The Tim Dillon Show - 170: 170 - Eat The Rich; They're Keto Part 1

Episode Date: October 20, 2019

Tim and Ray podcast and drive in this mega 3.5 hour two part episode in a minivan across Long Island. They go from the North Shore, to the shack that Ray grew up in, all while swapping stories and avoiding the police. Part two is patreon only. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

Hi, I'm Timmy the Trash Can, and I love trash. Popcorn boxes, pots, and candy wrappers. Mmm, they all taste so good. Instead of throwing your trash on the floor, won't you please give it to me? Thank you for considering your fellow patrons. It's apples. Apples have a ton of sugar. Shut up. It's the fucking, are we recording? It's the fall. Yeah, it's the fall. Right, it's the fall. Look, my ketosis doesn't, like, know that it's a wonderful, like, I'm going leaf peeping, and I'm fucking... To leaf peeping? Yeah, like, it's when the leaves change.

How did you make it sound filthy and dirty? That's what the term is. Like, something a rapist would do. Well, let's go leaf peep. I want to go leaf. I wouldn't let you near my children if you're like, it's a nice fall day. We're going to take them leaf, leaf peeping. It sounds like everything you do is, like, peeping, Tom. We're going to go leaf peeping, and then we're going to go skull fuck some pumpkins. You ever fucked a pumpkin? No. I never fucking object. It's too big. I feel like my dick was too small.

I never fucked anyway. They're huge. I'm trying to think what I fucked. I haven't fucked anything either. And I'm kind of disappointed by that. Yeah, I mean, we're like... I think I'm the most... I'm trying to... I'm trying to... I feel like a... It's a Phillip paper towel with some hand lotion.

Look at this. Look at this. Look at this. Whoa. Dude, these kids are retarded, actually. Oh, yeah. She's just looking, like, pressed up against the wall. Yeah, she's... It's at Denny's. They eat free here. Kids eat free? What are kids?

I don't eat on Sunday. Oh, Sunday and... Sunday and Tuesday. Sunday and Tuesday, 4 p.m. to 10 p.m. Oh, so... So we're in Ray's shithole of a town. This is not my town. This is the town adjacent. We're in Long Island. We're on my way to my...

Oh, the L.A. fitness over there now. I haven't been here in a while. Ray has accused me of thinking that his town was shit. And I... I do. But now Ray is going to prove that I'm wrong. This is a shopping center. I went to a lot as a kid. And what did you do there? I went to the game stop and the supermarket and the... Yeah, I didn't really hang out. It was a Wendy's there.

That was nice. The Wendy's is still here. This is... this McDonald's coming up. I worked at... I worked at this McDonald's. How long did you work at McDonald's? Six months. Yeah. I think I might have mentioned that.

I had a... I wasn't good at first for a while. I was, you know, cashier. And I was bad at cleaning. And it was a mess. And my boss came up to me once and told me, hey, Ray, come over here. I want to show you why everything you clean looks like ass. Is that what he said?

He said that, literally. Isn't it great when someone at a shitty job pulls rank and goes, there is a good... there's a right way to do this. But he was right. And look, you take... I had to rag all bunched up and he spread the rag out. More surface area. And I used that knowledge when I worked at the morgue.

And I had to clean the brain matter off the platter thing when I was taking pictures. Why did you leave the McDonald's? Were you fired? I was just kind of tired of work. I mean, I didn't really... It was 15. I didn't really need the job.

I had gotten into kung fu movies and anime at the time. I wanted to devote more time to that. How did you quit? Did you tell the guy? Oh, I went to my store manager and he said to me, where else are you going to go? Right. I love that at McDonald's and you were 15,

but he still knew there was no hope. He's like, where else are you going to go? Look at me. You see that fryer? That's your destiny. I wanted to work the kitchen. They wouldn't let me. They wouldn't let you work the kitchen at McDonald's.

Well, a couple of times I was able to do it, but they were kind of... They thought it was too much of a clutz. They thought you would fuck up the food delivery system at McDonald's. One time this guy choked me. What? Well, we were doing this kind of weird...

You get bored when things are slow and we're doing a little ninja. He'd walk by, he'd be like, do you want a ninja swipe and do that? It seems weird. But the point is... Like a karate chop? Yeah, something like that.

He'd walk by and he'd karate chop you because it was slow and nobody was eating cheeseburgers. Something like that. So one day, he was older than me and taller and bigger, and one day I got behind him because I was keeping the joke going, and I got behind with a rag, and I didn't really choke him.

I wasn't like, oh, grab him. I'm like, ah, yeah. The bag wasn't really... But he apparently had just gotten jumped the night before because that's how he was rolling. So he was all on edge. So he just, like, flipped me over and started choking me out and punching me.

And it was pretty traumatic. I went to this great school coming up. Hold on. Is that why you ended up leaving the job? Because you were beaten? No, no. I was just... How long after the beating did you stay in the job

and was it awkward? For a month. No, he apologized afterwards. It was a bit of an understanding. He thought there was a guy jumping him. Is this Ed Mangano's funeral home? Ed Mangano's funeral? Ed Mangano was the corrupt NASA County executive

who was, I swear to God, taking food bribes. There's an, I believe, an Ethiopian place over here. He's being bribed with deli platters, him and his wife, and they were indicted, whatever happened to Ed and Linda Mangano. Did they actually get charged? I mean, they were, like, they were getting their floors done, like, by the town money. She got a no-show job as a food tester.

Like, they were taking bribes. It tastes good. Yeah. It's fine with us. Could use a little more bacon if you're asking me. I think the tuna salad lacks mayo. It's a little dry. More.

More, please. Am I, how much am I being paid? $400,000 a year. Sounds fair. I used to have Boy Scout meetings in that school. Now, Boy Scouts. I went to this music academy. Music Academy, right?

The music store. Music Academy? Did you just say? I went to this music academy. We just passed a shitty little building that says music on it, and it's clearly just, like, a music store for losers who want to buy guitars and sit around strumming a guitar. That's true.

This liquor store. Crazy billies. Yeah. This was blown up. Or he blew it. Wait, what? I allegedly blew someone else's liquor store. Or price-fixing.

One of those two things. Not crazy billy, right? Oh, we're going to pass by, you make it right here. Yeah. Here we go. We're going to pass by. I like this debit. Same as cash.

We're going to pass by. Now, what do we have? You need to rest. Oh, my God. Dude, this is one of the shittiest bars in the whole world. Take a look at this to the left. This is the famous You Need to Rest. That is a little blood box.

That's like the Lisa's Lounge of fucking Dear Park. I didn't go right there, but the hoarder woman, who used to have a hoarder house on my block, would hang out there. She would, you know, go home with guys. But she, her house, it was condemned because the floors were like... Dude, you forget that, like, even the shittiest bars are places people go to fuck. Right. You forget that.

What is this place? Is a car wash here? Yeah. I haven't been here in years. You forget that as shitty as a bar is, and as disgusting as the regulars are, people are using it as a place to get fucked. Was that even, was that the case at Lisa's Lounge when you went there? Kind of, but it was kind of a drug bar.

I wasn't trying to fuck anyone there. So the thing is, if you're not trying to fuck anyone there, you don't know who's really fucking. Like, you get an idea of it. Yeah, yeah. But you get an idea, but... Well, you watch those videos from the guy, the bagel guy. And some of his videos take place in some of these long island bars.

Yeah. And he's with women in there. And it's all these real, old, bad, ugly looking guys. And they're just like, you know, trying to pick up shit. It's just terrible. It's real sad, man. And... They banned him on Twitter and then he just got back into Twitter

and he just followed me again. The Park Bowl guy's been changed to Strike Lanes. Strike Lanes. Look at this dominoes. Yeah, it's a real charming, right? Real fucking charming area. This is Long Island Avenue. It's a little more of an industrial area.

Yeah. Don't say my street name, by the way. You know. I'm not going to say, who's coming to see you? I don't even live here anymore. I'm just saying, like, when we get there, don't like, you know. I'm not going to say your street name. It's just, you know.

You think TMZ is going to show up tomorrow? I just don't want my mom getting assaulted by a fan. Yeah, that's... Well, to be honest with you, that's not the worst. It's actually not the fucking most crazy concern with our fan base. They're just going to assault your mother. Hey, man. Don't be really funny to assault your mom.

I'm going to punch her in the face. Left, right? Left. Okay. Careful. Careful. Relax. All sorts of things.

I know what I'm doing. I don't know. I mean, you know, this is a nice minivan. I'm in my aunt's minivan. I'm going to make an arrest right here. Um... This is where I grew up. It's getting nice and suburban feeling.

It's fine, Ray. It's fine. It's nice and suburban. It lacks any definitive character. Well, exactly. We wore high hoity-toity... I mean, already we have a garage sale. I mean, this is what he's saying.

It's fine. Already there's somebody selling your entire house. Wait, garage sales are a try and choose. So that they can go buy oxycontin in the parking lot. Garage sales are a try and choose. People's old shoes. They're selling their old shoes. It's an old...

It's a real staple. It's a real Americana state. It's real Norman Rockwell out here. If he had painted a kid trying to get his mother's back medication, she's barricaded in the bathroom. Excuse me. Straight? Right.

I forgot. So... Yeah, I don't know. There's a community garden. Let's take a look at the community garden. Is this it to the right? That's the community garden. It looks like a lot of dead plants.

Yeah, I don't... What are they growing? Opium? There's a big left at the stop sign. Okay. This better be nice, Ray. I got to be honest. It isn't that bad.

Yeah. See? You thought it was like a shitty... The kids who lived there used to... No, actually... One of the kids there in this house used to bully me. He tried to bully me. I fought back.

Wait, is this the kid who you tried to kill yourself on his lawn? No. That was a Catholic high school friend. Yeah, that was my favorite thing ever. Somebody's bullying Ray. He's like, I'll kill myself on your lawn. I'll come to your house and shoot myself on your front lawn. Oh, I love that.

I didn't know what to do. What a great way to... You know, it's a great comeback. Yeah. You know? It really... It's a suicide bomber. He puts a ball in his court.

How are you going to get me? Exactly. This is my house here. Where? Right here. The next one. That's the people who murdered our cats. What do you mean they murdered your cats?

With the antifreeze. Why did they murder your cats? Here it is. What happened? That tree is drooping. That's a ray house. That's the house I grew up in. That's a ray house.

Yeah. The mailbox kind of... It looks nice. It's got the nice siding. It's a Long Island home. Yeah, it's nice. Yeah. Listen.

This house in the corner here wasn't there. That used to be a hoarder house where the floors got saturated with piss. They condemned the whole house. Which house is that? Well, it's one of this big one in the corner here. So the... Okay. It used to be facing like...

People don't realize things like that were more common. Like hoarders, when we grew up, there were houses like condemned houses on the block. People you'd never see. I mean, that trope from the movies was real. Oh, sure. When you had that woman you'd never see. There was a woman on my block named Vi. Viola.

She was like a nasty cunt and would barely come out of her house and like every like twice a year her kids would come see her. Like that was a real thing that happened. You don't see that as much now. She was really... She always had these dogs that were very aggressive and they tried to bite me. I mean, it just gives you an idea of the people's lives are just absolute horror. No, it's a shame.

Do you ever see... You know Pilgrim State? The mental facility? Yeah, it's right over here. It's not far from here. I've seen Pilgrim State. Okay. I mean, I performed in a part of it.

Really? Or what's the other one? Kings Park? One of them is open. Kings Park. One of them is partially open. Partially open. So Pilgrim State, I performed with Keith, Keith, the one armed X-crack head who was a marine

who ran a sober comedy, who ran sober comedy shows. One of them was at the Pilgrim State mental institution. They have like a part of it that is dedicated to rehab and Mo was on stage. Oh, the wonderful Mo Dix. Yeah. Mo was on stage and one guy, now they had to go to this, this comedy show. They were not allowed to... It's part of their rehabilitation.

Part of it. It's like a performance-based method known... Mo was on stage and he's bombing and a guy gets up and he goes, fuck this. And then somebody goes, if you walk out of these doors, you go to jail, he goes, I don't give a fuck. And he laughed. Wow. So that's how you know you're doing well in comedy when people are literally choosing

jail over the rest of your set. That's raw. But Mo didn't stop Mo. Well, it did. He's had a comedy now and maybe gay. Well, I mean, that's good for him then. Good for him. Well, he...

You like being gay, right? That's fine. You know? I mean, I think I could go further in life if I was straight, to be honest. I don't know about that. I mean, maybe it's a slight advantage in the entertainment business, but not really anywhere else. Yeah.

I mean, you're not the best type. I mean... I'm not. I'm not gonna be a little more fluffy or affable. I am to gay as you are to straight. Right. We're not really a credit to the orientation. Yes.

You know what I mean? Oh, what? Nobody's really... We're not gonna be on the cover of the brochure. That being said... Welcome to heterosexual. Welcome to heterosexual. I'm right here.

That being said, I've been told by women that I lay pipe well. I was told by women that I lay pipe. They mean actual laying pipe because you're, you know... I'm a laborer. You're a plumber. I wish I was a plumber. Yeah. It would have been a great job.

I mean, they make good money and it's just like, it's like Lego. It's fucking... It's just like... Is that all it is? It's putting things together. It's like Lego. It's just like connections. It really is like adult Legos.

Yeah. You know? It's a... I mean, I'm looking... This guy walking around up. He's putting that... Is he taking the garage shelf sign down? Look.

This is not a methaddle town in particular. It's not methaddled. No. It's a nice enough town. It's a nice enough town. I agree with you. Bagel Cafe. Pizza and pasta.

There's so many fast food restaurants. Long Island loves its carbs. Bagel Cafe. Pizza and pasta. What is Joey? Come on in for pizza and pasta. This used to be a blockbuster video. Yeah.

Now it's an urgent care facility. Yeah. Don't have enough insulin spike with the pizza. Have some pasta. Pizza and pasta. Does it lock in safe? Bill, what is this? Why is...

Because it's so safe. You were just talking about how nice and safe it was. That's why there's urgent cares, methadone clinics and lock stores. Where's the methadone? They know it's coming. Look at a Willow Pet Hotel. I've never understood what that is. Oh, that laundry man over there.

That big laundry man. That's where I met Jimmy, who... I guess he was an ex-heroinatic. I was like 17, I was with my friend. They were like, you know, just doing a load of laundry. And he's telling us about how he like... He doesn't do heroin anymore. He just does about four bags in the morning just to get straight.

But he doesn't really do heroin. Interesting. So I mean, he has his underbelly. I'm not saying he has a underbelly. But he was a good guy. He was nice to us. He didn't hit us up for anything. I feel like Jimmy's... Jimmy went home and...

How old was Jimmy, I think? He was like 40, probably. His old mother was like, you're not hanging around with that Raymond Compire. Jimmy, you do your heroin in the house. Don't be hanging around with Raymond Comp and the boys. One time outside my house, where he was passed by before, there was some guy, I was skateboarding outside, trying to look like an Ollie. When were you skateboarding?

Sixth grade through... Five people can't skateboard. I was chubby back then. Oh, that's disgusting. There's nothing more than a fat skateboard. I wouldn't fat the fat out of you. Skateboarders should be real thin and have huge dicks. All right.

And dumb. I mean, they actually have huge dicks or they just look big because they're skinny. They have a good dick, but you know, it's also just warped by me. Yeah, but it's attached to you. Yes. That's what I'm saying. Yeah. So, okay.

Thanks for finishing the... Your fat and your skateboarder. Take us there. So anyway, I was out there and this guy came over and started talking to me. It was about days of his youth. He was probably like 19. He used to tell me how he used to like... How old were you?

Like six, seven grade. Okay. He used to take M80s and like, you know, they used to blow up animals and make bombs out of them and like, they'd like put a cigarette on the fuse to like, so I can get away from it. And then they'd clay and put them around the M80. But boy, I shouldn't be describing this. So you were just skateboarding and he came up to you and he's like, let me tell you about the good old days.

It feels like that. My mom at one point came out and started yelling, get away from my boy. So he was trying to fuck you probably. Maybe, yeah. He was trying to fuck... He had a... He was a pedophile with a fat fetish. I mean, look...

He's like, I got a real fat piece of shit here. Look, we talk about how... You like bombs, right? He's like, yes I do. Movies get... Yes I do. I feel like movies get it wrong. I feel like it's always like this, you know, this fat, greasy guy who's a pedophile.

But like, we've been... Most people know that the titans of industry and the politicians are actively... They're competing with those. Like, if you're a pedophile and you're a shlub, you're competing with, you know, the likes of you. Oh, you can't do it. If you're... Listen, one of the greatest things you ever said is, do you think we're not successful because we have sex with adults?

And that's probably the answer. Right. That's probably the solution. So the point is, this guy was going to burn out. So if he's gonna fuck a kid, it was gonna be me, not, you know, some fucking... Right. They were taking it already. You go to war with the army you have.

Exactly. Yeah. Interesting. That L.I.E. movie, you ever see that movie? It's about a pedophile. Yeah, I worked... They used some of the guys who work at a camera shop. They used the location.

So Brian Cox, Susan Succession, who's greatest in this movie, L.I.E., and then... Who's at Poldano, right? I believe so. Yeah. Poldano is in the movie. And then Brian Cox is like trying to fuck him. But then at the end, he's like... Brian Cox is like, five inches is a lot of snow.

It's a lot of rain, but it's not a lot of dick. Do you have more than five inches? He's like, you're a size queen pedophile? That's insane. What is this? So he really turns the kid down because he has less than five inches? No, he doesn't like turn him down, but he just asks him to quit. And it's like, what kind of size queen pedophile?

Well, maybe... Brian Cox, you know, look, it might be something he ad-libbed. Because he's a smart guy. He's like, what? He got in the head of the pedophile. Yeah. And it's like... Everyone's really creeped out by all of Brian Cox's ad-libs on the movie.

He's like, what kind of cock you got? They're like, this scene is not about that. Well, I feel like he's smarter than most pedophiles would be in this case. But I feel like he'd be like, well, the boy wouldn't want to show me his dick. So I challenge his manhood. Right. And then I make him prove he has more than five inches. I don't care.

I'll suck one in the hell. Right. But, you know, he gets the job done. But the tagline for that movie was... There were lanes going east. There were lanes going west. And then there were lanes going straight to hell. Right.

And it's about the Long Island Expressway. And it starts with a kid who goes, my mother's name was Sylvia Blitzer. And she died on the Long Island Expressway. It kills a lot of people. Harry Chapin. And he goes through the whole thing, right? And then he's like, then he goes... Is Friendly's done, by the way?

I think Friendly's is gone. I didn't go in, but I was at one recently. So the L.A. movie is kind of perfect. It's his kid whose dad is a corrupt builder. Right. He was played by the guy who, like, when Tony wanted to buy that house somewhere in the Sopranos, and they ended up playing Zodatra to make him, like, renege in the contract. Yeah.

Yeah, he was that guy. Good guy. So that guy plays the father, and then this kid is, like, ditching school, smoking, like, out of it, all that shit. And then he falls in with this group of kids that are robbing houses, and eventually he gets preyed on by this pedophile. It's a pretty decent representation of Long Island. It's not the worst.

I mean, look, you've seen Caption of Freedmen. Where was that? Like, I'm saying, like, there's, of all, like, it doesn't seem indicative. It seemed to me, if you're going to make a movie, LIE, like, this could have happened anywhere. Like, why not make a movie about, like, wow, we got so many fast food places around. Yeah. That's your movie.

That's your movie. That's your film. But the pedophile hangs out in the fast food places. That is a better idea. Yeah. No, make everyone fat. Yeah. But you're leaving out the fact that we have, I don't know if there is a place on earth

that has more fast food places. This strip, going on this Dear Parker Avenue, has the most per, like, square inch or whatever. It seems official. Really, I've been around the country. There is no place that has as many as we do. And we don't get, like, we just got to sound like a few years back, six years ago now. We don't get all the little things. You don't get all the little things, but, like, in areas where there's a Sonic, there'll

be a Sonic and nothing else. Here, there's, like, 12 Dunkin' Donuts, Sonic Wendy's, McDonald's, Taco Bell, fuckin' Burger King, all dry streets. All busy. All packed. Yeah. Pete, because they love their convenience, Raymond. Right.

Now we're getting on the Southern State Parkway. How many car accidents have you been in on Long Island? I'll go first. Five. I think one, my first real one was in the city in Long Island City, but then I got into one in Long Island, when I collided with those state trooper, or left state trooper, federal agents, I believe, but they let me go. Yeah, this was, that was a great story.

I just dropped you off, actually. I dropped you off. I wasn't, you know, drunk or anything. No, you fell asleep at the wheel. Yeah, I got off for a split second. I was so close to home, too. I just drove back from the city, dropped him off where he lived, and then I was literally two minutes from home, and I nodded off for half a second.

And then tell us where you woke up. Well, collage, the collision with the federal officers who were on my car who seemed to be in such a rush to get to the airport. They were like, we just have to go, and they left the scene. Yeah, because they just, they just transported Jeffrey Epstein, you know, back to the country. Yeah. Can you imagine they're doing some secret thing and then you just fucking crash into them? This fat fuck.

You know what I mean? I would tell pro and I would just call out. I'm like, what happened? I was just, did you hit me or did I hit you? I nodded off for a second. They're transporting some fucking high value detainee. They just kidnapped some scientists from Brookhaven National Laboratories. They're pissing on them before they even get to the fucking prison.

Yeah. And then they get hit by this fat fuck. Did you see that clip on Twitter or YouTube or whatever? It was like, I mean, we've always heard about Seymour Hersh, but this guy was saying he witnessed, he was being, it was done in the style of like, meet this doctor who like helps kids with amputated feet. Like, it was like heartwarming videos, but it was like, meet the guy. Like, they showed the clip, the pictures of like, the Abu Ghraib.

Right. Like the guy in the hood. And like, this is the guy under the hood. And they fucking showed the guy who apparently was in that famous picture under the hood. And he's talking about how he was pissed on and electrocuted. Like, I'll never forget the electrocution. My eyes were going to burn out. And he says he witnessed soldiers raping kids in front of their fathers.

Yeah. No, we believe that. Yeah. Seymour Hersh said that there are tapes of soldiers or whoever. Yeah. Raping children in front of their fathers. And if the CIA is very scared that those tapes will come out. I mean, do you think that's like, that's part of the torture manual?

Like, all right. So first they give you a Viagra in case you don't like kids. And then you fucking like, or is it like, so I got rogue pedophile just did it. I don't believe, I literally don't believe in rogue pedophiles anymore. After the last few years, I believe you're a pedophile. It might be a group. It might be a poor group. It might be a Knights of Columbus.

Yeah. But you are in a group. There is that with the dark web. I don't believe in the lone pedophile nor do I believe in the lone shooter who killed Bobby Kennedy or Martin Luther King or JFK or I'm starting not to believe in that. I'm, it's hard for me to believe in Steven Paddock. You know, I'm not saying that that didn't happen. The Las Vegas shooting.

Yeah. The guy that has no history or social media or friends or relatives or, uh, or his girlfriend would happen to be in the Philippines. And the one guy who interacted with him directly did an interview with Ellen and then disappeared forever. And nobody else interacted with Steven Paddock and his brother was busted for child porn a week after he was arrested and then disappeared. It's just.

Live. I forgot. Steven Paddock. No. He was killed, right? He killed himself. Right. Yeah.

After shooting all those people to make a point, I guess about gun control. That was kind of the narrative for a minute. They wanted us to believe that he was doing it to make a point about gun control. I think people were saying that people like he was anti gun and he just wanted to wake the country. I remember that. That literally was a narrative. They're like, that's particularly, that's potentially, but again, this is from the same

media with Chris Matthews who goes, you know, politicians are poor, so a guy like they can't travel everywhere. Yeah. Jeffrey Epstein just lends them his plane. They, these politicians, they end up spending time with these nefarious characters because they have money and they have play. I'm like, oh, so the Clintons are poor. That's your argument.

I mean, look, even to think of this stuff for like, there are guys who I'm sure favors are done, but it's like, like, who is this Epstein guy? Why is he letting me? Like, you know, you know, they want some from you, right? You know on some level, like, so like you probably go, well, who is he? What's like, is he in the, I guarantee you that there is not one person on Epstein's jet that was not a multimillionaire. Right.

No, of course. It collapses. This is whole logic. It's not young congressman on that jet. Right. Yeah. These are fun. Let's, can we stop?

Well, it's the governor of Pennsylvania. What's he on it? Is he a millionaire? They're all million. There's nobody. It's not a millionaire. Why am I? Why am I so broke?

Because you're fucked. You don't fuck kids. Yeah. I mean, what? You get, you get age and wisdom when you fuck kids. What is it? Right. I don't know.

Listen, every fucking governor, no, not one of them is broke. And I guarantee you the majority of them, Ray, are, are wealthy. They have over in holdings, over a million dollars with their house and everything. Yeah, I agree. But listen, we're just talking about, oh, they can't afford, because to buy that argument, it's that, oh, you can't really afford to fly. Right. You can't get on a fucking commercial plane.

You can't get on a plane. Those planes are a hour. Yeah, you can't get on a plane. I find a way to do it. But the governor of Bill Richardson can. No, Bill Richardson will be harassed if he tries to fly on a plane. Yeah. Yeah, he couldn't get on a plane, right?

Because everyone would fucking bother him. No. We're so fucked. It's over. I don't know. I mean, this is route. This is, the Southern State becomes the Belt Parkway, by the way. Southern becomes the Belt.

I know that. But you might have heard of that. The U.E. listeners out there is one of the most dangerous roads in America. Yeah, the Belt is like one of the top 10 dangerous roads in the world. And like the other roads are like etched into the side of a mountain. The Belt's like one of the only roads that's in like a civilized country that is dangerous. Right. That's a good point.

But it's because people are animals driving through Brooklyn. People don't care. What's also that Robert Moses designed it in a curvy, weird way with low overpasses. Now explain why Robert Moses designed all the parkways. It was said that he loved cars and not people. Robert Moses is the guy that designed all the parkways to go to Long Island and none of them could have buses on them. Why?

He disliked certain people more than others. He basically made— He did not like blacks. Right. He made the overpasses low so that like poorer people, regardless of their race or creed, but yeah, he was definitely a racist. But the buses couldn't bust people out. Are you trying to defend Robert Moses from the charge of racism?

No, no. I'm just saying, I don't think he—I'm just saying, I don't want to paint the brush that only blacks and Latinos are poor. I'm sure some poor white kids are also going to be busted out. Yeah, but Robert Moses liked them better. He did. I'm sure he liked them higher. If Robert Moses—if there was a way to just get poor white people out here, Robert Moses

would have done it. He might have had a great end to the Grinch moment and be like, oh, okay. But no, but he— Go by. He disliked screws at the end. Go by a turkey and take it to the poorest white family you know and have a feast. Okay. Yeah.

Now, I'm just going to— Okay. All right. Now, here's the thing about this, which is funny. I don't know if podcasting in a car is illegal. Talking on the phone is, but is podcasting while driving illegal? I mean, podcasting should be illegal. I agree.

Could we be the first people to get arrested for podcasting while driving? It should be illegal in your bedroom. Yeah. But the point—I don't think you saw the mics. Maybe you thought they were guns. Can you imagine like, your parents used to be like, are you jerking off? They never sent out, but they thought it. Now they're knocking on the door.

They're like, are you podcasting in there? You've got no listeners, faggot. Your father's yelling at you. You don't have a chart. You never chart. You piece of shit. Why don't you ask people to share and subscribe? Yeah.

You got to tell—you got to hold their hand. You got to fucking spook them. You got to shove it. Oh, you think you're chop-o-chop-o, son? Because you don't have a goddamn job. You just hate the rich. You're not funny. So now we're passing the Seaford Oyster Bay.

Right. My father, by the way—right, this is—this is our favorite thing ever. Yeah. Right before I came to New York, both my aunt Donna and my father said, hey, please come stay with us if you need to. And we had hotels for every other night, but Saturday the hotels were like a grand a night in New York. I don't know why, because it's Columbus Day and a lot of people are—

so I called my dad. My dad has two houses now. He's moving from one to another. And I'm like, hey, me and—the first we called Aunt Donna, we're like, hey, me and Ben would love to stay for night. She's like, oh, yeah, this weekend's not good. She's like, we could do in a garage sale soon. So this weekend's not good, but any other weekend.

You just got to show up. You can't like—you can't give them the heads up. That's probably what it is. You said any time. Yeah. My dad goes, hey, I was like, hey, can we stay at night? He goes, ahhh. And then he gets on the phone with his wife.

He calls her over. He goes, oh, Christina, they want—he's like, yeah, it's just not good this weekend. My parents are staying with my parents last year. Any other time. They were just seeing the Thanksgiving. But the cats had fleas, apparently. And the cats had to go to their place. And then they couldn't like—it wasn't allowed.

Like, oh, okay, fine. And so— Well, this is a lie. Well, they resolved it. The cats had fleas. And then again, the cats— at Christmas, the cats got fleas again. No, this isn't—they don't want you in their home. I mean, this is not—

I wanted to pick up my old guitar from them. Yeah. And my mom's like, watch out. I'll meet you at the train station. Really? I'll meet you at the train station. Wow. Yeah.

So I don't know what's going on in there. Do they think if you come in and ask, you legally won't leave? Yeah. Do you believe that's— Squatters, right? Bitch. Stupid. Hey, I'm coming over.

I got you. I'm coming over to get my old guitar. Your dad's like, we're not falling for that again. There's stupid fuck things he's going to get in here. Fuck you, dad. I got mail here. You can't look at me. You walk in.

You just start having your mail sent down. You walk in. You walk in waving a light, but, Bill, fuck you. Fuck you. I'm never leaving, you stupid bitch. I just start smoking meth. Yeah. You just light a cigarette.

You're dancing around. I love the idea. I'm moving home. So I don't know what you're doing there. It reminds me of things my grandparents did to my mom when I was younger. When they pulled the same— We're supposed to go to their place for Thanksgiving. They said—

My mom knew. They're sick. They're sick, really. Yeah. They think we get sick every holiday. Yeah, that's bullshit. Dude, there's nothing better than on the holidays, the family just saying no. Next year, my aunt Kathleen canceled Thanksgiving the night before.

Really? Yeah, she's just like— Oh, the pretense. Nanny's not feeling up to it. Oh, wow. Once somebody gets over a certain age, you can use them and then just go, they're not feeling up to it, and you never even have to— People are like, put her on the phone.

Kathleen's like, I got to go. They're like, put her on the phone. This is a particularly windy part. Be careful. Okay, relax. Put her on the phone, Kathleen. I mean, the reality is she's still alive when she died last year. All the crosses and flowers are people who've died on the Southern state.

Yeah. I mean, look, you get a lot of it. I used to see, you know, teenage people or adults who died in the Southern state, they're coming to the morgue. Right. Yeah. Ain't no thing. It ain't no thing.

I saw a girl once, she was trying to cross the Southern state on foot, like, you know, I don't know, why'd you do that party? And she got, you know, a little twisted or whatever, and she got a fucking face full of a truck and died. Now, what does a body look like when it's been hit by a truck? It wasn't really a truck, but I would just say it sounded better than a, you know, a civic. But she—

What does a body look like after it gets hit by a civic? I'm telling you, basically, the head feels like a bag of broken glass. It looks relatively intact often, but, like, it's, you know, when you, like, you know, when you, like, drop a glass sometimes, and it's kind of, like, broken, but, like, still together, sort of, it's like that, like a broken light bulb. So the skin's holding it together, but it's just all loose, and you've got, like, positioned it for the X-ray. There's a lot of gravel embedded in the skin now.

There's burn marks from, like, where either they skinned or, you know, where they, we hit the pavement. Often there'll be a compound fracture in the arm. What did her, what did her breast—what did her breast look like? Look. No, not look. I'm asking you about— The same variety as living women's breasts.

Okay. You're not going to get me on this one. Did you look at her breasts? Were you a cop? Okay. Women have breasts. I would just say to Ray, if a good-looking guy owed you an heroin and I was at a morgue, I would be curious as to what the guy looked like, you know?

I mean, I'll be honest with you. I might take a little look at the date. I'll be honest with you. I'll be honest with you. All right. You see everything. You take the pictures. You see it.

You see it. And I used to wonder, like, look, of course you're not going to be doing anything awful, beating off, but, like, do you get attracted? And there's something about a lifeless body that really has no appeal to me. Well, I don't know. Maybe you just haven't found the right one. Perhaps. I mean, you know.

Maybe you just didn't find the right lifeless body. Maybe we didn't get a lot of cancer patients because they were already seeing a doctor so we know why they died. Right. So when we come into a morgue. You get surprises. Yeah. You get people that try to make it across the southern state.

He hasn't been to the bed doctor in 10 years and now he dies in the toilet. Figure it out. Right. Yeah. It's a fun game of clue. Yeah. A lot of people die in the toilet because they just, they feel bad and they go, maybe they can shit this out and they can't.

Really? Yeah. Well, you have these weird and testable things and whatever's going on. If something's wrong, I mean, like, maybe it's got to take a shit. That's the only island for you. Right. Maybe it's got to take a nice shit. I can shit it out.

I can shit it out. You should go to see the doctor, Vinny. Shut up. I just got to take a shit. Dude, you know what's funny? Growing up, whenever you felt bad, somebody would ask you, did you move your bowels? Did you go to the bathroom? I mean, look, it's not.

It's not a bad question. It is, especially because, you know, when you're like, it took me a while to realize what shit felt like before. Like, you know, sometimes you have a nice shit brewing, but you think, you know, something's wrong or like, you know, when you eat a nice bowl of pasta and you get a little acid reflux, but you think the world's ending because you got a hot burp. Right. So, I mean, you got to tell your kids.

I just had all my blood taken from my doctor, Dr. Ramos. He has a picture of George W. Bush on the wall. Oh, he's the big Fox News fan, right? He loves Fox News, loves Bush. I said, is Keto good? He goes, no, I'm Mediterranean diet, fish, vegetables. I'm like, okay. What's the same?

It's also Keto, fish and vegetables. Interesting. Everyone's got their gimmick. Look, it doesn't matter. Everyone's got a gimmick. It's like, yeah, like, you don't have to eat, like, a glass of bacon grease if you're doing Keto. Can I tell you what I had yesterday and you tell me where I went wrong?

Sure. I woke up with Ben. Uh-huh. We went to Park Avenue Autumn for brunch. Nice. We had cinnamon rolls with honey roasted almonds. Cinnamon rolls? Yeah.

It was like sticky buns. Like the cinnamon sticks? No, like a roll, like a sticky bun. Oh, like an actual cinnamon roll. Cinnamon roll. Well, I'll tell you right now. That's not good. But first of all, you're not taking into account the rest of the day.

All right, go ahead. I walk six miles. Can you remember? Can you? So already, first of all, I'm fine. I walk six miles. Okay. What's the cinnamon roll?

I mean, at the pace you walk, you got a slot. Not a slot. But the pace you walked, walking six miles, you probably burned maximum 600 calories, 700 calories. It's not all about calories, Raymond. You know that. The cinnamon roll itself probably had 1200. You need to shut your mouth.

At the end of the day, it is calories. A lot of it is calories. You need to shut your mouth. Your body's burning calories. You haven't burned the calories your whole entire life. Keto. I have been on Keto. Keto is the Spanish guy that works in the deli.

Listen. Breakfast risotto, which is night pump rice. Risotto. We had pumpkin risotto with sausage. Then we had, what do we have? Butternut squash soup. Then we had- That might be okay, but probably-

Then we had avocado toast with crab. Then we had a fried chicken sandwich with jalapeno coleslaw. Then we had smoked salmon, eggs benedict. Then we had a s'mores sundae. Then we had a creme brulee. And then we're done. Now we're done. I have a bag of roast beef in my backpack.

That's what I mean. After that, we did not eat until we went and had General Tao's chicken, beef lo mein, scallion pancake, and some dumplings. You could have eaten ribs with no sauce. You could have eaten beef and broccoli with no sauce. I know. I went off my program. I mean, look, not everyone can have the rigorous standards of dietary resolves I have.

Why don't you, and I'm not even kidding. Why don't you start a personal training company? I feel like I could. I'm gonna ask you a question. Look. Listen. Listen. How big are you now?

I'm a big guy. I'm three something. I don't know. Maybe I'm under three. I'm in the high threes probably. I might be under three. I got fat. I got really fat.

Are you in the high threes, do you think? I don't know. It's bad. You think in the mid threes? Mid to high, yeah. I don't think I'm four. You can't go over four. No.

You can't. Look. I love when you say no like that. You go, no. No. That's when it's not fun anymore. I won't let myself get over four. Four is when I, that's when I rain it in.

I'm only knocking on it. When I get to four, I say no more. Look. It's tough. I know. I've been doing it for a week now about. I'm a supporter of your weight loss. Thank you.

How do you do it? I'm in shame. It's not funny when people say that. It means nothing to go. I'm proud of you. Shut up. You shut up. No.

I mean, I do it despite you. All you do is call me a fat pig. I do not call you a fat pig. You call me something. I call myself a fat pig. You've called me a fat pig plenty. You're not your Hollywoods. You can't be fat shaming people.

No. I call everyone that's fat fat. Look at those fat. I call everyone fat. I'm fat. Right. I'm fat like other people. You're big bone.

You're husky. No, it's fine. You're prestigious. I say I'm fat. You take up space. You're prominent. I remember there's an episode of that. That's a swear to God.

There's a new clothing company. Stavros made me laugh. He sent me a thing where they go, it's clothing for prominent men. It's like, no, they're fat. There was an episode of that. It's not prominent. I remember where this fat guy was suing this woman for not dating him or something. He was gross.

Gross pig. And then at the end, she was trying to tell him like, oh no, you're fine. You're a good guy. And he's like, well, then your friends date me and she's like, oh no. He's like, because of my heft. She's like, yeah. I've always thought that would be nice when I referred you to my heft. Doctor, is it my heft?

Is that the issue? Well, it's not that. I eat a lot of the cocoa. I have prosciutto during the day. You get some nice pepper jack cheese. It's the last thing you can eat. Now you walk around eating meats and cheeses and you get them out of a bag and that disturbs many people.

Well, look, I mean. Once you ate garlic in a frozen yogurt place and you did that for what, a cold? Well, that's because I ate a raw clove of garlic. You ate a raw clove of garlic. I just vomited in the restaurant. That's true. And you decided to eat a raw clove of garlic. Well, it's good for your stomach.

It helps. It's antimicrobial properties. So you were just, you were eating raw garlic in a yogurt spot where like parents were tasting yogurt with their children. Well, look, go taste your yogurt. I'm tasting garlic. There was like a little girl. Like she asked her mother.

She was like, is he eating garlic? Is it antimicrobial? I don't want to tell you, like it's not, this is not, I'm not doing porn in a fucking yogurt place. I'm eating the clove of garlic. Yeah. A raw clove of garlic. You don't buy in the grocery store, kid.

You know, you gotta learn. You gotta learn how that works. You buy dog food in the grocery store too. You shouldn't eat that. You shouldn't eat kibbles. It's a clove of garlic. The fact that our country has come. Let's talk about our country a minute.

Yeah. All right. How's this country doing? On a scale of one to ten. I believe the impeachment process is like us taking a shit. The country. I don't know. Well, how do you mean?

Economically. How are we doing? Constitutionally. You're a betting man. You're a betting man. Yeah. You're talking about us. Let's talk about us like a company.

Right. Well, we've moved past the cash cow phase of our company. Correct. We're now in the study of the client. Right. You started in the business matrix. I learned at Summit Community College. Okay.

There was a startup, a growing venture, a cash cow when you have a very profitable business or country that you can kind of just siphon the money out of. Yeah. Sure. Dark activities. Think 2005 mortgages. You go like your house is an ATM. Right.

Go in and got equity. You got cash. Yeah, we want a pool. Then we want a deck. That's the thing. Everyone who complains, they were all refinancing their goddamn homes to get extensions on their shitty houses. Yeah.

I'm not saying they're as bad as the people at Goldman who were lying, but like almost. You're on a relative to what you should be doing. Like those guys. Listen, it's a country of criminals. Exactly. We're all trying to get over. Yeah. Everybody's trying to get over.

Some people are better at it than others. And then there's like a few people that are genuinely getting fucked and I feel bad about that. Yeah. Let's be honest. There's a lot of people out there trying to figure something out. Right. So especially on this island, on Long Island, everybody's, his criminality is rampant.

Politically, it's almost like this country is so bad. It's getting so much worse. And there's nothing to do with the politics. The politics are bad. Like Trump is a maniac. He's flouting the rule of law in a way where it's like, yeah, is he worse than Bush? Well, no, Bush killed a million people or whatever. But, you know, started fake wars.

But you know, he didn't openly flaunt what he did with the torture stuff. And so it, I don't know, point is, it's bad though to be so flagrantly flouting the rule of law. That being said, the real problems are just demographic, like the automation, which Andrew Yang talks about. But like, you know, we're all being like fucking priced out of a job. They're really, we've expanded in a way. Like this country was kind of built on a certain level of like industrial output.

And like, you know, look, look at Detroit, for instance, like Detroit is there because the automotive, you know, business needed certain people to work in factories. They, you know, they're not doing here anymore. Like Detroit shouldn't really be there. There's no reason for Detroit to be there now. And that's going to be a lot of the country. Right. We've gone into nooks and crannies in this country that like don't really have a, like,

like when the job is going to come here. They're not. Listen, I think those places got to hold on till when Miami and New York are underwater. Well, that's a fair point. I mean, that's their only hope, right? I mean, they should be in Detroit. It's like, Hey, climate change would be the best thing that happened. Are those some of those states, right?

Are they red states? Cause that would make sense. That would actually make a lot of sense if it turned out that they really, they believe global warming. We just wanted to happen. We want it now. I mean, cause that is like, you know, they'll become the new shorelines. I guess.

When you travel around the country, which I had the ability to do when I was on Burt, with Burt Christcher and I do it all the time on my own, but we were in Oklahoma and we were in, uh, you know, San Antonio, Texas and Houston, Texas. There's a surprising amount of resiliency in certain pockets, you know, right? Of the country, you know, we're in one of them right now. I mean, we're in a very wealthy, we're heading into one of the wealthiest areas in the country. Well, sure. Because we're like, look, we're next to a metropolis.

Yeah. The metropolis, at least for now. So the reality is, but the issue is when you leave any of those cities, it does not take you too long before you're in what Chris Hedges would call like a sacrifice zone. It doesn't take you too long. Some of the inner ring suburbs are okay. Some of them are still not okay, but once you get to those outer ring suburbs, I don't know if Chris Hedges is a homeowner because he's not thinking about how low the property

taxes are. Yeah. Sacrifice zones. Chris. Tiny. You have to see, you have to see the rainbow and the pot of gold after the storm in some of these spots. I know it might seem dire, but like, yeah, it's hard to get a job, but your nuts got

to be so low. You know, you're not as low, you know, the problem is what people don't understand about low nuts. Nobody wants, and this is like, this is when I was doing real estate, like the idea of getting a deal is like, people don't understand what a deal is, you know, right? You anything where you're getting a deal, like real true actual deals are few and far between. Yeah.

It's usually because a guy has got a new job motivated by a blue is head off in the kitchen. There's still blood on the wall. Right. Like that's why, like you, you, like how much of a factor is motivated sellers? Like people get a new job, maybe or whatever, like they need to get a factor. It's an undeniable factor. But when you look at areas like Detroit and stuff, you know, I think Detroit's coming

up now, it's getting better, but people talk about some of these areas, you're like, it's so inexpensive. There's a reason. Yeah. There's a reason. It's inexpensive. There's a reason it's expensive to live in New York or the surround tri-state area. Yeah.

There's a reason it's expensive to live in Los Angeles County. There's a reason, you know, people start talking about how inexpensive everything is. Yeah. Because there are no services there on, you know, God forbid you have kids that need to go to a school. Like the, the roads suck. People can barely find you. I mean, listen, obviously there are places that are much less expensive than where we

are. And you know, this is like a bad example. Right now we're passing. What's going on here? What is happening here? There's some kind of. It's probably for me, dude. It's a drag racing thing.

There's a bunch of kids who they want to take photos of me, right? They know who we are. I don't know what to say. Right here to the left is the Americana and Manassas, all the high end stores. Oh, this is the, the Miracle Mile. We got it down south. This is the Miracle Mile. Yeah.

The Nordical Mile is down south. The Americana has your Gucci, your Prada, all that. I feel like a miracle. I'll be honest with you. It feels more like just, um, strip off for the walking. Now we're entering the North Shore. Ben has never seen the North Shore of Long Island. Oh, really?

He's never seen the Great Gatsby. I, you know, the, the, the, the, the houses that inspired that. Are we going to the, the, the big, uh, was it a Rockefeller mansion? We're going to go in there. We're going to see the, uh. I saw a wedding there. Really? Yeah.

They, they, um, it's not, it's not like the Vanderbilt Mansions, which are also Long Island and they're a little more up-kept, I think. There's Vanderbilt Mansions where we're going to be at, too. Yeah, there's some in Suffolk. There's some over here. Are you talking about the Big Stone Castle? Yeah. You shot a wedding at?

Yeah. I believe it's a Rockefeller mansion. It might have been. Yeah. It has a name. I think it's in Sans Point, but it's usually like that, like that's not usually used for that kind of stuff. They shot Great Spectations, the, the Ethan Hawke version, uh, he, they shot part of

it there. Yeah. And they used it for the show at, uh, Will Ornette, uh, the Running Wild show, no matter. Point is, uh, I was allowed in these places. They, you would think that, you know, you were taking photos. Yeah. But I, I, I was elbow to elbow with some, you know, powerful people. Of course.

And, uh. And I'm sure they were thrilled. They didn't mind. They was fine. They found me. You know, they, they, like, they respect hard. Well, they like seeing a guy sweat and run around old school. Yeah.

They like seeing a guy kind of get abused, you know, they like to see a white guy get abused. They like white slaves. Yeah. They don't want, they, they like to see a fat white guy running around with a game of succession. Yeah. Yeah.

On the floor. They're bored on the floor. They love seeing a white fat guy sing for a supper. Yeah. But, uh, but then I put my pictures on the plasma screens and they were all very like, oh, this guy. He was saying Francis hospital. This is where my grandmother died of a heart thing where they pierced her esophagus while

doing a scope or something. Even as a young kid, I was aware that this was supposed to be the heart hospital. Right. I know. And they just killed her. Yeah. They killed her. Her doctor drives a Bentley.

Doctor is rotting. Oh God. She's not killing her. Yeah. Which is like, what's just a poke around down there? She'll be fine. Ah! She's done.

Sorry. She's like, we're stuck. Sorry. We're stuck. Yeah. Our bed. Sorry. Hey.

All right. I got to go to lunch. We might as well take lunch early. Let's take lunch early. I mean, it was really crazy. I remember going out there. Did she die on the spot? Or was it like?

No. It took a while. We went in and said goodbye and kiss and hot. You know. She was like, not conscious towards the end. It's very sad when you have somebody like that. And then you're in the wing where everyone's dying and you're looking at all the other families and they got someone dying.

Yeah. You know, and everybody's kind of, you know, kind of crying and some people are smoking butts and some people, you know, everybody's on their phone. Everybody's stressed out, you know, back at that point, I had nothing going on in comedy pretty much. I mean, I had a little teeny bit going on. I remember that. So I was like, you know, I was like leaving that and then going to perform it in some

bar. You know? Or maybe a comedy club. I think you might have already done like a, like when I was kind of standing at that point. Yeah. I think I had done JFL. I think she died in 2018.

I'm exaggerating. I had more going on than I give myself credit for, but not a lot. Not a ton. I killed for your career in 2018. Yeah. My career in 2018. So now we're heading into, now you, have you ever had a wealthy friend? This is something I wanted to ask you.

Have you ever had a rich friend? Have you ever had someone that would let you in their home? Have you ever had a friend with a brand new car? What is the, what is that from Annie? No, it's from Fiddler on the Roof. If I was a rich man, have you had a rich friend? Have you ever had a person that would introduce you to their parents and bring you in their home?

I had friends who had more money than me. You know, they might have had in a certain Super Nintendo and a Genesis. Right. That's not exactly what I'm going for. Did you have friends of wealthy means? I had a few friends in high school that were wealthier than not, but I'm talking about, you know what I want, baby? I want that real money.

Yeah. Why would they be friends with me? Well, you, you need to start getting confidence. I, as an adult became friends, I befriended men who I worked with who had money. Uh, they didn't really, listen, I kind of understand that because I had thought people liked to good personalities. No one does. Right.

And no one cares if you're intelligent. That's almost a turn off. They always kind of, like, they always like say it as a kind of like, you know, you're pretty intelligent. Right. But it's never like. Right. So here's some money.

It's just like. No, no, not even that. Or why don't you come have dinner with us? Right. No one cares. It's always kind of like, yeah, you're really intelligent. You think you'd be better off. Like you think you wouldn't be such a fucking loser.

Right. That's always the vibe I get when people tell me I'm smart. Um, so I mean, I have people, like he has a thing. Like, you know, there's different types of wealth. I know people who are pretty well off who live in nice areas who kind of work their way way up there. And, uh, I know people, you know, the DJ business, I was disappointed and you, you would always told me.

Yeah. And I never understood. You would always said, I said, maybe if I do like a Netflix and stuff, maybe like rich people will start to befriend me and you would always said, you looked me like I was insane. Well, like, why would they want? I know. I didn't know. I think it was interesting that I had fought my way through comedy and, uh, I was, but

no one cares. Nor should they care. Nor should they care. The same way that like when someone come up to you after a show is a little too like familiar and like, you know, hate them, you're happy they're there, but it's a little like, ah, okay. Like it's getting a little awkward now that's like you're doing it in the reverse way. You're doing good looking people get that all the time.

Like Ben, well, if Ben didn't have a fiance, Ben could make friends with really wealthy people because people just like good looking people around. He's all right. He's compared to us. He's better. Look, compared to us, a fucking otter getting fucked with a tree branch is better. Wait, hold on. I don't, I don't think that's true.

I don't think that's true at all. Are you saying people would rather see an otter get raped? Sodomized? Potentially fucked. I think, I think Ben is good looking. I think most people think he's right, but he's not. I don't think he's got magnetic good looks that disarm the wealthy. I'm saying you put our personalities and intelligence in his body.

Can we do that? No, dummy. Let's kill him anyway. But I'm, let's kill him and rape him anyway. Like we kill you and then Ray's like, let's rape him. Like you didn't even think he was good looking. Well, what are we going to do with a warm dead body? What are we going to do with it?

We're going to waste it. My point is that I feel like if I was good looking, things would be better. Am I wrong? What? It's water wet? What's your point? I don't think people have tolerance for fat people. That's what I'm saying.

I mean, look, why do you think that like, do you realize how rich you have to be, to be interesting? And if you're fat, like Lizzo had to be the biggest star in music for people to tolerate her because she's fat. Dude, you critique these people who like go on and go like, yes, queen, whatever, and like the fat, like fat pride and all that. But like, that's the level of like insane propaganda you have to do just to get people not to hate fat people.

It's so true. And then hit them with rocks. It is true. You need to like convince them that they're like. It's true. I'm on team fatty. It's like you got to aim for beautiful just to get people not to literally burn them at the stake.

Yeah, that's true. Yeah, it's true. I grew up, people hated fat repulse by him hated them. And then no one hates a fat person more than the fat person. I know. Do you have any fat for any fat friends before you? Not really. Yeah.

I mean, I never, I was not the idea of teaming up. It's just to make it okay because I'm fat. That's the only thing I can do. Nothing. I've done multiple specials, multiple podcasts. You know, it's like, there is nothing worse in the world and this world is nothing worse than two fat people teaming up. Yeah.

That's true. Or a talentless, boring, fat person. Oh, God. If you were fat, you have to have anecdotes. You have to go into every room and start doing a jig immediately. You have to fucking sit around. That's why Ben kind of, Ben doesn't really have a personality. He just kind of like, he's just kind of always tired.

That's like his personality. He's always like tired, like he just woke up. But Jared, I don't know. I'm a pointy. I don't know. He doesn't have a personality either, probably. Right. He's just got, you know, the tired looks.

The other side of it. He has the looks of a guy. You just keep shitting on Ben. My point is that. There's levels to this shit. I know. No one's taking Jared Leto. The Jared Leto.

Ben can't pull off like the dark, brooding good looks where you can be a dick to everyone. Right. He doesn't have it like that. But he just has this thing where he's like sleepy and bashful. If me and you were sleeping bashful. Everyone like twinks him. They would taze us. Everyone finds that.

That is not like the marker, the social marker that everyone. I don't think it's good looking Ray. Like dirty, disgusting fucking muscle people that are on steroids and have no dicks. He's really shine. He seems unsure of himself. I mean, he's very sure. My point is that. He doesn't seem to.

No. I love that you're insulted. Okay. You're good looking too, Ray. I'm not. You're good looking too. I didn't mean that Ben was. Ben is 300 pounds less than you.

Yes. And has a full head of hair. But I, what my point was. Right. That Ben doesn't have to have a personality and he doesn't. Yes. We and you have to fucking dance around. We have to fucking kid around.

We have to fucking. We're on the same minivan right now. We're all. My point is that. Okay. We're going in a sans point now. Oh, there's a cop giving someone a ticket. It doesn't seem that much nicer than my neighbor.

Why is there a cop doing someone? It's a, well, we're not there yet. You fucking dumb fuck. This could be dear park. First of all, know it. A few more trees. First of all, know it could be more trees. It could not be dear park.

Let's get that straight. Right now. That guy's got a fucking nice hat. We're not in a sense point yet. Here we go. Right here. The village of sans point. Okay.

You're going to feel a change. You feel a change. There's a horse field. Yeah. That's what rich people have. They have horses. You dumb fuck. All right.

I don't, I may have been the worst one. They can't remember. So here we're going to show you all the castles. Stone castles. Well, you slow down is a winding road. You have one hand on the wheel and you can be not die. All right. Look at this person jogging.

Look at this fat mess jogging. This is what I mean. Look at this big. She's like a third the size of us. I know, but she's still a big cake. She's still a big beef cake. So here's sans point preserve. We're not, we're going to go in there in a little bit.

That's right. Yeah. That's the castle. I think we're not mad. Mine was bigger. I think actually. Yeah. But I'm just saying.

Helen Keller. Oh, this is where Helen Keller was left up and blind. She was up at sans point. No. It was Helen Keller school. So there's a lot of media types that live out here. A lot of big business people. This is the great guys.

This is called the east egg. Great neck is the west egg. The east egg is the, you know, the older money, whatever. So we're going to go down here and now the houses are starting to get nice. It's too big. You could see them. You could see they're starting to get. What are you going to do?

Like you have an indoor tennis court. That sounds nice. Right. I mean, I guess. You walk in the house. You said you spent 5 million, 10 million on the house. And you walk in and it smells like sweat. Nice.

That's what I'm sure what it is. These people have friends, right? Don't get angry at them because they have parties and friends. Yeah. Okay. There's too much like the hills are too steep in this road. The hills are alive with the sound. Look at that driverways.

It's crazy. Yeah. But these are, these are hills. These are, this is why. You might need to drive up that in the snow. Yeah. Well, that is true. I guess we should just live in fucking deer park.

I mean, look, it's flat, it's flat land. Flat land. It is flat land. Flat land is the cops don't have to work hard when they pull you out of your house because you had a domestic. Imagine me dying in one of these houses though. I think that would be. By the way, a lot of these people can imagine you dying in one of these houses because that's

what would happen if you went in one of these houses. You would be killed. Okay. See that on the hill, Ben? Yeah. See these are. Tacky. Yeah.

You're right, right. It's a beautiful, classy spot. Okay. It's very nice over here. I can't wait till the cops pull us over and they're like, what the fuck are you doing? We're podcasting. You're like, cut this shit out. I mean, sans point, you know, you're looking at four or $5 million homes.

You're looking at beautiful property. You know, really nice. You know, this is a window. I want to see something. It's something that's nice and point to air. No, it is nice. The air is nice. It's fresh.

You got fresh. You got a fresh air. And you know what it is, dude? There's no commercial establishments in sans point. There's no sidewalks in sans point. It's just a maze of trees. Yeah. I mean, this is really, it's real residential living.

So I mean Ray were realtors and like we're taking somebody around in this hilly van. They're like, why are you working with these two? And he'd be like, listen, the methods seem, uh, it seems like unconventional, but these are the two best realtors on the North Shore, Long Island. The houses are very far away and the hills provide a sound buffering. So they can't hear the children scream. Listen, this is what's your name? Mrs. Chang.

Mrs. Chang. Mrs. Chang. Smell that Mrs. Chang. That's a smell of grass. Yeah. Not the smell of rape children. Right. But you can do that too, Mrs. Chang.

No. That's the point. Anything you want. You're far away. You can spread your legs out. So here we go, right? Now this is back there. What happens there?

Who goes in that gate? Well, that's the Gatsby. Is that? That's part of the day. That's Daisy Buchanan's house or something. Why does it look like a fucking rape cage? Because what do you think it is, right? Why do you think you make all this money so you can eat Chateau Breand?

These people want to fucking have a little fun. You know what I mean? Nobody's making it so here. Do you think people, are they hunt people here ever? I don't know. Probably. Why wouldn't they? So, Ben, you see the water?

No, you don't. I want you to see it. Let me see it. Okay. Oh, that's nice. Yeah. This is on the water. You get a great view of New York City.

You dumb fucks. This is all my friends' lives here. I grew up here. You didn't know anyone here? I do, Ray. You've never met anyone who lives in San Francisco? I do. I have not, actually.

I probably have met some of these people. So here you can see the homes right on the water. These are $10 million dollars. Yeah, I photographed Donald Trump one time. Where did you photograph Trump? And here's Mafia. You can tell Mafia, Ben. Right here.

Of course, Ben. You can always tell Mafia House. You know? Telegraph. Telegraph. Yeah. Mafia. Nothing wrong with that.

They're just trying to make their bones. See, these are... These are not... It's a nice place to live. Like rich? Yeah, right? Oh, yeah. Oh, yeah.

Oh, yeah. How many people who benefited directly from the Iraq war live here? Oh, multiple people. Right. I mean, this is... You know, there are some people here that are... But no, this is massive, like intergenerational wealth. You know?

The weird thing is, these houses were like $10 million, $20 million. I mean, you want to see a crazy house? Are we allowed on this? No. Is this even a road? No. Look, Ben, see that? See that house?

This is like a cobble. What is that place? It's a fucking modern house. Really? Yeah. Are Alph Waldo Emerson going to make that or something? Yeah, that's what happened. Right.

10 of a disease control? Yeah. I don't know what it is. They probably invented AIDS here. That's where Ray was born. Ray was born on Plum Island. Ray's like, I was born on an island called Plum. I slams a saw.

I had a rib sandwich, a riblet patty. It was melted American cheese. It was keto. I said no sauce. There was a little residual. There's a little... By the way, what he described is a little residual. It's like a fad of sauce.

A little residual. Just a little residual. It's okay if that had some residual. You got to get Rayo sauce if you want a keto, Ray. That's three grams of sugar. No extra sugar. Oh, really? Yeah.

That seems... But aren't tomatoes no good? No, you could have tomatoes. You could have tomatoes on keto. Really? Yeah. I've always been told no. Well, who's telling you, Ray?

Dr. Atkins. Shut up. He doesn't know anything about keto. It's not the same diet. It's not. It's not. What's the difference? Keto is a little stricter.

It's a little different. What? Yeah, I'm telling you. What can you get at Atkins? You can't eat on keto. I don't really know, but I think... Bullshit. Atkins.

I think you can have more vegetables and stuff on Atkins. The whole idea of Atkins was ketosis. I mean, you didn't call it keto. All these guys call it keto and you're all rebranding. Can you look at the houses, please, you fat fuck? All right. And enjoy. Let's get some bacon.

We're going to eat later. Just enjoy. It's just a nice street for everyone. They're having a party here. Oh, let's ask them what they do. We're here. Ask them if they work in the defense industry. Don't do it.

They'll call the police and do it. Just wave. Wave to them. It's a team something. That means that there's... Team torture. Team torture. They have tie-dye shirts today.

Team torture. And they're going into a house. And they're going to sacrifice a child. It's Sunday, baby. I've never seen this many cars. Yeah. This is a problem. I bet you this is a big event.

It's a big political event or something. Yeah. Joe Biden's. Joe Biden's. Howdy. I wouldn't be great if Joe's here. Dude, how great would it be if Joe's in there just saying the n-word? Listen, we all hate...

I work for a pig. That company... Try to tell me what to do. So we've left Stanzpoint now. No, we're still in it. Okay. So what was that called? That was just the reserve?

No, that's one of the roads, right? That was just a road? Yeah. That felt like a weird, like a wildlife preserve for rich people. That's probably what it was. I mean... No, I mean like, you're like, oh, you're a rich people. Like when America is no longer, they'll still be living there.

They'll be okay. And you'll observe them living in their natural, like their rich habitat. Yeah. And they'll take a tour around there. You'll get to win that. If you salvage enough rats in the great rat competition they have in New York City. In the great rat competition in New York City. Kids will have to like, you know, scour for rats.

How does it sound, Ben? Does it sound okay with the windows open? Great. The kid who gets the most rats gets to witness poor people. I mean, rich people. I don't know. If you were running for president right, tell me how it happened. Look, here's what we're going to do.

We got everyone wants to tax the rich. I don't want to... Well, we pick 10% of the rich at random and we seize their assets. Okay. Interesting. You could still be wealthy. This... America is built on gambling.

Yes. That's what we are. We're gamblers. It's really what it is. It's really... You came on the Mayflower, it was a fucking gamble. It was a risk. You know, I mean, yeah, you bought slaves.

That's a little more of a short thing, I guess. But they could have gotten sick. Absolutely. The health of your slaves is a gamble. Many people in America gambled on the health of their slaves. That's what this country was built on. Buying a slave and not knowing if they were healthy or not. Yeah.

You find it's a war. Maybe it's Vietnam and you guys get fucked. Even though you sell a lot of helicopters. Who knows? So the point is, we pick 10% of you fuckers. And yeah, maybe you get got. We murder you. See the houses, Ben?

See the homes in the back? See that? We put a guillotine on the Washington Monument. It drops down. These are really wild. We kill some rich kids and rich families for all to see. And then, but 90% of the wealthy get to keep it. And then...

So you're to the right. Take a look here. That right there is one of the Gatsby houses. Gatsby wasn't a real thing. Right. Shut the fuck up. It was a book. I have to get off the journal.

Dumb fuck. Pull over here. Actual Gatsby house. This is East Egg. You fucking degenerate. Well, they didn't Gatsby live in West Egg. You got to make a left here. And then you got to exit Sands Point.

And then instead of coming down here, you're going to make... We're about to be shot. These guys asking for directions. Right up to Middle Neck Road. Easier here to distract us. And then we're going to be executed from the other side. We're not going to hear it. Silence pistols.

Maybe a knife right to my neck. This is Middle Neck Road. You take it all the way back. This is like that guy. You've heard the story. When the guy was like, hey, that's the Empire State Building. And he starts stabbing you. I guess what this is right now.

We are about to be swarmed. Thank you. This is no good. No good. That guy was just getting a look at us. So here's... This is the Hearst Castle. Oh, really?

It's used to be... They owned all the major... We did the Citizen Kane building? They owned printing presses. They owned all the press. This used to be the old Hearst Castle. Right here. That was the entrance to it.

This is what it was going to do? Okay. It did? Is this the model for what it was going to do? I don't know. Where are you from, Citizen Kane? Okay, this is a private road. And we probably will go to jail now.

But this is the head of Arizona IST. Oh, Wendy? Lives around here. Wendy lives here? Yeah, right in this house. Right there. Oh, wow. You can't even see the house.

I know. We'll get this shot. There's a dead end and just cobblestone streets. The car is beeping there. I think that old guy put a bomb in our car. We're about to get blown up. Look at the Hearst Castle. Oh, look.

We're on the curb. Jesus Christ. Oh, God, look out. There's a bomb. What are you doing? It's all going to slow down. Hit a bomb and blame it on us. Oh, this is...

This is class! See? Is that a Tudor mansion? No, Tudor is brick. Now, here is what... What's that cross all about? Is that Trucy Castle? This is another...

This is why you buy a house like this. Which is what road seems... It probably smells terrible in the world. Take a look to the right. Look at that view, Ben. You see that? Oh, it looks like... New York City looks like a shadow.

I have a better view from my roof. First of all, you ball of diabetes. That is the cover of the Great Gatsby book, Ray. Oh, these books. Oh, look at this person. Oh, God. A fucking asshole.

Man, have you killed that guy? I should. Fucked with me. I should kill him. That guy looks like shit. That does. There's always a you in a sans point, Ray. There's some guy...

I've been living here before. It was cool. The guy who invented Velcro. This is a big proof. Yeah, this is the North Shore. The beaches suck. They're rocky. You know, the water is tepid.

It's not... You know, it's fresh water because it's a Long Island sound. Here to the left. Look at that, Ben. That's... I think that's over, like, 12 mil. That's a thing.

Just 12 mil. The people who live here have so much more than 12 million, probably, right? I know, but, you know... I feel like I could get 12 million somehow. Put it this way, buddy. You can't. I'll tell you this.

You can't. I've always... I've taken your tour a bunch of times. Yeah. You talk about the building of the Dakota. Yeah. It brings truck full of financial records. Yeah.

Is there a similar process to moving to a... No, I mean, listen, you just got to buy the fucking house. That's it. There's no beauty... No, dude. People were coming in here, too,

with, like, jacked up mortgages and shit. Oh, really? Yeah, they were getting, you know... People were... I mean, they were buying... They were getting jumbo loans. You know, the jumbo market was loans, I think they were over 629,000.

That was a conforming limit. Oh, okay. So, you know... You look at Big Dead Flag pullers with that flag. Yeah. If you... You know, listen, you could...

You could get in here for a relative. You would think those loans would be hard to sell to the banks. It would be harder to, like, to make a CDO out of it. Well, they had to show a lot more... Yeah, they had to show a lot more reserves. They had to show a lot...

But they were still... I mean, listen, also, these houses, dude, are really nothing compared to the Hamptons. Oh, it's got a little lake here. It's nice. Like, the Ham... If you go out to the Hamptons,

don't forget it. Right. I mean, this is, like, nothing compared to the Ham... The Hamptons are... Yeah. It's like... You'd be like,

is that a hotel? No, that's a home. Right. You know? I mean, this is pretty... This is pretty... But it's nice. I used to...

We used to smoke pot and drive around here because there was nobody ever around here. They don't seem to have a private police force that's visible. They do.

I mean, there was somebody pulling somebody over. They do. They're just watering their own hedges, it looks like. Yeah. I mean, people here are a little down to earth, I think.

I mean, in their minds. Yeah. I water a hedge. I water a hedge. I'm not too good for water. So where are we? Are we lost? We're not lost.

No. So now we're going to show you... The problem is when you also, when you get... I've noticed when you get up here to the North Shore, your cell phone just stops working. Yes.

And, like, you can't even... Sprint does not even have a shirt. They don't have a shirt. Yeah. Maybe not at Sands Point, per se, but kind of next level down, maybe. And, like, I would come into their home

with the photographic party. And, yeah, like, you get lost. You can't even GPS. No. You... They don't... They're... No.

They want you out. Yeah. They want you out. They could put a cell tower in here. They won't. They're not going to put a cell tower in here. Look at this guy just walking.

A lot of people just walk on the side of the road here. You should be walking against traffic. That's the way I learned in the Boy Scouts. So that you can see cars and jump out of the way if you want to get out here.

What's on there? Well, that's when you see some... Is that where you're going to kill me? Yeah, that's where we're going to take you. That's when you're going to see some banana's homes. And I just don't know...

This is where John McEnroe... No, he lives in the oyster Bay Cove area, right? Yeah, that's also nice. It's also nice. Look, I've been to John McEnroe's home. I mean, outside of it.

Why were you... Well, I knew... We knew a kid, a guy I worked with who... Can you... Can you just Google Ray Sands Light Road on your phone?

We'll see if I have a fucking connection. We'll see. Usually not in this area. Where's my phone? I'll tell you one thing. I'm glad we grew up how we grew up.

Yeah. I mean, would you really want to have this monkey in your back? Yes, yes, yes. The answer is yes, I would. You have to live up to it. I was clearly being facetious.

No. I was clearly kidding when I said I'm glad we grew up with boomer parents who fed us poison. I feel like I'm more adjusted, though. Like, I understand how the world works.

You and I and most people would feel that way, too. And understanding how the world works has gotten us a lot. Yeah. It's been a real big benefit. Sands Light Road.

It's been a real big benefit to us. I was moving in directions, you mean. Yeah. I just want to show you this one little part of it. And then we can head to the

cider mill and we can get you some cider for the keto. I'm not drinking some goddamn cider. Why are you not having cider? There's tons of sugar in it. Ray, it's keto.

Yes, exactly. I feel weak in this body. Perfect in this body. Ray, you... Have you had the crumb pie? No. Ray, it's keto. It's full of crumbs.

Ray. Ray. It's not Ray, the crumbs are keto. They're keto crumbs. Oh, God. This is why we're still fat. You always act like,

oh, when I say, yeah, I was running five miles a day and they met Tammy. Like, you got fat in your own. Ray, you want... When were you...

I can't bring possibility. But my point is, you like every night... No one... Let's go to the taco bell. Let's go to the fucking... Ray, you also wanted

to go to taco bell. I agree. You never running... When you ran for a while, then stop running. I didn't tell you to stop running. No, I'm just saying

that you were a bad influence. Can we pull it over? No. No. No, it's a police department. Oh. Where? To the mansion.

I guess so. Can you find sandside, bro? I'm glad we got to my location services on. God. Oh, God. It's my fault. Taco bell is a great...

That's the only fast food I care about. Yeah. You know? You got to trouble over that. Why? Didn't you get, like, kicked off Uber for, like,

yelling at a... Yeah. I attacked an Uber guy because he wouldn't take me. He's talking about because he's being a dick. So, sand's light road. He's being a dick.

Sand's light road. It shouldn't be that hard to find. It's in Port Washington. No, it's not. Well, maybe it is. Maybe they call this... Maybe they call this Port Washington.

They're home. Half an hour away. No, it's... You're out of your mind. Hold on. I think we're almost here. Ray is completely out of his mind. I'm going by Google.

It's not. I think... No, it's not. Sand's light road. You went to Sand's Point Lighthouse? No. Okay. No.

Ray, we're on our way. I think we're here. I think I can... I'm not an idiot. Well, I'm telling you, I know how to get where we're going. I feel the way... The wealthy under...

I understand the wealthy and the wealthy understand me. And that's why I've been able to... You got a low jack in your ass. That's exactly right. I think I'm in the wrong spot, actually. I don't know. Yeah, it's probably wrong.

I'm telling you, Google is telling me a half hour away. It's not that... No, it's right around here, Ray. I mean, you're not... It says Sand's Point Road... Sand's Light Road, Sand's Point, New York. I'm going to tell you.

And it's a half hour away. We're in Sand's Point. I mean, I don't know... The whole thing is the size of a fucking... It's a goddamn maze. It's like playing Metroid. You know what I mean? They all look the same.

All these fucking houses. Oh, big mansion. Oh, big mansion. Oh, big mansion. Very nice. Very nice. That's how we sell houses as realtors. We use reverse psychology.

Oh, you live here. You want a big mansion? That's the road, I think. Cornwell's Beach Road, I think is the road. Oh, Cornwell's Beach Road. That's Sand's Light Road. Cornwell takes you to Sand's... I'm the asshole.

I just sent you a fat slob. Well, you're a real man. You want a mansion? Oh, here it is. Maybe this is it. The road we were already on? I'll tell you right now. Tim just started to turn off.

Didn't he? Oh, here it is. I'll tell you right now. You're already on the road. Everything I've done, I've done for the Lord. Here it is. I should never doubt myself. I always know what real money is.

And I should never ever... Off-spec lane. That's not even wrong. I should never ever... I should never... Look at these houses, Ben. Ben, this is the big money bag. That's too steep of a goddamn driveway.

Right. If you bring up the steep driveway again, I'm going to throw you out. Is there really a community center in this town? The best basketball court. Community center. So here's where we're going to get to this straight up. I mean, what if you want to go get like a pack of cigarettes

or a taco? Like you have to... It's in their home. You sent your maid to do it. Now, Ben, look. I want Ben to see some wealth. Take a look, Ben. I'm happy.

They're not happy. They don't understand. See, Ben, see through the hedges. Can you see it? You can't see it. I see stuff. Oh, it's like a field. What is it?

It's a... It's blah. It's not blah. There's a beautiful home over there. There's a batting cage. Nice. Okay. We'll see it on Google Image later.

Slow. Children playing. I don't see children playing. I've seen a child here all day. What are they talking about? See, these, Ben, this is the real money. See this? It's real money.

You know, they're in that private house. They let you see it from the street. It's a good... You know what, Ray? I don't entirely disagree with you. I actually don't entirely disagree. No, but you know, they want privacy and everything, but... Sure.

Hey, Tim, roll my window up and down. I don't know why your window was rolled down, Ben. Your window should not be down. Your comfort is not paramount. You're working. Okay? Fat ass. Ray's right.

You are disgusting. You are gross. You're not getting any wind on these mics? No, it's... See, take a look. Take a look. See this? Yeah, it's just like a marina.

I can, like, put, you know, a fucking patch on it. Ray, I know that you're not impressed by anything. Ben grew up in Texas in a bag of Fritos. All right. Like, I was in the... On the ocean a month ago. It's fine. What is this?

This is a wicker fence? Like a wicker basket? What is this? They're like shaped like stalks of wheat. Oh, this is where... This is nice, actually. It's nice. It'd be nice if it didn't say no parking.

Yeah, no. It really does kind of ruin it. It does kind of ruin it. You know, it's going to park here anyway. We're going to get blown over here. Some guy's blowing his babysitter. It'd be funny if my aunt's car broke down and we had to explain to her why we were all the way in Sands Point.

I would probably just block every one of my family and get out of here. Instead of explaining why we were in this wealthy area. Throw some drugs, throw them in the car first, and then... Yeah, right. Throw some coke, frame my aunt. Frame my aunt. But it is... You know, listen, man, there's something about living by the water, dude.

I got to be honest. You know, it's a beautiful way to live. Yeah, I mean, Hurricane Sandy, though. These houses are probably a suspect. I mean, that's true. But a lot of these people really kind of like natural disasters. Yeah, they make a lot of money. You know, they enjoy them.

You know, because they're like, yeah, our house got fucked, but that a million other houses got fucked, you know? They called the suck fund. The suck fund. You're sucking and fucking. What's going on? My name is Raymond, and I'm the new tutor. Knock on one of the doors.

I'm the new tutor. I'm here to teach the kids. It's not your sayings. I'm very good, actually. I'm here to teach the humanities. Chemistry? It's a beautiful house. What kind of berries, though?

You think those are like expensive berries in the trees? Why don't you go eat one? See if you collapse. What is this? Fenced off. This is the hobbit. What is this? Like a stone fence.

Like a cobbles. Let's just go in your driver. See what happens. I mean, you know what? If I had a license, I would. I really would. I'm not kidding. If I had a license and I was in my car, I would.

I love the idea. We're just dry. We're like, we're almost definitely going to get pulled over at some point and would get pulled over if you had a license. Well, I don't think we're going to get pulled over, right? First of all, people know who I am. Like when they see me. They've seen you on the comedy knockout or whatever.

They understand. I've been on TruTV. It's fun when somebody meets a celebrity. You know? Officer, officer. I know him live at Gotham. Hey, no, no, it's okay. You see, like, they pull over this drunk guy.

He's got a hooker. Don't worry. So much premium blends. Don't worry about it. This guy was great. Why not? He's probably done bad things. It's all over, sir.

Wouldn't it be funny if we just looked at him and went, this is for Asia. This is for the kids. This is for what you did at Kuala Lumpur. He's just nods knowingly. He just nods. He accepts his fate. That was Sam's point. What's everyone think?

A little tacky. I don't think it's worth all the war crimes. That's a good point. I mean, it seems like I'm a little more... Like, is this really... Like, I pictured... Like, I'm not a fucking, you know... Here comes Ray.

Ray's about to say something that doesn't... I thought you were going to say, like, I'm not a rich class of man. No. I don't want to be the bleeding heart here, but like... You know, like, if you kill one guy, they get a mansion. Yeah, right. But I mean, like, starting off... You know, I run the cops in the minivan.

I got a bike. I got a bike. Stop sign. Stop sign. Jesus Christ. Try not to peel rubber. Uh, but yeah, I mean... I can't.

I don't want to raise the mic. I feel like, uh... You know, I can see killing... You know, robbing a bank, killing a guy to get some money. But I mean, to start a fake war, I think you would get more than this. More than, like, you know, a little privacy at a house by the water.

I mean, just, like, thousands of... Millions of Cambodian kids dead. And, like, oh, but I can fish off my dock. And, like, you know... It just doesn't seem like enough. Right. They have multiple properties, Ray, and you have to realize a lot of those houses

you didn't see, they were beautiful. The hedges were very nice. They're nice. They were nice. You've never even seen the inside of them. They're gorgeous. Alright, but, like, a million... Don't judge genocide until you've been in the kitchen.

I'm just saying, like... You've never been in an house that's exposed barn style, and the kitchen is beautiful and has a very high ceiling. Oh. What's exposed barn? Is that, like, a... You know, like, with the beams and everything? It's fucking nice.

It's like a little cathedral. Yeah. Alright. Like, I got it. Goddamn mouth. This guy smoking a cigarette like a cool guy. Oh, you're a cool guy? You being a cool guy?

Start screaming out. I mean, honestly, this looks like Long Island Avenue right now into your park. This doesn't look nice. Well, once you get out of this, you're out of this. These people get in an escalade, roll the windows up, and they don't look...

They don't look out the window again until they're in their office in midtown. Right. Look at the fuck. I mean, it seems so far from even the LAE that it's like an extra 45 minutes to get home. Look at this hippie. Like, he just built their little enclave

closer to the LAE. I used to suck off this guy, who was like a young kid, he was like 20, and he worked at a dairy barn around here, and his family also worked in dairy barns. They were like a dairy barn family. Whoa. But they had pride in it,

and it was the saddest thing ever. There's nothing sadder than a whole family who works at a shitty job. I know a guy who worked at a dairy barn who got shot in the face and died. Like, he's like, yeah, I work at a dairy barn because my dad does. It's like, oh, that's not the way

that's supposed to work. But let me tell you this, the guy at the dairy barn by me, he got killed, shot in the face one night at a dairy barn. Why? Someone was robbing the dairy barn. Can you roll my window up?

I have child locks on my goddamn window. Why was somebody rolling? Why was somebody... So somebody just shot him in the face? Yeah. Well, did he get loud or something? Maybe he didn't want... Maybe he said, like, do you need all the money

or, like, please? Yeah. You know Long Island, your wise-ass dairy barn guy. Hey, what are you going to do with this money? Oh, you got, what, 300 bucks? What, are you going to buy a house? Tough guy.

He probably deserved it. He deserved getting some lead in his face. This is the marina we saw before. It's a schlocky marina. It's like anything you see in fucking, you know, within hurts or patch hog. It's just a big nothing. That's a shitty boat.

Fucking shitty boat. Look at that shitty boat. What a shitty boat. I'm not impressed by the rich. I'll tell you that. I'm not impressed. I'm not impressed. Doesn't matter to me.

I don't give a shit about nothing. I don't care. I don't care what you do. That woman looks nice. She was elderly, right? She's an elderly woman. She's an elderly woman. She's an elderly woman.

She's an elderly woman. She's an elderly woman. I think it was her age in the Eurovision. I think it was probably like a 50-year-old. I mean, I did hook up with the 53-year-old once. Yeah, that's right. Explain the circumstances of that. We were just drunk, trash, the bar,

we were both showing. What bar? It was some bar up on like ... God. It was like, we ended up on ... It was when I was over-living in Holbrooke, it was like, it was on Porching Road, I think. What kind of woman was she?

You know, a big tuft of hair, a big matted hair, a big ... I got a Jerry Curley kind of vibe. Not bad. I have a picture of her. We were playing pool. I'm sure she was a beautiful woman.

We were playing pool. She wasn't bad. She had a nice body. And she kicked me out in the morning because I was snoring. But we made love. Wait a minute, hold on. You made love.

Well, I don't know if I actually can perform. We were pretty drunk. You just collapsed. And it woke up two hours later. She was like, you have to go. I mean, at one point ... You collapsed? Wait a minute, hold on.

I didn't collapse, but we were like ... Who's Marianne Dalamonte, Democrat for town cats? Hey, Marianne! We should call her. I mean, we should have her in the park. Hey, Marianne! Shit is fucked up in here.

Can you fix this? Laffy real estate. Hey, Marianne! I tried to buy a house. Some guy told me $900,000. What are you fucking nuts, Marianne? This place is called I Love Hearing. I love hearing.

What is this place? Dude, that's how we market goods and services. Now it's just things you should be able to do. I love walking. I want to go to I Love Walking. You were in the windows back down where there's a hotbox here. I love walking.

Well, I mean, do the child lock then. This goes, this is the regular app. Anyway. No, it's a fire chief. There's cops everywhere. Stop being a cunt, man. You pussy bitch. This is called logistics.

Yeah, I met her at a one bar. I think she had been cut off. I was pretty drunk. And then she wants some of my beer. I gave her some. And then when we like, I should go out of here. I'm like, yeah, sure. And then she's like, oh, we got to my car.

She's like, oh, I forgot my shoes. She's barefoot, as I realized at this moment. And I'm like, where are your shoes? She's like, ah, they're inside somewhere. And like, I think she had one of them. And so I went in and like, they never kind of kicked her out. Or they were really happy she was gone. And I'm like, I didn't want to see her shoes.

She's missing a shoe. And they're like, what? No. And like, I went in the garbage. You couldn't find it in the garbage. She was looking for her shoes in the garbage. She was looking for this woman's shoes in the garbage. Well, I mean, I was trying to be a nice guy.

Yeah. And then I gave up. And I came back. They don't have your shoe. And we just left. And we went to some other bar. Some other bar. She doesn't have shoes.

I just told me, you better buy drinks this bar. But she ended up buying all the drinks, I think. Now, what season was it? What month? I think it was like the fall. Okay. So she's shoeless in the fall. Yeah.

Maybe the spring. Maybe the spring. I don't think it was summer. Okay. And you go to the next bar and she buys all the drinks. Yeah. I mean, I might have bought one round. I think she told me.

Now, at what point do you decide that you and her are going to go home? Well, no matter. I mean, I decided that. But I mean, I didn't. Oh, what point? I kind of thought we were going home. Oh, we got to my place for... We went back to my place at one point.

My house. Was Mary there, the cat? Well, yeah. Well, she came in and she was like, this place smells like cat piss. Well, he ain't wrong. I couldn't change his litter box more often. I'll admit. Right.

So you wouldn't... I thought it was done so. I thought we were like, oh, that's it. No one's getting late at night. But she's like, let's go to my place. And so we did. Okay. She had a nice...

I mean, maybe her son just died or something. I don't know. Because she seemed to have like a nice house and like... She didn't see... It was much nicer than you would think. It wasn't like a rundown shitty house. It's a nice house in somewhere like in the spittany or whatever. And like it was well kept.

We danced to Van Morrison before we got into bed. What song? I forget. Brown Eyed Girl probably? Jesus. Maybe it was a... I mean, the visuals of this are so harrowing. I mean, this is a horror film.

This is an absolute horror film. I mean, that is a scene in a horror film that's talked about over and over. People are like, did you see when they were dancing to Brown Eyed Girl right before it collapsed? I mean, I can't even imagine. I mean, you're like, what was the worst part of it? The bloodletting? No, not even that.

The torture scenes? No. They danced to Brown Eyed Girl. Where were you dancing? In the kitchen. Oh, God. And then... Yeah, you know, we got dressed and we got in the bed and then...

You can't remember what happened. I remember not getting erect. It was a lot of whiskey. And then what happened? I fell asleep and then the next thing I know, she's waking me up. She's yelling at me. I go. You have to go.

And I go. Romantic. Nice. And then so I'm rushing out the door like it's a movie. Maybe she was married. Maybe. But she was like, I don't have to go that fast. I was like, I was popping around trying to get my pants on.

Oh, what a sweet lady, huh? Well, look. I mean, maybe if I'd given her a nice bit of pipe, maybe she would have been a little less agitated about my snoring or whatever. So then you don't keep in touch with her? I didn't. I didn't get her yearbook. I didn't find her.

But on the path that night, the bar we went through, they seemed to know who she was. She was a regular drunk. Oh, I'm sure they did. She was dancing. We were dancing at one point in the bar. She had no shoes. To what song? I think just a Molly Cyrus song or something.

Yeah. We were playing pool. I was like doing anything when I was holding her waist while she was teaching her how to play pool. Oh, God. I'm thinking of a montage of this. It just ends with 9-11. Like somehow you guys made 9-11 happen.

I'm teaching her how to play pool and dance with a brown-eyed girl. Next thing I know. Building 7. And New York City fell. Next thing I know, there's goddamn planes flying in the fucking buildings. She wakes me up. She says, get up. Get up.

We're at war. The country's at war. Wait a minute. That wasn't rude. I mean. Yeah, look. I mean, she was a sweet lady. I don't mind.

I think it was fun. Ben, you like cider? You like apple cider? Yeah. Apple cider. Look, it makes you shit badly. It goes right through you. It makes black people shit and my friend's mother.

What does that mean? Meaning that they have a sensitive system to apple juice. Apple juice makes me shit. Okay. It's very... That might be a thing. Yeah. It's because it's like...

I'm not sure. It's got a lot of fiber. Ben has never been to Jeremy's alehouse in Freeport. Have you been there, Ryan? Uh, I don't think so. It's great. Apple juice has a lot of fiber and sort of cider. And so that's part of the whole, the ball game when it comes to shitting.

It's having a lot of fiber, liquid fiber inside you. I have to do shows tonight at the stand. I really don't even want to. There's a nice country club band in the left. Which one is this? I don't know. Sands Point country. Something like that.

Maybe it's North Hills. I forget. Yeah. I don't even want to do show. Like, dude, I do shows in New York. It's just rich people. You know? It's just wealthy, young people.

And you're like, oh, I'm kind of... You're like, I'm barely... I'm like, not as excited. Like, what do you do? It's like, oh, I market, you know... My new roommate is a jewel salesperson. It's like some of the sales jewel stuff. You mean the vape?

Yeah, but not like... They're working at Bodega. Like a corporate salesperson or something. Okay. So, you know... They're living with you. They must be doing well. I think we got a nice new place.

Yeah. So you have a... You and Lucy and then him. It's a woman. Oh. Yeah. What's her deal? I don't know.

I mean, she seems... She wanted to get a dog. We told her she couldn't. She might try to screw us to get a dog anyway. And I'm... I don't want to kill a dog. I'm not going to hurt a dog. But, you know, is there anything I could do to, like, screw her?

Yeah, not move in with someone who's hell-bent on getting a dog. Well, no, she... Iron that out up front. That would be what you could do. Well, we didn't have any power. We never even put it to father though. And she came in. And she...

It's not like it was our place. And she, like... We screwed her. You know, it's like... Oh, you moved into her place. No, we both... It was an apartment building. Yeah, so shouldn't you have sat down and had a little meeting in the mines about Pats before you?

We did. And she said... We agreed, agreed. She wouldn't get a dog. I was just worried that she's going to break her... Because, like, we got there. And then, at least, it's, like, written in, like, you should get... She can have a dog.

And I'm like, what's this all about? Like, you know, that she... Because she had gotten in before us. And it was like, is she going to get a dog? And, like... And she's trying to, like, back end the deal here. And she's like, no, because at least you can't have a dog. But you're actually allowed to.

So she said she wouldn't get a dog. So I wrote in and made Lucy sign, you know, this whole thing of, like, we do not want a dog. I don't know. I'm just wondering if there's any tactics I could use to... If she tries to screw us to get a dog. Throw her, like, stuff in the garbage. I mean, I love that it's a radio war. How long have you been living there?

Well, she's not... Right now, we're nice. We're nice. But you're just anticipating a war. I'm always anticipating a war. I'm always predicting... Like, we're not a roommate. She's self-dual.

I'm getting ready to throw her shit out. Because she might get a dog. What else could I do? Smear some blood on the door? I'm ready. I'm always prepared. How did you meet this person? The building, you know, recruited her.

They recruited her and you and Lucy? Whatever. They, uh... I don't even understand this. They're like, hey, you can move in here, but you gotta live with this fat guy and his check. Oh, no! I come into the apartment. You like it?

I live here. So I'm gonna fucking dog. I'll beat the shit out of you. I'll fucking kill you. And the dog. All right. I mean, it's... It's amazing to me.

Look, I wanted a nice place to live finally. It's not that nice. I mean, you know, we have a refuge room and a real place to put a garage. You know, it's nice. Yeah. You ever seen this, like, a room where you just throw the garbage in? No. You have a chute and, like, the recycling goes into it.

It's just a room and, like, you don't have to go outside. It's nice. It's one of these buildings. It's got a gym in the basement. It's nice. Oh, I see what you mean. Excuse me. All right.

When you're in Brooklyn, you're enjoying it there? In Brooklyn, I'm enjoying it. My roof is wonderful. I was talking to you the other day on the phone. I was looking at the Freedom Tower. Oh, good. Oh, good for you. Right.

It was a nice view. I was there last night. I was at the 9-11 mall. We've been to? Oh, yeah. The Strings. They built that out of the car. Like, that whole thing is built from repurposed parts of the buildings.

Yeah. Yeah. I mean, it's like a whale car. It's really, it's a joke that you'd make and somebody would tell you not to be inappropriate. And it's then, the reality is, it's legitimately a mall. Yeah. You'd be literally at the, like, the old memorial site when you're reading the names back in, like, 03.

Yeah. And you'd be like, yeah, five years is going to be a product here. Yeah. Like, shut up. Shut up, right? No. Like, stop. Now it's exactly what it is.

Yeah. Patrice O'Neill called it years ago. He's like, yeah, there'll be people with selfies, taking selfies. Yeah. You know? Taking selfies. I mean, it's not just that it's a mall. It's one of the most affluent malls I've ever seen in my life.

Oh, it's very, yeah. Only exclusively rich stores. Well, yeah. You know, the false flag's got to be worth something, right? Yeah. You know what I'm saying? Nobody did a false flag to move in a Walmart. We're doing this for Denny's.

This is Mon Blanc pens, you dumb fuck. You want to sign contracts with a nice pen. Yeah. I think everyone now accepts that the day is shady. And I don't mean everyone, but like, most people in our generation and younger, the day is shady. What? 9-11.

Oh, is that what you got? Is that the new term for 9-11, the day? No, I just said. The day is shit. Like, the day. I like that. Yeah. Well, I'm just saying, I think after Epstein and after everything that everybody's seen.

Oh, yeah. Everybody's kind of like revisiting that in their own head going, yeah, it doesn't make any sense. There was a point, like, when the JFK film came out, people were still like, fuck this, Oliver Snow. But I feel like by 2002 or 2004, and we're seeing the Iraq war, we know something's crooked and it's like, yeah, they probably killed Kennedy. It takes you 20, 30 years.

Yeah. But like, are they ever going to like, no for sure? Probably not. Like, just like in, what, 78 or like 85, whatever, there's some House committee has like, or select certain- Yeah, they conclude there's a problem. A cool single evidence. Yeah, there's like a probable conspiracy.

And we're like, huh, all right, like whatever. We're like, huh, I guess so. Someone did something. Whatever you say. But yeah, so 9-11, I mean, people are kind of like, I don't know how you could see the Iraq war and how, and the whole path of it. Because Afghanistan is one thing. Yeah, Afghanistan, we go there, and we, of course it's bullshit, but, you know, it makes sense

at least on paper. But like, the amount of people who are convinced that Saddam Hussein was behind 9-11, and that like, and just the leaps we made, any reasonable person would have to- Hold on. I asked him that. Sir. Sir, hello. What do you want to-

Sir, do you know where the northern state is? Oh, it's that way. That way. Oh, thank you. I think he's pointing to the LA. Yeah, this is northern state. This is- look at the brick and stuff. Yeah, because I'm trying to get to the Cider Mill.

Why don't you put the Cider Mill in your phone? I want Ben to see the fall the way we do at Long Island. I've never been to the Cider Mill. You've never been to the Cider Mill? I think you brought home the Cider. What kind of dumb fuck are you? I went to Yapink firms. Yeah.

Is there a fan we can turn on, at least? Right. It's not everyone's fault. You're 900 pounds. I'm not 900 pounds. Um... Jericho Cider Mill? Yes.

They're probably closed. No, they're not. Sunday too? Better not be closed. In Jericho? Correct. What does it say to do? Uh, it is 50-

It's not 50. Hold on. I have it by train. Maybe that's the problem before. It was by train. Okay, it's 11 minutes away. Hold on. No, you fucked up.

Oh, there you go. Get on the Expressway. I know what I'm doing. I'm that guy. Slide left onto the I-495. Wouldn't it be funny if the GPS was like, there are lanes going east? There are lanes going west.

What's going on here? And then there are lanes going straight down. Why is it so backed up? Jesus. It's backed up. You know everybody's going to see their mamas. I'm going to see my mamas. I'm going to see my mama.

It's Sunday mama making the meatballs. They got to talk about how great Trump is. I loved Donald Trump. I used to... I used to... You know, when we would go out to dinner, he would quiet me when I would talk about Mexicas. Now it's all good.

She goes, you let her fly. Well, are you getting off? No, I mean... That guy, that guy uses this ramp and then... It's a dick move. It's not a dick move. This is like classic like, you know, just shitty person things.

Sorry that I'm a winner. We have an HOV lane you can use probably. Sorry that I'm a winner. But how long are we on this? Let's see, for two minutes, right? 6.4 miles. We'll get into the HOV. Is that really...?

On the weekends, it's even a thing. People seem to avoid it though. Think about the HOV is that even though it's only active from like, you know, for two hours in the morning and two hours at night during the week, people avoid it the other time. So you can get in there when you're allowed to use it. It's a Long Island tip from Ray.

So if you're drunk... What's that in the HOV? It's fine. You only have one D-Way. I have a D-W-A-I. What does that mean? I'd rather be impaired, but I'll still keep you out of Canada in many situations.

You can take your chances. Right. I'd like to have you come up for the live podcast. I could have risked it. I would have gone back in cuffs. I wouldn't have minded. I didn't want to risk you being out of money or whatever. I appreciate it.

Yeah. Yeah, it takes a while. I think it's a retaliatory thing because we put some restrictions on Canada or maybe because of what we do in Mexico. Canada's like, no, we're going to fuck you guys now. Right.

And suddenly do that. Right. Yeah. I get it. Yes. I didn't even go... Can you get my nasal spray on my bag, Ben? It should be towards the top.

Ben, put his hand in your bag. There's just a spider. What? There's roast beef and cheese in there. That's my spider. Here's my pack. Also, a bottle of water. I'm excited for my whistle.

I'm excited for you to go to the cider mill for the first time, Raymond. I mean, I can't enjoy it any of it. You can enjoy it all, Raymond. Will they have any thick cut bacon? They have candy bacon dipped in apple glaze. That's so good. They don't have that even.

I mean, look, there's an applewood farm. Maybe they have that stuff there. How about they have Swiss roll ice cream? What, like a Swiss roll with ice cream? It's yum-yum. Hmm. There's a lot of good food there for all the fat sickles. All the fatties.

Is it a Nassau thing, or the fat-suffic people come out for it? No, fat-suffic people stay in there. Suffic really isn't to go to the Hamptons. It's a real dump. Your park was quite nice. Nassau is the whole... Like, Nassau is the character in the culture. I mean, I grew up in Suffolk, so I just agree.

Dude, Nassau County Anthem was much better at Nassau County State of Mind than Suffolk tried to do it. What'd Suffolk do? They were like, oh, we're in that patandies. Remember that? We're about to flan this duck. It was like horrific. Now, what is this nasal spray for?

It's just, I've been getting over a cold slash... Slash make me up? What is it? No, slash an allergy thing. You addicted to the spray? No, it's a British saline. People can... Can you get on your phone and tell me where to go to get to the...

I mean, this is how much... How much fucking... I wanted to get on my way back there. It's crazy. It's not good for you, these things. It's saline. All right, that's it? It's salt water.

There's nothing else in there? Nothing. 3.8 miles. All right. You know, I mean, I'm trying to take care of my... It makes me money, this voice. I know. So this is...

The expressway really doesn't have a lot of charm. No. It's kind of a dull road to drive down. The northern or southern state definitely has a little more of a scenic aspect to it, but it was built in racism. And so, I don't know. It's a trade-off. Right, it's a trade-off, because on one hand it's racist,

but on the other hand, it's charmless. That's not really what a trade-off is. The northern state... The southern and northern states are more charming. Right. It's understandable. That's what I'm saying. That's a trade-off.

I mean, you drive through certain parts of the northern state. It's quite nice. By Hofstra, I just drive there every day. I went to Hofstra for a year, and I failed Japanese. Why did you take Japanese again? I like Japanese cinema. I liked anime at the time.

Right. I thought it would be kind of cool. I mean, who doesn't want to go to Japan? Japan seems like a proper place. I would love to go to Japan. It's too pricey right now. It's not feasible. It's a hard language to learn.

What does that mean? My major is film. What does that mean? Love that you're walking around Japan like... What does that mean? That's it. That's for me. Alright, so we...

2.3 a month. Five minutes away, apparently. Yeah, this is a great... Dude, when I was a child, I would go because my grandfather lived in Muttin' Town, had a pool at a tennis court, two and a half acres. Not a big deal. Eight bathrooms in the home.

And the point is that we would then go to get cider and maybe, and then every now and then I'll bring an apple crump pie to an event and I'll get it from here. Are you going to eat at the cider mill? What do you mean? You're going to eat these treats there? I'm going to see what treats they have.

Because if you're going to eat, I'll just bring my roast beef with me, I'm saying. No, no, idiot. Alright. We're going to eat Jeremy's later. We can eat Jeremy's. What's Jeremy's? Jeremy's ale has a free port.

Okay. Me and Pat are getting buffalo shrimp. Ooh. And all this good stuff. Can you get a steak? No. Dude, it's all keto. Okay.

Dude, keto is a state of mind. Oh. Do you know what I mean? Like, it's not a specific set of nutritional guidelines. Okay. It's a state of mind. You can eat keto and eat bread. You can be keto and have ice cream.

I mean, it's just got to believe in yourself. You can be keto and have sugar. You're keto. Like Paul Wolffort's, believe in yourself. Yes. Dude, you can be 600 pounds and you can just go, I'm keto as fuck. I should be a rapper called Keto Kump.

I'm just a really fat rapper. I'm just talking about how I'm like, I need bacon. I need cheese. Fucking please. I don't eat carbs. I smoke mobs. I don't eat carbs.

I'm Keto Kump. People are like, this is horrific. I come, not carbs. Are you still making EDM music? I know you're still pursuing your career as an EDM DJ. I don't know if I'm ever actively pursuing a career, but yes, I'm still, we went through a little bit of transition moving,

but I'm getting my stuff set back up. But yeah, I have a new track. Do you want to get off here? Oh yeah, 106. 40, 41? Yeah. You started asking me about my new passion, and I'm sorry I missed the exit.

I was wrong exit. I know. Yeah, North. Yeah, but we can get there, right from here? We should be able to, I guess. I mean, this is for, oh yeah, let's just go. Let's go North. The North, yeah.

Keto Kump. Yeah, I may have programmed beats. I mean, I have a new, I'll put a link on my Twitter soon, maybe today. So people can check out my beats on SoundCloud. You know, I'm just doing my thing. I ain't trying to run the world here,

just thinking some beats. Word up, bro. I'll get a show. After we get some cider, we'll see more of my grandfather lives, and then we'll head down South Shore. And we will have lunch, or late lunch at Jordan's... Oh, you're going to Jordan's Lobster?

No, we could go there too, actually, but... Let's get some lobster. Let's get a fucking full... Dude, you can go to the, you can go to Jeremy's and get any fish you want. Oh, really? I mean, yes, but I mean, you know, Jeremy's also has, like, mozzarella sticks

and chili cheese spots. You can't eat mozzarella sticks on Keto. Yes, you can. They're breaded. Bread is okay on Keto. Oh, God. Dude, bread is... What Keto are you doing?

The Keto where you actually lose weight. I'm sorry, the Keto where you don't... Okay, can I tell you the rules of Keto? Yeah. Say, repeat after me, ready? Yes. I'm Keto. I'm Keto.

That's it. It's like a prayer. If you say I'm Keto before what you eat, it's okay. Okay. If you look at a loaf of bread, you go, I'm Keto. Are they gonna like,

these friends you have out in California, the ones, these guys who are like, you know, you're betters, but the guys you're trying to impress. Yeah. Are they gonna like, you know, if you stay fat, you're talking shit about Keto,

you're like, I'm on Keto. I'm not staying fat. I've lost a lot of weight. I'm continuing to lose weight. Well, you know, this is an entertainment program. At the moment... This is where Otto the Ghost was,

here to the right. It's an entertainment program. And I worked here. That was Otto the Ghost. Oh, the Millbridge. I used to do weddings there. What do you say? One time a Russian mother of the groom,

I think she wanted to fuck me. She was dancing with me. So you say if I stay fat, are my friends gonna be my friends? I don't know, maybe. I'm just saying you're talking a lot of shit. They seem to care about Keto a lot. And you're saying I'm on Keto,

and you're hurting the image. So you're saying Rogan. Well, Rogan like, if I'm still fat. Yeah, I don't want to bring up the... Just the one person. You're running him out. You're running him out.

And Rogan's gonna be like, look, you're making my Keto thing look bad. He doesn't do Keto. Yeah. I think he does the primate diet, right? He does something, but he has carbs, but he just works out a lot.

Now, I'm losing. I have an overall commitment to losing weight. Everyone knows that. All right. Everyone knows that, but I'm also a comedian. I'm also here to entertain people. But we're gonna be off mic,

and you're gonna be eating the doughnut in a minute. That's not true, Ray! It's Keto, bitch! You dumb fuck! Oh, this is smaller than I thought it would be. We're gonna get re-rendered. This guy is down. All right.

Relax! You're... How animalistic is Long Island, dude? Well, you're being a maniac right now. How animalistic is Long Island? You can block in the driveway here. This was... All right.

Hold on. We gotta go get some Keto snacks. We're stopping. Look at him.