The Tim Dillon Show - 314 - White Marble with Paul Virzi

Episode Date: September 4, 2022

Tim Dillon and Paul Virzi talk parents having meltdowns at their kid's sporting events, how Paul spends money like an Italian and justifies it to his wife, and the last thing Tim will give up if it all goes south. Paul's plugs: Tickets: https://paulvirzi.com/ His podcast with Bill Burr: https://www.youtube.com/c/AnythingBetterPodcast/videos Twitter: https://twitter.com/PaulVirzi Tim's Netflix special: https://www.netflix.com/watch/81616382 Bonus episodes every week: ▶▶ https://www.patreon.com/thetimdillonshow See Tim Live on the road and sign up for merch: ▶▶ http://timdilloncomedy.com/#shows SUPPORT OUR SPONSORS: ESTABLISHED TITLES ▶▶ Go to https://www.EstablishedTitles.com/TimDillon to get your gifts now and help support the channel. Use the code TimDillon you get an additional 10% off. UPSIDE ▶▶ Download the FREE Upside App and use promo code TIMD to get $5 or more cash back on your first purchase of $10 or more. That’s $5 or more cash back on your first purchase of $10 or more, using promo code, TIMD. BABBEL ▶▶ https://www.babbel.com/tim for 60% off your subscription SHEATH UNDERWEAR ▶▶ https://www.sheathunderwear.com use promo code TIM20 HELIX BED ▶▶ https://www.helixsleep.com/timd for 200 dollars off Mattress orders and two free pillows WATCHES ▶▶ for 20% off go to https://www.vincerocollective.com/timdillon 🔒 VPN: Get three months free ▶▶ https://www.expressvpn.com/timdillon 📦 BOX OF AWESOME ▶▶ http://boxofawesome.com use code TIMDILLON at checkout for 20% off ONNIT ▶▶ Go to http://onnit.com/tim for 10% off EVERY MAN JACK ▶▶ https://www.everymanjack.com to get 20% off your first purchase use code DILLON 🎧 HEADPHONES: For 15% off! ▶▶ https://www.buyraycon.com/tim 👨‍🦱 HAIR LOSS: ▶▶ https://www.keeps.com/TimDillon 💆THERAPY ▶▶ https://www.betterhelp.com/TIMD ATHLETIC GREENS ▶▶ https://athleticgreens.com/timdillon MUD\WTR ▶▶ https://mudwtr.com/tim use code TIM for $5 off STARTMAIL: start securing email privacy! ▶▶ https://startmail.com/timd for 50% off your first year! DOORDASH ▶▶Download the Doordash app and use code TIMDILLON ▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬ 𝐆𝐄𝐓 𝐂𝐎𝐍𝐍𝐄𝐂𝐓𝐄𝐃: 📸 Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/timjdillon/ 🐦 Twitter: https://www.twitter.com/TimJDillon 🌍 Tim Dillon Live Dates!: http://timdilloncomedy.com/#shows 📹 Subscribe to the channel: https://www.youtube.com/channel/UC4woSp8ITBoYDmjkukhEhxg Listen on Spotify! https://open.spotify.com/show/2gRd1woKiAazAKPWPkHjds  ▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬ ▶▶ Ed McMahon [e-mail] https://www.instagram.com/benaveryisgood/ https://twitter.com/benaveryisgood ▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬ #TheTimDillonShow Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

By the way, do you know how fucking great it is that a fucking, do you know how great it is and how fucking happy I am for you that you fucking came here in this disgusting town and you fucking are a New York kid doing this? Yeah, still, yeah, yeah, yeah. You pulled up in a Bentley and I fucking got real happy. I appreciate it.

I got real fucking happy. Thank you. Well, you know, it's- Are we on? Yeah. Oh, shit, okay. Well, we're on, yeah, we don't tell people when we're on. Oh, okay, yeah, no, that's good.

Well, what's good about me is that I'm at the comedy store and I'm not in jail, you know, because it's been rough for a few years out here. Left and right, people getting taken out headshots. Yeah. I just wished I lived at a time when you didn't know smoking was bad for you. That's the time I wish I lived in because, you know,

we know so much now that to do certain things now, you have to really have a death wish, which I don't have. But back, you know, I don't have that, but back then you could just enjoy a cigarette. I saw clips of like Jackie Glees. You could see like when Jackie Gleeson was on like train carts and they're just drinking and smoking. And there was no, there was no talking about it.

It was just going to the club and having scotch and drinking cigarettes was it. Well, there was, you know, there was a thing in that era where people really like fun was a big deal. Like having fun. Right. Like fun- Letting loose, right.

Letting loose. Yeah. Having fun, we've kind of done away with that now. We're like, there was the idea that you could really enjoy yourself and that part of your life should be defined by your ability to have fun. Right.

To let loose. Yeah. Well, if you know, I mean, I'm sure Yannis has told you, Yannis Pappas of course, but my problem and my fighting with my wife is that it's a little too much with me. Right. So if I did live in that time, it probably wouldn't have been long lived.

No, yeah. I still, I mean, I say I'm gonna have two white claws. I'm up all night. Yeah, yeah, yeah. You just have fun. I just have fun and then let's smoke a cigar but Paul, it's three in the morning. Yeah.

You gotta be up with the kids tomorrow. Yeah. I'll be fine and then I'm mess. The kids will be fine. Yeah, and I'm an absolute mess for two days. Yeah, then she has those, the kids. And then she has the kids and then she's resentful to me. Oh, by the way, then I'm going,

now I'm going to Beverly Hills for a week. Yeah, but she's not on Netflix. Is she okay? I mean, you know what I mean? I'm the one with the special. I mean, like, wake up a little bit. You know, are you funny? That's hilarious.

So your Netflix special is out. What is the title of it? The Netflix special is called Nocturnal Admissions. Nocturnal Admissions, right. I like that. Yes, and yeah, it's on Netflix right now. It's streaming, it's doing extremely well. So I'm very, very thankful about that.

That's awesome about that. Check it out, man. It's getting great reviews and I'm really happy. I was working hard and luckily I got COVID early. Yeah. Because getting COVID. You got COVID like, you were like patient zero. Dude, I joked.

I said, I got COVID like I was waiting for an album to drop. Like I was online at midnight for PlayStation 5. I got COVID. And then you just basically like coasted for the next two years, like unafraid. And yeah, yeah. And then what happened? You were like immunity, who gives a fuck?

Well, yeah. And then five months after when the world was shut down, I was like, all right, now let's go to the states that really don't believe in COVID. Right, and that's what we did. We went on tour that whole time. I wonder, to be honest with you, I wonder in our lifetimes,

if there will ever be a more interesting time to do stand-up than when we did it. Like during that era. And I think me, you, Brett, Ernst, and maybe a couple of other people were out, out. Like we were out. No, no, like I was like, people were like, dude, are you tour?

Like is this your tour? We were out like it wasn't happening. Yeah, we were out like it didn't exist. Yeah, we were out. I was in Texas, I was in Arizona, all those like 100% And I was doing it every week. Yeah.

And some comics were like, I see the, I mean, obviously I don't think they were talking about, I don't know who they're talking about. Right. But yeah, these comics who have like full schedules, like, yeah, that's responsible. And it's like, nobody's booking you. Right, you're not giving up anything.

You're not. Well, Callan and Shab went out early and they got sick. Yeah. And then they had to post, hey, if you shook my hand in the meet and greet, and that was funny because it's like, what, you did a fucking meet and greet? Like that was like, that was like the next level of like,

wait a minute, what? So that made a lot of people start going like, what the fuck? You're doing comedy and you're doing a meet and greet. But it was like, listen, the way I looked at it was like this. Listen, I was like, you know, I've done comedy now. I started in like 2010, like late 2010. So I was like, listen, I've been doing it a very long time.

You're 13 years in. 13 years in. I was like, I finally have some people that want to come see me. I've been on the road a very, very long time. And I'm taking every precaution. And just knowing a little bit about viruses, you knew basically, you know, this wasn't,

there was no way this was going to be preventable. I mean, people are gonna get it. People are gonna get it. You know what I don't like dope now, Tim? Is that now they're coming out going, the truth is, the real truth is, if it wasn't an N95 mask, it kind of didn't, like if you had a cloth mask.

It was fake. Yeah. Well, remember the hand sanitizer. Remember all the things we did, wiping down packages, all that shit. And then we realized, oh, none of that worked. That's not how it spread. We don't have to fucking wipe down all of this shit.

You don't have to take out fucking ethyl alcohol and spray down. Doesn't affect food. Yeah. Pan to express fucking to go boxes. Yeah. We didn't have to do any of that. Nobody, it was insane, but we were out there

and I remember doing stand up the week before the election. And it was November. Okay. And it was the week before the election. And I remember it was, we had the pandemic and the election. And I remember saying to my opener,

we were sitting in the back in the green room. And I said, and then Trump, I believe had gone, he had just got COVID. I think you were in Nashville, yeah. And he was getting flown in a helicopter. Yeah. And I don't know when this was. It was maybe, it was October.

It was close to the election. Yeah. And I said to my opener, I'm like, we could find out the president is dead in the middle of the show. I'm like, we don't know what's going on. I'm like the president of the United States. Yeah.

Who's in his seventies has COVID. Yeah, that's true. He's an overweight in his seventies has COVID. And we are sitting in the back of, I don't know if it was stand up live in Phoenix. I don't know where I was, but I said, we're like close to an election. I'm like, there's never been a crazier time

in my memory to do stand up comedy than this period. No, it was, we did it in a time where when we talk about it and you tell people, you're going to go like years and years. You got on stage like during it. Right. Like at the height of it. I was actually in Arizona at the height of it. Yeah.

It was like every other table, they had partitions. People had masks. People are going to go, wait a minute. What we did shows outside. Yeah. You know how funny it was when Trump was like, I was fine. Yeah. It was like, it was great.

But he, you know, when they put him, I heard he actually had a rough time. Yeah. He said, when they put him on the plane, am I going to go out like Stan Sherer, who was a friend of his who died with it? So, you know, he was like, what the fuck? And it is one of those things where, you know,

it was weird cause most people were okay. But then every now and then you heard somebody that was like, they got really fucked up and you went, wait, what? Sometimes it was somebody who you wouldn't expect. But we were out there doing standup during that time. That was crazy. We were and I was getting real busy and it started to get weird

because like not many people were doing it. And then I asked myself, I said to my wife, I was like, is this okay? Like, am I a fucking, like, am I? And then I was like, I told people, listen, come, like, you know, if you want to come out, like be safe. Like they're, you know, and then like all the clubs had that like gun that like did something with the air.

Yes. Which you didn't know, like I didn't know. Nobody knew what that was. Okay, you know. No one knew. I mean, no one, these comedy clubs are. Comedy clubs are trying everything to say a lot. They're the worst, you know,

they're infectious disease breeding grounds, right? It's people close together eating, drinking and laughing. Hopefully. No, but we're spraying stuff. Right. Yeah, we got here. Everyone's fine. We got Lysol.

Everything's fine. Yeah, there's 300 of you very close, but the spray, we're recycling the air. They said that and I go, what is that? Like when they said, no, we recycle the air, the air's new. They didn't know what it was. It was just everybody, they were just like,

listen, we need money. That's the other thing that people forgot, you know, people needed money and people, you know, there were certainly, there were benefits for people that didn't have, but there were people that were like, Hey man, I got a family. I got to feed people.

You have two kids. That's why I was going to say, fuck you. Yeah. You know, I have no kids, but I want money. Yeah, yeah. So I was like, listen, if you come to the show, you know, I don't know how many people I killed with my tour. Someone, someone died for my tour.

Someone died. No, I have no way of knowing. I found out one guy got sick at mine. Like that actually came back that got, cause I said, I go, if you guys hear anything, just let me know. One guy got it and then like a week later, I didn't hear anything.

So I guess he made it. I don't even want to know how many people died from my tour. A few people died. A few people died. People are going to die. And you better crush that. You know, it's, you know, I mean, you, you came out. Yeah.

But you could have died from going to the grocery store. Yeah. So what are you going to do? And I also think that there are some people that were like, look, I know the risk. I'm not living like this. That's right. I'm not living like this anymore.

So if God forbid, if God forbid something happens, I'm going to a comedy club to laugh tonight and I'm done. Cause I sat in the house for months and I'm going to see this guy who I like. I'm sure a lot of people did that. A lot. Probably very Republican. Yeah.

And there were good audiences. And to me, I love comedy is a live sport. It's meant to be seen live. Like it's obviously it's great when it's recorded. It's great. But to me being in the room is, is, is the thing. It's a hundred percent true. There were no, so to me, there were no substitutions.

These live stream shows that people were doing, the shows on zoom, all of these, you know, whatever, you know, technological innovation that allowed people to perform. You know, I just was like in standups, gotta be live. Podcasting can be what it is, but standups gotta be live. So I didn't feel like there was any substitution.

So I'm like, I'm either going to not do it for two years or I got to go out. Yeah. Yeah. No, I felt the same way. And I also was like being out there. I was able to work the special more and in my mind, I'm going, wow, like if I can kind of duplicate

what's going on here the night of the special, but yeah, being there live and having your fans see you in your element at your best running something and they're there, it's just better than clips. Right. Clips are great. Now, as somebody who didn't grow up with the internet, now seeing what it is, your kids are growing up with it.

Yeah. Right? Yeah. How do you shield them from the crazier parts of it with the everything from bullying to, you know, God forbid you come home one day and you see your daughter or son and they're watching a Whitney Cummings on the internet.

What do you do? You know, like, how do you handle? As a father, how do you handle all this? No, it's actually, it's actually true. Well, not the Whitney thing, true. No, like my daughter's watching, you know, she said to me the day she's a dad, can I get TikTok? And I go, absolutely not.

And she's like, but I'll just, and this is what let me know that it's fucking horrible. And she goes, no, I'll just go to the things that I want to see. No, dude, they're doing stuff. They're doing gross shit. There's a lot of sexual shit up there. My daughter's 10, man.

Yeah, there's problems. And the kids are locked in the phones big, man. My son is, you know, my son is, he does watch a lot of basketball stuff, YouTube stuff, but my son has got his head down a lot. To the point where I'm like, buddy, buddy, I'm fucking talking to you. Like my dad, that didn't happen with us.

You know, we stared at the window and we were like, Yeah, no, there was nothing to stare at other than your life. Yeah, you had to kind of live in what was- Yeah, they're happier than we were. Oh, the kids? Yeah, they're happier. Yeah, they seem happier.

My kids are happy. My kids are happy. They're just distracted, but I don't want them. I'm fighting it. I'm fighting it. So you're gonna, now, do you think you get worn down eventually? Do you think it breaks down like when they get

into the teen years, cause all of their friends are gonna be doing this? So at what point do you, I don't know, do you give in? Or do you, how does it work? Well, here's the thing, you know, the Italian, I think the Italian in me, I kind of bribe. Right.

Cash is king in the house. Right. So I told my daughter, my daughter was on the couch. You'll love this. Yeah. My daughter's on the couch with Stacy and she goes, I want an iPhone. And you know, Stacy goes, well, Lucas got an iPhone

after fifth grade. You gotta wait till fifth grade. Right. She goes, but I'm different than Lucas. I want an iPhone. So her soccer team didn't win a game all year. And they scored one goal all season. It was terrible.

They never won. We would travel to Yonkers. We would travel to Dobbs Farrell. We would travel all over. And just to be embarrassed. It's seven o'clock in the morning. There's a dew all over the thing. I'm exhausted.

I had to get up early. I had to get up early. I got coffee in my hand and they'd get blown out. We'd get back in the car. It's shameful. Yeah, right. And we'd get in the car and we just wouldn't talk about the game.

We'd go get lunch. Right. So they scored one goal all year. It's the last game they haven't won a game. So I just out of nowhere, I go, Sophia. You score a goal tomorrow morning. And you score a goal and again tomorrow morning I get you an iPhone 11, whatever it was.

First, first half she's dragging ass. All the kids are. Right. Yeah, it's over. They're losing. You're like the money stays in my pocket. The money stays in my pocket. They're hearing about it.

The parents, there's rumblings. Yeah. Hey, dude, Verzi just fucked. Verzi told Sophia, you know, we're losing. Dude, second half starts. She starts running the ball ricochets. It's in front of her. It's just her and the goalie.

She lofts it up over the goalie's head. It goes in. All the parents start going nuts. Everyone. So she is running down in the middle of the game, Tim. Middle of the game. She goes, dad, iPhone 11. And everybody fucking went nuts.

That's great. I'll tell my kid, listen. And some people don't like the parent. I tell my kid, you scored 20 tonight. You're going to get cash. Right. You're going to get 300 cash and we're going to go get you the sneakers you want.

No, it's smart. Do you ever, when the team's not doing good, you ever grab the coach and go like, what are we doing here? Yeah. You know what I mean? Like, do you ever grab the coach and go like, listen, I've been here seven weeks in a row and nothing's changed.

Like, are we? Do you have a plan? Do we have any plan as to how to get out of this? Like, you know, like. They had a game in Queens by Randall's Island. Yeah. A team that never loses. Yeah.

They actually had the decency to just cancel it. Yeah. They just said, fuck it. You know, the parents had a meeting and they go, we're not driving. We're not all driving down to Queens to do that. So let's just, let's forfeit now. So we could go out and drink tonight.

And they, and the parents did, they canceled it. There were two types of parents, sports parents, when I was coming up. There was the parents who didn't care where they were just like, this is a babysitter. These three hours a week that you're gone are three hours. I don't have to see you. And then there were parents who would physically attack

the coach and referee if they didn't like the calls. Yeah, yeah. Like it was those two extremes and very few in the middle. It was either like, hey, have fun. We don't really care. The other extreme was that, you know, there are literally, if you Google this, Ben. Yeah, yeah.

There was, and these were like connected guys in Long Island, everybody thinks they're connected. It's, you know, they went down. Two guys attacked a baseball coach, Long Island. They went on to the field. They literally were like, what the fuck's going on? And they, yeah, right there. Oh, this is that right here in 2007.

Brothers busted for a beatdown of Long Island baseball coach. And it was like a, I remember this in 2007. And basically it was like an 11 year old baseball player upset over being benched for cursing in batting practice called his father who drove to the Belmore ball field, rushed the mound with his brother, pummeled the coach, sending him to the hospital.

Police said Wednesday. The brothers, Frank Basile and Roger Basile, who owned a restaurant I love called Hudson and McCoy or used to, were arrested and charged. I think they do. It was a great, I used to enjoy it. They were arrested and charged Tuesday. This was years and years ago with whatever, you know.

You know what, how funny is that when they're in the holding cell? Yeah. I was doing dope. No, no. I beat the fuck out of a little league coach. Yeah, we fucked up as keep my kids couch. And you know, because their sons,

they benched them for being like, fuck you, motherfucker. They're like, you have to be on the bench. No, there was another one where the parents go, come on and the guy goes, if you do one more thing and he just left, he left, he took the mask off and the ump just left. I'm not, no, we don't, you know,

I don't do that. Yeah. It's like it happens a lot in Long Island. I don't even get it. In Long Island, it happens 100% all that. Like what people do for children's sports is insane. Yeah. And it's such, and all it is is a projection of their,

of what's going on with them, which is crazy. Right, because they regret, maybe they go, maybe they're trying to relive their glory days or they never, they regret, you know, not their parents didn't push them more. Yeah. And they're like, maybe if I push the kids, we can get them.

There was a guy, I think in our district or the town over, he, eight, eight year olds, he kicked a soccer ball, say, go get it, assholes are freaked out. He was just, never, he was banned from the field. He wasn't allowed, no, he wasn't allowed on the property. Like, he wasn't allowed to be seen. He wasn't allowed to be seen on the property. Like they were just like, this guy can't even,

like not only, not only are you not doing this anymore, like you can't be seen. People can't see you. So what was he doing? He was just telling eight year olds. He was, I guess, he was just telling eight year olds something and they weren't listening. And I guess he just had a breaking point of losing.

Yeah. You know, because there's only so much you could take. Do you ever, do you coach? No, no. You don't coach. But if like, but like one time I ran like intramurals, where they broke up our whole team and I did. And the kids like, you know, I know like I could tell a kid

that like is just going through it or like takes it real seriously where I'll be like, dude, just go, you know, like I was able to read, these guys want to win for them, not the kid. Right. So this guy probably, my guess is he probably lost 13 weeks in a row. You know, you know, his wife is saying something.

Right. I've seen wives actually like go up to the husband while they're coaching and be like, can you do something? Can you do something? Well, yeah, interesting. You know, because they're at breakfast and he's yelling and she's like, why don't you win a fucking game? You don't think he's taking that in the car?

That's competitive. He's getting in the car going thinking like this. So this kid kicked a ball, I think. I heard he kicked a soccer ball. I don't know who the fuck it was. He kicked a soccer ball far and started saying, you get it, you asshole. Like it was like, and people were like, yeah,

he's just never coming back. Jesus. Yeah. But then that guy shows up to the auditorium for the school play. Yeah. Everybody was like, yeah. There he is.

And you have a tight knit community of people who know each other. Well, yeah, so there's surrounding towns, but are exact. Like other people know it's real small. Schools might as well be private. Right. And that's what I want. I want to be away from people, you know?

And I just want to be. Why? I want to be in a rich country town with horses. Why? Have you been to New York City? Have you fucked? Dude, New York City is fucked. And I hate saying that.

That's your home city. That's my city. That's right. That's where I got my chops with stand up. That's where you got your chops with stand up. That's where I got my chops mutton chop at Keens. Many chops, no chops. Lots of chops.

And to see what it is now, dude, to go down there, like I was telling you earlier, like taking my son to a game and seeing the amount of homeless and the hustlers and stuff down. And my kids are scared. And then I'm thinking, what's somebody's breaking point? Yeah. Right?

Like you get so. I saw it happen in Austin, Texas. I saw it happen. I saw a guy try to, you know, he got somebody told him, no, we tried jumping in front of a car. So now you're. Now, wait a minute. This is crazy to me because this is the most beautiful city

in the world, Austin, Texas. You saw somebody. I just saw some guy have a breaking point and start yelling and screaming and freaking out because so so that's when the homeless guy. And I think that that's what happens on the trains and the subways in New York City. You know, in the subways in New York City, somebody's there.

That whole day they were shut down. They were said, fuck you. Who knows what happened? They're sitting there and then they see a guy, you know, laughing with their kids in Yankee jerseys. Right. And he goes, they're getting into a Jaguar tonight going back up to Westchester.

Yeah. And somebody gets, you know what I mean? People have breaking points. I don't want to be there with my family when that happens. Right. No, that makes a lot of sense. And Westchester is incredible. You know, it's good schools and stuff like that.

So yeah, I don't want. I hope that doesn't sound like a snooty fuck. I'm just saying like, you know, I worked in a certain place where, you know, to a level where I want my kids to have a nice. You want your family to be safe. There's nothing snooty about that. It's about safety, man. Yeah.

You know, it's about my kids being safe and my kids feeling safe. I have specified. Now this sounds snooty. I don't want to live near people who fly on public airways. Yeah, like anyone that flies public. I want to live like commercial. I really don't want to live.

Yeah, near anyone that flies like a commercial air. Yeah, not public commercial, but I consider it public. It's like a public bus. I want to live near people. It's the level of here's how rich the areas are that I want to live in. No one's even home. Yeah.

You know how rich that is, which no one's really even home. Ever. It's because it never actually their vacation. It's not a community. Yeah. It's just a money. It's money laundering and with security. Yeah, it's like the massage.

Like the security is like Saudi Secret Service, crazy rich, just things that are blinking. And it's white collar crime while they summer in Paris. That's right. You know, that's serious. And I've always liked that since I'm a kid. Since I'm a kid, I've always liked those area. It's not because I have money now.

Yeah. When I was a little kid, I always liked those areas where people were so, so rich, it was confusing. Well, you know what's funny? And me and you have this in common because we've talked about it for a long time. It's like, and all my friends in comedy make fun of me. Yeah.

Like you like a good restaurant. Yeah. See, I like tops. Yes. Like I want to, I want to get, I want to fly private one day. That's my goal. I want to fly private one day. I don't fly private, but I like to be around those who do.

So waste of money. You're close though. You're going to waste of money. It's a, yeah. But you know what? I heard it's, it's necessary, I think. Yeah, yeah. I heard Ron White said that somebody goes, yeah, why do you do that?

Why do you waste time? He goes, man, it's so good. Yeah. You know, it is, it is good. You know, it's nice to just have your own. But it's nice to, you know, to, to, to, to be in a, and I think we shouldn't pretend that that's not desirable. Well, see what I do is I fly first and can't afford it always.

Yeah. But I still do it. I fly first. That will be the last luxury I give up. If everything collapses on me, I will, I will sell the Bentley. I don't care. I will never go back to coach. I won't fly.

Yeah. I just will drive to gigs. Like, I don't like. You're never going in the back of the plane again. Once you get to first, it's, I can't go to the back. It's almost insulting. It's almost insulting how it's different. Yeah.

I was going to do a bit on it. And then I said, somebody had to do this bit. And then seven minutes and 40-something seconds or seven minutes and 20. Brian Regan, who's fucking, I think, one, I mean, he's just on the Matt Rushmore. One of the greatest of all time. And, you know, he's a friend.

Dude, he's the nicest guy. Very nice. This guy did from getting to your gate to getting on the plane to first class versus, versus coach. It's, you're crying, laughing. But after you sit in coach, like, I, now I, sometimes if I can't afford it, because they'll be like, hey, you know, it's, it's an extra thousand. Then I'll be like, all right, I'll go to business.

Yeah. Stacey will kill me. Right. Because when I go to cities, I buy sneakers. Right, right. No, you're, you're a problem with spending sometimes. Oh, you like to treat yourself well. Oh, Bill Burm.

You like a hat, a new hat, every now and then. Bill Burm beat David's ago. I just, all we want for is to get rich, because see what he does. I told my wife, I want a horse. I want a horse. You will dress like these hype beasts out here. You're like a $2,000 hoodie. No, Tim, you're going to come to my house and sit on a white horse.

Yeah. I really want, like, I want you to feed it by hand. When Italians succeed, this is what they do. Yeah, like an exotic animal. Yes, yes. I get that. You white, white things. And I want what you want.

A shirvel, some weird cat. Yeah. Dude, how, it's funny you said that. I was actually asking Stacey if she wanted to get a lynx. Yeah, yeah, yeah. No, no. I want white marble everywhere. Yeah.

I want white marble everywhere. Fish tank. Yeah. Little fish tank, yeah. Yannis Reid did his basement. Yeah. And when you sit on Yannis' couch downstairs to the left, you can see, and it's all white marble.

And I stare at it. Like, like a fly to a light. I just, I can't get my eyes off of it. Like, when I see white marble and stone, that's another thing. We love stone. Yeah, I love stone. White stone for me.

It's amazing. Anything white. Like, when you pulled up in your car and I just, I saw like the B on the white. I couldn't believe it. Yes. Like, you know, it was a pleasure to just get in something. White.

Yes, that's right. Yeah, so. This will be clipped and it will be used on neo-nazi websites. Yeah, by the way, we're saying, by the way, we're saying white leather. And white stone. Leather, marble. Stone, yeah.

Yeah, yeah, yeah, like, no, yeah, like, I realized when I go, I go everything white and then you're laughing. We don't mean. Somebody could literally get that. Yeah, that's just going to be. I'm talking about, yeah, the materials, but. Yes. Yeah, no, I really, I really love being,

you know, sitting in a situation like, you know, like I had to fly business. I flew first when I went to Grand Rapids, but then on the way out here, I was in business. And you know, I hit the guy's elbow a little bit and I was like, I just can't do this anymore. You know, Stacey watches, Stacey sees the card though. Yeah, we got into it.

We got into it. We got into a thing and I go, I go, look, you know, I'm making, you know, I'm not making a ton, ton of money, but I said, I'm making a little money. And she says, listen, you got a rainy day. And she goes, listen, Paul, you know, so we got, yeah, like you got the LLC, right? She goes, you know, I got it.

She goes, she actually said to me, she goes, can we have a talk tonight? Yeah, because we really need to talk. And she goes, can I just, can I just be in charge of the money? And I go, look, just, just, you know, I'm making them up. Like, let's talk, let's talk about it. And she goes, Paul, please, for me. She goes, this might be a big problem for us.

It's like, cause my wife saw the foresight was this could be divorced. So like this could be, cause you're going to go out and you're going to buy three pairs of Jordans and you're going to buy first class. And then, and it's great, but like we have, we have children that need to get educated. So you got to watch that and you got to be careful.

So she looks at it. So like, you know, today, for example, I pulled it to, you know, I went to the mall. I got, you know, I got some press coming up. I got some TV coming up this week out here. So, you know, I bought a new pair of Jordans and I said, but then I walked past another sneaker store. I bought another pair.

Really? But here's the thing, I got to send them home. I can't pack them. I don't have enough. So I'm buying sneakers and I'm, I've got to ship them home. So you have two pairs of Jordans on this trip that you're shipping home. No, I have five pairs of sneakers on this trip.

I got, listen to this. I have a, I have, it's actually crazy. Like I'm here for four days. It's crazy. Yeah. Like, yeah. So I got, yeah. So I have them, and my, you know, really laugh. My luggage has a section for the actual sneaker boxes.

I don't doubt it. Yeah. So I got the sneakers, but then I'm going through and I see Jordans. So I get them. Then I saw another pair, but Stacy was watching. It would have, another pair would have been another 500 after I already spent six on two pairs. So she'll just go, so what did you do?

She knows, she'll question me. How was your day? How was Fred's? So did you do cash so she doesn't know? I mean, yeah, I mean, sometimes I throw a little cash or she'll go, what did you, you know, how was the trip? Her way to start is how was the trip? How was your flight?

Right. You know, how was your flight? Was like, what did you, did you spend? Right. Another thing that changed my life was the Delta Sky Club changed my life. Yeah. You go to Delta Sky Club?

I've never been there. You know, here's, here's the thing. I got to be honest with you. I got to be honest with you. You Americans, you know, we had the British Airways Lounge in London. And like, we went to the Qantas Lounge in Australia. Here's the reality.

American lounges just don't, they don't compete. No, you know what? The food, I was a little disappointed in the food at Delta. They had like one little hot thing. A chicken. No, dude, the Qantas Lounge, that business lounge. It's great. It's the best. It was so good.

And then the Virgin Lounge too. And some of the best coffee I've ever had. Oh dude, the coffee, the hot cold dishes. They make grilled cheeses for you. Like peninis and stuff. They make grilled cheeses. They call them a toasties soup. You know, nice rainy day with the soup.

I mean, you know, so I respect the Delta Sky Club. No, the Sky Club like was something where we fly enough where it's worth it, a thousand times worth it. But I agree. I heard some of the Delta ones in the country are like exceptional. But the ones that I went, I've been to a couple and I could have, you know, to be honest,

it could have been a little better food wise. Yes. It is nice to sit, listen, it's nice to have unlimited drinks. You know, it's great. I mean, that's the other thing about first class is you get a meal and the meal's good. And the meal in the back, you know,

is atrocious. And like, that's the other thing. In, when you are in coach, you are sitting next to people who are diseased. You know, like, I mean, like openly like, because it takes nothing to be in coach. And I've been in coach and I've been that person who's diseased.

Like I've gotten on coach, blowing my nose, like on the way to Hilarities and Cleveland for a weekend, blowing my nose, like my clothes are in like a ratty backpack. You're doing systems worse. I'm making $1,200 for 17 shows in Cleveland. Like it's a nightmare. I bring food that I'm eating.

Like I've been that person. And now, and so I know who that person is and I don't want to be anywhere near them. You don't want to? Do you ever look at the people on the line for food when you go to the Sky Lounge and just start laughing? Out laughing. You know what it is?

I try to like, sometimes when they walk on the plane to go back to coach, I bless my, I bless that prayer, I just, I go into silent prayer for them. And I go like, God bless, I hope, you know? Yeah, no, it's, but you know what feels bad? What feels bad is if you do first a lot, but then like I said, they were just like,

Paul, did it bump the thousand? Do you still want to do it? And I was like, and I was like, with what I was spending, I said, no, but then walking, then when you fly first a lot, but then you walk past it because you're not in it anymore, there's like a feeling of like-

I did it one time, you know, he sits, where do you sit every time? In coach. You sit every time in coach. And every time you pass me, right? That's right, I always pass you. And what do I do? I always give you the-

You point, you literally point back with the thumb back. What you purposely, like you just want to, that's like your wife or like that's just- Well, no, we're not, the business pays for his travel when he comes to New York and stuff. We're not paying for that. You guys don't sport him at first? Are you mentally ill?

This is good, turn around, turn around. Turn around, look at the bed, turn around, look at the show. Whose name's on the show right there? Is this a group show? Does that say Saturday Night Live with 65 people in it? Is this an ensemble cast? He has a very nice life. I mean-

He has a very nice life. He does very well. I mean, you know, do you rarely pay for dinner? That's true. You know, you're very good to me. He's been to the greatest restaurants in the world. In the world. In London, Nobu and Malibu.

He goes to New York, we take him to Don Andrew. You treat eating like, that's what I noticed about you. That's what I respect. You treat eating and foods and restaurants and seafood. You do that the way I would say that, like I would do either certain sneakers or- I mean, listen, I love a good meal like that, but you need like the,

like you need meal-wise, you want the best, right? Well, cause I used to do drugs and I miss drugs and I really like drugs. So it's an addictive, it's an addictive personality. It's an addictive thing to just say, I want this thing that's hard to get in and I don't know that we'll be able to get it. And it's just reminds me of drugs

because drugs was like, oh, can we get the eight ball tonight? I want the good eight ball. We want the pink rock, you know, the one that's coming. How do we get that? Well, we got to call him. We got to drive to fuck a base side, whatever. And this, like to me, I like to try to get into the best place

because it's a challenge. So whatever. Yeah, so it's like you'd want to see Food Tower that like Prince loved. Yeah. That was delicious and great. And that was, that was your eight ball back in the day. I want the last thing Michael Jackson ate. Yeah.

I want the last sushi piece of nigiri he had before he went into a propofol coma. Because what's life about? Who cares? Why, you know? I'll be honest with you. I was on that shit and that's the greatest. There's nothing, there's nothing better than propofol.

And when you come out of it, there's no mood better. Right. And if anyone listening right now, if you can get your hands on propofol. No, no, no. That's who's sponsoring our show, propofol. But he did that, like he did that, like to sleep and shit, which is wild.

He had problems. Where do you stand on the Michael Jackson thing? I've never, I've never researched it, but I know it's a hot button, but we stumbled into it. I can't, I can't watch it. I can't listen to his music. I just can't listen to his music now knowing, like somebody told somebody that I like and trust.

Right. I go, what was the real, and that's the other thing. I was talking about that on another podcast today. When I watch true crime, when little kids are involved in killing, I can't watch. When I watch anything with kids, I can't. I hate true crime.

You know why? Cause women have made so much money on it. Well, women love it. And I mean, these people that make so much money on it. But when kids are involved. Timorals. That's my favorite murder, all these podcasts. And they're Timorals.

They're exploiting the deaths of people for money. They're sick, these women. Are they not? Yeah, no, when it comes to children, I can't fuck with it. I think just having kids hearing it. But people that I know, love, trust, were like, dude, I saw that documentary

and it's just like, it's a wrap. What's the bad one? Cause there's a few docs, but there's one that's like, not good. No, the one that, the most recent one, something Neverland or- Finding, no, that's a movie. Is Finding Neverland a movie?

I don't think so. No, no, I think it's that one. Did they make another one already? Dude, it's like some of the things that you- Leaving Neverland. Yeah, that's what I remember. Finding Neverland is a movie. Finding Neverland.

We're just confused. Leaving Neverland. And so now this is like kind of indisputable. It's some of the things that were said by multiple people, kind of matching stories and certain things like that. And what's worse is the parent, from what I've heard again, I haven't seen it. So I don't want to talk too much up,

but like the parents were like, he would be like, hey, can I have your kid for half a year? Well, who are these parents? That's the other thing, right? That's odd. Well, I think money's involved. I think it's like- I mean, how sick?

I mean, that's crazy. Listen, I love money. You know what I mean? I wouldn't sell him and I barely know him. I wouldn't give him to Michael Jackson for half a year. He'd love it, because he wouldn't have to work and he could go on the rides. And again, I didn't see it.

So I don't know exactly like what, but I know that he would like ask for a lot of time with these kids and like some parents would oblige. And dude, that's like, you know, that's fucked up. And it's insane fucked up. I can't like get into a Michael Jackson. So I mean, the guy as far as an artist, he's incredible. And like now I'm listening and like,

you can't listen to that and not think of that. I know, yeah. You know, like- And Woody Allen kind of similar, but Woody Allen's got some of the funniest New York movies ever. And, you know, but that documentary, now I can still watch a Woody Allen movie and say that's really funny, but I got to be honest.

It is, you know, that documentary is kind of damning. Dude, if you're obsessing over a 10 year old and you're like a grown man, it's just there's, it's hard to get into a- It's a problem. It doesn't matter, you are like, you know, Cosby. It's like, oh, he was a great comedian. He told a great story.

Okay. He also drugged and, you know, did shit to women for 30 fucking. It's like, it's like, so for me, you know, I can't listen to what that's where I stand on it is like, I don't know everything, but I can't listen. I can't get into it, dude. Yeah. And that's an interesting conversation

about like the behavior of somebody versus their material, like what they put out right now, cause you can ruin it. Now you can separate the art from the artist, but it also can be a thing where like, if somebody does something heinous, it's very hard to go, oh, but I can still rock out to this song. I can't, it's just-

It's hard. Yeah. And you're a father and the whole thing, it's tough. What do you think DJs do? They play it. They play it. They play it? Oh, they play it.

Yeah. I mean, I don't know any DJs because I'm successful. Yeah. I don't know any DJs. No, I'm kidding. I mean, the big DJs, I'm not successful enough to be friends with them. And then the little DJs, I-

That's actually interesting though. Oh yeah. The level's a DJ. Yeah, yeah, yeah, no, no, no. It is- I can't, like I can't, like I can't hang out with DJ Khaled. The Khaled, right. Cause I'm not that level.

I would love to. Right. He's gonna hang out with Andrew Schultz first. Yeah, yeah. On his decline, I may get Khaled, but little DJ- But a guy DJing a wedding. I don't know them. Yeah.

Because I hate, like a lot of my friends growing up with DJs, it's just, it's just, ugh. A lot of Long Island DJs. Yeah, it's a lot of Long Island DJs that are just gross. You ever talk to a DJ? It's disgusting. Like the things they have to talk about. I mean, it's just-

I talked to a DJ once at a show and he goes, listen dude, anytime you want a mixtape, dude, I do all this stuff from the 80s and 90s. Yeah, I mean- I was just like, yeah, dude, I'm good, dude. I look nice to meet you though. Like, all the best, but like- No, immediately after you hear that, I go,

I'm done with your procession. Like I don't wanna hear anything anymore about anybody that you do. But I think DJs just play it and go, I don't know, maybe they don't. It really depends. Yeah, I mean, it also depends. Like if it's like a bar mitzvah for a 16 year old.

Right. You know, there should be things off the list. Right. I agree. I agree with you there. How do you think about the comedy now? People, do you think that people are kind of, you know, times are getting real now.

The economy's tough, you know, we've had issues, Russia, China, all these things. Do you think the kind of virtue signaling for lack of a better word, like woke stuff, people are just getting a little bored and they go, we just wanna go back to laughing. Real shit. I think that the woke thing is starting to,

I got a Netflix special. It's kinda done. Yeah. I got a Netflix special. You're right. You know, but no, and you know what? And shout out to Netflix, cause they saw it and I didn't know.

Yeah. And after they saw it, they were like, hey, you know what? They're putting mine on and yeah. We've said some stuff. And this belongs here because it's funny and all the other stuff. That's a big sign.

And you're talking about the biggest streaming platform, that so many people have saying, you know what? And another thing I love, Tim, was the way they defended Chappelle and Ricky Gervais, like to come out and go, look guys, these are jokes. And if you're gonna pick it and then you could get another, like them saying that is a huge win. Not only, I don't even know if you knew this,

there was a trans woman working for Netflix who's very upset about these specials. I like a bunch of the other employees just threw out the window, like in downtown Hollywood. She was like on Twitter trying to get stuff going. They threw her right out the window. They opened the door, because Netflix, Ted Sarando's came in,

you ever see that scene in Casino where he goes, open the door with her head. Open the door with her head. I want him out of here by his fucking head. Yeah, they opened the door with the head and then they threw out the window. And it is sometimes, sometimes when you work in an invite,

you have to do those things. Now, so let me ask you now, you are on the road all the time. People can see you. I just want to, I was like in the middle of the episode, let people know where they can find your live dates, cause you're one of the best live performers out there

to go see you. I really appreciate that. It's working with pulverzi.com. It's the easiest thing in the world. P-A-U-L-V-I-R-Z-I dot com. And just go to his website and let people know. So you're going to London in October. I'm doing my first ever London.

How fucking awesome is that? So the New York Giants who I'm a fan of are playing the Packers in London and NFL does the London game every year. The Giants are playing there. Talk to my agent and I go, hey, I got some fans in the UK saying, how come you haven't been out here?

Let's do something. So I'm taking my family. And then, then we're going to go to Paris or Italy afterwards. That's amazing. So we're going to, yeah. So I'm going to go out, do a show out there in London and I'm looking forward to it, man.

Go to Giants game and I've never been. We loved it. Didn't you love it? Oh, I loved it. It's the best. We loved it. We loved it, man. I went to Ireland.

So Scotland, Ireland and London. Dublin was amazing. London was so amazing that, and all of those places, but London is the special spot in my heart for London. I love doing, you actually said this a long time ago, like go to like places and do one-offs.

Like I remember at the pandemic, we were doing like one-offs, but I'm doing on October 19th, I'm doing the DC improv. Well, I want to do, I'm doing the Philly punchline. I want to do smaller, like we did that theater tour was amazing,

but like to create new stuff and to experiment, I want to do smaller places. Like I've been doing these improvs and they're big improvs and they're great and we have a lot of fun with them. But to really try new stuff and experiment, you got to go to smaller places.

Dude, I was just at this place called the listening room in Grand Rapids. It's like 200, and you look up, it was the greatest, the stage is big enough where you could do your thing, but they're right there. It's, they're great.

Like I love rooms like that. That is where I, we all came up in those rooms. Those are the rooms, I think. Cause you know, the next hour I want to do, I do a lot of topical stuff in this hour because it all came from this podcast and it came from this crazy time that we lived through.

And a lot of it was, you know, also married into my family stuff and everything. But the next hour I want to do, I want to stay away from topical. And I want to go, just to stand up jokes or like, I just want to do like, I want to take this book I'm writing

called the Boomer Guide to Parenting about my parents and how I grew up. And I want to take people on a journey, how 90s kids grew up in the insanity and the horrible food we ate and the craziness and like how hilarious and detached our parents were and loof they were. That's my goal for the next hour.

Wow, that's dope man. But that is, I got to do that, I think, outside of traditional comedy clubs. I think. Or maybe really good comedy clubs. And yeah, and if I'm being honest, I think somebody like you, I think somebody seeing somebody like you do that

and really bring that into something is a whole other thing. Because I want to get super personal in that world because, and as I'm trying to write this book now, I'm realizing I'm like, there's so much funny stuff there that I want to do and have it be completely different from this show. Cause this show is our late night show.

It's like our topical. Sure. Every week we do for the most part topical jokes and we love it. Sure. It's what I grew up watching, Letterman or whatever. But then with the stand up, I want to move into that arena where it's kind of like,

I want to go back to some more of that. When I first started where I was like mining the depths of my experience for funny shit. Yeah, that's awesome. And I think. If I can. No, of course you can. And like it's funny.

I'll be back talking about Hunter Biden's dick for money. Right. But. Hey, hope you guys enjoyed the book. Trump is back. Yeah. Yeah, everybody. Hope you enjoyed the book.

Hope you enjoyed the book. Hunter Biden's on crack. But yeah, I mean, cause I feel like with stand up, it's like one of the hardest things about it is like, you know, these masters, right? You watch Bill Burr, you watch these people that have been at it forever and they're amazing. And they're the top gold, you know,

standard Mount Rushmore. And you go, they just had to keep getting better and sharper. And it's not easy. But everybody that you just mentioned, everybody that you just mentioned, took the road of sticking with it, going the long way. And just like really going out there, honing it, being able to, it's like you said, you see somebody live.

And it's like going on these tour dates and all these things I'm doing, like crowd work is it? And then finding out how to do a bit. And, and, but your thing is like, you're, you're, you're so good at what you do. And you're such, your mind is so good at this that if you shift that to your personal shit, that's coming too.

Like it's because that's what you are. But what you do is you, you're focusing on, you know, Hunter Biden's got a crack pipe on his dicks out. You do this show, you're going to talk about that. But if you go to the other thing, that's, and it's funny that you said about the grown up in the 90s cause I grew up in the 90s, like hip hop era, you know. And, and dude, I remember like coming up in the early two,

like I, if I wrote a book, I'm like trying to think of things I door knocked in Queens at dinner time for phone cable and internet. Right. It's me knocking on your door. I go, Hey guys, I'm in the, I smell the food. I'm in the area. I smell the food.

And I'm going, Hey, what's your cable? Can I see your cable bill? And it was like, you know, I almost got killed. But then there were times where I got sales, but you start thinking of things like that that you did. And you're going like, it was wild in New York in that time growing up, man. For sure.

Well, that's kind of what I want to do. And it's not easy to do that being said, that's the next iteration of it. Do you, when you look at your, when you look at the next hour or the next thing you're looking to do, how do you plan it out? Do you go, I'm just going to go out there raw.

Do you go, I'm going to have a thought. Do you go, how does it work? I've, I've learned now after the third hour cause I did, I did my album. And then I did the comedy central special and now this one. And a lot of the amazing write ups, which I'm really humbled by were like, he's really, like really found,

like I'll, I'll go just on stage now and just talk about, just if I think it, I'm just going to go out there and talk about it and build it. You know, like for example, I was in Grand Rapids and like, you know, all these pilots are young now, young dude. And I don't like that. I don't like that shit. I actually look at my pilot who's flying.

It's a big deal to me because I got over a phobia flying. And, you know, this kid, I mean, this kid, Tim, this kid looked like he was in 10, I'm not joking around. I couldn't believe the kid was actually going to get in an aircraft and fly this many people because he looked like he was in 10th grade. He had a baby face, you know, his fucking shirt was wrinkled, you know, and so I just go on stage and I'll just,

and listen, if it doesn't, but I feel like the way that I can construct a joke or say things like that, I'll go and talk about that and start to get beats with that. And maybe punch lines with that. And if, you know, I'm just doing, I'm trusting myself now, you know, and really big on able to recognize when something in life happens,

that when you're coming up, you don't recognize it. Like in nocturnal emissions, the last joke, my closer is me and my son playing basketball and he challenges me and he curses at me and he gets in my face and everybody loves the joke. But I knew in that moment, when that happened, I was like, wow, if I can incorporate this, I can see it now and better, if that makes sense.

No, absolutely. As life is coming at you and you live, you could see it. Yeah, for sure. We're trying to, there's so much interesting stuff out there and the way the business is changing, what Louis C.K. just did was pretty amazing. Making his own movie and releasing it. And that's something that we're looking to do

when we figure out how exactly to do it. That dude's first to a lot. He was on the internet early, selling his special years ago. Selling his special for five hours. That dude's early on a lot. He was early on a lot because when you're that talented, I think you also are, part of that comes from just having the capacity, the mental capacity

to take in a lot of information. And I think when you're taking in a lot of information, you're utilizing a percentage of it, right? So I think when he takes in all this info about where things are going and what technology is allowing people to do, he's applying it to his life. And we're the beneficiaries of a lot of it

because we see what he did. And I saw that, what he did with the movie and we're friendly with him now and we were fortunate enough to see the way he did it. And that seems to be where creatives are going. It's like full autonomy, figuring out how to make something and then distribute it.

Yeah, and you could also make things now for less money. So whereas a big production would have cost you easy six figures, now you can kind of put something together, you know, not that crazy. He went high level and he spent real money. That being said, you don't have to. It depends on what you want to do. And you're right, it is.

I mean, Ben, you always talk about people make things with phones. Oh yeah, yeah. There's a lot of movies shot on iPhones now. Shot on iPhones. And some of those movies that are shot on iPhone, some of them are on major streamers. Oh yeah, yeah.

On Netflix. Tangerine was shot on iPhone, 2016 on Netflix. I think a good idea today, a good idea today with the right people, man. That's all you really need. That's right. You know, you need somebody. It's actually a crazy time for us in a good way.

Kids are growing up in this generation, which is like, it's so interesting. You wonder what their perspective on things is gonna be growing up in a world where like a lot of the institutions that we grew up with are becoming irrelevant. Yes, but there's a negative to that. Yes.

And the negative to that is my kids and kids in my, you know, are a little, it's spoiled in like a little, almost like, I don't wanna say delusional, they know, but like me and Stacy have to tell Lucas and Sophia, like what they, you know, like we have like nice car, like, you know, their feeder up on leather. And I'm going like, do you understand what my mother drove? Right.

My mother drove like, my mother drove like a fucking, you know, a jalopy fucking station wagon, where, you know, the, the shifter broke, it would start smoking, you know. You know, my son said to me that he goes, dad, I want you to take me fishing in Panama, because he saw a fucking YouTube clip. He wants to go to Panama fishing.

Yeah, not the Long Island Sound. He wants me to go to, and I go, why Panama? He goes, it's where the best fish in the world are. And it's like, well, that's, that's fucking not reality. Because I'm not, dad's not going to Panama. If dad gets that money, we're going to Italy. The amount of Jordans you would buy in Panama, you'd have a factory of children making Jordans.

I mean, my son just bought a fishing pole that, that, that's like top of the line. And he doesn't fish, he just saw a video. So he's ordering things and he got a private reel. And then he goes, can you take me? Can we go to Panama? So I don't think, I don't think. That is fucking funny.

He actually asked me that. And like Stacy was like, Stacy goes, dad, he's not taking you to Panama. And he was like, he will, you know, and you know what, to be honest, I'll look into it. But that's a little delusional, like not delusional, but it's kids don't understand that like, you know, like I remember going out to eat with my parents.

It was like once a month or once every two months. Remember, you'd go and you, well, I don't know what the money your parents have, but like. We, you know, the thing is, we would eat out a lot, but it would never be like, in my thing, it was a lot of like fast grabby food, deli, kind of like, you know, my parents worked a lot. It was kind of like, but those nice dinners

were few and far between. What did your parents do? My father was a wine salesman. So he was in New York city and he would take the train in and then like commercial places. You run around to restaurants with a wine bank. And my mother was a swim coach and she taught private swim lessons and stuff.

So she would start like early in the morning and work in a pool pretty much the whole day. And then like I spent a lot of time with my grandparents. I spent time with them too. But the book that's going to come out is just a total assault on their parenting and their lives. And they're not, they're in their early 70s, but I want to get it out while they're still here.

It's so important. They were not abusive, but they were just boomers. And boomers, you know, a lot of them just like, it was just kind of like, you know, you know, it was not an involved parenting in the way that like people like you and Stacy are probably a lot more involved with your kids like my parents were not involved.

My parents had a brutal, brutal divorce when I was five and Christian, my older brother Christian was 10. And it was like text. And like I never want to bad mouth my parents cause I feel like at their ages, they did the best. But it was, it was, it's right. I think that era, like sometimes they don't,

you don't even know the, maybe the, the, there was never like, oh, we're going to purposely fuck them up, but it was just like a lot of shit went down. My father, when I was like eight years old, took me to see the movie seven cause he wanted to see it. Yeah, my, yeah. So that's the type of stuff.

That's dude. That is so. That's the type of shit. Dude, my father was so pissed when he took us to Roger Rabbit cause he wanted to see any, then he went to Goodfell's. I should've, I mean, I should've, I was young. Right. You know, but yeah.

So this is like, if he's like. So you're saying that's a boomer thing. Yeah, it's a boomer thing. Well, cause boomers, I think that one of the defining traits of their generation was that. Or we have terrible fathers and others. It could be, but I think one of the defining traits of their generation was that there was a little bit of,

you know, they were not, their, their, their, their parents knew like real struggle and sacrifice. And the boomers had a version of that, but nowhere near. Like my father's life was nowhere near as hard as my grandfather's. And my mother's life was nowhere near as hard as her mother's life. So what they were able to do is focus a little bit

more on themselves. Right. And part of the boomer thing was that, you know, they, you know, it was about them a little bit. Like my grandparents, it was not about them. They had seven kids. Yeah. Nothing was about them.

It was, yeah. There's a selfishness. It was a selfishness. There's a, there's a, there's a narcissistic selfishness in that thing where you're right. The grandparents didn't have it. Cause the grandparents were just happy to get here and plant their flag here.

And make that money. That's right. But then their kids almost had that fuck, oh, we're here. Yeah. What can I, yeah. And I think part of it was like a lot of those people. I mean, to be honest, even though it was tough and,

and, and you know, they, but they had it pretty good. Yeah. It's pretty good. If you look at the climate of how easy it was to, to get a house. Right. To own a house. To own a car.

To have these things much easier than it was for the generation prior to them. And a lot easier than it is right now for people right now. It's tough. Are you doing that book? Like, is it a, is it a resentful thing? Or is it just more of getting it?

It's always funny. So it's not resentful. It's always meant to be funny, but it is, it is, it is, you know, written in a way that is, is I think kind of an attack. A funny attack. A funny attack on what happened to, to goof on what happened in a way, but. You know, the food, our food, the way boomers raised their

kids, not all of them, but the, the specific boomers that I'm talking about, horrible food education, a lot of fast food, a lot of like garbage eating, a lot of like we reward ourselves with food or my mother was always dieting. So food was either like we're rewarding ourselves with being bad or we're raining it in your mother's on her ninth diet and now we're all eating this.

Cause whatever that is, you're eating. That's right. So it was never, my grandparents were never on diets, but yet they also were never eating big ice cream Sundays. So there was this real extremes that the boomers, because boomers were the most marketed, marketed to generation. My father loved commercials.

He loved the Budweiser frogs. He loved the fat guy at Dunkin Donuts. When the Budweiser did the Clydesdale commercial after 9 11, he started crying. Oh yeah. My dad loved, they loved commercials. So, you know, they would, you know, if, you know, any company out there from McDonald's to fucking whatever,

if they had a good commercial, we were there the next day. That was the fucking heyday of commercials. Remember Oscar Meyer? Yeah. That was the song and the, and the, and the cereals and shit. Dude, when, when a fast food place would like advertise a new thing, my father would like, like, oh, let's get it.

I'll get it. And like he beat you. And he was never like a big guy or whatever. He was not small, but he was never like really out of shit, but he was just like, yeah, I'll go, I'll go get it. And like, you know, it was just one of those things where it's like, when you look back and you go, you know, school, my parents, they were like, yeah, college,

you should go to college. There was never like, like the people, people's, you're going to take your kid to a tour of colleges. You're probably going to take Lucas to different schools and like show him which school and go, what do you think of this one? A few, you know, my parents, I mean, they were just like, yeah, I can't go to college, I guess.

Go to the community college. See, that's, I grew up, I grew up with like, go or just, you know, go to a state school. And it was, and it was like, yeah, but that's, it wasn't that they were bad people. They weren't abusive. They weren't like burning me with cigarettes. They were doing the best they can.

My parents were hippies kind of like my dad had a band and my mom was when she was younger, really pretty with long hair and just shell necklace and everything like that. And then they're thrown into the 80s. Reaganomics. Only child. Only child, they're trying to figure it out. Yeah.

You know, my dad's dad was a Irish guy who came to this country, broke, was homeless and died a multimillionaire because he started a general contracting business, but his family would move every time the rent was due. He was broke. Oh, shit. And he was tough.

Like he was a tough guy, like P.A.L. Boxer was a pool hustler. Wow. Like it was, he was one of the coolest guys. Like when my father told me all the stuff as my grandfather was dying, like, and I told my friend Ray who's on the show all the time. I said, my grandfather never mentioned that he was like a pool hustler.

My father was like, he was like a deeply moral guy. He was like ashamed of that. I'm like, it's the coolest thing I've ever heard, you know? But like he became a guy that was like, yeah, I don't wanna, he worked so hard and was smart, ended up building a big house in Mutt and Town Long Island and you know, worked his ass off. My grandmother's husband died when she was young.

He had an amphetamine thing. He took pills. He had a hard thing. And she raised two kids on her own while being a teacher full-time. They were really tough people, very religious, very Catholic, very involved in their communities, you know? And my parents were, you know, degenerate filth.

So you have that dichotomy. No, I'm kidding, but no, they, you know, my parents just, they just, you know, they just, you know, they were, you know, my grandparents are, it's movie lives, movies, you can make about that. My parents whom I love created a comedian. They made me very funny about because they, you know, I mean, we would do crazy things.

They would do crazy things. Yeah, it's funny how I wouldn't be a comic if what happened to my parents didn't happen. That's right. You know, I just, you know, because I moved a lot. So when I moved the way I adapted was, oh, Paul's funny, watch him tell the story.

And I get friends popular move again, but I knew that I had that skill. And then that's what, and then the attention or being able to adapt like that was how, you know, it was funny when you were saying like he was a hustler, but like didn't want to, the Italian families, they would say that's how he did it. Yeah, that's how he fucking did it.

One day maybe you could hustle in a fucking pool hall. You could figure it out. You could figure it out. Anything you could do. Yeah. It's an issue. The book is not, it's not like bitter. I'm happy with everything, you know,

it's just looking back at how funny it all was and how crazy it all was, right? Like how like unprepared they were to have a kid and how, how could they be prepared, right? I mean, it's just this crazy thing. And like, I was not a perfect kid either. And like that whole thing I think is really funny. You're documenting the chaos in a funny way with your,

in the best way with your skills to do it. Yes, it's the chaos, you know what I mean? Like it's the chaos of a family. You know, they didn't love each other. Yeah. You know, they did in the beginning, but that wore off. And then what you had is like, my father hung out at this local steakhouse

with the owner of it, who was hilarious. And he would go out every Thursday night to this like men's club where all these guys were sitting complaining about their wives. And my mother like would go to just kind of this local diner and bitch about him and he'd bitch about her. And it was kind of funny.

And I'd go with one of them one night and the other one the other night. And yeah, it was, it was supremely unhealthy. But funny, right? Like, but I looked back and I go, this is funny. But I'm like also like, knowing what I know, I'm like, this is what a crazy thing. And just, you know, I mean, they got divorced

for two years, they're divorced. They could not afford to get lawyers. So they had a mediator. They would come to the house, they had nothing. There was nothing to mediate. There was nothing to divide. They had nothing. And they lived there for two years

in separate bedrooms, spying each other. Like the movie, The War of the Roses, not even kidding. And a mediator would like come and divide beanie babies because they had nothing. Like the mediator would sit at the table and go like, well, Patty's getting the lamp. And my dad goes, well, we didn't discuss that. Like, so that's how crazy and spiteful they were.

Instead of just figuring out, like, let's just make a clean break. It'll be good for the kid. When did that happen? Seventh grade. Oh, okay. And that was, so it was bitter when it was brewed. Oh, it was brutally bitter and angry,

but they had nothing. It's one thing when rich people do it. You're getting the cars. You're getting the fucking man. Yeah, they had nothing. Yeah, so they're fighting. People had nothing. And they would just fight about the nothing they had.

They had spent their lives attaining nothing. And, you know, like, it was like, wait, what? Who did you stay with? I stayed with my mother for two years. Then I went to my father. I wasn't even part of the fight. I don't think they cared who got me. They were more concerned about like lamps and end tables.

Yeah. I don't think they cared. Like my mother, I think, fought for me a little and my dad goes, great. And then two years later, she goes, no, you take. I've been putting my foot on that Ottoman. Yeah, you know, it was crazy. So, like, it was interesting and, you know,

it was a very boomer way to grow up. But, you know, I'm excited about, hopefully, putting that all together and having that be funny and then having people go, oh, I actually can relate to that. It's impossible for that not to be possible. Yeah, I went to a Pizza Hut lunch buffet. I understand, you know, I went through some of these things. I get it too.

And that's the type of, and just growing up in the suburbs in that era, smoking pot, fucking, trying to dodge your mother's car. Like, you know, we had, it was a green, my friend Shae's mother had a green Ford Taurus. And- I remember that car perfectly. I see it right now.

I see the headlights. A green Ford Taurus, right? She loved it. And the only other guy in the town that had a green Ford Taurus was the Chinese delivery guy. Right. And we were high all the time when we're like 15 years old. Oh, my God.

And we would, and we'd see the green Ford Taurus. And we're like, dude, we're praying, we're praying. And then we'd just see him go by and we'd be like, thank God, it's the Chinese guy, you know? We're like, and like, he'd be like, is that the fucking Chinese guy? I'm like, it's the Chinese guy. And we're like, okay.

So it was like, weird, weird things like that, that, you know, are just kind of stupid and funny. Oh, dude, I remember one time this Italian kid goes, yeah, dude, we had nothing to do. And he goes, yeah, dude, let's go down by the highway and throw rocks at cars, dude. And like we would fucking, like pelt fucking, like it was the most ridiculous.

It's insane. It was insane, like throwing, like as cars are going 80 miles an hour. And I remember one time this Cadillac came back, this Cadillac of Italian guys came back and we had to just jump in this prickers in the middle of the night down low. And the kid's like, we're gonna fuck you, whoever.

You know, the guy's walking around with something in his hand and stuff. And we're just laying in the prickers. I could have killed him. Could have fucking, it's like the dumbest, you know. But was it a simpler, like, cause I look at like when I watch Stranger Things, do you watch that ever or not?

Yeah, I watch it first season, first two seasons. That whole like kind of, I don't know, Dungeons and Dragons riding your bike. It was completely different. It was completely different. This has, I mean, this has changed ever. Like there will be, there was absolutely no, it's almost incomparable, you know,

growing up without this and growing up with it. It's such a different time. It's almost like a car and not a car. It's almost like that difference. It's even worse because what, and not worse or better, but like, basically you have this thing that allows you, you are no, there is, you know, we used to get lost.

We used to not know what was going on. We were, we had imaginations. You had to be, you know, I mean, the bonds you would create with people would be perhaps a little deeper. Everything now is very transactional, very immediate. And I think people's brains are just trained to work in a different way.

That whole, like, that whole fucking- YouTube.com to Nilsha. No, I just have to. That whole, like, going to tree house with your best friends and sit down in Indian style and just talk about shit. That's over, and now they just, now they just do fentanyl and plan school shootings. I mean, that's-

And now when they sit, now when they sit in a thing, everyone- If your kid is in a tree house right now, run. Like you have to call someone. If your kid's in a tree house, now you have to call someone. Yeah, yeah, yeah. You have to call a hostage negotiator.

Yo, four of them have been up there for three hours. What are they planning? Yeah, Nils. Yeah, they're on the dark web ordering bullets. PaulVersey.com, all your live dates are up there. Watch your special on Netflix. Not total emissions. Yeah, check out the Versey effect.

And I also do another one that I co-host with Bill Burke, called Anything Better. And all new dates are coming. We're getting a whole new tour, but go to PaulVersey.com, man. Thank you so much. Awesome, very good. Appreciate you, Paul.

Thanks for coming out. I had a blast. Thank you, brother.