The Tim Dillon Show - 156: 156 - Some Of Our Faves

Episode Date: July 14, 2019

Live from the porch once again! Tim rants about Epstein, thot comics, and sings some tunes for the fans. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

And now Tim Dillon is going to hell! But there's still our faves! Our faves! Nancy Pelosi's like, some of your faves will be implicated. No, you should support those batches. Let's the other way. Stop it. Bad God.

Is it okay? Do I sound okay? Okay. Are we on? We're in. We're live, everybody. Funniest quote so far about the Jeffrey Epstein thing was, who was it?

It was Pelosi's daughter. No, Pelosi said some of our faves will be implicated. That was Pelosi or her daughter? Oh, well, okay. I think it was her daughter. Was it her daughter? That's still like, you know, you're related. It's a little bit more understandable.

Yeah, you're right. Christine. Christine, she's like a documentary filmmaker. Yeah. It's quite likely that some of our faves are implicated in the horrific trafficking. Some of our faves are going to be implicated in the horrific child rape and torture.

These are some of our faves. Listen. Yeah, there's like, should be like an emoji in that statement. Yeah. Don't listen. Yas. Yas queen. Okay.

So here's the deal. They were tied up. Some of our faves are participating in human trafficking that we know, but there's still our faves. They're still like our faves. Don't forget the good times, like the fun times that we had with them. The SNL skits about them.

Yeah. They were just fun. These are our faves. These are like the people that we grew up with. Okay. So like, don't. Yeah. It's like a Gilmore girls reunion.

Yeah. Some of our faves are back. Lorela says down, she's like, Rory. Some of your, some of our faves are raping and torturing children, but don't forget that time that we all went to the Christmas tree lighting together. That still means something Rory. Rory, that still means something.

Nobody's just any one thing. Someone could be just a fun, great person and also the torturer of children. Yeah. Innocent children. But they're like, Trump was there. Kill him. Right.

Kill Trump. Trump was, Trump was at a cocktail party. Kill him. I read a long time ago that Trump was like around the Epstein ship, but he like told people to get the, like, like, get the fuck away from the young girl. Like Trump kicked him out of Mar-a-Lago because people were complaining that Epstein was hitting on like young girls at

the pool. I think one of the members of Mar-a-Lago was like, we can't have this. Yeah. And I think Trump, you know, to his credit was like, okay, right. This is fucking up my business now. This man sleeping with children has now started to fuck

up my bottom line. Yeah. So let's get him out of here. You know, I think I'm pretty sure. I read that. Yeah. No, I don't know. I mean, sounds like him.

Here's my concern, folks. My concern is for the Clintons. I just don't want Bill and Hillary Clinton to be ensnared in an episode in a drama. Yeah. They had nothing to do with this. It doesn't matter. I just want them to ride off into the sunset unscathed.

I just want them to win again. I want Hillary to get into the Democratic primary, win again, build a part in Epstein, and then no one cares. Everyone's like, yes, Quinn. And they all get on Epstein's jet and just fly off. Yeah. And I want, because I'm an American. Yeah.

And I want Bill Clinton put out a statement today from his publicist because this is what innocent people do. This is what in, I am having my manager draft a statement right now. Yeah. That says I have no clue. I can imagine my manager. Listen, he only flies.

Very shitty airlines. He books last minute. It's skip lag. It's a scam. He gets off at the connecting city. He's usually in a middle seat. People complain about it. They don't like him.

It's not good. But let's get the, get the statement up. It's great. Fox news because I thought that they would, you know, be the best. They have something texted to me. My friend texted me the statement about 15 people have texted me Clinton's statement, by the way.

Bill Clinton knows nothing. This is reunited. You don't understand how many friendships that this is reinvigorated Epstein getting caught for child trafficking. So many people that haven't spoken. It's so long like, man, what are you up to? How have you been? I'm like, good man.

I'm like, are you engaged? It looks like you're engaged. Like, yeah, man. It's bringing us all together. It's bringing us all together. It's fucking, that's what it should do. It's a silver lining. Yeah.

Some good should come of this. Something good should come of this. Okay. So here's Clinton's statement. This is, um, his statement that was made through his spokesman. President Clinton knows nothing about the terrible crimes Jeffrey Epstein pleaded guilty to in Florida some years ago.

Or those immediately or those which with which he has been recently charged in New York in 20, 2002 and 2003. President Clinton took a total of four trips on Jeffrey Epstein's airplane, which I don't think is true. One to Europe, one to Asia, two to Africa, which included stops in connection with the work of the Clinton Foundation. Which I mean, come on. The fuck, what are they doing?

You know, we're all supposed to ignore that the guy was done to pedophiles playing four times. Oh no, he was doing work with the Clinton Foundation. Is there no other plane that goes to Africa or Asia? Was it the only plane? Yeah. I mean, it's called the Lolita Express. Staff supporters of the foundation and his secret service detail

traveled on every leg of the trip. They're also fucking kids. Probably. That's probably why they got the job guarding Clinton. Yeah. They're like, you want to do some parties? Guard Clinton. Yeah.

Yeah. Right. Yeah, you got 12 year olds, 13 year olds pushing the car. Serving cocktails. Serving cocktails. And then pulling their pants out. He had one meeting with Epstein in his Harlem office in 2002. Okay.

Why? Again, this is more questions than, okay, what are you talking about? And around the same time made one brief visit to Epstein's New York apartment with a staff member and his security detail. He's not spoken to Epstein well over a decade and has never been to Little St. James Island. Epstein's ranching in Mexico or his residence in Florida. I want everyone to realize what's happening.

You have an ex-president of the United States through his spokesman saying that he has never been to the pedophile island. I don't know. This is wild. Yeah. Yeah. This is fucking wild. Yeah.

You have an ex-president going, I was never to... Who's advising him to put out a statement? Yeah. I don't know, but it's not what you do when you're completely innocent. Yeah. I'll tell you that much. It doesn't feel like an innocent... My father doesn't have a statement ready to go on this.

Yeah. You know? I love that. He's never been to the island where they were fucking the kids. I mean, he's got to clarify that. Yeah. He's like, no, I stayed downstairs. Bill's only been on the thing four times because they were doing work

with the Clinton Foundation. Good, wholesome Clinton Foundation work. Okay? Yes, he was on the plane. Yes, Epstein was on the plane. Yes, they were fucking kids, but not Bill. Bill needed a... He needed a ride to Asia for the Clinton Foundation.

So he just went on the plane and he, you know, took his Xanax and fell right out. He didn't wake up with some 13 year old's pussy in his mouth. Not at all. Not at all. And don't think it. You know, can we address the Billie Eilish thing? Yeah. Yeah.

I had no idea that that was offensive. It wasn't. Yeah. I don't think it was. It wasn't. Can you summarize what we said about Billie Eilish and then there were some reactions? She's an MK ultra victim. Right.

And then she looks like she's being forced to go up there and dance and looks like... I made a joke. You know, involved in Satanism. Funny things. I made a joke. Jokes. That Harvey... That involved the premise that Harvey Watson was a rapist.

Right. Sorry. I apologize. You're right. He's not been convicted in a court of law. So you're absolutely right about that. It was irresponsible of me to insinuate based on my best knowledge that old Harvey took advantage of people in the entertainment industry, specifically women.

And I made a joke. Maybe it was a tasteless joke, but that's what I do. That's what we do. Have they seen any of the other clips? And the joke was that this girl, who I did not know was a minor. I didn't know she was minor. Yeah. I didn't know either.

I didn't know what she was. She could have been 24. She could have been 34. I didn't... I didn't... She was bleeding out of her eyes in the video. I didn't think she was a minor. She's doing songs about fucking people's dads.

I didn't think she was a... Shirley Temple. I apologize for not thinking that she was fucking Shirley Temple. She's bleeding out of her eyes in a video and saying, I'm the bad guy. I'm the bad guy. Come get me. So I said... She looked like somebody who kept...

Once he kept in a cage and raped for 10 years, we put the clip up on it. And then at the end, I said, I'm Billy Rape me or whatever. I should have worded it maybe differently because it wasn't as funny because the wine scene was funnier. And then the rule is the tags always have to be funnier than the... Right. And then people get angry. People are Instagram.

Well, Instagram took it off. And then people in the comments were defending Instagram because people like, she's a minor and you don't know. See, again, if you just abduct and rape minors, you get away with that for decades. But that was up. If you make a joke about a horrible world that we live in, it's down within 24 hours. Right. So people were defending Instagram like, well, I knew this was going to be taken down as

soon as it went up because she's a minor and that was... I'm defending the big faceless corporation. Isn't Instagram on by Facebook? Aren't there people on Facebook live streaming their suicides? Aren't people checking out? Didn't the Christchurch shooter... What did he do on Facebook? Didn't he live stream a shooting on Facebook?

The Christchurch shooter. Okay. Yeah. He live streamed a terrorist attack on your platform. He was 18 and older. Right. He was an adult. I'm sorry.

Sorry for my quip. Sorry for my quip about a multi-millionaire. Go back to live streaming mass death. It also kind of makes Instagram seem pro-wine-stayed, like you're trying to, you know, make a joke about her. They are! They are! I don't know who these people are at the gram.

The fuck works at the gram? These people think the only people to get respect are fucking, you know, these people. We're in the era of thought comedy now. Post yourself, you bitch. Yeah. We're in an era of thought comedy. Duck face, empty-headed retards, making faces, and it's come fuck me comedy. Yeah.

That's what people do. Don't you want to maybe fuck me? Come see my show and listen, it is what it is. People make money the way they make money, but that's where we are now. It's thought comedy. People want to talk about people posting real thirst trap photos of themselves because I'm a comedian. I'm funny.

Come get it. You know? That's what they're doing and it is what it is, but that's what Instagram would love everything to be. Just duck face, thoughts. Just full of bimbos, just full of people, fitness trainers. Here's how to make a turkey burger. You want to make a turkey burger?

I was, I'll tell you right now. I was in an Uber today with a guy who had to be 700 pounds. At a certain point, Uber has to say no. Yeah. He looked like Israel Comic-A-We-Wolf. His fat had spilled from the driver's seat into the back seat. I was sitting with another person. I thought I took a pool, but it was the rest of him in the back and I'm not in shape.

I get it, but this was too much. I'm going to lose weight because fat now is this proud identity that I don't want to be a part of. That's why I have to lose weight. I don't want to be part of the fat movement. It's becoming cool. It's becoming the thing. It's like a cool band and you knew them before.

I'm not even ashamed to be on a beach. I should be. I'm not even ashamed. I'm just walking around like, yes, bitch, because that's what it's about now. So I got to scale it down. I just, I hope and pray. You know, maybe I'll become a thought comic. I'll just start posting selfies like this, like, hey, hey, hey, my clip is coming, ready?

You ready for my comedy clip? Like, yeah, you know what? We're in the era. You know, I had somebody over the other day and I go, just accept that this is done. That the world we're living in is kind of over. Yeah. We're at the end of humanity. We're in the world.

Hopefully going to the post human era where this phone will be in your fucking body within 10 years and we're done. We ran a race. It was great, but people don't, you know, I don't want to be too dark. I don't want to be that guy that depresses everybody. No, you're never that guy. You know, but I just want to let people know that it's all here, folks. We have an ex-president going, I was never on the pedophile island.

Can you imagine? I was never on, hey, hey, hey, I was not on the pedophile island. What? It feels like something in the realm of what Trump would say. Like, you know, like Trump would actually address it just because he like just says anything. Clinton is kind of, I said it on Twitter, this ends with Alex Johns getting the Medal of Freedom and we're going to find out that he was right about Sandy Hook.

We're going to find, that's next, by the way. I can see it happening. That's next. We find out there never was a Sandy Hook. That's coming. And that will not be the Instagram clip. That will not be the Instagram clip. The Instagram clip is just going to be me talking about how to make a turkey burger.

It's just a lean meat, brown rice, put it in a bowl. Have you ever watched the Instagram fitness people? They're all hot. Yeah. They're all great looking. Yeah. They all just take pictures of themselves all day. These fucking models.

I follow a few of them. Yep. They just sit there putting their tits in front of French toast. I always comment like one kid, they all, they all wrap it up with like positivity. It's always like one kid was like your face, like you should smile and because your face lets, I'll show you exactly what this, what happened because I commented and I will continue by the way. I just want some interaction and none of these fuckers give me the interaction that I want.

But is your uncle Stan, who I love on social media at all? No. No. Who is uncle Stan? Because this guy, I have to meet this guy. He's my gay 83 year old unofficial uncle who just kind of like became friends with my mom, which was pregnant with me and just forced his way into my life and called himself my uncle.

And I would spend summers in his antique shop and he'd take me to plays and. And he's been banned from. He's been banned from tons of restaurants. He's just super sassy and mean and hates women and just talks to anybody about their sex life. I have to meet this fucking guy. It would be amazing. This is the guy that I have to meet because this guy seems like a guy that, you know,

you might be, you know, aging into him. Yeah. He's gonna age into him if I'm lucky. Why does he get banned from all these restaurants? He just, he speaks like, he thinks he's half Mexican, but he just looks like Jack Nicholson. But he thinks like it comes, like it comes across to people that he's like Hispanic and he'll speak really bad Spanish to people and say horrible things. Like, you know, oh, your boyfriend's probably fucking some other girl right now.

I mean, look at you. You're not even good looking. Like he's crazy. Does he say that in a restaurant? Yeah. In a restaurant. God bless this fucking guy. He's in a grocery store and he'll be, he'll be talking to the guy checking him out.

Like, how's your sex life? Juan, do you fuck good? And he'll like gesture like a fuck gesture. Oh, you're fucking. You're fucking good. Juan. He'll be racist. They just, I don't know.

Please just. Because he wants to fuck. Juan. Yes. Y'all do shit like that. He wants to fuck everybody. Yeah. He'll be really racist to hosts at restaurants that don't seat him quick.

Like he'll be like, I'm a diabetic cocksucker. You better seat me. I'll call the better business bureau on you. He's always threatening to call the better business bureau. He'll say that he's, he'll, he'll ask them what their ethnicity is and be like, where are you from? And they'll be like El Salvador and he'll be like, oh, they're El Salvadorians. They're all users.

It just gets super racist. Dude, we're going to get a shirt that says, I'm a diabetic cocksucker. That's coming. So if you're into the merch, I'm a diabetic cocksucker is coming. I've got to make it. People that don't start trouble in restaurants, I can't understand them. I don't even want to be near somebody who's not been in an altercation in a restaurant. They're not my people at all.

My mother was like that. My mother, God lover, she is in an institution, but my mother, we used to go out to dinner every meal cause she didn't cook and they didn't know how to manage their money. They just thought you went out to eat. That's what trash people think you do when you have money. Okay. Like I remember one chick that I went to school with real trash pick and she would go out to like Fridays all the time.

This was like a few years, maybe after college, somebody commented, oh, you go out to eat a lot and she just goes, yeah, it's part of my lifestyle. And that's what trash people think and that's the way I've lived my life. When you're trash, you think going out to a restaurant is because literally the only people who can't do it are homeless people. So you're above them. You're like above the homeless and that's where, you know, you're like, look at me. My mother used to go out and she would order the special and she would always order it.

Like it'd be a fish special and she'd be like, let's get it without the sauce and without any of the vets. Like I just want the fish on the plate with butter, which already chefs don't like. And she'd go, I like some french fries lightly cooked. And then the french fries would come and they wouldn't really be lightly cooked. My mother would call the waitress over and these people know her. So they all have PTSD and my mother would go, hey, let me ask you a question. Do these french fries look lightly cooked to you?

Do they do they look like it would be great to be like a question and answer. She never just got to the complaint. It was she turned it into a courtroom. Let me ask you a question. Do these french fries to you? Maybe I'm wrong. Do they look lightly cooked? And then the waitress would go, I guess not that not that lightly cooks.

My mother would go, right. Let me ask you another question. If the chef back there can't figure out how to make french fries, do you think he's in the right line of work? So now my mother's letter into this. And the lady's like, I don't know. And then one I swear to God, one time the lady said to my mother, he's had a really rough time.

I think his wife is sick. It's really tough. I think his wife is cancer. And my mother just looks at her and goes, well, I assume the meal is free. Oh, that's great. And that those are the people I want to be around. Yeah, I want to be around people that get so angry in a restaurant. They start to look like they're going to get physically violent.

Yeah, that's what I want. Like that five easy pieces scene. Yeah, that kind of like broke the barrier for treating waiters like pieces of shit. Well, here's the thing with waiters. And I don't mean this in a derogatory way. Waiters often are pieces of shit. Yeah, that's not not always. But in some cases, waiters and waitresses

should be tortured. Because. And I know that there's a lot of them that are going to email and tweet and call. Like, yeah, I understand. It's so hard. Yeah. Well, then get another job, OK? This is my only happiness. Did you go to swingers again?

I did. Let me tell you right now, the same lady there. No, she was probably home. God only knows doing God only knows what trying to make her dreams come true. By the way, the waitresses and swingers all look like 13 year old Epstein. Like chicks that were kicked off the plane before they took off. It looks like Epstein lined them up with no, no, no. You go serve homicide in West Hollywood.

You're out. You're out. It's a pedophile dodgeball game. It's what it looks like. It's children. Yeah. In fucking swingers. Dumb diner.

The problem with West Coast diners is you don't have. You need diner people. I'm a diner person. Yeah. West Coast people is like cool people in the diner. You don't want cool people in a diner. Right. You want people that are like, that's their home.

That's their home. My mother acted. My mother would sit for hours in a diner because she didn't want to come home to her loveless marriage. So that's her home. And you better treat her like that. You better bring that stuff flounder. Yeah.

And it better be exactly what she wanted. And if not, waitresses would sit in the booth and talk to my mother, you know? But I mean, swingers, it's just these people that are like, have you made a decision? Yeah. I've made a decision. I've made a decision to shoot up this restaurant. I don't know. I'm doing like an impression of a diner, you know, like those fake fifties diners, shit

like that. Yeah. That's fake. Mel's. It's like, this isn't a diner. Yeah. Norms and Mel's. Yeah.

That's what eating French toast was like during segregation enough, enough with you fucking larping in the fucking lives of fifties diner waitresses that were fucking competent, by the way, because if they weren't, they got a boot to the face from Epstein to diners. These are all problems. These are all issues. Had a file called the death of the diner. Yeah. Problems.

I want to talk about this too, because I did just stand at Marriott Courtyard and the Marriott at one time was one of my favorite hotels. Can someone shut that dog up? Emma, stop. Emma, enough. What are you nervous to? Were you on the plane? I stayed in the Marriott Courtyard.

What is your favorite hotel chain? I like Coliteon when I've been there, like the Sweets or whatever. The Sweets. I don't know. The Express Sweets. I haven't been to many hotels. The Express Sweets. I don't get out much.

I don't, you know. The Express Sweets. You like to get in and out. I went to one in Oklahoma. They had a big continental breakfast. A lot of fat people. It was nice. I liked being around it.

The Marriott used to be the gold standard for hotels in this fucking country, because they were Mormon. Mormons are clean, disciplined people. They have irrational beliefs, but who cares? They don't drink. They don't smoke. They keep it clean. They keep it efficient.

They keep it moving. They had a great hotel. The Marriott. They had a Marriott nice breakfast buffet. My mother used to take me to the breakfast buffet. It was a nice thing that we did on Sundays. Now somebody has convinced Marriott. Marriott's bought like every hotel.

They own like 35 million hotel chains now. Someone has now convinced Marriott, instead of having a real restaurant in the hotel and room service, they now have something called Bistro to Go. Bistro to Go is like a partner with Starbucks. It's a glorified Starbucks where you can get food that's preheated in a bag and put in a box, a cardboard box, and delivered to your room like you're in one of those detention centers on the border. That's what you feel like when you get it.

I just don't know what happened. I don't know what happened. These new modern hotels that want to make everything modern, that's not what you want in a hotel. That's what you want in an apartment. I want a nice, warm, homey feeling. I want a real restaurant. I want a nice buffet.

I want an angry Asian chef making omelets who's a woman who's very efficient and very angry. That's who I want. I don't want a glorified fucking Starbucks. I don't want to eat out of a fucking box, okay? Our hotel's not doing room service anymore, really, or is it's turning into an Amazon Prime delivery of some shit? I went to a hotel once.

I ordered room service, and then they said, okay, it's at the front desk. You can pick it up. And I said, no, no, no, no, no. It is room service. On the phone, it says room service, doesn't say desk service. It says you bring it to my room. If I was going to leave my room, I'll just leave the property. The food isn't good.

I'm paying a huge premium for mediocre shit that I'm going to eat in my room while I watch YouTube or whatever else. They go, no, it's at the desk. I said, the hell it is. Please bring it up. And they said, it's at the desk. And I screamed as loud as I could into the phone. I am a paraplegic.

I am a fucking paraplegic. And there was silence. And then guess what? Knock on the door with my food. And I don't know if even the room service person knew that I was a paraplegic, but they probably did. They were probably like, you've got to bring this up to this. So I opened the door, and they saw me, and they looked at my legs, and I just looked

at them. I grabbed the food, and I went, I'm cured. And I shut the door. That's all. We're not fucking around anymore. We're not fucking around anymore. We're demanding service at the Marriott Courtyard. We're demanding service.

We're demanding the conviction of child rapists. And we're demanding service at the Marriott Courtyard. We're not going to fuck around. It's not a class issue. It's an issue of service. It's an issue of pride. Take pride in your job. I have a lot of pride in my job.

I say great things about comedy and comedians all the time. C, three letters, folks. What do you think they are? You think it's ABC? What do you think the three letters are? CIA, FBI, NSA, DEA, and the like. What do the three letters are? CIA, FBI, NSA, DEA, ATF, no.

Are they all listening to the show? Probably. What are the three letters? You know what the three letters are. The three letter agencies. What's going to be the next big agency? We know about the CIA or the NSA. You know what the next big agency is going to be?

The CBD. And they're going to be chill as fuck. You know? Yeah, I went to a Marriott courtyard on this road trip. And they didn't even have free coffee in the lobby. They like have a Starbucks and you think it's free, but then it's just the Starbucks. Starbucks has invaded everything.

Everything was a Starbucks. There's ERs now with a Starbucks in them. Don't get a frappuccino while you wait for surgery. Yeah. Maybe we don't need everything to be a... This country's a big fucking Starbucks. Soon as Starbucks starts selling guns, there'll be no reason to go anywhere else in this country.

Yeah. The drive-thrus are everywhere too. I can't wait for the Epstein trial when they start to shame the victims. You know that's coming. Yeah. You know some defense attorneys going to be like, okay, I guess it's time to hear from these hoes. Maybe some of these hoes can get up on...

They're going to tell us some story. Be one of the girls. Okay. Hello. Your name? Your name? State your name for the record? Jessica.

Hi, Jessica. Are you aware of the defendant? You know the defendant? Yes. You do, huh? Yeah. You know Jeff? Yeah, I do.

Can you point him out? Right there. Yeah. Pointing right there. He gave you ride on his plane? He did. Oh, he did, huh? Yes.

Did you pay for that ride? I did not. So there's a free ride on his plane? I guess. So you just ride on the plane, Jessica, huh? Yeah. Do you know how much fuel costs on a 737? I do not.

You have no idea? No. So you just waltz right on the plane? Did anybody force you to get on the plane? I don't think so. No. So you just got on the plane and you took a trip? He said we were just taking a trip.

Yeah, vacation. And you went to a private island? Yes. Yeah. So let me get this straight. You took a free trip to a private island? Okay. On my client's dime, and the only thing you had to do was suck Alan Dershowitz's old

cock. Have you ever sat in middle seat on a Spirit Airlines flight, Jess? I had. Do you know how many cocks I'd put in my mouth to never do that? Did you have your own seat on the plane, Jessica? Oh, you did, huh? Yeah. You had your own seat.

You had your own room on the plane, didn't you? You had a bed. Yeah. Oh, you had a bed. I was tied up, but yeah. Okay. Because of turbulence. Because of turbulence.

I didn't think of it that way. And all you had to do was take a few loads from the leader of the free world, Rhodes Scholar. Do you know how good the economy was when President Clinton was in Jessica? Do you have any idea? I was very young. I don't. Right.

So the mastermind of one of the greatest boom times ever wanted to empty a few loads on your tummy in a private jet, and suddenly the world owes you something. I, I, I, bitch, are you serious right now? Look at this jury of poor people. Are you serious? They've never been to an island. They went to sandals once. I like how Tiffany Haddish is the lawyer.

You know, she will be in the movie, bitch, but you know, that's going to go down. Yeah. Yeah. It'll be like, you know, reverse Kavanaugh. These are all so fun, but none of them can ever go on social media. You got to listen to the podcast, folks. You got to listen because we cannot take the chance of putting these things up because they're coming for us.

We were on a list. We've been shadow banned. Somebody who follows me goes, I look you up. You're sixth. And I follow you. You come up like six. Shadow banned. Hmm.

I wonder if don't get nervous. I know you're an industry guy. Devon's got a lot of industry friends. Make him nervous. Oh, you sit next to Tim Dillon. He's going off. Are you ever uncomfortable on the show with what I say? Never. No, honestly, I've given up.

I don't, that's the thing. I don't care at all. Wait a minute. Hold on. You don't want to be on a game show on true TV. That's not your goal. I mean, I'm missing out on writing for a Snapchat comedy series that requires a password and a IP address to walk.

Me and Bennett are meeting today. We walk into guys like, he goes, you know, we can't really put this on like NBC. I go, yeah. He goes, no. He goes, maybe Comedy Central and TBS. Talking about the desk videos. I'm like, yeah, I don't even think they're really, but who knows?

Let it happen. Unless they completely change the format of their channels and like what they believe in. I don't, I don't see it happening. I mean, but Frank TV, it's so funny how incredibly scared we are of speech and jokes and how we don't give a fuck about people's actions. Don't really care about people's actions.

We don't give a shit about that. We care about what you say, you know? There's videos on Instagram of people punching kids, I'm sure, and they have so many views that they're not going to take them off. I mean, all those Instagram fitness people, like these hot dudes that I follow, I comment all the time. They're like, your face is so important. Always try to smile because that, you know, that's, that shows

the world how you feel inside. And I'll be like, I'll just comment. Like, what if a bear ate your face? How do I smile then? I was mauled by a bear. I don't have a face. I used to drink at a bar called the helm. There was a guy, Lou.

He had no nose, which is the hole in the middle of his face. We called him Louie, no nose. And you know what? No matter how happy he was or how much he grinned, the world was very troubled by the way he presented. I don't, I think he sniffed so much cocaine, he lost his nose. I don't know. Sometimes I just want to be that hot guy who just takes pictures

on the beach in Malibu and just puts dumb quotes up, you know? Live, love, laugh. Yeah. You know, believe in yourself. Forget about the drama. You don't need the drama. Be yourself. Don't let anybody tell you that you're less than.

No, let everyone tell you you're less than. You're less than. You are less than. There are people that are more than and by definition, you're less. But that's the thing. You send all these people into the world thinking they're beautiful, thinking they're intelligent and they're informed. And they're 450 pounds and they go into the world and they've learned

everything off a Twitter thread and they open a dumb mouth. I'm sitting at dinners with some people who open their mouth and they just start talking and they don't know what they're saying. And I'm like, shut up. Go back into a cave, learn and then come out again. All these people are hopping on the Epstein train. Where were you guys? Right.

Where the fuck were you? When I was talking about this, Mullen was talking about. Lewis Gomez, not really, but sometimes. You know, Lewis, Jeffrey was a dentist. He was trying to get free shit from doesn't matter. Doesn't matter. What matters is we were there. All these people that are now jumping on the train, like they know what

the fuck's going on. Yeah, super convenient to know. I can't wait till how we end. We'll end this somehow and make Jeffrey Epstein a hero. I don't know how we're going to do it. We'll make him a hero. Yeah, he looks like he could be good. I want to hear from him.

He hasn't spoken. Yeah, I do want to hear him talk. I want to hear from him. Yeah. I want to hear. I want to hear what he's got to say. Maybe he'll do like a Gale King interview like our Kelly did. Yeah, Gale King just sits there.

She's always talking to rapists. Yeah, like her favorite thing to do every morning. Gale King's trying to get raped. That's why Gale King's like, can you show me exactly how you did it? Can somebody fuck me? How would you hold them down? Why don't you just cut off my airflow? Just can I ask you a question, Jeffrey?

Can you choke me? Would you mind cutting off my airflow with your big bare hand? Just so I could experience what the girls experienced. And I will then make a decision if this is rape or not. Just put your hand on my neck. No, I see the film guys getting nervous. No, no, no. He's going to choke me.

He's going to choke me now. What names are going to come up? What would shock you? You know, Woody Allen's going to probably come up. Maybe. I feel like he's more of a lone. Like he did that on his own. He's like, well, he was friends with Epstein.

They lived around the block from each other. I want to know if it's really the Chris Tucker, because Molly was saying it's not. It's another Chris Tucker. That's actually I like that. I don't want Chris Tucker involved, you know? I want people I hate implicated. I have a whole list of people that I want implicated.

Can you say who they are? No, well, maybe. But there's a whole list of people that I don't feel like have done me right, that I want implicated. I want them to have to explain why they were at the island. Got to explain it. Some people are going to have to explain that.

It's going to be hilarious. People are going to be like, you know, I knew Jeffrey, but I didn't really know him. And he's like, hey, I got an island. I like the water. So I was like, I want to get to a vacation. There was a lot of kids around. And I didn't pay attention to it.

I didn't know what was going on. Then there was this weird temple where the kids would massage us all. But I thought it was for UNICEF. Like, I thought this was some type of fundraiser. I thought it was like for the Red Cross. I don't know. Yeah.

And then afterwards, we'd hunt these children. We would get in groups of three. And we put numbers on the children and then hunt them. And this was all part of the Boys and Girls Club. That's what they said. This is we sponsor children. So in order to see which child we sponsor, we had to hunt them and then shoot them with a dart gun.

Again, that is what it was for the Boys and Girls Club. A lot of people are like, oh, you're making fun of this. Yep, we're making fun of it because we're living in hell. We're making fun of hell. And all of these people should go to jail and be killed. Don't fucking email me and tweet at me and be like, you're making a lot of it. Put them in jail.

Put Bill Clinton in jail. You know? These people are, if they're doing, and we know they are doing that, there's zero fucking chance that Bill Clinton was not fucking underage chicks on that planet. There's no chance. Nobody believes that, not even Hillary.

You know they were both tweeting about soccer the other day? How proud they were of the soccer team. Yeah, that's what they're talking about. That's what you were focused on, soccer. You know, Hillary was like, I mean, the people close to them, that's a dark job. They're handlers, they're assistants. They know there's blood in the water.

They fucking know, man. And they got to come out with these dumb fucking statements. Bill was never on the island. These people got it and they sleep very well. They all sleep great. And they're aiding and abetting some of the worst crimes, unimaginable crimes. And because these are crime families,

the Clintons, the Bushes, they are crime family. And the Trumps, to a degree, are crime. This is criminal activity. I don't know what Donald Trump was involved in or what he wasn't involved in. But I do know a lot of the shit he's done with his real estate connections. He's been involved with very shady characters.

You know, these are people that get to where they get because they commit crimes and they get away with it. And I know that's hard for people to believe because they like, in their head, they believe that these people are talented. Bill Clinton's a brilliant politician, you know? Trump's talented, they have talents, but they're also criminals.

And many of them are child rapists and murderers. So, you know, you can be a lot of things. You don't have to be any one thing, but people got to open their mind a little bit. Do you think, like, this opens up a conversation about who these people are? Because that is what I'd really like to see happen. And I don't think it will.

No, I don't think it will. I think we'll move past it. Because it's, I don't know. I just feel like people are, it's too heavy. It's like too much. It's too much, dude. Do you think there will be any kids that we find out like 10, 11, like kid kids?

Yeah, gonna be bad. When that comes out, that's gonna get fucking really, really scary if you're just not. So, you're okay with the 13, fair enough. No, yeah, totally. It's fair. What I, you know, when Russ Baker wrote that book, Family of Secrets, and I read it,

and he described the process of writing it, and he said to me, and Ray Komp, the great Ray Komp, he said, when I started to really understand who these people are and how they operated, the book and the process of writing it had the profundity of theology, meaning it was so profound, it was a religious experience. I started to understand things that I never made

any sense to me, that started to make sense. All of these questions that I had about why things operated a certain way, they started to become more clear. As I understood who these people were, and also as I understood all the influences and the pressures that were exerted on them, how some of them had been blackmailed, some of them owed their political career

to, you know, a certain billionaire, a certain power broker, that these people had been party to criminal acts that were then covered up, and the people that facilitated that cover-up were able to use that and leverage power and pull strings. And he goes, once you start seeing how all of that happens, it's clear to you that that dumb, remember School of Rock, it's like how Bill becomes a law.

I'm just a Bill sitting here on Capitol Hill. And you read that, I mean, you watch that, and you're like, oh, that's what happens. The House legislation originates there, goes to the Senate, then it goes to the President. That's not really it. That's a very positive way of looking at how things get done. You know, have you seen that?

I'm just a Bill. Yeah, yeah, back in the day. Everybody has seen that. That's not what it is. No, it's not what it is. It's like, I'm just a Bill. I was sponsored by a Senator. He fucked a kid in a hotel in Washington.

There was a camera there, and someone sent that photo to him. And now he said, we need a war. We're gonna have a war. And they said, you're gonna have three more wars. He said, okay, don't tell them I fucked a kid. And I'm just a Bill. I was written with blood.

I'm just a Bill. I was written with blood. I go to the House, then the Senate floor. There were cameras at that party. They saw you fucked that whore. And I'm just a Bill. And it's like, that's what it really is. We killed a Kennedy.

We put Mike Michael Hacings, went to a tree. I'm just a Bill. Don't look at me. I'm just a Bill. We had a debate. It was about rape. That's a chopped and screwed version. It's a chopped and screwed version.

You know, that's great. That's what it really is. Yeah. It's not the fucking people having, you know. Well, I think. You know who I really want to be on this plane? A Casio Cortez. I want a Casio Cortez to come out and go,

yeah, I fucked those old white bitches. I fucked them and I don't feel bad about it. I fucked them and I stole their wallets and I took that cash and I gave it to the poor, the Bronx. I want to have a moment with her like how she does. It was like three to five minute clips where she just gets out and you know, the phones are on her and she's like, we're about to go viral, bitches.

She's like, yeah, I fucked Epstein. He's they said he has a weird little dick, like an egg shaped penis, a tiny egg shaped penis. Oh, and I want her to be like, I put that old egg in my fucking mouth. I knew exactly what I was doing. That billionaire fuck. I went in there, I fucked them all.

Alan Dershowitz ate my ass. And you know, as he was eating my ass, you know what I was doing? I was reading Marx and getting ready for the war. I used my sexuality as a weapon against those old fucks. I infiltrated that island. That would be great. It would be great.

It would be wonderful. Do you see that video of her being confused about what a garbage disposal is? She was pretending she didn't know what a garbage disposal. No, but I mean, she's, you know, she's somebody who I thought was going to be president. Now the more I see her, I'm like, you were going to be... Yeah, she needs to stop talking as much.

She might be on a reality show in a few years, but that might be the president. That is the presidency. Right. I want, there's going to be one girl that comes out and is pro Epstein, like one of the kids that he fucked. Yeah. He's going to come out, he has like Stockholm syndrome

and one girl's going to come out and be like, they were nice to us. There was always breakfasts. You bitches are crazy. Jeff, on the other side of this, remember me. I'm not selling you out like the rest of these stank ass hoes. I'm with you, Jeff.

Does he have kids? Does Epstein have kids? It's got to be a fun date, huh? Well, my dad's actually in the news right now. Daddy. Bill was not on the island. Bill barely knows Jeff. He was on his plane four times.

He had a small meeting in Harlem, 2002. What was that meeting about? Farm subsidies? Is that what they were discussing? In Clinton's office in Harlem? Was that what it was? Talking about trade? I wonder if Epstein has kids.

He has kids in another way. That's true. He has another type of kids. It's a bad Google search right now. Jeffrey Epstein. Pretty confusing Google search. We don't need to get shut down here. Apple podcast pulls us off.

What are you doing? That'll happen. In 20 years, you'll have a pro pedophile podcast. Yeah, absolutely. Yeah. Absolutely. Pro pedophile podcast. Oh, it's coming.

Okay. Good. How long have we done? 48. Yeah, it would be great if we've found out some like people we were just completely shocked by were on that plane, you know? I don't want to talk about this anymore,

like the fucking of the kids, but we can't stop. I've tried to stop for two years. It's every news story. This is so exciting. But every news story is this. Yeah. And then you get mad at some of the conspiracy people because you're like, everything's not,

everyone's a pedophile. And then you turn on the news and you're like, well, I guess, actually. Actually. Actually, actually, maybe you guys are right. Who's, who's that? It's just a random voice. But I, I wonder, thank God we have comedy.

Comedy will save us. Don't you think? Don't you think stand up comedy will save us? Don't you think all we really need to undo the power of the pedocracy is a good, a good old bit? Mm hmm. Just the perfect bit. Yeah.

I remember these idiots when Louis, the whole Louis first thing happened, like the real comedy loyalists were like, he's going to come up with the perfect bit and it'll make it all okay. And I'm like, guys, why don't you sober up? Why don't you sit the fuck down and get some sleep? Okay, take a nap.

Yeah. Yeah, he'll have some great bits. It won't be the perfect bit that makes everything okay. If it is, I'll be amazed and God love. Yeah. But yeah, a bit could save the world, you know? What do you do if you're Epstein? What's your move?

Take a, I mean, I don't know, take a plea deal that gets me like nine months or something. No, they're going to, I think he's facing 45 years. He can't run, right? Cause then he can't get any, he can't, doesn't have his life. They'll kill him. They'll kill him.

Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. They're trying to kill him already. Hillary Clinton did Palm Beach with a crossbow. You know, she's paying off some prison guard in New York where he is right now to go shank him. You fucking nuts.

They don't want their legacy to be ruined. Bill's like, I'm just a regular rapist. Okay? I've just been credibly accused of rape by of age people. Can that be my legacy? Can my legacy be locking up black people for no reason and rape of appropriately aged women? Thank you.

Is that too much to ask? Nobody wants that legacy. You know? Yeah. No, yeah, they'll play the most dangerous game. Your mom must be going crazy. Bev must be fucking. She is, she's in Hawaii right now,

but I'm sure she's not even having fun anymore. She's just on the computer, just going off about it. I like Devon's mom. She's fucking plugged in. Very plugged in. She's plugged the fuck in. There's an inside job. Sandy Hook didn't happen.

She knows all the family's names. She'll talk about other actors. It's insane. Beautiful. Do we do a live podcast with, listen to me from Jeffrey Epstein's like New York City townhouse, like outside of it. Do I fly salt to New York?

And we just sit outside of Jeffrey Epstein's townhouse? Yeah, why not? Will we get removed? Probably. You know? I wanted to do one at Camp Hero at Montauk by the Stranger Things. But also, fuck Stranger Things.

I've had enough of that. Hey, enough of that. They're like older now. Hey, enough. Enough. No one cares. Stop with this nostalgia. You're all on some odd nostalgia high for the 80s.

Even Spielberg shit. You know, the 80s was AIDS and crack for a lot of people. I know you lily white bitches think the 80s was all about malls and carnivals. But for a lot of people, the AIDS was about watching your friend waste away because he had a disease the government wouldn't say is true or watching mom light a rock in your living room

because the CIA was selling it to her. I want to see that Stranger Things episode. Where's the Stranger Things episode where I know on a ride or smoke and crack and she doesn't give a shit about the Demogorgon anymore. Yeah. She doesn't care about the alien. She's like, well, you kids shut the fuck up

about this alien and she just smacked some right across the face and she just lights a rock. Where's that episode? Where's the real? Where's the savings and loan scandal? Where they all lose their fucking houses? And why no one a rider is fucking smoking crack in a car that they're all living in hopper hopper as AIDS

because he's sucking cock and not telling anyone about it. He's a leather daddy. He's doing intravenous drugs. Let's get nostalgic for real shit. Okay. It's not all hanging out in the mall and fighting some alien. Yeah.

Okay. You fucking clowns. Make a real show. About crack and AIDS. It was the 80s. Yeah. Like a show about code. Put some fun music behind it.

People are doing blow. Yeah. Well, I know the rider would have been sniffing her fucking face off in that kitchen. Numb mouth, barely speak. Saying to the kids like, mom, what happened to my piggy bank? Shut up.

I'm going out. Mom's going out. She joins the Dallas Buyers Club. Finn Wolford, that character turns around to the other kid. He's like, mom's smoking it now. It's getting bad. It's getting bad. She doesn't have any money anymore.

So she's smoking it. That should be the alien. Well, I know the rider, by the way, before she got strange things was shoplifting. Right. She was stealing shit from fucking blooming dales. Yeah, I don't like that show. I mean, listen, it's one of those things where

it should have been a movie, 90 minute movie. I enjoyed it when it first came on. We don't need nine seasons of everything. We don't need to see these kids grow up to be in their 30s. No one gives a shit. Okay. You still fighting the same alien enough already. The upside down.

What is the upside down, you know? I don't even, I watched the first season, that was it. Like the wall was like the monster or something. Right. It's based on the Montau project. It's based on something that actually happened. And I, you know, I get it. But again, we don't, you know,

Pear, base it on. We're going to wrap it up here, folks. We've taken down enough sacred cows. It's a good show. People are really enjoying this. They're enjoying it because we're careful. I think that's what this society is full of

too many fat people running their mouth. This show is about people that are careful and cautious. And that believe in this country. This is great land. This is a great country that we live in. And everything that we've gotten, we've all earned. And it's all been honest. That's why people like the show.

They like the show because finally somebody who's proud to live in a country run by satanic pedophiles, black magic wizards, corrupt plutocrats, oligarchs, literal demons. They're proud. We're proud. We're not going to, we're not going to apologize for who we are.

No, we just celebrated the 4th of July. 4th of July. And then a few days later, our ex-president told us that he wasn't on the pedophile island. Happy 4th of July. Isn't that nice, everyone? Oh, say can you see I was only on the plane four times

I never went to the island We had a quick meeting in Harlem And the crimes that he did All the fucking of kids Was not involved with My Clinton Foundation work Oh, say I am innocent Of the Twitter mob

I only raped Juanita Broderick And she enjoyed it No matter what she said And then the F-15s just fly over Super Bowl starts, Super Bowl starts. TimDillonComedy.com folks, I will be coming to Hilarity's in Cleveland, July 19th and 20th. August 1st through the 3rd, American Comedy Co. in San Diego.

The 4th, 5th, 6th, 7th, I'm down at Zany's in Nashville. Comedy Zone in Charlotte. I'm at Stand Up Live in Huntsville, Alabama. Stardom in Hoover, Alabama. I'm at Good Nights Comedy Club in late August. In North Carolina. TimDillonDILON on Instagram and Twitter. Follow me, they're shadow banning us.

We gotta get ahead of us. We're independent now on the podcast. The Patreon is coming. The Patreon will have all the archives. Two and a half years of TimDillon's going to hell. Every interview that we did. All the conspiracy stuff. Russ Banker, Nick Bryant.

Who took Johnny? Mark Galliotti talking about Russia. All this great shit. Really interesting stuff. Deep Dives on all of those fucking things. We're gonna go to twice a week. You know, when we launch the Patreon, you'll get an episode a week

on the first tier, on the second tier. You'll get all those archives end in episode a week. The third tier will be crazy. You're gonna get longer videos at the desk. Things that we do, you'll get an email to correspond with the show. You can suggest topics and rants and whatever. You know, maybe you'll come on for some interviews.

We're open to that too. We're really moving ahead. It's really gonna be fun. It's really gonna be crazy and wild. We're really off the chain. We're off the chain. So, keep listening, keep telling your friends about the show.

You know, like-minded people. It's not gonna be for everyone. This will not be for everyone. Yeah, no. But there's enough maniacs out there. I hope. Devin Costa, what do you think? What?

What do you tell people to find you? Oh, youtube.com slash Devin Costa. D-E-V-A-N. People say that you're very small. You look like a child. I look like an ogre. Yeah. Somebody sent me a screenshot of that YouTube comment.

I know. I look like I ride you around town. Yes. But yeah, then I have a podcast on iTunes. Hate that you love it with Devin Costa. Just type in my name and give it a like or- File, where's your social media? Twitter, same, Devin Costa, the D-E-V-A-N.

Very good. Twitter's dying, though, so. Is it? I don't know. I mean, I suck at it. So, I say it's dying. It feels like it's happening. What do I know?

Yeah, there's some crazy shit in this podcast. But compared to all the other ones. Really? Right, well, compared to the actual horrible acts that our leaders- Also compared to the rape. It's actually fine. Yes.

The jokes are fine. Go check out the thing. If you haven't already, me and Nick Mullen did a fun little half hour podcast about Epstein. Check that out. Yeah, that was hilarious. That was a lot of fun. Nick knows all about this shit.

Very interesting. We're gonna have him out on more when he's in LA. Got a lot of big guests coming up too. Very fun stuff. Good night, everybody.