans and because he was brave and I wanted to be around somebody who was trans. I didn't know that he could edit videos. I didn't know that he could do anything like that. That is an added bonus for me personally. So thank you. I was going to say, sir, but thank you, person. I like. Great to be here in Los Angeles, California.

We had a lot of fun. Thanks to you and I forget the guy's name. Thanks to the guy who made that masterclass clip, which I posted on YouTube. If you listened to the last podcast, I spent a fair amount of time illuminating the grift that is masterclass. This scam where essentially they get people that you love and respect and admire. They get geniuses to come and con you in your own home through YouTube. It's like the final insult. You know, it's like these people that you love and that you've watched their movies and you've watched their comedy. They hand them boatloads of money to set up a class where they tell you all of the wisdom that they have learned in their career. And you, I guess, through osmosis,

take that wisdom in and do with it. Who knows what? We don't know. That's the point. Nobody's really gone that far yet. Do you become David Lynch? I don't know. Maybe you're just interested in filmmaking. And instead of buying a book, you go to a masterclass. I would be totally cool with this. If it was people that were just interested in topics, I don't think that's what it is. I think there's a lot of people out there, like my mother, who's a schizophrenic, when, when I would watch her at night, after midnight, QVC, the home shopping network, that whole, they take the gloves off when it comes to marketing after midnight. They know, they know who they're marketing to. After 12 AM, QVC just starts throwing shit out at people.

They come out and they're like, this is Jacqueline Kennedy's engagement. We're like, crazy shit that isn't true. And my mother would sit in her chair with her phone out and scribbling into a notebook, writing down the numbers of all of these things and then calling up and spending, just charging. She didn't have any money. She was charging on QVC. So I think a lot of those people will be purchasing masterclass. I think that's the demo. I don't think the demo is rational people that want to appreciate another art form. I think the demo is people that tweet at Marvel. They're like, let me direct the next one. I've seen that. I've seen people tweet at Marvel. Hey, let me get in there. Let me get in there and direct the next movie in your billion dollar

franchise. These are people that live amongst you. Some of them aren't trolls. It's easy to think everyone's a troll. They're not. There's some genuine lunatics walking the earth. There's this guy on Facebook, I know. I'm not going to say his name, but he's clearly unwell. And he would tweet at Marvel like, put me in the list and he would tweet a very serious thing. And then you look at the rest of his stuff, you're like, oh, it's obvious he's not a troll. But masterclass. So I was shitting on masterclass, even though a lot of people that I respect are doing it. And I would also do it. This is what I don't ever want you people to not get about me and about what I preach. If masterclass came to me with $400,

okay? Now they went to all these other people with a lot of money. But if they came to me with like $400 a month, just a few pokeballs, essentially. And I had to come and hit you people over the head. I would absolutely do it. You would see me smiling and I'd go, well, the thing about comedy and podcasting is it takes a lot of time. I don't need a lot of money. They could convince me so easily. They could just pull me in a room and go, listen, fuck these people. That's all they'd have to say. And I'd go, you're right. You're right. What am I? Yeah. They go, what are you a fucking schoolboy? Get in there. Teach a masterclass. I don't give a fuck. You people, really, the majority of you don't deserve a government. You don't deserve an entertainment industry.

You don't. So the idea that you don't deserve to be dealt with honestly. You deserve masterclass. That's what you get. That's what you get. So if they came to me, I would feel shitty about it for a half a second. And then they'd write a check and I would fucking dance my fat ass in that fucking YouTube room. And I would spout whatever garbage I would say, join the platinum tier. Be an Excelsior member of the masterclass. Do you want the real good wisdom? And so just know that. Know that. I'm not a saint here, which you know. But a guy on Instagram made a really cool parody of the masterclass and he pulled things from the podcast that I've said. And it was a lot of fun. And I talked on the last podcast a little bit about the Milianopolis thing at the

creek and I listened to some of the episodes and it's funny. He's pretty funny. He's ridiculous. He's a crazy guy. That's his thing. What I then did on the plane to LA as I listened to the podcast he did with Jordan Peterson and him and Jordan Peterson and at points it was somewhat contentious because I think Jordan Peterson had said something about him that Milo didn't really like. They didn't really get into that. But Peterson then subsequently apologized to Milo about it. This was when Milo was essentially taken out. If you don't know Milo is Milo Milo who cares. He was a provocateur. He was a tech writer from Breitbart which was Steve Bannon's media company which is backed by Robert Rebecca Mercer. They're a father-daughter team. Robert Mercer is a billionaire. He lives in

Long Island, New York where I'm from. Him and his daughter are conservative and they back Breitbart financially. They pull the strings. They're the money guys behind Breitbart in the same way that I think the Koch family is behind like Shapiro and the Daily Wire and Turning Point and all that stuff. Behind all of these things just away on the left Soros is behind. Behind all of these outfits is money. It's big money and people with an agenda and they have an interest in certain viewpoints being pushed forward and then they want certain charismatic people doing that. So the Breitbart faction had Milo Yiannopoulos. He was like their star and he was going around as this gay guy. He was married to a black guy who was a conservative. He became big from Gamergate

which was this pushback against a PC wing of the gaming community that wanted more women in games. I don't even know that I'm under. I think I'm approximating this to a point where even if I'm getting a few details wrong, it's generally what happened. And so Yiannopoulos basically going online and pushing back against the people that wanted more representation in video games. He became known as Gamergate and then he went out and he got popular. He was funny. He was aggressive. He didn't care. He was a troll. He was a master troll. He eventually ended up going on a college tour in America. There would be all kinds of protests when he showed up. The famous one was at Berkeley. When he went to Berkeley, you had a riot where I think there was

over a hundred thousand dollars worth of damage done to Berkeley and then eventually he ended up getting the platform kicked off Twitter because a lot of his fans, he was supposedly organizing his fans to go after Leslie Jones. I don't know if this is true or not. I don't care. I'm going to make a bigger point that it's neither here nor there. I'm not a guy for deep platforming people and anybody who listens knows that and that's why I didn't care that Legion had him on or whatever. And I really don't care who has a platform. I think everybody has a platform and if your arguments and ideas are better, it's your job to make them better. And the other thing is that a guy like me, Lilianopoulos, is relatively easy to diffuse if you're a smart person and you can

argue. And by the way, so, Donald Trump should have been too. He also should have been relatively easy to beat, to be honest, but he wasn't. For a lot of reasons, but this shouldn't have been what it was. Like it shouldn't have been this unbeatable guy that nobody could handle. Literally towards the end, they just started asking him, what are your policies? What do you want to do? And he had no answers. And that was kind of the way to beat him, but you kept fighting with him. You kept playing his game and then he won. So, Lilianopoulos gets deep platformed off Twitter. He's, you know, they kick him off Patreon. He's kicked off, I think Facebook. I think he's pretty much, I don't know if it's quite as bad as Gavin McGinnis where it was like he was unpersoned.

They remove you from all social media immediately, instantaneously. You lose all your followers, fans, your ability to make a living, whatever. So, Milo, Milo, whatever, I keep going back and forth on what that is. He made a comment years ago in a publication where he said, in the gay world, there is mentorship that happens and that he was molested by a priest at 15 years old and he does not view it as a negative thing. And in gay relationships, that is more commonplace than you would imagine. This is what he said. He said some version of that. And then he backtracked a little bit and he said he was sloppy and he didn't make the point the right way. And I understand what he was saying. First of all, he's never an excuse

or an argument to ever have sex with somebody who's underage in any sexuality. That's not, that's not, I think that's not what he was saying. I think what he was saying is that he personally, as a victim, it didn't ruin his life. It didn't derail him in a meaningful way and that he viewed it. I think he said there are certain types of relationships in the gay community where a younger guy is being shown the ropes by an older guy because the younger guy can't really go to his parents because his parents are straight and heterosexual. So the older guy will be like, here are the gay clubs, here's this, here's that, which is all fine and good, but this does, not at 15, that's not what happens. But I don't

think Milo was saying that it should happen. I think he was saying, hey, I was fucked at 15 or molested at 15 or whatever. So the right goes and gets him. The right digs up that article, the Reagan battalion, or the people on the right, and they get Milo. And now it comes out that people are saying, oh, he's pro-pedophilia. Nobody cares about the details, but that's the society that we live in. The comet was an unfortunate comet. He didn't talk about it the right way. And him and Peterson get into it. It's actually a good podcast. But so he's gone. Then he's gone and he spends two years essentially in obscurity. He's over. The college tour is over. He's Simon and Schuster. Whoever was publishing his book, I'm pretty sure it was Simon and Schuster.

They pull out. He's done. He's unable to continue making a living. He's the platform to have social media. He essentially goes away. And now he's starting to come back. And he's on Jordan Peterson and he's angry. And he said he's going to come back now as a comedian. He's going to come back. He's given up on politics for the most part because he doesn't think the right and the conservatives had his back. But he said, I'm a once in a generation star. I'm once in a lifetime star. I'm going to come back. I'm going to be much more in the realm of a regular entertainer, somebody like Johnny Carson. He goes, the right has nobody funny. Nobody that can crack a joke. And I filled that hole and I need to again, but I don't care about politics anymore. I'm

just going to be, I'm just going to be somebody who has his own late night show or whatever. And what you get from the interview is number one, he's hurt. He's angry. He lost everything in one fell swoop. But what you also get from the interview is that this is a guy who at his baseline wanted to be famous. This is what he wanted to do. This is not somebody who was a political thinker. He didn't care particularly about politics. He accidentally got into it. He was a tech writer. And then once he started creating a lot of controversy, he said, I can ride this wave to fame and to fortune. And the people behind him, and this is why I really want to make this point. The people behind him facilitated that rise. When you see people

in the public sphere and they, all of a sudden are everywhere, seemingly overnight. It doesn't always happen by accident. It can. It can happen by accident, but in many cases, in most cases, and certainly when you look at politicians, you look at people like Milo Yiannopoulos, people like Candace Owens, people like Charlie Kirk. And if you don't know who Candace is, she's the black conservative who's been on Rogan and Charlie Kirk is the guy that runs Turning Point. He's like a younger kid. These people are cast in these roles by billionaire families like the Mercers, like the Cokes, the same way that a lot of the Parkland kids were cast in those roles by interests on the left wing. How many kids graduated from Parkland?

We know what? Eight of them? Yeah. Who are the rest of them? Where are they? And by the way, I always wonder if the school shooting happened in Long Island. Some of these kids are pretty fucking eloquent. They're pretty smart. They're pretty presentable. They're hip. Emma Gonzalez is bisexual. A lot of tinks. David Hawke. I mean, you know, if you, if you shut up my Long Island school and these fucking billionaire families were going around trying to find spokesmen, God help you. God fucking help you if you stumbled upon me or my fucking friend. Yo, the shooting was wrong. But like, sometimes people need to get fucked up. But I get it. Like shooting people in the face is not good. Shoot them in the leg. Like there's,

there would be no, there would be not a soul that I went to school with who would rise to that occasion. It would just be long. They would have to sift through Long Island trash for an hour of just like, okay, let's bring in, let's bring in Tracy. Tracy, how do you feel about what happened? Yo, I was like really scared. But the reality of the situation is this. I don't really give a fuck because I'm focusing on myself and I'm focusing on, I really want to do cosmetics. This is something I've always believed in. And the reality is my, my mother is like, you should stop drinking and you should raise your daughter. And I tell her, I'm like, I can do both. So what I need to do is, I don't really care about the, the fucking shootings and shit. I don't think you should ban

guns. I think maybe I should have a gun, quite frankly. But so the, so the, the, the Parkland kids, the ones that we've seen are remarkably composed. They're, they're intelligent. And, and by the way, the people that are casting these roles want these roles. I'm not saying they don't want them. They are auditioning to an extent. I'm sure Candace Owens, Charlie Cook, Muelina, they wanted these roles. Fame, fortune, money, power, people, when you go to an audition, when most people go to an audition, there's hundreds of people, thousands of people. I mean, when I go, it's four fat comics. We see each other every fucking time and they don't, they give it to someone else anyway. It's the same four fat idiots sitting there going, yep, we'd go in again.

And then we say one, we say two words. They go, slate, Tim Dillon, six, one, please read the line. Armed robbery. Next. They're like, can you say it again? Don't laugh into the mic. People hate your laugh. I don't know why. I mean, not everyone, only one guy. One guy complained about your laugh, but you can laugh. Just try to laugh, you know, but this is, this is these auditions. I don't think it's a bad laugh. I don't know why everyone's so mad at it. Fuck you. Fuck you, one guy. One guy was like, I want to kill that kid because of his laugh. But auditions are filled with hundreds of thousands of people. They all want these fucking jobs. Emilianopolis wanted the jobs somewhere along the line. The reality is there are these different power factions and people,

you know, Emilianopolis, he thought, he was like, I was speaking at CPAC. I was going to be the standard bearer of this party, of the Republican party, this gay provocateur who's married to a black guy who's out of his mind, just being de-platformed. He's all over the place. And basically the national review crowd in the Republican party, they were more straight laid. Stay with the people that didn't want Trump. They got Milo out of there and they de-platformed him. But this is what you're serving. It's like, you know, when you have a certain job in the administration of the presidency, they say you serve at the pleasure of the president. When you were a guy like Emilianopolis, you're serving at the pleasure of the Mercer's.

You're serving at the pleasure of a billionaire family. I know how hard it is to create a grassroots fan base. It's not easy. And when you're able to build one very quickly and you get a lot of media attention and you have a lot of infrastructure and you have a lot of financial support, you're flying around the world and all that shit, none of that is cheap. And these people are funded. There's big money behind all of these people. And if they slip up or somebody in an organization that's backing them goes, I don't think they're the right person to get this message out. We're going to get rid of them. And then they throw them overboard. Emilianopolis, he sounded a bit naive in the interview with Peterson. He sounded a bit like he seemed to be

like he was, it's like, you know, new to the party a little bit. It's like, well, you didn't think that this could happen. How was he trying to defend himself? How was he, because that was like also, wasn't that like a three year old interview? Four years old, they dug it up. Yeah. Well, what he was saying is that conservatives are pussies and they didn't have his back. And he was saying that now they're going to get taken out the same way they took him out. Listen, it's not completely untrue that there is now a way to take people out. You go and find something they said, and they're trying, they've tried to take Peterson out a bunch. It hasn't stuck. It hasn't worked. But I do think they will move Peterson

to the center a little bit. They're moving him a little more mainstream. That'll happen. And they'll do it just by, you know, opening up avenues to him that were previously closed. And when those avenues open up, you then have to kind of temper your language and what you're saying. And you try, because you have this avenues, you know, that they'd open up, whether it's mainstream publications or mainstream media, academia, whatever it is that, you know, Peterson is a different animal than Milo. It's just a different situation. You know, Milo is really a troll and a provocateur. But they've tried to take Peterson out. And listen, they'll try to take Shapiro out. They'll, they will try. Everybody will try. What I don't think people understand in this country is that a

lot of what you're watching is theater. This is theater. This is to keep you guys entertained. And the money people behind this are just doing whatever they're going to fucking do either way. Either way, they're doing whatever they're going to do. Mom and dad, who are those big billionaire families, they're doing whatever, bed times, whatever time it is. You can negotiate to, you know, maybe you stay out a little longer, whatever it is. They don't care. You're not really moving them off their course dramatically, meaningfully. And if you do, they will come and the gnashing of teeth will be extreme. And this is like people like the Mercers, people like the Cokes, people like, you know, George Soros on the other side,

they all have an idea of how the world should be run. And they don't go out to people and say, this is how it is. They recruit people and they take applications and they cast people. There's one kid from Parkland, the one right wing kid from Parkland, Kyle Cushuve, who was out going, we need more guns. I mean, that guy, God love him. That dude, he wasn't in the building that was shot into. He was in like another building. He's like, listen, we gotta, I love that because, you know, the NRA love, they love, they're like, wait, you'll say what? You'll do what? You'll do what? Oh, really? Great. So he's out there saying, arm everybody. Give everybody an automatic weapon. That's his answer. Just throw those fucking, it's the Wild West.

Kick open the saloon doors at your own risk, buddy. And so you have this kid now, but here's the thing, Kyle loves saying the N word. He loved it. He said it on, I don't know where he said it, but he said it on snap chat. He said it. No snaps disappear. What's the other, I don't know what it, but they got, or it was a game, it was gaming Xbox live. I think Xbox live, he was letting it fly. It's letting it fly on Xbox live and in real life, in real life too, he'd just walk up to people. He would say the N word frequently. So they found that. They went and go, hey, so what happens? I think turning point USA. I think he resigned. So again, he's out because you serve at the pleasure of the billionaires who back you. That is it. That is what you're out here doing. This

is theater. This is to keep people entertained and to keep people thinking that there's real debate and discussion in this cut. There really isn't. There's really not a lot of debate and discussion about what's going to happen in this kind. I know you like to think there is. You're like, this is everybody's at each other's throats. Yeah, maybe in a fucking grocery store, but in Washington DC, they're pretty much on the same page. There's a few things that they like to argue about abortion in Alabama and in Georgia. There's a few real hot buttons. Should gay people adopt kids? There's a few things. But when it comes to foreign policy, economic policy, the rights of corporate America, they are pretty much Nancy Pelosi in her Georgetown townhouse or with her millionaire husband in San

Fran, where fucking Laura Loomers climbing in her kitchen window. I mean, by the way, how do you not like Laura Loomer a little bit? How do you not respect Laura Loomer a tiny bit? She's the chick who takes it too far that she's the girl on your block that would hang out with the boys and would kind of do anything. If you know what I mean to have friends, like you'd be like, eat this bullfrog and she'd be like, okay, should I put it in my pussy? And you're like, oh my God, you'll see you'll just put it in your pussy. She's like, yeah, I can hang out with you guys, right? So this bitch is climbing in Nancy Pelosi's fucking kitchen window because they threw her off Twitter. And again, none of it like it's none of it really,

Matt, like in Nancy Pelosi and Donald Trump have a lot more in common with each other and they have a lot more in common with Stephen Colbert. Then people have in common with, you know, my Uncle Larry, for example. Uncle Larry doesn't have a ton in common with Nancy Pelosi, Trump, Colbert. There's just not a lot in common. But this is the thing that people love to get involved, they get invested. There's YouTube shows that cover the beef of other YouTuber, like it's, and the internet is great because it really does allow people to really feel, and listen, did it elect Trump? Yeah, there are certain, I'm not saying that there's absolutely no effect, but if you look at what Trump has done, he's done a lot of things, but there's a lot of

things that just haven't changed and won't change. And still, and you see people that are like cognizant politically for the first time, they're, they're all like, wait, wait a minute. But Trump said it was going to be a wall and Wall Street was going to be reigned in and we're going to get a new health care plan. It folks, it just isn't what happens. You've got to grow up a little bit. The people that are in those positions make it very, very difficult to make any real change. It's just the fucking way it is. So what we do, we focus on Candace Owen, did Candace Owen say something about Hitler? What did Roseanne tweet? Oh, I can't believe Kyle Kashuva, that's 17 years old. I had no idea who he was, but he said the N word. And these are the

things you focus, you don't focus on what's truly happening behind the scenes because you don't know it's kept from you. It comes out in a book 10 years later, or if you're really, really plugged in and you pay attention, you can, you can figure out some of what's happening, you know, like somebody that I, I think it was the chick on Chappell, Amber said, it was like, you know, hardcore Marxist or whatever, but she goes, I love the Financial Times more than the New York Times. She goes, because I actually glean more information. It's a better publication. I learned more about what's going to happen in the world. The Financial Times is the world as it is. And the New York Times is that, you know, editorialized, rosy view of like, well, we're thinking of the more and the Financial

Times is like, this is up, this is down. We need a pipeline to the Caspian Sea energy prices are crashing. We might need to get a little cute in a certain area. We might need to go over it. They're like, so there are ways to figure out this information, but it is, it is funny to me how much of it is theater. And I know that people get mad at me because they're like, well, what am I supposed to do? Not care about anything. Yes. Yeah. Yes. I don't, yes. Now I'm kidding. Listen, care about what you can care about. I don't, people tell me all the time, like, what does it mean? So we shouldn't get healthcare? I'm like, no, we should have healthcare. I, what? What are you even saying? I was at lunch that day, somebody started to say, what are you doing on me for no reason? I'm eating

a bulky ball. They go in on me. So, you don't have healthcare. No, we should. We should. We should also not torture people in underground prisons. I'd prefer if we didn't assassinate democratically elected leaders in our own country and around the world. I would like us to stop poisoning people, murdering journalists. I would enjoy all of that. I would like if we stop sending paramilitary death squads into other countries so that they could make way for our corporations to go in there and pillage people, all of that and healthcare would be nice. It would be very positive for this country. But I'm telling you how things, like, it is what it is. The world is what it is. The things that I know, the people I've had on the fucking show, the discussions that we've

had, the debate, like the areas that we've gone into, you start to get a little corset by this. You start talking about human trafficking. You start talking about what's going on. You get a little corset and it's not that difficult to, like, imagine that, like, oh, maybe some of these senators, a congressman, don't really care about giving us healthcare because they're being blackmailed because they're in the kiddie porn and they're doing blow. So maybe they don't really give a shit. Maybe they don't care. I care. But here's the thing, people are like, what do you not care? I care. I had people on this show. I had to give them the platform, gave them a platform. I had well-researched writers come on the show who dedicated their lives to researching how corrupt

and fucked our government was. And you know what people said? They said, we don't want to listen to this. We want something else. Give us something else. Give us a dope queen and the guy we fucked. Give us something else. Give us a pod save America. We're going elsewhere. This ain't fun for the young professionals going to their cubicles. They don't like that. They don't like that with their macho latte. I don't really like hearing about senators boinking kids and getting paid off and fucking slaying Kenneth. So I try and try. I bring people on. We did a live podcast, you know, showed up. Not a lot of people. We did one for true TV. We brought Russ Baker on. He was fucking all over the place. I think he was kind of drunk. But this is what happens when they cast you out

of fucking polite society and you can't talk to anyone. You have a few. So he comes on and he's telling people about MKUltra and the Boston Marathon bombing. And there's about a hundred young professionals in suits staring at me, him and Ray Komp. Like, you have no idea they were completely lost. They had no, they were like in their own head somewhere else. So when people say to me, do I care? Yeah, I care. And we've actually tried in a little way, in our little shitty way, using this platform that we fucking had. We tried to get people to get the people don't give a shit. They don't care. They want to be socialists. They want to be all right. They want to be a thing and they want to game and they want to be online with people to think like them

and they want to make memes and they want to go get laid and they go to the fucking Brooklyn red socialist party event mixer. I'll go down there and suck a few communists off. What do I give a shit? But this is what they want to do. They don't give a shit. They really don't care. They want to get a Patreon going. They want money. They want fame. What they don't want is any real fucking. These are not revolutionaries. They're not going to go burn down the basket. It's not happening. The revolution isn't coming. Look at the fuckers who say it is. What is Antifa going to do? They're going to throw a rock at what? The White House? What are you nuts? With some fat had green haired, some fat green haired lesbians going to chuck a fucking, chuck a numb chucks

at the White House? And what do you think is going to happen? What do you think? And who know? You want those people to rule? They might be worse. But this is what I mean. I'm sick of wearing this mantle of I don't care. No, you don't care. You don't fucking care. You don't sit with Nick Bryant, this fucking guy who's telling you about torture and all this shit for hours. You bring him on the show. The guy's got white hair. He's telling you. You bring Mark Geliadeon, does a whole book about the Russian mob and Trump and everything like that. You know, it's like, so the whole thing is, I remember Stan up at a great quote once, Stan, I was like, yeah, people say I don't care. But Stan, I was like, yeah, it didn't matter when I cared. Remember

when I cared? No one gave a shit. So to me, it's like, listen, do whatever you want. Go get health care. Go get everything. Get, get, get everything. Do whatever you want to do. I can't, I'm not going to say stuff that's going to get me in trouble here, but do what you want to do. Listen, I said, as a joke, this is a joke and I'm a comedian. But I said, if you wanted to get the government's attention, this is a joke and I'm a joker. Jokey, jokey, joke. But if you wanted to get the government's attention, you would strap a bomb to a two year old and send that toddler into a grand central. Every week, you would go to a different station and the toddler would walk in and this is fun. I did this on stage. It was kind of funny because I do a toddler walk

and it's very funny, but a lot of people don't laugh, but it's very funny to a few certain select people in the room that are really, they're really over life. So they think this shit's good. So I do the toddler walk and I go, and the toddler just, he's got a little bear attached to him, but it's a bomb and he just goes, and then, and then people listen, you're going to get some attention. People will, they'll be like, these, these fuckers are willing to send in toddlers to train stations at rush hour and blow them up. I'm not saying to do that. Like when me and Ray told a bunch of our fans to join ISIS and move to Syria, we did that. Number one, because I think you should travel. I think you should leave. I've said people should go teach English in China.

And I've said, if you feel strongly about something, I respect, I don't agree with ISIS. They've done horrible things to gay people or whatever, but it's hard for me to not respect if my friend Ryan, who's a, you know, a personal trainer and a DJ, if he were to join ISIS and be in Syria, and I saw a photo with him in that cheap grand Cherokee with that Kalishnikov, I would be a little proud. I'd be a little proud that he did it. So when me and Ray said, go out there and join us, we just said, listen, you're all chirping all day on Twitter, going, you know, but I'm sick of, I'm no longer going to take this shit. Like I don't care. And I've never, you know, I know how fucked up it is. We tried to, we told people how fucked up. People don't give, people

don't really like that. They want like the SNL level of like, it's kind of silly. That's what people want to think about the government that it's like a little silly. It's silly. They don't want to think it's a murderous death cult that's imposing. They just don't. They don't. They don't. I think, I like to think it is, because to me, that's funnier than it being silly. If it was silly, it's kind of stupid. But when you, when you understand what it is, you go, this is a murderous, this is kind of like, life means nothing to these, but you start laughing. Go to the, watch George H W Bush's funeral and watch the demons climb onto the podium to eulogize him. They're 87. They've drank human blood their entire life. They have soft skin. The skin that comes from eating

the pineal gland of children and they get up. Why do you think Comedy Central hasn't given me a show? And I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm asking, I'm asking literally because I don't, I don't know. I think I'm affable. So these guys climb up onto the thing and they're like, I remember, and they're barely alive, but they're just animated by the demonic forces. And they climb onto the thing and they're like, I remember when I first, and everything about George H W Bush's life is a complete fiction, by the way. And everything about most of these fucking people's lives is a fiction. Okay. And it's perpetuated by a media and whatever. So these fuckers get, and to me, the real story is funny. That's why, that's one of the reasons

I like it. It's absurd. It's crazy. It's funny. And it makes a lot more sense. It makes a lot more sense. When you start realizing, you're like, why do these congressmen and senators never give a fuck about the people in their districts? And you go, Oh, they're all compromised. Many of them are black metal. They're bought and sold. And then you start to understand how and why then it makes a lot more sense. When you understand these things, but when you see these demons eulogizing HW and they get up there and they're like, you know, I met charge years ago. I met him. He was. And they got and everyone in the all in the room, like they're all kind of swaying. And they've got tears in the media is there too. And they're all crying because they all love them because they're

fucking what they're all fucking. It's the same thing. They're all in the same crew. It's the same camp. And so to me, I've always so when I heard Milo like shocked, like I love these people that are shocked that you can be thrown away. Yeah. Yeah, you can be thrown away. You can be taken out. You can be thrown to this. You are not essential. You know what I mean? You're not essential to the operation. There's somebody else waiting in the wings, waiting to take your spot. So and so when Yiannopoulos goes, well, I'm going to come back as a comedian and I'm going to host my own show on my own website. Fine. Do whatever you want. But that's what you always were. You always were a comedian. You never were important politically. It didn't matter. It seemed like you were.

You helped maybe shift some people's opinions on certain things for a while, but make no mistake. This is theater and you are a theatrical performer. You're not an essential part of how this system worked. And it worked for a long time when you just had the major networks. All of this was much easier because these guys went to the same schools. They lived in the same communities. It was very easy to corral people. Now it's harder, but that's why you hold the auditions and you get in Charlie Kirk and Candice. So what am I? Somebody I know knows Charlie Kirk. This is not somebody that I know well. Like people listen to this show. They still have no idea who I am. They've no idea who I am. I'm not like a woke social justice. So they think I'm like a country club Reaganite or

something. They're like, I could maybe get Charlie Kirk on the show. I said, let me, let me, let me. I've had people on my show that have credibly accused the Bush family of the murder of President Kennedy profiting from the drug trade, human trafficking, the overthrow of democratically elected government, murder, genocide, really. I will go into that. If Kirk comes on my show, we are talking Franklin scandal. I'm going to say, Charlie, what? So the bit, I'll give them one question. I'll be like, tell us about how low taxes help the business climate. You'll get so excited. And then I'll be like, all right. So now that we got that out of the way, let's get down to business. I got a few testimonies you might want to hear. And I'll just pull the book out page four.

I'll have a copy for him. These people are clowns. They're clowns. They're saying whatever they have to say to make money. Don't fall for it. Don't be that stupid. They're just, they're actors. They couldn't get into Hollywood because their teeth are fucked up because of your Cortez's teeth. Fuck it. They're, they're, they're in another, you know, there's a quote that says like politics is acting for ugly people, show business for ugly people. That's what it is. They're saying whatever they have to say. They don't care. Ann Coulter, during, who is funny, but mentally unwell and funny, she during Iraq war was like CIA's great, FBI's great. We got to go and invade their countries, kill their leaders, convert them to Christianity. That was the quote that got her fired from the

national review. Now the FBI and CIA are horrible. They're all infested with globalist shills and are trying to get rid of President Trump. We should build the wall and we don't belong in any of these fucking countries, Syria, whatever, who cares? If they're gassing their own people, let them do it. It's not our problem. She went 180 from all of her views. They don't care. These people don't care about anything. They don't have any values. Their value is relevance. That's all they give a shit about. Am I near the best seller list? Am I on the top? Am I, am I on the shows? Am I on the right shows? Am I on the Sunday shows? Am I getting invited to the right cocktail party? They don't give a shit and they don't believe in anything. So don't fucking come at me when

I'm trying to eat a pokeball. Tell me that I don't give a shit. You fucking psychopaths. You nuts. I've done the deep dives. I don't give a shit because I'm not getting on stage. I don't have a half hour about socialized medicine. The fuck you want me to write about? My mother's in a mental institution. It would be nice if that was nice, sir. Put a couple of couches in there that are nice. I'd visit more. I have no problem with that. Stop acting like I'm corporate chill. I'm making no money. People call me a corp. They messaged me on Instagram like, yeah, corporate shit. For what? Corporation. Gas, digital ink. Does that even exist? Every day I'm waiting for the FBI to come in and throw us in coughs. I mean, corporate chill. People with bananas out there. I just want to be

an LA woman, a 50-year-old LA woman whose entire life people want to fuck her and then they want to fuck her. They don't really want to fuck her anymore. So she starts getting spiritual at 50 and she starts talking about the journey and she gets into meditation and health and wellness and wholeness and being whole because nobody wants to put anything in her hole anymore. And she didn't have to think about any of that before she was 50 because everyone, everywhere wanted to fuck her. Every door magically opened. The sun, rainbows appeared over her head. But once she got 50 and a couple of, you know, the plastic surgery can hide a little, but it can't hide at all, can it? So then you have to get real deep and you have to take that journey, you know? How long have I

done? I want to say a few more things too. We're at 44. We're at 44. That's perfect. So I got a, I got a few more things to say to the, to the comedy community. It's a real theater kid energy in certain parts of the comedy community right now. And I will say that there's a lot of unearned, what's the word? Jubilance? Is that a word? Jubilant? People are very happy. This is my problem. I look at people sometimes, they're very happy. Well, they think they're doing something, right? Well, they're happy, things are going well. But a lot of this is, I was an actress, which I wasn't in high school theater, okay? You talentless faggots. I was a real actor. I was on Sesame Street. And before you laugh at that, you fat chicks, you bunch of fat chicks trying to get

attention for the first time in your goddamn life. Understand that I got paid not a lot and not often, but I was paid. I was in real plays that real people wrote. And yes, some of them killed themselves afterwards. That's what playwrights do. They take themselves out, okay? They don't go to JFL and dance around. They blow their brains out. New York was a great city. I was in a show called Lake of Fire. No, I'm sorry, I wasn't that. But I was in another show called Christmas Dreamers Awaken. It was about a woman who was raped by her father, repeatedly. And it was in the village, when the village was cool, it had little black box theaters. And I was in this, I think it was eight or nine or something. I don't even know what I did. I just kind of sat there while the main

character went on and just hinted about her dad raping her. She never fully, but it was pretty, if you were intelligent, you knew what was going on. Her father came to the show and he sat there through the whole thing. And it was clear that the main character was his daughter and that he was the rapist. He molested everybody. And she said, what do you think afterwards? And he went, I thought it was good. It was a little long. And that, and now that's been replaced in Manhattan by theater kids. Theater kids with PR departments behind them singing and everything. And this is why I feel about it. There's some real talent out there. Even people I disagree with on pretty much everything. There's some very talented people out there. But there's, there's a theater kid

energy and the theater kid energy is kind of like, we're the shit. Who cares? Doesn't matter. We're the new hot thing. We're great. We live in this bubble. We enjoy it. And it's all fine. What I'm telling you, I'm going to tell you this. There, there is, I don't care what is going on at the moment for anybody. There are so many talented people in New York City, who you'll just never see, you'll never hear from and they will die underappreciated, unappreciated, alone. And just, you know what? Think about them a little bit. Think about them a little bit when you're doing your interviews and you're asked meaningless questions by some other goon whose job it is to, you know, and just realize that you're lucky at Joan Riverside. Some people out

there are fucking very lucky. You're, you're, you're a whole lot of fine. You're a whole lot of fine. You didn't invent shit. It ain't great. It ain't a riot when you perform. Like people aren't stomping to get their money back usually cause no money was exchanged. But just know that that's where it's at. Don't relax. Okay. I will say a quote that someone said that made me a little upset. They said, when people copy me, you know what I say? I say, thank you. But no one's copying you cause you've done nothing. And I don't mean that in a dick way cause this person I'm talking about, I think there's talent there, but you've done nothing. You've inspired no one. You've done nothing. Cut it out. Just, just relax. Enjoy what's happening.

Enjoy where you're at and realize there's a cashier at CVS who is so much more talented than you'll ever be. And she's got three kids and a husband that beats her and you are in a position to be fine and have everyone love it. Just know that that's where it's at. Don't get crazy. Be happy. Listen, people could say the same thing about me. I am fine. There's guys that are funnier than me that'll never get certain opportunities I've got. And I try to think about that. I try to think about how fucked up life is. Not all the time because you gotta, you know, you can't, I'm not saying, but certain people that go out there and there's just this real attitude that they've been around for about five minutes and they act like they've changed the game.

They've changed the game. And five minutes ago, they were poof. Nobody knew. Gone. Who? They didn't know. Nobody knew. But now they're here and they've revolutionized everything. They, Gutenberg with the printing press, they came out and they gave people the idea that they could live. There's people out there that they now believe they can be like me and live and it's such a, it's such an honor to inspire people creative. Can you cut it out? Nobody, nobody is out there. It's a mirage. It's a black box. Nobody's at what, some fat chick from Ohio's now going to move to New York. She was going to anyway. She was coming anyway. Stop. Just be happy. I come from the world of theater, real theater. Not mommy and daddy paid money for camps and they

paid money for publicists. Real fucking theater. Great people that are, are, are fucking tremendous and none of them succeeded. They all end up fucking singing all people in Long Island, half of them. This is what happens. You get cocky and you start talking like you're the shit. It's just to me. Just to me, I just say to myself, it's not needed. It's not needed. It's not mature. It is what it is. I have a lot of respect. I see a lot of plays. I see a lot of shows. I watch a lot of people. You're not going to know who they are, but they're fucking great. They're great at what they fucking do and it's just a little, it could be a little aggravated when out of nowhere, somebody pops up and they tend to think that they've paid,

they're paving the way. They're paving the way for people. The way's been paid. None of us are paving the way here. It's been paid. Are you high? Are you high? It, it's been paid. It's paid. People are coming down. It's, it's good. It's good. I'm happy. Am I making sense? Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Like when we saw the ferryman, like in the front row, and there was the, the, the, was it called when they come out and bow that? Yeah. You know, the curtain call, whatever. I forget. Yeah. Yeah. They come out. Yeah. It's a three hour play theater. I don't know what it's fucking called. No, I'm trying to think. The cast call the bow. I get, I thought it more than half these other

people are going to make fun of me. I can't think right now. It's fucking just yell a bit of bush family for an hour. I've scattered. Yeah. But we saw it. Yeah. But I'm like embarrassed to be seen by, like, I don't even want them to see my face. It's just weird. Well, they should write an article about it. You're the boss now. You're the boss of the five families. They're going to write an article that you're the boss. And you go, I'm the boss now. I didn't shoot nobody. I didn't run a successful operation. No racketeering, no gambling, no murder, no women, do nothing, but I'm the boss. And you know, when I, when people, when people emulate me, they copy me. I say, thank you. Oh, God. Oh, God. What are you doing?

Have a little, have a little dignity injected into yourself somehow. Lot of people. That baby on stage. It was a baby. And you were like, that baby's done more than either of us have done. The baby on the ferryman is done more than me and Ben have done and made more money and is more essential to the production in every way. No one cares. Well, I'd go to laugh bar. If they come out before me and go, today we're going to have a magician who does magic with puppets. The audience would go nuts. They'd fall out of their seats. They'd be 25, 30 and more now because more people are knowing where some of my fans would be a little upset until he came out and did it, did a little bit with the puppet. And then a lot of them would go,

bad, is it? We're already here. So I'm just saying I respect a lot of different people, a lot of different kinds of comedy, but I just, there's so, you know, sometimes people ask me to do articles or they'll pitch an article to me. They're like, how is it harder as a gay guy in comedy? I'm like, I'm not doing this article. They're like, what's it like when a gay guy works comedy club? I'm like, Oh, I don't know. Like tons of gay guys have done throughout history. What are you talking about? Right. I mean, I remember one gay guy in New York was like, I was the first gay guy to work a comedy club. I'm like, you know, that's provably untrue. That's completely wrong. You're saying that. I get it. I don't, I don't hate on anybody. You

get out, you get press written about you. Great. Just come. Unless here's the other thing. Unless you were kidding. Maybe you were kidding when you said that. And then if that was the case, I feel the little stoop. Now, if you were kidding, if you were kidding when you said that, it's kind of funny. And well, I mean, if that was a joke, then the last quarter of the show was my joke. Then I was kidding. If you were kidding, then I was kidding. But I don't know if you were kidding. And the point is this, it's a larger point. It's not the one line. It's the larger thing. It was the line a lot. But it was a larger thing. How beautiful here. Isn't this nice?

What are we at now? 55 55. Folks, Tim Dillon comedy.com. We have really fun stuff coming up. We have a lot of cool shit happening. I'm going to be a comics at Mohegan Sun, July 20 through the 22nd, July 23. I'll be at Skankfest. I'll be doing some clubs in New York the last week of June. I said June, right? June. I said July, June 20 through the 22nd, Mohegan Sun in Connecticut. Ticket link in the profile page of my Instagram, July 19, the 20th, Hilarities in Cleveland, Ohio. One of my favorite clubs. I absolutely love it. August 1st through the 3rd, American Comedy Company in San Diego. A lot of dates down south in August, including Charlotte, North Carolina, Nashville. I'm going to be down there

at Zanies, Comedy Zone in Charlotte, Nashville, Zanies, The Star Dome, and I think Huntsville, Alabama or Hoover, Alabama, and somewhere else in Hoover, Alabama. All of those dates are on the website. You can get tickets to all of that stuff. Tim J. Dillon, D-I-L-L-O-N on Instagram and Twitter. We update stuff in the moment if I'm doing shit around LA or if I'm doing stuff in New York. What is your information? At Ben Avery is good on Instagram and Twitter. BenjaminAvery.net is my website. Ben is out there producing, editing, doing all kinds of shit. If you need him, if you need work, not work. If you need work, if you have work for him, hit him up. Email him. Maybe he's too busy.

Maybe he'll be able to do that. Don't email him if you're a clown. Email him if you're a serious person. Fuckin' sent some troll email unless it's funny. If it's funny, he won't care. But I don't really. Don't jam up the inbox, but whatever. We are going to do the episode. I know that a lot of people are like, was that a scam with Wix? Are you really going to? No, it's not a scam. I told you something and I'm going to follow through on my promise. If you did what I said you had to do, which was go to my website, click on the link at the bottom, which was Tim Dillon's, D-I-L-L-O-N-S, going to hell.com. There's no is. It's just Tim Dillon's with an S.

Going to hell.com. It's the Wix site that we built for the show. It has some of my live dates on it, some media on it. If you went to the bottom, clicked on the link, got 10% off, a premium plan with Wix, and then messaged me that or showed me that, you're coming on the show for 90 seconds. You have three minutes to pitch whatever project you want. You're in front of tens of thousands of people. You'll pitch whatever project you want. I may ask you questions about it, or I may be so disgusted and horrified we hang up on. No, I'm sure. I don't think we're hanging up. We're going to ask you. You're going to get more than 90, but 90 is a lot. You're going to get 90 to pitch. 90 is a good pitch. It's too long. It's really too long for most of you.

Most of you got 60 seconds in you at best. I will say a lot of people that did it, didn't use the promo code. If you can't even do that, I mean- Listen, here's the reality. I'm just putting you on anyway. I don't even know if my ad department knows how the promo code worked. Listen, I'm going to put you on if you sent me a screenshot that you did something. You're going to be on the show. I don't have the fucking time to advertise who's lying, not to advertise, to do an investigation and pull it up and see who's fucking around and who just took a picture of Wix or what. Listen, we get to you. We get to you. We're going to do that episode. It's coming up soon. I would imagine we're going to record it next week.

I'm going to put it up on my Instagram story or on Twitter. And then after we've done the episode two weeks later, somebody's going to mess with me and go, remember, here's the way. Well, pay attention, fuckers. Pay attention. We're doing it once and only once. You guys are going to, I swear to God, at 45 seconds, you're going to have nothing. I swear to God, you're going to have fucking nothing. And it's 90 seconds to pitch, pitch what you're doing. You think that was a joke? If you're copying me, you know what I say? Thank you. Wait, what? You think that was a joke? You didn't read the article. What are you talking about? The thing that I just ranted about for 17 minutes now, if I don't know if it's serious or not. Oh, the gay thing? No. What gay thing did I

even talk about? About the comic in the article who said... It's not me doing gay. What are you talking about? I don't know. The thing when the comic goes, when people copy me, you know what I say? Thank you. Oh, oh, oh. I thought you were talking about the gay comment. I don't know. You have to tell me who said that off mic and I could have some more context. I don't. I think it was serious. I'm just saying... It sounds like I've heard comics say crazier things than that. And this is a talented person, but it's just crazy. It's wild. Comics that say I've changed comedy. I've said stuff, not stuff like that, but I've said stupid stuff where I've just tried to be funny and it came off weird and people are like, what are you doing? So, you know, I respect everybody.

And if you listen to this show, you know nothing could be further from the truth than what I just said. When I just said that when I came out of my mouth, I just said I respect everybody. Nothing. I've never been anything less than that. Yeah. So you see how easily I just said it? I respect everyone. Everyone's great. I don't mean a word of that. I don't mean a pause. I don't mean any of that. There's not one word of that that I mean. But we are where we are. Yeah. A comic asked you last night, how do you post on Instagram with like such confidence? Yeah. How do you post the stories? And you said, you said, I look at these people like animals. I have contempt for all the people. So we just do

what we do. And if you like it, you like it. That's it. Except you. You know who you are. Who's ever listening to this? You, you are not what I'm talking about. Everyone else, them. You are a gift from God. You're designed by Jesus Christ. You're the only fan I want and the only one I need. Everyone else is a flaming pile of dog shit who I want to see dismembered on television. I don't have television, but on a streaming service or social media or something that's fucking relevant. Tim dillacomedy.com. Goodbye.