The Tim Dillon Show - 229 - Blankets and Bug Chasers

Episode Date: December 6, 2020

Tim discusses the Comedy Store documentary on Showtime, the decor of Whitney Cummings party, bug-chasers and Ben's dark mind, the Candace Owen's backlash, and Ellen Degeneres's latest business venture... in this crumbling metropolis. Bonus Episodes every week: ▶▶ https://www.patreon.com/thetimdillonshow OFFICIAL MERCHANDISE ▶▶ https://www.bonfire.com/store/the-tim-dillon-show/ Ray Kump's Wine Princess shirt: https://www.bonfire.com/store/kump/ ▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬   SUPPORT OUR SPONSORS:   👛 WALLETS: get 10% off a ridge wallet ▶▶ https://www.ridge.com/tim 🩳 UNDERWEAR: Order with PROMO CODE Tim30 to save 30% until Christmas ▶▶ https://www.sheathunderwear.com/ ⌚ WATCHES: Get 20% OFF and FREE SHIPPING ▶▶ https://www.vincerowatches.com/Tim 🔒 VPN: Get three months free ▶▶ https://www.expressvpn.com/timdillon 🥣 CEREAL: Use code TimDillon for free shipping! ▶▶ https://magicspoon.com/timdillon 🔵 BLUE CHEW : Use promo TD ▶▶ https://bluechew.com/ 💊 HEALTH: Use code TIM for 20% off sitewide ▶▶ https://omaxhealth.com/ 🤖 MANSCAPED: Use code TIMD ▶▶ https://www.manscaped.com/ 👨‍🦱 HAIR LOSS: ▶▶ https://www.keeps.com/TimDillon 💎 JEWELERY : Use promo TIM ▶▶ https://www.anvilrings.com/ 📦 SHIPPING: Enter code TIMDILLON ▶▶ https://www.shipstation.com/ 🎧 HEADPHONES: For 15% off! ▶▶ https://www.buyraycon.com/tim 🤳 COLOGNE AND SKINCARE: Use code TIM ▶▶ https://hawthorne.co/ 🧉 HYDRATE: ▶▶ https://www.drinkhydrant.com/TIM 👚 CLOTHING: ▶▶ https://fuct.com/ 🛏️ BEDS: ▶▶ https://helixsleep.com/timdillon 🥇 GOLD: ▶▶ Text TIM to 474747 🚗 INSURANCE: ▶▶ https://gabi.com/timdillon 🚬 QUIT SMOKING: Use code TIM: ▶▶ https://lucy.co 🎹 MUSIC ▶▶ https://www.natebergmansings.com/ ⚓ NICK DAVIS'S PODCAST (BELOW DECK) ▶▶ https://podcasts.apple.com/us/podcast/another-below-deck-podcast/id1216741721 🏀 FANTASY SPORTS ▶▶ https://www.draftkings.com/ use code DILLON 💆THERAPY ▶▶ https://www.betterhelp.com/TIMD 💊 NO DAYS WASTED ▶▶ https://nodayswasted.co/TIM use code TIM 🥩 UNITED HARVEST ▶▶ https://unitedharvest.com/TIM for 20% off 📦 BOX OF AWESOME ▶▶ http://boxofawesome.com use code TIMDILLON at checkout for 20% off   ▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬   𝐆𝐄𝐓 𝐂𝐎𝐍𝐍𝐄𝐂𝐓𝐄𝐃: 📸 Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/timjdillon/ 🐦 Twitter: https://www.twitter.com/TimJDillon 🌍 Tim Dillon Live Dates!: http://timdilloncomedy.com/#shows 📹 Subscribe to the channel: https://www.youtube.com/channel/UC161r7ShBvMxfyzCtiSMRbg Listen on Spotify! https://open.spotify.com/show/2gRd1woKiAazAKPWPkHjds   ▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬   ▶▶ Ed McMahon benavery33@gmail.com https://www.instagram.com/benaveryisgood/ https://twitter.com/benaveryisgood   ▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬ #TheTimDillonShow   Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

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Starting point is 00:00:00 Ladies and gentlemen, welcome to the Tim Dillon Show. I am Tim Dillon, comedian member of the media and the father of Candace Owens child and I did not announce that when she was on But I feel like it's time to come clean with you and let you know that the child of Candace Owens will be having is mine Ben by the way a lot of people not really for were angry about Candace coming on the show and they said I didn't push back enough, which I did But you know who did no pushback Ben Ben said nothing the entire interview. He wasn't even on screen Okay, and I don't platform anyone he runs the tech he chose to platform
Starting point is 00:00:55 Candace Owens and say nothing not one rebuttal. I Thought he booked Megan the stallion. I Was shocked The Candace Owens was on the show. I apologize It was very tough to hear for many people My aunt who was a liberal heard the episode and you know what she did what shot herself She shot herself in the face After she heard the episode
Starting point is 00:01:32 And I feel so what was that thing on the Legion of Skank subreddit you read about my stepmother. Oh Supposedly it's like folklore on that subreddit that someone showed up to your stepmother's house and said hi I'm a fan of Tim Dillon and she got really mad and and what do they get for that cloud? I think that's cloud Yeah, hey if you want that's cloud Saying I'm a fan of Timmy if you want cloud killer You want real cloud Kill her
Starting point is 00:02:03 I'm kidding. It's the holidays It's the holidays in LA and the decorations are out and you can't see them and if you try to see them You'll be in jail. I don't know why we've even put the decorations up this year. Let's skip it Let's skip it If you drive down Sunset Boulevard of West Hollywood, there are actually Decorations and no people it is such a haunting scene And then there's all these lines of COVID test everybody's getting tested for COVID in the car It looks like in and out, but everybody's getting a q-tip up the nose
Starting point is 00:02:46 To see if they have SARS-CoV-2 the coronavirus What a shitty way to spend a day You know I Was watching that comedy store documentary the other day and on Showtime and
Starting point is 00:03:09 There are parts of it that are well done and then there are parts of it where you go, huh? I remember so they the episode I watched last night to get Whitney Rogan Burr Leno Annie Letterman and they all take COVID tests They all have masks on and they have they take COVID tests And then they sit down and Mike binder who did the documentary by the way, it's like about him It's like about him What's going on
Starting point is 00:03:39 He's like it's mostly about my journey with splashes of kinesin here and there a little prior but more me They're all sitting outside and I and I'm not bitter that I'm not in it I've seen it now now. I'm like kind of like that. I'm not in it, but I got passed at the comp. Don't be nervous I got passed at the comedy. I don't care if I ever do this again for living. I'm trilly don't I truly trilly don't I truly don't I um I Was passed at the comedy store about Which I love I love the store. I was passed like a few weeks after this happened You know after the whole thing was shot with the majority of it
Starting point is 00:04:17 But they shot a scene where everybody gets COVID tested and so Apparently it's in the midst of a pandemic and then Mike binder looks at everybody and goes. What's going on with PC culture? And I'm like what in the fuck are you talking about the biggest event a seismic event an Asteroid that hit live performance harder than anything This guy's going. What do you think about PC culture? And then there's comedians By the way, everyone in that documentary is like 75. I got to be honest. I got to be honest
Starting point is 00:05:01 You start looking around you're going. I don't know. Does it feel that hot? Stand up. Don't feel that hot right now It's like it's all like elderly people telling you well when I was a youth Richard it's like it's not it and I love stand up and I love doing it and I'll keep doing it But part of the reason why I like it is it is a dead art. Okay, and And and and that documentary I mean Christ It's just it's a museum it's a mausoleum in there. I mean some some mausoleum I Mean I was watching with a friend who's a fan of everybody and they're like
Starting point is 00:05:43 Here's the question I love comedy and comics are more talented Inherently than tick-tock people but is a documentary about the tick-tock kids more interesting. Yes Is and I like that you didn't hesitate is a documentary about the kids on tick-tock more interesting than Somebody being like it's just a joke No one cares about PC look guys. It's not even real I had Candace on nobody's people were mad at me, but nobody's trying to cancel me. It doesn't it's over no one cares and It's still like this narrative that people keep bringing up it makes stand-ups look weak
Starting point is 00:06:24 You look weak when you whine just say it and step back When I was fighting with people on Twitter about the Candace Owens thing I was fighting because I had a point. I had a point and they had a point They whatever their point was whatever my point was, but I don't care that you're mad. I Knew you were gonna be mad when we had her on the show That's part of the fun You see I'm not bringing on a history teacher who no one knows or cares about I'm bringing on a woman who's gonna ruffle a few feathers I
Starting point is 00:07:03 Get so this whining weak piece. It's just got it's every podcast has been about this and only this So I watched it for a few minutes And I had to turn that off Oh, yeah Jay Leno up there be like it's a joke What are we doing? What's going on here who cares I don't care enough with the legends enough with the left don't you want to kill these people? Do these people die do they ever go away Have these motherfuckers have not been funny and forever
Starting point is 00:07:47 forever And we all have to sit there like they're fucking Christ They climbed down off the cross and we got to wash their feet and I know it's enough is enough already and I respect them and You know, I respect I Respect the the roads they paved so that I may have to drive down them But we got to be funny here Doesn't everyone remember that we got to be a little funny We can't just sit around on a trillion dollars
Starting point is 00:08:18 They should make chairs made of money when they ask these people to pay they should have to sit in a chair of money They have to take the money out of their banking and make a couch of it and we're making money We're not shit on people that make money, but it's like it's a pandemic. There's all the shit to talk about nobody cares about PC culture Nobody gives a shit enough pipe down You Go down a comedy magic club tell everybody you know tell everybody that the PC culture
Starting point is 00:08:58 You can wade through an anti-mask protest on a way in there down in Hermosa Beach The LA lockdowns confusing because you're not supposed to leave your house, but the McRib is back odd It's a strange thing go down and let's see what we can do and what we can't do because I don't even know Non-essential travel of any kind is is is is banned That word essential is a very subjective word Closure of all onsite restaurants though takeout delivery remains open personal services hairstyles barbershops are closed essential retail open
Starting point is 00:09:40 Okay, parks and beaches remain open for activities, but no gatherings go alone Schools following protocols can remain open if they have a state waiver People are like the lockdowns not gonna do enough. It's not severe enough. What do you want the tanks in the street? So there are several exemptions faith-based outdoor services and the homeless I Don't even know what that means by the way, this is not the new studio the new studio is being built Yes, it's gonna be very exciting. You're gonna love it. It's going to be great This made me laugh the other day get this up Josh Richards who's a tiktok kid We like because he's industrious is handing out blankets to the homeless
Starting point is 00:10:30 And I think he's an investor in the blanket company where he's handing out blankets To the homeless and that's kind of funny Can we can we play this I mean I don't think we can't can we without volume? I think we can because there's probably music in this See we have a plan everyone says LA doesn't have a plan it's right here. What's the bike? I think avenues. I'm doing a great job. What's the prize the plan right here? The tiktok kids are giving blankets to the homeless people is is that not a plan? I think it's great Now go find out if he owns I think he owns a part of the blanket company I Think he said on his Twitter, which is great because as you're giving the blankets to the homeless
Starting point is 00:11:19 You're kind of also selling them and going hey if you scratch a few dollars together You might want to think about purchasing one of these You might want to think about Might want to think about getting involved But this seems like a great plan remember when I joked around this is why I should never joke because everything I say comes true Remember when I said this was months ago that if you were fucked during this economy You couldn't rely on the government you had to hope that David Dobrik shot you with a potato gun Or the Jeffrey star decided to put five thousand dollars in your account on Venmo
Starting point is 00:11:55 Remember when I said that you were only going to be relying on influencers I said that and I said it is a bit it is now a reality if you are homeless in Los Angeles Hopefully your needs dovetail with an influencers publicity campaign Hopefully you get chosen to be one of the people hand it out a product That's all you got now good luck Good luck getting anybody else interested these guys are walking around handing out He goes like this. This is like the funniest. I mean I just folks got a laugh and this kid Like I don't hate the kid at all, but I would do shit like like if I was him
Starting point is 00:12:37 I'm not gonna be him, but if I was him I would do shit like this He's like he goes I am pleased to announce that I'm joining Unhide whatever that means as co-creative director as an investor and a partner in the company I believe will change the world. I hope through my actions. I can expire generation C to take on the issue of animal efficacy Right and join me in my mission to create a national conversation about it So what is that the blanket company? Yeah, I believe so and what is the blanket company? So I think they don't use animal fur like they don't so it's also well
Starting point is 00:13:10 That's what the homeless are concerned about Here's a blanket and there were no animals made the homeless are like can you get some animals and cook them and bring them to me oh Folks folks it doesn't get better than this, huh? This is Ellen DeGeneres is faux fur brand This is Ellen DeGeneres is faux fur brand so you know what it is it is not made out of animal products It's made from the hair of her interns Which she plucks out one by one when they're late So Ellen DeGeneres who's as we've covered runs in Abu Ghraib style torture prison at her show is now making
Starting point is 00:13:53 Blankets out of her interns body hair which are being handed out to homeless people by Josh Richards and the tiktok kids That's what I'm hearing and I'm for it. I'm not against any part of it Every mechanism there. I think is working the way it should work If I was homeless and I saw two kids in beanies cool little young kids come up to me I gave me a blanket and they said by the way, this is no animals used and hey, here's a gift from Ellen. I 'd say thank you And here's a gift from Ellen So that's what that's that's the LA homelessness about a thing here don't worry about it I
Starting point is 00:14:34 I I'm I hope everybody is excited as excited about this as I am in this city this rapidly crumbling metropolis So I watched this show on Netflix the other day Nate It's a one-woman show by Natalie Palmeadius who's a very talented comedian I I don't I didn't go through the whole show. So I don't want to comment on the show Some people will love it. Some people won't it's it's it's one woman show um She's she's dressed up there as her character Nate and the whole show is about consent. This is the
Starting point is 00:15:11 This is what I was confused. There's like a scene where she's got a mannequin on the floor Yeah, and she's it's about toxic masculinity the whole show by the way every man I know every straight man. I know it's like weeping openly. I where is this toxic masculinity? I'd like to see more of it. You know who has a lot of toxic masculinity recently women They're tough as nails But men are like openly weeping every straight friend. I have cries all the time Yes, it's because I'm always telling them how horrible they are at everything, but who's gonna do that if not me So this Nate is about toxic masculinity about men running around and being toxic and just
Starting point is 00:15:51 raping and pillaging essentially and there's like there's a scene where there's a mannequin on the floor and Nate the character goes. I don't know what to do. What should I do with the mannequin on the floor? Oh is Looking at someone like I know that there are rapists and I know that there's frat boy douche bag I'm not the guy that doesn't believe any of that But who is looking at someone on the floor and Going there's a gray area here. I
Starting point is 00:16:26 Don't understand I Watch someone have a heart attack once in a diner. I got up and left I said goodbye. I Was out who was looking at someone on the floor and I didn't go to a four-year college and I know things go on there People drink whatever But it seems like you know, it's like oh, there's a lot of gray area out there. There is but there's also not right There's a lot of black and white areas of like don't rape people There's a point in the show that's a little culty where she's like ask ask and the audience is like ask
Starting point is 00:17:02 Ask yeah I'm just confused clearly a talented woman. I'm just confused about The issue here of consent. I'm confused About it apparently there's much more of a gray area than I had originally imagined I Thought that if someone is too drunk to have sex with you do not have sex with them If someone is passed out on the floor Certainly do not have sex with them give them a blanket Give them a blanket that Ellen DeGeneres made but don't have sex with them
Starting point is 00:17:42 So I'm just confused but again people are gonna get mad at me. They're gonna be like you don't understand the rape that goes on Everyone is raped at every minute of their lives You fat fuck just cuz you don't get raped doesn't mean I'm sorry. I've never been raped you got to apologize to people now that you haven't been raped and that you're not dead of COVID Every day you should be dead the choices you've made in your life. I'm sorry. I'm not dead of COVID and I'm sorry I haven't been right. I hope they happen at the same time so you can all have an I told you so festival somewhere You have to apologize for just being alive And it's just such a nice way to call you a fat fuck what people call you you better watch out about this
Starting point is 00:18:28 People call you they go you got to be careful You have to be real you have to be careful. You have to be very careful You look at you if people are calling you and telling you to be careful you look like shit That's just the reality if people are really calling you concerned about COVID. Yeah, you look like shit That's just a great way to know and just know it just be aware. Yeah, I've had fat friends I was talking to Ray this morning. I've had fat friends that had no idea. They were fat It was a girl in the in a girl the store the other day and they're like She's walking around lashed in a polo outlet. She's loud
Starting point is 00:19:06 She's like getting everyone to help her and find things If you're a fat person in a clothing store, you should treat it like a heroin addict who just got out of prison Keep your head down walk around quietly and get out of there Go in try a few things on quietly and then go Oh, none of them fit and then leave and then go sit in your car and you chick-fil-a Don't be like the queen of the store be like got me So when someone calls her up because you got to watch out for COVID She goes, what do you mean? But that's a great way if you don't know how you look
Starting point is 00:19:42 How concerned have people been about you getting COVID? If people call you up and they're like, I don't think you should leave your house Even to take hey even to take a walk put that mask on even to take a walk put that mask on Because you know, you have to be very careful You have to be very good. It's just another way of telling someone We are shocked. You're not dead already. We are so surprised. You're not dead every time you post on social media We imagine that it's a memorial page. It's an in memoriam. We can't imagine. It's actually you We can't imagine. There's a disease out there that hasn't killed you
Starting point is 00:20:27 That's how people are acting right now That was your family in Texas with doing with COVID is anyone had it does anyone, you know, have it not yet Well, my uncle had it actually I forgot how did he do? He's okay. He's powering through just a mild case He got it at the school where he coaches, you know, I think I had it in March I had you know, and I know everybody says this. This is a constant refrain But in March, I was sicker than I had ever been Right. Yeah for like four weeks. I was so Sick, I
Starting point is 00:21:00 Was coughing I had a fever. I was like waking up in the middle of the night shivers a whole thing and And then I you know took me three or four weeks to get my strength back and to feel That I was back It kicked my ass. Yeah, so I am convinced that that was something Maybe COVID I Know a young healthy dude who's now gotten it twice. Oh, really? Yeah, so I'm wondering if if the antibody tests are wrong Or like maybe he never had it the first time. Maybe there was a false positive Or you just people getting it twice supposedly the second case you get supposed to be mild
Starting point is 00:21:44 It's supposed to be a mild case And then McDonald's who McDonald's goes let's bring back the McRib During a pandemic what's sick executive goes, you know what you know what this country needs how many people died yesterday You know what this country needs let's bring back the McRib Get up what the McRib is because the McRib when I was a kid was legendary. Do you mean what's actually in it or what? but what it is I it's it's It's a fake riblet pork patty Drenched in barbecue sauce. I mean the original McRib was iconic, but I don't know if they're doing the original McRib
Starting point is 00:22:26 Let's read the wiki let's go over there to the right. Oh Yeah, to the right the McRib is a barbecue flavored pork sandwich periodically sold by the international fast food restaurant chain McDonald's You could just say McDonald's it was first introduced in 1981. Wow four years before I was born After poor sales it was removed in 1985 the year I was born Ingredients McRib pork patty home-style roll McRib sauce pickled slices slivered onions 22 grams of fat 240 calories of energy from fat, okay, that's good. So you're able to to turn the key to start your car and then 500 calories it doesn't seem that bad Ben is it that unhealthy? I don't think 500 calories is that it sounds fine
Starting point is 00:23:14 Maybe I was hasty and judging the good people at McDonald's But we're gonna go get one after the show just to try it out just to see what's going on With it See how many people are out during the lockdown? Imagine the cops knocking on our door like where you what are you doing? We're going to get the McRib. Let him go Are they arresting people supposedly they're arresting people now for knowingly spreading COVID If you knowingly spread COVID you are going to be arrested
Starting point is 00:23:53 Are there COVID bug chasers like you know, there's bug chasers where people want to get HIV Are there people that just want coronavirus? They're like I need it. I Need to get COVID just going to Walmart walking there are bug chasers people that want to get HIV and you've watched documentaries about this Why do they want to do it? I? Mean, it's clearly like a self-destructive thing, right? So they they I think it's truckers mostly truckers Is like yeah, that's want to get HIV. I think so. I mean it's a truckers They don't have enough problems self-driving cars Elon Musk They just want to get AIDS. That's how bad it is the truckers want to get AIDS
Starting point is 00:24:33 Because job security in this country is so Is that really who it is truckers? I imagine it's like glory hole guys at truck stop bathrooms You know, they they pick up prostitutes and stuff on the road gets lonely some of those ends imagination is so dark and Troubling even to me that asking him to even just a simple question he goes down a very dreary and Disturbing and he's creating this reality where there's just lonely truckers on the road At glory holes that just want and now why do they want AIDS? I don't understand. I get lonely. I get trucker I get glory hole. I don't get AIDS. I guess you just want to die, right?
Starting point is 00:25:14 It's like the sick like I'm a like people were like I'm a piss pig like piss all over me and shit all over me like yeah Give me give me all your diseases that you have. I'm a piece of shit, you know, who's Is that are those the truckers as well? They're getting pissed shit on some of them are piss pigs and you know Now what is a piss pig? Someone who wants you to piss on them piss in their mouth. They want to drink piss, you know They want to feel I feel like my attitude about drinking piss It's been situational where it's like I feel like if it's appropriate to do at the time You might want to taste a little bit, but then probably spit it out. You're open to it. Interesting
Starting point is 00:25:52 Well, I don't want if someone is hot enough if someone is good-looking enough. They can get you to do whatever they want If someone is good-looking enough, they could get me to how go to the holiday with my family It's true, you know what it so I think that if somebody's really good-looking says piss in mind I will go to piss in your mouth. You have to say okay No Shit is a different story. Yes a really good-looking person says I want to shit on you that is probably Disturbing because then you tell all your friends like oh, I fucked this person. They're really hot and then they go well Yeah, what I how was it? You go well
Starting point is 00:26:36 I Got shit on and then it's the ruins the story I would imagine right it ruins the story or people are people are more intrigued It's odd how sexuality develops like it's very strange Like I always thought I might not be gay if women were more intelligent Is that true? I always believe that So if women had a little bit more up here, I would probably fuck them That's a joke. We have many female fans, and that's an ironic joke Because people expect my audience to be full of misogynist and it's not it's full of sensitive crying men and
Starting point is 00:27:17 and Lovely women and that's what we we have more women all the time all the time all the time They're rolling in here these ladies the couples watch together the couples watch together Isn't that nice and as soon as quarantine ends we know what happens to those relationships Wow Maybe not are you afraid of your wife leaving you after quarantine? We're both working as normal. So kind of unaffected well I Don't know maybe me and Whitney Cummings will no longer be married after quarantine that she threw a friend's giving
Starting point is 00:27:54 What a horror, you know and I respect her but she threw a horrible event at her home And I was doing a friend's giving so Whitney then decided to do a friend's giving an hour after me That's nice Dan Carney's in the hospital. He just transitioned. No, he he had a minor hip surgery. He'll be fine What is that on your Instagram? Yeah? Yeah, I'm going to yours. Yeah find that picture of Whitney's decor It was it was grotesque. So she has all these influences over her house And I you know some of them are nice Olivia Munn whatever and you got a man to surname. I don't know who she is I don't care And then you have the caches and all these people
Starting point is 00:28:30 Look how much autumn is at that table. It was grotesque It's I let Whitney is very successful, but this is target. This is Walmart shit Yeah, which is fine if you are at that place in your life. Look how orange and it's too much It's too drenched in it. That's a plastic fork, too. It's a plastic fork Whitney also is too much of a dude to give a dinner party The great socialites the great women of our time Rich women who know how to give a party. There's a there's a vibe to be created Whitney's a guy. She's a dude She's a successful dude
Starting point is 00:29:08 There's one black guy at the table and she starts haranguing him about where he pays taxes It was the most uncomfortable thing anyone had ever seen She goes, why do you pay taxes? I go you can't ask that We're eating vegan stuffing that tastes like a shoe and she's yelling at a black about his taxes And she doesn't mean it But it she's trying to have a conversation about state taxes, but it just looks bad if you have one black guy there And you go, what are your financials? What's your credit score?
Starting point is 00:29:40 It was very strange Now I had to cancel I canceled my friends giving because we were going to do it I would give a lot of people and then the whole thing just became insane and it's like, you know what? It's too much of a problem now you have 50 people in masks who wants that right? Somebody could test positive. I got to make call 50 people the next day and go hey Thanks for coming by the way see a doctor and I was gonna do a theme like a you know like a Tuscan winter wonderland because I'm a classy bitch Tuscan winter wonderland Italian food, which is tough to pull off. She went full-autumn Gross I
Starting point is 00:30:17 Mean the color of the bowls. I Mean just grotesque and I love Whitney and it's great and I appreciate Everything she's done for me. She's given me a lot of furniture for my home Which I paid her for but that's still nice because it's it's less than it would have cost me to purchase by a lot Did I appreciate her and her friendship? But this is not how to give an event. It's not how to do a party It really wasn't it was very odd, but I felt like it was very rushed It was something I was gonna do and she's like, oh, I want to do it now, too
Starting point is 00:30:51 Mm-hmm, and the chef was okay. The chef was hot The chef like has like saddle leather boots on and like long hair and it's like oh enough a Chef should look like Raymond Cump and by the way These shirts that we have on I am a wine princess bitch our new Ray Cump merch Model it. I am a wine princess bitch This is Ray Cump merch get the link up where you can get these Ray Cump was arrested outside of Miley Cyrus's house in Tennessee all of these shirts go to his legal defense fund. It's very important That Ray have an adequate defense against Cyrus and her lying family. By the way, Noah Cyrus her her
Starting point is 00:31:32 Sister called Candace Owens a nappy headed hoe right saw that on our story not cool Noah There it is this is a picture of a wine bottle holding machete Ray is an artist. I mean, this is art. He drew this right? He drew this and this is I'm a wine princess bitch shirt that you can get at the Ray Cump store bonfire.com Store slash Cump Right. Yeah bonfire.com slash store slash Cump. It's on his Twitter. Yeah, it's on his Twitter and And it's a great shirt. It's great for the holidays. It's great to just give the family, you know, I Don't know but it is phenomenal
Starting point is 00:32:20 But I'm disappointed now that we're in a lockdown again. We can't have the party. It was gonna be a fun party You know, we talked about it many times on the show. We can't do it We just have to we have to do it, you know another time now, which is sad, you know, but What are you gonna do? But wouldn't he filled in with you know? Orange play. I mean, what do you I mean, it looked like a Like a like a high school like a party Like that you have like a high school theater kid party. Yeah, like a church potluck almost. Yeah Megan and I and I and I and I and I respect the effort and she she's a good person and she works hard
Starting point is 00:33:02 But giving a part there's an art to entertaining and and giving an actual party. Yes, and it was a tremendous and despicable display a failure of epic proportions a Strange vibe an odd configuration of people Very sad people wealthy and yet sad a an interesting, you know One woman whose laugh was so absurd that it was just derailing the whole thing one woman was
Starting point is 00:33:39 You know, I just we Irish goodbye We just laughed I looked at Jim Jeffries. I said, I gotta get out of here. Oh, yeah, me too Oh, I think I'm gonna Irish good boy, too. He's a happy guy, huh? Anyway, I love him very funny He is very funny genius, but you know, but he's you know, he's more muted in person You know, nobody's any fun in LA. That's the problem. Nobody's fine with these two 19 year old tiktok kids come here Sweet kids, but I mean, I mean, can you tell anyone apart from anyone else here? Everybody's just like I'm on twitch. I'm a gamer. Nobody has any anecdotes. Nobody has a fun anecdote Nobody turns around you in this town and my mother died during childbirth
Starting point is 00:34:20 I never knew her Nobody has a fun anecdote My father was a junk and tried to molest me and the only way I got out of it was by pushing him down the stairs and paralyzing him Oh No one says that everyone goes. I'm on twitch That's all anyone says I stream on twitch I was beating up every day and then I became strong and and and and and Raped every nerd that beat me up. I realized I was gay, but also a fighter and wants to fuck him. Fuck him. Fuck him hard
Starting point is 00:34:51 No one has stories like that. Everybody just goes. I just sit in my room And I just look at a screen and then the people on the other side look at me And we are now we are going to do twitch and I don't want you coming to me now and saying hey You should all over this and then you do it. That's what it is here. Okay The game is to be played. So I'm going to get on twitch and I don't need people calling me a hypocrite. Okay, don't call me a hypocrite Don't get mad at me Because uh it can't just so much came on here and and uh through some shade at
Starting point is 00:35:25 What am I supposed to do? I push back. She says this like I don't agree Maybe uh, I don't know about that They wanted me to yell at her at the erogan. They they had that viral moment where he's like, why don't you believe scientists? And she just said I don't I don't like science and he's just like, but why she's like, I don't Who cares? What did that do for any of you morons? The do for anyone she's more popular now that she was then you think that worked Oh, yeah, she was dethroned after that, huh? Does it work? Does it work idiots?
Starting point is 00:35:58 I'm telling you the only thing that works Apparently is heroin It's the only thing that does its job In this country because everybody who's on it is like hey my cousin keeps going back to it Yeah, she said to me once she looked right at my face and goes. I love heroin Yeah, she goes. I love our family and you but I love heroin It was like what do you tell someone like that to do like but have you ever watched bravo like she's she's found her thing She's she's in she's in the in the cut. She's focused, you know
Starting point is 00:36:37 Do you want to be more productive in the new year? Yes, do you want to start an e-commerce business and get take advantage of the online digital marketplace? Absolutely. How are you going to do it? I don't know. Do you have a service that I could use? Shut up You haven't you haven't thought about that No, I haven't I want to do it, but I don't do what what do you even want to do? I don't know. I want to start an e-commerce business with doing what
Starting point is 00:37:08 I don't know. It's overwhelming. Like I have to chip thing. What are you shipping? You don't even have a business yet What are you trying to do? I don't know. I just thought I could have a business I'm not really what kind of business Um embroidered golf balls with people's names on them like for Christmas like you could how do you embroider a golf ball? Uh, well, I would use like, you know sharpies like, you know, isn't that more engraved than embroidered? I guess engraved so it's you want to engrave golf balls. Yeah. Yeah What are the margins?
Starting point is 00:37:45 Because in order for me to even tell you about this product I have to be confident in the rest of your business plan and it doesn't seem like you have one We're playing around with some new ideas here about some new spin-off side shows that we may do In relation to the podcast, we don't know. We don't know. We don't know But we're we're talking to some interesting people and Coming up with some interesting new ideas about having the most fun while we're in LA because while we're in LA However long that may be We got to make the most of it. We got to have fun. Right. This is going to feel like the Christmas I spent at Lisa's lounge
Starting point is 00:38:20 alone You know, and I remember that Clear as day it was Christmas Eve. I did not go with my family. I went alone to a bar in Long Island called Lisa's lounge And that people were doing cocaine on the bar and drinking and then the owner came out and he said to me He goes, this is what this place has always been about. He took a key bump and he goes I've always wanted people to have a place to go when they didn't have anywhere to go for the holidays That's why he opened the bar and I said, well, that's good I said, thank you so much. He's dead now. I said, thank you so much
Starting point is 00:39:01 And I sat there and I got drunk and I was drinking with these two people a guy who inherited a lot of money and then a hooker started Taking his money and and and and and then he lost all of the inheritance and ended up living back in his car The guy got like a get out of jail free card got 120 grand a woman swooped in Fleeced him and he ended up living right back in the car and he would outside of the bar every night He would just sleep in his car. It wasn't even a big car. It's like a small pickup And he would just knock back
Starting point is 00:39:34 And then the bartender's in the morning would knock on his window. I was like, hey, what's up, buddy? And he'd Shake off the sleep go right back in and have a cocktail and those are the types of people I miss living in LA I don't find any of them because they had great stories and they you know These are people a lot to do and I spent a Christmas Eve with him and with the woman Who took all his money who he then started talking to again? Like he was mad at her and then he was like, well, I lost all the money anyway Why keep this beef up, right? I'm not gonna kill her
Starting point is 00:40:07 And so they hung out and we were all hanging out We're just having a good time and I remember that that was one of the lowest points of my life but truly low point of my life like one of the worst Times that I can remember where I truly didn't want to be on earth anymore and I can't even describe to you how much worse Whitney's friends giving was Like how much worse it was
Starting point is 00:40:34 Than that moment of my life. It would be I couldn't even describe I couldn't even put together a metric to make you understand what a troubling experience it was How are holiday retail numbers? You know the guys at cmbc as everything's going to get so bad They're going to just be cramming out of all in their face. They're going to be looking at each other like How are holiday re and they're going to have to stare at each other like how are the holiday numbers? Maria, what are the holiday retail numbers right now? Uh, what is this is this recent? Yeah, these are people that are lying
Starting point is 00:41:09 Yeah, they think there's going to be a strong finish to 2020 in spite of the pandemic Yeah, I think not I don't know Well, we're entering a place now. We're entering a time now where the disparity between people that are fucked and people who aren't fucked is so The chasm is so great Which is why everyone yells at me. Oh, it's a conservative Nazi No, I think there's a huge problem with the level of inequality in this country. It's unsustainable
Starting point is 00:41:38 I've said it many times, but now we're at a point now where it's we It's a we view the random charity of influencers as some as like, oh Like when they print that article about the kid that gives the blankets, what are people supposed to go? They go, huh? That's Like what is the reaction supposed to be everybody's supposed to go well that well that's good What a nice young man There are still good people in the world like we've gotten so bad now
Starting point is 00:42:11 Where those types of stories are that's like feel good news That's feel good news that things are so bad now that the homelessness crisis is so crazy If 10 of them get a snuggie It's a news story Because people are like wow we need something to just fucking pep everyone up Because everything's corona and death and everyone's dead and no one can talk to their family and everyone's dying alone in bubbles in hospitals and nurses can't handle anything and everybody's Everything's fucked at 700,000 people a month or filing for unemployment
Starting point is 00:42:49 Trump's not leaving and he's going but he's not and he's still tweeting and biden has no clue And things are bad and they're gonna get worse and the third wave I had started an article the other day about the third wave get ready for the third wave But in between that in between your anxiety Your your fucking heart palpitations from your coffee and the ssri's you take just to get out of bed Please enjoy this very heartwarming christmas story about an influencer handing a blanket to one of the now 90 trillion homeless people That live under bridges that used to work in restaurants Unfortunately, they never worked at gavin Newsom's winery because then they'd still have their jobs and can someone burn down his winery
Starting point is 00:43:29 metaphorically As a bit in an article burn it down in an article. Do you see what I'm saying here? Not physically. That's illegal burn it down with satire Burn it down with satire Mr. Newsom He is good-looking people like him who don't give a shit They should not be allowed to run a state They should not be allowed to run the state of california
Starting point is 00:44:02 Just kind of that pretty boy. I own a vineyard I have multiple look at what he owns go get with gavin Newsom owns he owns everything he owns vineyards and wineries He founded the plump jack winery Napa yeah up in napa When's he up when's he out of here? I want to get logan paul in there as governor Gotta get this guy out These people are are are establishing rules for lockdowns and then they're breaking the lockdown He had dinner at the french laundry
Starting point is 00:44:48 Another mayor did something all of these mayors are breaking their own lockdowns They travel the guy in denver traveled the man goes. Well, I gotta try I gotta see my family The austin mayor too. He like yeah, they're all breaking your life If you break a lockdown and I said this on twitter I got 40 000 likes if you break a lockdown and you're an elected official You should be fired. You should resign. You should be forced to resign. Your party should abandon you He had businesses in san francisco like in the mid 2000s like he was a businessman Here's my thing with gavin Newsom. I just think what he's doing the the homelessness in california
Starting point is 00:45:24 The problems in california are so great And there's absolutely no plan Coming from anybody that makes anyone feel comfortable about opening a business here buying a home here Um, I tell ben all the time. I'm like, we're here For a period of time. I don't know when that ends. I do not know when that ends You know musk just came out and said he's not leaving california So that was old news and now the rumor is he is leaving Dude, we thought we saw those starlight satellites last night. I thought it was ufo's
Starting point is 00:45:59 I thought it was ufo's and it's actually elan musk starlight satellites Which are what what's he doing up there? No idea. It looked like drone formations, you know We really are at a point where the technology is so amazing and yet it doesn't make anyone's life better Which we kind of knew dead kazinsky knew that And i'm not saying You understand what i'm saying I'm not saying that ted kazinsky was right I'm saying that he had elements of truth in what he said just like kandace owens had elements of truth
Starting point is 00:46:30 Everybody has elements of truth in a larger narrative. What a tale we weave You know Like kandace owens talked about her her cousin in the projects What was her cousin's name? mia? I think so. I wonder if she really has a cousin in the projects or she just made that up She's like my cousin in the projects mia doesn't know who trump is like wait, what? That was like the most racist thing she said And my cousin mia in the projects didn't know what brexit was. She didn't even know what great britain is. She's like, what the fuck great brit
Starting point is 00:47:02 I'm like, is that really what was happening? She's like my cousin mia doesn't even know trump. She'd be like who trump Who trump i'm like no one Is that stupid right? Do you really have a cousin in the project or you have invented some ratchet cousin to tell people about My cousin mia is pregnant with non babies. She don't know who trump is Is that really what's going on or? Have you just invented that character? To just make people more racist
Starting point is 00:47:36 It's like a character to pull out where she's like listen you want to really hate black people My cousin mia doesn't know what a fork is She doesn't know she smokes all her food She smokes her food. She rolled a sandwich in a blunt. I saw it. I love and then she goes. I love me. I love my cousin mia She's my cousin mia. I love her But she's an ignorant stupid welfare taking and you're like whoa, hold on
Starting point is 00:48:05 Like when I watch the interview back. I'm like the thing I should have pushed back on Is the description of her cousin who lived in the project like that was maybe the worst thing ever that I didn't you know My cousin mia man, she just lives in the projects and you know Every time I go there. I just do the alphabet with her one time just to show her Show her what it is. I'm like wait what? Hold on You seem like you're being a nut But
Starting point is 00:48:36 What are you gonna do next week? We will have diamond and silk On we have a christmas special diamond and silk the reverend jesse lee peterson Tesla CEO ilan musk has told friends and associates he plans to move to texas the rumor today so who cares Good for him You know, I liked him and then he named the baby that crazy name. I I was I was done after I know roga loves him I was done after that. I was done after he named the baby the math equation The baby name I was kind of done. I was just kind of like, okay, man. I get it Yeah xa ea too. Yeah, I just
Starting point is 00:49:21 I don't know I after that I said Let's just let's just move on Yeah, you know I can't I can't be involved, but I wish everyone the best for the lockdown and the holiday season. I hope that you are enjoying yourselves and finding uh You know, I'm gonna get a christmas tree this year. I haven't had a tree in a long time You should get one. I'm gonna get a christmas tree
Starting point is 00:49:47 Should we do a I think I should get a christmas tree and put masks on it. I call it a cova tree Yeah, little tests and tests little tests and masks A cova tree that might be fun A cova tree I mean, I do want to get a christmas tree. I want to enjoy the holiday as much as I can You know as someone without a family and many friends and who's Disgusted by most of what he sees and hears and feels I do want to still enjoy the holiday season, you know
Starting point is 00:50:18 In a rapidly decaying oligarchy That's so it's barely funny anymore. Like that's how that's how bad things have gotten They're they're not even funny not even because they're too tragic. They've always been that They're not funny anymore because there's a remarkable sameness To everything like we feel like we're in round two of something. It's like we're and we're going again We're going again Get ready
Starting point is 00:50:48 You know I'm just kind of like when the fuck are we going to break out of it? And I wonder what post quarantine is going to look like are people going to say fuck technology? Are they just going to say I want to connect with real people again I want to connect with human beings again. We've lived our lives on these screens. We've sacrificed everything For in the service of algorithms Is that going to be the vibe are people going to say fuck it throw away the tv?
Starting point is 00:51:14 I mean throw it in macbooks and if any iPhones we're going to run out. Let's go hiking again Let's go swimming. Let's go do what we want to do. Let's do music festivals. Let's do live comedy Let's do live theater. Let's get out there. Let's reconnect with people. Let's is that what's going to happen Is that what's gonna even as I say it? I know the answer is no even as I say it no But I mean that would be like a resurgence of light like you finally go back outside and you go man I missed life I missed going to a diner with someone at lunch with a friend. I don't even like But I missed that I missed the feeling of going out to a crowded bar. I miss being on a crowded subway
Starting point is 00:51:53 I miss being on a plane where people are coughing and sneezing and I didn't think I was gonna die when I left I mean, when's that gonna come back? I missed the feeling of being in an office And opening the refrigerator and seeing who brought what lunch and what I could technically steal I missed shitty office Christmas parties. I miss You know going out and seeing people that you you you you hate far less than you should Aren't those nice people that you hate far less than you should You know, I should hate this person a lot more based on everything about them and yet I still
Starting point is 00:52:30 have some level of it's like fine fine That was a lot of my friends throughout my entire life. You'd go Okay fine You're here
Starting point is 00:52:47 And and I missed that I missed the tacit Agreements we make the the small just like everything now is too intense. There's no casual anything anymore Everything you got to be in every friendships like your best friend every person that you talk to is like super close I miss casual friendships. I miss acquaintances. I miss shit. They didn't matter I miss talking to someone and then watch them hit by a boss and I'm meh and walking away I miss so much of life needs to go back to the casual Where it doesn't matter the breeze that blows the freedom to not care now Everything is so intense because you could die. I guess
Starting point is 00:53:28 So you every fuck every friendship every business deal Everything is super uber intense Everything to decision to go to the store weigh the risk. What am I doing? Have these people over are they clean? Have they been careful? Who have they been seeing? Everything is too intense. You can't casually hate people in your vicinity anymore You can't just casually invite people over and when they leave look at your friend and go, you know, they're not that smart They think they're smart. They're not You can't do it anymore
Starting point is 00:54:05 because everything feels so intense And I think that that's sad that we need to introduce the casual back to life We don't have the casual now. Everything is a big fucking production everything is super intense and very involved Everything you want to do is involved
Starting point is 00:54:29 and every friendship you have now is like trauma bonding And that's good for certain instances, but I think a lot of people we got to go back now Obviously, you can have a tight-knit group of close friends, but we got to go back to the casual Where people because this is not life this unending drum beat of hell and horror is not life We have to go back to something that feels more like who Care no one has said who cares and meant it in years And that's a big problem
Starting point is 00:55:05 Because that means everybody cares And that's a huge issue the last thing you want people to do is care because they fuck it up They fuck it up you ever have somebody Get really excited about all the things they want to help you with and then you go back off Back off Nobody said who cares you got you got to say who cares you got to say to yourself like yeah, man
Starting point is 00:55:30 Yeah, have him over or don't We'll go to that thing or we won't right who cares What does it matter? What does any of it matter now everything matters? and and and it's just Unfortunate and that's what I want. I want the return of the casual. So that's what I hope when this is over I'm just going to travel and walk around and go I don't care
Starting point is 00:55:56 I don't care And that's going to feel so good to not care about anything or anyone Do you get it? That's what we're trying to get back here total and utter Fucking what is the word i'm looking for nihilism or no when you don't care it's with an a apathy apathy Hey Let's get back to that. You see a nurse you go fuck her. You don't feel bad for her. Yeah. Yeah, fuck her Who I don't know that bitch
Starting point is 00:56:31 Can't we get back to that? You look at politicians you go fuck. Oh, yeah, they're lying this scum get him away Do you go or own your winery jerk off wine? But I don't care Because nothing Is a life or death deal But things are too serious right now and we can't go back. We need to be able to go back to that day No, the schools are open the schools are closed. Fuck them
Starting point is 00:57:01 We need to go back to that I'm thinking about things I've never even thought about. I'm like, are the kids safe in the school? I just want to go back to that we all must go back to that It's the american way Truly It's the american way To go back to a casual casual
Starting point is 00:57:26 nonchalant Things I care about people now so much for no reason Really truly I look at people and I go I care about them and I want them To be okay And that's destroying me You know worrying about other people is absolutely undoing me It's destroying me. I need to go back to a thing where I don't worry about
Starting point is 00:57:59 anyone even myself I just need to go back to that we need to go back to that as a kind of a lot of people are like, oh, this is not True and this is making me think about a lot of interesting things That's what I try to do on the show, but they're like this is like this time has actually been a blessing. No, it hasn't It's been a journey. No, it hasn't it's been really good for me and it's really showed me who my close friends were No, it hasn't You're trauma bonding You're in a dugout. You're in a foxhole. It's it'll you're in a war people are shooting at you. Yeah. Are you close with the person next to you?
Starting point is 00:58:30 I bet you are No, your friends are your friends when things are going well Now when things are when things are going horrible This is another thing I want to clear up by the way Okay, because this is the other thing that people don't understand They go your friends are only your friends in the shit when things are in the shit That's not true Tons of people love to be around shit and misery and we'll find you your friends are actually your friends when things are going
Starting point is 00:58:54 Well, they're not jealous of you. They're not they you know threaten them You have a good life and they're happy for you and that's a real friendship when you were in the worst time ever Actually, many people come out and they're like, I'm here for you But what they really want to do is just watch you 9 11 style jump out of the south tower window and fall to the ground Because that's what people like to do. They like to watch each other emoliate So don't put too much stock into anything When things are good
Starting point is 00:59:26 That's when you figure out who your friends are and things have been good for me right now I mean things are good for us right now Even though things are bad in the world the show has been good and the live dates have gone good and I have some friends I have a handful of friends and they have a lot of acquaintances But I have a small I've less than 10 really close friends far less than 10 I don't want to I don't want to say how many I really have because any at 10 people are like well I thought it's all problem, but it's a small group of people that I'm friends with now and and
Starting point is 00:59:54 When I when I was doing horribly I had a hundred friends Like when I look at the text I got when things are going really really like when I was just an open micro in New York City And nobody cared I had no career Everyone was like hey happy Thanksgiving man that we don't take photos of our families. These fucks. They don't understand us We're the next generation. Fuck these fucks Go in there steal a little money out of the purse. Give me a little That and then then everybody's uh, they're all out for they're all in in in for it
Starting point is 01:00:24 But then when things go go decently you truly see there's a few people that actually come out to be a friend That is the opposite of what you're told you're told that your real friends are around you during the hard times untrue Untrue your real friends are around during the good times That's the reality and many of you don't want to hear that But That's the reality it's the good times Go give blankets to people that don't need them You understand
Starting point is 01:01:06 Impress me you want to impress me. Do you want to really impress me tiktok stars? Go take those blankets And give them back to ellen Knock on her door Hi Give them back to her go you deserve these you crazy bitch That would impress me Because that would mean they got because a blanket for homeless person is nice
Starting point is 01:01:39 It's a nice thing But I would be much more interested if That homeless person Was a sociopathic millionaire talk show host Then They get the blanket Then you see
Starting point is 01:01:59 And why why tim you don't understand you're sitting in the back. I go well I know that there's a point here because there's no story if you give ellen the blanket So it's real You see If you give the millionaire the blanket It's real Because no one reports or thinks favorably of you for doing it You get it now or you still confuse dummies
Starting point is 01:02:36 Give charity to the rich Yes or yes You Do you want to prove Do you want to prove That you have the christmas spirit give to those that have Give to those that have Because it's real
Starting point is 01:03:03 Because it's real there's no ulterior motive give to those that have more than you Giving to those that have less than you Shows me that you want me to come up and pat you on the back For the things that you are doing for those that have less than you It's not right Give to those that have more If you see someone that's doing well Help them do better
Starting point is 01:03:37 That's that's the real less The christmas carol was great Up until the end when scrooge became a loser Because what scrooge was saying is we have to work Oh, but mister i want to go have I want to go to the have the holidays with more family and scrooge scrooge Gave him a job right Scrooge gave bob crotch at a job. Is it scrooge's fault that he had a cripple?
Starting point is 01:04:09 No scrooge goes hey coming to work And be a clerk Even knows what that is right with a quill pen be a freak in that corner And i'll fucking be a miser and run the ship And then what did bob crotch you do? I forget he goes i want to go home with my family because it's christmas and scrooge goes you better fucking you better figure it out You better get this shit done And and uh, and I don't remember
Starting point is 01:04:39 I think cratchet leaves Cratchet leaves and goes home to be with his loser family his his son like Like his crippled son and his Disgusting wife and in this hovel that he lives in and then he's there and then scrooge a fucking king He gets harassed by these communist ghosts AOC Bernie sanders and uh I don't even know
Starting point is 01:05:20 Yeah, ilhan omar I was gonna say cornel west because he kind of has a ghost look And then he wakes up the next day and he goes buy the fattest turkey and give it to do this loser cratchet It's not real do you understand that they had to scare him They had to send the ghost scrooge knew he was right live in the security that you are correct All the time Even when you're not right be right
Starting point is 01:05:51 And scrooge by telling cratchet you have to work you and things don't just happen You have to work is the best lesson of that doesn't matter about the bullshit. I want to eat figgy pudding Yes, yes, yes, but you must you must work And that was the real lesson of the christmas count when he wakes up the next day and he goes Here's the turkey And bring the turkey To the family also like can you imagine
Starting point is 01:06:20 Like that wouldn't even work like like like he would send the turkey and like the wife would be like this is fucking guy Who tortures you every day? sending the turkey over now like What's his game? What's this guy's game this whole miser's piece of shit, you know So that's how ben's wife feels about me like what I could I could do anything I could deliver a uh Rolls Royce to the house for both of them She'd go what is this do you have the brakes in what are we just trying to kill me?
Starting point is 01:06:51 So that's my whole problem with the christmas carol is that it's uh, it's a it's a It's an assault on a on a on a business owner, right? Scrooge and by the way, am I? Is the show sponsored by turning point usa? Yes it is And will I be doing a turning point usa is rereading of scrooge? Yes, I will And will I be doing it with charlie kirk? Well, I just may And me and charlie kirk will reread a new version of scrooge where there is respect for the entrepreneur
Starting point is 01:07:30 Okay And not some low-level vagabond clerk and his gimp son We're doing a new version of the christmas count with respect for the entrepreneur We're doing a new version of oliver twist No, oliver twist. What's the famous line at oliver twist? Can I have some more? Please sir. May I have some more? And the new line when me and charlie have rewritten it is sir I've had more than enough and everyone else has had too much and they're getting lazy
Starting point is 01:08:05 So can I please go back to work? That's the new line New readings of the turning point usa's new readings of the classics With tim dillon and charlie kirk. I have not sold out. I have bought in You see there's a difference between selling out and buying in and I find that I just want to blanket I just hope someone gives me a blanket That's how you know you're doing bad. So the first reason
Starting point is 01:08:37 You know that you've had a bad week is if people call you up and they're like, hey Uh, we just want you to be really careful Because of coven And the second reason you know you've had a bad week and you look like shit is if a tiktok star hands you a blanket Then you know Things are not going well. So if those two things are happening You might want to you might want to change What you're doing before you have to great line for my old boss change before you have to he's in jail
Starting point is 01:09:09 change Before you have to You see But what I said about friendship there is so so true So correct and many of you will understand that and many of you won't understand it because you're trained in this basic Bitch logic of just swallowing these hallmark fairy tales about what life is and they're like when the going gets tough Shut up It's not true
Starting point is 01:09:34 Okay It's not true. So to the rules today or this give to those that have more Because it makes you feel good and it's real Okay, that's the rule Uh, another rule is your real friends are around during times of jubilation not misery It's very true You might not like that The third rule is only attend the party of witty coming's house if you've planned it
Starting point is 01:10:04 She is I mean god that was What did you think what was your impression of it? Well, I'm always on the hook for everything here because he doesn't say anything I mean the food was kind of like inedible In my opinion. Yeah, it was bad. What do you think about the uh, what was vegan and shit? That's what they do in LA It's vegan. Yeah, I just can't do that. Yeah, it's you know, it's the satanic priestess does it Blesses it. What what do you think about? Uh, what do you think about the decor? What was the overall vibe? It was it felt more halloween to me like the it did the cook had a big
Starting point is 01:10:34 Like hats and like everything was orange. It felt now you were around for the planning of my event Which didn't happen, but it was still planned. Correct. I assisted It was just gonna be a different level Oh, yeah, I know you're just gonna be a little bit of a different level. Yeah, I mean a different level More attention to detail You know, oh, yeah, oh, yeah, that's all and a funner crew Yeah
Starting point is 01:11:00 You think I mean she's got like It's like half influencers half reality stars People that she's dug out of a comedy chest from 1992 haven't worked in 30 years people I mean it's like some influencers like my titties a trillionaire And then some comic next to them that lives in a car It's like what is going on
Starting point is 01:11:27 You know some Instagram influencers was like look at my golden pussy and then the person next to them was like I live in a rav four I found So there's no semblance. I don't even understand what's happening there, you know It's like when people with drugs you hang out people without drugs. It would be like, yeah, I don't Right. Yeah. What are you doing here? I Very strange New studio being built. When do you think we'll have the new studio right like actually by the new year?
Starting point is 01:11:59 We have to get some custom things built. It's going to take a couple weeks. It's going to take a couple of weeks Thank you for everybody who is supported the fake business campaign fake business will be doing real business up until Oh, it's over now. Well, if you're on the west coast and this episode's up, you might have a couple hours to still buy Yeah, I mean if you haven't bought it by now, what are you really doing? Yeah, what are you really doing out there? You know, so we're going to leave now. We're going to disobey the lockdown because this is not essential Uh, well, we're at the McRib. We're a podcast so we're media So I'm allowed to travel to your house and back to mine So we're allowed to go get food right for because we have to come back and do ads after we go get the McRib. Good point
Starting point is 01:12:41 Hey officer We're a podcast. Have you heard of podcasting? We're the media. We are the media now. Another thing I said is a joke. It's now somehow real. It's true We're the media What a fucking What an insane realization, huh? Yeah, we're allowed to leave our homes because we're the media. Yeah You think Gavin Newsom's in an office one day going You're letting these fucks go to and from each other's houses and you're telling people to burn down my wantaries
Starting point is 01:13:16 It's Gavin. It's a metaphor The fan of the show is in there going Gavin. It's uh, he said do it with satire. Yeah Burned down the want to be with satire You know Um, I'm not telling anyone This is how I'll end the show This is how we're gonna end the show. I am I just want to clarify right now. I am not telling anyone to set Gavin Newsom's winery on fire
Starting point is 01:13:41 That is not what I'm doing at all This is a joke and I'm not If you're in the area and you have a lit cigarette

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